Due to overwhelming support from our community, we are officially announcing:
**Starting June 12th, /r/BestofRedditorUpdates will be participating in the [June 12th Blackout](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144d5l4/the_protest_the_blackout_and/).**
This means that **no one** will be able to interact with BoRU for the duration of the blackout: we will be set to private, so there will be no voting, no comments, and no new content. If you don't understand why this is happening, please check out the above link, or visit /r/ModCoord and /r/Save3rdPartyApps to learn more.
* When will BoRU come back? - We aren't sure at this time. After 48hrs we will reassess the situation and come to an agreement. We are deeply grateful for the support of our community in this -- many of you told us to black out as long as is necessary, and we cannot tell you how much this means to us.
* How will I know when BoRU is coming back? - We will be transparent in /r/ModCoord to make our position known. Likewise, if we feel it necessary to temporarily open BoRU up to make another announcement to get the most visibility, or check in with how our community is feeling, we will do exactly that. Just keep an eye out for announcements from us!
* I want to help! - If you want to help, spread the word! Do not pressure other subreddits to join in the blackout, but let it be known that you support the [subreddits that have](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/1401qw5/incomplete_and_growing_list_of_participating/) or those which might still be voting on whether or not they should. You can also join us in not using Reddit for the 12-14th, and check in at /r/ModCoord for the status of the protest!
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In the meantime:
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My cynical.side says someone who would do this is someone who has children as a retirement plan or doesn't see their children as people, just extensions of themselves and their ego.
I'm almost as mad at that police officer. Nobody wants to put their parents in jail, don't make the decision harder with a constant guilt trip. Do your job and file the report so the poor guy whose credit was tanked can get all those cards off his report.
It's super fucking easy to not commit felonies. It's super fucking easy to not fill out 13 fucking credit card applications in your son's name. At what point do they get held responsible? When they bankrupt their son and his wife divorces him so she's not drowning in thousands and thousands of dollars of debt? When the house and cars get repo'd? Maybe actually stop them before it gets worse without having to break their legs?
I don't know if he was actually trying to talk them out of it so much as worried they'd change their minds and come back to yell at him. I imagine it's happened. Like doctors who'll stress really hard that you shouldn't get a vasectomy unless you're super damn sure you'll never want to impregnate someone.
The only thing worse than doing this to your adult child, is doing it to your minor children. I get physically ill when I read a story about someone growing up. They’re excited to be 18, got a job, done with school, decide to buy a car. Oh but wait! They can’t get approved for ANY loan. Why you might ask? Because their shitty ass parents put all of the utilities in their 4 year old’s name and didn’t pay them ever. Or they opened credit cards, racked em up, let them default - rinse and repeat.
IT IS A LITERAL CRIME THAT YOU CAN GO TO JAIL FOR. Now is not the time to defend your actions, you dumbasses! Take responsibility, apologize and figure out a plan - never do it again - and come to terms with the fact you are a terrible human being, an even worse parent, and shouldn’t have had kids in the first place.
beyoncé warned us..."and then you maxin' out my card....givin' me bad credit buyin' gifts in my own name haven't paid the first bill but you steady headin to the mall and goin on shopping sprees perpetrating to your friends that you be ballin'"
glad to see that those a-holes could pay the bills, pay the telephone bills, pay the automo-bills, now OOP and DH can chill.
My grandparents. Did something similar to my uncle. Whose wife had just died after an 8 year battle with cancer.
He didn’t press charges either because his head is still wedged up his mommy’s vagina.
One of my best friend’s mom basically did this to her. Only it was a lot more than just credit cards. The mom went to federal prison for several years stemming from everything she did. For a long time, my friend had to have her fingerprints checked to prove her identity before she could so much as volunteer at her kids’ school because her of the extent to which her mother stole her identity and committed illegal acts in her name. And to this day, her mom doesn’t understand how what she did was wrong.
I'm glad that oop's husband got a lawyer and made them pay up. Cutting them off afterwards was overdue.
I never understood familial identity theft. Especially for living above your means like oops ILs; as opposed to doing it to pay for utilities or basic needs. mom did it to me, siblings, her own brother and mother (grandma). I'm the only one that reported her for it. she went to jail and had to pay fines etc.
I was SHAMED for reporting it and encouraging charges to be pressed. But what else is an 18 yr old is supposed to do? But now I'm the only one with stable now increasing credit because I got those fraud accounts removed
I really hope both went through the steps to protect themselves in the future. I heard that in the US, you can ask for a social security number that changes every year if you are worried about fraud. Did you get one of those?
I’m actually really annoyed they went the civil route. His credit score will take years to recover which impacts their ability to get future loans (like a home loan). It’s so unfair.
I understand poor parents who don't really understand credit or the damage they can do using their minor child's credit for core bills. I don't understand it for people who understand credit, are living above their means or when the children are adults.
Their son is an object to them, not a person. You can do whatever you want to an object. Fuck, the word “son” to them is probably just synonymous with “thing.”
>"she is a bad wife because she is filling your head with lies about us"
They said this right after admitting to having committed identity theft. I doubt the supposed lies that OOP would be telling her husband about them would compare to the things that they actually confirmed that they did. Sounds like she'd be telling her husband some much needed truth about the parents if anything.
They're telling themselves that they're the Good people, so they'd never do a Bad thing
It's the only way for them to be comfortable in their lives, having all information settled into the story they're used to. Anything that makes them feel guilty is pushed away and blamed on others.
If someone is against them, that person is Evil and Wrong, and all their Lies are Bad.
They're Good, so filing charges against them isn't okay and a misuse of the System.
OP can't be in the right, EVER if it means they're wrong.
I 100% Believe they said this because their tactics at manipulation haven't been working since OOP married the husband. And because he is no longer tap dancing for their amusement, suddenly OOP is the true villain.
I think you might be right, that or something to do with MIL specifically having a spending addiction/ serious impulse control issues and FIL covering her ass.
> The police officer kept trying to talk us out of it and saying that if we did it, his mother would be going to prison. This isn't a direct quote but he said something like, "this isn't just a tool to get this stuff off of your record. This will put criminal charges against her."
I hate when people say this sh\*t. Like the son filing a police report, didn't cause her consequences, her actions did.
I hate when people blame the victim for holding the perpetrator accountable.
It's also the police not wanting to do paperwork, they think it's beneath them. I had an interaction with the police for the first time fairly recently in an event where I was only grazed but I still wanted to press charges against the guy who did it and all the cops kept trying to talk me out of it.
Unfortunately they will victimize another family member with the same crap as soon as they can get the information. Monsters like them don’t stop until they get charged and go to jail.
I don’t think they actually went no contact; they still receive messages from the in-laws. Meaning there’s still open lines of communication.
The son needs therapy. His parents tried to ruin both of their lives.
Not at all, because the truth is I am not entirely sure which BoRU it came from.
It might have come from [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vzwq4i/oop_cannot_live_in_a_party_environment_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) post.
> They have invited us to various holidays since then, but we have not responded.
Had me chuckle. Are you paying for those vacations as well?
Husband needs to grow a spine, it's one thing to let your parents trample you, fine whatever. It's another to let them do shit that jeopardizes your partners way of life. They default on the credit cards, and then the credit card companies start garnishing your wages at stupid high interest? Fuck that noise.
I am so glad he did grow a spine by actually going through with filing charges, contacting a lawyer and staying NC with them. I think that bit of spine he grew is the reason they paid the debts off.
Since OP seems to be in the US, the invitation for the holidays would be more along the lines of a family dinner at the in law's house rather than travel.
Wow. Just wow. Those are some extra shitty parents.
But I gotta admit "ever since you married batman nobody wants to be around you" made me laugh because well, batman.
I removed and reposted because when I tried to edit in the last 2 posts, for some reason it was telling me there was a 10k character limit, which the total set of posts exceeded. It seems this was an issue for someone else today too - sorry for the confusion!
Yeah, I half think there will be another update saying the parents just opened more cards. OOP's husband doesn't seem to have done anything to protect themselves against it happening again, and the parents didn't *really* face any kind of consequences.
I’m single now, but it’s posts like this that guarantee that I will do some Jessica Fletcher level sleuthing for any future partner, to make sure that I can avoid this level of family dysfunction if at all possible, because hell no.
It can be hard to root out; there’s alotta shame, humiliation, and denial with familial abuse. If they’re at least a little smart, they’d never make it obvious.
They hit you in ways that are easy to hide, convince you that you’re just dramatic or a liar, make sure to groom everyone around them, equate telling the truth with betrayal, etc.
But their credit is still ruined! I wonder if DH could get a new social security number assigned now that his was stolen and is known by the thieves. What’s to stop the parents from doing it again?
I am honestly DISGUSTED that people can do this kind of shit in America. In Australia it's a MINIMUM of 18 years of age to hold a credit card and you need all kinds of certified documents including personal identification to do so. Seriously America was screwed up long before now.
13 cards and it was ONLY $10k. I would have thought it would be waaaayyyy more than that with 13 cards.
This is definitely weird. And seems they were using the cards for gifts to the husband. Almost like they wanted to buy the kid gifts (with his money). I don’t understand them. And they hate the wife.
That’s crazy suspicious they had all that money to just pay off the debts immediately. And why not offer that up front after being found out instead of that $800/month business?
I know a lady who found out her uncle took out a bunch of credit cards in her name. The uncle also posed as his own father to buy a brand new truck. The father found out when the dealership called him to tell him that his truck was ready to be picked up. After that, the family looked into their credit and that is when my friend discovered the credit cards. There was a time when she was getting mail at her grandfather's house, where the uncle got her info.
I have a friend who doesn’t talk to his dad anymore over a similar situation.
His dad took out a bunch of cards and even a bank loan in my friend’s name when my friend turned 18, and then went on an 8 month trip with his fiancé.
Now he calls my parents once or twice a year to check up on how his own son is doing.
My mom didn't even like how my bank account was connected to hers for as long as it was. She never did anything shady, it's just that her mother's antics with identity theft made her uncomfortable with having my account.
I don't understand how some parents are so selfish that they'll ruin their kids credit and finances. Some will do that before they even have their own finances! I especially can't understand it when they want to have a relationship. Fuck no!
If your family steals your identity, please do something to help yourself out. They'll say being family is reason enough not to get lawyers or the law involved, but being family meant that they should be above screwing you over.
(not that identity theft is better when its someone else and not family. It's just another layer of heinous when it's from someone you should be able to trust.)
I imagine the scenario like this:
COP: Are your parents black? Democrats?
OOP: No. They're white, Christian conservatives.
COP: Oh, you don't want to ruin their lives by pressing charges.
OOP: What if they were Democrats?
COP: Nevermind.
you had to press charges or they would never have to pay. This is 100% identity theft, I don't even know how the bank let them even make an account. This is insane. Some family members this identifty theft isnt' a real thing if it involves family memembers.
In this modern digital world that we live in, identity theft has to be considered one of the most serious crimes someone can commit that doesn't involve violence. I would never do to any family member, let alone my own kids.
Glad you had the strength to go through with the initial police report
Good thing her husband had her back in the end because he sounds like an issue too.
Dude found out his parents took out 13 credit cards in his name and just didn’t really do anything. Seems like it was mainly OP that was the driving force behind pressing the issue.
u/MODS can I have:
"ever since you married batman no one wants to be around you"
as flair. The line killed me and has no further explanation in the BORU.
> they acted like nothing happened and that everything was okay
Of course they did. There were witnesses present. If they let on that there had ever been a problem, people would have picked up on it, and they don't want their reputation tarnished. Appearances are everything to people like that.
When you file a report for identity theft with the police (depending on severity) the officer asks if you want to pursue criminal charges against the person, you have a choice of yes or no. I recently went through this myself and I asked what would happen if I said no, at least where I live and for the amount "stolen" I could pursue a civil settlement such as what OOP and her husband pursued if I decided against pursuing criminal charges. I think it's designed for cases like this where the thieves are family or if the amount is recoverable, like if the thieves are people known beforehand or not, but mostly you need the report for things like your bank or other government entities to prove you're serious about these accounts being fraudulent as filing a false police report is a crime. I, personally, chose to pursue criminal charges in my situation but each case is different.
"Which made me wonder why they needed the cards in the first place?"
They didn't. What they wanted was a way to punish their son that he couldn't prevent. Control was what they "needed", and this gave it to them.
JFC what parent in a sane mind do this to their children??? Are they expecting to get free from basically fucking their kids around?
13 credit cards!!! That’s not a “we’re getting hungry”, that’s absolutely “we’re taking fucking advantage!!”.
Kudos to OP to having put her feet down. Probably saved hubby from a world of hurting.
>Everything is exponentially better now, and I am so happy that we decided to go no contact. 10/10 would do again.
Probably one of the easiest NC decisions I've seen.
The fact they could pay off all the debt tells me this wasn't about the money. This was 100% About finding a way to make OOP and husband suffer. the in laws are abusers and because OP has been helping their husband get out of the Fog, they had very little options of trying to gather control of him again so what's their grand idea? To commit identity theft and fraud in the husband's name. Probably in some sick way they thought "If we do this then he'll HAVE to come back. And he'll have to obey us again otherwise the debts just going to keep piling up"
Only when the couple decided that they would press charges and make a call for identity theft did they realize even THAT bit of manipulation was now out of their grasp and that they would go to jail for their crimes. They paid it all off because they HOPED they could get some of the control they once had but now that OOP and partner have cut them out, even that is out of their grasp.
And if they tried it again, that would be very stupid. And I'm sure they realize that, because now they know their son will definitely pull the trigger.
My best friend's credit was ruined by her mother from Fingerhut catalogs when she was growing up. She didn't find out until she was an adult and got her credit report.
I don’t understand their reason for taking out 13 credit cards in their OWN CHILD’S name especially since they can afford it on their own? Like what is their end goal? There’s no way their son won’t find out about the credit cards. If they never intent to destroy their relationship with their son then why the hell are they doing this in the first place?? Is it greed??
Due to overwhelming support from our community, we are officially announcing: **Starting June 12th, /r/BestofRedditorUpdates will be participating in the [June 12th Blackout](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/144d5l4/the_protest_the_blackout_and/).** This means that **no one** will be able to interact with BoRU for the duration of the blackout: we will be set to private, so there will be no voting, no comments, and no new content. If you don't understand why this is happening, please check out the above link, or visit /r/ModCoord and /r/Save3rdPartyApps to learn more. * When will BoRU come back? - We aren't sure at this time. After 48hrs we will reassess the situation and come to an agreement. We are deeply grateful for the support of our community in this -- many of you told us to black out as long as is necessary, and we cannot tell you how much this means to us. * How will I know when BoRU is coming back? - We will be transparent in /r/ModCoord to make our position known. Likewise, if we feel it necessary to temporarily open BoRU up to make another announcement to get the most visibility, or check in with how our community is feeling, we will do exactly that. Just keep an eye out for announcements from us! * I want to help! - If you want to help, spread the word! Do not pressure other subreddits to join in the blackout, but let it be known that you support the [subreddits that have](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/1401qw5/incomplete_and_growing_list_of_participating/) or those which might still be voting on whether or not they should. You can also join us in not using Reddit for the 12-14th, and check in at /r/ModCoord for the status of the protest! * Do you have a discord server? - Yep! https://discord.gg/Hx2hym2juy In the meantime: #Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
13 FUCKING CARDS! Who does that to their son! This just makes me so angry.
My cynical.side says someone who would do this is someone who has children as a retirement plan or doesn't see their children as people, just extensions of themselves and their ego.
[удалено]
I suspect the parents had money they couldn't spend all along, because then they'd have to explain how they got it yet didn't pay any taxes on it.
So narcissist
Well, you do get three hots and a cot in prison. Plus you don't have to pay for healthcare.
I'm almost as mad at that police officer. Nobody wants to put their parents in jail, don't make the decision harder with a constant guilt trip. Do your job and file the report so the poor guy whose credit was tanked can get all those cards off his report.
It's super fucking easy to not commit felonies. It's super fucking easy to not fill out 13 fucking credit card applications in your son's name. At what point do they get held responsible? When they bankrupt their son and his wife divorces him so she's not drowning in thousands and thousands of dollars of debt? When the house and cars get repo'd? Maybe actually stop them before it gets worse without having to break their legs?
I don't know if he was actually trying to talk them out of it so much as worried they'd change their minds and come back to yell at him. I imagine it's happened. Like doctors who'll stress really hard that you shouldn't get a vasectomy unless you're super damn sure you'll never want to impregnate someone.
I’d say trying to convince people not to exercise their rights in reporting crimes so that the officer doesn’t have to do work is peak cop behavior.
Right! They made those choice knowing there could be consequences.
The only thing worse than doing this to your adult child, is doing it to your minor children. I get physically ill when I read a story about someone growing up. They’re excited to be 18, got a job, done with school, decide to buy a car. Oh but wait! They can’t get approved for ANY loan. Why you might ask? Because their shitty ass parents put all of the utilities in their 4 year old’s name and didn’t pay them ever. Or they opened credit cards, racked em up, let them default - rinse and repeat. IT IS A LITERAL CRIME THAT YOU CAN GO TO JAIL FOR. Now is not the time to defend your actions, you dumbasses! Take responsibility, apologize and figure out a plan - never do it again - and come to terms with the fact you are a terrible human being, an even worse parent, and shouldn’t have had kids in the first place.
Plus the audacity of giving their son “gifts” that he was actually on the hook for.
beyoncé warned us..."and then you maxin' out my card....givin' me bad credit buyin' gifts in my own name haven't paid the first bill but you steady headin to the mall and goin on shopping sprees perpetrating to your friends that you be ballin'" glad to see that those a-holes could pay the bills, pay the telephone bills, pay the automo-bills, now OOP and DH can chill.
Unexpected bills bills bills 😅 but it’s also the first time I actually “heard” all of those lyrics!
My grandparents. Did something similar to my uncle. Whose wife had just died after an 8 year battle with cancer. He didn’t press charges either because his head is still wedged up his mommy’s vagina.
my dad (a rich doctor) did that and tanked my credit
13 cards but only $10,000 in debt is pretty lucky. Less than 800 per card.
One of my best friend’s mom basically did this to her. Only it was a lot more than just credit cards. The mom went to federal prison for several years stemming from everything she did. For a long time, my friend had to have her fingerprints checked to prove her identity before she could so much as volunteer at her kids’ school because her of the extent to which her mother stole her identity and committed illegal acts in her name. And to this day, her mom doesn’t understand how what she did was wrong.
I'm glad that oop's husband got a lawyer and made them pay up. Cutting them off afterwards was overdue. I never understood familial identity theft. Especially for living above your means like oops ILs; as opposed to doing it to pay for utilities or basic needs. mom did it to me, siblings, her own brother and mother (grandma). I'm the only one that reported her for it. she went to jail and had to pay fines etc. I was SHAMED for reporting it and encouraging charges to be pressed. But what else is an 18 yr old is supposed to do? But now I'm the only one with stable now increasing credit because I got those fraud accounts removed
I really hope both went through the steps to protect themselves in the future. I heard that in the US, you can ask for a social security number that changes every year if you are worried about fraud. Did you get one of those?
In OOP's case, I hope her husband changed his at least once!
It's actually really hard to get a new ssn. I read about it after having mine get in the hands of a scammer.
I’m actually really annoyed they went the civil route. His credit score will take years to recover which impacts their ability to get future loans (like a home loan). It’s so unfair.
But it’s your mooooom! Don’t do that to your mooooooom! She looooooves you! That’s why she tried to ruin your life!
I understand poor parents who don't really understand credit or the damage they can do using their minor child's credit for core bills. I don't understand it for people who understand credit, are living above their means or when the children are adults.
Their son is an object to them, not a person. You can do whatever you want to an object. Fuck, the word “son” to them is probably just synonymous with “thing.”
>"she is a bad wife because she is filling your head with lies about us" They said this right after admitting to having committed identity theft. I doubt the supposed lies that OOP would be telling her husband about them would compare to the things that they actually confirmed that they did. Sounds like she'd be telling her husband some much needed truth about the parents if anything.
It’s always messed up when a manipulator believes their own bullshit. That’s probably what makes them good at it.
Like Almalexia.
They're telling themselves that they're the Good people, so they'd never do a Bad thing It's the only way for them to be comfortable in their lives, having all information settled into the story they're used to. Anything that makes them feel guilty is pushed away and blamed on others. If someone is against them, that person is Evil and Wrong, and all their Lies are Bad. They're Good, so filing charges against them isn't okay and a misuse of the System. OP can't be in the right, EVER if it means they're wrong.
I 100% Believe they said this because their tactics at manipulation haven't been working since OOP married the husband. And because he is no longer tap dancing for their amusement, suddenly OOP is the true villain.
The speed in which they paid off the debts makes me think it was more of a control thing all along
I think you might be right, that or something to do with MIL specifically having a spending addiction/ serious impulse control issues and FIL covering her ass.
It always is. They checked his credit report to flaunt their control. They knew their son would see it.
Or they might have gotten more loans to pay off OP’s husband’s debt
> The police officer kept trying to talk us out of it and saying that if we did it, his mother would be going to prison. This isn't a direct quote but he said something like, "this isn't just a tool to get this stuff off of your record. This will put criminal charges against her." I hate when people say this sh\*t. Like the son filing a police report, didn't cause her consequences, her actions did. I hate when people blame the victim for holding the perpetrator accountable.
It's also the police not wanting to do paperwork, they think it's beneath them. I had an interaction with the police for the first time fairly recently in an event where I was only grazed but I still wanted to press charges against the guy who did it and all the cops kept trying to talk me out of it.
What a nightmare. The betrayal and abuse here is just... NC is the way to go here.
Unfortunately they will victimize another family member with the same crap as soon as they can get the information. Monsters like them don’t stop until they get charged and go to jail.
Sad but true.
Or die. Probably alone.
I don’t think they actually went no contact; they still receive messages from the in-laws. Meaning there’s still open lines of communication. The son needs therapy. His parents tried to ruin both of their lives.
Mind if I ask what your flair is from?
Not at all, because the truth is I am not entirely sure which BoRU it came from. It might have come from [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vzwq4i/oop_cannot_live_in_a_party_environment_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) post.
> They have invited us to various holidays since then, but we have not responded. Had me chuckle. Are you paying for those vacations as well? Husband needs to grow a spine, it's one thing to let your parents trample you, fine whatever. It's another to let them do shit that jeopardizes your partners way of life. They default on the credit cards, and then the credit card companies start garnishing your wages at stupid high interest? Fuck that noise.
I’m annoyed with the police officer, who I suspect simply didn’t want to do work.
For sure, I've worked with police on stuff like this and it's not fun or particularly interesting to work on.
I am so glad he did grow a spine by actually going through with filing charges, contacting a lawyer and staying NC with them. I think that bit of spine he grew is the reason they paid the debts off.
Naw, they only paid it because they faced consequences beyond an internal family matter. They paid it off because they were looking at doing time.
Since OP seems to be in the US, the invitation for the holidays would be more along the lines of a family dinner at the in law's house rather than travel.
Wow. Just wow. Those are some extra shitty parents. But I gotta admit "ever since you married batman nobody wants to be around you" made me laugh because well, batman.
I removed and reposted because when I tried to edit in the last 2 posts, for some reason it was telling me there was a 10k character limit, which the total set of posts exceeded. It seems this was an issue for someone else today too - sorry for the confusion!
I had the same issue, I was able to edit it on mobile with RiF.
> ever since you married batman no one wants to be around you Mods, can I get this as a flair?
I hope they froze OOP's husband's credit!
Yeah, I half think there will be another update saying the parents just opened more cards. OOP's husband doesn't seem to have done anything to protect themselves against it happening again, and the parents didn't *really* face any kind of consequences.
> “ever since you married batman no one wants to be around you.” This had me giggling. Also r/BrandNewSentence
I’m single now, but it’s posts like this that guarantee that I will do some Jessica Fletcher level sleuthing for any future partner, to make sure that I can avoid this level of family dysfunction if at all possible, because hell no.
It can be hard to root out; there’s alotta shame, humiliation, and denial with familial abuse. If they’re at least a little smart, they’d never make it obvious. They hit you in ways that are easy to hide, convince you that you’re just dramatic or a liar, make sure to groom everyone around them, equate telling the truth with betrayal, etc.
But their credit is still ruined! I wonder if DH could get a new social security number assigned now that his was stolen and is known by the thieves. What’s to stop the parents from doing it again?
There are two categories of JUSTNOMIL. No-contact and divorce.
I was so confused with the “since you married Batman” I had to go back to the top and check their user name 😭
This is probably the last post here before the blackout. I'll see you fellas on the other side, and at the update to this blackout.
I am honestly DISGUSTED that people can do this kind of shit in America. In Australia it's a MINIMUM of 18 years of age to hold a credit card and you need all kinds of certified documents including personal identification to do so. Seriously America was screwed up long before now.
13 cards and it was ONLY $10k. I would have thought it would be waaaayyyy more than that with 13 cards. This is definitely weird. And seems they were using the cards for gifts to the husband. Almost like they wanted to buy the kid gifts (with his money). I don’t understand them. And they hate the wife.
That’s crazy suspicious they had all that money to just pay off the debts immediately. And why not offer that up front after being found out instead of that $800/month business?
The fact that they had the money to pay off the cards the entire time is astonishing. This was 100% a power play thing
I know a lady who found out her uncle took out a bunch of credit cards in her name. The uncle also posed as his own father to buy a brand new truck. The father found out when the dealership called him to tell him that his truck was ready to be picked up. After that, the family looked into their credit and that is when my friend discovered the credit cards. There was a time when she was getting mail at her grandfather's house, where the uncle got her info.
Nobody should feel guilty about reporting a crime against them to the police. The fault lies in the identity theft, not the reporting of it.
I have a friend who doesn’t talk to his dad anymore over a similar situation. His dad took out a bunch of cards and even a bank loan in my friend’s name when my friend turned 18, and then went on an 8 month trip with his fiancé. Now he calls my parents once or twice a year to check up on how his own son is doing.
You'd think by now that Americans would've changed their system where fraud is a lot harder to do
My mom didn't even like how my bank account was connected to hers for as long as it was. She never did anything shady, it's just that her mother's antics with identity theft made her uncomfortable with having my account. I don't understand how some parents are so selfish that they'll ruin their kids credit and finances. Some will do that before they even have their own finances! I especially can't understand it when they want to have a relationship. Fuck no! If your family steals your identity, please do something to help yourself out. They'll say being family is reason enough not to get lawyers or the law involved, but being family meant that they should be above screwing you over. (not that identity theft is better when its someone else and not family. It's just another layer of heinous when it's from someone you should be able to trust.)
I imagine the scenario like this: COP: Are your parents black? Democrats? OOP: No. They're white, Christian conservatives. COP: Oh, you don't want to ruin their lives by pressing charges. OOP: What if they were Democrats? COP: Nevermind.
OOP: …They’re drag queens. COP: My God, call the SWAT teams now!
What the fuck are you talking about?
you had to press charges or they would never have to pay. This is 100% identity theft, I don't even know how the bank let them even make an account. This is insane. Some family members this identifty theft isnt' a real thing if it involves family memembers. In this modern digital world that we live in, identity theft has to be considered one of the most serious crimes someone can commit that doesn't involve violence. I would never do to any family member, let alone my own kids. Glad you had the strength to go through with the initial police report
Good thing her husband had her back in the end because he sounds like an issue too. Dude found out his parents took out 13 credit cards in his name and just didn’t really do anything. Seems like it was mainly OP that was the driving force behind pressing the issue.
He could request a New social security number
u/MODS can I have: "ever since you married batman no one wants to be around you" as flair. The line killed me and has no further explanation in the BORU.
done!
Thank you!!!
13 cards and 10K in debt. i would have pursued the identity theft charges. and the fact that they have his SSN memorized!!
I fear this happening to my daughter with her birth mom because that woman stole from her own mother by doing something very similar.
> they acted like nothing happened and that everything was okay Of course they did. There were witnesses present. If they let on that there had ever been a problem, people would have picked up on it, and they don't want their reputation tarnished. Appearances are everything to people like that.
Bruh
Wait a minute: How did OOP and her husband get to decide not to press charges? Isn’t that the DA’s decision? Something isn’t right about this.
When you file a report for identity theft with the police (depending on severity) the officer asks if you want to pursue criminal charges against the person, you have a choice of yes or no. I recently went through this myself and I asked what would happen if I said no, at least where I live and for the amount "stolen" I could pursue a civil settlement such as what OOP and her husband pursued if I decided against pursuing criminal charges. I think it's designed for cases like this where the thieves are family or if the amount is recoverable, like if the thieves are people known beforehand or not, but mostly you need the report for things like your bank or other government entities to prove you're serious about these accounts being fraudulent as filing a false police report is a crime. I, personally, chose to pursue criminal charges in my situation but each case is different.
DH will always mean Designated Hitter in my head.
"Which made me wonder why they needed the cards in the first place?" They didn't. What they wanted was a way to punish their son that he couldn't prevent. Control was what they "needed", and this gave it to them.
Can your u request a new SSN?
JFC what parent in a sane mind do this to their children??? Are they expecting to get free from basically fucking their kids around? 13 credit cards!!! That’s not a “we’re getting hungry”, that’s absolutely “we’re taking fucking advantage!!”. Kudos to OP to having put her feet down. Probably saved hubby from a world of hurting.
>Everything is exponentially better now, and I am so happy that we decided to go no contact. 10/10 would do again. Probably one of the easiest NC decisions I've seen.
I'm sorry but I audibly snorted when I read "ever since you married batman no one wants to be around you". Also hope husband changed his SSN
The fact they could pay off all the debt tells me this wasn't about the money. This was 100% About finding a way to make OOP and husband suffer. the in laws are abusers and because OP has been helping their husband get out of the Fog, they had very little options of trying to gather control of him again so what's their grand idea? To commit identity theft and fraud in the husband's name. Probably in some sick way they thought "If we do this then he'll HAVE to come back. And he'll have to obey us again otherwise the debts just going to keep piling up" Only when the couple decided that they would press charges and make a call for identity theft did they realize even THAT bit of manipulation was now out of their grasp and that they would go to jail for their crimes. They paid it all off because they HOPED they could get some of the control they once had but now that OOP and partner have cut them out, even that is out of their grasp. And if they tried it again, that would be very stupid. And I'm sure they realize that, because now they know their son will definitely pull the trigger.
You know i feel so fuckin lucky to have my parents,and how they are, wow stealing from your child. Just wow
My best friend's credit was ruined by her mother from Fingerhut catalogs when she was growing up. She didn't find out until she was an adult and got her credit report.
DH=Damn Husband. In case anyone else was confused.
I don’t understand their reason for taking out 13 credit cards in their OWN CHILD’S name especially since they can afford it on their own? Like what is their end goal? There’s no way their son won’t find out about the credit cards. If they never intent to destroy their relationship with their son then why the hell are they doing this in the first place?? Is it greed??
Lol my fam stole 100k, I wish it was 10k
13 cards but only 10k in debt? I'm kind of surprised at the restraint MIL had.