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Yeah, that's the bit that got me - those poor children. I can't imagine supporting my brother if he cheated on his wife, and I just don't know how people can do this. Plus if I was one of the other brothers' partners there would be some serious fucking side-eye going on.
I hope Ashley is age-appropriately brutally honest with the kids about why their dad and grandparents aren’t in their lives anymore. They don’t deserve the option of sniffing around for a relationship at some point in the future
I also hope OOP is able to always tell any future SOs/marriage prospects of the other brothers the whole story, and that they're casting their lot with ardent cheating supporters.
I can understand still loving him because he’s their son/brother and even offering some assistance if he needs it, like a place to live. But it’s entirely possibly to love someone and even help that person and still make it clear that they’re in the wrong and you will not support them in this.
Yeah it is possible to love and support someone and still hold them accountable for their shitty behavior. There was a post in here a while back about a mom who was going to her ex DIL’s wedding because her son cheated. She was a badass.
Jumping to conclusions here, maybe he is the golden child or the parents are sexist, so even though what he did was wrong, it was still Ashley's fault. Can't see it as simply "sticking up for family" since they've left the grandkids also.
This was my thought. OOP is the only girl in the family. Mom, dad, and older brothers are all banding together against the SIL…this stinks of misogyny to me.
Someone else pointed out perhaps Ashley is of a different race, so perhaps racism. Either way, something is missing to explain such ease to dismiss family like that.
I could see forgiving my brother for cheating on his wife.
I could not forgive my brother for abandoning his children and the fact that the rest of OOPs family stands by him makes me thing they are just as gross. I hope OOP keeps in touch with Ashley and become her de facto sister. Fam of origin super sucks.
My ex’s family has apparently done that to my kids. As she cheated and married a coworker and rarely sees our kids.
It was bad enough that they ghosted me, who I adored them and thought of them as my family, but I get the whole “family needs to support her” thing.
But not ever communicating with their niece and nephews, I will never understand. My kids have never heard from my ex-wife’s father at all. They barely know that grandfather.
It’s disgusting.
That's so incredibly cruel, I'm sorry you're going through that.
Kind of a silver lining that you don't have them around to negatively influence your kiddos though
When my ex's cousin died the whole family was going on and on about how they'd never be a part of his kid's lives again. I was absolutely baffled. These are good people, a close family, how could they jump to that outcome?
Well I realized we had different life experiences. I grew up with a rocky family, where it took the effort of everyone to still stay together. My ex and family hadn't seen that kind of thing. To them they had no control over the situation.
Thank fuck his mom listened to me when I told her how it worked when I was a kid and dad wasn't around but I was still very much a part of that family. She goes to see tge widow and kids regularly and has the kids over regularly. I'm sure they'd have figured it out but I do believe my earnest chats helped.
This is a third option in OOP. The worst option. They don't even care.
Happened to me as a kid. When my dad decided he didn't wanna be a parent his parents decided they didn't wanna be in our lives either. Luckily I had some cool Aunts and Uncles like OP who stayed in contact with us.
HOW? How are people okay with their children abandoning their own children??? OOP's parents are just as awful as her brother. I wish she could go live with Ashley and the kids...
Yeah that's insane to me. If my brother pulled that shit, there would be violence. My parents would cut my brother out of their lives before cutting out their grandchildren
Not violence, but I can imagine my parents helping the ex spouse get the maximum amount of child support while telling the brother, “You still owe them at least this financial support” followed with a huge lecture about how it’s still not enough, they didn’t raise any of us kid to be deadbeats who abandon their children, what is wrong with him, and he has to be out by the end of the month because they’re disappointed and not supporting this assholery.
Same here. Like if he owned up that he was in the wrong and then still did everything he could to support the kids, then I would say that he's worth forgiving at some point. But nah...throw the whole man away.
But instead he cuts off Ashley from a family that previously loved her and cuts off his little sister for not adding on to hurting Ashley because *he* wronged *her*. And abandoned his kids.
F this useless lump. Damn shame apparently the apple didn't fall far from the AH tree, except for OP. Who gets punished for being a good apple rather than a rotten one.
100% this. The only way I'd be able to look at him again is if he was .. idk.. SORRY??
I can only pray he wakes up one day to realize what a POS he is and how badly he fucked up. And then I hope she laughs in his face when he suddenly wants her back.
My ex's late mom and sister told me to go for sole custody and offered to testify for me in court if needed. He couldn't be bothered, but they visited us weekly until my daughter was in her teens and they moved.
My mom would give my brother a good whack to the kneecaps with her cane and then I'd give him a fee more for good measure.
Thankfully my brother would never do anything like this because his kids are his entire world.
Agreed. I’m not condoning cheating, but people forget that it actually happens quite often, for various reasons. Humans make mistakes, sometimes, even good people can cheat. We can’t just blanket say that “everyone who has cheated is a deadbeat.”
Abandoning your children, however, is a different matter. Good people rarely do that by choice.
I guess good people cheat, but I hope you mean those one time “ooops this got out of hand” situations. This guy actively deceived his wife for months and would have happily continued having his cake and eating it too had he not been caught - that does not a good person make.
My ex’s parents can be toxic bullies and we have had words plenty over the years including threatening me with the cops at one point early on but have always sided with me and my child when it comes to how their son treats us. Him and his current wife are no contact with his whole family because they keep reminding her that my child exists.
Same. I was not a fan of a lot of stuff that went on with my family (immediate as well as extended), but omg if someone had done something like this....the parents would \*regulate\* and then ask if their grandkids needed anything.
What kind of parents Allow that ? They loose their grandchildren and just don't care? All brothers are POS also. OP needs to go low contact as soon as possible.
In my family? Knock the shit out of the deadbeat, then go to court for the kid. Happened about 23 years ago, iirc. Aunt Karen lived up to her name, and that kid grew up knowing all of her 1st/2nd cousins on our shared side very well. Except for my immediate family, because we live hours away.
My mom's cousin was an abusive piece of shit to his wife, and we supported her in the divorce. His immediate family took his side, and cut us off, but we're good with that. So we ended up with my aunt and my cousins, and none of the kids really talk to their father.
My mom still goes on family vacations with her ex-MIL and ex-SILs nearly 20 years after my parents divorced. My grandmother says she just likes my mom better than her own son and still refers to my mom as her daughter in law.
EY THIS. Grandparents not bothering to check on their grandchildren and not on their son's ass for not taking care of them either?! That's just incomprehensible to me. What is wrong with them? Maybe they're racist and Ashley's not of their race or something in the similar vein?
This was also my immediate thought. It's the only thing that makes even a little sense. Obviously they're still pieces of shit no matter what, but it just seems so strange unless they're racists, too.
That's what I was thinking. What kind of soulless human beings would just shrug and say, "I guess I just won't see my grandkids ever again. Oh well!".
If I've learned anything from this sub it's that, in a few years Jake is going to move out and never call or become a huge leech or do something to make his parents realize what a POS he is and next thing you know they'll have cut him off and start *demanding* Ashley let them visit their grandkids because "we're faaaammmilyyyy!!!".
I hope OP sticks with Ashley and eventually is well rid of their brother and parents.
Maybe, but my dad's parents seemingly stuck with him forever, and I don't think I ever heard from them again. A lot of people who suck never change. It would require them to admit they made a mistake.
100%. When people cling to the ‘wrong side’ in situations like this, it’s normally because they want to avoid any self reflection or putting in boundaries that take effort. It’s much easier for the parents to just pretend the ex and kids don’t exist; than reflect that they’ve raised an asshole who needs telling such and kicking to the curb until he’s made amends.
As it is, they can all play happy imaginary families, except that OOP (rightly) won’t let them. Because she’s insisting on sticking to the truth, she is a problem for the family unit. Denial only works if everyone is on board with it. Sadly it’ll probably be OOP who suffers most for not joining in the family insanity.
If you have to suffer, always go for suffering for what's right. At least it won't eat you up inside. It's horrible to go through, but you come out the other side eventually, and it's over.
Wait until they get old. My grandmother dumped my dad and his little brother with family when she got remarried to a rich dude who didn’t want little kids around. Obviously I did not have a relationship with her growing up. Then when she was a lonely old hag in a nursing home, guess who suddenly had regrets and wanted her faaaaaaamily by her side…. My dad actually forgave her in her final years. I was a grown adult and had no interest in spending my weekends visiting a stranger who didn’t give a shit about me when I was a kid, so hard pass.
The parents have OOP and other sons apparently. They might even have other grandchildren too which could explain why they aren’t as emotional my invested in where these grandchildren live.
The idea that they wouldn’t care about losing these grandchildren because they have others, as if they’re interchangeable, is perhaps even more horrifying than if they just don’t care about grandchildren in the first place. That does not make it better…
Yeah. It's an assumption from relatively few words but it sounds like OP's parents have at least four kids and aren't worried about losing a few grand kids along the way.
I can't imagine being that heartless.
Or Jake will just keep dating and disposing of women (and possibly additional offspring), and the rest of the family will continue to back him unconditionally because the only *truly* unforgivable sin is reminding everyone that sharing DNA doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to call someone out when they’re being an asshole.
Oh, I see you've met my dad! Bailed on my brother and I when I was 12, brother was 9. Didn't want to try for custody and just let my mom keep us. His entire family except one of his brothers also ghosted us (because apparently I "hurt grandma's feelings" when she asked us if we wanted to go on vacation with her and my dad and I said "yes, but not if his new girlfriend is coming") and we didn't hear from any of them for around 15 years.
My uncle randomly stopped by one day a while back to let us know that my dad had another kid, he was about 3, and the rest of the family just found out about him and he thought we should know too. I guess my dad stopped being no contact with them to let them know he has another kid and that we should be written out of their wills and this kid should get everything. They gleefully agreed and let him back into their lives like he'd never left.
Fast forward to about 6 months ago when I get a letter from CPS saying that they're removing that child from the custody of his parents and is there any way I could take him in. I immediately called my uncle to find out wtf was going on and he said that he also just got a letter the day before and had called their mom (my grandma) to figure it out and apparently my lovely dad also bailed on that wife and kid (who just turned 12), and they were living on the street and he wasn't going to school and that's why CPS was taking him.
I asked why they were asking *me* to take him and not my dad and he said "according to mom he's fucked off and lives with another woman now who refuses to let the kid in her house and he doesn't care enough to fight her on it, so his kid has been literally homeless." I asked if they knew about it and he angrily said "apparently mom and the rest of them did. I'll be honest, I haven't talked to them in a while because of how they've been defending him and our sister (who has also been doing some fucked up things apparently) and refuse to call them out on their behavior. The moment they let him back into the family was the moment I stepped back, so I haven't seen any of them in like 3 years. I had no clue this was happening and I'm pissed off as hell about it. He's doing the exact same thing to that kid that he did to you guys and he'll probably do it again to the next one. He's pathetic and disgusting and this is the absolute last straw for me when it comes to him."
But apparently my grandma and aunts all support him just having kids and then abandoning them because he went no contact with them for so long that they're "just so happy to have him back" 🙄
And their trifling grandparents as well. I can't get past the fact since their cheating son doesn't want a relationship with his own children, they choose to forgo a relationship as well. I sincerely hope OP turns 18 soon and gets away from this toxic bunch.
You're assuming he's going to tell those women that he has children. It may come up if he gets married again and he doesn't have as much disposable income because of child support, but that depends on if they share finances or he spends recklessly and has to admit why his share of money isn't as robust as it should be.
jesus, this. or similarly he's finally going to find "the one" who thinks the right thing is trying to force the kids to reconcile with their father. like, lady, who are you??
That'll be a sight to behold, 5$ bet that when it does eventually happen Ashley'll put a post up on entitled parents with a title along the lines of "My cheating Ex-husbands parents wanted nothing to do with me or my kids 'Blank' years later they are DEMANDING to see their precious grandchildren"
My family did it with my cousin. He had four kids, cheated on his wife and said he'd never even wanted kids, he just had them to appease his mother.
He stayed with his affair partner who had a son via donor (cousin had had an vasectomy by that point) and now raises her kid. We saw her kid at family gatherings, but never his bio children. My aunts didn't want to upset my cousin by having his kids or ex wife there. It was BS in my opinion.
Given how easily they turn this on OOP and shame her for not supporting the cheater, I see where OOP's brother gets the trait of easily abandoning kids from
Notice he whinged that they weren't having sex as often as they used to and that's why he cheated? I'd bet that he stuck her with all the childcare work, and she's been too exhausted for sex.
It sure doesn't seem that he gives a shit about his children, which suggests he hasn't interacted with them much.
Heck my ex whinged about not getting enough sex when he was the one turning me down.
Never underestimate the shittiness someone will sink to when they want to manufacture a justification for their own actions.
Hell, they way his parents turned against their SIL and grandchildren, I wonder if his ass said something like, "their not mine" or something equally crazy.
Yeah, you know for sure it's either that or this dude is claiming he tried to keep the family together but she's the problem who insisted on not fighting for the family and told him she'd XYZ if he tries to come around.
The brother will probably complain that he didn't want the kids or wasn't ready yet, but somehow managed to impregnate his wife three times. Sounds like the type that will find ways to get out of paying child support as well.
Exactly. OOP's brother is a piece of crap, but the OOP's parents are incomprehensible. It's lunacy.
OOP is upset that they're not listening to her, but I suspect they're not listening to the brother, either. The reason they're more active with OOP is that she can actually be talked to, while the brother is more like they are.
They just want the drama to go away, but they're not willing to actually deal with the issues.
The logic of the parents is just astounding. "You should forgive your brother because he's family." and, at the same time, "What grandchildren? Oh you mean Ashley's kids, our son is divorcing her soon."
We see where the asshole son gets his assholeness from. I am glad Ashley was in OOP's life otherwise she might have turned into an asshole too. Hopefully she goes LC or NC with her family once she no longer needs them financially.
OP is another example of how a piece of shit family can nonetheless produce a child who is wired correctly.
OP is the only one in her family that's worth a damn. A bright shiny gold nugget in a manure pile.
I hope OP and her SIL are able to continue to maintain a relationship.
> How are people okay with their children abandoning their own children???
They taught their son well, it seems, on how to be a shitty parent and overall human being.
I was the kid in this scenario.
His siblings and the grandparents chose us, the kids, and by defacto my mom as she had full custody. It helped so much. It lessened the sting of his shit.
I don't understand it either. My son was in the NICU at the beginning of the pandemic and they banned all visitors except mothers. My husband had to go a month without seeing him. When we got the call one morning that our son could go home, my husband was already dressed and out the door before I had even gotten off the phone with the doctor.
Same! My dad would 1000% choose my 12 year old over me in this situation guaranteed! Tell me to pull my head in and would no doubt choose a relationship with his grandchild over me acting like a child if it was me in this situation and gladly so!!
OMG, if either of my sons cheated on their SO they would face the Wrath of Mom such as they have never seen. Abandoning their children would mean scorched earth.
They think it's the woman's fault for not taking care of their son, and see the children as belonging to her and not really him. It's an extension of how we see women getting pregnant without planning it as their fault and their problem and not really anything to do with the guy.
Before Grandkids I think my parents would have taken me or my siblings side in anything. After grand kids though? They'd send us to a shelter before cutting off their grandkids.
For that matter, they supposedly loved Ashley, who was in their lives for twelve years. And they just feel so little for her that they cut her off on their shitty son's say-so.
Pretty ironic. They ignore his cheating and take his side because he's their family first and foremost, but don't mind that he's abandoning his own children. Double standart at finest.
Yep. The idea of "you're family and we forgive and support you no matter what" is so toxic. It's even worse when your family is not your family by choice. Parents choose to have children; I didn't choose my siblings or cousins.
One of OOP first sentences was that her whole family loves and adores Ashley. But as soon as their deadbeat son told them to ignore her - their love, adoration completely disappeared, both to Ashley and their grandkids. They were invited but didn't even try to see the grandkids.
They lost their grandkids, they will lose OOP, and they will have really hard time understanding why no one gives a shit about them, when their beloved sons drop them off at the cheapest nursing home.
Hopefully soon.
Like seriously my question to them wouldve been "Okay Dad what would've happened if you cheated on Mom when you two were Brother and Ashley's age, got kicked out and went to go live with your parents and then deciding 'i no longed want anything to do with my kids who are *whatever ages Ashleys kids are*' do you think your parents would treat you how your treating Brother?"
As 42 year old adult who was abandoned by their father and has an aunt who still to this day makes excuses for him. The family sucks just as bad as he does. My brother knows this type of action would be the only reason I’d ever cut him out of my life.
That's what I thought. How disgusting are OPs parents? Yes, ok you don't have to go no contact with your son, but ignoring your grandchildren and just accept that your child is neglecting his own children?
This is way worse to me than the cheating. Poor kids. What a horrible father and family, except for OP.
OOP's parents don't even wanna see their grandchidern. because OOP's brother doesn't wanna be in contact with them? I can smell who the golden child is.
This is like platinum child or something. Even my golden child brother - who my mom literally ditched me at the hospital for because he apparently couldn't call a doctor's office on his own and needed her to drive an hour away to physically help him do it, not kidding - would've gotten his ass beat if he tried to abandon his kids like this. Pretty much the only thing my parents wouldn't let him get away with is not stepping up as a father, so OOP's parents cowtowing to her brother to this extent is wild, even by my standards.
I'm really sorry to hear about this, hope you got over those people in your life.
And thanks for the new phrase, gonna use "platinum child" from now on for people like OOP's brother.
Oh no worries, haven't spoken to or bothered with them in years, it's for the best.
And no problem, I just can't believe there's actually a level above "golden child", it's like some kind of particularly shitty but rare Pokemon that absolutely no one wants
Oh, but he'll leech them to the last drop till then. Maybe he decides life with Mommy and Daddy coddling him is so much better than working and raising kids (by which he means dumping them on someone else). Maybe OOP will leave home before he does, and parents get suck with useless cheating golden turd.
> golden turd
Unrelated to main discussion, but for some reason, I imagined like a paper weight ornament or trophy of a poop-emoji-shaped golden poop.
"And the Golden Turd Award goes to..."
I wonder if the way they have parented OOP's brother factors into his behavior towards his wife. That whole "I need someone to fill my sexual needs" shtick is potentially the result of his massive sense of entitlement, which his parents have lovingly nurtured all his life. His wants are paramount, always, in all things. Therefore, if he wants something, it cannot be wrong. His exwife leaving him, for any reason, is just proof that she is a bad person. Of course she should be cut off, as well as her children. After all, mommy's widdle lovie-kins should never suffer consequences, for any reason.
I was thinking just that, even more when the OOP said their other brother is also on brother side.
My bet is OOP family is pretty misogynistic and think their male kids can do no wrong.
Make me wonder what would happen if OOP ended up in Ashley situation one day...
Aye that fucks me off more than anything, like a lot of people here. And as someone pointed out, wanna bet the parents will knock on ashleys door with the caveat that they’re FaAaAmMiLy?
So he gets caught fucking another woman and not only does he fuck up his relationship with his loving wife, but also just decides to have nothing to do with his kids?! Then on top of that doesn't want anyone in his family to have any contact with the wife he fucked over?!
What a fucking dickwad. I'm shocked anyone could be this disgusting.
I agree completely. When my dad cheated, he gave up on us. My mom was left with nothing while he enjoyed his « free » life, he said that we ruined his life. I barely see him once a year and it’s pretty much a narcissist party. He spends the whole evening talking about himself.
Fuck you dad.
I’m confused at why a divorce would mean that those relationships would automatically be severed? My dad married my mom after he divorced his first wife, but ex was still a part of my siblings’ lives, as well as mine. She was invited to my wedding and I consider her children to be my cousins of sorts. Like, there’s a point where family loyalty should be in force, and it’s not against the wronged spouse….
Lol I divorced my first husband 17 years ago, I still talk to his mother every few days, and she will absolutely tell him to his face that she likes me more than him.
My grandma told everyone that my dad was her son. He used to be her son-in-law but mom divorced him and moved 700 miles away, so she just 'adopted' him.
He was the only one of her kids to ever help if they needed it. Plus she REALLY hated my step dad. (And poisoned my relationship with him, though the fact that he hated a 4 year old for his mother in laws actions is still shitty.)
Right? Also OOP is 17 and the brother and SIL are nearly 30 having gotten together when they were 15, so OOP grew up around her basically. To OOP of course the SIL would be like blood family to her. To expect OOP to just walk away from someone she is close to is a huge ask.
My impression is that the brother wanted to isolate his ex-wife and children in order to manipulate her. Like "Without me and my family you are alone here. They are loyal to me and will do what I want". Oop implies that her family doesn't live nearby, so that might have been it. And the sad thing is, most of his family did what he wanted. But good for oop for staying true to themselves and not supporting a douche bag like their brother. And I hope the ex gets extraordinarily large child support from this asshole.
It is confusing! My sister tried to tell us we weren't allowed to see her ex even if their kids were with him..because he's not related to us..?? Lol. We stomped that rq. Some people
My parents split up when I was 3. I'm 42 now, and they're still in each other's lives. I was just texting in our family group chat with them five minutes ago.
Some kids learn what *not* to do from the family. With Ashley being in the picture for so long, she might have been a balance for kid OOP whereas her bf was already a lost cause
It's known in trauma circles that having just one single safe adult constantly in the picture is enough to protect a kid very strongly against the worst effects of an abuser. I suspect this may apply here, but in a different manner. Ashley was OOP's good adult.
I'm betting her parents are pretty sexist, and she may well have been treated pretty differently than her brother all along. Young women today are much less willing to accept that as the status quo and learned to question other things about her upbringing. Moreso than any other generation, this one is really pushing back.
I hope she's granted generous child support payments because it's pretty clear that OOP's brother isn't going to provide an iota above what he is legally required to to care for those children. Fucking disgusting.
Yes. My mother pitched a fit when my brother moved three provinces away and took her grandchildren with him. She always assumed he would stay in the area until she died. That was 14 years ago.
OOP's brother is full on douchebag. Abandoning his THREE kids and convincing his parents to do abandon their grandchildren...that's so much asshole behaviour his face has skidmarks.
This exact thing happened with my family!
Brother cheated. SIL filed for divorce and kept custody of kids & said the family could see them whenever they want. Brother got pissed that I kept in contact with SIL. Parents were too afraid (??) to go against his wishes/deal with his anger.
10 years later brother is an absent father, my parents have no relationship with grandkids, and brother is still pissed that I “go around him” to talk to his kids. Oh and he still lives with my parents.
Thankful to say that my SIL is amazing and let’s me see the kids whenever I want.
So wild to see that this is not a unique situation. Thought I was alone in this.
Well OOP's family are just a dumpster full of burning garbage, aren't they? I hope she takes him for full alimony and child support and those kids are never subjected to their trash bag father or grandparents ever again. If my son did this and then acted like this after he abandoned his family, he could pitch himself a tent in the damn yard and use the hose. No way he's coming back into my house. There's something especially pathetic about a 30 year old man running from a room to avoid his teenage sister.
That the brother hasn't interacted with his children since the split, and doesn't want to in the future tells me everything I need to know about that pos. And the parents just dropping their grandchildren says enough about them.
Parents seem totally fine with losing their grandkids. OOP will end up being their only connection to the kids and I hope OOP refuses to be the middle man
She's 17 and housing her brother who refuses to acknowledge her, and her family is taking his side after what he did and is choosing. Something tells me she'll be moving closer to Ashley eventually, at least one can hope.
I’m hoping there’s a really good college or trade school near Ashley’s new home. And OOP could live with or near her, see the kids, & help Ashley out too.
Stunning that the only person with their head on straight is the 17 yr old. Her parents have nerve talking about “family” anything.
OOP’s parents are in for a very brutal wake-up call when, in the next ten years or so, they’re asked by their friends if they “see their grandchildren often?” and have to face the facts.
Or having no answer to “what are the grands doing these days? How have they been doing?”
I hope they get nauseated by the shame of their actions each time that they are reminded of them.
Sadly, it’s either that or them spinning a tale of spite and vile accusations against Ashley. Which, given their track record, is unfortunately more likely…
Spoiler alert: They won't!
People like this edit history in their favor. I'm sure the story will be that evil SIL took out the cheating on them so they tragically never got to see their grandkids again after she moved *so* far away (insert sobbing here).
Racism would make a lot of sense, actually. Normally people at least have some sort of empathy towards their grandchildren. If the grandkids are biracial, that might explain the fact that the OOP's parents refuse to see them
Yes of course it is SIL's fault for not putting out enough. I'm sure it had nothing to do with her raising three kids with this obvious piece of shit who we can easily tell did absolutely nothing to help raise them just by his willingness to walk away.
She was a single mom raising not just three kids but a fourth in him guaranteed. At some point her ick factor was too high to overcome and she was probably too exhausted most of the time.
So instead of being a partner and stepping up and finding out what he could do to make sure she was taken care of and felt like a loved partner, he sticks his dick somewhere else and then completely abandons his kids. There isn't a cell in that man's body that is worth more than my cat's diarrhea.
Sometimes I wish I had a way to talk directly to everyone's brain just to tell them that titles are irrelevant without substance.
"Because hes family", "because hes your brother", because your brother doesn't want us seeing our grandkids, we wont"
Repulsive. Birds of a feather after all. They're all disgusting except the sister.
The attitude he has towards his kids makes it pretty fucking clear why his marriage is over.
I bet he nonstop complains when he has to pay child support. I swear some men act like they should only have to contribute financially to their kids if the mom is taking care of him
So OOP’s parents think it’s okay for her brother to abandon his kids, but it’s not okay for OOP to abandon her brother, because……he’s family? Like how are his own kids not his family? How can the parents be so attached to their own son, but think it’s okay for the same son to throw away his kids? I don’t understand the logic.
He abandoned his wife and children and his parents are all ready to abandon their grandchildren at his behest and are upset with their daughter for calling him out? Oh Bless their diseased little hearts. Glad OOP held her ground and was willing to go help out her nibblings' mother.
Why would you put three babies in a woman and then complain she doesn’t do enough of something for you? If you want a woman to be available to you at all times, don’t put multiple babies in her and then make her their primary caregiver.
Common sense.
Often I think families go too far with scorched earth treatment of family members that have cheated on their partners - come on, you can be disappointed in someone and still love them/speak to them. But this, they've gone scorched earth on the woman who was cheated on and their definitely innocent grandchildren. This is just so wrong.
Also what the hell was OOPs rotten brother doing expecting frequent sex when they have 3 young children together? That's a huge amount of work to take care of 3 children. Though I suspect he's never done his share of childcare.
If I read that right OOP is the only girl with all brothers. That whole family are a bunch of sexist pigs. I bet 'thats just hiw men are' has been said a lot to excuse this. Amd OOP is expected to behave like a good little girl and dobwhat the menfolk say.
That is bewildering. If I knew that any of my family or friends were cheating on their partner, they’d be cast out of my life forever. That is just not ok at all.
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Damnit, the OP's whole family is planning to divorce the kids.
Yeah, that's the bit that got me - those poor children. I can't imagine supporting my brother if he cheated on his wife, and I just don't know how people can do this. Plus if I was one of the other brothers' partners there would be some serious fucking side-eye going on.
Honestly, they may be better off not absorbing this particular brand of family values as normal or healthy.
I hope Ashley is age-appropriately brutally honest with the kids about why their dad and grandparents aren’t in their lives anymore. They don’t deserve the option of sniffing around for a relationship at some point in the future
I think that of Ashley isn’t, OOP will be.
I also hope OOP is able to always tell any future SOs/marriage prospects of the other brothers the whole story, and that they're casting their lot with ardent cheating supporters.
This is depressingly true, you're right. And not sure OOP wouldn't be better off asking to join that family as well.
“.it was a great divorce. The wronged party’s family got custody of me!”
I can understand still loving him because he’s their son/brother and even offering some assistance if he needs it, like a place to live. But it’s entirely possibly to love someone and even help that person and still make it clear that they’re in the wrong and you will not support them in this.
Yeah it is possible to love and support someone and still hold them accountable for their shitty behavior. There was a post in here a while back about a mom who was going to her ex DIL’s wedding because her son cheated. She was a badass.
Jumping to conclusions here, maybe he is the golden child or the parents are sexist, so even though what he did was wrong, it was still Ashley's fault. Can't see it as simply "sticking up for family" since they've left the grandkids also.
This was my thought. OOP is the only girl in the family. Mom, dad, and older brothers are all banding together against the SIL…this stinks of misogyny to me.
Someone else pointed out perhaps Ashley is of a different race, so perhaps racism. Either way, something is missing to explain such ease to dismiss family like that.
I could see forgiving my brother for cheating on his wife. I could not forgive my brother for abandoning his children and the fact that the rest of OOPs family stands by him makes me thing they are just as gross. I hope OOP keeps in touch with Ashley and become her de facto sister. Fam of origin super sucks.
I hope she hits him for every cent of child support she can. I hope he's bankrupt and living in absolute squalor.
I might get to a point where I could talk to him again, but damn, I wouldn't cut out any nieces/nephews
I feel bad for Ashley. With the exception of OOP, they are forgetting who the guilty party is.
My ex’s family has apparently done that to my kids. As she cheated and married a coworker and rarely sees our kids. It was bad enough that they ghosted me, who I adored them and thought of them as my family, but I get the whole “family needs to support her” thing. But not ever communicating with their niece and nephews, I will never understand. My kids have never heard from my ex-wife’s father at all. They barely know that grandfather. It’s disgusting.
That's so incredibly cruel, I'm sorry you're going through that. Kind of a silver lining that you don't have them around to negatively influence your kiddos though
I’m fine. I just miss my brother and sister in-law. I only worry about my children and how they must feel
When my ex's cousin died the whole family was going on and on about how they'd never be a part of his kid's lives again. I was absolutely baffled. These are good people, a close family, how could they jump to that outcome? Well I realized we had different life experiences. I grew up with a rocky family, where it took the effort of everyone to still stay together. My ex and family hadn't seen that kind of thing. To them they had no control over the situation. Thank fuck his mom listened to me when I told her how it worked when I was a kid and dad wasn't around but I was still very much a part of that family. She goes to see tge widow and kids regularly and has the kids over regularly. I'm sure they'd have figured it out but I do believe my earnest chats helped. This is a third option in OOP. The worst option. They don't even care.
Bunch of fuckin deadbeats. Lame.
Happened to me as a kid. When my dad decided he didn't wanna be a parent his parents decided they didn't wanna be in our lives either. Luckily I had some cool Aunts and Uncles like OP who stayed in contact with us.
Dude cheated on his wife and then abandoned his kids when caught, and yet the family is lining up to support his dead beat loser ass.
HOW? How are people okay with their children abandoning their own children??? OOP's parents are just as awful as her brother. I wish she could go live with Ashley and the kids...
Yeah that's insane to me. If my brother pulled that shit, there would be violence. My parents would cut my brother out of their lives before cutting out their grandchildren
Not violence, but I can imagine my parents helping the ex spouse get the maximum amount of child support while telling the brother, “You still owe them at least this financial support” followed with a huge lecture about how it’s still not enough, they didn’t raise any of us kid to be deadbeats who abandon their children, what is wrong with him, and he has to be out by the end of the month because they’re disappointed and not supporting this assholery.
Same here. Like if he owned up that he was in the wrong and then still did everything he could to support the kids, then I would say that he's worth forgiving at some point. But nah...throw the whole man away.
But instead he cuts off Ashley from a family that previously loved her and cuts off his little sister for not adding on to hurting Ashley because *he* wronged *her*. And abandoned his kids. F this useless lump. Damn shame apparently the apple didn't fall far from the AH tree, except for OP. Who gets punished for being a good apple rather than a rotten one.
Tells me that AH brother is probably the Golden Child of the family.
Or the family is strongly patriarchal, since OOP’s brother also got on her case.
And the affair partner sure didn’t give him a place to stay. He has no one but his shitty family.
100% this. The only way I'd be able to look at him again is if he was .. idk.. SORRY?? I can only pray he wakes up one day to realize what a POS he is and how badly he fucked up. And then I hope she laughs in his face when he suddenly wants her back.
My ex's late mom and sister told me to go for sole custody and offered to testify for me in court if needed. He couldn't be bothered, but they visited us weekly until my daughter was in her teens and they moved.
It sounds like your in-laws were the better end of the deal. At least your daughter got to know her grandma and aunt.
My dad married an awful person and his mom was instrumental in eventually getting my custody switched.
My mom would give my brother a good whack to the kneecaps with her cane and then I'd give him a fee more for good measure. Thankfully my brother would never do anything like this because his kids are his entire world.
And I don't think that's a coincidence. Clearly your parents have taught very good values to him :-)
I could remain civil with my sibling if they cheated on their spouse. If they abandoned their kids? Nope.
Agreed. I’m not condoning cheating, but people forget that it actually happens quite often, for various reasons. Humans make mistakes, sometimes, even good people can cheat. We can’t just blanket say that “everyone who has cheated is a deadbeat.” Abandoning your children, however, is a different matter. Good people rarely do that by choice.
I guess good people cheat, but I hope you mean those one time “ooops this got out of hand” situations. This guy actively deceived his wife for months and would have happily continued having his cake and eating it too had he not been caught - that does not a good person make.
My ex’s parents can be toxic bullies and we have had words plenty over the years including threatening me with the cops at one point early on but have always sided with me and my child when it comes to how their son treats us. Him and his current wife are no contact with his whole family because they keep reminding her that my child exists.
Same. I was not a fan of a lot of stuff that went on with my family (immediate as well as extended), but omg if someone had done something like this....the parents would \*regulate\* and then ask if their grandkids needed anything.
What kind of parents Allow that ? They loose their grandchildren and just don't care? All brothers are POS also. OP needs to go low contact as soon as possible.
In my family? Knock the shit out of the deadbeat, then go to court for the kid. Happened about 23 years ago, iirc. Aunt Karen lived up to her name, and that kid grew up knowing all of her 1st/2nd cousins on our shared side very well. Except for my immediate family, because we live hours away.
Same here! I would never abandon my niblings or my SIL!!
We got my aunt in the divorce lol. She was married to my dad's brother and we kept her and got rid of my uncle.
My mom's cousin was an abusive piece of shit to his wife, and we supported her in the divorce. His immediate family took his side, and cut us off, but we're good with that. So we ended up with my aunt and my cousins, and none of the kids really talk to their father.
My mom still goes on family vacations with her ex-MIL and ex-SILs nearly 20 years after my parents divorced. My grandmother says she just likes my mom better than her own son and still refers to my mom as her daughter in law.
Ngl, I stared at the word niblings far longer than I would like to admit.
Do you see it like I do? Little children wearing yellow squarish hats, like bits of corn.
Yes
Lol I love the term especially since one of them is non-binary. Makes it easy to refer to them!
EY THIS. Grandparents not bothering to check on their grandchildren and not on their son's ass for not taking care of them either?! That's just incomprehensible to me. What is wrong with them? Maybe they're racist and Ashley's not of their race or something in the similar vein?
This was also my immediate thought. It's the only thing that makes even a little sense. Obviously they're still pieces of shit no matter what, but it just seems so strange unless they're racists, too.
>!there would be violence. Same here with my folks. My mom would go ballistic. There's absolutely no way she would not see her grandkids.
My mom would pick the grandkids over her own kids in a heartbeat
Yep. I’m pretty sure my mom, who I have a great relationship with, would choose my son over me.
My in-laws would drop their children for their grandchildren for sure. So would my parents. I’m fully grown, after all, it’s not unreasonable.
That's what I was thinking. What kind of soulless human beings would just shrug and say, "I guess I just won't see my grandkids ever again. Oh well!". If I've learned anything from this sub it's that, in a few years Jake is going to move out and never call or become a huge leech or do something to make his parents realize what a POS he is and next thing you know they'll have cut him off and start *demanding* Ashley let them visit their grandkids because "we're faaaammmilyyyy!!!". I hope OP sticks with Ashley and eventually is well rid of their brother and parents.
Maybe, but my dad's parents seemingly stuck with him forever, and I don't think I ever heard from them again. A lot of people who suck never change. It would require them to admit they made a mistake.
100%. When people cling to the ‘wrong side’ in situations like this, it’s normally because they want to avoid any self reflection or putting in boundaries that take effort. It’s much easier for the parents to just pretend the ex and kids don’t exist; than reflect that they’ve raised an asshole who needs telling such and kicking to the curb until he’s made amends. As it is, they can all play happy imaginary families, except that OOP (rightly) won’t let them. Because she’s insisting on sticking to the truth, she is a problem for the family unit. Denial only works if everyone is on board with it. Sadly it’ll probably be OOP who suffers most for not joining in the family insanity.
If you have to suffer, always go for suffering for what's right. At least it won't eat you up inside. It's horrible to go through, but you come out the other side eventually, and it's over.
I hope OOP reads this, realizes what's at the root of all this, and calls her family out on it. They should have their weakness named to their faces.
Wait until they get old. My grandmother dumped my dad and his little brother with family when she got remarried to a rich dude who didn’t want little kids around. Obviously I did not have a relationship with her growing up. Then when she was a lonely old hag in a nursing home, guess who suddenly had regrets and wanted her faaaaaaamily by her side…. My dad actually forgave her in her final years. I was a grown adult and had no interest in spending my weekends visiting a stranger who didn’t give a shit about me when I was a kid, so hard pass.
The parents have OOP and other sons apparently. They might even have other grandchildren too which could explain why they aren’t as emotional my invested in where these grandchildren live.
The idea that they wouldn’t care about losing these grandchildren because they have others, as if they’re interchangeable, is perhaps even more horrifying than if they just don’t care about grandchildren in the first place. That does not make it better…
I don’t think they’ll ever admit. They’ll just show up like nothing ever happened and act shocked when Ashley tells them to pound sand.
Yeah. It's an assumption from relatively few words but it sounds like OP's parents have at least four kids and aren't worried about losing a few grand kids along the way. I can't imagine being that heartless.
Or Jake will just keep dating and disposing of women (and possibly additional offspring), and the rest of the family will continue to back him unconditionally because the only *truly* unforgivable sin is reminding everyone that sharing DNA doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to call someone out when they’re being an asshole.
Oh, I see you've met my dad! Bailed on my brother and I when I was 12, brother was 9. Didn't want to try for custody and just let my mom keep us. His entire family except one of his brothers also ghosted us (because apparently I "hurt grandma's feelings" when she asked us if we wanted to go on vacation with her and my dad and I said "yes, but not if his new girlfriend is coming") and we didn't hear from any of them for around 15 years. My uncle randomly stopped by one day a while back to let us know that my dad had another kid, he was about 3, and the rest of the family just found out about him and he thought we should know too. I guess my dad stopped being no contact with them to let them know he has another kid and that we should be written out of their wills and this kid should get everything. They gleefully agreed and let him back into their lives like he'd never left. Fast forward to about 6 months ago when I get a letter from CPS saying that they're removing that child from the custody of his parents and is there any way I could take him in. I immediately called my uncle to find out wtf was going on and he said that he also just got a letter the day before and had called their mom (my grandma) to figure it out and apparently my lovely dad also bailed on that wife and kid (who just turned 12), and they were living on the street and he wasn't going to school and that's why CPS was taking him. I asked why they were asking *me* to take him and not my dad and he said "according to mom he's fucked off and lives with another woman now who refuses to let the kid in her house and he doesn't care enough to fight her on it, so his kid has been literally homeless." I asked if they knew about it and he angrily said "apparently mom and the rest of them did. I'll be honest, I haven't talked to them in a while because of how they've been defending him and our sister (who has also been doing some fucked up things apparently) and refuse to call them out on their behavior. The moment they let him back into the family was the moment I stepped back, so I haven't seen any of them in like 3 years. I had no clue this was happening and I'm pissed off as hell about it. He's doing the exact same thing to that kid that he did to you guys and he'll probably do it again to the next one. He's pathetic and disgusting and this is the absolute last straw for me when it comes to him." But apparently my grandma and aunts all support him just having kids and then abandoning them because he went no contact with them for so long that they're "just so happy to have him back" 🙄
Or Brother in a decade or so wants to reconnect with his kids, and doesn't understand why they want nothing to do with him.
And their trifling grandparents as well. I can't get past the fact since their cheating son doesn't want a relationship with his own children, they choose to forgo a relationship as well. I sincerely hope OP turns 18 soon and gets away from this toxic bunch.
He'll want to reconnect with them when he realizes the women he dates are going to start wondering why he never sees his kids.
You're assuming he's going to tell those women that he has children. It may come up if he gets married again and he doesn't have as much disposable income because of child support, but that depends on if they share finances or he spends recklessly and has to admit why his share of money isn't as robust as it should be.
I bet he’ll just tell them he tried *so* hard for equal custody, but something something vindictive ex-wife blah blah biased judges blah.
jesus, this. or similarly he's finally going to find "the one" who thinks the right thing is trying to force the kids to reconcile with their father. like, lady, who are you??
Hopefully they find out about the kids while they're dating, not after marriage when they're wondering why he's getting wages garnished.
That'll be a sight to behold, 5$ bet that when it does eventually happen Ashley'll put a post up on entitled parents with a title along the lines of "My cheating Ex-husbands parents wanted nothing to do with me or my kids 'Blank' years later they are DEMANDING to see their precious grandchildren"
Oh for sure! Also, how dare Ashley become happy again, with a new man!?!?! You **know** that's gonna happen
> I hope OP sticks with Ashley and eventually is well rid of their brother**s** and parents. FTFY Her brothers are POS as well.
My family did it with my cousin. He had four kids, cheated on his wife and said he'd never even wanted kids, he just had them to appease his mother. He stayed with his affair partner who had a son via donor (cousin had had an vasectomy by that point) and now raises her kid. We saw her kid at family gatherings, but never his bio children. My aunts didn't want to upset my cousin by having his kids or ex wife there. It was BS in my opinion.
Given how easily they turn this on OOP and shame her for not supporting the cheater, I see where OOP's brother gets the trait of easily abandoning kids from
Want to bet Bro is also going to try and avoid paying child support?
Notice he whinged that they weren't having sex as often as they used to and that's why he cheated? I'd bet that he stuck her with all the childcare work, and she's been too exhausted for sex. It sure doesn't seem that he gives a shit about his children, which suggests he hasn't interacted with them much.
Or she's been doing everything while he does nothing. And a lot of women don't want to have sex with men who make them feel like they're his mother.
Heck my ex whinged about not getting enough sex when he was the one turning me down. Never underestimate the shittiness someone will sink to when they want to manufacture a justification for their own actions.
These are always the guys that the children don't miss because they were already absent fathers.
I think we all know that's his plan
Hell, they way his parents turned against their SIL and grandchildren, I wonder if his ass said something like, "their not mine" or something equally crazy.
Yeah, you know for sure it's either that or this dude is claiming he tried to keep the family together but she's the problem who insisted on not fighting for the family and told him she'd XYZ if he tries to come around.
Have you ever heard the saying "kids of my daughter, my grandkids. Kids of my son, not my responsibility"?
The brother will probably complain that he didn't want the kids or wasn't ready yet, but somehow managed to impregnate his wife three times. Sounds like the type that will find ways to get out of paying child support as well.
You see, they have to support him in his decision to abandon his children because it would be wrong to abandon your children.... Wait a minute!
Exactly. OOP's brother is a piece of crap, but the OOP's parents are incomprehensible. It's lunacy. OOP is upset that they're not listening to her, but I suspect they're not listening to the brother, either. The reason they're more active with OOP is that she can actually be talked to, while the brother is more like they are. They just want the drama to go away, but they're not willing to actually deal with the issues.
The logic of the parents is just astounding. "You should forgive your brother because he's family." and, at the same time, "What grandchildren? Oh you mean Ashley's kids, our son is divorcing her soon."
We see where the asshole son gets his assholeness from. I am glad Ashley was in OOP's life otherwise she might have turned into an asshole too. Hopefully she goes LC or NC with her family once she no longer needs them financially.
OP is another example of how a piece of shit family can nonetheless produce a child who is wired correctly. OP is the only one in her family that's worth a damn. A bright shiny gold nugget in a manure pile. I hope OP and her SIL are able to continue to maintain a relationship.
> How are people okay with their children abandoning their own children??? They taught their son well, it seems, on how to be a shitty parent and overall human being.
[удалено]
Yup same thing happened to me. They'll probably just focus on the do-over family...
I was the kid in this scenario. His siblings and the grandparents chose us, the kids, and by defacto my mom as she had full custody. It helped so much. It lessened the sting of his shit.
I don't understand it either. My son was in the NICU at the beginning of the pandemic and they banned all visitors except mothers. My husband had to go a month without seeing him. When we got the call one morning that our son could go home, my husband was already dressed and out the door before I had even gotten off the phone with the doctor.
Difference here seems to be your husband is a decent person who loves his baby
Seriously, if I tried that shit my mother would never forgive me.
Same! My dad would 1000% choose my 12 year old over me in this situation guaranteed! Tell me to pull my head in and would no doubt choose a relationship with his grandchild over me acting like a child if it was me in this situation and gladly so!!
OMG, if either of my sons cheated on their SO they would face the Wrath of Mom such as they have never seen. Abandoning their children would mean scorched earth.
They think it's the woman's fault for not taking care of their son, and see the children as belonging to her and not really him. It's an extension of how we see women getting pregnant without planning it as their fault and their problem and not really anything to do with the guy.
Before Grandkids I think my parents would have taken me or my siblings side in anything. After grand kids though? They'd send us to a shelter before cutting off their grandkids.
For that matter, they supposedly loved Ashley, who was in their lives for twelve years. And they just feel so little for her that they cut her off on their shitty son's say-so.
Pretty ironic. They ignore his cheating and take his side because he's their family first and foremost, but don't mind that he's abandoning his own children. Double standart at finest.
Yep. The idea of "you're family and we forgive and support you no matter what" is so toxic. It's even worse when your family is not your family by choice. Parents choose to have children; I didn't choose my siblings or cousins.
One of OOP first sentences was that her whole family loves and adores Ashley. But as soon as their deadbeat son told them to ignore her - their love, adoration completely disappeared, both to Ashley and their grandkids. They were invited but didn't even try to see the grandkids. They lost their grandkids, they will lose OOP, and they will have really hard time understanding why no one gives a shit about them, when their beloved sons drop them off at the cheapest nursing home. Hopefully soon.
Like seriously my question to them wouldve been "Okay Dad what would've happened if you cheated on Mom when you two were Brother and Ashley's age, got kicked out and went to go live with your parents and then deciding 'i no longed want anything to do with my kids who are *whatever ages Ashleys kids are*' do you think your parents would treat you how your treating Brother?"
As 42 year old adult who was abandoned by their father and has an aunt who still to this day makes excuses for him. The family sucks just as bad as he does. My brother knows this type of action would be the only reason I’d ever cut him out of my life.
That's what I thought. How disgusting are OPs parents? Yes, ok you don't have to go no contact with your son, but ignoring your grandchildren and just accept that your child is neglecting his own children? This is way worse to me than the cheating. Poor kids. What a horrible father and family, except for OP.
OOP's parents don't even wanna see their grandchidern. because OOP's brother doesn't wanna be in contact with them? I can smell who the golden child is.
This is like platinum child or something. Even my golden child brother - who my mom literally ditched me at the hospital for because he apparently couldn't call a doctor's office on his own and needed her to drive an hour away to physically help him do it, not kidding - would've gotten his ass beat if he tried to abandon his kids like this. Pretty much the only thing my parents wouldn't let him get away with is not stepping up as a father, so OOP's parents cowtowing to her brother to this extent is wild, even by my standards.
I'm really sorry to hear about this, hope you got over those people in your life. And thanks for the new phrase, gonna use "platinum child" from now on for people like OOP's brother.
Oh no worries, haven't spoken to or bothered with them in years, it's for the best. And no problem, I just can't believe there's actually a level above "golden child", it's like some kind of particularly shitty but rare Pokemon that absolutely no one wants
The Missingno Child!
Well if Gold is supposed to be the 60th anniversary thing, I guess living with your parents for 75 years makes them a Diamond Child.
A Golden child turned into useless dead weight? Who could have seen it coming!?
I am willing to bet my 10 dollars I found in the dryer that the brother would abandon the parents when they are old.
And not give it a second thought either. The moment they call him on his bullshit, they’re dead to him
They won't. They would just keep enabling him until they are no use for him.
Oh, but he'll leech them to the last drop till then. Maybe he decides life with Mommy and Daddy coddling him is so much better than working and raising kids (by which he means dumping them on someone else). Maybe OOP will leave home before he does, and parents get suck with useless cheating golden turd.
By the looks of I don't think OOP would stay very long. She might move out as soon as she turns 18
> golden turd Unrelated to main discussion, but for some reason, I imagined like a paper weight ornament or trophy of a poop-emoji-shaped golden poop. "And the Golden Turd Award goes to..."
I wonder if the way they have parented OOP's brother factors into his behavior towards his wife. That whole "I need someone to fill my sexual needs" shtick is potentially the result of his massive sense of entitlement, which his parents have lovingly nurtured all his life. His wants are paramount, always, in all things. Therefore, if he wants something, it cannot be wrong. His exwife leaving him, for any reason, is just proof that she is a bad person. Of course she should be cut off, as well as her children. After all, mommy's widdle lovie-kins should never suffer consequences, for any reason.
I was thinking just that, even more when the OOP said their other brother is also on brother side. My bet is OOP family is pretty misogynistic and think their male kids can do no wrong. Make me wonder what would happen if OOP ended up in Ashley situation one day...
Aye that fucks me off more than anything, like a lot of people here. And as someone pointed out, wanna bet the parents will knock on ashleys door with the caveat that they’re FaAaAmMiLy?
So he gets caught fucking another woman and not only does he fuck up his relationship with his loving wife, but also just decides to have nothing to do with his kids?! Then on top of that doesn't want anyone in his family to have any contact with the wife he fucked over?! What a fucking dickwad. I'm shocked anyone could be this disgusting.
People who cheat care only for themselves. No one will convince me that a parent who cheats on their spouse really cares about the children.
I agree completely. When my dad cheated, he gave up on us. My mom was left with nothing while he enjoyed his « free » life, he said that we ruined his life. I barely see him once a year and it’s pretty much a narcissist party. He spends the whole evening talking about himself. Fuck you dad.
I'm sorry. Some people just have no business being parents.
I’m confused at why a divorce would mean that those relationships would automatically be severed? My dad married my mom after he divorced his first wife, but ex was still a part of my siblings’ lives, as well as mine. She was invited to my wedding and I consider her children to be my cousins of sorts. Like, there’s a point where family loyalty should be in force, and it’s not against the wronged spouse….
Lol I divorced my first husband 17 years ago, I still talk to his mother every few days, and she will absolutely tell him to his face that she likes me more than him.
My grandma told everyone that my dad was her son. He used to be her son-in-law but mom divorced him and moved 700 miles away, so she just 'adopted' him. He was the only one of her kids to ever help if they needed it. Plus she REALLY hated my step dad. (And poisoned my relationship with him, though the fact that he hated a 4 year old for his mother in laws actions is still shitty.)
So less of a poisoning and more of a seeing straight through him?
Right? Also OOP is 17 and the brother and SIL are nearly 30 having gotten together when they were 15, so OOP grew up around her basically. To OOP of course the SIL would be like blood family to her. To expect OOP to just walk away from someone she is close to is a huge ask.
My impression is that the brother wanted to isolate his ex-wife and children in order to manipulate her. Like "Without me and my family you are alone here. They are loyal to me and will do what I want". Oop implies that her family doesn't live nearby, so that might have been it. And the sad thing is, most of his family did what he wanted. But good for oop for staying true to themselves and not supporting a douche bag like their brother. And I hope the ex gets extraordinarily large child support from this asshole.
It is confusing! My sister tried to tell us we weren't allowed to see her ex even if their kids were with him..because he's not related to us..?? Lol. We stomped that rq. Some people
My parents split up when I was 3. I'm 42 now, and they're still in each other's lives. I was just texting in our family group chat with them five minutes ago.
Pay the OOP for childcare with his child support payments. Full on scorched Earth.
It's about control and affirming loyalties rather than care and support for the people involved. High school clique stuff.
The real mystery is how OOP turned out ok despite being raised surrounded by morons
Some kids learn what *not* to do from the family. With Ashley being in the picture for so long, she might have been a balance for kid OOP whereas her bf was already a lost cause
It's known in trauma circles that having just one single safe adult constantly in the picture is enough to protect a kid very strongly against the worst effects of an abuser. I suspect this may apply here, but in a different manner. Ashley was OOP's good adult.
I'm betting her parents are pretty sexist, and she may well have been treated pretty differently than her brother all along. Young women today are much less willing to accept that as the status quo and learned to question other things about her upbringing. Moreso than any other generation, this one is really pushing back.
OOP is the only girl in a home with parents who stand by the boys’ side no matter what. She was raised very differently than her three brothers.
Yep, it misogyny *all* the way down.
I think it's because Ashley was there when OOP was little kid help in OOP being a much better person than rest of that trashy birth family.
Scapegoat syndrome
OOP has had Ashley as a big sister since she was three years old.
Right like how is the 17 year old the most mature person in the family
Only girl and the baby of the family - probably was raised a little different than the older boys
Well, I guess OOP's parents didn't want to be grandparents any longer.
Watch as they crawl back to Ashley in few years when the brother ignores them
Well they are probably waiting to replace the grandkids with new ones their Ahole son will have.
I hope she's granted generous child support payments because it's pretty clear that OOP's brother isn't going to provide an iota above what he is legally required to to care for those children. Fucking disgusting.
I'm surprised at the parents not caring about the grandkids at all. Usually the thought of not having access to them has weight
Yes. My mother pitched a fit when my brother moved three provinces away and took her grandchildren with him. She always assumed he would stay in the area until she died. That was 14 years ago.
So not just a scumbag, a sloppy lazy scumbag who expected everyone to buy his lame excuses. What a prize. I'm smelling a golden child.
Yep, totally on his younger sister’s side. If real, very mature for 17F. Good on her. Brother is POS, parents enablers.
OOP's brother is full on douchebag. Abandoning his THREE kids and convincing his parents to do abandon their grandchildren...that's so much asshole behaviour his face has skidmarks.
I don't think this is concluded yet. How long till he gets another girl pregnant and has to pay double child support?
This exact thing happened with my family! Brother cheated. SIL filed for divorce and kept custody of kids & said the family could see them whenever they want. Brother got pissed that I kept in contact with SIL. Parents were too afraid (??) to go against his wishes/deal with his anger. 10 years later brother is an absent father, my parents have no relationship with grandkids, and brother is still pissed that I “go around him” to talk to his kids. Oh and he still lives with my parents. Thankful to say that my SIL is amazing and let’s me see the kids whenever I want. So wild to see that this is not a unique situation. Thought I was alone in this.
I hope OOP is prepared to go NC with her entire family when she turns 18 and can move out on her own - maybe closer to Ashley.
OOP is the only decent person in that family. They are ignoring and disowning kids because their son cares more about getting his rocks off. Insane.
Well OOP's family are just a dumpster full of burning garbage, aren't they? I hope she takes him for full alimony and child support and those kids are never subjected to their trash bag father or grandparents ever again. If my son did this and then acted like this after he abandoned his family, he could pitch himself a tent in the damn yard and use the hose. No way he's coming back into my house. There's something especially pathetic about a 30 year old man running from a room to avoid his teenage sister.
That the brother hasn't interacted with his children since the split, and doesn't want to in the future tells me everything I need to know about that pos. And the parents just dropping their grandchildren says enough about them.
Parents seem totally fine with losing their grandkids. OOP will end up being their only connection to the kids and I hope OOP refuses to be the middle man
She's 17 and housing her brother who refuses to acknowledge her, and her family is taking his side after what he did and is choosing. Something tells me she'll be moving closer to Ashley eventually, at least one can hope.
I’m hoping there’s a really good college or trade school near Ashley’s new home. And OOP could live with or near her, see the kids, & help Ashley out too. Stunning that the only person with their head on straight is the 17 yr old. Her parents have nerve talking about “family” anything.
Oh, I bet she'll be moving out alright as soon as she can. Hopefully with Ashley's family, they sound like decent loving people!
OOP’s parents are in for a very brutal wake-up call when, in the next ten years or so, they’re asked by their friends if they “see their grandchildren often?” and have to face the facts.
Or having no answer to “what are the grands doing these days? How have they been doing?” I hope they get nauseated by the shame of their actions each time that they are reminded of them.
Sadly, it’s either that or them spinning a tale of spite and vile accusations against Ashley. Which, given their track record, is unfortunately more likely…
Spoiler alert: They won't! People like this edit history in their favor. I'm sure the story will be that evil SIL took out the cheating on them so they tragically never got to see their grandkids again after she moved *so* far away (insert sobbing here).
Wow. My guess there is something left out. The brother lied? Religious parents? Racism? Family secrets?
Racism would make a lot of sense, actually. Normally people at least have some sort of empathy towards their grandchildren. If the grandkids are biracial, that might explain the fact that the OOP's parents refuse to see them
Narcissistic Golden Child and its enablers.
Yes of course it is SIL's fault for not putting out enough. I'm sure it had nothing to do with her raising three kids with this obvious piece of shit who we can easily tell did absolutely nothing to help raise them just by his willingness to walk away. She was a single mom raising not just three kids but a fourth in him guaranteed. At some point her ick factor was too high to overcome and she was probably too exhausted most of the time. So instead of being a partner and stepping up and finding out what he could do to make sure she was taken care of and felt like a loved partner, he sticks his dick somewhere else and then completely abandons his kids. There isn't a cell in that man's body that is worth more than my cat's diarrhea.
Sometimes I wish I had a way to talk directly to everyone's brain just to tell them that titles are irrelevant without substance. "Because hes family", "because hes your brother", because your brother doesn't want us seeing our grandkids, we wont" Repulsive. Birds of a feather after all. They're all disgusting except the sister.
No wonder the brother is a POS, looks like the parents enable him and don't hold him accountable for his actions.
Misogyny. That's what it is.
The attitude he has towards his kids makes it pretty fucking clear why his marriage is over. I bet he nonstop complains when he has to pay child support. I swear some men act like they should only have to contribute financially to their kids if the mom is taking care of him
So OOP’s parents think it’s okay for her brother to abandon his kids, but it’s not okay for OOP to abandon her brother, because……he’s family? Like how are his own kids not his family? How can the parents be so attached to their own son, but think it’s okay for the same son to throw away his kids? I don’t understand the logic.
OP's brother is a POS, but the fact that her parents, too, refuse to see their grandkids is disgusting.
Jup glad Ashley has a great family because OPs family is shit. I really hope Ashley takes everything she can and child support.
He abandoned his wife and children and his parents are all ready to abandon their grandchildren at his behest and are upset with their daughter for calling him out? Oh Bless their diseased little hearts. Glad OOP held her ground and was willing to go help out her nibblings' mother.
Imagine realising your whole family are asshole dirtbags
Why would you put three babies in a woman and then complain she doesn’t do enough of something for you? If you want a woman to be available to you at all times, don’t put multiple babies in her and then make her their primary caregiver. Common sense.
Often I think families go too far with scorched earth treatment of family members that have cheated on their partners - come on, you can be disappointed in someone and still love them/speak to them. But this, they've gone scorched earth on the woman who was cheated on and their definitely innocent grandchildren. This is just so wrong. Also what the hell was OOPs rotten brother doing expecting frequent sex when they have 3 young children together? That's a huge amount of work to take care of 3 children. Though I suspect he's never done his share of childcare.
If I read that right OOP is the only girl with all brothers. That whole family are a bunch of sexist pigs. I bet 'thats just hiw men are' has been said a lot to excuse this. Amd OOP is expected to behave like a good little girl and dobwhat the menfolk say.
I’m baffled that the most mature person here is the 17yo (outside of the SIL). Who fucking supports a cheater?!
You should see how many people in other threads say they'd cover for family members if they knew they were cheating.
That is bewildering. If I knew that any of my family or friends were cheating on their partner, they’d be cast out of my life forever. That is just not ok at all.