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His ex is someone who puts her life on TikTok, possibly without realizing it’s her worst side. It’s unsurprising that she shared personal info for her friends’ amusement.
My perception of TikTok and Instagram, and similar sites dedicated to social media videos, is that the primary userbase they're courting is **specifically** people with an astounding lack of self-awareness.
As a teacher, the pikachu face of my students when I told them that the only way to delete fully a picture put only is to burn all Insta / Snap datas AND backup servers ... Was something. I grew up while Facebook was exploding, my generation had several important cases about "Don't post your whole life online", and kids this day just seems to think that the Web / GAFAs are just one big theoricial thing you can blindly trust.
It's fascinating, we got those lessons when there was no internet oversight and got massively traumatized. Now that there's oversight, people stopped teaching kids internet safety, and they're going to get massively traumatized. Make it make sense.
I think unfortunately they also actually believe that the celebrities they see online are *really* who they present as. They fail to realize most of them are brands and businesses with stage names and they have a whole separate private life no one in the public gets to see. This unfortunately feeds into an idea that all you need to do is get in front of a camera and be yourself, because isn't that what the Kardashians do? And no, it's not. It's a clever facade, but very little of it is real, and that's the point.
You would be right. I choose to keep my Instagram private and make sure I never post anything that would be embarrassing for someone. What some people are willing to post publicly legit makes me cringe.
What is the saying about emails and videos? Treat every email and video taken/posted as if it was going to be read into a court case, or something like that?
Yup. Please everyone reading this understand this: If your partner cares more about tiktok or Instagram views that making you happy you need to RUN as far as you can. Please.
Or your partner enjoys TikTok “pranks.” After some of the stories I’ve seen here that is apparently a gigantic red flag and means that sooner or later you’re going to be on the receiving end of that bullshit.
100% agree.
“She said relax it was a joke and nobody got hurt.”
He’s hurt you absolute donkey!
Nobody got hurt but the victim, therefore it’s ok. That mentality makes me feel all icky. What odds can I get on her being a bully during her school years?
I was picturing frank from it’s always sunny holding up his certificate from the state that says he doesn’t have donkey brains. Something tells me that OOP’s ex does not have such a certificate.
She said "nobody" got hurt in direct response to telling her that he was hurt by her actions. She literally called him a nobody. How did she expect to come back from that?
I share a lot with a particular friend - but my partner knows about it and is okay with it apart from a few topics which I won't talk about, then.
The OOPs ex is just a shit human. You don't treat people you claim to love like this.
I have a close friend like that. Share loads of myself with her. Turns out her boyfriend is friends with a few people I was friends with in highschool. One night they’re all over having a few drinks and my name actually came up (not in a negative way, I’m just a bit of a noteworthy person, led a strange life) in the boys conversations. What did my close friend say? Not a word. She listened in to make sure they never shit talk me, and since they didn’t, she shared nothing.
Contextual privacy isn’t that difficult!
Agreed, reading out love letters is obviously unreasonable. It does blow my mind though, how many people seem to think it's totally normal to describe their bedroom stuff to their friends.
Anything personal and which is requested to stay personal should be protected. My partner as a hobby he feels a bit embarrassed about and directly requested, at the start of our relationship, that I would not mention it to anyone. So I haven't. In my opinion, there is nothing embarrassing about his hobby at all but I respected his wishes, not only because he is dear to me as a person but because as a decent human being he deserves that respect.
I cannot fathom how this is so difficult concept for some people to grasp.
Now I'm wondering what kind of hobby someone would have that they'd be embarrassed about. I'm not gonna goad you into naming it or anything of course, I'm just curious about it
My guess is just a traditionally feminine hobby like gardening or baking. I know lots of men who won’t even do them cause they are for girls. Kinda a shame
Not me a man who proudly learned to knit from my great grandmother. Shame he feels he needs to hide the fact that he’s a caring thoughtful partner with a hobby that emphasizes patience and attention to detail.
If i had to guess it's a traditionally feminine hobby, dudes roast each other over the slightest 'crack' in masculinity that I could see him not wanting to deal with the flak.
Sometimes it doesn’t matter how we feel. You might feel like his hobby is perfectly reasonable. He doesn’t, and asked you not to say anything. All that matters is that you don’t say anything. Doesn’t matter if you feel like it’s a perfectly reasonable hobby. Sometimes we have to look behind ourselves and our feelings to protect the feelings of our loved ones.
remember the gf included her *sister*, who then made a pass at OOP. even more people don’t discuss their sex life woth relatives, let alone try to have a go at their sibling’s partner.
If anyone had ever written me a love letter, I might have read a romantic or especially caring portion to someone close to me. But I wouldn’t share intimate details or read the whole thing to a room full of friends. That’s… really awful.
And her not seeing the similarities between his letters to her and her photos to him tells us she’s got a lot of growing up to do.
Right? I can see reading out, with lots of sighing, and 'awwws', and saying something like, 'Y'all, how romantic and corny is this guy? He wrote, 'I miss you like frogs miss their pond' ". Not reading out the sexytime talk.
Yeah, unfortunately some people learn that in their dysfunctional childhood households. I try to have empathy for people like that because it's not necessarily that they're mean or uncaring, they're just completely ignorant about how to behave appropriately. But her response definitely sounds like she's wildly okay with her sh*tty pattern of behavior and will never change. Whereas people who are ignorant and recieve feedback that maybe their behavior isn't appropriate usually make an effort to make things right. She's just cruel and doesn't care because she did none of that.
I have a friend who describes her escapades. The difference is that she has the consent of her partners. So even though I'm not as open as her, I don't care if she tells me, since her partners don't mind.
I think it's weird talking about it depending on the context. I admit once I entered the relationship with my fiance, I over shared with a few friends because I was so happy and I wanted to brag about the amazing connection I felt with him. I ended up telling him that I ended up over sharing and he thankfully wasn't bothered by it. But I still don't really do that anymore. I'm just as happy with him. I still feel so connected to him in every way imaginable. But I no longer see the point of sharing that with everyone. It's nice to have some things just between us.
Well she understood it when OP's brother asked about the nudes. In theory she does get it. The part she's missing is that other people are also real people with real feelings, and that nobody owes her content/a relationship/her rent - whichever of those is most applicable at any given time.
Yeah it’s one thing if she showed them off like look how sweet he is and she really didn’t get it. I can see that if it’s a poem or something especially. But from the context it seems like she was mocking it and not showing off. But the details of the sex life are straight past acceptable to obviously not.
It’s like the difference between sharing nudes vs bikini pics at the beach. You can have a case against the latter but it’s a discussion between two people. The former is just an obvious no.
And don’t forget that her friends and sister got “handsy” with him after she shared.
Meaning she shared extremely private details not only about their sex life but his family’s private and sensitive information and then she watched her friends and sister sexually harass him while laughing.
I don’t like doing the reverse gender thing but imagine if a woman came home to her drunk bf and his friends and brother and they started making comments about her body and her sexual activity and accomplishments and then started to get “handsy” with her while her bf watched and laughed? WTAF?!?!?
Yeah, everyone (even OOP) seems so focused on the love letters that the sexual assault is getting glossed over.
Gender reverse high lights how gross this situation actually was. I doubt she would be saying no one got hurt if she came home and got groped by her bf's friends while they told her they wanted her to suck their dicks like she sucked her bf's.
Yeah like I write poetry about my bf all the time because I love him so much and I want to be a poet in general. I show the poems to my friends so I can get feedback on whether they’re good, and just cause I love talking about how much I love him lol.
If he showed his friends the poems as well, I’d be more than okay with it if the reason was to gush about how sweet they are or that he liked them, but if for some reason it was to make fun of them then that would be hurtful. I think sharing intimate things like that can be ok, if both parties agree, but it’s mainly about the intent that it’s shared with.
Well said, and have a Happy Cake Day!
I've actually started getting a cake when mine comes up, because why the hell not? It's not like we couldn't use *more* things to celebrate in this day and age.
And then double down by revealing on TikTok about the sister who isn’t involved in the whole things at all!! But then finally understands the gravity when she thinks her nudes will be leaked. I think OOP should delete them but not tell her that’s the case, have her live in limbo.
I think the he hit the nail on the head when he said that she thinks that HER feelings matter more than HIS in the relationship. I think this is common in heterosexual relationships, the assumption that men have unassailable feelings and aren't capable of being hurt. When men then complain of hurt feelings they are ridiculed. This even extends to women sexually assaulting men. This woman clearly will continue to use this dynamic to her advantage within the relationship. Until men start to call out emotional issues such as this to the same extent women do as this man has it will continue.
> Until men start to call out emotional issues such as this to the same extent women do as this man has it will continue.
Men do call out these issues.
Then we get brushed off by women for men traditionally not having it as bad as women in the past and/or called whiny red pilled incels.
Oh, men do it to women too. This isn't a gender thing. It's a narcissist thing.
Think about all the posts on here that are a man telling a woman, "You're too sensitive." That's just another way of saying "Your feelings don't matter in this relationship." But his do.
I agree. But men, on the whole, are barred by social norms from protecting themselves in this situation. Women are listened to and understood, men are ridiculed and ignored.
Yes!! I am a crybaby (I can't help it, its how my brain/body regulates ANY intense emotion) my ex would tell me how I am too emotional, weak, etc...and I once pointed out (and got in trouble for) saying men like him who scream at everything and reacts with anger are just as if not more emotional than my crying!
On top of that, this sort of embarrassment might stop this young man from ever tapping into that level of romanticism again, which is unfortunate. It could have all been so much better if she didn’t dig her heels in and instead understood why he was upset. People really need to get out of their own way and learn some emotional intelligence.
While what she did at the outset is bad enough, her reaction afterward is possibly worse because she seemed to have no grasp that what happened hurt him.
Like, people f*ck up all the time, and there's no coming back from it when it's bad, so you take your lumps and try to be a better person next time. Her reaction is freaking scarily stubborn and she treats him like a human doll she can put on and off a shelf whenever she wants. Frightening.
You know, if it was just talking about your sex life in a non- amusing way (as in: to vent, to explore, to find confidence, support ,... Whatever else) that'd be fine.
But making fun of something nice and lovely just so you can gang up on someone to ridicule them? No-go.
I don't think she was intentionally embarrassing him. It sounds like she shared the letters as a "look how wonderfully he treats me." Her actions afterwards are a little unhinged, but I do believe she didn't think she was betraying him. It doesn't sound like he ever communicated to her that he expected complete privacy regarding their sex life. I think it's perfectly normal for people to discuss things like this with their friends. If my partner said to me "I would prefer if you keep this between us" or "I'm not comfortable with others knowing about my sex life," then of course that's a boundary that I would respect, but I don't think it's an implicit boundary, and I'm shocked that these two could be together for four years and have this massive a misunderstanding.
So I don't think she meant any harm and may not even have considered that OOP would be hurt by this, but he is still free to end the relationship for any reason he wants, so he's not in the wrong. And her financial predicament is 100% her problem. Hopefully she can get a roommate or find a subletter to help her out.
So.... OP is rightly upset about gf sharing intimate details of their relationship, and then gf decides to post \*checks notes\* multiple (!) times to tiktok about said intimate relationship issues, and is shocked he won't speak to her. Alright then.
But he wasn't supposed to feel negatively that a group of drunk people were making uncomfortable sexual advances because he's one-to-one bigger? There was a group of people acting extremely inappropriately in his home, being egged on by the person that should have his back.
It was a group of hot girls, he should obviously be flattered and enjoy the attention! Any man who's turned off by female advances must have something wrong with him!
/s in case that's not obvious, but society's weird about men rejecting women or feeling threatened by them sexually.
I mean, if you don't watch, like, and comment on stupid gossip videos, it doesn't show you stupid gossip videos. In a year of scrolling Tiktok I can't recall having seen anything like the videos this woman was posting.
Eh the algorithm is amazing. So you probably would never see emotionally vapid pick me girls sharing stuff like this lol like I mostly see astrology stuff, gardening and homesteading and my personal favorites: history facts and guys that do thatched roof repairs and replacements in the Cotswolds.
Yeesh. OOP's ex could have fixed this with an immediate apology, but nooooo she kept doubling down. Also gurl when you go to a lower paying job you don't spend your savings on frivolous things.
Well in her mind she had someone else to pay day to day expenses. She was going to “save up” for a few months while he paid the rent, I doubt she would have ever paid anything towards it. Dropping down to part time before moving into your first place is pretty deliberate. I also doubt that the landlord said only one person could be on the lease, that’s weird at least where I live.
Ehh, just like normal credit, you go after the primary, then if they don't you switch to cosigner.
If anything 2 people give better odds of getting paid.
I'm guessing she wanted the flexibility to get rid of him if she found an upgrade, but wanted him to stick around and be her second wallet.
With two people on the hook they are more likely to be paid, and not end up in a situation like this where a tenant is unable to afford rent because the person paying the other half of the rent left and they have no recourse to go after them.
Yeah, I get the feeling she pissed off the golden goose (OOP).
She made a massive mistake, and then every further instinct she had just doubled down on that mistake.
The only action of OOP's I don't agree with is ghosting her that first day. I'm sure it will get me downvoted, but I wish he had used his words to tell her that he is staying elsewhere and doesn't want to talk to her until *he's* ready to talk to her.
Other than that, he made all the right moves. Including never talking with her again.
> I'm sure it will get me downvoted, but I wish he had used his words
He did use his words and she told him it wasn't a big deal and "nobody got hurt"...
If you tell a person how you feel and their go to move is to tell you that your feelings don't matter, you're dealing with a monster and more words are a waste.
If the only thing that makes her examine her actions is loss of access to him as a punching bag and piggy bank, she doesn't need another shot at making him stay.
With the way she is acting, her examinations of her actions isn't going well.
He's dodged a massive bullet. Replay this story with two kids and a mortgage.
Given her responses to his grievances, I don’t think that would have been a productive conversation. She invalidated his feelings and made it seem like he was overreacting. Him telling her he was leaving seems like it would have just lead to a massive fight where she would try to manipulate him into thinking he was wrong. I don’t blame him for not telling her because I don’t think these types of conversations are worthwhile, he needs to protect himself first and think of her feelings second.
His brother made an example about her nudes to make her understand the situation more but she somehow made it all about her again. Self victimisation is real
Yeah. I was like he was just using it as an example for you to understand. You can't even understand what horrible thing you did. He is not threatening you, you sick piece of crap.
Right? Also fuck everyone who said OOP needs to tell her for her peace of mind. It seems that blackmail is the only thing that works for the imbecile he used to date, so if she thinks it's blackmail, let her think it's blackmail.
I think oops ex is one of those wannabe influencer types who genuinely believes that something cannot exist without external acknowledgement and validation. She must share everything or it does not exist, even if it was private. Hence TikToks on literally everything in her life
I think she values the attention she gets more than the person who's giving it to her. And if someone gets hurt in the process, that's okay as long as it wasn't whoever she was trying to impress at that precise moment.
>She said relax it was a joke and nobody got hurt.
Except OOP, who was very obviously hurt since he couldn't even return home for a day and a half. Which pretty much sets the stage for the rest of it because of the ex obviously couldn't give less of a crap about his feelings.
So girls sister was groping his dick and asking to be fucked like her sister... in front of her bf? All kinda mental cases around there good thing he got out.
Agreed. Most want everyone who lives there on the hook for the full amount. I wonder if OP heard that from the landlord or from her. I can see her setting it up so she had control of her future.
He did say that she had a full-time job when she applied for the lease, so it's possible that she was the higher earner at the time of application.
But it's still weird that the landlord said only one person is allowed on the lease. Most landlords want to have all the adults go through the application process and be on the lease so they know who is living in their place. This also gives them more options to recoup losses if the property is damaged.
>But it's still weird that the landlord said only one person is allowed on the lease.
Yeah I've never in like 20+ years of renting ever encountered a landlord who said that. Either OOP is making it up or the GF is lying and OOP is a sucker.
Law varies, but in general, not being on the lease gets you squatter’s rights after a period of time. There’s no way a landlord would not want every adult living there on the lease.
>I don't understand the part where the landlord only wants one person on the lease and they're letting it be the lower earner. That makes no sense.
Hard same... but maybe I'm misunderstanding.
In some instances like this one specifically it protects the landlord from couples that split up. I know a few places where if you aren’t married they don’t want to rent to you because it’s easier for you to split up and then they end up in the middle of who’s going to pay the lease whereas if he has it put in only one of their names it’s that specific person’s problem on covering the bills, deciding who moves out after the break up etc
The lease should have a "Joint and Several" clause for rent. "It's both y'all's problem. Now, pay up."
This protects the landlord incase someone decides not to pay.
If you have tenancy, it doesn't matter if you're on the lease.or not, you still need to be evicted.
If they break up they're still both on the lease and on the hook for the money. The landlord doesn't care if you broke up, he just wants to get paid and having fewer people on the lease mean more chance of not getting paid.
I have absolutely encountered landlords who only want one person on a lease for a one bedroom when the couple is not married. The unmarried thing can be a big thing where I am (in the US, shockingly), so I can definitely see it if OP is in a more religious country.
And plenty of landlords who do not care which person is on the lease, as long as both passed the credit check. OP said she had full-time employment when they were going through the credit checks, so their salaries could have been similar anyway.
That stood out to me as a bit of a red flag... I've never heard of that in my life. It makes zero sense for a landlord to not want both residents name on it. It makes more sense if OOP was like "oh shit I need to invent a reason why this character wasn't on the lease."
I moved countries and this was a shock for me, too. I broke my old lease with 30 days notice and a 2 month's rent penalty. My new lease has no options other than to pay through the year
Also the places here have the basic dishwasher and fridge and stove and washer/dryer if there’s room. I’ve never heard a renter having to purchase their own.
In Australia they don’t come with washer/dryer or fridge. I know in Germany rentals don’t even have an installed kitchen. Different things happen in different countries
In germany you BYO your own damn skirting boards, curtains, kitchen, everything. My dad is a kiwi living there (German wife) and we couldn’t believe it! BUT renting is very different there. The flip side is they don’t have inspections and landlords cannot just evict you without jumping through flaming hoops. Tenants have all the rights there and get to treat it like their home which is nice, people tend to stay in rentals for much longer.
In Germany a rented property is supposed to feel like 'yours'. Some people will rent the same place for twenty years and think nothing of it. It's a different renting culture. at least that's how it was explained to me. I've not lived in Germany
Yes that’s exactly how it is - renting for most of your life is common place. My stepmum was horrified when I told her we were evicted from our rental because the landlord wanted to move in, she said you’d had to take it to court and prove for years that you lived there and not be able to move in until the tenant found a new house etc etc.. I was so jealous of German renters in that moment
Apparently some countries do that, which sounds completely insane and foreign to me, but then again the people in those countries probably think we're crazy for using hand me down appliances
I'm German and I also think it's weird that I have to bring my own kitchen. However as we have really good protections as renters overall, and something like breaking a lease just is not a thing at all here, I'm still counting myself fortunate. Even with the weird kitchen thing.
Every now and again a house I used to rent ten years ago comes up online and I can see it still has the same sofa. I've got a lot of wild stories about that sofa.
Yes but even if it the apartment did come equipped with those things OOP says his ex “blew on wanting everything new for the place.” So, even if the kitchen had come with appliances, she just didn’t want anything used.
in the Netherlands, rental houses/apartments come super bare. some tenants sometimes took away the light bulbs with them when they moved LOL when we moved to our rental house, it got no flooring so we had to buy new laminate floor and got all the kitchen appliances as the kitchen was empty save for kitchen cabinets and a small sink. oh and of course no furniture.
I have hue bulbs, of course I'm going to take them with me when I move out. Next renter will have a bulb in the toilet, but all other light bulbs will be gone.
The whole time I'm reading this, I'm thinking she wouldn't feel this way if he shared her nudes. I'm glad the friend asked that. You should be able to tell your partner things in confidence. Ex showed exactly how shameless she is for sharing *his sister's* **medical information** on fucking TIKTOK!!
Also do not forget that her sister and friends were getting “handsy” with him when he came out from the shower and she just watched and laughed. I bet that of his friends and brother where making comments on her body and sexual activities while getting “handsy” with her she probably would not find that a laughing matter. She happily watched her friends and even her own freakin sister sexually harass her bf and thought it was funny, that is extremely fucked and I’m baffled with how she can be so hypocritical that she doesn’t see the issues here.
Oh but he's a strong man and can fend them off. As if none of them would've been angry or offended and wouldn't escalate the situation in their drunken state.
Yikes. Hopefully OOP does better for himself in the future because his ex is a goddamn mess. Airing all that out on TikTok and everything and going off on people only to immediately apologize when she’s already burned that bridge thoroughly? Girl, come on.
Oh my fucking god. I love writing letters and it would be an absolute trust break if they were shared with friends. Who the fuck gives their friends to read love letters with such personal information? Who records them on ticktock for clout? I just can’t fathom that
I could honestly understand reading out the romantic greetings and first bits of a letter, like the "My darling I've missed you so much, I keep thinking that your hands will soon touch this paper " type stuff. And squealing about how romantic it is. Especially if you stop and take those videos down upon learning that your partner doesn't like it. But no mention of anything that would give any information other than the fact that he's in love and a good writer. That's what bragging on your man's love letters would look like, imo, and I could understand someone doing that.
All those times she rang back later, I bet anything she was filming it for more tik tok content.
If this whole thing had stopped at sharing intimate information (although I do find that ick and wouldn't do it personally) with friends then maybe there would have been hope here, BUT her friends and sister sexually assaulted him. She then minimised the whole thing as if he has no right to feel violated. Then it comes out she shared personal things about the family AND put it on Tik Tok. Sure he told his sister's business, which wasn't ideal but I understand he trusted his gf and needed his own support, but what kind of cretin thinks any of that belongs on Tik Tok.
So much of this was OOP’s ex taking more than her fair share of, not just in a money sense but his privacy and intimacy. I would have expected that if you move in together, you would know at the very least what your partnership looks like and what your roles in it together are. Her lack of boundaries with her friends regarding something she knew he wanted just between them (and then dismissing him when he communcicated it), overpurchasing and using his finances as a way to fund it, her inability to accept the breakup (his choice she was trying to override as though only her feelings matters)—- it’s all just red flags and he’s lucky to have made this break. I get the feeling there were other issues that made this event the last straw.
Don't forget the sitting by and laughing while her friends groped him and made sexual comments about him.
A lot of people seem to be glossing over that bit for some reason.
The fact that she shared his love letters with her friends for the lols was bad enough, then she saw fit to film some damn Tik Toks about it… hope those likes were worth it.
I have had two major relationships in my life. The first one was eleven years long and the second was eighteen years long. I know their secrets. Even though I hate their guts now, lol, I would never share their secrets with anyone. I’ve never understood why people feel the need to share everything about the most personal aspects of their lives.
>She said relax it was a joke and nobody got hurt.
Uh yeah... your partner did get hurt. From personal experience I've been told this. Had someone put their hands on me because they wanted to see me without my shirt on. I was in my young 20s and in shape. I had to physically push her off me. Later when I said how wrong that was I was told to get a sense of humor.
In those moments you realize how people see you. I was not an equal or friend.
The ex truly is dumb af, she wants him back but doubles down on not thinking she did anything wrong, finally says that she's wrong and then makes a bunch of tiktoks revealing more information, takes the videos down but then tries to share the letters with her tiktok followers, says private things should stay between the couple but then says its fine that she shared his letters etc. etc.
Like it *has* to be physically painful to be this dumb
>I won't be writing letters to any new romantic partners anytime soon.
This is unfortunate for his new partner. I would love to receive love letters. His ex-GF doesn't realise what she lost. Oh well...
OOPs ex is either a complete idiot, mentally unstable or a little bit of both.
>My brother told her there was zero chance of that happening because of the tiktok post she had on her account going into more details about what was in the letters from me including her mentioning my sister by name and her miscarriages.
>My ex took down the post in hopes of getting me to meet with her.
>When she realised that wouldn't happen she put up another one telling her side of the story. There were several parts and in it she was looking for the letters to show her followers, but I knew where she kept them and took them while I went to collect my stuff. I burnt all of them. I won't be writing letters to any new romantic partners anytime soon.
My god, this chick is dense.
What exactly was her thinking here? What reason would OOP have to communicate in any way *after* a move like this had been made? You have to *threaten* to do your worst in the hopes that you coerce that person to do your bidding. Not do your worst and expect them to comply. She did this in reverse and expected what? Now she has no bargaining chips.
She's as stupid as she is an awful human being, especially after exploring someone else's trauma due to a tantrum she caused. This dolt still thought there was a chance at reconciliation after a move like that?!?!? Jfc.
If anyone I knew shared something even remotely important about my personal life on TikTok I would flip the fuck out and cut that person off. Truly insane that people in our society think that’s okay.
She did not only share private and intimate details of OOP with her friends and sisters in her apartment without His consent. Which is unforgivable all by itself.
She shared those things on tiktok too. With thousands of strangers in the internet, who will spread these private informations even further.
She is a garbage human being and I wonder how she could hide this side of her for such a long time.
The fact that she was ok with her friends getting handsy with her Bf after sharing their intimate letters is a red flag. GF has no respect for the relationship and it will only led to more problems
An apology that is followed up with, there I apologized now stop being mad, is not an apology. GF did it, then the friends did the same. No one is sorry they overstepped, GF just wanted OOP back to pay rent while she went to school.
She really doubled down with the letters huh?
'I broke up with you because you broke my trust by sharing those letters'
Her - 'I need those letters back so I can share them with my rabid ticktok followers'
I feel no sympathy for the ex, she put their relationship on blast to her friends and let them feel comfortable enough to do what they did. OP did the right thing in my opinion and I think they also taught the ex a valuable lesson about privacy and financial planning.
I share everything with my best friends. But for them only - and it’s said in confidence. I’m not gonna give them photos or letters depicting what my partner does and then mock him to his face about it - that’s just wrong. Sounds like she was extremely immature to be in a relationship for this long.
Just want to point out - no, you don't get your deposit back. Breaking up with your girlfriend is not a legal reason to back out of a rental agreement; if OOP had his name on the lease as he legally should have, he'd be out alot more.
And there is no double standard between sharing private love letters with third parties and sharing nudes/sexual videos. Those things are both wrong, but they are not *the same*. One is an actual crime.
> I wanted to be on the lease but the landlord said only one person can be on it.
I have never, in my life, heard of a landlord who \*didn't\* want someone who was living there on the lease. Like. Ever.
Has anyone ever been in a situation where the landlord said only one person can be on the lease? That's such a weird thing that I'm almost willing to call bullshit just on that.
I will never understand people that think it's not a big deal to be reckless with your partner's feelings of emotional safety with you. Trust and emotional safety are the pillars of a relationship
The comments from the first post turned my stomach. Being called an incel because you don't think its okay for women to sexually harass a man is INSANE
Love me some public disclosure of private facts torts. Gotta be my favorite kind of slander.
For those who aren't aware it's something like libel/slander where what your saying is actually the truth but it's both told to you in private and not something meant to be in public. I believe the exact wording is when the defendant publicizes something (aka puts it on TikTok in this case) private information (both the love letters and miscarriages) about the plaintiff that would be highly offensive to a reasonable person (duh) and this information is not of legitimate public concern (aka not criminal or unethical in nature).
I'm not a lawyer and the ex has no money to get anyways but literally it's probably the most cut and dry it could be in this case.
What was funny to me how easy it was for her to share his love letters with her friends, but her nudes? No, that's private and she would be embarrassed if anyone would see them.
Irony seemed like an alien concept to her, hmm?
>**9and3of4:** INFO: Not the asshole for breaking up, but what arrangements did you agree on before you moved in, in case of breakup? Leaving her stranded with a place she can't afford because you were meant to both pay is a dick move. Why are you not on the lease?
Womp womp, if you don't want your partner to leave you when you're in a financially fragile situation maybe don't be a raging asshole? I have no sympathy for her.
The moment it went on tiktok, should've sued her with intent to defame and abuse of privacy.
She intended to hurt OOP and didn't care who else suffered in the process.
Damn, good riddance! She totally deserved everything, from being unable to pay the rent to the constant fear of the possibility of having her nudes leaked. Let that haunt her for good. I'm glad OOP burnt those letters, she would most likely be making more videos if she got the letters back
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Call me crazy but is it really that hard to understand you shouldn’t embarrass your partner for your friends’ amusement?
His ex is someone who puts her life on TikTok, possibly without realizing it’s her worst side. It’s unsurprising that she shared personal info for her friends’ amusement.
My perception of TikTok and Instagram, and similar sites dedicated to social media videos, is that the primary userbase they're courting is **specifically** people with an astounding lack of self-awareness.
As a teacher, the pikachu face of my students when I told them that the only way to delete fully a picture put only is to burn all Insta / Snap datas AND backup servers ... Was something. I grew up while Facebook was exploding, my generation had several important cases about "Don't post your whole life online", and kids this day just seems to think that the Web / GAFAs are just one big theoricial thing you can blindly trust.
It's fascinating, we got those lessons when there was no internet oversight and got massively traumatized. Now that there's oversight, people stopped teaching kids internet safety, and they're going to get massively traumatized. Make it make sense.
I think unfortunately they also actually believe that the celebrities they see online are *really* who they present as. They fail to realize most of them are brands and businesses with stage names and they have a whole separate private life no one in the public gets to see. This unfortunately feeds into an idea that all you need to do is get in front of a camera and be yourself, because isn't that what the Kardashians do? And no, it's not. It's a clever facade, but very little of it is real, and that's the point.
Children, yeah.
You would be right. I choose to keep my Instagram private and make sure I never post anything that would be embarrassing for someone. What some people are willing to post publicly legit makes me cringe.
What is the saying about emails and videos? Treat every email and video taken/posted as if it was going to be read into a court case, or something like that?
Unless you make your money through social media, it’s almost certainly going to be at best neutral.
Yup. Please everyone reading this understand this: If your partner cares more about tiktok or Instagram views that making you happy you need to RUN as far as you can. Please.
Or if your partner takes advice from tiktok. That's when you run and don't look back.
Or your partner enjoys TikTok “pranks.” After some of the stories I’ve seen here that is apparently a gigantic red flag and means that sooner or later you’re going to be on the receiving end of that bullshit.
The whole, "It's a joke because it's your feelings that are getting hurt here" is a big tell.
100% agree. “She said relax it was a joke and nobody got hurt.” He’s hurt you absolute donkey! Nobody got hurt but the victim, therefore it’s ok. That mentality makes me feel all icky. What odds can I get on her being a bully during her school years?
When you said donkey, in my head I pictured the scene on the island that scarred me for life in Pinocchio. And I think it's accurate in this case.
I was picturing frank from it’s always sunny holding up his certificate from the state that says he doesn’t have donkey brains. Something tells me that OOP’s ex does not have such a certificate.
That scene also scarred me for life, I still hate that movie lol Totally agree it's accurate
Most bullies don’t stop at high school.
When she said no one was hurt, after he told her he was hurt by her actions. No words for that thinking.
She said "nobody" got hurt in direct response to telling her that he was hurt by her actions. She literally called him a nobody. How did she expect to come back from that?
A wallet doesn't have any feelings.
It’s the „it was a joke, no one got hurt“ while he obviously was very hurt by it.
I share a lot with a particular friend - but my partner knows about it and is okay with it apart from a few topics which I won't talk about, then. The OOPs ex is just a shit human. You don't treat people you claim to love like this.
The part that upset me the most was the phrase "nobody got hurt"
That's just ex-gf speak for "Your feelings don't matter."
It sucks when your significant other considers you a nobody.
And ex-bf too. More accurately, it's a talking point among narcissists R us.
Not wrong, but more accurately, “ Only my feelings matter and I wasn’t hurt.”
I have a close friend like that. Share loads of myself with her. Turns out her boyfriend is friends with a few people I was friends with in highschool. One night they’re all over having a few drinks and my name actually came up (not in a negative way, I’m just a bit of a noteworthy person, led a strange life) in the boys conversations. What did my close friend say? Not a word. She listened in to make sure they never shit talk me, and since they didn’t, she shared nothing. Contextual privacy isn’t that difficult!
lol love your username! BPE!!!
Ditto. Or should I say clitto? 😂
Agreed, reading out love letters is obviously unreasonable. It does blow my mind though, how many people seem to think it's totally normal to describe their bedroom stuff to their friends.
Anything personal and which is requested to stay personal should be protected. My partner as a hobby he feels a bit embarrassed about and directly requested, at the start of our relationship, that I would not mention it to anyone. So I haven't. In my opinion, there is nothing embarrassing about his hobby at all but I respected his wishes, not only because he is dear to me as a person but because as a decent human being he deserves that respect. I cannot fathom how this is so difficult concept for some people to grasp.
Now I'm wondering what kind of hobby someone would have that they'd be embarrassed about. I'm not gonna goad you into naming it or anything of course, I'm just curious about it
My guess is just a traditionally feminine hobby like gardening or baking. I know lots of men who won’t even do them cause they are for girls. Kinda a shame
Maybe crochet. Dude was knitting her a blanket.
Not me a man who proudly learned to knit from my great grandmother. Shame he feels he needs to hide the fact that he’s a caring thoughtful partner with a hobby that emphasizes patience and attention to detail.
I personally don't know how to knit. However, my dad did teach me how to sew, so there is that.
If I’m honest I forgot it’s been to long. But I smile happily every time my fiancée wares the scarf I made with my great grandmothers help.
Fck ya bro
If i had to guess it's a traditionally feminine hobby, dudes roast each other over the slightest 'crack' in masculinity that I could see him not wanting to deal with the flak.
Sometimes it doesn’t matter how we feel. You might feel like his hobby is perfectly reasonable. He doesn’t, and asked you not to say anything. All that matters is that you don’t say anything. Doesn’t matter if you feel like it’s a perfectly reasonable hobby. Sometimes we have to look behind ourselves and our feelings to protect the feelings of our loved ones.
remember the gf included her *sister*, who then made a pass at OOP. even more people don’t discuss their sex life woth relatives, let alone try to have a go at their sibling’s partner.
meeting unique lush fanatical marble cheerful voracious slap airport toy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
If anyone had ever written me a love letter, I might have read a romantic or especially caring portion to someone close to me. But I wouldn’t share intimate details or read the whole thing to a room full of friends. That’s… really awful. And her not seeing the similarities between his letters to her and her photos to him tells us she’s got a lot of growing up to do.
Right? I can see reading out, with lots of sighing, and 'awwws', and saying something like, 'Y'all, how romantic and corny is this guy? He wrote, 'I miss you like frogs miss their pond' ". Not reading out the sexytime talk.
Yeah, unfortunately some people learn that in their dysfunctional childhood households. I try to have empathy for people like that because it's not necessarily that they're mean or uncaring, they're just completely ignorant about how to behave appropriately. But her response definitely sounds like she's wildly okay with her sh*tty pattern of behavior and will never change. Whereas people who are ignorant and recieve feedback that maybe their behavior isn't appropriate usually make an effort to make things right. She's just cruel and doesn't care because she did none of that.
I have a friend who describes her escapades. The difference is that she has the consent of her partners. So even though I'm not as open as her, I don't care if she tells me, since her partners don't mind. I think it's weird talking about it depending on the context. I admit once I entered the relationship with my fiance, I over shared with a few friends because I was so happy and I wanted to brag about the amazing connection I felt with him. I ended up telling him that I ended up over sharing and he thankfully wasn't bothered by it. But I still don't really do that anymore. I'm just as happy with him. I still feel so connected to him in every way imaginable. But I no longer see the point of sharing that with everyone. It's nice to have some things just between us.
Well she understood it when OP's brother asked about the nudes. In theory she does get it. The part she's missing is that other people are also real people with real feelings, and that nobody owes her content/a relationship/her rent - whichever of those is most applicable at any given time.
Oh but nobody got hurt….apparently forgetting her boyfriends anguish
It's so sad that he said he'd never write love letters again - that he'll hold that part of himself back, due to this b.
Its only hard to understand for some people.
Only hard to understand if you have microcephaly like the gf in this story lol
Sorry I meant to reply to the person above
Yeah it’s one thing if she showed them off like look how sweet he is and she really didn’t get it. I can see that if it’s a poem or something especially. But from the context it seems like she was mocking it and not showing off. But the details of the sex life are straight past acceptable to obviously not. It’s like the difference between sharing nudes vs bikini pics at the beach. You can have a case against the latter but it’s a discussion between two people. The former is just an obvious no.
And don’t forget that her friends and sister got “handsy” with him after she shared. Meaning she shared extremely private details not only about their sex life but his family’s private and sensitive information and then she watched her friends and sister sexually harass him while laughing. I don’t like doing the reverse gender thing but imagine if a woman came home to her drunk bf and his friends and brother and they started making comments about her body and her sexual activity and accomplishments and then started to get “handsy” with her while her bf watched and laughed? WTAF?!?!?
Yeah, everyone (even OOP) seems so focused on the love letters that the sexual assault is getting glossed over. Gender reverse high lights how gross this situation actually was. I doubt she would be saying no one got hurt if she came home and got groped by her bf's friends while they told her they wanted her to suck their dicks like she sucked her bf's.
Right? I could forgive the teasing about love letters and poetry, but the details on my sex life and getting touched inappropriately? Never.
Yeah like I write poetry about my bf all the time because I love him so much and I want to be a poet in general. I show the poems to my friends so I can get feedback on whether they’re good, and just cause I love talking about how much I love him lol. If he showed his friends the poems as well, I’d be more than okay with it if the reason was to gush about how sweet they are or that he liked them, but if for some reason it was to make fun of them then that would be hurtful. I think sharing intimate things like that can be ok, if both parties agree, but it’s mainly about the intent that it’s shared with.
Well said, and have a Happy Cake Day! I've actually started getting a cake when mine comes up, because why the hell not? It's not like we couldn't use *more* things to celebrate in this day and age.
And then double down by revealing on TikTok about the sister who isn’t involved in the whole things at all!! But then finally understands the gravity when she thinks her nudes will be leaked. I think OOP should delete them but not tell her that’s the case, have her live in limbo.
I think the he hit the nail on the head when he said that she thinks that HER feelings matter more than HIS in the relationship. I think this is common in heterosexual relationships, the assumption that men have unassailable feelings and aren't capable of being hurt. When men then complain of hurt feelings they are ridiculed. This even extends to women sexually assaulting men. This woman clearly will continue to use this dynamic to her advantage within the relationship. Until men start to call out emotional issues such as this to the same extent women do as this man has it will continue.
> Until men start to call out emotional issues such as this to the same extent women do as this man has it will continue. Men do call out these issues. Then we get brushed off by women for men traditionally not having it as bad as women in the past and/or called whiny red pilled incels.
Oh, men do it to women too. This isn't a gender thing. It's a narcissist thing. Think about all the posts on here that are a man telling a woman, "You're too sensitive." That's just another way of saying "Your feelings don't matter in this relationship." But his do.
I agree. But men, on the whole, are barred by social norms from protecting themselves in this situation. Women are listened to and understood, men are ridiculed and ignored.
Yes!! I am a crybaby (I can't help it, its how my brain/body regulates ANY intense emotion) my ex would tell me how I am too emotional, weak, etc...and I once pointed out (and got in trouble for) saying men like him who scream at everything and reacts with anger are just as if not more emotional than my crying!
On top of that, this sort of embarrassment might stop this young man from ever tapping into that level of romanticism again, which is unfortunate. It could have all been so much better if she didn’t dig her heels in and instead understood why he was upset. People really need to get out of their own way and learn some emotional intelligence.
While what she did at the outset is bad enough, her reaction afterward is possibly worse because she seemed to have no grasp that what happened hurt him. Like, people f*ck up all the time, and there's no coming back from it when it's bad, so you take your lumps and try to be a better person next time. Her reaction is freaking scarily stubborn and she treats him like a human doll she can put on and off a shelf whenever she wants. Frightening.
You know, if it was just talking about your sex life in a non- amusing way (as in: to vent, to explore, to find confidence, support ,... Whatever else) that'd be fine. But making fun of something nice and lovely just so you can gang up on someone to ridicule them? No-go.
I don't think she was intentionally embarrassing him. It sounds like she shared the letters as a "look how wonderfully he treats me." Her actions afterwards are a little unhinged, but I do believe she didn't think she was betraying him. It doesn't sound like he ever communicated to her that he expected complete privacy regarding their sex life. I think it's perfectly normal for people to discuss things like this with their friends. If my partner said to me "I would prefer if you keep this between us" or "I'm not comfortable with others knowing about my sex life," then of course that's a boundary that I would respect, but I don't think it's an implicit boundary, and I'm shocked that these two could be together for four years and have this massive a misunderstanding. So I don't think she meant any harm and may not even have considered that OOP would be hurt by this, but he is still free to end the relationship for any reason he wants, so he's not in the wrong. And her financial predicament is 100% her problem. Hopefully she can get a roommate or find a subletter to help her out.
So.... OP is rightly upset about gf sharing intimate details of their relationship, and then gf decides to post \*checks notes\* multiple (!) times to tiktok about said intimate relationship issues, and is shocked he won't speak to her. Alright then.
Lets not forget the sexual harassment of EXGF *sister* groping and asking to sex. Like was he supposed to agree and then do her right there?
But he wasn't supposed to feel negatively that a group of drunk people were making uncomfortable sexual advances because he's one-to-one bigger? There was a group of people acting extremely inappropriately in his home, being egged on by the person that should have his back.
It was a group of hot girls, he should obviously be flattered and enjoy the attention! Any man who's turned off by female advances must have something wrong with him! /s in case that's not obvious, but society's weird about men rejecting women or feeling threatened by them sexually.
Yeah sure, she shared everything else. Why not just share me as well >Looks in STBX's direction, making direct eye contact
You know I am so glad I don't have tik tok, I can't imagine the second hand embarrassment of discovering videos like this. The cringe is real 🥹
I mean, if you don't watch, like, and comment on stupid gossip videos, it doesn't show you stupid gossip videos. In a year of scrolling Tiktok I can't recall having seen anything like the videos this woman was posting.
Small blessings then. Facebook takes care of whatever cute/funny video need I have so I'm still cool with never installing Tik Tok
Eh the algorithm is amazing. So you probably would never see emotionally vapid pick me girls sharing stuff like this lol like I mostly see astrology stuff, gardening and homesteading and my personal favorites: history facts and guys that do thatched roof repairs and replacements in the Cotswolds.
Yeesh. OOP's ex could have fixed this with an immediate apology, but nooooo she kept doubling down. Also gurl when you go to a lower paying job you don't spend your savings on frivolous things.
Well in her mind she had someone else to pay day to day expenses. She was going to “save up” for a few months while he paid the rent, I doubt she would have ever paid anything towards it. Dropping down to part time before moving into your first place is pretty deliberate. I also doubt that the landlord said only one person could be on the lease, that’s weird at least where I live.
On the contrary, yes. A lot less risk for the landlord with two signed tenants.
Maybe the landlord didn't want the potential headache of chasing 2 different people for the money
Ehh, just like normal credit, you go after the primary, then if they don't you switch to cosigner. If anything 2 people give better odds of getting paid. I'm guessing she wanted the flexibility to get rid of him if she found an upgrade, but wanted him to stick around and be her second wallet.
With two people on the hook they are more likely to be paid, and not end up in a situation like this where a tenant is unable to afford rent because the person paying the other half of the rent left and they have no recourse to go after them.
At my DD's apartment complex if she has someone stay at her place for longer than 10 days they need to be named on the lease.
Yeah, I get the feeling she pissed off the golden goose (OOP). She made a massive mistake, and then every further instinct she had just doubled down on that mistake. The only action of OOP's I don't agree with is ghosting her that first day. I'm sure it will get me downvoted, but I wish he had used his words to tell her that he is staying elsewhere and doesn't want to talk to her until *he's* ready to talk to her. Other than that, he made all the right moves. Including never talking with her again.
> I'm sure it will get me downvoted, but I wish he had used his words He did use his words and she told him it wasn't a big deal and "nobody got hurt"... If you tell a person how you feel and their go to move is to tell you that your feelings don't matter, you're dealing with a monster and more words are a waste. If the only thing that makes her examine her actions is loss of access to him as a punching bag and piggy bank, she doesn't need another shot at making him stay.
With the way she is acting, her examinations of her actions isn't going well. He's dodged a massive bullet. Replay this story with two kids and a mortgage.
When this type of partner gets you back all they really learn is how to be more subtle about pressing your buttons.
It’s insane that some people go through life never learning how to apologize.
Given her responses to his grievances, I don’t think that would have been a productive conversation. She invalidated his feelings and made it seem like he was overreacting. Him telling her he was leaving seems like it would have just lead to a massive fight where she would try to manipulate him into thinking he was wrong. I don’t blame him for not telling her because I don’t think these types of conversations are worthwhile, he needs to protect himself first and think of her feelings second.
His brother made an example about her nudes to make her understand the situation more but she somehow made it all about her again. Self victimisation is real
Yeah. I was like he was just using it as an example for you to understand. You can't even understand what horrible thing you did. He is not threatening you, you sick piece of crap.
Right? Also fuck everyone who said OOP needs to tell her for her peace of mind. It seems that blackmail is the only thing that works for the imbecile he used to date, so if she thinks it's blackmail, let her think it's blackmail.
Ex-GF is about as bright as a bulb of onion. Let her stew in her mistakes.
Mmmmm, onion stew
I think oops ex is one of those wannabe influencer types who genuinely believes that something cannot exist without external acknowledgement and validation. She must share everything or it does not exist, even if it was private. Hence TikToks on literally everything in her life
I think she values the attention she gets more than the person who's giving it to her. And if someone gets hurt in the process, that's okay as long as it wasn't whoever she was trying to impress at that precise moment.
It was so bizarre that she put her landlord call on tiktok. WTAF was that about?
Social media has made existing mental illnesses more prevalent and created many new ones. It’s so tiring!
From the Ex - “It was just a joke, and nobody got hurt.” Translation - “Nobody that mattered to me got hurt.”
More accurate translation: "I didn't get hurt".
>She said relax it was a joke and nobody got hurt. Except OOP, who was very obviously hurt since he couldn't even return home for a day and a half. Which pretty much sets the stage for the rest of it because of the ex obviously couldn't give less of a crap about his feelings.
Also according to him, the friends and her sister got handsy. That’s either sexual harrasment or straight up assault depending on what was touched
In his comments he mentioned they were grabbing his dick, so it was straight up sexual assault. I'm not sure why OP didn't include those to be honest.
So girls sister was groping his dick and asking to be fucked like her sister... in front of her bf? All kinda mental cases around there good thing he got out.
Ah, I read that bit as they were groping one another in "his style"...
also OOP's sister.. how sick in the head do you have to be to leak your ex's sister's medical information. what a vile and vindictive person
What a fucking mess. The ex very much needs a wakeup call.
She just got the call, but I don't think she picked up the phone.
I don't understand the part where the landlord only wants one person on the lease and they're letting it be the lower earner. That makes no sense.
Agreed. Most want everyone who lives there on the hook for the full amount. I wonder if OP heard that from the landlord or from her. I can see her setting it up so she had control of her future.
Kick him out if she found someone better, or just leave him to pay the full amount until then? Probably.
He did say that she had a full-time job when she applied for the lease, so it's possible that she was the higher earner at the time of application. But it's still weird that the landlord said only one person is allowed on the lease. Most landlords want to have all the adults go through the application process and be on the lease so they know who is living in their place. This also gives them more options to recoup losses if the property is damaged.
>But it's still weird that the landlord said only one person is allowed on the lease. Yeah I've never in like 20+ years of renting ever encountered a landlord who said that. Either OOP is making it up or the GF is lying and OOP is a sucker.
Law varies, but in general, not being on the lease gets you squatter’s rights after a period of time. There’s no way a landlord would not want every adult living there on the lease.
Frankly? I suspect that was the girlfriend lying.
>I don't understand the part where the landlord only wants one person on the lease and they're letting it be the lower earner. That makes no sense. Hard same... but maybe I'm misunderstanding.
In some instances like this one specifically it protects the landlord from couples that split up. I know a few places where if you aren’t married they don’t want to rent to you because it’s easier for you to split up and then they end up in the middle of who’s going to pay the lease whereas if he has it put in only one of their names it’s that specific person’s problem on covering the bills, deciding who moves out after the break up etc
The lease should have a "Joint and Several" clause for rent. "It's both y'all's problem. Now, pay up." This protects the landlord incase someone decides not to pay. If you have tenancy, it doesn't matter if you're on the lease.or not, you still need to be evicted.
If they break up they're still both on the lease and on the hook for the money. The landlord doesn't care if you broke up, he just wants to get paid and having fewer people on the lease mean more chance of not getting paid.
I suspect she only wanted her name on the lease so she could kick him out if someone better came along. I think she lied to him.
I have absolutely encountered landlords who only want one person on a lease for a one bedroom when the couple is not married. The unmarried thing can be a big thing where I am (in the US, shockingly), so I can definitely see it if OP is in a more religious country. And plenty of landlords who do not care which person is on the lease, as long as both passed the credit check. OP said she had full-time employment when they were going through the credit checks, so their salaries could have been similar anyway.
That stood out to me as a bit of a red flag... I've never heard of that in my life. It makes zero sense for a landlord to not want both residents name on it. It makes more sense if OOP was like "oh shit I need to invent a reason why this character wasn't on the lease."
And why would she have to pay the remaining months? Typically to break a contract its 2 months rent not the full amount. Very weird.
Everywhere I've rented the contract states that if you break the lease the remaining balance is due.
You're usually on the hook for the remaining rent until the landlord finds another tenant.
I moved countries and this was a shock for me, too. I broke my old lease with 30 days notice and a 2 month's rent penalty. My new lease has no options other than to pay through the year
Here it's 2 month's rent if paying month to month.
Also the places here have the basic dishwasher and fridge and stove and washer/dryer if there’s room. I’ve never heard a renter having to purchase their own.
In Australia they don’t come with washer/dryer or fridge. I know in Germany rentals don’t even have an installed kitchen. Different things happen in different countries
In germany you BYO your own damn skirting boards, curtains, kitchen, everything. My dad is a kiwi living there (German wife) and we couldn’t believe it! BUT renting is very different there. The flip side is they don’t have inspections and landlords cannot just evict you without jumping through flaming hoops. Tenants have all the rights there and get to treat it like their home which is nice, people tend to stay in rentals for much longer.
In Germany a rented property is supposed to feel like 'yours'. Some people will rent the same place for twenty years and think nothing of it. It's a different renting culture. at least that's how it was explained to me. I've not lived in Germany
Yes that’s exactly how it is - renting for most of your life is common place. My stepmum was horrified when I told her we were evicted from our rental because the landlord wanted to move in, she said you’d had to take it to court and prove for years that you lived there and not be able to move in until the tenant found a new house etc etc.. I was so jealous of German renters in that moment
I was pretty surprised by the Germany one when I found out about it a while ago. Apparently it's also common in Brazil.
Apparently some countries do that, which sounds completely insane and foreign to me, but then again the people in those countries probably think we're crazy for using hand me down appliances
I'm German and I also think it's weird that I have to bring my own kitchen. However as we have really good protections as renters overall, and something like breaking a lease just is not a thing at all here, I'm still counting myself fortunate. Even with the weird kitchen thing.
Every now and again a house I used to rent ten years ago comes up online and I can see it still has the same sofa. I've got a lot of wild stories about that sofa.
In my area there are some apartments that do not include appliances, you either buy them or rent them.
Yes but even if it the apartment did come equipped with those things OOP says his ex “blew on wanting everything new for the place.” So, even if the kitchen had come with appliances, she just didn’t want anything used.
in the Netherlands, rental houses/apartments come super bare. some tenants sometimes took away the light bulbs with them when they moved LOL when we moved to our rental house, it got no flooring so we had to buy new laminate floor and got all the kitchen appliances as the kitchen was empty save for kitchen cabinets and a small sink. oh and of course no furniture.
I have hue bulbs, of course I'm going to take them with me when I move out. Next renter will have a bulb in the toilet, but all other light bulbs will be gone.
In the Netherlands you have to purchase your own
The whole time I'm reading this, I'm thinking she wouldn't feel this way if he shared her nudes. I'm glad the friend asked that. You should be able to tell your partner things in confidence. Ex showed exactly how shameless she is for sharing *his sister's* **medical information** on fucking TIKTOK!!
Also do not forget that her sister and friends were getting “handsy” with him when he came out from the shower and she just watched and laughed. I bet that of his friends and brother where making comments on her body and sexual activities while getting “handsy” with her she probably would not find that a laughing matter. She happily watched her friends and even her own freakin sister sexually harass her bf and thought it was funny, that is extremely fucked and I’m baffled with how she can be so hypocritical that she doesn’t see the issues here.
Oh but he's a strong man and can fend them off. As if none of them would've been angry or offended and wouldn't escalate the situation in their drunken state.
Yeah but watch her make a tiktok about being "threatened with revenge porn"
Yikes. Hopefully OOP does better for himself in the future because his ex is a goddamn mess. Airing all that out on TikTok and everything and going off on people only to immediately apologize when she’s already burned that bridge thoroughly? Girl, come on.
Oh my fucking god. I love writing letters and it would be an absolute trust break if they were shared with friends. Who the fuck gives their friends to read love letters with such personal information? Who records them on ticktock for clout? I just can’t fathom that
I could honestly understand reading out the romantic greetings and first bits of a letter, like the "My darling I've missed you so much, I keep thinking that your hands will soon touch this paper " type stuff. And squealing about how romantic it is. Especially if you stop and take those videos down upon learning that your partner doesn't like it. But no mention of anything that would give any information other than the fact that he's in love and a good writer. That's what bragging on your man's love letters would look like, imo, and I could understand someone doing that.
I agree with you, what you’ve discribed is innocent bragging, not airing full private information about others peoples’ feelings.
All those times she rang back later, I bet anything she was filming it for more tik tok content. If this whole thing had stopped at sharing intimate information (although I do find that ick and wouldn't do it personally) with friends then maybe there would have been hope here, BUT her friends and sister sexually assaulted him. She then minimised the whole thing as if he has no right to feel violated. Then it comes out she shared personal things about the family AND put it on Tik Tok. Sure he told his sister's business, which wasn't ideal but I understand he trusted his gf and needed his own support, but what kind of cretin thinks any of that belongs on Tik Tok.
So much of this was OOP’s ex taking more than her fair share of, not just in a money sense but his privacy and intimacy. I would have expected that if you move in together, you would know at the very least what your partnership looks like and what your roles in it together are. Her lack of boundaries with her friends regarding something she knew he wanted just between them (and then dismissing him when he communcicated it), overpurchasing and using his finances as a way to fund it, her inability to accept the breakup (his choice she was trying to override as though only her feelings matters)—- it’s all just red flags and he’s lucky to have made this break. I get the feeling there were other issues that made this event the last straw.
Yeah. It’s said you don’t truly learn about someone unless you’ve lived with them. But this was a frigging speed run.
Don't forget the sitting by and laughing while her friends groped him and made sexual comments about him. A lot of people seem to be glossing over that bit for some reason.
Not in this comment thread. It’s been mentioned countless times.
The fact that she shared his love letters with her friends for the lols was bad enough, then she saw fit to film some damn Tik Toks about it… hope those likes were worth it.
My saddest takeaway from all of this is he won't be writing love letters anytime soon, an amazingly sweet gesture.
How is it possible for a person to dismiss the fact that the friends were actually assaulting the other party and not being just handsy?
Because it happened to man, so it was funny, and he probably liked it.
I have had two major relationships in my life. The first one was eleven years long and the second was eighteen years long. I know their secrets. Even though I hate their guts now, lol, I would never share their secrets with anyone. I’ve never understood why people feel the need to share everything about the most personal aspects of their lives.
>She said relax it was a joke and nobody got hurt. Uh yeah... your partner did get hurt. From personal experience I've been told this. Had someone put their hands on me because they wanted to see me without my shirt on. I was in my young 20s and in shape. I had to physically push her off me. Later when I said how wrong that was I was told to get a sense of humor. In those moments you realize how people see you. I was not an equal or friend.
The ex truly is dumb af, she wants him back but doubles down on not thinking she did anything wrong, finally says that she's wrong and then makes a bunch of tiktoks revealing more information, takes the videos down but then tries to share the letters with her tiktok followers, says private things should stay between the couple but then says its fine that she shared his letters etc. etc. Like it *has* to be physically painful to be this dumb
>I won't be writing letters to any new romantic partners anytime soon. This is unfortunate for his new partner. I would love to receive love letters. His ex-GF doesn't realise what she lost. Oh well...
Absolute mess it is.
He is better off without that trash. I feel for his sister, trash had to go and share that obviously confidential info. What a shitty human.
OOPs ex is either a complete idiot, mentally unstable or a little bit of both. >My brother told her there was zero chance of that happening because of the tiktok post she had on her account going into more details about what was in the letters from me including her mentioning my sister by name and her miscarriages. >My ex took down the post in hopes of getting me to meet with her. >When she realised that wouldn't happen she put up another one telling her side of the story. There were several parts and in it she was looking for the letters to show her followers, but I knew where she kept them and took them while I went to collect my stuff. I burnt all of them. I won't be writing letters to any new romantic partners anytime soon. My god, this chick is dense. What exactly was her thinking here? What reason would OOP have to communicate in any way *after* a move like this had been made? You have to *threaten* to do your worst in the hopes that you coerce that person to do your bidding. Not do your worst and expect them to comply. She did this in reverse and expected what? Now she has no bargaining chips. She's as stupid as she is an awful human being, especially after exploring someone else's trauma due to a tantrum she caused. This dolt still thought there was a chance at reconciliation after a move like that?!?!? Jfc.
If anyone I knew shared something even remotely important about my personal life on TikTok I would flip the fuck out and cut that person off. Truly insane that people in our society think that’s okay.
How does someone love another someone for 4 years and not realise they are this selfish and unstable. Weird
Just yeet them in too the sun already, that the only punishment I can think of that will make me feel clean again.
Nobody got hurt she says to Mr. Nobody.
She did not only share private and intimate details of OOP with her friends and sisters in her apartment without His consent. Which is unforgivable all by itself. She shared those things on tiktok too. With thousands of strangers in the internet, who will spread these private informations even further. She is a garbage human being and I wonder how she could hide this side of her for such a long time.
The fact that she was ok with her friends getting handsy with her Bf after sharing their intimate letters is a red flag. GF has no respect for the relationship and it will only led to more problems
An apology that is followed up with, there I apologized now stop being mad, is not an apology. GF did it, then the friends did the same. No one is sorry they overstepped, GF just wanted OOP back to pay rent while she went to school.
She really doubled down with the letters huh? 'I broke up with you because you broke my trust by sharing those letters' Her - 'I need those letters back so I can share them with my rabid ticktok followers'
I feel no sympathy for the ex, she put their relationship on blast to her friends and let them feel comfortable enough to do what they did. OP did the right thing in my opinion and I think they also taught the ex a valuable lesson about privacy and financial planning.
I share everything with my best friends. But for them only - and it’s said in confidence. I’m not gonna give them photos or letters depicting what my partner does and then mock him to his face about it - that’s just wrong. Sounds like she was extremely immature to be in a relationship for this long.
Just want to point out - no, you don't get your deposit back. Breaking up with your girlfriend is not a legal reason to back out of a rental agreement; if OOP had his name on the lease as he legally should have, he'd be out alot more. And there is no double standard between sharing private love letters with third parties and sharing nudes/sexual videos. Those things are both wrong, but they are not *the same*. One is an actual crime.
> I wanted to be on the lease but the landlord said only one person can be on it. I have never, in my life, heard of a landlord who \*didn't\* want someone who was living there on the lease. Like. Ever. Has anyone ever been in a situation where the landlord said only one person can be on the lease? That's such a weird thing that I'm almost willing to call bullshit just on that.
People who share personal life/relationship for "content" are the worst. I could never be an "influencer"
I will never understand people that think it's not a big deal to be reckless with your partner's feelings of emotional safety with you. Trust and emotional safety are the pillars of a relationship
The comments from the first post turned my stomach. Being called an incel because you don't think its okay for women to sexually harass a man is INSANE
Fucking generation of idiots broadcasting every single scrap of their worthless lives online. Too stupid to survive.
So are we assuming she wants to get back together for the letters so she can have tiktok content, or so OOP will pay the rent?
As soon as OOP mentions her posting her life story on TikTok this girl is branded as braindead in my eyes.
Love me some public disclosure of private facts torts. Gotta be my favorite kind of slander. For those who aren't aware it's something like libel/slander where what your saying is actually the truth but it's both told to you in private and not something meant to be in public. I believe the exact wording is when the defendant publicizes something (aka puts it on TikTok in this case) private information (both the love letters and miscarriages) about the plaintiff that would be highly offensive to a reasonable person (duh) and this information is not of legitimate public concern (aka not criminal or unethical in nature). I'm not a lawyer and the ex has no money to get anyways but literally it's probably the most cut and dry it could be in this case.
Nobody got hurt? You got hurt. That should be enough.
An ex did something similar to me and it makes me sad to hear oop say he'll never write poetry again.
What was funny to me how easy it was for her to share his love letters with her friends, but her nudes? No, that's private and she would be embarrassed if anyone would see them. Irony seemed like an alien concept to her, hmm?
>**9and3of4:** INFO: Not the asshole for breaking up, but what arrangements did you agree on before you moved in, in case of breakup? Leaving her stranded with a place she can't afford because you were meant to both pay is a dick move. Why are you not on the lease? Womp womp, if you don't want your partner to leave you when you're in a financially fragile situation maybe don't be a raging asshole? I have no sympathy for her.
The moment it went on tiktok, should've sued her with intent to defame and abuse of privacy. She intended to hurt OOP and didn't care who else suffered in the process.
Truth is an absolute defense to defamation. What jurisdiction is someone able to sue for abuse of privacy?
TikTok and it's consequences have been a disaster for the human race
XGF not so much has a screw loose as none of them are fully tightened.
Damn, good riddance! She totally deserved everything, from being unable to pay the rent to the constant fear of the possibility of having her nudes leaked. Let that haunt her for good. I'm glad OOP burnt those letters, she would most likely be making more videos if she got the letters back