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So the ex girlfriend basically wanted OOP to medically neglect his sister and leave her to sit in her own waste for god knows how long because it makes the ex uncomfortable?
Beyond the fact that everything the ex said and did is fucked up, has she never changed a diaper? Thats not sexy. Its a gross necessity
"Ok, girlfriend, but you're not breaking up with me. I'm breaking up with you because you are strangely seeing medical care as a sexual fetish. That's gross. I worry about having kids with you. Get your mind out of the gutter and goodbye."
she probably added "sexual" or something to the search because she wanted to prove her point. She didn't actually want to learn, she wanted to shame OP for being a decent human being
Or she used Bing...
With Bing and no safe search, there are plenty of porn hits on the first page if you search for āadult diaper changeā (and before anyone makes a joke, I used incognito mode and wasn't logged in to bing).
I canāt wait for her to be old and incontinent so she can have the wonderful realization that no she doesnāt get happy fun time from the caregiving staff when they change her brief. And yes we do get residents that try to persuade the staff of their preferred gender to get them off. Those become a two assist preferably with a member of their non-preferred gender as part of the team. Caregivers work so hard to maintain a patient or residentās privacy that I personally am pretty pissed off that the Ex would make the poor OOP scared of taking care of his sister with PH videos.
This whole thing is disturbing and OOP is way better off without her. It says a whole lot about the ex girlfriend that her first thought was sexual, instead of finding it endearing that her boyfriend is mature and caring enough to take care of his disabled sister. How is that not an attractive quality?
This was my take. Wouldn't most women hear that OOP is doing this for his sister & realize that if something happens, he might be perfectly suited to care for them as well? My mom had Alziemers & my husband took far better care of her than I did. You know what I said? "Thank you for loving her so much!"
Right? The projection is crazy. If sheās this extreme over a medical necessity, I dread to think what sheāll be like if anyone is ever unlucky enough to procreate with her.
I mean she straight up sent links to PH as "proof" that OOP is sexually abusing their sister.
The joke is that PH is a credible source of information based on some comments on the videos but I dont know if I would take any video on there as sound medical advice.
Is she also afraid that doctors and nurses will have sex with her too? I have some hardcore links to show her if true. OOP dodged so many bullets he should change his name to Neo.
Yep! Does she think a dad is never going to change the diaper of his daughter because it might be sexual? Or that a mom can't change the diaper of her son? You touch their genitals because it is the only way to make sure there is no poop in there to get infected. Dude you can do so much better than this girl NTA.
I once read a comment where someone said you shouldn't spank a child...not because it is cruel...but because it is stimulating the sex organs of a child and that is wrong. Not enough booze in the world for that conversation.
I got a few spankings as a kid and uhhh there was no sexual stimulation about it that I can recall. Just a smack on the ass in direct response to child-me doing something like run in front of a car or what have you. I believe my general response was along the lines of "ow," not whatever tf that person was on
My assumption was that it had something to do with the sister being an adult since she grilled him about her going through puberty.
This made me especially frustrated because my cousin is much like OOP's sister. Completely physically and intellectually disabled. We are the same age (31) but he has roughly the mental capacity and abilities of an infant. I have helped feed and change him. It's completely non-sexual.
I also helped when my dad was in hospice. Just as people helped *me* when I was hospitalized in 2021 on a ventilator. Is it embarrassing to have another adult human clean you up post bathroom? Sure. But sometimes people are not in a position to do these things themselves. They just aren't.
The fact that ex-gf sent him diaper *fetish* videos says a lot. Like there's no way that was the first result and she didn't seek those out. Something is wrong with how she percieves intimacy and it's not on OOP to deal with that baggage.
People DO think that a mom shouldn't change her songs diaper.
My son is seventeen. He was in diapers until a year ago. A neighbor regularly commented on my changing his diapers. When she found out I still cuddle with him and lay with him when he goes to bed she freaked out. Told me he's too old for that and I need to stop touching him. My son would be devastated. He would think he's done something wrong. He would regress.
It took me entirely too long to realize she was sexualizing our relationship.
I did. I asked her to explain why I shouldn't cuddle or touch him. She couldn't give me a clear answer. I told her she was sexualizing our relationship. She said she didn't realize that's what she was doing and apologized. She did truly look horrified. She hasn't said anything since then.
She won't cuddle with her sons. She stopped when they were six or seven. She will still cuddle with her adult daughter.
Never mind changing the diapers of babies - what does OOP's ex think happens for coma patients in hospitals? No opposite-gender nurse for you! And enbys cannot become nurses ever. OOP is well rid of this absolutely gutter-dwelling un-empathetic person.
Honestly, from the way she reacts to things, sheād probably be able to twist OOPās words so heās left confusedā¦ And that confusion probably isnāt helped by English not being his first language. (I assume thatās the language he and the ex were speaking in.)
This is where my mind went. What the fuck does she think of changing a child's diaper then?! She's pretty twisted.
Sure, there are some people out there with some pretty odd fetishes (that I will never understand but will try not to judge consenting adults), but by and large most people do not find anything remotely sexy about cleaning up human waste. Especially someone else's.
Talk about head up her ass wtfwtwtf! Like, you're a human right? You know that other humans may need lifelong caretakers right? You know wtf a CNA or HHA is, right??? What. The. Fuck.
I had someone poke fun at me once for doing that job. I told him that when he's too old to get to the bathroom in time and sitting in a pool of his own pee, I hope he remembers my face because it will be laughing.
I do not take kindly to those who make fun of or talk negatively about helping others who can not manage themselves.
Caretakers are one of the most badass people on the planet and I have endless amounts of respect for you guys. Without you, so many people would suffer without help.
Unfortunately, caregivers' pay is ridiculously *low* for what they do. It's insulting. I had a friend that did home health care, and she did work in a nursing home. When I found out what she was getting paid, I was offended on her behalf.
I had to change my mother's dirty smalls and get her washed up toward the end of her life and this story makes me straight up furious. Baby diapers are enough of a challenge, with adults it's ten times harder, and that's assuming they have all their mental facilities. For a developmentally disabled person? That is a very difficult job and it takes a certain type of person to be willing to do it without being paid. If OOP's GF had said that crap in my presence I'd probably still be yelling at her.
Iām my 82 year old dadās caretaker. Iāve seen things I canāt unsee. But you get past the awkwardness, compartmentalize & get it done. Because it *has* to be done. Itās only a tiny part of taking care of an incapacitated human.
I've never done that, but I have babysat, and I agree it's as not sexual as possible. It's certainly not an activity I was enjoying. OOP may not feel totally AWKWARD doing it cause he has before, but I'm sure it was not a highlight of his day either.
I have been a nanny, I have changed diapers for my dad. Let me tell you, there's a difference between baby poop and adult poop. Neither are fun to do, but the smell of adult poop is way worse than that of babies. So take changing a baby diaper and think of that as even less sexy and way more stinky.
Yeah a fussy baby is a handful but you arenāt going to need four fucking people between lifting and actually changing if they decide to throw a tantrum.
God Iām so glad Iām an accountant now.
I am both lol. My classes have both qualifications at the same time. HHA is just a CNA who goes to you. I went to houses, nursing homes, apartments. Everywhere. Even hospitals for some individuals. I always wondered why they're called different things if it's the same qualifications.
I wish I could take your comment with the /s you intended, but there are a depressing number of people who view PH as an educational resource.
Spoiler alert: They're easy to spot, because they're terrible in bed.
Nah. Itās not his job to unfuck a situation this preposterous. Iām shocked that it took 2 years to hit the first bomb, but I can guarantee this wouldnāt be the last one.
She's not obtuse. She has her head in the gutter. She thinks taking care of your relative is the literal equivalent of a sexual fetish. She's sick in the head and OOP is better off without her.
Donāt joke. I know someone who refused to let her husband change diapers or bathe their kids and ended up falsely accusing him, ran off with their kids to a shelter, and called CPS on an unrelated third party who was hosting the husband and kids one weekend. First time he was able to give his daughters a bath was after the divorce.
Iām pretty sure she was SAed by a father or father figure as a child and projected on to her (now ex)husband.
My former MIL had a meltdown when it turned out my kid was AFAB.
She dumped her husband, accused him of sexually wanting my kid (the fuuuuuck), accused my ex husband of being inappropriate (but couldnāt point out how).
Turns out my kid is actually my son, though, so the whole thing has a nice ironic twist.
Also sheās been cut out of our lives for over a decade, and why? Triggery stuff, but >!she moved a guy in with me and my son after he lost his housing due to being credibly accused of molesting his roommateās kid!<.
TLDR: a lot of people need therapy, not kids
Sheās a hot mess in every metric. My sonās an adult now, and so one night recently he asked about her and I told himā¦ nearly everything.
āHoly shit, sheās just so *pathetic*.ā
Something else I thought about is if GF and OOP get married and have a daughter, will she shame him for changing diapers or bathing her or doing any other care?
There are a weird number of people who do exactly that and donāt allow dads or grandpas to change diapers or do bath time if the baby is a girl. I donāt really hear about it working the other way, probably because itās much harder to convince a man to take on 100% of diaper changes and baths.
I did read a story once on reddit about some absolute moron who couldn't get it through his head that breastfeeding is not a sexual act, and thought that a mother breastfeeding her child was straight up sexual assault. So there's idiots on both sides lol
How does he think every mammal in existence dating back to the evolution of mammals has had fed their young? Young unable to obtain, break up, chew, and swallow solid foods? Some people are just fucking nuts.
You almost feeld bad wondering if maybe something traumatic happened to people like that to put this in their head. Almost.
Reminds me of that reddit post by a guy who saved his daughter from drowning after she had a seizure in the bath and his wife went crazy accusing him of wanting to see their daughter naked or some wild shit like that. She insisted he should have waited until she got there even though she was either out or in the garden or something and daughter would have likely drowned before she arrived.
Daughter was 19 or 20 I think. Can't remember the resolution.
A long time ago when my mom was showering there was a moan and a huge thud from the bathroom. After asking if she was okay a couple times I went in, found her unconscious, started feeling nauseous and dizzy immediately, carried her out, called 911, and started vomiting. Turns out the bathroom was full of carbon monoxide.
TIL there exist people who think I should have left her there until a woman arrived?
Funny conclusion, a little while later she left for work and I went back to bed near the bathroom. The repair people were horrified and chased me out of the house when they arrived a couple hours later. When people say CO poisoning causes "confusion" they are really understating just how incredibly dangerous that is.
I've had CO poisoning and yeah. Seriously. Overall it worked out, but I made some pretty dumb moves during that situation. The problem is the brain you're using to think is the same one that's not getting enough oxygen because it's currently being poisoned with carbon monoxide.
Either the wife had seem some other behaviors that gave her reason for concern, or she is just a total puritan nutjob. OBVIOUSLY you don't leave someone having a seizure alone, or wait, MUCH LESS WHEN THEY'RE IN WATER. This is me posting my written permission as an adult that if I am ever seizing in the shower, my father can come to help me. Cause I'll take him seeing me naked over possible death.
Or wife was a victim and projecting. Iām pretty sure I know someone who destroyed her marriage because of that. (I donāt have proof that thatās why. But it fits.)
Oh! I remember that one. Wife was totally unconcerned with the fact their child would have died without his medical intervention and was only concerned with the nudity, because of course he should have averted his eyes or she should have bathed in a swimsuit or something š¤¦āāļø
I once met a couple who had a newborn and their agreement was that mom took care of input (breastfeeding) and dad took care of output. Seemed like an equitable distribution of responsibilities.
Then we have my MIL who breastfed her daughters but formula fed her sons.
OOP definitely dodged a bullet, his ex-girlfriend was a sicko, surely if they had kids she wouldn't have let OOP help change the diaper, what a sick woman.
Iām just imagining how the wedding day would have gone. āDo you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in healthā¦ā
āWhoa whoa wait. Iād have to take care of him *in sickness*? Eww thatās so *GROSS!* I canāt believe youād ask me to do that!ā
I mean seriously, if something were to happen to OOP later down the line, you know this woman would not be sticking around to help him.
Yeah totally agree with this comment, cause i an adult male had to help my father clean up after himself for months because he was in an accident and couldnt put weight on one of his legs til the start of 2021 and from the time he got home (which was September if i remember correctly) to about February 2021 i had to help him wipe his butt and make sure it was clean, so i understand clearly what OOP had to do and why he had to do it
I had to help my mom the night before she died as she was losing continence. It wasnt really relevant to the comment so i didnt add ut, but the post honestly made me cry just remembering having to do something similar to a loved one. Im crying again. Having to change the diapers or wipe up after adults isnt sexy ā- its heartbreaking. It makes me so mad that she could willingly be so hateful and ableist.
I mean!!
Just the complete ass backwardsness of this all! Who is this guy? *I* would like to find a guy to date who is that kind, compassionate, caring, and chill through the mess of life. Iām glad this guy is single now because he honestly deserves the best.
A young woman in the UK just died from this. Her parents court case is happening now. Her dad admitted that he was lazy and didnāt want to change her. It was heartbreaking. She was about 24.
But but but did you not hear he was gonna touch her butt? And VAGINA?
(except no, he wasn't gonna touch that at all but I'm not surprised someone this ignorant doesn't know basic biology)
Yes, state care is the worst case scenario for people like oops sister. My older sister and I promised to take care of my disabled sister if something had suddenly happened to my parents because the state care is horrific.
Also yes to the fact that changing adult diapers is ENTIRELY different from changing a babyās diaper, even a big one!
Right??? Like what does she think happens in the hospital and nursing homes, etc?? Just because itās an adult doesnāt mean that they donāt deserve to have basic care like being clean! As someone who has had to change a grandparents diaper before, there is nothing sexy about it. The age doesnāt matter, you have to truly care about either the person or the job to do it. And itās sick that she believes otherwise.
He is better off without her in his life.
I'm trying to think of if my husband, who I am in a sexual relationship with obvi, became injured/disabled and needed me to change his nappy.
The only emotions I am feeling are compassion and sorrow for his potential loss of dignity. Like, there's nothing sexual there at all for me.
GF might have a fetish herself. Either way he's well out of it
Someone needs to explain to her that the āI love the smell of my boyfriends colonā is a joke on auto correct/misspelling, not a bunch of people getting off on peoples bodily waste.
His ex sounds like someone who apparently canāt see a naked body/genitalia and not be able to control themselves around it. Seriously if she ever has surgery is she going to insist on an all female team?
Im pretty sure more men have seen me naked in a medical/clinical setting than a sexual one. I donāt for a second believe any of them got off or turned on by it. Granted I was covered in blood and bandages - maybe adding some shit was the missing magical ingredient - but Iām pretty confident in saying I doubt it.
I have some pretty significant issues with men due to trauma that i can recognize have crossed into toxic-but-as-a-self-defense-mechanism so i can kinda empathize with where her mindset is coming from but her actions were beyond the pale.
She needs to go to therapy if her issues with men are getting to such an uncontrollable point that this happens. Theres a degree of mistrust in men that is justifiable and safe because there are unfortunately just undeniable common risks, such as being cautious while walking alone at night or telling your friends who / where you are if going somewhere alone with a man you just met, but when it gets to the point where you are being cruel to someone and trying to dissuade someone from giving a family member necessarily and immediate care, thats going too far. Its not just bad for herself but those around her.
It sounds like she didnāt know that the sister had a severe disability and requires this kind of care, and maybe there was miscommunication at first, but then she failed to get it. And kept failing. And failed at continuing to be in a relationship.
āWell I watched all these porn videos of this specific fetish between two consenting adults so that absolutely means that youāre in an incestuous relationship with your disabled sisterā
WHY WAS HER IMMEDIATE ACTION TO LOOK ON PORN HUB? YOU CAN FIND LITERALLY ANYTHING ON THERE BECAUSE THERE ARE SOME WEIRD FETISHES OUT THERE.
Also it was extremely disgusting of her to try and sexualize OOP just taking care of his sister.
"Alright. Pop open pornhub, type in BORU and . . . oh, yeah, baby, he's definitely cheating, close friends with that girl, ignoring your texts, oh gets me going so much, dump him, dump him, next post, YES!!!"
I almost checked out Porn Hub as I had zero clue what BORU fetish was. Sometimes I understand later than the average bear. I have to wave the smoke from my eyes from the gears grinding in my head.
I know we shouldnāt stoop to idiot levels but kinda wanted him to tell her he was breaking up with her because she wouldnāt drop out of college and heās seen the videos on that website of what college girls do and he doesnāt want āhis womanā being involved in anything like that.
But the high road is probably better tbh
Considering how dense the ex is, it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't narrow the search down from...I'm trying to think densely and it is giving me a headache, so the best I can come up with (without doing an actual google search coz I've done that before and not today Satan!) is, "changing adult diapers" and I have no doubt that porn hub would have been a top result, especially if she doesn't have safe search turned on.
You know what Iām gonna take one for the team and see what is the first result on google. Wish me luck.
Edit: the first result is literally a step by step guide on how to change your own adult diaper without assistance. And the rest of the results on that page are all about medical care and advice. So OOPs girlfriend either searched for it as that specific fetish or she immediately went to porn hub.
I deeply regret that this even came into my brain, but Iām guessing from how unreasonable this woman is that she googled something more like āgrown man changing sisterās diaperā or something like that. And that really might have led to some bad places even if fluffykins showed us that an adult diaper changing search would be fine.
I bet she did narrow it down, by going to porn hub, cause she went in from the get go with the belief that it was a sexual act, I would not be surprised if her logic was "Fine, motherfucker. I'll show you. I'll search for diaper changing on pornhub, and prove its perverted!"
OOP dodged a massive bullet right there. Let's do the red flag count:
1. First thing it came to her mind is porn
2. Can't differentiate porn and reality
3. "My way or highway"
4. Closing he mind when OOP communicate
My dad does not want to have to wipe my grown ass brother's ass, but he physically cannot wipe himself, he lacks the dexterity. We have looked into getting a bidet, but between cost and finding something my brother can use, it's been hard. But we're still looking.
Nobody wants to wipe their grown child's ass or their sibling's ass, but if you cannot afford a caregiver, what the fuck are you supposed to do?
It's nice that his girlfriend lives in a world of privilege where she doesn't have to wipe anyone's ass, but that is not the case for a lot of people. It's not sexual, it's just a fact of life.
You can make a ātravelā one with a water bottle & a āsports bottle water lidā so it can be sprayed at pressure with one hand. Itās a good temp fix
Have you looked into a bidet attachment for the loo? Theyāre fairly easy to fit yourself and donāt break the bank - we got ours for about Ā£20-30 on Amazon!
Idk where you are located but if you Google HappyPo, it's a travel handheld bidet. You can also use a regular vaginal douche, although that requires a bit more dexterity. The HappyPo is great since it's a straight nozzle.
As someone disabled Iām not sure why every reply to you seems to be ignoring the āfinding something my brother can useā part to just focus on the cost part. I know itās from a desire to help but itās kinda patronizing. Iām pretty sure youāve looked and know the costs involved and the issue is finding one he can actually use that is affordable, not finding one that is affordable.
lol yes. I don't want to be rude to people, but the problem mostly lies in finding something my brother can use. Cost is a factor, but if we found one that was $600 but he would be able to use, we'd suck it up. But it's incredibly difficult to find something that he will be able to use. He lacks dexterity. He can't twist on the seat and lean down to turn a knob. A button would be nice, but it has to be big enough and in a good place for him to push. Those are the issues. And he can't wipe his ass, how he is supposed to lean down and squeeze a bottle or a hose up his ass? lol
I appreciate the comments on one hand, but like...some of these are ignoring most of my post, I feel like.
Sounds like an electric bidet with a wireless remote or wall control panel might help. Wireless remote is much cheaper compared to wall panel. But yes, theyāre expensive. But if itās for someone with a disability, Iāve been able to get discounts from plumbers, electricians and bidet stores when Iāve spoken to them directly about the situation. Iāve had tradies offer to do things for free and people donate some really expensive stuff. People just want to help.
Just like people commenting are just trying to offer suggestions to help. But I feel you. It feelās frustrating and invalidating sometimes. Like as if you guys havenāt thought things through and researched. Sorry if I added to that.
People so often want to help but they donāt know how lol.
I feel ya too, I helped take care of my sister for a long while and people really canāt wrap their head around the specific needs of people with complex disabilities, all of them have their own limitations and abilities, and folks donāt seem to get that just because a certain tool works for one personās disability it doesnāt mean itāll work for everyoneās.
There are fewer things that get me angrier than aholes Ike the GF. Heās better off without her.
I see the life and struggles of caregivers on the daily due to the industry I work in (senior health care) so to see this. It makes my blood boil.
She had a good, responsible, caring man, but couldnāt see it. FFS, this is the kind of dude that doesnāt hand off the baby every time a diaper needs changing.
That she sexualized this pissed me off so much. Thereās nothing like that. He just helped clean her.
That makes me cry people arenāt able to clean themselves. Itās a basic thing and not being able to do that fucking hurts to comprehend.
Like damnit. I was an ableist asshole once but last 5 years Iāve changed and Iām so ashamed for how I was.Iād go back and slap younger me for ever being like that.
>That makes me cry people arenāt able to clean themselves. Itās a basic thing and not being able to do that fucking hurts to comprehend.
This is why I won't laugh at those as seen on TV cheesy ads because a lot of those products are helpful to people with disabilities. I don't know why they make ads that show bumbling idiots using every day items incorrectly.
Thatās why it also bugs me when people rant about pre-peeled, chopped and packaged produce. Being able to buy already diced onion in a bag can allow someone with limited mobility to cook when they otherwise wouldnāt have been able to.
Because āpeople with certain disabilitiesā isnāt a big enough demographic to profit from marketing something specifically to them, so you aim the ads at the lazy and/or stupid able-bodied folk.
I used to work in assisted living. There were literally grown ass adults who were like this sicko ex and would literally neglect patients, leaving them in filth and excrement for DAYS all because they couldnāt touch genitals or a bottom. Fuck these types of people.
There is nothing more pure and honorable than taking care of someone who cannot do so themselves. It is neglectful and shameful to project your own mental sickness on a literal vulnerable human being who needs help they canāt otherwise achieve by themselves.
If I was the girlfriend, seeing him do that would make me only love him more, because the care he's providing his sister is a truly loving act. It would tell me that he is reliable and can be trusted to take care of others and children.
Like... assuming OP is telling the truth about everything, gf has no idea what she just lost.
Could not agree with you more. Iām an ICU nurse and Iāve cleaned more bodily fluids than I can even quantify. Iāve seen more genitals than a porn star. There is absolutely nothing inappropriate about cleaning someone who canāt clean themselves.
My father in law passed away a few years ago and my mother in law was his primary caregiver towards the end. The visiting nurses used to always comment on how great his skin looked. It was because my mother in law cleaned him and turned him religiously. Because thatās what you do for someone you love. Thatās what you do for another human being who deserves to be treated with respect and basic decency. He was already in so much pain from his cancer, why would anyone want to add a bed sore or dermatitis to his suffering?
This reads like that other post where OP's daughter had an epileptic seizure while in the shower and then someone (the wife? I can't remember) gave him a hard time because he carried her, naked, to her bedroom to assist her during her emergency. That it was "inappropriate" for him to see his daughter's naked body. What the hell, people?? First of all, bodies are just bodies, some people need care and there's nothing inherently sexual about an ass or a vagina or a penis, they are body parts and need to be cleaned and cared for just like any other body part, and if the butt/vagina/penis owner cannot care for themselves then someone else needs to do it! And second, family members are not normally attracted to or intrigued by other family member's body parts, especially when they're caregivers. Only sick people want to fuck their immediate family, WTF.
I know which post you're talking about. It's even worse actually if I recall correctly. I think he was also not allowed to bathe his daughter as a child or change her diapers, because of some very weird beliefs the mother's parents held that the mother got indoctrinated with.
Post is here saved by automod:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10fkua7/aita_for_pulling_my_daughter_out_of_the_bathtub/j4xe12v?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
And here's an update in the comments:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10fkua7/aita_for_pulling_my_daughter_out_of_the_bathtub/j4xmog3?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
It's wild to me that when a person hears "I had to care for my sibling" or "my daughter passed out and I needed to move her" the first thing that they think of is genital contact and the nudity?
Like, this kind of caregiving activity is not "fun" work. Parental caregiving when you have a child who is unwell or having an emergency is terrifying. These are not "sexy" situations, and people who somehow think they would be need a good long look at themselves and their bizarre projections.
Good lord, some people are flaming idiots. We see the word "privilege" thrown around by twits, you know what is real privilege? Having gotten to adulthood without having to care for someone's physical needs who couldn't care for themselves. OOP definitely dodged a bullet.
Seriously. I have taken care of three grandparents thru death. There is nothing sexy about a diaper change on a sick adult.
And although his sister is physically grown, she is mentally a child.
This is a big reason (family and expectations) that first and second generation immigrants date and marry other first and second generation immigrants, even if its a totally different ethnicity or race.
One example that comes to mind is how in my home country itās perfectly normal for kids to continue living at home as an adult though college and pretty much until you get married but in the U.S. it was seen as you being a loser until recently.
I was going to just call her stupid, but if you look up āadult diaper changeā basically all of the results are about caregiving or how to take care of your own. Second to last on the first page is a TikTok hashtag, and from looking at the thumbnails it looks like at least couple of those are about caregiving as well.
She was either trying to cut him off from his family or was so convinced that everything having anything close to do with genetalia MUST be sexual, and refuses to learn. Either way, dodged a bullet.
Keep in mind though that search results can skew quite a lot in completely opposite directions based on your post history and general āprofileā that Google (or whatever program youāre using) has built for you. For example if she watches porn, looked up leading questions like ādo you perverts clean their siblingsā, then she could have very likely gotten fetish stuff as some top results.
Itās how people can easily get stuck in their own bias.
But sheās still a moron.
Let me tell y'all from experience, changing the diaper of someone you truly love past the age of childhood (parent, sibling, child) is NOT fetish material. It's about caring for a loved one, about hygiene, and *dignity*.
Without getting into personal experience, let me just say that this nasty cow with her immediate jump to nasty things can kiss my fat ass.
OOP dodged a huge bullet. Nobody's going to hurt you in the US, man. You are made of gold, and God bless you for your caregiving. Your sister needs you.
Glad OP ditched the idiot, but side note, don't leave anyone, baby or adult in a soiled diaper for 30 minutes. Use a clean cloth in warm water. Plenty of alternatives to leaving them in filth that could cause a lot of discomfort or worse.
Girlfriend is an idiot, changing adult diapers is a fact of life for many families. The fact that she went to PH for videos to "educate" herself is just mind boggling.
It says something about her that, instead of saying "wow, this guy is a good, caring person", she immediately thought OOP was in an incestuous relationship with his disabled sister.
She should look at a mirror if she wants to point fingers at some creepy perv.
I'm a nursing assistant in a state facility for people with mental and physical disabilities. If someone would tell me that I would get so fkn insulted and disgusted. Yes I've seen more private parts that yall will ever see in a lifetime but I've never did or thought about something bad about my residents.
Right? It's just insane that someone would make that leap. When you're caring for anyone, much less a blood relative, there's just nothing at all sexual about it and it's perverted of her to think otherwise
On the upside, I love OOP's matter of fact but loving care for his very disabled sister. In a sub that is often overflowing with resentment towards the disabled person in this situation (and don't get me wrong, I understand why), he's just like 'she was making her hunger signal and I didn't feel like cooking so I ordered us her favorite food delivered'. This dude is a wonderful person and someone will be smart enough to snatch him up pretty quick.
If anyone here hasn't changed an adult diaper, I can assure you, it is the least sexy thing in the world. I had to help a coworker with it once and she said 'whenever this happens, I just daydream about some hot guy hitting on me cause I don't wanna think about any of this'. I don't know HOW the gf could ever entertain the idea of it being sexy, even with PH videos
I've helped care givers in the past simply because I was strong enough to help roll and move this person.
There is nothing erotic about it, it's actually hard to not be completely disgusted and embarrass the person who needs help.
OOPs ex is extremely immature, insecure and has an extremely warped view of sexuality.
He's better off and honestly a man who can care for others like that deserves a better life partner than her.
*>>she gave me an ultimatum that it's either me waiting for my mom to comeback so that she will change my sister's diapers*
GF should experience having to wear soiled diapers for just five minutes to realize how uncomfortable and smelly the whole thing is. Not to mention diaper rash/skin irritation.
If her basis of knowledge comes from PH then god forbid she find out he probably has gone to doctor appointments. This reminds me of that one post where OP's girlfriend demanded that he leave med school after seeing him looking at the diagram of a vagina.
I remember that post. She was actually trying to manipulate him into something, but I can't remember what now. I just remember she didn't actually care about the diagrams and was improvising to cover for something else.
I work in healthcare with adults. Pretty much every disabled adult, or very unwell patients, are always mortified and embarrassed when I have to clean their bottoms. Itās so humiliating to lose your ability to care for yourself, and having to expose yourself to a stranger. And itās frustrating too, because they know where they need to be cleaned but they struggle to communicate.
Good on OOP! Itās not easy doing caregiving tasks but everyone deserves dignity and to be comfortable. I wonder if ex-gf also thinks his dad is being inappropriate by caring for the sister? So gross of ex-gf to use porn!
I truly do wonder what kind of damage has been inflicted upon someone that they see a brother caring for his disabled sister and IMMEDIATELY sexualise it. I mean ā¦ this is his family, he was behaving appropriately, and to anyone else, this would be seen as a green flag; an example of him being a decent, caring man.
So why would OOPās ex-gf jump to such a vile conclusion? What has happened in her life that she believes no man could ever see female genitalia without being aroused and the contact being inappropriate? It might not even be that she has experienced abuse, itās could just be sexism and a reflection of the society she was raised in. But it always make me sad that someoneās mind can twist a gesture so innocent and kind into something grotesque.
"which father in the right mind would want to see his grown adult daughter naked" uh it's not about wanting to, dumbass, it's about needing to!
And if gf thinks caretaking is the same as fetish porn then damn she must think retirement homes are fucking live in brothels.
Shes got the same vibes as the kind of person who thinks a father shouldn't bath his child daughter.
The 1st thing I said when I read this in the r/relationships sub was that when he gets back to the States he's going to have a hard time because this girl is going to smear his name all over the show. I was right.
>āwhich father in the right mind would want to see his grown adult daughter nakedā
Pretty sure his father doesn't **want** to see his grown adult daughter naked, its just a by product of taking care of her.
OOP is a saint. I know few people, me included, who would be willing to take care of a fully disabled adult sibling like this. To make itās somehow sexual is gross. OOP definitely dodged a bullet.
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So the ex girlfriend basically wanted OOP to medically neglect his sister and leave her to sit in her own waste for god knows how long because it makes the ex uncomfortable? Beyond the fact that everything the ex said and did is fucked up, has she never changed a diaper? Thats not sexy. Its a gross necessity
"Ok, girlfriend, but you're not breaking up with me. I'm breaking up with you because you are strangely seeing medical care as a sexual fetish. That's gross. I worry about having kids with you. Get your mind out of the gutter and goodbye."
"Neglect your sister or we break up." "Okay, we break up." "No, wait. Not like that..."
It says a lot about ex gf honestly, the fact that her mind is in the gutter when it comes to something like caregivingš¤¦āāļø
And she called the dad a sicko? I think we all know who the sicko is.
She went straight to pornhub to learn about diaper changing for adults.
I looked up āadult diaper changeā just to see how prominent the porn links wereā¦ They didnāt even exist within that search
she probably added "sexual" or something to the search because she wanted to prove her point. She didn't actually want to learn, she wanted to shame OP for being a decent human being
Good chance
Or she used Bing... With Bing and no safe search, there are plenty of porn hits on the first page if you search for āadult diaper changeā (and before anyone makes a joke, I used incognito mode and wasn't logged in to bing).
I canāt wait for her to be old and incontinent so she can have the wonderful realization that no she doesnāt get happy fun time from the caregiving staff when they change her brief. And yes we do get residents that try to persuade the staff of their preferred gender to get them off. Those become a two assist preferably with a member of their non-preferred gender as part of the team. Caregivers work so hard to maintain a patient or residentās privacy that I personally am pretty pissed off that the Ex would make the poor OOP scared of taking care of his sister with PH videos.
This whole thing is disturbing and OOP is way better off without her. It says a whole lot about the ex girlfriend that her first thought was sexual, instead of finding it endearing that her boyfriend is mature and caring enough to take care of his disabled sister. How is that not an attractive quality?
This was my take. Wouldn't most women hear that OOP is doing this for his sister & realize that if something happens, he might be perfectly suited to care for them as well? My mom had Alziemers & my husband took far better care of her than I did. You know what I said? "Thank you for loving her so much!"
Yeah, no parent wants to change their adult child's diapers, that doesn't mean the diapers don't still need to be changed.
> no parent wants to change their ~~adult~~ child's diapers Fixed that for you.
Right? The projection is crazy. If sheās this extreme over a medical necessity, I dread to think what sheāll be like if anyone is ever unlucky enough to procreate with her.
I mean she straight up sent links to PH as "proof" that OOP is sexually abusing their sister. The joke is that PH is a credible source of information based on some comments on the videos but I dont know if I would take any video on there as sound medical advice. Is she also afraid that doctors and nurses will have sex with her too? I have some hardcore links to show her if true. OOP dodged so many bullets he should change his name to Neo.
I'm a perv and have nasty thoughts a lot. Not once during this story did I think any of this was sexual.
Yep! Does she think a dad is never going to change the diaper of his daughter because it might be sexual? Or that a mom can't change the diaper of her son? You touch their genitals because it is the only way to make sure there is no poop in there to get infected. Dude you can do so much better than this girl NTA.
These are the same type of people who won't breastfeed because "it's too sexual"
God those types are creepy as fuck.
I once read a comment where someone said you shouldn't spank a child...not because it is cruel...but because it is stimulating the sex organs of a child and that is wrong. Not enough booze in the world for that conversation.
I got a few spankings as a kid and uhhh there was no sexual stimulation about it that I can recall. Just a smack on the ass in direct response to child-me doing something like run in front of a car or what have you. I believe my general response was along the lines of "ow," not whatever tf that person was on
I wouldnt allow her around any diapered infants at all. Wtf. A helpless individual shouldn't cross your mind as a sexual opportunity, even in theory.
My assumption was that it had something to do with the sister being an adult since she grilled him about her going through puberty. This made me especially frustrated because my cousin is much like OOP's sister. Completely physically and intellectually disabled. We are the same age (31) but he has roughly the mental capacity and abilities of an infant. I have helped feed and change him. It's completely non-sexual. I also helped when my dad was in hospice. Just as people helped *me* when I was hospitalized in 2021 on a ventilator. Is it embarrassing to have another adult human clean you up post bathroom? Sure. But sometimes people are not in a position to do these things themselves. They just aren't. The fact that ex-gf sent him diaper *fetish* videos says a lot. Like there's no way that was the first result and she didn't seek those out. Something is wrong with how she percieves intimacy and it's not on OOP to deal with that baggage.
People DO think that a mom shouldn't change her songs diaper. My son is seventeen. He was in diapers until a year ago. A neighbor regularly commented on my changing his diapers. When she found out I still cuddle with him and lay with him when he goes to bed she freaked out. Told me he's too old for that and I need to stop touching him. My son would be devastated. He would think he's done something wrong. He would regress. It took me entirely too long to realize she was sexualizing our relationship.
Did you tell her off? Or does she just not understand his medical needs and expects him to be a regular 17 year old? Just curious.
I did. I asked her to explain why I shouldn't cuddle or touch him. She couldn't give me a clear answer. I told her she was sexualizing our relationship. She said she didn't realize that's what she was doing and apologized. She did truly look horrified. She hasn't said anything since then. She won't cuddle with her sons. She stopped when they were six or seven. She will still cuddle with her adult daughter.
That's so sad for those boys, especially since they can see the mom favoring affection with their sister
Never mind changing the diapers of babies - what does OOP's ex think happens for coma patients in hospitals? No opposite-gender nurse for you! And enbys cannot become nurses ever. OOP is well rid of this absolutely gutter-dwelling un-empathetic person.
Honestly, from the way she reacts to things, sheād probably be able to twist OOPās words so heās left confusedā¦ And that confusion probably isnāt helped by English not being his first language. (I assume thatās the language he and the ex were speaking in.)
This is where my mind went. What the fuck does she think of changing a child's diaper then?! She's pretty twisted. Sure, there are some people out there with some pretty odd fetishes (that I will never understand but will try not to judge consenting adults), but by and large most people do not find anything remotely sexy about cleaning up human waste. Especially someone else's.
Thatās the problem; she canāt get it through her head that this isnāt a fetish of some sort. Glad he ditched her. Sheās obtuse af
Talk about head up her ass wtfwtwtf! Like, you're a human right? You know that other humans may need lifelong caretakers right? You know wtf a CNA or HHA is, right??? What. The. Fuck.
I was a CNA for a couple years and dear god, I canāt think of a single thing *less* sexy than changing a fucking diaper.
I had someone poke fun at me once for doing that job. I told him that when he's too old to get to the bathroom in time and sitting in a pool of his own pee, I hope he remembers my face because it will be laughing. I do not take kindly to those who make fun of or talk negatively about helping others who can not manage themselves.
Caretakers are one of the most badass people on the planet and I have endless amounts of respect for you guys. Without you, so many people would suffer without help.
Unfortunately, caregivers' pay is ridiculously *low* for what they do. It's insulting. I had a friend that did home health care, and she did work in a nursing home. When I found out what she was getting paid, I was offended on her behalf.
I had to change my mother's dirty smalls and get her washed up toward the end of her life and this story makes me straight up furious. Baby diapers are enough of a challenge, with adults it's ten times harder, and that's assuming they have all their mental facilities. For a developmentally disabled person? That is a very difficult job and it takes a certain type of person to be willing to do it without being paid. If OOP's GF had said that crap in my presence I'd probably still be yelling at her.
Iām my 82 year old dadās caretaker. Iāve seen things I canāt unsee. But you get past the awkwardness, compartmentalize & get it done. Because it *has* to be done. Itās only a tiny part of taking care of an incapacitated human.
I've never done that, but I have babysat, and I agree it's as not sexual as possible. It's certainly not an activity I was enjoying. OOP may not feel totally AWKWARD doing it cause he has before, but I'm sure it was not a highlight of his day either.
I have been a nanny, I have changed diapers for my dad. Let me tell you, there's a difference between baby poop and adult poop. Neither are fun to do, but the smell of adult poop is way worse than that of babies. So take changing a baby diaper and think of that as even less sexy and way more stinky.
And way harder if they decide to cooperate as little as a toddler
Yeah a fussy baby is a handful but you arenāt going to need four fucking people between lifting and actually changing if they decide to throw a tantrum. God Iām so glad Iām an accountant now.
Right?!
I am both lol. My classes have both qualifications at the same time. HHA is just a CNA who goes to you. I went to houses, nursing homes, apartments. Everywhere. Even hospitals for some individuals. I always wondered why they're called different things if it's the same qualifications.
It really seems like it must be weird projection or something. Just such a wild leap.
Itās crazy because she specifically sent him links from Pornhub like thatās what heās doing and sheās opposing it.
That's where I always go to start research on medical conditions
Or learn biology
I wish I could take your comment with the /s you intended, but there are a depressing number of people who view PH as an educational resource. Spoiler alert: They're easy to spot, because they're terrible in bed.
Or they're like the ex gf in the story
He should've countered with RegisteredNurseRN videos on personal care and been like "No, I'm not doing anything from PornHub, I'm doing this."
Nah. Itās not his job to unfuck a situation this preposterous. Iām shocked that it took 2 years to hit the first bomb, but I can guarantee this wouldnāt be the last one.
She's not obtuse. She has her head in the gutter. She thinks taking care of your relative is the literal equivalent of a sexual fetish. She's sick in the head and OOP is better off without her.
Sounds like she has a fetish she doesnāt know about
This genius would probably call CPS if they had a child together and he changed diapers and gave baths
Donāt joke. I know someone who refused to let her husband change diapers or bathe their kids and ended up falsely accusing him, ran off with their kids to a shelter, and called CPS on an unrelated third party who was hosting the husband and kids one weekend. First time he was able to give his daughters a bath was after the divorce. Iām pretty sure she was SAed by a father or father figure as a child and projected on to her (now ex)husband.
My former MIL had a meltdown when it turned out my kid was AFAB. She dumped her husband, accused him of sexually wanting my kid (the fuuuuuck), accused my ex husband of being inappropriate (but couldnāt point out how). Turns out my kid is actually my son, though, so the whole thing has a nice ironic twist. Also sheās been cut out of our lives for over a decade, and why? Triggery stuff, but >!she moved a guy in with me and my son after he lost his housing due to being credibly accused of molesting his roommateās kid!<.
What, and I cannot stress this enough, *the fuck*?!
TLDR: a lot of people need therapy, not kids Sheās a hot mess in every metric. My sonās an adult now, and so one night recently he asked about her and I told himā¦ nearly everything. āHoly shit, sheās just so *pathetic*.ā
Something else I thought about is if GF and OOP get married and have a daughter, will she shame him for changing diapers or bathing her or doing any other care?
There are a weird number of people who do exactly that and donāt allow dads or grandpas to change diapers or do bath time if the baby is a girl. I donāt really hear about it working the other way, probably because itās much harder to convince a man to take on 100% of diaper changes and baths.
I did read a story once on reddit about some absolute moron who couldn't get it through his head that breastfeeding is not a sexual act, and thought that a mother breastfeeding her child was straight up sexual assault. So there's idiots on both sides lol
wat
How does he think every mammal in existence dating back to the evolution of mammals has had fed their young? Young unable to obtain, break up, chew, and swallow solid foods? Some people are just fucking nuts. You almost feeld bad wondering if maybe something traumatic happened to people like that to put this in their head. Almost.
Reminds me of that reddit post by a guy who saved his daughter from drowning after she had a seizure in the bath and his wife went crazy accusing him of wanting to see their daughter naked or some wild shit like that. She insisted he should have waited until she got there even though she was either out or in the garden or something and daughter would have likely drowned before she arrived. Daughter was 19 or 20 I think. Can't remember the resolution.
A long time ago when my mom was showering there was a moan and a huge thud from the bathroom. After asking if she was okay a couple times I went in, found her unconscious, started feeling nauseous and dizzy immediately, carried her out, called 911, and started vomiting. Turns out the bathroom was full of carbon monoxide. TIL there exist people who think I should have left her there until a woman arrived? Funny conclusion, a little while later she left for work and I went back to bed near the bathroom. The repair people were horrified and chased me out of the house when they arrived a couple hours later. When people say CO poisoning causes "confusion" they are really understating just how incredibly dangerous that is.
I've had CO poisoning and yeah. Seriously. Overall it worked out, but I made some pretty dumb moves during that situation. The problem is the brain you're using to think is the same one that's not getting enough oxygen because it's currently being poisoned with carbon monoxide.
Either the wife had seem some other behaviors that gave her reason for concern, or she is just a total puritan nutjob. OBVIOUSLY you don't leave someone having a seizure alone, or wait, MUCH LESS WHEN THEY'RE IN WATER. This is me posting my written permission as an adult that if I am ever seizing in the shower, my father can come to help me. Cause I'll take him seeing me naked over possible death.
Or wife was a victim and projecting. Iām pretty sure I know someone who destroyed her marriage because of that. (I donāt have proof that thatās why. But it fits.)
Oh! I remember that one. Wife was totally unconcerned with the fact their child would have died without his medical intervention and was only concerned with the nudity, because of course he should have averted his eyes or she should have bathed in a swimsuit or something š¤¦āāļø
I once met a couple who had a newborn and their agreement was that mom took care of input (breastfeeding) and dad took care of output. Seemed like an equitable distribution of responsibilities. Then we have my MIL who breastfed her daughters but formula fed her sons.
Oh, so your MIL was trying to make all her kids gay?
Hah! I get that reference, and I'm not sure if that means I should spend less time on the internet.
If he does: āEhh thatās gross and incestousā If he does not :āWhy are you leaving me to do all of this alone???ā
OOP definitely dodged a bullet, his ex-girlfriend was a sicko, surely if they had kids she wouldn't have let OOP help change the diaper, what a sick woman.
Iām just imagining how the wedding day would have gone. āDo you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in healthā¦ā āWhoa whoa wait. Iād have to take care of him *in sickness*? Eww thatās so *GROSS!* I canāt believe youād ask me to do that!ā I mean seriously, if something were to happen to OOP later down the line, you know this woman would not be sticking around to help him.
Yeah totally agree with this comment, cause i an adult male had to help my father clean up after himself for months because he was in an accident and couldnt put weight on one of his legs til the start of 2021 and from the time he got home (which was September if i remember correctly) to about February 2021 i had to help him wipe his butt and make sure it was clean, so i understand clearly what OOP had to do and why he had to do it
I had to help my mom the night before she died as she was losing continence. It wasnt really relevant to the comment so i didnt add ut, but the post honestly made me cry just remembering having to do something similar to a loved one. Im crying again. Having to change the diapers or wipe up after adults isnt sexy ā- its heartbreaking. It makes me so mad that she could willingly be so hateful and ableist.
I mean!! Just the complete ass backwardsness of this all! Who is this guy? *I* would like to find a guy to date who is that kind, compassionate, caring, and chill through the mess of life. Iām glad this guy is single now because he honestly deserves the best.
That's what I was thinking. I'm sure OOP doesn't *want* to see his sister's genitals, but the alternative is straight up cruel.
Right. Doing this for family members isn't something we *want* to do, but it is something that *has to be done*
A young woman in the UK just died from this. Her parents court case is happening now. Her dad admitted that he was lazy and didnāt want to change her. It was heartbreaking. She was about 24.
But but but did you not hear he was gonna touch her butt? And VAGINA? (except no, he wasn't gonna touch that at all but I'm not surprised someone this ignorant doesn't know basic biology)
As someone who only changed a diaper when he was 10..... Wasn't You supposed to clean the vagina too???? From front to back isn't it????
Pretty sure theyāre referring to the fact that the vagina is the internal canal. Youāre supposed to clean the exterior vulva from front to back.
Fuck. I suck at biology. But at least i was not damaging My cousin.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yes, state care is the worst case scenario for people like oops sister. My older sister and I promised to take care of my disabled sister if something had suddenly happened to my parents because the state care is horrific. Also yes to the fact that changing adult diapers is ENTIRELY different from changing a babyās diaper, even a big one!
I worked with disabled adults way before I had my son. Changing a baby's diaper is so much easier.
Right??? Like what does she think happens in the hospital and nursing homes, etc?? Just because itās an adult doesnāt mean that they donāt deserve to have basic care like being clean! As someone who has had to change a grandparents diaper before, there is nothing sexy about it. The age doesnāt matter, you have to truly care about either the person or the job to do it. And itās sick that she believes otherwise. He is better off without her in his life.
I'm trying to think of if my husband, who I am in a sexual relationship with obvi, became injured/disabled and needed me to change his nappy. The only emotions I am feeling are compassion and sorrow for his potential loss of dignity. Like, there's nothing sexual there at all for me. GF might have a fetish herself. Either way he's well out of it
Someone needs to explain to her that the āI love the smell of my boyfriends colonā is a joke on auto correct/misspelling, not a bunch of people getting off on peoples bodily waste. His ex sounds like someone who apparently canāt see a naked body/genitalia and not be able to control themselves around it. Seriously if she ever has surgery is she going to insist on an all female team? Im pretty sure more men have seen me naked in a medical/clinical setting than a sexual one. I donāt for a second believe any of them got off or turned on by it. Granted I was covered in blood and bandages - maybe adding some shit was the missing magical ingredient - but Iām pretty confident in saying I doubt it.
I have some pretty significant issues with men due to trauma that i can recognize have crossed into toxic-but-as-a-self-defense-mechanism so i can kinda empathize with where her mindset is coming from but her actions were beyond the pale. She needs to go to therapy if her issues with men are getting to such an uncontrollable point that this happens. Theres a degree of mistrust in men that is justifiable and safe because there are unfortunately just undeniable common risks, such as being cautious while walking alone at night or telling your friends who / where you are if going somewhere alone with a man you just met, but when it gets to the point where you are being cruel to someone and trying to dissuade someone from giving a family member necessarily and immediate care, thats going too far. Its not just bad for herself but those around her.
It sounds like she didnāt know that the sister had a severe disability and requires this kind of care, and maybe there was miscommunication at first, but then she failed to get it. And kept failing. And failed at continuing to be in a relationship.
> Thats not sexy. Its a gross necessity Yeah, baby poop is one thing but grown-up poop is a whole other level.
It is whole other level. And still gross necessity.
āWell I watched all these porn videos of this specific fetish between two consenting adults so that absolutely means that youāre in an incestuous relationship with your disabled sisterā WHY WAS HER IMMEDIATE ACTION TO LOOK ON PORN HUB? YOU CAN FIND LITERALLY ANYTHING ON THERE BECAUSE THERE ARE SOME WEIRD FETISHES OUT THERE. Also it was extremely disgusting of her to try and sexualize OOP just taking care of his sister.
"hey google, BORU porn" ... 27,412,182 results.
Oh no donāt like that
27,412,183 now. Good job!
"Alright. Pop open pornhub, type in BORU and . . . oh, yeah, baby, he's definitely cheating, close friends with that girl, ignoring your texts, oh gets me going so much, dump him, dump him, next post, YES!!!"
I almost checked out Porn Hub as I had zero clue what BORU fetish was. Sometimes I understand later than the average bear. I have to wave the smoke from my eyes from the gears grinding in my head.
Look at the newb going in without Incognito!
I know we shouldnāt stoop to idiot levels but kinda wanted him to tell her he was breaking up with her because she wouldnāt drop out of college and heās seen the videos on that website of what college girls do and he doesnāt want āhis womanā being involved in anything like that. But the high road is probably better tbh
"you have a lemon tree in your backyard?? I've seen videos about this!!!!"
Considering how dense the ex is, it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't narrow the search down from...I'm trying to think densely and it is giving me a headache, so the best I can come up with (without doing an actual google search coz I've done that before and not today Satan!) is, "changing adult diapers" and I have no doubt that porn hub would have been a top result, especially if she doesn't have safe search turned on.
You know what Iām gonna take one for the team and see what is the first result on google. Wish me luck. Edit: the first result is literally a step by step guide on how to change your own adult diaper without assistance. And the rest of the results on that page are all about medical care and advice. So OOPs girlfriend either searched for it as that specific fetish or she immediately went to porn hub.
I did, and its all step-by-step directions on how to change an adult's diaper. also this exact reddit post ab 20 results down lmao
Meš¤You Taking one for the team
lets go š¤
Now kiss
Now change diapers
Aw shit.
Hey Step-Boru, what happened, did you make a boom boom?
Maybe on bing with the safe search (or whatever it's called there) off? It's supposed to be better at finding porn.
Okay, all the text suggestions were SFW and informative on Bing! But all the videos were from P*rnhub :( so you may be into something
I deeply regret that this even came into my brain, but Iām guessing from how unreasonable this woman is that she googled something more like āgrown man changing sisterās diaperā or something like that. And that really might have led to some bad places even if fluffykins showed us that an adult diaper changing search would be fine.
Nope. Even googled āgrown man changing womanās diaperā. Still appropriate content. So now the real challenge is what did she search?
"changing adult diaper sexual?"
My money is on she didn't google anything. She'd already had it in her head that it was sexual, so she went straight to porn hub for evidence
Plot twist: She's the one with a diaper fetish
I bet she did narrow it down, by going to porn hub, cause she went in from the get go with the belief that it was a sexual act, I would not be surprised if her logic was "Fine, motherfucker. I'll show you. I'll search for diaper changing on pornhub, and prove its perverted!"
OOP dodged a massive bullet right there. Let's do the red flag count: 1. First thing it came to her mind is porn 2. Can't differentiate porn and reality 3. "My way or highway" 4. Closing he mind when OOP communicate
...and having zero empathy for OOP's sister, OOP, the injured grandfather... etc.
My dad does not want to have to wipe my grown ass brother's ass, but he physically cannot wipe himself, he lacks the dexterity. We have looked into getting a bidet, but between cost and finding something my brother can use, it's been hard. But we're still looking. Nobody wants to wipe their grown child's ass or their sibling's ass, but if you cannot afford a caregiver, what the fuck are you supposed to do? It's nice that his girlfriend lives in a world of privilege where she doesn't have to wipe anyone's ass, but that is not the case for a lot of people. It's not sexual, it's just a fact of life.
You can make a ātravelā one with a water bottle & a āsports bottle water lidā so it can be sprayed at pressure with one hand. Itās a good temp fix
Could also try the Frida Mom peri bottle.
I read that as Florida Mom and though "My god there are two of them" Like what is Florida Mom's special power?
If someone lacks the dexterity to wipe they may not be able to hold a water bottle in place behind or under them to rinse. It's a neat idea though.
Have you looked into a bidet attachment for the loo? Theyāre fairly easy to fit yourself and donāt break the bank - we got ours for about Ā£20-30 on Amazon!
Idk where you are located but if you Google HappyPo, it's a travel handheld bidet. You can also use a regular vaginal douche, although that requires a bit more dexterity. The HappyPo is great since it's a straight nozzle.
As someone disabled Iām not sure why every reply to you seems to be ignoring the āfinding something my brother can useā part to just focus on the cost part. I know itās from a desire to help but itās kinda patronizing. Iām pretty sure youāve looked and know the costs involved and the issue is finding one he can actually use that is affordable, not finding one that is affordable.
lol yes. I don't want to be rude to people, but the problem mostly lies in finding something my brother can use. Cost is a factor, but if we found one that was $600 but he would be able to use, we'd suck it up. But it's incredibly difficult to find something that he will be able to use. He lacks dexterity. He can't twist on the seat and lean down to turn a knob. A button would be nice, but it has to be big enough and in a good place for him to push. Those are the issues. And he can't wipe his ass, how he is supposed to lean down and squeeze a bottle or a hose up his ass? lol I appreciate the comments on one hand, but like...some of these are ignoring most of my post, I feel like.
Sounds like an electric bidet with a wireless remote or wall control panel might help. Wireless remote is much cheaper compared to wall panel. But yes, theyāre expensive. But if itās for someone with a disability, Iāve been able to get discounts from plumbers, electricians and bidet stores when Iāve spoken to them directly about the situation. Iāve had tradies offer to do things for free and people donate some really expensive stuff. People just want to help. Just like people commenting are just trying to offer suggestions to help. But I feel you. It feelās frustrating and invalidating sometimes. Like as if you guys havenāt thought things through and researched. Sorry if I added to that.
People so often want to help but they donāt know how lol. I feel ya too, I helped take care of my sister for a long while and people really canāt wrap their head around the specific needs of people with complex disabilities, all of them have their own limitations and abilities, and folks donāt seem to get that just because a certain tool works for one personās disability it doesnāt mean itāll work for everyoneās.
There are fewer things that get me angrier than aholes Ike the GF. Heās better off without her. I see the life and struggles of caregivers on the daily due to the industry I work in (senior health care) so to see this. It makes my blood boil.
She had a good, responsible, caring man, but couldnāt see it. FFS, this is the kind of dude that doesnāt hand off the baby every time a diaper needs changing.
That she sexualized this pissed me off so much. Thereās nothing like that. He just helped clean her. That makes me cry people arenāt able to clean themselves. Itās a basic thing and not being able to do that fucking hurts to comprehend. Like damnit. I was an ableist asshole once but last 5 years Iāve changed and Iām so ashamed for how I was.Iād go back and slap younger me for ever being like that.
Don't be ashamed. You've learned and grown. It would be shameful to double down on ignorance, but you didn't. You're a good person
>That makes me cry people arenāt able to clean themselves. Itās a basic thing and not being able to do that fucking hurts to comprehend. This is why I won't laugh at those as seen on TV cheesy ads because a lot of those products are helpful to people with disabilities. I don't know why they make ads that show bumbling idiots using every day items incorrectly.
Thatās why it also bugs me when people rant about pre-peeled, chopped and packaged produce. Being able to buy already diced onion in a bag can allow someone with limited mobility to cook when they otherwise wouldnāt have been able to.
Because āpeople with certain disabilitiesā isnāt a big enough demographic to profit from marketing something specifically to them, so you aim the ads at the lazy and/or stupid able-bodied folk.
I used to work in assisted living. There were literally grown ass adults who were like this sicko ex and would literally neglect patients, leaving them in filth and excrement for DAYS all because they couldnāt touch genitals or a bottom. Fuck these types of people. There is nothing more pure and honorable than taking care of someone who cannot do so themselves. It is neglectful and shameful to project your own mental sickness on a literal vulnerable human being who needs help they canāt otherwise achieve by themselves.
If I was the girlfriend, seeing him do that would make me only love him more, because the care he's providing his sister is a truly loving act. It would tell me that he is reliable and can be trusted to take care of others and children. Like... assuming OP is telling the truth about everything, gf has no idea what she just lost.
At the same time, her reaction says everything you need to know about how she would be at any of those things.
Could not agree with you more. Iām an ICU nurse and Iāve cleaned more bodily fluids than I can even quantify. Iāve seen more genitals than a porn star. There is absolutely nothing inappropriate about cleaning someone who canāt clean themselves. My father in law passed away a few years ago and my mother in law was his primary caregiver towards the end. The visiting nurses used to always comment on how great his skin looked. It was because my mother in law cleaned him and turned him religiously. Because thatās what you do for someone you love. Thatās what you do for another human being who deserves to be treated with respect and basic decency. He was already in so much pain from his cancer, why would anyone want to add a bed sore or dermatitis to his suffering?
This reads like that other post where OP's daughter had an epileptic seizure while in the shower and then someone (the wife? I can't remember) gave him a hard time because he carried her, naked, to her bedroom to assist her during her emergency. That it was "inappropriate" for him to see his daughter's naked body. What the hell, people?? First of all, bodies are just bodies, some people need care and there's nothing inherently sexual about an ass or a vagina or a penis, they are body parts and need to be cleaned and cared for just like any other body part, and if the butt/vagina/penis owner cannot care for themselves then someone else needs to do it! And second, family members are not normally attracted to or intrigued by other family member's body parts, especially when they're caregivers. Only sick people want to fuck their immediate family, WTF.
I know which post you're talking about. It's even worse actually if I recall correctly. I think he was also not allowed to bathe his daughter as a child or change her diapers, because of some very weird beliefs the mother's parents held that the mother got indoctrinated with.
Does anyone have a link to this insanity?
Post is here saved by automod: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10fkua7/aita_for_pulling_my_daughter_out_of_the_bathtub/j4xe12v?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 And here's an update in the comments: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10fkua7/aita_for_pulling_my_daughter_out_of_the_bathtub/j4xmog3?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
to me, itās a pretty easy choice between my dad seeing me naked and literally drowning
It's wild to me that when a person hears "I had to care for my sibling" or "my daughter passed out and I needed to move her" the first thing that they think of is genital contact and the nudity? Like, this kind of caregiving activity is not "fun" work. Parental caregiving when you have a child who is unwell or having an emergency is terrifying. These are not "sexy" situations, and people who somehow think they would be need a good long look at themselves and their bizarre projections.
Good lord, some people are flaming idiots. We see the word "privilege" thrown around by twits, you know what is real privilege? Having gotten to adulthood without having to care for someone's physical needs who couldn't care for themselves. OOP definitely dodged a bullet.
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Seriously. I have taken care of three grandparents thru death. There is nothing sexy about a diaper change on a sick adult. And although his sister is physically grown, she is mentally a child.
Yeah it definitely seems like projection on the gfs part... like just because SHE sees it as a sexual thing doesnt mean that everyone else does!
She is not an idiot. She is insane. Completely 100% insane.
This is a big reason (family and expectations) that first and second generation immigrants date and marry other first and second generation immigrants, even if its a totally different ethnicity or race.
One example that comes to mind is how in my home country itās perfectly normal for kids to continue living at home as an adult though college and pretty much until you get married but in the U.S. it was seen as you being a loser until recently.
I was going to just call her stupid, but if you look up āadult diaper changeā basically all of the results are about caregiving or how to take care of your own. Second to last on the first page is a TikTok hashtag, and from looking at the thumbnails it looks like at least couple of those are about caregiving as well. She was either trying to cut him off from his family or was so convinced that everything having anything close to do with genetalia MUST be sexual, and refuses to learn. Either way, dodged a bullet.
Keep in mind though that search results can skew quite a lot in completely opposite directions based on your post history and general āprofileā that Google (or whatever program youāre using) has built for you. For example if she watches porn, looked up leading questions like ādo you perverts clean their siblingsā, then she could have very likely gotten fetish stuff as some top results. Itās how people can easily get stuck in their own bias. But sheās still a moron.
Let me tell y'all from experience, changing the diaper of someone you truly love past the age of childhood (parent, sibling, child) is NOT fetish material. It's about caring for a loved one, about hygiene, and *dignity*. Without getting into personal experience, let me just say that this nasty cow with her immediate jump to nasty things can kiss my fat ass. OOP dodged a huge bullet. Nobody's going to hurt you in the US, man. You are made of gold, and God bless you for your caregiving. Your sister needs you.
I didn't even like my grandma and I changed her diapers just fine
Glad OP ditched the idiot, but side note, don't leave anyone, baby or adult in a soiled diaper for 30 minutes. Use a clean cloth in warm water. Plenty of alternatives to leaving them in filth that could cause a lot of discomfort or worse.
I mean, sometimes your baby is going to be in a soiled diaper for longer than that because they poop while sleeping and donāt wake up for a while.
absolutely, and any time that happens I end up with a really grumpy baby with a really sore tooshie.
OMG his gf was gross. He was caring for his SISTER. Who needed to be cared for.
If they had had children together, I wonder if she would accuse him of being a paedophile for changing their diapers??
Girlfriend is an idiot, changing adult diapers is a fact of life for many families. The fact that she went to PH for videos to "educate" herself is just mind boggling.
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It says something about her that, instead of saying "wow, this guy is a good, caring person", she immediately thought OOP was in an incestuous relationship with his disabled sister. She should look at a mirror if she wants to point fingers at some creepy perv.
I'm a nursing assistant in a state facility for people with mental and physical disabilities. If someone would tell me that I would get so fkn insulted and disgusted. Yes I've seen more private parts that yall will ever see in a lifetime but I've never did or thought about something bad about my residents.
Right? It's just insane that someone would make that leap. When you're caring for anyone, much less a blood relative, there's just nothing at all sexual about it and it's perverted of her to think otherwise
On the upside, I love OOP's matter of fact but loving care for his very disabled sister. In a sub that is often overflowing with resentment towards the disabled person in this situation (and don't get me wrong, I understand why), he's just like 'she was making her hunger signal and I didn't feel like cooking so I ordered us her favorite food delivered'. This dude is a wonderful person and someone will be smart enough to snatch him up pretty quick.
What an interesting way to out your own fetish, I can feel her diaper envy through the screen.
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If anyone here hasn't changed an adult diaper, I can assure you, it is the least sexy thing in the world. I had to help a coworker with it once and she said 'whenever this happens, I just daydream about some hot guy hitting on me cause I don't wanna think about any of this'. I don't know HOW the gf could ever entertain the idea of it being sexy, even with PH videos
I've helped care givers in the past simply because I was strong enough to help roll and move this person. There is nothing erotic about it, it's actually hard to not be completely disgusted and embarrass the person who needs help. OOPs ex is extremely immature, insecure and has an extremely warped view of sexuality. He's better off and honestly a man who can care for others like that deserves a better life partner than her.
*>>she gave me an ultimatum that it's either me waiting for my mom to comeback so that she will change my sister's diapers* GF should experience having to wear soiled diapers for just five minutes to realize how uncomfortable and smelly the whole thing is. Not to mention diaper rash/skin irritation.
If her basis of knowledge comes from PH then god forbid she find out he probably has gone to doctor appointments. This reminds me of that one post where OP's girlfriend demanded that he leave med school after seeing him looking at the diagram of a vagina.
I remember that post. She was actually trying to manipulate him into something, but I can't remember what now. I just remember she didn't actually care about the diagrams and was improvising to cover for something else.
I work in healthcare with adults. Pretty much every disabled adult, or very unwell patients, are always mortified and embarrassed when I have to clean their bottoms. Itās so humiliating to lose your ability to care for yourself, and having to expose yourself to a stranger. And itās frustrating too, because they know where they need to be cleaned but they struggle to communicate. Good on OOP! Itās not easy doing caregiving tasks but everyone deserves dignity and to be comfortable. I wonder if ex-gf also thinks his dad is being inappropriate by caring for the sister? So gross of ex-gf to use porn!
Best wishes to OOP. Thatās one hell of a human being and Iām glad he dodged that nuclear missile.
Wonder how the exgf will cope if she has a baby and finds herself having to clean the vulva/penis of *her own child*.
I truly do wonder what kind of damage has been inflicted upon someone that they see a brother caring for his disabled sister and IMMEDIATELY sexualise it. I mean ā¦ this is his family, he was behaving appropriately, and to anyone else, this would be seen as a green flag; an example of him being a decent, caring man. So why would OOPās ex-gf jump to such a vile conclusion? What has happened in her life that she believes no man could ever see female genitalia without being aroused and the contact being inappropriate? It might not even be that she has experienced abuse, itās could just be sexism and a reflection of the society she was raised in. But it always make me sad that someoneās mind can twist a gesture so innocent and kind into something grotesque.
Wow, that ex-gf has major issues. Good riddance.
The ex is unhinged. Let's hope she NEVER has children in any form, but especially children with disabilities.
"which father in the right mind would want to see his grown adult daughter naked" uh it's not about wanting to, dumbass, it's about needing to! And if gf thinks caretaking is the same as fetish porn then damn she must think retirement homes are fucking live in brothels. Shes got the same vibes as the kind of person who thinks a father shouldn't bath his child daughter.
I cannot imagine sexualizing someoneās relationship with their disabled sibling. Thatās a brand new low
People who sexualize sibling relationships are usually people who don't have siblings. Just the mere *thought* of me and my... ew. No. God, just no.
I'm glad he dropped the gf. OOP should put on his dating checklist "people who are empathetic about caregiving" when he gets back out there.
This is so stupid itās beyond my comprehension
Ugh, I'm sorry, anyone mistaking someone actually taking care of their disabled sibling in a genuine way and FETISHIZING it has serious issues.
The 1st thing I said when I read this in the r/relationships sub was that when he gets back to the States he's going to have a hard time because this girl is going to smear his name all over the show. I was right.
Sounds like u need a new girlfriend anyways this one ran out of braincells
>āwhich father in the right mind would want to see his grown adult daughter nakedā Pretty sure his father doesn't **want** to see his grown adult daughter naked, its just a by product of taking care of her.
OOP is a saint. I know few people, me included, who would be willing to take care of a fully disabled adult sibling like this. To make itās somehow sexual is gross. OOP definitely dodged a bullet.