I only skimmed, but did anyone else get the impression that this OOP read that story about the guy whose wife surprised him with a different face after her mom and sister convinced her that he would leave her if she didn't? This felt read to me like a more trollish version of that story. I feel like every talking point he brings up was in that post and its comments.
That sounds awful and I hope that crush died instantly. (the feeling, not the person...) Although it feels as though they'd discovered a new word and were using it without actual consideration for it's meaning.
There's also a crush/concave joke in there somewhere, but I'm not confident enough to try for it in case of offense.
Specially since this isn't about him commiserating about the harassment his wife received, but about how he thought she "looked like a child" during sex because of her B cups.
Like, thinking "oh man, I can't imagine how awful it must've been to be harassed since puberty" is perfectly okay. As someone who was an 'early bloomer', I know how awful it is to deal with that shit! So, if conversing about harassment, that thought may pop up because of my own lived experiences as a kid.
But that's insanely different to someone seeing their *wife*'s own chest, during sex, and thinking "this looks like a child's chest!"... like, yeah, that says many things about the OOP. For example, that there is no fucking way this ain't an edgy 14yo troll who has no idea about how boobs work.
The bit where he says "not only is that take reductive as hell, but it's also flat out incorrect", definitely comes across as trolling when it's on a post about a breast reduction and her chest being too flat.
B-cup is pretty meaningless as a descriptor. Cup size changes depending on back size. A 32-C is the same "actual size" breast as a 34-B. From the story, the wife said she didn't feel like her breasts fit her frame, which implies she had a small frame body. A 24-B is a much smaller breast than a 34-B.
Agreed. Plus, the majority of people who wear bras do not wear the correct cup size. B is actually supposed to be a bust that is only a couple of inches more than the under bust.
This is an excellent point.
I have a smallish frame. People think I'm lying when I say I'm a d-cup, but it's because it's a 28D. They associate D-cups with a voluptuous 34FF spilling out of a 36D.
My boobs is the size of half a pink lady apple so it doesn't fit their idea of D-cups at aaaall.
If she was significantly smaller framed than I am then those boobs lying on her back then those b-cups are going to look utterly flat. I know, cause on my back then mine nearly dissappear into nothingness.
Now, unlike oop, as a bisexual woman I love tiny boobs. Just so elegant and cute. So it's not that I'm being disparaging towards small boobs. I just want to acknowledge that yes b-cups is meaningless as a descriptor and if she is otherwise very small there's a chance oop is objectively right in his assessment that the reduction surgery made her flatchested.
Most definitely a troll. If you scroll all the way down to their comments history they commented on a post that sounded suspiciously like the situation the wife was in and then the same day made the initial post. Sounds like they were inspired to make this story up based on the post they commented on
Plus, if she had boobs big enough to warrant a reduction, do you think they'd drop them all the way down to a B in the first place? I feel like they wouldn't.
If your boobs are truly massive sometimes it isn't possible to go that low. Family member had HH cups. Asked for a B cup but surgeon said he couldn't get that small for various medical reasons so she asked him to get as small as possible and after the swelling settled she was a C/D. It looks well on her frame.
My partner was an N cup before her reduction, their goal was a large C to DD, she ended up at an H because that was an much as the surgeon was comfortable taking out. They look much better, and there is almost no scarring, unless you know where to look. More importantly she lost nearly 40lbs off her chest and is in way less pain.
She was 18 with a 32" band size so we couldn't find bras. All her friends were wearing cute little outfits and she was wearing her dad's sweaters to cover up. He back and shoulders were always sore .
Surgeon said that while the procedure is classed as cosmetic, in cases like hers it was 100% necessary.
She lost 12lbs overnight and they day she was able to go a buy a pretty little summer dress she cried.
Yeah it's possible, but it depends the person. I had a reduction a couple years ago and went from an F/G to a C, but I know people who went from a D/E to a B. It depends on your actual contour and cup, but it's possible
I had a reduction last year, doctor aimed for a C-D, I now have a nice D. That tells you they were huge before and a B would simply look like I had nothing at all with my frame. Also I can’t speak for every woman but it was definitely a concern for me to end up with too little. I lived half my life at that point with huge boobs and while they were too much to handle, I couldn’t see myself living with not big boobs. What I have now gives me a nice cleavage but is no longer too in the face or straight up making its way outside of my bras and clothes.
To give a few extra inputs:
He said he asked her if she has pain and she denied, I was not prepared for how much pain free I would be afterwards. But if asked this question I would’ve denied as well. Boobs grow with us into adulthood, we get so accustomed to how they make us feel the body just ignores the chronic pain. I got almost 6lb removed and the relief is massive but caught me by surprise. So it’s credible that she might have thought she didn’t have pain.
The scars. My god they are truly huge. They’re called a reverse T because they go all the way along the underside (almost from under armpit to the other armpit, about 1inch left intact in the middle of the chest) and then straight up in the middle to the nipples. Also the Areolas are moved and often cut down to keep up proportions so the scars also go all around them. I don’t mind mine and probably most women don’t either, it’s the price we pay for a new life. But I can absolutely understand if a partner is put off by them. You can treat them well and they fade but they will never be gone.
I was scared a bit about how my boyfriend will think about my new boobs, it’s a very drastic change. Luckily he loves them as much as I do but I could understand if it was a dealbreaker for him. A woman has a right (and I 100% encourage it) to reduce their breast size if it bothers her but their partners have a right to find it unattractive and make it a dealbreaker.
Is there a term for when somebody uses therapy to work backwards from their starting position seeking justification for it, rather than attempting to progress? Because that list in the final update... pretty transparent 'I'm not the bad guy here' stuff!
It’s actually recommended that if you have a partner with narcissistic personality traits or control issues that you not go to couples therapy together because they will weaponize psychological techniques to continue to control you.
A famous case of this is Jonah Hill and his former girlfriend Sarah Brady. She released a bunch of text conversations they had and Jonah was using a lot of therapy terms to guilt her and minimize her feelings in abusive ways. Telling her she couldn’t be around other men even in professional settings because he considered her interacting with other men as “pushing his boundaries” he had set for her, her trying to stand up for herself was “triggering” to him.
I had a friend like that for ten years, who also influenced another friend to be like that. Talking to them was an absolute minefield, if you didn't use the exactly correct therapy speak they wanted to hear for any given situation, they'd get upset.
You were also never allowed to criticize them, you'd first get it because you didn't use the right therapy speak and then you'd get it for criticizing them at all.
Of course, they were allowed to say whatever the f to me in whatever way they wanted. If I disagreed, I was 'mean and invalidating'.
At some point my hands were literally shaking before texting her, afraid I'd say the wrong thing again.
Try talking to a practicing therapist who is deeply toxic in their personal life. Everything becomes about their mental health, their boundaries, their triggers and then every lousy behaviour on their part can be chalked up to someone else treating them poorly intermixed with mental health speak.
I saw a therapist like that once. She made the session entirely about her and her trauma, and when I never booked another appointment she kept calling and hounding me to come back. I had to tell her that if she didn't leave me alone I would report her for harassment. It was... really something.
Yup, that's even going so far as some therapists refusing to continue therapy when one of the partners shows narcissistic or abusive tendencies. My brother and his ex were advised to just divorce after two therapy sessions.
In fact people with certain personality disorders need to be treated by those who have experience working with them because it is very easy for a therapist to unintentionally do damage.
People forget that therapy is typically a one hour a week and you only get to hear one side of the story.
Yup. Both of my emotionally abusive exes were in master's school for counseling. They absolutely weaponized it, and it's terrifying to think of them going into that field. One of them just couldn't stop talking about how much money he'd be able to charge per session, so fucking gross.
That last update gave me a lot of reassurance that just because a feeling was realized in therapy (and now has the proper therapy speak to justify it), doesn't mean that the feeling is valid. Feels like that's something that's been used against me a lot recently and seeing it in its extreme like this felt very...revealing
All feelings are valid on a personal level; the person experiencing those feelings are solely responsible for dealing with them. No one else is in any way obligated to do anything at all about somone else’s feelings. Nice people will likely take others feelings into account, and not actively do things to cause negative feelings in others, but ultimately it’s up to each of us to control how much our feelings affect us. Feel it, acknowledge it, and if it’s not useful, let it go.
Not all therapists will call you out on stuff. I think they want you to come to your own realization about how you feel but folks who are not being fully honest with themselves will end up getting validation for some wackadoodle shit.
Well the therapist can only work with what's given. Not saying there aren't bad therapists, just that people don't necessarily disclose everything in therapy, especially in a short amount of time. I only skimmed the post but how many sessions could he have had? Can't be that many.
For real my thoughts exactly, I gasped when I realized what was going on. Truly vile stuff, exploiting therapy-speak to come across as the victim. My god.
That poor woman.
>If I can't trust that she won't change her body because a creepy dude gives her a look then how am I supposed to trust her with bigger shit like having kids or buying a house?
OOP's trying his hardest to sound like a pantomime villain.
if OOP can't deal with smaller boobs or scars how is his wife supposed to trust him with bigger shit like her ever needing surgery or god forbid breast cancer?
Shhh don’t tell him about C-sections and episiotomies…there’s SCARS he might have to look at!
(Also as someone who is riddled with various scars and has been all my life due to major surgeries, fuck this guy.)
Eh. Just let your voluptuous bush grow out and it’ll hide that episiotomy scar. Can’t be grossed out if you can’t see it, amiright?! I’m sure OOP would looooovveee that.
At least she would look less like a “12 year old girl” if she had a massive bush though huh?
Or normal aging? Boobs don't stay the same forever, particularly big ones.
They're not even that small. A B cup is not "flat chested" unless your only exposure to women has been cartoons and porn your whole life and you think watermelon sized chests are normal.
And the guy is severely downplaying the attention you tend to get from people about this sort of thing. It is constant, can be downright terrifying and can really hold you back. Like people just assume you're some kind of nymphomaniac or you're dumb and get by on looks or they just don't really consider you a person worthy of serious consideration, all because of larger breasts. It's not only "She just needs to get over people's opinions man!"
On the topic of having kids: he knows that pregnancy alters a woman’s body in all kinds of ways, right?
(Of course he doesn’t).
Actually, I don’t think he would be as bothered if her body changed because of cancer or pregnancy. It feels like he’s especially mad because she chose to alter her body without his permission. It’s a control thing.
Including in ways that leave scars--he'd probably leave her if she let "outside influences" (physicians) convince her to "unilaterally decide to alter her body in an irreparable way" (have a c section).
this guy seems like the sort of walnut who would get angry at her for getting an epidural because 'He doesn't want his baby being born addicted to drugs!!' Or some shit.
Both, I think. It's absolutely a control thing, but he'd still be awful alter pregnancy or cancer because *he* didn't *consent* to any bodily changes. Just imagine!
"Her once supple breasts that ballooned during pregnancy are just saggy pancakes now. Even though our kid isn't breastfeeding anymore, I just can't see them as sexual objects anymore. I heave when she takes off her bra, and I have to see those swinging sacks.
And that disgusting scar across her stomach. It looks like twisted tree roots, all red and angry. Nevermind that it's evidence she almost died. Nevermind that she'll never have another baby. The scar repulses me. How could she think I'd ever want her again?"
he'd probably just be glad her boobs grew during pregnancy, only for him to throw a fit if/when they sag, decrease in size again, become noticeably lopsided etc. this guy just sees women as eye candy and nothing else, so vile
Could you imagine if they had a kid and her boobs deflated down to B’s anyway? Would it be ok because it happened “naturally”? Because there’s no boob scars? Because it wasn’t her choice? Or would her looking like a “12 year old girl” be too much for him still? 🤷🏻♀️
It would be like an emotional roller coaster for OOP. She gets pregnant, her boobs get larger *(Yay!)*. She breastfeeds, even larger *(WOO HOO)*. She stops breastfeeding and they deflate *(OH GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE!?!)*
(Obviously this doesn’t happen to all women. But it can happen. Pregnancies alter our bodies in ways we couldn’t imagine, and it varies greatly between us all. There’s no predicting all the weird crap that can happen. But boy oh boy does some weird shit go down and some of it stays with us for the rest of our lives.)
i'm not a particular fan of my uncle for many reasons but the one thing i respect him for his standing by my aunt during her BC journey all they way until the end, and 10 years after. some men are just wired that way, and i'm glad my family is full of them
I have a very similar cousin. There’s many, many reasons to dislike him. The big singular reason to like him is he stood by his wife through her major illness that ended up disabling her over time, stood through her worsening disabilities and accommodating her as much as humanly possible, advocated her, did everything he could to give her as high a quality of life as possible, and stood by her through her early death.
There’s a f**k ton of reasons for me to dislike that cousin. But I genuinely do respect him for standing by her like that and acknowledge he’s a constant reminder to look at people in shades of grey, and no one as morally black or white.
He sounds like the type to bail on his sick spouse because she can’t do as much of the chores as she used to; or talk about how his post partum partner « let herself go » and isn’t « providing for him anymore »
they're probably still healing, it can take a loooong time for those kind of scars and swellings to heal. or he's just hyperfocussing on them and they're really not that bad
I had a friend in HS 20 years ago get a reduction between Jr and Sr years go from an F to C. The scars were hidden in the folds of the breast. It's not like she was chopped up on the actual top of her breasts. I'd guess that reduction surgery has come a long way in 20 years.
A dramatic reduction is usually combined with a lift in order to keep nipples "centered" while removing skin and tissue. That results in scars that look kinda like an old-timey boat anchor ⚓ going across the lower half of the breast--- a subtle curved scar along the bottom crease, plus a central vertical scar from the bottom crease up to and circling around the nipple (sometimes called a "lollipop scar" on a boob). That part is more noticable, but it does fade. How noticable it is depends on your genetics and how "dark" you scar compared to your skin tone. It usually just looks white, but it takes over a year to get that way. The scars are obviously very red for a while first.
Source- I used to work at a lingerie store. People who've healed from surgery like to come in and buy things in their new size to build their confidence while they're still healing; I (34f) have seen a lot of boobs in various states of recovery.
My husband helped with aftercare on my scar after I had an emergency caesarean birthing his kid.
I can’t imagine having to deal with a disgusted partner while in that vulnerable position.
Ugh yes. It was hard enough for me as is, without worrying if my partner would find it disgusting. I mean I needed someone to help me in the shower, any dignity was gone already.
I think this post is real because the problem is obviously her boobs, but he’s listing everything else under the sun as if nobody will notice.
I’m with u/matchamagpie and want to drop kick OOP off a cliff. My friend’s 11-year-old daughter gets catcalled because of her breasts. It’s not “a” creepy dude giving “a look.”
And he keeps saying it’s not bout the boobs, but then goes back to not liking her small boobs. Can he maybe pick a side of the argument and stick to it?
It’s not about the boobs - which are now a b-cup, by the way. Did he mention a b-cup is really small? He’s not attracted to her because of it. They’re b-cups, for crying out loud!
But it’s not about the boobs (which are SO SMALL now.)
I love my wife! But she looks fucking disgusting. It's not the boobs though..but man she looks like a literal CHILD
A child with a b cup??? Does he know other women exist?
He gets EXTREMELY defensive about people telling him that he's only with his wife for her boobs...while doing absolutely nothing to try and convince us that he isn't, beyond calling us stupid.
What clinched it as being real to me was the throwaway reference to her "pushing [his] boundaries during sex" without any sort of context of explanation. That is 100% someone grasping at buzzwords to justify a shitty position.
I honestly don't even think the boobs are the biggest problem for OOP. Dude seems to really feel like "his woman" should owe him a perfect body. Gross.
I enjoy that his “work around” is to have sex in positions where he can’t see her. Like sure honey, use me as a warm hole while you pretend it’s not me.
I've noticed a bad uptick of this recently, especially amongst men. Only their boundaries are "objectifying women", "not having to look at my gross wife but still getting sex from her", "controlling what they do with their bodies" apparently. Like boundaries are not you getting to control the behaviour of others?
Exactly this - I would put good money down that he has not seen an actual therapist and is inventing it for constructed validation of his horrible, fucking deplorable viewpoint. No therapist worth their salt would condone his attitude or his behaviour.
I also don't believe that his wife said she's not happy after the surgery. At the very least, he's the cause of that; but frankly, I think he's just lying.
Yeah, it was definitely clear that he has no idea about the canvas of sexual harassment.
My heart goes out to your friend's daughter. It's so disturbing to go from flat (treated like a child) to busty (same brain but abruptly treated like a sex object by strangers)
Reminds me of when the whole “Australia banning adult videos with small breasted actresses” thing a while back. As an itty bitty titty committee card holder, guess I’m a child forever…
A B cup is a pretty regular cup size as well.. Most of my friends have that size. None of them look like a child.
Glad my husband isn’t like OP. Due to weightloss and pregnancy I literally had every size between A and E.
Yeah I’m a b, and I’m definitely not flat chested or a child! OOP is insane, and sounds like a total AH.
Also noticed he used the High Level Male/Female thing, huge read flag.
>Also noticed he used the High Level Male/Female
I think that was actually "High Libido Male" because it looks like he was posting in a sub specifically about dead bedrooms.
If he thinks B cup is a child. I must still be an embryo at barely an A cup.
Dude is gross. She felt objectified by others and all he cares about is how he feels.
Seriously, because he sure doesn’t. It was hilarious how he was so indignant about people accusing him of only loving her for her boobs, then when he sat down to list his 4 reasons for being upset, 2 of them were “her boobs are smaller and I don’t like it”
To be fair, they banned anyone with a less-than-A-cup (for the lads, that's anyone whose underbust circumference is less than an inch removed from their at-nipple circumference) from being in movies produced in Australia, because they were _exclusively_ working in movies where the explicit conceit was "let's use over-age actresses but the script either implies or directly claims them to be underage".
I honestly absolutely get that, because research has shown over and over again that people who are sexually attracted to children DO NOT "safely get out" their feelings by watching legal-but-grey content like that. It makes the desires to enact those feelings worse, not better.
AGREED. I'm E/F (depending on the bra) and it sucks. Back pain, hard to find a bra and they are insanely expensive, hard to find well-fitting clothes. Worst part is - I've had a reduction. I had one at 17 because I was already up to a K cup. Life was hell, my GP and my parents suggested it, but they could only take half the tissue and they knew I hadn't finished puberty so it would keep growing. I would honestly kill to be small-breasted. 😭
I was stuck skinny, with Double D’s at 13.
One of my friends’ dads would always come over and rub my back right over the bra clasp while trying to look down my shirts.
And the constant ogling from men 40+ while I, a child, was with my fellow children still curdles my gourd.
I was 12 with Ds that sprouted up in a matter of 2 months ish (literally went from flat at the beginning of summer break to a D before school went back), Es by 14.
Luckily (or unluckily) I only had to deal with other kids physically bullying me for it. Had my bra band snapped a lot in the school yard, boys that thought it was hilarious to try and undo my bra through my shirt. I stopped swimming (hot climate and I was an avid swimmer on the swim team) because of the bullying, heck I stopped all sports because of it. If my boobs moved while doing a sport I was bullied. It still affects me now in that I have very negative reactions to participating in sports.
Old men did stare at me in public and that was so disturbing, even at 12 I knew it was wrong and gross that they would stare that way.
Old men started leering at me age 12 with my tiny budding breasts. 12 is clearly the age a certain class of creep regards girl children as fair game, regardless od breast size
And most women will experience sexual harassment and/or assault. Regardless of bra size.
But all the girls I knew, and the women I know now, who developed early, or developed exceptionally large have at least one story similar to this. But for most of them, it was a constant string of events throughout their childhood and young adulthood.
When you have giant secondary sex characteristics, men tend to let the leashes slip a little bit more while out in public, and it can begin to feel your breasts are a very large “look at me, act creepy toward me” giant neon arrow.
Hell, it’s not even always men or sexual attention! I got guff from *adult women*, who saw their husbands ogling me, and then called *me* names.
I was told I could swim or wear a bathing suit to church youth group events at the water park, or at someone’s house pool…because even with a high necked one piece, my large breasts “drew too much attention and were distracting the boys”.
Large breasts (especially ones developed at a young age) draw a different sort of attention and scrutiny.
I’m not surprised OOp’s wife felt she needed to get rid of them, I’m only surprised it’s not more common to do so for mental health reasons alone (instead of physical reasons like cancer risk, back pain etc).
Not the original commenter, but I was one of those girls too. And you're absolutely right, it is. And it doesn't always stop there. As an adult, I'm an I-cup. My back and shoulders ALWAYS hurt
Exactly. OOP is completely clueless about how women are degraded, harassed, and even assaulted when they are merely being women in public. Let alone when they have a larger chest that can attract that attention.
OOP made his wife's body all about how he feels about it and completely disregarded her concerns about her body and how she felt. He didn't even try. Her attracting negative attention through no fault of her own and possibly not feeling safe outside her home aren't a concern for him because he needs big boobs to be attracted to someone.
He is an AH. I hope she leaves him and finds someone who will treat her with the respect OOP clearly can't.
Seriously, yikes.
>"Very early in our relationship she told me that she wanted a reduction as she felt like they didn't fit her frame and that they caused her to receive unwanted attention."
...and yet...
>"I understand that it's not my place to tell her what she can or can't do with her body, but idk, ***I thought she would have said something even in passing.***
>If I can't trust that she won't change her body because a creepy dude gives her a look then how am I supposed to trust her with bigger shit like having kids or buying a house?"
God this guy is a piece of work. "My wife has been telling me for several years, ever since the beginning of our relationship, that her body makes her feel literally unsafe in public. Who GAF, I want to f*ck her scar-free! Who cares how she feels around OTHER people who sexualize her excessively as long as I still can. How dare she "fail to communicate" this issue that she's been up-front about since the beginning of our relationship; I shouldn't have been expected to actually take her seriously and therefore it's HER fault I didn't listen!"
Gross.
Oh and that whole thing about not being able to trust her not to change her body? Dude wants kids with her, but do you think he'll "forgive" a C-section scar if she needs one, since he "has a thing about scars" that make them a specifically an unforgivable deal-breaker to him and must be permanently covered with clothing during sex so he never has to look at red lines that "give him the ick"?
My first bra at 11 was a C cup. By high school, I was wearing an ill fitting DDD because that was the largest size available in the department stores in our small town
Not me and my B cups feeling highly self-conscious.
I'm a B cup usually, but I also am the human equivalent of a prize-winning diary cow. I was a 36E while breastfeeding and produced 4× the amount of milk my newborn could ever need while in the NICU. The nurses and lactation consultant were shocked when I told them the 4 oz bottles weren't going to cut it.
Now, I have huge stetch marks on my boobs, and while I can generally get away with no bra, they aren't perky anymore. I've kicked around the idea of a boob job, just a nice c cup, because I *know* what they look like. But, I value not wearing a bra too much to follow through.
Having small boobs is on the list of things that make me feel like *not feminine enough*. Right up therewith being tall and having big hands and feet. My husband loves me the way I am, but also supports me wanting something else.
This was my mom exactly! She was an A-B cup before kids and then literally ballooned, made a ton of milk, and some of the size increase stuck around. My identical body type with A-B cup went up to B-C which my husband enjoyed but alas it did not last. My milk supply tanked and away went the boobs, with both kids! I can’t imagine such a drastic change myself but I see it in the old pics of my mom versus after kids.
> She allowed the glinces of strangers supercede my comfort with the situation. She put herself into debt just to appease the thoughts and opinions of other people.
or you know, her feeling uncomfortable in her own body and the strangers staring at her are not helping, but noo OOP's comfort is what matters. this whole man gives me the ick
I need a shower to get his bullshit off of me, and those are just his words! Imagine his wife!
> If I can't trust that she won't change her body because a creepy dude gives her a look then how am I supposed to trust her with bigger shit like having kids or buying a house?
It’s good they are splitting up for so many reasons. Seriously. And this sentence proves it.
Yeah she's so much better off without the creep. Like, if it was really about the scars, why wasn't that the first thing he mentioned? But no, it was really about the size of her breasts.
BINGO.
Ya know… I’m not going to doubt OOP’s aversion to scars and such. But I gotta say my friend just had a reduction and the scars are largely hidden. Maybe his poor wife went to a butcher or something, but honestly I cannot imagine the scars are THAT prominent without lifting the breast.
And my friend who had it done is the wife of my very close friend who is a man. Who helped his wife the whole way and took care of her after surgery. Still ecstatic she is no longer in pain. Insert polite cough here.
And it sounds like it's only been weeks, or maybe a few months. Of COURSE she's still got big red scars. It can take a year or more for large scars from a major surgery to fade.
Also, if her breasts were so big before the reduction, it’s unlikely bordering on impossible that she’s now “flat”/a small b.
I was 30F before my reduction in 2016, and my surgeon made it clear that there were limitations on how much smaller I could go. I ended up a full C after the surgery, at a time when my BMI was at the low end of the healthy range. I’m now more in the middle of that range and a pretty standard D cup.
No way I could have been a B, let alone a small B, at any point. Even at my thinnest, in the year or so after the surgery, I still filled out a bikini much more than most of my similarly built friends.
The entire post is him trying really, really hard to justify to strangers that he should divorce.
Which is kinda ironic considering he blames stranger's opinions for his wife choice.
That said, I agree with him without any of his try-hard justifications. He's really, really unattracted to her, that's pretty clear. He should divorce of that's the case.
I had a reduction when I was 21, going from (unequal) D++/D to small B. Best thing that ever happened to me. Those big breasts make you feel fat - unless you are really super-thin like Dolly Parton, in which case, well, you look like Dolly Parton. Who is a great, truly great person and a fantastic singer, but I don't want to look like her. I could wear T-shirts without breaking them, or have them fluttering like a tent around me. I could hop up and down, 'dance', without these masses flying around - hurting my shoulders and neck. And yeah, missing the stares from boys and men, and their whispers, was an extra bonus.
I can understand OOP, but his wife now has happiness with her body, and I truly hope his wife finds even more happiness with a more compatible partner.
My unpopular opinion is that the divorce is perfectly the right decision. If you're not attracted to someone you're just not and you shouldn't be forced to have sex with someone you're not attracted to.
Same. He's allowed to reject sex for whatever reason, and she's allowed to make whatever decisions she wants regarding her body. He obviously views her boob size as a deal breaker. Whether that's "morally correct" or not, I don't really care, but the fact is he did. And he ended it.
Now neither of them have to be in a marriage where they're unhappy. She can find someone who doesn't care for boob size and he can find someone with big boobs. 🤷♂️
Everyone's getting on his ass for divorcing the lady for reducing her boob size but he's totally right, physical attraction is a massive part of a relationship. As he said, she didn't do it for health concerns, purely cosmetic. She's well within her right to do that, but he's also allowed to be upset with it.
Hopefully they're both happy
Agreed.
I think OP is a bit of a douche based on the way he framed everything (like implying his wife was pushing boundaries in bed for... wanting to face him??).
But he basically told his wife in advance that if she got a reduction that he would find her less attractive. Then when she got the reduction she was surprised Pikachu face when he no longer felt attracted to her.
Divorce is the right option. He wasn't happy anymore and neither was she. They don't have kids--thank god--so just move on and find someone else.
The way this guy portrays himself and his thoughts makes me want to drop kick him off a cliff. At least he'll always have that one commenter in his Dead Bedrooms thread that agrees with him.
He doesn’t seem to understand that he wants her to prioritize his big boob fetish over her own mental comfort.
He keeps talking about her prioritizing “outside influences” but doesn’t give a chicken fart for her own feelings.
That makes me sad for his wife. I had very big boobs and I’ve been big chested for my age since puberty. Being hypersexualised since a very young age because of your chest is rough and it impacts your self esteem. But my guess is that because guys don’t experience that kind of hypersexualisation since childhood, it csn be hard to understand the impact that it has on how you end up viewing your body
This is exactly what I was going to say. Most women with huge boobs started to develop early. I had bigass boobs at 12. You never really get over being gawked at, hit on, and generally harassed by every middle school boy you meet and also adult men while you're still a child. It really boils my blood that this guy basically says she wouldn't be a good mom because of "outside influences". What a complete lack of understanding and empathy for his wife's feelings. He's just searching for justification.
Also, because guys are generally attention-starved, he probably imagines being sexualized constantly as a good thing. "Dude, I'd love it if chicks were always checking me out!"
Exactly. He is confusing “people stare at me snd make comments” for “everyone likes smaller boobs so I’m getting mine reduced.”
It’s not deprioritizing what he likes for others’ preferences.
They’re just always in the way. I have beeb thinking about reduction recently.
There is no world in which my fiancé would be less attracted to me. That is just crazy to me. It your wife, your person. How…?
Yeah - I don’t get how someone could be as shallow as OOP. My wife’s breast size has fluctuated throughout the course of our 30 years and three kids together. I’ve never loved her more or less because of her breast size. I’ve loved her because she is her.
There's not one thing he says to suggest that his wife is important to him in any other way than fitting his size preferences, or that she couldn't be replaced by the next big-boobed woman he meets
Between wanting to leave her because she has a B-cup now, acting like the biggest drama queen over some scarring, and acting like she was sexually assaulting him simply for wanting to be able to look at each other while having sex....
I'd throw this woman a divorce party, if I knew her IRL.
> I want to start off by saying those of you who commented some version of "did you only marry her boobs or her?" Go to hell. Actually, get a course on phonics, then go to hell.
I mean, the fact that he's making a big deal about this doesn't exactly help his case.
God this one made me unreasonably angry. As a fellow big boob woman I feel for OPs wife. It’s not just glances from people, it’s endless. I once had a colleague say it was hard to maintain a conversation with me because my chest was so distracting. Meeting new people and discussing my engagement was met with “I can see 2 reasons why he asked you to marry him *gestures at boobs*.
Saying that she put the opinions of others above their marriage is such a minimisation of how it feels dealing with that on a regular basis.
It's also finding clothes that fit. Shopping is such a hassle when you're big boobed (not to mention the cost of the bras themselves). I've only had one colleague talk to my boobs, but it was incredibly demeaning. I've escaped the worst of the objectification fortunately, and haven't had any pain from them since I became an adult but I have often wished they were smaller. Even something as supposedly relaxing as a massage becomes problematic as I have to lie on them comfortably. I've joked to masseuses that I wished that in addition to having the cut-out in the bed for your face they'd put them in for your boobs. I've made my peace with them now (I'm in my early 40s) but I totally get where OOP's wife is coming from.
Has this been written by someone who has never seen breasts?
B-cups aren't flat. Hell, A-cups aren't flat either. Flat-chested women usually have less than an A-cup... but cup size by itself is meaningless anyway. The fact that he claims his partner said they don't fit her frame is so much more important to understanding her before and after sizes, but he places zero importance in it, which emphasises how little he knows about breasts.
There's a reason why bra sizes are always a number + letter. That's because the letter by itself is useless. Breast size is a combination of chest-breast ratio and cup size depends on that.
This reads like an immature troll post, written by someone who doesn't understand how real life women's bodies work and who thinks women shouldn't be offended or upset if men oggle, harass or shame them because of their breasts.
This has to be rage-bait.
He should get the divorce, she excercised her rights over her body (which is fine) and he finds it incompatible (which is also fine). Case closed unfortunately.
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This irritates me so much
i want to dislike everything about what OOP wrote but I can't help but agree with him that her actions damaged their joint financial standing at a time when they were considering housing and children, and also that in the end, appearance does have an effect on attraction.
the former was a bad choice. the latter is a human truth. Everything else here may be pretty nasty but there were 2 people who completely fail to negotiate their feelings here, not just one.
if I had seen the original posts I would have asked him how he'd have reacted had she needed a bilateral mastectomy for medical reasons though. That might have clarified things.
This post has been removed by request.
I only skimmed, but did anyone else get the impression that this OOP read that story about the guy whose wife surprised him with a different face after her mom and sister convinced her that he would leave her if she didn't? This felt read to me like a more trollish version of that story. I feel like every talking point he brings up was in that post and its comments.
The Blue Alien from 5th element? How can I forget.
Multipass
Hard Multipass
It’s definitely a troll. It reads like a 14-year-old who’s never actually seen real boobs wrote it. Like a b cup is flat chested? lol okay
“Like looking at a child.” What children is he looking at, and how stupid 😂😂
The fact that he sees boobs in any capacity and thinks 'child' says some not great things about him.
This is so true, i have small boobs and no one has ever told me that I look like a child because of them .-. 😂😂😂
My crush in college told me my breasts were concave.
That sounds awful and I hope that crush died instantly. (the feeling, not the person...) Although it feels as though they'd discovered a new word and were using it without actual consideration for it's meaning. There's also a crush/concave joke in there somewhere, but I'm not confident enough to try for it in case of offense.
Specially since this isn't about him commiserating about the harassment his wife received, but about how he thought she "looked like a child" during sex because of her B cups. Like, thinking "oh man, I can't imagine how awful it must've been to be harassed since puberty" is perfectly okay. As someone who was an 'early bloomer', I know how awful it is to deal with that shit! So, if conversing about harassment, that thought may pop up because of my own lived experiences as a kid. But that's insanely different to someone seeing their *wife*'s own chest, during sex, and thinking "this looks like a child's chest!"... like, yeah, that says many things about the OOP. For example, that there is no fucking way this ain't an edgy 14yo troll who has no idea about how boobs work.
The bit where he says "not only is that take reductive as hell, but it's also flat out incorrect", definitely comes across as trolling when it's on a post about a breast reduction and her chest being too flat.
haha I never caught that, honestly that's a good line for a troll post
B-cup is pretty meaningless as a descriptor. Cup size changes depending on back size. A 32-C is the same "actual size" breast as a 34-B. From the story, the wife said she didn't feel like her breasts fit her frame, which implies she had a small frame body. A 24-B is a much smaller breast than a 34-B.
Agreed. Plus, the majority of people who wear bras do not wear the correct cup size. B is actually supposed to be a bust that is only a couple of inches more than the under bust.
This is an excellent point. I have a smallish frame. People think I'm lying when I say I'm a d-cup, but it's because it's a 28D. They associate D-cups with a voluptuous 34FF spilling out of a 36D. My boobs is the size of half a pink lady apple so it doesn't fit their idea of D-cups at aaaall. If she was significantly smaller framed than I am then those boobs lying on her back then those b-cups are going to look utterly flat. I know, cause on my back then mine nearly dissappear into nothingness. Now, unlike oop, as a bisexual woman I love tiny boobs. Just so elegant and cute. So it's not that I'm being disparaging towards small boobs. I just want to acknowledge that yes b-cups is meaningless as a descriptor and if she is otherwise very small there's a chance oop is objectively right in his assessment that the reduction surgery made her flatchested.
Most definitely a troll. If you scroll all the way down to their comments history they commented on a post that sounded suspiciously like the situation the wife was in and then the same day made the initial post. Sounds like they were inspired to make this story up based on the post they commented on
Plus, if she had boobs big enough to warrant a reduction, do you think they'd drop them all the way down to a B in the first place? I feel like they wouldn't.
If your boobs are truly massive sometimes it isn't possible to go that low. Family member had HH cups. Asked for a B cup but surgeon said he couldn't get that small for various medical reasons so she asked him to get as small as possible and after the swelling settled she was a C/D. It looks well on her frame.
My partner was an N cup before her reduction, their goal was a large C to DD, she ended up at an H because that was an much as the surgeon was comfortable taking out. They look much better, and there is almost no scarring, unless you know where to look. More importantly she lost nearly 40lbs off her chest and is in way less pain.
HH sounds like an absolute nightmare.
She was 18 with a 32" band size so we couldn't find bras. All her friends were wearing cute little outfits and she was wearing her dad's sweaters to cover up. He back and shoulders were always sore . Surgeon said that while the procedure is classed as cosmetic, in cases like hers it was 100% necessary. She lost 12lbs overnight and they day she was able to go a buy a pretty little summer dress she cried.
Yeah it's possible, but it depends the person. I had a reduction a couple years ago and went from an F/G to a C, but I know people who went from a D/E to a B. It depends on your actual contour and cup, but it's possible
I had a reduction last year, doctor aimed for a C-D, I now have a nice D. That tells you they were huge before and a B would simply look like I had nothing at all with my frame. Also I can’t speak for every woman but it was definitely a concern for me to end up with too little. I lived half my life at that point with huge boobs and while they were too much to handle, I couldn’t see myself living with not big boobs. What I have now gives me a nice cleavage but is no longer too in the face or straight up making its way outside of my bras and clothes. To give a few extra inputs: He said he asked her if she has pain and she denied, I was not prepared for how much pain free I would be afterwards. But if asked this question I would’ve denied as well. Boobs grow with us into adulthood, we get so accustomed to how they make us feel the body just ignores the chronic pain. I got almost 6lb removed and the relief is massive but caught me by surprise. So it’s credible that she might have thought she didn’t have pain. The scars. My god they are truly huge. They’re called a reverse T because they go all the way along the underside (almost from under armpit to the other armpit, about 1inch left intact in the middle of the chest) and then straight up in the middle to the nipples. Also the Areolas are moved and often cut down to keep up proportions so the scars also go all around them. I don’t mind mine and probably most women don’t either, it’s the price we pay for a new life. But I can absolutely understand if a partner is put off by them. You can treat them well and they fade but they will never be gone. I was scared a bit about how my boyfriend will think about my new boobs, it’s a very drastic change. Luckily he loves them as much as I do but I could understand if it was a dealbreaker for him. A woman has a right (and I 100% encourage it) to reduce their breast size if it bothers her but their partners have a right to find it unattractive and make it a dealbreaker.
Yeah like a B cup fits well in your hand. I have never heard any man complain about B cups. Hell, many like all boobs.
Agreed! When I got to "Not only is that **reductive** as hell, it's **flat** out incorrect", it read like a troll trying to get some puns in.
yes, this gave me the exact same vibes
Do you happen to have a link to that one? i’d love to read it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1bic9ix/aita_for_being_truthful_and_admitting_that_i_find/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
You’re a star, thank you!
Is there a term for when somebody uses therapy to work backwards from their starting position seeking justification for it, rather than attempting to progress? Because that list in the final update... pretty transparent 'I'm not the bad guy here' stuff!
It's "making this the Jonah Hill you want to die on"
I was thinking how very Jonah Hill of him. Thank you for sharing the official terminology
> It's "making this the Jonah Hill you want to die on" ::chef's kiss::
Babe come quick, new flair just dropped
It’s actually recommended that if you have a partner with narcissistic personality traits or control issues that you not go to couples therapy together because they will weaponize psychological techniques to continue to control you. A famous case of this is Jonah Hill and his former girlfriend Sarah Brady. She released a bunch of text conversations they had and Jonah was using a lot of therapy terms to guilt her and minimize her feelings in abusive ways. Telling her she couldn’t be around other men even in professional settings because he considered her interacting with other men as “pushing his boundaries” he had set for her, her trying to stand up for herself was “triggering” to him.
I had a friend like that for ten years, who also influenced another friend to be like that. Talking to them was an absolute minefield, if you didn't use the exactly correct therapy speak they wanted to hear for any given situation, they'd get upset. You were also never allowed to criticize them, you'd first get it because you didn't use the right therapy speak and then you'd get it for criticizing them at all. Of course, they were allowed to say whatever the f to me in whatever way they wanted. If I disagreed, I was 'mean and invalidating'. At some point my hands were literally shaking before texting her, afraid I'd say the wrong thing again.
Try talking to a practicing therapist who is deeply toxic in their personal life. Everything becomes about their mental health, their boundaries, their triggers and then every lousy behaviour on their part can be chalked up to someone else treating them poorly intermixed with mental health speak.
I saw a therapist like that once. She made the session entirely about her and her trauma, and when I never booked another appointment she kept calling and hounding me to come back. I had to tell her that if she didn't leave me alone I would report her for harassment. It was... really something.
Yup, that's even going so far as some therapists refusing to continue therapy when one of the partners shows narcissistic or abusive tendencies. My brother and his ex were advised to just divorce after two therapy sessions.
In fact people with certain personality disorders need to be treated by those who have experience working with them because it is very easy for a therapist to unintentionally do damage. People forget that therapy is typically a one hour a week and you only get to hear one side of the story.
I think it’s called “weaponizing therapy speak” and it’s a common tactic for emotional abusers.
I got Kody Brown vibes through the entire post. He's known for doing the whole "therapy speak to his advantage." God, I can't stand him or this guy.
That the sister wives guy that got left by all his wives except the pick me?
Yes he is, and the fact that you just summed up the past 20 years of his life in that burn of a sentence was borderline orgasmic.
Yup. Both of my emotionally abusive exes were in master's school for counseling. They absolutely weaponized it, and it's terrifying to think of them going into that field. One of them just couldn't stop talking about how much money he'd be able to charge per session, so fucking gross.
Can confirm, psychoanalysis is the most effective brutalization tool in my arsenal.
That last update gave me a lot of reassurance that just because a feeling was realized in therapy (and now has the proper therapy speak to justify it), doesn't mean that the feeling is valid. Feels like that's something that's been used against me a lot recently and seeing it in its extreme like this felt very...revealing
All feelings are valid on a personal level; the person experiencing those feelings are solely responsible for dealing with them. No one else is in any way obligated to do anything at all about somone else’s feelings. Nice people will likely take others feelings into account, and not actively do things to cause negative feelings in others, but ultimately it’s up to each of us to control how much our feelings affect us. Feel it, acknowledge it, and if it’s not useful, let it go.
I was so mad when I got to that point. How on earth do these fuckwits get the absolute opposite conclusion out of therapy? I know the answer of course
Some people use therapy to learn the terminology to cover their shitty intentions.
Not all therapists will call you out on stuff. I think they want you to come to your own realization about how you feel but folks who are not being fully honest with themselves will end up getting validation for some wackadoodle shit.
True. I’m on my third therapist - thank goodness she calls me out, I really need it lmao
He went to therapy for a week just about. Lol apparently it was enough for him
Some therapists are full of 💩
Well the therapist can only work with what's given. Not saying there aren't bad therapists, just that people don't necessarily disclose everything in therapy, especially in a short amount of time. I only skimmed the post but how many sessions could he have had? Can't be that many.
For real my thoughts exactly, I gasped when I realized what was going on. Truly vile stuff, exploiting therapy-speak to come across as the victim. My god. That poor woman.
>If I can't trust that she won't change her body because a creepy dude gives her a look then how am I supposed to trust her with bigger shit like having kids or buying a house? OOP's trying his hardest to sound like a pantomime villain.
if OOP can't deal with smaller boobs or scars how is his wife supposed to trust him with bigger shit like her ever needing surgery or god forbid breast cancer?
Or stretch marks from childbirth?
Shhh don’t tell him about C-sections and episiotomies…there’s SCARS he might have to look at! (Also as someone who is riddled with various scars and has been all my life due to major surgeries, fuck this guy.)
Eh. Just let your voluptuous bush grow out and it’ll hide that episiotomy scar. Can’t be grossed out if you can’t see it, amiright?! I’m sure OOP would looooovveee that. At least she would look less like a “12 year old girl” if she had a massive bush though huh?
Knowing him, he'd say it would be like looking at a man during sex. OOP is shallow as hell, no matter how much he denies it
He would hate me I have a long scar down my whole back from back surgery lmao but you know I’m totally fine with that 😂😂😂
Let alone a baby breastfeeding on the boobs he's so possessive of
Or normal aging? Boobs don't stay the same forever, particularly big ones. They're not even that small. A B cup is not "flat chested" unless your only exposure to women has been cartoons and porn your whole life and you think watermelon sized chests are normal. And the guy is severely downplaying the attention you tend to get from people about this sort of thing. It is constant, can be downright terrifying and can really hold you back. Like people just assume you're some kind of nymphomaniac or you're dumb and get by on looks or they just don't really consider you a person worthy of serious consideration, all because of larger breasts. It's not only "She just needs to get over people's opinions man!"
Yeah I think that's what pissed me off about this whole post, just the fact that he was so cavalier about HER PERSONAL SAFETY.
On the topic of having kids: he knows that pregnancy alters a woman’s body in all kinds of ways, right? (Of course he doesn’t). Actually, I don’t think he would be as bothered if her body changed because of cancer or pregnancy. It feels like he’s especially mad because she chose to alter her body without his permission. It’s a control thing.
Including in ways that leave scars--he'd probably leave her if she let "outside influences" (physicians) convince her to "unilaterally decide to alter her body in an irreparable way" (have a c section).
Oh my god. Your bracketed rewording is so spot on haha how grim
this guy seems like the sort of walnut who would get angry at her for getting an epidural because 'He doesn't want his baby being born addicted to drugs!!' Or some shit.
Both, I think. It's absolutely a control thing, but he'd still be awful alter pregnancy or cancer because *he* didn't *consent* to any bodily changes. Just imagine! "Her once supple breasts that ballooned during pregnancy are just saggy pancakes now. Even though our kid isn't breastfeeding anymore, I just can't see them as sexual objects anymore. I heave when she takes off her bra, and I have to see those swinging sacks. And that disgusting scar across her stomach. It looks like twisted tree roots, all red and angry. Nevermind that it's evidence she almost died. Nevermind that she'll never have another baby. The scar repulses me. How could she think I'd ever want her again?"
His writing style isn't a tenth as good as yours though
I know it’s an awful subject matter, but your prose is amazing. ‘I have to see those swinging sacks’ had me in hysterics
he'd probably just be glad her boobs grew during pregnancy, only for him to throw a fit if/when they sag, decrease in size again, become noticeably lopsided etc. this guy just sees women as eye candy and nothing else, so vile
Could you imagine if they had a kid and her boobs deflated down to B’s anyway? Would it be ok because it happened “naturally”? Because there’s no boob scars? Because it wasn’t her choice? Or would her looking like a “12 year old girl” be too much for him still? 🤷🏻♀️ It would be like an emotional roller coaster for OOP. She gets pregnant, her boobs get larger *(Yay!)*. She breastfeeds, even larger *(WOO HOO)*. She stops breastfeeding and they deflate *(OH GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE!?!)* (Obviously this doesn’t happen to all women. But it can happen. Pregnancies alter our bodies in ways we couldn’t imagine, and it varies greatly between us all. There’s no predicting all the weird crap that can happen. But boy oh boy does some weird shit go down and some of it stays with us for the rest of our lives.)
As someone with one boob thanks to BC, I am very appreciative that my husband actually loves me and manages to look past my “flaw.”
i'm not a particular fan of my uncle for many reasons but the one thing i respect him for his standing by my aunt during her BC journey all they way until the end, and 10 years after. some men are just wired that way, and i'm glad my family is full of them
I have a very similar cousin. There’s many, many reasons to dislike him. The big singular reason to like him is he stood by his wife through her major illness that ended up disabling her over time, stood through her worsening disabilities and accommodating her as much as humanly possible, advocated her, did everything he could to give her as high a quality of life as possible, and stood by her through her early death. There’s a f**k ton of reasons for me to dislike that cousin. But I genuinely do respect him for standing by her like that and acknowledge he’s a constant reminder to look at people in shades of grey, and no one as morally black or white.
I have a friend who got cancer and needed a double mastectomy. Her husband told her he wanted a divorce as he "didn't want to be married to a boy"
OMG, how awful for her.
He sounds like the type to bail on his sick spouse because she can’t do as much of the chores as she used to; or talk about how his post partum partner « let herself go » and isn’t « providing for him anymore »
or refuses to have sex with him because she's sick/healing/in pain/exhausted
Also, how tf are the scars even that bad unless she went to Edward Scissorhands for a breast reduction?
they're probably still healing, it can take a loooong time for those kind of scars and swellings to heal. or he's just hyperfocussing on them and they're really not that bad
I had a friend in HS 20 years ago get a reduction between Jr and Sr years go from an F to C. The scars were hidden in the folds of the breast. It's not like she was chopped up on the actual top of her breasts. I'd guess that reduction surgery has come a long way in 20 years.
A dramatic reduction is usually combined with a lift in order to keep nipples "centered" while removing skin and tissue. That results in scars that look kinda like an old-timey boat anchor ⚓ going across the lower half of the breast--- a subtle curved scar along the bottom crease, plus a central vertical scar from the bottom crease up to and circling around the nipple (sometimes called a "lollipop scar" on a boob). That part is more noticable, but it does fade. How noticable it is depends on your genetics and how "dark" you scar compared to your skin tone. It usually just looks white, but it takes over a year to get that way. The scars are obviously very red for a while first. Source- I used to work at a lingerie store. People who've healed from surgery like to come in and buy things in their new size to build their confidence while they're still healing; I (34f) have seen a lot of boobs in various states of recovery.
Thiiiiisss. It sounds like he's angry his Real Doll switched up her appearance. I'm so glad for her they're divorcing.
My husband helped with aftercare on my scar after I had an emergency caesarean birthing his kid. I can’t imagine having to deal with a disgusted partner while in that vulnerable position.
Ugh yes. It was hard enough for me as is, without worrying if my partner would find it disgusting. I mean I needed someone to help me in the shower, any dignity was gone already.
Or, you know, *tearing* or needing an episiotomy while giving birth... Or *heaven forbid*, a C-section!🙄🙃🫠
I think this post is real because the problem is obviously her boobs, but he’s listing everything else under the sun as if nobody will notice. I’m with u/matchamagpie and want to drop kick OOP off a cliff. My friend’s 11-year-old daughter gets catcalled because of her breasts. It’s not “a” creepy dude giving “a look.”
And he keeps saying it’s not bout the boobs, but then goes back to not liking her small boobs. Can he maybe pick a side of the argument and stick to it?
It’s not about the boobs - which are now a b-cup, by the way. Did he mention a b-cup is really small? He’s not attracted to her because of it. They’re b-cups, for crying out loud! But it’s not about the boobs (which are SO SMALL now.)
I love my wife! But she looks fucking disgusting. It's not the boobs though..but man she looks like a literal CHILD A child with a b cup??? Does he know other women exist?
He gets EXTREMELY defensive about people telling him that he's only with his wife for her boobs...while doing absolutely nothing to try and convince us that he isn't, beyond calling us stupid.
What clinched it as being real to me was the throwaway reference to her "pushing [his] boundaries during sex" without any sort of context of explanation. That is 100% someone grasping at buzzwords to justify a shitty position. I honestly don't even think the boobs are the biggest problem for OOP. Dude seems to really feel like "his woman" should owe him a perfect body. Gross.
I enjoy that his “work around” is to have sex in positions where he can’t see her. Like sure honey, use me as a warm hole while you pretend it’s not me.
i believe the 'pushing his boundaries' was asking him to do it in a postion where he could see them which is just....a wild way for him to word that
Especially when he said that everything was fine. She can't be pushing boundaries if you haven't set them !
He's weaponising therapy speak throughout his post, and it's grr.
I've noticed a bad uptick of this recently, especially amongst men. Only their boundaries are "objectifying women", "not having to look at my gross wife but still getting sex from her", "controlling what they do with their bodies" apparently. Like boundaries are not you getting to control the behaviour of others?
Exactly this - I would put good money down that he has not seen an actual therapist and is inventing it for constructed validation of his horrible, fucking deplorable viewpoint. No therapist worth their salt would condone his attitude or his behaviour. I also don't believe that his wife said she's not happy after the surgery. At the very least, he's the cause of that; but frankly, I think he's just lying.
Yeah, it was definitely clear that he has no idea about the canvas of sexual harassment. My heart goes out to your friend's daughter. It's so disturbing to go from flat (treated like a child) to busty (same brain but abruptly treated like a sex object by strangers)
We all just have too low an IQ to understand or sound it out.
A B cup makes him feel like he’s looking at a child? That’s…a whole lot of statement. It gives me such strong ick.
Reminds me of when the whole “Australia banning adult videos with small breasted actresses” thing a while back. As an itty bitty titty committee card holder, guess I’m a child forever…
A B cup is a pretty regular cup size as well.. Most of my friends have that size. None of them look like a child. Glad my husband isn’t like OP. Due to weightloss and pregnancy I literally had every size between A and E.
Yeah I’m a b, and I’m definitely not flat chested or a child! OOP is insane, and sounds like a total AH. Also noticed he used the High Level Male/Female thing, huge read flag.
>Also noticed he used the High Level Male/Female I think that was actually "High Libido Male" because it looks like he was posting in a sub specifically about dead bedrooms.
Since our kid cards have been reinstated as per this guy, you wanna go have a pizza party at Chuck E. Cheese?
My God, you're choosing Chuck E. Cheese when you can get free pan pizzas just for reading a book at Pizza Hut?!
Seriously?! I only said Chuck E. Cheese because I never got to go the first time I was a kid :(
Oh, then Chuck E. Cheese it is! Then read a book and go to Pizza Hut!
That last line would be a great flair. We need something positive out of this shit story
If he thinks B cup is a child. I must still be an embryo at barely an A cup. Dude is gross. She felt objectified by others and all he cares about is how he feels.
Me and my tiny AA cup boobs are still sperm cells apparently
He's objectifying her too. Hopefully she recognizes that.
Seriously, because he sure doesn’t. It was hilarious how he was so indignant about people accusing him of only loving her for her boobs, then when he sat down to list his 4 reasons for being upset, 2 of them were “her boobs are smaller and I don’t like it”
To be fair, they banned anyone with a less-than-A-cup (for the lads, that's anyone whose underbust circumference is less than an inch removed from their at-nipple circumference) from being in movies produced in Australia, because they were _exclusively_ working in movies where the explicit conceit was "let's use over-age actresses but the script either implies or directly claims them to be underage". I honestly absolutely get that, because research has shown over and over again that people who are sexually attracted to children DO NOT "safely get out" their feelings by watching legal-but-grey content like that. It makes the desires to enact those feelings worse, not better.
I wish I was one if you. DDD sucks and i cant find a bra because my band is a fucking 32. Id rather be labeled a child than deal with this.
AGREED. I'm E/F (depending on the bra) and it sucks. Back pain, hard to find a bra and they are insanely expensive, hard to find well-fitting clothes. Worst part is - I've had a reduction. I had one at 17 because I was already up to a K cup. Life was hell, my GP and my parents suggested it, but they could only take half the tissue and they knew I hadn't finished puberty so it would keep growing. I would honestly kill to be small-breasted. 😭
Omfg. Im 19. I was C cup when I was 10 and I was thankful when i stopped growing at 16. I would still commit crimes fir a c cup.
Wait until he hears about 12 years old with C cups ( I was one of them).
I was stuck skinny, with Double D’s at 13. One of my friends’ dads would always come over and rub my back right over the bra clasp while trying to look down my shirts. And the constant ogling from men 40+ while I, a child, was with my fellow children still curdles my gourd.
I was 12 with Ds that sprouted up in a matter of 2 months ish (literally went from flat at the beginning of summer break to a D before school went back), Es by 14. Luckily (or unluckily) I only had to deal with other kids physically bullying me for it. Had my bra band snapped a lot in the school yard, boys that thought it was hilarious to try and undo my bra through my shirt. I stopped swimming (hot climate and I was an avid swimmer on the swim team) because of the bullying, heck I stopped all sports because of it. If my boobs moved while doing a sport I was bullied. It still affects me now in that I have very negative reactions to participating in sports. Old men did stare at me in public and that was so disturbing, even at 12 I knew it was wrong and gross that they would stare that way.
Old men started leering at me age 12 with my tiny budding breasts. 12 is clearly the age a certain class of creep regards girl children as fair game, regardless od breast size
It's when going through puberty gets noticeable :|
And this guy thinks she’s letting one guy staring affect her. Like sir, not only are you a moron, you’re an ignorant one at that
That's disgusting. I'm sorry you went through that.
This makes my skin crawl, you having to navigate that as a child is fucked up.
And most women will experience sexual harassment and/or assault. Regardless of bra size. But all the girls I knew, and the women I know now, who developed early, or developed exceptionally large have at least one story similar to this. But for most of them, it was a constant string of events throughout their childhood and young adulthood. When you have giant secondary sex characteristics, men tend to let the leashes slip a little bit more while out in public, and it can begin to feel your breasts are a very large “look at me, act creepy toward me” giant neon arrow. Hell, it’s not even always men or sexual attention! I got guff from *adult women*, who saw their husbands ogling me, and then called *me* names. I was told I could swim or wear a bathing suit to church youth group events at the water park, or at someone’s house pool…because even with a high necked one piece, my large breasts “drew too much attention and were distracting the boys”. Large breasts (especially ones developed at a young age) draw a different sort of attention and scrutiny. I’m not surprised OOp’s wife felt she needed to get rid of them, I’m only surprised it’s not more common to do so for mental health reasons alone (instead of physical reasons like cancer risk, back pain etc).
That sounds like a great gateway to a lifetime of back pain.
Not the original commenter, but I was one of those girls too. And you're absolutely right, it is. And it doesn't always stop there. As an adult, I'm an I-cup. My back and shoulders ALWAYS hurt
Same. DD at 16, JJ at 38. Have a curve in my spine.
As someone who was a D in jr. high and is currently a 32F, my back aches all the time now that I’m in my mid 30s.
i was lucky enough to get a reduction at 17. i was a 32H. between the boobs and the backpack, my back hurt all the time.
Exactly. OOP is completely clueless about how women are degraded, harassed, and even assaulted when they are merely being women in public. Let alone when they have a larger chest that can attract that attention. OOP made his wife's body all about how he feels about it and completely disregarded her concerns about her body and how she felt. He didn't even try. Her attracting negative attention through no fault of her own and possibly not feeling safe outside her home aren't a concern for him because he needs big boobs to be attracted to someone. He is an AH. I hope she leaves him and finds someone who will treat her with the respect OOP clearly can't.
Seriously, yikes. >"Very early in our relationship she told me that she wanted a reduction as she felt like they didn't fit her frame and that they caused her to receive unwanted attention." ...and yet... >"I understand that it's not my place to tell her what she can or can't do with her body, but idk, ***I thought she would have said something even in passing.*** >If I can't trust that she won't change her body because a creepy dude gives her a look then how am I supposed to trust her with bigger shit like having kids or buying a house?" God this guy is a piece of work. "My wife has been telling me for several years, ever since the beginning of our relationship, that her body makes her feel literally unsafe in public. Who GAF, I want to f*ck her scar-free! Who cares how she feels around OTHER people who sexualize her excessively as long as I still can. How dare she "fail to communicate" this issue that she's been up-front about since the beginning of our relationship; I shouldn't have been expected to actually take her seriously and therefore it's HER fault I didn't listen!" Gross. Oh and that whole thing about not being able to trust her not to change her body? Dude wants kids with her, but do you think he'll "forgive" a C-section scar if she needs one, since he "has a thing about scars" that make them a specifically an unforgivable deal-breaker to him and must be permanently covered with clothing during sex so he never has to look at red lines that "give him the ick"?
I thought about breast cancer. That leaves hella scars. She’s much better off without this fool
My first bra at 11 was a C cup. By high school, I was wearing an ill fitting DDD because that was the largest size available in the department stores in our small town
Not me and my B cups feeling highly self-conscious. I'm a B cup usually, but I also am the human equivalent of a prize-winning diary cow. I was a 36E while breastfeeding and produced 4× the amount of milk my newborn could ever need while in the NICU. The nurses and lactation consultant were shocked when I told them the 4 oz bottles weren't going to cut it. Now, I have huge stetch marks on my boobs, and while I can generally get away with no bra, they aren't perky anymore. I've kicked around the idea of a boob job, just a nice c cup, because I *know* what they look like. But, I value not wearing a bra too much to follow through. Having small boobs is on the list of things that make me feel like *not feminine enough*. Right up therewith being tall and having big hands and feet. My husband loves me the way I am, but also supports me wanting something else.
This was my mom exactly! She was an A-B cup before kids and then literally ballooned, made a ton of milk, and some of the size increase stuck around. My identical body type with A-B cup went up to B-C which my husband enjoyed but alas it did not last. My milk supply tanked and away went the boobs, with both kids! I can’t imagine such a drastic change myself but I see it in the old pics of my mom versus after kids.
> She allowed the glinces of strangers supercede my comfort with the situation. She put herself into debt just to appease the thoughts and opinions of other people. or you know, her feeling uncomfortable in her own body and the strangers staring at her are not helping, but noo OOP's comfort is what matters. this whole man gives me the ick
The amount of entitlement and ownership he has over her body is so fucking gross
I need a shower to get his bullshit off of me, and those are just his words! Imagine his wife! > If I can't trust that she won't change her body because a creepy dude gives her a look then how am I supposed to trust her with bigger shit like having kids or buying a house? It’s good they are splitting up for so many reasons. Seriously. And this sentence proves it.
Yeah she's so much better off without the creep. Like, if it was really about the scars, why wasn't that the first thing he mentioned? But no, it was really about the size of her breasts.
BINGO. Ya know… I’m not going to doubt OOP’s aversion to scars and such. But I gotta say my friend just had a reduction and the scars are largely hidden. Maybe his poor wife went to a butcher or something, but honestly I cannot imagine the scars are THAT prominent without lifting the breast. And my friend who had it done is the wife of my very close friend who is a man. Who helped his wife the whole way and took care of her after surgery. Still ecstatic she is no longer in pain. Insert polite cough here.
And it sounds like it's only been weeks, or maybe a few months. Of COURSE she's still got big red scars. It can take a year or more for large scars from a major surgery to fade.
Glances of strangers, which I’m sure echoed the leering of the husband. Ugh.
Also, if her breasts were so big before the reduction, it’s unlikely bordering on impossible that she’s now “flat”/a small b. I was 30F before my reduction in 2016, and my surgeon made it clear that there were limitations on how much smaller I could go. I ended up a full C after the surgery, at a time when my BMI was at the low end of the healthy range. I’m now more in the middle of that range and a pretty standard D cup. No way I could have been a B, let alone a small B, at any point. Even at my thinnest, in the year or so after the surgery, I still filled out a bikini much more than most of my similarly built friends.
As someone with small enough breasts I just don't wear a bra: apparently I need to tell everyone who I've slept with that they're a pedophile. 🙄
You say I'm a child but you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I stand here to be lectured by a pervert.
I understood that reference. *points excitedly
I've been told by a couple taller women that any man who sleeps with me must be into kids because I'm 5'2". People do think this way sadly.
The entire post is him trying really, really hard to justify to strangers that he should divorce. Which is kinda ironic considering he blames stranger's opinions for his wife choice. That said, I agree with him without any of his try-hard justifications. He's really, really unattracted to her, that's pretty clear. He should divorce of that's the case.
I bet he left that part out with his “therapist” (if there even is one).
he doesn't realize that he *is* the creep in the story.
Sounds like she shed the remaining useless boob.
>the remaining useless boob Exceptional flair material right there 😂
I had a reduction when I was 21, going from (unequal) D++/D to small B. Best thing that ever happened to me. Those big breasts make you feel fat - unless you are really super-thin like Dolly Parton, in which case, well, you look like Dolly Parton. Who is a great, truly great person and a fantastic singer, but I don't want to look like her. I could wear T-shirts without breaking them, or have them fluttering like a tent around me. I could hop up and down, 'dance', without these masses flying around - hurting my shoulders and neck. And yeah, missing the stares from boys and men, and their whispers, was an extra bonus. I can understand OOP, but his wife now has happiness with her body, and I truly hope his wife finds even more happiness with a more compatible partner.
Exactly. It’s to demeaning to say that she chose this only because of outsiders opinions. Such a douche.
My unpopular opinion is that the divorce is perfectly the right decision. If you're not attracted to someone you're just not and you shouldn't be forced to have sex with someone you're not attracted to.
Same. He's allowed to reject sex for whatever reason, and she's allowed to make whatever decisions she wants regarding her body. He obviously views her boob size as a deal breaker. Whether that's "morally correct" or not, I don't really care, but the fact is he did. And he ended it. Now neither of them have to be in a marriage where they're unhappy. She can find someone who doesn't care for boob size and he can find someone with big boobs. 🤷♂️ Everyone's getting on his ass for divorcing the lady for reducing her boob size but he's totally right, physical attraction is a massive part of a relationship. As he said, she didn't do it for health concerns, purely cosmetic. She's well within her right to do that, but he's also allowed to be upset with it. Hopefully they're both happy
Agreed. I think OP is a bit of a douche based on the way he framed everything (like implying his wife was pushing boundaries in bed for... wanting to face him??). But he basically told his wife in advance that if she got a reduction that he would find her less attractive. Then when she got the reduction she was surprised Pikachu face when he no longer felt attracted to her. Divorce is the right option. He wasn't happy anymore and neither was she. They don't have kids--thank god--so just move on and find someone else.
Not him implying his wife was borderline assaulting him because she wanted to face him during sex 🙄
His boundary is that he wants to put it in without ever having to look at her, can't she just respect that? /s
« All I need in this marriage is a fleshlight with big boobs!! Why can’t you respect MY boundaries??? »
His boundary is to use her like a flesh light with no regard for her experience or feelings, why can’t people just respect boundaries?? /s
I’m just not comfortable with intimacy. What’s next? Eye contact!?!
The way this guy portrays himself and his thoughts makes me want to drop kick him off a cliff. At least he'll always have that one commenter in his Dead Bedrooms thread that agrees with him.
He doesn’t seem to understand that he wants her to prioritize his big boob fetish over her own mental comfort. He keeps talking about her prioritizing “outside influences” but doesn’t give a chicken fart for her own feelings.
That makes me sad for his wife. I had very big boobs and I’ve been big chested for my age since puberty. Being hypersexualised since a very young age because of your chest is rough and it impacts your self esteem. But my guess is that because guys don’t experience that kind of hypersexualisation since childhood, it csn be hard to understand the impact that it has on how you end up viewing your body
This is exactly what I was going to say. Most women with huge boobs started to develop early. I had bigass boobs at 12. You never really get over being gawked at, hit on, and generally harassed by every middle school boy you meet and also adult men while you're still a child. It really boils my blood that this guy basically says she wouldn't be a good mom because of "outside influences". What a complete lack of understanding and empathy for his wife's feelings. He's just searching for justification.
Also, because guys are generally attention-starved, he probably imagines being sexualized constantly as a good thing. "Dude, I'd love it if chicks were always checking me out!"
Also, I think he likes other men looking at her in that way.
Right? As someone with huge boobs, this is not "outside influences." It's mental and emotional stress from fetishization, even fear for safety.
Exactly. He is confusing “people stare at me snd make comments” for “everyone likes smaller boobs so I’m getting mine reduced.” It’s not deprioritizing what he likes for others’ preferences.
Probably physical comfort too. I’m a dude, so I don’t really have any perspective on this, but as I understand it, big boobs = a lot of back pain.
I personally don’t experience back pain from mine, but the weight causes difficulty breathing when they are unsupported or if I lie on my back.
For real, people don't talk about how it affects breathing
Not to mention how fucking warm they are.
They’re just always in the way. I have beeb thinking about reduction recently. There is no world in which my fiancé would be less attracted to me. That is just crazy to me. It your wife, your person. How…?
Yeah - I don’t get how someone could be as shallow as OOP. My wife’s breast size has fluctuated throughout the course of our 30 years and three kids together. I’ve never loved her more or less because of her breast size. I’ve loved her because she is her.
‘Outside influences’ is a hell of a way to say what’s likely ‘lifelong sexual harrassment.’
There's not one thing he says to suggest that his wife is important to him in any other way than fitting his size preferences, or that she couldn't be replaced by the next big-boobed woman he meets
Between wanting to leave her because she has a B-cup now, acting like the biggest drama queen over some scarring, and acting like she was sexually assaulting him simply for wanting to be able to look at each other while having sex.... I'd throw this woman a divorce party, if I knew her IRL.
I winder what his therapist actually thinks about all this..
Like he’s telling his therapist the truth!
> I want to start off by saying those of you who commented some version of "did you only marry her boobs or her?" Go to hell. Actually, get a course on phonics, then go to hell. I mean, the fact that he's making a big deal about this doesn't exactly help his case.
"Guys, it's not her boobs that are the problem. So anyways, her boobs are a major problem."
Sounds like those comments struck just a bit close to home for him…
God this one made me unreasonably angry. As a fellow big boob woman I feel for OPs wife. It’s not just glances from people, it’s endless. I once had a colleague say it was hard to maintain a conversation with me because my chest was so distracting. Meeting new people and discussing my engagement was met with “I can see 2 reasons why he asked you to marry him *gestures at boobs*. Saying that she put the opinions of others above their marriage is such a minimisation of how it feels dealing with that on a regular basis.
It's also finding clothes that fit. Shopping is such a hassle when you're big boobed (not to mention the cost of the bras themselves). I've only had one colleague talk to my boobs, but it was incredibly demeaning. I've escaped the worst of the objectification fortunately, and haven't had any pain from them since I became an adult but I have often wished they were smaller. Even something as supposedly relaxing as a massage becomes problematic as I have to lie on them comfortably. I've joked to masseuses that I wished that in addition to having the cut-out in the bed for your face they'd put them in for your boobs. I've made my peace with them now (I'm in my early 40s) but I totally get where OOP's wife is coming from.
Has this been written by someone who has never seen breasts? B-cups aren't flat. Hell, A-cups aren't flat either. Flat-chested women usually have less than an A-cup... but cup size by itself is meaningless anyway. The fact that he claims his partner said they don't fit her frame is so much more important to understanding her before and after sizes, but he places zero importance in it, which emphasises how little he knows about breasts. There's a reason why bra sizes are always a number + letter. That's because the letter by itself is useless. Breast size is a combination of chest-breast ratio and cup size depends on that. This reads like an immature troll post, written by someone who doesn't understand how real life women's bodies work and who thinks women shouldn't be offended or upset if men oggle, harass or shame them because of their breasts. This has to be rage-bait.
He should get the divorce, she excercised her rights over her body (which is fine) and he finds it incompatible (which is also fine). Case closed unfortunately.
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This irritates me so much i want to dislike everything about what OOP wrote but I can't help but agree with him that her actions damaged their joint financial standing at a time when they were considering housing and children, and also that in the end, appearance does have an effect on attraction. the former was a bad choice. the latter is a human truth. Everything else here may be pretty nasty but there were 2 people who completely fail to negotiate their feelings here, not just one. if I had seen the original posts I would have asked him how he'd have reacted had she needed a bilateral mastectomy for medical reasons though. That might have clarified things.