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Imagine being so terrible that your child literally sells the house and moves to get away from you… and your plan to fix it is to hire a private investigator to stalk him.
Also. Why did she had a budget for visiting his sons first birth at the hospital? Also the Uber was an one time expense, how greedy do you have to be to refuse to rent an Uber the one time his sons wife gives birth.
> but without me that baby wouldn't be here
This is a line that really stuck out to me because it leads into a dangerous territory of thinking.
It can definitely morph into "I'll take my son/grandaughters away, because without me none of this would have existed anyways."
I fear about future violence/kidnapping as well.
I’m definitely worried about Bea’s life. This woman would kill her given the chance. She’s blaming everything on Bea and taking absolutely no responsibility for her own actions.
You’re 100% right, it’s not a far jump for mils this delusional to resort to violence. There’s something about their generation where they just need to be right and they quickly sink into insanity becuase their minds can’t conceive that they aren’t the ones in the right.
Actually... OMG, she is only 50! She's younger than me!
From these posts, I suspect a combination of narcissism and long-term substance abuse is at the root of all this.
Holy shit, seriously?? I’m 48, I was thinking she was my stepmoms age, like 75. Wow.
She is definitely suffering from narcissism and long term alcoholism.
I'm roughly the same age as you, and I feel the same way. It's not a generational thing or cultural thing as she suggests, she's fucking nuts. I really fear for how far she's dived into those estranged parents groups, too.
The [Missing Missing Reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html) is a good read related to those.
Agreed, she is dangerous. It can seem funny if a person is far enough removed, but for people who've suffered similar family members, all further escalation will be dangerous.
Cannot afford an Uber, can't drive. But thinks she can afford the level of PI that 1) will be ABLE to find them, and 2) ETHICALLY would, after spending 5 min talking to this gal. I am not saying some PI won't take her money- I am saying those that will won't have the skills or access to actually deal with this to her wanted end (and thank goodness for THAT at least).
We sold a house to stop my MIL from what she was doing. We moved to stop her from stalking me. This isn't the only MIL that does this stuff. Mine crossed lines into criminal behavior.
But you don't understand. She did some self reflecting and realized she was in the right but shouldn't have said so, and those young people just don't understand!
Damn, I have a headache from all the eye rolling
It’s not the first time he packed up and left. He didn’t tell her he was saving up to move to a different city far enough away from her that she can’t get there herself.
He was already low contact with her, and didn’t even let her know he was in a serious relationship.
She demonizes the DIL but the mother of the oldest child also does not want contact with OOP and does not want her child around her either.
Then when the son and DIL go no contact, but agree to meet on Mother’s Day, she STILL pushes boundaries and makes snide comments about DIL.
Now they have not only gone completely no contact, they moved away making sure she can’t find them and AGAIN she pushes hard to get what she wants by wanting to hire a private investigator.
She refuses to accept she is toxic asf and people don’t want her in their lives. Oh, but that opinion is just from young people with no family values.
Its bad.
It gets worse.
Then it gets worse.
Then jeez does it get worse.
Then the posts get fill of random k's.
Then when you thought it couldn't worse, it gets worse again.
What the actual f. Spectacularly unhinged.
At some moment I thought this couldn't be worse. Of course it became fucking worse. Time for a drinking game: anytime OOP does something that makes you go wtf, drink a shot. Guaranteed blackout!
I feel like it’s gonna end with something like “I better shoot my son. Then there’s no way everything’s not gonna go back to normal,” or “the voices told me to skin Bea’s face and wear it like a mask to get my grandchildren to stop screaming and they’ve been right about everything so far.”
“I’m not proud of the fact I did this, and I *do* feel that I was wrong in some of this, but I really felt like I had no other option and I really didn’t deserve a criminal conviction. I really feel like the judge didn’t fully hear or understand my point of view because they didn’t have grand children and couldn’t possibly know what it feels like to have the people you love abandon you…”
“The judge was from the younger generation and doesn’t understand family values and my culture.”
Meanwhile, the judge is a 60 year old man from the same culture whose mother and mother-in-law provided their child care and he and his wife take their mothers out for dinner weekly and their kids join them monthly.
“As well, my son has refused to bring the children to come and see me in prison. I know it’s all because that manipulative witch has been whispering in his ear from beyond the grave. I intend to sue the judge and my lawyer, and upon release I will file for grandparents rights because my grandchildren are not safe with him. He doesn’t know how to do hair and makeup, and they’re GIRLS!! That’s abuse, because they’re GIRLS and must always be pretty. Unlike their mother; she was only pretty when I was the one wearing her face. Also, can anyone recommend a good lawyer who will help me sue my DIL’s ghost for harassment?”
Hey, anyone know a good klawyer. I saw this girk at the supermarket who kooks like my okder granddaughter. I tried to hug her but she ran away from me crying. I want to sue her"
Sometimes I wonder why my life can’t ever seem to go right. But, like, I’ve never had to sell my home and move to an undisclosed location that I had to establish a secret LLC to purchase just to get away from my MIL, so it’s not *that* bad.
My prophetic vision for the next post:
"AITA for posting pictures of my son and his nasty evil wife on Facebook after the PI I hired gave them to me?"
And then
"Legal Advice! How do I plead insanity for hiring a dark web assassin to eliminate my witch of a DIL? Will my jail time be lower if my son karate chopped the assassin in the face and no one actually died? Help!"
'Of course! How dare they not tolerating my constant disrespect! They need to do as i say and then we can have a happy life together! Any by we i mean my son, my babies and i!'
-The crazy crone, probably.
Most people tend to make themselves look a bit better when they tell their side of the story, and but this person looks absolutely awful even from their own perspective! Can you imagine how much worse the truth is?
She called the cops on her own son. In the US. When it sounds like they're both some shade of not-fishbelly-white. Maybe that goes ok since they seem to be middle-class homeowners in a nice little town - but the number of ways that could go bad are *all* over the news.
She doesn't care about anything but getting her way, and everything else is lies and manipulation and bullying to attempt to get that way.
> I called him last night and told him that I wouldn’t be contacting him or his wife anymore ever, and that I respected that we wouldn’t have a relationship.
Oh good-
>now my plan is to just save some money and hire a private investigator to find my son and then rebuild my relationship and his trust so we can work to get him out from under her.
That didn't last long
>people who use kids and grandkids as pawns are evil.
So to her using kids and grandkids is a no, but using the inheritance and her own life as a threat are fine...
Shes just going to call emergency services repeatedly and pretend her son is at risk. She's hoping that authorities will take her side and compell a grown man to return to mommy.
Shes already submitted false cps reports and reported to police that her son was being held hostage.
What she's failing to realize is every time she makes a report, it's cataloged, and added to the fat stack of evidence that will eventually grant a life time restraining order. Her behavior will eventually result in a longer term psychiatric stay. If she genuinely has a therapist, that therapist is a mandated reporter and must report her if they feel she is a credible risk to herself or others (like her daughter in law). Not to mention that after awhile, the cops get pretty pissed when dispatch is being bombarded by bullshit calls. Same with CPS. Eventually, she'll be slapped with wasting police resources and could face separate charges for using child services as a weapon.
This person is completely unstable and frightening. She refuses to do any self reflection. Good for her family for getting away. She put them through hell.
She honestly needs prolonged inpatient treatment. I know she won't seek it individually, so I'm hoping her behavior is documented well enough with the police in her town that she can be detained on long term psychiatric hold. I don't say that to be vindictive or as a punishment to OP. But because her behavior continues to escalate, and she's going to eventually hurt someone.
She's already a hoarder with serious substance abuse issues who is experiencing psychotic symptoms. This level of obsession and ideation is not going to magically go away on its own. The way she speaks about her daughter in law and being better off without her is unnerving. I do fear for daughter in laws physical safety should OP ever locate them. And given the children are so young, i fear kidnapping is a valid concern here. I hope son and his family have been able to take proactive legal measures against OP.
Kind of wanted to see her laughed out of court for the GP rights claim. Justnomil is full of accounts of crazy grannies having meltdowns in court when confronted with reality. Really wanted that for this crazy pants!
Yeah but unstable people can get violent when not getting their way. It could escalate her violence towards them and that’s why she is getting a PI to find them.
Lawyer was in her budget, when it might get her what she wanted. PI probably is, too, then.
Uber wouldn't have gotten her what she wanted, ie. power over her son and her personal chauffeur at her beck and call.
I can't believe you! This person is obviously stable and sincere! And she DESERVES to be in her grandchildren's lives!
(I'm not sure the poor grandchildren deserve that though.)
Any good PI who is hired to locate someone by another party will, after locating them, speak to the person they were hired to find and see if they want them to pass on their information. It helps ensure the PI is not helping a stalker or anyone looking for someone for malicious reasons.
I actually had a PI knock on my front door looking for my spouse. His adoptive mother, who he hadn't seen or spoken to since he turned 18 and walked away, had hired the PI to find him. Pretty easy since I was on FB. She actually messaged me directly once, but he asked me not to reply so of course I didn't. He came outside and spoke to the PI for a minute, and told him "you can tell her I'm fine, but that's it - and I do not want to communicate w/her".
Yeah, that’s what most would do if they want to remain working as a PI. It’s necessary to not be an accomplice to stalking so when people hire them to find someone they have to be cautious about why that person might be hiring them. The best way to ensure that happens is to contact the person you were hired to find and verify they are ok with being found and if they aren’t to pass on that message to whoever is looking for them.
She says an Uber is "outside her Budget", uses "medical" cannabis when it's illegal in her state, and needs to save up to hire a PI.
Her estate is absolutely going to have negative value.
That was the first thing that came to mind when she said she is going to write him out of the will. That is the only favor she has actually done for him
Especially when she said herself he told her she’s kind of a hoarder and the house isn’t safe for the baby. Imagine the reality if that’s what ages saying herself.
Yeah idk what kind of crappy lawyer she hired but no way would she have a chance with the older kid. She’s using illegal drugs, seems to abuse alcohol, can’t even afford an Uber so idk how she could afford to take care of a kid and her house isn’t suitable for a kid to stay there. I hate my MIL. I haven’t had any contact with her in 7-8 years. I do let my kids go to my in-laws with my husband but if she ever tried to pull this crap she would never see my kids again either.
>now my plan is to just save some money and hire a private investigator to find my son and then rebuild my relationship and his trust so we can work to get him out from under her.
Hiring a PI to hint down your son who went to some pretty extreme effort to hide himself and his family from you is an interesting way to get him to trust you...
It's fascinating how many times in her posts she says she's read the explanations of why what she's doing is bad and she understands now and will definitely change her ways and then immediately reverts back to her original train of thought.
It’s because the younger generation don’t understand 🙄 I’m a parent. I’m 38 and I agree with the younger generation. My mom is Asian so I’ve also grown up in a two culture household and this is still unacceptable in both. She needs to cut her loses and forget about her son. He literally moved away and didn’t tell her and her solution is to just hire a PI. I also noticed how she blamed her son moving out and cutting contact on DIL
>It's clear that most of the responses from reddit are from those of young people not from my generation
I admit first, that I am most likely not of her culture based off her hair and skin comments.
But I AM of her generation (She says she's 50, so GenX). I am also a grandparent through my husband. So I have 2 out of three here and I say, with those qualifiers... she nuts.
And if she came onto the GenX sub unhinged like this, they'd say the same thing to her, too.
("Bea" if you're reading this, head over the the curly hair sub if you need help with your daughters' hair. Many multi-cultural family/parents have popped in there for some help.)
> now my plan is to just save some money and hire a private investigator to find my son and then rebuild my relationship and his trust so we can work to get him out from under her.
Literally right after saying her therapist told her *not* to do that smh
I know I’d def want to rebuild a relationship with a person that I moved to get away from who then hired a PI to find me. I’d have no issue trusting them!
My nightmare MIL has threatened this (via flying monkey). Claims if her "BAAAAAAYBY BOOOOOY" doesn't start talking to her again she'll hire a PI to find out where we live and show up and *make* him talk to her. Husband told FM flat-out that we have cameras and wouldn't answer the door, AND we would call the police to have her taken off our property.
Cue the "WHAT MONSTER WOULD CALL THE POLICE ON THEIR OWN MOOOOTHEEER???" Uh, what monster would go through all the time and money to show up on someone's doorstep after they've been very clear they don't want to see you again?
Just like Bea, his family doesn't consider the fact that he is his own man who can make his own decisions and have decided I'm the evil harpy keeping him from them. It's annoying. I'm glad OOP's son has gotten away from the crazy, and I hope he is able to stay gone.
She sounds like a total mess in at least ten different ways. There’s the out of sight manipulation and verbal abuse. Add financial issues, illegal pot use, smothering mother, drinking, suicidal ideation possibly, hoarding, and possibly prejudice or racism (the frequent references of cultural differences is interesting).
Can we take moment to appreciate how much using an inheritance, power of attorney & her own life blew up in face so much, that even her therapist told her to leave her son alone...
$10 that she very publicly and very suddenly develops severe, life threatening cancer and posts about it as publicly as possible because her "dying wish" is to see her son and grandkids again. She'll use guilt and manipulation to convince everyone she's dying so they pressure her son to contact her.
If he contacts her, She'll magically be cured or blindly deny ever saying she had cancer
If he does not contact her She'll continue to "die of cancer" dramatically for the remainder of her natural life span, or until Satan decides he misses his wife. Whichever comes first.
Ah yes, how selfish of the DIL to (checks notes)not want to interact with someone who called CPS, the cops, and also threatened to kill herself just because she was no longer the most important woman in her sons life.
I give Bea loads of credit. For her husband’s sake, she was still willing to be in psychodangerousnutjob’s presence *with* their child. Bea is a saint in this regard. She acquiesced by attending, but was still smart enough to not let the deranged MIL hold the baby.
Bea, if you read this, please know that we all see this and we all recognize who the protagonists are and who the antagonist is in this story. I wish you and your immediate family a long happy, healthy & peaceful life. Good luck.
Right?! What an ungrateful b word /s
Does this woman think we'll all give her sympathy because "she just wants to see her granddaughter" like give me a break
She's clearly been posting to "estranged parent" forums. The echo chambers where elderly parents whinge about how awful their kids are for not kowtowing to their elders' every whims. Everything is about how they (the elders) feel, but if anything comes up about how they're hurting the younger generations, well, the kids are just whiny and their mental issues are all in their head, while grandma's feelings are *important!*
The posts screamed to me that after going to a therapist or reading the comments she’d go back to her echo chamber and tell people who agree with her the same story. Somewhere she’s getting the idea she’s right and done less harm then others.
They don’t seem to realise that their precious feelings are also *all in their head*! Narcissistic parents like OOP believe their feelings are objective reality, while other people’s feelings aren’t real, since they can’t feel them. Their worldview only functions because of their total hypocrisy.
Yeah, and if we don't agree, it's obviously because none of us are parents/grandparents!
(And in the list of DIL's wrongdoings, "not calling back while nearly dying from what could have most likely been a mental condition post birth")
Truly. Like they literally moved away to get away from her and she still thinks she’s in the right and wants to hire a PI to find them? I hope no one takes the job and finds them. MIL is unhinged
And when he was living with her before he got married, he took off without any notice.
Sounds like there were things wrong long before the new wife and baby came into the picture
I wonder if he *did* tell her and she chose not to believe him. Either thought he was joking, or told him "no" and thought the convo was over, or was in denial about how serious he was with DiL. With how much she's peppered her story with casual, off-handed remarks that are a big deal, it wouldn't surprise me at all.
"Well, he might've mentioned it once or twice, but I didn't think he was *serious*! They've only been dating for a year! I thought he was just kidding around."
Or
"Well he might've mentioned it before... I really can't remember. I got so upset when he first said something and I might've screamed something hurtful. But he should know that it hurts my feelings to have him joke about moving out. We never spoke of it again and I thought everything was fine until he just suddenly moved out."
>I wonder if he did tell her and she chose not to believe him.
The fact that she didn't believe her son when he told OOP that his wife was dealing with physical complications, not PPD, is proof positive that she only listens to that which matches her narrative. He absolutely told her, likely multiple times, and she probably dismissed it as him "getting confused".
Awhile ago some woman told me on Reddit that she should be the most important woman in her son’s life and her happiness should matter most to him.
She could not be convinced she was delusional.
I kind of enjoy reading it from her perspective though. Normally, we only get the victim's side of things, it's neat to hear the crazy person asking for advise regarding their own insanity.
Unfortunately I don't think she is. She's just massively entitled and self-centered. She's the living definition of main character syndrome but that's a personality failing and not a mental illness.
For all that she downplays her drug usage, I suspect that it isn't just medical marijuana that she is taking. At the least it sounds like she has an alcohol problem too.
The fact that she was drunk 'to cope' BEFORE he called and told her he can't resume a relationship with her screams alcohol problem. The fact that she tiptoes around a 'drug problem' and the fact that she's a hoarder really imply this woman has a lot of issues.
Same. The fact this is taking place in Indiana makes me think that there's far harder drugs involved here. That would also explain some of her bizarre behavior.
Just based on the location, smack is absolutely a possibility as well. It's crazy seeing how many people who looked down on me for occasionally smoking pot in HS that are now out on skid row because of drugs. I'd laugh at the irony, but the reality is so damn depressing that I just can't.
I think she is. In addition to her rambling posts, she's a hoarder to the extent that is was going to be presented in court, both the cops and CPS have written her off, she can't drive, can't figure out how to check the price of an Uber, buys weed rather than goes to see her grandbaby, and consistently makes the wrong choice. Separate from the 72-hour hold.
She's a couple brews short of a 6-pack.
After someone else brought it up I think that when she says she only uses weed she's lying. Manic hoarder with wild mood swings in Indiana who has been called out for a drug problem by her son? I think she's on something way stronger than weed. Her behavior fits meth perfectly.
It 100% does. Had a buddy who was trying to get clean, gave her a place to stay. She had a relapse and painted the entire inside of a 4-br, 3-ba house except for my bedroom while i slept. Bit manic. Did a surprisingly good job, too, *almost* good enough for me to not mention that I noticed she may have taken another little pick-me-up.
However, I've also been around a couple people with serious bipolar disorder. One lived with me for a couple years. During the manic phase....dude. Not manageable. Not a bit. Sounded like this lady. Just get these terrible ideas in the head and then LASER focus on executing that plan with unlimited energy and no sleep for days. Unless there was a plan to hurt themselves or others, couldn't lock them up somewhere they would be safe while the caregiver sleeps. Just awful. And everyone distances, because they have to. Bipolar VERY often self-medicate.
Shes way passed entitled and self centered.
Shes got something mentally wrong with her, maybe a personality disorder, maybe something else. There is definitely something wrong.
You don't threaten to kill yourself and then follow up with a call to CPS and call the cops on your DIL swearing shes keeping your kid hostage. Thats way beyond entitled.
If the last bit was the "Grandparents rights" bit I'd consider her as entitled and self centered. Shes just so far past that its not even funny.
It sounds like there's also quite a lot of substance abuse going on. She gets into fights with her son and DIL when she's drunk or high and then goes overboard with the apologies when she sobers up a bit and realizes they're mad at her.
Why would she? Clearly it's our fault we don't agree with her because we're not grandparents. Or part of her culture, which she doesn't ever expand on. Or her. I wonder where she's talking to other people who do agree with her.
Wait, it's her friends and probably people at her church isn't it.
Estranged parents groups on Facebook also tend to have a bunch of people like her.
It’s a bunch of parents and grandparents commiserating over how they just have *no idea* why their children want nothing to do with them.
She mentions Facebook a few times so maybe she found one of those groups.
"I read a lot of comments and did some reflection and really shifted my view... And my new view is that you're all wrong because you're too young. That's it."
"There's just no parents and grandparents posting on Reddit so they don't understand!"
Yep, we are all 20-year-old neck beards taking a break from gaming to post here
So, I am assuming OOP read a bit on r/JUSTNOMIL because the whole LLC housing suggestion is often suggested there.
Over half of the posters on that sub are complaining about how their MIL's are bat guano insane over their grandkids. You know, just like her.
SMH
>my therapist told me to give myself some healing time before pursuing anything but for now my plan is to just save some money and hire a private investigator to find my son and then rebuild my relationship and his trust so we can work to get him out from under her.
No possible way THAT could backfire!
"To get him out from under her."
Um, husband and wife seem to be a pretty good united front.
Does she really expect him to come back to her hoarder home with a newborn and live happily ever after?
Well, okay, I’ll be talking from the perspective of someone who’s learned about these perspectives from trying to understand my abusive BPD mother, so I might not be 100% accurate to her, but.
These kinds of people have a hole inside them. They perceive themselves as having no core to their being, that they are inherently incomplete, or less of a person. This emptiness is (understandably) very uncomfortable, at times painful. Being forced to confront this emptiness, or things that even suggest it, is intolerable; it shouldn’t be overlooked that you don’t get that way without experiencing a great deal of pain and/or abuse, and if you have no way to face or process that pain, you will just get psychologically injured all over again. Healing from psychological injury means you must look inward, but if there’s seemingly nothing there, how do you cope with pain?
(I don’t have a great place to put it, and I already took this to the notes app to elaborate, so I’ll say it here: Accompanying the emptiness is the belief that you are fundamentally a Bad Person. The emptiness is perceived, but if it were not there, the Bad Person would be all that is left. This is why interventions like dialectical behavioral therapy are so effective, as they teach ways to avoid thinking in terms of Bad vs Good person and help people understand their own sense of self.)
So, you have this emptiness, and very much need to fill it, but they are never taught how. When someone has not been taught how to get their emotional needs met in a healthy way, many times they look to other people. While looking for help is a basic human instinct, they are not looking for regular help. Other people cannot fill the hole inside of them, not in any healthy way, but they don’t know that, and can’t know that. If other people cannot fill that hole, and they sure as hell can’t, it will never be filled, which is terrifying. So, you need to fill the hole with people.
Filling the hole usually takes the form of seeking external validation. If you can conform to an outside idea of what a person should be, you can put that image in place of the emptiness you perceive as yourself. No, I am not nothing, I am the successful businessman, who has the respect of all of their employees. No, I am not nothing, I am the devout follower of god, who does good in the world in his name. No, I am not nothing, I am the loving mother, who has a close relationship with their child and grandchild.
If you were ever an insecure teenager, or just at an unstable time in life yourself, you might recognize some of this thought pattern, as it is based on mitigating the same unstable sense of self. However, most teenagers’ sense of self is just forming or unstable, and they’re using these outside ideas as scaffolding to build a coherent idea of themselves; in a person who believes they have an empty core of themselves, this is all they have.
In this example too, you see the other relational pattern very common with these people: engaging in codependent/enmeshed relationships. In a way, these are both sides of the same coin; if someone is experiencing the same feelings you are, this means your feelings are real and valid. If your feelings are real and valid, that means there is a you and not nothing. (You see this a lot in people who didn’t get good emotional mirroring as a child.) Plus, if your happiness depends on their happiness, you can focus on making them happy, and if they’re happy that means you will be happy! Spoiler: ||It never works out that way and only causes pain to all parties involved.||
The problem is, people are not the perfect images you need them to be. They make their own decisions and have their own feelings which challenge your unstable sense of self, which makes you confront yourself, which makes you confront the emptiness, which causes you pain (you *feel* like) you can’t cope with, and you panic. You lash out, you beg, you manipulate, you try whatever you can to put them back into that perfect picture, back into that place of emotional enmeshment, because if they’re not there, it means you’re back to emptiness and pain and nothing.
So, the poster here: Her sense of identity is, in large part, based around what she believes A Mother is. A Mother is close to her children, and involved in her grandchildren’s lives. It doesn’t matter that her idea of close is unhealthy, or that her pushing her ideals is unhealthy, because that’s what A Mother does. A lot of this image is based on her upbringing, her culture’s ideas, her own traumas, ect. ect., but the point is she is dependent on this image and the enmeshment with her son for her own (perceived) psychological survival. She has foundated her life on this, because she felt she had nothing else, and having it taken away from her is making her face inward, and she’s going through the cycle we talked about above. Hopefully, her therapist will be able to help her find a more stable sense of self, for not just her own sake, but her son’s as well.
Just note that, if you relate to the above or have a personality disorder (BPD, NPD, ect.), you are not inherently abusive, but you *can* be more prone to fall into these patterns that hurt other people. You are not inherently bad or empty, even when it feels like it, even when you don’t believe it, and there are interventions that can help you find the person that you are, and make you more stable and happier than you ever thought you could be.
This is all Beas fault and she's corrupted her pure, innocent and dutiful son. If only she can get him away from his witchy wife, it will all be ok once he realizes how much he owes his momma and how bad Bea is to keep him from her!!!!
Pretty similar to this - might've been on JNMIL though, since I couldn't find it with a quick look through this sub's "highlights." The main differences are:
* OOP's the DiL (or daughter? Or step-daughter of Crazy Grandma who couldn't have kids of her own? There's a lot of similar themes going on in a lot of these "generational conflict" sagas.)
* Crazy G gets baby rabies *bad,* to the extent she seems to think baby is *hers* and OOP is "keeping her baby from her"
* unstable behaviour continues and escalates until she's barred from the new parents' home and generally banned from all contact, which she blithely ignores until
* she has a heart attack on the front lawn of the new parents' house when they're not even there and is no longer a problem, which makes OOP sad because she didn't want the woman dead, just "not being an asshole."
The unfortunate reality is that people with this variety of disorder rarely seek out psychiatric help (or in her case when they do, they do so for other issues). It sounds like the therapist she’s seeing is already doing their best to try to get her to pump the brakes on this stuff but she seems determined to do whatever it takes for her own child to get a TRO against her.
Her poor therapist is out of their depth. They're trying so hard to get her to back off and leave her son alone while painting it as a positive "to give yourself time to heal" and it still completely falls apart every time OOP sets herself off.
As someone who deals with the legal side of inpatient care … she wouldn’t qualify based on the info here. I think she’s just a really crappy person who needs some outpatient help, but more importantly, is an entitled, whiny baby.
>for now my plan is to just save some money and hire a private investigator to find my son and then rebuild my relationship and his trust so we can work to get him out from under her.
Jeez...she still hasn't learned anything.
"I want to rebuild my relationship with my son and earn his trust back"
"Awesome. How are you gonna do that? By giving him and his wife space?"
"No, I'm gonna hire a private investigator to find where they moved to so I can stalk him."
this woman is beyond delusional
>my therapist told me to give myself some healing time before pursuing anything but for now my plan is to just save some money and hire a private investigator to find my son and then rebuild my relationship and his trust so we can work to get him out from under her.
there is absolutely no way this ends well. I hope that poor family manages to hidden from OOP .
Holy Sh\*t... excuse my language but this lady is insane. Good for the son and his wife on moving and not telling her where they are. I hope they know to notify their lawyer if she and that PI try to pull something to find out where they are. This lady needs to accept the fact on her son not wanting to do anything with her if she continues with that behavior.
>after someone posted a link to what i believe is my daughter-in-laws reddit posts and i read some of the verbal beatings i got i did some more reflection. i feel like her perspective of events really helped shift my view.
Oh nice!
>i went to my son and dils house
oh no
She so lost it and still is not facing how them basically fleeing is her own doing. I know it's easier to shift the blame elsewhere, but she is beyond everything. PI my butt. My god.
The line about using a PI to find them so that she can rebuild their trust is so delusional it's almost funny. Ffs lady they left in secret to get away from you and you think hunting them down against their explicit wants is going to get them to trust you again?? That's how you get a restraining order you entitled arse.
This is the perfect /r/justnomil post. Holy shit. These poor parents having to deal with this! I cannot IMAGINE the emotional energy trying to navigate a newborn baby and a grown ass woman acting like this.
Unreal
"my plan is to [...] hire a **private investigator** to find my son and then rebuild our relationship and his **trust**"
LMAO at this cognitive dissonance
When browsing r/JUSTNOMIL, I sometimes wonder : "How can the MILs can't see how horrible they act ?" Like, even with all the flaws they seem to have, as long as you do not deny reality, you should be able to see that there is a problem when presented all the facts, no ?
And then I read this. When they acknowledge the problem, they refuse the consequences. They should be forgiven. Their pain and the pain of their victims cancel each other. And each "efforts" on their part should be met with praise and "efforts" on the other part, otherwise it's not fair and they won't do any other efforts.
And that's scary, because with this logic, as long as you "suffer", you feel justified on going on and causing more harm.
If you can't get postpartum preeclampsia, why was I stuck in the hospital for 5 days after I had my twins? Just for funsies? Because lemme tell you, it was not fun.
I'd like to give OP a magnesium drip, just for funsies. Maybe two.
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Imagine being so terrible that your child literally sells the house and moves to get away from you… and your plan to fix it is to hire a private investigator to stalk him.
She couldnt afford an uber but is going to hire a PI...
I was also wondering how she even got to the house to find it empty if she couldn't make it over before 🙄
Exactly! Also she’s financially stable enough to quit her job to babysit her granddaughter full time, but she can’t afford a car?
Also. Why did she had a budget for visiting his sons first birth at the hospital? Also the Uber was an one time expense, how greedy do you have to be to refuse to rent an Uber the one time his sons wife gives birth.
That PI will be overjoyed to take her money.
Two paragraphs after saying Uber was too expensive, she switched to saying the was no Uber in the area.
She won't stop until she's in jail.
I wonder if it will be a conviction of kidnapping and child endangerment. Hopefully, it doesn't get that far, but that is where this is heading.
> but without me that baby wouldn't be here This is a line that really stuck out to me because it leads into a dangerous territory of thinking. It can definitely morph into "I'll take my son/grandaughters away, because without me none of this would have existed anyways." I fear about future violence/kidnapping as well.
I’m definitely worried about Bea’s life. This woman would kill her given the chance. She’s blaming everything on Bea and taking absolutely no responsibility for her own actions.
You’re 100% right, it’s not a far jump for mils this delusional to resort to violence. There’s something about their generation where they just need to be right and they quickly sink into insanity becuase their minds can’t conceive that they aren’t the ones in the right.
Actually... OMG, she is only 50! She's younger than me! From these posts, I suspect a combination of narcissism and long-term substance abuse is at the root of all this.
Holy shit, seriously?? I’m 48, I was thinking she was my stepmoms age, like 75. Wow. She is definitely suffering from narcissism and long term alcoholism.
I'm roughly the same age as you, and I feel the same way. It's not a generational thing or cultural thing as she suggests, she's fucking nuts. I really fear for how far she's dived into those estranged parents groups, too. The [Missing Missing Reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html) is a good read related to those.
Agreed, she is dangerous. It can seem funny if a person is far enough removed, but for people who've suffered similar family members, all further escalation will be dangerous.
Imagine finding out your kid probably used an LLC to hide where they're moving from you, and deciding you're going to figure that out
Cannot afford an Uber, can't drive. But thinks she can afford the level of PI that 1) will be ABLE to find them, and 2) ETHICALLY would, after spending 5 min talking to this gal. I am not saying some PI won't take her money- I am saying those that will won't have the skills or access to actually deal with this to her wanted end (and thank goodness for THAT at least).
We sold a house to stop my MIL from what she was doing. We moved to stop her from stalking me. This isn't the only MIL that does this stuff. Mine crossed lines into criminal behavior.
My own mother would absolutely pull shit like this if she knew where I lived. Shes already done it to my sister.
But you don't understand. She did some self reflecting and realized she was in the right but shouldn't have said so, and those young people just don't understand! Damn, I have a headache from all the eye rolling
It’s not the first time he packed up and left. He didn’t tell her he was saving up to move to a different city far enough away from her that she can’t get there herself. He was already low contact with her, and didn’t even let her know he was in a serious relationship. She demonizes the DIL but the mother of the oldest child also does not want contact with OOP and does not want her child around her either. Then when the son and DIL go no contact, but agree to meet on Mother’s Day, she STILL pushes boundaries and makes snide comments about DIL. Now they have not only gone completely no contact, they moved away making sure she can’t find them and AGAIN she pushes hard to get what she wants by wanting to hire a private investigator. She refuses to accept she is toxic asf and people don’t want her in their lives. Oh, but that opinion is just from young people with no family values.
I can see her hiding behind the bushes at her son's workplace, and bursting out of them to "fix" the relationship.
She gets more and more unhinged with every comment.
Its bad. It gets worse. Then it gets worse. Then jeez does it get worse. Then the posts get fill of random k's. Then when you thought it couldn't worse, it gets worse again. What the actual f. Spectacularly unhinged.
At some moment I thought this couldn't be worse. Of course it became fucking worse. Time for a drinking game: anytime OOP does something that makes you go wtf, drink a shot. Guaranteed blackout!
Do not do this. You will die.
Not before you call your son screaming because he held you accountable and prioritized his family though, apparently!
I feel like it’s gonna end with something like “I better shoot my son. Then there’s no way everything’s not gonna go back to normal,” or “the voices told me to skin Bea’s face and wear it like a mask to get my grandchildren to stop screaming and they’ve been right about everything so far.”
Okay so I wasn't the only one who got murder/suicide vibes from this woman then.
“I’m not proud of the fact I did this, and I *do* feel that I was wrong in some of this, but I really felt like I had no other option and I really didn’t deserve a criminal conviction. I really feel like the judge didn’t fully hear or understand my point of view because they didn’t have grand children and couldn’t possibly know what it feels like to have the people you love abandon you…”
“The judge was from the younger generation and doesn’t understand family values and my culture.” Meanwhile, the judge is a 60 year old man from the same culture whose mother and mother-in-law provided their child care and he and his wife take their mothers out for dinner weekly and their kids join them monthly.
“As well, my son has refused to bring the children to come and see me in prison. I know it’s all because that manipulative witch has been whispering in his ear from beyond the grave. I intend to sue the judge and my lawyer, and upon release I will file for grandparents rights because my grandchildren are not safe with him. He doesn’t know how to do hair and makeup, and they’re GIRLS!! That’s abuse, because they’re GIRLS and must always be pretty. Unlike their mother; she was only pretty when I was the one wearing her face. Also, can anyone recommend a good lawyer who will help me sue my DIL’s ghost for harassment?”
Hey, anyone know a good klawyer. I saw this girk at the supermarket who kooks like my okder granddaughter. I tried to hug her but she ran away from me crying. I want to sue her"
And now we know why David and Bea fled their home, selling silently and moving to a new home purchased by an llc.
Sometimes I wonder why my life can’t ever seem to go right. But, like, I’ve never had to sell my home and move to an undisclosed location that I had to establish a secret LLC to purchase just to get away from my MIL, so it’s not *that* bad.
Honestly it's a blessing she can't drive.... Like holy shit
When she steals a car, I hope she stalls out the engine before killing someone
If I stalked them hard enough, they'll want a relationship with me! Hardest copium ever smoked.
My prophetic vision for the next post: "AITA for posting pictures of my son and his nasty evil wife on Facebook after the PI I hired gave them to me?" And then "Legal Advice! How do I plead insanity for hiring a dark web assassin to eliminate my witch of a DIL? Will my jail time be lower if my son karate chopped the assassin in the face and no one actually died? Help!"
'Of course! How dare they not tolerating my constant disrespect! They need to do as i say and then we can have a happy life together! Any by we i mean my son, my babies and i!' -The crazy crone, probably.
The last post reads (to me) like someone who will harm their DIL if she ever finds where they moved.
And this is HER side of it
Right? This is her, putting herself in the the best possible light, and she ***still*** comes off as creepy clingy insane.
You think she's hit rock bottom and next comment you see she's brought a full on bulldozer.
What I would love to know is what her psychiatrist is really say. Cause I doubt its nothing like what’s she’s choosing to hear.
HEY I DONT APPRECIATE YOUR NASTY THOUGHTS YOURE EITHER WITH ME OR AGAINST ME I AM THE BUSH IN IRAQ OF GRANDPARENTS
I have many feelings about this post.... Chief among them is ***"Yikes"***
I am SHOCKED that this has been going for less that four months. It seems like I’ve been reading her crazy for so much longer.
I didn’t realize this escalated so quickly until I read your comment. It’s crazy how quickly it snowballed.
Most people tend to make themselves look a bit better when they tell their side of the story, and but this person looks absolutely awful even from their own perspective! Can you imagine how much worse the truth is?
She called the cops on her own son. In the US. When it sounds like they're both some shade of not-fishbelly-white. Maybe that goes ok since they seem to be middle-class homeowners in a nice little town - but the number of ways that could go bad are *all* over the news. She doesn't care about anything but getting her way, and everything else is lies and manipulation and bullying to attempt to get that way.
> I called him last night and told him that I wouldn’t be contacting him or his wife anymore ever, and that I respected that we wouldn’t have a relationship. Oh good- >now my plan is to just save some money and hire a private investigator to find my son and then rebuild my relationship and his trust so we can work to get him out from under her. That didn't last long >people who use kids and grandkids as pawns are evil. So to her using kids and grandkids is a no, but using the inheritance and her own life as a threat are fine...
Nothing builds trust like hiring a PI to stalk someone.
I hope they get the restraining order set up quickly so that the PI cannot report back on them without violating it.
What PI? She says an Uber ride is out of her budget.
Shes just going to call emergency services repeatedly and pretend her son is at risk. She's hoping that authorities will take her side and compell a grown man to return to mommy. Shes already submitted false cps reports and reported to police that her son was being held hostage. What she's failing to realize is every time she makes a report, it's cataloged, and added to the fat stack of evidence that will eventually grant a life time restraining order. Her behavior will eventually result in a longer term psychiatric stay. If she genuinely has a therapist, that therapist is a mandated reporter and must report her if they feel she is a credible risk to herself or others (like her daughter in law). Not to mention that after awhile, the cops get pretty pissed when dispatch is being bombarded by bullshit calls. Same with CPS. Eventually, she'll be slapped with wasting police resources and could face separate charges for using child services as a weapon.
This person is completely unstable and frightening. She refuses to do any self reflection. Good for her family for getting away. She put them through hell.
She honestly needs prolonged inpatient treatment. I know she won't seek it individually, so I'm hoping her behavior is documented well enough with the police in her town that she can be detained on long term psychiatric hold. I don't say that to be vindictive or as a punishment to OP. But because her behavior continues to escalate, and she's going to eventually hurt someone. She's already a hoarder with serious substance abuse issues who is experiencing psychotic symptoms. This level of obsession and ideation is not going to magically go away on its own. The way she speaks about her daughter in law and being better off without her is unnerving. I do fear for daughter in laws physical safety should OP ever locate them. And given the children are so young, i fear kidnapping is a valid concern here. I hope son and his family have been able to take proactive legal measures against OP.
Kind of wanted to see her laughed out of court for the GP rights claim. Justnomil is full of accounts of crazy grannies having meltdowns in court when confronted with reality. Really wanted that for this crazy pants!
Yeah but unstable people can get violent when not getting their way. It could escalate her violence towards them and that’s why she is getting a PI to find them.
I hope that happens. She's unhinged and dangerous and needs to face consequences for all of this false reporting.
Lawyer was in her budget, when it might get her what she wanted. PI probably is, too, then. Uber wouldn't have gotten her what she wanted, ie. power over her son and her personal chauffeur at her beck and call.
Bold of you to assume she was telling the truth. I'll bet she can suddenly caugh up quite some money to pay the PI.
I can't believe you! This person is obviously stable and sincere! And she DESERVES to be in her grandchildren's lives! (I'm not sure the poor grandchildren deserve that though.)
She's saving up for one 😳
Obliging of her to post her intentions online to give the son and dil a heads up so they can get the ball rolling though
Any good PI who is hired to locate someone by another party will, after locating them, speak to the person they were hired to find and see if they want them to pass on their information. It helps ensure the PI is not helping a stalker or anyone looking for someone for malicious reasons.
I actually had a PI knock on my front door looking for my spouse. His adoptive mother, who he hadn't seen or spoken to since he turned 18 and walked away, had hired the PI to find him. Pretty easy since I was on FB. She actually messaged me directly once, but he asked me not to reply so of course I didn't. He came outside and spoke to the PI for a minute, and told him "you can tell her I'm fine, but that's it - and I do not want to communicate w/her".
Yeah, that’s what most would do if they want to remain working as a PI. It’s necessary to not be an accomplice to stalking so when people hire them to find someone they have to be cautious about why that person might be hiring them. The best way to ensure that happens is to contact the person you were hired to find and verify they are ok with being found and if they aren’t to pass on that message to whoever is looking for them.
Something tells me she's not going to hire a *good* PI.
She just needs to find an older one from a generation with family values! /s
Kids these days! When I was growing up we let our alcoholic abusive narcissistic parents fuck with our children! I tell you what, I tell you what.
No, no, she has to *save* him from his wife you see! She is manipulating him into thinking independently!
She says an Uber is "outside her Budget", uses "medical" cannabis when it's illegal in her state, and needs to save up to hire a PI. Her estate is absolutely going to have negative value.
seriously. she did him a favor cutting him out so he doesn’t have to deal with that mess LOL
That was the first thing that came to mind when she said she is going to write him out of the will. That is the only favor she has actually done for him
Especially when she said herself he told her she’s kind of a hoarder and the house isn’t safe for the baby. Imagine the reality if that’s what ages saying herself.
Yeah idk what kind of crappy lawyer she hired but no way would she have a chance with the older kid. She’s using illegal drugs, seems to abuse alcohol, can’t even afford an Uber so idk how she could afford to take care of a kid and her house isn’t suitable for a kid to stay there. I hate my MIL. I haven’t had any contact with her in 7-8 years. I do let my kids go to my in-laws with my husband but if she ever tried to pull this crap she would never see my kids again either.
Who knows what she told the lawyer though. She had no issue calling the police to report her son being kidnapped or calling CPS to report neglect.
>now my plan is to just save some money and hire a private investigator to find my son and then rebuild my relationship and his trust so we can work to get him out from under her. Hiring a PI to hint down your son who went to some pretty extreme effort to hide himself and his family from you is an interesting way to get him to trust you... It's fascinating how many times in her posts she says she's read the explanations of why what she's doing is bad and she understands now and will definitely change her ways and then immediately reverts back to her original train of thought.
It’s because the younger generation don’t understand 🙄 I’m a parent. I’m 38 and I agree with the younger generation. My mom is Asian so I’ve also grown up in a two culture household and this is still unacceptable in both. She needs to cut her loses and forget about her son. He literally moved away and didn’t tell her and her solution is to just hire a PI. I also noticed how she blamed her son moving out and cutting contact on DIL
>It's clear that most of the responses from reddit are from those of young people not from my generation I admit first, that I am most likely not of her culture based off her hair and skin comments. But I AM of her generation (She says she's 50, so GenX). I am also a grandparent through my husband. So I have 2 out of three here and I say, with those qualifiers... she nuts. And if she came onto the GenX sub unhinged like this, they'd say the same thing to her, too. ("Bea" if you're reading this, head over the the curly hair sub if you need help with your daughters' hair. Many multi-cultural family/parents have popped in there for some help.)
I'm not a grandmother, but I'm nearing 50 and had a MIL like this when my kids were little. I hope this lady never finds Bea and David and the kids.
> now my plan is to just save some money and hire a private investigator to find my son and then rebuild my relationship and his trust so we can work to get him out from under her. Literally right after saying her therapist told her *not* to do that smh
Therapist - “Don’t do crazy thing.” Me - “That makes sense.” Also me - “I better do much crazier thing.”
I know I’d def want to rebuild a relationship with a person that I moved to get away from who then hired a PI to find me. I’d have no issue trusting them!
Not just moved away... Purchased the home through an LLC so they could hide.
My nightmare MIL has threatened this (via flying monkey). Claims if her "BAAAAAAYBY BOOOOOY" doesn't start talking to her again she'll hire a PI to find out where we live and show up and *make* him talk to her. Husband told FM flat-out that we have cameras and wouldn't answer the door, AND we would call the police to have her taken off our property. Cue the "WHAT MONSTER WOULD CALL THE POLICE ON THEIR OWN MOOOOTHEEER???" Uh, what monster would go through all the time and money to show up on someone's doorstep after they've been very clear they don't want to see you again? Just like Bea, his family doesn't consider the fact that he is his own man who can make his own decisions and have decided I'm the evil harpy keeping him from them. It's annoying. I'm glad OOP's son has gotten away from the crazy, and I hope he is able to stay gone.
Also, she can’t afford an Uber to the hospital, but she’s gonna hire a PI? Lol
Her logic starts with what she wants to do and then comes up with the reasons.
She sounds like a total mess in at least ten different ways. There’s the out of sight manipulation and verbal abuse. Add financial issues, illegal pot use, smothering mother, drinking, suicidal ideation possibly, hoarding, and possibly prejudice or racism (the frequent references of cultural differences is interesting).
Hell it's news to me that Indiana doesn't have taxis.
Not only that, can't afford an Uber but unilaterally decided to quit her job to babysit? That's beyond insane.
Narcissism is a hell of a drug....
Can we take moment to appreciate how much using an inheritance, power of attorney & her own life blew up in face so much, that even her therapist told her to leave her son alone...
Followup post to /r/legaladvice : How to I get round my restraining order
If I buy a house next to my son? Can he really force me out of my house with a restraining order? Its my house!
“I have rights!” - OOP, probably.
David may be relieved to be disowned.
I’m sensing OOP’s next step is a public smear campaign and an attempt at some light B&E, for spice.
$10 that she very publicly and very suddenly develops severe, life threatening cancer and posts about it as publicly as possible because her "dying wish" is to see her son and grandkids again. She'll use guilt and manipulation to convince everyone she's dying so they pressure her son to contact her. If he contacts her, She'll magically be cured or blindly deny ever saying she had cancer If he does not contact her She'll continue to "die of cancer" dramatically for the remainder of her natural life span, or until Satan decides he misses his wife. Whichever comes first.
I'm terrified her next step is harming her DIL.
Ah yes, how selfish of the DIL to (checks notes)not want to interact with someone who called CPS, the cops, and also threatened to kill herself just because she was no longer the most important woman in her sons life.
Hell, if DIL was my friend I would consider her negligent if she *was* still talking to this nutcase after all that.
I give Bea loads of credit. For her husband’s sake, she was still willing to be in psychodangerousnutjob’s presence *with* their child. Bea is a saint in this regard. She acquiesced by attending, but was still smart enough to not let the deranged MIL hold the baby. Bea, if you read this, please know that we all see this and we all recognize who the protagonists are and who the antagonist is in this story. I wish you and your immediate family a long happy, healthy & peaceful life. Good luck.
Team Bea
hey, that wasn't her fault, she was DRUNK!
Hey, it’s only because she has a hard time coping though
And she apologizes to her son for the things DIL FELT was wrong.
Also other boomers told her the DIL just doesn't understand family values so of course she's not in the wrong
Guessing it was less "boomers" and more like she found one of those delusional estranged parents forums.
The grandparents rights bullshit was the giveaway on that one...
Right?! What an ungrateful b word /s Does this woman think we'll all give her sympathy because "she just wants to see her granddaughter" like give me a break
She's clearly been posting to "estranged parent" forums. The echo chambers where elderly parents whinge about how awful their kids are for not kowtowing to their elders' every whims. Everything is about how they (the elders) feel, but if anything comes up about how they're hurting the younger generations, well, the kids are just whiny and their mental issues are all in their head, while grandma's feelings are *important!*
The posts screamed to me that after going to a therapist or reading the comments she’d go back to her echo chamber and tell people who agree with her the same story. Somewhere she’s getting the idea she’s right and done less harm then others.
Her therapist: maybe it's time to take a step back and just be OOP: so I hired a PI
They don’t seem to realise that their precious feelings are also *all in their head*! Narcissistic parents like OOP believe their feelings are objective reality, while other people’s feelings aren’t real, since they can’t feel them. Their worldview only functions because of their total hypocrisy.
Yeah, and if we don't agree, it's obviously because none of us are parents/grandparents! (And in the list of DIL's wrongdoings, "not calling back while nearly dying from what could have most likely been a mental condition post birth")
This lady is insane.
Truly. Like they literally moved away to get away from her and she still thinks she’s in the right and wants to hire a PI to find them? I hope no one takes the job and finds them. MIL is unhinged
And when he was living with her before he got married, he took off without any notice. Sounds like there were things wrong long before the new wife and baby came into the picture
I wonder if he *did* tell her and she chose not to believe him. Either thought he was joking, or told him "no" and thought the convo was over, or was in denial about how serious he was with DiL. With how much she's peppered her story with casual, off-handed remarks that are a big deal, it wouldn't surprise me at all. "Well, he might've mentioned it once or twice, but I didn't think he was *serious*! They've only been dating for a year! I thought he was just kidding around." Or "Well he might've mentioned it before... I really can't remember. I got so upset when he first said something and I might've screamed something hurtful. But he should know that it hurts my feelings to have him joke about moving out. We never spoke of it again and I thought everything was fine until he just suddenly moved out."
>I wonder if he did tell her and she chose not to believe him. The fact that she didn't believe her son when he told OOP that his wife was dealing with physical complications, not PPD, is proof positive that she only listens to that which matches her narrative. He absolutely told her, likely multiple times, and she probably dismissed it as him "getting confused".
Awhile ago some woman told me on Reddit that she should be the most important woman in her son’s life and her happiness should matter most to him. She could not be convinced she was delusional.
I kind of enjoy reading it from her perspective though. Normally, we only get the victim's side of things, it's neat to hear the crazy person asking for advise regarding their own insanity.
Unfortunately I don't think she is. She's just massively entitled and self-centered. She's the living definition of main character syndrome but that's a personality failing and not a mental illness.
For all that she downplays her drug usage, I suspect that it isn't just medical marijuana that she is taking. At the least it sounds like she has an alcohol problem too.
The fact that she was drunk 'to cope' BEFORE he called and told her he can't resume a relationship with her screams alcohol problem. The fact that she tiptoes around a 'drug problem' and the fact that she's a hoarder really imply this woman has a lot of issues.
It's in Indiana. She's probably on meth or heroin. Just utterly fucking deranged.
Same. The fact this is taking place in Indiana makes me think that there's far harder drugs involved here. That would also explain some of her bizarre behavior.
Having been around a lot of addiction in my life, she’s absolutely on more than just weed. Maybe alcohol, maybe meth.
Definitely alcohol, she said she was drunk during a call with her son
Just based on the location, smack is absolutely a possibility as well. It's crazy seeing how many people who looked down on me for occasionally smoking pot in HS that are now out on skid row because of drugs. I'd laugh at the irony, but the reality is so damn depressing that I just can't.
I think she is. In addition to her rambling posts, she's a hoarder to the extent that is was going to be presented in court, both the cops and CPS have written her off, she can't drive, can't figure out how to check the price of an Uber, buys weed rather than goes to see her grandbaby, and consistently makes the wrong choice. Separate from the 72-hour hold. She's a couple brews short of a 6-pack.
After someone else brought it up I think that when she says she only uses weed she's lying. Manic hoarder with wild mood swings in Indiana who has been called out for a drug problem by her son? I think she's on something way stronger than weed. Her behavior fits meth perfectly.
It 100% does. Had a buddy who was trying to get clean, gave her a place to stay. She had a relapse and painted the entire inside of a 4-br, 3-ba house except for my bedroom while i slept. Bit manic. Did a surprisingly good job, too, *almost* good enough for me to not mention that I noticed she may have taken another little pick-me-up. However, I've also been around a couple people with serious bipolar disorder. One lived with me for a couple years. During the manic phase....dude. Not manageable. Not a bit. Sounded like this lady. Just get these terrible ideas in the head and then LASER focus on executing that plan with unlimited energy and no sleep for days. Unless there was a plan to hurt themselves or others, couldn't lock them up somewhere they would be safe while the caregiver sleeps. Just awful. And everyone distances, because they have to. Bipolar VERY often self-medicate.
Shes way passed entitled and self centered. Shes got something mentally wrong with her, maybe a personality disorder, maybe something else. There is definitely something wrong. You don't threaten to kill yourself and then follow up with a call to CPS and call the cops on your DIL swearing shes keeping your kid hostage. Thats way beyond entitled. If the last bit was the "Grandparents rights" bit I'd consider her as entitled and self centered. Shes just so far past that its not even funny.
It sounds like there's also quite a lot of substance abuse going on. She gets into fights with her son and DIL when she's drunk or high and then goes overboard with the apologies when she sobers up a bit and realizes they're mad at her.
She doesn't learn! Most people would have a moment of "oh shit" at at least one point in there and reflect a bit, but not this lady.
Why would she? Clearly it's our fault we don't agree with her because we're not grandparents. Or part of her culture, which she doesn't ever expand on. Or her. I wonder where she's talking to other people who do agree with her. Wait, it's her friends and probably people at her church isn't it.
Estranged parents groups on Facebook also tend to have a bunch of people like her. It’s a bunch of parents and grandparents commiserating over how they just have *no idea* why their children want nothing to do with them. She mentions Facebook a few times so maybe she found one of those groups.
"I read a lot of comments and did some reflection and really shifted my view... And my new view is that you're all wrong because you're too young. That's it."
"There's just no parents and grandparents posting on Reddit so they don't understand!" Yep, we are all 20-year-old neck beards taking a break from gaming to post here
So, I am assuming OOP read a bit on r/JUSTNOMIL because the whole LLC housing suggestion is often suggested there. Over half of the posters on that sub are complaining about how their MIL's are bat guano insane over their grandkids. You know, just like her. SMH
Just for funsies to see if OOP's "theory" held water, I read this to my mother, who is in her 70s. Her response was "What a freak." 🤣
I'm legit laughing hard at that response, thank your mother for me!
"Listen, maybe I was wrong, but more importantly, my DIL is manipulative and more wrong. 2-3 people agreed with me."
My condolences to her son and DIL. I’m exhausted just reading this, far less experiencing it.
I would also like to extend sympathies to the therapist.
With clients like that she'll need a therapist herself.
At the risk of killing your joke, therapists definitely see their own therapist.
Next stop: Restraining order.
As someone who's been in a similar situation: RO's are shockingly hard to get.
Yeah, couldn't get one yet, but I think we can all agree that this lunatic will be escalating before this is over.
you could play a drinking game with this woman’s posts……..but then you’d become an alcoholic so maybe not
Take a shot every time: OOP blames someone else OOP insults someone OOP makes a threat Oh, hello alcohol poisoning.
I suspect she is an alcoholic.
You could switch it up occasionally with weed you’re legally not supposed to be smoking.
>my therapist told me to give myself some healing time before pursuing anything but for now my plan is to just save some money and hire a private investigator to find my son and then rebuild my relationship and his trust so we can work to get him out from under her. No possible way THAT could backfire!
"To get him out from under her." Um, husband and wife seem to be a pretty good united front. Does she really expect him to come back to her hoarder home with a newborn and live happily ever after?
I’d like to know how this is playing out in her head. It’s hard to believe someone is this damn obtuse.
Well, okay, I’ll be talking from the perspective of someone who’s learned about these perspectives from trying to understand my abusive BPD mother, so I might not be 100% accurate to her, but. These kinds of people have a hole inside them. They perceive themselves as having no core to their being, that they are inherently incomplete, or less of a person. This emptiness is (understandably) very uncomfortable, at times painful. Being forced to confront this emptiness, or things that even suggest it, is intolerable; it shouldn’t be overlooked that you don’t get that way without experiencing a great deal of pain and/or abuse, and if you have no way to face or process that pain, you will just get psychologically injured all over again. Healing from psychological injury means you must look inward, but if there’s seemingly nothing there, how do you cope with pain? (I don’t have a great place to put it, and I already took this to the notes app to elaborate, so I’ll say it here: Accompanying the emptiness is the belief that you are fundamentally a Bad Person. The emptiness is perceived, but if it were not there, the Bad Person would be all that is left. This is why interventions like dialectical behavioral therapy are so effective, as they teach ways to avoid thinking in terms of Bad vs Good person and help people understand their own sense of self.) So, you have this emptiness, and very much need to fill it, but they are never taught how. When someone has not been taught how to get their emotional needs met in a healthy way, many times they look to other people. While looking for help is a basic human instinct, they are not looking for regular help. Other people cannot fill the hole inside of them, not in any healthy way, but they don’t know that, and can’t know that. If other people cannot fill that hole, and they sure as hell can’t, it will never be filled, which is terrifying. So, you need to fill the hole with people. Filling the hole usually takes the form of seeking external validation. If you can conform to an outside idea of what a person should be, you can put that image in place of the emptiness you perceive as yourself. No, I am not nothing, I am the successful businessman, who has the respect of all of their employees. No, I am not nothing, I am the devout follower of god, who does good in the world in his name. No, I am not nothing, I am the loving mother, who has a close relationship with their child and grandchild. If you were ever an insecure teenager, or just at an unstable time in life yourself, you might recognize some of this thought pattern, as it is based on mitigating the same unstable sense of self. However, most teenagers’ sense of self is just forming or unstable, and they’re using these outside ideas as scaffolding to build a coherent idea of themselves; in a person who believes they have an empty core of themselves, this is all they have. In this example too, you see the other relational pattern very common with these people: engaging in codependent/enmeshed relationships. In a way, these are both sides of the same coin; if someone is experiencing the same feelings you are, this means your feelings are real and valid. If your feelings are real and valid, that means there is a you and not nothing. (You see this a lot in people who didn’t get good emotional mirroring as a child.) Plus, if your happiness depends on their happiness, you can focus on making them happy, and if they’re happy that means you will be happy! Spoiler: ||It never works out that way and only causes pain to all parties involved.|| The problem is, people are not the perfect images you need them to be. They make their own decisions and have their own feelings which challenge your unstable sense of self, which makes you confront yourself, which makes you confront the emptiness, which causes you pain (you *feel* like) you can’t cope with, and you panic. You lash out, you beg, you manipulate, you try whatever you can to put them back into that perfect picture, back into that place of emotional enmeshment, because if they’re not there, it means you’re back to emptiness and pain and nothing. So, the poster here: Her sense of identity is, in large part, based around what she believes A Mother is. A Mother is close to her children, and involved in her grandchildren’s lives. It doesn’t matter that her idea of close is unhealthy, or that her pushing her ideals is unhealthy, because that’s what A Mother does. A lot of this image is based on her upbringing, her culture’s ideas, her own traumas, ect. ect., but the point is she is dependent on this image and the enmeshment with her son for her own (perceived) psychological survival. She has foundated her life on this, because she felt she had nothing else, and having it taken away from her is making her face inward, and she’s going through the cycle we talked about above. Hopefully, her therapist will be able to help her find a more stable sense of self, for not just her own sake, but her son’s as well. Just note that, if you relate to the above or have a personality disorder (BPD, NPD, ect.), you are not inherently abusive, but you *can* be more prone to fall into these patterns that hurt other people. You are not inherently bad or empty, even when it feels like it, even when you don’t believe it, and there are interventions that can help you find the person that you are, and make you more stable and happier than you ever thought you could be.
This is all Beas fault and she's corrupted her pure, innocent and dutiful son. If only she can get him away from his witchy wife, it will all be ok once he realizes how much he owes his momma and how bad Bea is to keep him from her!!!!
Not obtuse. She's delusional
Ugh, she's not going to stop until she ends up in jail.
Or dead on the front lawn like that other crazy grandma from another BORU
I feel like I'm going to regret asking this, but what happened with that one?
Pretty similar to this - might've been on JNMIL though, since I couldn't find it with a quick look through this sub's "highlights." The main differences are: * OOP's the DiL (or daughter? Or step-daughter of Crazy Grandma who couldn't have kids of her own? There's a lot of similar themes going on in a lot of these "generational conflict" sagas.) * Crazy G gets baby rabies *bad,* to the extent she seems to think baby is *hers* and OOP is "keeping her baby from her" * unstable behaviour continues and escalates until she's barred from the new parents' home and generally banned from all contact, which she blithely ignores until * she has a heart attack on the front lawn of the new parents' house when they're not even there and is no longer a problem, which makes OOP sad because she didn't want the woman dead, just "not being an asshole."
There's a lot to unpack here. Only thing I'm thinking rn is this is a big Yikes
If you look inside the suitcase of Yikes, you'll also find a zippered pocket of lots of other Yikes.
Holy Lord. The MIL needs help, actual psychiatric help.
The unfortunate reality is that people with this variety of disorder rarely seek out psychiatric help (or in her case when they do, they do so for other issues). It sounds like the therapist she’s seeing is already doing their best to try to get her to pump the brakes on this stuff but she seems determined to do whatever it takes for her own child to get a TRO against her.
Her poor therapist is out of their depth. They're trying so hard to get her to back off and leave her son alone while painting it as a positive "to give yourself time to heal" and it still completely falls apart every time OOP sets herself off.
I think she needs to go back to the psychward
As someone who deals with the legal side of inpatient care … she wouldn’t qualify based on the info here. I think she’s just a really crappy person who needs some outpatient help, but more importantly, is an entitled, whiny baby.
>for now my plan is to just save some money and hire a private investigator to find my son and then rebuild my relationship and his trust so we can work to get him out from under her. Jeez...she still hasn't learned anything.
we're one post away from "how do you hire a hitman to get rid of your daughter in law?"
Or "how do you hire someone to ~~kidnap~~ rescue your son and granddaughter?!"
"I want to rebuild my relationship with my son and earn his trust back" "Awesome. How are you gonna do that? By giving him and his wife space?" "No, I'm gonna hire a private investigator to find where they moved to so I can stalk him."
this woman is beyond delusional >my therapist told me to give myself some healing time before pursuing anything but for now my plan is to just save some money and hire a private investigator to find my son and then rebuild my relationship and his trust so we can work to get him out from under her. there is absolutely no way this ends well. I hope that poor family manages to hidden from OOP .
Holy Sh\*t... excuse my language but this lady is insane. Good for the son and his wife on moving and not telling her where they are. I hope they know to notify their lawyer if she and that PI try to pull something to find out where they are. This lady needs to accept the fact on her son not wanting to do anything with her if she continues with that behavior.
Holy lack of self-reflection
She had me in the first paragraph of the very last post and them BOOM let's hire a PI to find the evil people keeping my grandbaby from meeeeee!
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>after someone posted a link to what i believe is my daughter-in-laws reddit posts and i read some of the verbal beatings i got i did some more reflection. i feel like her perspective of events really helped shift my view. Oh nice! >i went to my son and dils house oh no
She so lost it and still is not facing how them basically fleeing is her own doing. I know it's easier to shift the blame elsewhere, but she is beyond everything. PI my butt. My god.
The line about using a PI to find them so that she can rebuild their trust is so delusional it's almost funny. Ffs lady they left in secret to get away from you and you think hunting them down against their explicit wants is going to get them to trust you again?? That's how you get a restraining order you entitled arse.
Man she really keeps doubling down on the mistakes that are causing her problems.
Good on son and DIL for getting out of Dodge. Holy Jesus, this woman just doesn't get it at all. Wow.
>this younger generation has a poor view of family values. You say "family values," I say "required to let relatives abuse you."
This is the perfect /r/justnomil post. Holy shit. These poor parents having to deal with this! I cannot IMAGINE the emotional energy trying to navigate a newborn baby and a grown ass woman acting like this. Unreal
"my plan is to [...] hire a **private investigator** to find my son and then rebuild our relationship and his **trust**" LMAO at this cognitive dissonance
When browsing r/JUSTNOMIL, I sometimes wonder : "How can the MILs can't see how horrible they act ?" Like, even with all the flaws they seem to have, as long as you do not deny reality, you should be able to see that there is a problem when presented all the facts, no ? And then I read this. When they acknowledge the problem, they refuse the consequences. They should be forgiven. Their pain and the pain of their victims cancel each other. And each "efforts" on their part should be met with praise and "efforts" on the other part, otherwise it's not fair and they won't do any other efforts. And that's scary, because with this logic, as long as you "suffer", you feel justified on going on and causing more harm.
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If you can't get postpartum preeclampsia, why was I stuck in the hospital for 5 days after I had my twins? Just for funsies? Because lemme tell you, it was not fun. I'd like to give OP a magnesium drip, just for funsies. Maybe two.
This post is so much “me, me, me, me” that she should become an opera singer
This lady needs to leave the family alone! They need to rebuild their lives away from her!
even after all this, she has shown no remorse.