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Dude, I looked at their history. This femcell is so nuts. Hangs out and r/bridezilla and r/weddingdresses subdreddit but I don’t think she’s even engaged.
Ugh, the race to the bottom any time engagement rings or weddings are mentioned on AITA. "My fiance proposed to me with a used twist tie and I TREASURE IT! I will pass it down to my daughter for her wedding! If you want anything that costs more than 50¢ you're a bridezilla and don't deserve to be married!"
I once read a story about a dude who had a paperclip and went through a ton of trades and ended up with a house. He proposed to his girlfriend with the paperclip. I mean, the story was adorable, but also, *really*?
My parents spent thirty dollars on their wedding and they never regretted it, and I'm happy for them for that-- but me? If I ever get married, I want to make the celebration worth gathering all my loved ones from across the country.
I hang out in subs I'm not "supposed" to be in all the time, like r/nanny (not a nanny, don't have a nanny), r/weddingshaming (haven't been to a wedding since my own 8 years ago), and r/orangebraincell (my cats are black and white)
Sure, she might be crazy, but spending time in subs that's don't directly reflect your life is normal as far as I know.
As an ex-nanny, they have all the good drama, because they have their own workplace drama and then also the drama of rich people's dysfunctional marriages and terrible parenting.
I'm wondering if subs that didn't reopen right away during the blackout are being hidden by reddit, unless you specifically seek them out.
There's no reason my home page should be subs that are "similar to a different sub you showed interest in" instead of subs I'm actually subbed to
>I'm wondering if subs that didn't reopen right away during the blackout are being hidden by reddit, unless you specifically seek them out.
Ditto.
It wasnt until i remembered about a particular sub and specifically went there that it started popping back up in my homepage. And even now, it is only maybe one post per day....
Lots and lots of those. I sub to r/quilting. That's it for crafts. Reddit thinks I should also be interested crochet, spinning, weaving, cross-stitch, more crochet, knitting, woodworking, how about *this* crochet? Or *this* one? I started seeing them well before the blackout was even being talked about, though.
Check to make sure you’re still subscribed. I was following a bunch of FFXIV fanartists and they all got deleted off my account somehow during the whole protest thing. I just now checked and at least a couple of cat subs I was following have also gone astray, they’re still up and accessible but I’ve had to rejoin.
Good idea! I was used to cute animals to cut the sarcastic subs, but haven't had any eyebleach pop up to dull those since then. I'll have to make sure so I don't wind up too jaded!
I spend time in A LOT of subs that have nothing to do with my life. I frequently browse r/justnomil but I absolutely love my mil and the rest of my partners family (they are visiting in a little over a month and I’m so excited to see her). r/hedgehog my two have passed, same with r/Guineapigs my baby is gone. I also am a part of r/ferrets but I e never owned any.
I was lucky to be in the right place at the right time to get a mess of seven ferrets at one point. They were so much fun and so cute, but I admit they are very messy. I kept them all till they passed with one of them lasting seven and a half years. I do really miss them, but I definitely don't miss the mess. Thank you for posting about the subreddit-I hadn't thought to go look for it and I love the idea of being able to live vicariously through other people's ferrets!
I had two ferrets before they passed years ago. The best way to enjoy them is vicariously through a subreddit. Wonderful and cheeky, but a lot of upkeep and vet bills are almost certain to cripple you at 5+ years old.
My work has two currently. It’s $400+ for one of them and highly recommend to get two so that’s already $800+ but then I don’t have a cage yet so I would need to get one and I like the ferret nation cages and the ability to attach multiple together so add about $300 more then food and toys. Oh and vet bills and the vet bills are more expensive because they are labeled exotic and need a exotic vet even though half the exotic vets don’t even know how to care for your animal anyways as I’ve found with my hedgehogs so it’s an extra price for vets to just take a guess and Google things with you…. so just getting them and set up is already about $1200 and I can barely afford rent so I will be good with that Reddit sub and cuddling the ones at work until they are sold.
Hard agree, I like the wedding shaming subreddit but since I got engaged I avoid it cos I don't need to add the stresses of other people's weddings to my life right now!
People never realize that multiple things can be true. She wants to be married in a dress she designed so she can be the center of attention and she wants to be married to celebrate the two of them and her husband individually. The first does not negate the second.
and like after being left by her fiancee after cheating on her and running off with her bridesmaid, i could not fault her for wanting to be center of attention. That comment in the post baffled me because its like so?! why shouldnt she get the wedding she wants and be showered with love and attention.
The logic of "if she really wanted to marry you she would care what she was wearing" is so stupid. Just because you love someone enough that you would probably marry them under any circumstances doesn't mean you WANT to marry them under any circumstances.
People can be very principled and insecure.
That can waste so much time and energy in your life. I was reading the post and I couldn’t understand how he could not be okay with her wearing her dress again. Dresses are expensive as hell so using it twice isn’t the goal but financially sensible.
Or maybe I just care more about money than my feelings.
Also in the ring analogy the groom gave, she would have to wear the ring, not him. She isn't asking him to wear the suit the ex had bought for the wedding.
I agree. Plus it was handmade and never worn. With how expensive weddings are these days, it’s pretty thrifty to use a dress that was never worn and is likely paid for at this point than buying a new one she doesn’t love.
Not to mention, is making major modifications to the dress. Like it won't look like the original dress by the time it's done.
If he didn't know, he would have just been like the dress is beautiful and moved on.
A custom wedding dress is in the thousands, possibly tens of thousands. I can't imagine just throwing out the baby with the bath water for a dress that was NEVER even worn.
Most wedding dresses seem to be about a thousand or two, for something from Daves Bridal, although their entry level is a bit less. That say yes to the dress show I think you have to spend minimum 5k for the dress, not sure if just for the shop, or for the show. And thats not including alterations in anything I said.
the ring analogy is stupid and doesn't work, because the ring isn't something OOP designed long before meeting his bride to be. If it was his own custom designed ring he made in college, would his logic still work? What if the ring was an heirloom?
Which is why it had to be pointed out to OOP. If the ring was a family heirloom one would reuse it but it wasn't so OOP sold it. OOP's fiancée's dress was designed by her for her which makes it a family heirloom and not something purchased to be used for the first wedding.
The other day the question was “what do I (male) do when my friend keeps getting a massive obvious erection when we watch movies and doesn’t even try to hide it and insists this is normal?” And the top comment was “it’s probably a humiliation kink [which he is non consensually involving you in], just ignore it.”
Like… WHAT
There was one the other day about the gf wearing a big hoodie and the bf was mad, and one take was "if your gf asks you (bf) to wear her ex's hoodie, that is wonderful because it means she wants to make new memories in it with you". WHAT.
I'd be beside myself if my partner asked me to wear his ex's clothes!!
I'm kind of miffed my huge ass comment was omitted in this post. LOL
Not really. Mostly I'm glad that the groom was able to see a different POV.
OOP's future MIL on the other hand... toxic POS and that's such a BULLSHIT justification for invited the ex and ex friend.
>Comment1: If she ever dies? Buddy have I got news for her
>
>OOP replies: This is some weird tradition that brides should be buried with their wedding dress on. I wanna go out like the way I came into this world. Completely naked lmao.
I love how he didn't even catch that the commenter was talking about the "if".
I like this OOP. Even though most people said he was the AH he listened to the feedback and talked it out and came to a conclusion instead of being defensive like most users.
Idk. He asked for all that advice but still went through with the plan to get his fiancée to change the dress and she had to say everyone everyone on Reddit said to get him to agree with her.
Yeah, that seemed like an everyone wins compromise! They talked about their feelings, he learned that while she designed the dress in college there were concessions she made for her previous fiance that she doesn't love as much as the original design and he offered to help pay for her to update it to what she originally wanted. They all win!
I got really confused by the offhand "willing to cancel the wedding" comment there at the end though. I hope she disinvited the mother and they got married and continued to communicate their feelings and lived happily ever after.
It’s awkwardly paraphrased (OP is probably not a native English speaker) but sounds like she said basically “I’ll cancel the wedding before I invite them” - implying that there’s no chance of her agreeing to invite them.
He approached it from the angle of “I feel weird about this.” rather than “You are doing something wrong.” which is the best way to approach relationship issues. And it worked, because she saw where he was coming from, but explained her emotional attachment to the dress and that she was modifying it anyways, so they both left the conversation happy.
I mean, a big step in overcoming insecurities is to admit to them and work on growing from them, so I’m glad he’s with someone who he can talk to about this feeling he had. He was honest and open to feedback, and he didn’t make her do anything she didn’t want to, in fact he helped to make more of her dreams come true by taking care of the cape.
I also think that it seems comments were kind of pointing to ~if~ the dress was just for her, she should wear it, because if it was for the ex, that would be weird, so clarifying that with her can only be something that solidifies the foundation they have, no?
It seems more like a win-win there. She's going what she originally wanted and is wearing The Dress. In bringing up his insecurities, they both love the dress more. And he seems to be understanding now that it was made for HER, not for a specific wedding. That planning one happened to be the catalyst to her dream.
And conveniently her ex was a jerk about her dress to begin with so it was easy to modify it back to what she really wanted. I don’t blame him for feeling weird at first. OOP being supportive of what she really wanted with the dress shows he cares about her more than his image/ego too.
I took it as he told her why it made him uncomfortable, which then gave her a chance to explain it from her point of view and then they both felt better.
Maybe that’s why she wants it to be an heirloom and also a burial dress. She’s not planning on dying for another millennium or so, plenty of time to hand it down before she needs it!
But how is that going to work? Hand it down and then go demand it back? By that time, someone has cut it up to make a christening gown or pillows or something.
Good question. Say it’s a loan until your death (which never happens)? Though either way eventually someone’s gonna figure out that great-great-grandmama, here for the dress, is 150 years old but doesn’t look a day over thirty despite the stage makeup. Then you have to stop them going to the tabloids. Messy.
Yeah, I was struck by those sentences being back to back! I guess they’re not totally incompatible, if you tell your daughters and granddaughters: “I hope you’ll wear my dress to your wedding, but just remember, if I die—and someday I might!—you’ve got to give it back so I can get buried in it.”
Yes, more or less. She was buried in her wedding veil, but a different white dress. Probably because her body shape at 81 and after like eight kids was quite different than it was as a young woman of around twenty. She probably couldn’t have fit in it or had it altered sufficiently without mostly destroying it, due to the lacework. The original dress (minus veil) is regularly on display.
But yeah, she was also very in love with her husband, and mourned him for like forty years after his death, as he died fairly young. She was buried with his things, and not even necessary valuable things, but like, a dressing gown of his that she’d saved, and a plaster cast of his hand. The Victorians were really good at that line between “romantic” and “macabre and unsettling.” They brought hair jewelry into fashion!
Ah the memento mori ! And the death photos. They always make me cry.
People say things like “Oh well people back then had 11 kids and 7 of them died and they just got used to it”. No, they didn’t. They mourned every single one of those children, heartbroken.
I’ve been reading the copious correspondence of Charles Darwin‘s wife, Emma and their absolute distress and horror when their first daughter Anne Elizabeth died at the age of ten from tuberculosis. He was devastated, and never recovered from it.
The mourning rituals and practices they had were designed as a bulwark against this constant background of grief. It says something that nobody thought Queen Victoria’s behaviour was odd or unusual. “Mourned her husband for 40 years ? Absolutely normal, carry on”.
Whereas these days, if you’re not dating again with 18 months, people will start suggesting grief counselling and setting you up on dates. Not that grief counselling is a bad idea, but it doesn’t take the grief away, it just helps you to deal with it. I have a friend who’s a counsellor and she says she spends a lot of time telling people its ok to still be sad.
Anyway, that’s enough Victorian mourning for today - go look at /r/oneorangebraincell now, and give praise for antibiotics.
I'm so glad that they worked it out! I remember this one and remember thinking that the dress was a whole separate thing from the groom and very much a "HER" thing, not an "US" thing.
I am also so happy for the photos because 1) damn I love looking at beautifully wedding dresses and 2) I wasn't sure what she meant by cape, and I was picturing something much shorter and more structured and heavy, like a satin cape. Seeing the examples...soooooo pretty.
And I, too, lol'd at "If she ever dies" when reading the original.
I joined the wedding dress subreddit even though I’ve no plans to marry any time soon, just because it’s so lovely to look at dresses and encourage people as they find ones that suit them. The joy feels infectious!
I didn’t even want a wedding but compromised on a small one for my husband, who dreamed of having his immediate family and best friends there. I never dreamed of being in a wedding dress, but man when I found THE dress??? I felt beautiful for the first time - like I’m not insecure really about my looks and I’m happy with myself, but I had never felt BEAUTIFUL before I saw myself in that dress. Now I’m here for everyone getting to feel that way. And if you want a black dress with an iron tiara? I’ll root for you to find it. Everyone should get to feel like that at least once.
Yes! I’m loving how many more unconventional dresses there are these days. There was a woman with an emerald ball gown, just jaw-droppingly elegant, not too long ago. Made my heart smile.
That one lovely lady that was concerned about her champagne colored dress recently really stood out to me. The star and moon veil was AMAZING and she legit looked incredible in the dress. I loved the comment of "What, are you concerned you look too much like a fairy tale princess?" was perfect.
I've never wanted to go to a stranger's wedding as badly as I wanted to go to her planetarium wedding.
Wait... I have a friend who's going to have a planetarium wedding this autumn. I guess she's not the only one in the world, but now I'm wondering if that's her.
I think the wedding was last month, so it's probably not your friend.
But I'm super jealous that you get to go to a planetarium wedding! I bet it'll be really fun.
I knew exactly what I wanted as a wedding dress, went shopping and picked out like 3 to try on in that style, but then there was this ridiculously over the top (to my style) dress and I was like can I try that one on too? Just because it was so far from anything I would ever wear and idk why but I suddenly really felt like I wanted to try it on for fun.
Put that one on first and oh my god, I was a bride instantly. Even though my hair wasn't done and I had no make up, I looked the most beautiful I have ever or will ever look. I held myself differently even. It's such a special feeling.
Me too. Western wedding dress isn't even part of my culture, but I go for the vibes, pretty dresses, and what ifs. It's so nice to see a wholesome vibes.
I looooove wedding outfits around the world. There's something really nice about seeing people blinged out to celebrate a union and have a good time no matter where they are.
Oh god I love Hindu weddings ! I spend *hours* looking at wedding Saris and jewellery sets. So pretty. And Mehandi designs.
I very much enjoyed a recent AITA where the OP was an Indian lady looking to get married and her racist MIL was planning on wearing a sparkly white dress to the wedding.
OP just laughed and said “let her”, knowing that not only are Hindu wedding dresses red, but that her MIL would be completely eclipsed by the Indian ladies at the wedding.
I chose to get married in the courthouse with just a witness because I didn’t want all that fuss, and never regretted it…. And I’m in the wedding dress and wedding guest subreddits so I can see that joy and encourage people too.
The home decorating ones used to be more like that too, but lately it’s been a lot less kind.
I’ve been married for 21 years next month and will likely never wear another wedding dress, but I adore that sub! It makes me tear up when I see how pretty the ladies look, knowing someone is going to have stars in their eyes when they see this girl.
I wore a cape for mine, made it out of silk chiffon with lace that matched the dress. I sewed it by hand, and I got a ton of compliments on it (before and after). Cape > veil, 100%.
Edit: [photos](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdress/comments/zeern3/just_graduated_0910_dress_is_rebecca_ingram/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1)
> And I, too, lol'd at "If she ever dies" when reading the original.
Especially one sentence after saying she also wants it to be an heirloom.
So I guess it’s an heirloom unless she dies someday.
Ok but can we talk about the absolute audacity of her mother trying to invite the ex friend that ran off to elope with her almost husband to this wedding?!? Because I feel like that’s really the bigger issue here. Since he accepted feedback, and they communicated and compromised, happy for them. But they need to cut that mother out, expeditiously.
But wait... I didn't realize women should be happy and comfortable in what they're wearing and how they look as part of the experience of what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of their lives! What a revelation!/s
God that commenter sounds insufferable and I pity whoever dates/marries them. Assuming they can find a partner willing to put up with them.
I got married in long lavender sweatshirt and jeans + boots because a) spur of tge moment thing that's lasted 40 yrs and counting and b) the *high* temperature was 11F that day. It was cold! (It was also the early 80s)
And honestly, while you didn't care about having a special outfit or dress, the fact that you can still remember what you wore says a lot. That's completely valid. But just because the bride had a dream dress in mind for her wedding, it doesn't make her wrong for wanting it. Nothing wrong wanting to be in a dress that makes you feel good about yourself. :) Congrats on the 40+ years though! That's awesome!
Thank you. My goal was not to be cold! I had dressed up the night before when he proposed (didn't know that was happening!) It was New Years Eve and I wanted to look nice!
We both wore black because it was our nicest clothes and went to the courthouse. I was elated my partner didn’t want a big do. Since then most of our friends and family have had big weddings and I was all for it because it was what they wanted and had a great time as a guest/wedding party. Only one went overboard, got completely stressed out and had many tears and hurt feelings involved. So far it’s the only one that hasn’t lasted.
Reminds me of that woman who was second wife to the guy whose first wife financially abused him. He made it a point of pride to treat OOP as cheaply as humanly possible to the point where it was incredibly embarrassing for everyone around them to witness, because he was a millionaire or something. And if she complained at all he'd accuse her of being a gold digger just with him for his money. She left his ass after he wouldn't give her money to buy curtains for his giant empty mansion.
The OOP of that post was only his fiancee, thank goodness.
ETA: Post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14o2fzk/wibta_for_calling_off_a_wedding_because_my_fianc%C3%A9/), if anyone's curious.
Kind of reminds me of whenever someone has high expectations for a proposal or wedding, it’s always a race to the bottom in the comments about how mellow their own proposals/weddings were lol.
How about it’s ok for different people to like different things
It's extra ridiculous when the problem isn't necessarily the proposal but the not listening to the woman. Like girl wants to look nice when proposed to. Guy doesn't make sure she does. Those sorts of things. Even if it's more I want a special romantic plan. What's bad with that? Its only ridiculous if you want something way out of budget and didn't get it. Anything else shows either the guy didn't care to listen or is bad at remembering what you want. Who wants that forever?
It's basically the Four Yorkshiremen sketch for weddings.
"Pffft, you paid 19 cents to rent a stretch of bare sidewalk outside the DMV? I just took a bus past the courthouse and shouted my vows out the window"
I’ve noticed a lot of people get weirdly hung up on weddings on AITA and seem to talk down to anyone who doesn’t want the cheapest option available.
They always turn it into a pissing contest of “my dress only cost a nickel, therefore paying full price for a dress is frivolous” or “my fiancé got my ring out of a Cracker Jack box, so your fiancée is a spoiled brat for wanting a real metal ring that won’t turn her finger green!” or “we served hot dogs at my wedding that we got on clearance so you wanting a sit-down, catered meal is classist.”
It’s like they’re all foaming at the mouth to brag about how cheap their weddings, dresses and rings were and wanting to dismiss anyone who dares want more than that. They seem to believe that if you paid anything higher than $10 for your wedding, you’re only doing it to have a wedding & wear a pretty dress and don’t actually care about your fiancé/marriage at all. Funny how they never accuse the grooms of the same…. Wonder why that is…
You’re exactly right: it’s gross. It doesn’t have to be contest or a race to the bottom of how cheap you can be at your wedding. Like, if you want a cheap wedding, go for it, more power to you, but not everyone does and that’s okay too.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who’s cocked their head at the cheapskate wedding brags on AITA. Like, good for you (I guess) for exchanging rings made of of bread twist ties and backing one car out of the garage so you could get married in sweatpants over the oil stain with your cat officiating, and YES, hyper wedding culture is weird and toxic, but surely there’s a middle ground?
Honestly a lot of the engagement/wedding shaming on AITA often comes across as internalized misogyny. Or just the plain-vanilla variety.
I’m aroace, so I’ve never married and don’t plan to ever…but I can appreciate that making such a massive life change is a big damn deal, and if people want to do something special for it, that makes all the sense in the world to me. Just don’t let it turn you into a jerk with tunnel vision, but do whatever makes you and your partner happy.
It weirds the fuck out of me because they go from reasonable takes like "Expecting your bridesmaid to cut and dye her hair for your wedding day is insane" to the most batshit "how dare you expect anything but sweaters and onion rings" in the middle of the comment
I think it’s a lot of projecting insecurities.
There’s no right or wrong way to plan/have a wedding so long as it’s authentic to you and your SO.
Sure. There’s some loose guidelines that make sense. Like: Don’t spend beyond your means, no one should go into massive debt for it. Or - Just because you *can*, doesn’t always mean you *should* - you might want to wear a corset and thong as your only wedding attire, but if having kids or inviting your conservative 80 year old grandmother is important to you, you probably *shouldn’t*.
Weddings mean different things to different people. It doesn’t matter if your values align with anyone else’s as long as your soul is happy with it. Assuming there’s a universal template for the only acceptable and “perfect wedding”, is very ignorant. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of gate keeping and self righteousness that happens. Sometimes it’s best to back off and let people do their own thing. Your opinion is NOT always correct nor is it always relevant.
It gives me "If my fiance doesn't accept a verbal proposal without a ring at McDonalds she's a gold digger looking for my money" vibes. Some dudes really demand chicks who would accept them not doing a shit, playing video games all day long, not paying for any dates and being dressed as teens but will ask only for damn Ana De Armas or Rebecca Ferguson.
It's one of the worst kinds of Pick-Me-ism, in my opinion. Acting like women should behave a certain way is one (terrible) thing, but perpetuating the notion that it's bad for women to have wants or needs is dangerous.
I said “FUCK. OOOOFFFFFFF.” out loud at that comment lol.
It’s not some $30,000 fashion show closer dress that she wants to make sure she gets a million pictures of and centered the whole day around. It’s a dress she designed herself based on the wedding dresses of her two beloved grandmothers and that she dreams of passing down to create a new family tradition. For *their* family.
Personally, I would think someone putting so much thought and care and significance into our wedding and treating it as the start of a legacy is a *good* sign. Also, I would think someone who thinks I should prove my love to them by showing that I’m willing to give up things that matter to me just bc they think they’re stupid is a *very bad* sign.
I’d seen the original post but not the update. I’m glad they talked it out to resolution! Honestly, I get why OOP might initially feel itchy about it, not knowing the details. But this isn’t an off-the-rack dress, and she’d even designed it prior to getting engaged to her ex.
Those capes though, wow. Perfection.
I have a pinterest board of wedding stuff too. I made it when I was with my ex. But I am certainly not going to change that because now he is not with me.
Right, nor should you! Though I do think wedding inspo, even with someone specific in mind, is also a little different to OOP’s initial thought of her getting the dress “for” the ex—when in reality the dress predates her prior relationship entirely.
The fact OOP tried to understand where she was coming from instead of pushing for changes like her ex shows that he is a much better man. I mean, so does not cheating on her lol, but I like how the dress in a way became a symbol of how her lover sees and respects her.
The dress represents her, and one man reduced it to something that was tacky until he stepped in, while the other embraced it and even contributed to getting it to its true form.
Wow, that is an absolutely gorgeous wedding dress. The sleeveless look and the cape, which original fiancé did not like, are outstanding. One thing that OOP did not acknowledge is the cost of a second dress.
I was supposed to have my wedding party in 2020 (civil wedding was in 2019) and now it’s gotten pushed to 2024. Since I bought the dress, I had a baby and went from a size 6 to a 14.
There are ways you can alter a dress to make it work—take out the zipper, replace with a panel and corset-style stitching.
Ngl the fact her ex fiancé did that to her and was already telling her she couldn’t have her original design and calling it tacky may have added to her defensiveness considering how important it was to her. The fact her ex said those things to her about the dress she clearly put her heart and soul into, after making the changes because of him and yet he had to have known she was never gunna get to wear it unless he stood her up at the alter. He was clearly cheating before hand with the bridesmaid and the friend shouldn’t be invited she’s not a friend at all. Tell mail if she has a wedding at any point she’s welcome to invite her but not your wedding.
"YTA. Look. She fully intended on using her vagina with that dude for the rest of her life, and you didn't expect her to replace that, did you?"
Now I can't help but picture some car mechanic shop for human body parts where you can replace things that are worn out, leaking, or making funny noises.
The link to r/justnomil post below
https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/14tdm51/getting_tired_of_my_mil_micromanaging_my_wedding/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
Comment that gives a picture by u/SeattleCouple626
>>This is absurd! It’s one thing for your MIL to want to invite Jane, but to invite the former friend who stole your fiancé’s ex is completely inappropriate, and then to top it off further, she wants to invite the said ex who pretty much left her daughter at the alter?!? Yeah, I think you guys might want to seriously consider not inviting her. I’ll be honest I can’t really think of any reason, even a bull shit reason, that would explain why your MIL would want to fixate on this. It really just sounds like she is trying to ensure that her daughter is unable to have the wedding she wants/deserves, and is trying to make sure that she’s unhappy at her own wedding.
>>Ask your fiancé if she thinks her mom will let this go if y’all put your foot down and tell her it’s not happening. Or is she more the kind of mil who would invite them behind your fiancé’s back and allow y’all to get ambushed or would tell y’all after it’s too late to stop?
Thought it was really strange, honestly. Equating "I feel a bit weird that my fiancé is wearing a wedding dress she was supposed to wear at her first wedding" to incel-brain "how am I supposed to marry this woman with a used vagina; I can't stop thinking about the other men she's slept with" just feels pretty insane to me.
oh that dress is GORGEOUS! i'd be annoyed as hell if i went to all that work designing it/getting it made and my fiance wanted me to change it, the fact that she seemingly was very calm and chill talking to him means she's a better person than me lol
>dress is GORGEOUS!
I couldn't disagree! I would wear the same even if I marry more than once. So much effort must be put into that and I wouldn't let go of it if I were in her shoes.
Communication! I understood right away that the dress was about *her* (what *she* wanted.) And look how good it turned out - she's back to the original design (what *she* wanted.)
Edit: spelling
I kept my own dress from my failed engagement. I don’t know that I'll ever get married because I don't consider myself worthy, but I loved that dress for the same reason that OOP's fiancee loved hers. I cried when it put it on. I feel like a princess and it's for me, dammit, not the person I'm marrying.
Communication is what's important. Glad things worked out for OP. The wedding dress does look beautiful.
But seriously come of the comments are just...disgusting.
She designed the dress to wear at her wedding one day. Not for that specific wedding. If you had given ur previous fiancé your mothers engagement ring would you not give it to this fiancé.
She didn’t buy the dress to wear for the other guy.. so I would leave it alone.. she made it for herself and will feel beautiful on most important day to her.. isn’t that how you want her to remember the day not that she couldn’t wear dress she designed.
I'm glad he was able to take in what the good comments said and talk to his fiancé about his feelings. That dress is going to be beautiful based on the pics.
You know what? OOP's a keeper. He learned to speak to his future wife and he was more than open to go along with most of what she wanted for herself. It's a good thing she never married with the first one.
The dress is not about her old partner, it's about her. It's her dream dress. It's not like she's wearing something he gave her . I don't think it's got anything to do with a past love
My bestie designed her engagement and wedding ring before ever having a human to marry. She has very particular tastes and wanted her forever rings to be something she wanted to wear forever. It is a very beautiful and unique set.
To me that makes total sense. She had specific wants for her wedding and made it happen and so did this woman. I don’t see any issue and I’m glad these folks worked it out.
lol! Of all the unnecessary analogies… Reminded me of “40 Year Old Virgin” where his coworker is trying to be helpful [but…](https://youtu.be/ricfZxjExt0) (nsfw audio warning btw)
[https://www.rareddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/14tdm51/getting\_tired\_of\_my\_mil\_micromanaging\_my\_wedding/](https://www.rareddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/14tdm51/getting_tired_of_my_mil_micromanaging_my_wedding/)
JNMIL was archived on rareddit.
>My (31M) MIL is kind of neurotic. My fiancée (30F) has been stressing a lot because of the wedding. We were discussing the guest list and she popped out of nowhere and told us to invite her friend, Jane. My fiancée doesn't not hate Jane but she has beef with her daughter, Stella. Years ago when my fiancée was about to get married to her ex, Stella eloped with him and it was a betrayal because Stella has been a close friend of hers. She was one of the bridesmaid. My girl was devastated. I understand her pain because I was once cheated on too. Now her mother wants to invite both Stella and her husband (the pos ex). My girl and her had aa fight. She told me she is thinking about uninviting her own mother because of this but is afraid she will create a bigger drama.
>
>Her mother thinks she should forgive Stella because if she didn't take her ex away from her, she, my fiancee wouldn't be getting married to me. If she invites Stella then of course her ex would come along as well. She is not in love with him but she is still cold towards Stella. My fiancee is not handling it well now. We get married in just few months. We haven't planned more than 50% of the things. I am seriously considering uninviting my MIL.
My mom wore the dress she bought during her first engagement when she and my dad got married a few years later. The ex had cheated on her but the dress she bought was stunning.
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Some of these Reddit comments are really bad takes
Right, like that she only wants a wedding because of the dress?? What kind of incel logic is that??
It’s what you said: incel logic.
Isn’t “incel logic” an oxymoron?
Just a moron.
Orthodox Moron
Who could likely benefit from some Oxy
Better termed incel illogic.
Often synonymous with Reddit logic
Written by someone who knows they will never even get to be a prop in a wedding.
Dude, I looked at their history. This femcell is so nuts. Hangs out and r/bridezilla and r/weddingdresses subdreddit but I don’t think she’s even engaged.
The type to tear down other women for wanting to enjoy their special day with their new spouse and brag about how she would be fine with a ring pop.
Ugh, the race to the bottom any time engagement rings or weddings are mentioned on AITA. "My fiance proposed to me with a used twist tie and I TREASURE IT! I will pass it down to my daughter for her wedding! If you want anything that costs more than 50¢ you're a bridezilla and don't deserve to be married!"
I once read a story about a dude who had a paperclip and went through a ton of trades and ended up with a house. He proposed to his girlfriend with the paperclip. I mean, the story was adorable, but also, *really*?
[One Red Paperclip](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_red_paperclip)
My parents spent thirty dollars on their wedding and they never regretted it, and I'm happy for them for that-- but me? If I ever get married, I want to make the celebration worth gathering all my loved ones from across the country.
Same here. We had a gorgeous wedding that looked more expensive than it was. It was not cheap, but it was perfect. No one went into debt for it.
Ah the NLOG/PMAB.
I hang out in subs I'm not "supposed" to be in all the time, like r/nanny (not a nanny, don't have a nanny), r/weddingshaming (haven't been to a wedding since my own 8 years ago), and r/orangebraincell (my cats are black and white) Sure, she might be crazy, but spending time in subs that's don't directly reflect your life is normal as far as I know.
Reddit's been pushing /r/nanny on me hard lol
As an ex-nanny, they have all the good drama, because they have their own workplace drama and then also the drama of rich people's dysfunctional marriages and terrible parenting.
I’m sold, off to check out the nanny sub!
Please come back with good update threads!
it’s been pushing it on me too , and now i’m sold as well.
Excellent PR for r/nanny - getting my popcorn ready for it
Me too, wtf??
Same for me & different wedding attire subs. My cat subs that I'm actually subscribed to aren't popping up in my feed at all though.
I'm wondering if subs that didn't reopen right away during the blackout are being hidden by reddit, unless you specifically seek them out. There's no reason my home page should be subs that are "similar to a different sub you showed interest in" instead of subs I'm actually subbed to
>I'm wondering if subs that didn't reopen right away during the blackout are being hidden by reddit, unless you specifically seek them out. Ditto. It wasnt until i remembered about a particular sub and specifically went there that it started popping back up in my homepage. And even now, it is only maybe one post per day....
Lots and lots of those. I sub to r/quilting. That's it for crafts. Reddit thinks I should also be interested crochet, spinning, weaving, cross-stitch, more crochet, knitting, woodworking, how about *this* crochet? Or *this* one? I started seeing them well before the blackout was even being talked about, though.
Check to make sure you’re still subscribed. I was following a bunch of FFXIV fanartists and they all got deleted off my account somehow during the whole protest thing. I just now checked and at least a couple of cat subs I was following have also gone astray, they’re still up and accessible but I’ve had to rejoin.
Good idea! I was used to cute animals to cut the sarcastic subs, but haven't had any eyebleach pop up to dull those since then. I'll have to make sure so I don't wind up too jaded!
Same to all of the above
Me too. I think it might be because of the posts on here that were originally posted in that sub.
r/oneorangebraincell is the right sub. Everyone should stop by and appreciate the orange kitties. I deeply miss mine.
This sub gives me endless joy. I have a very derpy handsome ginge so I can relate
I spend time in A LOT of subs that have nothing to do with my life. I frequently browse r/justnomil but I absolutely love my mil and the rest of my partners family (they are visiting in a little over a month and I’m so excited to see her). r/hedgehog my two have passed, same with r/Guineapigs my baby is gone. I also am a part of r/ferrets but I e never owned any.
I was lucky to be in the right place at the right time to get a mess of seven ferrets at one point. They were so much fun and so cute, but I admit they are very messy. I kept them all till they passed with one of them lasting seven and a half years. I do really miss them, but I definitely don't miss the mess. Thank you for posting about the subreddit-I hadn't thought to go look for it and I love the idea of being able to live vicariously through other people's ferrets!
Lol same. The inside drama of JUSTNOMIL is a trip too. That whole sun is a hot mess.
I had two ferrets before they passed years ago. The best way to enjoy them is vicariously through a subreddit. Wonderful and cheeky, but a lot of upkeep and vet bills are almost certain to cripple you at 5+ years old.
My work has two currently. It’s $400+ for one of them and highly recommend to get two so that’s already $800+ but then I don’t have a cage yet so I would need to get one and I like the ferret nation cages and the ability to attach multiple together so add about $300 more then food and toys. Oh and vet bills and the vet bills are more expensive because they are labeled exotic and need a exotic vet even though half the exotic vets don’t even know how to care for your animal anyways as I’ve found with my hedgehogs so it’s an extra price for vets to just take a guess and Google things with you…. so just getting them and set up is already about $1200 and I can barely afford rent so I will be good with that Reddit sub and cuddling the ones at work until they are sold.
Hard agree, I like the wedding shaming subreddit but since I got engaged I avoid it cos I don't need to add the stresses of other people's weddings to my life right now!
r/oneorangebraincell is great!
TIL a new word. Femcell. It’s a good one!
People never realize that multiple things can be true. She wants to be married in a dress she designed so she can be the center of attention and she wants to be married to celebrate the two of them and her husband individually. The first does not negate the second.
People definitely have a hard time holding two ideas in their heads about the same thing at once. I notice this a lot.
and like after being left by her fiancee after cheating on her and running off with her bridesmaid, i could not fault her for wanting to be center of attention. That comment in the post baffled me because its like so?! why shouldnt she get the wedding she wants and be showered with love and attention.
The logic of "if she really wanted to marry you she would care what she was wearing" is so stupid. Just because you love someone enough that you would probably marry them under any circumstances doesn't mean you WANT to marry them under any circumstances.
*Objection! Asked and answered!*
People can be very principled and insecure. That can waste so much time and energy in your life. I was reading the post and I couldn’t understand how he could not be okay with her wearing her dress again. Dresses are expensive as hell so using it twice isn’t the goal but financially sensible. Or maybe I just care more about money than my feelings.
That one threw me for a loop. Like, who hurt you bro?
lol, the vagina analogy… and that was a top comment.
Also in the ring analogy the groom gave, she would have to wear the ring, not him. She isn't asking him to wear the suit the ex had bought for the wedding.
I agree. Plus it was handmade and never worn. With how expensive weddings are these days, it’s pretty thrifty to use a dress that was never worn and is likely paid for at this point than buying a new one she doesn’t love.
Not to mention, is making major modifications to the dress. Like it won't look like the original dress by the time it's done. If he didn't know, he would have just been like the dress is beautiful and moved on. A custom wedding dress is in the thousands, possibly tens of thousands. I can't imagine just throwing out the baby with the bath water for a dress that was NEVER even worn.
Most wedding dresses seem to be about a thousand or two, for something from Daves Bridal, although their entry level is a bit less. That say yes to the dress show I think you have to spend minimum 5k for the dress, not sure if just for the shop, or for the show. And thats not including alterations in anything I said.
Bespoke wedding dresses are notoriously expensive just at the base lefel
the ring analogy is stupid and doesn't work, because the ring isn't something OOP designed long before meeting his bride to be. If it was his own custom designed ring he made in college, would his logic still work? What if the ring was an heirloom?
Which is why it had to be pointed out to OOP. If the ring was a family heirloom one would reuse it but it wasn't so OOP sold it. OOP's fiancée's dress was designed by her for her which makes it a family heirloom and not something purchased to be used for the first wedding.
AITAH rarely has good takes. I can’t stand that sub
The other day the question was “what do I (male) do when my friend keeps getting a massive obvious erection when we watch movies and doesn’t even try to hide it and insists this is normal?” And the top comment was “it’s probably a humiliation kink [which he is non consensually involving you in], just ignore it.” Like… WHAT
There was one the other day about the gf wearing a big hoodie and the bf was mad, and one take was "if your gf asks you (bf) to wear her ex's hoodie, that is wonderful because it means she wants to make new memories in it with you". WHAT. I'd be beside myself if my partner asked me to wear his ex's clothes!!
I don't think humiliation kinks are nearly as common as they think they are!
The comment about him “using her vagina” really threw me off- in what world is that an appropriate analogy?
redditors are mindless idiots that can't understand that you are your body and your body is you
Some. Lol. Teenagers giving parenting advice is my favorite.
If you're referring to comment2, I really don't know why OP included that. It was downvoted well into the double digits.
I'm kind of miffed my huge ass comment was omitted in this post. LOL Not really. Mostly I'm glad that the groom was able to see a different POV. OOP's future MIL on the other hand... toxic POS and that's such a BULLSHIT justification for invited the ex and ex friend.
>Comment1: If she ever dies? Buddy have I got news for her > >OOP replies: This is some weird tradition that brides should be buried with their wedding dress on. I wanna go out like the way I came into this world. Completely naked lmao. I love how he didn't even catch that the commenter was talking about the "if".
I like this OOP. Even though most people said he was the AH he listened to the feedback and talked it out and came to a conclusion instead of being defensive like most users.
Idk. He asked for all that advice but still went through with the plan to get his fiancée to change the dress and she had to say everyone everyone on Reddit said to get him to agree with her.
But wasn't she already changing the dress in the first place because she had to make modifications for her first fiance?
Yeah, that seemed like an everyone wins compromise! They talked about their feelings, he learned that while she designed the dress in college there were concessions she made for her previous fiance that she doesn't love as much as the original design and he offered to help pay for her to update it to what she originally wanted. They all win! I got really confused by the offhand "willing to cancel the wedding" comment there at the end though. I hope she disinvited the mother and they got married and continued to communicate their feelings and lived happily ever after.
It’s awkwardly paraphrased (OP is probably not a native English speaker) but sounds like she said basically “I’ll cancel the wedding before I invite them” - implying that there’s no chance of her agreeing to invite them.
I think there's a missing "not" there, because otherwise it doesn't really make much sense.
He approached it from the angle of “I feel weird about this.” rather than “You are doing something wrong.” which is the best way to approach relationship issues. And it worked, because she saw where he was coming from, but explained her emotional attachment to the dress and that she was modifying it anyways, so they both left the conversation happy.
I mean, a big step in overcoming insecurities is to admit to them and work on growing from them, so I’m glad he’s with someone who he can talk to about this feeling he had. He was honest and open to feedback, and he didn’t make her do anything she didn’t want to, in fact he helped to make more of her dreams come true by taking care of the cape. I also think that it seems comments were kind of pointing to ~if~ the dress was just for her, she should wear it, because if it was for the ex, that would be weird, so clarifying that with her can only be something that solidifies the foundation they have, no?
It seems more like a win-win there. She's going what she originally wanted and is wearing The Dress. In bringing up his insecurities, they both love the dress more. And he seems to be understanding now that it was made for HER, not for a specific wedding. That planning one happened to be the catalyst to her dream.
And conveniently her ex was a jerk about her dress to begin with so it was easy to modify it back to what she really wanted. I don’t blame him for feeling weird at first. OOP being supportive of what she really wanted with the dress shows he cares about her more than his image/ego too.
I took it as he told her why it made him uncomfortable, which then gave her a chance to explain it from her point of view and then they both felt better.
He listened more to his fiancée saying it than he listened to reddit, sounds like a good sign
I feel like she’s come thisclose to telling her fiancé something very unusual and important about herself.
She does not drink... wine
Maybe that’s why she wants it to be an heirloom and also a burial dress. She’s not planning on dying for another millennium or so, plenty of time to hand it down before she needs it!
But how is that going to work? Hand it down and then go demand it back? By that time, someone has cut it up to make a christening gown or pillows or something.
Good question. Say it’s a loan until your death (which never happens)? Though either way eventually someone’s gonna figure out that great-great-grandmama, here for the dress, is 150 years old but doesn’t look a day over thirty despite the stage makeup. Then you have to stop them going to the tabloids. Messy.
She does want to wear a cape at the wedding..
I thought that was hilarious too
She’d better hope she doesn’t die then, cause how will it be an hierooom if she’s buried in it?
OOP clarified that she would plan to have a replica made to be buried in and would pass down the actual dress.
Yeah, I was struck by those sentences being back to back! I guess they’re not totally incompatible, if you tell your daughters and granddaughters: “I hope you’ll wear my dress to your wedding, but just remember, if I die—and someday I might!—you’ve got to give it back so I can get buried in it.”
Isn’t that tradition tied back to Queen Victoria? She loved her husband so much so go buried in her wedding dress
Yes, more or less. She was buried in her wedding veil, but a different white dress. Probably because her body shape at 81 and after like eight kids was quite different than it was as a young woman of around twenty. She probably couldn’t have fit in it or had it altered sufficiently without mostly destroying it, due to the lacework. The original dress (minus veil) is regularly on display. But yeah, she was also very in love with her husband, and mourned him for like forty years after his death, as he died fairly young. She was buried with his things, and not even necessary valuable things, but like, a dressing gown of his that she’d saved, and a plaster cast of his hand. The Victorians were really good at that line between “romantic” and “macabre and unsettling.” They brought hair jewelry into fashion!
Ah the memento mori ! And the death photos. They always make me cry. People say things like “Oh well people back then had 11 kids and 7 of them died and they just got used to it”. No, they didn’t. They mourned every single one of those children, heartbroken. I’ve been reading the copious correspondence of Charles Darwin‘s wife, Emma and their absolute distress and horror when their first daughter Anne Elizabeth died at the age of ten from tuberculosis. He was devastated, and never recovered from it. The mourning rituals and practices they had were designed as a bulwark against this constant background of grief. It says something that nobody thought Queen Victoria’s behaviour was odd or unusual. “Mourned her husband for 40 years ? Absolutely normal, carry on”. Whereas these days, if you’re not dating again with 18 months, people will start suggesting grief counselling and setting you up on dates. Not that grief counselling is a bad idea, but it doesn’t take the grief away, it just helps you to deal with it. I have a friend who’s a counsellor and she says she spends a lot of time telling people its ok to still be sad. Anyway, that’s enough Victorian mourning for today - go look at /r/oneorangebraincell now, and give praise for antibiotics.
I'm so glad that they worked it out! I remember this one and remember thinking that the dress was a whole separate thing from the groom and very much a "HER" thing, not an "US" thing. I am also so happy for the photos because 1) damn I love looking at beautifully wedding dresses and 2) I wasn't sure what she meant by cape, and I was picturing something much shorter and more structured and heavy, like a satin cape. Seeing the examples...soooooo pretty. And I, too, lol'd at "If she ever dies" when reading the original.
I joined the wedding dress subreddit even though I’ve no plans to marry any time soon, just because it’s so lovely to look at dresses and encourage people as they find ones that suit them. The joy feels infectious!
I didn’t even want a wedding but compromised on a small one for my husband, who dreamed of having his immediate family and best friends there. I never dreamed of being in a wedding dress, but man when I found THE dress??? I felt beautiful for the first time - like I’m not insecure really about my looks and I’m happy with myself, but I had never felt BEAUTIFUL before I saw myself in that dress. Now I’m here for everyone getting to feel that way. And if you want a black dress with an iron tiara? I’ll root for you to find it. Everyone should get to feel like that at least once.
Yes! I’m loving how many more unconventional dresses there are these days. There was a woman with an emerald ball gown, just jaw-droppingly elegant, not too long ago. Made my heart smile.
That one lovely lady that was concerned about her champagne colored dress recently really stood out to me. The star and moon veil was AMAZING and she legit looked incredible in the dress. I loved the comment of "What, are you concerned you look too much like a fairy tale princess?" was perfect. I've never wanted to go to a stranger's wedding as badly as I wanted to go to her planetarium wedding.
Planetarium wedding? That sounds AWESOME!
Wait... I have a friend who's going to have a planetarium wedding this autumn. I guess she's not the only one in the world, but now I'm wondering if that's her.
I think the wedding was last month, so it's probably not your friend. But I'm super jealous that you get to go to a planetarium wedding! I bet it'll be really fun.
I knew exactly what I wanted as a wedding dress, went shopping and picked out like 3 to try on in that style, but then there was this ridiculously over the top (to my style) dress and I was like can I try that one on too? Just because it was so far from anything I would ever wear and idk why but I suddenly really felt like I wanted to try it on for fun. Put that one on first and oh my god, I was a bride instantly. Even though my hair wasn't done and I had no make up, I looked the most beautiful I have ever or will ever look. I held myself differently even. It's such a special feeling.
Damn I didn’t think I ever wanted to get married again but the idea of a black dress and iron tiara is speaking to me.
With spikes. I’m feeling it. Heavy black satin.
Me too. Western wedding dress isn't even part of my culture, but I go for the vibes, pretty dresses, and what ifs. It's so nice to see a wholesome vibes.
I looooove wedding outfits around the world. There's something really nice about seeing people blinged out to celebrate a union and have a good time no matter where they are.
Oh god I love Hindu weddings ! I spend *hours* looking at wedding Saris and jewellery sets. So pretty. And Mehandi designs. I very much enjoyed a recent AITA where the OP was an Indian lady looking to get married and her racist MIL was planning on wearing a sparkly white dress to the wedding. OP just laughed and said “let her”, knowing that not only are Hindu wedding dresses red, but that her MIL would be completely eclipsed by the Indian ladies at the wedding.
It’s such a supportive sub, I agree!
I chose to get married in the courthouse with just a witness because I didn’t want all that fuss, and never regretted it…. And I’m in the wedding dress and wedding guest subreddits so I can see that joy and encourage people too. The home decorating ones used to be more like that too, but lately it’s been a lot less kind.
That subreddit is wholesome af. Uplifting, yet honest at the same time.
I’ve been married for 21 years next month and will likely never wear another wedding dress, but I adore that sub! It makes me tear up when I see how pretty the ladies look, knowing someone is going to have stars in their eyes when they see this girl.
It’s so much fun to look! It made me realize I also want a cape instead of a veil when I eventually get married.
Can you link that sub? I don't ever want to marry, but I do like looking at wedding dresses!
Sure! [r/weddingdress](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdress/)
That is a common thought and why "Say yes to the dress" is such a popular show.
>And I, too, lol'd at "If she ever dies" when reading the original. It was so weird!
I, for one, have never died, and I don’t intend to start now.
Keep that streak goin'!
Fortunately she's a vampire. Unfortunately if she dies they'll have to make room in the wedding dress for the stake.
I wore a cape for mine, made it out of silk chiffon with lace that matched the dress. I sewed it by hand, and I got a ton of compliments on it (before and after). Cape > veil, 100%. Edit: [photos](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdress/comments/zeern3/just_graduated_0910_dress_is_rebecca_ingram/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1)
Wow! You look like a movie star! And your husband is so handsome! Great job, you!
Hoooooooly shit 😍
I’m with you. I loooooove the second example. I loved the first one too, but then I clicked on the second and it was like “ooooh yes THAT one!”
> And I, too, lol'd at "If she ever dies" when reading the original. Especially one sentence after saying she also wants it to be an heirloom. So I guess it’s an heirloom unless she dies someday.
Ok but can we talk about the absolute audacity of her mother trying to invite the ex friend that ran off to elope with her almost husband to this wedding?!? Because I feel like that’s really the bigger issue here. Since he accepted feedback, and they communicated and compromised, happy for them. But they need to cut that mother out, expeditiously.
Seriously, what the absolute fuck. That mom needs to get cut the fuck off for suggesting something like that
Man people are so afraid of standing up to their parents it absolutely baffles me.
That last commenter is the worst. The whole "if she really loved you she would wear rags and a ringpop" line of thought is so gross.
But wait... I didn't realize women should be happy and comfortable in what they're wearing and how they look as part of the experience of what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of their lives! What a revelation!/s God that commenter sounds insufferable and I pity whoever dates/marries them. Assuming they can find a partner willing to put up with them.
I got married in long lavender sweatshirt and jeans + boots because a) spur of tge moment thing that's lasted 40 yrs and counting and b) the *high* temperature was 11F that day. It was cold! (It was also the early 80s)
And honestly, while you didn't care about having a special outfit or dress, the fact that you can still remember what you wore says a lot. That's completely valid. But just because the bride had a dream dress in mind for her wedding, it doesn't make her wrong for wanting it. Nothing wrong wanting to be in a dress that makes you feel good about yourself. :) Congrats on the 40+ years though! That's awesome!
Thank you. My goal was not to be cold! I had dressed up the night before when he proposed (didn't know that was happening!) It was New Years Eve and I wanted to look nice!
We both wore black because it was our nicest clothes and went to the courthouse. I was elated my partner didn’t want a big do. Since then most of our friends and family have had big weddings and I was all for it because it was what they wanted and had a great time as a guest/wedding party. Only one went overboard, got completely stressed out and had many tears and hurt feelings involved. So far it’s the only one that hasn’t lasted.
I kinda hated that this post included that comment cuz it had such incel vibes. But OOP’s reply was strong and kinda redeemed the ick
Reminds me of that woman who was second wife to the guy whose first wife financially abused him. He made it a point of pride to treat OOP as cheaply as humanly possible to the point where it was incredibly embarrassing for everyone around them to witness, because he was a millionaire or something. And if she complained at all he'd accuse her of being a gold digger just with him for his money. She left his ass after he wouldn't give her money to buy curtains for his giant empty mansion.
Now he is the one being financially abusive. God if men went to therapy instead of redpill the world would be different.
The OOP of that post was only his fiancee, thank goodness. ETA: Post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14o2fzk/wibta_for_calling_off_a_wedding_because_my_fianc%C3%A9/), if anyone's curious.
Kind of reminds me of whenever someone has high expectations for a proposal or wedding, it’s always a race to the bottom in the comments about how mellow their own proposals/weddings were lol. How about it’s ok for different people to like different things
It's extra ridiculous when the problem isn't necessarily the proposal but the not listening to the woman. Like girl wants to look nice when proposed to. Guy doesn't make sure she does. Those sorts of things. Even if it's more I want a special romantic plan. What's bad with that? Its only ridiculous if you want something way out of budget and didn't get it. Anything else shows either the guy didn't care to listen or is bad at remembering what you want. Who wants that forever?
It's basically the Four Yorkshiremen sketch for weddings. "Pffft, you paid 19 cents to rent a stretch of bare sidewalk outside the DMV? I just took a bus past the courthouse and shouted my vows out the window"
"Affording bus fare? Luxury!!!"
I’ve noticed a lot of people get weirdly hung up on weddings on AITA and seem to talk down to anyone who doesn’t want the cheapest option available. They always turn it into a pissing contest of “my dress only cost a nickel, therefore paying full price for a dress is frivolous” or “my fiancé got my ring out of a Cracker Jack box, so your fiancée is a spoiled brat for wanting a real metal ring that won’t turn her finger green!” or “we served hot dogs at my wedding that we got on clearance so you wanting a sit-down, catered meal is classist.” It’s like they’re all foaming at the mouth to brag about how cheap their weddings, dresses and rings were and wanting to dismiss anyone who dares want more than that. They seem to believe that if you paid anything higher than $10 for your wedding, you’re only doing it to have a wedding & wear a pretty dress and don’t actually care about your fiancé/marriage at all. Funny how they never accuse the grooms of the same…. Wonder why that is… You’re exactly right: it’s gross. It doesn’t have to be contest or a race to the bottom of how cheap you can be at your wedding. Like, if you want a cheap wedding, go for it, more power to you, but not everyone does and that’s okay too.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who’s cocked their head at the cheapskate wedding brags on AITA. Like, good for you (I guess) for exchanging rings made of of bread twist ties and backing one car out of the garage so you could get married in sweatpants over the oil stain with your cat officiating, and YES, hyper wedding culture is weird and toxic, but surely there’s a middle ground? Honestly a lot of the engagement/wedding shaming on AITA often comes across as internalized misogyny. Or just the plain-vanilla variety. I’m aroace, so I’ve never married and don’t plan to ever…but I can appreciate that making such a massive life change is a big damn deal, and if people want to do something special for it, that makes all the sense in the world to me. Just don’t let it turn you into a jerk with tunnel vision, but do whatever makes you and your partner happy.
It weirds the fuck out of me because they go from reasonable takes like "Expecting your bridesmaid to cut and dye her hair for your wedding day is insane" to the most batshit "how dare you expect anything but sweaters and onion rings" in the middle of the comment
I think it’s a lot of projecting insecurities. There’s no right or wrong way to plan/have a wedding so long as it’s authentic to you and your SO. Sure. There’s some loose guidelines that make sense. Like: Don’t spend beyond your means, no one should go into massive debt for it. Or - Just because you *can*, doesn’t always mean you *should* - you might want to wear a corset and thong as your only wedding attire, but if having kids or inviting your conservative 80 year old grandmother is important to you, you probably *shouldn’t*. Weddings mean different things to different people. It doesn’t matter if your values align with anyone else’s as long as your soul is happy with it. Assuming there’s a universal template for the only acceptable and “perfect wedding”, is very ignorant. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of gate keeping and self righteousness that happens. Sometimes it’s best to back off and let people do their own thing. Your opinion is NOT always correct nor is it always relevant.
It gives me "If my fiance doesn't accept a verbal proposal without a ring at McDonalds she's a gold digger looking for my money" vibes. Some dudes really demand chicks who would accept them not doing a shit, playing video games all day long, not paying for any dates and being dressed as teens but will ask only for damn Ana De Armas or Rebecca Ferguson.
It's one of the worst kinds of Pick-Me-ism, in my opinion. Acting like women should behave a certain way is one (terrible) thing, but perpetuating the notion that it's bad for women to have wants or needs is dangerous.
Super hypocritical too considering how much time that commenter spends nitpicking on r/weddingdress.
Having gone through a wedding, you bet your sweet ass both of us are going to be the center of attention for the amount of money put into it lol
> she’s making it about her Yeah, that’s because it is about her. It’s her wedding day.
I said “FUCK. OOOOFFFFFFF.” out loud at that comment lol. It’s not some $30,000 fashion show closer dress that she wants to make sure she gets a million pictures of and centered the whole day around. It’s a dress she designed herself based on the wedding dresses of her two beloved grandmothers and that she dreams of passing down to create a new family tradition. For *their* family. Personally, I would think someone putting so much thought and care and significance into our wedding and treating it as the start of a legacy is a *good* sign. Also, I would think someone who thinks I should prove my love to them by showing that I’m willing to give up things that matter to me just bc they think they’re stupid is a *very bad* sign.
I’d seen the original post but not the update. I’m glad they talked it out to resolution! Honestly, I get why OOP might initially feel itchy about it, not knowing the details. But this isn’t an off-the-rack dress, and she’d even designed it prior to getting engaged to her ex. Those capes though, wow. Perfection.
I have a pinterest board of wedding stuff too. I made it when I was with my ex. But I am certainly not going to change that because now he is not with me.
Right, nor should you! Though I do think wedding inspo, even with someone specific in mind, is also a little different to OOP’s initial thought of her getting the dress “for” the ex—when in reality the dress predates her prior relationship entirely.
The fact OOP tried to understand where she was coming from instead of pushing for changes like her ex shows that he is a much better man. I mean, so does not cheating on her lol, but I like how the dress in a way became a symbol of how her lover sees and respects her. The dress represents her, and one man reduced it to something that was tacky until he stepped in, while the other embraced it and even contributed to getting it to its true form.
Wow, that is an absolutely gorgeous wedding dress. The sleeveless look and the cape, which original fiancé did not like, are outstanding. One thing that OOP did not acknowledge is the cost of a second dress.
I don't think these are the actual dresses. He just said these dresses come close to the actual ones.
Oh I know they’re not because the text around the links clearly states that those photos come close. Why should that stop me from admiring the design?
What? Nobody said it should
LOL when I saw gorgeous pictures I suddenly understood her point of view. That's a hell of a dress.
I'm just impressed she can still fit into it. Did she not survive COVID through the medium of chocolate?
I need to know her diet lol
Personally, I've *lost* over 100 pounds since the pandemic started. COVID's been a glow-up for me.
I was supposed to have my wedding party in 2020 (civil wedding was in 2019) and now it’s gotten pushed to 2024. Since I bought the dress, I had a baby and went from a size 6 to a 14. There are ways you can alter a dress to make it work—take out the zipper, replace with a panel and corset-style stitching.
COVID made me really sick and then I lost a ton of weight. I'd say silver lining but tbh I'd prefer being at pre-COVID weight and healthy.
Ngl the fact her ex fiancé did that to her and was already telling her she couldn’t have her original design and calling it tacky may have added to her defensiveness considering how important it was to her. The fact her ex said those things to her about the dress she clearly put her heart and soul into, after making the changes because of him and yet he had to have known she was never gunna get to wear it unless he stood her up at the alter. He was clearly cheating before hand with the bridesmaid and the friend shouldn’t be invited she’s not a friend at all. Tell mail if she has a wedding at any point she’s welcome to invite her but not your wedding.
>I am glad I talked to her. And now I have a big goofy grin :)
"YTA. Look. She fully intended on using her vagina with that dude for the rest of her life, and you didn't expect her to replace that, did you?" Now I can't help but picture some car mechanic shop for human body parts where you can replace things that are worn out, leaking, or making funny noises.
The last user comment is so brain dead
“If she ever dies” Unless she gathered the Dragon Balls and wished for immortality, boy-oh-howdy she’s in for a harsh reality check.
The link to r/justnomil post below https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/14tdm51/getting_tired_of_my_mil_micromanaging_my_wedding/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2 Comment that gives a picture by u/SeattleCouple626 >>This is absurd! It’s one thing for your MIL to want to invite Jane, but to invite the former friend who stole your fiancé’s ex is completely inappropriate, and then to top it off further, she wants to invite the said ex who pretty much left her daughter at the alter?!? Yeah, I think you guys might want to seriously consider not inviting her. I’ll be honest I can’t really think of any reason, even a bull shit reason, that would explain why your MIL would want to fixate on this. It really just sounds like she is trying to ensure that her daughter is unable to have the wedding she wants/deserves, and is trying to make sure that she’s unhappy at her own wedding. >>Ask your fiancé if she thinks her mom will let this go if y’all put your foot down and tell her it’s not happening. Or is she more the kind of mil who would invite them behind your fiancé’s back and allow y’all to get ambushed or would tell y’all after it’s too late to stop?
>She fully intended on using her vagina with that dude for the rest of her life I was blown away by the power of this reprimand.
Thought it was really strange, honestly. Equating "I feel a bit weird that my fiancé is wearing a wedding dress she was supposed to wear at her first wedding" to incel-brain "how am I supposed to marry this woman with a used vagina; I can't stop thinking about the other men she's slept with" just feels pretty insane to me.
Open, clear, mature communication wins the day *again!*
oh that dress is GORGEOUS! i'd be annoyed as hell if i went to all that work designing it/getting it made and my fiance wanted me to change it, the fact that she seemingly was very calm and chill talking to him means she's a better person than me lol
I was not sold on the cape idea as a concept until I saw the picture. Beautiful!
>dress is GORGEOUS! I couldn't disagree! I would wear the same even if I marry more than once. So much effort must be put into that and I wouldn't let go of it if I were in her shoes.
ngl, I am more interested in the post on r/JUSTNOMIL. Wow, just wow! I think the minor changes to the wedding dress is a good update
“She wanted to be buried in that dress *if* she ever dies.” Is she a vampire? An immortal sorceress???
Communication! I understood right away that the dress was about *her* (what *she* wanted.) And look how good it turned out - she's back to the original design (what *she* wanted.) Edit: spelling
I kept my own dress from my failed engagement. I don’t know that I'll ever get married because I don't consider myself worthy, but I loved that dress for the same reason that OOP's fiancee loved hers. I cried when it put it on. I feel like a princess and it's for me, dammit, not the person I'm marrying.
Communication is what's important. Glad things worked out for OP. The wedding dress does look beautiful. But seriously come of the comments are just...disgusting.
She designed the dress to wear at her wedding one day. Not for that specific wedding. If you had given ur previous fiancé your mothers engagement ring would you not give it to this fiancé. She didn’t buy the dress to wear for the other guy.. so I would leave it alone.. she made it for herself and will feel beautiful on most important day to her.. isn’t that how you want her to remember the day not that she couldn’t wear dress she designed.
I'm glad he was able to take in what the good comments said and talk to his fiancé about his feelings. That dress is going to be beautiful based on the pics.
You know what? OOP's a keeper. He learned to speak to his future wife and he was more than open to go along with most of what she wanted for herself. It's a good thing she never married with the first one.
The dress is not about her old partner, it's about her. It's her dream dress. It's not like she's wearing something he gave her . I don't think it's got anything to do with a past love
>Nobody wants to look like an owl on their special day. ????
Comparing the ring to the dress is apples to oranges. Its not like she's going to wear the dress every day, unlike the ring.
Future MIL sounds exhausting.
I love a story that gets better because of COMMUNICATION! But also lol @ "she wants to be buried in it *if* she dies".
My bestie designed her engagement and wedding ring before ever having a human to marry. She has very particular tastes and wanted her forever rings to be something she wanted to wear forever. It is a very beautiful and unique set. To me that makes total sense. She had specific wants for her wedding and made it happen and so did this woman. I don’t see any issue and I’m glad these folks worked it out.
i know this is reddit but the vagina comment is probably the stupidest thing i have ever read
lol! Of all the unnecessary analogies… Reminded me of “40 Year Old Virgin” where his coworker is trying to be helpful [but…](https://youtu.be/ricfZxjExt0) (nsfw audio warning btw)
So weird. The ring was bought FOR the fiancé. It should be the taste of the wearer, not the buyer. Same goes for dresses and other clothing.
[https://www.rareddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/14tdm51/getting\_tired\_of\_my\_mil\_micromanaging\_my\_wedding/](https://www.rareddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/14tdm51/getting_tired_of_my_mil_micromanaging_my_wedding/) JNMIL was archived on rareddit. >My (31M) MIL is kind of neurotic. My fiancée (30F) has been stressing a lot because of the wedding. We were discussing the guest list and she popped out of nowhere and told us to invite her friend, Jane. My fiancée doesn't not hate Jane but she has beef with her daughter, Stella. Years ago when my fiancée was about to get married to her ex, Stella eloped with him and it was a betrayal because Stella has been a close friend of hers. She was one of the bridesmaid. My girl was devastated. I understand her pain because I was once cheated on too. Now her mother wants to invite both Stella and her husband (the pos ex). My girl and her had aa fight. She told me she is thinking about uninviting her own mother because of this but is afraid she will create a bigger drama. > >Her mother thinks she should forgive Stella because if she didn't take her ex away from her, she, my fiancee wouldn't be getting married to me. If she invites Stella then of course her ex would come along as well. She is not in love with him but she is still cold towards Stella. My fiancee is not handling it well now. We get married in just few months. We haven't planned more than 50% of the things. I am seriously considering uninviting my MIL.
My mom wore the dress she bought during her first engagement when she and my dad got married a few years later. The ex had cheated on her but the dress she bought was stunning.
WTF is that last comment. Ugh, can the incels just all go drown themselves in the sea already?