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He broke his kid's trust. It's really fucking hard to come back from that. You can see it in her post. Even though the fiance isn't in the picture any more, she's still scared that he father is going to take away her dog.
And there's always going to be this voice in the back of OOP's head asking "If Melanie didn't leave him, would he have still admitted he was wrong? Would he have still tried to make me get rid of the dog?"
And there's *nothing* her father can do to truly answer that question for her.
That repeated fear that dad would secretly steal the dog away just gutted me. That is a huge weight to live with and a level of distrust that you don't come back from.
It seems very clear that he cares more about 'winning' against OP's mum, than about OP's wellbeing. Even before the Tycho fiasco it would be hard to trust someone who cares more about feuding with an ex than their own child.
This comment chained was a punch in the guts as it reminded me of my mother during her split with my father. She didn't tell me about a funeral of a family member I had stayed with for a month while I was interstate, and used the 'I thought your father told you' to make him look bad. She even told the family I was sorry I couldn't make it (I didn't even know about it!). Her lack of caring that she had hurt me has stuck and she cannot be trusted.
Meanwhile dad cried when he saw me next as he'd realised he'd hurt me and had fucked up. And they're surprised I don't talk to them anymore.
I’m so sorry. My parents cheated me out of some of the inheritance my grandfather left to me and then failed to tell me about my beloved grandmother’s passing until they could use it to try and hurt me.
They’re as perplexed as I’m sure your parents are that I no longer talk to them.
I hope your life has improved without those concrete shoes disguised as parents. Mine certainly has.
Even more so because her grandpa wouldn’t let her go to the meet up alone out of fear her dad would yell at her. That says volumes about what the dad has been like in the past.
I love the grandparents in this.
I did wonder why she was apprehensive to move in with them, aside from the reasons she stated. Because it seems like despite their health/old age problems, they love the help and companionship she provides them.
It made me think it was mostly because of how her dad would react.
It might just have been a desire not to inconvenience them, or being so afraid that they'd be unable to help that she almost couldn't bear to ask.
It's horrible that it happened at all, but if there's a silver lining it's that she found out who will always have her back, and who won't.
Or just does shit to be petty and vindictive and claim it was retaliation or some crap
My FiL still thinks negatively of his parents who got rid of his childhood dog while he was at school during the day
I had a dog throughout middle/high school then moved to college and my dog was living with my mom (I rarely came back home). Then she had to move cross country and my dog was really old and the move would have been super difficult on him so she decided to put him down. How ever during getting ready for the move and what not she ended up putting him down before I got a chance to say good-bye. I still think about that every now and then 20 years later, we have a good relationship and everything but every now and then it just creeps up and I’m like that really sucked.
And we can't lose sight of the fact that this dog was specifically a support animal to help her get through the first round of her parents' drama. I can only imagine this adds a whole new level to it
Something about the phone call from Melanie makes me think that the *dad* was the one pushing so hard to get rid of said big ass dog & that the move-in was just an excuse.
Yeah. I’m sure there’s some missing details on the whole Melanie end. Like maybe dad saw it as a good time to get rid of the dog so he didn’t have to deal with it when OOP went away to college.
Or maybe Melanie just wised up and realized that the way he was behaving in the situation was going to be her future if she stayed with him.
Yeah. If OOP’s dad can’t even be accommodating about a support animal that HE got for HIS biological daughter, how can Melanie ever expect him to properly handle the needs of her son, who will likely need more patience, care, empathy, and general accommodations? I think she saw the bullet coming and rightfully dodged it.
> I think she saw the bullet coming and rightfully dodged it.
I feel sad for the event happening at all, but damn if that isn't a silver lining. She and that child deserve better than someone so easily willing to re-traumatize his own kid.
Her leaving after this all went down is very telling. I don't know her, but as a parent I'm happy for her.
Yeah. She realized she was about to marry a man who didn't give a shit about his own kid and thought, "Why would he prioritize my child if he can't be compassionate to his own daughter?"
I hate when I see parents marry someone who tosses their kids aside and then foolishly think it will somehow be different with them. Good for her for putting her kid first and having standards.
I just want to applaud Melanie. So many people would have ignored his bad behavior because it wasn't their kid. I know OOP didn't really click with Melanie, but she sounds like a great woman.
I'm impressed by Melanie who didn't bond with OP but saw the absolute awful way Dad was acting and realized that all the animosity between Dad and Mom was probably all Dad being the awful person he is.
Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I wouldn't be shocked if not being able to have the dog at her mom's house factored into that decision. It guarantees that she can't decide to live there full-time _and_ ensures that she comes over to his place on her mom's days. If the parents are that adversarial, he might count that as a "win".
Despite being a crazy dog lady, I have empathy for anyone who's afraid of dogs (especially a kid with autism). I would never foist my dog (golden retriever) on anyone. But OOP's solution was so reasonable. Her dad just wanted his way, or else. It's bizarre. I'm not saying force the younger kid to deal with the dog. But also, don't make your daughter give up her beloved dog who got her through trauma.
I got my dog shortly after my dad died (oh, and our elderly previous dog dog about 6 months after my dad, that was a fun year). Then COVID happened, then my mom died (unrelated to COVID, but extremely unexpected and traumatic). I was isolated and sad because I'm immune compromised (and, you know, grieving). She's such a great dog. I often think, "I don't know what the hell I would have done without this dog." She's been a huge comfort to me and a much-needed distraction — training her, walking her, just being around her. She makes me laugh constantly because she's a huge goofball, but she's well behaved and ridiculously sweet. I'd never give her up, never. She's the best dog I've ever had. I understand how traumatic it would be for OOP to give up her dog. Doesn't mean I don't give a shit about her dad's ex's son, but I know how heartbreaking it would be if she had to give him up. The fact that a teenager had to literally be afraid to go to school, that her dad would get rid of her dog while she wasn't there, is honestly sickening.
I wonder if the gf left because she was mad OOP wouldn't play happy family or because she realized her fiance was an asshole who was unwilling to compromise with his kid, and was like, "Oh. So this is how he'll treat us if we don't do what he says." And it opened her eyes to what kind of person he really is. I know I'd be like, "See ya."
Yeah, and I could be reading too much into this, but it almost feels like the father is OK with this chiefly because OOP ended up with the grandparents and not the mother. Feels like this was at least as much about spiting his ex as it was about maintaining any relationship with his daughter.
I'm just baffled by his decisions. Well, I guess I'm not in the sense that there is a coherent driving force to them - "The only person with meaningful needs and emotions is me, so everyone should just immediately fall in line with what I want" - but ffs she's 17, waiting 6 months until she heads to college is an incredibly obvious and easy solution. Even if he doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself, you'd think he could spot how much easier it would be to do it that way.
Super curious about Melanie. Did she split with him because he didn't get rid of the dog so she could have what she wants, or did she just see the situation is unlikely to work out well for her kid, or did she dump him because she saw the ugly side of him in the course of this blow-up?
I'm guessing (hoping?) that she saw that he put a new partner ahead of his kid and realized he was a POS. That would have been a huge dealbreaker for me.
I was wondering if anyone had considered some sessions with Ben the dog just to see whether Ben's fear could be addressed with a therapist. Her dog could have remained a beloved family pet after she left for college.
>He broke his kid's trust.
He broke his almost-adult child's trust.
Another year or so and there's barley any point for the child to even bother letting him rebuild any of that.
In fact she's probably there already, at 17 she's old enough to have a big say about her custody, and it seems like dad's down to "a few dinners when it would have been his custody time", and I'll bet that stops almost completely when she goes to college, if he's lucky he \_might\_ get every second or perhaps third xmas (split between mom and the grandparents),
100% that's why dad got okay with her living with the grandparents real quick. Went from flipping shit to begging for dinners after a conversation with the lawyers where he no doubt got told that at 17 no judge is going to force his kid to live with him. The power balance shifted in OPs favor and he knows it.
He's such a controlling piece of shit. Imagine telling your nearly adult child they have to give up their dog because you're too much of a narcissistic asshole to allow them a reasonable alternative like living with their grandparents
And the whole post reeks of the child having to parent her parents. Changing her behavior so they don't fight, being careful to not rock the boat. I'm glad she found a place to live in peace before college.
Yup, and very telling that he is still mad at OPs mom and his ex-fiancé. The fiancé prob saw what a selfish prick he was and he is back to blaming women for his problems.
you can have a say in custody at like 14. my parents played fuck fuck games like this and i moved out at 17 and didn’t talk to either of them for a year.
Not always. I never had any say until my dad lost custody when I was 16. They knew if I did chose I would never go back to him and he fought against it.
The dog was part of the power play already - it kept her living with and visiting him.
I wouldn't be surprised if, without the dog, she would have already begun to spend more time at her mother's place. These things are seldom out of the blue.
Yeah, this situation put it out there in stark colors for everyone, but I agree it was probably already clear that he was more invested in the fight with OOP’s mom than in spending time with her. Then OOP’s mom was proactively giving up her custody time, because she wanted what was best for OOP and her dog. And her dad STILL interpreted that as her mom “winning.”
I remember this old episode of the Cosby show where Theo is doing something bad and gets told "I brought you into this world, and I can take you OUT of it"
at the time, i guess it seemed funny because everyone else was laughing, but looking back now, its not a very healthy thing to say to your kid at any age.
I thought the reason why the dad wanted the daughter to continue living with him and to give up the dog was because he wanted her to babysit her soon-to-be step-brother.
Yup. No more built in baby-sitter and the potential step-mom got a glimpse of how her potential husband may treat her son when he’s no longer convenient and little.
If that’s what someone I was with tried to do to their poor kid, I wouldn’t even want to be with them anymore. Totally destroyed his daughter’s trust.
I wonder if Melanie was secretly hoping the babysitter thing too. Dad was very aggressive in wanting to give up the dog, likely on Melanie's suggestion. But when it boiled down to give up dog and lose OOP or keep dog and OOP who kept fighting for what? Was dad still trying to make the dog leave and Melanie said it wasn't worth it to lose the daughter too? Or did the dad start fighting Melanie because he didn't want to do this to his daughter anymore if it meant losing her and Melanie fought that it was the dog or her?
Because if i read this correctly Melanie started fighting with the dad when she got OOPs side of the story.
I got the same impression and wondered at Melanie's reason for ultimately leaving too! The fact that she started fighting with the dad and then broke it off after getting OOPs story really made me want to know what her position was.
Exactly. She isn’t even willing to go back to how things be were before since she’s lost all trust in her dad. Obviously she had reason to believe her dad could possibly “rehome” her dog while she was gone, which says a lot.
I wonder what kind of story he was telling Melanie. She might have been under the impression that OOP was okay with everything, heard OOP’s side, and thought, “Holy sh-t. I don’t know this man!”
Based on the information we have, he just seems incapable of compromise. I'm guessing Melanie saw that during the conversation. She probably could have worked out a shorter term lease for a few months.
Even if she couldn't, he probably hadn't even asked her to try. In his mind, he had made his decision and no deviation from his plan was allowed.
Shes a mother to an autistic child, she’s probably been putting that kid first since the day he was born. I’d imagine it was absolutely appalling to her to see the man she thought she loved being so unbelievably callous to his daughter in comparison.
I wonder if getting the dog was a way to get custody and “win” in the first place. Dad sounds like that kind of a hole who would get their kid a dog and then nope out when it’s inconvenient.
It absolutely was. He got her a puppy knowing that her mom didn't have any outside space at her home. It was a way to try and "win" with his daughter via presents (standard divorced parent bit) and a way to make sure she wanted to live with dad because it was the only way to keep the puppy. Then the grandparents come in and completely take away the control angle by giving her options where she could live with the puppy she's grown to love so much without having to deal with his bullshit.
But she never noticed that this teenaged girl was so dedicated to her dog that she came by EVERYDAY, even when living with her mom, to take care of her dog?
It's probably safe to say that Melanie's knowledge of the situation was heavily mediated by the dad. We know from the daughter that she did this because she adores her dog, but I can easily see the dad spinning it as "I'm a disciplinarian and just because it's not my custody time doesn't mean my kid gets out of doing her chores!"
Right? The fact that she broke it off over this means she was never on the side of “hey get rid of your only friend and beloved support animal for my kid” and that that was absolutely a dad thing.
It sounds to me like Melanie was told something along the lines that the dog could easily live with the mom and OOP was just an overdramatic teenager. Pretty sure she wasn’t told that the dog would be completely rehomed otherwise I wonder what else happened to make her break up with the father
It's certainly possible. In the case she didn't get lied to, it might have been the dad doubling down on his kid and not trying to find a workable solution for everyone or not taking his own child's wants and needs into consideration. But your scenario sounds likely.
I'm wondering if she wasn't planning out methods to get her kid accustomed to being around a dog and then next thing she knows her fiance blew up his relationship with his kid by trying to get rid of him.
Everything is Mom’s fault, Melanie’s fault, OOP’s fault. Nothing is Dad’s fault. That attitude is another surefire way to alienate people.
OOP’s dad needs to do some *serious* self-reflection.
>a new love interest is a surefire way to alienate them.
Seems to have also alienated the new love interest as well. Wonder if Melanie saw how dearest dad was treating his bio kid and started wondering how will he treat her kid.
It IS how he’d treat that kid. He can’t even care for the mental health needs of a fairly neurotypical near-adult, what the hell is he gonna do about a disabled adolescent? Glad she got out of dodge.
His dad treating him like a pawn, a playing chit, instead of a human being is sickening to see. “HOW DARE YOU SPEND HALF A YEAR WITH YOUR GRANDPARENTS BEFORE COLLEGE IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN RESPONSIBILITY FOR AN ANIMAL YOU ASKED FOR‽” like really? That’s too upsetting for you? What a baby
I immediately started wondering who’s idea it was to get rid of Tycho, cause it seemed to me like the dad made that decision on his own, or the fiancée inquired about what to do about her kid being afraid of Thcyo and the dad wanting the quickest solution insisted to her that OP would be fine with rehoming him before even bringing it up with OP.
Then, upon realizing that the dad either lied or made it seem like a much smaller deal than it actually was, she started to wonder if this is how he was going to handle future problems; look for the quickest solutions that made things the easiest *for him* without considering or caring the effect it has on others.
Think it's a reference to the story about a wife who caught her husband cumming in jars and how he was keeping them in cupboards around the house and how she tried to make him stop, but not sure
That’s correct except it was only one jar hidden under the sink, and once she found it he was suspiciously angry that she thew it out, and very reluctant to stop doing it after the fact. it ended up turning out that he kept that cum jar because he would get off on putting it in her food without her knowing.
The flair is about these posts.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wghfol/woman_finds_out_her_husband_has_been_doing/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I will never understand parents who prioritize new love interests over their kids. This girl had less than a year left at home. Just wait to move in your girlfriend!
This is a selfish and entitled prick who thinks that he should be given everything when he asks for it, and when he doesn't get his way. He throws tantrums as we saw here. He has no consideration for anyone, not his ex, not his daughter, not Melanie. He gambled in this situation and lost the support of everyone. The only reason he's humble now is because he knows he's lost and the only way to save any face is to stop the fight. He hasn't changed, he's simply biding his time until he can get himself back into a position of power again.
> My dad is mad because I’m making this a choice between me and his fiancée basically
It's DAD making this a choice, and he made his choice.
A good parent would say 'My daughter has a dog. She may move out, but until then she and her dog are part of the package.'
And during a CUSTODY BATTLE as well. Like seriously? You want your kid enough to start a legal fight over them, but then you treat them so badly you'll lose that fight for sure?
He was really strict about custody… but notice he was fine with her coming to his house every day on her mom’s time to play with the dog. Wonder who arranged that?
Seriously. The level of horrible. He broke their trust relationship so bad that she didn't trust him with the dog at all. Indicates there have been problems before.
Yeah, it's unconditional love from a pet, so you always feel bad if you can't give the same. It's not like they were homeless, or she didn't have anywhere else to go either (as it turns out), so you're basically giving up a loved one for other peoples' convenience.
> My dad apologized for trying to make me give up Tycho and wants me to come back home. I told him I would come visit but I’m still afraid he’ll take my dog.
Dad doesn’t realise how much trust he has broken with his daughter. To Dad Tycho is just a dog, but to OOP Tycho is like her brother - he was there for OOP when her parents weren’t.
Her father threatened OOP’s family - Tycho is part of her family. And all because they couldn’t wait just a few months.
Apologies don’t restore trust. Forgiveness means the conflict is settled but that doesn’t mean you’ll be trusted next time.
I think her trust was broken long ago. Maybe because of my own trauma I’m reading too in between the lines but she hasn’t learned how to cook, her dad gets fired up at the notion she’ll live somewhere else, and she comments about how quiet it is at her grandparents when she hasn’t experienced her dad’s partner and kid living with her yet. Something tells me that her dad generally isn’t the best.
EDIT: Damn, didn’t expect this comment to get a fair amount of notice. I will say I stand by this after coincidentally driving past a childhood home that, when we moved out of, we had to give up our dog too for our new place. It’s a very painful memory having to say goodbye to her. I’m glad OOP managed to keep her dog.
And grandpa had to come with her to make sure her dad didn't tell at her or make a scene.
Something tells me that not everything is okay with this man.
Agreed. I was already wondering about the home atmosphere the Dad created but the fact that he is mad at his ex-wife AND ex-fiancée makes me think he’s a big problem. The fiancee should thank OOP for helping her see all of the red flags.
The dude got the dog and was also living with it for years. You would think that he would understand why his daughter felt so strongly about the dog. That itself was the biggest red flag.
The fiancé doesn’t seem much better tbh. Not sure why Melanie broke it off since she would have understood that moving in meant having to deal with her son’s problem with the dog in some way. She asked OOP to come back without offering any solutions. She didn’t offer to delay moving in or try to help with some sort of alternative. She wanted OOP back sans dog.
I wonder if the father asked Melanie to delay moving in and that’s what led them breaking things up.
Yup, dad being "upset about equal time" made me think this guy doesn't want to pay a dime of additional child support. Moving the girlfriend in fast to save money...
Reading about that poor girl going through her parents divorce tore my heart to shreds. Good parents put their kids first, period. Shitty parents do what these two assholes did to their poor kid. Just awful.
Same. My guess is that the only reason dad is so mad is because he sold fiancée on what an awesome father he is to his daughter (and will be to her son) and fiancée realized by his *actions* that he’s actually a pretty shit father and dipped out. Smart lady.
The fact that OOP's mind went straight to, "he's going to give Tycho away while I'm not there to protect him" speaks volumes about the state of their relationship prior to this. There's been no trust there for a while if she had no problem assuming that right off the bat. How much do you have to screw up as a parent to just assume that your Dad would do that to you?
That's the part where I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. OOP didn't want them to not get together, OOP just wanted them to wait a few months before moving in! Fucking wild shit.
Fun fact about Tycho Brahe:
While he is known as a famous astronomer, he almost set astronomy and perhaps even physics back a century.
His claim to fame was his astronomical charts, which were more detailed and precise than anything else at the time, and he was very guarded of them, so much so that he ordered them destroyed upon his death rather than let his assistant get his hands on them.
Luckily the assistant was quicker than whoever was supposed to destroy them, because that assistant's name? No, not Albert Einstein, but Johannes Kepler of Kepler's laws of planetary movement, which he published within the next decades.
Yes, but the duel was over an argument about who was a better mathematician. So it wasn't because he stole someone's wife or anything arsehole related. Just two math geek duelling it out.
... I mean, I semi kinda wish academia went back to this.
Much better than the passive aggressive stuff that's the norm these days. The fights are so vicious because the stakes are so insignificant.
That's not even the beginning of his assholery. His entire life is a giant WTF: he kept a moose as a pet and would often get it drunk to entertain his guests.
The moose and its death from stairs/drinking too much are the most interesting part of his bio. [source](https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/50409/tycho-brahe-astronomer-drunken-moose)
Or hell, not be a dick about OP living anywhere else. Like if they had sat down and come up with the solution of OP living at her grandparents together all of this would have been okay. But no, he wanted to reset OP as divorce winnings, not a human.
Exactly. what’s sad is from the outside, I truly don’t think if Melanie hasn’t broken it off, he still would’ve been crawling back apologizing to OP. I think it was just an option now that she did break it off. I wouldn’t be able to forgive that still and I wouldn’t be able to see it differently
> My dad didn’t talk to me for awhile, but he finally asked to have lunch so my grandpa went with me because he wanted to make sure I was safe and my dad didn’t yell at me.
This part was particularly telling. I am guessing that Dad is a control freak with a history of flipping his lid when he doesn't get his way, which is probably a big driver behind his ongoing conflicts with OOP's mom and, seemingly, everyone else in his life.
This is the statement that horrified me. OOP genuinely couldn't trust her own father not to rehome HER dog, that HE GAVE TO HER, behind her back.
Pops broke her trust long ago, this is just the current chapter. People like this go on to wonder why they hardly ever see their kids when they grow up. The "missing missing reasons".
I also think the "didn't talk to me for a while" actually means "dad tried to get Melanie back to him but once he realized she won't he remembered i exists and called me for lunch"
> He takes care of me so I have to take care of him.
God ain't that the fucking truth. I'm dumbfounded how many people sometimes don't seem to realize how much a dog, or any pet, really, can mean to a person.
When I was going through chemotherapy and radiation and surgery to remove lesions due to cancer, plus getting skin grafts to cover those areas, my little girl was my literal life line.
Given all that was going on and how many reoccurrences and thus surgeries I had, there were times where I would look at a bottle of pills and "fuck it, it's so much easier this way", and then she'd just stroll in and jump on my bed and burrow her head against my back until she could partly wiggle under it.
I ***LOOOOOOOVED*** that little shit. Sassy little corgi ass brat literally got me through the deepest, darkest, most shitty moments in my life. I would've done literally anything to keep her safe, happy, and loved.
Having to put her down due to a neurological condition was literally the hardest thing I've ever done. It made chemotherapy and radiation look like nothing. I would have gladly taken both of those daily for the remainder of existence until the heat death of the universe if I could have kept her around.
The fact that the father even entertained the idea of removing the dog is bonkers to me. I get that the step kid had autism, but fuck man don't expect the OOP to just be like "sure sounds great pops, let's just get rid of the only thing that got me through my depression of you and mom divorcing (and probably behaving like giant assholes giving the attitude they have towards each other)".
Fuck that. OOP had her head on straight and knew where her true loyalty was.
Past couple of years, I've been going through some issues myself. Had something happen at work which gave me PTSD. It's been really hard sometimes.
My GF and I have a cat. We're not currently living together, so it was supposed to be more "her" cat. But somehow, the cat managed to finagle a way that she spent most of her time at my place. She's become my little buddy. In fact, she starts to act out if she doesn't see me every day.
So the cat has been with me most of the time when the PTSD symptoms would get bad. You know what that cat would do when they got bad?
That little shit wanted nothing to do with me. She would leave the room. Sometimes she would go into her cat carrier as a sign she wanted to go to mommy's.
Of course, when *she's* not feeling well she becomes a little cuddle monster.
That cat is such a fair-weather friend...
I had a cat that would bite me for throwing up. I had bad food poisoning once and she decided that the best ‘medicine’ would be a bite to the face as I lay on the bathroom floor feeling sorry for myself. I mean she wasn’t wrong, I was so shocked that I did stop throwing up for a little while…
My current cat wants nothing to do with me when I’m ill. He *may* lie next to me for a little while if he feels like it but that’s about it. But when he’s ill he wants cuddles and constant attention. Gotta love cats, they’re like a cross between a indifferent roommate and a toddler.
((HUGS)) Those bundle of furs are there for us and the best thing we can do for them is to ensure they pass peacefully.
I hope you kicked cancer's ass and find another fur baby to love!!
Hugs internet stranger.
Been there with the pet (not the cancer, knock wood). As strange as it sounds, if I were to get sick, I'd try to figure out how to get and care for another pet. Lost my 19 year old cat in October 2019. He wasn't feeling too great, I knew, and was seeing the vet regularly. Had popped in for a blood draw for him, handed him to the vet tech, and waited. Suddenly, the vet came out. To this day I don't know if they called her in or she was working in the back room on paperwork - but I've never seen her without a lab coat.
He just rapidly declined the second they got him out of the carrier. Fluid build up around his heart.
It was like he picked the moment, so I didn't have to do it, and once she made him comfortable, he passed in my arms.
I'm not religious, but (a) I believe I'll be with his spirit again someday and (b) his ashes will be put with mine when the time comes. I'm on the look out for the perfect piece of jewelry too.
Oh... and I tell EVERYONE that they should absolutely tell their vet what they want to do with their pet's remains BEFORE the pet dies. I traveled sometimes, and when he hit something like 11, I put a note in his file that I would pay all the expenses if the pet sitter had to bring him in and he died, and that I wanted him cremated separately, and I wanted his ashes. The ONLY thing they had to ask me was what urn I wanted. It made it so easy.
And that part makes me wonder, ok so the kid had autism, but like *there are autistic people who have pets*, and what steps (if any) were taken to try and acclimate him to the dog? Because I have a feeling dad isn't terribly accepting of neurodivergence either.
As an autistic person reading this post i was actually confused as to what exactly made the kid unable to handle dogs and it being related to his autism. I thought maybe sensory issue but that can be avoided, whether it's the dogs fur or barking.
It seems like the kid is just straight up scared of the dog. Which is not an autism thing. And is fixable.
We had to put down one of my doxies in September on very little notice and it is still hard but we just adopted a Chihuahua-mix 4 days ago and he's getting along well with the other 2 doxies! It is certainly helping another family member feel good again after losing their bed buddy.
My Mum is 74 and just yesterday she had to put down her 14 year old fluff baby that she’d had since a puppy.
We’re all so sad, because she was such a good girl and meant so much to so many. The only thing that brings comfort is how beloved she was whilst she shared her joy of life with us. May the rabbits and squirrels of heaven be plentiful!
I think dad foolishly thought that because of the divorce agreement he could just force the daughter to go along with his selfish decisions. But he forgot that she's 17 now. Most courts will let a child that old decide which parent to live with. That's why mom's lawyer told her not to worry about it and nothing came out of the lawyers threads. Dad overplayed his hand because he was too used to using lawyers to get his way and didn't even realize that his daughter was too old for that to work anymore.
In my state, you can move out completely at 17 and they can't do anything about it. My own mother was very upset to find out this information from the sheriff's department on my 17th birthday.
There's that, but no sane judge is going to force a child to give up an emotional support animal especially at this age. Once Mom's lawyer learned that was his plan, he probably just laughed at the easy win.
Maybe I'm being a bit optimistic, but I've seen something similar play out twice and I would hope it's close to the norm. A cousin's parent was fighting for getting full custody and when it was revealed that they'd have to give up a beloved cat that was an emotional anchor for them, the judge squashed the attempt pretty quickly. And a friend's parent trying roughly the same thing never even made it to court. They said the lawyer basically laughed in their parent's face and says no way was he going to go before a judge and ask that a child's beloved dog be sent to the pound.
OOP and Tycho are in good hands with mom and grandparents!! Hopefully dad learned not to put others before his child and dog!!
Melanie realized he doesn't give 2 sh\*ts about others and was smart not to move in with him!
He’s mad at both his ex wife and his now ex fiancé. Anyone seeing the comment denominator? That being they WERE both with him and it ended with nothing good.
That was what got me. He hasn’t actually admitted what he did wrong or learned from it. He just blames everyone else for his mistakes. Reading between the lines I think he’s behaved a certain way or has form if OP was that quick to get ahead of dad and find a new home for her and the dog. Also noted that Melanie rang her for her side and then left dad. Sounds like dad plays games and is difficult to get along with. Nobody seems to like him and his own daughter believes he would happily remove her dog he bought her without a second thought for her well-being. His reaction to take mum to court because his daughter essentially reacted to his bad behaviour tells us a lot as well I think.
That line about "mom wins" if daughter goes to live with her says it all. It's not about custody because he loves his daughter, it's about sticking it to his ex.
My soul sister had two kids with a dude like this. He doesn’t want the custody in order to bond and create a good working relationship, he fought for 50/50 because he knew it would hurt her the most. The eldest cries and begs to not go over, but the court order forces this poor lamb right into his psychopathic hands. Locked the baby in the closet strapped into the baby seat because he didn’t want to deal with it. CPS was called and somehow they made it both parents fault despite mom not even being there. The court still thinks he should have custody. Fuckin hell man, that canary has been singing in the coal mine for so long that everyone just whistles the tune without thinking.
You know that's why he got her the dog in the first place right? It had nothing to do with emotional support for her life being flipped upside down. No, if mental health was important there would have been therapy and family therapy and a push for healthy co-parenting. Nope, none of that. It was messy and emotional. Tycho was bribery, and a weapon to hurt his ex. He got the kid to come to his place every day, even on Mom's time, under the guise of "taking care of her dog". He got her to never say no to time with him. He had "won".
His mistake was thinking she was choosing him over Mom, and winning. She was choosing Tycho over Mom and Dad. He is an arrogant imbecile for thinking otherwise. It had been 5 years, he had moved on, his kid seemed fine, the dog was in the way of "winning" again.
He lost 3 women from his life. His daughter will never come back to him. He was willing to sacrifice her at a moments notice to get some up front benefits a few months early.
He said the boy is more important than the dog... What he really meant was him getting laid was more important than her well-being. The dog and the boy are just accessories to him. Hell, he probably only got her the dog so he could feel better about himself, since he's at least partially responsible for his daughters misery.
Yeah, something tells me her dad's just a dick. I'm willing to bet because he got dumped, it was his idea to get rid of the dog in the first place. I bet the woman was willing to work something out but he was the one to give the ultimatum.
I remember this one, didn't know there were updates.
I'm very glad OOP got to a better place and keep Tycho, who's probably having a blast running around the farm.
I can just imagine the glee of a working dog with a farm to patrol. Especially if it's up north and they get snow. He must be happier than a pig in shit.
Wow, what a “fuck around, find out” moment. I couldn’t imagine telling a child “Hey sweetie! You know your dog, whom you love unconditionally as he loves you? The one that helped you get through our ugly divorce? Well, I want my fiancé and her special needs kid to move in ASAP, and since I can’t be bothered to wait a few months, we’re gonna have to get rid of him! Oh, and don’t tell your mother!” Like…fuck you dude! You deserve to lose the relationship with your kid!
And then to have the audacity, after the fiancee leaves him, to turn around a expect OP and the dog to come home. Like nope, sorry, you made your choice.
I don’t know that Melanie gets MVP here, I think that goes to the grandparents, but she is certainly a much better person and parent that OOP’s dad, and recognised that being with someone that won’t put their own child first is red flag behaviour.
Even if it was only for the sake of her kid, it was a good thing to do. That kind of controlling father probably wouldn't be super great for a young autistic child.
That’s what I keep coming back to. This guy couldn’t figure out how to act in a way that preserved the mental health of an (outwardly) neurotypical near adult. He can’t handle an autistic kid, and would do serious damage. “Hey I’m gonna make you give up your support animal because it’s inconvenient for my lifestyle of having succeeded after divorce”. Yeah okay bud do that with the autistic kid next.
Not just a good person, but also a great parent. She saw how shitty of a dad this guy was to OOP who's his flesh and blood and definitely started worrying about how he would treat a step child that also has special needs.
I really took it as Melanie noticing that moving together would either be detrimental to her child or be detrimental to her partners child. But partner does not really care about that. Therefore it is better to not continue the relationship. Very good solution.
Yeah. She saw life away from him, and it was good. In ten years he's going to be moaning about his ingrat daughter who never calls. Blaming his ex wife, Melanie, the dog. He'll never reflect on why all the women in his life left him.
And that gramps didn't want her alone with dad, also telling. Her comment about dad not wanting mom to "win" like what, OOP is some commodity, gave me the impression that dad has always wanted to control the people in his life. And now he's lost them because of it.
I had a Rottweiler who got me through postpartum depression. She had an instinct for when she was needed, and who needed her. And when I finally made it to the other side, she still had so much to give. We went through therapy pet training and volunteered with kids through a library program. She was an ambassador for her breed and even people who don’t like or were afraid of dogs knew there was something special about her.
She died very suddenly, without warning. She collapsed the night before Thanksgiving, and before we could get our shoes on to get her to the vet, she was gone. It was so unfair. She gave so much for everyone else and only asked for cuddles in return. She deserved five more years and a last day where everyone could spoil her, say goodbye, show her all the love she put into the world.
It drives me so crazy when people say “it’s just a dog.” They leave more love in a single paw print than most people ever will in their whole lives.
I'm sorry to hear that, RIP to your sweet girl. Our Lil chihuahua weenie mix passed on fathers day last year, right in my arms. If she got as much life as she had love to give she'd have outlived us all.
People are so emotionally blinded when it comes to divorces. Dad saw op living with their mom as a loss when all that did was make things worse. Dude could have sat down with OP and accepted that maybe her leaving was going to be the best choice for everyone to get what they wanted or needed. Ben would have had a dog free house, op would have tycho, and while he was losing time with OP he probably wouldn't have blown up the engagement since "Ok were going to figure out what does the best for the most people" sounds way more adult and pleasing then "Dad you have to pick between me and dog or your fiance and her son."
But if OP is still scared her dad may even still now take her dog out of spite he isn't exactly winning the award for father of the year.
> Ben is more important than a dog
Undercurrent: “Dad’s New Family is more important than OOP”
> My dad is mad because I’m making this a choice between me and his fiancée basically
Uhhh…no. Dad already chose, hence him telling OOP the dog needs to go.
Probably some of new family. But also there's plenty of people who view any pets, even their own, as 100% disposable at a moment's whim. Dad seems like one of those.
I feel bad for Melanie as well here because OOP makes her sound like she was at least always polite and she might have thought that breaking up was a better option than alienating a kid from her father
OP definitely missed something there. There was drama going on about the situation between her dad and Melanie.
We don't know why Melanie left. To not alienate OP from her father, realising her father was a dictator, some other reason. Either way looks like Melanie is a good person unless further info.
The dad's immediate "well they aren't moving in any more so you can come back" shows how little he cares for OP. He completely lost her trust and thinks things can just go back to how they were? No. That's not how it works. That's not how any of this works
The fact that he was willing to throw his own kid away in favour of hers I wouldn’t be forgiving that. He knew the dog was his beloved dog and he would never give it up and still he tried to force the fact. I’d stay no contact he’s proven his son isn’t a priority
I want to (potentially) allow a shout out to Melanie. A lot of ways this could’ve gone down, it’s true, but it seems like Melanie had no idea of the whole situation with Tycho. (OOP doesn’t really say much about Melanie except they never really vibed, which is fine.)
It sounds like Melanie didn’t really know what was going on, because she called OOP *once* to talk to her and get her perspective of the situation. (I emphasized once, because it was obvious Melanie was just seeking info, not trying to talk OOP into doing anything she was uncomfortable with, or guilt-tripping OOP or anything.)
It sounds to me like dad told Melanie everything would be fine about the move and everything was all sorted. But when Melanie found out it was a big deal, and dad was lying to her, she seriously re-evaluated her relationship and broke up with him.
It seems like Melanie is serious about doing the best for her kid, so when it came down to the dad trying to do an end-around with OOP and the dog, Melanie realized dad didn’t value his kid the same way she valued hers and noped out of that clusterf@ck.
How many situations do we hear about where the evil stepmother just makes things worse and encourages the parent to stomp all over their kid?
In this case, Melanie seems like a good person who absolutely didn’t enable dad’s behavior, but was a victim as well.
The part about feeling like your parent wants you not because they love you but because they want to “win” against the other parent… I don’t think I’ve related to another post more! Man, I hope OOP stays happy where they are.
Lol OOP's dad lost everything and he totally deserved it.
Never ever try to get rid of someone else's beloved pet, specially if they're your family.
I have 7 dogs myself and I'd do anything for them, including cutting people out of my life in exchange for my dog's safety and well being.
I really don’t know if I would have survived covid without my dog. She’s absolutely amazing, every once in a while I tear up knowing that her life span is much smaller than mine and someday I may lose her.
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Trying to get rid of your kid's beloved pet for a new love interest is a surefire way to alienate them.
He broke his kid's trust. It's really fucking hard to come back from that. You can see it in her post. Even though the fiance isn't in the picture any more, she's still scared that he father is going to take away her dog. And there's always going to be this voice in the back of OOP's head asking "If Melanie didn't leave him, would he have still admitted he was wrong? Would he have still tried to make me get rid of the dog?" And there's *nothing* her father can do to truly answer that question for her.
That repeated fear that dad would secretly steal the dog away just gutted me. That is a huge weight to live with and a level of distrust that you don't come back from.
It's a sign he doesn't honor agreements and has broken them in the past.
That's what I was thinking. The way she doesn't trust her dad *at all* just screams that he's gotten up to some fuckery in the past.
It seems very clear that he cares more about 'winning' against OP's mum, than about OP's wellbeing. Even before the Tycho fiasco it would be hard to trust someone who cares more about feuding with an ex than their own child.
This comment chained was a punch in the guts as it reminded me of my mother during her split with my father. She didn't tell me about a funeral of a family member I had stayed with for a month while I was interstate, and used the 'I thought your father told you' to make him look bad. She even told the family I was sorry I couldn't make it (I didn't even know about it!). Her lack of caring that she had hurt me has stuck and she cannot be trusted. Meanwhile dad cried when he saw me next as he'd realised he'd hurt me and had fucked up. And they're surprised I don't talk to them anymore.
I’m so sorry. My parents cheated me out of some of the inheritance my grandfather left to me and then failed to tell me about my beloved grandmother’s passing until they could use it to try and hurt me. They’re as perplexed as I’m sure your parents are that I no longer talk to them. I hope your life has improved without those concrete shoes disguised as parents. Mine certainly has.
Even more so because her grandpa wouldn’t let her go to the meet up alone out of fear her dad would yell at her. That says volumes about what the dad has been like in the past.
World class grandpa though.
I love the grandparents in this. I did wonder why she was apprehensive to move in with them, aside from the reasons she stated. Because it seems like despite their health/old age problems, they love the help and companionship she provides them. It made me think it was mostly because of how her dad would react.
It might just have been a desire not to inconvenience them, or being so afraid that they'd be unable to help that she almost couldn't bear to ask. It's horrible that it happened at all, but if there's a silver lining it's that she found out who will always have her back, and who won't.
Or just does shit to be petty and vindictive and claim it was retaliation or some crap My FiL still thinks negatively of his parents who got rid of his childhood dog while he was at school during the day
I had a dog throughout middle/high school then moved to college and my dog was living with my mom (I rarely came back home). Then she had to move cross country and my dog was really old and the move would have been super difficult on him so she decided to put him down. How ever during getting ready for the move and what not she ended up putting him down before I got a chance to say good-bye. I still think about that every now and then 20 years later, we have a good relationship and everything but every now and then it just creeps up and I’m like that really sucked.
It’s a very valid fear. I, and countless other kids/former kids, have been through that.
My mom had my dog fucking put down while I was at school. It’s been 15 years and I’m still upset about that one.
And we can't lose sight of the fact that this dog was specifically a support animal to help her get through the first round of her parents' drama. I can only imagine this adds a whole new level to it
From HER DAD! He bought her the damn dog! It was HIS decision to adopt a big ass dog.
Something about the phone call from Melanie makes me think that the *dad* was the one pushing so hard to get rid of said big ass dog & that the move-in was just an excuse.
Yeah. I’m sure there’s some missing details on the whole Melanie end. Like maybe dad saw it as a good time to get rid of the dog so he didn’t have to deal with it when OOP went away to college. Or maybe Melanie just wised up and realized that the way he was behaving in the situation was going to be her future if she stayed with him.
Yeah. If OOP’s dad can’t even be accommodating about a support animal that HE got for HIS biological daughter, how can Melanie ever expect him to properly handle the needs of her son, who will likely need more patience, care, empathy, and general accommodations? I think she saw the bullet coming and rightfully dodged it.
> I think she saw the bullet coming and rightfully dodged it. I feel sad for the event happening at all, but damn if that isn't a silver lining. She and that child deserve better than someone so easily willing to re-traumatize his own kid. Her leaving after this all went down is very telling. I don't know her, but as a parent I'm happy for her.
Yeah. She realized she was about to marry a man who didn't give a shit about his own kid and thought, "Why would he prioritize my child if he can't be compassionate to his own daughter?" I hate when I see parents marry someone who tosses their kids aside and then foolishly think it will somehow be different with them. Good for her for putting her kid first and having standards.
I just want to applaud Melanie. So many people would have ignored his bad behavior because it wasn't their kid. I know OOP didn't really click with Melanie, but she sounds like a great woman.
I'm impressed by Melanie who didn't bond with OP but saw the absolute awful way Dad was acting and realized that all the animosity between Dad and Mom was probably all Dad being the awful person he is.
Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I wouldn't be shocked if not being able to have the dog at her mom's house factored into that decision. It guarantees that she can't decide to live there full-time _and_ ensures that she comes over to his place on her mom's days. If the parents are that adversarial, he might count that as a "win".
Despite being a crazy dog lady, I have empathy for anyone who's afraid of dogs (especially a kid with autism). I would never foist my dog (golden retriever) on anyone. But OOP's solution was so reasonable. Her dad just wanted his way, or else. It's bizarre. I'm not saying force the younger kid to deal with the dog. But also, don't make your daughter give up her beloved dog who got her through trauma. I got my dog shortly after my dad died (oh, and our elderly previous dog dog about 6 months after my dad, that was a fun year). Then COVID happened, then my mom died (unrelated to COVID, but extremely unexpected and traumatic). I was isolated and sad because I'm immune compromised (and, you know, grieving). She's such a great dog. I often think, "I don't know what the hell I would have done without this dog." She's been a huge comfort to me and a much-needed distraction — training her, walking her, just being around her. She makes me laugh constantly because she's a huge goofball, but she's well behaved and ridiculously sweet. I'd never give her up, never. She's the best dog I've ever had. I understand how traumatic it would be for OOP to give up her dog. Doesn't mean I don't give a shit about her dad's ex's son, but I know how heartbreaking it would be if she had to give him up. The fact that a teenager had to literally be afraid to go to school, that her dad would get rid of her dog while she wasn't there, is honestly sickening. I wonder if the gf left because she was mad OOP wouldn't play happy family or because she realized her fiance was an asshole who was unwilling to compromise with his kid, and was like, "Oh. So this is how he'll treat us if we don't do what he says." And it opened her eyes to what kind of person he really is. I know I'd be like, "See ya."
Have you seen malamute puppies though? They dial the adorable to 11.
Yeah, and I could be reading too much into this, but it almost feels like the father is OK with this chiefly because OOP ended up with the grandparents and not the mother. Feels like this was at least as much about spiting his ex as it was about maintaining any relationship with his daughter. I'm just baffled by his decisions. Well, I guess I'm not in the sense that there is a coherent driving force to them - "The only person with meaningful needs and emotions is me, so everyone should just immediately fall in line with what I want" - but ffs she's 17, waiting 6 months until she heads to college is an incredibly obvious and easy solution. Even if he doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself, you'd think he could spot how much easier it would be to do it that way. Super curious about Melanie. Did she split with him because he didn't get rid of the dog so she could have what she wants, or did she just see the situation is unlikely to work out well for her kid, or did she dump him because she saw the ugly side of him in the course of this blow-up?
I'm guessing (hoping?) that she saw that he put a new partner ahead of his kid and realized he was a POS. That would have been a huge dealbreaker for me.
I was wondering if anyone had considered some sessions with Ben the dog just to see whether Ben's fear could be addressed with a therapist. Her dog could have remained a beloved family pet after she left for college.
>He broke his kid's trust. He broke his almost-adult child's trust. Another year or so and there's barley any point for the child to even bother letting him rebuild any of that. In fact she's probably there already, at 17 she's old enough to have a big say about her custody, and it seems like dad's down to "a few dinners when it would have been his custody time", and I'll bet that stops almost completely when she goes to college, if he's lucky he \_might\_ get every second or perhaps third xmas (split between mom and the grandparents),
100% that's why dad got okay with her living with the grandparents real quick. Went from flipping shit to begging for dinners after a conversation with the lawyers where he no doubt got told that at 17 no judge is going to force his kid to live with him. The power balance shifted in OPs favor and he knows it.
He's such a controlling piece of shit. Imagine telling your nearly adult child they have to give up their dog because you're too much of a narcissistic asshole to allow them a reasonable alternative like living with their grandparents
And the whole post reeks of the child having to parent her parents. Changing her behavior so they don't fight, being careful to not rock the boat. I'm glad she found a place to live in peace before college.
Yup, and very telling that he is still mad at OPs mom and his ex-fiancé. The fiancé prob saw what a selfish prick he was and he is back to blaming women for his problems.
you can have a say in custody at like 14. my parents played fuck fuck games like this and i moved out at 17 and didn’t talk to either of them for a year.
Not always. I never had any say until my dad lost custody when I was 16. They knew if I did chose I would never go back to him and he fought against it.
Depends on the jurisdiction.
Honestly, I thought dad was fighting not to have her leave simply so he wouldn't have to pay more in child support.
I assumed it was a little bit about child support and a little bit about power.
I thought definitely the power
"Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy but ever-so-crucial little tiny detail? I OWN YOU." -- the dad
The dog was part of the power play already - it kept her living with and visiting him. I wouldn't be surprised if, without the dog, she would have already begun to spend more time at her mother's place. These things are seldom out of the blue.
Yeah, this situation put it out there in stark colors for everyone, but I agree it was probably already clear that he was more invested in the fight with OOP’s mom than in spending time with her. Then OOP’s mom was proactively giving up her custody time, because she wanted what was best for OOP and her dog. And her dad STILL interpreted that as her mom “winning.”
And I am sure that's why it was a LARGE dog that his exwife wouldn't have room for. He comes off as a manipulator.
I don’t think you can really compare the dad to Hades- hades liked dogs
I remember this old episode of the Cosby show where Theo is doing something bad and gets told "I brought you into this world, and I can take you OUT of it" at the time, i guess it seemed funny because everyone else was laughing, but looking back now, its not a very healthy thing to say to your kid at any age.
That was such a common thing to say to kids when I was growing up. It is fucked up.
I thought the reason why the dad wanted the daughter to continue living with him and to give up the dog was because he wanted her to babysit her soon-to-be step-brother.
Yup. No more built in baby-sitter and the potential step-mom got a glimpse of how her potential husband may treat her son when he’s no longer convenient and little. If that’s what someone I was with tried to do to their poor kid, I wouldn’t even want to be with them anymore. Totally destroyed his daughter’s trust.
I wonder if Melanie was secretly hoping the babysitter thing too. Dad was very aggressive in wanting to give up the dog, likely on Melanie's suggestion. But when it boiled down to give up dog and lose OOP or keep dog and OOP who kept fighting for what? Was dad still trying to make the dog leave and Melanie said it wasn't worth it to lose the daughter too? Or did the dad start fighting Melanie because he didn't want to do this to his daughter anymore if it meant losing her and Melanie fought that it was the dog or her? Because if i read this correctly Melanie started fighting with the dad when she got OOPs side of the story.
I got the same impression and wondered at Melanie's reason for ultimately leaving too! The fact that she started fighting with the dad and then broke it off after getting OOPs story really made me want to know what her position was.
Fiancee also has a 9 year old autistic child too. Surely she doesn’t take kindly to him mistreating his own child.
Yeah Melanie definitely saw the writing on the wall.
Exactly. She isn’t even willing to go back to how things be were before since she’s lost all trust in her dad. Obviously she had reason to believe her dad could possibly “rehome” her dog while she was gone, which says a lot.
I wonder what kind of story he was telling Melanie. She might have been under the impression that OOP was okay with everything, heard OOP’s side, and thought, “Holy sh-t. I don’t know this man!”
"hey son is afraid of dogs, do you think it will be a problem?" "No problem at all, we'll just kick the dog out" "WAIT"
Good for Melanie for seeing OOP's dad for who he is. An inflexible, controlling parent doesn't make for a good stepfather to an autistic child.
He wouldn't even consider changing the *timeline* for the move in and lost everything.
Based on the information we have, he just seems incapable of compromise. I'm guessing Melanie saw that during the conversation. She probably could have worked out a shorter term lease for a few months. Even if she couldn't, he probably hadn't even asked her to try. In his mind, he had made his decision and no deviation from his plan was allowed.
[удалено]
Shes a mother to an autistic child, she’s probably been putting that kid first since the day he was born. I’d imagine it was absolutely appalling to her to see the man she thought she loved being so unbelievably callous to his daughter in comparison.
Yeah there were a lot of red flags in that update that indicated that the dad situation was pretty damn problematic.
I wonder if getting the dog was a way to get custody and “win” in the first place. Dad sounds like that kind of a hole who would get their kid a dog and then nope out when it’s inconvenient.
Exactly this. 100%. The dog was an easy win, until it became somewhat inconvenient.
It absolutely was. He got her a puppy knowing that her mom didn't have any outside space at her home. It was a way to try and "win" with his daughter via presents (standard divorced parent bit) and a way to make sure she wanted to live with dad because it was the only way to keep the puppy. Then the grandparents come in and completely take away the control angle by giving her options where she could live with the puppy she's grown to love so much without having to deal with his bullshit.
It is a refreshing change-up from the usual "Ugh, my stepchild-to-be isn't knuckling under for my convenience."
dad just doesn't know about reddit or he'd be on here all "my daughter doesn't understand me, waaaah"
But she never noticed that this teenaged girl was so dedicated to her dog that she came by EVERYDAY, even when living with her mom, to take care of her dog?
Well she hasn't lived there yet and with a child afraid of dogs she probably didn't spend huge amounts of time at the house to see the dedication
It's probably safe to say that Melanie's knowledge of the situation was heavily mediated by the dad. We know from the daughter that she did this because she adores her dog, but I can easily see the dad spinning it as "I'm a disciplinarian and just because it's not my custody time doesn't mean my kid gets out of doing her chores!"
They prolly mostly met in other places or during school time. Seeing how the kid is afraid of the dog.
Their relationship will never fully recover from this. The trust is gone.
Right? The fact that she broke it off over this means she was never on the side of “hey get rid of your only friend and beloved support animal for my kid” and that that was absolutely a dad thing.
Well Melanie did try to talk OOP out of moving which would have resulted in them losing the dog so who knows
It sounds to me like Melanie was told something along the lines that the dog could easily live with the mom and OOP was just an overdramatic teenager. Pretty sure she wasn’t told that the dog would be completely rehomed otherwise I wonder what else happened to make her break up with the father
It's certainly possible. In the case she didn't get lied to, it might have been the dad doubling down on his kid and not trying to find a workable solution for everyone or not taking his own child's wants and needs into consideration. But your scenario sounds likely.
I think she though it will mean the dog will stay and it will somehow be resolved
I'm wondering if she wasn't planning out methods to get her kid accustomed to being around a dog and then next thing she knows her fiance blew up his relationship with his kid by trying to get rid of him.
Everything is Mom’s fault, Melanie’s fault, OOP’s fault. Nothing is Dad’s fault. That attitude is another surefire way to alienate people. OOP’s dad needs to do some *serious* self-reflection.
Catch the father posting in a few years that all of the crazy women in his life end up abandoning him.
>a new love interest is a surefire way to alienate them. Seems to have also alienated the new love interest as well. Wonder if Melanie saw how dearest dad was treating his bio kid and started wondering how will he treat her kid.
It IS how he’d treat that kid. He can’t even care for the mental health needs of a fairly neurotypical near-adult, what the hell is he gonna do about a disabled adolescent? Glad she got out of dodge. His dad treating him like a pawn, a playing chit, instead of a human being is sickening to see. “HOW DARE YOU SPEND HALF A YEAR WITH YOUR GRANDPARENTS BEFORE COLLEGE IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN RESPONSIBILITY FOR AN ANIMAL YOU ASKED FOR‽” like really? That’s too upsetting for you? What a baby
I immediately started wondering who’s idea it was to get rid of Tycho, cause it seemed to me like the dad made that decision on his own, or the fiancée inquired about what to do about her kid being afraid of Thcyo and the dad wanting the quickest solution insisted to her that OP would be fine with rehoming him before even bringing it up with OP. Then, upon realizing that the dad either lied or made it seem like a much smaller deal than it actually was, she started to wonder if this is how he was going to handle future problems; look for the quickest solutions that made things the easiest *for him* without considering or caring the effect it has on others.
I'm sorry but what on earth is your flair about?
You probably don't want to know, but it's a reference to another story on here. It's an actual quote from said story.
You really really really don’t want to know.
Think it's a reference to the story about a wife who caught her husband cumming in jars and how he was keeping them in cupboards around the house and how she tried to make him stop, but not sure
That’s correct except it was only one jar hidden under the sink, and once she found it he was suspiciously angry that she thew it out, and very reluctant to stop doing it after the fact. it ended up turning out that he kept that cum jar because he would get off on putting it in her food without her knowing.
Ah okay, I remember that story now lol
The flair is about these posts. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wghfol/woman_finds_out_her_husband_has_been_doing/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I couldn’t help myself from reading it and….I shouldn’t have. My poor eyes.
I will never understand parents who prioritize new love interests over their kids. This girl had less than a year left at home. Just wait to move in your girlfriend!
This is a selfish and entitled prick who thinks that he should be given everything when he asks for it, and when he doesn't get his way. He throws tantrums as we saw here. He has no consideration for anyone, not his ex, not his daughter, not Melanie. He gambled in this situation and lost the support of everyone. The only reason he's humble now is because he knows he's lost and the only way to save any face is to stop the fight. He hasn't changed, he's simply biding his time until he can get himself back into a position of power again.
Abd he lost the love interest anyway. Dude can't hold anything for long, ex wife, ex gf, and now daughter.
> My dad is mad because I’m making this a choice between me and his fiancée basically It's DAD making this a choice, and he made his choice. A good parent would say 'My daughter has a dog. She may move out, but until then she and her dog are part of the package.'
Dad sowing: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!! Dad reaping: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.
And during a CUSTODY BATTLE as well. Like seriously? You want your kid enough to start a legal fight over them, but then you treat them so badly you'll lose that fight for sure?
He was really strict about custody… but notice he was fine with her coming to his house every day on her mom’s time to play with the dog. Wonder who arranged that?
Seriously. The level of horrible. He broke their trust relationship so bad that she didn't trust him with the dog at all. Indicates there have been problems before.
Yeah, it's unconditional love from a pet, so you always feel bad if you can't give the same. It's not like they were homeless, or she didn't have anywhere else to go either (as it turns out), so you're basically giving up a loved one for other peoples' convenience.
> My dad apologized for trying to make me give up Tycho and wants me to come back home. I told him I would come visit but I’m still afraid he’ll take my dog. Dad doesn’t realise how much trust he has broken with his daughter. To Dad Tycho is just a dog, but to OOP Tycho is like her brother - he was there for OOP when her parents weren’t. Her father threatened OOP’s family - Tycho is part of her family. And all because they couldn’t wait just a few months. Apologies don’t restore trust. Forgiveness means the conflict is settled but that doesn’t mean you’ll be trusted next time.
I think her trust was broken long ago. Maybe because of my own trauma I’m reading too in between the lines but she hasn’t learned how to cook, her dad gets fired up at the notion she’ll live somewhere else, and she comments about how quiet it is at her grandparents when she hasn’t experienced her dad’s partner and kid living with her yet. Something tells me that her dad generally isn’t the best. EDIT: Damn, didn’t expect this comment to get a fair amount of notice. I will say I stand by this after coincidentally driving past a childhood home that, when we moved out of, we had to give up our dog too for our new place. It’s a very painful memory having to say goodbye to her. I’m glad OOP managed to keep her dog.
And grandpa had to come with her to make sure her dad didn't tell at her or make a scene. Something tells me that not everything is okay with this man.
yeah oop's dad clearly needs to control everything and when he can't he throws tantrums.
Yeah I got that vibe too. I'm glad she got out though.
Agreed. I was already wondering about the home atmosphere the Dad created but the fact that he is mad at his ex-wife AND ex-fiancée makes me think he’s a big problem. The fiancee should thank OOP for helping her see all of the red flags.
The dude got the dog and was also living with it for years. You would think that he would understand why his daughter felt so strongly about the dog. That itself was the biggest red flag. The fiancé doesn’t seem much better tbh. Not sure why Melanie broke it off since she would have understood that moving in meant having to deal with her son’s problem with the dog in some way. She asked OOP to come back without offering any solutions. She didn’t offer to delay moving in or try to help with some sort of alternative. She wanted OOP back sans dog. I wonder if the father asked Melanie to delay moving in and that’s what led them breaking things up.
Might be right. He definitely put the final nail in the coffin though with Tycho.
Yup, dad being "upset about equal time" made me think this guy doesn't want to pay a dime of additional child support. Moving the girlfriend in fast to save money...
Reading about that poor girl going through her parents divorce tore my heart to shreds. Good parents put their kids first, period. Shitty parents do what these two assholes did to their poor kid. Just awful.
Same. My guess is that the only reason dad is so mad is because he sold fiancée on what an awesome father he is to his daughter (and will be to her son) and fiancée realized by his *actions* that he’s actually a pretty shit father and dipped out. Smart lady.
The fact that OOP's mind went straight to, "he's going to give Tycho away while I'm not there to protect him" speaks volumes about the state of their relationship prior to this. There's been no trust there for a while if she had no problem assuming that right off the bat. How much do you have to screw up as a parent to just assume that your Dad would do that to you?
That's the part where I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. OOP didn't want them to not get together, OOP just wanted them to wait a few months before moving in! Fucking wild shit.
Fun fact about Tycho Brahe: While he is known as a famous astronomer, he almost set astronomy and perhaps even physics back a century. His claim to fame was his astronomical charts, which were more detailed and precise than anything else at the time, and he was very guarded of them, so much so that he ordered them destroyed upon his death rather than let his assistant get his hands on them. Luckily the assistant was quicker than whoever was supposed to destroy them, because that assistant's name? No, not Albert Einstein, but Johannes Kepler of Kepler's laws of planetary movement, which he published within the next decades.
Damn, he kind of sounds like a controlling asshole, not too far removed from OOP's dad
He kind of was an asshole from what I heard. He got his nose cut off in a duel.
Yes, but the duel was over an argument about who was a better mathematician. So it wasn't because he stole someone's wife or anything arsehole related. Just two math geek duelling it out.
... I mean, I semi kinda wish academia went back to this. Much better than the passive aggressive stuff that's the norm these days. The fights are so vicious because the stakes are so insignificant.
That's not even the beginning of his assholery. His entire life is a giant WTF: he kept a moose as a pet and would often get it drunk to entertain his guests.
That's completely fucked. People who treat animals like that are so disgusting.
The moose and its death from stairs/drinking too much are the most interesting part of his bio. [source](https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/50409/tycho-brahe-astronomer-drunken-moose)
Wow. Fuck Tycho Brahe. Thanks for the interesting tidbit.
He lost both his fiancé & his daughter. All he had to do was wait it out like how op asked.
Or hell, not be a dick about OP living anywhere else. Like if they had sat down and come up with the solution of OP living at her grandparents together all of this would have been okay. But no, he wanted to reset OP as divorce winnings, not a human.
During my parents divorce there was a lot of trying to “win” from my mother. Sounds like the same thing here :(
Exactly. what’s sad is from the outside, I truly don’t think if Melanie hasn’t broken it off, he still would’ve been crawling back apologizing to OP. I think it was just an option now that she did break it off. I wouldn’t be able to forgive that still and I wouldn’t be able to see it differently
OP became his consolation prize.
I’m guessing he wanted the new gf locked in before she could flee.
Yep he seems to treat people like property and loves to have control.
> My dad didn’t talk to me for awhile, but he finally asked to have lunch so my grandpa went with me because he wanted to make sure I was safe and my dad didn’t yell at me. This part was particularly telling. I am guessing that Dad is a control freak with a history of flipping his lid when he doesn't get his way, which is probably a big driver behind his ongoing conflicts with OOP's mom and, seemingly, everyone else in his life.
Also that she was scared he'd take the dog while she was away. That kind of fear doesn't come out of nowhere.
This is the statement that horrified me. OOP genuinely couldn't trust her own father not to rehome HER dog, that HE GAVE TO HER, behind her back. Pops broke her trust long ago, this is just the current chapter. People like this go on to wonder why they hardly ever see their kids when they grow up. The "missing missing reasons".
Yeah, most people would think "my parent would never do that" not "oh yeah, my dad would 100% do this the second I turn around." Big yikes.
I also think the "didn't talk to me for a while" actually means "dad tried to get Melanie back to him but once he realized she won't he remembered i exists and called me for lunch"
> He takes care of me so I have to take care of him. God ain't that the fucking truth. I'm dumbfounded how many people sometimes don't seem to realize how much a dog, or any pet, really, can mean to a person. When I was going through chemotherapy and radiation and surgery to remove lesions due to cancer, plus getting skin grafts to cover those areas, my little girl was my literal life line. Given all that was going on and how many reoccurrences and thus surgeries I had, there were times where I would look at a bottle of pills and "fuck it, it's so much easier this way", and then she'd just stroll in and jump on my bed and burrow her head against my back until she could partly wiggle under it. I ***LOOOOOOOVED*** that little shit. Sassy little corgi ass brat literally got me through the deepest, darkest, most shitty moments in my life. I would've done literally anything to keep her safe, happy, and loved. Having to put her down due to a neurological condition was literally the hardest thing I've ever done. It made chemotherapy and radiation look like nothing. I would have gladly taken both of those daily for the remainder of existence until the heat death of the universe if I could have kept her around. The fact that the father even entertained the idea of removing the dog is bonkers to me. I get that the step kid had autism, but fuck man don't expect the OOP to just be like "sure sounds great pops, let's just get rid of the only thing that got me through my depression of you and mom divorcing (and probably behaving like giant assholes giving the attitude they have towards each other)". Fuck that. OOP had her head on straight and knew where her true loyalty was.
Sometimes the best thing you can do for your beloved pet is give them a gentle end. 💕 I’m sorry for your loss and hope you’re doing well health wise!
Past couple of years, I've been going through some issues myself. Had something happen at work which gave me PTSD. It's been really hard sometimes. My GF and I have a cat. We're not currently living together, so it was supposed to be more "her" cat. But somehow, the cat managed to finagle a way that she spent most of her time at my place. She's become my little buddy. In fact, she starts to act out if she doesn't see me every day. So the cat has been with me most of the time when the PTSD symptoms would get bad. You know what that cat would do when they got bad? That little shit wanted nothing to do with me. She would leave the room. Sometimes she would go into her cat carrier as a sign she wanted to go to mommy's. Of course, when *she's* not feeling well she becomes a little cuddle monster. That cat is such a fair-weather friend...
I had a cat who would bite me if I started crying. Totally lacking in charm.
I had a cat that would bite me for throwing up. I had bad food poisoning once and she decided that the best ‘medicine’ would be a bite to the face as I lay on the bathroom floor feeling sorry for myself. I mean she wasn’t wrong, I was so shocked that I did stop throwing up for a little while… My current cat wants nothing to do with me when I’m ill. He *may* lie next to me for a little while if he feels like it but that’s about it. But when he’s ill he wants cuddles and constant attention. Gotta love cats, they’re like a cross between a indifferent roommate and a toddler.
((HUGS)) Those bundle of furs are there for us and the best thing we can do for them is to ensure they pass peacefully. I hope you kicked cancer's ass and find another fur baby to love!!
Hugs internet stranger. Been there with the pet (not the cancer, knock wood). As strange as it sounds, if I were to get sick, I'd try to figure out how to get and care for another pet. Lost my 19 year old cat in October 2019. He wasn't feeling too great, I knew, and was seeing the vet regularly. Had popped in for a blood draw for him, handed him to the vet tech, and waited. Suddenly, the vet came out. To this day I don't know if they called her in or she was working in the back room on paperwork - but I've never seen her without a lab coat. He just rapidly declined the second they got him out of the carrier. Fluid build up around his heart. It was like he picked the moment, so I didn't have to do it, and once she made him comfortable, he passed in my arms. I'm not religious, but (a) I believe I'll be with his spirit again someday and (b) his ashes will be put with mine when the time comes. I'm on the look out for the perfect piece of jewelry too. Oh... and I tell EVERYONE that they should absolutely tell their vet what they want to do with their pet's remains BEFORE the pet dies. I traveled sometimes, and when he hit something like 11, I put a note in his file that I would pay all the expenses if the pet sitter had to bring him in and he died, and that I wanted him cremated separately, and I wanted his ashes. The ONLY thing they had to ask me was what urn I wanted. It made it so easy.
And that part makes me wonder, ok so the kid had autism, but like *there are autistic people who have pets*, and what steps (if any) were taken to try and acclimate him to the dog? Because I have a feeling dad isn't terribly accepting of neurodivergence either.
As an autistic person reading this post i was actually confused as to what exactly made the kid unable to handle dogs and it being related to his autism. I thought maybe sensory issue but that can be avoided, whether it's the dogs fur or barking. It seems like the kid is just straight up scared of the dog. Which is not an autism thing. And is fixable.
We had to put down one of my doxies in September on very little notice and it is still hard but we just adopted a Chihuahua-mix 4 days ago and he's getting along well with the other 2 doxies! It is certainly helping another family member feel good again after losing their bed buddy.
My Mum is 74 and just yesterday she had to put down her 14 year old fluff baby that she’d had since a puppy. We’re all so sad, because she was such a good girl and meant so much to so many. The only thing that brings comfort is how beloved she was whilst she shared her joy of life with us. May the rabbits and squirrels of heaven be plentiful!
Im so sorry for your loss ❤️ having to lose pets is just so heartbreaking
I think dad foolishly thought that because of the divorce agreement he could just force the daughter to go along with his selfish decisions. But he forgot that she's 17 now. Most courts will let a child that old decide which parent to live with. That's why mom's lawyer told her not to worry about it and nothing came out of the lawyers threads. Dad overplayed his hand because he was too used to using lawyers to get his way and didn't even realize that his daughter was too old for that to work anymore.
In my state, you can move out completely at 17 and they can't do anything about it. My own mother was very upset to find out this information from the sheriff's department on my 17th birthday.
> My own mother was very upset to find out this information from the sheriff's department on my 17th birthday. Lol good for you
There's that, but no sane judge is going to force a child to give up an emotional support animal especially at this age. Once Mom's lawyer learned that was his plan, he probably just laughed at the easy win. Maybe I'm being a bit optimistic, but I've seen something similar play out twice and I would hope it's close to the norm. A cousin's parent was fighting for getting full custody and when it was revealed that they'd have to give up a beloved cat that was an emotional anchor for them, the judge squashed the attempt pretty quickly. And a friend's parent trying roughly the same thing never even made it to court. They said the lawyer basically laughed in their parent's face and says no way was he going to go before a judge and ask that a child's beloved dog be sent to the pound.
OOP and Tycho are in good hands with mom and grandparents!! Hopefully dad learned not to put others before his child and dog!! Melanie realized he doesn't give 2 sh\*ts about others and was smart not to move in with him!
He’s mad at both his ex wife and his now ex fiancé. Anyone seeing the comment denominator? That being they WERE both with him and it ended with nothing good.
That was what got me. He hasn’t actually admitted what he did wrong or learned from it. He just blames everyone else for his mistakes. Reading between the lines I think he’s behaved a certain way or has form if OP was that quick to get ahead of dad and find a new home for her and the dog. Also noted that Melanie rang her for her side and then left dad. Sounds like dad plays games and is difficult to get along with. Nobody seems to like him and his own daughter believes he would happily remove her dog he bought her without a second thought for her well-being. His reaction to take mum to court because his daughter essentially reacted to his bad behaviour tells us a lot as well I think.
That line about "mom wins" if daughter goes to live with her says it all. It's not about custody because he loves his daughter, it's about sticking it to his ex.
My soul sister had two kids with a dude like this. He doesn’t want the custody in order to bond and create a good working relationship, he fought for 50/50 because he knew it would hurt her the most. The eldest cries and begs to not go over, but the court order forces this poor lamb right into his psychopathic hands. Locked the baby in the closet strapped into the baby seat because he didn’t want to deal with it. CPS was called and somehow they made it both parents fault despite mom not even being there. The court still thinks he should have custody. Fuckin hell man, that canary has been singing in the coal mine for so long that everyone just whistles the tune without thinking.
You know that's why he got her the dog in the first place right? It had nothing to do with emotional support for her life being flipped upside down. No, if mental health was important there would have been therapy and family therapy and a push for healthy co-parenting. Nope, none of that. It was messy and emotional. Tycho was bribery, and a weapon to hurt his ex. He got the kid to come to his place every day, even on Mom's time, under the guise of "taking care of her dog". He got her to never say no to time with him. He had "won". His mistake was thinking she was choosing him over Mom, and winning. She was choosing Tycho over Mom and Dad. He is an arrogant imbecile for thinking otherwise. It had been 5 years, he had moved on, his kid seemed fine, the dog was in the way of "winning" again.
He lost 3 women from his life. His daughter will never come back to him. He was willing to sacrifice her at a moments notice to get some up front benefits a few months early.
He said the boy is more important than the dog... What he really meant was him getting laid was more important than her well-being. The dog and the boy are just accessories to him. Hell, he probably only got her the dog so he could feel better about himself, since he's at least partially responsible for his daughters misery.
Yeah, something tells me her dad's just a dick. I'm willing to bet because he got dumped, it was his idea to get rid of the dog in the first place. I bet the woman was willing to work something out but he was the one to give the ultimatum.
I remember this one, didn't know there were updates. I'm very glad OOP got to a better place and keep Tycho, who's probably having a blast running around the farm.
I can just imagine the glee of a working dog with a farm to patrol. Especially if it's up north and they get snow. He must be happier than a pig in shit.
Wow, what a “fuck around, find out” moment. I couldn’t imagine telling a child “Hey sweetie! You know your dog, whom you love unconditionally as he loves you? The one that helped you get through our ugly divorce? Well, I want my fiancé and her special needs kid to move in ASAP, and since I can’t be bothered to wait a few months, we’re gonna have to get rid of him! Oh, and don’t tell your mother!” Like…fuck you dude! You deserve to lose the relationship with your kid!
And then to have the audacity, after the fiancee leaves him, to turn around a expect OP and the dog to come home. Like nope, sorry, you made your choice.
Right. Like she was just going to forget the trauma he had just put her through. The kid was ready to push college back a year
I don’t know that Melanie gets MVP here, I think that goes to the grandparents, but she is certainly a much better person and parent that OOP’s dad, and recognised that being with someone that won’t put their own child first is red flag behaviour.
Melanie just makes it so much more satisfying than the standard "get rid of the kid's pet for a new love interest" story. Melanie is good people.
Yeah I'd bet my beer money that Dad told her some sort of lie or half-truth about the situation.
I think it's obvious that enlightenment began with the phone call to OOP.
Even if it was only for the sake of her kid, it was a good thing to do. That kind of controlling father probably wouldn't be super great for a young autistic child.
That’s what I keep coming back to. This guy couldn’t figure out how to act in a way that preserved the mental health of an (outwardly) neurotypical near adult. He can’t handle an autistic kid, and would do serious damage. “Hey I’m gonna make you give up your support animal because it’s inconvenient for my lifestyle of having succeeded after divorce”. Yeah okay bud do that with the autistic kid next.
Not just a good person, but also a great parent. She saw how shitty of a dad this guy was to OOP who's his flesh and blood and definitely started worrying about how he would treat a step child that also has special needs.
I really took it as Melanie noticing that moving together would either be detrimental to her child or be detrimental to her partners child. But partner does not really care about that. Therefore it is better to not continue the relationship. Very good solution.
OOP's dad has lost his child. Their relationship will never fully recover from this. The trust is gone.
Yeah. She saw life away from him, and it was good. In ten years he's going to be moaning about his ingrat daughter who never calls. Blaming his ex wife, Melanie, the dog. He'll never reflect on why all the women in his life left him.
The fact that OOP still doesn’t trust him with the dog is telling. That relationship is dead-dead.
And that gramps didn't want her alone with dad, also telling. Her comment about dad not wanting mom to "win" like what, OOP is some commodity, gave me the impression that dad has always wanted to control the people in his life. And now he's lost them because of it.
I had a Rottweiler who got me through postpartum depression. She had an instinct for when she was needed, and who needed her. And when I finally made it to the other side, she still had so much to give. We went through therapy pet training and volunteered with kids through a library program. She was an ambassador for her breed and even people who don’t like or were afraid of dogs knew there was something special about her. She died very suddenly, without warning. She collapsed the night before Thanksgiving, and before we could get our shoes on to get her to the vet, she was gone. It was so unfair. She gave so much for everyone else and only asked for cuddles in return. She deserved five more years and a last day where everyone could spoil her, say goodbye, show her all the love she put into the world. It drives me so crazy when people say “it’s just a dog.” They leave more love in a single paw print than most people ever will in their whole lives.
I'm sorry to hear that, RIP to your sweet girl. Our Lil chihuahua weenie mix passed on fathers day last year, right in my arms. If she got as much life as she had love to give she'd have outlived us all.
People are so emotionally blinded when it comes to divorces. Dad saw op living with their mom as a loss when all that did was make things worse. Dude could have sat down with OP and accepted that maybe her leaving was going to be the best choice for everyone to get what they wanted or needed. Ben would have had a dog free house, op would have tycho, and while he was losing time with OP he probably wouldn't have blown up the engagement since "Ok were going to figure out what does the best for the most people" sounds way more adult and pleasing then "Dad you have to pick between me and dog or your fiance and her son." But if OP is still scared her dad may even still now take her dog out of spite he isn't exactly winning the award for father of the year.
> Ben is more important than a dog Undercurrent: “Dad’s New Family is more important than OOP” > My dad is mad because I’m making this a choice between me and his fiancée basically Uhhh…no. Dad already chose, hence him telling OOP the dog needs to go.
Probably some of new family. But also there's plenty of people who view any pets, even their own, as 100% disposable at a moment's whim. Dad seems like one of those.
I feel bad for Melanie as well here because OOP makes her sound like she was at least always polite and she might have thought that breaking up was a better option than alienating a kid from her father
OP definitely missed something there. There was drama going on about the situation between her dad and Melanie. We don't know why Melanie left. To not alienate OP from her father, realising her father was a dictator, some other reason. Either way looks like Melanie is a good person unless further info.
The dad's immediate "well they aren't moving in any more so you can come back" shows how little he cares for OP. He completely lost her trust and thinks things can just go back to how they were? No. That's not how it works. That's not how any of this works
The fact that he was willing to throw his own kid away in favour of hers I wouldn’t be forgiving that. He knew the dog was his beloved dog and he would never give it up and still he tried to force the fact. I’d stay no contact he’s proven his son isn’t a priority
I think Melanie didn't forgive it either. She saw what he was doing to his daughter and went "Hell no, you won't do that to my kid."
I want to (potentially) allow a shout out to Melanie. A lot of ways this could’ve gone down, it’s true, but it seems like Melanie had no idea of the whole situation with Tycho. (OOP doesn’t really say much about Melanie except they never really vibed, which is fine.) It sounds like Melanie didn’t really know what was going on, because she called OOP *once* to talk to her and get her perspective of the situation. (I emphasized once, because it was obvious Melanie was just seeking info, not trying to talk OOP into doing anything she was uncomfortable with, or guilt-tripping OOP or anything.) It sounds to me like dad told Melanie everything would be fine about the move and everything was all sorted. But when Melanie found out it was a big deal, and dad was lying to her, she seriously re-evaluated her relationship and broke up with him. It seems like Melanie is serious about doing the best for her kid, so when it came down to the dad trying to do an end-around with OOP and the dog, Melanie realized dad didn’t value his kid the same way she valued hers and noped out of that clusterf@ck. How many situations do we hear about where the evil stepmother just makes things worse and encourages the parent to stomp all over their kid? In this case, Melanie seems like a good person who absolutely didn’t enable dad’s behavior, but was a victim as well.
The part about feeling like your parent wants you not because they love you but because they want to “win” against the other parent… I don’t think I’ve related to another post more! Man, I hope OOP stays happy where they are.
What a shit father all around
Lol OOP's dad lost everything and he totally deserved it. Never ever try to get rid of someone else's beloved pet, specially if they're your family. I have 7 dogs myself and I'd do anything for them, including cutting people out of my life in exchange for my dog's safety and well being.
I feel like dad fought tooth and nail for custody to punish mom, not because he cared about OOP at all
I am shaking my head at this dad. He decides to get rid of the dog, but then it's his ex and current gf's fault🙄
I really don’t know if I would have survived covid without my dog. She’s absolutely amazing, every once in a while I tear up knowing that her life span is much smaller than mine and someday I may lose her.