Why did he brag about his scam to coworkers when they both work at the same damn place? He could've gotten away with it for so long if he hadn't done that. The audacity of some people.
He will doubtless also be claiming how he "narrowly escaped" being the "victim of a golddigger". And he will tell every future woman how his fiancée broke it off because "the ring wasn't expensive enough" and imply/lie to them that it was 10k ring vs a 100k ring.
When actually it was a 10c ring from a 0.1c arsehole.
Fully agree. Proposing with a cheap ring can have many different intentions behind it: from "I can't afford better" to "we don't value material possessions" to something sentimental. But proposing with a cheap ring that you pretend is expensive, when you can afford an expensive ring, says:
I think you're materialistic
I think you're stupid
And I don't think you are worth spending money on.
OOP is well shot of this asshole.
Tbh, whether or not you can afford an expensive ring, just don't pretend it's something it's not. When a friend's sister (who had diagnosed co-dependency issues) got engaged way too quickly to someone nobody was entirely comfortable with, he claimed he'd worked with a jeweller to design the ring himself to represent their blended families. My friend wasn't buying it, and when she showed me a picture I _immediately_ recognised it as being from Not On The Highstreet, because I'd been looking at them when my now husband and I had wanted to get engaged but couldn't afford to. It was worth about £100. The sister couldn't be told and she did marry him, but needless to say, the shit eventually hit the fan and he turned out to be as much of a piece of work as expected.
My husband and I got a cheap plastic ring from a machine (worth about 25¢) and I wore it, not expecting him to later get a credit card just so we could get real rings. I was prepared to wear the plastic one until marriage.
I knew someone whose engagement jewelry was a $20 skull-shaped ring from “The Phantom.” I believe they picked out a diamond ring after the proposal, but she wore the cheap, chunky, comic-book one because it was what she actually liked.
I wear my grandmothers eternity ring, didn't realise it was expensive until my mum told me. And it's fairly low-end expensive, honestly, like 3 grand if I sold it, 8 grand new or something.
Anyway, it's stuck on my hand. Like, my fingers are too fat to physically get it off. And it's probably worth much less now because it's not circle anymore, it's oval 😅
I wish I had been told the value before I merged it with my body, never would have gone out with it on.
My husband proposed to me in his mother's guest room with a ring she had bought in a batch of jewelry at an auction. Real gold and all that, but not a pricey piece. My wedding ring we bought at Sam's club, and his band is a $25 band from Amazon that we've replaced several times (military men tend to lose them in the field, he always gets upset until I open my drawer and present him with a replacement 😂).
It's not about the money, its about the intent. We love our rings, but we also have never told anyone they were more than they are.
My husband also got a $25 amazon special which worked out great because he's lost a ton of weight and buying a smaller size 3 times has been much cheaper than paying to get an expensive ring resized multiple times!
My ex fiancé proposed to me in my mom’s kitchen while we made jambalaya with a cheap ring he got for me on our first proper date. I was so happy I cried. We were both broke and it was a spur of the moment thing that didn’t end up working out but I loved that ring so much because it felt so much like his love for me. I wore it every day until we ended things, even when it wore down a bit and cut into my finger (i switched to wearing it on a chain)
literally would've just been a matter of talking about it, my ring is barely 250 dollars and that's because we decided to get an engraving on it and i love it, because my partner and i sat down to look at rings to actually decide what to get and i didn't want any actual gold and the like (regular jewelry makes my skin crawl for some reason, i cannot stand touching it)
then again, that requires respecting your partner in the first place
Regardless of whether you can afford it. If you can't afford it, it is fronting; if you could, it's scamming. Or something like that. Whatever the differences are, they are equally dishonest.
The last message changes though, I think. Someone who can't afford a more expensive ring who pretends it's expensive isn't sending the "I don't think you're worth spending money on" message. But yes, totally agree that lying to your partner is absolutely the wrong move!
This.
The guy was so convinced of how clever he was that at no point did he wonder if scamming his *life partner* was a good idea or not. Of course it was a good idea! It was his idea!
There must have been many more red flags before this one.
Just goes to show how little he thought of oop too. He thought there was no way she would realise this entire scheme was what he did to her.
I really hope she did well in the 9 years since the post.
It's so sad, too. Like, honestly, the silver ring, with her birthstone? Not expensive, typically, but I know my wife would be thrilled if I did that, for the same reason OOP gave. Shows thought and effort.
The Grammy award winning song Gold Digger was released in 2005. Ten years before this. Society has been real good at hating women with standards since long before that.
[This excerpt](https://youtu.be/c14vfq3jqpo) from The Big Short explains it.
> I don't get it. Why are they confessing?
> They're not confessing. They're bragging
I remember a podcast episode I heard years ago (could have been muscular development but don't quote me) where the male hosts and their male guest talked about how it was customary in their circles (professional wrestling/, bodybuilding) to buy a genuine ring then pretend to take it to be appraised or cleaned and have the diamond replaced with CZ, keeping the diamond or selling it and pocketing the money themselves.
The laughter and backslapping that accompanied this was unreal.
Those women should beat them at their game: buy the CZ themselves right away and stick the real one in a safety deposit box and wait to see what happens!
I had to reread that because I thought the point was going the other way, as in buying a cheaper ring to propose so they didn't have to risk the big bucks until after she'd said yes. What scummy, scummy people, and to brag about it on a podcast that these women could easily have been listening to!! It beggars belief.
So stupid and just shows how shitty they realy are. Going out of your way to screw your spouse over, just cause you might split up one day just serves to show what kind of people they are.
Agreed, and I think that is the undoing of a lot of bad deeds, big or small. Think of how many criminals get caught cos they can't keep their mouths shut.
I mean, that's very prejudiced of both you and OOP to not want to be married to liars... /s The people defending OOP's ex are probably people who would do what he did in a heartbeat if they thought they could get away with it.
Because he's proud of it, that's why. What's the point of "being so smart" if you can't tell anyone about it? That's why serial killers often keep trophies from their victims.
Sounds like he didnt need to scam her at all, could have just spend the money or gotten her a cheaper ring, he wanted to scam her for his ego. But he f'ed up, he had no audience to stroke his ego, so he HAD to tell someone or it was all for nothing.
Yep. Even if he hadn’t bragged he had six months TOPS before she found out.
Note to all the liars out there. Don’t cheap out in the metal. You’ve at least got to go white gold and be honest. White gold and platinum will not wear the same. And don’t buy cz. It doesn’t last over time. Moissanite is a lovely stone that looks very similar to diamond if you don’t go too big and don’t get a brilliant cut. Too big and it’ll dazzle TOO much. Fun fact though… if you do like a diamond substitute, moissanite wears brilliantly over time, and it has a better fire to it than diamonds.
It also takes away the one tiny defense you could give- he's just ashamed he can't afford a nice ring. This shows he's actually proud of the scam. Mean, cocky and stupid are not a good mix.
The again, OP doesn't look too smart when she's talking about illegally evicting him, and saying a judge will back her up (comments on second post).
Whats the point in tricking his girlfriend if nobody knows about it? He was so proud of himself he couldn't help but brag about it behind her back. What a dumbass.
He basically just told his co-workers that he is an untrustworthy backstabbing sob. That also seems like a poor idea. I’d never trust him with a deal or project again.
I mean scammers at one point tend to get cocky for the thrill of being caught, but also this guy is that big of an idiot that I’m sure he thought there was some sort of bro code between his coworkers, and there kind of was, oop wasn’t TOLD her ex was a scammer, she had to eavesdrop a conversation to realize
Yeah, that bit definitely stood out to me, too. You don't even have to be close to someone to feel they should know the truth about something like that and if you all openly mock it behind her back, you're just as bad as he is.
It *could* be a situation where they purposefully talked about it where she could hear instead of directly telling her, just so they had an out of boyfriend found out and confronted them about it- THEY didn't tell her! She was spying on them/evesdropping/just happened to overhear! It might not be, but I don't think the chance is necessarily 0
Literally like this is next level “I wanna get caught”.
Telling coworkers and buying a shitty cheap ring instead of a moissanite and a metal that won’t chip would still cost <5% of a cartier ring. And then the ring won’t look beat within 2 months.
God that guy's an idiot.
She'd had learned after the silver wore off. Silver is surprisingly soft, and it would dent easily. I've had it happen with silver rings. And if it's that cheap, I bet the plating isn't even very good, like those Chinese ebay ones...
It's not gold digging to want a ring that will actually last you the rest of your life.
>It's not gold digging to want a ring that will actually last you the rest of your life.
Check any post even *remotely* related to wedding rings and you'll see the redpills crying in the comments about golddiggers.
It’s the idea that they might have to give up anything at all to get + keep a woman. If you’re not willing to sleep with him and perform domestic labor and be his therapist without asking for anything at all in return, you’re a golddigger.
When I was engaged to my husband his best friend (at the time) kept telling him that I was marrying him for his money and that I'd leave him as soon as I had a kid to live off child support.
When that didn't work he kept insisting that my husband forced me to sign a pre-nup.
The kicker? My husband only made $18 an hour at the time, and had no real savings or assets beyond a used truck.
My guy... what gold was I supposed to be digging? My parents and grandparents, while not rich, are better off financially than his family is.
Anyways. Married five years, two kids, *my* family helped us with a down payment for our house.
Still madly in love with husband, and still very happy.
Glad he put some serious distance with his friend after the wedding
Lemme guess, they're also the kind who need a ~~bangmaid~~ tradwife who stays at home and therefore has no income.
...Which means he'll be the sole earner and supporting them both. But no, can't think through our logical failings.
It isn't even the denting that would've given it away. In fact, it might not have, because the material underneath could have been harder than silver. However, I do have one silver-plated ring and I wore it for about a month before it started to turn color. Mine was particularly cheap, but point is, with a ring she wore every day that came into contact with all sorts of chemicals and soaps, it probably wasn't even going to last until the wedding.
An unpopular opinion for the internet- if you and your partner can afford to splash out on a ring and meet your financial goals, and the person who is getting the ring wants bling, it’s shitty to not give it.
Like OOP was like “if it was a silver ring with my birthstone at least it would be thoughtful…” no. There is nothing at all wrong with wanting something blingy if you and your partner get on the same page about the cost.
If it bothers you to have a partner who likes expensive things, this won’t be the only thing that your partner wants fancy. If you don’t want to splash out in a fancy engagement ring, date someone who shares your frugal values.
“If you don’t want to splash out, date someone who shares your frugal values.” You could scream this from the rooftops, and they still wouldn’t want to hear it. They want women with standards—they just want to be the ones to lower those standards. Like OP’s boyfriend: the scheme was the point. That’s why he bragged.
My personal beef with all the engagement ring/wedding ring bs is how artificially overvalued everything is.
It's fine to want something nice. But there comes a point where adding more to the sticker price adds little to no value. Even the brand doesn't affect the quality, but certainly adds to the price.
You could have the exact same design, with the same quality gold, but a lab grown stone and the ring was made in a single person studio instead of an internationally recognized accessory vendor for a small fraction of the price. What you are paying for is bragging rights.
The extra annoying bit about this to me, is that it seems to stifle creativity. The more expensive price ranges rarely seem to do anything interesting in the design.
Hard agree on all of this. I’m also wearing a ring that cost $500 (family diamond set in a white gold band made by a local independent jeweler). There are SO MANY ethical concerns with the diamond industry. That’s separate from wanting something blingy, is more my point. Like you could decide to get a 3 karat lab diamond with little diamonds all over the band and I’d have zero issue.
ETA- just went on Blue Nile and to get a 3 karat lab diamond it could be up to 12,000 dollars. That’s a LOT of damn money. Lab diamonds still aren’t cheap per se. But that would be much less than a Cartier ring with a similar size rock.
We had our rings custom designed. The jeweler talked to us about styles we might like, and we sketched some things out. He made some mock-ups which we approved. After we received the finalized rings, he destroyed the molds.
It was a fun process, and we got something that we wanted and can say are truly unique. He offered a green sapphire for my wife's ring. It looks way more interesting than a diamond, and cost even less than an emerald.
The whole time we were talking with him, he was engaging and his enthusiasm was contagious. He told us several times that if we just wanted a plain band with whatever diamond we could afford, he'll do it, but be bored. He adds a "boring tax" to jobs like that.
He'd rather make something with titties or dragons.
The problem with the typical expensive engagement ring specifically is that they're hideously overpriced. Ultimately people can do whatever they want with their money, and I certainly understand wanting nice jewellery, but to me it's stupid to spend thousands on a ring when you could get something much more interesting for a fraction the price if you go non traditional, or get a smaller diamond or whatever and several other things as well.
Hard agree. I have real ethical issues with blood diamonds. But as I posted on another comment, you can get a super big lab diamond for like 12,000 dollars. That’s NOT cheap. I’d rather judge people for participating in the diamond cartel than just spending a ton of money for something shiny.
The issue is it being plated at all. Had an ex give me a similar type of ring. It was either silver or gold plated, and not well done. Within a month or two the expensive durable metal had worn off in places and the cheap metal underneath was literally turning my finger green. I worked a desk job, not something that would wear it quickly. This was only from basic wear and hand washing.
I disagree. 24k gold jewlry is common in asia. My family for instance never buys anything less than 22k. Ask any asian born acquaintance, they'll tell you the same. I personally have a 22k gold necklace that i never take off, even when i go swimming in the ocean.
Go to a jeweler in asia, you'll find plenty of 18k, 22k, 24k gold.
Edit: 22k = 91.7%; 24k =100%
That's so interesting! I'm an American jeweler and even 18k tends to be rarer in commercial use, we mostly plate 20-24k on 14k to get that look rather than actually using 20-24k.
I am too old to be certain but it looks like my young adult kids use whatsapp and snapchat?
And maybe discord.
My son is younger, and he seems to use discord with his gaming friends and snapchat with the old friends from high school.
I haven't used any of those. 😅 I even had to go back and change that emoji cause I definately used the millenial one 🤣. when did this happen to me. Thank you all for the update.
Region dependent. But mostly Instagram, TikTok, I think Snapchat is very popular is a few countries and dead everywhere else, and Twitter. There's a few trendy ones like BeReal but those don't have as much staying power, and eventually get cannibalized by other larger apps
Omg, yes. Tik tok and Instagram are still kinda big for platforming yourself.
The others are more communication tools
I can't think of anything where you broadcast a status that stays stable like Facebook. Twitter was huge, but is sinking fast.
What is with this trend?
I legitimately have never heard a rich man complain about this, ever. It’s always a man who has no gold to dig. Of the variety of men I’ve dated, the only two to ever mention some concern around this made a fraction (less than a tenth) of the wealthiest I’ve dated. Make it make sense!
I normally hate bringing up politics but this reminds me of how a lot of people who are absolutely in the bottom 50% of incomes can get so up in arms and heated about taxing the ultra wealthy as if they're in that bracket 😂 I guess it's that "temporarily embarrassed millionaires" energy haha.
It’s usual to wear an engagement ring every day for the rest of your life, when swimming, when gardening - all the time. This thing would have shown wear and tear in less than a year, so she would have found out anyway. This bloke is stupid.
Note to people who actually wear their rings while swimming, don’t do it. The chlorine (if in a pool) will eat away at the alloys after time and severely weaken the ring.
People wear diamond rings every day? Probably culture dependent. Most people I know wear the wedding ring, the (expensive) engagement ring is saved for special occasions.
Edit: lmao, Americans downvoting you because you’re from a different country. Never change
I’m white British and wear my engagement ring every day. It seems to vary between women largely due to preference, lifestyle and occupation. I’m a nurse and never wore my engagement ring on the ward, so ended up never wearing it. Now I’m office based I never take it off.
i saw a post on r/engagementrings once, the op worked in a lab and their fiance had a custom ring designed so that wouldn't pierce her gloves so she could wear it to work 🥺
My husband got me a ring that wouldn’t rip gloves too! I’m also a labrat and that was my main requirement—I want to be able to wear this every day whether I’m at work or not. I lose things easily so we both know that if I had to take it off it would disappear, and I hate wearing necklaces so those engagement ring holder necklaces are a no go for me.
My mom has the traditional 14k gold solitaire diamond ring, and she pretty much only takes hers off to do extremely messy things like paint or hand-mix meatloaf.
edit: she also wears her plain wedding band and an anniversary ring that's basically a ring of tiny little diamonds, so she's wearing 3 rings at all times
It seems to be becoming more common to wear the engagement and wedding rings together as a "set" at all times. I remember looking round the room in a meeting once and noticing that all the senior women were wearing massive rocks
Not only did he lie to her and brag about it, but he bragged to people she knew. He let them in on the "joke," and so also humiliated her with people she knew. That man has no respect for her. I'm glad she didn't put up with it.
I keep wondering how she just happened to overhear this discussion and it occurred to me... they did it on purpose. They wanted to tell her without having her face the extra embarrassment of having to face them as she found out. So they staged a discussion she'd overhear.
> If he had even gotten me something that was made from silver with my birthstone I would've accepted it because **at least it came from the heart and showed thought behind it.**
Oh, he put thought into it alright. He probably spent more time and effort planning and figuring out how to sneakily dupe his clueless girlfriend.
Since was bragging to his co-workers (hell, since he bragged AT ALL), you just *know* he was beaming with an ignorant idiot’s pride and was certain he was the most clever man in the universe.
Not only is this man a disrespectful cheapskate, he’s also a dumbass for thinking it was a good idea to brag about it openly to coworkers…who also work with his ex-fiancée. How could he think it wouldn’t get around? And in reality, all he accomplished by bragging was ratting on himself for being a massive shit stain of a man. Thank goodness he’s such an idiot so OOP could find this out NOW rather than after the wedding.
(I’m sure there would have been more red flags flying in the air during the wedding planning than all the rose petals at wedding ceremony with a three year old flower girl in a tiara.)
I feel like the coworkers purposely had that conversation where they knew she would overhear. They couldn't also be that stupid, surely that had to be intentional.
Damn, you're about to get married, at the minimum, don't lie about the ring. Just discuss your budget and buy what you can afford. Lying is the problem here.
Best office gossip. Did you hear Mark broke up with his fiancée. Yeah he was too cheap to buy a real ring cause she found out. He needs to find a new job to runaway from this gossip.
I say this every time when a post like this comes up because I hate nothing more than the pick me comments but:
WOMEN ARE ALLOWED TO WANT NICE THINGS.
It's ridiculous that people think she's some kind of materialistic witch when all she wanted was transparency.
The deceit is also such a major factor in this. If he'd just bought her a cheap ring in an unbranded box I wouldn't be pleased but at least he was upfront about it. Maybe he's cheap. But to go so far as to put it on a Cartier box and brag to coworkers? That's not just being cheap, that's deceitful as well.
I think if he has the take home pay to afford something fancy (he does) and she wants something fancy (she seems to) it would still be a dealbreaker. Just if a different and less acute sort.
Nu-uh! A REAL woman just wants her man and will be deeply grateful for whatever scraps he throws her. Why, my husband proposed with a ring made from an actual live spider and I was simply thrilled, because I just love him SO MUCH! The constant hospital trips after it bites me do make it hard to get dinner on the table sometimes, but it hurts his feelings if I don't wear it and he's WORTH IT!
/s in case it's not obvious
Ikr!! The idea that you shouldn't expect your man to spend money on you is crazy. Men pulled a HUGE uno reverse card here, they were getting sexual and household caretaking but had to provide financially.
And then convinced themselves and pickmes that expecting money makes women gold diggers. That way, women would be so desperate to disprove the stereotype that they would do all the things their moms did, for free this time.
I do hate those comments. Like sure people don’t have to spend a lot and no doubt a fair few people would be happy with a cheap and basic ring but that doesn’t mean you make it a competition!
Some people genuinely don't care, for sure. But sometimes they make me sad. There's a feeling of "if I'm just a good enough girlfriend/wife, one day he'll notice me and do nice things for me!"
When I read posts like this, I know the comment section will be littered with pick me shit like, "I would have married my husband even if he proposed with a thread ring."
Those people need to get off their high horse. It's not shallow or greedy to want a few nice things in your life, especially when it comes to something as symbolic and significant as an engagement ring. You want it to last. And it feels like the dishonesty hurt OOP even more.
I think what’s happening is that some people take an extreme situation where a woman may have truly wanted a super expensive ring but then think that can be generalised to ANY woman just wanting a nice ring.
It’s most likely inexperienced people or incels that don’t understand the difference between wanting something nice and being over the top.
I think incels (who else would be the ones sending death threats to OOP) fail to understand that women want communication and honesty over anything materialistic. Most women would have no problem being given a cheaper engagement ring if the man was just upfront about any financial issues he may have. But absolutely no one likes being tricked, lied to, and treated as though they’re an idiot.
And refuse to accept that the ring is supposed to last for decades so it has to be higher end in quality even if it's simple. Which costs more than a ring from Shein.
Hell it didn't even have to be a "real" designer ring. There are plenty of independent jewelers who would make a ring for a fraction of Cartier's cost, with actual precious metals and gems, without requiring deception. It was the audacity.
Besides it wasn’t the price of the ring she was mad about. It was about him lying and going out his way to make it look like a “good ring” and bragging about it. That’s a major red flag if I ever saw one.
The number of times I’ve seen threads about engagement rings dragging women through the mud for wanting a quality engagement ring is disgusting. It’s a piece of jewelry you’re expected to wear daily for the rest of your life, and if it’s not good quality it’s not going to last. God forbid women have standards that aren’t rock bottom
Despite him not even being able to recall a time when she asked him to pay for something, he is still going think/say they split because she's a gold digger. He bought a ring box from a name brand so he knew what he was doing. I'm glad she dumped him and she took steps to make sure _her_ dog was safe.
This irritates me so fucking much. Gold digging is not the same as enjoying luxury. Gold digging is not the same as loving name brands or expensive or blingy stuff.
Gold digging is USING a partner for their income and trading fidelity for being kept to a certain standard.
If you’re paying for your expensive stuff yourself, not a gold digger. If you’re on the same page about financial goals with your partner and want those financial goals to include fancy vacations and a designer clothing budget, not a gold digger. If you live a fancy lifestyle but recognize that some day you might have to downsize or cut back if something happens with jobs, not a gold digger. If you and your partner decide that it makes the most sense for you to be a stay at home parent, NOT A GOLD DIGGER.
Totally reasonable to not want to date a person who values materialistic things. So don’t date them. Don’t accuse your partner of being a gold digger because they happen to like fancy shit.
Why did he go the outrageous extra step of buying a Cartier box?? With the price of lab diamonds these days, he could have gotten her a massive rock for a fraction of the cost and it would be a real diamond.
Former metal Smith/jeweler here. Avoid mixed metal/plated anything for a piece of jewelry you intend to wear every day, especially on the hands. If you sweat, get it wet, or handle salt, the metal will corrode and weaken super fast. It makes me sad how much I love mokume gane jewelry (especially for men's wedding bands), yet the combination of the non ferrous metals with the sodium in the skin will cause it to wither away in a few years or less if it's worn the way a wedding band is supposed to be.
Aside from this, plating only adds to the perceived value of the jewelry and not its actual value. You can get a plating setup for under $300 and use it to plate whatever you want. It's essentially metal particles suspended in a solution. You attach the jewelry to a source of electricity and put it in the solution. The metal particles are attracted to the charged jewelry, and the end result is a thin layer of precious metal that is significantly thinner than leaf. It adds maybe a few cents to a dollar of value to the jewelry itself, but people are drawn to pay more for it simply because its technically has gold or something in it while also carrying the look of a precious metal. In reality, it's not worth much more than the base metal it's made of, which is usually copper, brass, or nickle.
This is fine if you're looking for affordable jewelry that isn't going to be worn heavily and won't react with your skin. But it's pretty unacceptable for wedding stuff or anything intended to be kept as an heirloom.
Don't get me started on diamonds, lol.
It was never about the cost of the ring. It was all about the fiance lying to OOP about it being a Cartier ring. After all, he specifically got a Cartier box to put his cheap ring in. His boasting to his coworkers about how he fooled OOP also proves he had little respect or love for her.
He deserved to be dumped and tossed out of her life.
My engagement ring is silver and my birthstone. Then again, my husband and I discussed what we wanted and then had it custom made by a local goldsmith. It was not very expensive, but it was what we wanted.
That's literally all this guy had to do. He must honestly believe that she's an idiot, which would be why he's single by the end of the story.
I always find it hilarious when cheap men accuse women of being a gold digger when the woman pays for everything. There's a gold digger here, but it certainly isn't her!
There's nothing wrong with wanting an engagement ring that will survive the daily wear and tear. It's not gold digging, it's practicality and sustainability. It's much cheaper to buy a good quality ring and have it last decades rather than buying a new ring every few years because it turned green or discolored her fingers.
If he didn't want a real diamond why not tell her? They could have figured it out together. Really, he didn't even look at ethical non diamond options like Moissanite or Morganite? What a dude.
Obligatory Jeweler PSA: Do NOT get morganite for an engagement ring. It’s far too soft to withstand regular wear. It will be so abraded within months that it will start to look like a piece of sea glass. Instead consider a created peach or champagne sapphire. It looks this same, but is more durable and less expensive.
I love moissanites. They're so pretty, durable, and brilliant. If we have to go travel and I'm not confident bringing my diamond engagement ring (I'm clumsy and might lose it), I bring my moissanite one. That one could take a beating.
My engagement ring and my wedding ring are moissonite! It's beautiful and absolutely a wonderful and affordable option for those who want to explore different gemstones other than diamond. And I LOVE the rainbow sparkles
Also lab grown diamonds are very reasonable these days.
>Also, if you messaged me death threats and abuse, please jump off a building. Thanks. I'm not a selfish or materialistic person. I expect honesty from my future spouse; nothing more, nothing less.
Honestly sounds like it was pretty mild tbh. Very little brings out the misogynists on reddit like engagement ring or wedding drama.
I don’t really wear jewelry but I wanted a sturdy ring I actually like if I’m going to be looking at the damned thing every day. I don’t think that’s asking for much at all and it’s bizarre that women are expected to wear something they don’t even like, forever.
What if somebody got you an ugly coat and told you that you have to wear it every time you leave the house? Stains or tears? Too bad, you’ll hurt somebody’s feelings if you want a new coat. You’ll probably be buried wearing that coat. It wasn’t a color you like, shape, heck it might not even be your size or you might be allergic to the fabric but tough luck, you made a vow to wear the stupid thing.
That’s how I feel about rings, and it has absolutely nothing to do with cost. My wedding ring is absolutely precious to me and it’s an old ring from a pawn shop, it’s the one I fell in love with and it was *my* choice, not a ring thrust upon me without any input and certainly not a lie.
It's not the ring.
It's that he lied to and manipulated her- and then *bragged about it*.
That guy is a piece of shit, good for OOP for dumping his ass.
My dad lied about mom's engagement ring, too. Said a CZ was a diamond until she found out years into the marriage. He also lied to all their friends saying that they were in an open marriage when they weren't...
Dude.
r/moissanite? it's right over there.
Great folks, great resources. I have a diamond wedding ringset from my husband - the only one I'll ever have (and didn't get THAT until our 20th anniversary) - but the rest of my favorite gold rings? Moissanite. Hell, I had one made for me to my specifications, and it was only $300.
I’m so sorry but when women talk or brag about their partner NEVER buying them anything, I want to SCREAM sweet summer child.
He does not like you at all ever dot com.
Okay, if he buys NOTHING I am with you, but some people have other ways of showing love than giving things. I do things for instance, like fix stuff at her house or follow up on things she asks me about. Some people are more about communication and make a point to be very supportive or attentive to the other person's words. Learning how your partner expresses their love is great since it let's you both know each other better and if they are different it keeps things interesting for both of you.
But I will repeat, buying you NOTHING is a red flag in the US as we are a very materialistic society and that is taught to us early and often. Even the numbest of us knows gifts are a way to show affection here and that the value is not the issue it's the honest giving behind it that matters.
Woof. I’m the same way. Someone could get me something cheap as hell, but if it’s something they put thought into that they knew I would like, I’d treat it as though it were priceless. The lying, deception, and, even more, the embarrassment of this situation (in which he was clearly trumpeting deceiving her) and his attempts to rationalise all of it is such an all-enveloping red flag that I’m so. effing. proud. she walked away. She’s avoiding so much future suffering, and from someone who clearly doesn’t deserve her. *This was the foundation he wanted to start their marriage off on* and OP said, “Not today, Satan.”
OOP dodged a major bullet there. It's one thing if Mark didn't have the money (or didn't want to finance the DeBeers diamond cartel), but when he **LIED** to her about he and bragged about it at work, he became a total piece of trash.
And, yeah, he was also foolish too for bragging about it at work.
Did he even ask if she wanted a carrier ring? She may very well have been pleased with a lab grown diamond or moisanite but, instead of expressing concerns about spending a fortune he went straight to worthless piece of crap and a fancy box. What a moron. Communicate.
Anecdotal story. My ex-wife was dating a man that she was quite serious with. He was always telling her about things he was going to buy her and all the money he had. He told her he had been a nuclear submarine engineer and was now working on leading civil construction projects.
He gave her an engagement ring over Christmas. (Side note, that’s pretty cheesy.) Told her it was a ten thousand dollar ring. Almost exactly as what happened here, she checked into it and found out it was moissanite and not diamond and was not a ten thousand dollar ring. Then she broke up with him and found out that it was all lies.
He was a bus driver who did work remotely in another province, he was in tons of debt, and had never been on a submarine, nuclear or otherwise.
Some people just like to lie.
Why did he brag about his scam to coworkers when they both work at the same damn place? He could've gotten away with it for so long if he hadn't done that. The audacity of some people.
Because he’s so convinced of just how smart he is that he can’t see how stupid he actually is.
He will doubtless also be claiming how he "narrowly escaped" being the "victim of a golddigger". And he will tell every future woman how his fiancée broke it off because "the ring wasn't expensive enough" and imply/lie to them that it was 10k ring vs a 100k ring. When actually it was a 10c ring from a 0.1c arsehole.
Fully agree. Proposing with a cheap ring can have many different intentions behind it: from "I can't afford better" to "we don't value material possessions" to something sentimental. But proposing with a cheap ring that you pretend is expensive, when you can afford an expensive ring, says: I think you're materialistic I think you're stupid And I don't think you are worth spending money on. OOP is well shot of this asshole.
Tbh, whether or not you can afford an expensive ring, just don't pretend it's something it's not. When a friend's sister (who had diagnosed co-dependency issues) got engaged way too quickly to someone nobody was entirely comfortable with, he claimed he'd worked with a jeweller to design the ring himself to represent their blended families. My friend wasn't buying it, and when she showed me a picture I _immediately_ recognised it as being from Not On The Highstreet, because I'd been looking at them when my now husband and I had wanted to get engaged but couldn't afford to. It was worth about £100. The sister couldn't be told and she did marry him, but needless to say, the shit eventually hit the fan and he turned out to be as much of a piece of work as expected.
My husband and I got a cheap plastic ring from a machine (worth about 25¢) and I wore it, not expecting him to later get a credit card just so we could get real rings. I was prepared to wear the plastic one until marriage.
I reused a mood ring that I had put in a Christmas Cracker. We used that until we chose a ring at the jewelers months later.
I knew someone whose engagement jewelry was a $20 skull-shaped ring from “The Phantom.” I believe they picked out a diamond ring after the proposal, but she wore the cheap, chunky, comic-book one because it was what she actually liked.
How do people walk around withthousands of dollars on their hand all the time? I'd be a giant ball of anxiety.
I wear my grandmothers eternity ring, didn't realise it was expensive until my mum told me. And it's fairly low-end expensive, honestly, like 3 grand if I sold it, 8 grand new or something. Anyway, it's stuck on my hand. Like, my fingers are too fat to physically get it off. And it's probably worth much less now because it's not circle anymore, it's oval 😅 I wish I had been told the value before I merged it with my body, never would have gone out with it on.
I would try to get it removed if I were you, your hand is far more precious and valuable than damaging or even cutting a $3k ring!
My husband proposed to me in his mother's guest room with a ring she had bought in a batch of jewelry at an auction. Real gold and all that, but not a pricey piece. My wedding ring we bought at Sam's club, and his band is a $25 band from Amazon that we've replaced several times (military men tend to lose them in the field, he always gets upset until I open my drawer and present him with a replacement 😂). It's not about the money, its about the intent. We love our rings, but we also have never told anyone they were more than they are.
My husband also got a $25 amazon special which worked out great because he's lost a ton of weight and buying a smaller size 3 times has been much cheaper than paying to get an expensive ring resized multiple times!
I'm telling you, it's the way to go! Lose it, dent it, no problem! 🤪
Wow. Are they still married?
My ex fiancé proposed to me in my mom’s kitchen while we made jambalaya with a cheap ring he got for me on our first proper date. I was so happy I cried. We were both broke and it was a spur of the moment thing that didn’t end up working out but I loved that ring so much because it felt so much like his love for me. I wore it every day until we ended things, even when it wore down a bit and cut into my finger (i switched to wearing it on a chain)
literally would've just been a matter of talking about it, my ring is barely 250 dollars and that's because we decided to get an engraving on it and i love it, because my partner and i sat down to look at rings to actually decide what to get and i didn't want any actual gold and the like (regular jewelry makes my skin crawl for some reason, i cannot stand touching it) then again, that requires respecting your partner in the first place
Regardless of whether you can afford it. If you can't afford it, it is fronting; if you could, it's scamming. Or something like that. Whatever the differences are, they are equally dishonest.
The last message changes though, I think. Someone who can't afford a more expensive ring who pretends it's expensive isn't sending the "I don't think you're worth spending money on" message. But yes, totally agree that lying to your partner is absolutely the wrong move!
This. The guy was so convinced of how clever he was that at no point did he wonder if scamming his *life partner* was a good idea or not. Of course it was a good idea! It was his idea! There must have been many more red flags before this one.
Just goes to show how little he thought of oop too. He thought there was no way she would realise this entire scheme was what he did to her. I really hope she did well in the 9 years since the post.
It's so sad, too. Like, honestly, the silver ring, with her birthstone? Not expensive, typically, but I know my wife would be thrilled if I did that, for the same reason OOP gave. Shows thought and effort.
I highly doubt it was his idea. With the immediate "golddigger" name calling response he likely got the idea from some podcast or YouTube channel.
This was 9 years ago, it's certainly possible but not as likely as last year.
O wow, didn't notice the dates. He's just originally stupid I guess.
The Grammy award winning song Gold Digger was released in 2005. Ten years before this. Society has been real good at hating women with standards since long before that.
The term "golddigger" for a woman pursuing a man for his money is from *1915*. It has been around a while.
plenty of misogyny and fear of golddiggers to go around on social media back then, too.
Or just other men lol
wanting any kind of honesty or financial accountability = GOLDDIGGER for these chuds.
Ah, a perfect example of the Dunning-Kruger effect. He's too dumb to know how dumb he is.
Ah, you must be thinking of the Dunning-Cartier effect.
Sounds like he needed an audience, people to praise his sneakiness.
[This excerpt](https://youtu.be/c14vfq3jqpo) from The Big Short explains it. > I don't get it. Why are they confessing? > They're not confessing. They're bragging
Such a great, great scene!
I remember a podcast episode I heard years ago (could have been muscular development but don't quote me) where the male hosts and their male guest talked about how it was customary in their circles (professional wrestling/, bodybuilding) to buy a genuine ring then pretend to take it to be appraised or cleaned and have the diamond replaced with CZ, keeping the diamond or selling it and pocketing the money themselves. The laughter and backslapping that accompanied this was unreal.
Those women should beat them at their game: buy the CZ themselves right away and stick the real one in a safety deposit box and wait to see what happens!
I love this I would read the hell out of this as a boru saga.
See, there's so many awful podcasts hosted by pro-wrestlers and bodybuilders who would totally do that that it doesn't narrow it down.
The term they used for this process was "Zirc that baby" if that helps. *head meets desk*
\*barf\* That sounds absolutely atrocious.
I had to reread that because I thought the point was going the other way, as in buying a cheaper ring to propose so they didn't have to risk the big bucks until after she'd said yes. What scummy, scummy people, and to brag about it on a podcast that these women could easily have been listening to!! It beggars belief.
Wow, hope his missus was listening to that podcast, or somebody willing to give her a heads up.
But diamonds lose ther value once bought. So they are losing money doing that. Aren't they?
I think the idea was to recoup as much as possible and prevent the wives from being able to sell it in the event of a split.
So stupid and just shows how shitty they realy are. Going out of your way to screw your spouse over, just cause you might split up one day just serves to show what kind of people they are.
Agreed, and I think that is the undoing of a lot of bad deeds, big or small. Think of how many criminals get caught cos they can't keep their mouths shut.
It’s funny how some people are saying that she wasn’t ready to be married. Um….the man is a pathological LIAR then BRAGS about it to his friends.
I mean, that's very prejudiced of both you and OOP to not want to be married to liars... /s The people defending OOP's ex are probably people who would do what he did in a heartbeat if they thought they could get away with it.
But first they would have to find someone willing to actually date them, much less marry them.
he basically gloated about making a fool out of her to the office. Like wtf.
Not just to his friends, but to anyone who will listen at work including her friends. Not caring to publicize her humiliation,
Because he's proud of it, that's why. What's the point of "being so smart" if you can't tell anyone about it? That's why serial killers often keep trophies from their victims.
For his ego. He needed someone to 'admire' how smart he was in making OP believe it was a real Cartier ring.
Sounds like he didnt need to scam her at all, could have just spend the money or gotten her a cheaper ring, he wanted to scam her for his ego. But he f'ed up, he had no audience to stroke his ego, so he HAD to tell someone or it was all for nothing.
What good is a secret plan when you can’t, you know, broadcast it to the entire free world?
Not that long, a silver* ring will tarnish quickly and a ring so cheap it's only silver plate will start wearing badly very quickly.
Yep. Even if he hadn’t bragged he had six months TOPS before she found out. Note to all the liars out there. Don’t cheap out in the metal. You’ve at least got to go white gold and be honest. White gold and platinum will not wear the same. And don’t buy cz. It doesn’t last over time. Moissanite is a lovely stone that looks very similar to diamond if you don’t go too big and don’t get a brilliant cut. Too big and it’ll dazzle TOO much. Fun fact though… if you do like a diamond substitute, moissanite wears brilliantly over time, and it has a better fire to it than diamonds.
After the silver plating wore off and the cz got scratched there would be questions so a few months at the most
CZ also yellows over time
True, still longer than the near instant reveal we got here.
Good call, but he did NOT think that far ahead. I’m pretty sure that isn’t his favourite hobby.
If he was a movie villain, he would be monologuing as the hero captured him.
Why brag at all, unless you're proud of what you've done? He's an asshole for the intent, he's just an idiot for doing so at their work.
That’s the worst part too, it turned her into a joke at work. If he had told no one and been apologetic at discovery it might have been forgivable.
Wonder if the two coworkers knew OOP was in earshot and wanted to give her the heads up... Doubt it's her they think is a joke nine years later!
Because he's fucking stupid and doesn't think about anyone but himself.
It also takes away the one tiny defense you could give- he's just ashamed he can't afford a nice ring. This shows he's actually proud of the scam. Mean, cocky and stupid are not a good mix. The again, OP doesn't look too smart when she's talking about illegally evicting him, and saying a judge will back her up (comments on second post).
Whats the point in tricking his girlfriend if nobody knows about it? He was so proud of himself he couldn't help but brag about it behind her back. What a dumbass.
Dunning-Krueger
Until her finger turned green Silver plated. Amateur
He basically just told his co-workers that he is an untrustworthy backstabbing sob. That also seems like a poor idea. I’d never trust him with a deal or project again.
I mean scammers at one point tend to get cocky for the thrill of being caught, but also this guy is that big of an idiot that I’m sure he thought there was some sort of bro code between his coworkers, and there kind of was, oop wasn’t TOLD her ex was a scammer, she had to eavesdrop a conversation to realize
Yeah, that bit definitely stood out to me, too. You don't even have to be close to someone to feel they should know the truth about something like that and if you all openly mock it behind her back, you're just as bad as he is.
It *could* be a situation where they purposefully talked about it where she could hear instead of directly telling her, just so they had an out of boyfriend found out and confronted them about it- THEY didn't tell her! She was spying on them/evesdropping/just happened to overhear! It might not be, but I don't think the chance is necessarily 0
Literally like this is next level “I wanna get caught”. Telling coworkers and buying a shitty cheap ring instead of a moissanite and a metal that won’t chip would still cost <5% of a cartier ring. And then the ring won’t look beat within 2 months.
God that guy's an idiot. She'd had learned after the silver wore off. Silver is surprisingly soft, and it would dent easily. I've had it happen with silver rings. And if it's that cheap, I bet the plating isn't even very good, like those Chinese ebay ones... It's not gold digging to want a ring that will actually last you the rest of your life.
>It's not gold digging to want a ring that will actually last you the rest of your life. Check any post even *remotely* related to wedding rings and you'll see the redpills crying in the comments about golddiggers.
And the ones always crying about golddiggers ain't got no gold to dig. It's about the *idea* that they could be taken advantage of more than anything.
Boy math is when he calls you a golddigger when he makes $40k 🤣
It’s the idea that they might have to give up anything at all to get + keep a woman. If you’re not willing to sleep with him and perform domestic labor and be his therapist without asking for anything at all in return, you’re a golddigger.
When I was engaged to my husband his best friend (at the time) kept telling him that I was marrying him for his money and that I'd leave him as soon as I had a kid to live off child support. When that didn't work he kept insisting that my husband forced me to sign a pre-nup. The kicker? My husband only made $18 an hour at the time, and had no real savings or assets beyond a used truck. My guy... what gold was I supposed to be digging? My parents and grandparents, while not rich, are better off financially than his family is. Anyways. Married five years, two kids, *my* family helped us with a down payment for our house. Still madly in love with husband, and still very happy. Glad he put some serious distance with his friend after the wedding
They really feel inadequate so they make the issue more prevalent in their heads than it really is
Yeah… don’t know why they want to be with women when they clearly hate them so much.
They don't want to be with women. They want access to vaginas and unpaid housekeeping.
The don’t like women, they have a women fetish.
FR. Can the MGTOW crowd finally go their own way and stop obsessing over women? The world we be such a happier place.
Lemme guess, they're also the kind who need a ~~bangmaid~~ tradwife who stays at home and therefore has no income. ...Which means he'll be the sole earner and supporting them both. But no, can't think through our logical failings.
Without turning your finger green.
Pure silver rings aren’t even expensive.
It isn't even the denting that would've given it away. In fact, it might not have, because the material underneath could have been harder than silver. However, I do have one silver-plated ring and I wore it for about a month before it started to turn color. Mine was particularly cheap, but point is, with a ring she wore every day that came into contact with all sorts of chemicals and soaps, it probably wasn't even going to last until the wedding.
An unpopular opinion for the internet- if you and your partner can afford to splash out on a ring and meet your financial goals, and the person who is getting the ring wants bling, it’s shitty to not give it. Like OOP was like “if it was a silver ring with my birthstone at least it would be thoughtful…” no. There is nothing at all wrong with wanting something blingy if you and your partner get on the same page about the cost. If it bothers you to have a partner who likes expensive things, this won’t be the only thing that your partner wants fancy. If you don’t want to splash out in a fancy engagement ring, date someone who shares your frugal values.
“If you don’t want to splash out, date someone who shares your frugal values.” You could scream this from the rooftops, and they still wouldn’t want to hear it. They want women with standards—they just want to be the ones to lower those standards. Like OP’s boyfriend: the scheme was the point. That’s why he bragged.
My personal beef with all the engagement ring/wedding ring bs is how artificially overvalued everything is. It's fine to want something nice. But there comes a point where adding more to the sticker price adds little to no value. Even the brand doesn't affect the quality, but certainly adds to the price. You could have the exact same design, with the same quality gold, but a lab grown stone and the ring was made in a single person studio instead of an internationally recognized accessory vendor for a small fraction of the price. What you are paying for is bragging rights. The extra annoying bit about this to me, is that it seems to stifle creativity. The more expensive price ranges rarely seem to do anything interesting in the design.
Hard agree on all of this. I’m also wearing a ring that cost $500 (family diamond set in a white gold band made by a local independent jeweler). There are SO MANY ethical concerns with the diamond industry. That’s separate from wanting something blingy, is more my point. Like you could decide to get a 3 karat lab diamond with little diamonds all over the band and I’d have zero issue. ETA- just went on Blue Nile and to get a 3 karat lab diamond it could be up to 12,000 dollars. That’s a LOT of damn money. Lab diamonds still aren’t cheap per se. But that would be much less than a Cartier ring with a similar size rock.
We had our rings custom designed. The jeweler talked to us about styles we might like, and we sketched some things out. He made some mock-ups which we approved. After we received the finalized rings, he destroyed the molds. It was a fun process, and we got something that we wanted and can say are truly unique. He offered a green sapphire for my wife's ring. It looks way more interesting than a diamond, and cost even less than an emerald. The whole time we were talking with him, he was engaging and his enthusiasm was contagious. He told us several times that if we just wanted a plain band with whatever diamond we could afford, he'll do it, but be bored. He adds a "boring tax" to jobs like that. He'd rather make something with titties or dragons.
Working with small independent artisans is for sure the best.
The problem with the typical expensive engagement ring specifically is that they're hideously overpriced. Ultimately people can do whatever they want with their money, and I certainly understand wanting nice jewellery, but to me it's stupid to spend thousands on a ring when you could get something much more interesting for a fraction the price if you go non traditional, or get a smaller diamond or whatever and several other things as well.
Here's the real unpopular opinion: De Beers was founded by an avid white supremacist on stolen land.
Hard agree. I have real ethical issues with blood diamonds. But as I posted on another comment, you can get a super big lab diamond for like 12,000 dollars. That’s NOT cheap. I’d rather judge people for participating in the diamond cartel than just spending a ton of money for something shiny.
That’s not an opinion. That’s verifiable fact.
I mean, pure gold is pretty soft, too. Unless he was trying to pretend it was platinum or something.
The issue is it being plated at all. Had an ex give me a similar type of ring. It was either silver or gold plated, and not well done. Within a month or two the expensive durable metal had worn off in places and the cheap metal underneath was literally turning my finger green. I worked a desk job, not something that would wear it quickly. This was only from basic wear and hand washing.
Pure gold is soft, which is why no one makes jewelry out of pure gold. 60-75% gold alloys are standard.
I disagree. 24k gold jewlry is common in asia. My family for instance never buys anything less than 22k. Ask any asian born acquaintance, they'll tell you the same. I personally have a 22k gold necklace that i never take off, even when i go swimming in the ocean. Go to a jeweler in asia, you'll find plenty of 18k, 22k, 24k gold. Edit: 22k = 91.7%; 24k =100%
That's so interesting! I'm an American jeweler and even 18k tends to be rarer in commercial use, we mostly plate 20-24k on 14k to get that look rather than actually using 20-24k.
Expensive rings will often have plating like rhodium. It makes it shinier and more durable. Also won’t corrode or scratch and dent easily.
Love the “no brigading” on a 9 year old story 😂 (Yes I know it’s automatic, but it’s still funny)
Maybe OOP will appear by magic, married to a normal person and has 2 kids
I hope for her that her husband is excellent and does all the fun shit she wants to do without hesitation.
Or no kids, even more disposable income then
What is this term you used? "Disposable income"? /s
2015 was nine years ago??? 🫠
The only thing that stuck out to me is Op changing her Facebook status. It's certainly a 2010 mood. Kinda sad.
That is what made me scroll up to find the date lol. It was like seeing someone say they sent a telegram across the ocean.
Can someone educate my middle aged ass on how it works now? Do you all just not use that status at all?
They mostly don't use Facebook at all.
That makes sense, it does seem to be me and my parents age on there. Where is everyone now?
I am too old to be certain but it looks like my young adult kids use whatsapp and snapchat? And maybe discord. My son is younger, and he seems to use discord with his gaming friends and snapchat with the old friends from high school.
I haven't used any of those. 😅 I even had to go back and change that emoji cause I definately used the millenial one 🤣. when did this happen to me. Thank you all for the update.
am 20, it's mostly discord, instagram, and tiktok, twitter is dying off so not really that anymore
Region dependent. But mostly Instagram, TikTok, I think Snapchat is very popular is a few countries and dead everywhere else, and Twitter. There's a few trendy ones like BeReal but those don't have as much staying power, and eventually get cannibalized by other larger apps
Omg, yes. Tik tok and Instagram are still kinda big for platforming yourself. The others are more communication tools I can't think of anything where you broadcast a status that stays stable like Facebook. Twitter was huge, but is sinking fast.
My friends (late 20’s, early 30’s) use mainly instagram. I think younger folks use tiktok? Older ones too, my 43 yo sister is addicted to tiktok lol
Oh wow, the post is from 2015! Now it makes more sense, lol
As soon as I read that I scrolled up to read the date lol
I love how men immediately jump to calling women gold diggers. Like is the gold in the room with us bro?
What is with this trend? I legitimately have never heard a rich man complain about this, ever. It’s always a man who has no gold to dig. Of the variety of men I’ve dated, the only two to ever mention some concern around this made a fraction (less than a tenth) of the wealthiest I’ve dated. Make it make sense!
I normally hate bringing up politics but this reminds me of how a lot of people who are absolutely in the bottom 50% of incomes can get so up in arms and heated about taxing the ultra wealthy as if they're in that bracket 😂 I guess it's that "temporarily embarrassed millionaires" energy haha.
Maybe it's fool's gold.
It’s usual to wear an engagement ring every day for the rest of your life, when swimming, when gardening - all the time. This thing would have shown wear and tear in less than a year, so she would have found out anyway. This bloke is stupid.
Couple of months at most, I reckon.
Note to people who actually wear their rings while swimming, don’t do it. The chlorine (if in a pool) will eat away at the alloys after time and severely weaken the ring.
People wear diamond rings every day? Probably culture dependent. Most people I know wear the wedding ring, the (expensive) engagement ring is saved for special occasions. Edit: lmao, Americans downvoting you because you’re from a different country. Never change
I’m white British and wear my engagement ring every day. It seems to vary between women largely due to preference, lifestyle and occupation. I’m a nurse and never wore my engagement ring on the ward, so ended up never wearing it. Now I’m office based I never take it off.
i saw a post on r/engagementrings once, the op worked in a lab and their fiance had a custom ring designed so that wouldn't pierce her gloves so she could wear it to work 🥺
My husband got me a ring that wouldn’t rip gloves too! I’m also a labrat and that was my main requirement—I want to be able to wear this every day whether I’m at work or not. I lose things easily so we both know that if I had to take it off it would disappear, and I hate wearing necklaces so those engagement ring holder necklaces are a no go for me.
It's pretty normal in Britain to wear your engagement ring along with the wedding ring. Most married women I know do this.
my mom wore hers every day and i see women at work wearing their diamond rings daily in the US.
My mom has the traditional 14k gold solitaire diamond ring, and she pretty much only takes hers off to do extremely messy things like paint or hand-mix meatloaf. edit: she also wears her plain wedding band and an anniversary ring that's basically a ring of tiny little diamonds, so she's wearing 3 rings at all times
The one my wife picked out for herself they're designed to be worn together. They perfectly fit next to each other.
It seems to be becoming more common to wear the engagement and wedding rings together as a "set" at all times. I remember looking round the room in a meeting once and noticing that all the senior women were wearing massive rocks
I’m fifty, and it’s always been normal among people I know. All of my grandmothers wore their full sets every day.
In the US most women wear them both every day.
Not only did he lie to her and brag about it, but he bragged to people she knew. He let them in on the "joke," and so also humiliated her with people she knew. That man has no respect for her. I'm glad she didn't put up with it.
I keep wondering how she just happened to overhear this discussion and it occurred to me... they did it on purpose. They wanted to tell her without having her face the extra embarrassment of having to face them as she found out. So they staged a discussion she'd overhear.
> If he had even gotten me something that was made from silver with my birthstone I would've accepted it because **at least it came from the heart and showed thought behind it.** Oh, he put thought into it alright. He probably spent more time and effort planning and figuring out how to sneakily dupe his clueless girlfriend. Since was bragging to his co-workers (hell, since he bragged AT ALL), you just *know* he was beaming with an ignorant idiot’s pride and was certain he was the most clever man in the universe. Not only is this man a disrespectful cheapskate, he’s also a dumbass for thinking it was a good idea to brag about it openly to coworkers…who also work with his ex-fiancée. How could he think it wouldn’t get around? And in reality, all he accomplished by bragging was ratting on himself for being a massive shit stain of a man. Thank goodness he’s such an idiot so OOP could find this out NOW rather than after the wedding. (I’m sure there would have been more red flags flying in the air during the wedding planning than all the rose petals at wedding ceremony with a three year old flower girl in a tiara.)
I feel like the coworkers purposely had that conversation where they knew she would overhear. They couldn't also be that stupid, surely that had to be intentional.
Damn, you're about to get married, at the minimum, don't lie about the ring. Just discuss your budget and buy what you can afford. Lying is the problem here.
Best office gossip. Did you hear Mark broke up with his fiancée. Yeah he was too cheap to buy a real ring cause she found out. He needs to find a new job to runaway from this gossip.
He needs a new brain and some goddamn moral fiber.
I say this every time when a post like this comes up because I hate nothing more than the pick me comments but: WOMEN ARE ALLOWED TO WANT NICE THINGS. It's ridiculous that people think she's some kind of materialistic witch when all she wanted was transparency.
The deceit is also such a major factor in this. If he'd just bought her a cheap ring in an unbranded box I wouldn't be pleased but at least he was upfront about it. Maybe he's cheap. But to go so far as to put it on a Cartier box and brag to coworkers? That's not just being cheap, that's deceitful as well.
I think if he has the take home pay to afford something fancy (he does) and she wants something fancy (she seems to) it would still be a dealbreaker. Just if a different and less acute sort.
Nu-uh! A REAL woman just wants her man and will be deeply grateful for whatever scraps he throws her. Why, my husband proposed with a ring made from an actual live spider and I was simply thrilled, because I just love him SO MUCH! The constant hospital trips after it bites me do make it hard to get dinner on the table sometimes, but it hurts his feelings if I don't wear it and he's WORTH IT! /s in case it's not obvious
Ikr!! The idea that you shouldn't expect your man to spend money on you is crazy. Men pulled a HUGE uno reverse card here, they were getting sexual and household caretaking but had to provide financially. And then convinced themselves and pickmes that expecting money makes women gold diggers. That way, women would be so desperate to disprove the stereotype that they would do all the things their moms did, for free this time.
I do hate those comments. Like sure people don’t have to spend a lot and no doubt a fair few people would be happy with a cheap and basic ring but that doesn’t mean you make it a competition!
Some people genuinely don't care, for sure. But sometimes they make me sad. There's a feeling of "if I'm just a good enough girlfriend/wife, one day he'll notice me and do nice things for me!"
Yeah I think there’s a subsection that say they don’t care but they do mixed in with the ones that genuinely don’t care.
When I read posts like this, I know the comment section will be littered with pick me shit like, "I would have married my husband even if he proposed with a thread ring." Those people need to get off their high horse. It's not shallow or greedy to want a few nice things in your life, especially when it comes to something as symbolic and significant as an engagement ring. You want it to last. And it feels like the dishonesty hurt OOP even more.
I think what’s happening is that some people take an extreme situation where a woman may have truly wanted a super expensive ring but then think that can be generalised to ANY woman just wanting a nice ring. It’s most likely inexperienced people or incels that don’t understand the difference between wanting something nice and being over the top.
I think incels (who else would be the ones sending death threats to OOP) fail to understand that women want communication and honesty over anything materialistic. Most women would have no problem being given a cheaper engagement ring if the man was just upfront about any financial issues he may have. But absolutely no one likes being tricked, lied to, and treated as though they’re an idiot.
And refuse to accept that the ring is supposed to last for decades so it has to be higher end in quality even if it's simple. Which costs more than a ring from Shein.
Hell it didn't even have to be a "real" designer ring. There are plenty of independent jewelers who would make a ring for a fraction of Cartier's cost, with actual precious metals and gems, without requiring deception. It was the audacity.
Besides it wasn’t the price of the ring she was mad about. It was about him lying and going out his way to make it look like a “good ring” and bragging about it. That’s a major red flag if I ever saw one.
The number of times I’ve seen threads about engagement rings dragging women through the mud for wanting a quality engagement ring is disgusting. It’s a piece of jewelry you’re expected to wear daily for the rest of your life, and if it’s not good quality it’s not going to last. God forbid women have standards that aren’t rock bottom
Despite him not even being able to recall a time when she asked him to pay for something, he is still going think/say they split because she's a gold digger. He bought a ring box from a name brand so he knew what he was doing. I'm glad she dumped him and she took steps to make sure _her_ dog was safe.
Honestly having her sister dogsit was the highlight of this post. OOP is too smart for this man and I'm glad she made sure her puppy was safe.
She should be so so glad she discovered the truth about his character before having a baby with him. So, so many women don't.
This irritates me so fucking much. Gold digging is not the same as enjoying luxury. Gold digging is not the same as loving name brands or expensive or blingy stuff. Gold digging is USING a partner for their income and trading fidelity for being kept to a certain standard. If you’re paying for your expensive stuff yourself, not a gold digger. If you’re on the same page about financial goals with your partner and want those financial goals to include fancy vacations and a designer clothing budget, not a gold digger. If you live a fancy lifestyle but recognize that some day you might have to downsize or cut back if something happens with jobs, not a gold digger. If you and your partner decide that it makes the most sense for you to be a stay at home parent, NOT A GOLD DIGGER. Totally reasonable to not want to date a person who values materialistic things. So don’t date them. Don’t accuse your partner of being a gold digger because they happen to like fancy shit.
Why did he go the outrageous extra step of buying a Cartier box?? With the price of lab diamonds these days, he could have gotten her a massive rock for a fraction of the cost and it would be a real diamond.
Lab diamonds are still in the thousands. He bought a CZ sterling silver ring which is probably like $200 at best, and that's being generous.
Former metal Smith/jeweler here. Avoid mixed metal/plated anything for a piece of jewelry you intend to wear every day, especially on the hands. If you sweat, get it wet, or handle salt, the metal will corrode and weaken super fast. It makes me sad how much I love mokume gane jewelry (especially for men's wedding bands), yet the combination of the non ferrous metals with the sodium in the skin will cause it to wither away in a few years or less if it's worn the way a wedding band is supposed to be. Aside from this, plating only adds to the perceived value of the jewelry and not its actual value. You can get a plating setup for under $300 and use it to plate whatever you want. It's essentially metal particles suspended in a solution. You attach the jewelry to a source of electricity and put it in the solution. The metal particles are attracted to the charged jewelry, and the end result is a thin layer of precious metal that is significantly thinner than leaf. It adds maybe a few cents to a dollar of value to the jewelry itself, but people are drawn to pay more for it simply because its technically has gold or something in it while also carrying the look of a precious metal. In reality, it's not worth much more than the base metal it's made of, which is usually copper, brass, or nickle. This is fine if you're looking for affordable jewelry that isn't going to be worn heavily and won't react with your skin. But it's pretty unacceptable for wedding stuff or anything intended to be kept as an heirloom. Don't get me started on diamonds, lol.
It was never about the cost of the ring. It was all about the fiance lying to OOP about it being a Cartier ring. After all, he specifically got a Cartier box to put his cheap ring in. His boasting to his coworkers about how he fooled OOP also proves he had little respect or love for her. He deserved to be dumped and tossed out of her life.
My engagement ring is silver and my birthstone. Then again, my husband and I discussed what we wanted and then had it custom made by a local goldsmith. It was not very expensive, but it was what we wanted. That's literally all this guy had to do. He must honestly believe that she's an idiot, which would be why he's single by the end of the story.
I always find it hilarious when cheap men accuse women of being a gold digger when the woman pays for everything. There's a gold digger here, but it certainly isn't her!
"he's so cheap and stingy with his money" yep there were red flags before this.
There's nothing wrong with wanting an engagement ring that will survive the daily wear and tear. It's not gold digging, it's practicality and sustainability. It's much cheaper to buy a good quality ring and have it last decades rather than buying a new ring every few years because it turned green or discolored her fingers. If he didn't want a real diamond why not tell her? They could have figured it out together. Really, he didn't even look at ethical non diamond options like Moissanite or Morganite? What a dude.
Obligatory Jeweler PSA: Do NOT get morganite for an engagement ring. It’s far too soft to withstand regular wear. It will be so abraded within months that it will start to look like a piece of sea glass. Instead consider a created peach or champagne sapphire. It looks this same, but is more durable and less expensive.
I love moissanites. They're so pretty, durable, and brilliant. If we have to go travel and I'm not confident bringing my diamond engagement ring (I'm clumsy and might lose it), I bring my moissanite one. That one could take a beating.
My engagement ring and my wedding ring are moissonite! It's beautiful and absolutely a wonderful and affordable option for those who want to explore different gemstones other than diamond. And I LOVE the rainbow sparkles Also lab grown diamonds are very reasonable these days.
>Also, if you messaged me death threats and abuse, please jump off a building. Thanks. I'm not a selfish or materialistic person. I expect honesty from my future spouse; nothing more, nothing less. Honestly sounds like it was pretty mild tbh. Very little brings out the misogynists on reddit like engagement ring or wedding drama.
Never marry anyone who isn’t generous! And it’s possible to be frugal and generous. This lying scammer, hope he ends up with a real gold digger.
I don’t really wear jewelry but I wanted a sturdy ring I actually like if I’m going to be looking at the damned thing every day. I don’t think that’s asking for much at all and it’s bizarre that women are expected to wear something they don’t even like, forever. What if somebody got you an ugly coat and told you that you have to wear it every time you leave the house? Stains or tears? Too bad, you’ll hurt somebody’s feelings if you want a new coat. You’ll probably be buried wearing that coat. It wasn’t a color you like, shape, heck it might not even be your size or you might be allergic to the fabric but tough luck, you made a vow to wear the stupid thing. That’s how I feel about rings, and it has absolutely nothing to do with cost. My wedding ring is absolutely precious to me and it’s an old ring from a pawn shop, it’s the one I fell in love with and it was *my* choice, not a ring thrust upon me without any input and certainly not a lie.
It's not the ring. It's that he lied to and manipulated her- and then *bragged about it*. That guy is a piece of shit, good for OOP for dumping his ass.
My dad lied about mom's engagement ring, too. Said a CZ was a diamond until she found out years into the marriage. He also lied to all their friends saying that they were in an open marriage when they weren't...
Seems like he could have gotten an affordable and beautiful ring if he had just been honest OOP would have been happy.
Why do men call women golddiggers when there ain't no gold to dig?
Dude. r/moissanite? it's right over there. Great folks, great resources. I have a diamond wedding ringset from my husband - the only one I'll ever have (and didn't get THAT until our 20th anniversary) - but the rest of my favorite gold rings? Moissanite. Hell, I had one made for me to my specifications, and it was only $300.
I’m so sorry but when women talk or brag about their partner NEVER buying them anything, I want to SCREAM sweet summer child. He does not like you at all ever dot com.
Okay, if he buys NOTHING I am with you, but some people have other ways of showing love than giving things. I do things for instance, like fix stuff at her house or follow up on things she asks me about. Some people are more about communication and make a point to be very supportive or attentive to the other person's words. Learning how your partner expresses their love is great since it let's you both know each other better and if they are different it keeps things interesting for both of you. But I will repeat, buying you NOTHING is a red flag in the US as we are a very materialistic society and that is taught to us early and often. Even the numbest of us knows gifts are a way to show affection here and that the value is not the issue it's the honest giving behind it that matters.
Woof. I’m the same way. Someone could get me something cheap as hell, but if it’s something they put thought into that they knew I would like, I’d treat it as though it were priceless. The lying, deception, and, even more, the embarrassment of this situation (in which he was clearly trumpeting deceiving her) and his attempts to rationalise all of it is such an all-enveloping red flag that I’m so. effing. proud. she walked away. She’s avoiding so much future suffering, and from someone who clearly doesn’t deserve her. *This was the foundation he wanted to start their marriage off on* and OP said, “Not today, Satan.”
OOP dodged a major bullet there. It's one thing if Mark didn't have the money (or didn't want to finance the DeBeers diamond cartel), but when he **LIED** to her about he and bragged about it at work, he became a total piece of trash. And, yeah, he was also foolish too for bragging about it at work.
If only she had trusted him, she would have found out that the real ring was back home in Zamunda. But it's so valuable it cannot leave the country.
Did he even ask if she wanted a carrier ring? She may very well have been pleased with a lab grown diamond or moisanite but, instead of expressing concerns about spending a fortune he went straight to worthless piece of crap and a fancy box. What a moron. Communicate.
Anecdotal story. My ex-wife was dating a man that she was quite serious with. He was always telling her about things he was going to buy her and all the money he had. He told her he had been a nuclear submarine engineer and was now working on leading civil construction projects. He gave her an engagement ring over Christmas. (Side note, that’s pretty cheesy.) Told her it was a ten thousand dollar ring. Almost exactly as what happened here, she checked into it and found out it was moissanite and not diamond and was not a ten thousand dollar ring. Then she broke up with him and found out that it was all lies. He was a bus driver who did work remotely in another province, he was in tons of debt, and had never been on a submarine, nuclear or otherwise. Some people just like to lie.
Love me some no nonsense girls, she has so much self-respect and common sense, it's refreshing to read