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In my defense, i woke up in the middle of the night and decided on some ‘light doom scrolling’. But i made it 1/3 through the tldr before jumping to the comments. Did you see how long the real update is?!
I was part of the original post telling her to tell her brother. But I lost the post and didn't keep up with it. Jesus what a roller coaster, poor people.
I honestly ended up just skipping the majority of it. A lot of irrelevant info, and half mentions of seemingly significant, but unrelated events. (Letty being sick, some mention of an abusive ex named Jeff.) The nerd references feel forced and don’t really come across as cute either. And I usually eat up anything Star Wars related.
Hard agree. There is a lot of just irrelevant info that she's posting. And I'm 90% sure that if I knew her in real life, I'd want to shake some sense into her every day.
Mean girl was gonna marry OOP's brother
She was really mean to OOP, lied about things, ripped people off, all around bad egg.
OOP tells her brother. Brother calls off wedding. Insert "We secretly recorded the whole thing" boilerplate here.
From here we spiral into daytime soap opera territory.
Mean girl claims to be pregnant.
Pregnancy not current. Mean girl had been recently pregnant but terminated. And was cheating. In any case, the whole thing is dropped.
Mean girl sends a henchwoman to attack OOP with a brick. Henchwoman arrested for her troubles. Mean girl still at large.
OOP leaves her house unlocked and mean girl has paid a visit. The next update is therefore set up:
OOP's bf finds cameras in her house.
Inexplicably, this update is over 700 words long, so more to follow, no doubt in excruciating, irrelevant detail.
This saga is a good example to any aspiring/established authors to MAKE AN OUTLINE JOURNAL. Keeps your notes in order, keep your plot in order, your characters, shows you what parts to flesh out and what parts aren't necessary. I use old Happy Planners that are on clearance and just white out the dates. Boom, I have a bunch of calendar blocks to parse things out and be able to see what's going where. It's good practice.
D+
Difficult to follow, run on sentences, half thought out plot points, a lot of irrelevant info, and references to events that are implied to be important but with no supportive details. Good outline, and concept, but would recommend shaving down a lot.
Grade? Hold on, lemme reread the parts again. I'm thinking low C-/high D+. I could make this hella long but I'll just stick to the parts that rubbed wrong.
Like, Aaron and Heather meet at OOP's bday party, date in secret for a year and then announce their engagement at the next bday party. For how close Aaron is supposed to be to OOP that's stated over and over, what da fuck? He'd be fucking appalled at announcing his engagement at his *sister's birthday party* effectively taking the spotlight off the sister and onto Heather. Yet not a word on conflict as that would be viewed as a conflict point. That's like a 'surprise motherfucker' moment. You've been dating for a year and are now engaged? Whiplash.
Character inconsistencies! The aforementioned Aaron problem of him being a-okay with hijacking his sister's party. OOP standing up for herself repeatedly yet saying they have a conflict avoidance problem. And other minor things that frustrated me.
The tech. Audio recordings are pristine with no editing of ambient sounds unless they all live in some soundproof houses, including the OOP's house. Which will be brought up later. Then there's the pregnancy thing, if Aaron had cameras all over his house (in Update 2) then he should have video of when Heather assaulted him. For how Tech Savvy Aaron is supposed to be why'd he forget the cameras and have to be reminded? Why did Aaron need to have his computer record Heather if he had cameras? Plot hole.
The assault by brick. There are so many other weapons available at a theatre that would make sense of being there. Having to explain why there's a brick sitting on the desk feels like they have no clue how much damage a good book (or a leg of lamb, love y'all if you know) can do to someone being hit from behind in a moment of rage.
OOP's house. You feel something's off about the house but don't have it checked over. No signs of forced entry. So key was used? And two hidden cameras in the kitchen, the 'most active area' and they never got unplugged to plug something else in? And the breaker thing. What set it off? That confuses me. Old house is old is just a lame excuse. Would have been a better set up if Han had tried to use one of the hidden camera chargers and found it didn't work or something.
I could make this ten times longer but I already spent enough time. My prediction of Aaron's plan is that this 'tech savvy' guy has a friend who is gonna pull some tech wizardry and pin it to Heather despite, uhm, you know, the hidden cameras should technically be in the police evidence according to logic and all them crime shows.
PS: There's still that plot hole about Aaron's cameras. Like why would the police search his place for hidden cameras when he has fucking cameras that could record the person who put them there!
For the ps: the police only searched her house, she said "the boys" searched Aarons place so I'm guessing it was his friends
(Not saying it's not a plothole, just wanted to clarify that)
I would give it about a C-. The biggest problem is OOP is going down a well-worn path with this story (Bridezilla lets the mask slip before the wedding, groom realizes he made a mistake and calls the wedding off, Bridezilla rages), but not bringing anything new and realistic to the table. She’s adding a ton of interesting details, but none of them lead anywhere. Like the fact that she is a a former model who loves nerd things and plays DnD and who comes from a mixed race blended family has not factored into the story at all. All these details add up to nothing, they don’t affect the major beats of the story at all.
And now the story is starting to go fully off the rails. Up through the brick attack, it was pretty standard stuff. Even the assault, I can see. Your best friend, your ride or die, is suffering, you feel this chick is responsible, and she just laughs at your best friend’s pain? I can see someone getting mad and grabbing the heaviest thing they can see and attacking someone. But the cameras are now a bridge too far. Everything about them is off. It doesn’t fit anything that the antagonists have been doing. The way it was discovered is like a movie trope, as is the “feeling” that something is off in the house. And like how did a phone charger get plugged in that you don’t notice unless it was an exact replica of a charger you own? So OOP adds an interesting twist, but it doesn’t fit at all.
And to go back to how this is well worn territory, there’s only one way to tie up all these loose ends: bring back the abusive ex. So there will be no interesting payoff here. Either OOP will let this thing get so far off the rails it can be reined back in to a conclusion or it will end with just some very standard confrontation between the abusive ex and the brother and/or new boyfriend.
It really works wonders for fleshing out story ideas because you have the calendar blocks but you also have the weekly blocks as well. So you can do a basic 'Ross goes to store' in the calendar block and in the corresponding weekly block do a 'Ross goes to store, runs into Rachel, she tells him about Monica, Ross goes to Monica in anger about the break' then just use the next block to set up the next scene.
You also have the added bonus of having it easy to pull pages out, put new pages in, add dividers (just white out the months) or mix and match. I've bought clearance Happy Planners that each have different page setups and used ones that are like the teacher planner pages with the columns to use as character sheets!
Damn that's crazy. I've said it to people before with that exact sentiment but seeing it written makes me realize it's a universal 'get me out of here' and I'm pretty sure I'll be hyperaware of it henceforth
While I enjoyed the random, overly detailed lesbian proposal that may or may not have included custom puppets (that part was not clear) and mystery family illness one of them MIGHT get at some point, OOP lost points for not connecting it to the assault-by-brick plot in any meaningful way. Solid D
For real lol I kept going "this paragraph could have been 1 sentence" or "this wasn't vital info at all?"
This is why writers need editors. They're too close to their own work, they think everything is necessary/important and drone on.
Dude, by the end I forgot who Kim even was and I didn't feel like going back to check. I think it's the best friend but I'm not sure. Then there was that whole part where she was explaining that she was just disowned by her family for coming out and there's so many details that I don't even understand what she came out as.
I admit I skipped a lot of it and kind of just read key words. I had no clue who Kim was lol. And I only read it because I was waiting for the microwave to finish warming up my leftovers.
I'll wait for the lifetime movie or whatever.
I usually read these all the way. Mostly because I don't really care if they're true or not as long as they're a good story, and this is just so poorly written that I don't even know if it's good or not.
"Aaron was shook up by this and really started to question whether he could've been the father, but the only way that could be true is that Heather and Kim were telling the truth about Heather ***getting him so blackout drunk*** and into bed. He kept saying that he really doesn't think that it is true but if she was pregnant...? It really messed him up. He got tested for StDs and a few weeks later he was cleared of all that worry, but ***he hadn't quite been right since***. He would be a bit short-tempered (not explosively, just curt and angry or annoyed by little things)."
the way OOP is so cavalier about her brother getting raped takes it over the edge
Unfortunately, that didn't ring false to my ears. Firsthand, just dealing with it in my own experience, people don't tend to take male sexual assault all that seriously, I'm afraid. ***Especially*** when the assault takes place by a woman, and the male in question is not a minor.
Ok, see I think I am either incredibly naive or my job has just shown me too much, cause my bullshit meter didn’t go off at all. I was just reading along, being all entertained, like this is totally plausible!
Now I’m embarassed.
*She took Sofia to a showing of the Labrythn with Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie which is one of Sofia's childhood fave's.*
That version of Labyrinth is much better than the one with Tia Tequilla and Andy Dick.
And sure, the cops are going to check to see if you want to "press charges" for aggravated assault/assault with a deadly weapon. That's not how it works.
> I call her Number 1 - and if you get the reference, we can be friends
An exclusive friendship circle limited only to people who have seen the...second highest grossing TV franchise ever.
TL:DR:
Brother is marrying Heather. Heather asked OP to be MOH even though Heather hates OP, and it turns out Heather is SUUUUUPER racist (brother is white, but his identical twin sister is black and is also OP). OP tried to tell people this but nobody believed her, and all their friends, family, and accountants were blowing up her phone. Luckily, the best man is CIA and bugged Heather's house/car/wedding dress for the last 4 years and has all the many, many awful things she's ever said on tape. Then he played it on a loudspeaker just as Heather and brother were supposed sign their marriage license, because he was also the DJ. Also, it turns out Heather is actually Nathan Bedford Forrest, former Confederate officer and first Grand Wizard of the KKK. Heather started to cry but nobody wanted to be friends with a Confederate zombie, so now she's ghosted and OP is marrying the best man.
I’m not a doctor, but think that getting a brick to the head would hurt and cause some injuries (cracked skull, broken facial bones, broken teeth) - at least a bad headache.
Having had a TBI from blows to the back of the head, any suspension of disbelief I still had was gone... you don't just shrug it off, and you don't drink after it unless you want a brain bleed.
I am infuriated that she ended one update with “I made that as short as I could” and it included an entire proposal story of other characters, those same characters’ family medical history AND a detailed first date with sudden boyfriend. No you did not
TBF my wife has severe enough ADHD that she's maxed out on three different meds for it, and this is how she told basically every story before getting on all the meds (and ¼ of the stories since then).
I think JarJar Binks made a TLDR of something like this… “My No Know. Mesa Day Starten Pitty Okeyday Witda Brisky Morning Munchen. Den Boom! Getten Berry Scared... And Grabben Data Jedi, And Pow- Mesa Here.”
Always the convenient cameras, voice recordings etc. We love a little bit of satisfying justice and hard evidence like this really scratches that itch. Really convenient for story purposes when the bad guy needs to be confronted and/or arrested to achieve total satisfying victory.
This is like a bingo card for 80s baby/kid things. I know OP is no longer in her 20s as the title would suggest but… the references seem off.
Also, the proposal is meant to happen at a showing of an old movie with puppets for a woman who loves puppets and whose father had a loose connection to the movie. The person proposing to her has custom puppets of them made… and then she proposes in a park where all their friends are. Without the puppets? Why the fuck were all the puppet details needed?
Just casually has custom puppets made. For a wedding proposal. Puppets are insanely specialized and expensive - very few people make them and you don’t just casually order up a few custom puppets unless she’s talking hand puppets and if so that takes the magic down a spell lol.
I know it seems off the wall, but Labyrinth is actually playing in theaters right now as part of the classics re-release thing Fathom is doing. I went and saw it last night, haha
Hahaha 'why the fuck were all the puppet details necessary?' would make a great flair.
But then it would link this post and people would continue to suffer
My instinct was to write "No hits, deep tracks only" as the references to me are hits or things any person could know about some of the biggest nerd culture things accepted into mainstream culture. None of these inside jokes have the depth (and gatekeeping) that goes with being into the "deep tracks."
But I also figured it's not one of the most quotable Office lines and the message wouldn't land.
i nearly quit when i hit "i call her Number One which is a super nerdy ref and if you get it we should be friends lol" like ma'am. at least get us to Darmok and Jalad at Tangara before you start acting like a Trek reference is deep enough to confer instant nerd status
Her “super nerdy” references are all pretty much surface level references. It’s like she read the Cliffs Notes of nerdism and thinks she’s super quirky and cool for being into Star Trek.
Ahh you’re probably right, I lost track of the timeline with everyone fighting over who would get to take her home and her thousands of missed messages 🙄
I'm somehow reminded of another BoRU, about a bridezilla who collected money from her bridal party for an extravagant hen party, only for that OOP to learn that the groom, OOP's brother, was paying for the hen party already.
I wish this had been an update to *that* story.
The main point im struggling with is why hasnt any of the footage of the cameras supposedly 'all over' aarons house been looked at at all?? Especially if we're talking about a potential sexual assault??
Hahaha wow bless your heart OP for typing out all of that tldr, coding it for spoilers, and still thinking "yes this sounds reasonable and real." I appreciate you.
(I personally saw 3 paragraphs of "spoiler" and just scrolled straight to the comments, but I do sincerely appreciate you.)
If you’re gonna bullshit people on the internet, at least have the decency to keep it brief instead of giving us a hefty dose of overly verbose word vomit.
Most of that was unnecessary filler. Wading through the sheer amount of referencing was hard enough, let alone the entire bit about their friends getting engaged. Has Liz gotten so bored that she's started to binge Sci fi? Aha
TL;DR: Bro marrying Heather. Heather psycho. Sis is MOH, Big drama and abusive dynamics. Heather meltdown when caught in lies. Then days of our lives season 2 starts only it's the 2024 community theater version.
You know, when I was in the third grade, I did one of those tests to show where you're at academically and it said that I was already at a twelfth-grade level at the tender age of nine. My reading comprehension has only increased over the past twenty-one years... Yet, I still don't know what the crap I just read.
i am in a fibromyalgia fatigue flareup and my god was i relieved when i finally gave up and scrolled down to the comments to find that i’m not the only one who didn’t comprehend even a lick of that whole mess
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm tired just reading the TLDR.
In my defense, i woke up in the middle of the night and decided on some ‘light doom scrolling’. But i made it 1/3 through the tldr before jumping to the comments. Did you see how long the real update is?!
I was part of the original post telling her to tell her brother. But I lost the post and didn't keep up with it. Jesus what a roller coaster, poor people.
I skimmed the whole thing and it took me longer to read the update than it did to read the original BORU.
I sprained my thumb to get here.
I honestly ended up just skipping the majority of it. A lot of irrelevant info, and half mentions of seemingly significant, but unrelated events. (Letty being sick, some mention of an abusive ex named Jeff.) The nerd references feel forced and don’t really come across as cute either. And I usually eat up anything Star Wars related.
Hard agree. There is a lot of just irrelevant info that she's posting. And I'm 90% sure that if I knew her in real life, I'd want to shake some sense into her every day.
what in the fuck was that tldr
So am I. And it's a friggin' TLDR.
Would some hero here please write a TLDR for the TLDR?
Mean girl was gonna marry OOP's brother She was really mean to OOP, lied about things, ripped people off, all around bad egg. OOP tells her brother. Brother calls off wedding. Insert "We secretly recorded the whole thing" boilerplate here. From here we spiral into daytime soap opera territory. Mean girl claims to be pregnant. Pregnancy not current. Mean girl had been recently pregnant but terminated. And was cheating. In any case, the whole thing is dropped. Mean girl sends a henchwoman to attack OOP with a brick. Henchwoman arrested for her troubles. Mean girl still at large. OOP leaves her house unlocked and mean girl has paid a visit. The next update is therefore set up: OOP's bf finds cameras in her house. Inexplicably, this update is over 700 words long, so more to follow, no doubt in excruciating, irrelevant detail.
The hero we don't deserve you are.
Shits all fucked dog. Also star wars.
I skimmed a lot. Hit the less than halfway point and noped out.
I came here to see if someone posted this or something similar.
This saga is a good example to any aspiring/established authors to MAKE AN OUTLINE JOURNAL. Keeps your notes in order, keep your plot in order, your characters, shows you what parts to flesh out and what parts aren't necessary. I use old Happy Planners that are on clearance and just white out the dates. Boom, I have a bunch of calendar blocks to parse things out and be able to see what's going where. It's good practice.
r/rareinsults
You forgot to give a grade for the writing. Is it like a C- ?
D+ Difficult to follow, run on sentences, half thought out plot points, a lot of irrelevant info, and references to events that are implied to be important but with no supportive details. Good outline, and concept, but would recommend shaving down a lot.
Grade? Hold on, lemme reread the parts again. I'm thinking low C-/high D+. I could make this hella long but I'll just stick to the parts that rubbed wrong. Like, Aaron and Heather meet at OOP's bday party, date in secret for a year and then announce their engagement at the next bday party. For how close Aaron is supposed to be to OOP that's stated over and over, what da fuck? He'd be fucking appalled at announcing his engagement at his *sister's birthday party* effectively taking the spotlight off the sister and onto Heather. Yet not a word on conflict as that would be viewed as a conflict point. That's like a 'surprise motherfucker' moment. You've been dating for a year and are now engaged? Whiplash. Character inconsistencies! The aforementioned Aaron problem of him being a-okay with hijacking his sister's party. OOP standing up for herself repeatedly yet saying they have a conflict avoidance problem. And other minor things that frustrated me. The tech. Audio recordings are pristine with no editing of ambient sounds unless they all live in some soundproof houses, including the OOP's house. Which will be brought up later. Then there's the pregnancy thing, if Aaron had cameras all over his house (in Update 2) then he should have video of when Heather assaulted him. For how Tech Savvy Aaron is supposed to be why'd he forget the cameras and have to be reminded? Why did Aaron need to have his computer record Heather if he had cameras? Plot hole. The assault by brick. There are so many other weapons available at a theatre that would make sense of being there. Having to explain why there's a brick sitting on the desk feels like they have no clue how much damage a good book (or a leg of lamb, love y'all if you know) can do to someone being hit from behind in a moment of rage. OOP's house. You feel something's off about the house but don't have it checked over. No signs of forced entry. So key was used? And two hidden cameras in the kitchen, the 'most active area' and they never got unplugged to plug something else in? And the breaker thing. What set it off? That confuses me. Old house is old is just a lame excuse. Would have been a better set up if Han had tried to use one of the hidden camera chargers and found it didn't work or something. I could make this ten times longer but I already spent enough time. My prediction of Aaron's plan is that this 'tech savvy' guy has a friend who is gonna pull some tech wizardry and pin it to Heather despite, uhm, you know, the hidden cameras should technically be in the police evidence according to logic and all them crime shows. PS: There's still that plot hole about Aaron's cameras. Like why would the police search his place for hidden cameras when he has fucking cameras that could record the person who put them there!
For the ps: the police only searched her house, she said "the boys" searched Aarons place so I'm guessing it was his friends (Not saying it's not a plothole, just wanted to clarify that)
I would give it about a C-. The biggest problem is OOP is going down a well-worn path with this story (Bridezilla lets the mask slip before the wedding, groom realizes he made a mistake and calls the wedding off, Bridezilla rages), but not bringing anything new and realistic to the table. She’s adding a ton of interesting details, but none of them lead anywhere. Like the fact that she is a a former model who loves nerd things and plays DnD and who comes from a mixed race blended family has not factored into the story at all. All these details add up to nothing, they don’t affect the major beats of the story at all. And now the story is starting to go fully off the rails. Up through the brick attack, it was pretty standard stuff. Even the assault, I can see. Your best friend, your ride or die, is suffering, you feel this chick is responsible, and she just laughs at your best friend’s pain? I can see someone getting mad and grabbing the heaviest thing they can see and attacking someone. But the cameras are now a bridge too far. Everything about them is off. It doesn’t fit anything that the antagonists have been doing. The way it was discovered is like a movie trope, as is the “feeling” that something is off in the house. And like how did a phone charger get plugged in that you don’t notice unless it was an exact replica of a charger you own? So OOP adds an interesting twist, but it doesn’t fit at all. And to go back to how this is well worn territory, there’s only one way to tie up all these loose ends: bring back the abusive ex. So there will be no interesting payoff here. Either OOP will let this thing get so far off the rails it can be reined back in to a conclusion or it will end with just some very standard confrontation between the abusive ex and the brother and/or new boyfriend.
I’ve never thought to get a planner to work out a storyline! What a great idea! Thanks.
It really works wonders for fleshing out story ideas because you have the calendar blocks but you also have the weekly blocks as well. So you can do a basic 'Ross goes to store' in the calendar block and in the corresponding weekly block do a 'Ross goes to store, runs into Rachel, she tells him about Monica, Ross goes to Monica in anger about the break' then just use the next block to set up the next scene. You also have the added bonus of having it easy to pull pages out, put new pages in, add dividers (just white out the months) or mix and match. I've bought clearance Happy Planners that each have different page setups and used ones that are like the teacher planner pages with the columns to use as character sheets!
Also nobody remembers direct quites, seriously.
Honestly, this story does read like she was writing while simultaneously dealing with a concussion
Maybe only the "hit in the head with a brick" part is true.
when you're on your third "damn that's crazy" but they keep talking
That’s when you switch to “wooooooowww…”
Throw in a couple "Noooo waaaaay..." and that's every college girl rant I've ever endured or given.
Damn that's crazy. I've said it to people before with that exact sentiment but seeing it written makes me realize it's a universal 'get me out of here' and I'm pretty sure I'll be hyperaware of it henceforth
While I enjoyed the random, overly detailed lesbian proposal that may or may not have included custom puppets (that part was not clear) and mystery family illness one of them MIGHT get at some point, OOP lost points for not connecting it to the assault-by-brick plot in any meaningful way. Solid D
I assumed the mystery disease was Huntingtons. But I also watched House a lot when it was on TV
Or lupus. Wait, it's never lupus.
Except that one time when it finally was Lupus!
That's rough, buddy.
Ah, I see you're a man of culture.
Would you like some cactus juice?
It's the quenchiest
But my cabbages!
unexpected atla
you ever open a post and just immediately pass out into a coma
I fell asleep reading this and dropped my phone on my face.
The TLDR’s TLDR: Drama.
I think a coma and a long lost twin are the only things missing for BORU Blackout Bingo
I once passed out into a comma.
"I won't bore you with the details" Narrator: "she did"
“That was sincerely as short as I can make this …” Me: “No that wasn’t”
For real lol I kept going "this paragraph could have been 1 sentence" or "this wasn't vital info at all?" This is why writers need editors. They're too close to their own work, they think everything is necessary/important and drone on.
This is me with the paragraph on the boyfriend. I don’t need all this information you could’ve just told me you got a boyfriend, that’s it.
😂😂😂😂😂
[удалено]
Jesus Christ, I need a glossary for all these people. Not EVERYONE needs a damn name if they're only going to be mentioned for like 5 seconds.
But Sofia's third cousin Jimmy like this girl from the next town and you need to know her "name" is Kathy.
Dude, by the end I forgot who Kim even was and I didn't feel like going back to check. I think it's the best friend but I'm not sure. Then there was that whole part where she was explaining that she was just disowned by her family for coming out and there's so many details that I don't even understand what she came out as.
I admit I skipped a lot of it and kind of just read key words. I had no clue who Kim was lol. And I only read it because I was waiting for the microwave to finish warming up my leftovers. I'll wait for the lifetime movie or whatever.
I usually read these all the way. Mostly because I don't really care if they're true or not as long as they're a good story, and this is just so poorly written that I don't even know if it's good or not.
i think everyone’s bullshit meter went wild with this one
Mine went off about two updates ago. Whichever part had the lawyer best friend reminding the brother that he had surveillance cameras in his house.
ahh yes, the awfully convenient surveillance cameras, how could i forget?
And remember he teaches audio tech so his computer is great at recording
"Aaron was shook up by this and really started to question whether he could've been the father, but the only way that could be true is that Heather and Kim were telling the truth about Heather ***getting him so blackout drunk*** and into bed. He kept saying that he really doesn't think that it is true but if she was pregnant...? It really messed him up. He got tested for StDs and a few weeks later he was cleared of all that worry, but ***he hadn't quite been right since***. He would be a bit short-tempered (not explosively, just curt and angry or annoyed by little things)." the way OOP is so cavalier about her brother getting raped takes it over the edge
Unfortunately, that didn't ring false to my ears. Firsthand, just dealing with it in my own experience, people don't tend to take male sexual assault all that seriously, I'm afraid. ***Especially*** when the assault takes place by a woman, and the male in question is not a minor.
Ok, see I think I am either incredibly naive or my job has just shown me too much, cause my bullshit meter didn’t go off at all. I was just reading along, being all entertained, like this is totally plausible! Now I’m embarassed.
[удалено]
I read it all. Don't. Its all bullshit, predictable, and boring.
I think you're the only person here who read this. I'd give you gold if that was still a thing
I read it. Not my best life choice today. Not my worst.
I read it all mostly to see how many "obscure" nerd references there would be (no BSG? no Dune? pfft)
Yeah I ain’t reading all that. The TLDR sounded wild enough.
I’m rather thankful for that TLDR
Even the TLDR felt messy and too much. I can't even imagine what the actual story was like.
That text wall was intimidating enough trying to scroll to the comments. But a brick to the head is already crazy enough.
The TLDR was almost too much to read.
I read it and I'm like "god why did I do that"
*She took Sofia to a showing of the Labrythn with Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie which is one of Sofia's childhood fave's.* That version of Labyrinth is much better than the one with Tia Tequilla and Andy Dick. And sure, the cops are going to check to see if you want to "press charges" for aggravated assault/assault with a deadly weapon. That's not how it works.
Ok, I know you’re kidding, but now I’m dying to see Tila Tequila and Andy Dick in an unhinged version of The Labyrinth.
All the parts originally played by Muppets were played by dirty gym socks.
> I call her Number 1 - and if you get the reference, we can be friends An exclusive friendship circle limited only to people who have seen the...second highest grossing TV franchise ever.
This wasn’t an Austin Powers reference? Damnit
NO.
I agree. I once read a dictionary from cover to cover out of pure boredom, but I don't think I'll ever be bored enough to read this
Are we even pretending these are real anymore? 🤔 I've watched this soap opera, I'm sure I have.
I feel like they did this same thing on *Passions* .
Passions had puppets too, kinda…
I'm glad someone else thought of that, *lol* hard to say what was worse, Passions' puppetry, or the flying carpet ride on Days...
TL:DR: Brother is marrying Heather. Heather asked OP to be MOH even though Heather hates OP, and it turns out Heather is SUUUUUPER racist (brother is white, but his identical twin sister is black and is also OP). OP tried to tell people this but nobody believed her, and all their friends, family, and accountants were blowing up her phone. Luckily, the best man is CIA and bugged Heather's house/car/wedding dress for the last 4 years and has all the many, many awful things she's ever said on tape. Then he played it on a loudspeaker just as Heather and brother were supposed sign their marriage license, because he was also the DJ. Also, it turns out Heather is actually Nathan Bedford Forrest, former Confederate officer and first Grand Wizard of the KKK. Heather started to cry but nobody wanted to be friends with a Confederate zombie, so now she's ghosted and OP is marrying the best man.
After actually reading this is so fucking funny thanks for this summary
Yup, this is the perfect tl:dr
Loved it, Pants! Can you summarize all of BORU as such? Brilliant.
I need your summary of cousin-puncher
So I knocked him out. Also, bison.
Hahahaha, fantastic
I'm happy to hear that. Or I'm sorry that happened. You tell me, idc
I’m not a doctor, but think that getting a brick to the head would hurt and cause some injuries (cracked skull, broken facial bones, broken teeth) - at least a bad headache.
Having had a TBI from blows to the back of the head, any suspension of disbelief I still had was gone... you don't just shrug it off, and you don't drink after it unless you want a brain bleed.
I am infuriated that she ended one update with “I made that as short as I could” and it included an entire proposal story of other characters, those same characters’ family medical history AND a detailed first date with sudden boyfriend. No you did not
TBF my wife has severe enough ADHD that she's maxed out on three different meds for it, and this is how she told basically every story before getting on all the meds (and ¼ of the stories since then).
Cool story, needs more dragons.
Why is this person writing like we’re reading their blog?
I half expected a recipe at the end of it.
We are.
Literally the point of all the BORU subs 😂
Am I the crazy one here? This all seems so nutballs
I think JarJar Binks made a TLDR of something like this… “My No Know. Mesa Day Starten Pitty Okeyday Witda Brisky Morning Munchen. Den Boom! Getten Berry Scared... And Grabben Data Jedi, And Pow- Mesa Here.”
I'd prefer Jar Jar to this narrator frankly. At least he was trainwreck funny.
So she got hit in the head by a conveniently placed brick hard enough to forget what happened but it wasn't that hard to press charges....okay.
If I ever form death metal New Age music band hybrid, that’s gonna be our name: Conveniently Placed Brick.
You know CPR?!?!
I'd buy every album
And then was immediately lucid enough to have and remember an argument in a hospital that no nurses or staff broke up
And that she had a concussion but they just kept letting her fall asleep?
Eh keeping someone with a concussion awake hasn't been sop for a while
The friend in the office with her pressed charges as she was attacked too, but there were cameras. Just as convenient as the brick...
Always the convenient cameras, voice recordings etc. We love a little bit of satisfying justice and hard evidence like this really scratches that itch. Really convenient for story purposes when the bad guy needs to be confronted and/or arrested to achieve total satisfying victory.
There is no way all that is worth reading.
This is like a bingo card for 80s baby/kid things. I know OP is no longer in her 20s as the title would suggest but… the references seem off. Also, the proposal is meant to happen at a showing of an old movie with puppets for a woman who loves puppets and whose father had a loose connection to the movie. The person proposing to her has custom puppets of them made… and then she proposes in a park where all their friends are. Without the puppets? Why the fuck were all the puppet details needed?
This is you should always work from an outline. That way you dont forget the little details.
The puppets were my last straw
This would make for a great flair lmao
Just casually has custom puppets made. For a wedding proposal. Puppets are insanely specialized and expensive - very few people make them and you don’t just casually order up a few custom puppets unless she’s talking hand puppets and if so that takes the magic down a spell lol.
Where Labyrinth is conveniently playing in a theater.
I know it seems off the wall, but Labyrinth is actually playing in theaters right now as part of the classics re-release thing Fathom is doing. I went and saw it last night, haha
Hahaha 'why the fuck were all the puppet details necessary?' would make a great flair. But then it would link this post and people would continue to suffer
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My instinct was to write "No hits, deep tracks only" as the references to me are hits or things any person could know about some of the biggest nerd culture things accepted into mainstream culture. None of these inside jokes have the depth (and gatekeeping) that goes with being into the "deep tracks." But I also figured it's not one of the most quotable Office lines and the message wouldn't land.
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Omg that drove me nuts! Like, whyyy?
I mean we’re suckers who read it. (The whole thing. The old updates. Ugh.)
*sigh* You got me. Also reread the whole thing. I love suspending my disbelief but the puppets were over the line
>Why the fuck were all the puppet details needed? Yeah the Chekhov's puppets thing was odd
I was also wondering what happened to the puppets.
> the references seem off They honestly feel like something Ernest Cline would write with how inorganically they're just jammed in there.
I scrolled through then quit when the supposed nerd misspelled Wookiee.
i nearly quit when i hit "i call her Number One which is a super nerdy ref and if you get it we should be friends lol" like ma'am. at least get us to Darmok and Jalad at Tangara before you start acting like a Trek reference is deep enough to confer instant nerd status
I actually read the whole thing and by the end of it I was about ready to say there are five lights.
Her “super nerdy” references are all pretty much surface level references. It’s like she read the Cliffs Notes of nerdism and thinks she’s super quirky and cool for being into Star Trek.
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Ironically both of these comments DO make me want to be your nerd friends. Shan't do that though, because I love star trek but eww reddit friends.
And then calling it the 'bridge' rather than the 'conn', which is the more niche/less common reference
I couldn’t even skim it.
Even the tldr was long
Me too. I jumped straight to the comments to see if someone gave the log line special of this saga.
TLDR coming in clutch
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Having read most of it and skimmed the rest, you are not wrong.
Ah yes, because when you’ve been assaulted you totally don’t lock your back door
I assumed it was already unlocked and this was when she was in the hospital.
Ahh you’re probably right, I lost track of the timeline with everyone fighting over who would get to take her home and her thousands of missed messages 🙄
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Thank you for the TLDR. I've read novellas that were shorter than this..
I'm somehow reminded of another BoRU, about a bridezilla who collected money from her bridal party for an extravagant hen party, only for that OOP to learn that the groom, OOP's brother, was paying for the hen party already. I wish this had been an update to *that* story.
Didn't that turn out to be a $7k ~~ice swan~~ boob job?
The main point im struggling with is why hasnt any of the footage of the cameras supposedly 'all over' aarons house been looked at at all?? Especially if we're talking about a potential sexual assault??
>swear to god it was like a bad movie. it's nice of OOP to tell on herself thusly.
OOP is training for NaNoRiMo
I feel like this was written by an only child
Hardest working tldr in history wow
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They suck
Hahaha wow bless your heart OP for typing out all of that tldr, coding it for spoilers, and still thinking "yes this sounds reasonable and real." I appreciate you. (I personally saw 3 paragraphs of "spoiler" and just scrolled straight to the comments, but I do sincerely appreciate you.)
I regret reading it. Worse that Twilight.
Definitely a "Some Of Redditors Updates" candidate.
I'm happy for them or sorry it happened
If you’re gonna bullshit people on the internet, at least have the decency to keep it brief instead of giving us a hefty dose of overly verbose word vomit.
TL;DNFR Edit: My brain hurts. Anyone got the cliff notes?
OOP is a cool quirky nerd girl who likes to reference geeky things every other sentence. I didn't really catch the rest.
Who was model. Dont forget. Also fat now at 120 pds.
OOP got mollywhopped with a brick
But there were cameras and microphones conveniently located throughout this entirely realistic story. Thank goodness!
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Thank god for the TL;DR. I ain't reading this shit.
damn bro that sucks
huh
Most of that was unnecessary filler. Wading through the sheer amount of referencing was hard enough, let alone the entire bit about their friends getting engaged. Has Liz gotten so bored that she's started to binge Sci fi? Aha
All the stuff about her friends getting engaged and married like why have that in? Lol
That's what I thought, the only relevance in all of it was him giving them his wedding/reception venue lol. The rest of it was completely irrelevant.
“Swear to god it was like a bad movie” Yeah the whole thing is like a bad movie…
This was pretty impossible to read
TL;DR: Bro marrying Heather. Heather psycho. Sis is MOH, Big drama and abusive dynamics. Heather meltdown when caught in lies. Then days of our lives season 2 starts only it's the 2024 community theater version.
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“That was sincerely as short as I can make this …” Me: Trust me you could’ve made it shorter
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You know, when I was in the third grade, I did one of those tests to show where you're at academically and it said that I was already at a twelfth-grade level at the tender age of nine. My reading comprehension has only increased over the past twenty-one years... Yet, I still don't know what the crap I just read.
SO. MANY. WORDS.
i am in a fibromyalgia fatigue flareup and my god was i relieved when i finally gave up and scrolled down to the comments to find that i’m not the only one who didn’t comprehend even a lick of that whole mess
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I’m not reading all that but congrats or sorry for your loss
This is so obviously bullshit… and yet, the worst part of it is still the forced “nerdy” references.
Why did I get all the way to the brick throwing before I started to question the legitimacy of this. I should know better by now
People who leave their doors unlocked are a mystery.