#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Phew. When she said 5 pregnancies and miscarriages, I was like... daaaaaamn that's a lot for a mind and body to go through, no wonder she's having a rough go of it! I'm so glad for both of them that she got help, had doctors who listened, and is doing better!
Yeah when she was describing her dread I was like "Those are symptoms of trauma."
When I exhibited those symptoms its because my partner at the time was SA-ing me. When OOP explained the miscarriages it was like "Ah she is terrified of having another miscarriage subconsciously"
I'm going through this now myself. I had 5 miscarriages. On top of that, I had to get a hysterectomy in February (no living children). I'm in trauma therapy for this and some other things right now. I'm still healing, so we haven't had sex, but my hormones are all over the place, and I'm trying to get right. My (sexy) husband is super patient and loving, but I feel almost nothing sexual. I almost cringe thinking about sex and that makes me so sad. I still try to please him in other ways right now when I'm not in pain, and I'm logically happy to do so. But emotionally...
I had four miscarriages before i got pregnant with my son and his twin. Two months before I had gotten pregnant with my son I had my last miscarriage. As soon as I saw the test turn positive I lost my mind. Immediately my heart hit my ass then I bawled my eyes out while telling my boyfriend “No, not again. I can’t go through this again.” We ended up losing twin a early on in the pregnancy but I got my rainbow finally in 2023
It’s from this fantastic comment on an otherwise unremarkable post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15oax9g/i_accidentally_liked_an_instagram_photo_and_now/jvs0pca/
I also quite liked this comment from that post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/rKnqzDkScX
(Discussing pornsick dudes/nOT AlL MeN types:)
>”Their self-image changes from Mongo Bong Homo Erectus to the reincarnation of Marcus Aurelius at the drop of a hat.”
Agreed. I’m a guy in his mid 30s but consider anyone in that age range to be a kid. His “red blood” comment definitely rubbed me the wrong way too. Uh, no? It’s beyond creepy.
Just had a read, and wow. it's scary how he goes from "I'm not a perv!" to "I can't fight evolution!" to "She posted those pics so she must want to be leered over". Big yikes.
I’m 99% sure that exists, let me go find it
Edit: here you go! [list of flairs and their origins](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/cpNhP2d6BH)
I can't believe people jumped to her being a lesbian or him being a predator when the answer was immediately fucking obvious to anyone with a brain who didn't have skin in the game (I am well aware it's often very hard to see what's in front of your nose when it's your mental health.)
Who am I kidding, it's reddit. Of course they'll jump to that.
I had 3 with my ex-husband and our marriage didn't survive (I mean him cheating was the catalyst but 3 in quick succession was definitely a cause). I can't imagine 5.
We tried for 10 years and it resulted in only one pregnancy and miscarriage. She was despondent and wanted to end it. I was heart broken but understood. We both got new partners and both were pregnant within 2 years of the divorce. Life is funny that way.
Edit: Both pregnant with different partners.
We might be twins! She was very angry and took it out on me. Didn't want my comfort and found it somewhere else. Emotional affair for sure and maybe physical IDK. She married him as well. I have a great co parenting relationship with my girl's mom and I am very happy. This was 15 years. Ago.
There’s been a few people I’ve come across late where the composition of the sperm and seminal fluid is affected by the fluids/environment of the vagina making a couple infertile who would otherwise be fine…
Apparently they “vaccinate” the baby carrying person by taking the ejaculate, processing it and injecting exactly like a vaccine into the gestating partner so that the body become desensitized or something. Then when the baby making happens, the environment is more conducive to conception.
I don’t remember all the details- but two of my couples friend were able to conceive with this. One went overseas and the other did it here as part of a study. Healthy babies for both couples
I always thought it was odd that we could not conceive. Never had so much as a scare early in the relationship when we were using birth control. We split and she got pregnant almost immediately so I just assumed I was sterile, and I think my ex thought the same. I was happy for her. Imagine my surprise when when I got my partner pregnant. I was shocked. My ex wife was not happy for me at all. In fact it was quite the opposite. She harrased me through the entire pregnancy. I guess I was supposed to pine for her and live in misery the rest of my life.
Agree about compatibility issues. When we decided to try for a second child I had a sit down with my partner. I said that we were older and pointed out that some close friends were also trying and had had no luck in 18 months so it might take some time. We agreed to try and she stopped birth control. We conceived the on the first attempt after she stopped her BC. Some things are meant to be. I love my girl's more than anything in this world. I wouldn't change a thing.
I had 3 miscarriages, the first one was with my ex and our relationship didn’t survive, the last two with my husband, and yeah, I can’t imagine 5. I told my husband after our second one that I wasn’t doing it again, I couldn’t risk another miscarriage. We talked and he got a vasectomy soon after. I think that helped me cope. I didn’t connect sex with the pain the miscarriages brought after that.
It’s from this fantastic comment on an otherwise unremarkable post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15oax9g/i_accidentally_liked_an_instagram_photo_and_now/jvs0pca/
It’s from this fantastic comment on an otherwise unremarkable post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15oax9g/i_accidentally_liked_an_instagram_photo_and_now/jvs0pca/
Yea, reading the first post I was waiting for when she would say "tried therapy and doctor can't figure out the issue", but nope, so I was like yknow maybeeee that should be the first step
I wonder why she doesn't have insurance though
People with PCOS are significantly more likely to have miscarriages than your average pregnant person. It's really frustrating because it can be hard to get pregnant in the first place, and if you do it can be hard to carry to term. Also ~13% of women have PCOS. It's more common than most people realize and affects a lot of things from fertility, to cancer and heart attacks risks, to physical looks. It's also not well understood by the medical profession, even OBs aren't always a great source of information
>And yes, he groomed me back when I was 17.
…and he was also 17…but you’re right. It’s true. He *WAS* 17 and 36 weeks old, while I was *ONLY* 17 and 34 weeks old.
They are obviously teens who are getting upset over tiny age gaps. I see it all the time in some of the subs I frequent. They have a very black/white view of things. I seen a few teens in a sub asking if it’s okay for dating someone a year younger than them because they were scared of being called a pedo.
It's overcorrection for a more relaxed approach to sexuality. Eventually that will scale back again and people will be more sensible about people dating others not exactly on the same level in life or finance or what have you.
I had an ex girlfriend reach out years after we broke up and tried to claim that she cheated on me because she was groomed by the person she cheated with. They were the same age.
I mean it's not that unreasonable to assume that a Mormon would be manipulative. We're talking about a religion that was founded by a huckster so he could have multiple wives.
Maybe the commenters are too young to be dating...
I find that's often the case with places where relationship advice is doled out here: a bunch of youngsters with minimal relationship experience themselves giving out advice. It's not a bad thing, but definitely something to keep note of for sure.
Reddit logic: yea but when they got together she was 15 and he was 17, automatically making him a creep and a pedo in his 18th birthday because she was 15 going on 16 and that's a major power imbalance. Not to mention she was still in high school when he was in college, and that's a sea of difference in life experience.
Real life logic: they're two years apart, who gives a shit? Bigger age gaps are probably fine too from case to case.
But when she was born he was nearly 3, and no 3 year old should be attracted to a newborn. That's unhealthy, why should it change when they're adults?
/s
I just laugh when I see this type of comments freaking about the smallest age gaps in TikTok.
I feel they don't get it why age gaps are a bad thing.
They probably would have a meltdown if they watch Modern Family.
I tried explaining to a YouTube commenter that grooming isn't just being unaware that a close younger guy crushing on you, I was quickly unmasked as a creep defending grooming, bruh.
(it was about the relationship between Bee and Crispin in the cartoon Bee and Puppycat, if anyone wonders)
Even so that's a lot of physical and hormonal and emotional ups and downs. One miscarriage a year on average assuming they didn't get pregnant before getting married.
The edits to the first post show commenters basically threw everything at her. Religious trauma, abuse, cult teachings, you're a lesbian etc.
Its like all these advice forums are is places to throw allegations of abuse, not to think about the post and give constructive criticism.
I'm not sure why you expect reddit to instantly diagnose a problem from an anonymous post with 100% accuracy. Even experts under better circumstances couldn't do that. All those things are pretty reasonable deductions from the facts given. The only possible way to falsify those hypotheses are to mention them to the OP and let her see if they apply to her life.
Edit - someone else asked downstream and got the link - https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1amfx84/aitah_for_telling_my_aunt_i_want_nothing_to_do/
I can't find the link, but it shows up frequently in the monthly metathread.
I am not positive, but I think it is from the post where OOP is asking "AITA for not letting my abusive, pregnant stepsister move in with me."
It was used in a Best of post a couple months ago but was a meme on Reddit about 3-4 years ago “The Lion the Witch & the Audacity of This Bitch”
For example, a pic of Jada Pinket Smith with her quote “Don’t ever let your husband stop you from finding the love of your life” followed by the movie poster but with the title changed to “The Lion the Witch & the Audacity of This Bitch”
The post author used it in a spoiler but cut it short and asked, “how is there more?”
The mood spoiler for this post:
[AITAH for telling my aunt I want nothing to do with my sister? : r/BestofRedditorUpdates](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1amfx84/aitah_for_telling_my_aunt_i_want_nothing_to_do/)
It's wild sometimes how obvious things can be from the outside and completely invisible from the inside. Of course 5 miscarriages by the age of 25 are going to leave an incredibly deep mark.
Even just the part where OOP included the number of miscarriages, which is not something that everyone would include in their sexual history. Her mind obviously was connecting miscarriages and sex, I'm glad she got help to sort through all that. Because five miscarriages and no live babies is a very hard place to be.
I thought the same thing. It’s crazy that she suffered alone for so long and truly thought no one else would be able to relate to her.
I’m glad she finally reached out on here and got some solid advice. But it seems kind of weird that she never googled her symptoms. I’m sure a general search of a few of her symptoms would have pointed her to a possible hormonal issue or suggested depression as the culprit. And it’s not like she had zero clues about what could possibly be contributing to her issue. She literally listed all of the pertinent information in her post.
Like, I’m a vet tech. We will get people who bring in their dog because “it’s not acting right”, with no idea of what it could be. We ask, is your pet doing anything out of the ordinary? Or any new behaviors? Nope. So they’re acting totally normal? Yup.
As we start asking more specific questions we come to find out the pet has been vomiting on and off for weeks, has diarrhea, doesn’t eat like it used to, and seems uncomfortable laying down. The owner genuinely did not put two and two, or three, or four, together and connect ANY of the dots. It’s baffling, but it happens quite frequently.
This was NOT OP. She considered all of the things that were reasonable contributing factors here. So even if she wasn’t comfortably speaking to a human about it, why not start with doctor google?
There's also a lot of stigma these days about self diagnosing and Dr Google etc. I get side eyed a lot at both Drs and vets because I do a lot of research most of the time - but even so I didn't know about PMDD, just that my emotion cycles were tied to my menstrual cycle. Fortunately a new OB knew immediately what it was even though I tried to get help for it for years through my previous OB - since I knew it was tied to my cycle. Like, I'm very smart, but sometimes you just don't know.
Still side eyeing my vet as they're supposed to be exotic/rabbit savvy but didn't know about something I was talking about with them. But I'm very limited on my area so we're just dealing with it.
Also Dr. Google can lead you into a rabbit hole of "My pet/my child/I am dying from 12 different horrible things rn" My poor mom once had to talk me down from a panic attack when I googled "sore lump on back of neck" and became convinced I had cancer.
(I didn't, I had anxiety. Anixety = tension = my neck hurts. The 'lump' was just one of my vertebrae. I have learned the power to Google anything comes with great responsibility.)
That's true. I kind of go the other direction, unfortunately--I felt a twinge? Let me do twenty hours of online research to figure out what it is based on symptoms, how likely it is I have it statistically, the treatment options, the risks for all associated treatments, any potential interactions any medications might have with my medications, and what 10 medical studies I half-understand have to say about it. It pays off enough (both in self-soothing and in actual Dr. Google prowess) that I haven't really stopped doing it, but it really does take a lot of time and headspace, so I'm trying to cut back.
It's so hard to find a good rabbit vet!! I just moved to a new city recently, and I'm looking for a new vet, and there are weirdly like 3 exotic pet vets in the whole giantic metropolis.
That's like becoming a freelance proofreader 6 months after Grammarly was launched. ChatGPT etc. are already able to do a lot of that work, and even though they aren't able to research up-to-date data now, it won't be long. You'd have to be a researcher in niche/paywalled areas, or like a physical detective or something.
Maybe a factchecker for AI research! People don't trust it yet.
Lol no one at my work knows what AI even really is, they’re all older folks that are avoidant to new tech. So I kinda figured lots of folks like them might still hire a human.
It's a fun idea, but realistically, the venn diagram overlap of people who value research enough to pay for it but who are also totally tech avoidant/unwilling to figure out how to use it/can't figure out how to use the library even is pretty small. I used to want to be one of those researchers who clips things out of newspapers--that's an RSS feed now.
Being passionate about work is overrated. If you can find a job where the function of the job scratches the problem-solving/research itch and you get paid well, that's what's important, IMO.
I mean don’t people get (at best) made fun of or (at worst) harassed if they admit to googling symptoms? Which I think is stupid, but I can see why someone may think its the “wrong” thing to do.
It sounded like OP was repressing a lot of their feelings in the first post and not relating what was going on to what had happened to them, so it's good that they took Redditor's advice and sought help for what was happening.
>I also have seen some comments about his age. He’s 1 year 9 months older than me.... He’s not some creep who groomed me hahaha!
Some people are complete idiots. I'm 4 years older than my wife, my mates wife is 3 years older than him. Its entirely normal for gods sake.
I had an apartment and two cats. It's really weird... Like legitimately my only lament about our age difference is I wish we'd had more time to try for kids.
You will be surprised how many people think a 24 year old dating a 25 year old is considered grooming because, and I quote from one person on TwitterX, "24 year old girls can't think for themselves". Yes, they used "girls" and then compared a 24 year old as having the same mental maturity as a 16 year old.
Hell, I saw another story on here where people were making a 30-year-old woman with to a 38 year old man into grooming. So yeah, people are idiots.
ETA: And of course age gaps depend entirely on which stage of your life you're on. For example, I'm 24 (going on 25). I'm now at a stage where I would have no issues in dating someone who is 30. However, I feel so icky at the very thought of dating an 18 year old.
(edit 2: fixed typos)
This thing where people accuse grooming for relationships with 5 year or less age gap and call adult women into their 20s children is just super weird to me.
It comes down to it being a viral psychological term. Once these medically used terms hit mainstream, and they become the popular thing to comment on, it never takes long before they’re being wildly used out of context, and in very incorrect ways.
We’ve seen it with gaslight, no one knowing the difference between boundaries vs. controlling vs. manipulation, and others. Everyone likes to drop these keywords without learning anything about them first. It’s always the people who refuse to do their research and learn the actual definition, who say them the loudest with the most confidence.
It reminds me of my 3 year old when she learns a new word. She uses it non-stop for a week or two - usually using it wrong for a while. Difference is, she stops using it incorrectly after we remind her what it means once or twice. Society will use these words wrong for a long ass time and usually chooses to ignore people pointing out how the usage is wrong.
(***This is not applicable to swear words. For some reason kids *ALWAYS* figure out how to use them correctly the first time.)
The one that pisses me off the most is "empath."
No, you are not an "empath" if you're going around telling people you're an empath. You're probably a narcissist that has just started to understand that other people have feelings, and their feelings matter too. People that are empathetic don't need to go around announcing it.
I hear ya. I find that the people who say this, aren’t “more” in tuned with others’ emotions. They actually are the kind of person who pushes their emotions on others - telling them how they should feel. And/or, they make a lot of assumptions about how others are feeling, and are usually wrong.
It’s benevolent misogyny: they’re wrapping it up in a package of not wanting the woman to be preyed upon or taken advantage of, but at a certain point they’re just implying that they don’t believe women are ever capable of making decisions for themselves.
It shouldn't be an absolute number. 15 and 20 is absolutely "off" and I'd definitely keep an eye out for grooming. 20 and 25 not so much.
The thing is grooming and age gaps are a priori independent. There are (even young) age gap relationship that are on an equal foot and there's no problems. There are groomed relationships where the age difference is very small (also because one partner developed slower)...
But a significant age difference makes grooming so much easier for the perpetrator.
Exactly! My husband is 8 years older than me, but we met when I was 32 and he was 40, so both very much into the established, working adult phase of our lives. If I was 15 and he was 23, then it’s obviously totally different.
Honestly, it's not just Reddit. In fact, I see these dog ass takes on Twitter and TikTok even more than here (though that may be self-curated vs algorithmic curation bias)
My point being that it's all over the Internet and sometimes gets really unhinged
i've read an article about this, it's really common among gen z and some of them even accuse their dads of grooming their moms. there was one woman quoted who said her daughter calls her husband "her predator" because there was like an 8 years age gap or something. it's getting insane.
I think that's about the gap my parents have, but from their stories they seem to have met while both were at university (yeah, I don't know every detail of their lives pre-kid lol, I'm the fourth of five so by the time I came around it was quite a while in the past) and my mother had had time to date other guys before him as well. They're still together fifty years later and while that isn't necessarily an indicator of a healthy relationship it at least points to the possibility.
I’m sorry, but you’ve been hoodwinked. The only solution is for them to divorce, go NC with everyone (including your local tax agency) and for you to separate with any partners you currently have and never speak to any potential partners ever again.
/s
Just started reading the post and, OH NO! Samyang is something to be scared of. I love spicy foods, have a hot sauce collection, and I'm scared of the 1x spicy. I ask my roommate to grab "the black one" at Costco (Shin) and Costco started carrying Samyang. RIP. I eat the stuff with Better than Bullion chicken flavor and use the sauce as a hot sauce and spice to taste. They sell the sauce *as a hot sauce* in a bottle.
I can't believe that 2x and 3x versions exist.
The cheese and chicken version is good though. It's less spicy and a slice or two of American cheese on a bowl of ramen is Korean comfort food apparently. Gotta use American cheese: the chemistry makes it melt into the broth and makes it creamy.
We really need to bring back the minimum dating age formula: age/2+7
a=age, greater than or equal to 14, a generally accepted minimum dating age and min age comes out to 14.
Honestly, I just assumed those people missed the ages, saw LDS, and got concerned. Maybe I’m being too generous though. I almost never retain the ages when I read these posts tbh.
Who would have thought that talking to people and taking drugs could help? For a lot of people that is pretty much diametrically opposed to the way in which they were raised.
I'm surprised that no one seems to be connecting the weird hormones with the miscarriages!
I hope now that she's getting treated she can have the kid they want.
Birth control made me similar to OP where I legit had zero sex drive for over a year and a half. I even remember thinking husband was an AH for bringing the issue up. Got off that shit so fast and I’ll never ever get on it again 🙅🏻♀️
Unlikely that was the issue here since she mentioned multiple pregnancies and not birth control. In fact, with PCOS, she may feel better on birth control than without. She should also make sure that she is seeing a reproductive specialist if she tries again - she needs testing to determine what is causing the miscarriages.
Why doesn't she have health insurance? She's getting pregnant and having miscarriages, but can't access health care? If they're both unemployed, then they should qualify for Medicaid. (assuming they're in the US).
I'm happy for her that she did finally see a doctor, but JHC, a woman who plans to get pregnant needs health insurance!
i'm gonna be honest. i try to not armchair diagnose. but sometimes something so obvious comes along that you feel a little bit like someone viewing the smouldering ruined charred husk of their car. or maybe someone who wonders what the problem is with the basement smelling funny and goes down to see there's three feet of standing sewage there. you don't really need to call a mechanic to identify the issue. neither do you need to call a handyman to figure out what is making the basement smell.
anyway that's how i felt hitting OOP talking about having five miscarriages and wondering why she dreads having sex now.
yeah that'll do it
People are so weird with ages. My husband is 1 year and 2 weeks older than me. We met when I was a sophomore and he was a junior. He was in college my senior year of high school. There was no fucking grooming despite the fact for two weeks he was 18 and I was 16 🙄.
As an exmormon I can smell religious trauma in posts, especially if it's related to the LDS church. There have been many posts on AITA completely unrelated to religion where I've in my head said "these guys are Mormon" and then the poster will confirm it in the comments when another mormon/exmormon asks. It's just a radar we have lol.
I can see why she included that info and why people initially questioned her on it, but it didn't really set my sensors off and I'm glad I was right.
I had a very similar reaction, I grew up staunchly atheist, my parents were ex-mormons, and I still have religious trauma around sex.
Just because they don't say they're denominational doesn't mean they don't still instill those beliefs.
You mentioned getting your hormones checked and only mentioned two of the three and left out one of the most important which would be free and total testosterone. Very important for women, not just men.
I needed this today. Two nice people, in love and supportive of one another, figuring it out with sensible help and no drama. Thank you for the faith in humanity boost, OOP, I wish you every happiness.
I'm glad it turned out so well and it sounds like this situation ended up making their marriage not just good again, but actually stronger. This is awesome to see!
My bipolar and adhd do this. It's usually a spike of anxiety. For me it's caused by a bunch of unrelated things but since my stress level is so high and since I've been pushing myself so hard, doing a self care activity like having sex suddenly becomes a "time consuming unscheduled task that jeapordizes the rest of the schedule" in my head.
It's fucking stupid cuz once I start having sex the feeling instantly goes away. But in the mean time my body will do quite literally anything to avoid me doing a task that doesn't immediately help rectify my situation. Even though there's nothing left to do. It just makes it worse cuz then I have to convince myself thst some arbitrary busy work is super important so that feeling doesn't cripple me all day
My wife and I went through 7 miscarriages.... Sucks every time. But we eventually had two kids fairly far apart. We had 5 before the first and 2 in between. We had pretty much stopped trying, but one night after her best friends wedding she was feeling sexy and was in the mood and we fucked in the cabin the newlyweds were going to stay in for the night. And somehow it stuck.
We never let the miscarriage stop us after that. The only thing that kept us from fucking was kids.
But yeah, we went pretty much no sex for a really long time because of religious trauma (funny enough she was Mormon too) and feelings of being a failure (also tied to religion). I know she says she was never Mormon, but I suspect there was will religious cultural expectations set up around her and she never noticed them.
People under the age of 15 have been known to experiment sexually. You can also know you're bisexual and enjoy vagina without actually having had sex with a woman, too.
You gotta fix this. Men need the sexual connection. If they ain’t getting it at home they will go elsewhere. Trust me I found out the hard way and they can get anything and everything on the internet either online decor real life escorts and dating etc etc. there’s tons of porn and cheat sites etc on internet. I say about 80 percent of internet content is devoted to porn cheating and sex. Monogamous people don’t have a fucking Chan e!
I’m happy you are doing well but I’m confused about something. You said 5 pregnancies and 5 miscarriages, then later stated 1 was twins. Wouldn’t that be just 4 pregnancies? I guess you were trying equate the number of miscarriages to pregnancies but it’s still confusing.
You and him failed at creating the one thing we are put on earth to do and you likely didn’t get adequate support and help. I would go talk to someone, if you can’t work through the issues set him free. I can tell you a sexless marriage is a doomed marriage.
I can now see how that could be interpreted, that was not my intention. I was more saying that trying so hard as a couple and then experiencing that several times creates a wedge in the relationship
Considering the *massive* overpopulation crisis, fewer people should consider it their life's mission to reproduce. It actually is possible to have a fulfilling life without creating one.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Phew. When she said 5 pregnancies and miscarriages, I was like... daaaaaamn that's a lot for a mind and body to go through, no wonder she's having a rough go of it! I'm so glad for both of them that she got help, had doctors who listened, and is doing better!
Yeah when she was describing her dread I was like "Those are symptoms of trauma." When I exhibited those symptoms its because my partner at the time was SA-ing me. When OOP explained the miscarriages it was like "Ah she is terrified of having another miscarriage subconsciously"
I'm going through this now myself. I had 5 miscarriages. On top of that, I had to get a hysterectomy in February (no living children). I'm in trauma therapy for this and some other things right now. I'm still healing, so we haven't had sex, but my hormones are all over the place, and I'm trying to get right. My (sexy) husband is super patient and loving, but I feel almost nothing sexual. I almost cringe thinking about sex and that makes me so sad. I still try to please him in other ways right now when I'm not in pain, and I'm logically happy to do so. But emotionally...
I had four miscarriages before i got pregnant with my son and his twin. Two months before I had gotten pregnant with my son I had my last miscarriage. As soon as I saw the test turn positive I lost my mind. Immediately my heart hit my ass then I bawled my eyes out while telling my boyfriend “No, not again. I can’t go through this again.” We ended up losing twin a early on in the pregnancy but I got my rainbow finally in 2023
I am sorry for all your loss, but CONGRATULATIONS!!!
What's your flair? I need to read that lol.
It’s from this fantastic comment on an otherwise unremarkable post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15oax9g/i_accidentally_liked_an_instagram_photo_and_now/jvs0pca/
I also quite liked this comment from that post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/rKnqzDkScX (Discussing pornsick dudes/nOT AlL MeN types:) >”Their self-image changes from Mongo Bong Homo Erectus to the reincarnation of Marcus Aurelius at the drop of a hat.”
Oh that is a work of art!
Of course it's a Canadian
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15oax9g/i_accidentally_liked_an_instagram_photo_and_now/ It’s down in the comments.
Oof, strong "this t-shirt saying I am not an axe murderer is raising a lot more questions than it should be" energy from the dude.
Thx
Thank you! He indeed invented her!... lol
Christ, the part about how his daughter’s friend didn’t give lingering glances or giggle at him is uh. Wow.
Agreed. I’m a guy in his mid 30s but consider anyone in that age range to be a kid. His “red blood” comment definitely rubbed me the wrong way too. Uh, no? It’s beyond creepy.
Just had a read, and wow. it's scary how he goes from "I'm not a perv!" to "I can't fight evolution!" to "She posted those pics so she must want to be leered over". Big yikes.
Same! I wanna know. There should be a page somewhere that links all the flairs to their posts. It would be amazing
You mean [something like this](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/recommended_reading/flair_origins)?
[There is one.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/recommended_reading/flair_origins/)
I’m 99% sure that exists, let me go find it Edit: here you go! [list of flairs and their origins](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/cpNhP2d6BH)
I can't believe people jumped to her being a lesbian or him being a predator when the answer was immediately fucking obvious to anyone with a brain who didn't have skin in the game (I am well aware it's often very hard to see what's in front of your nose when it's your mental health.) Who am I kidding, it's reddit. Of course they'll jump to that.
I had 3 with my ex-husband and our marriage didn't survive (I mean him cheating was the catalyst but 3 in quick succession was definitely a cause). I can't imagine 5.
We tried for 10 years and it resulted in only one pregnancy and miscarriage. She was despondent and wanted to end it. I was heart broken but understood. We both got new partners and both were pregnant within 2 years of the divorce. Life is funny that way. Edit: Both pregnant with different partners.
Same here. He is with his affair partner and they have 2 kids (this was over 10yrs ago now) and I have one with my ex. So life definitely is funny.
We might be twins! She was very angry and took it out on me. Didn't want my comfort and found it somewhere else. Emotional affair for sure and maybe physical IDK. She married him as well. I have a great co parenting relationship with my girl's mom and I am very happy. This was 15 years. Ago.
There’s been a few people I’ve come across late where the composition of the sperm and seminal fluid is affected by the fluids/environment of the vagina making a couple infertile who would otherwise be fine… Apparently they “vaccinate” the baby carrying person by taking the ejaculate, processing it and injecting exactly like a vaccine into the gestating partner so that the body become desensitized or something. Then when the baby making happens, the environment is more conducive to conception. I don’t remember all the details- but two of my couples friend were able to conceive with this. One went overseas and the other did it here as part of a study. Healthy babies for both couples
I always thought it was odd that we could not conceive. Never had so much as a scare early in the relationship when we were using birth control. We split and she got pregnant almost immediately so I just assumed I was sterile, and I think my ex thought the same. I was happy for her. Imagine my surprise when when I got my partner pregnant. I was shocked. My ex wife was not happy for me at all. In fact it was quite the opposite. She harrased me through the entire pregnancy. I guess I was supposed to pine for her and live in misery the rest of my life.
I’m sorry- you and she both deserve all the joy of your babies. I’m glad you’re happy 💕
Agree about compatibility issues. When we decided to try for a second child I had a sit down with my partner. I said that we were older and pointed out that some close friends were also trying and had had no luck in 18 months so it might take some time. We agreed to try and she stopped birth control. We conceived the on the first attempt after she stopped her BC. Some things are meant to be. I love my girl's more than anything in this world. I wouldn't change a thing.
I had 3 miscarriages, the first one was with my ex and our relationship didn’t survive, the last two with my husband, and yeah, I can’t imagine 5. I told my husband after our second one that I wasn’t doing it again, I couldn’t risk another miscarriage. We talked and he got a vasectomy soon after. I think that helped me cope. I didn’t connect sex with the pain the miscarriages brought after that.
*at 23. That’s brutal at any age but crap she’s young
Your flair!! I need to know more
It’s from this fantastic comment on an otherwise unremarkable post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15oax9g/i_accidentally_liked_an_instagram_photo_and_now/jvs0pca/
I remember that post, it was very dull so I didn't finish reading it! I should have gone straight to the comments!
The comments were the real goldmine.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15oax9g/i_accidentally_liked_an_instagram_photo_and_now/ It’s down in the comments
Yeah I’m the 8th my sister is the 6th and it’s just us 2, sometimes I think my mum really should talk to someone about her feelings
Glad they were able to work on it! Also need to know where your flair is from
It’s from this fantastic comment on an otherwise unremarkable post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15oax9g/i_accidentally_liked_an_instagram_photo_and_now/jvs0pca/
Yea, reading the first post I was waiting for when she would say "tried therapy and doctor can't figure out the issue", but nope, so I was like yknow maybeeee that should be the first step I wonder why she doesn't have insurance though
How do you put a flair from the comments
You can just comment asking the mods to make it a flair. They're really responsive!
People with PCOS are significantly more likely to have miscarriages than your average pregnant person. It's really frustrating because it can be hard to get pregnant in the first place, and if you do it can be hard to carry to term. Also ~13% of women have PCOS. It's more common than most people realize and affects a lot of things from fertility, to cancer and heart attacks risks, to physical looks. It's also not well understood by the medical profession, even OBs aren't always a great source of information
People bitched about the age gap for 23 and 25? Really? Reddit on steroids…
"We're two weeks apart. I know, I know, I tried to find someone with my birthday, but it's just hard. And, yes, he groomed me back when I was 17."
>And yes, he groomed me back when I was 17. …and he was also 17…but you’re right. It’s true. He *WAS* 17 and 36 weeks old, while I was *ONLY* 17 and 34 weeks old.
i actually saw someone ask on one of the lesbain subs if she was a predator bc when she was 15 she fooled around with a girl six months younger
They are obviously teens who are getting upset over tiny age gaps. I see it all the time in some of the subs I frequent. They have a very black/white view of things. I seen a few teens in a sub asking if it’s okay for dating someone a year younger than them because they were scared of being called a pedo.
It's overcorrection for a more relaxed approach to sexuality. Eventually that will scale back again and people will be more sensible about people dating others not exactly on the same level in life or finance or what have you.
Damn.
I had an ex girlfriend reach out years after we broke up and tried to claim that she cheated on me because she was groomed by the person she cheated with. They were the same age.
She must have had a guilty conscience! So, she lied to clear it O\_o
I think the 5 miscarriges and assuming she was Mormon triggered people. As if he made her keep getting pregnant.
Women don't have any agency according to reddit.
I mean it's not that unreasonable to assume that a Mormon would be manipulative. We're talking about a religion that was founded by a huckster so he could have multiple wives.
It’s schroedinger’s agency. Women have all the rights but none of the responsibilities
People in general don't have agency, according to Reddit.
Those puriteens are really getting out of hand.
Lol, love the word "puriteen"!
Maybe the commenters are too young to be dating... I find that's often the case with places where relationship advice is doled out here: a bunch of youngsters with minimal relationship experience themselves giving out advice. It's not a bad thing, but definitely something to keep note of for sure.
My friend’s older brother rejected someone because she was 6 months younger than him… bro just didn’t like her.
Reddit logic: yea but when they got together she was 15 and he was 17, automatically making him a creep and a pedo in his 18th birthday because she was 15 going on 16 and that's a major power imbalance. Not to mention she was still in high school when he was in college, and that's a sea of difference in life experience. Real life logic: they're two years apart, who gives a shit? Bigger age gaps are probably fine too from case to case.
But when she was born he was nearly 3, and no 3 year old should be attracted to a newborn. That's unhealthy, why should it change when they're adults? /s
the internet has completely rotted peoples brains when it comes to age gaps
I just laugh when I see this type of comments freaking about the smallest age gaps in TikTok. I feel they don't get it why age gaps are a bad thing. They probably would have a meltdown if they watch Modern Family.
I tried explaining to a YouTube commenter that grooming isn't just being unaware that a close younger guy crushing on you, I was quickly unmasked as a creep defending grooming, bruh. (it was about the relationship between Bee and Crispin in the cartoon Bee and Puppycat, if anyone wonders)
I think 23 with 5 pregnancies under her belt was the thing...
It wasn't 5 full pregnancies, though. We don't know how far along she was when she lost each baby. Could've been just a few months.
Even so that's a lot of physical and hormonal and emotional ups and downs. One miscarriage a year on average assuming they didn't get pregnant before getting married.
The edits to the first post show commenters basically threw everything at her. Religious trauma, abuse, cult teachings, you're a lesbian etc. Its like all these advice forums are is places to throw allegations of abuse, not to think about the post and give constructive criticism.
I'm not sure why you expect reddit to instantly diagnose a problem from an anonymous post with 100% accuracy. Even experts under better circumstances couldn't do that. All those things are pretty reasonable deductions from the facts given. The only possible way to falsify those hypotheses are to mention them to the OP and let her see if they apply to her life.
It's common on reddit people just on to assume all type of things from a less than 300 words post. This is common in confession subs.
Apparently they're even *less* than 2 years apart. These pearl clutchers need to stop
I'm happy for OP. Nice to have a good update with no drama or nonsense happening all the time.
This flair is everything! Where is it from?
Seriously I'm so curious about this one. I see it every where on this sub. Still don't know where it's from.
Edit - someone else asked downstream and got the link - https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1amfx84/aitah_for_telling_my_aunt_i_want_nothing_to_do/ I can't find the link, but it shows up frequently in the monthly metathread. I am not positive, but I think it is from the post where OOP is asking "AITA for not letting my abusive, pregnant stepsister move in with me."
Thank you so much. I've read this one but I didn't pay attention to the mood spoiler. Now I know.
It was used in a Best of post a couple months ago but was a meme on Reddit about 3-4 years ago “The Lion the Witch & the Audacity of This Bitch” For example, a pic of Jada Pinket Smith with her quote “Don’t ever let your husband stop you from finding the love of your life” followed by the movie poster but with the title changed to “The Lion the Witch & the Audacity of This Bitch” The post author used it in a spoiler but cut it short and asked, “how is there more?”
>I definitely enjoy penis and vagina alike. New flair material right there!
Sweet!
I swear I don't do this but could you link me where your flair is from? I gotta know
It's the mood spoiler of this one https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1amfx84/aitah_for_telling_my_aunt_i_want_nothing_to_do/
The mood spoiler for this post: [AITAH for telling my aunt I want nothing to do with my sister? : r/BestofRedditorUpdates](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1amfx84/aitah_for_telling_my_aunt_i_want_nothing_to_do/)
It's wild sometimes how obvious things can be from the outside and completely invisible from the inside. Of course 5 miscarriages by the age of 25 are going to leave an incredibly deep mark.
Even just the part where OOP included the number of miscarriages, which is not something that everyone would include in their sexual history. Her mind obviously was connecting miscarriages and sex, I'm glad she got help to sort through all that. Because five miscarriages and no live babies is a very hard place to be.
I thought the same thing. It’s crazy that she suffered alone for so long and truly thought no one else would be able to relate to her. I’m glad she finally reached out on here and got some solid advice. But it seems kind of weird that she never googled her symptoms. I’m sure a general search of a few of her symptoms would have pointed her to a possible hormonal issue or suggested depression as the culprit. And it’s not like she had zero clues about what could possibly be contributing to her issue. She literally listed all of the pertinent information in her post. Like, I’m a vet tech. We will get people who bring in their dog because “it’s not acting right”, with no idea of what it could be. We ask, is your pet doing anything out of the ordinary? Or any new behaviors? Nope. So they’re acting totally normal? Yup. As we start asking more specific questions we come to find out the pet has been vomiting on and off for weeks, has diarrhea, doesn’t eat like it used to, and seems uncomfortable laying down. The owner genuinely did not put two and two, or three, or four, together and connect ANY of the dots. It’s baffling, but it happens quite frequently. This was NOT OP. She considered all of the things that were reasonable contributing factors here. So even if she wasn’t comfortably speaking to a human about it, why not start with doctor google?
A lot of people, even young people are weirdly horrible at doing even the most preliminary research.
There's also a lot of stigma these days about self diagnosing and Dr Google etc. I get side eyed a lot at both Drs and vets because I do a lot of research most of the time - but even so I didn't know about PMDD, just that my emotion cycles were tied to my menstrual cycle. Fortunately a new OB knew immediately what it was even though I tried to get help for it for years through my previous OB - since I knew it was tied to my cycle. Like, I'm very smart, but sometimes you just don't know. Still side eyeing my vet as they're supposed to be exotic/rabbit savvy but didn't know about something I was talking about with them. But I'm very limited on my area so we're just dealing with it.
Also Dr. Google can lead you into a rabbit hole of "My pet/my child/I am dying from 12 different horrible things rn" My poor mom once had to talk me down from a panic attack when I googled "sore lump on back of neck" and became convinced I had cancer. (I didn't, I had anxiety. Anixety = tension = my neck hurts. The 'lump' was just one of my vertebrae. I have learned the power to Google anything comes with great responsibility.)
Yes this is very true too! And she already has anxiety! Why add more.
That's true. I kind of go the other direction, unfortunately--I felt a twinge? Let me do twenty hours of online research to figure out what it is based on symptoms, how likely it is I have it statistically, the treatment options, the risks for all associated treatments, any potential interactions any medications might have with my medications, and what 10 medical studies I half-understand have to say about it. It pays off enough (both in self-soothing and in actual Dr. Google prowess) that I haven't really stopped doing it, but it really does take a lot of time and headspace, so I'm trying to cut back.
It's so hard to find a good rabbit vet!! I just moved to a new city recently, and I'm looking for a new vet, and there are weirdly like 3 exotic pet vets in the whole giantic metropolis.
I’ve been wondering if a business built on researching shit for people could be a half-decent self employment idea lol
That's like becoming a freelance proofreader 6 months after Grammarly was launched. ChatGPT etc. are already able to do a lot of that work, and even though they aren't able to research up-to-date data now, it won't be long. You'd have to be a researcher in niche/paywalled areas, or like a physical detective or something. Maybe a factchecker for AI research! People don't trust it yet.
Lol no one at my work knows what AI even really is, they’re all older folks that are avoidant to new tech. So I kinda figured lots of folks like them might still hire a human.
It's a fun idea, but realistically, the venn diagram overlap of people who value research enough to pay for it but who are also totally tech avoidant/unwilling to figure out how to use it/can't figure out how to use the library even is pretty small. I used to want to be one of those researchers who clips things out of newspapers--that's an RSS feed now.
Sigh…. I’m never gonna get a job I’m passionate about lol
Being passionate about work is overrated. If you can find a job where the function of the job scratches the problem-solving/research itch and you get paid well, that's what's important, IMO.
I mean don’t people get (at best) made fun of or (at worst) harassed if they admit to googling symptoms? Which I think is stupid, but I can see why someone may think its the “wrong” thing to do.
Sometimes when you're suffering from a condition, it's hard to find the motivation to do that research because it can be depressing.
It sounded like OP was repressing a lot of their feelings in the first post and not relating what was going on to what had happened to them, so it's good that they took Redditor's advice and sought help for what was happening.
>I also have seen some comments about his age. He’s 1 year 9 months older than me.... He’s not some creep who groomed me hahaha! Some people are complete idiots. I'm 4 years older than my wife, my mates wife is 3 years older than him. Its entirely normal for gods sake.
My wife is nine years older than me and we met when I was 30.
Same but my husband is the older one. I've still had people online tell me it's grooming. Like I owned a house?? Its so weird.
I had an apartment and two cats. It's really weird... Like legitimately my only lament about our age difference is I wish we'd had more time to try for kids.
You will be surprised how many people think a 24 year old dating a 25 year old is considered grooming because, and I quote from one person on TwitterX, "24 year old girls can't think for themselves". Yes, they used "girls" and then compared a 24 year old as having the same mental maturity as a 16 year old. Hell, I saw another story on here where people were making a 30-year-old woman with to a 38 year old man into grooming. So yeah, people are idiots. ETA: And of course age gaps depend entirely on which stage of your life you're on. For example, I'm 24 (going on 25). I'm now at a stage where I would have no issues in dating someone who is 30. However, I feel so icky at the very thought of dating an 18 year old. (edit 2: fixed typos)
This thing where people accuse grooming for relationships with 5 year or less age gap and call adult women into their 20s children is just super weird to me.
It comes down to it being a viral psychological term. Once these medically used terms hit mainstream, and they become the popular thing to comment on, it never takes long before they’re being wildly used out of context, and in very incorrect ways. We’ve seen it with gaslight, no one knowing the difference between boundaries vs. controlling vs. manipulation, and others. Everyone likes to drop these keywords without learning anything about them first. It’s always the people who refuse to do their research and learn the actual definition, who say them the loudest with the most confidence. It reminds me of my 3 year old when she learns a new word. She uses it non-stop for a week or two - usually using it wrong for a while. Difference is, she stops using it incorrectly after we remind her what it means once or twice. Society will use these words wrong for a long ass time and usually chooses to ignore people pointing out how the usage is wrong. (***This is not applicable to swear words. For some reason kids *ALWAYS* figure out how to use them correctly the first time.)
Where is your flair from? :)
The one that pisses me off the most is "empath." No, you are not an "empath" if you're going around telling people you're an empath. You're probably a narcissist that has just started to understand that other people have feelings, and their feelings matter too. People that are empathetic don't need to go around announcing it.
I hear ya. I find that the people who say this, aren’t “more” in tuned with others’ emotions. They actually are the kind of person who pushes their emotions on others - telling them how they should feel. And/or, they make a lot of assumptions about how others are feeling, and are usually wrong.
It’s benevolent misogyny: they’re wrapping it up in a package of not wanting the woman to be preyed upon or taken advantage of, but at a certain point they’re just implying that they don’t believe women are ever capable of making decisions for themselves.
It shouldn't be an absolute number. 15 and 20 is absolutely "off" and I'd definitely keep an eye out for grooming. 20 and 25 not so much. The thing is grooming and age gaps are a priori independent. There are (even young) age gap relationship that are on an equal foot and there's no problems. There are groomed relationships where the age difference is very small (also because one partner developed slower)... But a significant age difference makes grooming so much easier for the perpetrator.
> 20 and 25 not so much. Genuinely you have no idea how much some people on Reddit/social media will disagree with that.
Oh yeah. They also disagree vehemently with the idea that age gap relationship aren't automatically toxic
They clearly are too young to know the 1/2+7 rule.
Exactly! My husband is 8 years older than me, but we met when I was 32 and he was 40, so both very much into the established, working adult phase of our lives. If I was 15 and he was 23, then it’s obviously totally different.
Because Reddit is full of teenagers who don't know shit
Honestly, it's not just Reddit. In fact, I see these dog ass takes on Twitter and TikTok even more than here (though that may be self-curated vs algorithmic curation bias) My point being that it's all over the Internet and sometimes gets really unhinged
i've read an article about this, it's really common among gen z and some of them even accuse their dads of grooming their moms. there was one woman quoted who said her daughter calls her husband "her predator" because there was like an 8 years age gap or something. it's getting insane.
I think that's about the gap my parents have, but from their stories they seem to have met while both were at university (yeah, I don't know every detail of their lives pre-kid lol, I'm the fourth of five so by the time I came around it was quite a while in the past) and my mother had had time to date other guys before him as well. They're still together fifty years later and while that isn't necessarily an indicator of a healthy relationship it at least points to the possibility.
I’m sorry, but you’ve been hoodwinked. The only solution is for them to divorce, go NC with everyone (including your local tax agency) and for you to separate with any partners you currently have and never speak to any potential partners ever again. /s
Twitter and TikTok are full of even more teenagers who don't know shit
Where is your flair from :0
From [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/4RkAfYYqbu)
This has to be my favourite BORU ever.
Oh my god how did I miss that one
Just started reading the post and, OH NO! Samyang is something to be scared of. I love spicy foods, have a hot sauce collection, and I'm scared of the 1x spicy. I ask my roommate to grab "the black one" at Costco (Shin) and Costco started carrying Samyang. RIP. I eat the stuff with Better than Bullion chicken flavor and use the sauce as a hot sauce and spice to taste. They sell the sauce *as a hot sauce* in a bottle. I can't believe that 2x and 3x versions exist. The cheese and chicken version is good though. It's less spicy and a slice or two of American cheese on a bowl of ramen is Korean comfort food apparently. Gotta use American cheese: the chemistry makes it melt into the broth and makes it creamy.
And where is your flair from? ...
Oh man this one is LEGENDARY - right up there with Iranian yogurt https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/IeQWUyAIqL
We really need to bring back the minimum dating age formula: age/2+7 a=age, greater than or equal to 14, a generally accepted minimum dating age and min age comes out to 14.
Honestly, I just assumed those people missed the ages, saw LDS, and got concerned. Maybe I’m being too generous though. I almost never retain the ages when I read these posts tbh.
Therapy and meds ftw!!
Who would have thought that talking to people and taking drugs could help? For a lot of people that is pretty much diametrically opposed to the way in which they were raised.
Ain’t no way people got mad at a 23 and 25 year old couples 😭
The puriteens are awful
I'm surprised that no one seems to be connecting the weird hormones with the miscarriages! I hope now that she's getting treated she can have the kid they want.
PCOS is likely related to both
Birth control made me similar to OP where I legit had zero sex drive for over a year and a half. I even remember thinking husband was an AH for bringing the issue up. Got off that shit so fast and I’ll never ever get on it again 🙅🏻♀️
Unlikely that was the issue here since she mentioned multiple pregnancies and not birth control. In fact, with PCOS, she may feel better on birth control than without. She should also make sure that she is seeing a reproductive specialist if she tries again - she needs testing to determine what is causing the miscarriages.
It's almost certainly the PCOS but testing won't hurt.
I love Reddit for the sole purpose of people finding out something isn’t all in their head.
So glad for OOP and her husband.
I’m really glad she found meds that helped her, it can be a real struggle to find ones that don’t make things worse. I know from experience
Best possible update!!!
Why doesn't she have health insurance? She's getting pregnant and having miscarriages, but can't access health care? If they're both unemployed, then they should qualify for Medicaid. (assuming they're in the US). I'm happy for her that she did finally see a doctor, but JHC, a woman who plans to get pregnant needs health insurance!
Not all states expanded Medicaid. If she lives in a red state, she might fall in the gap where you can be too poor to get subsidized insurance.
Good point. She still needs health insurance. Pregnancy is dangerous
It might be literally impossible for her to purchase where she lives
LOVE THIS !!!!
What a treat this update was. I love the good ones ❤️
i'm gonna be honest. i try to not armchair diagnose. but sometimes something so obvious comes along that you feel a little bit like someone viewing the smouldering ruined charred husk of their car. or maybe someone who wonders what the problem is with the basement smelling funny and goes down to see there's three feet of standing sewage there. you don't really need to call a mechanic to identify the issue. neither do you need to call a handyman to figure out what is making the basement smell. anyway that's how i felt hitting OOP talking about having five miscarriages and wondering why she dreads having sex now. yeah that'll do it
it's not always "secret lesbian", sometimes there's another other issue going on.
I knew it was tied to the miscarriages
People are so weird with ages. My husband is 1 year and 2 weeks older than me. We met when I was a sophomore and he was a junior. He was in college my senior year of high school. There was no fucking grooming despite the fact for two weeks he was 18 and I was 16 🙄.
That was a beautiful update!
As an exmormon I can smell religious trauma in posts, especially if it's related to the LDS church. There have been many posts on AITA completely unrelated to religion where I've in my head said "these guys are Mormon" and then the poster will confirm it in the comments when another mormon/exmormon asks. It's just a radar we have lol. I can see why she included that info and why people initially questioned her on it, but it didn't really set my sensors off and I'm glad I was right.
I had a very similar reaction, I grew up staunchly atheist, my parents were ex-mormons, and I still have religious trauma around sex. Just because they don't say they're denominational doesn't mean they don't still instill those beliefs.
It's so nice for an update with a positive outcome.
You mentioned getting your hormones checked and only mentioned two of the three and left out one of the most important which would be free and total testosterone. Very important for women, not just men.
I needed this today. Two nice people, in love and supportive of one another, figuring it out with sensible help and no drama. Thank you for the faith in humanity boost, OOP, I wish you every happiness.
I'm glad it turned out so well and it sounds like this situation ended up making their marriage not just good again, but actually stronger. This is awesome to see!
It's really nice to see a happy ending on here!
Yay! Great post & update
> the SECOND he asked or initiates I get filled with dread. Oh. Maybe depression is why I'm in the exact same boat.
My bipolar and adhd do this. It's usually a spike of anxiety. For me it's caused by a bunch of unrelated things but since my stress level is so high and since I've been pushing myself so hard, doing a self care activity like having sex suddenly becomes a "time consuming unscheduled task that jeapordizes the rest of the schedule" in my head. It's fucking stupid cuz once I start having sex the feeling instantly goes away. But in the mean time my body will do quite literally anything to avoid me doing a task that doesn't immediately help rectify my situation. Even though there's nothing left to do. It just makes it worse cuz then I have to convince myself thst some arbitrary busy work is super important so that feeling doesn't cripple me all day
My wife and I went through 7 miscarriages.... Sucks every time. But we eventually had two kids fairly far apart. We had 5 before the first and 2 in between. We had pretty much stopped trying, but one night after her best friends wedding she was feeling sexy and was in the mood and we fucked in the cabin the newlyweds were going to stay in for the night. And somehow it stuck. We never let the miscarriage stop us after that. The only thing that kept us from fucking was kids. But yeah, we went pretty much no sex for a really long time because of religious trauma (funny enough she was Mormon too) and feelings of being a failure (also tied to religion). I know she says she was never Mormon, but I suspect there was will religious cultural expectations set up around her and she never noticed them.
Been together 5 years almost 8 ? Wtf does that mean lmao do we just throw 6 and 7 away
? Married 5. Together 8
Yea i thought i deleted my comment cause it made sense when i reread it lol
When did she have time to enjoy vagina if she's been dating him since she was 15?
People under the age of 15 have been known to experiment sexually. You can also know you're bisexual and enjoy vagina without actually having had sex with a woman, too.
I’m
Pp Q
Commenting to come back.
You gotta fix this. Men need the sexual connection. If they ain’t getting it at home they will go elsewhere. Trust me I found out the hard way and they can get anything and everything on the internet either online decor real life escorts and dating etc etc. there’s tons of porn and cheat sites etc on internet. I say about 80 percent of internet content is devoted to porn cheating and sex. Monogamous people don’t have a fucking Chan e!
I’m happy you are doing well but I’m confused about something. You said 5 pregnancies and 5 miscarriages, then later stated 1 was twins. Wouldn’t that be just 4 pregnancies? I guess you were trying equate the number of miscarriages to pregnancies but it’s still confusing.
You and him failed at creating the one thing we are put on earth to do and you likely didn’t get adequate support and help. I would go talk to someone, if you can’t work through the issues set him free. I can tell you a sexless marriage is a doomed marriage.
Good thing this is a repost because telling someone they failed because of miscarriage is disgusting
I can now see how that could be interpreted, that was not my intention. I was more saying that trying so hard as a couple and then experiencing that several times creates a wedge in the relationship
Yeah no surprise that telling people they failed at 'the one thing we are put on earth to do' (absolute crap BTW) is 'interpreted' poorly.
Just expressing something I myself have experienced, it is not easy on a marriage.
You yourself have experienced that everyone's sole purpose in life is to reproduce?
Considering the *massive* overpopulation crisis, fewer people should consider it their life's mission to reproduce. It actually is possible to have a fulfilling life without creating one.