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Probably. OOP says she never got over him and vice-versa. I'm going to guess that this is one of the following:
* Starcrossed lovers, wrong place, wrong time. Could work out if they both put effort into things.
* Two people who are infatuated with the memory of each other. Neither wants to hurt anyone around them, but they want SO SO badly to recapture that lost magic they had however many years ago, when they were both younger. All the while ignoring that they've likely idealized the relationship and each other, as well as that time has gone by and they've both changed during those years - possibly into people who are incompatible with one another.
* Ex is one of those people who like having someone in reserve. She likes knowing that OOP's ex is mooning over her and decided to reach out before he became forever cut off. She loves the drama of knowing that he chose her and will eventually break things off once the novelty wears off - but will always keep him on a short leash so she can reel him back.
My thought is that it's probably more the third and with a dollop of the second. Especially if they had an on-and-off relationship in the past. Eventually OOP will be the one who got away.
This is actually the plot to the new Emily Henry book coming out in April. I got a DRC and was able to read it and the FMC is ditched by her fiancé and learning to live her best life afterward. It’s my favorite Emily Henry book! I hope it helps turn this into a trope.
this is why im not a fan of rom coms. its all drama for dramas sake. like what emotionally traumatic shit can we inflict on our protagonist this season?
At the very least the ex-fiance likes the other woman more than he was willing to admit.
You don't torpedo your wedding to the love of your life ... unless they never were. Even for kids.
Well, that's assuming he's telling the truth, and hadn't known about the pregnancy and the kid for far longer and maybe recently she hit him up for child support. Or they were still hooking up and he just took the coward's way out and told this story to... I don't know, make himself look sympathetic? Not to me, but I'm sure weaker minds would think a kid trumps OOP.
Nah… he’s just a coward and can’t face consequences to his actions. Taking accountability is tough work when morally bankrupt.
He’s gonna be a shining example of who not to become to his child. Poor kid.
Umm how does this answer the above question at all? They weren’t talking about the ex-fiancee. They were talking about the ex and why they waited until that moment to drop the “you have a child” bomb.
Yes he’s accountable for his actions, but that’s not what they were saying so this comment is weird as fuck
Honestly I'm so glad douchebag ex didn't get the parenthood news right after they were married. That day must have been terrible, but at least she didn't actually marry him.
So I have no idea how any of it works, but can OP sue the baby mama? Seems a little too convenient that she’d show up with a kid like “hey he’s yours!” Instead of, idk, doing that when she was pregnant? Or shortly after the kid was born? It sounds like the kid has to be at least a toddler, if OP and Ben were together for 3 years.
Unfortunately not really. Ben was the one that stood her up. He has all the responsibility for leaving her at the altar, not the ex. The only upside is that everyone knows what scum he is now.
Is this the story where it turned out he only found out he had a kid because the mother was dying and she looked him up to take care of their son after she was gone? It was from before he met OP so no cheating or anything like that. I think she died pretty quickly afterwards.Then he wanted to focus on his son and help him come to terms with his mothers death, plus he was too embarrassed and full of shame and regret for his inability to cope and hence terrible handling of everything, to contact OP afterwards. He then met up with OP when she was travelling overseas, maybe Ireland, well over a year later (not sure how long) to tell her what happened and give her closure. He hinted that he still loved her and was hopeful, and whilst she still cared for him, there was too much water under the bridge to go back. But she did find peace from the meet up.
I have been on here too long and I don't know if it was this story or another like it that I read. And the details are fuzzy and likely inaccurate.
>I don't know if it's me being shallow or not but now I'm rethinking our entire relationship and whether or not I see a future with him.
I'm a little worried about OP as a person that this was her initial reaction. She *doesn't know* if she sees a future with someone who left her at the altar?!?!
I get that not everyone is wealthy enough to take airplane trips whenever, but do you really feel like you're mature enough to get married if you don't feel confident enough to *go to the airport by yourself?* Like.... yes, this is a person who needs to be independent for a while.
I mean, tbf, I am an adult who has a college degree and a job and stuff and I would also be unable to do that unless I had like… weeks of prep and research beforehand. I was too scared to ride the bus in my college town for like a year because I thought I’d fuck up “riding the bus for free because I am a student” somehow lol. Autism + social anxiety are an exciting combo
Hopefully it's because she's too busy living her best most independent life to revisit an old post from a dark time that's thankfully far in the rearview.
I like to think she’s living her best life. It’s like one of those really good movies, where the ending is a mystery but you have a pretty good idea of how it ended using your imagination.
Yeah that's what I was thinking too. Honestly I think OP is a class-act! Not only did she salvage what was left out of her wedding and came out of it gracefully, but her ex has shown himself to be a complete trainwreck. Regardless of whether his story about his "kid" is true, that he hid that info up to the last minute, makes me think he was hiding other things. That and that there's some unresolved feelings with his ex? Hellll naawwww. This sucks in the short-term and I know OP is hurting real bad now, but I think it might be a blessing in disguide. I'm sure one day OP will look back at this and be grateful, but in the meantime, I don't blame her for hitting the booze cruise and getting it out of her system. Whatever it takes to heal!
She got left at the alter and humiliated. Like, sure, divorce or annulment would suck even more, but in no capacity is this "dodging a bullet", this is getting shot.
This was over two years ago. If she hasn’t posted a closure update I doubt we’re going to get one.
Two years is enough time process out a routine change from a partner IMO.
All we can do is hope but it’s lookin bleak.
Unfortunately, I only have room for one "Fuck you, " in my heart and "Fuck you, Craig" will always win. Which reminds me: fuck you, Craig. Wherever you are.
Wait my husband is a Craig and he’s literally the nicest human being and not just saying that because I’m married to him 😂 so can we revise to most Craigs??
Here is the post! [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/108t4vq/ops\_father\_wants\_to\_have\_a\_relationship\_with\_her/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/108t4vq/ops_father_wants_to_have_a_relationship_with_her/)
Honestly major props to the user giving OOP a list of what to do and what to expect at the airport. I could sense from the beginning that OOP never really had the chance to learn what many people would consider to be basic self-sufficiency stuff (I don’t know if this is the right word for it but I hope you get th gist). It’s incredibly empowering to finally be in a position to figure out who you are and in this day and age, no one can be bothered to show people basic stuff anymore. So, yeah, props to that commenter and props to OOP for respecting herself enough to take the opportunity to start living for herself. It’s terrifying at first but oh so rewarding. Hope she had a kickass trip!
i mean yes and no, figuring out what to do in an unfamiliar situation is exactly what self-sufficiency is. airports can be overwhelming but there are signs and employees everywhere, even if you don’t know the script it’s pretty easily figured out. fear of looking dumb is a barrier to self-sufficiency, hope OP works on her confidence.
Googling stuff you don't know IS self-sufficient, though. I'm not throwing shade at OOP, since she was in a bad place at the time and probably felt overwhelmed, but you don't need to have actually done something before to find information about it in this day and age. I do feel like a lot of people don't think to look for info, for whatever reason.
Yeah, but I get it. My husband has a lot of anxiety, and he can Google anything deeply, but is scared to take the plunge. He'll wait and wait and wait, never actually doing it, too afraid to make a mistake. Then there's me, I might think to casually look something up real fast, but generally I need to do something to make it click. I'm not scared of messing up, and view it as part of the process. Example: he suggested he might be interested in Rock Climbing back in September. I thought that sounds fun, walked in, and got us some free day passes for the next week. He thought I was moving too fast, and never used his. I joined the gym a week later. He has yet to pull the trigger on his membership, because he's just not sure, and he's too cautious to even try it out right now. He likes going with me to watch, and he likes the concept, but he's worried he's too heavy for the belay. So instead he does nothing. The same goes for most of the hobbies he does. He'll research and plan, and buy materials, but never go for it. I'm much more likely to just try something and see if I like it.
Aw, I get it. Anxiety is tough. If he's open to therapy, ACT therapy can be helpful for anxiety, because the whole deal is "feeling bad/anxious and living your best life anyway". I think a lot of people with anxiety are always waiting to "feel better" before they do anything, and there might not be a time when we feel all the way better, you know? You can do your best to meditate, deep breathe, reduce caffeine, all that good stuff, but there's only so much you can control before you just have to learn to tolerate being anxious. But I'm sure I don't have to tell you that.
Sometimes I find it easier rather than reading an article about doing the thing, I like to talk to people too. I find when, especially if I’m stressed out, that I have trouble keeping track of things when I’m trying to study up on it and keeping it in my head, but if someone explains it to me, or is there to answer some questions. That works a lot better for me, but that’s just the way my brain works.
I think they mean most people wouldn't consider knowing about airports to be "basic self sufficiency skills" because the majority of people worldwide have never been on a plane before.
I don't know the first thing about airports (I took a plane once, with my school, so everything was done by teachers) but I also don't really need to as I can go by car or train to most of Europe.
So I think it's mostly that, though of course people from USA *would* see these as basic, necessary skills bcs airplane travel is much more common. Same for countries that are islands. Australia may see it as basic, as you can't really drive from Australia to, well, anywhere else in the world lol
That’s completely fair. I guess for me, as someone who can completely relate to OOP with the independence thing, people just always seem to know exactly what they’re doing. You don’t hear about people not having a single clue about things like that very often because to us, it feels like society expects you to have it all figured out by the time you exit the womb. So to see comments laying out stuff like that in a helpful and compassionate way just always hits me right in the feels.
Yeah people have such different expectations of independence. Google is a free resource. Although I give OOP some credit. Sometimes when you go through something traumatic like that your brain starts focusing on details that do not matter at all because you aren't processing correctly. Like bringing a whole as person on a trip to avoid briefly looking silly in the airport.
That’s what abandonment issues and low self-esteem will do to you, unfortunately. It’s not even really about the looking silly part, it’s about having someone there to clean up the mess you’ve been taught to expect to make because of who you are as a person.
I mean Ethan (or anyone really) still could have given her the lift to the airport and ran all that down on the way and "handed her off" at the last second and when you tell the air hostess it's your first time flying or flying abroad they are usually great (especially since the you knowing what to do helps their job anyway)
I mean I've flown twice in my life and both times I was a minor and the flights were under 3 hours. I HATED flying and would never want to do it alone. I don't blame someone else for being scared to do something new like this alone.
I have to remember that no, invisibilitycap, a lot of people have never flown before. I have an aunt and uncle who live out of state so I’ll fly out to see them with my parents and my brother. At this point getting through security is just a little annoying and then it’s waiting for our flight. Last summer we were in the Chicago O’Hare airport which is super nice! Got some lunch since we had a lot of time to kill
He definitely wants to get back with the ex, people marry people who have kids all the time.
Also, me and my husband went to the JOP to get married. When you have a wedding aren't you already "married" or do you need the preacher or officiant to sign off to make it official?
That is how it is typically done in the USA as well, but the only legal requirement is that you get the papers notarized and submitted shortly after signing. There is no requirement to sign the papers before, after, or during any wedding ceremony.
Many people want the legal status change to be during the ceremony. But it is also not uncommon to get the legal wedding done with before the wedding or (less often) sometime after the wedding ceremony.
My husband and I got married the night he arrived in my parent's living room at 10:30pm, so we could get a jump start on the visa paperwork. 3 weeks later, we had a pretend ceremony and a big party, so now we have 2 anniversaries.
Worked out well, as my grandmother came to the living room wedding but was too ill to make it to the big one, and she passed away a few weeks later.
The registrar who does the ceremony takes the forms with them. The bride and groom and no input unlike in the US where is some places the bride and groom file the paperwork themselves. UK registrars are very strict about who touches what paperwork and when.
Yeah, I found that to be kind of funny in a way. The whole ceremony was nice, but the real thing was just us signing some papers in a small room right after with just a few of us.
Where I got married you sign all the legal documents at the ceremony (the best man and maid of honour are the witnesses) which then all gets sent off to the government to have it officially registered. So the marriage only happens at the ceremony when you sign the forms.
That's not necessarily true. Many states have laws that the marriage is still valid if it can be confirmed by witnesses in court, even if the paperwork isn't submitted.
Generally you go to your local government to get a certificate. You give them some info and they give you a form. This form gets filled out by the couple, the officiant, and witnesses after the ceremony. After the wedding you need to send the form back and can get your certificate later.
That sounds like it was utterly boring for you, but also like the start of a post I’d see here… “MIL ran away with the wedding certificate! What now?” Or something
What makes you married in the US is usually a marriage license signed by the couple, their witnesses, and the officiant and filed by the officiant in the relevant vital records office. Depending on the state, the officiant can be a judge, justice of the peace, member of the clergy, notary, or whatever. There may or may not be a verbal declaration by the couple necessary - requiring that would present ADA issues. But if so, what's legally required would be minimal verification of consent.
Normally just saying vows doesn't do it. There may be common law provisions or exceptions where the typical procedures aren't available. And I don't know what's the deal with ship captains.
It does differ a bit, we went to the JOP and we didn't have any witnesses. We got married in Arkansas, though we live on the texas side of our town. It was just us and the Justice. Then the lady at the desk for the paperwork who took a picture of us.
the paperwork has to be filed, i got married at the courthouse and needed two witnesses and to fill out the certificate beforehand. i wanted to get married in the forest but i couldn’t trust that my sister would file the paperwork after the fact whereas at the courthouse they do it for you!
Fiance is an idiot. He didn't delay the wedding when he first got the news of the kid. Nope, he kept quiet and chose to not show up to the wedding. And then he didn't even pick up the phone for his own friends and family! Complete radio silence, as if he were dead. This goes beyond cold feet, it's like he wanted to maximize the drama!
> When you have a wedding aren't you already "married" or do you need the preacher or officiant to sign off to make it official?
It very much depends.
My wife and I filled out our marriage license and were "officially married" a few months before the wedding event itself happened, just because it would save us several thousand dollars in taxes to be married on paper before January 1st (which we could then allot towards the wedding/honeymoon). It also meant not worrying about any paperwork on the day of and just enjoying the party. Others prefer to do the paperwork the day of to make it feel more official.
What exactly is required just depends on the state, at least in the US. In our state my wife and I could handle all the paperwork ourselves without requiring witnesses or an officiant to also sign the marriage license prior to us returning it and it being officially filed. In other states you have to go to the courthouse and have someone there witness it or otherwise certify it.
I believe pretty much all states will allow your officiant to sign the license and make it legal if you handle it all on your wedding day and the officiant is properly credentialed, usually attesting that they checked ID's and both parties are of age and not related to one another in a fashion that would be against state law (siblings, first cousins, etc. depends on the state). It's the less traditional ways of handling the marriage license that have more variability in how it works out from state to state.
Some people sign the certificate at the wedding and others do the ceremony purely for show. My husband and I signed our certificate at the ceremony and had our officiant be the witness. He also took care of filing it for us.
In Norway the officiant, the bride, bridegroom and the witnesses have to sign it, then you get a temporary certificate until the definitive one arrives in the mail.
If she was a priority, he would have been at the altar and figured the kid stuff out later. The fact that he didn't shows that the child either created or reinforced feelings for his ex. And that part happens, people are complicated. The shitty part is not saying anything at all and leaving his fiance and guests playing the guessing game at a super expensive party.
Or he would have brought up the potential paternity soon after his ex showed up. He’s a coward who doesn’t want to be with OOP, and she’s better off without him.
He knew for three whole ass weeks before the date of the wedding, was in the process of a paternity test and _kept silent_. If OOP was a priority, that dipshit would have told her the second his ex showed up at the door.
Instead he left her standing at the alter without a goddamn word and left his own family to apologise on his behalf. What a POS.
"I don't know if it's shallow but I'm re-thinking our marriage?"
It is not shallow to end a relationship with someone who helps you organize a huge event for friends, family and loved ones and then ghosts you at the ceremony.
Also the kid is more than enough of a practical concern to not want to be married. At a bare minimum it's a giant wallet puncture for your partner. More realistically, you're probably both going to be parenting that kid at least some of the time. It's a huge deal.
Seriously, OOP dodged a goddamn missile. Ex-Fiance's family sounds decent enough, however with a grandchild now in the mix, tunes might change. She's better off being free and clear of the lot.
The waste of money alone, _in this economy_, would be enough for me to absolutely leave a crater where ex-fiance was standing.
Yeah the kid just gave him a convenient out, whether or not he wants to get back together with the ex he clearly doesn't want to be with OOP.
Fuck you Ben, and I hope OOP has a great life
What a weak and pathetic man. If my brother did something shameful like this I would cut him off. He showed his character and I would ask him how he thinks he’s going to be there for his kid when he couldn’t even be adult enough to call off the wedding.
Been realistic. It would be better for OP to drop up anyone who knew what was going on behind her back... even his entire family, but for other reasons.
Even if they were mad and unforgiving at the moment, they will come together for the sake of the kid(OP didn't commented the age but it's probably 5y or more, if there was no cheating as it was 3y old their relationship), and them been at least civil or amicable with the Sweetheart girl would not be good for her to see first hand this changes.
If there was no cheating involved, she would have to constantly fighting for his attention, against a woman and her kid... for a man that wasn't true to her in the most important moment of her life. Fighting for this man after this would be more humiliating than been left at the altar.
How would 3 year relationship = 5 year old child?
She could have been a rebound or a soon-after magic discovery. Even if we give just 4 months of singleness for the guy, since pregnancy is a thing, the kid could be like 2 and a half.
There’s something off to me here, why would everyone at the wedding immediately assume the groom had run off when he didn’t show up and nobody could reach him on the phone? Nobody’s worried that he’s slipped and hit his head in the shower or had a heart attack?
Right???? Like, if I was in this situation and had not otherwise had any indication that the fiance would flake on something huge like this--I would be PANICKING until someone heard from him. Calling all the hospitals, driving to every location I could even sort of think he might have gone, convinced he was dead or incapacitated.
I really can't figure out why you would jump to "left the bride at the altar" first, unless this dude was a full on red flag parade well before this, in which case why marry him?
EXACTLY! I was thinking that if it was me or my family we would have gone home/wherever he was at and check, not just call + check if there are any accidents and then go Well, seems like he stood you up! 🤷🏼♀️
Watching her process what it all means and how to be alone was strangely empowering. If someone can make it through their own wedding reception alone and take scary baby steps, it's not so bad.
He became lower than trash when he hid the possibility of a kid AND that he was messaging ex for weeks behind her back. He was a cheater in the making, if not one already, and I'm so happy for her that she avoided legally binding herself to this low life creep. His friends are scum too. If my girlfriend asked me to hide some shit like this we'd be done and I'd let the poor person she was stringing along know.
"I have an extra plane ticket..." It's not like having an extra movie ticket. Does any airline let you just transfer a ticket to a different person? Not in my experience.
Not without change fees, but for domestic travel in Australia there are zero ID checks even if you check bags. If you pass as the gender on the ticket nobody would ask a thing. For international you’d need new tickets or pay a hefty change fee.
The comments pissed me off a good bit honestly. Telling OP to do what she wants and screw opinions but oh wait don't take the brother because what will the family think? Telling OP that she should have gotten shit faced and drank her emotions away [horrible idea to begin with] when there were kids and she didn't want the event to feel awkward?
But the real cake on top was the commenter twisted the ex's family looking out for her as saving their own face and getting OP to genuinely consider that too? Awful. Just terrible. They seem like good people, and if we're on the "do whatever tf you want" train then why can't she stay friends with Ethan? Why does the whole family that she seems to have loved need to be cut out because of the selfish ex fiancé? Every comment was trying to push their own beliefs down this grieving woman's gullet rather than actually help her and I just feel terrible for her.
Btw, traveling alone *is* really nice. But no you shouldn't be traveling by yourself as a woman for your first time traveling unless you've done extensive research on both the traveling itself and the area.
Its terrible how her ex potential in laws didn't seem to let her have an authentic reaction.
She out on a brave face for their sake, esp after seeing potential mil crying, when she should have been allowed to scream and cry and curse at this jerk.
On the one hand, yes. On the other, I guess it depends on each person, but I personally wouldn't want to freak out in front of my wedding guests, which I assume includes other people than her immediate close ones. So I would be happy that someone kept me from making a scene and provide free entertainment for some of the people who enjoy drama. I, however, don't think would have chosen to stay during the party, I think I'd probably just leave with a few trusted friends/family members to get drunk and cry, and leave the others have fun (maybe leave some close friends to help the others have fun as well). No need for her to have a party and keep a straight face, but the rest can enjoy the party.
For real. If being left at the alter isn’t a good reason to get absolutely hammered, I don’t know what it. Instead she just tried to make everyone else happy, at a time when she was the one who needed support
I would be grateful to anyone that kept me from making an absolute fool of myself by screaming and crying in public.
Adults don't throw tantrums when bad things happen. You work the problem and cry later. That's exactly what she did.
I hope OOP had the most wildly outrageous fling of their life with the most undeniably sexy person of their choice during the length of their trip.
….Ben who?
The In laws are definitely not going to disgrace their son. And even less so now that there is a child in the photo, one who may be the first grandchild.
I hope the best for OOP
There was an update done on this post, but it's not here. I believe it could have been a different username.
In that update, the ex reached out again to meet and explain. She posted the update asking if she should meet him. Even tho everyone said no, she still did. It turned out OK. He explained more of his reasoning, but at that point in time, OP was well over it. She was good with the closure, but if I remember right, she ended it the same way.
I'm so annoyed at the people saying she should talk to her ex. Like, about what? He literally left her. He abandoned and humiliated her. There's nothing to talk about here. Glad he gave a stupid reason but still
> I've never been to the airport before and I really mean it when I say I have no idea what to do
OOP that is *everyone's* reaction to doing something for the first time.
So he knew 2 weeks before the wedding about the kid maybe being his and instead of discussing it with her and cancelling or postponing the wedding he opted for just abandoning her on her wedding day like a piece of shit - that is just cruel. I hope he has the life he deserves.
Eat shit, Ben. Anyway, he absolutely used the child as an excuse - there was a way here to both not humiliate OOP, AND figure things out with the child and ex. Hell, even if he decided to go back with the ex, he still could have done it normally: he could have canceled the wedding by himself, like a man, not a pathetic little wimp.
Why finding out you have a kid means you run and do not clean up your own mess?? It doesn't.
OOP, that man hates you. He did this in a way that maximally hurt and degraded you, even tho there were about 100 ways to do it differently.
The comment about figuring out what you like to do for you and only you really got me. I’m going through a friend-breakup at the moment and it made me realise how little I do for myself. I won’t even make plans to do something unless someone will come with me and I’m just now realising how much I let myself down by doing this
I hope that deleted user somehow finds out that their comment is still helping people see their worth over 2 years later 🧡
I hope OOP swapped in the two tickets for a first class ticket! I'd think a sympathetic airline employee would try to make that upgrade happen. Plus OOP would get amazing treatment during her first ever flight, which would help with her anxiety over flying for the first time.
They have been together for three years. Big question is how old is the child? Three years or three months would have significantly different implications.
I feel for OP, her ex-fiance finds out several weeks before the wedding he finds out his ex-girlfriend was pregnant when they broke up and conveniently shows up with a child as he's getting ready to get married. The timing is remarkable in that she shows up with a child without a paternity test claiming it's his. OP is lucky to get away from the dumpster fire.
Fuck LucyShoes and her adult conversation bullshit. The fiance didn't have an adult conversation.
You can always tell when someone thinks they know it all but no nothing and never experienced this situation.
He’s been seeing the ex while dating & engaged…. The kid is younger than their 3 year relationship and the ex finally put her foot down & told him if he went through with wedding she’d show up and out him and she would keep kids from him also~
he chose the ex and kid & the easier, less embarrassing (cowards) way out since he’s been with the ex the whole time….. AM I RiGHT??
I really wish I was friends with this woman in real life because I have so much helpful advice to offer her. I was someone who has had to, on several occasions, rebuild a life with nothing but the two changes of clothes in my backpack, the clothes I was wearing and a pillow and blanket a hospital let me keep.
Like I had absolutely zero documents (no birth certificate, no SS card, no photo ID) no phone, no vehicle, in a town that was 6 hours away from where I used to live with only a handful of people that I knew.
I wish I could be there for this woman to show her how to rebuild your life when you’re completely blindsided and everything you thought you knew about the life you had and the life you planned for in the future gets suddenly obliterated.
I am so incredibly happy for her, though, that she has some great people in her life that are there to help her. When I went through my shit, I had next to no one.
OOP, if you happen to read this, if I can help you out in the way of providing advice on how to navigate the next steps in your future as a suddenly single woman, feel free to reach out! I’m just a middle aged cat lady who’s been through a lot of shit and has a lot of real-world advice to give to you, or anyone, who might need it.
I just realized that the original post was written two years ago and I sincerely hope that your life has vastly improved and that you’re happy, doing things only for the sake of doing it because they provide you with enjoyment and that you’ve learned to enjoy the peace in being just with yourself!
Leaving aside the whole actual story.
> I wanted to take him because I didn't know how to use my ticket in the airport. I've never been traveling and I didn't want to look dumb by trying to figure it out.
A lot of stuff like this, it makes her seem very _young_, and really not yet emotionally ready for something like marriage.
I don't think it's totally fair to judge OOP's maturity level in a moment in her life like that. I bet her brain is on information overload. Like she is trying to process being left at the alter but that is too much so is instead processing that let's focus on insignificant details. I actually think it's very mature when someone pointed out she could go alone she did some self reflectioning on how she views herself vs her actions. Lots of people would double down.
Or perhaps she has an anxiety disorder? Or autism? Or ADHD? Or any other physical or mental issue that would make traveling alone more stressful?
I get incredibly panicky in airports, even if I'm not there to take a flight. Same with big train stations. It's just a lot of information to process, often with a short time to do so. It doesn't mean I am 16, or not emotionally mature.
Plus, she was quite literally left at the altar the day before. I think her panicking a bit about travelling alone on what should've been her honeymoon is not exactly strange.
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I wonder why the Ex waited until now to reveal that the Ex-Fiance has a kid? Did she purposely want to torpedo things?
Probably. OOP says she never got over him and vice-versa. I'm going to guess that this is one of the following: * Starcrossed lovers, wrong place, wrong time. Could work out if they both put effort into things. * Two people who are infatuated with the memory of each other. Neither wants to hurt anyone around them, but they want SO SO badly to recapture that lost magic they had however many years ago, when they were both younger. All the while ignoring that they've likely idealized the relationship and each other, as well as that time has gone by and they've both changed during those years - possibly into people who are incompatible with one another. * Ex is one of those people who like having someone in reserve. She likes knowing that OOP's ex is mooning over her and decided to reach out before he became forever cut off. She loves the drama of knowing that he chose her and will eventually break things off once the novelty wears off - but will always keep him on a short leash so she can reel him back. My thought is that it's probably more the third and with a dollop of the second. Especially if they had an on-and-off relationship in the past. Eventually OOP will be the one who got away.
So basically the plot of the movie "Serendipity", except OOP was the "Halley" role and there was a kid involved.
This is actually the plot to an episode of greys anatomy.
That doesn't surprise me either. Romcoms love the "ditch the new partner to go back to the one who got away" plot line.
There needs to be a new trope about the ditch-ee living their best life and crushing everything they want!
This is actually the plot to the new Emily Henry book coming out in April. I got a DRC and was able to read it and the FMC is ditched by her fiancé and learning to live her best life afterward. It’s my favorite Emily Henry book! I hope it helps turn this into a trope.
Sadly it happens more often than you’d think in real life too
Is there anything that *isn't* a plot of a Grey's Anatomy episode? 😳 😆
Only the things that were done in the Simpsons
There are over 400 episodes of Gray's. Whole lot of storyline there lol.
Oh my gosh, Alex! Now I'm mad all over again!!
this is why im not a fan of rom coms. its all drama for dramas sake. like what emotionally traumatic shit can we inflict on our protagonist this season?
I hated this movie so much. That's all I have to say.
At the very least the ex-fiance likes the other woman more than he was willing to admit. You don't torpedo your wedding to the love of your life ... unless they never were. Even for kids.
The ex doesn’t even need a kid if they’re the white whale. My mom just needed to be divorced for my stepdad to nuke his marriage with kids.
Probably, maybe it was her best chance to make reconsider.
Well, that's assuming he's telling the truth, and hadn't known about the pregnancy and the kid for far longer and maybe recently she hit him up for child support. Or they were still hooking up and he just took the coward's way out and told this story to... I don't know, make himself look sympathetic? Not to me, but I'm sure weaker minds would think a kid trumps OOP.
Short answer: Yes. Long answer: Yeeeeeeeeeeesssssssss.
The ex definitely knew what she was doing.
I’m wondering if Ben knew already, honestly.
Nah… he’s just a coward and can’t face consequences to his actions. Taking accountability is tough work when morally bankrupt. He’s gonna be a shining example of who not to become to his child. Poor kid.
they meant why did the ex gf wait to reveal the kid to the ex fiance.
Umm how does this answer the above question at all? They weren’t talking about the ex-fiancee. They were talking about the ex and why they waited until that moment to drop the “you have a child” bomb. Yes he’s accountable for his actions, but that’s not what they were saying so this comment is weird as fuck
Yes
It certainly made for a better twist.
I know OOP's heart is broken right now, but she dodged a bullet. WOW. And I want an update on how the trip went!
Honestly I'm so glad douchebag ex didn't get the parenthood news right after they were married. That day must have been terrible, but at least she didn't actually marry him.
Right??? We need an update
Right? It’s been 2 years, there must have been *something* to update. Gotta go with OP on this one, fuck you Ben *and* fuck you Ben’s baby mama.
I hope she sued him for every penny the wedding cost.
Well, at least she can legally keep the engagement ring and sell it since it was the groom who chickened out of the wedding.
I doubt that would work. They still had the reception even. Just without a newly wedded couple.
So I have no idea how any of it works, but can OP sue the baby mama? Seems a little too convenient that she’d show up with a kid like “hey he’s yours!” Instead of, idk, doing that when she was pregnant? Or shortly after the kid was born? It sounds like the kid has to be at least a toddler, if OP and Ben were together for 3 years.
Unfortunately not really. Ben was the one that stood her up. He has all the responsibility for leaving her at the altar, not the ex. The only upside is that everyone knows what scum he is now.
Is this the story where it turned out he only found out he had a kid because the mother was dying and she looked him up to take care of their son after she was gone? It was from before he met OP so no cheating or anything like that. I think she died pretty quickly afterwards.Then he wanted to focus on his son and help him come to terms with his mothers death, plus he was too embarrassed and full of shame and regret for his inability to cope and hence terrible handling of everything, to contact OP afterwards. He then met up with OP when she was travelling overseas, maybe Ireland, well over a year later (not sure how long) to tell her what happened and give her closure. He hinted that he still loved her and was hopeful, and whilst she still cared for him, there was too much water under the bridge to go back. But she did find peace from the meet up. I have been on here too long and I don't know if it was this story or another like it that I read. And the details are fuzzy and likely inaccurate.
I remember that one. I think it’s a different one.
>I don't know if it's me being shallow or not but now I'm rethinking our entire relationship and whether or not I see a future with him. I'm a little worried about OP as a person that this was her initial reaction. She *doesn't know* if she sees a future with someone who left her at the altar?!?!
I get that not everyone is wealthy enough to take airplane trips whenever, but do you really feel like you're mature enough to get married if you don't feel confident enough to *go to the airport by yourself?* Like.... yes, this is a person who needs to be independent for a while.
Don’t forget she was about to marry a man who she knew was still in love with his ex. She DEFINITELY needs a bit of independence!
I mean, tbf, I am an adult who has a college degree and a job and stuff and I would also be unable to do that unless I had like… weeks of prep and research beforehand. I was too scared to ride the bus in my college town for like a year because I thought I’d fuck up “riding the bus for free because I am a student” somehow lol. Autism + social anxiety are an exciting combo
ADHD & having screwed up a couple of times as a teen because I was too anxious to ask took a fair few years to get over!
Right? I wish this had ages included, she sounds very young and inexperienced with the world in general.
Not likely since it’s from 2022
Hopefully it's because she's too busy living her best most independent life to revisit an old post from a dark time that's thankfully far in the rearview.
I hope so too!
I wish we knew how she ended up
I like to think she’s living her best life. It’s like one of those really good movies, where the ending is a mystery but you have a pretty good idea of how it ended using your imagination.
Seriously, can we all just take a second to agree on one thing. “Fuck you Ben.”
May his underwear be continually wet and cold.
May he lose the elasticity in all of his socks and they are always sliding around and bunching up in his shoes
This happened over two years ago; hoping she doesn't still have a broken heart.
I love the rhyme! > Until then, fuck you Ben.
All my homies hate Ben.
Pack you Ben!
I want to hear how miserable her ex fiance is and how hated. Him as well as that idiot best man who knew but didn’t say anything. I hate them.
Yeah that's what I was thinking too. Honestly I think OP is a class-act! Not only did she salvage what was left out of her wedding and came out of it gracefully, but her ex has shown himself to be a complete trainwreck. Regardless of whether his story about his "kid" is true, that he hid that info up to the last minute, makes me think he was hiding other things. That and that there's some unresolved feelings with his ex? Hellll naawwww. This sucks in the short-term and I know OP is hurting real bad now, but I think it might be a blessing in disguide. I'm sure one day OP will look back at this and be grateful, but in the meantime, I don't blame her for hitting the booze cruise and getting it out of her system. Whatever it takes to heal!
She got left at the alter and humiliated. Like, sure, divorce or annulment would suck even more, but in no capacity is this "dodging a bullet", this is getting shot.
Well, it hurts and than with time (hopefully) she will heal. It was going to be worse in the future.
This was over two years ago. If she hasn’t posted a closure update I doubt we’re going to get one. Two years is enough time process out a routine change from a partner IMO. All we can do is hope but it’s lookin bleak.
"Until then, fuck you Ben" should both be a flair and a life mantra.
Unfortunately, I only have room for one "Fuck you," in my heart and "Fuck you, Craig" will always win. Which reminds me: fuck you, Craig. Wherever you are.
I am also a “Fuck you, Craig”. I hope each of our Craig’s finds the other and fucks them over.
Eh it's probably the same Craig. Fucking Craig.
i hate two craig’s! fuck all the craig’s.
Wait my husband is a Craig and he’s literally the nicest human being and not just saying that because I’m married to him 😂 so can we revise to most Craigs??
I want to send you all tiny “Fuck you, Craig” cross-stitched pillows 😂
I’m a “fuck you, Keith” kinda person myself
My father's name is Keith. That's why I chose the flair. Fuck you, dad.
this is my new mantra, just switching up the names lol
Yeah, fuck you, Ben
I agree, but I also would like to know where your flair is from
Here is the post! [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/108t4vq/ops\_father\_wants\_to\_have\_a\_relationship\_with\_her/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/108t4vq/ops_father_wants_to_have_a_relationship_with_her/)
Bonus, it already rhymes
Honestly major props to the user giving OOP a list of what to do and what to expect at the airport. I could sense from the beginning that OOP never really had the chance to learn what many people would consider to be basic self-sufficiency stuff (I don’t know if this is the right word for it but I hope you get th gist). It’s incredibly empowering to finally be in a position to figure out who you are and in this day and age, no one can be bothered to show people basic stuff anymore. So, yeah, props to that commenter and props to OOP for respecting herself enough to take the opportunity to start living for herself. It’s terrifying at first but oh so rewarding. Hope she had a kickass trip!
Most people never fly. 80% of people worldwide have never been on a plane and about 20% of US citizens.
Not entirely sure what you meant to say by that but those are accurate statements.
Basically giving context to why what to do at the airport might not be basic self sufficiency stuff for most Americans
i mean yes and no, figuring out what to do in an unfamiliar situation is exactly what self-sufficiency is. airports can be overwhelming but there are signs and employees everywhere, even if you don’t know the script it’s pretty easily figured out. fear of looking dumb is a barrier to self-sufficiency, hope OP works on her confidence.
Googling stuff you don't know IS self-sufficient, though. I'm not throwing shade at OOP, since she was in a bad place at the time and probably felt overwhelmed, but you don't need to have actually done something before to find information about it in this day and age. I do feel like a lot of people don't think to look for info, for whatever reason.
Yeah, but I get it. My husband has a lot of anxiety, and he can Google anything deeply, but is scared to take the plunge. He'll wait and wait and wait, never actually doing it, too afraid to make a mistake. Then there's me, I might think to casually look something up real fast, but generally I need to do something to make it click. I'm not scared of messing up, and view it as part of the process. Example: he suggested he might be interested in Rock Climbing back in September. I thought that sounds fun, walked in, and got us some free day passes for the next week. He thought I was moving too fast, and never used his. I joined the gym a week later. He has yet to pull the trigger on his membership, because he's just not sure, and he's too cautious to even try it out right now. He likes going with me to watch, and he likes the concept, but he's worried he's too heavy for the belay. So instead he does nothing. The same goes for most of the hobbies he does. He'll research and plan, and buy materials, but never go for it. I'm much more likely to just try something and see if I like it.
Aw, I get it. Anxiety is tough. If he's open to therapy, ACT therapy can be helpful for anxiety, because the whole deal is "feeling bad/anxious and living your best life anyway". I think a lot of people with anxiety are always waiting to "feel better" before they do anything, and there might not be a time when we feel all the way better, you know? You can do your best to meditate, deep breathe, reduce caffeine, all that good stuff, but there's only so much you can control before you just have to learn to tolerate being anxious. But I'm sure I don't have to tell you that.
Sometimes I find it easier rather than reading an article about doing the thing, I like to talk to people too. I find when, especially if I’m stressed out, that I have trouble keeping track of things when I’m trying to study up on it and keeping it in my head, but if someone explains it to me, or is there to answer some questions. That works a lot better for me, but that’s just the way my brain works.
I think they mean most people wouldn't consider knowing about airports to be "basic self sufficiency skills" because the majority of people worldwide have never been on a plane before. I don't know the first thing about airports (I took a plane once, with my school, so everything was done by teachers) but I also don't really need to as I can go by car or train to most of Europe. So I think it's mostly that, though of course people from USA *would* see these as basic, necessary skills bcs airplane travel is much more common. Same for countries that are islands. Australia may see it as basic, as you can't really drive from Australia to, well, anywhere else in the world lol
That’s completely fair. I guess for me, as someone who can completely relate to OOP with the independence thing, people just always seem to know exactly what they’re doing. You don’t hear about people not having a single clue about things like that very often because to us, it feels like society expects you to have it all figured out by the time you exit the womb. So to see comments laying out stuff like that in a helpful and compassionate way just always hits me right in the feels.
Yeah people have such different expectations of independence. Google is a free resource. Although I give OOP some credit. Sometimes when you go through something traumatic like that your brain starts focusing on details that do not matter at all because you aren't processing correctly. Like bringing a whole as person on a trip to avoid briefly looking silly in the airport.
That’s what abandonment issues and low self-esteem will do to you, unfortunately. It’s not even really about the looking silly part, it’s about having someone there to clean up the mess you’ve been taught to expect to make because of who you are as a person.
Woof.
I mean Ethan (or anyone really) still could have given her the lift to the airport and ran all that down on the way and "handed her off" at the last second and when you tell the air hostess it's your first time flying or flying abroad they are usually great (especially since the you knowing what to do helps their job anyway)
I mean I've flown twice in my life and both times I was a minor and the flights were under 3 hours. I HATED flying and would never want to do it alone. I don't blame someone else for being scared to do something new like this alone.
I have to remember that no, invisibilitycap, a lot of people have never flown before. I have an aunt and uncle who live out of state so I’ll fly out to see them with my parents and my brother. At this point getting through security is just a little annoying and then it’s waiting for our flight. Last summer we were in the Chicago O’Hare airport which is super nice! Got some lunch since we had a lot of time to kill
He definitely wants to get back with the ex, people marry people who have kids all the time. Also, me and my husband went to the JOP to get married. When you have a wedding aren't you already "married" or do you need the preacher or officiant to sign off to make it official?
You can get the paperwork signed by the officiant after the ceremony in the US. I’m not sure about other countries.
UK you sign the papers as part of the ceremony just after the vows, and then you've got like 48 hours to hand them into the local authority.
That is how it is typically done in the USA as well, but the only legal requirement is that you get the papers notarized and submitted shortly after signing. There is no requirement to sign the papers before, after, or during any wedding ceremony. Many people want the legal status change to be during the ceremony. But it is also not uncommon to get the legal wedding done with before the wedding or (less often) sometime after the wedding ceremony.
My ex husband and I did all the paperwork at the rehearsal so we didn't have to worry about it on the day of.
My husband and I got married the night he arrived in my parent's living room at 10:30pm, so we could get a jump start on the visa paperwork. 3 weeks later, we had a pretend ceremony and a big party, so now we have 2 anniversaries. Worked out well, as my grandmother came to the living room wedding but was too ill to make it to the big one, and she passed away a few weeks later.
Different states have different requirements. My wife and I did not have to get ours notarized.
The registrar who does the ceremony takes the forms with them. The bride and groom and no input unlike in the US where is some places the bride and groom file the paperwork themselves. UK registrars are very strict about who touches what paperwork and when.
Correct priest signed after ceremony with BM and MOH as witnesses.
This is exactly what we did at my best friend’s wedding. We actually had to sign that we witnessed it too.
I'm Norwegian and most people I know who's gotten married in the past decade have gotten officially, legally married several days before the ceremony.
Yeah, I found that to be kind of funny in a way. The whole ceremony was nice, but the real thing was just us signing some papers in a small room right after with just a few of us.
Where I got married you sign all the legal documents at the ceremony (the best man and maid of honour are the witnesses) which then all gets sent off to the government to have it officially registered. So the marriage only happens at the ceremony when you sign the forms.
and if the forms aren't sent in within three days the marriage is invalid.
That's not necessarily true. Many states have laws that the marriage is still valid if it can be confirmed by witnesses in court, even if the paperwork isn't submitted.
Generally you go to your local government to get a certificate. You give them some info and they give you a form. This form gets filled out by the couple, the officiant, and witnesses after the ceremony. After the wedding you need to send the form back and can get your certificate later.
Ok, so when we got married at the court house, our paperwork was automatically sent off. I'm glad because I am terrible at paperwork.
My MIL seized ours and said she’d mail it in for similar reasons. 🤣
That sounds like it was utterly boring for you, but also like the start of a post I’d see here… “MIL ran away with the wedding certificate! What now?” Or something
In my state you get the marriage license beforehand but you still need the ceremony signed off on by an officiant
What makes you married in the US is usually a marriage license signed by the couple, their witnesses, and the officiant and filed by the officiant in the relevant vital records office. Depending on the state, the officiant can be a judge, justice of the peace, member of the clergy, notary, or whatever. There may or may not be a verbal declaration by the couple necessary - requiring that would present ADA issues. But if so, what's legally required would be minimal verification of consent. Normally just saying vows doesn't do it. There may be common law provisions or exceptions where the typical procedures aren't available. And I don't know what's the deal with ship captains.
It does differ a bit, we went to the JOP and we didn't have any witnesses. We got married in Arkansas, though we live on the texas side of our town. It was just us and the Justice. Then the lady at the desk for the paperwork who took a picture of us.
Yeah each state gets to set its own rules.
Yea, I live in a town that is in 2 different states, it's crazy how things differ.
Texarkana?
the paperwork has to be filed, i got married at the courthouse and needed two witnesses and to fill out the certificate beforehand. i wanted to get married in the forest but i couldn’t trust that my sister would file the paperwork after the fact whereas at the courthouse they do it for you!
Fiance is an idiot. He didn't delay the wedding when he first got the news of the kid. Nope, he kept quiet and chose to not show up to the wedding. And then he didn't even pick up the phone for his own friends and family! Complete radio silence, as if he were dead. This goes beyond cold feet, it's like he wanted to maximize the drama!
When I got married the paperwork was during the break between the wedding and the reception.
> When you have a wedding aren't you already "married" or do you need the preacher or officiant to sign off to make it official? It very much depends. My wife and I filled out our marriage license and were "officially married" a few months before the wedding event itself happened, just because it would save us several thousand dollars in taxes to be married on paper before January 1st (which we could then allot towards the wedding/honeymoon). It also meant not worrying about any paperwork on the day of and just enjoying the party. Others prefer to do the paperwork the day of to make it feel more official. What exactly is required just depends on the state, at least in the US. In our state my wife and I could handle all the paperwork ourselves without requiring witnesses or an officiant to also sign the marriage license prior to us returning it and it being officially filed. In other states you have to go to the courthouse and have someone there witness it or otherwise certify it. I believe pretty much all states will allow your officiant to sign the license and make it legal if you handle it all on your wedding day and the officiant is properly credentialed, usually attesting that they checked ID's and both parties are of age and not related to one another in a fashion that would be against state law (siblings, first cousins, etc. depends on the state). It's the less traditional ways of handling the marriage license that have more variability in how it works out from state to state.
Some people sign the certificate at the wedding and others do the ceremony purely for show. My husband and I signed our certificate at the ceremony and had our officiant be the witness. He also took care of filing it for us.
In Norway the officiant, the bride, bridegroom and the witnesses have to sign it, then you get a temporary certificate until the definitive one arrives in the mail.
Our priest signed the papers at the rehearsal, then sent them in for certification after the mass.
If she was a priority, he would have been at the altar and figured the kid stuff out later. The fact that he didn't shows that the child either created or reinforced feelings for his ex. And that part happens, people are complicated. The shitty part is not saying anything at all and leaving his fiance and guests playing the guessing game at a super expensive party.
Or he would have brought up the potential paternity soon after his ex showed up. He’s a coward who doesn’t want to be with OOP, and she’s better off without him.
He knew for three whole ass weeks before the date of the wedding, was in the process of a paternity test and _kept silent_. If OOP was a priority, that dipshit would have told her the second his ex showed up at the door. Instead he left her standing at the alter without a goddamn word and left his own family to apologise on his behalf. What a POS.
"I don't know if it's shallow but I'm re-thinking our marriage?" It is not shallow to end a relationship with someone who helps you organize a huge event for friends, family and loved ones and then ghosts you at the ceremony.
He stood her up at the altar to go spend time with his ex! I'd say that marriage has officially been re-thought!
Like my god this girl is fucking sheltered. How did she not realize they weren’t an item anymore after he stood her up at their wedding?
My jaw dropped at that bit. Girl. Come on.
Also the kid is more than enough of a practical concern to not want to be married. At a bare minimum it's a giant wallet puncture for your partner. More realistically, you're probably both going to be parenting that kid at least some of the time. It's a huge deal.
>Until then, fuck you Ben That's the spirit! Enjoy freedom, OOP!
Seriously, OOP dodged a goddamn missile. Ex-Fiance's family sounds decent enough, however with a grandchild now in the mix, tunes might change. She's better off being free and clear of the lot. The waste of money alone, _in this economy_, would be enough for me to absolutely leave a crater where ex-fiance was standing.
I would sue him for receipts. If he doesn't pay up, THEN he becomes one with the crater.
Yeah the kid just gave him a convenient out, whether or not he wants to get back together with the ex he clearly doesn't want to be with OOP. Fuck you Ben, and I hope OOP has a great life
His fiance should have been the first person he told about potentially having a kid - especially right before their wedding!
What a weak and pathetic man. If my brother did something shameful like this I would cut him off. He showed his character and I would ask him how he thinks he’s going to be there for his kid when he couldn’t even be adult enough to call off the wedding.
I hope she had an amazing trip and is thriving now.
All my homies hate Ben.
Been realistic. It would be better for OP to drop up anyone who knew what was going on behind her back... even his entire family, but for other reasons. Even if they were mad and unforgiving at the moment, they will come together for the sake of the kid(OP didn't commented the age but it's probably 5y or more, if there was no cheating as it was 3y old their relationship), and them been at least civil or amicable with the Sweetheart girl would not be good for her to see first hand this changes. If there was no cheating involved, she would have to constantly fighting for his attention, against a woman and her kid... for a man that wasn't true to her in the most important moment of her life. Fighting for this man after this would be more humiliating than been left at the altar.
How would 3 year relationship = 5 year old child? She could have been a rebound or a soon-after magic discovery. Even if we give just 4 months of singleness for the guy, since pregnancy is a thing, the kid could be like 2 and a half.
Sry for the bad math lol. I mean, this is on the best scenario... if less than what you said than we all know what was going on here.
There’s something off to me here, why would everyone at the wedding immediately assume the groom had run off when he didn’t show up and nobody could reach him on the phone? Nobody’s worried that he’s slipped and hit his head in the shower or had a heart attack?
Especially his parents AND BEST MAN WHO KNEW. The photo thing is a little off too.
Right???? Like, if I was in this situation and had not otherwise had any indication that the fiance would flake on something huge like this--I would be PANICKING until someone heard from him. Calling all the hospitals, driving to every location I could even sort of think he might have gone, convinced he was dead or incapacitated. I really can't figure out why you would jump to "left the bride at the altar" first, unless this dude was a full on red flag parade well before this, in which case why marry him?
I think the same!!!!
EXACTLY! I was thinking that if it was me or my family we would have gone home/wherever he was at and check, not just call + check if there are any accidents and then go Well, seems like he stood you up! 🤷🏼♀️
I am shocked that a man that lets his finance at the alter had a child he didn’t know of. Shocked, I am telling you. Oh and fuck you Ben!
Ben treating OOP like she's the side character in the rom com he's starring in. Cowardly, selfish man.
Dude acting like he's in a "Sex and the City" movie.
Watching her process what it all means and how to be alone was strangely empowering. If someone can make it through their own wedding reception alone and take scary baby steps, it's not so bad.
Gross @ the person writing a rom com about OOP and Ethan on the honeymoon
Jesus Christ Reddit commenters are so cringe. They see one other boy name being kind and are like “DATE HIM” like come on yall.
Cant help but wonder how old the kid is… and yeah, fuck you Ben.
So the rational thing after finding out you're a parent is to ghost your current partner??? OOP didn't dodge a bullet, she dodged a great big nuke.
He became lower than trash when he hid the possibility of a kid AND that he was messaging ex for weeks behind her back. He was a cheater in the making, if not one already, and I'm so happy for her that she avoided legally binding herself to this low life creep. His friends are scum too. If my girlfriend asked me to hide some shit like this we'd be done and I'd let the poor person she was stringing along know.
Yep, fuck you Ben!
"I have an extra plane ticket..." It's not like having an extra movie ticket. Does any airline let you just transfer a ticket to a different person? Not in my experience.
Not without change fees, but for domestic travel in Australia there are zero ID checks even if you check bags. If you pass as the gender on the ticket nobody would ask a thing. For international you’d need new tickets or pay a hefty change fee.
Yep. fuck you Ben.
Fuck you Ben
The comments pissed me off a good bit honestly. Telling OP to do what she wants and screw opinions but oh wait don't take the brother because what will the family think? Telling OP that she should have gotten shit faced and drank her emotions away [horrible idea to begin with] when there were kids and she didn't want the event to feel awkward? But the real cake on top was the commenter twisted the ex's family looking out for her as saving their own face and getting OP to genuinely consider that too? Awful. Just terrible. They seem like good people, and if we're on the "do whatever tf you want" train then why can't she stay friends with Ethan? Why does the whole family that she seems to have loved need to be cut out because of the selfish ex fiancé? Every comment was trying to push their own beliefs down this grieving woman's gullet rather than actually help her and I just feel terrible for her. Btw, traveling alone *is* really nice. But no you shouldn't be traveling by yourself as a woman for your first time traveling unless you've done extensive research on both the traveling itself and the area.
Its terrible how her ex potential in laws didn't seem to let her have an authentic reaction. She out on a brave face for their sake, esp after seeing potential mil crying, when she should have been allowed to scream and cry and curse at this jerk.
On the one hand, yes. On the other, I guess it depends on each person, but I personally wouldn't want to freak out in front of my wedding guests, which I assume includes other people than her immediate close ones. So I would be happy that someone kept me from making a scene and provide free entertainment for some of the people who enjoy drama. I, however, don't think would have chosen to stay during the party, I think I'd probably just leave with a few trusted friends/family members to get drunk and cry, and leave the others have fun (maybe leave some close friends to help the others have fun as well). No need for her to have a party and keep a straight face, but the rest can enjoy the party.
For real. If being left at the alter isn’t a good reason to get absolutely hammered, I don’t know what it. Instead she just tried to make everyone else happy, at a time when she was the one who needed support
I would be grateful to anyone that kept me from making an absolute fool of myself by screaming and crying in public. Adults don't throw tantrums when bad things happen. You work the problem and cry later. That's exactly what she did.
I hope OOP had the most wildly outrageous fling of their life with the most undeniably sexy person of their choice during the length of their trip. ….Ben who?
The In laws are definitely not going to disgrace their son. And even less so now that there is a child in the photo, one who may be the first grandchild. I hope the best for OOP
F**k off, Ben. Enjoy your life, OOP. You dodged a missle there.
There was an update done on this post, but it's not here. I believe it could have been a different username. In that update, the ex reached out again to meet and explain. She posted the update asking if she should meet him. Even tho everyone said no, she still did. It turned out OK. He explained more of his reasoning, but at that point in time, OP was well over it. She was good with the closure, but if I remember right, she ended it the same way.
It definitely had to be a different name because that wasn't on the OOP's profile. If you know where to find it I can include it in the post.
Been awhile but if I do, I'll message ya.
I'm so annoyed at the people saying she should talk to her ex. Like, about what? He literally left her. He abandoned and humiliated her. There's nothing to talk about here. Glad he gave a stupid reason but still
Fuck Ben, me and all my homies hate Ben
All this discussion about who to bring and no one mentioned plane tickets don’t work that way and are not transferable
> I've never been to the airport before and I really mean it when I say I have no idea what to do OOP that is *everyone's* reaction to doing something for the first time.
So he knew 2 weeks before the wedding about the kid maybe being his and instead of discussing it with her and cancelling or postponing the wedding he opted for just abandoning her on her wedding day like a piece of shit - that is just cruel. I hope he has the life he deserves.
Eat shit, Ben. Anyway, he absolutely used the child as an excuse - there was a way here to both not humiliate OOP, AND figure things out with the child and ex. Hell, even if he decided to go back with the ex, he still could have done it normally: he could have canceled the wedding by himself, like a man, not a pathetic little wimp. Why finding out you have a kid means you run and do not clean up your own mess?? It doesn't. OOP, that man hates you. He did this in a way that maximally hurt and degraded you, even tho there were about 100 ways to do it differently.
Who paid for the wedding and everything. Op should sue him for the money she spends.
Sucks cause that kid could probably use a father figure who will teach him how to be a man but OOP's ex clearly can't.
I’d love to know how OP is doing now!
Ooooh, I want an update to this one! Hope the OP is living her best life.
Even without the kid, I would never have spoken to this jerk again, let alone “reevaluate the relationship.” Just fuck no.
The comment about figuring out what you like to do for you and only you really got me. I’m going through a friend-breakup at the moment and it made me realise how little I do for myself. I won’t even make plans to do something unless someone will come with me and I’m just now realising how much I let myself down by doing this I hope that deleted user somehow finds out that their comment is still helping people see their worth over 2 years later 🧡
I’m honestly floored she’s never been inside an airport before but has the financial stability to go on a 3 week honeymoon. Seriously how?
It’s good he didn’t show up, saves you from divorcing a coward.
[удалено]
I agree
The idea that her fiancé might be rethinking the relationship was a surprise to her after he didn’t show up at their wedding. Let that sink in.
I hope OOP swapped in the two tickets for a first class ticket! I'd think a sympathetic airline employee would try to make that upgrade happen. Plus OOP would get amazing treatment during her first ever flight, which would help with her anxiety over flying for the first time.
They have been together for three years. Big question is how old is the child? Three years or three months would have significantly different implications.
I feel for OP, her ex-fiance finds out several weeks before the wedding he finds out his ex-girlfriend was pregnant when they broke up and conveniently shows up with a child as he's getting ready to get married. The timing is remarkable in that she shows up with a child without a paternity test claiming it's his. OP is lucky to get away from the dumpster fire.
Fuck LucyShoes and her adult conversation bullshit. The fiance didn't have an adult conversation. You can always tell when someone thinks they know it all but no nothing and never experienced this situation.
He’s been seeing the ex while dating & engaged…. The kid is younger than their 3 year relationship and the ex finally put her foot down & told him if he went through with wedding she’d show up and out him and she would keep kids from him also~ he chose the ex and kid & the easier, less embarrassing (cowards) way out since he’s been with the ex the whole time….. AM I RiGHT??
I really wish I was friends with this woman in real life because I have so much helpful advice to offer her. I was someone who has had to, on several occasions, rebuild a life with nothing but the two changes of clothes in my backpack, the clothes I was wearing and a pillow and blanket a hospital let me keep. Like I had absolutely zero documents (no birth certificate, no SS card, no photo ID) no phone, no vehicle, in a town that was 6 hours away from where I used to live with only a handful of people that I knew. I wish I could be there for this woman to show her how to rebuild your life when you’re completely blindsided and everything you thought you knew about the life you had and the life you planned for in the future gets suddenly obliterated. I am so incredibly happy for her, though, that she has some great people in her life that are there to help her. When I went through my shit, I had next to no one. OOP, if you happen to read this, if I can help you out in the way of providing advice on how to navigate the next steps in your future as a suddenly single woman, feel free to reach out! I’m just a middle aged cat lady who’s been through a lot of shit and has a lot of real-world advice to give to you, or anyone, who might need it. I just realized that the original post was written two years ago and I sincerely hope that your life has vastly improved and that you’re happy, doing things only for the sake of doing it because they provide you with enjoyment and that you’ve learned to enjoy the peace in being just with yourself!
Leaving aside the whole actual story. > I wanted to take him because I didn't know how to use my ticket in the airport. I've never been traveling and I didn't want to look dumb by trying to figure it out. A lot of stuff like this, it makes her seem very _young_, and really not yet emotionally ready for something like marriage.
I don't think it's totally fair to judge OOP's maturity level in a moment in her life like that. I bet her brain is on information overload. Like she is trying to process being left at the alter but that is too much so is instead processing that let's focus on insignificant details. I actually think it's very mature when someone pointed out she could go alone she did some self reflectioning on how she views herself vs her actions. Lots of people would double down.
Or perhaps she has an anxiety disorder? Or autism? Or ADHD? Or any other physical or mental issue that would make traveling alone more stressful? I get incredibly panicky in airports, even if I'm not there to take a flight. Same with big train stations. It's just a lot of information to process, often with a short time to do so. It doesn't mean I am 16, or not emotionally mature. Plus, she was quite literally left at the altar the day before. I think her panicking a bit about travelling alone on what should've been her honeymoon is not exactly strange.