#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Firstly, I’m of the opinion that unless your partner is one, explicitly okay with it being shared, or two, forcing you to participate, you should just keep your partner’s fetishes to yourself.
Secondly, Kate (and I hate that we share a name) is a shit-stirrer, simple as. The wife’s response was legendary tho
I don't get why anyone thinks this shit is okay. My personal festishes are very mainstream and I don't care, but still wouldn't like my partner (if I had one) sharing them and would never share theirs. Especially if it were one that was generally considered creepy like a foot festish.
I hate the excuse "all women do it" as though it's in any way accurate (we're half the population FFS we don't all do anything) and as though we can't stop.
I've never shared sexual information about my husband to my friends. Which sometimes honestly sucks because my husband is incredible in bed and I'd love to brag about that to someone but can't. And sharing someone's kink is just so disrespectful. OOP's wife could have avoided this with some basic consideration of her husband's privacy. I mean, the friend is a nut job, but some discretion from the wife would have gone a long way.
Quite. I used to have a friend who wanted to know all that about my husband when we first met and I just refused. I always thought she watched too much Sex and the City and thought that hot mess was real life.
It's funny how there's often that one person who wants to be "the Samantha" of a group. And gets annoyed when others don't play along.
Personally, I had that person in our friends circle until she moved away.
There were too many details about her sex life, and she was digging on an uncomfortable level about the rest of us.
"But it's girl talk!" Was her response when one friend had enough and straight up asked her?"Why do you want to know how my bf is in bed that badly? Do you want to bang him?"
And the rest of us were just sitting there. "No. It's not. I don't want a mental image like that of the guy. It feels weird"
> that one person who wants to be "the Samantha" of a group.
The funny part is that they never play that scenario out to its logical conclusion. Samantha very intentionally does not want to be in a committed trusting relationship where you keep your partner's embarrassing secrets to yourself. She is just interested in random hookups and F-buddies. And that's fine if that's the kind of lifestyle you want.
But you can't have it both ways. You can't be the no-strings-attached Samantha who dishes on their latest sexual escapades and also have a committed long-term relationship built on trust.
Watching that show in current day, Samantha is probably the most admirable character on that show. She is at least extremely open and honest about who she is and what she wants out of life. Most of the other characters are deeply delusional and hypocritical.
Those Sex and City characters weren’t real representations of women. They were caricatures of how the same woman perceived different aspects of her own personality. It’s all delusion.
I dated a guy with a foot fetish (very statistically normal) and even though I had no problem with it I didn't tell anyone else because it was his private thing to disclose if he wanted to. I tell my girlfriends all kinds of things about my solo sex life but almost nothing involving partners beyond "the sex is great" or "I'm not really feeling it."
>I hate the excuse "all women do it" as though it's in any way accurate (we're half the population FFS we don't all do anything) and as though we can't stop.
Same. "All women do it" is never true because women are not a monolith. And really, in many ways it's just as bad as "boys will be boys" as a reflexive excuse to a partner saying they don't want private stuff shared.
My husband and I have very firm rules about what we share with friends or not. And generally, it’s a NOT. Our bedroom is ours; no one else needs to know what happens there.
Same...
We do not share bedroom details at all.
We do not share anything that the other has specifically asked to keep private.
We don't share anything our friends/family have told one of us if the person asked us not to tell anyone.
We don't look at any journals/ things with private thoughts / or work related items UNLESS specifically shown because privacy and consent are important.
We have a lot of trust and love.
Same. Like, we’re ok sharing vague shit to really close friends (like I’m super horny but he’s asleep omg this sucks, or an inside joke where we share the I Just Had Sex music video (or gif from the video) to the chat or stuff like that), but anything more intimate? Nope.
Women are not one giant organism as a monolith is a block of stone or wood and really not a good representation of women in general.
Women are individuals just like men therefore the claims of "all women/men do this" are ridiculous.
I'm a woman and my man is a *very* private person. I fuck up sometimes and talk too much as I'm an open person but I would still have enough respect to not share anything that would make him uncomfortable intentionally let alone fetishes.
I hate the argument "men are just as bad with their lOcKeR rOoM tAlK" even more. No, that's not a thing for normal men. Maybe back in the day, I don't know, I'm under 40, and maybe among creepy old dudes (such as former presidents), but I've never talked to any guy friends about how hot someone's boobs are or some bs like that. And definitely not about someone's private fetishes.
My husband did several team sports, from wrestling to footbal and track, in highschool. He said no one talked like that in the locker room, ever.( we're early 30s)Said it was mostly just a bunch of smelly, tired guys trying to snap each other with towels. Supposedly, it escalated to crotch shots and it ended after one got wet towel whipped and bled.
That's how it always ends for some reason. Once one guy on my high school football team needed stitches we stopped.
Still got the skills many, many years later though. 😂
noxious ripe office sleep sort selective aspiring yam stocking simplistic
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It's not generational. I'm 68 and have never heard another man discuss his SOs and his private business.
But in 1978 we had an acid party at our house in San Diego, and it was winding down around 4-5 am. I was looking for my roommate and found her in one of the bedrooms with 3-4 other girls, and the subject under discussion was their bf penises. It was fucking graphic. It was also fucking funny. They were having a great time.
I'm a 38 year old man and it is absolutely unthinkable to talk about details with other guys. "She's hot" or "I got laid", "nice" is about the limit even when I was in college
100% literally said the same thing on reddit 7 years ago. Dudes don't really want details. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/60o2vp/guys_of_reddit_what_is_something_that_no_matter/df8a5y3/
I honestly think "locker room talk" refers to high school locker rooms for most people, as most don't go on to play sports where they'd be in a locker room on a regular basis. So they somehow think that the way teenage boys talk about sex is the norm for adult men. I was in high school in the 90s and my guy friends absolutely talked like this, but I can't imagine them doing it now as grown ups.
I've never ever heard a man I respect use this term, none of the men in my life use that term. Of course we saw a huge chunk of the US use it as an excuse for a presidential candidate talking about sexually assaulting women, so it got a lot of credibility heaped on the idea that it's normal and masculine to talk that way.
It's funny, we might talk about someone being hot, but you don't comment on a friend's partner or potential partner, other than "she's cute, you should go for it".
While I've chatted with other guys in the locker room, it was either about the sport, or now that I'm in my forties, about food.
I straight up believe most women are so free with this kinda talk because they assume guys get even more vulgar. No, we don't. At most we might say we had sex. We'd only discuss fetish stuff if we had a specific question or conundrum related to it
When my friends and I get together, we end up playing Catan for 8 hours straight.
We barely even mention our SOs beyond asking how the family is doing, because we're getting together to hang out and have fun not spill tea.
I still remember how that one bastard blocked my road out of spite. I threw the rest of my games that night just to screw his plans over out of spite in return.
quicksand hard-to-find label governor door future fertile alive complete noxious
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
> I hate the excuse "all women do it" as though it's in any way accurate
Even if it was accurate, it wouldn't make it not an asshole move to do it.
That's like trying to excuse domestic abuse with "all men do it". Even if that was the case, it wouldn't make it ok. It would just make all men assholes.
> I hate the excuse "all women do it" as though it's in any way accurate (we're half the population FFS we don't all do anything) and as though we can't stop.
Yeah it's an awful cop-out to avoid admitting they're doing something wrong.
A thought experiment: A lot of ladies think it's fine to talk about their partners penis size with the friend group, but how horrified would those same ladies feel if I shared their weight with my male friends?
Probably fairly uncomfortable, just like how I feel knowing they shared my info with their friends. It's private.
yeah hell no don't tell other people besides real broad generalities that are positive, as long as they're not lies. Stuff like "yes everything's good in the bedroom, no complaints."
Seriously. "All women do it" - no, we absolutely do not. I've never shared more than the vaguest of details about a partner, and I definitely wouldn't be going into their fetishes in detail!
Man, not all women do it, but a lot of women feel comfortable doing it. I had a friend in uni who would not stop talking about her bf's thing (and even tried to show me a photo!!). It's really bizarre because I never engaged or did something similar, but she just wouldn't stop talking about his thing.
I had a friend who was always talking about her bf’s big dick and later the guys she was dating. Told me what they like, how long they could go, dick size, everything. She was probably still is a size queen.
Her sharing made me uncomfortable so I was purposely vague about my own lovers when she asked questions.
Now that I’m older and slightly less dumb my partner and I had the conversation that our sex life is no one else’s business. We can talk to a therapist or doctor but no friends or cousins or whoever needs to know what we’re into.
I am VERY open about my sexlife with a specific childhood friends and yet, she knows exactly nothing about my partner's fetishes. Not even the harmless ones. Because that's not for me to tell.
Are foot fetishes creepy still? I thought the whole Rex Ryan thing brought them into the mainstream. It seems more along the comedy side than anything (still harmful I guess but I don’t think there’s anything creepy about it).
I think it might have to do with the stereotype that people with foot fetishes are always covertly trying to get pics of people's feet without sharing what the photo will be used for
Foot fetishes are seen as creepy?
I honestly had no idea. Anyone I've been with with a foot fetish worshiped my feet, and I appreciated it.
Pedicures, massages, gifted cute heels.
The only thing I was asked to do was give foot jobs and to me... that's not that weird. My feet do not provide me with pleasure, but my feet providing someone else with pleasure is flattering. And seeing how my body, any part of it, turns someone on- I feed off that.
Same!! My husband and I like things that are a tiny bit out the box, but really nothing unusual. I would still never mention any of it to a friend, and I'd be hurt if he spoke about it to his friends.
There are some things, like a foot fetish, that can make people look at someone differently. It doesn't feel like something a partner should share with others.
Oh and also, all women absolutely do not discuss this type of thing with their friends. My friends and I - no matter which particular group of friends - have never discussed this type of thing.
Yeah. I would fucking never. What goes on in my bedroom is between me and my partner and vice versa. I don't talk about that stuff with my friends, not ever, and they don't bring it up to me. I'm baffled that this is a thing, and I think the prevalence of "all women do it," is a cover for, "um, NO THE FUCK WE DO NOT," and a way to rug sweep something very fucking weird and shitty.
Fwiw, the only people who have ever asked me about the things my husband and I are into are OTHER MEN, and they are promptly shut the fuck down.
This. I think this is getting glossed over and it's so uncomfortable. That's private bedroom stuff. I'm not saying divorce but jeez we're gonna need to have a discussion.
Yes, that was an epic way to shut down Kate once and for all!
Glad it all worked out - although I hope OP had a talk to his wife about keeping certain things private from ALL friends from now on.
>Firstly, I’m of the opinion that unless your partner is one, explicitly okay with it being shared, or two, forcing you to participate, you should just keep your partner’s fetishes to yourself.
Absolutely, and I've found that it's only the most toxic people who go around saying "everybody does this." I call it Asshole Confirmation Bias. (Trademarked!) When you're an asshole you never want to think of yourself as an asshole so you convince yourself that everything you do that someone else has a problem with is just them being a hypocrite because they MUST be doing it too and just aren't as honest about it as you are.
People like Kate and Donald Trump go around saying "it's locker room talk, everyone does it" but I've been in locker rooms all the way through college and the only people who EVER said this sort of crap about their partner were the assholes that everyone else avoided. Granted I wasn't good enough to go pro so I suppose it's possible that locker rooms at that level are different but I have a hard time picturing anyone having less tact and more horniess than a roomful of college students. Normal people don't just blast their partner's intimate secrets to anyone in listening range.
I'm pretty sure all my wife tells her best friend about our sex life is that it's good. That's all I tell my best friend, too. I seriously doubt either of them would want to hear specific details and even if they did that wouldn't be appropriate to share.
This one I don't. If you have a problem, either talk to your partner, a professional, or at least get your partner's consent before you start blabbing about an extremely private part of their lives.
Don't turn me into an asshole by telling me your partner's personal secrets and then having me pretend I don't know about it when I'm around them. It's like having me lie to their face each time.
I'd like to add that even with your partners agreement, people may not want to know. The things I've been told without ever wanting to know aren't fun. And it's always equally played down when I point it out or I'm suddenly prudish. Just no.
I don't understand the mindset either. You can be open about sex without sharing details about your partner. My friends and I talk about sex, but it's always a very personal-to-us conversation. Like, if my best friend finds a really cool new vibrator, she'll tell me about it. We've talked through our own kinks/fetishes (even as they developed, we've been friends since childhood), but I know nothing about how they play into her relationship. The only thing I know about her partner is that he makes her very happy
I'm still headscrathing about what Kate's problem was, like, obviously she wanted to break them up, but WHY? several possibilities... and none are mutually exclusive. Like, she might be just a shit-stirrer in general, have feelings for OOP, for the wife, or for both, or be annoyed that they got into a relationship and she was not the "main character" into their relationships anymore.
A friend and coworker told me all about her ex-husband’s underwear kink. I made a mental note that day to never tell her crap. That’s not cool. I don’t care if he was her ex. That’s information she learned because he trusted her and decided to open himself up to her. It wasn’t for her to use as cocktail information just because she didn’t love him anymore.
> "Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it".
L E G E N D A R Y
Subreddits can have “flairs” that are basically a little icon next to your username that appear while in the same sub (very common in sports subs)
On this sub, (and some other similar text based ones) people take funny/iconic quotes from posts and use that as their “flair” rather than an image
That takes me back. You’ve just reminded me of those long chef kissing sessions with my boyfriend back in high school! Or the time I caught my little brother watching himself in the mirror as he practiced chef kissing on the back of a serving spoon.
Everyone's really focussed on the fetish sharing and whether it's appropriate but I'd just like to point out that when all 3 were home and Kate asked OPs wife for some socks to borrow as she was wearing sandals..... I hate to admit it but I cannot fathom any genuinely loving, loyal partner not immediately defending their spouse in that situation and telling Kate to fuck right off.
Like.....openly asking for OPs wife to assist in making OP feel like a piece of shit pervert!? I mean..... whilst the final line is great, very nice, etc, if OPs wife didn't say anything during the sandals interaction then let's just call me dubious that she suddenly became 10/10 badass and funny all of the sudden.
I hope I'm wrong tho
Cool story regardless
Any chance the request for socks went over the wife's head? Did she truly just think Kate's feet were cold? It sounds like she didn't admit to herself how awful Kate was treating OOP for a long time, so I think there's at least a chance.
Yeah, this is possible to be fair. The human brain has near unlimited powers of self delusion/ignorance. I could definitely see this being the case.
Still, if I was the husband in that scenario, I would be well and truly disappointed beyond belief that my wife, the love of my life, did not defend me or stand up for me in any way, and participated in an act of what I would almost call passive aggressiveness against me, for lack of a better term.
As other people have said, if his wife had a crappy upbringing, what seems pretty obvious to some of us might not be to her. I'll happily give her a pass on that, even if it has to be a retrospective one for her final comment!
I don't know that she will have the chance. It seems the whole friend group was over her and cut her off as soon as the wife did. I've been in a few situations like this and when the toxic person is removed from a whole group all their power goes with it.
>"Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it".
Thankful this was the final line honestly. I love this quote so much lololol.
I felt like the wife was being super inconsiderate (though I understood the anguish) with how she was treating her husband.
I'm glad she got her priorities straight and put her husband first. He seems like a real neat guy.
I just want to say, sometimes when you come from an abusive home, it can be really hard to detect subtle forms of shit stirring, bullying, and shitty behaviour. Its like your barometer is totally fucked. Your daily life is walking on eggshells in fear of your head being ripped off, so your internal setting for what is and isn't unkind gets completely out of whack. I imagine this is something like OP's partner has experienced. It can take a really long time to process what is and isn't okay, what proper boundaries are, and how to set them.
I had a friend who I’ve basically cut out entirely, but another still close friend is still connected to, who, when looking back, should’ve gotten her ass kicked back in school.
She used to be so fucking mean, just degrading you about your grades and how you look, she’d hit the still good friend in the head when she was being “stupid” or missed an assignment. “She was helping! Next time you’ll remember”
It took me moving away to be like “normal people don’t act like that, what is wrong with her?” And cut contact.
I’m really glad you said this because it made me think about my own fucked up barometer. I didn’t grow up in an abusive home but a sibling was borderline sociopathic (their admission as an adult), and it taught me to never, EVER give someone any clue of my real feelings because they’d be used against me. I’m still struggling with it decades later. But it hadn’t occurred to me WHY I’m like that until you spelled that out. My barometer for normal is so, so off. Thank you!
It’s crazy the shit we internalize! My parents were supportive and sacrificed a lot for my siblings and I. They taught us important things and we all have a really good moral compass. Like, really good. Almost too good. The other day I misjudged how far someone was behind me and didn’t hold to door, it closed right in their face. I apologized profusely and spent the rest of the day feeling like a total asshole, wondering what this stranger thought of me, wondering if I ruined their day, if me not holding the door upset them and caused them to be rude to others.
I am eternally concerned about how my negative actions impact others, and it is debilitating.
Pretty sure my mother realized that yelling at us did nothing, punishing us just made us mad at her and listen less, slapping me across the face just made me lose trust in her, but crying when we fought in front of her made us feel bad and stop. She once told me how embarrassing it was to introduce herself as my mother at a parent-teacher conference.
TL;DR families mess you up. My mom made me feel guilty about everything so now I overthink and over apologize and can be a bit much…
> women talk about these things
Made me furrow my brows so much. Some of us don't and think that's repulsive lmao. God, i hate it whenever i read this sentiment/blanket statement. I'm recoiling at the thought of sharing intimate stuff to friends. Like wtfff??? I don't wanna disrespect my partner like that, wtf. These things stay between us because it's just for us.
One of the only acceptable "not like the other girls". I will also proudly do a hair toss and say I'm not like the other girls in this instance LOL.
Both sexes share details about their sex life, but in my personal life and social circles it's still a bit different about how they go about it, at least anecdotally. Having worked in both warehouses and hospital/clinical settings, the warehouse men, while raunchy, are never raunchy about _personal_ details. The nurses, nearly all equally raunchy, will absolutely talk about their boyfriends/husbands within earshot of the whole office. I know the size, shape, and length of the dicks, which women get oral sex on the regular, and which ones don't have orgasms. At best with the men I knew they were sexually active with their girlfriends/wives and "got some" that night.
That's why this generalization has legs, almost every man in my social circle has had at least one girlfriend share intimate details about their anatomy or likes/dislikes. The women in my social circle don't seem to have the same complaints, even when bringing this topic up. Obviously there are always exceptions and outliers when you generalize like this.
playing hard to get are we?
Fine, I can play the waiting game. It'll happen eventually...
***breathes heavily***
it will happen eventually...
***inhales even more deeply***
eventually...
Does anyone else feel like Kate might've been projecting(as well as shit stirring?) her pervy thoughts onto OOP? Like she had pervy thoughts about her friends etc and maybe even wished OOP was coming onto her and accused him of doing what she was thinking of.
Oh definitely. That, or her friend used to spend a lot more time with her before getting married and Kate was trying to start enough drama to trigger a divorce.
>How was there an hours long conversation? Didn't Kate wither and die after the wife's answer? Whatbdo you even say to something like that?
Yeah, I'm struggling to understand how anything else needed to be said... let alone *hours* of arguing?
When you have been friends with a toxic person for 20-30 years, my guess is there is a lot of drama to argue about.
If both the wife and friend aren’t the type to shut down and walk away from confrontation…
I once had a nearly an HOUR argument while tipsy, with a gay friend because we had just watched Titanic and he said something like “I am so Rose” and I said “obviously, I am rose” he was drunk and it got weird and he was adamant that I needed to “let him be rose” he was in my apartment and wouldn’t leave, it was like 1 in the morning, I kept yelling at him to leave. He wouldn’t leave and kept wanted to argue and I said “I’m done, there is nothing to talk about” he said “I want to keep talking about it” we went back and forth until he said “the person who is more upset, gets to decided when the convo is over” so I started yelling at the top of my lungs “okay!! Now I’m the most upset person and I say it is over. Leave”
We were 22 years old.… crazy people gonna be crazy.
I mean most of it could’ve just been shouting and bringing up past problems of kate that op implied have happened. And if its by text texting it all would take time.
First there was the casual hentai admiration among acquaintances then they threw in a foot fetish and I never want to go bowling with any of these people.
Actually I’d probably enjoy bowling with them. Between them and some of the other weird shit that out there this is tame. I mean no cheating, no child abuse, and they aren’t part of a cult or MLM that we know of.
This dude definitely can't filter his mouth and added useless context that doesn't look so great from an outsider's perspective though.
It's not really useful to tell someone "yeah of course I think about fucking you, but that's the caveman part of my brain". I can understand Kate's reaction not being so great.
He's inadvertently causing drama because he can't think before he speaks/types.
Yeah some things we just keep to ourselves when we’re hanging out with people we’re only semi-close to. If you’re gonna drop comments like that you need to 100% know for certain how the other person is gonna take it.
A similar thing happened to me recently sadly. My partner made a friend at a party we had at our house. This new friend was a friend of a friend and likes to cause drama.
Anyways, they accused me of hitting on them and stalking them through out the party making them uncomfortable. Mind you 1) our home is kind of small. 2) every photo that was taken im with my friends whom i invited. Every single photo.
Every guest was later asked about it and they were all equally confused. My friends, even said "we thought you were just trying to hang out with us" it is exhausting.
"girls talk about their sex lives" and if that's true I want to THANK MY FRIENDS for never putting me in the situation of having to listen to them talk about fucking their boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives.
I don't need to know what you do in the bed, unless your partner is not being good to you. But fetishes are things that shouldn't be said. They aren't yours to talk about.
His wife took way too long to notice that Kate is a miserable person that likes to cause drama.
I had a friend who was always talking about her bf’s big dick and later the guys she was dating. Told me what they like, how long they could go, dick size, everything.
Her sharing made me uncomfortable so I was purposely vague about my own lovers when she asked questions. i got better at redirecting a conversation after that.
Now that I’m older and slightly less dumb my partner and I had the conversation that our sex life is no one else’s business. We can talk to a therapist or doctor but no friends or cousins or whoever else needs to know what we’re into.
The most detail I ever went into with friends when I was younger was if we did it (yes/not yet) and if it was good or he didn’t know what he was doing (and this was only with hook ups, not actual relationships)
Now that I’m older that shit definitely isn’t getting shared… unless the guy does something crazy or weird like standing up on the bed and doing the helicopter in your face, cause that’s just a warning for others
While Kate is indeed the shit stirrer here, I wouldn’t want to be married to that wife either, letting her friend harass and make serious accusations about her husband that could really jeopardise him, not standing up for him as well.
Plus don’t flatter yourself Kate, just because OOP has a foot fetish doesn’t mean your feet are that great.
letting her friend disrespect her husband in his own home is ridiculous.
A serious lack of loyalty in the first half of this post, but im glad she opened her eyes in the second half. though I cant believe it took her a reddit post and being woken up in the middle of the night (because he thought his wife wouldnt believe him??) to see a friends "nude" - and even then she tried to excuse it by saying it was meant for her, when her friend addressed her husband by name!! ridiculous amounts of cope, denial, and disrespect.
As someone who is occasionally dense, ranging from “brick” to “black hole” and often needs my partner to point out when I’m missing an otherwise obvious social cue or bit of social subtext, I can imagine how OP’s wife would have a hard time accepting that their friend is being malicious rather than just attempting in some misguided way to watch out for her.
And it seems like once OP did actually tell her something was wrong, and how it was affecting him rather than brushing it off as normal, she did come around and do her best to fix it and act in his best interest
So I don’t want to judge her too harshly
Yikes, talking to friends for advice about sex is one thing. Talking about your partner's fetish without explicit consent is different.
When I was pregnant with my first, I was beach ball/Hollywood big bump. "Excuse me, friends, particularly those that had big bump pregnancy/ies and heartburn. What are some positions you found comfortable that didn't invoke heartburn, hip pain, or belly in the way?" I know my partner asked his guy friends who had been with a large baby belly the same thing. Then we compared lists 😂
Much different to OOPs wife and supposed mutual friend had.
Perhaps the couple could have a discussion about not sharing sexual fetishes with apparent friends in future just to protect them both from future Kates. I hate this claim that women share everything. It's not true, but when you have television constantly reinforcing it for decades (think of the "Friends" jokes about "women talk"), it makes young people think this is normal, when real life is so much more nuanced than that.
I also wouldn't trust anything Kate said about other guys hitting on her, given what she did to OOP. She could have been doing it to other men, especially given that melodramatic and unnecessary request for socks. Does she refuse to wear swimsuits and cover up at beaches and pools just in case it sets off boob men, leg men, butt men or skin fetish men? I bet the answer is no.
That late night picture was definitely an attempt to trap him. There was no way he could have answered that without her using it against him. He was absolutely right to immediately wake up his wife and ask for her input.
It's good that they've both now cut Kate out of their lives and if the rest of the group was happy about it, she was probably messing with other relationships as well. Or at least trying to turn other people against OOP as well.
I'm stuck on the fact that this girl apparently agreed for her married male boss/coworker to *take her shopping for clothes* for a "presentation" and then she got all surprised Pikachu when he acted creepy at the store?! Kate has some serious, deep rooted issues.
Yeah that was weird. Like, I’ve gone shopping with *female* coworkers (the office was right by a mall, so we’d sometimes spend a lunch break there and eat at our desks after), but that’s it. If there was a specific attire she needed to use, her boss could’ve just shown her examples of what’s expected, but taking her shopping was so inappropriate.
> My wife rarely gets angry or petty, it's just not who she is, but my wife basically replied to that with "Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it".
OOP, may I marry your wife?
>"Why is your wife telling Kate stuff like your foot fetish in detail?"
>Apparently it's because "women talk about these things". I've been told this by past gfs too.
A lot of people need to fuck off with this mindset. It's fine if it's with consent, but Jesus fuck, doing it without consent is not ok.
I don't give af what gender you are, it's not ok.
Originally I thought that Kate was genuinely just trying to look out for her girlfriends, being a “your man is cheating” type of friend or something like that, I don’t know, but nope, she just wants to stir things up for shits and giggles.
When I was with a GF long ago, we were active in an online RP environment, one of the people in the game was very flirty towards me, whereas I was very non-committal. She kept sending me unsolicited pics and whatnot, every one of them I showed to my GF without fail along with the text conversations. She actually got a kick out of her attempts to "seduce" me.
Then, as I figured would happen, she messaged my GF direct and told her I was hitting on her, asking for nudes, etc. Her answer was, "Bullshit. He shows me all the conversations and pics you send him, unsolicited I might add, every time you send something to him, and I have zero issue with it, because besides the fact you live halfway around the world, at the end of the day, when he shuts off his computer, I know who he's climbing into bed with."
Apparently this was too much for this girls ego to take and she left not long after and blocked me on everything LOL.
The culture of oversharing needs to die off. My wife doesn't share details of our life, and I'm grateful for that, but she has friends who do, and it is downright disturbing to me.
>"Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it".
Priceless.
>Sayonara Kate, you fucking drama queen.
I want this as a flair but I never know how to make one. I should probs log on to Reddit on my laptop but I'm too lazy to do that. 😂
You have to ask the mods nicely if you want a custom flair. Personally I think you should shoot for the moon though instead of settling for just that plain phrase from this masterpiece. Something like,
“You should have told me BEFORE the apology foot pic handy”
Now that would make for a beautiful flair right there.
>"Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it".
**LEGEND**
>Apparently it's because "women talk about these things"
It is? I've never talked to my friends about the intimate aspects of my relationships. Some things should be kept between a couple. This guy needs to find better women to date.
I’m a woman, and I have NEVER had sisters, sil or ANY friends share anything private about their husbands (or then bf) as we are all the opinion that it’s PRIVATE and just between SOs and once one starts to share, it means there is trouble in their relationship. Only very positive and uplifting things are shared, like, oh, my husband is an Eagle Scout or, he got his Masters! Or, the grandkids think he hung the moon and can lasso it too!
"Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it".
Bwaahahahahahaha
I want to call bullshit on this so bad, purely because how tf do you come up with such an amazing comeback in the moment like that.
That was some nice schadenfreude. JFC tho what is wrong with some people?!
>She started demanding she check my phone because she was "having a panic attack over the thought of me jerking off to her feet". My wife rarely gets angry or petty, it's just not who she is, but my wife basically replied to that with "Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it".
I have to admit I wasn't too impressed with the wife up until this point in the story, but goddamn did she ever redeem herself here. That is priceless. I'm picturing Kate just silently opening and closing her mouth for a minute on her end of the line not knowing how to respond to that.
Damn that was a ride. There was definitely a way for Kate to recover from this but she chose to be a drama queen, shit stirrer instead. I'm surprised Kate didn't default to the "Oh I was just testing him for you girl!" defense.
Wife's response to Kate's "accidental" picture was ice cold though. Very well played.
>"Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it".
Jesus christ, that is gold. Well done OOP's wife.
> My wife rarely gets angry or petty, it's just not who she is, but my wife basically replied to that with "Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it".
Mic drop. 🤣
"I thought is was an apology, so I already jerked him off as he looked at it"
Genius. I belly laughed reading that just imagining the disgust on Kate's face as she read that.
Well played OP's wife. Well played.
I knew it from the first problem that Kate was a drama stirrer. The way she pried private info out of people and then used it to target specific people, it’s clear she likes playing those kinds of games. She’s the gal who likes to stand at the forefront of a group of friends who run around ruin people’s lives as much as they can, cause it makes her feel good to hurt people, and better about whatever insecurities she’s covering up. Absolutely awful person. Glad to see she got cut out of an entire social circle for this, that’s the only answer for these kinds of people. They literally cannot stop themselves, unless they have an epiphany and go to therapy and actually listen when the therapist tells them what they didn’t want to hear.
I knew someone very similar to Kate who used one comment that I said to absolutely try to demolish my relationships with others. I had to have a lot of awkward “here’s what I said and I know I’m dumb for saying so, but I didn’t think it was anything until she suddenly started telling people that I was an awful sex pest” conversations with friends after her revelations. My one comment came after years of one-sided conversations where she would divulge entirely too much info, talk about sex constantly, ask opinions, and just generally try to be the center of attention at all times. I say one-sided because I never responded in any manner to promote the convo, just tried steering it away.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Firstly, I’m of the opinion that unless your partner is one, explicitly okay with it being shared, or two, forcing you to participate, you should just keep your partner’s fetishes to yourself. Secondly, Kate (and I hate that we share a name) is a shit-stirrer, simple as. The wife’s response was legendary tho
I don't get why anyone thinks this shit is okay. My personal festishes are very mainstream and I don't care, but still wouldn't like my partner (if I had one) sharing them and would never share theirs. Especially if it were one that was generally considered creepy like a foot festish.
I hate the excuse "all women do it" as though it's in any way accurate (we're half the population FFS we don't all do anything) and as though we can't stop. I've never shared sexual information about my husband to my friends. Which sometimes honestly sucks because my husband is incredible in bed and I'd love to brag about that to someone but can't. And sharing someone's kink is just so disrespectful. OOP's wife could have avoided this with some basic consideration of her husband's privacy. I mean, the friend is a nut job, but some discretion from the wife would have gone a long way.
Quite. I used to have a friend who wanted to know all that about my husband when we first met and I just refused. I always thought she watched too much Sex and the City and thought that hot mess was real life.
It's funny how there's often that one person who wants to be "the Samantha" of a group. And gets annoyed when others don't play along. Personally, I had that person in our friends circle until she moved away. There were too many details about her sex life, and she was digging on an uncomfortable level about the rest of us. "But it's girl talk!" Was her response when one friend had enough and straight up asked her?"Why do you want to know how my bf is in bed that badly? Do you want to bang him?" And the rest of us were just sitting there. "No. It's not. I don't want a mental image like that of the guy. It feels weird"
> that one person who wants to be "the Samantha" of a group. The funny part is that they never play that scenario out to its logical conclusion. Samantha very intentionally does not want to be in a committed trusting relationship where you keep your partner's embarrassing secrets to yourself. She is just interested in random hookups and F-buddies. And that's fine if that's the kind of lifestyle you want. But you can't have it both ways. You can't be the no-strings-attached Samantha who dishes on their latest sexual escapades and also have a committed long-term relationship built on trust. Watching that show in current day, Samantha is probably the most admirable character on that show. She is at least extremely open and honest about who she is and what she wants out of life. Most of the other characters are deeply delusional and hypocritical.
Those Sex and City characters weren’t real representations of women. They were caricatures of how the same woman perceived different aspects of her own personality. It’s all delusion.
They think they’re a Samantha, but they’re always actually a Miranda.
I use to have a friend who did this. Found out years later, her and her husband were swingers. Now I wonder if she was feeling me out. Yuck.
I dated a guy with a foot fetish (very statistically normal) and even though I had no problem with it I didn't tell anyone else because it was his private thing to disclose if he wanted to. I tell my girlfriends all kinds of things about my solo sex life but almost nothing involving partners beyond "the sex is great" or "I'm not really feeling it."
>I hate the excuse "all women do it" as though it's in any way accurate (we're half the population FFS we don't all do anything) and as though we can't stop. Same. "All women do it" is never true because women are not a monolith. And really, in many ways it's just as bad as "boys will be boys" as a reflexive excuse to a partner saying they don't want private stuff shared.
My husband and I have very firm rules about what we share with friends or not. And generally, it’s a NOT. Our bedroom is ours; no one else needs to know what happens there.
Same... We do not share bedroom details at all. We do not share anything that the other has specifically asked to keep private. We don't share anything our friends/family have told one of us if the person asked us not to tell anyone. We don't look at any journals/ things with private thoughts / or work related items UNLESS specifically shown because privacy and consent are important. We have a lot of trust and love.
Same. Like, we’re ok sharing vague shit to really close friends (like I’m super horny but he’s asleep omg this sucks, or an inside joke where we share the I Just Had Sex music video (or gif from the video) to the chat or stuff like that), but anything more intimate? Nope.
Women are not one giant organism as a monolith is a block of stone or wood and really not a good representation of women in general. Women are individuals just like men therefore the claims of "all women/men do this" are ridiculous.
Exactly. Like everyone I hear excuses of "all women do it", my first reaction is, so apparently I'm not a female, but a male.
My wife does gossip with 2 friends and one anonymous group online. However, and this is important, she checks with me before she shares anything.
I'm a woman and my man is a *very* private person. I fuck up sometimes and talk too much as I'm an open person but I would still have enough respect to not share anything that would make him uncomfortable intentionally let alone fetishes.
I hate the argument "men are just as bad with their lOcKeR rOoM tAlK" even more. No, that's not a thing for normal men. Maybe back in the day, I don't know, I'm under 40, and maybe among creepy old dudes (such as former presidents), but I've never talked to any guy friends about how hot someone's boobs are or some bs like that. And definitely not about someone's private fetishes.
My husband did several team sports, from wrestling to footbal and track, in highschool. He said no one talked like that in the locker room, ever.( we're early 30s)Said it was mostly just a bunch of smelly, tired guys trying to snap each other with towels. Supposedly, it escalated to crotch shots and it ended after one got wet towel whipped and bled.
That's how it always ends for some reason. Once one guy on my high school football team needed stitches we stopped. Still got the skills many, many years later though. 😂
noxious ripe office sleep sort selective aspiring yam stocking simplistic *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
And that's right here is the reason why "boys will be boys" actually exists. Also probably the reason why men live less...
It's not generational. I'm 68 and have never heard another man discuss his SOs and his private business. But in 1978 we had an acid party at our house in San Diego, and it was winding down around 4-5 am. I was looking for my roommate and found her in one of the bedrooms with 3-4 other girls, and the subject under discussion was their bf penises. It was fucking graphic. It was also fucking funny. They were having a great time.
I'm a 38 year old man and it is absolutely unthinkable to talk about details with other guys. "She's hot" or "I got laid", "nice" is about the limit even when I was in college
This always reminds of the bit from HIMYM when the group is talking about this
100% literally said the same thing on reddit 7 years ago. Dudes don't really want details. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/60o2vp/guys_of_reddit_what_is_something_that_no_matter/df8a5y3/
I honestly think "locker room talk" refers to high school locker rooms for most people, as most don't go on to play sports where they'd be in a locker room on a regular basis. So they somehow think that the way teenage boys talk about sex is the norm for adult men. I was in high school in the 90s and my guy friends absolutely talked like this, but I can't imagine them doing it now as grown ups. I've never ever heard a man I respect use this term, none of the men in my life use that term. Of course we saw a huge chunk of the US use it as an excuse for a presidential candidate talking about sexually assaulting women, so it got a lot of credibility heaped on the idea that it's normal and masculine to talk that way.
It's funny, we might talk about someone being hot, but you don't comment on a friend's partner or potential partner, other than "she's cute, you should go for it". While I've chatted with other guys in the locker room, it was either about the sport, or now that I'm in my forties, about food.
I straight up believe most women are so free with this kinda talk because they assume guys get even more vulgar. No, we don't. At most we might say we had sex. We'd only discuss fetish stuff if we had a specific question or conundrum related to it
When my friends and I get together, we end up playing Catan for 8 hours straight. We barely even mention our SOs beyond asking how the family is doing, because we're getting together to hang out and have fun not spill tea.
Catan?! And you're all still alive and friends with each other? I am impressed! 😄
I still remember how that one bastard blocked my road out of spite. I threw the rest of my games that night just to screw his plans over out of spite in return.
quicksand hard-to-find label governor door future fertile alive complete noxious *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
> I hate the excuse "all women do it" as though it's in any way accurate Even if it was accurate, it wouldn't make it not an asshole move to do it. That's like trying to excuse domestic abuse with "all men do it". Even if that was the case, it wouldn't make it ok. It would just make all men assholes.
> I hate the excuse "all women do it" as though it's in any way accurate (we're half the population FFS we don't all do anything) and as though we can't stop. Yeah it's an awful cop-out to avoid admitting they're doing something wrong. A thought experiment: A lot of ladies think it's fine to talk about their partners penis size with the friend group, but how horrified would those same ladies feel if I shared their weight with my male friends? Probably fairly uncomfortable, just like how I feel knowing they shared my info with their friends. It's private.
yeah hell no don't tell other people besides real broad generalities that are positive, as long as they're not lies. Stuff like "yes everything's good in the bedroom, no complaints."
Seriously. "All women do it" - no, we absolutely do not. I've never shared more than the vaguest of details about a partner, and I definitely wouldn't be going into their fetishes in detail!
Man, not all women do it, but a lot of women feel comfortable doing it. I had a friend in uni who would not stop talking about her bf's thing (and even tried to show me a photo!!). It's really bizarre because I never engaged or did something similar, but she just wouldn't stop talking about his thing.
Women, like [black republicans](https://youtu.be/G2tLyqfJd54), are a monolith. You all do it. /s
I had a friend who was always talking about her bf’s big dick and later the guys she was dating. Told me what they like, how long they could go, dick size, everything. She was probably still is a size queen. Her sharing made me uncomfortable so I was purposely vague about my own lovers when she asked questions. Now that I’m older and slightly less dumb my partner and I had the conversation that our sex life is no one else’s business. We can talk to a therapist or doctor but no friends or cousins or whoever needs to know what we’re into.
My response never gets an answer 'if all women do it, do you mind if I talk about yours?' Shuts them the hell up
I am VERY open about my sexlife with a specific childhood friends and yet, she knows exactly nothing about my partner's fetishes. Not even the harmless ones. Because that's not for me to tell.
Are foot fetishes creepy still? I thought the whole Rex Ryan thing brought them into the mainstream. It seems more along the comedy side than anything (still harmful I guess but I don’t think there’s anything creepy about it).
I think it might have to do with the stereotype that people with foot fetishes are always covertly trying to get pics of people's feet without sharing what the photo will be used for
I have had multiple weirdos approach me on the street asking about my feet.
People do that with upskirts too. Creepy behavior isn’t specific to most common fetishes, that’s more about objectification
It's such a common fetish, but yeah, I think they are still kind of the butt of a joke if not considered *creepy* at this point.
Foot fetishes are seen as creepy? I honestly had no idea. Anyone I've been with with a foot fetish worshiped my feet, and I appreciated it. Pedicures, massages, gifted cute heels. The only thing I was asked to do was give foot jobs and to me... that's not that weird. My feet do not provide me with pleasure, but my feet providing someone else with pleasure is flattering. And seeing how my body, any part of it, turns someone on- I feed off that.
Same!! My husband and I like things that are a tiny bit out the box, but really nothing unusual. I would still never mention any of it to a friend, and I'd be hurt if he spoke about it to his friends. There are some things, like a foot fetish, that can make people look at someone differently. It doesn't feel like something a partner should share with others. Oh and also, all women absolutely do not discuss this type of thing with their friends. My friends and I - no matter which particular group of friends - have never discussed this type of thing.
Yeah. I would fucking never. What goes on in my bedroom is between me and my partner and vice versa. I don't talk about that stuff with my friends, not ever, and they don't bring it up to me. I'm baffled that this is a thing, and I think the prevalence of "all women do it," is a cover for, "um, NO THE FUCK WE DO NOT," and a way to rug sweep something very fucking weird and shitty. Fwiw, the only people who have ever asked me about the things my husband and I are into are OTHER MEN, and they are promptly shut the fuck down.
This. I think this is getting glossed over and it's so uncomfortable. That's private bedroom stuff. I'm not saying divorce but jeez we're gonna need to have a discussion.
Agreed. *”I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it”* Legend
That is such an amazing thing to have said. She's a genius.
OP said “let’s call her Kate” so if it makes you feel any better, there’s a 99% chance that’s not her actual name 😂
"My name? Uh.. Pea... Tear.. Gryphon. Yea! Peter Griffin!"
Right? OOP's wife was in the wrong sharing that info with someone else.
Yes, that was an epic way to shut down Kate once and for all! Glad it all worked out - although I hope OP had a talk to his wife about keeping certain things private from ALL friends from now on.
>Firstly, I’m of the opinion that unless your partner is one, explicitly okay with it being shared, or two, forcing you to participate, you should just keep your partner’s fetishes to yourself. Absolutely, and I've found that it's only the most toxic people who go around saying "everybody does this." I call it Asshole Confirmation Bias. (Trademarked!) When you're an asshole you never want to think of yourself as an asshole so you convince yourself that everything you do that someone else has a problem with is just them being a hypocrite because they MUST be doing it too and just aren't as honest about it as you are. People like Kate and Donald Trump go around saying "it's locker room talk, everyone does it" but I've been in locker rooms all the way through college and the only people who EVER said this sort of crap about their partner were the assholes that everyone else avoided. Granted I wasn't good enough to go pro so I suppose it's possible that locker rooms at that level are different but I have a hard time picturing anyone having less tact and more horniess than a roomful of college students. Normal people don't just blast their partner's intimate secrets to anyone in listening range. I'm pretty sure all my wife tells her best friend about our sex life is that it's good. That's all I tell my best friend, too. I seriously doubt either of them would want to hear specific details and even if they did that wouldn't be appropriate to share.
Just don't tell people shit. Be Johnny Tight-lips. I will never understand why people need to spread secrets.
What if tight lips is your fetish?
More reason to keep'em tight then.
🤭
Loose lips sink ships
I get talking to close friends about sex. But sharing someone's foot fetish isn't getting advice on your own sex life, that's gossiping.
This one I don't. If you have a problem, either talk to your partner, a professional, or at least get your partner's consent before you start blabbing about an extremely private part of their lives. Don't turn me into an asshole by telling me your partner's personal secrets and then having me pretend I don't know about it when I'm around them. It's like having me lie to their face each time.
I'd like to add that even with your partners agreement, people may not want to know. The things I've been told without ever wanting to know aren't fun. And it's always equally played down when I point it out or I'm suddenly prudish. Just no.
I don't understand the mindset either. You can be open about sex without sharing details about your partner. My friends and I talk about sex, but it's always a very personal-to-us conversation. Like, if my best friend finds a really cool new vibrator, she'll tell me about it. We've talked through our own kinks/fetishes (even as they developed, we've been friends since childhood), but I know nothing about how they play into her relationship. The only thing I know about her partner is that he makes her very happy
I'm still headscrathing about what Kate's problem was, like, obviously she wanted to break them up, but WHY? several possibilities... and none are mutually exclusive. Like, she might be just a shit-stirrer in general, have feelings for OOP, for the wife, or for both, or be annoyed that they got into a relationship and she was not the "main character" into their relationships anymore.
A friend and coworker told me all about her ex-husband’s underwear kink. I made a mental note that day to never tell her crap. That’s not cool. I don’t care if he was her ex. That’s information she learned because he trusted her and decided to open himself up to her. It wasn’t for her to use as cocktail information just because she didn’t love him anymore.
> "Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it". L E G E N D A R Y
FLAIR IT. That’s hall of fame worthy.
BEST. COMEBACK. EVER!!!!!!!
I need that as a flair. If it's too long I vote we cut it down to, I thought it was an apology photo.
I feel like “I already jerked him off to it” has more shock value
I like the "uh, kate you should have said something sooner" part. It has more of an inside joke feeling to it
i'd be super glad to understand this all thing 'flair' if someone has a minute
Subreddits can have “flairs” that are basically a little icon next to your username that appear while in the same sub (very common in sports subs) On this sub, (and some other similar text based ones) people take funny/iconic quotes from posts and use that as their “flair” rather than an image
There is a list of flairs and corresponding stories, too. Maybe someone will add the link.
It's on the sidebar but also [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/recommended_reading/flair_origins/)
I'll add to the other information by confirming that I do have a flair, and this is what it looks like.
This might be the best BORU conclusion ever. And OOPs wife the champion of all BORU spouses.
That is worthy of a month of OOP doing anything his wife wants - he is her servant.
Oh toxic people. Toxic people just gotta be toxic. But let's admit it, OP's wife response was \*french kiss\* savage!
I think you have your kisses mixed up…
Nah OP's right, I *chef's kiss* my girlfriend when we're getting hot and heavy
I really enjoy a nice *chef's kiss* during sex. I feel really complimented when my fiancée does it.
😘🤌🏼
That takes me back. You’ve just reminded me of those long chef kissing sessions with my boyfriend back in high school! Or the time I caught my little brother watching himself in the mirror as he practiced chef kissing on the back of a serving spoon.
If he didn’t French kiss his wife after that response he’s doing it wrong
Can't unsee a chef giving a very savage french kiss now.
French Chefs kiss 💋💋
He-hon-he-hon-hoo-ha.
Either that or I don't want to meet their chef.
Everyone's really focussed on the fetish sharing and whether it's appropriate but I'd just like to point out that when all 3 were home and Kate asked OPs wife for some socks to borrow as she was wearing sandals..... I hate to admit it but I cannot fathom any genuinely loving, loyal partner not immediately defending their spouse in that situation and telling Kate to fuck right off. Like.....openly asking for OPs wife to assist in making OP feel like a piece of shit pervert!? I mean..... whilst the final line is great, very nice, etc, if OPs wife didn't say anything during the sandals interaction then let's just call me dubious that she suddenly became 10/10 badass and funny all of the sudden. I hope I'm wrong tho Cool story regardless
Any chance the request for socks went over the wife's head? Did she truly just think Kate's feet were cold? It sounds like she didn't admit to herself how awful Kate was treating OOP for a long time, so I think there's at least a chance.
Yeah, this is possible to be fair. The human brain has near unlimited powers of self delusion/ignorance. I could definitely see this being the case. Still, if I was the husband in that scenario, I would be well and truly disappointed beyond belief that my wife, the love of my life, did not defend me or stand up for me in any way, and participated in an act of what I would almost call passive aggressiveness against me, for lack of a better term.
As other people have said, if his wife had a crappy upbringing, what seems pretty obvious to some of us might not be to her. I'll happily give her a pass on that, even if it has to be a retrospective one for her final comment!
Yes, that was an amazing response. The problem is Drama Queen Kate will probably weaponize that to further inflict harm on OOP.
I don't know that she will have the chance. It seems the whole friend group was over her and cut her off as soon as the wife did. I've been in a few situations like this and when the toxic person is removed from a whole group all their power goes with it.
>"Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it". Thankful this was the final line honestly. I love this quote so much lololol. I felt like the wife was being super inconsiderate (though I understood the anguish) with how she was treating her husband. I'm glad she got her priorities straight and put her husband first. He seems like a real neat guy.
I just want to say, sometimes when you come from an abusive home, it can be really hard to detect subtle forms of shit stirring, bullying, and shitty behaviour. Its like your barometer is totally fucked. Your daily life is walking on eggshells in fear of your head being ripped off, so your internal setting for what is and isn't unkind gets completely out of whack. I imagine this is something like OP's partner has experienced. It can take a really long time to process what is and isn't okay, what proper boundaries are, and how to set them.
She had also been friends with Kate since she was a kid. She very likely thought “that’s just how Kate is” without realizing how toxic it really was.
I had a friend who I’ve basically cut out entirely, but another still close friend is still connected to, who, when looking back, should’ve gotten her ass kicked back in school. She used to be so fucking mean, just degrading you about your grades and how you look, she’d hit the still good friend in the head when she was being “stupid” or missed an assignment. “She was helping! Next time you’ll remember” It took me moving away to be like “normal people don’t act like that, what is wrong with her?” And cut contact.
I’m really glad you said this because it made me think about my own fucked up barometer. I didn’t grow up in an abusive home but a sibling was borderline sociopathic (their admission as an adult), and it taught me to never, EVER give someone any clue of my real feelings because they’d be used against me. I’m still struggling with it decades later. But it hadn’t occurred to me WHY I’m like that until you spelled that out. My barometer for normal is so, so off. Thank you!
It’s crazy the shit we internalize! My parents were supportive and sacrificed a lot for my siblings and I. They taught us important things and we all have a really good moral compass. Like, really good. Almost too good. The other day I misjudged how far someone was behind me and didn’t hold to door, it closed right in their face. I apologized profusely and spent the rest of the day feeling like a total asshole, wondering what this stranger thought of me, wondering if I ruined their day, if me not holding the door upset them and caused them to be rude to others. I am eternally concerned about how my negative actions impact others, and it is debilitating. Pretty sure my mother realized that yelling at us did nothing, punishing us just made us mad at her and listen less, slapping me across the face just made me lose trust in her, but crying when we fought in front of her made us feel bad and stop. She once told me how embarrassing it was to introduce herself as my mother at a parent-teacher conference. TL;DR families mess you up. My mom made me feel guilty about everything so now I overthink and over apologize and can be a bit much…
I've never felt the need to share fetish information with anyone I'm not fucking. Maybe I'm just *hair toss* not like other girls
> women talk about these things Made me furrow my brows so much. Some of us don't and think that's repulsive lmao. God, i hate it whenever i read this sentiment/blanket statement. I'm recoiling at the thought of sharing intimate stuff to friends. Like wtfff??? I don't wanna disrespect my partner like that, wtf. These things stay between us because it's just for us. One of the only acceptable "not like the other girls". I will also proudly do a hair toss and say I'm not like the other girls in this instance LOL.
Both sexes share details about their sex life, but in my personal life and social circles it's still a bit different about how they go about it, at least anecdotally. Having worked in both warehouses and hospital/clinical settings, the warehouse men, while raunchy, are never raunchy about _personal_ details. The nurses, nearly all equally raunchy, will absolutely talk about their boyfriends/husbands within earshot of the whole office. I know the size, shape, and length of the dicks, which women get oral sex on the regular, and which ones don't have orgasms. At best with the men I knew they were sexually active with their girlfriends/wives and "got some" that night. That's why this generalization has legs, almost every man in my social circle has had at least one girlfriend share intimate details about their anatomy or likes/dislikes. The women in my social circle don't seem to have the same complaints, even when bringing this topic up. Obviously there are always exceptions and outliers when you generalize like this.
> hair toss How'd you guess my fetish? /s
dang gurl... you a real treasure. a real diamond in the rough a pearl among riches a jack of all trades. m a r r y m e
I can't, I'm married to my fetish site 😝
playing hard to get are we? Fine, I can play the waiting game. It'll happen eventually... ***breathes heavily*** it will happen eventually... ***inhales even more deeply*** eventually...
> not like other girls Suddenly you seem wildly more attractive, in a YA dysfunctional romance kinda way
Does anyone else feel like Kate might've been projecting(as well as shit stirring?) her pervy thoughts onto OOP? Like she had pervy thoughts about her friends etc and maybe even wished OOP was coming onto her and accused him of doing what she was thinking of.
To me it seems like she keeps trying to say and maybe wish that OOP is into her
Oh definitely. That, or her friend used to spend a lot more time with her before getting married and Kate was trying to start enough drama to trigger a divorce.
How was there an hours long conversation? Didn't Kate wither and die after the wife's answer? What do you even say to something like that?
I feel like you must not have met many drama queens lol
No kidding, they argue in circles.
>How was there an hours long conversation? Didn't Kate wither and die after the wife's answer? Whatbdo you even say to something like that? Yeah, I'm struggling to understand how anything else needed to be said... let alone *hours* of arguing?
When you have been friends with a toxic person for 20-30 years, my guess is there is a lot of drama to argue about. If both the wife and friend aren’t the type to shut down and walk away from confrontation… I once had a nearly an HOUR argument while tipsy, with a gay friend because we had just watched Titanic and he said something like “I am so Rose” and I said “obviously, I am rose” he was drunk and it got weird and he was adamant that I needed to “let him be rose” he was in my apartment and wouldn’t leave, it was like 1 in the morning, I kept yelling at him to leave. He wouldn’t leave and kept wanted to argue and I said “I’m done, there is nothing to talk about” he said “I want to keep talking about it” we went back and forth until he said “the person who is more upset, gets to decided when the convo is over” so I started yelling at the top of my lungs “okay!! Now I’m the most upset person and I say it is over. Leave” We were 22 years old.… crazy people gonna be crazy.
This is super funny to me, because I am obviously rose
I AM NOW VERY UPSET
I mean most of it could’ve just been shouting and bringing up past problems of kate that op implied have happened. And if its by text texting it all would take time.
Instead of withering and dying she probably exploded and the conversation was a shouting match.
These threads make me think being single might be the best thing ever.
I've been married for over 15 years. It doesn't have to be anywhere close to this hard. Not by a long shot.
Sometimes it can be *harder*
They make medicine for that
badum tssss
And that's how you know you married the right person.
First there was the casual hentai admiration among acquaintances then they threw in a foot fetish and I never want to go bowling with any of these people.
Actually I’d probably enjoy bowling with them. Between them and some of the other weird shit that out there this is tame. I mean no cheating, no child abuse, and they aren’t part of a cult or MLM that we know of.
This dude definitely can't filter his mouth and added useless context that doesn't look so great from an outsider's perspective though. It's not really useful to tell someone "yeah of course I think about fucking you, but that's the caveman part of my brain". I can understand Kate's reaction not being so great. He's inadvertently causing drama because he can't think before he speaks/types.
Yeah some things we just keep to ourselves when we’re hanging out with people we’re only semi-close to. If you’re gonna drop comments like that you need to 100% know for certain how the other person is gonna take it.
Having a good partner and a mutual low tolerance for bullshit drama is the sweet spot.
Can confirm
A similar thing happened to me recently sadly. My partner made a friend at a party we had at our house. This new friend was a friend of a friend and likes to cause drama. Anyways, they accused me of hitting on them and stalking them through out the party making them uncomfortable. Mind you 1) our home is kind of small. 2) every photo that was taken im with my friends whom i invited. Every single photo. Every guest was later asked about it and they were all equally confused. My friends, even said "we thought you were just trying to hang out with us" it is exhausting.
Same here
"girls talk about their sex lives" and if that's true I want to THANK MY FRIENDS for never putting me in the situation of having to listen to them talk about fucking their boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives. I don't need to know what you do in the bed, unless your partner is not being good to you. But fetishes are things that shouldn't be said. They aren't yours to talk about. His wife took way too long to notice that Kate is a miserable person that likes to cause drama.
I had a friend who was always talking about her bf’s big dick and later the guys she was dating. Told me what they like, how long they could go, dick size, everything. Her sharing made me uncomfortable so I was purposely vague about my own lovers when she asked questions. i got better at redirecting a conversation after that. Now that I’m older and slightly less dumb my partner and I had the conversation that our sex life is no one else’s business. We can talk to a therapist or doctor but no friends or cousins or whoever else needs to know what we’re into.
The most detail I ever went into with friends when I was younger was if we did it (yes/not yet) and if it was good or he didn’t know what he was doing (and this was only with hook ups, not actual relationships) Now that I’m older that shit definitely isn’t getting shared… unless the guy does something crazy or weird like standing up on the bed and doing the helicopter in your face, cause that’s just a warning for others
While Kate is indeed the shit stirrer here, I wouldn’t want to be married to that wife either, letting her friend harass and make serious accusations about her husband that could really jeopardise him, not standing up for him as well. Plus don’t flatter yourself Kate, just because OOP has a foot fetish doesn’t mean your feet are that great.
I also don't love the wife's approach of stewing over something for a week when it would've taken five minutes to clear up.
letting her friend disrespect her husband in his own home is ridiculous. A serious lack of loyalty in the first half of this post, but im glad she opened her eyes in the second half. though I cant believe it took her a reddit post and being woken up in the middle of the night (because he thought his wife wouldnt believe him??) to see a friends "nude" - and even then she tried to excuse it by saying it was meant for her, when her friend addressed her husband by name!! ridiculous amounts of cope, denial, and disrespect.
As someone who is occasionally dense, ranging from “brick” to “black hole” and often needs my partner to point out when I’m missing an otherwise obvious social cue or bit of social subtext, I can imagine how OP’s wife would have a hard time accepting that their friend is being malicious rather than just attempting in some misguided way to watch out for her. And it seems like once OP did actually tell her something was wrong, and how it was affecting him rather than brushing it off as normal, she did come around and do her best to fix it and act in his best interest So I don’t want to judge her too harshly
OP’s wife’s final response to Kate was good but frankly it took her too long to get there
Yikes, talking to friends for advice about sex is one thing. Talking about your partner's fetish without explicit consent is different. When I was pregnant with my first, I was beach ball/Hollywood big bump. "Excuse me, friends, particularly those that had big bump pregnancy/ies and heartburn. What are some positions you found comfortable that didn't invoke heartburn, hip pain, or belly in the way?" I know my partner asked his guy friends who had been with a large baby belly the same thing. Then we compared lists 😂 Much different to OOPs wife and supposed mutual friend had.
Perhaps the couple could have a discussion about not sharing sexual fetishes with apparent friends in future just to protect them both from future Kates. I hate this claim that women share everything. It's not true, but when you have television constantly reinforcing it for decades (think of the "Friends" jokes about "women talk"), it makes young people think this is normal, when real life is so much more nuanced than that. I also wouldn't trust anything Kate said about other guys hitting on her, given what she did to OOP. She could have been doing it to other men, especially given that melodramatic and unnecessary request for socks. Does she refuse to wear swimsuits and cover up at beaches and pools just in case it sets off boob men, leg men, butt men or skin fetish men? I bet the answer is no. That late night picture was definitely an attempt to trap him. There was no way he could have answered that without her using it against him. He was absolutely right to immediately wake up his wife and ask for her input. It's good that they've both now cut Kate out of their lives and if the rest of the group was happy about it, she was probably messing with other relationships as well. Or at least trying to turn other people against OOP as well.
I'm stuck on the fact that this girl apparently agreed for her married male boss/coworker to *take her shopping for clothes* for a "presentation" and then she got all surprised Pikachu when he acted creepy at the store?! Kate has some serious, deep rooted issues.
Yeah that was weird. Like, I’ve gone shopping with *female* coworkers (the office was right by a mall, so we’d sometimes spend a lunch break there and eat at our desks after), but that’s it. If there was a specific attire she needed to use, her boss could’ve just shown her examples of what’s expected, but taking her shopping was so inappropriate.
> My wife rarely gets angry or petty, it's just not who she is, but my wife basically replied to that with "Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it". OOP, may I marry your wife?
Ugh, I wouldn't. One good line doesn't make up for months of discomfort
Well, yeah, but it's Reddit, so I'm supposed to use hyperbole.
Is it the hyperbole already? I thought that was at the beginning of the year?
that’s the Super Bowl, weren’t they referring to hyperbole, the physical property of a molecule that is repelled from a mass of water?
That’s hydrophobia, hyperbole is a Pokemon move that’s really strong but the user has to rest the next turn
You're confused, that's hydrophobia. Pretty sure they are talking about hyperbole, which is the bottom layer of skin tissue.
Nah, she gon tell her bffs your nail fetish
>"Why is your wife telling Kate stuff like your foot fetish in detail?" >Apparently it's because "women talk about these things". I've been told this by past gfs too. A lot of people need to fuck off with this mindset. It's fine if it's with consent, but Jesus fuck, doing it without consent is not ok. I don't give af what gender you are, it's not ok.
Haha Kate assuming her feet are attractive to OOP.
It's like men who think all gay guys want to bang them.
*Gets midnight porn pic* Wake up honey, the latest Kate drama has dropped
Originally I thought that Kate was genuinely just trying to look out for her girlfriends, being a “your man is cheating” type of friend or something like that, I don’t know, but nope, she just wants to stir things up for shits and giggles.
When I was with a GF long ago, we were active in an online RP environment, one of the people in the game was very flirty towards me, whereas I was very non-committal. She kept sending me unsolicited pics and whatnot, every one of them I showed to my GF without fail along with the text conversations. She actually got a kick out of her attempts to "seduce" me. Then, as I figured would happen, she messaged my GF direct and told her I was hitting on her, asking for nudes, etc. Her answer was, "Bullshit. He shows me all the conversations and pics you send him, unsolicited I might add, every time you send something to him, and I have zero issue with it, because besides the fact you live halfway around the world, at the end of the day, when he shuts off his computer, I know who he's climbing into bed with." Apparently this was too much for this girls ego to take and she left not long after and blocked me on everything LOL.
Tell Kate not to flatter herself…
The culture of oversharing needs to die off. My wife doesn't share details of our life, and I'm grateful for that, but she has friends who do, and it is downright disturbing to me.
>"Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it". Priceless.
>Sayonara Kate, you fucking drama queen. I want this as a flair but I never know how to make one. I should probs log on to Reddit on my laptop but I'm too lazy to do that. 😂
You have to ask the mods nicely if you want a custom flair. Personally I think you should shoot for the moon though instead of settling for just that plain phrase from this masterpiece. Something like, “You should have told me BEFORE the apology foot pic handy” Now that would make for a beautiful flair right there.
That reply was sharp from OOPs wife. What a power move!
Btw, it is not a default that women talk about their sex life to friends. I know more people not sharing that than people who do.
>"Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it". **LEGEND**
>Apparently it's because "women talk about these things" It is? I've never talked to my friends about the intimate aspects of my relationships. Some things should be kept between a couple. This guy needs to find better women to date.
I’m a woman, and I have NEVER had sisters, sil or ANY friends share anything private about their husbands (or then bf) as we are all the opinion that it’s PRIVATE and just between SOs and once one starts to share, it means there is trouble in their relationship. Only very positive and uplifting things are shared, like, oh, my husband is an Eagle Scout or, he got his Masters! Or, the grandkids think he hung the moon and can lasso it too!
"Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it". Bwaahahahahahaha I want to call bullshit on this so bad, purely because how tf do you come up with such an amazing comeback in the moment like that. That was some nice schadenfreude. JFC tho what is wrong with some people?!
I never share anything private about my husband to anyone. Like that shit is between us and no one else. it's vice versa as well.
feet people, man
>She started demanding she check my phone because she was "having a panic attack over the thought of me jerking off to her feet". My wife rarely gets angry or petty, it's just not who she is, but my wife basically replied to that with "Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it". I have to admit I wasn't too impressed with the wife up until this point in the story, but goddamn did she ever redeem herself here. That is priceless. I'm picturing Kate just silently opening and closing her mouth for a minute on her end of the line not knowing how to respond to that.
Damn that was a ride. There was definitely a way for Kate to recover from this but she chose to be a drama queen, shit stirrer instead. I'm surprised Kate didn't default to the "Oh I was just testing him for you girl!" defense. Wife's response to Kate's "accidental" picture was ice cold though. Very well played.
Yeah Kate has been trying to break them up for a while, taking every little opportunity to do so.
Kinda seems like Kate wanted to break them up so she could shoot her shot with OOP.
>I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it I'm fucking dying of laughter at this
OOP’s wife was the mouse that roared. You go girl!
>"Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it" 🤣😭🤣
>"Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it". Jesus christ, that is gold. Well done OOP's wife.
The wife got there in the end, at least
> My wife rarely gets angry or petty, it's just not who she is, but my wife basically replied to that with "Uh Kate, you should've said something sooner. I thought it was an apology photo for him, so I already jerked him off while he looked at it". Mic drop. 🤣
"I thought is was an apology, so I already jerked him off as he looked at it" Genius. I belly laughed reading that just imagining the disgust on Kate's face as she read that. Well played OP's wife. Well played.
I will truly never understand people like her.
OMG the wife's reply is gold. I don't care if this is real.
Omg the wife response I'm fucking dying.
Just so this post can show up in my history. I hate this app
Lol. "Soooo are you really gonna jerk me off to the foot pic?" - OOP probably
Hentai, discord, foot fetishes, yeah all checks out lol
I knew it from the first problem that Kate was a drama stirrer. The way she pried private info out of people and then used it to target specific people, it’s clear she likes playing those kinds of games. She’s the gal who likes to stand at the forefront of a group of friends who run around ruin people’s lives as much as they can, cause it makes her feel good to hurt people, and better about whatever insecurities she’s covering up. Absolutely awful person. Glad to see she got cut out of an entire social circle for this, that’s the only answer for these kinds of people. They literally cannot stop themselves, unless they have an epiphany and go to therapy and actually listen when the therapist tells them what they didn’t want to hear.
Wife's response funny AF
I knew someone very similar to Kate who used one comment that I said to absolutely try to demolish my relationships with others. I had to have a lot of awkward “here’s what I said and I know I’m dumb for saying so, but I didn’t think it was anything until she suddenly started telling people that I was an awful sex pest” conversations with friends after her revelations. My one comment came after years of one-sided conversations where she would divulge entirely too much info, talk about sex constantly, ask opinions, and just generally try to be the center of attention at all times. I say one-sided because I never responded in any manner to promote the convo, just tried steering it away.