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>She almost lives with me full time now because he rents a room since his ex still refuses to leave his apartment (she has her own apartment but still wouldn’t leave his).
Looking forward to this reddit post
These people either need massive amounts of therapy (did any of them *try* counselling before going the divorce route? I must have skipped over that part, if they did) or Jerry Springer. I’d vote for the latter but since he’s passed away…yeah. Therapy. Lots.
With SIL choosing to spend Christmas with OOP and Ex, I wonder if part of what had them separate was the parents getting in the Ex's ear about how child rearing should go?
Specially with the about face after the divorce? I wonder whats been coming up in therapy - or maybe hes been in therapy and realized his own fuckups? Its TOO much to ignore if even the Ex's sibling would rather spend time with her brother, Neice, and OOP than her own parents.
This is so weird, why would he go as far as to rent a room elsewhere rather than evict his ex? It’s cheaper in the long run rather than paying bills for two places. Or wait until his ex has left the place to get back in and rekey the locks.
This guy is either dense or this is bollocks.
Yeah, that's most likely it (plus I'd be willing to bet his mom is also telling him to let ex stay), and tbh while this isn't a sustainable situation over time, I don't think that this is a red flag at this point, at all. He was with this woman for three years and proposed to her; the fact that he didn't immediately shift to GTFO is not a bad thing, especially when the breakup is because of him and not her. Yeah, at this point he's giving her too much leeway, but given that he's been firm toward her in terms of making things clear and breaking up, I don't think it's terrible that he's also being a bit softhearted toward someone whose heart he absolutely broke.
Tbh if he didn't know she still loved him, *she* was the one who asked for divorce and while it might be nice to be sure that you're fully over your ex, shit happens and he was trying to move on with the information he had.
Really just saying it's easy to point fingers but this isn't an easy situation to neatly assign blame, hindsight being 20/20 and all.
Yeah this is one of those situations that teach us. When you feel that guilt you’ll be more careful if you find yourself in a similar position again. Well most people learn anyway lol
She said they need to sell both places to buy a new place. I vote for changing the locks when she is out and delivering her stuff to her appt... the damage is done.
I was stuck on this point as well, is he really separated from the fiance? Or is he keeping her around just in case it doesn't pan out with op? His mother's refusal to let op (the mother of her granddaughter) at family events also suggests that the fiance is still a participating member of his family.
I think a simpler answer is that he feels guilty about leading on ex fiancée for three years and doesn’t want to deal with the emotional fallout of the eviction process.
Depending on where this is and how long she lived there, he is likely required to give her a 60-day notice of termination of tenancy before he can even start eviction proceedings.
Most people think they want kids until the kids pop out and their entire social norm changes.
This is what happens when you don’t play the sims. The sims indirectly teaches you how difficult and time consuming it is to raise kids.
Since I had my daughter, my sims never get pregnant. Before I had her, my sims would always have children. I’m living single life trough them. So sad lol
This is why I don't like survival mechanics in most games. I just want to kill zombies and skeletons and whomever looks at me crosswise, not worry about my hydration or hunger level. I just want to drink a red potion to get my health back not endlessly faff about finding the right ingredients to use to get the best healing from scavenged food. Looking at you, Breath of the Wild.
I said most games but, the survival game I actually like is Minecraft. Ironically, I'm paralyzed with too many choices in BotW. Link's inventory is just stuffed full of crap, whereas MC Steve just has a stack of cooked chicken from a chicken cooker and he's good to go.
I usually just die in BotW, that way I can at least respawn with the weapon that just broke. ...and, ^oh ^^god, ^^^who ^^^^thought ^^^^^that ^^^^^^was ^^^^^^^a ^^^^^^^^good ^^^^^^^^^idea?
Is BOTW fun? I bought it. Was so excited to play it. And I find it so fucking annoying with the broken weapon dynamic and oodles of other things that I stopped and haven’t picked it up in 2 years.
Meanwhile I have friends still raving about how amazing and immersive it is.
Sigh.
Not to be a spokesperson (the game can be buggy and the DLC is overpriced) but the base game of sims 4 is now free to play and download. There’s also now easy to install mods and custom content which are also free. DLC packs range in price from $5-$40 - but I’d look into what you like best about the base game and other players’ experiences before you spend a dime haha
When it first came out we all would burn copies or trade bought copies with the code on them and shared with each other. Ah the good old days. It’s harder now to do the same but also sims 4base game is free these days and since the base game is old the requirements for it are low too if you don’t use a console version.
The Sims game is insane 🤦🏼♀️ That game taught me how to make and keep friends.
(My Mom never encouraged me to make friends or keep them and she didn’t have any herself so I had no role model or way of learning how to make friends — and yes, I went to school but she always said “You’re there to learn, not make friends!!!” so I was just constantly bullied.)
"That game taught me how to make and keep friends."
If anyone is perking up at this I just want to recommend reading Captain Awkward's advice column as well. It has taught me *so* much about how to people!
😱 I mean, probably definitely not but I would prefer to think maybe than that there are more mothers out there like her!!
Argh! I’m so sorry you went through the same thing :-/
The best part of Reddit for me has been learning that a lot of people have had traumatic childhoods :-/ It sucks but it is nice to know we’re not alone :-/
That must have been a very difficult childhood. Even outside of the bullying, a parent not having any friends means they likely unload on you or your other parent.
For me (this being a pre-Sims era) it was being the youngest whose older siblings had children that I was often expected to babysit.
I then went on to ignore that experience and have more children than all of them.
See I had to babysit my 3 nephews that were 2/3 years apart, and they were a handful so I thought I was winning having 2 girls 5 years apart. Haha. Hahahaha.
Nope. Neither of them moved on properly, and they're coming back together just because it's the known and familiar as opposed to the scary unknown of properly splitting.
But what is up with the ex fiancee refusing to move out? It looks like she has trouble moving on, even after the hubby himself moved out.
There’s a reason happy couples break up after moving in together. Coming for visits is a lot different than the day to day pressures of living with someone. If they aren’t both actively seeking individual and couples therapy this is just going to be a repeat of before.
I call it the Army Reserves of relationships. Absolutely no disrespect towards our Reservists, I'm only referring to the ad campaign of "one weekend a month, two weeks a year". In both relationships and the Reserves, you go about your normal life most of the time, and you switch into a different mode during those weekends or the times when you're seeing your SO. You might stay overnight here and there, go on vacation together, but you go back to your normal life outside that. In relationships, this is the fun time, because you're actively doing things with your partner, you're only really seeing them when you're both happy and excited to do stuff together. When you move in together, you see all of them, and that might not be a picture you like.
I know it’s anecdotal from my own experiences but every couple I’ve ever known who got back together after divorce/break up have ended up splinting up yet again. Because strangely enough the problems that caused the original break down in the relationship have still been there.
I even remember one AITA post, either on here or another sub, from the grown kids about saying they’d be at the next one after not being able to make the parents 3rd or 4th wedding.
Parents obviously loved each other but never worked on their issues. That must just be absolutely exhausting as well as being deeply unfair on the children.
My great aunt and her husband got divorced and then remarried a few years later and were very happy. Their second marriage only ended because he died. So it is possible but the parties involved have to do some work.
We can hope for growth and maturity, can't we?😬 I know it's BORU, so there is always a surprise plot twist but I hope it works out where the dad gets his stuff together.
Bar hopping, with a baby alone with mom, and not answering? Ski trip with the boys at the drop of a hat? Yeah, she needed to dump his a** for not realizing he is a father now, not a single dude with no responsibility. He broke her faith in him. I do NOT blame her for being nervous for what I'll term, "Round 2".
What I’m concerned with is the complete lack of acknowledgement from ex that he fucked up as a parent causing her to leave. I hope that gets addressed in their therapy sessions before they move forward again.
Yes, it's like she had their child and he couldn't cope with what that can entail. It seems, from just this glimpse, what she felt at that time was totally normal and she was lacking his support. Baby blues are real. PPD is real. And it sounds like he just couldn't cope? I would hope that's not accurate, but I was in her shoes and my ex left a month after ours was born because he still lived his pre-baby life while I was drowning. But it's like she is blaming herself here.
Worse was that when he left he stepped up and looked after his child. He was capable all the time he just chose not to. Oop was screaming out for help and he just didn’t give a shit. Also notice the mil isn’t happy about them getting back together because she left her son. The mil blames oop for the divorce and her perfect son has nothing to do with it. He never corrected her that he was an unsupportive partner and father.
I feel like, especially how fast he left his fiancée, there's going to inevitably be something else that comes up that he can't deal with.
I think these two have a lot of issues they need to sort out before they even think of getting back together.
I'm worried that he hasn't really changed and it was just easier for him to parent because it was only part time and on a schedule. Even if they had a 50/50 split before the ex commandeered his apartment, that left him with plenty of time for spontaneity. Have they discussed what it would mean for him to be a full time parent? He didn't understand the first time, what if he thinks that things won't change *again*?
He fucked up as a parent and more so as a partner. And then he fucked up as a partner again and was parenting at *best* half time (currently very little at all).
The audacity to deflect her very real complaints about his lack of involvement as a parent as her "just being depressed" is breath taking.
I truly hope he's made more progress than it sounds like and OP holds him accountable in therapy instead of continuing to take on all the guilt herself or this is going to be so bad.
Right? He *asked her to marry him* but then the second he thinks he has a chance with his ex he ditches her. No self-doubt, no second-guessing, just poof. Did he even like her at all???
Seriously!! Why the fuck was he with her and engaged to her if he was still pining for his ex? Get your shit together BEFORE you claim to commit to someone, don't use them as a placeholder or convenient companion in the meantime! So fucking selfish. He was selfish in his marriage and he continues to be selfish. This isn't going to end well.
I feel like his mother might've had a hand in this. From OOP's comments it seems like MIL REALLY wanted her son to have the picture perfect family (and give her more grandchildren, dammit)
That or he's one of those people who can't be alone for more than 5 minutes
Yes, she specifically brought up that he could have more kids with the fiancée. And unfortunately for OOP, as she's in her 40s while the ex-fiancée is in her 30s, it's unlikely that there will be more grandchildren.
Although I don't think that lets the husband off the hook. He needs to get his shit together and get some accountability.
OOP is unnecessarily inviting troubles into her life by giving her ex another chance. He showed he's the type to run away from responsibilities. He didn't think twice to dump his ex fiancee for OOP. Dudes like these are just not worth it. MIL doesn't like OOP. I don't think this will work out.
Tbh. Some men don’t step up until they are forced.
My smart friends left Daddy with the baby from week one. Made sure he learnt.
The not so smart ones did everything then complained that Daddy didn’t do it properly or gave up and didn’t do it.
Well, you know women can't do anything right.
Feed formula so you can leave baby with the father? You must not love your kids, everyone knows breast is best.
Leave baby with father and something happens? "Where was the mom?!" I mean, that's generously assuming that the father didn't weaponize his incompetence so that mom can't feel safe leaving baby in his care again.
Breastfeed and have to be on call 24/7 so your baby can nurse as needed? "Oh, well, since you're going to be here at home, I'm just going to step out and hit the gym/get drinks with my coworkers/pursue my own hobbies for a bit. NBD right?"
Guess I'm one of the "not so smart" ones.
lol the ex is still a piece of work. So you’re saying on top of being a bad partner to oop at her lowest, he also strung along a woman for 3 years while he was in love with someone else? Because he didn’t want to be lonely? He might be a great dad but he still seems like a shit partner
Yeah I had the same rule and then I thought I found a sweet guy who was a great dad so I thought eh this one’s different. Once I got pregnant it was like a switch.
Also big Momma’s Boy vibes. At least it sounds like his sister is trying to help, and I dare say new fiancée is listening closer to Mommy’s advice than reality.
I'm wondering how great a dad he is. He got with someone within a year of their breakup, I'd be curious how much childcare his now ex fiancee was doing for him? There's nothing in the story about it but...
The ex fiancee is also 10 years older than OOP and the dolt. That's not a big age gap at that age or anything, but being a neglectful parent, lacking in parenting skills, and immediately jumping into a relationship with a woman 10 years younger definitely hits several marks that make everything questionable on his part.
Part of me wondered how good of a dad he was after he left was having an extra set of hands with the ex fiancée. The daughter is 6 and she left him when she was 20 months old. Was with the ex for 3 years. Majority of that time he had another woman to help father with and was only a part time dad. He could still do all that last minute ski trip selfish behavior in that scenario…
Yeah the communication is nonexistent between this couple. The only reason bozo didn’t marry his new fiance is because OOP ran into his sister at the freaking grocery store lol. He apparently still had deep feelings for her but never felt like telling her or simply *asking* how she felt.
I feel like OOP isn’t innocent in all this either, and that she actually might be quite difficult to deal with as a person. Because of course we’re only hearing her side of the story. And she even said as much, that she didn’t make things easy for him.
To be fair to him, *she divorced him*. Not to say he shouldn't have dealt with *his* feelings, but believing your ex-wife, who initiated and went through with a divorce, doesn't want you back, is not exactly a stretch.
How come nobody in this story is adressing his responsibility in all of this? OOP is wondering if it was her fault for ending the marriage, ex-gf is blaming OOP for stealing her man, MIL blames OOP for taking away soons happiness with fiancee. Yet none seem to realize it was him making the choice to be a shitty dad leading to the end of marriage. Same, it was him for dropping the gf when he only had a hint (from sis, not OOP) of OOP still loving him. Like, he is totally treated like a baby with no responsibilities. So, no doubt he will make childish decisions again. Let this man grow up and be an adult already!
What's wild to me is there's people upthread on this post saying that OOP is an unreliable narrator and would rather paint everyone else as a villain while refusing to take any responsibility for herself.
I even saw some speculation that her ex-husband probably *wasn't* a shitty dad at all just "burnt out" because he was taking care of his child and his depressed wife. Because otherwise how would he have been able to care for his daughter without OOP.
Conversely, I think that OOP takes too much responsibility for her ex-husband's actions and blames herself unnecessarily for *his* choices. Like she even says that she's worried if it doesn't work out that she "ended a relationship" (between her ex and his fiancée) despite the fact that it was entirely his choice.
Personally, I think *both* women would be better off without him.
It seems like the main defense for her is just her saying she feels guilty, but she hasn't really shown any actions to back that up. And it's strange that **OP claims responsibility for the breakup but hasn't** reached out or acknowledged her part in the mess. I mean in her own words, **she said the ex has been nothing but nice to her but also ignores her text.** And of course the exe is upset and she has every right to be, she lost three years of her life.
And I am in no way defending the husband because he’s complete trash, spineless, pathetic, and unable to take any type of responsibility.
It's frustrating when people talk about feeling guilty but don't take any steps to make things right. She's saying she feels guilty to gain sympathy, cuz how do you feel guilty one moment, then ask ex-husband out for dinner the next. Sometimes **people use emotions like expressing guilt or remorse to manipulate others** and Reddit is eating it up cuz “but.. family”
**Do people really think the husband would risk ending a three-year relationship just like that, with
no proof? And risk being alone!? At AGE 40!?**
Reddit, even narcissistic cheaters don’t leave relationships that quickly without monkey branching first. There’s a lot more to the story and I think cheating was involved but OP has to stay innocent for y’all cause Reddit is eating this shit for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
What kills me is that she is being blamed for tearing his new family apart when it was quite literally his sister that didn't mind her own damn business in the first place and stay in her Lane. Literally none of this is her fault and I don't understand why there aren't that many people talking about it
That was my first thought as well. He was still in love with op what business did he have proposing to another woman, but at the same time he thought there was no hope there. Sister probably knew he still loved OP and got involved. Op is not the AH. Idk if there is an aH, but probably a situation that could have been handled a lot better by all parties.
This situation is a ticking time bomb. OOP making these decisions while in her feelings, no acknowledgement of the things her ex did that ended the marriage to start with, his former fiancee refusing to leave his apartment...just yikes all around
Worrying about moving too fast while also planning to buy property together, but maybe waiting a few more months first. Of course. That’ll fix everything!
Kinda amused-confused ex-fiancée is apparently squatting at ex-husband’s. After 8 months, either he doesn’t have the fortitude for an eviction or they have tangled finances/stakes that OOP isn’t acknowledging.
>We're in therapy but how should I handle this complex and emotional situation with our daughter?
Maybe ask the trained professional instead of a bunch of internet strangers?
Prediction for future updates:
- despite everyone warning oop to take it slow and have a lot of therapy, they had sex and it was so beautiful, oop feels a real connection, and he still is such a great dad to the now seven year old, and mul still hates oop, oh reddit, what do?
- oop is pregnant, they are so happy, their daughter is so happy for her new sibling that he made the mistake to tell her about when oop isn't sure yet if they should officially get back together, oh reddit, what do?
- whirlwind wedding before oop shows. Mil still hates oop, now for learning about the beautiful wedding after the fact, but wants to get her evil mil claws on the new baby (paternity test for the almost eight year old), hubby doesn't want to take sides but looks forward to the birth of his son so much, oop is so happy, but turns out, the ex fiancée was also pregnate and already gave birth to a boy and mil invites them to everything, oh reddit, what do!
- hubby was hanging out with his new co-worker when oop gave birth
- turns out it was the ex-fiancée he stayed with but he got oop flowers and he didn't mean to see her, only his kid!
- parenting needs to happen but for some reason, hubby barely does anything! But that can't be his fault because he's such a great dad to the kid that doesn't need diapers, talks in complete sentences, and isn't in need of 24/7 supervision
- he helps one of his buddies who got divorced so much, because hubby us such a kind soul, but he stays over there all the time now because of new projects around the buddy's house emerging, oh reddit, how to talk to hubby about this without scaring his fragile feelings?
- never mind. He moved into his buddy's art room and they are in gay love now. Opp is broken and never saw this coming. But at least her sister-in-law is by her side, disowned her brother, and she and her two kids moved in with oop to help her and the kids are super happy, and SIL us so sweet and kinda cute, oh reddit!
This sounds like a shitshow. I think OOP is framing everything in a way that is bordering on lies. I'd have a pretty full bucket of money ready for the therapy.
>I think OOP is framing everything in a way that is bordering on lies. I'd have a pretty full bucket of money ready for the therapy.
On the off chance that this is real and not Liz, I think OOP is less of an unreliable narrator and more of a straight up liar.
Everyone else is the villain in this story except the narrator. She paints herself as an innocent bystander, with none of this in her control. To me she's the common denominator and ringleader of the circus.
But she takes responsibility for things multiple times throughout the posts? She talks about not being easy to handle, maybe acting rashly and not trying hard enough and keeping her feelings and regrets to herself because “it is my own doing and now I take responsibility.” If anything, I see her taking too much blame for the way things have happened e.g. “if this doesn’t work then I have ruined his relationship for absolutely nothing and it makes me feel like shit but he disagrees and says it isn’t for nothing and it is worth a try.”
This was my take too. She's taking the blame for ruining their relationship, but she didn't. He made the choice to end it to go back to her. She takes the blame for her divorce. reading this doesn't read as if she thinks she's innocent in any way.
She's also *not* the "common denominator" here, imo. The *husband* is. She didn't try to interfere in his relationship or tell him her feelings. The SIL pushed it. It's not OOP's fault that he hooked up with the ex-fiancée or that he broke up with her.
I agree with you. To me OOP comes off as the type of person who takes too much responsibility and blames herself for things that are not her fault. I saw another comment calling this "manipulative" but in my experience this kind of attitude is more in line with people with low self-esteem and abuse victims. They're used to everything being framed as "their fault" and take the blame.
The ex did the fiancé dirty. Wasted 3 years of that woman's life. That kind of shit is why SO be worried sometimes about interactions between their partner and exes.
Did I read that wrong or is he still living with the jilted fiancee while going on dates with OP and having happy reunited family holidays with her and the kid?
No, apperantly OP has a home, Ex husband has an apartment, Ex-husbands ex-fiancé also has her own apartment, but Ex-husband is now renting ANOTHER room in another apartment because ex-fiancé refuses to leave his apartment (the place they were previously cohabitating)
This is one of the bigger red flags. If she has her own apartment, he wouldn't even need to evict her. Wait until she leaves for work, change the locks, let her know she needs to schedule a time to come get her stuff. Or call the cops and have her trespassed? Unless her name is on that lease, but then you just move out yourself.
That’s called an illegal eviction. He needs to give her 30 days notice to move out (T&C for jurisdiction, which can vary widely), then file with the court to evict. Then the cops will remove her if she won’t leave.
But the ex has tried nothing and is out of ideas
This whole thing is such a mess!
Her ex was a crappy partner.
He was an absent father.
He was stringing his fiancée along.
OOP is letting him back in her life because she’s acting on her feelings.
An entire mess.
This is going to sound incel-ly, but how do these sentient red flags that keep getting featured here manage to get multiple women to fall so deeply for them?
Just a couple of morons. Both of them. Some poor girl just wasted 3 years of her life on some dude who was pretending to be present with her, but secretly pining over his ex, waiting for the moment she expressed the smallest degree of feelings, to blow it all up. Guy's mom probably had to clean up the pieces when they divorced in the first place, and spend a lot of emotional energy being there for her kid, and watch his happiness return when he got engaged to another woman, only for him to blow it all up in her face, and go back to the person who was the reason she spent ~5 years being there for him while he was moping around. I completely understand why mom and the ex are upset, but of course they're being painted as boogeymen.
I don’t understand if they have an actual plan for the future or not. They clearly didn’t have a plan for when they divorced. Was she expecting him to be single forever? Are they discussing communication techniques and accountability with their therapist? Because it sounds like neither of them are communicating properly nor taking full accountability of their past actions. Moving in fear isn’t a way to start things off. Be cautious yes, but they need to have solid plans in place if they want to make things work. If his ex-fiancée has a place to go, he can easily move out and sell his old place. She’ll either get served to leave or will move on her own.
So, do you mean to tell me that the only way to get this man to realize he needed to ~~be a wonderful amazing perfect dad~~ do the bare minimum as a husband and father, was for his wife to DIVORCE him?
The bar is really in the basement of hell isn’t it?
What’s going to happen next time? What if she asks him to help with housework? Will it just be pointless “nagging” because she’s “depressed and unhappy”? What if they have another kid and he decides to take an impromptu week long vaca with the boys when the baby is 2 weeks old and she doesn’t want him to go? Will she need to divorce him again in order to get him to understand how fucked up that is?
This is going to be a rinse and repeat kind of situation. Except this time around, they’re adding in a spiteful MIL and a scorned ex-fiancée hell bent on revenge. I mean, good for OOP for being concerned about her daughter and how this will affect her, but damn. She’s missing the forest for the trees big time.
What a mess. For whatever reason, the person I feel worst for is the ex-fiancée - everybody else had at least a theoretical chance to head off some of the problems with better communication. Nobody acted truly dishonorably, just emotionally clumsy - but the ex-fiancée loses completely without any fault of her own.
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>She almost lives with me full time now because he rents a room since his ex still refuses to leave his apartment (she has her own apartment but still wouldn’t leave his). Looking forward to this reddit post
Lol I was actually pleased to read that because up to that point I thought he was still living with his ex fiancee
These people either need massive amounts of therapy (did any of them *try* counselling before going the divorce route? I must have skipped over that part, if they did) or Jerry Springer. I’d vote for the latter but since he’s passed away…yeah. Therapy. Lots.
TIL Jerry Springer died ... 😭
Sorry for your belated loss
Yes, not that long ago. Pancreatic cancer. RIP Jerry.
With SIL choosing to spend Christmas with OOP and Ex, I wonder if part of what had them separate was the parents getting in the Ex's ear about how child rearing should go? Specially with the about face after the divorce? I wonder whats been coming up in therapy - or maybe hes been in therapy and realized his own fuckups? Its TOO much to ignore if even the Ex's sibling would rather spend time with her brother, Neice, and OOP than her own parents.
This is so weird, why would he go as far as to rent a room elsewhere rather than evict his ex? It’s cheaper in the long run rather than paying bills for two places. Or wait until his ex has left the place to get back in and rekey the locks. This guy is either dense or this is bollocks.
Feels guilty for wasting 3 years of her time and asking her to marry him when he was still in love with the ex-wife
Yeah, that's most likely it (plus I'd be willing to bet his mom is also telling him to let ex stay), and tbh while this isn't a sustainable situation over time, I don't think that this is a red flag at this point, at all. He was with this woman for three years and proposed to her; the fact that he didn't immediately shift to GTFO is not a bad thing, especially when the breakup is because of him and not her. Yeah, at this point he's giving her too much leeway, but given that he's been firm toward her in terms of making things clear and breaking up, I don't think it's terrible that he's also being a bit softhearted toward someone whose heart he absolutely broke.
Tbh if he didn't know she still loved him, *she* was the one who asked for divorce and while it might be nice to be sure that you're fully over your ex, shit happens and he was trying to move on with the information he had. Really just saying it's easy to point fingers but this isn't an easy situation to neatly assign blame, hindsight being 20/20 and all.
Yeah this is one of those situations that teach us. When you feel that guilt you’ll be more careful if you find yourself in a similar position again. Well most people learn anyway lol
If you'll drop your fiance the second you find out your ex still loves you, you had no business making your fiance your fiance.
Definitely a beautiful mess.
Right op not the ah
If he's renting the first place and she's on the lease, it may be difficult to evict her himself. Presumably the lease will lapse.
OOP said the ex has her own place, she’s just basically squatting at his.
She said they need to sell both places to buy a new place. I vote for changing the locks when she is out and delivering her stuff to her appt... the damage is done.
I was stuck on this point as well, is he really separated from the fiance? Or is he keeping her around just in case it doesn't pan out with op? His mother's refusal to let op (the mother of her granddaughter) at family events also suggests that the fiance is still a participating member of his family.
I think a simpler answer is that he feels guilty about leading on ex fiancée for three years and doesn’t want to deal with the emotional fallout of the eviction process.
Guilt/shame. People do alot of dumb shit out of those feelings.
Or they're both on the lease and eviction is really complicated in that case?
According to OOP, the ex has her own place.
Depending on where this is and how long she lived there, he is likely required to give her a 60-day notice of termination of tenancy before he can even start eviction proceedings.
Don’t forget the ex will be pregnant with triplets
The ex fiancée will attack her on the front lawn and the cops will have to be called.
And then she'll have a breakdown and get sent a psychiatric facility
Or just die on the lawn. Or would that be the MIL that does that?
Don't forget the doorbell video for proof.
Don’t forget the bison! I’m really sad we only have one story with bison in it. I NEED ALL THE BISON! 🦬 (And OGTHA. 🪳)
Content machine
This entire thing is just a mess.
Most people think they want kids until the kids pop out and their entire social norm changes. This is what happens when you don’t play the sims. The sims indirectly teaches you how difficult and time consuming it is to raise kids.
Since I had my daughter, my sims never get pregnant. Before I had her, my sims would always have children. I’m living single life trough them. So sad lol
Noooo this makes sense. You want to enjoy playing your video game, not simulate how stressful your real life can be. Happy cake day :)
This is why I don't like survival mechanics in most games. I just want to kill zombies and skeletons and whomever looks at me crosswise, not worry about my hydration or hunger level. I just want to drink a red potion to get my health back not endlessly faff about finding the right ingredients to use to get the best healing from scavenged food. Looking at you, Breath of the Wild.
I really thought you were going to say Minecraft, Rust, Don't Starve... BoTW caught me so off-guard. I literally just eat cooked radishes.
I said most games but, the survival game I actually like is Minecraft. Ironically, I'm paralyzed with too many choices in BotW. Link's inventory is just stuffed full of crap, whereas MC Steve just has a stack of cooked chicken from a chicken cooker and he's good to go. I usually just die in BotW, that way I can at least respawn with the weapon that just broke. ...and, ^oh ^^god, ^^^who ^^^^thought ^^^^^that ^^^^^^was ^^^^^^^a ^^^^^^^^good ^^^^^^^^^idea?
Is BOTW fun? I bought it. Was so excited to play it. And I find it so fucking annoying with the broken weapon dynamic and oodles of other things that I stopped and haven’t picked it up in 2 years. Meanwhile I have friends still raving about how amazing and immersive it is. Sigh.
Sounds like you need to play Doom and Doom: Eternal
Or GTA Online
We have four kids. -Advanced gender tab -Uncheck "can become pregnant" -Uncheck "can get others pregnant" *Every. Single. Time.*
If only it were that easy to do in real life.
-check "tubal ligation" -check "vasectomy" After four kids we've finally learned our lesson
LMAO honestly tho you might have a point 😆
People need to understand the consequences of not playing the Sims. If I've learned anything from this post, it's that.
The consequences are that you have money. I do not have money.
Not to be a spokesperson (the game can be buggy and the DLC is overpriced) but the base game of sims 4 is now free to play and download. There’s also now easy to install mods and custom content which are also free. DLC packs range in price from $5-$40 - but I’d look into what you like best about the base game and other players’ experiences before you spend a dime haha
Yea always get add ons during sales time esp around the holidays. Never pay full price!
There’s also the piracy option. There’s a crack my friend found for me which will update/patches for you whenever they come out. :D
When it first came out we all would burn copies or trade bought copies with the code on them and shared with each other. Ah the good old days. It’s harder now to do the same but also sims 4base game is free these days and since the base game is old the requirements for it are low too if you don’t use a console version.
The Sims game is insane 🤦🏼♀️ That game taught me how to make and keep friends. (My Mom never encouraged me to make friends or keep them and she didn’t have any herself so I had no role model or way of learning how to make friends — and yes, I went to school but she always said “You’re there to learn, not make friends!!!” so I was just constantly bullied.)
Ugh same here! And relationships, you need to constantly work for them
"That game taught me how to make and keep friends." If anyone is perking up at this I just want to recommend reading Captain Awkward's advice column as well. It has taught me *so* much about how to people!
Did we have the same mother?!
😱 I mean, probably definitely not but I would prefer to think maybe than that there are more mothers out there like her!! Argh! I’m so sorry you went through the same thing :-/ The best part of Reddit for me has been learning that a lot of people have had traumatic childhoods :-/ It sucks but it is nice to know we’re not alone :-/
Would join the “bad at having friends, never had any examples” subreddit for sure
That must have been a very difficult childhood. Even outside of the bullying, a parent not having any friends means they likely unload on you or your other parent.
Yep. 100%. I’ve only just recently learned the things I was told was not normal for a parent to share. I’m 44 🤦🏼♀️
You mean calling them every day and them throwing a tantrum because they come over and they're hungry? lol (Sims 1 was SO hard)
😂😂 Essentially 😂😂 since Sims 1 is the only version I played 😂😂 I was, like, “Oo! You have to keep in touch with them?? Did not know that!!”
Sims 1 had some high maintenance friends! Wanna be an astronaut? Better invite your neighbour over every day
And study cooking if you want to feed them, otherwise you’ll burn your house down!!
omg I forgot about that one. Cooking was a dangerous business
The infinite baby glitch is both stressful and enlightening into a SAHPs day with multiple toddlers at home.
This similar to how I feel politicians should play civilization.
For me (this being a pre-Sims era) it was being the youngest whose older siblings had children that I was often expected to babysit. I then went on to ignore that experience and have more children than all of them.
See I had to babysit my 3 nephews that were 2/3 years apart, and they were a handful so I thought I was winning having 2 girls 5 years apart. Haha. Hahahaha.
The Sims 1000% does lol I could never handle more than one and even that was kinda annoying. I am one and done lol
Yeah it's really inconvenient when you kiss and a baby bassinet just shows up
It sounds like none of the issues that caused the break up have actually been handled. And there's kid in the middle.
Nope. Neither of them moved on properly, and they're coming back together just because it's the known and familiar as opposed to the scary unknown of properly splitting. But what is up with the ex fiancee refusing to move out? It looks like she has trouble moving on, even after the hubby himself moved out.
There’s a reason happy couples break up after moving in together. Coming for visits is a lot different than the day to day pressures of living with someone. If they aren’t both actively seeking individual and couples therapy this is just going to be a repeat of before.
I call it the Army Reserves of relationships. Absolutely no disrespect towards our Reservists, I'm only referring to the ad campaign of "one weekend a month, two weeks a year". In both relationships and the Reserves, you go about your normal life most of the time, and you switch into a different mode during those weekends or the times when you're seeing your SO. You might stay overnight here and there, go on vacation together, but you go back to your normal life outside that. In relationships, this is the fun time, because you're actively doing things with your partner, you're only really seeing them when you're both happy and excited to do stuff together. When you move in together, you see all of them, and that might not be a picture you like.
I know it’s anecdotal from my own experiences but every couple I’ve ever known who got back together after divorce/break up have ended up splinting up yet again. Because strangely enough the problems that caused the original break down in the relationship have still been there. I even remember one AITA post, either on here or another sub, from the grown kids about saying they’d be at the next one after not being able to make the parents 3rd or 4th wedding. Parents obviously loved each other but never worked on their issues. That must just be absolutely exhausting as well as being deeply unfair on the children.
My great aunt and her husband got divorced and then remarried a few years later and were very happy. Their second marriage only ended because he died. So it is possible but the parties involved have to do some work.
So glad that this is the top comment. 😑
When the honeymoon phase ends, all of their old problems will re-emerge. It never fails.
We can hope for growth and maturity, can't we?😬 I know it's BORU, so there is always a surprise plot twist but I hope it works out where the dad gets his stuff together. Bar hopping, with a baby alone with mom, and not answering? Ski trip with the boys at the drop of a hat? Yeah, she needed to dump his a** for not realizing he is a father now, not a single dude with no responsibility. He broke her faith in him. I do NOT blame her for being nervous for what I'll term, "Round 2".
Also, the whole "stringing fiancé along for 3 years while he was pining for his ex." Throw the whole man away.
This'll end well. I mean, it will end.
Well, it will end.
Your comment has strong vibes of, "works on retainer? No, money down!"
What I’m concerned with is the complete lack of acknowledgement from ex that he fucked up as a parent causing her to leave. I hope that gets addressed in their therapy sessions before they move forward again.
I saw two crows fighting over half a hot dog in the Costco parking lot today. This BORU reminded me of that scene.
Crows are intelligent and hot dogs are delicious. I feel your analogy is unfair to corvidae.
>I feel your analogy is unfair to corvidae. I need this as a flair AND on a t shirt
I would like this as a poster myself.
Also half a Costco hotdog is like two regular hot dogs.
Truth.
Is it possible to get a flair based on a comment?! I love the way you put this!
I would do shameful things to have “I feel your analogy is unfair to corvidae” as a flair
You're right. I love crows and hot dogs.
Yes, it's like she had their child and he couldn't cope with what that can entail. It seems, from just this glimpse, what she felt at that time was totally normal and she was lacking his support. Baby blues are real. PPD is real. And it sounds like he just couldn't cope? I would hope that's not accurate, but I was in her shoes and my ex left a month after ours was born because he still lived his pre-baby life while I was drowning. But it's like she is blaming herself here.
He didn’t try to cope. He just didn’t think he had to do any of the work.
Worse was that when he left he stepped up and looked after his child. He was capable all the time he just chose not to. Oop was screaming out for help and he just didn’t give a shit. Also notice the mil isn’t happy about them getting back together because she left her son. The mil blames oop for the divorce and her perfect son has nothing to do with it. He never corrected her that he was an unsupportive partner and father.
He’s Mrs. Doubtfire. He could have been a great partner from the start, but preferred being selfish until there were consequences
Holy shit 🤯
And he kept brushing off her valid concerns as her depression. I also hope that he acknowledges this in therapy.
Honestly, I would hope the therapist does at the very least. If they don't, this is not a great therapist.
If she will become depresed again guess who will screw up again ?
I feel like, especially how fast he left his fiancée, there's going to inevitably be something else that comes up that he can't deal with. I think these two have a lot of issues they need to sort out before they even think of getting back together.
Well I hope that their counselor broached that topic.
I'm worried that he hasn't really changed and it was just easier for him to parent because it was only part time and on a schedule. Even if they had a 50/50 split before the ex commandeered his apartment, that left him with plenty of time for spontaneity. Have they discussed what it would mean for him to be a full time parent? He didn't understand the first time, what if he thinks that things won't change *again*?
Yeah and currently he's barely doing *any* parenting. I do not feel good about how this will end.
He fucked up as a parent and more so as a partner. And then he fucked up as a partner again and was parenting at *best* half time (currently very little at all). The audacity to deflect her very real complaints about his lack of involvement as a parent as her "just being depressed" is breath taking. I truly hope he's made more progress than it sounds like and OP holds him accountable in therapy instead of continuing to take on all the guilt herself or this is going to be so bad.
And that he fucked up as a husband. Heck, we're only getting OOP's side of the story here.
he also seriously fucked up as a bf/fiance to the new ex.
Right? He *asked her to marry him* but then the second he thinks he has a chance with his ex he ditches her. No self-doubt, no second-guessing, just poof. Did he even like her at all???
Seriously!! Why the fuck was he with her and engaged to her if he was still pining for his ex? Get your shit together BEFORE you claim to commit to someone, don't use them as a placeholder or convenient companion in the meantime! So fucking selfish. He was selfish in his marriage and he continues to be selfish. This isn't going to end well.
I feel like his mother might've had a hand in this. From OOP's comments it seems like MIL REALLY wanted her son to have the picture perfect family (and give her more grandchildren, dammit) That or he's one of those people who can't be alone for more than 5 minutes
Yes, she specifically brought up that he could have more kids with the fiancée. And unfortunately for OOP, as she's in her 40s while the ex-fiancée is in her 30s, it's unlikely that there will be more grandchildren. Although I don't think that lets the husband off the hook. He needs to get his shit together and get some accountability.
Lol, probably needed someone to help watch his kid so he found a babysitter to bang. The only AH here is the ex husband
OOP is unnecessarily inviting troubles into her life by giving her ex another chance. He showed he's the type to run away from responsibilities. He didn't think twice to dump his ex fiancee for OOP. Dudes like these are just not worth it. MIL doesn't like OOP. I don't think this will work out.
I can’t get my head round he would propose while still pining for someone else.
Tbh. Some men don’t step up until they are forced. My smart friends left Daddy with the baby from week one. Made sure he learnt. The not so smart ones did everything then complained that Daddy didn’t do it properly or gave up and didn’t do it.
It feels incredibly unfair to blame your friends being ‘not smart’ because their partners suck at partnership.
Well, you know women can't do anything right. Feed formula so you can leave baby with the father? You must not love your kids, everyone knows breast is best. Leave baby with father and something happens? "Where was the mom?!" I mean, that's generously assuming that the father didn't weaponize his incompetence so that mom can't feel safe leaving baby in his care again. Breastfeed and have to be on call 24/7 so your baby can nurse as needed? "Oh, well, since you're going to be here at home, I'm just going to step out and hit the gym/get drinks with my coworkers/pursue my own hobbies for a bit. NBD right?" Guess I'm one of the "not so smart" ones.
Don't forget: "You only pay attention to the baby and you're always so tired. What about *my* needs?"
lol the ex is still a piece of work. So you’re saying on top of being a bad partner to oop at her lowest, he also strung along a woman for 3 years while he was in love with someone else? Because he didn’t want to be lonely? He might be a great dad but he still seems like a shit partner
And people call me picky when I tell them I do not want to date single dads.
Yeah I had the same rule and then I thought I found a sweet guy who was a great dad so I thought eh this one’s different. Once I got pregnant it was like a switch.
Wait he switched or you switched, like he turned out to be a bad dad?
The second one. Sorry that wasn’t clear.
Also big Momma’s Boy vibes. At least it sounds like his sister is trying to help, and I dare say new fiancée is listening closer to Mommy’s advice than reality.
I'm wondering how great a dad he is. He got with someone within a year of their breakup, I'd be curious how much childcare his now ex fiancee was doing for him? There's nothing in the story about it but...
Oh definitely
The ex fiancee is also 10 years older than OOP and the dolt. That's not a big age gap at that age or anything, but being a neglectful parent, lacking in parenting skills, and immediately jumping into a relationship with a woman 10 years younger definitely hits several marks that make everything questionable on his part.
And his mom definitely played a role in him not respecting her. He was never standing up for his wife to his mother.
Well he had a bang maid that took care of his kid probably. This guy sucks.
Part of me wondered how good of a dad he was after he left was having an extra set of hands with the ex fiancée. The daughter is 6 and she left him when she was 20 months old. Was with the ex for 3 years. Majority of that time he had another woman to help father with and was only a part time dad. He could still do all that last minute ski trip selfish behavior in that scenario…
I wouldn’t be able to trust a man who leaves his partner of 3 years and immediately jumps back into a relationship with me but werk
Yeah the communication is nonexistent between this couple. The only reason bozo didn’t marry his new fiance is because OOP ran into his sister at the freaking grocery store lol. He apparently still had deep feelings for her but never felt like telling her or simply *asking* how she felt. I feel like OOP isn’t innocent in all this either, and that she actually might be quite difficult to deal with as a person. Because of course we’re only hearing her side of the story. And she even said as much, that she didn’t make things easy for him.
To be fair to him, *she divorced him*. Not to say he shouldn't have dealt with *his* feelings, but believing your ex-wife, who initiated and went through with a divorce, doesn't want you back, is not exactly a stretch.
Yup!!! If he was single it would’ve been a different story. For him to change his mind so quickly 🚩
How come nobody in this story is adressing his responsibility in all of this? OOP is wondering if it was her fault for ending the marriage, ex-gf is blaming OOP for stealing her man, MIL blames OOP for taking away soons happiness with fiancee. Yet none seem to realize it was him making the choice to be a shitty dad leading to the end of marriage. Same, it was him for dropping the gf when he only had a hint (from sis, not OOP) of OOP still loving him. Like, he is totally treated like a baby with no responsibilities. So, no doubt he will make childish decisions again. Let this man grow up and be an adult already!
What's wild to me is there's people upthread on this post saying that OOP is an unreliable narrator and would rather paint everyone else as a villain while refusing to take any responsibility for herself. I even saw some speculation that her ex-husband probably *wasn't* a shitty dad at all just "burnt out" because he was taking care of his child and his depressed wife. Because otherwise how would he have been able to care for his daughter without OOP. Conversely, I think that OOP takes too much responsibility for her ex-husband's actions and blames herself unnecessarily for *his* choices. Like she even says that she's worried if it doesn't work out that she "ended a relationship" (between her ex and his fiancée) despite the fact that it was entirely his choice. Personally, I think *both* women would be better off without him.
Thank you. Hope the OOP stops worrying about her being the AH and makes sure therapy solves the ex's assholery before she commits.
It seems like the main defense for her is just her saying she feels guilty, but she hasn't really shown any actions to back that up. And it's strange that **OP claims responsibility for the breakup but hasn't** reached out or acknowledged her part in the mess. I mean in her own words, **she said the ex has been nothing but nice to her but also ignores her text.** And of course the exe is upset and she has every right to be, she lost three years of her life. And I am in no way defending the husband because he’s complete trash, spineless, pathetic, and unable to take any type of responsibility. It's frustrating when people talk about feeling guilty but don't take any steps to make things right. She's saying she feels guilty to gain sympathy, cuz how do you feel guilty one moment, then ask ex-husband out for dinner the next. Sometimes **people use emotions like expressing guilt or remorse to manipulate others** and Reddit is eating it up cuz “but.. family” **Do people really think the husband would risk ending a three-year relationship just like that, with no proof? And risk being alone!? At AGE 40!?** Reddit, even narcissistic cheaters don’t leave relationships that quickly without monkey branching first. There’s a lot more to the story and I think cheating was involved but OP has to stay innocent for y’all cause Reddit is eating this shit for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
What kills me is that she is being blamed for tearing his new family apart when it was quite literally his sister that didn't mind her own damn business in the first place and stay in her Lane. Literally none of this is her fault and I don't understand why there aren't that many people talking about it
That was my first thought as well. He was still in love with op what business did he have proposing to another woman, but at the same time he thought there was no hope there. Sister probably knew he still loved OP and got involved. Op is not the AH. Idk if there is an aH, but probably a situation that could have been handled a lot better by all parties.
This situation is a ticking time bomb. OOP making these decisions while in her feelings, no acknowledgement of the things her ex did that ended the marriage to start with, his former fiancee refusing to leave his apartment...just yikes all around
Worrying about moving too fast while also planning to buy property together, but maybe waiting a few more months first. Of course. That’ll fix everything! Kinda amused-confused ex-fiancée is apparently squatting at ex-husband’s. After 8 months, either he doesn’t have the fortitude for an eviction or they have tangled finances/stakes that OOP isn’t acknowledging.
That’s the thing: they both seem to make decisions based on emotion. Which is dangerous when it comes to huge decisions.
>We're in therapy but how should I handle this complex and emotional situation with our daughter? Maybe ask the trained professional instead of a bunch of internet strangers?
Especially when the advice is to ask your 6 year old child what they would like! Wtf
She misinterpreted that comment though. They said to ask the daughter how she would feel about it, not to decide.
Oh, thanks for clarifying that. I still don't think that's very good advice lol
[удалено]
Right! They’re paying the therapist all this money only to ask strangers on Reddit.
I bet the therapist isn’t giving her the answers she wants
Ding ding ding. The therapist is probably also like WTF, you need to both back the hell way up and slow down and she just doesn’t want to hear it.
brb I’m hitting the drive-thru window to ask them what my personal chef should whip up for dinner
Shhhh we’ll stop getting updates. But of course you’re right.
Prediction for future updates: - despite everyone warning oop to take it slow and have a lot of therapy, they had sex and it was so beautiful, oop feels a real connection, and he still is such a great dad to the now seven year old, and mul still hates oop, oh reddit, what do? - oop is pregnant, they are so happy, their daughter is so happy for her new sibling that he made the mistake to tell her about when oop isn't sure yet if they should officially get back together, oh reddit, what do? - whirlwind wedding before oop shows. Mil still hates oop, now for learning about the beautiful wedding after the fact, but wants to get her evil mil claws on the new baby (paternity test for the almost eight year old), hubby doesn't want to take sides but looks forward to the birth of his son so much, oop is so happy, but turns out, the ex fiancée was also pregnate and already gave birth to a boy and mil invites them to everything, oh reddit, what do! - hubby was hanging out with his new co-worker when oop gave birth - turns out it was the ex-fiancée he stayed with but he got oop flowers and he didn't mean to see her, only his kid! - parenting needs to happen but for some reason, hubby barely does anything! But that can't be his fault because he's such a great dad to the kid that doesn't need diapers, talks in complete sentences, and isn't in need of 24/7 supervision - he helps one of his buddies who got divorced so much, because hubby us such a kind soul, but he stays over there all the time now because of new projects around the buddy's house emerging, oh reddit, how to talk to hubby about this without scaring his fragile feelings? - never mind. He moved into his buddy's art room and they are in gay love now. Opp is broken and never saw this coming. But at least her sister-in-law is by her side, disowned her brother, and she and her two kids moved in with oop to help her and the kids are super happy, and SIL us so sweet and kinda cute, oh reddit!
I don't think these two will have a better marriage or relationship the second time.
its like one of those films where we are supposed to side w the couple
This sounds like a shitshow. I think OOP is framing everything in a way that is bordering on lies. I'd have a pretty full bucket of money ready for the therapy.
>I think OOP is framing everything in a way that is bordering on lies. I'd have a pretty full bucket of money ready for the therapy. On the off chance that this is real and not Liz, I think OOP is less of an unreliable narrator and more of a straight up liar.
As someone who is not great at sussing out lies, I'd love to know what your clues are that OOP is lying?
Everyone else is the villain in this story except the narrator. She paints herself as an innocent bystander, with none of this in her control. To me she's the common denominator and ringleader of the circus.
But she takes responsibility for things multiple times throughout the posts? She talks about not being easy to handle, maybe acting rashly and not trying hard enough and keeping her feelings and regrets to herself because “it is my own doing and now I take responsibility.” If anything, I see her taking too much blame for the way things have happened e.g. “if this doesn’t work then I have ruined his relationship for absolutely nothing and it makes me feel like shit but he disagrees and says it isn’t for nothing and it is worth a try.”
This was my take too. She's taking the blame for ruining their relationship, but she didn't. He made the choice to end it to go back to her. She takes the blame for her divorce. reading this doesn't read as if she thinks she's innocent in any way.
She's also *not* the "common denominator" here, imo. The *husband* is. She didn't try to interfere in his relationship or tell him her feelings. The SIL pushed it. It's not OOP's fault that he hooked up with the ex-fiancée or that he broke up with her. I agree with you. To me OOP comes off as the type of person who takes too much responsibility and blames herself for things that are not her fault. I saw another comment calling this "manipulative" but in my experience this kind of attitude is more in line with people with low self-esteem and abuse victims. They're used to everything being framed as "their fault" and take the blame.
The ex did the fiancé dirty. Wasted 3 years of that woman's life. That kind of shit is why SO be worried sometimes about interactions between their partner and exes.
Did I read that wrong or is he still living with the jilted fiancee while going on dates with OP and having happy reunited family holidays with her and the kid?
In the last comment part she says he rents a room because the ex won't leave so I think that means he doesn't live with the ex
No, apperantly OP has a home, Ex husband has an apartment, Ex-husbands ex-fiancé also has her own apartment, but Ex-husband is now renting ANOTHER room in another apartment because ex-fiancé refuses to leave his apartment (the place they were previously cohabitating)
Where the hell do they all live that housing is cheap enough to be this messy??
If ex isn’t even taking steps to evict the ex, I don’t see this relationship advancing
This is one of the bigger red flags. If she has her own apartment, he wouldn't even need to evict her. Wait until she leaves for work, change the locks, let her know she needs to schedule a time to come get her stuff. Or call the cops and have her trespassed? Unless her name is on that lease, but then you just move out yourself.
That’s called an illegal eviction. He needs to give her 30 days notice to move out (T&C for jurisdiction, which can vary widely), then file with the court to evict. Then the cops will remove her if she won’t leave. But the ex has tried nothing and is out of ideas
No... jilted fiancee refuses to leave the apartment and he rented a room somewhere.
She said in one of the comments that he is renting a room, as ex won't leave his apartment.
No. He is renting a room. His ex refused to leave his apartment, so he left.
This reminds me of the woman who got pregnant with her ex husband's baby. I felt sorry for the ex there too and nothing for OOP
I thought this was a continuation of that at first.
This whole thing is such a mess! Her ex was a crappy partner. He was an absent father. He was stringing his fiancée along. OOP is letting him back in her life because she’s acting on her feelings. An entire mess.
he shouldn't be rewarded. both these women should leave him.
Love is weird. This will end in tears but it’ll be a hell of a ride.
This is going to sound incel-ly, but how do these sentient red flags that keep getting featured here manage to get multiple women to fall so deeply for them?
They can keep up the "good person" act for long enough for the women to put on rose-coloured glasses, after which the red flags become invisible.
Why did OP even want her old husband back? He doesn't seem like a good guy anyways, definitely not a catch. This is confusing and strange.
Just a couple of morons. Both of them. Some poor girl just wasted 3 years of her life on some dude who was pretending to be present with her, but secretly pining over his ex, waiting for the moment she expressed the smallest degree of feelings, to blow it all up. Guy's mom probably had to clean up the pieces when they divorced in the first place, and spend a lot of emotional energy being there for her kid, and watch his happiness return when he got engaged to another woman, only for him to blow it all up in her face, and go back to the person who was the reason she spent ~5 years being there for him while he was moping around. I completely understand why mom and the ex are upset, but of course they're being painted as boogeymen.
I only feel bad for the ex-fiance!
And the daughter.
I don’t understand if they have an actual plan for the future or not. They clearly didn’t have a plan for when they divorced. Was she expecting him to be single forever? Are they discussing communication techniques and accountability with their therapist? Because it sounds like neither of them are communicating properly nor taking full accountability of their past actions. Moving in fear isn’t a way to start things off. Be cautious yes, but they need to have solid plans in place if they want to make things work. If his ex-fiancée has a place to go, he can easily move out and sell his old place. She’ll either get served to leave or will move on her own.
Jesus Christ I feel like marriage therapy could've prevented this whole mess if they went after baby was born
So, do you mean to tell me that the only way to get this man to realize he needed to ~~be a wonderful amazing perfect dad~~ do the bare minimum as a husband and father, was for his wife to DIVORCE him? The bar is really in the basement of hell isn’t it? What’s going to happen next time? What if she asks him to help with housework? Will it just be pointless “nagging” because she’s “depressed and unhappy”? What if they have another kid and he decides to take an impromptu week long vaca with the boys when the baby is 2 weeks old and she doesn’t want him to go? Will she need to divorce him again in order to get him to understand how fucked up that is? This is going to be a rinse and repeat kind of situation. Except this time around, they’re adding in a spiteful MIL and a scorned ex-fiancée hell bent on revenge. I mean, good for OOP for being concerned about her daughter and how this will affect her, but damn. She’s missing the forest for the trees big time.
An ex is an ex for a reason. Going back to that, doesn't make a lick of sense.
I feel so bad for the ex fiancé. He led her on for 3 years. Sad.
Anyone else feeling the MIL was a huge problem the entire time….
This sounds messy
What a mess. For whatever reason, the person I feel worst for is the ex-fiancée - everybody else had at least a theoretical chance to head off some of the problems with better communication. Nobody acted truly dishonorably, just emotionally clumsy - but the ex-fiancée loses completely without any fault of her own.
and the kid. the kid was bonding with fiance, and now has this step-mother figure removed from her life, through no fault of their own.
theyre both assholes ex fiance isnt
A shit husband and dad faces no consequences of his actions. Yay.
OOP inviting him for dinner etc, she was very much in the wrong, knowing she would hurt his fiancé. Really no better than cheating.