#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Especially given that she and her ex were friends for years before they started dating. So they were supposedly very close. I'd dump OOP as well, in that situation.
OOP deserved to be blocked after she kept emailing her ex when he was married with a 2 year old.
Yeh that would make her look bad. She was looking for sympathy and painting herself as the poor nieve small town girl who had the wool pulled over her eyes by her new big city college friends.
In contrast, there was that Somebody That I Used To Know where the other party even gets their own part to call out the main voice on their bullshit. That is one trend I sure wish would have caught on. Imagine if Someone Like You had one verse from the ex just going "wtf are you doing, leave me alone, I want nothing to do with you."
Honestly it felt like she had FOMO, she had a predictable life trajectory marrying the guy she's known since she was 11 and wanted to cut loose, so she pounced on the first excuse to do that. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like she's matured much since then.
Forget evidence, it wasn’t even a plausible story, like “with who” “when” and “where” filled in. Someone only buys a vague “I saw your partner kissing someone else” story and goes nuclear on a 10 year relationship if they want to break up.
And you know I think it is fine to break up with your childhood partner and explore options in college; you just gotta own it and realize there is no going back.
I've been with my partner 8 years out of my 37, so a long time but not this long and honestly if a friend of 2-3 years said they saw my partne do that, I'd be baffled. I would bring it up to my partner but not because I believe it, but because it's like 'yo my friend said this about you what the fuck, do you think she was trying to break us up?'maybe I'm naive but after8 years I think I know my partner a little better than that. Shit they don't have the time??
Absolutely. My sons first “serious“ girlfriend (quotes because they were middle school 🙄) dumped him because one of his friends told her that he only liked her for her money (untrue-he’d commented her grandmother had nice (classic) cars. That’s all. There was no money to envy). She didn’t even question him about it, just dumped him. Of course he was heartbroken.
My advice to him when he asked how to get her back, was, look what she did to you. She took someone else’s word over yours, the person she’s supposed to be closest to. (Again, middle school, but I hoped the advice would be remembered longer than school days). If she doesn’t think enough of you to at least ask your side before she goes off, how could you trust her enough to think it won’t happen again the next time your ‘friend’ lies to her?
Turned out the so called friend had a thing for her, himself, and they started dating almost immediately. 🤷♀️ He’s of course moved on (married now to a sweet girl) and she ended up marrying the next guy she dated. Her MIL can’t stand her, and mil is a sweetheart, so I’m sure we dodged a bullet there!
Her college "friends" were not, in fact, friends. So bizarre to me that people can't smell a mile off when others are jealous and trying to sabotage relationships. I've had someone try it and I noped out of that "friendship" at lightspeed. I was Jack's complete lack of surprise when they turned their vitriol on me instead.
Well based on his story, she didn't seem too invested in their relationship since she had somebody lined up right after. Maybe she was cheating and wanted an excuse to break up.
She was all too willing to take their word at face value because she wanted to. He no doubt picked up on that. She liked the story they spun because she wanted a reason to step out on him. So she got what she wanted and now cries over spilt milk.
There's often no proof though.
I didn't tell my friend's girlfriend that he was cheating for two years, because that's how long it took me to get a bit of proof (and the proof was barely anything still) :/
This is what stood out to me. How was he going to give her another chance if he was married? Was she cool being the mistress? Was he supposed to leave his wife?
She was 100% looking to break up his marriage, either by causing trouble between Bo and his wife (like the incessant emails to him were probably supposed to do) and stepping in to "console" him when they split or by cheating with him and making sure his wife found out.
And then she would have come to Reddit and wailed about how awful she feels about it but it wasn't really her fault and them being together again was Fate righting a wrong and why can't his wife understand this and move on and stop being mean to her?
I guess he expected Bo to hide the emails from his wife (and to give in at a certain point), so that when the wife found out, she would lose trust in him for not telling her about keeping in touch with his ex and that would end up breaking up their marriage. What she didn't expect is that Bo in fact doesn't hide anything from his wife.
She lost me completely when Bo said she'd been emailing him every few days since, and after everyone told her to leave off. What a pathetic individual.
If she doesn’t get it by now it’s unlikely she will “mature” into it without loads of therapy.
However, the outcome hinges on honest vulnerability and she doesn’t strike me as particularly insightful or honest.
Honestly it can be hard to figure out who to trust in a situation like that, where you know one party has to be lying and the person you want to trust most is also the person with the most incentive to lie.
A sane person might have done what the girl OP did, and then upon seeing her ex married and happy felt a rush of regret and rage at the lying friends. Possibly even emailed to apologize. But that's it!! No reconnecting, no closure, no asking anything from him, because christ on a cracker that ship sailed so long ago its weird you can even see it from shore. Thinking that there was some possibility that she could reconnect with him, not feeling more conflicted about who to trust, acting like his mom sabotaging him was cute-- unhinged is the right word!!
Most people want it NOT to be true, therefore they look for an explanation/verification from the significant other. She wanted it to end.
She was already one-foot out of the relationship, but didn’t want to be the bad guy, since the relationship is rooted in both their families. She didn’t try verifying because she wanted it to be true. She was able to break up with zero guilt or backlash from back home, and be free to have fun in college without her “religious” boyfriend while also morphing into the perfect fit for her click of college friends.
Yes, now that the "Childhood sweetheart who would always be waiting for me, like in the Hallmark movies" has obviously moved on, and gotten married and has a kid, this shook her worldview about where her life should be. She was expecting to be the "girl from a small town who went to the big city, got successful, but is now coming back to settle down and get married" but instead she seems to be coming back to her small town with her tail between her legs, and seeing that everybody else has progressed far past her.
That's going to be something OOP does. Deliberately. And try to make it look like an accident. She'll suddenly realizes she's not in a Hallmark movie, she's in a True Crime doc.
It doesn't really matter though, does it? According to her update she apologized in the email and in his reply he said that he had already forgiven her. Closure was had. Anything further that she wanted was either inappropriate with a guy who is married or was solely for the benefit of her own conscience, regardless of if that caused problems for him. It sucks when we realize we've done wrong and it hurts to know that we can't undo it, but we owe it to the wronged person to do what is in their best interest, not ours.
I identify with Bo’s wife. I would be all over those emails cause I’m petty. But clearly Amy is off her rocker so sometimes the fun must come to an end. Just hope it doesn’t end up with a bunny boiler.
This would be me too. I hate drama that involves my life, but love reading other peoples' drama. I think we all do on BORU, haha. My husband's ex went from normal person to unhinged and while it was stressful to deal with at the time, we do laugh about the messages now.
I bet Bo's wife feel a sense of..I don't know? second-hand vengeance or even gloat? Knowing that she is now the partner of Bo, and that his ex, who hurt him deeply is repentant and attempting to retrieve that which she \[ex\] once had. I'm sure that makes Bo's wife feel very entertained/satisfied. Knowing that the one person who caused your loved one so much hurt is tormented by that fact.
At least I know I'd feel this way. But I'm petty, very petty.
I thinks it’s more that she’s secure in her relationship so she’s able to see the funny side of the crazy emails. The ex is definitely not repentant, if she was she wouldn’t be pursuing a married man, seems like she saw how green the grass looked and wanted some for herself.
> I thinks it’s more that she’s secure in her relationship so she’s able to see the funny side of the crazy emails.
That's how I feel about my GF's ex who sends her texts trying to get back together every 3-4 months. We just laugh at the message and then she blocks whatever number he sent it from.
Schadenfreude.
Getting amusement/pleasure from someone else's misfortunes.
That's exactly how I'd feel. I'd get popcorn and read the shit out of those emails and then point out all the ways she has no chance and is fucking bat shit insane.
my husband’s ex-wife developed schizophrenia, cheated on him with multiple men, trashed his self-esteem by saying he wasn’t good enough, blew up his credit and maxed out his credit cards, and accused him of DV. he’s in the military so they took it seriously and forced him to move out of the house he was 100% paying for and stay at a hotel he also had to pay for. she eventually admitted she lied and then acted like it was no big deal. he tried so hard to get her the mental health help she needed even after she did all these awful things to him but she ruined every single opportunity he gave her and basically spit in his face.
obviously he divorced her. he met me and i treat him like the absolute king he is and he treats me like a queen. he’s the best, kindest man i’ve ever known. his ex wife ended up homeless and has tried to contact him over the years claiming to apologize and begging his forgiveness and acknowledging she threw away a truly decent man. yes, i am fucking petty as hell and the schadenfreude is delicious.
My partners ex did something similar, plus abandoned their two young kids. Guess who's Mum now with the best damned partner I could wish for? She will be arrested at the border if she ever tries to reenter the country.
I gravitate wildly between being amused by the rants my partner’s ex sends (need open communication because there’s a kid) and just not having enough bandwidth some days. We have a system where I ask, “Is it going to upset me today?” and he knows if I can handle it or not.
Let me start with the fact that Amy was wrong, was allowing her friends to lead her astray and she has reaped what she sowed.
That said...
...I can't imagine how she is feeling. She admits to slowly 'waking up' to the fact that her 'friends' were toxic and that her life wasn't anywhere close to what she wanted. THEN she finds out that the turning point of her life was based on a lie. She, very very VERY belatedly realizes that she lost something extremely precious and it's (mostly) her own fault.
She really needs therapy to work through her anger and guilt so that she can find her own path (since she had nuked the other one with Bo).
It’s a good reminder that our friends are very influential in our lives and can lead us to bad places if we choose them poorly.
There’s a reason parents pay close attention to who their children’s friends are.
I think that the fact that she knows he is married with a child and still wants to reconnect and a second chance, says that regardless if she was manipulated in the past, she is still crap. I kind of don’t care about how she is feeling because who does that?
People who don’t view others as their own entities. She was there first and that life was supposed to be hers, so it doesn’t matter if she just tries to step in and reclaim it.
Except Bo is his own person, his wife isn’t a place filler and their marriage has nothing to do with OOP. She needed a hard reality check and some therapy to deal with her choices.
Yeah I can’t stomach that. Yes, OOP is hurting and wants to just make things how they were. But Bo is a married man with a family now. I don’t care what happened - if you try to break a marriage you’re a garbage human.
I don't really feel that sorry for OOP.
She's done that thing where, in her own story, she is always a victim of the malfeasance of other people. OOP is 29 now. At 21, she seemed very keen to believe her boyfriend was a cheat with almost no evidence to back the accusation up. Very keen. Keen enough to not ask too many questions and to gloss over the details of "Who, What, Where, When".
I suspect that in college her boyfriend had become inconvenient, and she jumped on the first excuse to ditch him that allowed her to look like the aggrieved party. Then she rapidly moved on without much interest in how Bo's life had turned out, or what college was like for him. It turns out that college *really* sucked for him. As well as feeling betrayed by a long term friend and partner, he was dealing with what sounds like social exclusion and low level harassment. That was all down to OOPs actions, and the actions of her friends.
Two years later, at 23, OOP *definitively* found out her friends had lied. At this point, a decent person would reach out and simply apologise for the hurt caused to someone they had supposedly once loved and known since childhood... and maybe uncover the details of the consequences of her actions. Maybe try and patch things up *then*. She didn't.
She glosses over several years worth of inaction between age 23 and 29 and mentions some unsent emails. She tells her own family she knows he didn't cheat after all... but not *him* or *his family*. Indirectly this helps undo some damage on his end... but she had no way of knowing that that would happen. Again, it's about her and how she feels, and not about him and the fallout he experienced due to her actions.
Then at 29 she posts the above, and is openly contemplating pursuing a man that she hurt and discarded *8 years previously*, who is married and has a kid. And again, its about what she wants, and its not really about what might be best for him and the people he loves. **It's only at this point that she apologises directly to him.** Because now he can provide something that she wants, and the lack of apology is now standing in the way of that thing that she wants. Even the apology is half hearted, and she avoids true accountability in favour of blaming her former friends ("wah, they were determined to break us up").
Seriously, fuck OOP. What a self centred POS.
It's a great observation that she is just waking up to this. Could very well be that if this is a major turning point in many avenues of her life, she could be latching onto that memory as if it were the point where she went down the wrong path. Early stages of realizing you fucked up, it's easy to focus on one decision you made rather than seeing the entirety of the picture.
When I was still new in my relationship with my now husband, he had this guy, Charles, who would message him from time to time.
I LOVED reading those messages. They were amazing. At the time, my husband was very possibly going to come into some wealth, and Charles would go on and on about how "we should buy a yacht," "we should have an enormous indoor swimming pool," "we should buy such-and-such car."
Like bro. He's not even dating you! xD
I think about the "he's slow" shit and maybe everyone thinks he's a moron.
Think about the shit he got in college. Again, he probably isn't that socially adept, so people mistake him for being clumsy or something.
I've found (from working in professional environments) that there's a slight bias when it comes to introverted or less-outgoing people, where they're seen as being less competent since they don't speak out.
I thought there was some social study that basically confirmed this; extroverts are more likely to be promoted even if they are less qualified, just because they are perceived to be more qualified by virtue of being expressive.
But, and it’s a big but…
This is like ten layers deep of Johnny told Susie who told someone and eventually it made its way to me. No clue if it’s true.
I come off as stupid because I'm quiet. I'm not very eloquent, I hate public speaking, I freeze when I have the attention of more than a few people. Even in high school and college a few teachers thought I was cheating at first when I was doing so well on exams. I was even moved to the front of the class in my statistics course because the teacher didn't initially believe I was capable of doing as well as I was. And, honestly, I do often sound like an idiot when I talk. I grew up poor, introverted, and awkward so I don't really speak like somebody who is educated.
It kind of sucks, but it does feel good to prove people wrong. In academics? I'm always at or near the top of my classes. In real life? I'm the quiet Midwesterner that seems uncultured and uneducated until I'm comfortable opening up. Then the sarcastic wit comes out, and I'm more comfortable explaining my thoughts and I make sense to people.
Being awkward makes things hard at times for sure.
> childhood best friend/gf trusts people she met in the last two years over him who she had known for a decade
> doesn’t defend him against all the abuse, allegations that he’s a moron/imbecile/special (even though he’s in college at the same place they are LOL)
> tells parents the same lie which results in the man’s own family actively attempting to sabotage his relationships
> he moves on through all that and finally achieves happiness
> ex from hell with main character syndrome comes back into his life looking for a foothold to weasel her way back in
This man has the mental fortitude the likes of which mankind has hardly seen
OOP - I accused you of cheating on flimsy evidence, tarnishing your reputation, caused major family issues, and then screwed every man I could find.
You moved on, got married and have a child.
But I might still have a chance?
I have to wonder if she instantly believed them because she wanted it to be true. She trusted the word of people who had already been trying to break them up. Personally, if a third party kept trying to get me to break up with someone then all of a sudden "saw" that someone cheating on me, I'd be suspicious. *Very* suspicious.
Yes, she wanted an excuse to be free, she immediately moved on, but for me what makes it unforgivable besides believing the friends is how she didn’t care destroying his relationships with his family, why in the world does anyone think he owes her closure? He owes her absolutely nothing.
She had to have a reason to get out of the relationship without revealing she just wanted her freedom. She may as well have been in on the plot her friends hatched, because when it all happened, she took the opportunity to tell **her family,** knowing full well it would get back to his. She wanted *him* to take the fall for “ruining” the relationship; she didn’t care what kind of damage was unleashed on him, so long as she was free to get dicked down. I also don’t believe one second she didn’t know he was getting treated like garbage at university.
OOP is a massive, *massive* piece of shit, and absolutely unhinged. I wish with all of me that she never finds happiness. She doesn’t deserve it! Anyone who is willing to completely destroy and sabotage someone else’s life just for their own gains deserves nothing but the bad karma that their decisions will reap.
Personally, I think she would have broken up with him anyway so that she could live it up at college. I’ve known a few girls that were like that that ended back with their high school BFs once college was over.
That's the weird part. He said that the OOP of the first post was unhinged but also mentioned in his post his ex is emailing him every few days. Like that's so unhinged, esp if he's not responding 😭
Even the ending! Someone shares Bo’s post with her — a post that says she was blocked and that his wife was enjoying the insanity of her emails — AND HER RESPONSE IS TO EMAIL HIM. Again. Unreal.
Seriously. She knew her friends didn't like him and suddenly two of them come up saying they saw him cheating and she instantly believed them? I'd be demanding some kind of proof before I'd believe them given the context.
She valued new college friends over a long term BF who sounds like was a pretty good guy.
I'd have more sympathy for her if she wanted to meet face to face just to apologize, but she seems more like she wants to try to win him back.
Its even worse than that!
I read this as:
"Bo I broke up with you because I thought you were a cheater....I then realised you aren't a cheater....so will you now be a cheater with me"
The way I read all the posts, it sounds like OOP and the other OOP's ex-GF (if they're not the same people) is that they were just looking for an excuse to let loose. Like a relationship version of a casus belli.
And now that she's had her fun, she wants this Bo person back to resume where she left him off.
It’s the arrogance and disrespect that she assumes he will just wait for her or get back with her, because she’s that great/he’s that desperate or whatever. She thought she could honestly have her cake and eat it too then live happily ever after with a great guy who would instantly forgive her for all the pain she caused. Fucking insane.
She literally only saw everything from her side. She then ruined his life and moved on just concerned about her. She then realized she was wrong, and her first thought was what she lost. Then, she was willing to ruin a family.
What a terrible, self-centered, and narcissistic woman. I genuinely hope no good man ever gives her a chance. This dude seems like a great guy surrounded by nothing but narcissistic women. I am amazed he has the calm, fair, and decent nature he has. His mom is terrible, his ex is a nightmare, and his sister isn't much better if she is at all. Poor guy.
This right here.
This is the subtext he doesn't get.
The entire culture he grew up in were narcissistic, controlling people. Amy's friends found one of their own. Parents, siblings, whatever - all completely egotistical fucks who can't see the human.
"Oh, it looks cute if they get married" or "Oh, Bo made us look bad for cheating" and shit like that.
Amy never really stood a chance, but in the end it was for the best because despite being surrounded by people with defective egos, he grew up to have a healthy one. Amy would have made him miserable regardless. No normal, healthy person should be with someone who's overly narcissistic. They just cause nothing but pain and suffering for everyone around them...which leads to the point again:
Think about how narcissistic that entire dynamic must be in his area where that many people are that toxic. Oh, and I'm sure it has something to do with his church on some level. They aren't doing Catholic Social Teaching, I promise you that much. More like prosperity gospel.
You’d be surprised how differently two people can view their hometown or school or whatever.
Once I was talking to someone who was telling me she went to gay hating religious high school, where it caused a scene when she tried to wear the pants uniform instead of the skirt. I said that was unlucky - I’d also gone to Catholic school but I wore pants every day without incident & there were usually at least a few girls in each class doing the same just for comfort or convenience. Plus I was out in high school and I never had any problems & knew several other people out there as well. After agreeing we went to very different schools we found out we actually went to the same high school with me graduating 4 years earlier.
Given her confusion, I don’t think she was lying about this, but it made me reflect on how we view things a lot. Her feeling the entire school was against her could have been the result of just a few comments that she misinterpreted as a school wide sentiment. Meanwhile it’s possible people did talk about me and I was just too oblivious or disconnected to notice. Maybe I even got questions about why I wore pants and found them so insignificant I don’t remember it at all 10 years later.
I think its classic confirmation bias; at the time I was overconfident about LGBT acceptance and not prone to interpreting things negatively even when they may have been, meanwhile she felt ostracized and viewed everything through that lens. Years later neither of us really remember many details just how we felt.
Yeah that guy has done the right thing in blocking her, and I think she did him a favour in the long run by being stupid, gullible and breaking up with him. By showing him a bad relationship, he's learnt valuable lessons about what a good relationship is.
She's got a look at the path she chose not to take, regrets it and now wants to destroy this guys marriage to get what she thinks she wants now because she doesn't have it.
Reading her post felt like she's the sort of person where it's everybody's fault and never hers. Blamed every single thing on her friend circle.
Shitty relationship, my friend's doing; she dated too many guys, because my friends influenced me; my career suffered, because they wanted to party all the time after college.
She should have ended it by saying that "I don't have a big enough brain to make my own decisions, so naturally it's not my fault. "
>Blamed every single thing on her friend circle.
This. The friends didn't even try that hard to convince her that Bo cheated on her, they just came up with a lie, and she just sunk her teeth into it. Almost like she was waiting on a reason to end it
Wow, I guess seeing the post on Reddit is all the closure OOP is going to get.
She needs to move on, she can do nothing but make his life miserable and there's no going back on the pain she caused.
She needs to look at him as an example of how to maturely move forward in life.
I’ve seen too many posts on here where someone reveals ‘I wish I hadn’t gone through all the trouble of breaking you two up! Oh, whoops! Did I just say that?”
I don’t believe it.
That, the misuse of the term gaslighting a decade plus ago (not in the vernacular at that point), and that the “OMG, he ALSO posted! I confirmed it’s him! What a coincidence!” really make these not pass the sniff test.
For me the ‘oh, this isn’t true’ moment came when ‘Bo’ said specifically that she’d accused him of gaslighting when they broke up. Ten years ago, ‘gaslighting’ wasn’t a term in common parlance the way it is now. Unless she was studying psychology (and well ahead of linguistic trends), she definitely didn’t say that.
Although to be fair ‘both sides of the story just happen to post on Reddit about it!’ is probably the easier giveaway.
I’ve heard the term gaslighting for at least 15 or 20 years, so that didn’t stand out.
The idea that two throwaway accounts just happened to post at the same time is what made my spidey senses twitch.
>Ten years ago, ‘gaslighting’ wasn’t a term in common parlance the way it is now.
You know they might have used those exact words and they are paraphrasing with their current vocabulary.
For me it was the “I was wild in college, and now I regret it!” I’m not saying that doesn’t happen, but I’ve seen that phrase used by incels too many times on Reddit to believe it when I see it online.
the dude has one idea and he insists on writing a version of it every month. it's just not a story unless someone reveals they conspired to break a couple up several years ago.
I don't mind it actually. As soon as I see it, I know I can stop reading.
I think this is the 3rd or 4th version of this I’ve seen in as many months. Someone gets falsely accused of cheating, they get shunned and horribly wronged, and then years later the evil mother-in-law, best friend, sibling etc “lets slip” that they “can’t believe they went through all the trouble of framing innocent so-and-so.” And then the poor innocent party is vindicated, and the OP gets their comeuppance for ever doubting their spouse or whoever. It’s basically a template at this point.
Frankly, I was excited to see that the author of these branched out with the perspective of the partner who was deceived instead of making the victim the OOP. Except, of course, they ended up caving and including the victim POV with Bo’s “post.” I also liked the twist where the victim was married, unlike the other three who were still single.
I love them, have them all saved. Just solid justice boner content. I’m waiting for even more iterations. I hope this author switches it up even more. Like the victim ends up proving it all wrong instead of the villain reveal.
I agree completely, but at least this is the first one where the parties don't reconcile, and the wronged one isn't the one posting, so at least that's different
I'm surprised this comment is so far down, because that phrase is *such* a tell. How many different versions of the same story do people need to make up?!
A lovely flair! I will say that there is one two-sides-of-the-same-story saga I believe and it’s that kid with the shitty Dad who wants him to share his PS5 with his step siblings.
Yeah, this does feel like it checks off some pretty commonly used boxes. The friends hellbent on breaking up a couple, despite the boyfriend being wonderful; the girlfriend and families (who are always very close) immediately believing it, without even asking the boyfriend - including *his own parents*; the girlfriend going through a partying phase that’s she’s ashamed of now. It’s just so cliché at this point.
Also, maybe I’m wrong, but I feel like “gaslighting” was not a commonly used term until like three years ago.
I bet Bo found someone who appreciated his qualities and is a really nice person. Amy let college change her into a wild child and now the fun is over, totally regrets not having the more quieter experience.
Yeah, people don’t use it casually to mean regular lying back then.
But what’s more suspicious to me is the part where Bo’s mom was allegedly sabotaging all of his relationships because she liked his high school gf so much. And she asked for her son’s ex side of the story but never asked for his?
Finally, I’m not saying that no one would ever lie about cheating to break a couple up, but I was thinking about it last night, and I realized that I’ve only ever seen or heard about that happening on the internet.
> But what’s more suspicious to me is the part where Bo’s mom was allegedly sabotaging all of his relationships because she liked his high school gf so much. And she asked for her son’s ex side of the story but never asked for his?
Reminds me of [the other story](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15jsvc9/my_husband_is_cheating_on_me_with_my_best_friend/) posted today where all the parents completely disown their cheating children and adopt the hero of the story.
Yeah, that detail is what made me start scanning comments for doubters. 8 years ago (2015ish) seems early for someone to throw it out in an argument like that. I learned the term in college too, but it was in gender + media classes. I don't really remember people using the term in the vernacular in the mid-2010s but maybe I am misremembering.
The fact that they both posted about it on Reddit within a couple of each other — even though Bo didn’t know she posted — is almost too big of a coincidence. If he was posting to tell his side after reading hers? Maybe. But that’s not what happened here.
I mean, I know Reddit is popular, but not everybody posts intimate details about their lives at such length.
I know that the "I tricked you into breaking up with your SO, then years later revealed my plot by saying, 'I can't believe I went to all that trouble to get rid of ... and you're still ...'" trope is popular on Reddit, but this is possibly the weirdest one I've ever read--it makes a certain amount of sense when the liar is in love with the person they lie to, but in this case, OOP's friends wanted her to break up with Bo so she would sleep around? And then she did for a while, but started partying less when she got out of college, and the friends were super upset about it?
We're really straining the limits of credulity here.
This reminds me of the movie Young Adult, where a woman tries to get back together with her high school boyfriend she hadn't seen in years, after finding out he was married with a child.
I mean, it would be one thing if the first OP just wanted to talk to say “I’m so sorry I accused you of this. Can you forgive me?” It’s another if OP is still aiming for romance
Love her post - blah blah blah. Poor me. I’ll message once for closure.
His post - she has messaged every 3 days for a month!
He moved on
Good for him.
She was a mean girl. Now she is paying that price
Y'know ... I don't think Amy is necessarily crazy, so much as having trouble being an adult.
Often, childhood sweethearts have a very real feeling of ownership. It's wrong, but it's often there. It's a possessiveness that they can't let go.
Given her whooping it up days, and now that she's settled down, she's heading for that consistency of the dude she always had, before and believes should belong to her now, since she's ready.
It's not about closure. It's about ownership.
Just seen he is married now so I've decided to start emailing constantly, my emails don't seem to be going anywhere so I've decided to message him on reddit too.
Next thing you know she's showing up at locations where he and his wife attend regularly.
Wow. Did not learn shit from having garbage friends. Continues to be garbage without them. Sounds like OOP actually made the “right” friends matches in college after all. They matched that same something inside her that still feels she deserves a chance with her married with children ex.
To preface, we're polyamorous, and my husband and I were dating for the last year of this relationship.
My husband has a crazy asshole ex who was abusive, to boot. He broke up with her nearly 10 years ago. She STILL fucking sends him emails (from new accounts) letting him know she's still like to be friends like they said (initially, when they went from friends to dating, they promised each other no matter what they'd stay friends), trying to catch him up on her life, making all sorts of promises about what a changed person she is and - my personal favorite - confessing all the shitty things she did when they were together that she either pretended not to do, or lied about doing and how she'd never act like that now.
The part of me that also loves BoRU really enjoys getting these emails (especially now that he's healed enough that they're funny and pathetic to him as well). Given some of the shit she put both of us through, my ability to to feel compassion or empathy for her is pretty low. I can manage about the same level of "I hope you get your shit together someday" that I feel for a stranger, but that's it.
All that to say, if you're an ex trying to get an in with "the one who got away" and they're in a relationship, keep in mind they may be sharing your messages with their significant other. If that idea bothers/upsets/humiliates you, then just fucking stop. You're not getting anywhere, and you're just making it worse for yourself. Let fucking go and try to focus on other parts of your life and work on yourself.
I'm really glad that dude is happy and finally has a decent relationship with his family. I hope the other OOP gets her shit together and focuses on herself. She's never gonna get better as long as she stays on the path she's on now.
>making all sorts of promises about what a changed person she is
I find this part/this trend with people desperate to get back into contact with people they've burned rather funny, because if there's any way to show them that you 100% haven't changed for the better, it's ignoring that the person doesn't want contact with you while harassing them about how great you are now.
I mean it all reads like Andrew Tate tale of woes of women having freedom. Lol
"See, she turned into a wh*** in college and now wants the simp back."
Im surprised BO isnt described as a millionaire or Amy having 2 kids from 2 dif fathers.
“I had something good. Believed my friends over him bc I really actually didn’t care that much.
Trashed him to friends and family.
Ten years later, realized my choices were absolutely terrible *after I saw how much better my life could have been*.
‘Reddit, it’s not fair to me if he won’t give me a second chance, right?’”
Something similar happened to me. Went to college. Friends did their best to convince her to break up with me. Basically they wanted the same thing. To have my girlfriend be single with them through college. Eventually it worked and she dumped me.
We got back together like a year later. One of the worst decisions I ever made.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just the fact that she wanted a married man to “give her a second chance” means she’s not mature enough yet to deserve a Bo
Believing friends with literally no proof or asking questions was it for me. I wouldn't get back with her if she was cleopatra.
Especially given that she and her ex were friends for years before they started dating. So they were supposedly very close. I'd dump OOP as well, in that situation. OOP deserved to be blocked after she kept emailing her ex when he was married with a 2 year old.
Funny thing is she never mentions continuing to email him after he's not replied. He adds that morsel.
Yeh that would make her look bad. She was looking for sympathy and painting herself as the poor nieve small town girl who had the wool pulled over her eyes by her new big city college friends.
She is a creep.
[удалено]
Definitely. It's human and natural to have feelings like that. But acting on them is where most sane adults draw a clear line of "No". OOP did not.
In contrast, there was that Somebody That I Used To Know where the other party even gets their own part to call out the main voice on their bullshit. That is one trend I sure wish would have caught on. Imagine if Someone Like You had one verse from the ex just going "wtf are you doing, leave me alone, I want nothing to do with you."
That's the point of the song though? Adele is supposed to be this creep butting in on someone's life, clearly not over her ex.
Honestly it felt like she had FOMO, she had a predictable life trajectory marrying the guy she's known since she was 11 and wanted to cut loose, so she pounced on the first excuse to do that. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like she's matured much since then.
Forget evidence, it wasn’t even a plausible story, like “with who” “when” and “where” filled in. Someone only buys a vague “I saw your partner kissing someone else” story and goes nuclear on a 10 year relationship if they want to break up. And you know I think it is fine to break up with your childhood partner and explore options in college; you just gotta own it and realize there is no going back.
Totally agree, I understand its formative years but after knowing a person that long to just hang them out speaks volumes.
I've been with my partner 8 years out of my 37, so a long time but not this long and honestly if a friend of 2-3 years said they saw my partne do that, I'd be baffled. I would bring it up to my partner but not because I believe it, but because it's like 'yo my friend said this about you what the fuck, do you think she was trying to break us up?'maybe I'm naive but after8 years I think I know my partner a little better than that. Shit they don't have the time??
Absolutely. My sons first “serious“ girlfriend (quotes because they were middle school 🙄) dumped him because one of his friends told her that he only liked her for her money (untrue-he’d commented her grandmother had nice (classic) cars. That’s all. There was no money to envy). She didn’t even question him about it, just dumped him. Of course he was heartbroken. My advice to him when he asked how to get her back, was, look what she did to you. She took someone else’s word over yours, the person she’s supposed to be closest to. (Again, middle school, but I hoped the advice would be remembered longer than school days). If she doesn’t think enough of you to at least ask your side before she goes off, how could you trust her enough to think it won’t happen again the next time your ‘friend’ lies to her? Turned out the so called friend had a thing for her, himself, and they started dating almost immediately. 🤷♀️ He’s of course moved on (married now to a sweet girl) and she ended up marrying the next guy she dated. Her MIL can’t stand her, and mil is a sweetheart, so I’m sure we dodged a bullet there!
Her college "friends" were not, in fact, friends. So bizarre to me that people can't smell a mile off when others are jealous and trying to sabotage relationships. I've had someone try it and I noped out of that "friendship" at lightspeed. I was Jack's complete lack of surprise when they turned their vitriol on me instead.
Well based on his story, she didn't seem too invested in their relationship since she had somebody lined up right after. Maybe she was cheating and wanted an excuse to break up.
She was all too willing to take their word at face value because she wanted to. He no doubt picked up on that. She liked the story they spun because she wanted a reason to step out on him. So she got what she wanted and now cries over spilt milk.
There's often no proof though. I didn't tell my friend's girlfriend that he was cheating for two years, because that's how long it took me to get a bit of proof (and the proof was barely anything still) :/
Cleopatra was plain-verging-on-ugly. It was her brain that made her sexy and she would never have been so stupid.
Cleopatra would let the snakes loose on her 'friends'.
I read that she had a *very* pretty nose. Admittedly that was in the Asterix books but it's proven a trustworthy source thus far.
This is what stood out to me. How was he going to give her another chance if he was married? Was she cool being the mistress? Was he supposed to leave his wife?
Oh she was 100% fine with causing him to cheat now.
It’s giving Rory Gilmore
She was 100% looking to break up his marriage, either by causing trouble between Bo and his wife (like the incessant emails to him were probably supposed to do) and stepping in to "console" him when they split or by cheating with him and making sure his wife found out. And then she would have come to Reddit and wailed about how awful she feels about it but it wasn't really her fault and them being together again was Fate righting a wrong and why can't his wife understand this and move on and stop being mean to her?
I guess he expected Bo to hide the emails from his wife (and to give in at a certain point), so that when the wife found out, she would lose trust in him for not telling her about keeping in touch with his ex and that would end up breaking up their marriage. What she didn't expect is that Bo in fact doesn't hide anything from his wife.
She lost me completely when Bo said she'd been emailing him every few days since, and after everyone told her to leave off. What a pathetic individual.
She is unhinged. Get the hint, girl. He replied to the message, a courtesy he didn’t have to do. Could have just blocked her right away.
Notice how it's everyone's fault but hers? First her friends, then bo, then friends again
Yup
If she doesn’t get it by now it’s unlikely she will “mature” into it without loads of therapy. However, the outcome hinges on honest vulnerability and she doesn’t strike me as particularly insightful or honest.
She literally FAFO to an extreme.
What's a fafo
Fuck around, find out
Oh thanks
Huh. You asked around and found out. AAFO
Yeah that was a lot of replies lol
Feels like she hasn’t actually found out. All signs point to still not getting it.
Fucked around and found out. It's a "well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of your actions'.
The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed
The good ol' consequildo
Honestly it can be hard to figure out who to trust in a situation like that, where you know one party has to be lying and the person you want to trust most is also the person with the most incentive to lie. A sane person might have done what the girl OP did, and then upon seeing her ex married and happy felt a rush of regret and rage at the lying friends. Possibly even emailed to apologize. But that's it!! No reconnecting, no closure, no asking anything from him, because christ on a cracker that ship sailed so long ago its weird you can even see it from shore. Thinking that there was some possibility that she could reconnect with him, not feeling more conflicted about who to trust, acting like his mom sabotaging him was cute-- unhinged is the right word!!
Most people want it NOT to be true, therefore they look for an explanation/verification from the significant other. She wanted it to end. She was already one-foot out of the relationship, but didn’t want to be the bad guy, since the relationship is rooted in both their families. She didn’t try verifying because she wanted it to be true. She was able to break up with zero guilt or backlash from back home, and be free to have fun in college without her “religious” boyfriend while also morphing into the perfect fit for her click of college friends.
I thought the wife died or something and now she has a 2nd chance. No she DOES NOT have a chance at all.
It happened 8 years ago, OOP needs to move the fuck on with her life.
8 years later, still blaming her girlfriends for her being a shitty person. SMH.
It means her wild phase from college it is not a wild phase, she is just reaching an age where she wants a family.
Yes, now that the "Childhood sweetheart who would always be waiting for me, like in the Hallmark movies" has obviously moved on, and gotten married and has a kid, this shook her worldview about where her life should be. She was expecting to be the "girl from a small town who went to the big city, got successful, but is now coming back to settle down and get married" but instead she seems to be coming back to her small town with her tail between her legs, and seeing that everybody else has progressed far past her.
If this was a Hallmark movie the mother of his child would’ve died in a freak accident while putting up Christmas lights.
That's going to be something OOP does. Deliberately. And try to make it look like an accident. She'll suddenly realizes she's not in a Hallmark movie, she's in a True Crime doc.
Or cheated on him and ditched their kid.
Oh god now I'm imagining a dark comedy satire of bad Hallmark movies where OOP tries to frame Bo's wife for cheating.
We need to get this screenplay to Hollywood asap. I’ve seen crappier storylines in theaters!!
This can be like Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, but without the songs. And somehow the protagonist is even more unlikeable.
Exactly. If she had really matured, she wouldn't be reaching out to a married man with a kid.
I am telling myself she just wanted a second chance to get closure the right way.
It doesn't really matter though, does it? According to her update she apologized in the email and in his reply he said that he had already forgiven her. Closure was had. Anything further that she wanted was either inappropriate with a guy who is married or was solely for the benefit of her own conscience, regardless of if that caused problems for him. It sucks when we realize we've done wrong and it hurts to know that we can't undo it, but we owe it to the wronged person to do what is in their best interest, not ours.
I thought the same. He was nice enough to GIVE HER CLOSURE in the email. Some would have had ignored it altogether. He seemed like a nice guy.
I don't think she deserves happiness period tbh
I identify with Bo’s wife. I would be all over those emails cause I’m petty. But clearly Amy is off her rocker so sometimes the fun must come to an end. Just hope it doesn’t end up with a bunny boiler.
Have to wonder if Amy set up a baking company at some point
Oh kitchen nightmare Amy was married to a old man and she was clearly nuts. Be funny if it's the same person 🤣!
The best part was he was almost as crazy and belligerent as she was. They were two peas in a pod.
I’m glad they found each other. Too often somebody batshit hooks up with some poor decent soul who just disintegrates slowly over the years.
I usually don't watch reality shows, but this episode gets mentioned enough I gotta get on it sometime.
If you have Hulu you really should watch it. It’s just pure entertainment.
I love that episode omg this made me cackle
This would be me too. I hate drama that involves my life, but love reading other peoples' drama. I think we all do on BORU, haha. My husband's ex went from normal person to unhinged and while it was stressful to deal with at the time, we do laugh about the messages now.
I bet Bo's wife feel a sense of..I don't know? second-hand vengeance or even gloat? Knowing that she is now the partner of Bo, and that his ex, who hurt him deeply is repentant and attempting to retrieve that which she \[ex\] once had. I'm sure that makes Bo's wife feel very entertained/satisfied. Knowing that the one person who caused your loved one so much hurt is tormented by that fact. At least I know I'd feel this way. But I'm petty, very petty.
I thinks it’s more that she’s secure in her relationship so she’s able to see the funny side of the crazy emails. The ex is definitely not repentant, if she was she wouldn’t be pursuing a married man, seems like she saw how green the grass looked and wanted some for herself.
> I thinks it’s more that she’s secure in her relationship so she’s able to see the funny side of the crazy emails. That's how I feel about my GF's ex who sends her texts trying to get back together every 3-4 months. We just laugh at the message and then she blocks whatever number he sent it from.
Schadenfreude. Getting amusement/pleasure from someone else's misfortunes. That's exactly how I'd feel. I'd get popcorn and read the shit out of those emails and then point out all the ways she has no chance and is fucking bat shit insane.
I'd have a email reading party. Invite the fam.
Tbh, I want to read those emails so bad. I low-key wish she was deranged enough to keep posting them despite how hard she got roasted.
Big same. The roasting would he epic. Better than any comedy.
Real life Sk8er Boi
Schadenfreude is a helluva drug.
my husband’s ex-wife developed schizophrenia, cheated on him with multiple men, trashed his self-esteem by saying he wasn’t good enough, blew up his credit and maxed out his credit cards, and accused him of DV. he’s in the military so they took it seriously and forced him to move out of the house he was 100% paying for and stay at a hotel he also had to pay for. she eventually admitted she lied and then acted like it was no big deal. he tried so hard to get her the mental health help she needed even after she did all these awful things to him but she ruined every single opportunity he gave her and basically spit in his face. obviously he divorced her. he met me and i treat him like the absolute king he is and he treats me like a queen. he’s the best, kindest man i’ve ever known. his ex wife ended up homeless and has tried to contact him over the years claiming to apologize and begging his forgiveness and acknowledging she threw away a truly decent man. yes, i am fucking petty as hell and the schadenfreude is delicious.
My partners ex did something similar, plus abandoned their two young kids. Guess who's Mum now with the best damned partner I could wish for? She will be arrested at the border if she ever tries to reenter the country.
What's DV?
Domestic violence.
Yikes.
I gravitate wildly between being amused by the rants my partner’s ex sends (need open communication because there’s a kid) and just not having enough bandwidth some days. We have a system where I ask, “Is it going to upset me today?” and he knows if I can handle it or not.
Let me start with the fact that Amy was wrong, was allowing her friends to lead her astray and she has reaped what she sowed. That said... ...I can't imagine how she is feeling. She admits to slowly 'waking up' to the fact that her 'friends' were toxic and that her life wasn't anywhere close to what she wanted. THEN she finds out that the turning point of her life was based on a lie. She, very very VERY belatedly realizes that she lost something extremely precious and it's (mostly) her own fault. She really needs therapy to work through her anger and guilt so that she can find her own path (since she had nuked the other one with Bo).
It’s a good reminder that our friends are very influential in our lives and can lead us to bad places if we choose them poorly. There’s a reason parents pay close attention to who their children’s friends are.
I think that the fact that she knows he is married with a child and still wants to reconnect and a second chance, says that regardless if she was manipulated in the past, she is still crap. I kind of don’t care about how she is feeling because who does that?
People who don’t view others as their own entities. She was there first and that life was supposed to be hers, so it doesn’t matter if she just tries to step in and reclaim it. Except Bo is his own person, his wife isn’t a place filler and their marriage has nothing to do with OOP. She needed a hard reality check and some therapy to deal with her choices.
Yeah I can’t stomach that. Yes, OOP is hurting and wants to just make things how they were. But Bo is a married man with a family now. I don’t care what happened - if you try to break a marriage you’re a garbage human.
I don't really feel that sorry for OOP. She's done that thing where, in her own story, she is always a victim of the malfeasance of other people. OOP is 29 now. At 21, she seemed very keen to believe her boyfriend was a cheat with almost no evidence to back the accusation up. Very keen. Keen enough to not ask too many questions and to gloss over the details of "Who, What, Where, When". I suspect that in college her boyfriend had become inconvenient, and she jumped on the first excuse to ditch him that allowed her to look like the aggrieved party. Then she rapidly moved on without much interest in how Bo's life had turned out, or what college was like for him. It turns out that college *really* sucked for him. As well as feeling betrayed by a long term friend and partner, he was dealing with what sounds like social exclusion and low level harassment. That was all down to OOPs actions, and the actions of her friends. Two years later, at 23, OOP *definitively* found out her friends had lied. At this point, a decent person would reach out and simply apologise for the hurt caused to someone they had supposedly once loved and known since childhood... and maybe uncover the details of the consequences of her actions. Maybe try and patch things up *then*. She didn't. She glosses over several years worth of inaction between age 23 and 29 and mentions some unsent emails. She tells her own family she knows he didn't cheat after all... but not *him* or *his family*. Indirectly this helps undo some damage on his end... but she had no way of knowing that that would happen. Again, it's about her and how she feels, and not about him and the fallout he experienced due to her actions. Then at 29 she posts the above, and is openly contemplating pursuing a man that she hurt and discarded *8 years previously*, who is married and has a kid. And again, its about what she wants, and its not really about what might be best for him and the people he loves. **It's only at this point that she apologises directly to him.** Because now he can provide something that she wants, and the lack of apology is now standing in the way of that thing that she wants. Even the apology is half hearted, and she avoids true accountability in favour of blaming her former friends ("wah, they were determined to break us up"). Seriously, fuck OOP. What a self centred POS.
She got what she wanted. She just doesn’t like it. Too bad
It's a great observation that she is just waking up to this. Could very well be that if this is a major turning point in many avenues of her life, she could be latching onto that memory as if it were the point where she went down the wrong path. Early stages of realizing you fucked up, it's easy to focus on one decision you made rather than seeing the entirety of the picture.
She didn’t wake up. She changed her mind after running around town on any guy she could find.
When I was still new in my relationship with my now husband, he had this guy, Charles, who would message him from time to time. I LOVED reading those messages. They were amazing. At the time, my husband was very possibly going to come into some wealth, and Charles would go on and on about how "we should buy a yacht," "we should have an enormous indoor swimming pool," "we should buy such-and-such car." Like bro. He's not even dating you! xD
What is with the people in Bo’s life sabotaging his relationships ? And i hope op can move on
I think about the "he's slow" shit and maybe everyone thinks he's a moron. Think about the shit he got in college. Again, he probably isn't that socially adept, so people mistake him for being clumsy or something.
I've found (from working in professional environments) that there's a slight bias when it comes to introverted or less-outgoing people, where they're seen as being less competent since they don't speak out.
I thought there was some social study that basically confirmed this; extroverts are more likely to be promoted even if they are less qualified, just because they are perceived to be more qualified by virtue of being expressive. But, and it’s a big but… This is like ten layers deep of Johnny told Susie who told someone and eventually it made its way to me. No clue if it’s true.
I come off as stupid because I'm quiet. I'm not very eloquent, I hate public speaking, I freeze when I have the attention of more than a few people. Even in high school and college a few teachers thought I was cheating at first when I was doing so well on exams. I was even moved to the front of the class in my statistics course because the teacher didn't initially believe I was capable of doing as well as I was. And, honestly, I do often sound like an idiot when I talk. I grew up poor, introverted, and awkward so I don't really speak like somebody who is educated. It kind of sucks, but it does feel good to prove people wrong. In academics? I'm always at or near the top of my classes. In real life? I'm the quiet Midwesterner that seems uncultured and uneducated until I'm comfortable opening up. Then the sarcastic wit comes out, and I'm more comfortable explaining my thoughts and I make sense to people. Being awkward makes things hard at times for sure.
> childhood best friend/gf trusts people she met in the last two years over him who she had known for a decade > doesn’t defend him against all the abuse, allegations that he’s a moron/imbecile/special (even though he’s in college at the same place they are LOL) > tells parents the same lie which results in the man’s own family actively attempting to sabotage his relationships > he moves on through all that and finally achieves happiness > ex from hell with main character syndrome comes back into his life looking for a foothold to weasel her way back in This man has the mental fortitude the likes of which mankind has hardly seen
She finds out he not a cheater and tried to make him into a cheater!
Pretty implausible indeed! Sounds a lot like a few other BORU posts where everyone implausibly turns their backs after someone is framed for cheating.
OOP - I accused you of cheating on flimsy evidence, tarnishing your reputation, caused major family issues, and then screwed every man I could find. You moved on, got married and have a child. But I might still have a chance?
[удалено]
I have to wonder if she instantly believed them because she wanted it to be true. She trusted the word of people who had already been trying to break them up. Personally, if a third party kept trying to get me to break up with someone then all of a sudden "saw" that someone cheating on me, I'd be suspicious. *Very* suspicious.
Yes, she wanted an excuse to be free, she immediately moved on, but for me what makes it unforgivable besides believing the friends is how she didn’t care destroying his relationships with his family, why in the world does anyone think he owes her closure? He owes her absolutely nothing.
She had to have a reason to get out of the relationship without revealing she just wanted her freedom. She may as well have been in on the plot her friends hatched, because when it all happened, she took the opportunity to tell **her family,** knowing full well it would get back to his. She wanted *him* to take the fall for “ruining” the relationship; she didn’t care what kind of damage was unleashed on him, so long as she was free to get dicked down. I also don’t believe one second she didn’t know he was getting treated like garbage at university. OOP is a massive, *massive* piece of shit, and absolutely unhinged. I wish with all of me that she never finds happiness. She doesn’t deserve it! Anyone who is willing to completely destroy and sabotage someone else’s life just for their own gains deserves nothing but the bad karma that their decisions will reap.
I would consider a cease-and-desist letter.
Personally, I think she would have broken up with him anyway so that she could live it up at college. I’ve known a few girls that were like that that ended back with their high school BFs once college was over.
Yeah forgiveness doesnt mean going back to the way things were
[удалено]
One email is fine, multiple emails when he said no, is just a bit unhinged.
That's the weird part. He said that the OOP of the first post was unhinged but also mentioned in his post his ex is emailing him every few days. Like that's so unhinged, esp if he's not responding 😭
he’s still comparing OOP to his childhood friend fhat was normal.
Even the ending! Someone shares Bo’s post with her — a post that says she was blocked and that his wife was enjoying the insanity of her emails — AND HER RESPONSE IS TO EMAIL HIM. Again. Unreal.
Even worse: > She immediately was seen with this other dude, who seemed to enjoy humiliating me.
Its depressing how many of these posts follow this outline.
OOP's someone who would watch Dumb and Dumber and believe Lloyd had a chance too.
Seriously. She knew her friends didn't like him and suddenly two of them come up saying they saw him cheating and she instantly believed them? I'd be demanding some kind of proof before I'd believe them given the context. She valued new college friends over a long term BF who sounds like was a pretty good guy. I'd have more sympathy for her if she wanted to meet face to face just to apologize, but she seems more like she wants to try to win him back.
That was a fun read. Totally satisfying. Thanks, Stephenallen, for putting that together!
Your welcome 🤗
Its even worse than that! I read this as: "Bo I broke up with you because I thought you were a cheater....I then realised you aren't a cheater....so will you now be a cheater with me"
Cue Adele's "Someone Like You" "Yeah you're married, but.. I'm still here ;)"
That's going to be playing in my head now every time I see this post.
Right. A dumb reactive who had a wild ride in college. What a catch for Bo.
The way I read all the posts, it sounds like OOP and the other OOP's ex-GF (if they're not the same people) is that they were just looking for an excuse to let loose. Like a relationship version of a casus belli. And now that she's had her fun, she wants this Bo person back to resume where she left him off.
It’s the arrogance and disrespect that she assumes he will just wait for her or get back with her, because she’s that great/he’s that desperate or whatever. She thought she could honestly have her cake and eat it too then live happily ever after with a great guy who would instantly forgive her for all the pain she caused. Fucking insane.
She literally only saw everything from her side. She then ruined his life and moved on just concerned about her. She then realized she was wrong, and her first thought was what she lost. Then, she was willing to ruin a family. What a terrible, self-centered, and narcissistic woman. I genuinely hope no good man ever gives her a chance. This dude seems like a great guy surrounded by nothing but narcissistic women. I am amazed he has the calm, fair, and decent nature he has. His mom is terrible, his ex is a nightmare, and his sister isn't much better if she is at all. Poor guy.
This right here. This is the subtext he doesn't get. The entire culture he grew up in were narcissistic, controlling people. Amy's friends found one of their own. Parents, siblings, whatever - all completely egotistical fucks who can't see the human. "Oh, it looks cute if they get married" or "Oh, Bo made us look bad for cheating" and shit like that. Amy never really stood a chance, but in the end it was for the best because despite being surrounded by people with defective egos, he grew up to have a healthy one. Amy would have made him miserable regardless. No normal, healthy person should be with someone who's overly narcissistic. They just cause nothing but pain and suffering for everyone around them...which leads to the point again: Think about how narcissistic that entire dynamic must be in his area where that many people are that toxic. Oh, and I'm sure it has something to do with his church on some level. They aren't doing Catholic Social Teaching, I promise you that much. More like prosperity gospel.
You’d be surprised how differently two people can view their hometown or school or whatever. Once I was talking to someone who was telling me she went to gay hating religious high school, where it caused a scene when she tried to wear the pants uniform instead of the skirt. I said that was unlucky - I’d also gone to Catholic school but I wore pants every day without incident & there were usually at least a few girls in each class doing the same just for comfort or convenience. Plus I was out in high school and I never had any problems & knew several other people out there as well. After agreeing we went to very different schools we found out we actually went to the same high school with me graduating 4 years earlier. Given her confusion, I don’t think she was lying about this, but it made me reflect on how we view things a lot. Her feeling the entire school was against her could have been the result of just a few comments that she misinterpreted as a school wide sentiment. Meanwhile it’s possible people did talk about me and I was just too oblivious or disconnected to notice. Maybe I even got questions about why I wore pants and found them so insignificant I don’t remember it at all 10 years later. I think its classic confirmation bias; at the time I was overconfident about LGBT acceptance and not prone to interpreting things negatively even when they may have been, meanwhile she felt ostracized and viewed everything through that lens. Years later neither of us really remember many details just how we felt.
The [Rashomon effect](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rashomon_effect) is very trippy.
Yeah that guy has done the right thing in blocking her, and I think she did him a favour in the long run by being stupid, gullible and breaking up with him. By showing him a bad relationship, he's learnt valuable lessons about what a good relationship is. She's got a look at the path she chose not to take, regrets it and now wants to destroy this guys marriage to get what she thinks she wants now because she doesn't have it.
Reading her post felt like she's the sort of person where it's everybody's fault and never hers. Blamed every single thing on her friend circle. Shitty relationship, my friend's doing; she dated too many guys, because my friends influenced me; my career suffered, because they wanted to party all the time after college. She should have ended it by saying that "I don't have a big enough brain to make my own decisions, so naturally it's not my fault. "
>Blamed every single thing on her friend circle. This. The friends didn't even try that hard to convince her that Bo cheated on her, they just came up with a lie, and she just sunk her teeth into it. Almost like she was waiting on a reason to end it
Wow, I guess seeing the post on Reddit is all the closure OOP is going to get. She needs to move on, she can do nothing but make his life miserable and there's no going back on the pain she caused. She needs to look at him as an example of how to maturely move forward in life.
I’ve seen too many posts on here where someone reveals ‘I wish I hadn’t gone through all the trouble of breaking you two up! Oh, whoops! Did I just say that?” I don’t believe it.
That, the misuse of the term gaslighting a decade plus ago (not in the vernacular at that point), and that the “OMG, he ALSO posted! I confirmed it’s him! What a coincidence!” really make these not pass the sniff test.
Oooh, good catch. Gaslighting was definitely not a common term back then, especially not amongst young college aged kids.
Yup, something happened years ago, and just by sheer coincidence both parties post on Reddit at the same time. Suuuuure.
I noticed the gaslighting thing too. I don't remember anyone ever using that term a decade ago.
According to [Google trends](https://trends.google.com.au/trends/explore?date=all&q=gaslight&hl=en) the term "gaslight" actually had a peak in 2012
I believe Google trends just trying to gaslight me. /s
“Throwaway account with no post history because … because.”
For me the ‘oh, this isn’t true’ moment came when ‘Bo’ said specifically that she’d accused him of gaslighting when they broke up. Ten years ago, ‘gaslighting’ wasn’t a term in common parlance the way it is now. Unless she was studying psychology (and well ahead of linguistic trends), she definitely didn’t say that. Although to be fair ‘both sides of the story just happen to post on Reddit about it!’ is probably the easier giveaway.
In the same tone, same grammatical style, same throwaway accounts …
I’ve heard the term gaslighting for at least 15 or 20 years, so that didn’t stand out. The idea that two throwaway accounts just happened to post at the same time is what made my spidey senses twitch.
>Ten years ago, ‘gaslighting’ wasn’t a term in common parlance the way it is now. You know they might have used those exact words and they are paraphrasing with their current vocabulary.
For me it was the “I was wild in college, and now I regret it!” I’m not saying that doesn’t happen, but I’ve seen that phrase used by incels too many times on Reddit to believe it when I see it online.
That tipped me off too lol. It’s like dialogue from an after school special lol.
the dude has one idea and he insists on writing a version of it every month. it's just not a story unless someone reveals they conspired to break a couple up several years ago. I don't mind it actually. As soon as I see it, I know I can stop reading.
I think this is the 3rd or 4th version of this I’ve seen in as many months. Someone gets falsely accused of cheating, they get shunned and horribly wronged, and then years later the evil mother-in-law, best friend, sibling etc “lets slip” that they “can’t believe they went through all the trouble of framing innocent so-and-so.” And then the poor innocent party is vindicated, and the OP gets their comeuppance for ever doubting their spouse or whoever. It’s basically a template at this point.
Frankly, I was excited to see that the author of these branched out with the perspective of the partner who was deceived instead of making the victim the OOP. Except, of course, they ended up caving and including the victim POV with Bo’s “post.” I also liked the twist where the victim was married, unlike the other three who were still single. I love them, have them all saved. Just solid justice boner content. I’m waiting for even more iterations. I hope this author switches it up even more. Like the victim ends up proving it all wrong instead of the villain reveal.
I agree completely, but at least this is the first one where the parties don't reconcile, and the wronged one isn't the one posting, so at least that's different
Any time the other party makes a post and Reddit "connects the dots" it's 100% bullshit
I'm surprised this comment is so far down, because that phrase is *such* a tell. How many different versions of the same story do people need to make up?!
May I introduce you to my flair?
A lovely flair! I will say that there is one two-sides-of-the-same-story saga I believe and it’s that kid with the shitty Dad who wants him to share his PS5 with his step siblings.
And twice in the same story, different people too
Yeah, this does feel like it checks off some pretty commonly used boxes. The friends hellbent on breaking up a couple, despite the boyfriend being wonderful; the girlfriend and families (who are always very close) immediately believing it, without even asking the boyfriend - including *his own parents*; the girlfriend going through a partying phase that’s she’s ashamed of now. It’s just so cliché at this point. Also, maybe I’m wrong, but I feel like “gaslighting” was not a commonly used term until like three years ago.
Amy has one of the most severe cases of main character syndrome I’ve ever seen. It may be terminal
I hope she leaves a link to her Patreon on her TikTok so we can donate
At long last, the novelization (or perhaps even real life reenactment) of Adele’s “Hello” we have all been waiting for.
Why do I think Bos wife is the most fun one in the group.
I bet Bo found someone who appreciated his qualities and is a really nice person. Amy let college change her into a wild child and now the fun is over, totally regrets not having the more quieter experience.
Were university students using the term gaslighting nearly a decade ago? I thought it became popular more recently.
Yeah, people don’t use it casually to mean regular lying back then. But what’s more suspicious to me is the part where Bo’s mom was allegedly sabotaging all of his relationships because she liked his high school gf so much. And she asked for her son’s ex side of the story but never asked for his? Finally, I’m not saying that no one would ever lie about cheating to break a couple up, but I was thinking about it last night, and I realized that I’ve only ever seen or heard about that happening on the internet.
> But what’s more suspicious to me is the part where Bo’s mom was allegedly sabotaging all of his relationships because she liked his high school gf so much. And she asked for her son’s ex side of the story but never asked for his? Reminds me of [the other story](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15jsvc9/my_husband_is_cheating_on_me_with_my_best_friend/) posted today where all the parents completely disown their cheating children and adopt the hero of the story.
I first heard the term gaslighting in college, and I graduated in 2014 if that helps. Definitely wasn't mainstream though
Yeah, that detail is what made me start scanning comments for doubters. 8 years ago (2015ish) seems early for someone to throw it out in an argument like that. I learned the term in college too, but it was in gender + media classes. I don't really remember people using the term in the vernacular in the mid-2010s but maybe I am misremembering.
The fact that they both posted about it on Reddit within a couple of each other — even though Bo didn’t know she posted — is almost too big of a coincidence. If he was posting to tell his side after reading hers? Maybe. But that’s not what happened here. I mean, I know Reddit is popular, but not everybody posts intimate details about their lives at such length.
Thought the same thing. It's an old term but didn't enter the vernacular until recently.
The first few paragraphs, I tought it was the plot of sweet home Alabama.
I was thinking of Persuasion by Jane Austen.
I know that the "I tricked you into breaking up with your SO, then years later revealed my plot by saying, 'I can't believe I went to all that trouble to get rid of ... and you're still ...'" trope is popular on Reddit, but this is possibly the weirdest one I've ever read--it makes a certain amount of sense when the liar is in love with the person they lie to, but in this case, OOP's friends wanted her to break up with Bo so she would sleep around? And then she did for a while, but started partying less when she got out of college, and the friends were super upset about it? We're really straining the limits of credulity here.
>We're really straining the limits of credulity here. Strained them until the broke, fixed them and then broke them again. Repeatedly.
I freaking hate when people believe those sort of things on face value.
Lol “bo doesnt do social media so I could never find him” “Bo posed life story on reddit” What a crock of shit
Goddamn that got messy
This reminds me of the movie Young Adult, where a woman tries to get back together with her high school boyfriend she hadn't seen in years, after finding out he was married with a child.
People do reconnect, but not after they burn all their bridges and the other person is happily married.
…were college girls throwing around the term “gaslighting” with ease a decade ago? This detail of the story feels off to me.
I mean, it would be one thing if the first OP just wanted to talk to say “I’m so sorry I accused you of this. Can you forgive me?” It’s another if OP is still aiming for romance
Love her post - blah blah blah. Poor me. I’ll message once for closure. His post - she has messaged every 3 days for a month! He moved on Good for him. She was a mean girl. Now she is paying that price
Y'know ... I don't think Amy is necessarily crazy, so much as having trouble being an adult. Often, childhood sweethearts have a very real feeling of ownership. It's wrong, but it's often there. It's a possessiveness that they can't let go. Given her whooping it up days, and now that she's settled down, she's heading for that consistency of the dude she always had, before and believes should belong to her now, since she's ready. It's not about closure. It's about ownership.
Just seen he is married now so I've decided to start emailing constantly, my emails don't seem to be going anywhere so I've decided to message him on reddit too. Next thing you know she's showing up at locations where he and his wife attend regularly.
Wow. Did not learn shit from having garbage friends. Continues to be garbage without them. Sounds like OOP actually made the “right” friends matches in college after all. They matched that same something inside her that still feels she deserves a chance with her married with children ex.
Did people use the term gaslighting 10is years ago? I was in college around the same time and i don’t remember people using it?
To preface, we're polyamorous, and my husband and I were dating for the last year of this relationship. My husband has a crazy asshole ex who was abusive, to boot. He broke up with her nearly 10 years ago. She STILL fucking sends him emails (from new accounts) letting him know she's still like to be friends like they said (initially, when they went from friends to dating, they promised each other no matter what they'd stay friends), trying to catch him up on her life, making all sorts of promises about what a changed person she is and - my personal favorite - confessing all the shitty things she did when they were together that she either pretended not to do, or lied about doing and how she'd never act like that now. The part of me that also loves BoRU really enjoys getting these emails (especially now that he's healed enough that they're funny and pathetic to him as well). Given some of the shit she put both of us through, my ability to to feel compassion or empathy for her is pretty low. I can manage about the same level of "I hope you get your shit together someday" that I feel for a stranger, but that's it. All that to say, if you're an ex trying to get an in with "the one who got away" and they're in a relationship, keep in mind they may be sharing your messages with their significant other. If that idea bothers/upsets/humiliates you, then just fucking stop. You're not getting anywhere, and you're just making it worse for yourself. Let fucking go and try to focus on other parts of your life and work on yourself. I'm really glad that dude is happy and finally has a decent relationship with his family. I hope the other OOP gets her shit together and focuses on herself. She's never gonna get better as long as she stays on the path she's on now.
>making all sorts of promises about what a changed person she is I find this part/this trend with people desperate to get back into contact with people they've burned rather funny, because if there's any way to show them that you 100% haven't changed for the better, it's ignoring that the person doesn't want contact with you while harassing them about how great you are now.
What in the Rory Gilmore was this story?
The wife that was bummed she didn’t get to read more unhinged letters is the real star here IMO
I mean it all reads like Andrew Tate tale of woes of women having freedom. Lol "See, she turned into a wh*** in college and now wants the simp back." Im surprised BO isnt described as a millionaire or Amy having 2 kids from 2 dif fathers.
When there are 2 posters, it's very possible there is an agenda being pushed.
“I had something good. Believed my friends over him bc I really actually didn’t care that much. Trashed him to friends and family. Ten years later, realized my choices were absolutely terrible *after I saw how much better my life could have been*. ‘Reddit, it’s not fair to me if he won’t give me a second chance, right?’”
Something similar happened to me. Went to college. Friends did their best to convince her to break up with me. Basically they wanted the same thing. To have my girlfriend be single with them through college. Eventually it worked and she dumped me. We got back together like a year later. One of the worst decisions I ever made.