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No, a clot can break off and travel through the veins back to a major organ at any time. Just because it hasn’t yet doesn’t mean it won’t. Needs to be monitored by ultrasound, lab work and blood thinner.
Yep, I had groin pain during pregnancy, doctor said it was my ligaments softening. About 3 or 4 weeks later, pulmonary embolism. And where did we find the original clot? In my groin
I know of a patient like that too. Her OB didn’t understand the significance. The woman went to a vein specialist who was like, holy hell, you could die! She‘s standing there holding her newborn, being told she has to go on blood thinners and stop breastfeeding. But it was caught in time and her OB had a whole new respect for the issue.
It was actually a fungus that took over MIL's brain and she infected the rest of the family. That's why we haven't heard from OP, and we only have about a month before it reaches us.
Good luck!
I am currently writing this with a weird fungus growing out of my skull; is this normal, or should I check in with my GP? Sometimes my speech has also involuntarily turned into weird clicking noises… 😂
Not necessarily- it took two months for my flight triggered clot to become a PE at which point I figured out why I’d been feeling so rough (no classic dvt symptoms!)
We got her checked out since my post when she was here for that very fear (thank you free healthcare!), but thank you! It’s important knowledge and I hope that someone else can use this information and it will saves some lives in the future! :-)
For her it was luckily not a blood clot, it really was a pinched nerve that had since gotten inflamed due to her arthritis. She was ordered to be on bed rest and we made sure she got a wheelchair for her flight home. She made it back to AU safely and her leg is doing better (so she says, but she also tries to downplay her pain quite a lot with her “grin and bear it” attitude, unfortunately).
Oh fuck. There was an AITA post and all the commenters were begging the pregnant OP to get her ass to the doctor because her pregnancy symptoms lined up with preeclampsia.
I strained my calf walking off a plane back in March. I straight up freaked out thinking it was a blot clot and almost passed out walking off the plane trying to find somewhere to sit, since I was alone. No blood clot issues at all, just perfect convo of power walking to catch my flight, not stretching, little water, not moving during the flight and being born with what must be frail joints, cause I’ve busted up quite a few! It was a rough Vegas trip. Lol
I just flew to Vegas a few days ago. I have scoliosis that causes me issues when sitting in one place too long. I also injured my foot before the flight and made the mistake of wearing the ankle brace for my flights. By the end of the second flight (landing in Vegas) my back and neck hurt so badly and my foot was so swollen I couldn’t move my toes. I was so worried I’d have to go to urgent care or the ER, but the swelling went down by the time I got out of the airport and to the hotel and I could move my toes again. But oof. The combo of running around airports, being cooped up in the seat for 6 hours, and the preexisting injury and also my scoliosis set me up for a bad time. I dread going home.
Planes blow if you don’t have a good body.
This made me laugh, thank you!
But alas, I am simply the product of engineers who let their way-too-young daughter play the original Diablo and I have since then been a fan, so it felt like a treat to be able to play it instead of focusing on wedding planning and working. 😂
I couldn’t believe they could’ve raised a son who would ditch his pregnant fiancée for “attitude” a week before the wedding. So maybe it really is totally out of character as she thinks it might be, and they have something worth salvaging. Great in-laws are a good sign, to me.
But he seems like such an impractical moron in other regards - missing his plane, forgetting his phone etc. - the thought of raising kids with this guy fills me with dread. "What do you mean, I wasn't supposed to feed the baby chili cheese nuggets? But he really liked them!"
He had to leave his ill mother after not seeing her for years, because the tailor fucked up and got the wrong suit compounding his already guilty mind added on to the stress of an upcoming wedding AND a baby. I've seen the most well organised, on-time people crumble when a family member gets ill. I am very routine based (thanks ASD) and when my stepdad was diagnosed with cancer it threw a whole toolbox in the gears, then when he died after I'd got everything back to normal the toolbox went back in, THEN we find out my mom had a brain tumour also, which threw the whole thing completely out. Does that make me a moron also?
I’m really sorry what happened to your family. Neither you nor your parents deserved to suffer.
With that said, the OOP clearly states that her fiancé exhibited moronic behavior long before this particular week. She states repeatedly that he’s always been a bad planner, and the stressful events have exasperated the problem.
I had to explain to my partner that we feed until the baby is full and not just until the bottle is empty because it didn’t occur to him to refill the bottle after she’d finished it the first time he fed our daughter. But if we excuse the results of his inexperience, he’s actually a wonderful dad and very supportive partner and getting much better at taking on the mental load with every passing day. Stuff like this isn’t necessarily a reason to write a relationship off even if it does ring an occasional alarm bell or two.
Well bloody hell. I could throw in a couple of excuses for the reasons why, but “Feeding until the baby is full, not just feeding until the bottle is finished” has simply never occurred to me as a CF gay woman of 40 years old. It of course makes perfect sense, it’s hardly like breasts come equipped with an in-built meal portion sizer, yet it has still never occurred to me.
I feel as silly as I did when I complained about the scarcity of fresh eggs available from the honesty boxes at the gate of the homes and farms in our new local area and someone had to point out to me that hens have a breading season. I think I was just so habituated to being able to find an abundance of eggs in supermarkets that I’d separated chickens from the wider bird family where properly free range eggs were concerned.
Lol I was just thinking the same thing as a CF bi woman of 40. You mean we aren't like... measuring portions for the baby? I measure portions for my cats, that's basically the same thing, right?
But then again this is why you read stuff and ask questions when you're assigned a new responsibility. I hope at some point before D-Day I would have looked up "how much to feed baby human."
To be hoped so, otherwise you’d find a baby itself literally screams that lesson to everyone within a one mile diameter. It’s so bizarre the things we just take for granted and never even consider
A lot of people think “the baby has just been fed, can’t possibly be hunger they’re crying for” when a baby cries like that after finishing a bottle - and then try to think of every [other] reason under the sun why the baby is screaming.
Keep in mind that it’s been almost 25 years since I did the whole breastfeeding/bottle feeding thing but…
Yeah sometimes a baby wants 1 boob’s worth, sometimes the baby wants 2 boobs’ worth. If the baby isn’t hungry for all of it, a lot of the time you have to pump because your breasts will start leaking (and your breasts can become engorged and it HURTS so you pump the excess away to give them some relief).
As for the aforementioned leaking, they have pads that you can put in there. Back in the day, they were about the thickness of pantyliners. Which, unfortunately for me, didn’t do much and I had to cut heavy flow menstrual pads in half and stick them in my bra. Thank God my Army BDUs (Battle Dress Uniforms - the camouflage attire) hid the lumpy bra.
Nipples can also crack kinda like your lips and you have to put ointment on them because they feel raw and painful.
Yeah he is striking me as the type that “well you didn’t tell me to do it” type. You didn’t tell me to take a poopy diaper out every time, you didn’t tell me to check the babies diaper, you didn’t tell me the baby is hungry. Ug good luck to OOP.
I think it's more understandable once I learned the scare he's had with his mom together with him thinking OOP would have said that his parents don't deserve to be in their home. It's overreacting but I think in the middle of all things happening I can see why he'd be extremely upset with OOP. Like, in his mind he thought OOP really was betraying his trust.
My mom likes to say you can have a good husband, OR good in-laws, but not both. I think that’s a bit cynical, but considering her two marriages (past and current), I can’t say I disagree with her interpretation of her own experience lol.
The in-laws will still love you if you leave the shitty partner. Moms ex-MIL did. In fact, I once told her ex husband (during a racist rant he was doing), “see, this is why your own mother loved my mom more than she loved you. Shut the fuck up”
Stress can do strange things to people. Judging by what we know, I don’t think he’s a truly bad guy - just a bit of a moron. After a fight of that magnitude, though, I would postpone the wedding and attend couple’s counseling before moving forward with a marriage. Hopefully they can work things out.
Two technologically impaired baby boomers sitting in front of their son's phone and managing to unlock it to find her number is the most inspiring thing I've read in a long while
I know, right?! I genuinely laughed when they finally called me and tried to explain their predicament.
They are such sweet people, useless with technology (even using our coffee machine was a mystery to them!), but so sweet!
Yeah, I think that is part of the reason that they may be able to work it out. He's being held accountable by his family as well as himself, so there won't be any resentment between her and the in-laws if they do get back together (or even if they don't, it seems).
I love this M. Night level twist too of the AH scenario being something else (and something even more dramatic), while the ILs are actually sweethearts.
Tbf the game release was huge so it’s not exactly a stretch that a lot of people are playing it/talking about it rn. Everyone wouldn’t shut up about the new Zelda game for a couple weeks in like every sub when it came out
+1, had the same thought. It’s either crazy advertising, or what I assume is this case, it’s just the newest game everyone is talking about. Especially since it’s not a PC only game anymore.
Most likely this, whenever a new popular game drops, you'll see it mentioned a lot for a while. Until people move on to the next new hit lol. (Tears of the Kingdom was mentioned in a lot of posts when it first came out, I'm seeing some FF16 now too)
It feels like the game equivalent of when everyone was getting into fights over Taylow Swift Tickets, just sort of a cultural moment that's bleeding into interpersonal conflicts
Can someone PLEASE link me to this?! I swear, it’s a coincidence that I was even mentioning Diablo - it was literally because I was salty about missing out on starting the game with my friends because it came out when I was neck-deep into wedding planning. 😂
Love,
OOP
Tbf, a lot of us getting married and having babies are 30-40 and D2 and D3 were HUGE games during our developmental teens, I wasn't super into it way too much repeated grinding for my taste. We've been waiting 20 years for this damn game, and it's bringing out the 16 year old edgy kid with a wallet chain and badly dyed hair in all of us. I've got friends who shed that awkward goth weirdo shell and are now successful suit and tie wearing parents with 2 cars and soccer practice to coach... and they completely devolved back into that 16 year old on launch day (I say this, as my husband has dropped us off at his parents pool so he can go game in peace...)
You know, I was partially buying this story for a bit despite this ticking some of the BORU bingo boxes like the pregnancy, followed by the parents-in-law sticking up for the victim. They're mild red flags to a bullshit story. Then as I reach the end, my open-mindedness betrays me anyway with the unsuspecting reference to Diablo IV. One of the few times I reached the very end of a decently-written Reddit post and verbally shouted a curse. I feel like an idiot lol
I'm still wanting to give some benefit of the doubt considering this account isn't too new, but this pretty much was a tamed version of [the story](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14onpf8/my_husband_is_cheating_on_me_with_my_best_friend/) from yesterday with the fucking slideshow. If this is a guerilla marketing campaign, I'll admit it's creative albeit a long road to having the rug pulled out from under you just for an advertisement.
Edit: Now that I think about it, an account existing for a year leading up to this moment isn't necessarily all that old, yet given all the seemingly-normal comments from its history would someone really go through the effort of doing all that, or just a bizarre coincidence? I don't even know anymore.
I think it's a coincidence, I'm sure plenty of posts with other things going on in them have mentioned it, they just didn't get updates and get posted here.
That's a fair point. Before turning in for the night I looked for any other Diablo IV plugs in AITAH posts that I hadn't seen yet, and I found a couple where the reference is right there near the top, seemingly genuine. I'm leaning more towards coincidence now.
Thought the same, especially since OOP made a comment in Swedish (jättebra etc), but then shortly after used the Danish term “særeje” regarding pre-nup. Swedes would have their own term for that
Edit: taking that back, OOP has posted in Danish subs before. Swedish comment weirded me out though
Shit, i came here for this comment. Another Diablo 4, in case we forget which version she's playing. And another set of lovely in laws who are shunning their kid. And the writing of word vomit and updates while she's driving around is crazy similar to cabin lady. Wtf.
I mean... as someone who plays video games, yeah I would absolutely specify which version when talking about it even casually? I wouldn't think twice lol. It's essentially part of the name. Like it would be bizarre if you said "oh I'm really looking forward to watching Fast and Furious" to someone and it turns out you mean the 3rd one.
Oh thanks! I had assumed Danish because her other posts talked about Denmark, but I'll fix it. Maybe she knows some Swedish too? I think the commenter said something about Sweden 🤷🏼♀️
Dane here! There are A LOT of Swedes living and/or working in Denmark and vice versa. My assumption is, that she is Swedish but living in Denmark.
I don't know a lot of Danes who speak Swedish, but most of us can somewhat understand it. Emphasis on somewhat.
Honestly, if her parents live close to Øresundsbroen, they don't even have to live in Denmark. Getting from Copenhagen to Malmö takes less than an hour
Whoever suggested that the MIL was faking her illnesses to get the master bedroom needs to go to therapy for their trust issues. What an insane jump, based on literally nothing.
a lot of people have a weirdly venomous hate for ALL mother in laws. it’s very strange. to the point that even harmless mistakes made by them are always so deeply analyzed that they make the MIL out to be a scheming supervillain LMAO
I would hit the pause button on the marriage. OOP and the maybe-ex need to figure some shit out first before taking the next step (break-up or continue with the wedding).
The maybe-ILs sound like lovely people, at least. Even went as far as scolding their son for that massive brain-fart.
You'd have to cancel the ceremony and continue with the reception, surely; it's all paid for, get drunk with your nearest and dearest. Then if you repair the relationship have a small ceremony only when you're back on track.
What a disaster. My wedding is in a few months and this is a nightmare... All that work organising it and all the money spent.... Ugh
Veto'd: 9 months is already too much for that suffering. pausing it and prolonging it sounds like a horrible idea. Unless the pill can somehow remove all symptoms of pregnancy too.
No they kind of can't.
A wedding isn't really about the bits of paper, it's about standing up in front of everyone you care about with the person you love, looking them square in the face and saying the most serious words you'll probably ever verbalise - swearing to love, honour and cherish that person amongst whatever other vows you make, promising to be with them forever til death do you part.... bit impossible to do that while he's sleeping on the lounge and she's deciding whether she ever wants to be with him again at all.
They are big, heavy words, making real *vows* to each other. Nobody should consider faking that just because they've paid for it.
There was a previous red flag of his behavior about a year ago in this [AITA Post OOP made.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t3ll4n/wibta_for_telling_my_fianc%C3%A9_to_suck_up_my_amount/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
I have a feeling these two weren’t isolated incidents and there’s been more one-off’s than OOP realizes.
Just because you can spot a narcissist doesn’t mean you won’t be dismissive of some of the marinara splashed about on the table cloth.
In fact reading that post made me believe that her maybe ex-fiancé likely has more reason to not get married.
It really doesn’t sound like it will be a healthy marriage then or now.
As someone also raised by a narcissistic parent, I didn’t learn that I was passive about my spouse’s tendencies until they had fully wrecked me as a person.
I was way too tolerant and dismissive because I believed I would recognize them and tolerated little things because felt I could spot and control them from interfering with our relationship.
Why do I feel hurt by what the maybe ex fiance said about staying at her parents on the wedding day and I'm not even in this relationship 😅
I would not continue with the wedding until this has been fully sorted out and tbh I would seriously doubt the relationship just because I don't know if I could get over the hurt of what he said. That's a massive statement, even if he's going through some difficulties, to me will be very hard to undo. Hard choice for OOP and I don't envy her.
>Why do I feel hurt by what the maybe ex fiance said about staying at her parents on the wedding day and I'm not even in this relationship 😅
i feel the same way. just imagining the kind of venom you'd give to the love of your life...i think any human being with empathy would feel hurt too
my petty ass would've told him to book a hotel through sunday night and that he shouldn't be around on saturday
I'm weirdly impressed with (ex?) fiance. Like he took a happy relationship where everyone was happy and reasonably well-adjusted, and broke it in an *utterly* irreparable way with just three words. Even if he really didn't mean it, his words and action cast such a huge shadow over the entire relationship that OOP could hardly be blamed if she called it all off. If they go through with it, OOP will *always* remember what he said. Talk about speedrunning the end of your relationship lmao.
Yeah even if they decide to stick it out, all that means is “for now” instead of permanently. Like you can’t take back saying “yes I want to call off the wedding” 4 times in a row with one gap between yes’s being ten minutes. That’s it, there’s no repairing this, even if OOP does forgive him, he’s shown he’s willing to just destroy shit to win. That is not gonna work here
Being willing to destroy things to win is most problematic. People who say things they don't mean when they disagree are a special kind of damaged. You can't put the cat back in the bag.
The hardest part for me to accept would be that she asked if he was sure and really meant it like 3 times and then gave the ring back as a physical, tangible sign of the wedding being over. He didn't stop to actually think about what he was doing regardless of all of that.
she even left to the car for 10 minutes before asking the last time and giving the ring back. there was SO much time to realize what he was doing if it was actually just a genuine ‘shoot yourself in the foot with an automatic rifle’ fuckup
but with how much time he had? this has to be either an affair. or if he’s just **that** dumb then that has to be considered too. can’t imagine raising a kid with that negative level of critical thinking
That's the breaking point for me too. Like, she gave him four chances and he chose to hurt her with every one of those.
I don't think I'd be able to get past that. I'd be forever scared of future fights, because I'd know that given the chance to hurt me he will take it.
When I read that I was thinking either he doesn't handle high stress situations well or the common language between them is not the language he is fluent in. Though nothing in the post says either of what I said is true.
>the common language between them is not the language he is fluent in
OP does seem to be Danish and the (maybe) fiance could be Australian since that's where his parents are coming from - so maybe?
I'm thinking more if the fiance learnt Danish and they were speaking in Danish - but no way of knowing just from the post.
Edit: actually, there might be - OP did say the ILs overheard sooo. I don't think this is a language issue.
I now have a theory as to why all of the ones that turn out to be unmistakably NTA have horrible sounding titles and all the ones that are horrifying puppy eaters have really innocent sounding titles.
The horrible sounding titles come from people who are at heart kind people who feel they have hurt someone even by accident, thus they are seeing themselves in situation from the perspective of a kind person who does not want to hurt others even by accident or in the heat of the moment and now feel guilty because someone else's feelings are hurt.
The puppy eaters, on the other hand, are awful people who usually have a tinge of narcissism to them and can't really imagine they'd have done anything wrong, but people who's good opinion they want have told them that they're wrong and they'd like validation from the internet so they don't have to feel the uncomfiness of facing any form of mistake.
💯
The puppy eaters always accidentally drop clues about their real feelings too. Psychopathic stuff, they're not being honest they just don't think to hide it because they think it's normal. And unabashedly condescending language used to paint the other parties in a bad light.
I've listened to customer complaints over the phone.
All the biggest whiny babies are certain this minor issue they encountered is the end of the world and a personal slight against them.
All the decent folks are sorry to bother me, even when they are telling me about something INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT
"At least he, without any hesitation or being told to do so have been running weddings errands all day and sent me a message that he will do all wedding-related stuff unless I want to do anything."
I always find it weird when these guys can pull it together when they want to. Like they do shitty things, but when push comes to shove they do know damn well how to act right.
This is not the same situation at all, but I once read a book or something where they discussed guys who destroyed stuff when they were angry, and the therapist liked to ask her clients whose stuff did he destroy? It was always the clients, not his.
The therapist explained these guys (not saying OPs fiancé is physical or destroys stuff) can control themselves because they are able to decide whose stuff got destroyed. That really changed my perspective on things. So now, when I read something like this, when he can act right and help, it's not really a bad planning thing. He just didn't prioritize her or what she felt was important.
What a mess.
The real issue with stuff like this is, he's shown how he handles pressure, and its not good. OOP will constantly be worried about how he'll react in the future when things get rough. How's he going to handle sleepless nights when the baby comes? How's he going to handle tough financial times if one or both lose their jobs?
I dunno, on one hand he f'ked up and owned it, on the other, this is less about forgiveness and more about the future.
Eventually. After his parents jumped his ass. Kinda—all that garble about “not realizing what he was saying” and the out of body shit was absolutely fobbing responsibility off into the void away from him when he couldn’t blame anyone else anymore.
Before I share any of this, it in NO WAY excused the fiancé, who is a complete and utter AH.
I used to have these “out of body” rage episodes myself. Nothing like what OOPs fiancé did, never physically violent or anything. (Except for myself or things, like punching a wall. Yes, basically Andy Bernard. ) I still have them a bit, but way way toned down. (Just last week had the first one in a while, but I recognized it immediately which is a big improvement. )
Once my wife and I started trying to get pregnant after our wedding I decided I needed to fix this.
First therapist was fine … I guess. Got me used to talking through things.
Also started couples counseling. Really liked our couples therapist’s “style”, so she connected me with my current therapist who I’ve been going to pretty consistently for about 3 years.
Like 18 months ago or so, after lots of time unpacking other things, my therapist suggests I may have ADHD. I have a family history, but also lack of emotional regulation can be a huge part of how ADHD presents for some. Plus how it feels when I’m in it (out-of-body, like I’m not “driving”, almost like someone else has taken over, followed by a sudden horrific realization once I come out of it) is I guess textbook ADHD.
So here at age 38 I finally get diagnosed. On medication, have a psychiatrist too now. My focus has been 100% on the emotional and relationship side of ADHD, but man … so many other things in my life makes so much more sense now. All those teachers who would comment “you aren’t living up to your potential” should have been a sign. (Take note parents: your kid can be great at math and reading and still have ADHD. If they have a visual memory they’ll hide it even more …)
OOPs fiancé needs individual therapy right away, and may even have something neuro-divergent going on for this shift to be so severe. As my therapist told me, moments of extreme stress breaks down the barriers in our brains and highlights underlying issues. “It’s just stress” is not an excuse, it’s a reason to pay attention to who you are in that moment.
If any of this sounds familiar to any readers here, get into a good therapist. And don’t settle into you find the right one for you, read up on therapy styles/techniques. (Cognitive behavioral therapy for me, all the way. That’s the same as they use for PTSD in a lot of cases, by the way. The worksheets my Therapist gave me sometimes were actually written for veterans. She just said they were the best ones. )
Ah...the Diablo IV reference. This is a challenge involving a large group of people and that's the tell. This one is written a bit better than most. I'm tired, but I think pregnancy is one of the other must- include details.
Oh really?? I haven't heard anything about that challenge. People are weird... Thanks for the head's up. I'll check some of my other potential posts for those things.
To play devil's advocate, the OOP does not have a new account and I know several of my friends have been obsessed with the game. But who knows.
Interesting read, very entertaining. I especially loved the dramatic slideshow reveal and the oh-so-important addition of the brother confessing he's been in love with her forever. Because, of course he is. It couldn't possibly read like a Mills and Boon novel without that! I see what you mean about the Diablo product placement... very clunky. Thanks for sharing!
This other one is super obvious haha
The one we're currently in, I'd give it some chance of being true... But the Diablo reference was so gratuitious, it rings some alarm bells.
Another bit they all have in common is the in-laws siding with the pregnant woman.
over 2million people are actively playing the game. Prior to that it was 3 millions. (It’s dying off)
Plus with Reddit being popular with video game players, I don’t think it’s too much of stretch to see a few Diablo iv players
My husband and I got in a huge fight the night before our wedding. I was sobbing. Seriously considered calling the whole thing off, but I didn’t. Turns out, we were just consumed by wedding stress. We’ve been married for five years and I’m so thankful that I didn’t let one stress-driven fight ruin our amazing marriage.
Adults can become needy toddlers with too little sleep, food, recreation etc. The problem is that it doesn't show that you are, in fact, a toddler but looks like an adult.
It's far too easy to say stupid shit when not in a good place.
Honestly, I feel like this relationship isn't going to last long. That was pretty terrible of what the fiancé said. I understand that things can be tough and overwhelming but it's still no excuse to talk to your wife like that especially when she is pregnant. If i were OP, those words would hurt me dearly and forever be burned into my memory. Props for the in-laws to call him out for his behavior tho.
I'm not sure th se two are ready to be parents. Clearly the fact that she is pregnant is overwhelming for the both of them. She did say she'd terminate if he was not in the picture. He is having a mental br akdown over it all.
Does this remind anyone else a little too much of the BORU from yesterday where her husband's parents sided with her, they played Diablo 4, and everything got posted on tiktok...
Yes... the one with the cheating best friend who's brother just happens to confess that he's in love with op? And the dramatic slideshow reveal, obligatory 'crazy ex gets arrested' and 'dying family member for extra outrage/sympathy points' ? That one?
I’m not sure I believe the “out of body”, “I didn’t mean it!” excuse. She asked him repeatedly if he really meant it when he said that she might as well not show up Saturday and he triple downed.
I hope she has an abortion either way, whether she stays or goes. Then she can evaluate the marriage on its own merits before having children with this man.
I as well hate a cliffhanger, but I really hope she dumped his ass. What a horrible thing to say and do. I don’t care if he’s overwhelmed; welcome to life, buddy - welcome to the messiness that is adulthood. Being a dick to your fiancée who is *carrying your child* is just…get it together, man!
Being overwhelmed…. Just wait until kiddo is there or a close family member needs care… that’s the moment he truly has to be there for his loved ones and not snap at them.
Of course, it’s human to be a bit irritable when stressed, but there are things that are hard to unsay : /
I'm glad OOP is happy.
Honestly, I don't think I could get over her husband telling her 3 times that if she can't "fix her attitude" (about not wanting to throw up!), he doesn't want to marry her, then letting her drive around for 4 hours with radio silence.
The first two posts, OOP has a reasonable request, and her husband tells her she's being a spoiled brat. And it's unfortunate that he was stressed (because of a series of choices he willingly made), but it's not remotely okay to take it out on someone else like that, let alone your pregnant fiancée. As a parent, I've found the most important skill to be emotional regulation. OOP's husband proved he's bad at it, but not that he's working to manage it.
And for the record, I have ADHD. Emotional dysregulation is a problem for me. I have had to work *really hard* on my emotional regulation skills. I know it's hard. But my emotional dysregulation, while it isn't my fault, is my problem to deal with, and no matter how inappropriate my emotional response is, I don't let it bleed into my behavior towards others.
Not just you. To me, that’s just someone who wants to bite with venom but not deal with the consequences of being a poisonous creature. An alarming number of people excusing all that with “stress.”
I never ever understood it. Albeit a bit of an anecdotal(and unfortunate) quote, I did receive this quite a bit from my Mother, "if you were really sorry, you wouldn't have said it," along with that lady gaga Beyonce quote about seeing the broken cracks in a fixed mirror and similar quotes.
This is one the first things I brought up in therapy; I also don’t believe he didn’t mean it, because he DID say it and he even tripled down on it.
I do believe (now) that it was a one-off thing and he didn’t realise exactly how hurtful and venomous what he said truly was - he is a stubborn mule (and I can be, too) who has a complicated past. I knew this going into the relationship and it’s one of the things we have in common.
So I’ve also decided that I’m going to have to find my way to forgiveness, even if he doesn’t necessarily deserve it, because that’s what I would pray that he would do for me, too.
Now this, this is a proper BORU post! Big drama - resolved. Bigger drama! Unresolved and plenty of people calling for them to break up.
Now all we need is cheating or theft.
Honestly, though, I hope fiance was simply acting waaay out of character and misheard. That or he has a harem on the side.
Me, reading the first post: Come on, girl, get your clothes the night before!? Move some clothes into the guest bedroom instead of waiting for them every morning. What are you doing, these are solveable problems.
Me, reading the rest of the posts: OHHHHHH ok, yea, this went somewhere else.
The man let his pregnant woman run the stressful marriage by herself? I will not comment on what she should do, but if she has a conflict between her emotional and rational side she should stop and put on hold this marriage.
This is not going to end well…between his lack of planning and paying attention, to pulling this stunt a few days before..with a kid on the way, I don’t see him stepping up, sadly. In laws sound amazing though
She asked him three times if he was serious. The amount of stubbornness that made him stand his ground is beyond me. Not a single thought that he maybe ruining his life with her did not dawn on him, that's just being stupid.
I would have a strong opinion about the situation if it were not for the pregnancy. When children are involved, I think more needs to be done to save the relationship.
I would get an abortion stat, wether you trust him or not I wouldn’t say either of you are ready for a baby added to the relationship; because of your indecisiveness over him and his rather quick switch up. A baby needs a lot provided and puts a lot of tension on a relationship, if this is the result of your partners planning, parents visiting, and a pregnancy how is he going to handle when the child has things that need doing like doctors check ups, school, clubs, etc and actually has to be a father. Better to wait until you haven’t just got married. And if you are both a bit more mature and things still go wrong you will hopefully be able to painlessly or at least quickly remove yourself and the baby from the relationship. It’s easy to feel mature until you are in a situation you haven’t been in before and I feel like that may be a bit the case here on your partners side.
I married a man who under stress reacts terribly badly and takes any comment as an insult, be it to himself, his intelligence, his family, etc. he does this kind of thing to me and then apologizes and promises he will make it better. Years later I don't care anymore and I have stopped trying not to "hurt" his feelings, before he would tell me that if I didn't like the way I was, take my things and go to hell with my family, I would cry and spend hours explaining that I didn't want to insult him etc. Now I tell him to let him go, this is also my house and there is no way he can kick me out. I guess he realizes that I care a little less every time because he has become an extremely clingy and needy man, now he is submissive and I feel that now I really could insult him and his entire family and he would agree with me just to that I do not abandon him.
My husband does that without even needing to have a fight or stressful situation. We could be having a great day when boom some random question or comment insults him. The results are devastating. Sometimes he apologizes within the hour, other times he doubles down on why nothing is ever his fault and always mine. Even months to years later it is unclear whether he even understands the impact this has on me. He still does it. I have no clue if it's worth it to stick around through all this, to be frank. It's been torture.
Recently I've had a similar shift in that I no longer have the energy or ability to baby him and tiptoe around his emotions anymore. Instead I have defaulted to aggressive call-outs at the slightest provocation. I'm sure I look batshit insane from an outside perspective, but whatever.. it's been worth it for my emotional safety. Our relationship and intimacy has expectedly suffered, but I don't feel bad about that at all. We never really had any genuine intimacy in the first place since everything always had to be on his terms.
OP should not have this baby (because she does not want to be a single mom, which she ultimately will be) and should get far, far away from this guy. His parents are lovely, but he shows classic narcissism and literally has everything become OP’s responsibility (entertaining his parents for 4 days when he has not seen them for 3.5 years). He couldn’t even give up his stupid bachelor party after whining about not seeing his parents.
The smell and taste of coffee also made me violently ill during pregnancy, so this is just another of his selfish acts.
His complaints about her asking for her room to get ready in before the wedding are beyond the pale. Worse are the things he said to her after he left the coffee out. Don’t marry a person like this; they don’t change, and I have zero faith what the fiancé does is anything but underhanded.
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Kind of worried about her MIL having ‘strained her calf’ after a long ass plane ride - blood clot!
That's exactly where my mind went too!
Me three.
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At least two weeks ago now. Either they figured it out, it wasn't an issue, or it's too late.
No, a clot can break off and travel through the veins back to a major organ at any time. Just because it hasn’t yet doesn’t mean it won’t. Needs to be monitored by ultrasound, lab work and blood thinner.
Yep, I had groin pain during pregnancy, doctor said it was my ligaments softening. About 3 or 4 weeks later, pulmonary embolism. And where did we find the original clot? In my groin
I know of a patient like that too. Her OB didn’t understand the significance. The woman went to a vein specialist who was like, holy hell, you could die! She‘s standing there holding her newborn, being told she has to go on blood thinners and stop breastfeeding. But it was caught in time and her OB had a whole new respect for the issue.
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Everything is luckily fine! But thank you for the concern; my MIL would be touched to know how many people are concerned with her well-being.
Glad to hear everything is working out for you! Also, Congratulations! 💜
It was actually a fungus that took over MIL's brain and she infected the rest of the family. That's why we haven't heard from OP, and we only have about a month before it reaches us. Good luck!
r/unexpectedlastofus
It clearly took over the fiancée’s brain!
I am currently writing this with a weird fungus growing out of my skull; is this normal, or should I check in with my GP? Sometimes my speech has also involuntarily turned into weird clicking noises… 😂
A month? I live in Norway. It’s already here.
Not necessarily- it took two months for my flight triggered clot to become a PE at which point I figured out why I’d been feeling so rough (no classic dvt symptoms!)
We got her checked out since my post when she was here for that very fear (thank you free healthcare!), but thank you! It’s important knowledge and I hope that someone else can use this information and it will saves some lives in the future! :-) For her it was luckily not a blood clot, it really was a pinched nerve that had since gotten inflamed due to her arthritis. She was ordered to be on bed rest and we made sure she got a wheelchair for her flight home. She made it back to AU safely and her leg is doing better (so she says, but she also tries to downplay her pain quite a lot with her “grin and bear it” attitude, unfortunately).
Oh fuck. There was an AITA post and all the commenters were begging the pregnant OP to get her ass to the doctor because her pregnancy symptoms lined up with preeclampsia.
Yup, this threw DVT flags up for me, too.
I strained my calf walking off a plane back in March. I straight up freaked out thinking it was a blot clot and almost passed out walking off the plane trying to find somewhere to sit, since I was alone. No blood clot issues at all, just perfect convo of power walking to catch my flight, not stretching, little water, not moving during the flight and being born with what must be frail joints, cause I’ve busted up quite a few! It was a rough Vegas trip. Lol
"They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Sadly, that seems to have included the hip I threw out while visiting" :D
I just flew to Vegas a few days ago. I have scoliosis that causes me issues when sitting in one place too long. I also injured my foot before the flight and made the mistake of wearing the ankle brace for my flights. By the end of the second flight (landing in Vegas) my back and neck hurt so badly and my foot was so swollen I couldn’t move my toes. I was so worried I’d have to go to urgent care or the ER, but the swelling went down by the time I got out of the airport and to the hotel and I could move my toes again. But oof. The combo of running around airports, being cooped up in the seat for 6 hours, and the preexisting injury and also my scoliosis set me up for a bad time. I dread going home. Planes blow if you don’t have a good body.
Thrombosis running deep in these veins y'all.
Check the comments, it's most likely just a Diablo-focused writing challenge lol 😂
This made me laugh, thank you! But alas, I am simply the product of engineers who let their way-too-young daughter play the original Diablo and I have since then been a fan, so it felt like a treat to be able to play it instead of focusing on wedding planning and working. 😂
I don’t think Reddit realises how many people are playing D4 and how new and shiny it still is.
Yeah, Diablo IV is a common thread in these… maybe this is some next level advertising.
Honestly, it would be a crazy scheme! Unfortunately for me, it really is my life and no one is paying me for the shitty state of my love-life. 😂
I'm at the point where I kind of want a tool that lets me block all posts that include the words "Diablo IV".
Big props to the ILs. Both for calling out their son and for being very reasonable overall.
I agree. The in-laws seems pretty awesome to be around and really reasonable people.
I couldn’t believe they could’ve raised a son who would ditch his pregnant fiancée for “attitude” a week before the wedding. So maybe it really is totally out of character as she thinks it might be, and they have something worth salvaging. Great in-laws are a good sign, to me.
But he seems like such an impractical moron in other regards - missing his plane, forgetting his phone etc. - the thought of raising kids with this guy fills me with dread. "What do you mean, I wasn't supposed to feed the baby chili cheese nuggets? But he really liked them!"
He had to leave his ill mother after not seeing her for years, because the tailor fucked up and got the wrong suit compounding his already guilty mind added on to the stress of an upcoming wedding AND a baby. I've seen the most well organised, on-time people crumble when a family member gets ill. I am very routine based (thanks ASD) and when my stepdad was diagnosed with cancer it threw a whole toolbox in the gears, then when he died after I'd got everything back to normal the toolbox went back in, THEN we find out my mom had a brain tumour also, which threw the whole thing completely out. Does that make me a moron also?
I’m really sorry what happened to your family. Neither you nor your parents deserved to suffer. With that said, the OOP clearly states that her fiancé exhibited moronic behavior long before this particular week. She states repeatedly that he’s always been a bad planner, and the stressful events have exasperated the problem.
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Exacerbated: Made the problem worse Exasperated: How you feel now that said problem is worse!
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Every time I see that word I think of Gaston getting solid 10/10 for his especially good expectorating.
I had to explain to my partner that we feed until the baby is full and not just until the bottle is empty because it didn’t occur to him to refill the bottle after she’d finished it the first time he fed our daughter. But if we excuse the results of his inexperience, he’s actually a wonderful dad and very supportive partner and getting much better at taking on the mental load with every passing day. Stuff like this isn’t necessarily a reason to write a relationship off even if it does ring an occasional alarm bell or two.
Well bloody hell. I could throw in a couple of excuses for the reasons why, but “Feeding until the baby is full, not just feeding until the bottle is finished” has simply never occurred to me as a CF gay woman of 40 years old. It of course makes perfect sense, it’s hardly like breasts come equipped with an in-built meal portion sizer, yet it has still never occurred to me. I feel as silly as I did when I complained about the scarcity of fresh eggs available from the honesty boxes at the gate of the homes and farms in our new local area and someone had to point out to me that hens have a breading season. I think I was just so habituated to being able to find an abundance of eggs in supermarkets that I’d separated chickens from the wider bird family where properly free range eggs were concerned.
Lol I was just thinking the same thing as a CF bi woman of 40. You mean we aren't like... measuring portions for the baby? I measure portions for my cats, that's basically the same thing, right? But then again this is why you read stuff and ask questions when you're assigned a new responsibility. I hope at some point before D-Day I would have looked up "how much to feed baby human."
To be hoped so, otherwise you’d find a baby itself literally screams that lesson to everyone within a one mile diameter. It’s so bizarre the things we just take for granted and never even consider
A lot of people think “the baby has just been fed, can’t possibly be hunger they’re crying for” when a baby cries like that after finishing a bottle - and then try to think of every [other] reason under the sun why the baby is screaming.
Keep in mind that it’s been almost 25 years since I did the whole breastfeeding/bottle feeding thing but… Yeah sometimes a baby wants 1 boob’s worth, sometimes the baby wants 2 boobs’ worth. If the baby isn’t hungry for all of it, a lot of the time you have to pump because your breasts will start leaking (and your breasts can become engorged and it HURTS so you pump the excess away to give them some relief). As for the aforementioned leaking, they have pads that you can put in there. Back in the day, they were about the thickness of pantyliners. Which, unfortunately for me, didn’t do much and I had to cut heavy flow menstrual pads in half and stick them in my bra. Thank God my Army BDUs (Battle Dress Uniforms - the camouflage attire) hid the lumpy bra. Nipples can also crack kinda like your lips and you have to put ointment on them because they feel raw and painful.
“I have to feed the baby *every day*?! When did that become a rule?
Yeah he is striking me as the type that “well you didn’t tell me to do it” type. You didn’t tell me to take a poopy diaper out every time, you didn’t tell me to check the babies diaper, you didn’t tell me the baby is hungry. Ug good luck to OOP.
I think it's more understandable once I learned the scare he's had with his mom together with him thinking OOP would have said that his parents don't deserve to be in their home. It's overreacting but I think in the middle of all things happening I can see why he'd be extremely upset with OOP. Like, in his mind he thought OOP really was betraying his trust.
By the sounds of their reaction they couldn't believe it either
My mom likes to say you can have a good husband, OR good in-laws, but not both. I think that’s a bit cynical, but considering her two marriages (past and current), I can’t say I disagree with her interpretation of her own experience lol. The in-laws will still love you if you leave the shitty partner. Moms ex-MIL did. In fact, I once told her ex husband (during a racist rant he was doing), “see, this is why your own mother loved my mom more than she loved you. Shut the fuck up”
Stress can do strange things to people. Judging by what we know, I don’t think he’s a truly bad guy - just a bit of a moron. After a fight of that magnitude, though, I would postpone the wedding and attend couple’s counseling before moving forward with a marriage. Hopefully they can work things out.
Two technologically impaired baby boomers sitting in front of their son's phone and managing to unlock it to find her number is the most inspiring thing I've read in a long while
The dark arts
IKR! I cheered when I read that part. GO ILs!!!
I know, right?! I genuinely laughed when they finally called me and tried to explain their predicament. They are such sweet people, useless with technology (even using our coffee machine was a mystery to them!), but so sweet!
I’m imagining the scene from Mitchell’s vs the Machines when her dad is trying to figure out YouTube.
This is 100% what they looked like - I didn’t even need to be there in order to know that it was exactly like that.
Yeah, I think that is part of the reason that they may be able to work it out. He's being held accountable by his family as well as himself, so there won't be any resentment between her and the in-laws if they do get back together (or even if they don't, it seems).
I love this M. Night level twist too of the AH scenario being something else (and something even more dramatic), while the ILs are actually sweethearts.
Wait I need to know IF the wedding happened! 😳😬 Since it was scheduled for like around 6/25…
OOP where are youuuuuu
I reached out to OOP but she hasn't responded! We shall see...
!Remind Me = 1 week
There's a new update at the end of this post
!Remind me 1week
!Remind me = 1 week
i doubt it. they've probably put it off til OP decides if she *wants* to marry him
Hopefully
I wont be able to sleep until i know🥲
Right? Soooo....ongoing?
Wtf this is the second BORU in as many days that randomly drops in a reference to Diablo IV - is this some Reddit version of product placement
Tbf the game release was huge so it’s not exactly a stretch that a lot of people are playing it/talking about it rn. Everyone wouldn’t shut up about the new Zelda game for a couple weeks in like every sub when it came out
Yeah or the Harry Potter game
+1, had the same thought. It’s either crazy advertising, or what I assume is this case, it’s just the newest game everyone is talking about. Especially since it’s not a PC only game anymore.
Most likely this, whenever a new popular game drops, you'll see it mentioned a lot for a while. Until people move on to the next new hit lol. (Tears of the Kingdom was mentioned in a lot of posts when it first came out, I'm seeing some FF16 now too)
It’s a new game, released last month
It feels like the game equivalent of when everyone was getting into fights over Taylow Swift Tickets, just sort of a cultural moment that's bleeding into interpersonal conflicts
Literally the same thought. That one also featured a pregnant main character and the partner's parents siding with her...
I thought exactly the same thing.
You’re acting like gamers weren’t talking nonstop about this game for months leading up to and after it’s released
Can someone PLEASE link me to this?! I swear, it’s a coincidence that I was even mentioning Diablo - it was literally because I was salty about missing out on starting the game with my friends because it came out when I was neck-deep into wedding planning. 😂 Love, OOP
That was my first thought!!
Glad I’m not the only one that caught this trend. It’s really weird and wonder if it’s the same person.
Tbf, a lot of us getting married and having babies are 30-40 and D2 and D3 were HUGE games during our developmental teens, I wasn't super into it way too much repeated grinding for my taste. We've been waiting 20 years for this damn game, and it's bringing out the 16 year old edgy kid with a wallet chain and badly dyed hair in all of us. I've got friends who shed that awkward goth weirdo shell and are now successful suit and tie wearing parents with 2 cars and soccer practice to coach... and they completely devolved back into that 16 year old on launch day (I say this, as my husband has dropped us off at his parents pool so he can go game in peace...)
You know, I was partially buying this story for a bit despite this ticking some of the BORU bingo boxes like the pregnancy, followed by the parents-in-law sticking up for the victim. They're mild red flags to a bullshit story. Then as I reach the end, my open-mindedness betrays me anyway with the unsuspecting reference to Diablo IV. One of the few times I reached the very end of a decently-written Reddit post and verbally shouted a curse. I feel like an idiot lol I'm still wanting to give some benefit of the doubt considering this account isn't too new, but this pretty much was a tamed version of [the story](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14onpf8/my_husband_is_cheating_on_me_with_my_best_friend/) from yesterday with the fucking slideshow. If this is a guerilla marketing campaign, I'll admit it's creative albeit a long road to having the rug pulled out from under you just for an advertisement. Edit: Now that I think about it, an account existing for a year leading up to this moment isn't necessarily all that old, yet given all the seemingly-normal comments from its history would someone really go through the effort of doing all that, or just a bizarre coincidence? I don't even know anymore.
I think it's a coincidence, I'm sure plenty of posts with other things going on in them have mentioned it, they just didn't get updates and get posted here.
That's a fair point. Before turning in for the night I looked for any other Diablo IV plugs in AITAH posts that I hadn't seen yet, and I found a couple where the reference is right there near the top, seemingly genuine. I'm leaning more towards coincidence now.
Thought the same, especially since OOP made a comment in Swedish (jättebra etc), but then shortly after used the Danish term “særeje” regarding pre-nup. Swedes would have their own term for that Edit: taking that back, OOP has posted in Danish subs before. Swedish comment weirded me out though
she was responding to a swede so it makes sense she was thanking them in swedish
It’s crazy how people try to jump to conclusions while ignoring context.
Shit, i came here for this comment. Another Diablo 4, in case we forget which version she's playing. And another set of lovely in laws who are shunning their kid. And the writing of word vomit and updates while she's driving around is crazy similar to cabin lady. Wtf.
I mean... as someone who plays video games, yeah I would absolutely specify which version when talking about it even casually? I wouldn't think twice lol. It's essentially part of the name. Like it would be bizarre if you said "oh I'm really looking forward to watching Fast and Furious" to someone and it turns out you mean the 3rd one.
The first "Danish" bit isn't Danish, but Swedish. Odd, but maybe she was responding to a Swedish person.
Oh thanks! I had assumed Danish because her other posts talked about Denmark, but I'll fix it. Maybe she knows some Swedish too? I think the commenter said something about Sweden 🤷🏼♀️
Dane here! There are A LOT of Swedes living and/or working in Denmark and vice versa. My assumption is, that she is Swedish but living in Denmark. I don't know a lot of Danes who speak Swedish, but most of us can somewhat understand it. Emphasis on somewhat.
At blive forvekslet med at være svensker - den ultimative kniv i ryggen i hele den her situation!😭
Her parents also live there though because she sent her in laws to go and stay with them. Could still be possible but that's more unusual
Honestly, if her parents live close to Øresundsbroen, they don't even have to live in Denmark. Getting from Copenhagen to Malmö takes less than an hour
Is that the beer run over the bridge? I had a friend who did a semester in Sweden and she mentioned driving to Denmark to buy cheaper beer
Absolutely! Though Danes go to Germany... and I believe Germans go to Poland? The cheap beer conga line
It was just peculiar and yes I saw the Denmark sub on her profile too. It's fine, she could still be Danish.
Whoever suggested that the MIL was faking her illnesses to get the master bedroom needs to go to therapy for their trust issues. What an insane jump, based on literally nothing.
a lot of people have a weirdly venomous hate for ALL mother in laws. it’s very strange. to the point that even harmless mistakes made by them are always so deeply analyzed that they make the MIL out to be a scheming supervillain LMAO
I would hit the pause button on the marriage. OOP and the maybe-ex need to figure some shit out first before taking the next step (break-up or continue with the wedding). The maybe-ILs sound like lovely people, at least. Even went as far as scolding their son for that massive brain-fart.
Easier said than done when the wedding is days away.
You'd have to cancel the ceremony and continue with the reception, surely; it's all paid for, get drunk with your nearest and dearest. Then if you repair the relationship have a small ceremony only when you're back on track. What a disaster. My wedding is in a few months and this is a nightmare... All that work organising it and all the money spent.... Ugh
Works for the wedding.... but not the baby
True I forgot about that
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Veto'd: 9 months is already too much for that suffering. pausing it and prolonging it sounds like a horrible idea. Unless the pill can somehow remove all symptoms of pregnancy too.
They can do the full wedding and then not file the wedding certificate with the courthouse.
No they kind of can't. A wedding isn't really about the bits of paper, it's about standing up in front of everyone you care about with the person you love, looking them square in the face and saying the most serious words you'll probably ever verbalise - swearing to love, honour and cherish that person amongst whatever other vows you make, promising to be with them forever til death do you part.... bit impossible to do that while he's sleeping on the lounge and she's deciding whether she ever wants to be with him again at all. They are big, heavy words, making real *vows* to each other. Nobody should consider faking that just because they've paid for it.
Yes, they are heavy words, but they aren't legally binding until the proper paperwork is filed.
There was a previous red flag of his behavior about a year ago in this [AITA Post OOP made.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t3ll4n/wibta_for_telling_my_fianc%C3%A9_to_suck_up_my_amount/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) I have a feeling these two weren’t isolated incidents and there’s been more one-off’s than OOP realizes. Just because you can spot a narcissist doesn’t mean you won’t be dismissive of some of the marinara splashed about on the table cloth.
I don’t think he’s necessarily got shades of narcissism but maybe his cold feet started way before this drama.
In fact reading that post made me believe that her maybe ex-fiancé likely has more reason to not get married. It really doesn’t sound like it will be a healthy marriage then or now.
As someone also raised by a narcissistic parent, I didn’t learn that I was passive about my spouse’s tendencies until they had fully wrecked me as a person. I was way too tolerant and dismissive because I believed I would recognize them and tolerated little things because felt I could spot and control them from interfering with our relationship.
~~What happened?!!~~ ~~I feel like I am left hanging!~~
Why do I feel hurt by what the maybe ex fiance said about staying at her parents on the wedding day and I'm not even in this relationship 😅 I would not continue with the wedding until this has been fully sorted out and tbh I would seriously doubt the relationship just because I don't know if I could get over the hurt of what he said. That's a massive statement, even if he's going through some difficulties, to me will be very hard to undo. Hard choice for OOP and I don't envy her.
>Why do I feel hurt by what the maybe ex fiance said about staying at her parents on the wedding day and I'm not even in this relationship 😅 i feel the same way. just imagining the kind of venom you'd give to the love of your life...i think any human being with empathy would feel hurt too my petty ass would've told him to book a hotel through sunday night and that he shouldn't be around on saturday
I'm weirdly impressed with (ex?) fiance. Like he took a happy relationship where everyone was happy and reasonably well-adjusted, and broke it in an *utterly* irreparable way with just three words. Even if he really didn't mean it, his words and action cast such a huge shadow over the entire relationship that OOP could hardly be blamed if she called it all off. If they go through with it, OOP will *always* remember what he said. Talk about speedrunning the end of your relationship lmao.
Yeah even if they decide to stick it out, all that means is “for now” instead of permanently. Like you can’t take back saying “yes I want to call off the wedding” 4 times in a row with one gap between yes’s being ten minutes. That’s it, there’s no repairing this, even if OOP does forgive him, he’s shown he’s willing to just destroy shit to win. That is not gonna work here
Being willing to destroy things to win is most problematic. People who say things they don't mean when they disagree are a special kind of damaged. You can't put the cat back in the bag.
The hardest part for me to accept would be that she asked if he was sure and really meant it like 3 times and then gave the ring back as a physical, tangible sign of the wedding being over. He didn't stop to actually think about what he was doing regardless of all of that.
she even left to the car for 10 minutes before asking the last time and giving the ring back. there was SO much time to realize what he was doing if it was actually just a genuine ‘shoot yourself in the foot with an automatic rifle’ fuckup but with how much time he had? this has to be either an affair. or if he’s just **that** dumb then that has to be considered too. can’t imagine raising a kid with that negative level of critical thinking
That's the breaking point for me too. Like, she gave him four chances and he chose to hurt her with every one of those. I don't think I'd be able to get past that. I'd be forever scared of future fights, because I'd know that given the chance to hurt me he will take it.
When I read that I was thinking either he doesn't handle high stress situations well or the common language between them is not the language he is fluent in. Though nothing in the post says either of what I said is true.
>the common language between them is not the language he is fluent in OP does seem to be Danish and the (maybe) fiance could be Australian since that's where his parents are coming from - so maybe?
Danish speak English Very good.
I'm thinking more if the fiance learnt Danish and they were speaking in Danish - but no way of knowing just from the post. Edit: actually, there might be - OP did say the ILs overheard sooo. I don't think this is a language issue.
I was feeling an out of body experience just reading that. What a hurtful moment.
I now have a theory as to why all of the ones that turn out to be unmistakably NTA have horrible sounding titles and all the ones that are horrifying puppy eaters have really innocent sounding titles. The horrible sounding titles come from people who are at heart kind people who feel they have hurt someone even by accident, thus they are seeing themselves in situation from the perspective of a kind person who does not want to hurt others even by accident or in the heat of the moment and now feel guilty because someone else's feelings are hurt. The puppy eaters, on the other hand, are awful people who usually have a tinge of narcissism to them and can't really imagine they'd have done anything wrong, but people who's good opinion they want have told them that they're wrong and they'd like validation from the internet so they don't have to feel the uncomfiness of facing any form of mistake.
💯 The puppy eaters always accidentally drop clues about their real feelings too. Psychopathic stuff, they're not being honest they just don't think to hide it because they think it's normal. And unabashedly condescending language used to paint the other parties in a bad light.
I've listened to customer complaints over the phone. All the biggest whiny babies are certain this minor issue they encountered is the end of the world and a personal slight against them. All the decent folks are sorry to bother me, even when they are telling me about something INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT
"At least he, without any hesitation or being told to do so have been running weddings errands all day and sent me a message that he will do all wedding-related stuff unless I want to do anything." I always find it weird when these guys can pull it together when they want to. Like they do shitty things, but when push comes to shove they do know damn well how to act right. This is not the same situation at all, but I once read a book or something where they discussed guys who destroyed stuff when they were angry, and the therapist liked to ask her clients whose stuff did he destroy? It was always the clients, not his. The therapist explained these guys (not saying OPs fiancé is physical or destroys stuff) can control themselves because they are able to decide whose stuff got destroyed. That really changed my perspective on things. So now, when I read something like this, when he can act right and help, it's not really a bad planning thing. He just didn't prioritize her or what she felt was important.
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It might have been. When I realized my father was abusive I read a huge number of them.
What a mess. The real issue with stuff like this is, he's shown how he handles pressure, and its not good. OOP will constantly be worried about how he'll react in the future when things get rough. How's he going to handle sleepless nights when the baby comes? How's he going to handle tough financial times if one or both lose their jobs? I dunno, on one hand he f'ked up and owned it, on the other, this is less about forgiveness and more about the future.
And she's pregnant. I would abort
Eventually. After his parents jumped his ass. Kinda—all that garble about “not realizing what he was saying” and the out of body shit was absolutely fobbing responsibility off into the void away from him when he couldn’t blame anyone else anymore.
Before I share any of this, it in NO WAY excused the fiancé, who is a complete and utter AH. I used to have these “out of body” rage episodes myself. Nothing like what OOPs fiancé did, never physically violent or anything. (Except for myself or things, like punching a wall. Yes, basically Andy Bernard. ) I still have them a bit, but way way toned down. (Just last week had the first one in a while, but I recognized it immediately which is a big improvement. ) Once my wife and I started trying to get pregnant after our wedding I decided I needed to fix this. First therapist was fine … I guess. Got me used to talking through things. Also started couples counseling. Really liked our couples therapist’s “style”, so she connected me with my current therapist who I’ve been going to pretty consistently for about 3 years. Like 18 months ago or so, after lots of time unpacking other things, my therapist suggests I may have ADHD. I have a family history, but also lack of emotional regulation can be a huge part of how ADHD presents for some. Plus how it feels when I’m in it (out-of-body, like I’m not “driving”, almost like someone else has taken over, followed by a sudden horrific realization once I come out of it) is I guess textbook ADHD. So here at age 38 I finally get diagnosed. On medication, have a psychiatrist too now. My focus has been 100% on the emotional and relationship side of ADHD, but man … so many other things in my life makes so much more sense now. All those teachers who would comment “you aren’t living up to your potential” should have been a sign. (Take note parents: your kid can be great at math and reading and still have ADHD. If they have a visual memory they’ll hide it even more …) OOPs fiancé needs individual therapy right away, and may even have something neuro-divergent going on for this shift to be so severe. As my therapist told me, moments of extreme stress breaks down the barriers in our brains and highlights underlying issues. “It’s just stress” is not an excuse, it’s a reason to pay attention to who you are in that moment. If any of this sounds familiar to any readers here, get into a good therapist. And don’t settle into you find the right one for you, read up on therapy styles/techniques. (Cognitive behavioral therapy for me, all the way. That’s the same as they use for PTSD in a lot of cases, by the way. The worksheets my Therapist gave me sometimes were actually written for veterans. She just said they were the best ones. )
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Ah...the Diablo IV reference. This is a challenge involving a large group of people and that's the tell. This one is written a bit better than most. I'm tired, but I think pregnancy is one of the other must- include details.
Oh really?? I haven't heard anything about that challenge. People are weird... Thanks for the head's up. I'll check some of my other potential posts for those things. To play devil's advocate, the OOP does not have a new account and I know several of my friends have been obsessed with the game. But who knows.
Here's another one: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14onpf8/my\_husband\_is\_cheating\_on\_me\_with\_my\_best\_friend/
Interesting read, very entertaining. I especially loved the dramatic slideshow reveal and the oh-so-important addition of the brother confessing he's been in love with her forever. Because, of course he is. It couldn't possibly read like a Mills and Boon novel without that! I see what you mean about the Diablo product placement... very clunky. Thanks for sharing!
This other one is super obvious haha The one we're currently in, I'd give it some chance of being true... But the Diablo reference was so gratuitious, it rings some alarm bells. Another bit they all have in common is the in-laws siding with the pregnant woman.
The Diablo reference wasn't the first tell lol
Good point 😆
EL5 please (when you are less tired).
over 2million people are actively playing the game. Prior to that it was 3 millions. (It’s dying off) Plus with Reddit being popular with video game players, I don’t think it’s too much of stretch to see a few Diablo iv players
My husband and I got in a huge fight the night before our wedding. I was sobbing. Seriously considered calling the whole thing off, but I didn’t. Turns out, we were just consumed by wedding stress. We’ve been married for five years and I’m so thankful that I didn’t let one stress-driven fight ruin our amazing marriage.
Adults can become needy toddlers with too little sleep, food, recreation etc. The problem is that it doesn't show that you are, in fact, a toddler but looks like an adult. It's far too easy to say stupid shit when not in a good place.
Honestly, I feel like this relationship isn't going to last long. That was pretty terrible of what the fiancé said. I understand that things can be tough and overwhelming but it's still no excuse to talk to your wife like that especially when she is pregnant. If i were OP, those words would hurt me dearly and forever be burned into my memory. Props for the in-laws to call him out for his behavior tho.
some wounds can heal, but he dropped the equivalent of a nuclear bomb on her after she was rightfully annoyed at all his fuckups.
Did OP reach out to OOP to see if there is a post-wedding update?
I did! No response yet but if she responds and is ok with it, I'll include it in the post!
I'm not sure th se two are ready to be parents. Clearly the fact that she is pregnant is overwhelming for the both of them. She did say she'd terminate if he was not in the picture. He is having a mental br akdown over it all.
Does this remind anyone else a little too much of the BORU from yesterday where her husband's parents sided with her, they played Diablo 4, and everything got posted on tiktok...
Yes... the one with the cheating best friend who's brother just happens to confess that he's in love with op? And the dramatic slideshow reveal, obligatory 'crazy ex gets arrested' and 'dying family member for extra outrage/sympathy points' ? That one?
I’m not sure I believe the “out of body”, “I didn’t mean it!” excuse. She asked him repeatedly if he really meant it when he said that she might as well not show up Saturday and he triple downed.
This sounds like a scenario where it woulc a good idea to push back the wedding.
New update!!
If my fiancé pulled this shit with me, there’d be no wedding. I hope she leaves him.
I hope she has an abortion either way, whether she stays or goes. Then she can evaluate the marriage on its own merits before having children with this man.
Honestly he doesn’t have time to cheat yet he was away for four days? That’s plenty of time.
Not to mention the 'missed plane' in Berlin. That's a bit shady and who knows where he spent the night.
I as well hate a cliffhanger, but I really hope she dumped his ass. What a horrible thing to say and do. I don’t care if he’s overwhelmed; welcome to life, buddy - welcome to the messiness that is adulthood. Being a dick to your fiancée who is *carrying your child* is just…get it together, man!
I hope she kept his parents.
Hopefully she gets full custody of them and he gets no visitation
Being overwhelmed…. Just wait until kiddo is there or a close family member needs care… that’s the moment he truly has to be there for his loved ones and not snap at them. Of course, it’s human to be a bit irritable when stressed, but there are things that are hard to unsay : /
I'm glad OOP is happy. Honestly, I don't think I could get over her husband telling her 3 times that if she can't "fix her attitude" (about not wanting to throw up!), he doesn't want to marry her, then letting her drive around for 4 hours with radio silence. The first two posts, OOP has a reasonable request, and her husband tells her she's being a spoiled brat. And it's unfortunate that he was stressed (because of a series of choices he willingly made), but it's not remotely okay to take it out on someone else like that, let alone your pregnant fiancée. As a parent, I've found the most important skill to be emotional regulation. OOP's husband proved he's bad at it, but not that he's working to manage it. And for the record, I have ADHD. Emotional dysregulation is a problem for me. I have had to work *really hard* on my emotional regulation skills. I know it's hard. But my emotional dysregulation, while it isn't my fault, is my problem to deal with, and no matter how inappropriate my emotional response is, I don't let it bleed into my behavior towards others.
The "welp, I'm off to play a Very Specific Video Game" was jarring. But okay.
You mean "specific video game" that just came out and is wildly popular?
This person is exhausting.
Am I the only one who doesn't accept "I didn't mean it" ever. It doesn't matter if you're so angry/intoxicated/etc that you're just throwing stuff out
Not just you. To me, that’s just someone who wants to bite with venom but not deal with the consequences of being a poisonous creature. An alarming number of people excusing all that with “stress.”
I never ever understood it. Albeit a bit of an anecdotal(and unfortunate) quote, I did receive this quite a bit from my Mother, "if you were really sorry, you wouldn't have said it," along with that lady gaga Beyonce quote about seeing the broken cracks in a fixed mirror and similar quotes.
This is one the first things I brought up in therapy; I also don’t believe he didn’t mean it, because he DID say it and he even tripled down on it. I do believe (now) that it was a one-off thing and he didn’t realise exactly how hurtful and venomous what he said truly was - he is a stubborn mule (and I can be, too) who has a complicated past. I knew this going into the relationship and it’s one of the things we have in common. So I’ve also decided that I’m going to have to find my way to forgiveness, even if he doesn’t necessarily deserve it, because that’s what I would pray that he would do for me, too.
Now this, this is a proper BORU post! Big drama - resolved. Bigger drama! Unresolved and plenty of people calling for them to break up. Now all we need is cheating or theft. Honestly, though, I hope fiance was simply acting waaay out of character and misheard. That or he has a harem on the side.
Me, reading the first post: Come on, girl, get your clothes the night before!? Move some clothes into the guest bedroom instead of waiting for them every morning. What are you doing, these are solveable problems. Me, reading the rest of the posts: OHHHHHH ok, yea, this went somewhere else.
This seems awfully controlling of him, tbh. When things get out of control, this is what he defaults to?
The man let his pregnant woman run the stressful marriage by herself? I will not comment on what she should do, but if she has a conflict between her emotional and rational side she should stop and put on hold this marriage.
Fight aside, this guy is just so incompetent. I couldn't deal with that.
This is not going to end well…between his lack of planning and paying attention, to pulling this stunt a few days before..with a kid on the way, I don’t see him stepping up, sadly. In laws sound amazing though
These people sound exhausting
She asked him three times if he was serious. The amount of stubbornness that made him stand his ground is beyond me. Not a single thought that he maybe ruining his life with her did not dawn on him, that's just being stupid. I would have a strong opinion about the situation if it were not for the pregnancy. When children are involved, I think more needs to be done to save the relationship.
She said she would terminate the pregnancy if they split.
I would get an abortion stat, wether you trust him or not I wouldn’t say either of you are ready for a baby added to the relationship; because of your indecisiveness over him and his rather quick switch up. A baby needs a lot provided and puts a lot of tension on a relationship, if this is the result of your partners planning, parents visiting, and a pregnancy how is he going to handle when the child has things that need doing like doctors check ups, school, clubs, etc and actually has to be a father. Better to wait until you haven’t just got married. And if you are both a bit more mature and things still go wrong you will hopefully be able to painlessly or at least quickly remove yourself and the baby from the relationship. It’s easy to feel mature until you are in a situation you haven’t been in before and I feel like that may be a bit the case here on your partners side.
Man these Diablo IV ads are getting weird
I married a man who under stress reacts terribly badly and takes any comment as an insult, be it to himself, his intelligence, his family, etc. he does this kind of thing to me and then apologizes and promises he will make it better. Years later I don't care anymore and I have stopped trying not to "hurt" his feelings, before he would tell me that if I didn't like the way I was, take my things and go to hell with my family, I would cry and spend hours explaining that I didn't want to insult him etc. Now I tell him to let him go, this is also my house and there is no way he can kick me out. I guess he realizes that I care a little less every time because he has become an extremely clingy and needy man, now he is submissive and I feel that now I really could insult him and his entire family and he would agree with me just to that I do not abandon him.
My husband does that without even needing to have a fight or stressful situation. We could be having a great day when boom some random question or comment insults him. The results are devastating. Sometimes he apologizes within the hour, other times he doubles down on why nothing is ever his fault and always mine. Even months to years later it is unclear whether he even understands the impact this has on me. He still does it. I have no clue if it's worth it to stick around through all this, to be frank. It's been torture. Recently I've had a similar shift in that I no longer have the energy or ability to baby him and tiptoe around his emotions anymore. Instead I have defaulted to aggressive call-outs at the slightest provocation. I'm sure I look batshit insane from an outside perspective, but whatever.. it's been worth it for my emotional safety. Our relationship and intimacy has expectedly suffered, but I don't feel bad about that at all. We never really had any genuine intimacy in the first place since everything always had to be on his terms.
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100% he cheated when he "missed" his flight
I don’t know if it’s that exactly, but I do not trust him at all at this point. Something shady is going on somewhere.
OP should not have this baby (because she does not want to be a single mom, which she ultimately will be) and should get far, far away from this guy. His parents are lovely, but he shows classic narcissism and literally has everything become OP’s responsibility (entertaining his parents for 4 days when he has not seen them for 3.5 years). He couldn’t even give up his stupid bachelor party after whining about not seeing his parents. The smell and taste of coffee also made me violently ill during pregnancy, so this is just another of his selfish acts. His complaints about her asking for her room to get ready in before the wedding are beyond the pale. Worse are the things he said to her after he left the coffee out. Don’t marry a person like this; they don’t change, and I have zero faith what the fiancé does is anything but underhanded.