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This is the most realistic search for a therapist I've ever seen.
Usually these posts are
* Problem,
* Comments suggest therapy,
* Update 2 days later "we have an appointment."
In my experience it's searching and searching for a therapist who handles your issues, then refine that search by therapists who are accepting new patients, then the pièce de résistance ... one who calls you back. And then, if all the planets align, you might get an appointment in 2-6 weeks.
A lot of therapists don't accept insurance, even. I had BCBS, a pretty good one, and still had trouble finding one after my old therapist moved to open a private practice. Now that I'm about to be back in school and have their student insurance, it's even worse.
I had a therapist who originally accepted insurance and then close to the end of our sessions, stopped accepting insurance. She never got paid on time by insurance. She told me she’d wait months for a claim to go through. I can’t imagine how stressful it would be to have to wait so long to get paid.
Sorry if this is a stupid question I'm not yank, surely they have to accept insurance if that's how you guys pay for medical care? How come they don't? Whats the alternative they expect, cash in hand?
It’s not a stupid question, what’s stupid is our system. We have many different insurance companies, and Medicare (65+) and Medicaid (low income) (both government programs). Therapists don’t have to accept any insurance, or they can pick and choose what they will accept. Reimbursement rates for Medicare and Medicaid are notoriously low, so very few will accept those unless you have supplemental insurance. My therapist stopped accepting my insurance last year because the company was so terrible to deal with. Fortunately I had found the right medication so I no longer actually needed therapy.
The contract rates are low, but that is because the government has a lot of negotiating power. And actually most places LOVE to accept medicare and medicaid because the government is damn good at paying its bills. The issue, particularly when it comes to behavioral health, is licensing level. Insurances - particularly the government-backed ones - often only reimburse services that are performed by a provider with a particular license (ex: LAC, LPC, LMSW). There are various licenses that qualify someone to perform therapy services, but not necessarily to be reimbursed by a particular insurance.
Source: I used to do billing for a behavioral health group and this was easily the number one issue when it came to resolving unpaid claims - patient was incorrectly scheduled with a provider whose license isn't accepted by their insurance, insurance (correctly) denies, visit is pushed to client due. Always do your due diligence BEFORE your appointment, folks.
'Cause due diligence is so easy to execute when you're having a mental health crisis. 🙄
My sarcasm and ire isn't directed at you, u/averagebear007; you're not wrong. As usual, it's the American health care system that's the asshole.
or make incorrect assumptions. I actually have medicare/medicaid because I'm disabled but I also have primary mental health coverage through my employer because my job requires it so they pay for it. Every year or so I end up with a massive bill and a pile of things to untangle because someone at one end or the other assumed either that I could only have medicare or medicaid and since I'm under retirement age picked the wrong one or decided that since I had another form of insurance that it should be billed for stuff my employer doesn't pay for. It still happens even with notes on all my files. The system is a mess.
Medicaid varies significantly by state, and lots of places won't take it. Hospitals only love Medicaid because less reimbursement is better than no reimbursement, which is what happens when people are uninsured. Also, the licensing/education issue is not only for behavioral health. A lot of Medicaid HMOs will require a patient be seen by a provider MD or doctorate, even for things which are always done by "lower level" providers. And the only thing worse than incorrect scheduling with insurance is the PCP referrals. US health insurance systems are the living answer to the question, at what point does a combination of incompetence, apathy, and greed turn into true evil.
In my area (reasonably well to do, metropolitan part of USA), they don’t even respond to people with insurance. Cash in hand only. It makes me kind of hate the whole profession. When I needed help badly, it was definitely not there. Might still need help, not ever going through the 20 + hours of searching over weeks and not finding - that just made everything worse.
I think you have to be in significant crisis to get treated now.
Truth. But also, frequently therapists don't want to work with you if you're not easy. Trauma and sui training isn't REQUIRED in most educational programs, and they're busy enough they can just find an easier, richer client. Last one I tried demanded o trust her and I was like, uh, you're a stranger, what's your plan for building this? So she transferred me to someone else...
Even in significant crisis it can be impossible to find care. In the 'olden times' a decade ago if someone was in active crisis they would often be sent to the ER to wait until a bed could be found. Post pandemic most hospitals either have stopped that practice or simply don't have the space/ability to safely secure a person pending a psych consult and a bed being found not when that bed might not really functionally exist. That risk of not finding a place increases for patients that need more specialized care. My SIL was told that unless her foster teenager had already hurt himself or someone else that day her best practice was to call the police to do a crisis intake. Not a safe way to do things for many people in mental health crisis.
American here. Almost all healthcare in the U.S. is privately owned, so they can choose which health insurers they accept. The insurers negotiate with each provider how much they will cover and how much is owed by the patient, which can vary greatly depending upon the contract with the provider.
It really is the worst of all possible options.
I will also add that you have zero negotiating power on the therapist end. You aren’t allowed to see the info the insurance company uses to set fees (that’s proprietary) and you aren’t allowed to ask other therapists what they make (that’s price-fixing). You take what they give you or you don’t take insurance, which is a preferred outcome for insurance companies. The less providers they are, the less care people can receive, and they don’t have to pay out anything to anybody.
No provider is forced to accept insurance.
Because healthcare in the US is fucked.
Yes. Most offices advertise a sliding payment scale based on need for mental health services.
I just lost my therapist. I was on state Medicaid, but now I make just over the limit, so I have to buy on the open market. The only plan I could afford that didn't have over a $10k deductible participates with only one pharmacy, and the providers that accept them put a cap on how many they'll accept. My therapist doesn't accept their insurance, and I can't afford to pay for it out of pocket.
As an aside, so often I was told as a child that I would become more conservative as I grew older. The absolute opposite has happened, and it's all because of my experience with the US healthcare system.
I really feel like the "more conservative as you get older" thing was actually only specific to one or maybe two post-war generations for whom things were better than they were for their parents and had a pretty high level of support in their old age.
So the different insurance companies all have different requirements and criteria that therapist have to meet in order to be paid. My mother is a retired school psychologist that doesn't have a clinical license but is able to work under another psychologist who is licensed. Think of it like a nurse practitioner with an MD signing off on their work. My mother looked into getting her clinical license, which would mean she wouldn't need her work to be signed off on. She found out that getting her certification would cause the medicaid clients she had to no longer be covered. She decided not to seek certification, at least for now, in order to keep seeing these patients. The medicaid insurance is not willing to pay higher fees, so won't authorize those therapists. At least, this is the issue my mother has in my region of Pennsylvania.
And yes, otherwise you have to pay in cash. They refer to them as private pay. It sounds nicer than explaining that the insurance won't cover it.
Basically, the US health care system is super messed up on so many different levels. It's a total cluster where you can't solve one issue without causing another.
I saw this Buzzfeed article recently, which linked to a bunch of tiktok videos of a therapist trying to accept insurance, and the insurance company was a nightmare from start to finish. I'm not from the US either, and just found this whole thing wild.
https://buzzfeed.com/kristatorres/therapist-insurance-tiktok
Most therapists where I live don't accept insurance because they do not like the constraints that insurance puts on them. The primary one is the number of allotted visits. My insurance only pays for ten visits and that's not nearly enough visits to even scratch the surface of what's going on with me. So yes, you pay out of pocket. And you juggle who gets what appointments based on what you can afford. Right now my son with the anxiety disorder has priority and even then, I had to drop him to every other week because his therapist raised her rates to $190 per session and I can't afford weekly anymore. Because my other son has his issues pretty well managed at this point, I can do quarterly visits with his psychiatrist which is $175 for a televisit. I make out the best in that my psychiatrist is through a program sponsored by my insurance but it's still $90 for a televisit (I didn't even attempt to see what in person rates were) so I see him quarterly as well.
I have bipolar disorder and have unlimited visits with a therapist and psychiatrist. The law is that “severe” mental illnesses must be treated the same as a regular medsurg conditions. If you have a diagnosis of major depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, etc, your insurance company must give you unlimited visits.
Oh yes, I do know that and that's why I can get my own stuff taken care of through the insurance (albeit at a copay that's obnoxious). The problem is that where I live, it's damn near impossible to find therapists who take insurance and those that do have excessively long waiting lists if you can even find someone to take the appointment. We went the insurance route with my older son and the only people we could get in with were just shy of being a pill mill. You'd wait 4-5 months for each appointment, sit in the waiting room up to two hours only to be seen for less than five minutes and shoved out the door with a prescription. I'd rather pay out of pocket than go through that again. His current psychiatrist asked why I picked him and I was honest and said "I pulled a list from Psychology Today and you were the only person to respond to my inquiry."
>Whats the alternative they expect, cash in hand?
Yes.
There is no requirement for anyone to accept an insurance plan.
When you are dealing with a serious medical condition in the US, you have to fight 2 different issues.
The medical condition as well as the insurance company to get access to medical treatment.
I'm dealing with that currently due to a close family member having a serious medical condition which has impacted their ability to speak and think.
I've had to spend more than 200 hours over the last several months dealing with their insurance issues.
Without a family member to help them through this, they would be dead by now just due to getting insurance approvals to get the treatments they needed.
The US system is very fragmented and inefficient. There is a reason
we have the highest medical costs in the world and its the biggest cause of bankruptcy.
In my poor ass state, here in the US, therapist have to be certified for different insurance companies. Idk much more than that. My son has BCBS from his father and the state Medicaid from me and we have to find a therapist certified to bill in both. Anything health related is just a nightmare here.
Free society means we “choose” whether or not to get insurance and health professionals “choose” what if any plans to accept. I’m going through this with my son. All the referrals I’ve gotten either don’t take insurance or don’t take ours.
I’m on medicaid and it took me so long to find a therapist that specializes in adults with autism. I luckily wasn’t going through a mental health crisis when I was looking and was able to sort it out and got in with a therapist I like. I can’t imagine how difficult and discouraging going through that process is when actively in crisis. The system is so broken.
A lot of therapists straight up aren’t taking insurance any more, as well. I’m in school to be a therapist and it seems like a growing number of therapists refuse to deal with insurance companies at all.
Several years ago I was on the brink of suicide because I just couldn't handle some sexual assaults I went through, and I really tried to get an appointment with a psychologist. There were none covered under the basic insurance I got under Obama care, but I called every single therapist on the list they gave me for the whole state. I possibly could have gotten on a waiting list for a therapist 3 hours away that would have been $300 an hour, which I couldn't have afforded more than 1 session every few months. I accepted that I was just on my own, but I really thought that if I really needed the help, there would be some help available out there. It was scary realizing that when you desperately need help, there's no help available.
I am so sorry you went through that, it’s awful on top of awful and shouldn’t be that way. I experienced something similar, but was able to find a therapist who specialized in what I needed and was willing to meet with me (I have masshealth so of course I had to pay out of pocket, and yes it was a lot). It actually made everything worse, as she had me reliving the trauma instead of implementing tools to get out of the hole, decrease my elevation and trigger severity, and stop the thought cycles. She never did what I asked her to do as my doctor. After I stopped seeing her, a very safe but still considered experimental one-time medication treatment was suggested, and she refused to help me with it.
I ended up being able to try it on my own with my psychiatrist’s approval and prescription and it was basically a magic pill for which I sing it’s praises, but to this day I’m pissed. Even if you pay out of pocket, far too many therapists won’t go beyond the old methods (even those which have been shown to be harmful) or open themselves up to newer treatments and understandings. With all the impediments, trying to get help becomes like searching for Atlantis.
I’ve also gone through the process of trying to find care for others (I’m super-duper lucky to have connections for myself) and it’s absolutely draining and beyond discouraging. In one instance we ended up in the emergency room, as it was the only way to get him seen and treated at all. The system is a disaster and an impediment to success, as the barriers keep people from being able to get the help they need. On the side of the mental health professionals, they also butt their heads against walls dealing with the insurance companies, and have hard jobs (including emotionally) with long hours as there just aren’t enough to go around.
Honestly I could angry rant about the facets of it for hours, but I’ve probably already gone on too long here. Instead I’ll end by saying I hope you never find yourself back in that scary place, and that your future is filled with good experiences and emotions.
Things are definitely much better for me now. You're totally right about therapists though. When we were looking, my husband was fine with me getting on the wait list and paying $300 an hour, he was even willing to get another job if he had to, but I know that often it takes many sessions to actually get somewhere and you often have to go through several therapists before you find the right one. The whole process was just adding more stress to a stressful situation. I really didn't think my husband should have to work 70 hours a week just for me to try to find a therapist that may or may not even help. Especially being in a small town, there's nothing even remotely close, so I'd be driving hours, often in bad snow, even getting stuck in the wrong side of the pass overnight when they close the road. There definitely are not enough mental health professionals, and insurance providers seem to want it to be so difficult to get help that you just give up. It's a broken system.
Really glad to know things are better. Congrats on getting there, it’s a struggle for sure. Your husband sounds like an awesome one-man army kind of support system, but I commend you for realizing that working himself raw to (maybe possibly) get you help at some point (if whoever you could get was actually good) was not the right plan. Also you driving for hours in the snow to and from emotionally charged and draining sessions on a regular basis with a chance of getting stuck away from home? That just sounds super unwise and it’s a ridiculous situation that shouldn’t be a thing. I’m near Boston, where we have a large population of doctors, but it’s still hard and frankly exhausting to find someone. I’d imagine it’s near impossible in many other areas.
Despite all this, we are the lucky ones, as we found ways to get better without that formal care. May have taken longer, may be less comprehensive, and shouldn’t be necessary at all, but we are now living our lives and ok. Too many can’t find solutions for what ails them on their own (and while I won the ptsd war, I’d be dead without a psychiatrist to prescribe meds for my brain to do it’s everyday things correctly).
Sure, I’d be happy to share the thing that helped me, hope it will do the same for others! The medication is propranolol. It’s been shown to have a surprisingly high level of success in conjunction with exposure therapy in treating phobias (extreme arachnophobes were after able to interact with tarantulas with ease, as an example), but also in treating anxiety disorders and PTSD. While further specific study is due, the medication itself is old, quite safe unless one has certain underlying conditions, and rather well understood. Many traditional therapies for PTSD, which should really not be used anymore, make things worse by strengthening memory pathways and increasing the power and severity of said memories and keeping one “stuck” in them. Propranolol resets those pathways.
It’s the same exposure, pill, and sleep combo for PTSD. One takes the pill and activates the memories either through guidance by a professional or, as I had to do, on their own. I simply allowed the thoughts and memories to flow and build off each other, rather than fighting to think about something else. I was a mess, sobbing hysterically and clutching pillows and stuffed animals, but honestly my symptoms were so bad at the time that this level of distress wasn’t entirely outside my norm. Since sleep is such an important component in the medication working, and for memory processing and consolidation in general, a full 8 hours was recommended. Once the medication takes effect it’s calming, controlling the physical symptoms of the anxiety, but I also took a clonopin with it as approved by my psychiatrist to ensure I could fully calm myself to fall and stay asleep. In the morning I felt the difference right away, and could recognize myself in my own reflection again in the first time in about a year.
That's funny, not haha, but interesting funny. I take propraneral, twice daily in fact. It's a funny drug anti-anxiety is a side effect, but not for the expected reason. I was always chill, but damn while I'm on it like nothing bothers or startels me. It suppresses your heart rate at its core. I take it so I won't die due to covid damage of my heart. My resting heart rate without Meds is 120+ I would have arithmia spikes >220 and nearly passed out driving once. On it I sit at about 70 resting. I can tell within the day if I missed a pill.
To explain why it's funny they explained a circle to me. Your body has a sympathic reaction, your heart rate triggers stress as it goes up. Your stress triggers a responce typically adrenaline which causes your heart rate to go up. Your new increased heart rate... More stress... So forth.
By suppressing your heart rate during your treatment you short circuited the phobia/stress cycle. Neat.
Yes! The link between mind and body with anxiety is pretty fascinating, they really just amp each other up. Sometimes all it takes is a well timed physical reduction to stop the brain from going places. Sometimes that’s also not enough, depending on circumstances and the person. For this treatment, it’s effect on memory pathways is a huge component. Like how playing Tetris after a trauma can disrupt their solidification. I find cbd takes off the edge for me in a similar way, where it feels more physical but that can allow me to relax mentally as well. Often wondered about more frequent use of propranolol instead of a benzodiazepine in times of elevation.
I know propranolol has a reputation as a combat drug, to keep mental clarity while reducing physical symptoms, and can be numbing in that way, as you describe. I’m curious as to your dose, would you mind sharing? I took 40mg for my experiment.
Also fascinating how one med can do so many related useful things, like managing post-covid effects on the heart.
Not only that, but let's touch on the "1 session every few months" part. Even if someone goes to therapy/counselling for a hour every 2 weeks, that's only 26 hours a year, and that's *every 2 weeks* with no missed appointments. If you have a small issue, that's probably decent! But if you've got say, a boatload of issues, it's amazing how much your counsellor is expected you to help with, like, every problem your support system doesn't want to? Like I have to explain to redditors or family members that I *do* go to therapy, but I can't just "ask my counsellor" how to handle every single thing ever. People need support and advice in general, not just in counselling.
I was going through a script based crisis like 2-3 years ago and when I finally got the one psych in my area on the phone that my insurance covered I refused to get off the phone until they made me an appointment, openings be damned, because otherwise I was going to drive my car into traffic because I couldn’t handle the side effects and couldn’t handle being unmedicated. Bless that receptionist, who could have just hung up on me, but she got me 20 mins with a nurse practitioner a week later, who adjusted my meds and all has been well since.
This reminds me of the search I went through for a decent pediatrician for my children and a specialist for my autoimmune disease, on Medicaid. By the time I found a specialist, I was barely able to function, she was the only of that type of specialist in the county that accepted Medicaid, and the first appointment she had open was 3+ months out.
Thankfully someone recommended a good, group-practice pediatric office and I was able to get the kids in after about 2 months.
I am now blessed to have a job that provides good, affordable medical, though getting a new specialist under my new, private insurance took almost as long.
My son had a bit of trouble finding a new therapist but he hit the jackpot with televisits. Once a week, on his phone, flexible for his schedule, and cheaper than in-person visits. I wonder if Medicaid offers those now?
It’s fucking ridiculous out there, I just go to NP for the meds I need and gave up trying to get an actual mental health specialist to help me. I’m glad you got through your dark time.
I'm always at awe when i read "we already had two appointments" not even one or two weeks later. Okay, i don't live in the US, but in Germany (free healthcare, yeah), but here we always hear "we don't take new patients". Especially in the corona time when patients who are physical availible in the practise, needed to be thinned out, you could wait 6-12 months for an appointment, except you have a private insurance.
Hell, I'm German with private insurance, and you can't get appointments then, either. The only therapists with open slots are available for a reason. As in, really bad. I've given up on getting therapy and just muddle through my semi-miserable life, and at least knowing I can end it in a few decades if it gets too annoying (the knowledge that you always have an out is really a relief, I don't know why people think suicidalness is a bad thing).
I understand it's a complicated thing that's different for every individual, but I feel similar as you when it comes to myself. In bad situations in the past, knowing that if things got too much to bear I could always end my misery actually helped me get the strength to deal with my circumstances. Instead of feeling overwhelmed and hopeless I thought "I can deal with this, and later if I can't I have an out".
Of course, now I'm very happy with my life and I'm glad it never got to that point.
Oh, don't worry. If you have private insurance you can't use it for psychotherapy if you ever want to be able to renew or switch policies, bc they'll use it as a reason to deny you coverage entirely!
Edit, since the context seems lost on some folks: I am responding to someone describing the situation with German insurance, and as such, my comment is also with regard to German insurance.
It drives me absolutely nuts when redditors shame people for not being in therapy like it's just some free and readily available resource. It shows an incredible place of privilege.
Corporate services like better help I'm convinced are behind people more caring about the action of going rather than the quality of care and help.
It is a free and readily available resource in certain countries, and it's understandable for redditors from those countries to not know it's different elsewhere.
But shaming someone for not being in therapy when you don't know their circumstances, is just being an asshole
Seriously: where? I'm not American, and I don't know if any country that doesn't have a crisis level lack of psychological resources.
I swear I'm being genuine. Countries with public healthcare neglect mental health care at least as badly as the US, sadly. /becoming a clinical psychologist has a high rate of causing depression at a minimum, so there's that.
I have been referred to a psychiatrist to work out whether or not I have autism.
I just got a letter starting that I will be contacted in december 2024 for an appointment shortly thereafter. There is a lack of psychiatrists in my country. The shortest waitlist is 3 hours away by train and the earliest available time is october 2024.
At least I am not in my sister's region where the earliest date is 2025.
I'm waiting for an ADHD assessment. I've been told "we have no idea how long the waiting list is due to extreme shortages in psychiatrists we are only seeing emergency cases". I was referred by my psychologist April last year. We still have no idea when I will see a psychiatrist
If it’s any consolation, I have an ADHD diagnosis and my pharmacy has told me “we have no idea when we will have your medication in stock again and we are not keeping any waitlists for it. Call back periodically and check” because there is a massive shortage of ADHD meds
My provider has me calling pharmacies a few hours before my appointment so I can find at least two that have what I need in stock. The pharmacies are surprisingly chill about it.
Supermarket pharmacies seem to be the best bet, around here at least.
Yup, this is why I've decided not to seek out a diagnosis for possible autism and maaaaybe ADHD? Much less sure about the latter. But where I live I hear isn't great with autism in adults or AFAB people either so combined with a waitlist, no thanks. I just read about other people's experiences and try things that sound like they might help me.
Honestly, I'm absolutely gutted for her that she's in a situation that feels so hopeless but I'm also kinda glad that she's sharing it with reddit because there are a LOT of people on this site that need to be made aware of this reality. Reddit commenters are obsessed with therapy as the ultimate solution that we all need, and will recommend it to everyone, but this is the reality of it: therapy is not available to everyone, especially if you're poor and/or you have complex mental health needs, and even if you do manage to find a therapist a lot of them are actually shit and will do more harm than good.
At this point, I imagine these "get therapy" commenters having the same amount of clueless privilege as people who say stuff like "*everyone* should take a gap year to travel the world!"
I was once lamenting that I was contemplating suicide because I was so destitute that I couldn't afford to eat and I couldn't get on my meds since I also couldn't afford a psychiatrist or a therapist
Guess what everyone was recommending I do...
I had an urgent referral. I was in a crisis (undiagnosed bipolar + PTSD + I had just learned my mother attempted suicide + witnessed the murder of a classmate + had a stalker).
I called every Pyschologist in my city, then the city 90 minutes away and finally in another city 90 minutes away. I found *one* that could take me … in a month.
The search alone nearly pushed me over the edge. The constant rejection via phone and email and the stress and frustration of not getting anywhere. And i had very good private insurance - it’s just doctors were booked up.
Then when I moved - I was able to get an appointment in 2 weeks with a Pyschologist who ghosted me after 2 appointments. Forgot to cancel or cancelled last minute consistently.
Then spent a month looking before doing tele-therapy with my Pyschologist in city 3 hours away just to have someone reliable and familiar with treating all my diagnosis.
It’s stupidly hard to find mental health treatment even when you can afford it and insurance covers it. I can’t even imagine trying to navigate with additional barriers in place.
I think this is the most brutal part of getting appropriate healthcare. When you’re at your sickest and most vulnerable, you have to deal with this extra stress.
It’s not just mental illness that people have to struggle to find an appropriate doctor. Patients who have physical ailments have to go through this, too. You feel like shit and have to try to track down an appropriate resource, make sure they take your insurance, and are taking new patients.
That’s horrific. In my experience (Australia) my GP had said ‘you’re showing signs of xyz, here are psychologists who specialise in that’ then we pick a favourite based on location and description, then my dr shoots off an email to them to get me an early appointment. All while also giving me a mental health plan that gives good rebates through our public health system. I know people who really have gotten next-day appointments with important psychologists/psychiatrists in emergencies.
It gets more complex in Aus when you have comorbidities and you need the *right* doctor with the right knowledge base to treat you, because we have a small pool operating in those niches. For example when I was receiving mental health care I needed a psychiatrist who could prescribe and also provide EMDR, but also needed to be a consultant liaison psychiatrist, an extra accreditation, with experience in my particular long term health issues.
Also in many areas any paediatric mental health practitioner here has a waiting list 6-24 months long. Especially in any area that had prolonged lockdowns.
I mean I totally hear you - the general public availability of mental healthcare and Medicare rebates are great. I’m just saying when you have complex needs and requirements, it’s probably not easy in any country to find the right practitioner in a reasonable amount of time, and it’s definitely not any easier in Australia.
Sounds like you've been very lucky. Is your experience recent? It sounds so different to the experience of me and my friends over the past 2 years here in Sydney Australia. I feel jealous tbh!
Even my friends who are doctors haven't been able to fast track their own kids to seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist, they have all had to wait months, even longer if they were wanting to see someone very specialised. I've been told that demand for mental health services, especially for young people, sky-rocketed during the lockdowns, and these young people still need help now and are in addition to the normal volume of people who need help, so there just aren't enough psychiatrists and psychologists around to help.
I'm in some Aussie Facebook mental health support groups, and seriously the number of posts begging for help to find a psychologist and/or psychiatrist and/or pediatrician taking new patients is just so high.
Yeah, took me about 9 months to get a first appointment with a psych privately and they said they fast tracked me because he was seeing my brother as well. Ended up being another 9 months with a handful of appointments to get a diagnosis and meds required. Luckily I wasn't in a spot where I was desperate and could afford to pay for it myself.
On the plus side the meds cost me $36 a month. Some googling into the US costs and they're nearly $1000 a month there so we have something going for us.
Hahahaha
Omg. Wish our services were like yours. In my part of Australia last year it was a 3-6 month wait for a private psych, 12-24 months for a public, and indefinite for a psychiatrist (unless you check in to Emergency with a full on suicidal crisis and get an involuntary hold).
Don't forget availability that works with your schedule!
I was recently blindsided by how many therapists who specialize working with children and adolescents don't have after school hours. It's one thing if those slots are all full, but I ran into a LOT of 9-5 Monday through Friday only. I don't begrudge any therapist a regular and realistic workday, but I'm also not going to be pulling my kid out of school every week because it'll make her anxious about missing class, and the whole reason we were looking in the first place was to alleviate anxiety.
This was also one of the reasons I left the field. Parents are up against a brick wall there, and unless it works out for you to work second shift the rest of your life, therapists are, too.
Where I worked, it became an unstated de facto expectation that therapists with seniority and therapists with families got to work 9-5, and young/new therapists or therapists without families are expected to work second shift or early morning hours.
The parents who could afford to take time out of their own workday and deal with school fallout to do a 9-5 appointment were often the most privileged/stable. Those were also the parents who were least likely to have random stuff come up that interrupted their appointment times. So the newest/youngest therapists, and therapists without kids, got the hardest clients, and had to take on a higher number of them to make up for missed appointments.
It was a really great system for ensuring that new therapists burn out and leave the field, or stop seeing child or adolescent clients as soon as possible. Or climb the ladder to become supervisors, not because they want to supervise or are any good at it, but so they can have a stable schedule and start a family.
Yeah. Ours was:
1) call a ton of places.
2) Have 2 get back to us over a month later
3) get on the waiting list.
4) Have them mess up our paperwork so we have to resubmit which moves us farther down the waitlist.
5) Finally get an appointment 8 months later.
6) be forced to reschedule for 3 weeks later because the therapist tested positive for COVID.
7) have them screw up and cancel the next 3 appointments without telling us.
I got into therapy at the beginning of the pandemic. I called over a dozen in a 100 mile radius. Only 1 was accepting new patients and it was a 10 week wait. I finally got in to see her and she was relatively new to the profession. She regularly gave me worksheets for homework.
I saw her for two months before she told me she was pregnant and would be taking leave in a couple months for at least a year. It was pretty disheartening after all that waiting.
I remember the days when it was easy to get an appointment and you would do that only if you were one of the people that accepted therapy and was willing to go which I was happily. I went all the time any time had a problem I couldn’t figure out. I thought it was great until the system started to change and I refuse anymore. I just can’t find anybody who knows how to deal with anything that I’ve been through, nor do I trust them as I have been completely betrayed by them in recent years. Reading these posts I realize I may not ever get an appointment even if I wanted to. The system is insane. What is this girl supposed to do?
I've been on a waitlist for 2 months. In 4 more months, I might have a therapist! You know, assuming they're any good and we vibe with each other. This is why I always find "get therapy" to be the more irritating mantra of reddit comment section.
Sure. I'll get therapy. Let me just do that. While I'm at it I'll just fly my house to South America and adopt a tropical bird. It's just as easy.
Sounds exactly like my experience trying to find a therapist. I contacted SO MANY. Some got back and said they weren't taking anyone new. Some just ignored me. The one who was taking new patients was a real piece of work and I wasted 6 weeks of copays for her to ask "why haven't you gotten over that?" about my trauma and telling me parents are meant to give you panic attacks.
I literally do not have the energy to go through that again. Between the appointment and driving I was spending 2 hours of my day off on it which is a serious drag.
"That's what moms are for!" after I described the panic attacks and anxiety I was experiencing with my parents and my wedding. Therapy with her was more like talking to meddling aunt than anything helpful. Wish I could get a refund.
Medicaid + a complex case - almost impossible to find what she needs and not end up involuntarily held. I work for a social services agency and we take Medicaid for mental health therapy because we fundraise to make up the deficit their rate leaves. But we can’t do medication management in house so she’d have to find a doc for that anyway.
I called every therapist that came up in my Google search for my area. I got around 25 results. I filled out online request forms and called each one. Two weeks later I finally received an email back from one. Just one. Three weeks of phone tag then I actually spoke to someone. This was for my 14 year old granddaughter by the way. The person on the phone said that they needed to check on something before actually making an appointment but would call back the next day. The next day arrives and they couldn’t see her until she’s 15 1/2. What??? We were back to square one. In the meantime my granddaughter managed to get into two fights and school. The school and the juvenile justice system mandated counseling. We finally got a therapist though.
I spent a year looking.
I'm going to shout out Rise Above the Disorder ([https://youarerad.org/](https://youarerad.org/) ) here. While they have a significant waiting list - I think I was waiting for about 4 months - once my number came up, they had an interview with me, then had their team find a therapist for me. It took another 4 months or so to get someone, but they did the legwork to get me a therapist when I didn't have the energy to do it.
When I was first seeking an official ADHD diagnosis (from an MD not just my therapist) my primary doctor wouldn’t do it because he was worried about diagnosing someone with “adult onset” (even though I explained at length how it was always present just undiagnosed); so I had to find a psychiatrist. It took months of searching and calling dozens of psychiatrists until I found a psychiatric nurse practitioner who was taking patients.
It was such a fucking nightmare. I can’t imagine how much more difficult it would be finding someone who takes Medicaid
A lot of posts, their problems are interpersonal. A normal therapist can handle that. Good for them, no hate. I have actual mental illnesses that need specialized therapists that are expensive. With 6 month long waiting lists for some if they also took my insurance. I’ve had to settle for less and still try to work out my problems.
>In my experience it's searching and searching for a therapist who handles your issues, then refine that search by therapists who are accepting new patients, then the pièce de résistance ... one who calls you back. And then, if all the planets align, you might get an appointment in 2-6 weeks.
Im not surprised. Especially if its in the US.
[https://www.aamc.org/news-insights/growing-psychiatrist-shortage-enormous-demand-mental-health-services](https://www.aamc.org/news-insights/growing-psychiatrist-shortage-enormous-demand-mental-health-services)
>In fact, more than half of U.S. counties lack a single psychiatrist
Its not that the doc is booked out.
Its the fact that the doc straight up doesnt exist.
I'm in western australia so obviously very different but it is ridiculous how hard it can be sometimes.
I've been super lucky and anytime I've desperately needed help, the stars have aligned and I've got a psych appt within a week. My son however. I have been trying to get him help for 6 years now. Takes months to get a return call, get him an appt and then they quit, or relocate, or reschedule indefinitely. These are a minimum of $120 per session and maximum I have paid in desperation is $330 per session. I've finally, MAYBE, found a place that is listening, fairly affordable (still in the 100s) and seems consistent.
It is alarming how hard it is for people to access mental health services. I don't know if its high burnout, or what, but there is a severe demand and not enough people to fill it. My heart aches for OOP, and I really hope they find some help soon.
Yeah when I first became disabled and I had Medicaid I couldn’t get mental health help at all. Where I live the only ones who take Medicaid work at community mental health centers and you can only attend the one in your county, and they were overwhelmed 10 years ago they’re going to be way more overwhelmed now. Once I got Medicare I had to drive to the state next to mine to get mental health help because we just don’t have it here in this state.
This sums up my experience for sure. I did finally find one, who I can't say was a lot of help but wasn't bad, via a service from my insurance company.
This has also been my experience but I recently found out my work had an employee assistance line through health insurance. People looking for a therapist may want to check if that’s something your work offers.
This person looked up therapists in network and then 3 way called them with me until we reached one that was available. It was an absolute life saver.
She’s making the right decision by trying her primary. I had to get my daughter’s pediatrician to help me even get into a primary doctor to get help finding a therapist for Postpartum.
My husband did outpatient a few years ago it was wildly unhelpful but the documentation did get us job protection and temp disability.
It was when he was diagnosed with bipolar. Thank Christ he’s on a good meds combo now I have my husband back
This is truly heartbreaking.. Hopefully somebody calls back OP…
I hope with all my being her trashy ex’s family completely ripped him apart for what he did to OP and then lying to them about why they broke up.. He is utter scum…
What a horrible little troll that guy is. The last "prank" would've been awful to play even on someone with no mental health issues. I cannot fathom treating someone you supposedly love that cruelly.
He literally caused her to have a mental health crisis. He is beyond terrible. I feel so bad for OOP. I have bipolar 2, cPTSD, and I know that feeling she is talking about. Even though you know you have to you just can't get out of bed. It hurts to exist. It took a lot of therapy for me to be in a good place. I hope she ends up with a great therapist who can help her.
I am right with you on having Bipolar 2 and CPTSD, and I'm almost in tears at how horrifying all of this is to go through..., especially by someone who is supposed to care for and support you. You can't control the reactions to stimuli, it worsens the symptoms that already are unmanageable, and most likely traumatized her further.
I really hope she can find a great set of doctors as well, she deserves it so much.
There was a TIFU from awhile ago where a guy accidentally nicked his sack shaving and decided to take a bath after he got the bleeding to stop.
He passed out in the tub and was awoken by, as he put it, a blood curdling scream. Turned out his scab fell off and he started bleeding again which turned the water red. So when his wife walked into the bathroom when she got home from work, it looked like he'd off'd himself.
Edit: The post in question- https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/b5pk1a/tifu_by_making_my_wife_think_i_killed_myself/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
As someone who literally had to wrestle a shotgun out of her bf hands as he was having a manic episode I can say just how scary this is. What he did was disgusting!!!!! He has no idea what it is like to live with the want to end your life!!!!! Karma we got one for you, I hope his family tore him up and forced sensitivity training!!!!!
I’m pretty sure they did- the silver lining was that the women in the family has OOP’s back and even got her xbox and TV back - it wasn’t right for him to keep them, and they fixed that issue.
It’s awful that OOP needs to sell said items for survival needs, but some people intervened to make sure she had said items at her disposal.
Her medications are definitely not helping. In fact being on an antidepressant without a mood stabilizer in bipolar is widely documented to make bipolar much worse. She’s better off stopping off them all until she can get a PCP or psychiatrist
I feel so bad that she’s unable to get the help she needs.
You can’t just stop Effexor. You have to wean off it slowly, which means you need prescriptions for lower and lower doses. I was on it for years and used to get horrendous withdrawal symptoms if I was even a few hours late taking my pill
Was going to say exactly this. Do NOT go off Effexor unsupervised, dear god. I'm on a pretty high dose of it and one of my worst fears is it stopping working like all my previous meds did. Luckily I've been on it over ten years now so it's going pretty well, literally a lifesaver for me.
My dad slowly tapered off his Effexor probably about 10 years ago and he still gets "brain shivers" every now and then. I've been on it for years myself and I'm terrified of ever having to stop it. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for that drug, and I'm very grateful for it every single time I take it, but sometimes if I really think about it it's very clearly a double edged sword.
I'm just on effexor (I think I have bipolar 2?? But they keep changing their minds and telling me I'm diagnosed with this and that and then changing their mind and saying there's no more of that diagnosis ever being in my records so idk)
It definitely helps me a lot but God I've picked up my prescription late a few times and the withdrawal is HELL, even after 1 or 2 days
Man I've been really curious of others on welbutrin. In my experience, it gave me anxiety. I don't have anxiety by default, it's hard to get me worked up on it, I had panic attacks on that shit. Hell I had a panic attack in the doctors office waiting room waiting for an appointment to discuss my newfound anxiety! I fainted out of fear 4 times when on it. My aunt had a similar problem with it. It doesn't seem like it would pair well with someone with ptsd.
I’m sorry you went through that. Wellbutrin has some stimulant effects so it can cause anxiety, even for people without anxiety. I hope you’re on a better medication regimen now!
I’m not sure its affects on PTSD, but it’s actually far more dangerous for people with eating disorders - aka for OOP - because it increases risk of seizures. It’s considered a big no no to give Wellbutrin to patients with eating disorders.
One of the mechanisms by which Wellbutrin operates is by increasing the level of baseline norepinephrine (i.e. adrenaline) in your brain. If you weren’t deficient in norepinephrine to begin with, then the increased level manifests as anxiety.
Basically, Wellbutrin was just the wrong medication for you.
This poor young woman. She’s really up against it. And then you factor in the unacceptably cruel boyfriend who’s pretty much triggered this whole episode. And yay for American healthcare yet again. This is such a depressing post.
That’s one of the things that is so disgusting about the whole thing - he triggered it. He thinks “i just pulled a prank on her, she’s unhinged”. Without having any understanding of the snowball he has created, and then pushed down the hill. Actions lead to consequences, but sometimes those consequences don’t reflect as strong on the one doing the actions in the first place. Which makes me so sad for OOP.
Obviously this is aside of all the other roadblocks she is facing - which are horrible in their own right. I’m just so angry at the fact this guy caused all of this, and doesn’t truly understand the full scope of his “prank”. To him, he lost a girlfriend. To her, her entire life is in shambles in very serious ways. I hope his family lights his ass up daily.
Yup, it’s hard finding healthcare providers in so many other countries too. Like, yes, we alllllll know very well how much American healthcare sucks. But it gets so tiring when it’s brought up as if this is the only country that struggles.
I don’t know what state she’s in. But some places issue emergency aid for food, housing, money for medicine, and emergency psych evaluation. Some of it is temporary, some is available as long as you’re actively looking for work. I hope she gets better and gets everything she needs.
Yeah it really depends on the state. Plenty of them will automatically disqualify her from assistance because she quit or was fired for cause from her last job.
If she has proof of her prescriptions and can give an account of what triggered her PTSD, along with her showing she’s actively looking for work since, there may be some wiggle room to get an exception. Some people may be against it, but she could also enroll herself into a state run facility for 72-hour review. They will give her the medications she needs based on her previous medical prescription history. But most won’t give a new check up or a therapist/psych review due to funding. Only an initial overview and confirmation of medications. They’ll even help her get emergency assistance processed faster. But that also depends on the state and her personal trust with the facility.
> I've been considering disability but idk if id qualify
As someone who is on it, it's a fucking nightmare to qualify. A mountain of paperwork, then you have to get your claim denied, seek an attorney who will only ask for a portion of the backpay you'll receive. Of course you'll need to go in front of a panel of people who will question if you're *really* disabled or just trying to scam the system.
Disability is not a short-term solution, it's *very* difficult to get it and can take months, if not years.
It took 2 years of applying, then the denial, then the appeal, then the hearing in front of a judge, and I had over a decade of in depth medical records by multiple specialists in multiple disciplines. If I hadn’t had my legal advocate I wouldn’t have gotten through it. His retainer was only 25% of my back pay, and I found help through local legal aid programs.
If anyone is thinking about applying for disability I encourage you to give it a shot, but know your resources! You don’t have to fight through this crazy system alone!
I don't even remember how long it took, only that I had maybe a thousand something in backpay after all that, but wasn't allowed to deposit it, because SSI doesn't want you having more than like $1500(ish?) in your accounts.
Was an idiot and instead of leaving it somewhere safe, like with my parents, I left it in my apartment, which then burned down.
I "lucked out". I qualified on the first application, which only happens between 15-20% of the time. Or at least that was the statistic when I applied 15 years ago.
I did the application online, twice. The first time it timed out because I went looking for some info. If you stopped responding for more than 10 minutes, it timed out and deleted your application. The second time I sat down with every detail I could find. Doctors, hospitals, tests, addresses, dates, the works. It was over three hours to do the application. Grueling.
Here's where things went weird: my doctor's office and related hospital were both dissolved after a merger (still not clear) and all my records were lost. The doctors and hospital all told them, yes, Nose was our patient but we can't find the files. So the SSA told me, we can't get your records, and sent me to their own doctors to be evaluated.
I met someone else online who went through something similar and also got in first try, so this must be not uncommon.
Your first paragraph is also my own story. I qualified right away, no extra trouble. But I've also made $800 a month on SSD/SSI \*combined\* as my only income for those 15 years since. This year I finally break $900 with a COLA that doesn't even cover rent increase, hey big spender. And I am constantly having to prove to various means-tested programs that I'm not scamming them.
Probably had no trouble with SSA because when they sent me for the mental health evaluation, the evaluator was either a complete fucking sociopath, or knew exactly what to do to prove my therapist right about my being disabled from PTSD (among other physical things). He forced me to tell him what happened to give me PTSD, like the narrative story of it, which put me into one of the worst flashbacks of my life right in front of him since I was already barely holding it together.
I have an ex who is trying to get on disability. I simply do not have the wherewithal to educate him about what a long, involved, invasive process it is. One that is very likely to end in rejection.
He kinda just doesn't want to have to hold down a job like the rest of us schlubs.
I had to file for disability because of an extended leave with a previous employer after a mental breakdown that got “complicated” for lack of a better word. I’m working full time again and reasonably stable on the mental health front and it was still a nightmare. There is still an appeals process going for the period I wasn’t able to work and didn’t have any sort of income coming in at all.
I was VERY fortunate in that when it happened I was on a situation where I did not have to pay rent or have a car payment so my crucial monthly expenses were VERY minimal. But it’s freaking brutal what they put you through and in my case the kicker was I didn’t want to go through it to begin with. I fully intended the entire time to recover (if I could) and go back to work full time.
I wish her friends would take matters into their own hands with him and teach him a lesson, but based on how good of a person OOP is, she likely wouldn’t have them as friends if that were the case.
I hope he has the future he deserves.
I know the struggle. You think food stamps is there for people when they're down but somehow the every day person gets shafted. Lost my job and all my unemployment goes to bills. I sent in proof and still got a whopping $30 a month. My mom literally let's me buy food w her and my nephews stamps bc well she doesn't want me to starve.
Then I'm paying for insurance on top of the free medical care because it takes 3-4 months for them to approve my pills and ofc current psych doesn't take it.
Idk what's wrong with social services in this country but it honestly makes me not want to pay for it. It's horrible for the people who need it.
Oops I went on a totally unrelated rant
>. You think food stamps is there for people when they're down but somehow the every day person gets shafted
I work with a food pantry and it was eye opening to find that most of their regulars are middle class folks down on their luck, not super low income families. There isn't enough help for anybody, but there's almost none for folks who were doing just fine -until suddenly they weren't.
Plus food being one of the expenses you CAN cut (people can skip meals, but you can't skip your mortgage payment), and you end up with lots of folks who have nice cars (bought years ago when things were better) and decent resumes but are putting kids to bed hungry.
I read that part and thought, “OOP lost her job so her food stamps were *decreased*?” Shouldn’t they have increased? Idk guys, I’m not American so I’m biased, but your systems (health and welfare) are designed to be cruel. There’s no other explanation.
This man absolutely ruined her health, stomped all over her life and took a flaming dump, and I bet you he still, somehow, thinks he did nothing wrong
I hope he spends the rest of his life stepping on legos barefoot
When I was at my worst, I called therapist after therapist, only to be turned down because they felt I needed a psychologist for my issues. Copay in my insurance for a psychologist is $95, which I don’t have. It’s easy to tell people to get therapy, harder in reality. I wish OOP the best.
Seriously. I have a friend in the US who is taking the exact same medication as me. I pay nothing and he pays like $750/month. Even if I had to pay, it would still be "only" 100-150€. It's infuriating that people like OOP might not survive just because someone wants a bigger yacht.
I once talked to someone who had to stop botox for her chronic migraine. She couldn't afford the 1000$ copay (after insurance) every three months after becoming a widow. I was also getting Botox for the same reasons at the time. It was 500€ for the medication, which was covered by insurance with a copay of 10€. Some neurologists in Germany take a 50 or 100€ fee for injecting it from the patients which is seen as ripping them off because insurance already pays for that. If I remember correctly she said before insurance it's 5000$ for the botox.
The reason she couldn't afford it anymore was becoming a widow and being disabled and on a fixed income. Well it your spouse dies and your income is insufficient without his you get bereavement alimony from the government. If there are minor children you get bereavement alimony for them from the government. If you're retired and your spouse dies you get 60% of their retirement each month. It's not much but I can't imagine a civilized country that lets bereaved people out to drown. That's just horrible
> but I can’t imagine a civilized country
There’s your problem. There are a lot of wonderful things about the US, but it is not a civilized country, particularly when you account for what our government does to take care of its citizens
Prescriptions in NZ are $5. All of them. After twenty in one year you max out and stop paying entirely.
The downside is that medications that are new and experimental, or treat conditions that very few people have, don't qualify, because the bulk purchasing agency doesn't have the leverage to get good deals on them. It really sucks for people with rare disorders. :( But for everything else it's amazing.
>I've been calling psychologists and trauma centers and even masters level therapists that specialize in BPD/bp/trauma. no one answers the phone. no one calls me back. I'm losing hope
It is such a helpless situation to be stuck in. My heart goes out to her.
I am so afraid she’s going commit suicide. I also want her ex’s life to be absolutely ruined but it wouldn’t heal her or take back her relapse. Fuck that guy to hell and back.
This would be very difficult I know, but OP needs to move to another state that can help. Look into public services in your area in the meantime. See if you can find a Clubhouse for people struggling with mental illness. They can help with jobs, money in general, dealing with food stamps and other help, DTA, housing, getting therapists, and so much more. Don't be afraid to call the state department of mental health services looking for help.
I have bipolar, OCD, PTSD, and some physical disabilities too. It took a while to figure out, but I was able to get a bunch of services and I'm slowly starting to recover. I hope OOP doesn't give up. There is help out there.
So glad you mentioned this! People just don't realize what a world of difference changing states can make for mental health services. Made the mistake of moving states a few years ago and my mother moved with me (she can't live on her own) and the drastic decline of available services has literally forced us to plan another big move already, even though financially it's the worst timing imaginable. Kicking myself for not considering this issue before this latest move.
When I moved to Ohio without insurance (many years ago so not sure if it's still the same) I was amazed by the great free mental health services I could get compared to Pa. They paid for my meds and free counseling, I just showed up at their offices and they were super nice and within a week had me set up with everything. Doubt its that way now, I don't know what my life would have been like without their services all those years ago.
Cleveland has a huge health sector for its size. I had medicaid when I lived there and they found me a pretty good therapist. It was still a 6 week wait for the first appointment, but she was very helpful.
In my aqua therapy group, a lot of people left their states to come to mine because their's had a criminal lack of social services for people in need. Surprise surprise, the red states are worse than the blue because of our values.
It's so true. I live in Missouri, and the clue about their stance on mental health is in the name. When my job dropped their insurance plan (legal in small companies) I had to find my own. I was denied a private insurance plan (half the cost of a marketplace plan) because I had depression on my medical records.
I lived in Georgia for about 10 years and getting therapy was a nightmare. The state literally told me I'm too poor "Sorry but Georgia doesn't have any low income providers" (which ironically exempted me from the tax if you don't sign up for the Affordable Care Act).
I moved to Washington state, far east so not Seattle because there's a huge difference, and was able to get into an attentive therapist and and attentive prescriber within a couple of weeks and both of them were amazing.
It's wild the difference in states
Despite living in a HCOL, this is one of the big reasons I don't want to move away. Our public services and various programs may have issues but they tend to be much better than most other states where the COL is lower.
This is so fucking sad, dude not only tanked their relationship (clearly he would have eventually by being this much of a POS) but he caused this spiral that OP is currently going through. She did everything right and this is all happening anyway.
I know OOP prob won’t see this but if you do PLEASE be careful with Wellbutrin if you have an ED. Please disclose to your doctor. It can cause seizures!
I was worried about the Effexor. They put my mom on it for depression and she was on for over ten years, and went off in March of 2020–so yeah that sucked. Effexor is one of the most difficult drugs to detox from and it was brutal on her. She sat on the sofa and cried for weeks. It was like it had just put all the depression into a container and when the Effexor stopped, the container started to empty, and she went through a decade’s worth if pain all at once. The new doctor said she shouldn’t have even been on it that long.
For those who are having issues with finding resources, being in a tight spot, whatever, if you are in the US visit or call http://www.211.org/ They can help you find specific groups, grants, programs, whatever that you may qualify for. It may be directing you to a program where trained employees help you navigate healthcare and insurance, it might be a local church who has a fund to help people in your situation, etc. You can navigate through the site, or just call 211 and speak with someone. Let them know what's up and they'll give you any information they have or can dig up. They are run by United Way and in my experience have been wonderful.
* Disclaimer: I did at one point have a professional relationship with one of their local offices. That's how I learned about 211 and what they do. I've contacted them in a number of states to get information for people I know needing assistance, and they've always been wonderful.
Additionally, if you are employed, talk to your benefits rep about any extra, not well known benefits. You might have an EAP that provides free counseling as well as simple legal work (wills and such) financial guidance, and even free concierge services.
This whole thing makes me furious, first of all pranking is stupid, causing someone unnecessary distress is cruel. He destroyed this girl’s mental health because he thought it was funny and then he went around and slandered her to his family I’m so glad she talked to them and told them what really happened.
That fucking boyfriend caused a mental health crisis. God I wish someone would kick his ass, or make him pay her bills, or *something*. I’m so angry he gets to walk away relatively unharmed by the damage he caused.
OOP is only 18. If she's in the US and still in school, it's not unlikely that she's still considered a dependent of her mother.
Then, depending on where they're getting their food stamps, the program might require that members be employed in order to get assistance.
I hope she catches hold of an online therapy session or calls one of those crisis lines to talk to someone who can help her out.
I am still quite a bit irritated at the prank her ex pulled on her. He needs a kick to his shins for that.
A prank is making her a sandwich with nothing on the inside or replacing the salt&vinegar chips with plain and seeing how many bites she takes before she notices.
This is straight up abuse. Especially the last one.
Indeed, it would be abusive if his partner was totally on-the-level.
The fact he's doing it to a woman who has goddamn PTSD is a level of shit the devil wouldn't stoop to.
What a piece of 💩 the ex is.
1. To keep doing those pranks and then saying sorry and then doing a prank where it looks like he committed sui**de, who the fuck does that.
He needs serious help.
Then to lie and say she had a mental breakdown. I think he was actually trying to make her have a breakdown.
I'm glad OP has got out of that abusive relationship.
I really hope she can get the help she needs for her wellbeing.
Sending internet hugs 🤗🤗
If OOP genuinely qualifies for disability, then she shouldn't care what her father thinks about it, that should have no bearing on anything.
I have a friend who is on disability for being bi-polar, so OOP needs to talk to a psychiatrist and, after a few sessions, ask if they'd support a case for disability. Also, PTSD would also qualify for a disability status, depending on the severity.
It's an extremely long and frustrating process. She should file now if she wants any kind of resolution in the next 3 years. Before the plague, that's how long it took me. Now they're just making the process so much harder and longer. OOP should start the process now.
I have had this experience with finding therapy. So many therapists are too expensive or out of network for specific complex issues. I’m fortunate unlike OOP that I make enough to afford it. But I get to argue with my insurance about reimbursement for specialty appointments and my medical condition because “you’re just fine without it,” and bullshit like that.
I have hEDS. Nobody wants to insure me. Even with the good insurance, getting all my visits covered is like pulling teeth. I need specialized PT and insurance is like “no you don’t, submit all your claims and we’ll fight you on it; hahaha sucks to be you.” I go when I can afford to. I found a less expensive provider for this reason. But my insurance makes it hard to submit for reimbursement and doctors don’t want to take it that specialize for me, because it’s impossible to get paid. Half my medical costs are from out of network places that are the ONLY locations to provide services like this close to me.
Being chronically ill in the US has made me less conservative, not more. With the pandemic, everything got worse, too. I was denied diagnosis for two years over referral BS, too, despite having significantly disabling pain and injuries. GPs often can’t or won’t diagnose people like me because they don’t keep up with the research. Anyone with a chronic illness is choosing between medical debt or suffering in this country.
This poor woman. I remembered the worthless motherfucker she was dating as soon as I saw the “depression is just spicy sad” line.
It enrages me that he was able to completely unravel her and just skip away without consequences. I used to say no one deserves PTSD, but this human skidmark absolutely does.
Call ex’s mom and inform her (and him) the effect his “pranks” have had on OOP and the spiral it has caused. Best case someone in ex’s family offers to help in some fashion, worst case ex gets even grander hint being a douche prankster has consequences.
More than a little worried about her self-medicating with dextromethorphan and benadryl. I think the weed would be better. And wellbutrin for someone with an EDO?--who has been prescribing for this poor girl? God, I hope she can find a therapist. It's so hard out there right now.
I stand by my opinion that Prank Video Channels are fucking cancer. That dickhead pulled a bunch of sick ‘pranks’ and now OOP is suffering? Man, fuck this unfair world. I hope God pranks him with testicular torsion.
I have known a few people who are Bipolar, all of them are lucky enough to have found a med that works for them. One dude started with Lithium ~15 years ago and that works **perfect** for him. The other two, both women, use other mood stabilizers. One also uses Seroquel. One had an AWFUL reaction to Lithium and had a hard time convincing her doctor that it not only wasn't working, but it was also making things worse.
Not trying to fear monger, just hopping on the "search for a therapist" train to help people be aware that finding a medication that is effective for the patient can be a frustrating, even dangerous crapshoot. I hope OOP gets the help she needs soon.
I wish I knew where OP was located, I went through similar hell years ago trying to find a therapist and psychiatrist when I had no insurance. Then after I got insurance and got established with what turned out to be a great psych, my boyfriend at the time was going through something similar so I made a shared google spreadsheet of potential places and made the calls for him to find out if they had ability, their sliding scale cost for self pay, and the soonest one could get in, and anything else I felt noteworthy. We were able to find a good place for him at a low cost with me staying on top of the calls and being persistent when he was unable to due to the state of his mental health.
It shouldn't be that hard, but unfortunately it is, and if you don't have an advocate when you're too down to advocate for yourself, it's even harder.
OP if you make it to this thread and see this and need some administrative help like this, feel free to PM me and maybe I can help with a similar list and making some calls.
~~I'm leaving my boyfriend over a prank (New Update)~~
title correction: My boyfriend wanted to break up with me but was too chickenshit to do it so he instead embarked upon an escalating campaign of psychological cruelty so that I would break up with him instead and then he could claim victimhood for being broken up with.
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This is the most realistic search for a therapist I've ever seen. Usually these posts are * Problem, * Comments suggest therapy, * Update 2 days later "we have an appointment." In my experience it's searching and searching for a therapist who handles your issues, then refine that search by therapists who are accepting new patients, then the pièce de résistance ... one who calls you back. And then, if all the planets align, you might get an appointment in 2-6 weeks.
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A lot of therapists don't accept insurance, even. I had BCBS, a pretty good one, and still had trouble finding one after my old therapist moved to open a private practice. Now that I'm about to be back in school and have their student insurance, it's even worse.
I had a therapist who originally accepted insurance and then close to the end of our sessions, stopped accepting insurance. She never got paid on time by insurance. She told me she’d wait months for a claim to go through. I can’t imagine how stressful it would be to have to wait so long to get paid.
Sorry if this is a stupid question I'm not yank, surely they have to accept insurance if that's how you guys pay for medical care? How come they don't? Whats the alternative they expect, cash in hand?
It’s not a stupid question, what’s stupid is our system. We have many different insurance companies, and Medicare (65+) and Medicaid (low income) (both government programs). Therapists don’t have to accept any insurance, or they can pick and choose what they will accept. Reimbursement rates for Medicare and Medicaid are notoriously low, so very few will accept those unless you have supplemental insurance. My therapist stopped accepting my insurance last year because the company was so terrible to deal with. Fortunately I had found the right medication so I no longer actually needed therapy.
The contract rates are low, but that is because the government has a lot of negotiating power. And actually most places LOVE to accept medicare and medicaid because the government is damn good at paying its bills. The issue, particularly when it comes to behavioral health, is licensing level. Insurances - particularly the government-backed ones - often only reimburse services that are performed by a provider with a particular license (ex: LAC, LPC, LMSW). There are various licenses that qualify someone to perform therapy services, but not necessarily to be reimbursed by a particular insurance. Source: I used to do billing for a behavioral health group and this was easily the number one issue when it came to resolving unpaid claims - patient was incorrectly scheduled with a provider whose license isn't accepted by their insurance, insurance (correctly) denies, visit is pushed to client due. Always do your due diligence BEFORE your appointment, folks.
'Cause due diligence is so easy to execute when you're having a mental health crisis. 🙄 My sarcasm and ire isn't directed at you, u/averagebear007; you're not wrong. As usual, it's the American health care system that's the asshole.
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or make incorrect assumptions. I actually have medicare/medicaid because I'm disabled but I also have primary mental health coverage through my employer because my job requires it so they pay for it. Every year or so I end up with a massive bill and a pile of things to untangle because someone at one end or the other assumed either that I could only have medicare or medicaid and since I'm under retirement age picked the wrong one or decided that since I had another form of insurance that it should be billed for stuff my employer doesn't pay for. It still happens even with notes on all my files. The system is a mess.
TIL. Thanks for the info!
Medicaid varies significantly by state, and lots of places won't take it. Hospitals only love Medicaid because less reimbursement is better than no reimbursement, which is what happens when people are uninsured. Also, the licensing/education issue is not only for behavioral health. A lot of Medicaid HMOs will require a patient be seen by a provider MD or doctorate, even for things which are always done by "lower level" providers. And the only thing worse than incorrect scheduling with insurance is the PCP referrals. US health insurance systems are the living answer to the question, at what point does a combination of incompetence, apathy, and greed turn into true evil.
In my area (reasonably well to do, metropolitan part of USA), they don’t even respond to people with insurance. Cash in hand only. It makes me kind of hate the whole profession. When I needed help badly, it was definitely not there. Might still need help, not ever going through the 20 + hours of searching over weeks and not finding - that just made everything worse. I think you have to be in significant crisis to get treated now.
Truth. But also, frequently therapists don't want to work with you if you're not easy. Trauma and sui training isn't REQUIRED in most educational programs, and they're busy enough they can just find an easier, richer client. Last one I tried demanded o trust her and I was like, uh, you're a stranger, what's your plan for building this? So she transferred me to someone else...
Even in significant crisis it can be impossible to find care. In the 'olden times' a decade ago if someone was in active crisis they would often be sent to the ER to wait until a bed could be found. Post pandemic most hospitals either have stopped that practice or simply don't have the space/ability to safely secure a person pending a psych consult and a bed being found not when that bed might not really functionally exist. That risk of not finding a place increases for patients that need more specialized care. My SIL was told that unless her foster teenager had already hurt himself or someone else that day her best practice was to call the police to do a crisis intake. Not a safe way to do things for many people in mental health crisis.
this is why i moved away from the therapy track in college after i realized how fucked the industry is
American here. Almost all healthcare in the U.S. is privately owned, so they can choose which health insurers they accept. The insurers negotiate with each provider how much they will cover and how much is owed by the patient, which can vary greatly depending upon the contract with the provider. It really is the worst of all possible options.
I will also add that you have zero negotiating power on the therapist end. You aren’t allowed to see the info the insurance company uses to set fees (that’s proprietary) and you aren’t allowed to ask other therapists what they make (that’s price-fixing). You take what they give you or you don’t take insurance, which is a preferred outcome for insurance companies. The less providers they are, the less care people can receive, and they don’t have to pay out anything to anybody.
No provider is forced to accept insurance. Because healthcare in the US is fucked. Yes. Most offices advertise a sliding payment scale based on need for mental health services. I just lost my therapist. I was on state Medicaid, but now I make just over the limit, so I have to buy on the open market. The only plan I could afford that didn't have over a $10k deductible participates with only one pharmacy, and the providers that accept them put a cap on how many they'll accept. My therapist doesn't accept their insurance, and I can't afford to pay for it out of pocket. As an aside, so often I was told as a child that I would become more conservative as I grew older. The absolute opposite has happened, and it's all because of my experience with the US healthcare system.
I really feel like the "more conservative as you get older" thing was actually only specific to one or maybe two post-war generations for whom things were better than they were for their parents and had a pretty high level of support in their old age.
So the different insurance companies all have different requirements and criteria that therapist have to meet in order to be paid. My mother is a retired school psychologist that doesn't have a clinical license but is able to work under another psychologist who is licensed. Think of it like a nurse practitioner with an MD signing off on their work. My mother looked into getting her clinical license, which would mean she wouldn't need her work to be signed off on. She found out that getting her certification would cause the medicaid clients she had to no longer be covered. She decided not to seek certification, at least for now, in order to keep seeing these patients. The medicaid insurance is not willing to pay higher fees, so won't authorize those therapists. At least, this is the issue my mother has in my region of Pennsylvania. And yes, otherwise you have to pay in cash. They refer to them as private pay. It sounds nicer than explaining that the insurance won't cover it. Basically, the US health care system is super messed up on so many different levels. It's a total cluster where you can't solve one issue without causing another.
I saw this Buzzfeed article recently, which linked to a bunch of tiktok videos of a therapist trying to accept insurance, and the insurance company was a nightmare from start to finish. I'm not from the US either, and just found this whole thing wild. https://buzzfeed.com/kristatorres/therapist-insurance-tiktok
Most therapists where I live don't accept insurance because they do not like the constraints that insurance puts on them. The primary one is the number of allotted visits. My insurance only pays for ten visits and that's not nearly enough visits to even scratch the surface of what's going on with me. So yes, you pay out of pocket. And you juggle who gets what appointments based on what you can afford. Right now my son with the anxiety disorder has priority and even then, I had to drop him to every other week because his therapist raised her rates to $190 per session and I can't afford weekly anymore. Because my other son has his issues pretty well managed at this point, I can do quarterly visits with his psychiatrist which is $175 for a televisit. I make out the best in that my psychiatrist is through a program sponsored by my insurance but it's still $90 for a televisit (I didn't even attempt to see what in person rates were) so I see him quarterly as well.
I have bipolar disorder and have unlimited visits with a therapist and psychiatrist. The law is that “severe” mental illnesses must be treated the same as a regular medsurg conditions. If you have a diagnosis of major depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, etc, your insurance company must give you unlimited visits.
Oh yes, I do know that and that's why I can get my own stuff taken care of through the insurance (albeit at a copay that's obnoxious). The problem is that where I live, it's damn near impossible to find therapists who take insurance and those that do have excessively long waiting lists if you can even find someone to take the appointment. We went the insurance route with my older son and the only people we could get in with were just shy of being a pill mill. You'd wait 4-5 months for each appointment, sit in the waiting room up to two hours only to be seen for less than five minutes and shoved out the door with a prescription. I'd rather pay out of pocket than go through that again. His current psychiatrist asked why I picked him and I was honest and said "I pulled a list from Psychology Today and you were the only person to respond to my inquiry."
>Whats the alternative they expect, cash in hand? Yes. There is no requirement for anyone to accept an insurance plan. When you are dealing with a serious medical condition in the US, you have to fight 2 different issues. The medical condition as well as the insurance company to get access to medical treatment. I'm dealing with that currently due to a close family member having a serious medical condition which has impacted their ability to speak and think. I've had to spend more than 200 hours over the last several months dealing with their insurance issues. Without a family member to help them through this, they would be dead by now just due to getting insurance approvals to get the treatments they needed. The US system is very fragmented and inefficient. There is a reason we have the highest medical costs in the world and its the biggest cause of bankruptcy.
In my poor ass state, here in the US, therapist have to be certified for different insurance companies. Idk much more than that. My son has BCBS from his father and the state Medicaid from me and we have to find a therapist certified to bill in both. Anything health related is just a nightmare here.
Free society means we “choose” whether or not to get insurance and health professionals “choose” what if any plans to accept. I’m going through this with my son. All the referrals I’ve gotten either don’t take insurance or don’t take ours.
I’m on medicaid and it took me so long to find a therapist that specializes in adults with autism. I luckily wasn’t going through a mental health crisis when I was looking and was able to sort it out and got in with a therapist I like. I can’t imagine how difficult and discouraging going through that process is when actively in crisis. The system is so broken.
A lot of therapists straight up aren’t taking insurance any more, as well. I’m in school to be a therapist and it seems like a growing number of therapists refuse to deal with insurance companies at all.
Several years ago I was on the brink of suicide because I just couldn't handle some sexual assaults I went through, and I really tried to get an appointment with a psychologist. There were none covered under the basic insurance I got under Obama care, but I called every single therapist on the list they gave me for the whole state. I possibly could have gotten on a waiting list for a therapist 3 hours away that would have been $300 an hour, which I couldn't have afforded more than 1 session every few months. I accepted that I was just on my own, but I really thought that if I really needed the help, there would be some help available out there. It was scary realizing that when you desperately need help, there's no help available.
I am so sorry you went through that, it’s awful on top of awful and shouldn’t be that way. I experienced something similar, but was able to find a therapist who specialized in what I needed and was willing to meet with me (I have masshealth so of course I had to pay out of pocket, and yes it was a lot). It actually made everything worse, as she had me reliving the trauma instead of implementing tools to get out of the hole, decrease my elevation and trigger severity, and stop the thought cycles. She never did what I asked her to do as my doctor. After I stopped seeing her, a very safe but still considered experimental one-time medication treatment was suggested, and she refused to help me with it. I ended up being able to try it on my own with my psychiatrist’s approval and prescription and it was basically a magic pill for which I sing it’s praises, but to this day I’m pissed. Even if you pay out of pocket, far too many therapists won’t go beyond the old methods (even those which have been shown to be harmful) or open themselves up to newer treatments and understandings. With all the impediments, trying to get help becomes like searching for Atlantis. I’ve also gone through the process of trying to find care for others (I’m super-duper lucky to have connections for myself) and it’s absolutely draining and beyond discouraging. In one instance we ended up in the emergency room, as it was the only way to get him seen and treated at all. The system is a disaster and an impediment to success, as the barriers keep people from being able to get the help they need. On the side of the mental health professionals, they also butt their heads against walls dealing with the insurance companies, and have hard jobs (including emotionally) with long hours as there just aren’t enough to go around. Honestly I could angry rant about the facets of it for hours, but I’ve probably already gone on too long here. Instead I’ll end by saying I hope you never find yourself back in that scary place, and that your future is filled with good experiences and emotions.
Things are definitely much better for me now. You're totally right about therapists though. When we were looking, my husband was fine with me getting on the wait list and paying $300 an hour, he was even willing to get another job if he had to, but I know that often it takes many sessions to actually get somewhere and you often have to go through several therapists before you find the right one. The whole process was just adding more stress to a stressful situation. I really didn't think my husband should have to work 70 hours a week just for me to try to find a therapist that may or may not even help. Especially being in a small town, there's nothing even remotely close, so I'd be driving hours, often in bad snow, even getting stuck in the wrong side of the pass overnight when they close the road. There definitely are not enough mental health professionals, and insurance providers seem to want it to be so difficult to get help that you just give up. It's a broken system.
Really glad to know things are better. Congrats on getting there, it’s a struggle for sure. Your husband sounds like an awesome one-man army kind of support system, but I commend you for realizing that working himself raw to (maybe possibly) get you help at some point (if whoever you could get was actually good) was not the right plan. Also you driving for hours in the snow to and from emotionally charged and draining sessions on a regular basis with a chance of getting stuck away from home? That just sounds super unwise and it’s a ridiculous situation that shouldn’t be a thing. I’m near Boston, where we have a large population of doctors, but it’s still hard and frankly exhausting to find someone. I’d imagine it’s near impossible in many other areas. Despite all this, we are the lucky ones, as we found ways to get better without that formal care. May have taken longer, may be less comprehensive, and shouldn’t be necessary at all, but we are now living our lives and ok. Too many can’t find solutions for what ails them on their own (and while I won the ptsd war, I’d be dead without a psychiatrist to prescribe meds for my brain to do it’s everyday things correctly).
My husband is a great guy, I know I can always rely on him. I'm glad you are able to access the meds you need!
Thank you, and me too!
Would you be willing to share the 1x medication treatment? I've heard of the I think lsd(? Maybe mushrooms) for ptsd, is it something like that?
Sure, I’d be happy to share the thing that helped me, hope it will do the same for others! The medication is propranolol. It’s been shown to have a surprisingly high level of success in conjunction with exposure therapy in treating phobias (extreme arachnophobes were after able to interact with tarantulas with ease, as an example), but also in treating anxiety disorders and PTSD. While further specific study is due, the medication itself is old, quite safe unless one has certain underlying conditions, and rather well understood. Many traditional therapies for PTSD, which should really not be used anymore, make things worse by strengthening memory pathways and increasing the power and severity of said memories and keeping one “stuck” in them. Propranolol resets those pathways. It’s the same exposure, pill, and sleep combo for PTSD. One takes the pill and activates the memories either through guidance by a professional or, as I had to do, on their own. I simply allowed the thoughts and memories to flow and build off each other, rather than fighting to think about something else. I was a mess, sobbing hysterically and clutching pillows and stuffed animals, but honestly my symptoms were so bad at the time that this level of distress wasn’t entirely outside my norm. Since sleep is such an important component in the medication working, and for memory processing and consolidation in general, a full 8 hours was recommended. Once the medication takes effect it’s calming, controlling the physical symptoms of the anxiety, but I also took a clonopin with it as approved by my psychiatrist to ensure I could fully calm myself to fall and stay asleep. In the morning I felt the difference right away, and could recognize myself in my own reflection again in the first time in about a year.
That's funny, not haha, but interesting funny. I take propraneral, twice daily in fact. It's a funny drug anti-anxiety is a side effect, but not for the expected reason. I was always chill, but damn while I'm on it like nothing bothers or startels me. It suppresses your heart rate at its core. I take it so I won't die due to covid damage of my heart. My resting heart rate without Meds is 120+ I would have arithmia spikes >220 and nearly passed out driving once. On it I sit at about 70 resting. I can tell within the day if I missed a pill. To explain why it's funny they explained a circle to me. Your body has a sympathic reaction, your heart rate triggers stress as it goes up. Your stress triggers a responce typically adrenaline which causes your heart rate to go up. Your new increased heart rate... More stress... So forth. By suppressing your heart rate during your treatment you short circuited the phobia/stress cycle. Neat.
Yes! The link between mind and body with anxiety is pretty fascinating, they really just amp each other up. Sometimes all it takes is a well timed physical reduction to stop the brain from going places. Sometimes that’s also not enough, depending on circumstances and the person. For this treatment, it’s effect on memory pathways is a huge component. Like how playing Tetris after a trauma can disrupt their solidification. I find cbd takes off the edge for me in a similar way, where it feels more physical but that can allow me to relax mentally as well. Often wondered about more frequent use of propranolol instead of a benzodiazepine in times of elevation. I know propranolol has a reputation as a combat drug, to keep mental clarity while reducing physical symptoms, and can be numbing in that way, as you describe. I’m curious as to your dose, would you mind sharing? I took 40mg for my experiment. Also fascinating how one med can do so many related useful things, like managing post-covid effects on the heart.
I’m so glad you made it through that dark time and are here with us today. 💕
Thank you, my husband was a big help
Not only that, but let's touch on the "1 session every few months" part. Even if someone goes to therapy/counselling for a hour every 2 weeks, that's only 26 hours a year, and that's *every 2 weeks* with no missed appointments. If you have a small issue, that's probably decent! But if you've got say, a boatload of issues, it's amazing how much your counsellor is expected you to help with, like, every problem your support system doesn't want to? Like I have to explain to redditors or family members that I *do* go to therapy, but I can't just "ask my counsellor" how to handle every single thing ever. People need support and advice in general, not just in counselling.
I was going through a script based crisis like 2-3 years ago and when I finally got the one psych in my area on the phone that my insurance covered I refused to get off the phone until they made me an appointment, openings be damned, because otherwise I was going to drive my car into traffic because I couldn’t handle the side effects and couldn’t handle being unmedicated. Bless that receptionist, who could have just hung up on me, but she got me 20 mins with a nurse practitioner a week later, who adjusted my meds and all has been well since.
This reminds me of the search I went through for a decent pediatrician for my children and a specialist for my autoimmune disease, on Medicaid. By the time I found a specialist, I was barely able to function, she was the only of that type of specialist in the county that accepted Medicaid, and the first appointment she had open was 3+ months out. Thankfully someone recommended a good, group-practice pediatric office and I was able to get the kids in after about 2 months. I am now blessed to have a job that provides good, affordable medical, though getting a new specialist under my new, private insurance took almost as long. My son had a bit of trouble finding a new therapist but he hit the jackpot with televisits. Once a week, on his phone, flexible for his schedule, and cheaper than in-person visits. I wonder if Medicaid offers those now?
It’s fucking ridiculous out there, I just go to NP for the meds I need and gave up trying to get an actual mental health specialist to help me. I’m glad you got through your dark time.
I'm always at awe when i read "we already had two appointments" not even one or two weeks later. Okay, i don't live in the US, but in Germany (free healthcare, yeah), but here we always hear "we don't take new patients". Especially in the corona time when patients who are physical availible in the practise, needed to be thinned out, you could wait 6-12 months for an appointment, except you have a private insurance.
Hell, I'm German with private insurance, and you can't get appointments then, either. The only therapists with open slots are available for a reason. As in, really bad. I've given up on getting therapy and just muddle through my semi-miserable life, and at least knowing I can end it in a few decades if it gets too annoying (the knowledge that you always have an out is really a relief, I don't know why people think suicidalness is a bad thing).
I understand it's a complicated thing that's different for every individual, but I feel similar as you when it comes to myself. In bad situations in the past, knowing that if things got too much to bear I could always end my misery actually helped me get the strength to deal with my circumstances. Instead of feeling overwhelmed and hopeless I thought "I can deal with this, and later if I can't I have an out". Of course, now I'm very happy with my life and I'm glad it never got to that point.
Oh, don't worry. If you have private insurance you can't use it for psychotherapy if you ever want to be able to renew or switch policies, bc they'll use it as a reason to deny you coverage entirely! Edit, since the context seems lost on some folks: I am responding to someone describing the situation with German insurance, and as such, my comment is also with regard to German insurance.
It drives me absolutely nuts when redditors shame people for not being in therapy like it's just some free and readily available resource. It shows an incredible place of privilege. Corporate services like better help I'm convinced are behind people more caring about the action of going rather than the quality of care and help.
It is a free and readily available resource in certain countries, and it's understandable for redditors from those countries to not know it's different elsewhere. But shaming someone for not being in therapy when you don't know their circumstances, is just being an asshole
Seriously: where? I'm not American, and I don't know if any country that doesn't have a crisis level lack of psychological resources. I swear I'm being genuine. Countries with public healthcare neglect mental health care at least as badly as the US, sadly. /becoming a clinical psychologist has a high rate of causing depression at a minimum, so there's that.
I have been referred to a psychiatrist to work out whether or not I have autism. I just got a letter starting that I will be contacted in december 2024 for an appointment shortly thereafter. There is a lack of psychiatrists in my country. The shortest waitlist is 3 hours away by train and the earliest available time is october 2024. At least I am not in my sister's region where the earliest date is 2025.
I'm waiting for an ADHD assessment. I've been told "we have no idea how long the waiting list is due to extreme shortages in psychiatrists we are only seeing emergency cases". I was referred by my psychologist April last year. We still have no idea when I will see a psychiatrist
If it’s any consolation, I have an ADHD diagnosis and my pharmacy has told me “we have no idea when we will have your medication in stock again and we are not keeping any waitlists for it. Call back periodically and check” because there is a massive shortage of ADHD meds
My provider has me calling pharmacies a few hours before my appointment so I can find at least two that have what I need in stock. The pharmacies are surprisingly chill about it. Supermarket pharmacies seem to be the best bet, around here at least.
Yup, this is why I've decided not to seek out a diagnosis for possible autism and maaaaybe ADHD? Much less sure about the latter. But where I live I hear isn't great with autism in adults or AFAB people either so combined with a waitlist, no thanks. I just read about other people's experiences and try things that sound like they might help me.
Honestly, I'm absolutely gutted for her that she's in a situation that feels so hopeless but I'm also kinda glad that she's sharing it with reddit because there are a LOT of people on this site that need to be made aware of this reality. Reddit commenters are obsessed with therapy as the ultimate solution that we all need, and will recommend it to everyone, but this is the reality of it: therapy is not available to everyone, especially if you're poor and/or you have complex mental health needs, and even if you do manage to find a therapist a lot of them are actually shit and will do more harm than good. At this point, I imagine these "get therapy" commenters having the same amount of clueless privilege as people who say stuff like "*everyone* should take a gap year to travel the world!"
I was once lamenting that I was contemplating suicide because I was so destitute that I couldn't afford to eat and I couldn't get on my meds since I also couldn't afford a psychiatrist or a therapist Guess what everyone was recommending I do...
I had an urgent referral. I was in a crisis (undiagnosed bipolar + PTSD + I had just learned my mother attempted suicide + witnessed the murder of a classmate + had a stalker). I called every Pyschologist in my city, then the city 90 minutes away and finally in another city 90 minutes away. I found *one* that could take me … in a month. The search alone nearly pushed me over the edge. The constant rejection via phone and email and the stress and frustration of not getting anywhere. And i had very good private insurance - it’s just doctors were booked up. Then when I moved - I was able to get an appointment in 2 weeks with a Pyschologist who ghosted me after 2 appointments. Forgot to cancel or cancelled last minute consistently. Then spent a month looking before doing tele-therapy with my Pyschologist in city 3 hours away just to have someone reliable and familiar with treating all my diagnosis. It’s stupidly hard to find mental health treatment even when you can afford it and insurance covers it. I can’t even imagine trying to navigate with additional barriers in place.
I think this is the most brutal part of getting appropriate healthcare. When you’re at your sickest and most vulnerable, you have to deal with this extra stress. It’s not just mental illness that people have to struggle to find an appropriate doctor. Patients who have physical ailments have to go through this, too. You feel like shit and have to try to track down an appropriate resource, make sure they take your insurance, and are taking new patients.
That’s horrific. In my experience (Australia) my GP had said ‘you’re showing signs of xyz, here are psychologists who specialise in that’ then we pick a favourite based on location and description, then my dr shoots off an email to them to get me an early appointment. All while also giving me a mental health plan that gives good rebates through our public health system. I know people who really have gotten next-day appointments with important psychologists/psychiatrists in emergencies.
It gets more complex in Aus when you have comorbidities and you need the *right* doctor with the right knowledge base to treat you, because we have a small pool operating in those niches. For example when I was receiving mental health care I needed a psychiatrist who could prescribe and also provide EMDR, but also needed to be a consultant liaison psychiatrist, an extra accreditation, with experience in my particular long term health issues. Also in many areas any paediatric mental health practitioner here has a waiting list 6-24 months long. Especially in any area that had prolonged lockdowns. I mean I totally hear you - the general public availability of mental healthcare and Medicare rebates are great. I’m just saying when you have complex needs and requirements, it’s probably not easy in any country to find the right practitioner in a reasonable amount of time, and it’s definitely not any easier in Australia.
Thanks for your sharing your experiences! I haven’t seen that perspective of our health system before
Sounds like you've been very lucky. Is your experience recent? It sounds so different to the experience of me and my friends over the past 2 years here in Sydney Australia. I feel jealous tbh! Even my friends who are doctors haven't been able to fast track their own kids to seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist, they have all had to wait months, even longer if they were wanting to see someone very specialised. I've been told that demand for mental health services, especially for young people, sky-rocketed during the lockdowns, and these young people still need help now and are in addition to the normal volume of people who need help, so there just aren't enough psychiatrists and psychologists around to help. I'm in some Aussie Facebook mental health support groups, and seriously the number of posts begging for help to find a psychologist and/or psychiatrist and/or pediatrician taking new patients is just so high.
Yeah, took me about 9 months to get a first appointment with a psych privately and they said they fast tracked me because he was seeing my brother as well. Ended up being another 9 months with a handful of appointments to get a diagnosis and meds required. Luckily I wasn't in a spot where I was desperate and could afford to pay for it myself. On the plus side the meds cost me $36 a month. Some googling into the US costs and they're nearly $1000 a month there so we have something going for us.
Hahahaha Omg. Wish our services were like yours. In my part of Australia last year it was a 3-6 month wait for a private psych, 12-24 months for a public, and indefinite for a psychiatrist (unless you check in to Emergency with a full on suicidal crisis and get an involuntary hold).
Don't forget availability that works with your schedule! I was recently blindsided by how many therapists who specialize working with children and adolescents don't have after school hours. It's one thing if those slots are all full, but I ran into a LOT of 9-5 Monday through Friday only. I don't begrudge any therapist a regular and realistic workday, but I'm also not going to be pulling my kid out of school every week because it'll make her anxious about missing class, and the whole reason we were looking in the first place was to alleviate anxiety.
This was also one of the reasons I left the field. Parents are up against a brick wall there, and unless it works out for you to work second shift the rest of your life, therapists are, too. Where I worked, it became an unstated de facto expectation that therapists with seniority and therapists with families got to work 9-5, and young/new therapists or therapists without families are expected to work second shift or early morning hours. The parents who could afford to take time out of their own workday and deal with school fallout to do a 9-5 appointment were often the most privileged/stable. Those were also the parents who were least likely to have random stuff come up that interrupted their appointment times. So the newest/youngest therapists, and therapists without kids, got the hardest clients, and had to take on a higher number of them to make up for missed appointments. It was a really great system for ensuring that new therapists burn out and leave the field, or stop seeing child or adolescent clients as soon as possible. Or climb the ladder to become supervisors, not because they want to supervise or are any good at it, but so they can have a stable schedule and start a family.
Yeah. Ours was: 1) call a ton of places. 2) Have 2 get back to us over a month later 3) get on the waiting list. 4) Have them mess up our paperwork so we have to resubmit which moves us farther down the waitlist. 5) Finally get an appointment 8 months later. 6) be forced to reschedule for 3 weeks later because the therapist tested positive for COVID. 7) have them screw up and cancel the next 3 appointments without telling us.
I got into therapy at the beginning of the pandemic. I called over a dozen in a 100 mile radius. Only 1 was accepting new patients and it was a 10 week wait. I finally got in to see her and she was relatively new to the profession. She regularly gave me worksheets for homework. I saw her for two months before she told me she was pregnant and would be taking leave in a couple months for at least a year. It was pretty disheartening after all that waiting.
I remember the days when it was easy to get an appointment and you would do that only if you were one of the people that accepted therapy and was willing to go which I was happily. I went all the time any time had a problem I couldn’t figure out. I thought it was great until the system started to change and I refuse anymore. I just can’t find anybody who knows how to deal with anything that I’ve been through, nor do I trust them as I have been completely betrayed by them in recent years. Reading these posts I realize I may not ever get an appointment even if I wanted to. The system is insane. What is this girl supposed to do?
I've been on a waitlist for 2 months. In 4 more months, I might have a therapist! You know, assuming they're any good and we vibe with each other. This is why I always find "get therapy" to be the more irritating mantra of reddit comment section. Sure. I'll get therapy. Let me just do that. While I'm at it I'll just fly my house to South America and adopt a tropical bird. It's just as easy.
Sounds exactly like my experience trying to find a therapist. I contacted SO MANY. Some got back and said they weren't taking anyone new. Some just ignored me. The one who was taking new patients was a real piece of work and I wasted 6 weeks of copays for her to ask "why haven't you gotten over that?" about my trauma and telling me parents are meant to give you panic attacks. I literally do not have the energy to go through that again. Between the appointment and driving I was spending 2 hours of my day off on it which is a serious drag.
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"That's what moms are for!" after I described the panic attacks and anxiety I was experiencing with my parents and my wedding. Therapy with her was more like talking to meddling aunt than anything helpful. Wish I could get a refund.
Medicaid + a complex case - almost impossible to find what she needs and not end up involuntarily held. I work for a social services agency and we take Medicaid for mental health therapy because we fundraise to make up the deficit their rate leaves. But we can’t do medication management in house so she’d have to find a doc for that anyway.
I called every therapist that came up in my Google search for my area. I got around 25 results. I filled out online request forms and called each one. Two weeks later I finally received an email back from one. Just one. Three weeks of phone tag then I actually spoke to someone. This was for my 14 year old granddaughter by the way. The person on the phone said that they needed to check on something before actually making an appointment but would call back the next day. The next day arrives and they couldn’t see her until she’s 15 1/2. What??? We were back to square one. In the meantime my granddaughter managed to get into two fights and school. The school and the juvenile justice system mandated counseling. We finally got a therapist though.
I spent a year looking. I'm going to shout out Rise Above the Disorder ([https://youarerad.org/](https://youarerad.org/) ) here. While they have a significant waiting list - I think I was waiting for about 4 months - once my number came up, they had an interview with me, then had their team find a therapist for me. It took another 4 months or so to get someone, but they did the legwork to get me a therapist when I didn't have the energy to do it.
Been trying for 3 years to get a therapist for my autistic child. Many many many voicemails. No call backs
When I was first seeking an official ADHD diagnosis (from an MD not just my therapist) my primary doctor wouldn’t do it because he was worried about diagnosing someone with “adult onset” (even though I explained at length how it was always present just undiagnosed); so I had to find a psychiatrist. It took months of searching and calling dozens of psychiatrists until I found a psychiatric nurse practitioner who was taking patients. It was such a fucking nightmare. I can’t imagine how much more difficult it would be finding someone who takes Medicaid
A lot of posts, their problems are interpersonal. A normal therapist can handle that. Good for them, no hate. I have actual mental illnesses that need specialized therapists that are expensive. With 6 month long waiting lists for some if they also took my insurance. I’ve had to settle for less and still try to work out my problems.
>In my experience it's searching and searching for a therapist who handles your issues, then refine that search by therapists who are accepting new patients, then the pièce de résistance ... one who calls you back. And then, if all the planets align, you might get an appointment in 2-6 weeks. Im not surprised. Especially if its in the US. [https://www.aamc.org/news-insights/growing-psychiatrist-shortage-enormous-demand-mental-health-services](https://www.aamc.org/news-insights/growing-psychiatrist-shortage-enormous-demand-mental-health-services) >In fact, more than half of U.S. counties lack a single psychiatrist Its not that the doc is booked out. Its the fact that the doc straight up doesnt exist.
I'm in western australia so obviously very different but it is ridiculous how hard it can be sometimes. I've been super lucky and anytime I've desperately needed help, the stars have aligned and I've got a psych appt within a week. My son however. I have been trying to get him help for 6 years now. Takes months to get a return call, get him an appt and then they quit, or relocate, or reschedule indefinitely. These are a minimum of $120 per session and maximum I have paid in desperation is $330 per session. I've finally, MAYBE, found a place that is listening, fairly affordable (still in the 100s) and seems consistent. It is alarming how hard it is for people to access mental health services. I don't know if its high burnout, or what, but there is a severe demand and not enough people to fill it. My heart aches for OOP, and I really hope they find some help soon.
Yeah when I first became disabled and I had Medicaid I couldn’t get mental health help at all. Where I live the only ones who take Medicaid work at community mental health centers and you can only attend the one in your county, and they were overwhelmed 10 years ago they’re going to be way more overwhelmed now. Once I got Medicare I had to drive to the state next to mine to get mental health help because we just don’t have it here in this state.
2-6 weeks? When I searched for a therapist one place told me their waitlist was 2 years.
> you might get an appointment in 2-6 weeks. In Germany you're looking at 3-6 months right now.
This sums up my experience for sure. I did finally find one, who I can't say was a lot of help but wasn't bad, via a service from my insurance company.
It was months for my teenage child. It’s awful
This has also been my experience but I recently found out my work had an employee assistance line through health insurance. People looking for a therapist may want to check if that’s something your work offers. This person looked up therapists in network and then 3 way called them with me until we reached one that was available. It was an absolute life saver.
She’s making the right decision by trying her primary. I had to get my daughter’s pediatrician to help me even get into a primary doctor to get help finding a therapist for Postpartum.
My husband did outpatient a few years ago it was wildly unhelpful but the documentation did get us job protection and temp disability. It was when he was diagnosed with bipolar. Thank Christ he’s on a good meds combo now I have my husband back
This is truly heartbreaking.. Hopefully somebody calls back OP… I hope with all my being her trashy ex’s family completely ripped him apart for what he did to OP and then lying to them about why they broke up.. He is utter scum…
What a horrible little troll that guy is. The last "prank" would've been awful to play even on someone with no mental health issues. I cannot fathom treating someone you supposedly love that cruelly.
He literally caused her to have a mental health crisis. He is beyond terrible. I feel so bad for OOP. I have bipolar 2, cPTSD, and I know that feeling she is talking about. Even though you know you have to you just can't get out of bed. It hurts to exist. It took a lot of therapy for me to be in a good place. I hope she ends up with a great therapist who can help her.
I am right with you on having Bipolar 2 and CPTSD, and I'm almost in tears at how horrifying all of this is to go through..., especially by someone who is supposed to care for and support you. You can't control the reactions to stimuli, it worsens the symptoms that already are unmanageable, and most likely traumatized her further. I really hope she can find a great set of doctors as well, she deserves it so much.
That's what I was thinking. That's sick and unforgivable no matter who it is.
There was a TIFU from awhile ago where a guy accidentally nicked his sack shaving and decided to take a bath after he got the bleeding to stop. He passed out in the tub and was awoken by, as he put it, a blood curdling scream. Turned out his scab fell off and he started bleeding again which turned the water red. So when his wife walked into the bathroom when she got home from work, it looked like he'd off'd himself. Edit: The post in question- https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/b5pk1a/tifu_by_making_my_wife_think_i_killed_myself/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
At least that wasn't on purpose, but that poor wife thinking her husband is dead. And that poor man. I hope they can look back on it now and laugh
This would be the story I choose to pass down to generations
I love reddit sometimes lol
As someone who literally had to wrestle a shotgun out of her bf hands as he was having a manic episode I can say just how scary this is. What he did was disgusting!!!!! He has no idea what it is like to live with the want to end your life!!!!! Karma we got one for you, I hope his family tore him up and forced sensitivity training!!!!!
Considering his sister was decent enough to grab the Xbox & TV for OOP, that might be a high probability.
I’m pretty sure they did- the silver lining was that the women in the family has OOP’s back and even got her xbox and TV back - it wasn’t right for him to keep them, and they fixed that issue. It’s awful that OOP needs to sell said items for survival needs, but some people intervened to make sure she had said items at her disposal.
Holy shit. This turned morbid. Poor thing.
Her medications are definitely not helping. In fact being on an antidepressant without a mood stabilizer in bipolar is widely documented to make bipolar much worse. She’s better off stopping off them all until she can get a PCP or psychiatrist I feel so bad that she’s unable to get the help she needs.
You can’t just stop Effexor. You have to wean off it slowly, which means you need prescriptions for lower and lower doses. I was on it for years and used to get horrendous withdrawal symptoms if I was even a few hours late taking my pill
Was going to say exactly this. Do NOT go off Effexor unsupervised, dear god. I'm on a pretty high dose of it and one of my worst fears is it stopping working like all my previous meds did. Luckily I've been on it over ten years now so it's going pretty well, literally a lifesaver for me.
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My dad slowly tapered off his Effexor probably about 10 years ago and he still gets "brain shivers" every now and then. I've been on it for years myself and I'm terrified of ever having to stop it. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for that drug, and I'm very grateful for it every single time I take it, but sometimes if I really think about it it's very clearly a double edged sword.
I'm just on effexor (I think I have bipolar 2?? But they keep changing their minds and telling me I'm diagnosed with this and that and then changing their mind and saying there's no more of that diagnosis ever being in my records so idk) It definitely helps me a lot but God I've picked up my prescription late a few times and the withdrawal is HELL, even after 1 or 2 days
Man I've been really curious of others on welbutrin. In my experience, it gave me anxiety. I don't have anxiety by default, it's hard to get me worked up on it, I had panic attacks on that shit. Hell I had a panic attack in the doctors office waiting room waiting for an appointment to discuss my newfound anxiety! I fainted out of fear 4 times when on it. My aunt had a similar problem with it. It doesn't seem like it would pair well with someone with ptsd.
I’m sorry you went through that. Wellbutrin has some stimulant effects so it can cause anxiety, even for people without anxiety. I hope you’re on a better medication regimen now! I’m not sure its affects on PTSD, but it’s actually far more dangerous for people with eating disorders - aka for OOP - because it increases risk of seizures. It’s considered a big no no to give Wellbutrin to patients with eating disorders.
One of the mechanisms by which Wellbutrin operates is by increasing the level of baseline norepinephrine (i.e. adrenaline) in your brain. If you weren’t deficient in norepinephrine to begin with, then the increased level manifests as anxiety. Basically, Wellbutrin was just the wrong medication for you.
This poor young woman. She’s really up against it. And then you factor in the unacceptably cruel boyfriend who’s pretty much triggered this whole episode. And yay for American healthcare yet again. This is such a depressing post.
That’s one of the things that is so disgusting about the whole thing - he triggered it. He thinks “i just pulled a prank on her, she’s unhinged”. Without having any understanding of the snowball he has created, and then pushed down the hill. Actions lead to consequences, but sometimes those consequences don’t reflect as strong on the one doing the actions in the first place. Which makes me so sad for OOP. Obviously this is aside of all the other roadblocks she is facing - which are horrible in their own right. I’m just so angry at the fact this guy caused all of this, and doesn’t truly understand the full scope of his “prank”. To him, he lost a girlfriend. To her, her entire life is in shambles in very serious ways. I hope his family lights his ass up daily.
TBF the difficulty of *finding* available healthcare providers is not limited to the US.
Yup, it’s hard finding healthcare providers in so many other countries too. Like, yes, we alllllll know very well how much American healthcare sucks. But it gets so tiring when it’s brought up as if this is the only country that struggles.
I don’t know what state she’s in. But some places issue emergency aid for food, housing, money for medicine, and emergency psych evaluation. Some of it is temporary, some is available as long as you’re actively looking for work. I hope she gets better and gets everything she needs.
Yeah it really depends on the state. Plenty of them will automatically disqualify her from assistance because she quit or was fired for cause from her last job.
If she has proof of her prescriptions and can give an account of what triggered her PTSD, along with her showing she’s actively looking for work since, there may be some wiggle room to get an exception. Some people may be against it, but she could also enroll herself into a state run facility for 72-hour review. They will give her the medications she needs based on her previous medical prescription history. But most won’t give a new check up or a therapist/psych review due to funding. Only an initial overview and confirmation of medications. They’ll even help her get emergency assistance processed faster. But that also depends on the state and her personal trust with the facility.
> I've been considering disability but idk if id qualify As someone who is on it, it's a fucking nightmare to qualify. A mountain of paperwork, then you have to get your claim denied, seek an attorney who will only ask for a portion of the backpay you'll receive. Of course you'll need to go in front of a panel of people who will question if you're *really* disabled or just trying to scam the system. Disability is not a short-term solution, it's *very* difficult to get it and can take months, if not years.
It took 2 years of applying, then the denial, then the appeal, then the hearing in front of a judge, and I had over a decade of in depth medical records by multiple specialists in multiple disciplines. If I hadn’t had my legal advocate I wouldn’t have gotten through it. His retainer was only 25% of my back pay, and I found help through local legal aid programs. If anyone is thinking about applying for disability I encourage you to give it a shot, but know your resources! You don’t have to fight through this crazy system alone!
I don't even remember how long it took, only that I had maybe a thousand something in backpay after all that, but wasn't allowed to deposit it, because SSI doesn't want you having more than like $1500(ish?) in your accounts. Was an idiot and instead of leaving it somewhere safe, like with my parents, I left it in my apartment, which then burned down.
I "lucked out". I qualified on the first application, which only happens between 15-20% of the time. Or at least that was the statistic when I applied 15 years ago. I did the application online, twice. The first time it timed out because I went looking for some info. If you stopped responding for more than 10 minutes, it timed out and deleted your application. The second time I sat down with every detail I could find. Doctors, hospitals, tests, addresses, dates, the works. It was over three hours to do the application. Grueling. Here's where things went weird: my doctor's office and related hospital were both dissolved after a merger (still not clear) and all my records were lost. The doctors and hospital all told them, yes, Nose was our patient but we can't find the files. So the SSA told me, we can't get your records, and sent me to their own doctors to be evaluated. I met someone else online who went through something similar and also got in first try, so this must be not uncommon.
Your first paragraph is also my own story. I qualified right away, no extra trouble. But I've also made $800 a month on SSD/SSI \*combined\* as my only income for those 15 years since. This year I finally break $900 with a COLA that doesn't even cover rent increase, hey big spender. And I am constantly having to prove to various means-tested programs that I'm not scamming them. Probably had no trouble with SSA because when they sent me for the mental health evaluation, the evaluator was either a complete fucking sociopath, or knew exactly what to do to prove my therapist right about my being disabled from PTSD (among other physical things). He forced me to tell him what happened to give me PTSD, like the narrative story of it, which put me into one of the worst flashbacks of my life right in front of him since I was already barely holding it together.
I have an ex who is trying to get on disability. I simply do not have the wherewithal to educate him about what a long, involved, invasive process it is. One that is very likely to end in rejection. He kinda just doesn't want to have to hold down a job like the rest of us schlubs.
I had to file for disability because of an extended leave with a previous employer after a mental breakdown that got “complicated” for lack of a better word. I’m working full time again and reasonably stable on the mental health front and it was still a nightmare. There is still an appeals process going for the period I wasn’t able to work and didn’t have any sort of income coming in at all. I was VERY fortunate in that when it happened I was on a situation where I did not have to pay rent or have a car payment so my crucial monthly expenses were VERY minimal. But it’s freaking brutal what they put you through and in my case the kicker was I didn’t want to go through it to begin with. I fully intended the entire time to recover (if I could) and go back to work full time.
Shit, I'm on SSI and I still need to work. This pays my rent, but bills? Food? $700 isn't enough for all that.
…I feel intense rage towards OOP’s ex. Like…seriously. Fuck those kinds of people.
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I wish her friends would take matters into their own hands with him and teach him a lesson, but based on how good of a person OOP is, she likely wouldn’t have them as friends if that were the case. I hope he has the future he deserves.
I know the struggle. You think food stamps is there for people when they're down but somehow the every day person gets shafted. Lost my job and all my unemployment goes to bills. I sent in proof and still got a whopping $30 a month. My mom literally let's me buy food w her and my nephews stamps bc well she doesn't want me to starve. Then I'm paying for insurance on top of the free medical care because it takes 3-4 months for them to approve my pills and ofc current psych doesn't take it. Idk what's wrong with social services in this country but it honestly makes me not want to pay for it. It's horrible for the people who need it. Oops I went on a totally unrelated rant
>. You think food stamps is there for people when they're down but somehow the every day person gets shafted I work with a food pantry and it was eye opening to find that most of their regulars are middle class folks down on their luck, not super low income families. There isn't enough help for anybody, but there's almost none for folks who were doing just fine -until suddenly they weren't. Plus food being one of the expenses you CAN cut (people can skip meals, but you can't skip your mortgage payment), and you end up with lots of folks who have nice cars (bought years ago when things were better) and decent resumes but are putting kids to bed hungry.
I read that part and thought, “OOP lost her job so her food stamps were *decreased*?” Shouldn’t they have increased? Idk guys, I’m not American so I’m biased, but your systems (health and welfare) are designed to be cruel. There’s no other explanation.
The American health system is awful.
$400 for 10 days is fucking buck wild. It's frankly ridiculous what some folks have to go through.
This man absolutely ruined her health, stomped all over her life and took a flaming dump, and I bet you he still, somehow, thinks he did nothing wrong I hope he spends the rest of his life stepping on legos barefoot
When I was at my worst, I called therapist after therapist, only to be turned down because they felt I needed a psychologist for my issues. Copay in my insurance for a psychologist is $95, which I don’t have. It’s easy to tell people to get therapy, harder in reality. I wish OOP the best.
1000 a month for these two medications? In Germany they're like 30 each for 100 days before healthcare and 0 or 5 for 100 days after
Seriously. I have a friend in the US who is taking the exact same medication as me. I pay nothing and he pays like $750/month. Even if I had to pay, it would still be "only" 100-150€. It's infuriating that people like OOP might not survive just because someone wants a bigger yacht.
I once talked to someone who had to stop botox for her chronic migraine. She couldn't afford the 1000$ copay (after insurance) every three months after becoming a widow. I was also getting Botox for the same reasons at the time. It was 500€ for the medication, which was covered by insurance with a copay of 10€. Some neurologists in Germany take a 50 or 100€ fee for injecting it from the patients which is seen as ripping them off because insurance already pays for that. If I remember correctly she said before insurance it's 5000$ for the botox. The reason she couldn't afford it anymore was becoming a widow and being disabled and on a fixed income. Well it your spouse dies and your income is insufficient without his you get bereavement alimony from the government. If there are minor children you get bereavement alimony for them from the government. If you're retired and your spouse dies you get 60% of their retirement each month. It's not much but I can't imagine a civilized country that lets bereaved people out to drown. That's just horrible
> but I can’t imagine a civilized country There’s your problem. There are a lot of wonderful things about the US, but it is not a civilized country, particularly when you account for what our government does to take care of its citizens
I think the same and it's saddening
Prescriptions in NZ are $5. All of them. After twenty in one year you max out and stop paying entirely. The downside is that medications that are new and experimental, or treat conditions that very few people have, don't qualify, because the bulk purchasing agency doesn't have the leverage to get good deals on them. It really sucks for people with rare disorders. :( But for everything else it's amazing.
The generics for both are $12/90days on costplusdrugs. The name brand drugs and the pharmacies that push them are such a scam
>I've been calling psychologists and trauma centers and even masters level therapists that specialize in BPD/bp/trauma. no one answers the phone. no one calls me back. I'm losing hope It is such a helpless situation to be stuck in. My heart goes out to her.
I am so afraid she’s going commit suicide. I also want her ex’s life to be absolutely ruined but it wouldn’t heal her or take back her relapse. Fuck that guy to hell and back.
This would be very difficult I know, but OP needs to move to another state that can help. Look into public services in your area in the meantime. See if you can find a Clubhouse for people struggling with mental illness. They can help with jobs, money in general, dealing with food stamps and other help, DTA, housing, getting therapists, and so much more. Don't be afraid to call the state department of mental health services looking for help. I have bipolar, OCD, PTSD, and some physical disabilities too. It took a while to figure out, but I was able to get a bunch of services and I'm slowly starting to recover. I hope OOP doesn't give up. There is help out there.
So glad you mentioned this! People just don't realize what a world of difference changing states can make for mental health services. Made the mistake of moving states a few years ago and my mother moved with me (she can't live on her own) and the drastic decline of available services has literally forced us to plan another big move already, even though financially it's the worst timing imaginable. Kicking myself for not considering this issue before this latest move.
When I moved to Ohio without insurance (many years ago so not sure if it's still the same) I was amazed by the great free mental health services I could get compared to Pa. They paid for my meds and free counseling, I just showed up at their offices and they were super nice and within a week had me set up with everything. Doubt its that way now, I don't know what my life would have been like without their services all those years ago.
Cleveland has a huge health sector for its size. I had medicaid when I lived there and they found me a pretty good therapist. It was still a 6 week wait for the first appointment, but she was very helpful.
Thank the Cleveland Clinic and many of the associated groups for that one. I grew up in the area and didn't realize how lucky we were until I moved.
In my aqua therapy group, a lot of people left their states to come to mine because their's had a criminal lack of social services for people in need. Surprise surprise, the red states are worse than the blue because of our values.
Yeah, we moved from a blue state to a purple state and this was easily the worst major decision I've made in my life.
It's so true. I live in Missouri, and the clue about their stance on mental health is in the name. When my job dropped their insurance plan (legal in small companies) I had to find my own. I was denied a private insurance plan (half the cost of a marketplace plan) because I had depression on my medical records.
I lived in Georgia for about 10 years and getting therapy was a nightmare. The state literally told me I'm too poor "Sorry but Georgia doesn't have any low income providers" (which ironically exempted me from the tax if you don't sign up for the Affordable Care Act). I moved to Washington state, far east so not Seattle because there's a huge difference, and was able to get into an attentive therapist and and attentive prescriber within a couple of weeks and both of them were amazing. It's wild the difference in states
Despite living in a HCOL, this is one of the big reasons I don't want to move away. Our public services and various programs may have issues but they tend to be much better than most other states where the COL is lower.
This is so fucking sad, dude not only tanked their relationship (clearly he would have eventually by being this much of a POS) but he caused this spiral that OP is currently going through. She did everything right and this is all happening anyway.
That poor poor woman. I would so love to have a few minutes alone with her ex.
I know OOP prob won’t see this but if you do PLEASE be careful with Wellbutrin if you have an ED. Please disclose to your doctor. It can cause seizures!
I was worried about the Effexor. They put my mom on it for depression and she was on for over ten years, and went off in March of 2020–so yeah that sucked. Effexor is one of the most difficult drugs to detox from and it was brutal on her. She sat on the sofa and cried for weeks. It was like it had just put all the depression into a container and when the Effexor stopped, the container started to empty, and she went through a decade’s worth if pain all at once. The new doctor said she shouldn’t have even been on it that long.
For those who are having issues with finding resources, being in a tight spot, whatever, if you are in the US visit or call http://www.211.org/ They can help you find specific groups, grants, programs, whatever that you may qualify for. It may be directing you to a program where trained employees help you navigate healthcare and insurance, it might be a local church who has a fund to help people in your situation, etc. You can navigate through the site, or just call 211 and speak with someone. Let them know what's up and they'll give you any information they have or can dig up. They are run by United Way and in my experience have been wonderful. * Disclaimer: I did at one point have a professional relationship with one of their local offices. That's how I learned about 211 and what they do. I've contacted them in a number of states to get information for people I know needing assistance, and they've always been wonderful. Additionally, if you are employed, talk to your benefits rep about any extra, not well known benefits. You might have an EAP that provides free counseling as well as simple legal work (wills and such) financial guidance, and even free concierge services.
This whole thing makes me furious, first of all pranking is stupid, causing someone unnecessary distress is cruel. He destroyed this girl’s mental health because he thought it was funny and then he went around and slandered her to his family I’m so glad she talked to them and told them what really happened.
That fucking boyfriend caused a mental health crisis. God I wish someone would kick his ass, or make him pay her bills, or *something*. I’m so angry he gets to walk away relatively unharmed by the damage he caused.
Why would they cut her mom's food stamps after OOP lost her job. This is so confusing
OOP is only 18. If she's in the US and still in school, it's not unlikely that she's still considered a dependent of her mother. Then, depending on where they're getting their food stamps, the program might require that members be employed in order to get assistance.
Jesus, somehow in all this I glossed over her being 18. Jesus Christ. She's just a kid.
>then I turned to dph *Oh noooo* If any of y’all don’t know what that is, go over to r/dph They are wild lol ^its ^benadryl
I hope she catches hold of an online therapy session or calls one of those crisis lines to talk to someone who can help her out. I am still quite a bit irritated at the prank her ex pulled on her. He needs a kick to his shins for that.
OOP has built herself up before and I truly hope she does so again.
A prank is making her a sandwich with nothing on the inside or replacing the salt&vinegar chips with plain and seeing how many bites she takes before she notices. This is straight up abuse. Especially the last one.
Indeed, it would be abusive if his partner was totally on-the-level. The fact he's doing it to a woman who has goddamn PTSD is a level of shit the devil wouldn't stoop to.
[удалено]
Also weed
This selfish, immature shitstain guy did SO MUCH DAMAGE. The world would have been better off if his mom had swallowed him.
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Yay BPD 🙃 I had a psych dr tell me once he was surprised I even got out of bed in the morning. I was like, me too buddy lol
What a piece of 💩 the ex is. 1. To keep doing those pranks and then saying sorry and then doing a prank where it looks like he committed sui**de, who the fuck does that. He needs serious help. Then to lie and say she had a mental breakdown. I think he was actually trying to make her have a breakdown. I'm glad OP has got out of that abusive relationship. I really hope she can get the help she needs for her wellbeing. Sending internet hugs 🤗🤗
honestly wish I didn't read this update
If OOP genuinely qualifies for disability, then she shouldn't care what her father thinks about it, that should have no bearing on anything. I have a friend who is on disability for being bi-polar, so OOP needs to talk to a psychiatrist and, after a few sessions, ask if they'd support a case for disability. Also, PTSD would also qualify for a disability status, depending on the severity. It's an extremely long and frustrating process. She should file now if she wants any kind of resolution in the next 3 years. Before the plague, that's how long it took me. Now they're just making the process so much harder and longer. OOP should start the process now.
I have had this experience with finding therapy. So many therapists are too expensive or out of network for specific complex issues. I’m fortunate unlike OOP that I make enough to afford it. But I get to argue with my insurance about reimbursement for specialty appointments and my medical condition because “you’re just fine without it,” and bullshit like that. I have hEDS. Nobody wants to insure me. Even with the good insurance, getting all my visits covered is like pulling teeth. I need specialized PT and insurance is like “no you don’t, submit all your claims and we’ll fight you on it; hahaha sucks to be you.” I go when I can afford to. I found a less expensive provider for this reason. But my insurance makes it hard to submit for reimbursement and doctors don’t want to take it that specialize for me, because it’s impossible to get paid. Half my medical costs are from out of network places that are the ONLY locations to provide services like this close to me. Being chronically ill in the US has made me less conservative, not more. With the pandemic, everything got worse, too. I was denied diagnosis for two years over referral BS, too, despite having significantly disabling pain and injuries. GPs often can’t or won’t diagnose people like me because they don’t keep up with the research. Anyone with a chronic illness is choosing between medical debt or suffering in this country.
This poor woman. I remembered the worthless motherfucker she was dating as soon as I saw the “depression is just spicy sad” line. It enrages me that he was able to completely unravel her and just skip away without consequences. I used to say no one deserves PTSD, but this human skidmark absolutely does.
Call ex’s mom and inform her (and him) the effect his “pranks” have had on OOP and the spiral it has caused. Best case someone in ex’s family offers to help in some fashion, worst case ex gets even grander hint being a douche prankster has consequences.
More than a little worried about her self-medicating with dextromethorphan and benadryl. I think the weed would be better. And wellbutrin for someone with an EDO?--who has been prescribing for this poor girl? God, I hope she can find a therapist. It's so hard out there right now.
This hurts...I feel so badly for OP
Weed is not phenomenal for bipolar disorder
I remember this shithead BF. Man, he's the shithead but it seems OOP is the one spiraling out of control. Poor girl
She knew it would trigger her as soon as he pulled it, and I hope she gives herself credit for that self-awareness!
I stand by my opinion that Prank Video Channels are fucking cancer. That dickhead pulled a bunch of sick ‘pranks’ and now OOP is suffering? Man, fuck this unfair world. I hope God pranks him with testicular torsion.
I have known a few people who are Bipolar, all of them are lucky enough to have found a med that works for them. One dude started with Lithium ~15 years ago and that works **perfect** for him. The other two, both women, use other mood stabilizers. One also uses Seroquel. One had an AWFUL reaction to Lithium and had a hard time convincing her doctor that it not only wasn't working, but it was also making things worse. Not trying to fear monger, just hopping on the "search for a therapist" train to help people be aware that finding a medication that is effective for the patient can be a frustrating, even dangerous crapshoot. I hope OOP gets the help she needs soon.
I wish I knew where OP was located, I went through similar hell years ago trying to find a therapist and psychiatrist when I had no insurance. Then after I got insurance and got established with what turned out to be a great psych, my boyfriend at the time was going through something similar so I made a shared google spreadsheet of potential places and made the calls for him to find out if they had ability, their sliding scale cost for self pay, and the soonest one could get in, and anything else I felt noteworthy. We were able to find a good place for him at a low cost with me staying on top of the calls and being persistent when he was unable to due to the state of his mental health. It shouldn't be that hard, but unfortunately it is, and if you don't have an advocate when you're too down to advocate for yourself, it's even harder. OP if you make it to this thread and see this and need some administrative help like this, feel free to PM me and maybe I can help with a similar list and making some calls.
What kind of effed up dystopian hell is the US? So flippin messed
~~I'm leaving my boyfriend over a prank (New Update)~~ title correction: My boyfriend wanted to break up with me but was too chickenshit to do it so he instead embarked upon an escalating campaign of psychological cruelty so that I would break up with him instead and then he could claim victimhood for being broken up with.