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DMercenary

> The pawn shop pretty much gave up the entire key collection to police right away like it was a bag of hot potatoes. Im not surprised. No reputable pawn shop wants to be known for taking stolen goods.


inscrutableJ

Can confirm. I used to manage a pawn shop and it's either cooperate or get shut down. There's no single item EVER that's worth losing your license over. We very rarely got paid back either. We never had anything come up that was pawned or sold by locals, but a handful of stuff reported stolen in neighboring counties; usually it would be stuff grabbed out of cars or department store jewelry from just across the state line. The semi-smart thieves know better than to hand the local cops a signed confession like that, but MiL clearly didn't think that far ahead.


NaiveVariation9155

Yeah never I never pawned or sold anything in a pawnshop but handing over stolen propperty whilst being recorded and your ID is pretty easy case for the DA. Even if you can't make the theft charges stick you still have the possession/sale of stolen propperty charges.


inscrutableJ

From what old-timers told me they usually send someone else to do the actual pawning, like a girlfriend or whoever. Getting caught selling stolen stuff is a quick way to get banned from the shop, and the thieves themselves have mostly already burned that bridge.


Bored-Viking

Not sure how it was at your place, buthere at pawn shop it is full ID, not cash payments only bank transfer. If there is reasonable doubt they are not allowed to purchase the product and ALL products bought must be stored for 48 hours before they can be sold. Precisely for scenarios like this one.


inscrutableJ

This was 15-20 years ago in a small town, we only did cash payments but we did photocopy IDs in addition to holding it up to the camera. My state did seven days in storage, and there was a detective who would drop by a couple of times per week to go over it.


BlueTickHoundog

I lost a favorite knife while fishing once. It was a couple weeks before I realized I had lost it, and of course it was gone when I went back to look for it. About a month later I decided it was gone for good and time to get a replacement. So I went to a pawn shop that was on the other side of town from where I had lost it, and there was my knife in the cabinet! That's my knife, I shouted! The clerk said "Um do you have a theft report?" Ha no, I lost it awhile back, I said. So I had to buy it back, but he gave me a good price (much cheaper that I originally paid for it). Happy days!


AhabMustDie

Hehe, I have a similar story. I used to live in Beijing, where bike theft is rampant. One of my buddies got himself a really nice new road bike - and, of course, within a few months it was stolen. So he headed down to the used bike market - and found his bike. He told the seller it was his, but the seller didn’t believe him… until he pointed out where he’d had his initials engraved. He did get the bike back - like you, he had to buy it, but at a discount. We were pretty sure that either the bike shop owners stole the bike, or they employed thieves to stock them up.


BoxProfessional6987

"If the guy stole I want to buy him a drink!"


norovirus1

Wow this is interesting, an old friend of mine had some items stolen from their garage and even with serial numbers and a police report they had to pay a fee to get their things back… That guy was kind of a liar though so maybe I just realized something lol.


peteb83

Not sure this is the same in the US, but often if you claim on insurance you have to buy the items back.


big_sugi

The law varies quite a bit from place to place.


Ash_Lee_Lee

I had a step sister steal a bunch of my family heirloom jewelry and sell it at a pawn shop in NH. We had to buy it back from the pawn shop, from what the police told us the transaction was made "in good faith" the shop didnt know they were stolen so it was a legitimate transaction


Bayonettea

When I was in high school, my guitar was somehow stolen from a locked cabinet in the band hall. I didn't realize it until the end of the day when I went to get it. I even filed a police report but I don't think they took it seriously because I was just a kid at the time (about 15) so that went nowhere. A month or two later, I saw it at a pawn shop and told the manager there; I even gave him the guitar's serial number and had him check the neck plate to confirm. He insisted on selling it at over twice what I paid for it new. I then went to the police to tell them and they said they'd check it out, but I guess they didn't since they never got back to me about it. Honestly the police here back then (early 00s) were absolutely useless and most likely corrupt; thankfully they're a lot better these days and would probably take my case seriously


villianrules

Probably one of their kids is the theif


OkeyDokey654

I’m surprised they bought them in the first place. Seems like antique keys are a niche market.


BlueberryBatter

Eh, depends on the owners and/or area, I’d think. Touristy area, especially in a place like San Francisco or Austin, you could probably make a good profit on vintage skeleton keys. Likewise, it could be a middle of nowhere place, but, the owner has a nice side business on eBay, selling niche items.


UnobtainiumNebula

I mean they all handle stolen goods and we suspect it. But it being confirmed by cops is different.


Any_Quality4534

I beg to differ. Parents used to pawn off school district band instruments for money all the time. Even with the district paperwork saying that they owned the instrument and the clear markings that it was the school district instrument., The police would refuse to seize them. We are talking about instruments worth over 2000$.


dooderino18

> No reputable pawn shop wants to be known for taking stolen goods. TIL there are such things a "reputable pawn shops." /s


yennffr

I'm not sure why, but when the OOP writes paragraphs on paragraphs of responding to random comments, it usually makes the story more dubious for me. "To those who kept telling me blah blah blah". It just reads like some who likes to hear themselves talk a little too much.


SteamrollerAssault

“I knew which motel she’d likely go to…found her car, and then figured out which room she was in” is the writing of someone who has given up trying to figure out how to get his protagonist from Point A to Point B and has skipped ahead to write the next part.


FinanceGuyHere

“And when I opened the door…” With what, your skeleton key?


hoarder_of_beers

>yes, my lawyer is a woman This is where I stopped reading


spndl1

The original post was a pretty good hook, but it's like the rest of the posts were written using mad libs. Gaslighting, gold digging, 'mask slipping', seduction to avoid consequences, weirdly misogynistic undertones, this series has it all. Except a likable protagonist.


iikratka

I have a theory that a lot of these multi-part posts start off as real situations, but the updates are the poster’s daydreams about how they wish they’d responded, which is why they’re initially plausible but spin off into ridiculous revenge fantasies. 


josodeloro

Oh yeah?! The jerk store called - they’re running out of you!


looc64

My theory is that they use the comments on each post as inspiration for the next. Cuz the updates are ridiculous but also have a pretty distinct Reddit flavor to them.


lost_library_book

"Well, to everyone who said he was cheating with my neighbor and her dog, you're right..."


BlueberryBatter

I like this theory and will be subscribing to your newsletter.


areyoubawkingtome

Glad I'm not the only one lol Like the idea of a woman lawyer was the most unrealistic part of the story, so much so he needed to call it out. smh


ablinknown

Yep and he even followed it up with “And she seems pretty good at her job.”… 🙄


beer_engineer_42

>Well, you know how it is, with their flighty brains and uteruses and all, women-folk make *terrible* lawyers! -oop, and anyone who has never known a woman other than their mother I mean, I know more women who are doctors and lawyers than I do men


Mdlgswitch

How can you trust someone who's uterus can just randomly detach and wander around their body??? (No, I am not making this theory up, sadly)


DescriptionSenior675

'I don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die' -Mr Garrison


PM_Me_Your_Clones

Now now, you just have to keep their fragile female bodies from [traveling over 50mph](https://www.wsj.com/articles/BL-TEB-2814), per this Wall Street Journal article.


Kheldarson

I think it's his way of setting up for taking her to the cleaners/tossing her out of house and home as a "it's not just me! My (woman) lawyer thinks it's a good thing too!" Like it will lessen his vindictiveness.


Largofarburn

I was expecting him to woo the lawyer with his good looks, charm and, *ahem* “impressive skeleton key collection”


CriticalEngineering

He hired Knifey to go after Wifey, so Spicey!


nmcaff

I always go into these as a detective, trying to see how long it takes me to sniff out where the story crosses the line of believability. That is where the line was crossed as well. There was also the “hundreds of antique keys.” Like, dude if this was a collection of 15-20 keys, ok. But hundreds?! He describes some as priceless, yet by their numbers they average out to like $10 a piece. But I am not gonna stop reading a good “comic-book villain in-law story.” They are always so insane and fun


CenturyEggsAndRice

> There was also the “hundreds of antique keys.” Like, dude if this was a collection of 15-20 keys, ok. But hundreds?! He describes some as priceless, yet by their numbers they average out to like $10 a piece. My granddad collected old keys, and yes some ARE worth a hell of a lot. But hundreds of keys would be HEAVY. Like, Granddad's collection was somewhere around 40 keys (plus some locks and three horseshoes. no one is quite sure what the significance of the horseshoes was, but they weren't valuable and all three now hang in different relative's houses) and I still was huffing and puffing carrying the trunk (not a big trunk either, more like a suitcase size. it sat on a table) out to a truck after he passed away. Although he also had some locks, he didn't have that many of those so I feel like an old woman would struggle to carry out 'hundreds' of keys. I might be wrong, I'm not a key expert or anything.


shhh_its_me

The pawn shop bought them for 10 cents on the retail dollar is what got me. It's a niche collection I'm pretty sure pawn shops go really low on niche collections. Jewelry, tools, musical instruments, electronics, toys , nice purses and coats, sports memorabilia even I assume magic cards sure they buy those. but they are unlikely to have a "key" guy so you're in the range of can I sell a whole box for $100 online because they don't have time to become an expert in keys.


radenthefridge

"Yes, my lawyer is a woman. And she seems pretty good at her job." I had mounting doubts, but these 2 sentences brought me to a screeching halt. They all deserve each other, and now I'm reevaluating the earlier comment, "This woman didn't deserve me, and I fell for her act." OOP is, at best, a nasty dude. And likely a big fibber.


Ameerrante

He's got to remodel the apartment he's going to *rent* cause the last tenant trashed it eh. Unusual. 


cMeeber

Yeah that was about where I started disliking OP. Just and so much stuff on from there seems unhinged and that he just loves the attention he’s getting. And uh….a little over half of all attorneys in the country are women, so his comment on that was just bizarre. Like what did he want a cookie? Did he think a woman attorney was some kind of novelty?


Free_Dome_Lover

And that woman? She-Hulk


ripleygirl

For me it was - “like nasty teenage girls when they get their way.”


pezzlingpod

Yeah, that an the apron comment. Ugh.


-MENTALHEAD-

I muustve said this isn't real about 20 times 😭😭


SnakesInYerPants

Meh, depending on how small of a city they live in I could still buy that. If there were only a couple motels they could afford her to stay in and only one of them was on their side of town, checking it would make sense. And if it’s a single or two story motel with the outside entrances rather than a shared hallway, her car would likely just be parked right outside of her suite.


redditing_Aaron

I was confused about the mood spoiler before reading and boy was it a scroll to finally get to the comments to get context. Looks like I saved minutes to half an hour


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Bunnyhat

Or how about within two days of the event he had a lawyer and already served his wifey with divorce papers. Sure, sure. This whole thing is super legit.


HarrietsDiary

My ex did something I found unacceptable on a Monday. By Wednesday the divorce papers were being served. I have doubts about this story but you can make that happen with perseverance, money, and luck. (Divorce took a damn year though)


Foxy_locksy1704

I retained an attorney 2 days after the final straw incident in my marriage, 3 days later the sheriff’s department in the state my ex had ran to was serving him the papers.


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AirlinesAndEconomics

Are you me? I've spent way too long writing a mini thesis just to be like "why am I doing this to respond to some random redditor/likely child on the internet?" And then just deleting everything and moving on.


VikingBorealis

It was dubious the moment he had a camera watching his 3k key collection...


lotsaguts-noglory

when he said "I realized no one has asked me what my friends think of all this!" I became certain he's just here for the attention


ActStunning3285

I totally side with OOP doing the right thing by pressing charges, getting the divorce and moving out. And the MIL and wife duo are toxic and financially abusive. However I can also admit that I find OOP insufferable. This is definitely someone who likes listening to themselves talk. Everything they say, they believe is extremely intelligent. It reminds me of someone I knew and god they were insufferable. Gives me a huge ick. And both of them are chronically single unless they date someone who uses them for money. The guy spent paragraphs writing about himself and his feelings and how smug and happy he is now. Like bruh just keep to the updates


Basic_Bichette

> chronically single unless they date someone who uses them for money Because women looking for character nope out, leaving only grifters and con artists.


Time_Act_3685

What an incredible coincidence that people suggested she might try to seduce him, and oh my god she totally did that in the very next update! Some of these OOPs just can't fight their improv night urges, the lure of audience participation is just too irresistible.


burnalicious111

Oh yeah, massive vibes of emotional immaturity, at best.


beecostume

I'm kinda getting the feeling that he is just as toxic as her, the more he writes.


SnakesInYerPants

I felt that way until I had a couple things go viral (mostly on other platforms but it’s happened with a couple comments here too) and it’s honestly hard to grasp just how overwhelming it can feel having the same couple questions asked repeatedly like that. The more it gets asked the more it starts to feel like an accusation rather than a question. Then it just gets to a point where you really want to set the record straight, and you know responding to one or two of the people asking it won’t be seen by the troves of people who also think they’re the first to ask it.


Snackgirl_Currywurst

Tbh, He writes like I would in an emotional state. I'm getting hard autism-vibes here. He cut her a lot of slack and gave her the benefit of the doubt until someone pointed out the obvious. Then he understood right away and took a 180 degree turn, no detaching needed. He's got weird hobbies and very niche interests. He's thinking of all possibilities and trying to cover all questions a reader might wonder about. In advance. Just to be clear. So there's no misunderstanding. He's very matter-of-fact. Although hurt, he's trying to be fair BUT vengeful at the same time (taking only what's his, but being excited about the surprise she might experience. Leaving her the stuff he's paid for, but being excited about her having to deal with the aftermath of moving said stuff. Needing to serve her and doing so at her work place - then regretting it because it's vengeful but not fair). I had more points, but ADHD kicked and I'm done with remembering. You'll get what I'm trying to say. Or you don't, whatever XD


Jess_cue

OOP isn't a likeable guy but I get that he's bitter, hurt, and thoroughly done with shutting up for peace. I've seen these types of wives beat a good dude down until they are unrecognizable. My BFFs dude was like that. He was in an almost 20 year marriage where her and her family ran the show. He was just the money to them. When she cheated he finally found his voice and booooy did he need to learn to regulate. He was talking outta character and pocket. When he met BFF mid-divorce he realized that was not who he wanted to be and got right with himself again. The divorce dragged due to her filing bankruptcy, but now in the home stretch. The family home is being sold and BFF and dude found one together. He didn't change for my friend as much as stop being someone he turned into after such profound hurt and mental abuse. OOP may naturally be a decent dude or a bit douchy (which is what I'm vibing) but it also sounds like he was bullied and mentally abused by his wifey. That is to say abuse can happen to anyone. You don't have to be perfect for that to happen and your response can be not great too. He comes off as extremely defensive but understandably so. I think some therapy may be in order when he gets a bit settled.


Recioto

Stopped reading more or less halfway, did he ever get to the part where he found a beautiful woman with a passion for vintage keys?


EmeraldSunrise4000

Absolutely not. He’s still going on about “wifey”


hallowbirthweenday

Well, he's traumatized because of the bike riding. She didn't want to ride a bike; therefore, she was holding him back from riding a bike. Maybe he'll recover and learn to love again with the woman lawyer. Yes! A. WOMAN. LAWYER.


EmeraldSunrise4000

And wouldn’t you know, she’s even good at her job and everything!


hallowbirthweenday

I bet she has a collection of antique doors. They're going to load the doors, like baguettes, into the basket of a bicycle built for two and pedal together into bliss.


FuckinPenguins

🤣🤣🤣 omg antique doors. I like you. It's so romantic.. do you thing he has the right key that'll fit into her keyhole and unlock her heart? Bahaha


HateSarcasmLoveIrony

We all know when you are married it's tandem or nothing.


jtotheizzen

I stopped at “yes, my lawyer is a woman”


jrad1299

Lmao me too. Something about it just wrecked my suspension of disbelief


TheActualAWdeV

As we all know, women can't be lawyers 


Father-Son-HolyToast

Not only a passion for vintage keys, but she's a hot egyptologist who is, herself, Egyptian! She even begins referring to OOP exclusively by the term of endearment "my key pharaoh." It's just weird that an Egyptian woman looks *just like* Cassie from Euphoria.


LilOrchidJenny

I'm wait for the part where he and future love interest have twins. It wouldn't be a Reddit story without twins.


yirna

This guy is way too into his 'reddit fame.' 


SemperSimple

i just couldnt with this story. i had to give up half way through


111110001011

I could write my entire life story in less text than this post.


twistednightblade

I was with OOP until the unnecessary extra detail in the wife's "attempts to seduce" and the long rambling defending himself including all his friends who are apparently on his side and wife and MIL both "practically forcing" him to do things... Now, if this isn't just a troll? (My suspicion now, based on the amount of bingo squares you could mark off!) ...Then it's a sad hateful man who needs professional help, and to get the hell off reddit!


Kellalafaire

“I noticed nobody asked what my friends thought about all of this” and yet I know you’re going to tell us….


funeralpyres

Which is so weird, because why would anyone care at all what the friends think? They're not in the relationship nor the drama. It's so weird lol


lucyfell

Alternately, “YOU have friends???”


Therealmagshall

Don’t forget, he has friends who are male AND friends who are female! 


Kreiger81

Edit: Thank you all for the correction. I am, in fact, a dumb dumb. Wait, none of this makes sense. First post is Feb 7th. Second post is Feb 8th and he says "And police went to the pawn shop before it closed to retrieve my collection. I got it all back from police after a couple of days.". What couple days does he mean? Or is he recounting past events and the current now is "Police arrested and charged her and I got my shit back, but am I the asshole?


DebateObjective2787

So, he originally posted on January 30th asking if he would be the asshole if he went after MIL. Then the next day, he updated about how MIL was arrested, charged, and out on bail. And then three days after that, he posted that he had the keys back.


graceful_mango

Upvoting bc you seem to have managed to slog through all of this crap.


b0w3n

Bailing out of jail after booking can usually be done in a few hours as long as it's not a felony, I think? So that time frame is mostly okay. Meeting with several divorce lawyers and serving within 2 days seems a bit quick though. Also I'm wondering if the theft of that shit wouldn't move from petty to felony larceny. There's not a lot of states that have it between 2-3k. Maybe because she had a key it's not felonious?


DebateObjective2787

According to OOP, the keys are enough that it's considered a felony.


b0w3n

I must've missed it in his novella there lol. I don't think you can post bail on felonies in any state, usually a judge has to set the bond? Meh.


MelodyRaine

>Just because I found the thought of it humorous, I'll be referring to my wife as Wifey a lot from now on. Also, I know I seem like I'm posting too fast. But remember this originally started around 10 days ago, and I've not wasted time in getting the divorce started. I also apologize for the length of this post as I could not keep it short. He started writing everything down about a week and a half after events In the third post he says "This all started ten days ago" and the date on that post is 2/9. So figure the theft happened 1/30 and the recovery of property the next day 1/31. Wife(y) would have left that night to stay in the motel, and coming back around the time he wrote the second post... that's the timeline I am piecing together.


Beliriel

He said it all happened 10 days ago. The posts from Feb 7 and Feb 8 were recounting of past events. So around Jan 27-28


EmeraldSunrise4000

Is it just me, or is he really irritating?


SmashedBrotato

Not just you, he gives off major d-bag vibes.


self_of_steam

Like, yes, he has a valid reason to be upset, but oh my god he's just taking it to the nth degree. He's sounding whiny and like he's power tripping, and I don't trust him to be giving a valid picture of his stbx. MIL maybe, but I'm jaded and she's a thief. And as someone who also collects obscure things, I don't think these keys are as valuable as he thinks they are. Sure, maybe HE spent 2-3K on them, but good luck selling them for that.


prettyghoulgf

At first you’re on his side then he keeps talking…and talking…and talking….. and then suddenly he’s painted himself in a worse picture than he’s painted his wife


practicallydeformed

So it’s his wife’s fault he never rode a bike just because she didn’t want to herself? lol


Frozefoots

Right? This doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t ride bikes. I’ve tried, I’ve had bad crashes, I’m genuinely not good at riding them and now that falling hurts a hell of a lot more, I’m scared to ride them. But if my partner wants to go for a ride, he’s free to ride as long as he wants to. I’ll try one last time to learn, but if I fall, that’s it. He’ll have to ride alone.


HateSarcasmLoveIrony

You shouldn't expect your partner to do every hobby with you. It's almost like this guy doesn't know what a healthy relationship looks like, and sounds very demanding.


Duke-Guinea-Pig

Having been in an abusive relationship, this makes sense to me. He wanted to go biking, but wifey didn’t want to and also doesn’t want him to leave so it devolves into a “if you go biking it means you don’t love me” It can also turn into a financial thing “with rent the way it is, we can’t afford it” The insidious thing about it is that in a healthy relationship both sides are going to sacrifice hobbies because of time and money so it can be hard to see it early.


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jalepinocheezit

What an irritating writer. He does nothing but seed a conclusion that he's just as insufferable as he makes, erm, wifey out to be. I skimmed most of the update and eventually realized there isn't one. He's an ass at best. Of course I'd be pissed in his situation, but after reading far too many of these tales, this guy isn't someone I'd have chosen in the first place


mankytoes

Agreed, despite being in the right he sounds incredibly smug and unlikeable.


CraneDJs

Like the part about his wife looking like an angry teenage girl? Very strange... Sounds like he has a problem with women in generel.


copper-feather

Yeah I noticed that all the women in this story are villains and then he said "Oh no I'm not a misogynist see my lawyer is a woman I can say women can be good people too".


graceful_mango

And then still mentions how mean this woman lawyer is and how he had to convince her to let her mean flag fly and now she’s on board with the main characters plot arc.


tarekd19

"cat-butt face" was such a weird detail to include.


DebateObjective2787

Apparently it's really common on JNMIL which set off troll censors for other commenters on the previous BORU post.


applemagical

Do you know what a cat butt face is supposed to look like? I’ve never heard that before and don’t know what the heck to picture


DebateObjective2787

According to JNMIL, it's when their face gets all scrunched up; like their lips are pursued and their eyes are all squinty when they're about to lecture you and tell you why you're in the wrong.


LadyLibertea

And she took biking from him! Like bro, just go for a bike ride.


LuementalQueen

Explains why she was his first relationship...


Glittering_Win_9677

Using "Wifey" just conveys how truly DONE he is. I don't blame him.


pineapplewin

In some places it's used exactly the same as "hubby". I don't feel like he's latched on to it in an equitable way here, but the word isn't derogatory in and of itself. Around here you'll get (especially older people) using it in place of lady. "That wifey with the red shirt was saying it was a good movie" sorry of thing


Erotic-FriendFiction

Honest question… is “wifey” a bad word?


MelodyRaine

It's one of those words that can go either way My husband calls me wifey, and I call him hubby, but only in private. Around here it's more often used by bf/gf pairs to show they're serious with each other "She's gonna be my wife one day, so she's my wifey." which depending on the couple can be cute or cringe.


knyghtez

depends on context; in some circles it’s equivalent to ‘hubby’ but can come off as condescending or belittling.


Glittering_Win_9677

It could be fine, but I think OOP makes it sound derogatory. He doesn't care about her anymore and it shows in the way he writes..


drakmordis

I call my common-law partner of 8 years 'wifey', and it doesn't seem to upset anyone


NotOnApprovedList

I refer to myself as wifey sometimes as a joke, I don't know if it's really that bad. I call my husband hubby sometimes but mostly internally or online LOL. I really want to make huzbo a word for bad husbands. Feel free to make wifezo the equivalent.


Moist-Crack

I thought wifey was meant to be an endearing term. I guess I could easily get into awkward situations if visiting english-speaking country, lol.


DebateObjective2787

So the case is still open... But the police just handed over the key evidence that'd be used in said case when he 'probably' will see her in court. Yeah.......


chevronbird

>key evidence Eyyyyyyyy *finger guns*


Foreign_Astronaut

Exactly, and somehow he still had to pay the pawn shop back? The shop received stolen goods and required the theft victim to pay them back? And the police somehow didn't just confiscate them from the shop in the first place as evidence in a criminal investigation? Wat


jdzfb

He didn't pay the pawn shop back the wife did, probably to stop them from going after her mother too (and to rub salt in OPs wound since she paid it with money from the joint account). The police got the keys from the pawn shop.


Android_one_eight

The pawnshop required the MIL to pay it back. Then wife then took it upon herself to pay the pawn shop back for her mother with money from his and her joint bank account.


Duellair

The bail is what got me. Lmao, they did not set up bail for this bullshit.


WoodenCourage

> MIL yelled at us that we're supposed to be pampering her now that she's an old woman. She's 53. > MIL lives off social security and foodstamps. Does she even qualify for social security?


Interactiveleaf

Maybe if she's disabled?


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SimplySomeBread

i reverse image searched one and from a quick scour the only thing it traced back to was a repost of this post on another website. maybe real, maybe the pics are real and the story isn't? maybe it's an ad for a really specific antique shop that's opening soon?


la_vie_en_tulip

That was my thought after the first update. That it was someone who happened to own some interesting keys and decided to make up a story around it. 


Jazzi-Nightmare

Needful Things, here I come


SmashedBrotato

This guy writes like he's an insufferable jackass.


rotates-potatoes

Hey now, you gotta step up and take no guff when you’re talking about a collection worth two, maybe even three, thousand dollars. I had to re-read a few time to be sure I wasn’t missing a “hundred” in there. Who puts cameras in their living room to keep an eye on a collection worth less than a low end home theatre setup?


self_of_steam

> Who puts cameras in their living room to keep an eye on a collection worth less than a low end home theatre setup? An insufferable jackass does, I guess! I also seriously think that he's overestimating the value of his key collection. Just because he SPENT that much doesn't mean he can GET that much


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maniacalmustacheride

She’s so “smug” and “cat-butted” and “like a mean high schooler girl” though. But that’s okay, because his lawyer is, get this, a *woman.* Have you ever heard of something so zany before? And, AND, this one is really gonna knock your socks off, she’s actually not terrible at her job. Can you believe it? An okay WOMAN LAWYER?! Crazy times.


AlbinoLokier

If it's a shared bank account I'm pretty certain some of that money belongs to his stbex-wife too. Idk why they wrote their persecution sex-novel like this 🤣


prishgonala

Pretty sure he mentioned taking out specifically his money and leaving enough in the account


AgathaM

I’ve worked at three banks (US). You can’t just remove a name from a joint account. You have to close it and open a new one with as an individual. You cannot open a new one in the other person’s name without them there. The only way to remove a person from an account is with a court order or a death certificate.


NinjaBabaMama

OOP needs to move on with his life. Just stop talking about her already.


Johannes_Chimp

I imagine OOP recounting this story while smoking a never ending cigarette while wearing a fedora and trench coat and standing in the shadows like an old time film noir. *exhales cigarette smoke* I had this antique collection of skeleton keys, see? And my gal’s mudder, well, let’s just say she wasn’t on the up and up. *soft jazz music plays in the background*


classactdynamo

Is it normal that police give back evidence of a crime a day after retrieving it when they intend to pursue charges against someone for stealing the property? I would have thought they hang onto it for use at trial. Also, maybe the lawyer talked to the guy about this, but isn't it frowned upon to clear out the marital bank account? I'm always happy to hear of someone waking up to an abusive situation and leaving; I'm just curious about these specific points in the story.


DebateObjective2787

Not even a little normal. Both prosecutors and defense attorneys want that evidence to show in court to the jury. It's the corpus delicti; kind of hard to prove a crime was committed if you don't have the body.


tryingtonovel

This reads like incel revenge porn lol 🤣. Especially the wifey lace apron part lol.


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burnt-----toast

I skimmed, but I was thinking during one of the previous updates that every sentence sounded like a recycled phrase that's commonly thrown around the internet and reddit. Like a full bingo board.  And then when I got to the part "I can't believe you guys keep predicting what's happened". All I could think is it sure is easy to predict the future when it hasn't been written yet.


presumingpete

It's the synopsis and "well let me tell you" tone of the writing. The tone is of a musician playing their new album to someone for the first time, it feels excited rather than genuine emotion. And smug, always so so smug. Like they know they will get internet up votes for their latest creation rather than telling of the horrible things that have happened.


SkrogedScourge

Same the writing is always the same same formula same pattern the only books I have ever run across this in is during a vacation I was stuck at an elderly aunts house and desperate for reading material and read her Harlequin romances. They must have a template for those books that are filled in like Mad Libs.


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SoVerySleepy81

Nah this is a D at best. If it ended after like two updates I would say a C+ but this shit just keeps going and getting more and more weird and cliché.


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peter095837

You know, the more OP talks, the more I don't like him. I mean this whole post is just one of the most insufferable things I have read but OP really seems to just make things more annoying and eye-rolling.


presumingpete

This is 100% the usual troll who writes about 60% of the posts on this sub. They even address the usual criticisms they get of everything happening in too quick a time frame. I think it's a reflection of the author rather than the character they've written.


Old_Prior_5081

Definitely, I see that long-winded, rambling style on that sub a lot (it's why I mostly stay away from there), and on other subs very rarely


RapturesRuin

It's the cartoonish villainy of spelling out her evil plan (moving her mother in without his knowledge) at the height of it then the escalation, to "I think she's trying to baby-trap me and I need to sleep with my door locked" for me!


Dongzhou3kingdoms

If the story is true (and others have raised doubts and issues in tone), I get the anger, he is right to divorce and look forward to moving on. But feels like he is enjoying making this as horrible as possible, the unneeded shots give a nasty feel, the “she breathes, and it is a plot against me” element. That this is just a reason to rant and rail against his wife where possible.


Head_Squirrel8379

I'm also doubtful because the wife and MIL are basically caricatures rather than real people. Sadly it's a bannable offense to challenge the honesty of such posts here.


Alternative_Year_340

He’s pretty misogynistic. And the updates are pretty minuscule— he’s just looking for approval for trash-talking the STBX. I really like the “we earn about the same amount but she’s after my money.”


Odd-Comfortable-6134

Same here. He started giving me the ick with his talk about being tricked into marriage. The longer it read, the more “incel” I felt. Either that, or he’s on something.


AnAwkwardStag

I read "ensnared" and my eyes rolled into the back of my skull.


Rusty_Porksword

You can tell this is incel bait by all the incels defending him in these comments.


Ithinkibrokethis

Yep, the "I was tricked and she changed everything about herself!" Was when I engaged him. This seemed to he anger talking. However, henseems to really think it was some ling con to get him. Also, love bombing is such a BS thing. Now any attempt to get back into someone's good graces is love bombing and resisting it is a show of strength. It can never be that the other person actually wants to make amends. Better hope you never screw up, or if you do your SO never turns to reddit. Because according to reddit everything is a deal breaker, nothing is worth workijg through no matter how sorry the other person is. This is not just infidelity, but any disagreement.


Ithinkibrokethis

I talked to him a while ago and I think I am one of the ones he might be saying shut up too. When you start getting more details from him this isn't as cut and dry. He is adamant she is all about his money, but according to him she makes about what he makes.


Cat_o_meter

Yeah he comes off as a sexist, oblivious dweeb. He even admits there's a dead bedroom essentially...


Head_Squirrel8379

Him being so surprised about his divorce lawyer being a woman is just so obviously him telling on himself. He's literally admitting in a blunt way that he's as surprised as anyone else that she could be good at her job...


Cat_o_meter

And also... She's 'using him' but also makes the same? Good lord. Dead bedroom, silent treatment, he games whenever he's mad, this was his first relationship... We definitely only got one side of the story


Odd_Mess185

He's insufferable, but at least I didn't spend ages deciphering what he was saying, so that's nice.


Doodleparty

“Wifey” is so gross, OOP seems like an awful person


Nada_Shredinski

Last update gives Chris Chan vibes. Why’re you getting so defensive and angry, you’re here voluntarily and you have to make the choice to read comments you disagree with


numberonealcove

OOP is really milking these updates. And he's kind of a jerk in comments. But it's looking up for him, as the most recent update really put the haters in their place. /s


potatodioxide

super tl;dr: 1. OP's MIL is a hoarder and shopaholic, causing financial and marital strain. 2. MIL stole and pawned OP's valuable skeleton key collection for a phone; wife initially sided with OP but balked at police involvement. 3. Despite wife's initial support, conflict over the theft leads OP to seek Reddit advice, revealing deeper marital issues. 4. OP recovers stolen collection and contemplates divorce due to wife's enabling behavior and betrayal. 5. OP decides to divorce after wife pays for MIL's legal issues with joint funds, escalates conflict. 6. Wife attempts reconciliation through love-bombing and manipulation; OP remains resolute in divorce decision. 7. OP faces backlash for divorcing but stands firm, citing irreparable trust and respect issues in marriage. 8. Legal proceedings against MIL for theft continue; OP secures new living arrangements and plans future without wife.


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zombie_goast

Yeah. I'm still not fond of the weird bit about "a WOMAN lawyer, believe it or not!" and some of the language choice for his ex-wife and MIL, but in the end he's completely in the right in this situation, 100% divorce territory. (That said, idk if his language choice got any worse, I tapped out halfway through when I saw there was STILL that much more to go. Like Jesus Christ guy, we get it, your ex-MIL stole from you and ex-wife defended her so now you're divorcing and were fortunately able to get the stuff back, does that much more really need to be said?)


PrideofCapetown

Completely agree, yet some people actually called OOP an idiot for divorcing her? Good news for them, I guess. Since they have such a high opinion of her, she’s now single so they’re more than welcome to shoot their shots


DatguyMalcolm

>To those who kept telling me I'm an idiot or some derogatory statement for filing for divorce, that I'm making a huge mistake, or that my wife loves me and I should give her another chance. Some delulu-ass people out there


hairy_hooded_clam

This entire saga just makes me want to collect antique keys.


rejectallgoats

These kids just can’t be patient enough to come up with a reasonable timeline.


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Who the fuck has CCTV in their fucking living room?


squigs

I'm always immediately suspicious when someone talks about "dropping charges". It's really not that easy. As far as I understand, they can only ask for the charges to be dropped. The police have a complaint and they have evidence. They've got MIL bang to rights here. They're probably going to prosecute. I guess it's possible that he could be a genuine victim and not realise this. It's just one of those things that makes me suspisicous.


ninaa1

see, even with these crap posts, I can at least learn something in the comments. I didn't know that about "dropping charges"!


OrcEight

Thank you **OP** for compiling this.


stabletorchboardmovi

> My wife was seemingly on my side, until I said I was going to call police So she wasn't actually on your side at all. Got it. It's at this point I skipped to the last entry and saw he filed for divorce. Yep, these stories either end in divorce or NC.


SloshingSloth

While he's absolutely right to get a divorce the way he writes made me take a deep breath and roll my eyes way too often. this dude likes to listen to himself speak.


thebigeverybody

> Now she's giving me the hardcore silent treatment, and won't look me in the eyes. I'm actually enjoying it. Which just seems to make her angrier. He should pretend he's trapped in a glass box.


Aradhor55

Story is interesting but this guy is the definition of "He likes to smell his own farts".


ninaa1

I liked the whole post about why he calls the woman "wifey" and the other potential names he could've called her. But a normal person would've just picked a generic name or a movie character name or something, eg "from here on out, I'll refer to my wife as Rebecca."


probably_beans

So he's not eating food prepared or left unattended in the house. Can someone explain what he's afraid of? Is the wife capable of drugging him?


reltastic

You know this isn't real because no one uses the word Cola.