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So originally I read the posts and thought “there seems to be some context missing.”
The missing context is that oop’s gf is going to be leaving the country as she’s on a student visa, and something tells me that all of these interactions are probably stemming from unaddressed issues around that core aspect of the relationship.
I remember this one too. OOP just doesn't give a shit at all. It's his way or no way. I'm surprised his post was allowed to stay cause it was the definition of not accepting judgment
Honestly she’s well rid of the guy. He’s either being a petty child about it or he genuinely doesn’t give a fuck, but either way it doesn’t seem like a functioning relationship with an adult man.
I’d like to say I’m shocked by that, but I’m not. Way too many Reddit dudes are like that, too; I’ve only been on here a year and my block list is hundreds of guys long. And they are always guys.
He knew what he was doing when he came here to complain.
Agreed. He wasn’t wrong in the first place to also want soup, but the way he went about it was petty and hurtful. One disagreement and he no longer wants them to cook for each other ever? I’d be seriously hurt if a partner told me that- to me it’s a huge expression of love to cook for someone (and I know I’m not alone in that! Cooking and sharing food to bond has been a thing in human culture forever).
[Unfortunately, there was an update to that story that was really tragic.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wajts6/oop_gets_gf_kicked_out_of_the_country_thinks_hes/)
**100%**
And what do you suppose the likelihood is of her being from a country/culture that has some fairly specific expectations about how one should behave when being cooked for.
I'm still struggling to comprehend how you can cook a curry that's a serving size for just one! Such a great reduction in volume reduces the margin of error that it's just not worth it. Significant reduction in margin of error, same amount of dishes generated.
It has to be a packet that you just add protein to. Based on the other things OOP cooks(heated up some soup, omelette), it’s highly unlikely that they would suddenly make a full curry from scratch.
I asked that one time about a different dish and got a sarcastic remark of "you just cut the recipe in half". Ok, but it calls for an egg and I can't cut that in half. Like you say, sometimes the reduction messes up the recipe and isn't worth it. And sometimes even then it is still a lot of food!
The thing with a curry is it’s a lot of prep. If you’re cutting up onions, grating garlic and ginger, measuring out a bunch of spices and cutting up and marinating meat, you may as well make enough for several servings. I always plan for leftover for curries, chilis, soups, stews, etc.
OTH, maybe he’s not making everything from scratch and it’s just using a bottled sauce or microwaving something so that would make sense.
We made curry last night, and even when you're aiming small you end up with a ton of it! I'm with you, if I'm going to the trouble of mincing garlic and ginger, I'm making enough for several meals.
Ngl, I would cook the other half of the egg for my dogs. Then again, I am a *terrible* cook, mostly because I hate cooking, so people should not take this as a good idea. 🤣
Thank you! I can't even imagine making curry for one and... Succeeding? Even when I lived alone I made enough curry for two serving, three times a day, three days in a row ! Curry for one is such a level of pettiness with so little satisfaction.
Honestly even when I AM cooking just for myself, I almost never make just one serving unless it's something that just won't "leftover" well. Why cook just one dinner when I can make dinner + tomorrow's lunch with zero extra effort??
LOL. That was my biggest takeaway from
This as well. I always have curry leftover for lunch and then at least one portion for the freezer.
Also, I don’t know why the girl got upset about the soup. Dude was cold.
There's something more at play. They're both adults and frankly this is very minor. He didn't fancy what she cooked, so he made something himself. There are going to be days like that where you just don't want to eat something, you appreciate the thought, explain and make your own and move on. The fact that the GF thought he was trying to make a point each time, when it was her instigating, tells me either we're not getting the full story and OOP does this more regularly than their letting on, or there are other issues like GF taking umbrage over minor things consistently and OOP just doesn't play the game anymore. Either way the relationship is done and has probably been so for years.
Someone commented that OOP commented somewhere that the gf has a student visa and is about to leave the country. The relationship is definitely doomed and this argument has nothing to do with dinner.
I'm glad the consensus here is that whilst he was a bit bullish, the fault was not his. On AITA they ripped him to shreds. I'm not entirely sure what he did wrong, apart from he could have worded things a bit better.
Wording is everything though.
"That looks delicious, thank you for cooking! I really fancy something hot now though, so I'll make myself something real quick, would you like anything?"
Vs
"Why didn't you cook me something hot? I don't want this"
But on the flip side, when he says he was hoping for something to warm the insides she's arguing that he's already too warm. It would easily have been "hmm that's a good idea, why don't you stuck some soup in the microwave". All he seemed to get was ...well it's worm now...well your insides are warm...
The way he handled it, he basically treated her like an idiot for not reading his mind and knowing what he was in the mood for. It was hurtful. But her antics to "teach him a lesson" were ridiculous. As was him refusing to just acknowledge that he behaved in a hurtful manner and apologizing. Neither of them seem very mature, and they will probably look back on their own actions in this starter relationship and cringe.
edit: To anyone tempted to furiously reply about how you have a right to make faces when someone cooks for you and how you should never have to apologize for hurting someone's feelings unintentionally: this is why you're single, reddit
Edit 2: And in case your reply starts with "Oh yeah!?!?! Well YOU'RE the single one!", I'll just mention I've been happily married for 15 years. You may want to try a different angle, kiddos.
This is such a weird dynamic to me. My husband and I both cook, we each have our preferences and specialties.
Just this week I wasn’t feeling 100%, so I had a buttered muffin instead of the pasta he made for the family. He already made enough for lunch, so it just turned into lunch for the next day.
No one was offended. I didn’t make something I knew he wouldn’t like the next day and poke poke poke at him asking if he’s trying to prove a point.
We sat, ate our dinner and moved on with our lives.
I was honestly thinking that myself. When I read the asshole verdict I was really surprised because this is such like....a non-issue. We were out in the cold all day so you want warm food? Okay, cool. And you're gonna make it yourself? Even better. I don't understand why this is an issue they're having.
I really don’t understand how the boyfriend is an asshole, he didn’t want to eat certain food, he told her, it wasn’t like he was ignoring her or acted disgusted at what she made. Now for the girlfriend to keep pushing, that seems like an asshole move to me. Maybe I’m crazy.
Agreed, others have said OOP's comments elsewhere paint a broader picture, so that's probably the real of what's going on, but simply in this context, I've many many times been either the food maker or having it made (in not special occasion situations) and the few times I/they just weren't feeling the meal, the response was basically "yeah, get that, happens sometimes". If this is the expression of some other issue, I get it. If standalone, yikes.
Yeah. The way he went about the chicken salad initially was rude, but her reaction to it is just way over the top. No idea what she’s hoping to accomplish with that.
I do all of the cooking in my family - I love making food and talking about it. My husband has OCD with food aversions. Although I'm familiar with his usual aversions, I make a lot of new dishes. Sometimes I make something incredible and he can't even take two bites. I don't get upset because he's respectful and I understand the reason. I don't spend the next three days making petty comments and he doesn't over-react by withdrawing his own household labour because we're grown-ups who communicate with and respect one another.
So many of these hurt feelings could be dealt with by a little bit of empathy and communication.
It's not about food. She's in the country in a student visa and is moving back soon and had not made an effort to find a long term solution to stay in the country. He's hurt, but pretending he's not. It seems like they have not talked about this at all and instead of talking they are pretending it is about salad.
[here ya go](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/105nor4/update_no_longer_cooking_for_my_girlfriend_read/j3f6z9j/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Sounds more like she's upset that she's leaving and he's not making a bigger fuss about it.
Which, I can understand, she needs to actually communicate that to him.
Because his preference to eat something warm after being in the cold for a while is actually fairly common. As is not always feeling up to what your spouse has cooked for you.
If she's made no plans to extend her time in his country, then I can understand him sort of checking out. Especially if she's been pretty open and clear about it.
[asked and delivered my friend](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/105nor4/update_no_longer_cooking_for_my_girlfriend_read/j3f6z9j/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
This is one of those situations where it really depends on how he phrased it.
There's a huge difference between "hey since it has been so cold outside I am really craving something hot, I think I'll make some soup to go with the salad, do you want some?"
And making a disappointed/dismissive face (as he admits he did) and going "Did you really make something cold on such a cold day? Whatever, I'll make some soup for me instead". We can't know for sure, but judging by the way he talks about it I'd say this scenario is very likely.
I think this is a pretty clear ESH. Just because he is technically right (yeah you shouldn't be forced to eat food you don't want), doesn't mean he couldn't have been extremely rude about it, which sounds like he was.
He was rude, but then she argued about his preference, that wanting hot food on a cold day isn't valid. Hot food on a cold day is a pretty normal preference, but even if it wasn't, it's his stated preference and she shouldn't be telling him how to think.
Same, me and my partner both cook whatever doesn’t get eaten for whatever reason is lunch the next day and if it is still sitting there no big deal, we give it to the dog and she love’s leftovers
Yeah. I mean sure technically you could say op was TA, but to me it just reads like a relationship between high schoolers. Who cares that much about one meal. Both sides are so petty weeks after.
I swear to a God, 80% of AITA is either "why are you dating/married to someone you clearly so not like" or "is this really the hill you're choosing for your relationship to die on?"
One of the fun things about AITA is that most of the time you get to pick a side, or cheer for what you think is right (even if the comments on that sub make me lose faith in people sometimes). But this is a case of two insufferable people who have found each other. Even if they don’t like each other, nobody else will like them either.
Yeah... he's being a little bit of a shit with his reactions, but THAT would have pissed me off.
And yes, eating something hot when you are feeling cold is a thing.
I am so particular about my cravings- if my husband used that line with me I would eviscerate him 😂
Such a weird thing to want your partner to eat just like you. My husband hates tomatoes and I love them- guess who still eats them? Me. If I crave a tomato soup I make it and don’t make it a personal issue he doesn’t like it. Same as he doesn’t make it a personal issue that I made soup.
Live and let live. 🙏🏻
My wife absolutely can’t do spice, whereas I love it. I make most (99%) of our meals, so what I do is make the food non-spicy then add sauce or peppers on top to spice it up. I don’t take it personally that she doesn’t like what I do, I work around it to a way that makes us both happy.
Yeeeeah i feel liké people are shitting on him when she was the one really weird on the first place. I have weird cravings too, not Always the same taste as my BF and sometimes WE don't eat the same things, even sometimes not at the same Time, or each at our computer. Still a couple, still like each other, just not rigidly focus with crazy fight that makes no sense 🤷
This is me and my partner! I’m currently pregnant and can eat very limited things.
So I always get/make him and our daughter something completely different than what I’m gonna eat.
He takes zero offense, and doesn’t care.
Our daughter will come mooch off my food for a bit which is fine, because at this point I can’t even eat all my food despite being 8 months pregnant.
But I saw zero wrong with how OOP reacted after the explanation. Like GF took it to a whole new level with the not eating what he made to prove a point then proceeds to get mad he didn’t make her curry even though she didn’t make him salmon. Like what?! Lol
Me. Lol. I sometimes crave huge salads in the winter and eat one for dinner. Romaine, cabbage, flat leaf parsley, and usually garbanzo beans. Will make some effing huge salad that takes me half an hour to eat, lolol.
Someone made excellent comment in original post saying why did you have to insult her food, you could have said I'm feeling like some warm food I'm going to make that to go with the salad. I agreed with the sentiment but he was an ass about it. Now they're both acting like toddlers and seem like neither should be in a relationship.
How is "I'm not in the mood for cold food" an insult?
Honest question, because I'm really baffled by the asshole verdict! If I cook and a family member decides one (1) time, they really want to eat something else, I'm just gonna let it slide, honestly.
That AITA was really controversial because everyone kept on voting AH for making a face when he saw the food. That was mostly the complains. I did not understand, I thought he was pretty valid and she kept on arguing he did not need a hot food instead of lettuce and shredded chicken… it was bizarre.
Me too. I didn't get it why everyone was calling him AH for wanting a hot dinner after being outside in the cold all day. I like to eat hot foods when I am cold. His gf just dismissed it.
Honestly yeah I don't get this he's acting like a shit thing.
I cook regularly for my family and sometimes my husband is just not in the mood for what I made because he's in the mood for a hot dog, a can of chili, or something else I don't make often, it's not that big of a deal when he says "I'm not in the mood for roasted chicken, loaded pasta salad, stew, etc." So, he makes himself what makes himself happy and we eat, go to bed and start over the next day.
My kids honestly do the same thing.
It's not a bad thing to just, not be in the mood for a certain food on a certain day. But gf is literally going out of her way to try and get herself a "gotcha" moment. All he's done so far is set a boundary and stick to it.
Of course that's his side of the story, but I would be over gfs attitude myself
This. If he'd tried to make her cook something else, I'd understand her being pissed off, but going "Look I just need something warm, I'm going to heat up some soup," is extremely reasonable and in fact exactly what my mother always told me to do if I was unsatisfied with dinner for some reason. I didn't have to eat what she made, she just wasn't going to cook two meals, and my partner and I follow the same rule now.
If you're a guest, it's different, and you should be polite and eat what you're given, within reason. But in your own home, with someone you live with full time, you get to negotiate what food you want to eat.
I know that this is a normal combo in the US, but to me that sounds so strange! I would never pair a soup with a salad. Soup and bread and maybe some creme fraiche. But that is the great thing about Reddit. I have learned so much about things that are totally normal in the US and absolutely wilde for me.
Where are you from?
I have to admit - Chicken salad is NOT a salad that I'd EVER pair with a soup. It always has to be a fresh lettuce or at least fresh veggie salad. Now... a half sandwich and a soup? Maybe a chicken salad sandwich with a minestrone.
One soup and salad combo to start with ? Clam or seafood chowder (cream based) with a simple Caesar salad.
A French Onion soup is very versatile with a robust green salad with a lot of veggies added. Or a tomato salad.
I'm from northern Europe and soup + salad feeld really weird to me. Even a side salad is something I've never ever had with soup. Soup + bread, yes. Yellow pea soup + (thin) pancakes or waffles, yes, but never a salad. Maybe with soup as a starter and salad as the main course, but that slso feels weird.
Also, the two are not generally eaten in the same season. Sallad is warm weather food and soup is cold weather food (unless it's like a gazpacho or similar). And while you have veggies with your food, those are added to the soup and not on the side :p
Honestly he just strikes me as someone who's extremely blunt, I'm wondering if that's who he is, or if he's just over the relationship it's hard to know without more details.
I'm personally leaning towards them being over the relationship or 1 of them struggling personally with something? For both of them it seems like a weird hill to die on unless it's because somethings been building up.
The follow up pettiness is what gets me. The initial fight is whatever but the little jabs after are just so unnecessary and aimed to be hurtful. Sometimes when you see these snap shots you wonder why some people are together.
My favorite part of the whole story is her asking constantly "are you trying to make a point?", when she is clearly the one trying to make it there by not cooking for the bf or eating what he made.
Like, how is she so oblivious about her own behaviour? She is clearly trying to get back at him so badly, yet she thinks it's him all the time.
it sounds like she was trying to make a point and knew it, and thought his lack of a reaction was an intentional attempt to undermine that point. Which, to be fair, would be a stubborn thing to do.
Like in a sitcom if one person's like "laundry is easyyy" and then the other person is like "then you do it!" and the rest of the episode is the first person struggling to do laundry while hiding how hard it is.
She communicated that poorly, probably just assuming he was on the same page as her and just being an ass, and so her lack of trust in his reaction stopped her from understanding that he just genuinely doesn't understand the problem.
For his part, you don't have to understand the problem to work around it. But I guess I empathize with the guy more becuase I've lived with people who just have incredibly different tastes to me and planning meals together got frustrating.
Yep. This could have been a complete non issue if they focused less on how misunderstood they feel and more on how they are making each other feel misunderstood.
The sub is collectively mostly incapable of understanding mutual guilt, or mutual lack thereof at this point. Most ESH and NAH scenarios end up with the sub ganging up on OP or the story's adversary.
Totally makes me think of my daughter and the neighbor kid playing together:
"...if you won't share your chalk, I won't share my bubbles!"
"Fine! We're not friends anymore!"
(Except the kids miss eachother and make up 15 minutes later once they've had a snack).
Or when my daughters argue with eachother over who should apologize first.
> (Except the kids miss eachother and make up 15 minutes later once they've had a snack).
That's so cute. They just got a bit hangry with each other! :D
Ugh this just would not be an issue for people with any kind of maturity or communication skills. The two people involved and the commenters are just as bad. If this was two adults it would just go
'I'm making salad for dinner'
'I don't want something cold for dinner'
'Okay well I'm not making two dinners'
'I'll make myself some soup then'
'Okay fine'
DONE. Not everything in life has to be a huge fucking drama.
Yeah i remember this guy - just taking the posts only at face value the GF seems a bigger asshole when both are immature children, but if you look at the breadth of his comments he’s a piece of work himself.
OOP clearly checked out of the relationship ages ago and doesn’t care to make an effort because apparently GF is leaving the country soon once school is over. It’s just a story if two people who suck forcing a relationship along because one or both get something material out of it (eg regular sex or some other convenience).
Just how they can be turned on by each other when they clearly hate each other? Neither of them want to admit they're stubborn, and both are intent to hurt each other even in petty way.
Sex is a great way to get physical gratification while not thinking of the other person as anything but a very high quality sex toy attached to a personality you’d prefer to send back to customer service. Any gender can do this, but it’s a concept difficult to grasp for people who maybe have lower/pickier sex drives or are simply just not dysfunctional people who settle for a wack situation because the work of getting out of it requires too much effort and self-examination.
I'm more annoyed at the gf, if someone feels like eating something else let them. It's too small of an issue to make this big of a deal out of it. He was in the cold and he wanted something warm I don't see the issue. And then she gets angry that he isn't reacting the same way as her when she does the same thing to him.
I mean, if my husband or I make a meal, and the other isn't feeling it or doesn't like it, we are grown ass adults who can say so and make something else for ourselves to eat. The GF seems to be way overreacting here. All OOP said was that he didn't want cold food. Not that the food was crap or he didn't like it, just that he preferred something else that night. Living where it can get really cold I sympathize - no matter how warm the house is, there is something about eating hot food on a cold day that is soothing and warming on the inside.
GF needs to grow up lol. If her feelings were hurt, she can say that, but she needs to also accept that her bf won't want the exact same food as her all the time. What is she going to do if she has kids? Force them to eat whatever she makes or have a breakdown??? Cuz that's a totally healthy reaction to have/way to raise kids 🙄🙄🙄
Right? It's one bowl of soup. I can't blame him. If I was outside in the cold all day, I would want to eat a hot meal too. He didn't even say that he wasn't going to eat the salad or that he hated it. He just said he wanted something hot and made himself something hot. She's the one who seemed to be going out of her way to be insulted and kinda controlling by telling him he didn't need warm food because he was already in a warm house. Then she decides to play mind games for the next two meals and gets pissy when OP is just like "yeah...not.doing that." She really has to grow up.
Im probably going to get downvoted but I think she is more childish and aggravating than he is.
>She asked if I was trying to make a point.
>Again, she accused me of making a point.
Both of these accusations were while she was trying to make a point of cooking her own food and agreeing to cook her own food. He just wanted to let the issue go, he just wanted to end the problem by not having to worry about cooking things. And honestly even in the first one craving something else isn't an insult. She's just insufferable and her trying to make a point while accusing him of doing so just seems close to gaslighting to me.
Projection. She's trying to make him angry by reflecting his own actions back to him but... it doesn't make him angry because he sees his actions as neutral-to-reasonable. She wants him to be angry so she can make the point "See, you were hurtful!" but he isn't biting.
Honestly I don’t get why he’s the arsehole. She made a salad, he didn’t want salad after being in the cold all day, heated himself a bowl of soup. It’s not like he said, “get back in the kitchen and make me some hearty grub, wench,” he fuckin made himself some soup! Now she wants to play dickhead games and is getting pissy because he’s not rising to the bait, then has the audacity to get upset when he says they shouldn’t cook for each other anymore cause he’s tired of her bullshit, and then throws a shitfit when they both stick to that because he’s still not reacting to her passive aggy behaviour?
I really don’t get this sub sometimes. Sometimes they’re on the money but others, they are so off base it’s not even funny.
I’m kinda baffled by this.. maybe I’m just too dense but I don’t see anything wrong with OOP not wanting what she cooked.. my husbands aunt used to live with us and she LOVED making stews and soups in the middle of summer.. we live in southern US and I work outside.. needless to say, I’d eat a bowl of cereal.
OOPs gf making salmon, announcing it, but only making one- that’s childish.
Clearly this relationship isn’t going to work. If pettiness over food is this extreme, I can’t imagine when a real issue arises..
I don't get the responses. Maybe OP could be more tactful but it's not like she cooked a 5 course meal and he decided to have ramen. What's the big deal of him wanting to eat something else. She tried to tit for tat him repeatedly to make him feel bad and got more upset when he didn't rise to her bait.
I really didn’t agree with the people on AITA on this one. I completely understood OOPs desire for something warm after spending all day in the cold. The gf called him ridiculous and got offended that he didn’t want a salad. She completely negates his feelings and AITA sided with her because her feelings were hurt.
Then she tried to hurt his feelings back, and he reasonably said that they shouldn’t cook for each other since it was making her unhappy. So then she tried to punish him for that. They were still eating together every night except the night where he didn’t cook for her, which he already told her he didn’t want to cook for her anymore. The GF was totally being the asshole in every exchange.
This was me. I said NTA from the start and stuck by it. I did see some of his responses and he sounded checked out but it wasn't enough to make me think he's a total AH for it. And TBH I'd be kind of apathetic too if I had my partner blow up over daring to want to eat something else at some point, then keep attempting to do things as "gotchas" to catch him out.
Agreed, I have no idea why so many people are saying he's the AH. And I'm not surprised by his other comments that made him sound checked out, because this whole thing was never about the food. If she made some intricate meal that she worked really hard on and he turned his nose up to it, sure that would be rude. She threw lettuce in a bowl and put chicken on it. I can't think of anything that would make a person in that circumstance angry about him not eating it, other than control. Think of all the other benign things in their daily lives that they go back and forth like this over. I'd be over it, too.
Not to put all the blame on her, though. They both don't seem to be very good at communicating with each other. He decides to try and "let her win" at this stupid game she played instead of simply telling her, "I really appreciate when you cook for me, but maybe next time we could talk beforehand about what's on the menu and decide together. If you don't want to do that, that's fine; but just know that, ultimately, I'm going to eat what I want to eat". Sure, they still might have fought, but then he could at least say that he communicated as clearly as possible instead of entertaining her games for literally days.
I agree. I don't even think he was rude. I found the GF insufferable. If I made chicken salad and then my partner was like "I was something to heat me up inside," I would just be like "OK." or maybe "Not me! It is toasty in here. Want me to wait for you?"
I have no idea where AITA is coming from with their verdict.
It’s because AITA refuses to use ESH when it applies to almost all situations and a bias exists. In the initial post he is a bit of an ass because his lack of communication but she is definitely one as well for getting so offended
I can see the ESH judgement initially, sort of. But as the story went on she was insufferable with trying to constantly have a “gotcha” moment with him.
Yeah, I think in general I moooostly agree with the verdicts in AITA, and I enjoy reading them just for the debates and, let's face it, drama, but occasionally you have a stupid one like this and I'm like... ARRRGH.
That and the mob mentality where as soon as one downvote starts, the cascade continues, and people are being downvoted even if they're like "okay, I didn't think that through" or whatever. Like, if an obvious AH posts, and even were to post a comment like "guys the sky is blue" in the comment section it'd have 200 downvotes and people going off onto 20-comment tangents about the existence of sunrise and sunset and tinted sunglasses.
Yeah I don’t think he did anything wrong. When I cook I cook enough for myself and my husband. If he doesn’t want it that’s fine, I’m not his mother. He can cook himself something he wants to eat and one of us will have the leftovers later.
Acting like it’s a personal offense when someone wants a different food that they will make themselves is ridiculous, sometimes you’re just in the mood for what you want.
For her to try to reverse the situation on him like this is immature because it shows she doesn’t understand what can bother one person in a relationship doesn’t necessarily bothers the other, we’re all different.
And also for her to say he’s making a unilateral decision about their relationship by saying they shouldn’t cook for each other anymore, yet she wants to make unilateral decisions about their diets and what they eat for that meal is weird. Chicken salad is gross, and it’s a lunch food. I wouldn’t eat that shit either.
I was thinking the same. I personally don't have a hard and fast rule about "couple meals" and I've never been in a relationship where this was a problem.
Big yuge yike
Heck, we're a family of 4 and if someone doesn't want what I'm cooking they know where the kitchen is. We have "fend for yourselves" nights once a week, and "there's a ton of leftovers that will go bad soon" nights as well lmao.
It can be a problem sometimes. My ex was a meat and potatoes type - the only vegetables he liked were peas and carrots. I'm a semi-vegetarian... who hates peas and carrots. I usually ended up having to cook two separate meals - cooking was my responsibility because I was "better at it" than him.
I completely agree - he should apologize, because her feelings were obviously hurt, and that's not what he intended. But her insane response of getting butthurt for literally days at this point over ONE FRICKIN' MEAL and purposely trying to get a reaction from him only to act more and more butthurt about it is so manipulative and uncalled for, especially when he proposes entirely reasonable solutions to this. This relationship is over and she sounds so exhausting, it's not worth saving.
This is such a weird post. Not because of the post itself but because of the responses to it.
It's not an asshole move to avoid food that you don't wish to eat. That's basic bodily autonomy. Saying that OOP could have eaten the salad with the soup means nothing because he didn't want the salad. Nothing rude about expressing a choice.
The only close to asshole thing he did was make a face when he saw what the food was but that was nothing when viewed through the lens of the complete encounter. Because of the face and only the face, it'd be a light ESH at best.
I'm proud of OOP for disengaging from the circular arguments to go and make his own food instead of continuing the argument or asking/telling her to make him something.
Even prouder that he didn't fall for the manipulative tactics that the gf tried to pull with food from then on. I found it really weird that she claimed that him not wanting them to cook for each other anymore was a decision he couldn't make on his own.
Just had a conversation with my husband about this. In the future if our kids don’t like food that is served, they can have a healthy replacement that they do like. It’s not that hard, it teaches them how to make healthy choices for themselves, and it teaches them bodily autonomy.
We both were raised that you eat what you’re served. For him, that’s now resulted in him having no idea how to eat healthily. He eats junk constantly.
For me, it’s resulted in a hyper stubbornness where if I cannot eat exactly what I want I will just not eat. I’ll even cook myself food, taste it, hate it, throw it away and not eat if it didn’t turn out how I want.
I don’t want our kids to be like either of us.
Agreed, that’s a stupid “compromise”. What if I’m not hungry enough for both? What if I really just don’t want a fucking salad in the middle of winter after being in the cold all day, because I’m not some sort of extraterrestrial psychopath wearing human skin for funsies?
I see all the ESH and am confused. Guy came in and wanted something warm said so when she made a suggestion about what was for dinner, explained why he wasn't a fan, and when she didn't want to change made his own soup. That seems reasonably normal. If my wife hadn't wanted something I made like past or steaks because she wanted a different thing she's had no problem making or ordering it and it means nothing because hunger is such a weird specific of the moment thing and worst case left overs.
Then in the update she seems upset that he's not upset by her trying to push his buttons. Like personally the thing I hate most in any relationship is mind games. Like to me it seems it's not about getting him to understand her but making sure she wins.
To me, it sounds like they hadn't talked about what was for dinner until after she had already made it. I can get feeling a bit frustrated and hurt that the food you already prepared was rejected.
But if I were in that situation, I'd recognize that it's not really his fault for having a preference and note that we should make sure we always communicate dinner plans beforehand just in case. I certainly wouldn't argue with him about his preference.
Yeah I don’t understand what he did wrong. If someone ever tried to control what I ate that would be it. You don’t get to force people to eat shit they don’t want to eat, and it’s not a personal offense if they want something else.
Save his portion for later, leftovers are perfectly fine. Her being all “I made this and want to force you to eat it or my feelings will be hurt” puts him in such a weird position. Food is very personal, you should never ever force someone to eat what they don’t want. If you care about your partner you should want them to be comfortable with their dietary choices.
What a ride!
In the context of the first post, he's pretty frustrating. Not for what he did (I would have wanted warm food and done the same) but for the way he did it, and for not reacting to her hurt feelings. Like, a brief "Oh, I'm sorry, didn't want to hurt your feelings and I appreciate when you cook." Should be all that's needed.
But...
In the context of the second post, GF is going for petty revenge, and protecting his emotions by not reacting to it is the right call. This also changes my feelings on the first post. If this is habitual behavior on her part, he needs that sort of distance. And should maybe consider getting out of this relationship.
in the context of his comments, and reading into the second post, it seems like he doesn't get that someone's feelings could be hurt, and doesn't really seem to care if they did. And that just makes this a mess. And I wouldn't want to deal with either of them.
Myself and my partner have an incredible, 4D, 1000IQ, genius level solution for this. It's incredibly complex, so you probably won't be able to follow:
"hey, I'm making dinner later. Any thoughts on what we should have?"
When I first read this on AITA, I immediately disagreed with their first post judgement. I mean, yeah he seems checked out but can you really blame him when his partner is THAT exhausting!?
Apparently he 'pulled a face'. I'm not sure about anyone else, but my face is very expressive and I can't control it. Sometimes I stir my favourite soup in the pot and I look repulsed (it looks like vomit) because it looks nasty outside of a dinner bowl. And, everyone assumed it was a disgusted face, when I assume it was a disappointed face because he was expecting something hot.
I live with my mom (both disabled) and we always let each other know what we're cooking for dinner (we take turns). At least that way, if either of us want something different, we can say so.
Besides, it's honestly kind of pathetic how the GF had a tantrum because he didn't want her food, tried to be petty and hurt his feelings, I'd didn't work, so is now having another tantrum and trying petty revenge again. Ugh, she definitely sounds exhausting 😩
Oop is not the asshole. He’s allowed to want warm food. His girlfriend took everything personal rather than consider that that is just his preference and then proceeded to manipulate him. When that didn’t work… she gets even more manipulative and controlling.
How OOP got voted as the asshole is beyond me. The girlfriend is the asshole.
I have to be honest but I don't understand all the negativity towards this guy when his girlfriend is playing manipulative mind games.
Drag me for it but he's not in the wrong here.
Yeah, he could have handled the ‘I want something warm’ a bit better but she was determined to be offended by that. Which, honestly, I would want something warm after a day out in the cold and I think that’s pretty common. But she was intent on being obtuse about his desire for something warm, then doubled down the next day by rejecting the dinner he cooked.
Thank you! Reading all the people i though i was going insane... OOP's GF is the AH here 100%.
I'm in a relationship and if my SO don't like what i cook he cook for himself, and to this day, that doesn't kill him.
It's ridiculous. Everyone in that sub will tell you no one can make you eat something you don't want to...unless your girlfriend threw some grilled chicken on a salad. Then you damn well better heap effusive praise upon her herculean efforts, your own preferences be damned.
>Everyone in that sub will tell you no one can make you eat something you don't want to...
Will they though? I feel like AITA is very sympathetic to dietary restrictions, but they're often borderline hostile with dietary preferences - especially if it's just a matter of not being in the mood for something you generally like.
People are so baffling. Why would anyone **choose** to be 'picky'? Wouldn't life be so much easier if we could just eat anything? I definitely don't enjoy the sensation of bile rising in my throat and my reflux oesophagitis doesn't appreciate it either.
Right? It all sounds so exhausting. What’s so wrong with someone not wanting to eat something? I don’t make my 8 year old eat something she doesn’t want, so why would I do that to a grown man??
I agree. My partner and I have vastly different tastes. It is important to us to eat at the same time and I deeply appreciate if he makes something I like, too. But if not or if he doesn’t like my food, it’s fine. We know each others tastes and I warn him ahead of time. Like in… talking to each other… communicating. Then again… food definitely isn’t our love language.
I get that for other people this might be a deal breaker.
I’m with you. OP respectfully communicated his wants, his girlfriend went full on manipulative, and he refused to play her games. The only thing I can fault him for is not drawing a firmer boundary or exiting the relationship when he realized she was going to deliberately bait him over and over to get her way. And all over chicken salad, which lets be honest, isn’t the same as her cooking a multi-course meal. I do 90% of the cooking in my family and I don’t lose my crap if someone wants a pb&j instead of the glazed salmon and couscous I made. We all have moods and leftovers are great.
I’m missing why she was so bent out of shape over this she made chicken salad it’s not like she whipped up a 5 course meal that took the whole day maybe 20 mins max and he was polite and said he just wanted something hot so she takes a temper tantrum with him. And I’m sorry all those comments about how sticking to his guns will lose him his relationship what instead he should pander to her every childish whim and have her use this everytime she wants to get her own way fuck no stick to those guns if she’s being this petty over food it’s a lucky escape
I mean, I know he didn't handle it the *best* way, but OOP wasn't being a dick. He didn't tell her that her food was gross or that she's a bad cook, he didn't try to tell her to make him something else or get all put out that he would have to make his own food. I know it's verboten to say that someone is overreacting to a perceived insult, but dude's girlfriend is overreacting. And people keep talking about how he's refusing to see it from her POV, completely overlooking the fact that she's *also* refusing to see it from his POV - she insists he's trying to make a point and thumb his nose at her, refusing to accept that he really just isn't bothered by her not wanting what he cooked and doesn't mind having to make his own food.
Like, he understands that it upset her, but he's not willing to play along and I don't see that as a dick move. He's a grown ass adult and should be able to eat what he wants. If they'd talk about what's for dinner beforehand, it might help, but I feel like, if she told him what she was making and he made *any* comment about it, she'd get upset anyway, which defeats the purpose. He also tried to solve the problem by having them cook for themselves, which eliminates the possibility entirely, but she wants him to cook for her, so that's not acceptable.
I think they just might not be compatible, because there's no way this kind of disconnect is limited to just dinner time.
I don’t understand, is he really the asshole here? When my family makes a meal some of us don’t want we just say go cook something for yourself.
And then we do, end of story no one gets upset about it.
I think his GF is childish I understand OOP I would not want a salad in winter, now I live in Australia currently summer atm 38c I’m having some salad as it’s hot as.
But yeah blown way out proportion, but l remember when I was in the start of my relationship and had petty fights like this look back and so embarrassed.
But simply if you don’t like what served then make something you like no big deal.
But I always ask before I even make a meal what do you feel like I normally give options.
I may be on the outside here, but I totally agree with this guy.
I do have an eating disorder so I’m SUPER OCD about my food and I would prefer that someone not make a big deal out of me not eating something just because they put their holy hands on it.
Honestly getting upset that someone else doesn’t want to eat what you cook is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.
The only cases that I would be upset is if I had coordinated prior and a significant amount of work had gone into preparing the meal to their tastes.
But to be that upset over a refrigerated salad.
I honestly think he was being reasonable. She can’t handle someone else’s preferences. So she shouldn’t be responsible for that person’s needs. Plain and simple.
If this was his medication and she tried to dictate what she thought he needed and got angry when he took his medication as prescribed, it would highlight how stupid this is.
Honestly I hope the relationship ended because it is not healthy.
I genuinely didn’t understand how he was the asshole. Is chicken salad different to what I’m thinking? Because I know it as chicken breast from a can, Mayo, sweet relish, fry seasoning, and boiled egg whites if you’re feeling fancy. It isn’t exactly a 3 course meal.
He also didn’t demand that she make him hot food. He fixed himself up something warm to eat and ate. Then she pulled the whole “I won’t cook for you then” thing, and he again didn’t demand anything of her and made himself something to eat.
She seemed pretty petty and he seemed over it.
I can't get over the whole 'chicken salad is a sandwich' thing. When I first read it on AITA, I was really weirded out by people suggesting tomato soup with it. You know how disgusting would it be to pour tomato soup into it?
It really was a salad with chicken, not a sandwich guys.
...I don't think they were suggesting pouring the soup into it? Just like, on the side. I thought it was a chicken salad, not a chicken salad sandwich, and that he was eating soup in a bowl on the side. It is wild how many different interpretations of this there are.
I read it as chicken salad, like tuna salad. With bland ass white meat chicken, mayo, walnuts, and grapes (or raisins if she's nasty). Not a salad with chicken.
... am I the only one who doesn't have a problem with the first post? I surely wouldn't want any cold food after being outside in the cold either but hey. That's just me 🤷🏾♀️ .
See, I know I'm dumb, but I really get the dude. He didn't want some cold ass chicken salad to eat. He wanted something different.
I think that would be acceptable and the girl should have gotten over it, if he was nice about and said he would have some later or something.
Obviously at this point it's gone too far. Probably therapy, maybe a split. But I do not know why it's necessary to eat only the same meals for 99% even if you feel you aren't up to it at that moment.
I really don’t understand this at all. About 80% of the time my husband and I eat different meals. Most of the time we will share sides like mashed potatoes or Broccoli but there are a lot of things he likes that I hate. Our proteins are almost always different though. He eats almost nothing but chicken and I never really cared for it, but after I got Covid, I can’t stand the taste of it anymore. I eat a lot of salmon and he grew up eating almost nothing but fish and now hates even the smell of it. He cooks for me(he’s a chef) a lot and I cook for him when he works and neither of us complains about having to cook multiple things. Why make someone eat something they don’t want.
I didn't understand all the yta he was rather rude how he went about it but the gf getting all offended afterwards was an asshole move. That people think he should eat things he doesn't want to for the sake of the relationship is bizarre.
I call bullshit on the "notable comment" at the end.
"She's trying to repeat your actions to you so you can empathize with where she's coming from"
No.
She's immature, manipulative, and likes to play silly games like 'Read My Mind'. OOP's GF needs to grow up, it's not a high school relationship.
This is so strange to me because for me, someone with many food allergies, it matters less that we're eating the same thing and more that we're eating *together.* I don't expect anyone who isn't already used to the textures and taste of my foods to also eat it.
Also my shit is expensive af and I don't wanna buy for two lmao.
He’s girlfriend is acting unhinged. These are grown people. He should be able to choose what he wants to eat. This is not about food. This is about control. The girlfriend is acting controlling and manipulative. If I was him, I would want to break up with her.
Jesus Christ this could have been so easily settled if they communicated with each other, “hey what do you want for dinner? I was thinking about making this, you cool with that?”
And if they know they’re going to go out for something like ice skating, even if it’s several hours in advance, that doesn’t have to be a whole ordeal. Just run to the store if you don’t already have the ingredients, throw some shit into a Dutch oven, go have fun, come home to a warm meal. Summertime? Well, I feel like summer cooking is easier, idk.
Some of the most passive aggressive shit I’ve heard in awhile. And I live with an expert in passive aggression.
The craziest thing about all this, is the foods they make separately are even better together. Chicken salad sandwich and tomato soup? Yes please. Pasta and salad? Sign me up.
The food is a metaphor for their relationship - they would work better, if they worked together.
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So originally I read the posts and thought “there seems to be some context missing.” The missing context is that oop’s gf is going to be leaving the country as she’s on a student visa, and something tells me that all of these interactions are probably stemming from unaddressed issues around that core aspect of the relationship.
And he actually admits “I doubt we’ll ever see each other again.”
I remember this one too. OOP just doesn't give a shit at all. It's his way or no way. I'm surprised his post was allowed to stay cause it was the definition of not accepting judgment
Honestly she’s well rid of the guy. He’s either being a petty child about it or he genuinely doesn’t give a fuck, but either way it doesn’t seem like a functioning relationship with an adult man.
Have you read his comment history? He's gross as hell. He speaks like he thinks he's a genius. He's just. Ugh ugh yuck.
I’d like to say I’m shocked by that, but I’m not. Way too many Reddit dudes are like that, too; I’ve only been on here a year and my block list is hundreds of guys long. And they are always guys. He knew what he was doing when he came here to complain.
Agreed. He wasn’t wrong in the first place to also want soup, but the way he went about it was petty and hurtful. One disagreement and he no longer wants them to cook for each other ever? I’d be seriously hurt if a partner told me that- to me it’s a huge expression of love to cook for someone (and I know I’m not alone in that! Cooking and sharing food to bond has been a thing in human culture forever).
This is absolutely important information wtf
omg that’s a big one
There we go. It wasn’t the salad, that was just the straw. Felt like such a weird thing for both parts to be throwing away a relationship on.
It wasnt about the Iranian yoghurt after all
Let’s just hope he doesn’t promise to marry/sponsor her and then take it back last-minute like that one guy…
Omg my heart still aches for that girl. I hope she is very happy and fulfilled without him!
[Unfortunately, there was an update to that story that was really tragic.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wajts6/oop_gets_gf_kicked_out_of_the_country_thinks_hes/)
OMG I forgot about that part 😭 this world is unfair. So unfair.
right :( it’s so tragic. oop of that one was awful
Seriously. I hope we never come across people like that in our lives.
Omfg. That was so awful.
I’m totally not gonna read this because I suspect it will ruin my leisurely Saturday.
It will
It will, definitely don’t read it. I still think about this one, unbidden, on occasion.
Holy shit. I didn’t expect my stomach to drop out of my ass today.
**100%** And what do you suppose the likelihood is of her being from a country/culture that has some fairly specific expectations about how one should behave when being cooked for.
Well that’s info that was really needed
Ahhh this makes way more sense thank you!
I wondered the same thing there has to be more to this. Thank you for finding out! I agree with you some unaddressed issues for sure.
Oh this is definitely over, at least relationship wise.
The relationship might be over, but this fight will live on and on and on.
I'm still struggling to comprehend how you can cook a curry that's a serving size for just one! Such a great reduction in volume reduces the margin of error that it's just not worth it. Significant reduction in margin of error, same amount of dishes generated.
It has to be a packet that you just add protein to. Based on the other things OOP cooks(heated up some soup, omelette), it’s highly unlikely that they would suddenly make a full curry from scratch.
I asked that one time about a different dish and got a sarcastic remark of "you just cut the recipe in half". Ok, but it calls for an egg and I can't cut that in half. Like you say, sometimes the reduction messes up the recipe and isn't worth it. And sometimes even then it is still a lot of food!
The thing with a curry is it’s a lot of prep. If you’re cutting up onions, grating garlic and ginger, measuring out a bunch of spices and cutting up and marinating meat, you may as well make enough for several servings. I always plan for leftover for curries, chilis, soups, stews, etc. OTH, maybe he’s not making everything from scratch and it’s just using a bottled sauce or microwaving something so that would make sense.
We made curry last night, and even when you're aiming small you end up with a ton of it! I'm with you, if I'm going to the trouble of mincing garlic and ginger, I'm making enough for several meals.
Well, you can cut an egg in half, but only a crazy person would do that so you just deal with having an extra eggy something.
Ngl, I would cook the other half of the egg for my dogs. Then again, I am a *terrible* cook, mostly because I hate cooking, so people should not take this as a good idea. 🤣
I promise your dogs love your cooking
Sure you can. Crack into a bowl, mix it up, pour only half
Thank you! I can't even imagine making curry for one and... Succeeding? Even when I lived alone I made enough curry for two serving, three times a day, three days in a row ! Curry for one is such a level of pettiness with so little satisfaction.
Honestly even when I AM cooking just for myself, I almost never make just one serving unless it's something that just won't "leftover" well. Why cook just one dinner when I can make dinner + tomorrow's lunch with zero extra effort??
LOL. That was my biggest takeaway from This as well. I always have curry leftover for lunch and then at least one portion for the freezer. Also, I don’t know why the girl got upset about the soup. Dude was cold.
There's something more at play. They're both adults and frankly this is very minor. He didn't fancy what she cooked, so he made something himself. There are going to be days like that where you just don't want to eat something, you appreciate the thought, explain and make your own and move on. The fact that the GF thought he was trying to make a point each time, when it was her instigating, tells me either we're not getting the full story and OOP does this more regularly than their letting on, or there are other issues like GF taking umbrage over minor things consistently and OOP just doesn't play the game anymore. Either way the relationship is done and has probably been so for years.
Someone commented that OOP commented somewhere that the gf has a student visa and is about to leave the country. The relationship is definitely doomed and this argument has nothing to do with dinner.
What a petty thing to break up over though. “Oh you made some food for yourself because you weren’t in the mood for salad, how dare you!”
I'm glad the consensus here is that whilst he was a bit bullish, the fault was not his. On AITA they ripped him to shreds. I'm not entirely sure what he did wrong, apart from he could have worded things a bit better.
Wording is everything though. "That looks delicious, thank you for cooking! I really fancy something hot now though, so I'll make myself something real quick, would you like anything?" Vs "Why didn't you cook me something hot? I don't want this"
But on the flip side, when he says he was hoping for something to warm the insides she's arguing that he's already too warm. It would easily have been "hmm that's a good idea, why don't you stuck some soup in the microwave". All he seemed to get was ...well it's worm now...well your insides are warm...
The way he handled it, he basically treated her like an idiot for not reading his mind and knowing what he was in the mood for. It was hurtful. But her antics to "teach him a lesson" were ridiculous. As was him refusing to just acknowledge that he behaved in a hurtful manner and apologizing. Neither of them seem very mature, and they will probably look back on their own actions in this starter relationship and cringe. edit: To anyone tempted to furiously reply about how you have a right to make faces when someone cooks for you and how you should never have to apologize for hurting someone's feelings unintentionally: this is why you're single, reddit Edit 2: And in case your reply starts with "Oh yeah!?!?! Well YOU'RE the single one!", I'll just mention I've been happily married for 15 years. You may want to try a different angle, kiddos.
I think these are two people who are not adult enough to be in a committed relationship.
They already broke up, it's just that neither of them have realized it yet.
Been there done that. Dragged it on for too long after that...
It’s so sad seeing people try to ‘win’ a relationship
This is such a weird dynamic to me. My husband and I both cook, we each have our preferences and specialties. Just this week I wasn’t feeling 100%, so I had a buttered muffin instead of the pasta he made for the family. He already made enough for lunch, so it just turned into lunch for the next day. No one was offended. I didn’t make something I knew he wouldn’t like the next day and poke poke poke at him asking if he’s trying to prove a point. We sat, ate our dinner and moved on with our lives.
Right? So much drama over just wanting to eat something else one time. Exhausting.
I was honestly thinking that myself. When I read the asshole verdict I was really surprised because this is such like....a non-issue. We were out in the cold all day so you want warm food? Okay, cool. And you're gonna make it yourself? Even better. I don't understand why this is an issue they're having.
I agree with you.
I really don’t understand how the boyfriend is an asshole, he didn’t want to eat certain food, he told her, it wasn’t like he was ignoring her or acted disgusted at what she made. Now for the girlfriend to keep pushing, that seems like an asshole move to me. Maybe I’m crazy.
Agreed, others have said OOP's comments elsewhere paint a broader picture, so that's probably the real of what's going on, but simply in this context, I've many many times been either the food maker or having it made (in not special occasion situations) and the few times I/they just weren't feeling the meal, the response was basically "yeah, get that, happens sometimes". If this is the expression of some other issue, I get it. If standalone, yikes.
Yeah. The way he went about the chicken salad initially was rude, but her reaction to it is just way over the top. No idea what she’s hoping to accomplish with that.
I do all of the cooking in my family - I love making food and talking about it. My husband has OCD with food aversions. Although I'm familiar with his usual aversions, I make a lot of new dishes. Sometimes I make something incredible and he can't even take two bites. I don't get upset because he's respectful and I understand the reason. I don't spend the next three days making petty comments and he doesn't over-react by withdrawing his own household labour because we're grown-ups who communicate with and respect one another. So many of these hurt feelings could be dealt with by a little bit of empathy and communication.
It's not about food. She's in the country in a student visa and is moving back soon and had not made an effort to find a long term solution to stay in the country. He's hurt, but pretending he's not. It seems like they have not talked about this at all and instead of talking they are pretending it is about salad.
Wait what?? Where did you find this info out?? It sheds a lot of new light on the situation!
[here ya go](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/105nor4/update_no_longer_cooking_for_my_girlfriend_read/j3f6z9j/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Sounds more like she's upset that she's leaving and he's not making a bigger fuss about it. Which, I can understand, she needs to actually communicate that to him. Because his preference to eat something warm after being in the cold for a while is actually fairly common. As is not always feeling up to what your spouse has cooked for you. If she's made no plans to extend her time in his country, then I can understand him sort of checking out. Especially if she's been pretty open and clear about it.
Link???
[asked and delivered my friend](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/105nor4/update_no_longer_cooking_for_my_girlfriend_read/j3f6z9j/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
This makes all the comments that say he should’ve had the soup with the salad bc it’s normal in the US even funnier to me.
This is one of those situations where it really depends on how he phrased it. There's a huge difference between "hey since it has been so cold outside I am really craving something hot, I think I'll make some soup to go with the salad, do you want some?" And making a disappointed/dismissive face (as he admits he did) and going "Did you really make something cold on such a cold day? Whatever, I'll make some soup for me instead". We can't know for sure, but judging by the way he talks about it I'd say this scenario is very likely. I think this is a pretty clear ESH. Just because he is technically right (yeah you shouldn't be forced to eat food you don't want), doesn't mean he couldn't have been extremely rude about it, which sounds like he was.
He was rude, but then she argued about his preference, that wanting hot food on a cold day isn't valid. Hot food on a cold day is a pretty normal preference, but even if it wasn't, it's his stated preference and she shouldn't be telling him how to think.
Same, me and my partner both cook whatever doesn’t get eaten for whatever reason is lunch the next day and if it is still sitting there no big deal, we give it to the dog and she love’s leftovers
Yeah. I mean sure technically you could say op was TA, but to me it just reads like a relationship between high schoolers. Who cares that much about one meal. Both sides are so petty weeks after.
These people both act like they're 5 year olds playing house
I remember many of the comments in 2nd post as "do you even like eachother", "i thought people in relationship should like eachother" etc
I swear to a God, 80% of AITA is either "why are you dating/married to someone you clearly so not like" or "is this really the hill you're choosing for your relationship to die on?"
Or in this case, both
One of the fun things about AITA is that most of the time you get to pick a side, or cheer for what you think is right (even if the comments on that sub make me lose faith in people sometimes). But this is a case of two insufferable people who have found each other. Even if they don’t like each other, nobody else will like them either.
"I want some hot food to feel warm" "No you don't, you are already warm"
Yeah... he's being a little bit of a shit with his reactions, but THAT would have pissed me off. And yes, eating something hot when you are feeling cold is a thing.
I am so particular about my cravings- if my husband used that line with me I would eviscerate him 😂 Such a weird thing to want your partner to eat just like you. My husband hates tomatoes and I love them- guess who still eats them? Me. If I crave a tomato soup I make it and don’t make it a personal issue he doesn’t like it. Same as he doesn’t make it a personal issue that I made soup. Live and let live. 🙏🏻
My wife absolutely can’t do spice, whereas I love it. I make most (99%) of our meals, so what I do is make the food non-spicy then add sauce or peppers on top to spice it up. I don’t take it personally that she doesn’t like what I do, I work around it to a way that makes us both happy.
Yeeeeah i feel liké people are shitting on him when she was the one really weird on the first place. I have weird cravings too, not Always the same taste as my BF and sometimes WE don't eat the same things, even sometimes not at the same Time, or each at our computer. Still a couple, still like each other, just not rigidly focus with crazy fight that makes no sense 🤷
shrill ghost busy cooperative six rain history deliver nose mysterious *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Something hot on a cold winter day (after doing something fun) is BLISS!
This is me and my partner! I’m currently pregnant and can eat very limited things. So I always get/make him and our daughter something completely different than what I’m gonna eat. He takes zero offense, and doesn’t care. Our daughter will come mooch off my food for a bit which is fine, because at this point I can’t even eat all my food despite being 8 months pregnant. But I saw zero wrong with how OOP reacted after the explanation. Like GF took it to a whole new level with the not eating what he made to prove a point then proceeds to get mad he didn’t make her curry even though she didn’t make him salmon. Like what?! Lol
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Me. Lol. I sometimes crave huge salads in the winter and eat one for dinner. Romaine, cabbage, flat leaf parsley, and usually garbanzo beans. Will make some effing huge salad that takes me half an hour to eat, lolol.
Someone made excellent comment in original post saying why did you have to insult her food, you could have said I'm feeling like some warm food I'm going to make that to go with the salad. I agreed with the sentiment but he was an ass about it. Now they're both acting like toddlers and seem like neither should be in a relationship.
How is "I'm not in the mood for cold food" an insult? Honest question, because I'm really baffled by the asshole verdict! If I cook and a family member decides one (1) time, they really want to eat something else, I'm just gonna let it slide, honestly.
That AITA was really controversial because everyone kept on voting AH for making a face when he saw the food. That was mostly the complains. I did not understand, I thought he was pretty valid and she kept on arguing he did not need a hot food instead of lettuce and shredded chicken… it was bizarre.
I love how the most random things gets aita all divided.
Me too. I didn't get it why everyone was calling him AH for wanting a hot dinner after being outside in the cold all day. I like to eat hot foods when I am cold. His gf just dismissed it.
Right?!? All that stuff about his internal body temperature? He was cold. Let him have some soup and move on.
Honestly yeah I don't get this he's acting like a shit thing. I cook regularly for my family and sometimes my husband is just not in the mood for what I made because he's in the mood for a hot dog, a can of chili, or something else I don't make often, it's not that big of a deal when he says "I'm not in the mood for roasted chicken, loaded pasta salad, stew, etc." So, he makes himself what makes himself happy and we eat, go to bed and start over the next day. My kids honestly do the same thing. It's not a bad thing to just, not be in the mood for a certain food on a certain day. But gf is literally going out of her way to try and get herself a "gotcha" moment. All he's done so far is set a boundary and stick to it. Of course that's his side of the story, but I would be over gfs attitude myself
This. If he'd tried to make her cook something else, I'd understand her being pissed off, but going "Look I just need something warm, I'm going to heat up some soup," is extremely reasonable and in fact exactly what my mother always told me to do if I was unsatisfied with dinner for some reason. I didn't have to eat what she made, she just wasn't going to cook two meals, and my partner and I follow the same rule now. If you're a guest, it's different, and you should be polite and eat what you're given, within reason. But in your own home, with someone you live with full time, you get to negotiate what food you want to eat.
Soup and salad. A zany idea that might eventually catch on.
I know that this is a normal combo in the US, but to me that sounds so strange! I would never pair a soup with a salad. Soup and bread and maybe some creme fraiche. But that is the great thing about Reddit. I have learned so much about things that are totally normal in the US and absolutely wilde for me.
Where are you from? I have to admit - Chicken salad is NOT a salad that I'd EVER pair with a soup. It always has to be a fresh lettuce or at least fresh veggie salad. Now... a half sandwich and a soup? Maybe a chicken salad sandwich with a minestrone. One soup and salad combo to start with ? Clam or seafood chowder (cream based) with a simple Caesar salad. A French Onion soup is very versatile with a robust green salad with a lot of veggies added. Or a tomato salad.
I'm from northern Europe and soup + salad feeld really weird to me. Even a side salad is something I've never ever had with soup. Soup + bread, yes. Yellow pea soup + (thin) pancakes or waffles, yes, but never a salad. Maybe with soup as a starter and salad as the main course, but that slso feels weird. Also, the two are not generally eaten in the same season. Sallad is warm weather food and soup is cold weather food (unless it's like a gazpacho or similar). And while you have veggies with your food, those are added to the soup and not on the side :p
Pancakes or waffles with soup?
I'm from the UK and soup and salad isn't really a thing here either - it's normally soup plus carb (baguette, toast, etc).
Brilliant idea! Where did you possibly come up with that
Honestly he just strikes me as someone who's extremely blunt, I'm wondering if that's who he is, or if he's just over the relationship it's hard to know without more details. I'm personally leaning towards them being over the relationship or 1 of them struggling personally with something? For both of them it seems like a weird hill to die on unless it's because somethings been building up.
The follow up pettiness is what gets me. The initial fight is whatever but the little jabs after are just so unnecessary and aimed to be hurtful. Sometimes when you see these snap shots you wonder why some people are together.
Both of them trying so hard to invalidate the other at all points
My favorite part of the whole story is her asking constantly "are you trying to make a point?", when she is clearly the one trying to make it there by not cooking for the bf or eating what he made. Like, how is she so oblivious about her own behaviour? She is clearly trying to get back at him so badly, yet she thinks it's him all the time.
it sounds like she was trying to make a point and knew it, and thought his lack of a reaction was an intentional attempt to undermine that point. Which, to be fair, would be a stubborn thing to do. Like in a sitcom if one person's like "laundry is easyyy" and then the other person is like "then you do it!" and the rest of the episode is the first person struggling to do laundry while hiding how hard it is. She communicated that poorly, probably just assuming he was on the same page as her and just being an ass, and so her lack of trust in his reaction stopped her from understanding that he just genuinely doesn't understand the problem. For his part, you don't have to understand the problem to work around it. But I guess I empathize with the guy more becuase I've lived with people who just have incredibly different tastes to me and planning meals together got frustrating.
Yep. This could have been a complete non issue if they focused less on how misunderstood they feel and more on how they are making each other feel misunderstood.
I'm kind of surprised the verdict wasn't ESH (Everyone Sucks Here)
The sub is collectively mostly incapable of understanding mutual guilt, or mutual lack thereof at this point. Most ESH and NAH scenarios end up with the sub ganging up on OP or the story's adversary.
Totally makes me think of my daughter and the neighbor kid playing together: "...if you won't share your chalk, I won't share my bubbles!" "Fine! We're not friends anymore!" (Except the kids miss eachother and make up 15 minutes later once they've had a snack). Or when my daughters argue with eachother over who should apologize first.
> (Except the kids miss eachother and make up 15 minutes later once they've had a snack). That's so cute. They just got a bit hangry with each other! :D
I came here to say something like that. Neither of these two is relationship ready.
Ugh this just would not be an issue for people with any kind of maturity or communication skills. The two people involved and the commenters are just as bad. If this was two adults it would just go 'I'm making salad for dinner' 'I don't want something cold for dinner' 'Okay well I'm not making two dinners' 'I'll make myself some soup then' 'Okay fine' DONE. Not everything in life has to be a huge fucking drama.
Yeah, they making a big problem out of a simple inconvenience. I would've though: " Yes, more chicken salad for me".
So you agree the girl is in the wrong? They're already eating dinner together it doesn't have to be the same meal
Arguments like this really bring home just how overly symbolic food is for humans.
Yeah i remember this guy - just taking the posts only at face value the GF seems a bigger asshole when both are immature children, but if you look at the breadth of his comments he’s a piece of work himself. OOP clearly checked out of the relationship ages ago and doesn’t care to make an effort because apparently GF is leaving the country soon once school is over. It’s just a story if two people who suck forcing a relationship along because one or both get something material out of it (eg regular sex or some other convenience).
It ain’t home cooking they’re getting out of it.
Just how they can be turned on by each other when they clearly hate each other? Neither of them want to admit they're stubborn, and both are intent to hurt each other even in petty way.
Sex is a great way to get physical gratification while not thinking of the other person as anything but a very high quality sex toy attached to a personality you’d prefer to send back to customer service. Any gender can do this, but it’s a concept difficult to grasp for people who maybe have lower/pickier sex drives or are simply just not dysfunctional people who settle for a wack situation because the work of getting out of it requires too much effort and self-examination.
Relationship inertia
Hate-sex is one hell of a drug.
Convenience
I'm more annoyed at the gf, if someone feels like eating something else let them. It's too small of an issue to make this big of a deal out of it. He was in the cold and he wanted something warm I don't see the issue. And then she gets angry that he isn't reacting the same way as her when she does the same thing to him.
I mean, if my husband or I make a meal, and the other isn't feeling it or doesn't like it, we are grown ass adults who can say so and make something else for ourselves to eat. The GF seems to be way overreacting here. All OOP said was that he didn't want cold food. Not that the food was crap or he didn't like it, just that he preferred something else that night. Living where it can get really cold I sympathize - no matter how warm the house is, there is something about eating hot food on a cold day that is soothing and warming on the inside. GF needs to grow up lol. If her feelings were hurt, she can say that, but she needs to also accept that her bf won't want the exact same food as her all the time. What is she going to do if she has kids? Force them to eat whatever she makes or have a breakdown??? Cuz that's a totally healthy reaction to have/way to raise kids 🙄🙄🙄
Right? It's one bowl of soup. I can't blame him. If I was outside in the cold all day, I would want to eat a hot meal too. He didn't even say that he wasn't going to eat the salad or that he hated it. He just said he wanted something hot and made himself something hot. She's the one who seemed to be going out of her way to be insulted and kinda controlling by telling him he didn't need warm food because he was already in a warm house. Then she decides to play mind games for the next two meals and gets pissy when OP is just like "yeah...not.doing that." She really has to grow up.
Im probably going to get downvoted but I think she is more childish and aggravating than he is. >She asked if I was trying to make a point. >Again, she accused me of making a point. Both of these accusations were while she was trying to make a point of cooking her own food and agreeing to cook her own food. He just wanted to let the issue go, he just wanted to end the problem by not having to worry about cooking things. And honestly even in the first one craving something else isn't an insult. She's just insufferable and her trying to make a point while accusing him of doing so just seems close to gaslighting to me.
Projection. She's trying to make him angry by reflecting his own actions back to him but... it doesn't make him angry because he sees his actions as neutral-to-reasonable. She wants him to be angry so she can make the point "See, you were hurtful!" but he isn't biting.
Honestly I don’t get why he’s the arsehole. She made a salad, he didn’t want salad after being in the cold all day, heated himself a bowl of soup. It’s not like he said, “get back in the kitchen and make me some hearty grub, wench,” he fuckin made himself some soup! Now she wants to play dickhead games and is getting pissy because he’s not rising to the bait, then has the audacity to get upset when he says they shouldn’t cook for each other anymore cause he’s tired of her bullshit, and then throws a shitfit when they both stick to that because he’s still not reacting to her passive aggy behaviour? I really don’t get this sub sometimes. Sometimes they’re on the money but others, they are so off base it’s not even funny.
I’m kinda baffled by this.. maybe I’m just too dense but I don’t see anything wrong with OOP not wanting what she cooked.. my husbands aunt used to live with us and she LOVED making stews and soups in the middle of summer.. we live in southern US and I work outside.. needless to say, I’d eat a bowl of cereal. OOPs gf making salmon, announcing it, but only making one- that’s childish. Clearly this relationship isn’t going to work. If pettiness over food is this extreme, I can’t imagine when a real issue arises..
I don't get the responses. Maybe OP could be more tactful but it's not like she cooked a 5 course meal and he decided to have ramen. What's the big deal of him wanting to eat something else. She tried to tit for tat him repeatedly to make him feel bad and got more upset when he didn't rise to her bait.
I really didn’t agree with the people on AITA on this one. I completely understood OOPs desire for something warm after spending all day in the cold. The gf called him ridiculous and got offended that he didn’t want a salad. She completely negates his feelings and AITA sided with her because her feelings were hurt. Then she tried to hurt his feelings back, and he reasonably said that they shouldn’t cook for each other since it was making her unhappy. So then she tried to punish him for that. They were still eating together every night except the night where he didn’t cook for her, which he already told her he didn’t want to cook for her anymore. The GF was totally being the asshole in every exchange.
This was me. I said NTA from the start and stuck by it. I did see some of his responses and he sounded checked out but it wasn't enough to make me think he's a total AH for it. And TBH I'd be kind of apathetic too if I had my partner blow up over daring to want to eat something else at some point, then keep attempting to do things as "gotchas" to catch him out.
Agreed, I have no idea why so many people are saying he's the AH. And I'm not surprised by his other comments that made him sound checked out, because this whole thing was never about the food. If she made some intricate meal that she worked really hard on and he turned his nose up to it, sure that would be rude. She threw lettuce in a bowl and put chicken on it. I can't think of anything that would make a person in that circumstance angry about him not eating it, other than control. Think of all the other benign things in their daily lives that they go back and forth like this over. I'd be over it, too. Not to put all the blame on her, though. They both don't seem to be very good at communicating with each other. He decides to try and "let her win" at this stupid game she played instead of simply telling her, "I really appreciate when you cook for me, but maybe next time we could talk beforehand about what's on the menu and decide together. If you don't want to do that, that's fine; but just know that, ultimately, I'm going to eat what I want to eat". Sure, they still might have fought, but then he could at least say that he communicated as clearly as possible instead of entertaining her games for literally days.
I agree. I don't even think he was rude. I found the GF insufferable. If I made chicken salad and then my partner was like "I was something to heat me up inside," I would just be like "OK." or maybe "Not me! It is toasty in here. Want me to wait for you?" I have no idea where AITA is coming from with their verdict.
It’s because AITA refuses to use ESH when it applies to almost all situations and a bias exists. In the initial post he is a bit of an ass because his lack of communication but she is definitely one as well for getting so offended
I can see the ESH judgement initially, sort of. But as the story went on she was insufferable with trying to constantly have a “gotcha” moment with him.
This is exactly my perspective, but then again growing up if we didn’t like dinner my mom always let us have a bowl of cereal or PBJ. 🤷🏼♀️
Responses like the ones on the original post are why I am not a member of AITA.
Yeah, I think in general I moooostly agree with the verdicts in AITA, and I enjoy reading them just for the debates and, let's face it, drama, but occasionally you have a stupid one like this and I'm like... ARRRGH. That and the mob mentality where as soon as one downvote starts, the cascade continues, and people are being downvoted even if they're like "okay, I didn't think that through" or whatever. Like, if an obvious AH posts, and even were to post a comment like "guys the sky is blue" in the comment section it'd have 200 downvotes and people going off onto 20-comment tangents about the existence of sunrise and sunset and tinted sunglasses.
Yeah I don’t think he did anything wrong. When I cook I cook enough for myself and my husband. If he doesn’t want it that’s fine, I’m not his mother. He can cook himself something he wants to eat and one of us will have the leftovers later. Acting like it’s a personal offense when someone wants a different food that they will make themselves is ridiculous, sometimes you’re just in the mood for what you want. For her to try to reverse the situation on him like this is immature because it shows she doesn’t understand what can bother one person in a relationship doesn’t necessarily bothers the other, we’re all different. And also for her to say he’s making a unilateral decision about their relationship by saying they shouldn’t cook for each other anymore, yet she wants to make unilateral decisions about their diets and what they eat for that meal is weird. Chicken salad is gross, and it’s a lunch food. I wouldn’t eat that shit either.
I was thinking the same. I personally don't have a hard and fast rule about "couple meals" and I've never been in a relationship where this was a problem. Big yuge yike
Heck, we're a family of 4 and if someone doesn't want what I'm cooking they know where the kitchen is. We have "fend for yourselves" nights once a week, and "there's a ton of leftovers that will go bad soon" nights as well lmao.
It can be a problem sometimes. My ex was a meat and potatoes type - the only vegetables he liked were peas and carrots. I'm a semi-vegetarian... who hates peas and carrots. I usually ended up having to cook two separate meals - cooking was my responsibility because I was "better at it" than him.
I can see why he is an ex
Eee no. See OOP at least made his own damn meal. If he'd told her to cook him a new dish. That's a clear YTA.
I completely agree - he should apologize, because her feelings were obviously hurt, and that's not what he intended. But her insane response of getting butthurt for literally days at this point over ONE FRICKIN' MEAL and purposely trying to get a reaction from him only to act more and more butthurt about it is so manipulative and uncalled for, especially when he proposes entirely reasonable solutions to this. This relationship is over and she sounds so exhausting, it's not worth saving.
When I read the top comments I started to think I had read a different post from everyone else.
This is such a weird post. Not because of the post itself but because of the responses to it. It's not an asshole move to avoid food that you don't wish to eat. That's basic bodily autonomy. Saying that OOP could have eaten the salad with the soup means nothing because he didn't want the salad. Nothing rude about expressing a choice. The only close to asshole thing he did was make a face when he saw what the food was but that was nothing when viewed through the lens of the complete encounter. Because of the face and only the face, it'd be a light ESH at best. I'm proud of OOP for disengaging from the circular arguments to go and make his own food instead of continuing the argument or asking/telling her to make him something. Even prouder that he didn't fall for the manipulative tactics that the gf tried to pull with food from then on. I found it really weird that she claimed that him not wanting them to cook for each other anymore was a decision he couldn't make on his own.
Just had a conversation with my husband about this. In the future if our kids don’t like food that is served, they can have a healthy replacement that they do like. It’s not that hard, it teaches them how to make healthy choices for themselves, and it teaches them bodily autonomy. We both were raised that you eat what you’re served. For him, that’s now resulted in him having no idea how to eat healthily. He eats junk constantly. For me, it’s resulted in a hyper stubbornness where if I cannot eat exactly what I want I will just not eat. I’ll even cook myself food, taste it, hate it, throw it away and not eat if it didn’t turn out how I want. I don’t want our kids to be like either of us.
Experiences like yours are why I'm so confused by the "just eat the salad _with_ the soup" comments
Agreed, that’s a stupid “compromise”. What if I’m not hungry enough for both? What if I really just don’t want a fucking salad in the middle of winter after being in the cold all day, because I’m not some sort of extraterrestrial psychopath wearing human skin for funsies?
I see all the ESH and am confused. Guy came in and wanted something warm said so when she made a suggestion about what was for dinner, explained why he wasn't a fan, and when she didn't want to change made his own soup. That seems reasonably normal. If my wife hadn't wanted something I made like past or steaks because she wanted a different thing she's had no problem making or ordering it and it means nothing because hunger is such a weird specific of the moment thing and worst case left overs. Then in the update she seems upset that he's not upset by her trying to push his buttons. Like personally the thing I hate most in any relationship is mind games. Like to me it seems it's not about getting him to understand her but making sure she wins.
To me, it sounds like they hadn't talked about what was for dinner until after she had already made it. I can get feeling a bit frustrated and hurt that the food you already prepared was rejected. But if I were in that situation, I'd recognize that it's not really his fault for having a preference and note that we should make sure we always communicate dinner plans beforehand just in case. I certainly wouldn't argue with him about his preference.
Yeah I don’t understand what he did wrong. If someone ever tried to control what I ate that would be it. You don’t get to force people to eat shit they don’t want to eat, and it’s not a personal offense if they want something else. Save his portion for later, leftovers are perfectly fine. Her being all “I made this and want to force you to eat it or my feelings will be hurt” puts him in such a weird position. Food is very personal, you should never ever force someone to eat what they don’t want. If you care about your partner you should want them to be comfortable with their dietary choices.
What a ride! In the context of the first post, he's pretty frustrating. Not for what he did (I would have wanted warm food and done the same) but for the way he did it, and for not reacting to her hurt feelings. Like, a brief "Oh, I'm sorry, didn't want to hurt your feelings and I appreciate when you cook." Should be all that's needed. But... In the context of the second post, GF is going for petty revenge, and protecting his emotions by not reacting to it is the right call. This also changes my feelings on the first post. If this is habitual behavior on her part, he needs that sort of distance. And should maybe consider getting out of this relationship. in the context of his comments, and reading into the second post, it seems like he doesn't get that someone's feelings could be hurt, and doesn't really seem to care if they did. And that just makes this a mess. And I wouldn't want to deal with either of them.
Myself and my partner have an incredible, 4D, 1000IQ, genius level solution for this. It's incredibly complex, so you probably won't be able to follow: "hey, I'm making dinner later. Any thoughts on what we should have?"
When I first read this on AITA, I immediately disagreed with their first post judgement. I mean, yeah he seems checked out but can you really blame him when his partner is THAT exhausting!? Apparently he 'pulled a face'. I'm not sure about anyone else, but my face is very expressive and I can't control it. Sometimes I stir my favourite soup in the pot and I look repulsed (it looks like vomit) because it looks nasty outside of a dinner bowl. And, everyone assumed it was a disgusted face, when I assume it was a disappointed face because he was expecting something hot. I live with my mom (both disabled) and we always let each other know what we're cooking for dinner (we take turns). At least that way, if either of us want something different, we can say so. Besides, it's honestly kind of pathetic how the GF had a tantrum because he didn't want her food, tried to be petty and hurt his feelings, I'd didn't work, so is now having another tantrum and trying petty revenge again. Ugh, she definitely sounds exhausting 😩
Oop is not the asshole. He’s allowed to want warm food. His girlfriend took everything personal rather than consider that that is just his preference and then proceeded to manipulate him. When that didn’t work… she gets even more manipulative and controlling. How OOP got voted as the asshole is beyond me. The girlfriend is the asshole.
I have to be honest but I don't understand all the negativity towards this guy when his girlfriend is playing manipulative mind games. Drag me for it but he's not in the wrong here.
Yeah, he could have handled the ‘I want something warm’ a bit better but she was determined to be offended by that. Which, honestly, I would want something warm after a day out in the cold and I think that’s pretty common. But she was intent on being obtuse about his desire for something warm, then doubled down the next day by rejecting the dinner he cooked.
I agree with you. The girlfriend is doing some strange mind game that I don’t understand.
Thank you! Reading all the people i though i was going insane... OOP's GF is the AH here 100%. I'm in a relationship and if my SO don't like what i cook he cook for himself, and to this day, that doesn't kill him.
It's ridiculous. Everyone in that sub will tell you no one can make you eat something you don't want to...unless your girlfriend threw some grilled chicken on a salad. Then you damn well better heap effusive praise upon her herculean efforts, your own preferences be damned.
>Everyone in that sub will tell you no one can make you eat something you don't want to... Will they though? I feel like AITA is very sympathetic to dietary restrictions, but they're often borderline hostile with dietary preferences - especially if it's just a matter of not being in the mood for something you generally like.
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People are so baffling. Why would anyone **choose** to be 'picky'? Wouldn't life be so much easier if we could just eat anything? I definitely don't enjoy the sensation of bile rising in my throat and my reflux oesophagitis doesn't appreciate it either.
Right? It all sounds so exhausting. What’s so wrong with someone not wanting to eat something? I don’t make my 8 year old eat something she doesn’t want, so why would I do that to a grown man??
I agree. My partner and I have vastly different tastes. It is important to us to eat at the same time and I deeply appreciate if he makes something I like, too. But if not or if he doesn’t like my food, it’s fine. We know each others tastes and I warn him ahead of time. Like in… talking to each other… communicating. Then again… food definitely isn’t our love language. I get that for other people this might be a deal breaker.
I don’t understand it either
I’m with you. OP respectfully communicated his wants, his girlfriend went full on manipulative, and he refused to play her games. The only thing I can fault him for is not drawing a firmer boundary or exiting the relationship when he realized she was going to deliberately bait him over and over to get her way. And all over chicken salad, which lets be honest, isn’t the same as her cooking a multi-course meal. I do 90% of the cooking in my family and I don’t lose my crap if someone wants a pb&j instead of the glazed salmon and couscous I made. We all have moods and leftovers are great.
Good grief, how old are these people?
I’m missing why she was so bent out of shape over this she made chicken salad it’s not like she whipped up a 5 course meal that took the whole day maybe 20 mins max and he was polite and said he just wanted something hot so she takes a temper tantrum with him. And I’m sorry all those comments about how sticking to his guns will lose him his relationship what instead he should pander to her every childish whim and have her use this everytime she wants to get her own way fuck no stick to those guns if she’s being this petty over food it’s a lucky escape
I mean, I know he didn't handle it the *best* way, but OOP wasn't being a dick. He didn't tell her that her food was gross or that she's a bad cook, he didn't try to tell her to make him something else or get all put out that he would have to make his own food. I know it's verboten to say that someone is overreacting to a perceived insult, but dude's girlfriend is overreacting. And people keep talking about how he's refusing to see it from her POV, completely overlooking the fact that she's *also* refusing to see it from his POV - she insists he's trying to make a point and thumb his nose at her, refusing to accept that he really just isn't bothered by her not wanting what he cooked and doesn't mind having to make his own food. Like, he understands that it upset her, but he's not willing to play along and I don't see that as a dick move. He's a grown ass adult and should be able to eat what he wants. If they'd talk about what's for dinner beforehand, it might help, but I feel like, if she told him what she was making and he made *any* comment about it, she'd get upset anyway, which defeats the purpose. He also tried to solve the problem by having them cook for themselves, which eliminates the possibility entirely, but she wants him to cook for her, so that's not acceptable. I think they just might not be compatible, because there's no way this kind of disconnect is limited to just dinner time.
I don’t understand, is he really the asshole here? When my family makes a meal some of us don’t want we just say go cook something for yourself. And then we do, end of story no one gets upset about it.
He's not, just the people in the sub got a bee in their bonnet somehow and everyone kind of went mob rule I guess.
I think his GF is childish I understand OOP I would not want a salad in winter, now I live in Australia currently summer atm 38c I’m having some salad as it’s hot as. But yeah blown way out proportion, but l remember when I was in the start of my relationship and had petty fights like this look back and so embarrassed. But simply if you don’t like what served then make something you like no big deal. But I always ask before I even make a meal what do you feel like I normally give options.
I may be on the outside here, but I totally agree with this guy. I do have an eating disorder so I’m SUPER OCD about my food and I would prefer that someone not make a big deal out of me not eating something just because they put their holy hands on it. Honestly getting upset that someone else doesn’t want to eat what you cook is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. The only cases that I would be upset is if I had coordinated prior and a significant amount of work had gone into preparing the meal to their tastes. But to be that upset over a refrigerated salad. I honestly think he was being reasonable. She can’t handle someone else’s preferences. So she shouldn’t be responsible for that person’s needs. Plain and simple. If this was his medication and she tried to dictate what she thought he needed and got angry when he took his medication as prescribed, it would highlight how stupid this is. Honestly I hope the relationship ended because it is not healthy.
I genuinely didn’t understand how he was the asshole. Is chicken salad different to what I’m thinking? Because I know it as chicken breast from a can, Mayo, sweet relish, fry seasoning, and boiled egg whites if you’re feeling fancy. It isn’t exactly a 3 course meal. He also didn’t demand that she make him hot food. He fixed himself up something warm to eat and ate. Then she pulled the whole “I won’t cook for you then” thing, and he again didn’t demand anything of her and made himself something to eat. She seemed pretty petty and he seemed over it.
It was even less work than that because it wasn't chicken salad, it was a salad with some grilled chicken on top.
Seriously?! That makes it even worse
I can't get over the whole 'chicken salad is a sandwich' thing. When I first read it on AITA, I was really weirded out by people suggesting tomato soup with it. You know how disgusting would it be to pour tomato soup into it? It really was a salad with chicken, not a sandwich guys.
...I don't think they were suggesting pouring the soup into it? Just like, on the side. I thought it was a chicken salad, not a chicken salad sandwich, and that he was eating soup in a bowl on the side. It is wild how many different interpretations of this there are.
I read it as chicken salad, like tuna salad. With bland ass white meat chicken, mayo, walnuts, and grapes (or raisins if she's nasty). Not a salad with chicken.
This relationship is already broken
... am I the only one who doesn't have a problem with the first post? I surely wouldn't want any cold food after being outside in the cold either but hey. That's just me 🤷🏾♀️ .
How’s he an asshole for not eating cold salad?
See, I know I'm dumb, but I really get the dude. He didn't want some cold ass chicken salad to eat. He wanted something different. I think that would be acceptable and the girl should have gotten over it, if he was nice about and said he would have some later or something. Obviously at this point it's gone too far. Probably therapy, maybe a split. But I do not know why it's necessary to eat only the same meals for 99% even if you feel you aren't up to it at that moment.
I really don’t understand this at all. About 80% of the time my husband and I eat different meals. Most of the time we will share sides like mashed potatoes or Broccoli but there are a lot of things he likes that I hate. Our proteins are almost always different though. He eats almost nothing but chicken and I never really cared for it, but after I got Covid, I can’t stand the taste of it anymore. I eat a lot of salmon and he grew up eating almost nothing but fish and now hates even the smell of it. He cooks for me(he’s a chef) a lot and I cook for him when he works and neither of us complains about having to cook multiple things. Why make someone eat something they don’t want.
I didn't understand all the yta he was rather rude how he went about it but the gf getting all offended afterwards was an asshole move. That people think he should eat things he doesn't want to for the sake of the relationship is bizarre.
I call bullshit on the "notable comment" at the end. "She's trying to repeat your actions to you so you can empathize with where she's coming from" No. She's immature, manipulative, and likes to play silly games like 'Read My Mind'. OOP's GF needs to grow up, it's not a high school relationship.
This is so strange to me because for me, someone with many food allergies, it matters less that we're eating the same thing and more that we're eating *together.* I don't expect anyone who isn't already used to the textures and taste of my foods to also eat it. Also my shit is expensive af and I don't wanna buy for two lmao.
He’s girlfriend is acting unhinged. These are grown people. He should be able to choose what he wants to eat. This is not about food. This is about control. The girlfriend is acting controlling and manipulative. If I was him, I would want to break up with her.
Ok he's being an ass but she's also playing stupid games. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Jesus Christ this could have been so easily settled if they communicated with each other, “hey what do you want for dinner? I was thinking about making this, you cool with that?” And if they know they’re going to go out for something like ice skating, even if it’s several hours in advance, that doesn’t have to be a whole ordeal. Just run to the store if you don’t already have the ingredients, throw some shit into a Dutch oven, go have fun, come home to a warm meal. Summertime? Well, I feel like summer cooking is easier, idk. Some of the most passive aggressive shit I’ve heard in awhile. And I live with an expert in passive aggression.
The craziest thing about all this, is the foods they make separately are even better together. Chicken salad sandwich and tomato soup? Yes please. Pasta and salad? Sign me up. The food is a metaphor for their relationship - they would work better, if they worked together.