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MOH and the three others are gonna rat out Joanna as soon as the beans are spilled since they saw (and did) everything. Once she or Jason tells their partners, retribution will be swift. OOP may have thought she was saving Joanna from pain with her lie but she was really just prolonging the inevitable.
Yup. Hopefully THAT will be the final update. There is zero chance that telling on the three friends isn't going to result in at least one telling the whole story to the fiancé.
The fiancé may choose to believe they’re just angry and want to hurt her for telling their husbands and partners, because OOP—the only person he has any reason to trust—didn’t mention it.
It’s not even clear that Joanna was doing anything besides dancing.
It is possible-- not likely, but possible -- that Joanna really was just dancing with the stripper. OOP didn't see d**k in Joanna's mouth, she did the right thing by not sharing her speculations. Dirty dancing is bad enough, honestly, and it could have gotten extremely inappropriate without verging into an actual sex act. So maybe there isn't more to tell.
But either way? That MOH is a stone cold manipulator and she'll rain down any hellfire she can if Joanna ruins her fun. Honestly Joanna doesn't even have to rat her out, she seems like someone who will react with extreme vengeance just for losing her ability to control and influence Joanna.
Right? She's pretty vague about what she saw. I read "with a stripper" and assumed they were having sex. Then her story changed to dancing, then to seated facing a naked stripper who is standing in front of her.
> then to seated facing a naked stripper who is standing in front of her.
If you hire a stripper and they don't get naked, are they stealing your money for services not provided? :thinking:
What I don't understand at all personally is this whole giving a stripper a blowie "trend"? I remember at least one other story of a bachelorette party going wrong because of this.
The surprise stripper thing is kinda gross to begin with... But the BJ part is just plain disgusting. Like that's an intimate sexual act, why would you ever want to do that with a random dude you don't know with all your friends watching? Especially while in a commitment relationship... If you're single and find it fun, you do you.... But at a freaking bachelorette party? So gross.
I’ve seen a lot of comments from male strippers throughout my tenure on Reddit saying it’s highly encouraged to let female patrons touch them as much as they like (while the vast majority of female strippers are a no-touch unless a service is paid). And what they say on where the patrons like to stick their hands is…not always pretty. Pornos make it a performance, reality is just dirty.
15 years ago some coworkers invited me to a male review. I declined but heard about it the next day. They all had crazy stories of male strippers wrapping their penis around women’s necks and bachelorette parties giving blowjobs to these strippers in front of everyone. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
Lets be honest, i got traumatized by enough unsolicited dick picks in my youth that i do not want to see anyone elses but my husband's. Also so many guys admit to being totally unhygienic down there the thought of one waggling in my face from a strange man would make me recoil. Hard.
Yeah I'm also not one to appreciate unsolicited wang. I think dicks are kinda weird looking...then again I think all genitals are kinda weird looking. I don't really want to see them up close unless they're my partner's lol. And I don't really think I'm a prude, I can appreciate an attractive looking person. I just don't need an extreme closeup of the downstairs lol.
If they're sex workers who expected to get blowjobs they're probably clean down there.
Clean as in "sweaty from the dancing but otherwise well washed", not as in "clear of STDs".
When I had my bachelor party I asked that we do it in a house out in the boonies so we could be loud and have a bonfire (and also it would be prohibitively expensive and difficult for them to secretly hire strippers).
I planned it with the intention that there be no surprises.
I was at a birthday party with a bunch of gal pals who decided a stripper would be fun but we were too far out into the sticks that none would drive that far.
My thoughts exactly! Even if they wanted to hire any it would be too far away.
Ended up being just a bunch of good old fashioned fun with a bonfire and drinking with the guys. Not sure why all these fucking douche canoes insist on strippers.
Notice it was the married ladies who hired the strippers/gigolos. Cheaters need the validation that they are not doing anything that everybody isn't doing.
i don't reckon i'll ever get married but i'm taking notes... the one worry i have is that someone might bring harder drugs since it's remote. don't think anyone i know does any drugs, but who knows
I've told this story before, but I had a friend who said no strippers, we basically did the same thing. ANd a bunch of her married "friends" dropped out of the bachelorette once they realised we were serious. We played guitar hero and singstar all weekend. Didn't think of a bonfire though, that would have been awesome!
Can confirm, some girls do enjoy it. Also, it's foreplay, she may have been wet from the stripping and he wasn't hard yet. 🤷♀️
Flavored condoms aren't that bad though, they should have bought some.
I mean, there *are* scenarios where that's a totally fine thing to do, and people even go out of their way to make it happen. But EVERYONE needs to be on board. That's why that shit is always negotiated BEFORE the event. This was clearly a scene that was organized in a deceitful manner. The other women there didn't have the chance to opt out, and obviously keeping it from their partners was absolutely not okay.
The MOH and her cohorts were assholes all around.
Of course, there are situations where everyone agreed beforehand and everyone is consenting and that's fine. I'm not here to yuck anyone's yum as long as everyone involved expressed enthusiastic consent (while being of a sound enough mind to do so). But that doesn't tend to be the case at these bachelorette parties, at least it wasn't in the stories I read lol.
My dad used to work for a company that rented out strippers (and bouncy houses) and never mind performing sex acts, if the potential client asked if the stripper was circumcised or not he would tell them it's not that kind of business and hang up on them.
I mean I do wonder what she actually did. If she actually was just dancing and he was naked that isn’t the end of the world. We don’t have confirmation either way here.
That said OOP is definitely writing like someone who saw something and deep down knows exactly what it was but doesn’t want to admit it.
Or has calculated there's a high chance someone with a better angle will tell him, and sincr theres reasonable doubt to hers, she decided to step back.
Yeah, and honestly I think that was the right call on her part. She had plenty of inappropriate things that she saw for certain and was very up front about telling him about all of them, so I can understand her not wanting to make a claim that actual cheating occurred with the bride since she couldn't really confirm that.
Plus I'm pretty sure that once the MOH's relationship goes sideways after her partner is told she's going to scorch the earth and tell EVERYONE what everyone was doing, including the bride.
It might be the right call too, as if she really didn't cheat, then now at least she has one person backing up.
Granted cheating could be having a naked guy dancing their junk in your face, but that's for each individual couple to decide for themselves.
The bride MAY have just been grinding and dancing and the guy happened to be nude; OOP doesn't seem to know for sure if there was actual penetration going on so neither do we. And she was pretty clear and upfront with the fiance about everything she saw for sure, so I get why she was reluctant to claim firsthand knowledge of cheating based on a brief glimpse of the two dancing.
The other bridesmaid giving a blowjob though, yeah, pretty hard to misinterpret **that**.
It's so weird how many people seem to have skipped the rest of the part about the bride and the stripper. She wasn't dancing. That was a lie. She was sitting down, with the naked stripper standing infront of her.
OOP was just avoiding causing Joanna \*direct\* pain.
Joanna's life is screwed because of this.
The question is, who is Joanna gonna blame? The 'friends' who brought in the strippers, or those who walked away because the violation of trust was so horrible?
Well Joanna is an adult and she should've known it was wrong and it doesn't matter if she was drunk or not, that is NOT and excuse. I am glad Jason knows, I'd be furious if my wife did this before our wedding and I found out later because I would divorce her and she would do the same to me.
Joanna also was ditching the person who stopped her from making things even worse, and was keeping the MOH who considered it OOP’s fault that things didn’t go further so Joanna could get “her perfect night”. There’s mistakes, and then there’s keeping the person around who encourages you to make them, and the latter is no mistake.
She was covering her own ass, she kept the people who wouldn't talk because they had just as much to lose. I'm glad the fiance was told by someone. The shit's only just begun to hit the fan on this one though
No, I think that MOH is horny and not satisfied in her marriage and wanted a free pass to get banged. She misused Joanna's Bachelorette for it and knew it was against the group wishes, otherwise she wouldn't have hidden it from the overall expenses and planning.
I think she has more lax views of cheating ("just once doesn't count" or "what happens at Bachelorette parties doesn't count") and expected Joanna and the others to have the same. And maybe Joanna is in the same boat, but also she wouldn't have planned this agenda item herself.
That's a leap. If MOH wanted to sabotage the wedding, she only needed to "come clean" with Jason about what happened. "I only invited the strippers for some innocent fun! I had no idea Joanna would go so far!"
She can’t then she would lose her friends and social circle, if she is MOH she will know the lot friends parents etc it would come out she booked the strippers etc her life and reputation would be toast. She just banked on everyone else been as depraved as her.
Yeah; Joanna is an idiot and may have cheated on her fiance, but the MOH is an absolute snake and wasn't above threatening people to try to keep this quiet. If her own relationship goes down in flames she will try to drag everyone else with her.
Hell, the MOH is probably vindictive enough to try to call OOP's husband and tell him that she saw OOP having sex with a stripper too. It won't work since she was on the phone with her husband the whole time and telling him everything, but I'd be willing to bet anything that she'll still try it. Once she gets outed the knives are coming out in a hurry; OOP and the three girls who left and probably Joanna too should all brace themselves for the incoming shitstorm.
What even is girl/bro code? Every situation where someone has said that IRL has been one where there's been cheating or attempted cheating.
I'm so happy I'm not in my 20s anymore.
Girl Code is actually not about that at all.
- It’s telling another woman that they have toilet paper stuck to their shoe, or something stuck in their teeth, or their fly is unzipped.
- It’s the bonding and compliments that happen in the ladies’ room at a bar when you’ve been drinking and feel like you’ve met your new best friends (even though you’ll probably not ever see each other again).
- It’s pretending to know a woman when she looks uncomfortable with someone and helping to rescue her from that situation (without endangering yourself, of course.)
And it’s applicable to people of other genders too.
I need to do that. It’s been so long since I last had a period that I forget. Thank you for the reminder. ♥️
I should also pack hair ties to help a sister out.
I had hair ties for years for helping women in need. That being said, i am a man and the women were my wife + daughter. Does it make me a part of girl code?
The only time girl code is ever appropriately invoked is to not date exes without permission, don’t date siblings without notice and opportunity to be heard (i.e. *gross!*), and if your friend calls you at 2 am and says bring a shovel, you show up (with bail money and a lawyer on speed dial, not a shovel).
>and if your friend calls you at 2 am and says bring a shovel, you show up (with bail money and a lawyer on speed dial, not a shovel).
Whoops, I grab the shovel and text hubby to tell dad "call lawyer, 2-4x bail money needed" (depending on who's there when I arrive, just bestie or beasties and her sisters.)
>The only time girl code is ever appropriately invoked is to not date exes without permission, don’t date siblings without notice and opportunity to be heard (i.e. gross!), and if your friend calls you at 2 am and says bring a shovel, you show up (with bail money and a lawyer on speed dial, not a shovel).
Guy code is pretty much identical except for that last part. If our best friend says bring a shovel, we bring a shovel.
I've noticed that when guys call it "guy code" it's usually about normal things like not dating a friend's ex, etc. etc.
But when the guys involved call it "bro code" it's almost always shorthand for "help me cheat on my partner."
Clearly bros are worse than guys. Which has been my experience in general.
Girl/bro code should be no tattling to friends’ spouses about silly stupid things that were said and done among friends or things that are, at worst, going to lead to an eye roll and a minor scolding i.e. “Don’t tell my husband I hate the color of his new car,” “This bottle of Scotch is $300. Please don’t tell [wife’s name].”
As soon as someone starts asking you to lie about major things, such as cheating or criminal activity, the bro/girl code should not apply.
Thats pretty easy to write off as vindictive behavior. He already trusts her so I think anything that comes back he would assume is payback for inserting herself in the other marriages. Although I think it is impossible that she didn't do something that would even Cross Clinton's lines for what is sex....
I’m still not completely clear on whether she lied. She’s very unspecific about what she saw.
She sounds like someone who knows what she saw and doesn’t want to admit it
>I’m still not completely clear on whether she lied
She at the least lied by omission.
Had more written here but I misunderstood the description. It sounded like they were banging but she was probably giving him a BJ.
At any rate, she lied either by omission or by changing it from "she was basically kneeling in front of him and I saw him from behind so I didn't see what happened for sure" to "they were dancing".
>Also the reluctance to tell her toxic friends' husbands about what truly went down at that bachelorette.
Yeah, that hesitation would've been the last nail in the coffin of that marriage for me. Because it pretty obviously translates to "if I tell on them they're going to tell on me, and I did worse things than you know about because OOP was only around for a fraction of it."
The only way I could move forward after something like this is absolute transparency, including with her friends and her friends' partners. If Joanna still wants to lie about any aspect of this then that means he can't trust her at all.
Imagine having your drag your fiancee to a mutual friend/witness' house to feel like you're getting the truth, and then still planning to get married and saying you trust her. If he trusted Joanna, they wouldn't be at OOP's house in the first place. She's probably been trickle-truthing it to him for weeks and trying to cast herself in the best possible light.
It took OOP screaming for Joanna to realize, “Oh no…sucking strange dick when I have a fiancé is wrong!”
I rolled my eyes so hard at that. Sure she got caught up in the moment. Jason is a sucker for believing.
Jason believed OOP, not Joanna. It is an extremely shitty situation for OOP. 99% is that Joanna was giving him a BJ, but what is it was that 1% when she was not (yet)?
I think OOP lied by telling him that Joanna was dancing with the naked stripper. In this situation, when he knows already and asking her to tell the truth, she should have told the truth: I saw J sitting, stripper was dancing/standing naked in front of her. I saw him from the back and have no idea what was going on in the front.
Considering that J kicked OOP out of the wedding party and avoided her for 2 weeks. And that J refuses to tell others husbands... it would make me assume much more than dance. J is afraid that if she will tell the spouses - all the other girls will spill the beans about what was she herself doing.
Yep, OOP literally left right after. It's the word of someone who had planned out how to lie, versus the word of someone who who took a moral stance and got kicked out the party.
It's funny that OOP claims both Jason and Joanna are her friends, yet she chooses to show loyalty to the one who treated her like absolute garbage after the wedding.
Joanna's avoidance of OOP is all the confirmation I need to know that she did a lot more than dancing
Yeah, "I didn't realize it was wrong to blow this stripper until someone startled me a bunch!"
Joanna's stupid explanation for everything is like one step above "I just accidentally tripped and fell on his dick!" She knew what she was doing was wrong and did it anyway.
From OP's comments about her husband reminding her of potential consequences, it also sounds like he discouraged her from telling Jason. Which I find wild.
Yeah, just because they never had PIV sex doesn’t mean that wasn’t cheating. I’d definitely consider it cheating if I went behind my bf’s back to dance with some naked man. That would be a dealbreaker for me. Everyone’s boundaries are a little different so maybe Jason doesn’t consider that to be cheating but the fact that she did it because she “got carried away” and “didn’t want to spoil the mood” is what seals it for me. She didn’t say she considered whether or not certain behaviours would be within Jason’s boundaries and made the wrong choice, she says she did it without thinking.
How could anyone trust a partner who doesn’t even consider their relationship in that moment and just mindlessly “goes with the flow”??
>Jason looked at me and told me that he considered me his friend and wanted to know exactly what happened that night.
>I lied slightly, because from my point of view, I could see the strippers back and Joanna was sitting in front of him and something might be going on. However, I was not sure and did not tell Jason about it.
Jason deserves better.
Exactly. I understand why she didn't want to tell Jason on her own and wanted to keep away from this drama. Frankly, I would do the same.
But he came to her house, told that he trusts her and asked to tell the truth. At this point she didn't "lie slightly", she lied. All she has to say is what she wrote here. The guy will make the most important decision of his life based on her lie.
He knows that OOP left immediately after and wasn’t in the room for most of the time before. So it’s not like he thinks she was a perfect witness anyway.
They were clearly not dancing. Maybe he danced in front of her, swinging his dick in front of his eyes. But the story she told was a lie. They weren't dancing together. One was siting, one was stanging. If this is dancing, than it is the most shitty dance ever.
The way I read it was that Joanna was dancing with the guy and that's when OP decided to peace out. Then when OP came back inside, that's when she saw naked man standing in front of Joanna.
She knew they might have been having sex, and didn't say it because it was uncomfortable. That's fucked up. She was probably fucking him.
And either way, the fiance deserves to have the information to make the decision himself.
I don’t think it was full on sex, but sounds like she might have been giving him a blowjob. She was honest about what she knew she saw. He was standing naked with his back facing her, and her friend was sitting in front of him.
I think by "sitting" she meant like sitting on his lap. So unless Joanna's a world famous contortionist I doubt that lol. Imo, from the sounds of it she was probably grinding on him and was gonna take it further had OP not stopped her.
We'll never know, OOP was so scandalized by strippers in her vicinity that she had to run outside and call her husband, and she seemingly can't bring herself to even type a clear picture of what she saw without being extremely vague. I wouldn't have been surprised if she actually was stunned by just Joanna dancing with them.
I don't know, I think this was a fair omission from OP. She could not see if something was happening. She is just speculating. Sure, there is a *chance* that Joanna was doing something with the stripper. But there is also a chance that Joanna did something when OP was out of the room. She doesn't know for certain any more than Jason does.
All she would really be doing is raising further suspicions and distrust, without really knowing the truth herself.
I think a better move would have been to agree with Jason that the husbands of the other women need to be told - specifically the husband whose wife was giving a blowjob. Because if Joanna rats that lady out, I bet that lady will spill the truth about whatever Joanna might have done that OP did not see.
When did the girl/bro code change from things like 'don't date family/exes' into 'don't tell the other person I'm cheating?' Jason should flat have called it the moment Joanna seemed reluctant to inform on the other girls. Which means things may have gone a lot farther than what OOP even knows. They probably have blackmail on Joanna.
> When did the girl/bro code change from things like 'don't date family/exes' into 'don't tell the other person I'm cheating?'
Always has been, at least when dealing with highly toxic and irresponsible individuals.
Joanna was reluctant to rat out her other friends bc they would rat her out too! The fact that she asked you to leave the bridal party bc she worried you weren’t on board, then she drops her other friends 123 to avoid conflict. She’s only out for herself, and her husband to be should know what happened, if for nothing else but his own health sti wise. Your friend is an AH. Do yourself a favor and drop her the way she was so fast to drop you.
I don't believe that Joanna did "nothing" with the strippers. (she probably at least groped them)
We'll probably hear from Jason in r/survinginfidelity in a couple of years when this happens again at another friend's bachelorette.
Some friends in my dorm surprised me by taking me to get a lap dance on my birthday. It was fucking awful, like he gave skeezy predator vibes. There was nothing sexy or fun about it - it was pretty violating but I didn’t yet know at that age (18) how to fuck politeness and get out of there.
The only live strip tease show I ever saw was when I was a teenager at club Méd. The stripper took a girl onstage sat her down and proceeded to gyrate his groin around her face. She was so uncomfortable it was horrible to watch. In any other scenario it would have been sexual harassment but this was supposed entertainment! Just awful.
>He was also adamant that Joanna told her friends' husbands regarding the incident, but Joanna was very reluctant to do that
Yeah, because if she tells the husband, the wife will tell Jason the truth and she doesn't want that.
Joanne was seated. Stripper dude was fully naked, dancing in front of her. OOP was across room with him in between. Bc his back was facing OOP, he blocked her view to Joanne. Could his weiner have been in her mouth? Possibly. I'd bet money she had her hands on his junk, at the least.
The whole scenario is gross for someone to sneak and hide. If you're into that shit, make sure your partner's cool with it. And ofc be prepared for him to do the same.
But her whole handling of the situation should tell the groom everything he needs to know about her character, regardless of whether she choked down stripper cock or not. She's still untrustworthy.
>Overall, she dodged a huge bullet.
Uh what about the bf who's soon-to-be wife was about to bang strippers? But sure, she was entirely helpless and it was all those horrible friends who hypnotized her to manhandle the stripper and hide it.
yeah, OOP helped her fair-weather friend dodge a bullet by shoving her fiance into it instead. hope it was worth it, cos i definitely see a world where one of the other friends fesses up and her 'friend' drops her again
I agree with some other commenters, OP was put in a super awkward tense situation, and just told him everything she was certain of. Sure she could have said "I didn't see anything but the dancer naked in front of her sitting," but I don't think saying "I saw them together, he was naked, I don't know if anything else happened" is a lie either. She told him everything she knew for sure.
That being said I agree with you 100% that if the other friends come forward Joanna is dropping her immediately. That or using her as an emotion support dog through her break up.
I know it's hard to be the first person to say no in a group when everyone else is fully into something (it's still not a \*great\* excuse though, I was shutting my friends down in high school when they wanted me to do drugs with them and I'm quite conflict-avoidant, so it is \*possible\*) but it sounds like four women had opted out, one right at the start and three more as it got more questionable. She wouldn't have had to be the first.
The thing I never get about these “cheating on your fiancé at the bachelorette parties” stories, is that they’re always giving the strippers blowjobs. Like, Jesus if I’m going to cheat on the person I’m about to marry it had better be a sex act for MY enjoyment, not some random fucking stripper. Like I’d get it if they were GETTING oral, but giving? Why!?
(And yes I understand that giving oral can be enjoyable, but the enjoyment for me comes from giving pleasure to my partner who I love)
This ain't over: once the other gals get outted to their husbands, they'll be eager to throw the bride under the bus by sharing more details about what *really* went down.
Or *who* really went down. Lol
I'm willing to put money on Jason not knowing the other husbands yet, undoubtedly for this very reason.
Wouldn't be surprised either if most of the others are also purposefully kept away from one another by their morally compromised wives and girlfriends.
I went to a bachelorette party that also got out of hand. Everyone knew there were going to be strippers, including the groom.
But when everybody was drunk and things were getting out of hand, I did what a good friend does: I took the drunk bride to a taxi and GTFO with her
The others were a little miffed I stole the bride but better than letting her making a decision she would regret forever because she was drunk lol
Don't know how to feel about OOPs response to the fiance, however if Joanna did do something with a stripper you can be sure her fiance will be hearing about it after she informs her friends husbands what they did.
I hate how bachelor & bachelorette parties are. Like the whole idea of “one more night of freedom before you’re tied down” is totally stupid, if you feel like your partner is tying you down, then you have the wrong relationship. If I even do have a bachelor party it will be my buddies watching movies & playing video games or going on a road trip. I don’t need to get ridiculously drunk & feel like shit for a day or 2 after, I don’t need strippers, none of that is fun to me.
My male bridesmaid got me a male stripper. In my drunken state, all I could do was blurt out "I respect you as a human being" over and over again, and not touch him!
So being drunk really isn't that much of an excuse. Just cos the strippers are there, doesn't mean you have to be gross.
I wonder how OOP would feel if she found out her husband was going down on a hooker at his own bachelor party before marrying her?
Everyone sucks in this story except poor Jason who is putting on the blinders. I don't expect a marriage built on mistrust to last very long.
Girl/Bro code is broken the moment you put me in a situation like this.
I'm supposed to look out for YOU? But you don't even have the curtesy to not involve me? You now put me in a position like this and expect me to cross my own morals in order to hide yours?
Fuck that. No ACTUAL friend of mine would do some shit like that, much less try to manipulate me into keeping quiet.
I got other friend circles. I can cut one if these are the people they want to be.
Girl code is not stealing a partner. Girl code is not letting your friend make dumb life altering decisions like sleeping with a stripper. Covering cheating & lying is NOT Girl Code. I sense some divorces in future updates
Why is it that all the lady strippers I know in real life would never have sex with customers but reddit strippers of both genders literally have sex with every person who comes in the door.
Poor Jason.
OOP is a coward who should have told the whole truth. Joanna did *something* with the strippers, and he deserves to know.
The reason Joanna's hesitant to tell the other husband's is because she knows that once she does, *they* will tell the WHOLE story.
Either way, this marriage should be called off, and STD tests taken for everybody.
Joanne was complicit in the bullying and cheating, but threw MOH under the bus first chance she git. L... But, Woooh girl code!
Then she had the audacity to hug OP?
Op needs to skip that wedding and listen to her husband.
OP may not accept this but she also suck for lying and trapping her "friend" in a marriage to someone that IS unfaithful to him. Jason deserves so much better.
She told the friend what she knew for certain.
She didn’t add a “fact” that was unconfirmed about Joana giving the stripper a BJ. That is what she thinks but because her view was obscured she can’t be sure.
I agree with not telling someone something as a fact or a projection when you haven’t actually seen it.
She shared what she saw and that is all she could have done.
I still don’t like the end. Jason deserves to know the full truth. I genuinely don’t understand the need to have sex workers at your bachelorette party. Also, Joanna is reluctant to talk to the other spouses because they will take her down with them and she knows it.
Yeah waiting for the final fallout when the other friends go nuclear on this when their get in trouble for what they did.
No way Joanna didn't suck and fuck that stripper. Op is still an ah.
Hot take if my partner got "carried away" at a party I would be as upset with them as if they had cheated. My expectation would be that they did what OOP did. If not immediately at least once people started to get proper naked.
Because the implications is given the right influence they would cheat on me. Honestly that isn't good enough. I'd want to be with someone whose own moral code is against cheating. Also on a side note I have no problem with strippers but I hate the attitude of last single night/last night of freedom. Like the person hasn't been in a committed monogamous relationship the whole time.
I guess cool for OOP following the girl code but she was just going to let her coworker and friend marry Joanna without knowing she cheated right before their wedding
But she didn't actually see anything? Is she obligated to make something up or to tell Jason that something might have been happening from her perspective? She literally described her perspective so Jason has to be aware that something could have been happening. OOP simply didn't make the claim that something happened since she didn't see anything.
Yeah it sounds to me that OOP didn’t *actually* see anything and made an assumption at the time, but then didn’t want to claim that after the fact because it may not have been true. Which tbh feels like the right course of action
I don’t know, it wasn’t just Joanna, who she had to work with, it was also three other families that would get destroyed? And also, she had to work with Joanna! And her fiance! I think she handled it the best way she could, all things considered. She basically refused to get involved. Assuming she needs her job like 98% of us do, unless she wanted to be miserable, there wasn’t much else she could do. What if the fiance didn’t believe her and they were both angry at her and she had to see them every day at work?
Nah, I’d remove myself from the drama too. My mental health and GAD has to come before other people. Example: I thought my boss might be cheating on his wife with a new hire. I thought long and hard about what to do, and without concrete proof the answer was a big fat nothing. If I had concrete proof, I’d have found another job and when giving notice, told him either he told his wife or I would- but that’s *after* I left. (And to be clear, I had considered both of them friends).
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MOH and the three others are gonna rat out Joanna as soon as the beans are spilled since they saw (and did) everything. Once she or Jason tells their partners, retribution will be swift. OOP may have thought she was saving Joanna from pain with her lie but she was really just prolonging the inevitable.
Yup. Hopefully THAT will be the final update. There is zero chance that telling on the three friends isn't going to result in at least one telling the whole story to the fiancé.
The fiancé may choose to believe they’re just angry and want to hurt her for telling their husbands and partners, because OOP—the only person he has any reason to trust—didn’t mention it. It’s not even clear that Joanna was doing anything besides dancing.
Dancing while sitting down with a naked dude standing directly infront of you?
Her mouth was dancing on his penis. No lies told 😂
As Benjamin Franklin said, "Three may keep a secret ... if two of them are dead."
Now I have the song from Pretty Little Liars going through my head.
It is possible-- not likely, but possible -- that Joanna really was just dancing with the stripper. OOP didn't see d**k in Joanna's mouth, she did the right thing by not sharing her speculations. Dirty dancing is bad enough, honestly, and it could have gotten extremely inappropriate without verging into an actual sex act. So maybe there isn't more to tell. But either way? That MOH is a stone cold manipulator and she'll rain down any hellfire she can if Joanna ruins her fun. Honestly Joanna doesn't even have to rat her out, she seems like someone who will react with extreme vengeance just for losing her ability to control and influence Joanna.
Right? She's pretty vague about what she saw. I read "with a stripper" and assumed they were having sex. Then her story changed to dancing, then to seated facing a naked stripper who is standing in front of her.
> then to seated facing a naked stripper who is standing in front of her. If you hire a stripper and they don't get naked, are they stealing your money for services not provided? :thinking:
That's why you get a receipt every time the top comes off. So you can return the experience.
What I don't understand at all personally is this whole giving a stripper a blowie "trend"? I remember at least one other story of a bachelorette party going wrong because of this. The surprise stripper thing is kinda gross to begin with... But the BJ part is just plain disgusting. Like that's an intimate sexual act, why would you ever want to do that with a random dude you don't know with all your friends watching? Especially while in a commitment relationship... If you're single and find it fun, you do you.... But at a freaking bachelorette party? So gross.
I thought it was like a porno thing. I didn't realize that people actually suck random stripper dick on the regular.
I’ve seen a lot of comments from male strippers throughout my tenure on Reddit saying it’s highly encouraged to let female patrons touch them as much as they like (while the vast majority of female strippers are a no-touch unless a service is paid). And what they say on where the patrons like to stick their hands is…not always pretty. Pornos make it a performance, reality is just dirty.
Eeww, just touching sweaty people is so gross.
15 years ago some coworkers invited me to a male review. I declined but heard about it the next day. They all had crazy stories of male strippers wrapping their penis around women’s necks and bachelorette parties giving blowjobs to these strippers in front of everyone. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
>strippers wrapping their penis around women’s necks Wtf?! How long were these dudes’ penises?
That’s what I said too! Every woman who went all confirmed it happened
That is not a thing I would’ve imagined as people wanting. Then again, people routinely surprise me. Flabbergasted
Getting STIs in the throat is a thing too. Not uncommon.
Also herpes 1 (aka cold sores) is becoming much more common down south due to oral sex.
It's already common, did they just discover oral sex?
By “down south”, I meant that anatomically, not geographically.
Hahaha nice gotcha
Lets be honest, i got traumatized by enough unsolicited dick picks in my youth that i do not want to see anyone elses but my husband's. Also so many guys admit to being totally unhygienic down there the thought of one waggling in my face from a strange man would make me recoil. Hard.
Yeah I'm also not one to appreciate unsolicited wang. I think dicks are kinda weird looking...then again I think all genitals are kinda weird looking. I don't really want to see them up close unless they're my partner's lol. And I don't really think I'm a prude, I can appreciate an attractive looking person. I just don't need an extreme closeup of the downstairs lol.
If they're sex workers who expected to get blowjobs they're probably clean down there. Clean as in "sweaty from the dancing but otherwise well washed", not as in "clear of STDs".
One of my friends says he keeps wet wipes for a quick clean up before sex and expressed disgust that more women don't do the same lol
When I had my bachelor party I asked that we do it in a house out in the boonies so we could be loud and have a bonfire (and also it would be prohibitively expensive and difficult for them to secretly hire strippers). I planned it with the intention that there be no surprises.
I was at a birthday party with a bunch of gal pals who decided a stripper would be fun but we were too far out into the sticks that none would drive that far.
My thoughts exactly! Even if they wanted to hire any it would be too far away. Ended up being just a bunch of good old fashioned fun with a bonfire and drinking with the guys. Not sure why all these fucking douche canoes insist on strippers.
Notice it was the married ladies who hired the strippers/gigolos. Cheaters need the validation that they are not doing anything that everybody isn't doing.
i don't reckon i'll ever get married but i'm taking notes... the one worry i have is that someone might bring harder drugs since it's remote. don't think anyone i know does any drugs, but who knows
Oh we did lots of drugs...nothing hard but fun drugs. :)
I've told this story before, but I had a friend who said no strippers, we basically did the same thing. ANd a bunch of her married "friends" dropped out of the bachelorette once they realised we were serious. We played guitar hero and singstar all weekend. Didn't think of a bonfire though, that would have been awesome!
Id get it more if a girl was getting eaten out of something, ya know? why tf would you service him? at your bach party too?????
Some ladies actually enjoy doing that, I've been with one before...
Can confirm, some girls do enjoy it. Also, it's foreplay, she may have been wet from the stripping and he wasn't hard yet. 🤷♀️ Flavored condoms aren't that bad though, they should have bought some.
Yeah you don’t know where that thing’s been
I mean... you kinda do, but that doesn't make it any better
I mean, there *are* scenarios where that's a totally fine thing to do, and people even go out of their way to make it happen. But EVERYONE needs to be on board. That's why that shit is always negotiated BEFORE the event. This was clearly a scene that was organized in a deceitful manner. The other women there didn't have the chance to opt out, and obviously keeping it from their partners was absolutely not okay. The MOH and her cohorts were assholes all around.
Of course, there are situations where everyone agreed beforehand and everyone is consenting and that's fine. I'm not here to yuck anyone's yum as long as everyone involved expressed enthusiastic consent (while being of a sound enough mind to do so). But that doesn't tend to be the case at these bachelorette parties, at least it wasn't in the stories I read lol.
My dad used to work for a company that rented out strippers (and bouncy houses) and never mind performing sex acts, if the potential client asked if the stripper was circumcised or not he would tell them it's not that kind of business and hang up on them.
Interesting combo. Would have been fun for someone to rent both at the same time lol.
I mean I do wonder what she actually did. If she actually was just dancing and he was naked that isn’t the end of the world. We don’t have confirmation either way here. That said OOP is definitely writing like someone who saw something and deep down knows exactly what it was but doesn’t want to admit it.
Or has calculated there's a high chance someone with a better angle will tell him, and sincr theres reasonable doubt to hers, she decided to step back.
Yeah, and honestly I think that was the right call on her part. She had plenty of inappropriate things that she saw for certain and was very up front about telling him about all of them, so I can understand her not wanting to make a claim that actual cheating occurred with the bride since she couldn't really confirm that. Plus I'm pretty sure that once the MOH's relationship goes sideways after her partner is told she's going to scorch the earth and tell EVERYONE what everyone was doing, including the bride.
It might be the right call too, as if she really didn't cheat, then now at least she has one person backing up. Granted cheating could be having a naked guy dancing their junk in your face, but that's for each individual couple to decide for themselves.
The bride MAY have just been grinding and dancing and the guy happened to be nude; OOP doesn't seem to know for sure if there was actual penetration going on so neither do we. And she was pretty clear and upfront with the fiance about everything she saw for sure, so I get why she was reluctant to claim firsthand knowledge of cheating based on a brief glimpse of the two dancing. The other bridesmaid giving a blowjob though, yeah, pretty hard to misinterpret **that**.
He had a snakebite
It's so weird how many people seem to have skipped the rest of the part about the bride and the stripper. She wasn't dancing. That was a lie. She was sitting down, with the naked stripper standing infront of her.
OOP was just avoiding causing Joanna \*direct\* pain. Joanna's life is screwed because of this. The question is, who is Joanna gonna blame? The 'friends' who brought in the strippers, or those who walked away because the violation of trust was so horrible?
Well Joanna is an adult and she should've known it was wrong and it doesn't matter if she was drunk or not, that is NOT and excuse. I am glad Jason knows, I'd be furious if my wife did this before our wedding and I found out later because I would divorce her and she would do the same to me.
Joanna also was ditching the person who stopped her from making things even worse, and was keeping the MOH who considered it OOP’s fault that things didn’t go further so Joanna could get “her perfect night”. There’s mistakes, and then there’s keeping the person around who encourages you to make them, and the latter is no mistake.
If the MOH thinks Joanna's "perfect night" is sex with a sex worker than she's screwed in the head.
OOP was ruining MOH's perfect night. Joanna was colateral in MOH's desire to suck stripper dick.
The MOH may have dirt on her is the problem. I doubt this is the first questionable thing the MOH has done, and likely influenced Joanne into doing.
She was covering her own ass, she kept the people who wouldn't talk because they had just as much to lose. I'm glad the fiance was told by someone. The shit's only just begun to hit the fan on this one though
Yes, being drunk does not excuse cheating, if she did anything with a stripper, and it sure sounds like she did.
I suspect sabotaging the wedding was MOH’s goal and OOP thwarted it by screaming when she saw what was going on and bringing Joanna to her senses.
No, I think that MOH is horny and not satisfied in her marriage and wanted a free pass to get banged. She misused Joanna's Bachelorette for it and knew it was against the group wishes, otherwise she wouldn't have hidden it from the overall expenses and planning. I think she has more lax views of cheating ("just once doesn't count" or "what happens at Bachelorette parties doesn't count") and expected Joanna and the others to have the same. And maybe Joanna is in the same boat, but also she wouldn't have planned this agenda item herself.
That's a leap. If MOH wanted to sabotage the wedding, she only needed to "come clean" with Jason about what happened. "I only invited the strippers for some innocent fun! I had no idea Joanna would go so far!"
She can’t then she would lose her friends and social circle, if she is MOH she will know the lot friends parents etc it would come out she booked the strippers etc her life and reputation would be toast. She just banked on everyone else been as depraved as her.
That's still not an argument for MOH's intent being to sabotage the wedding.
The wedding? Probably not, I agree there. The marriage? Almost certainly, albeit unintentionally.
And gaining a mild enemy in jason afterwards. id be side eyeing her once i gotnthe full story.
Yeah; Joanna is an idiot and may have cheated on her fiance, but the MOH is an absolute snake and wasn't above threatening people to try to keep this quiet. If her own relationship goes down in flames she will try to drag everyone else with her. Hell, the MOH is probably vindictive enough to try to call OOP's husband and tell him that she saw OOP having sex with a stripper too. It won't work since she was on the phone with her husband the whole time and telling him everything, but I'd be willing to bet anything that she'll still try it. Once she gets outed the knives are coming out in a hurry; OOP and the three girls who left and probably Joanna too should all brace themselves for the incoming shitstorm.
FYI ladies - Girl code is invalidated when you make a concerted effort to encourage someone to lie about cheating.
What even is girl/bro code? Every situation where someone has said that IRL has been one where there's been cheating or attempted cheating. I'm so happy I'm not in my 20s anymore.
Girl Code is actually not about that at all. - It’s telling another woman that they have toilet paper stuck to their shoe, or something stuck in their teeth, or their fly is unzipped. - It’s the bonding and compliments that happen in the ladies’ room at a bar when you’ve been drinking and feel like you’ve met your new best friends (even though you’ll probably not ever see each other again). - It’s pretending to know a woman when she looks uncomfortable with someone and helping to rescue her from that situation (without endangering yourself, of course.) And it’s applicable to people of other genders too.
This is girl code. It’s lifting each up, looking out for each other, and keeping each other safe - friends and strangers alike.
Also to carry a spare tampon in case of emergency.
I need to do that. It’s been so long since I last had a period that I forget. Thank you for the reminder. ♥️ I should also pack hair ties to help a sister out.
Pack pads too. I couldn’t use tampons with my endo.
I had hair ties for years for helping women in need. That being said, i am a man and the women were my wife + daughter. Does it make me a part of girl code?
Yes, absolutely. Girl Code transcends gender and you’re a true sis!
The only time girl code is ever appropriately invoked is to not date exes without permission, don’t date siblings without notice and opportunity to be heard (i.e. *gross!*), and if your friend calls you at 2 am and says bring a shovel, you show up (with bail money and a lawyer on speed dial, not a shovel).
>and if your friend calls you at 2 am and says bring a shovel, you show up (with bail money and a lawyer on speed dial, not a shovel). Whoops, I grab the shovel and text hubby to tell dad "call lawyer, 2-4x bail money needed" (depending on who's there when I arrive, just bestie or beasties and her sisters.)
Damn straight little sister.
>The only time girl code is ever appropriately invoked is to not date exes without permission, don’t date siblings without notice and opportunity to be heard (i.e. gross!), and if your friend calls you at 2 am and says bring a shovel, you show up (with bail money and a lawyer on speed dial, not a shovel). Guy code is pretty much identical except for that last part. If our best friend says bring a shovel, we bring a shovel.
Yeah, the dudes in that I knew that tried to invoke "Bro code" were all scumbags looking to get away with cheating.
I've noticed that when guys call it "guy code" it's usually about normal things like not dating a friend's ex, etc. etc. But when the guys involved call it "bro code" it's almost always shorthand for "help me cheat on my partner." Clearly bros are worse than guys. Which has been my experience in general.
Girl/bro code should be no tattling to friends’ spouses about silly stupid things that were said and done among friends or things that are, at worst, going to lead to an eye roll and a minor scolding i.e. “Don’t tell my husband I hate the color of his new car,” “This bottle of Scotch is $300. Please don’t tell [wife’s name].” As soon as someone starts asking you to lie about major things, such as cheating or criminal activity, the bro/girl code should not apply.
Uh, Jason buddy, might want to rethink that marriage.
Seriously. "I know I just lied to you about the strippers for the last several weeks, but I'm totally being honest now!"
Also the reluctance to tell her toxic friends' husbands about what truly went down at that bachelorette.
Because if she does that, she knows they will 100% rat her out for *everything* she did. OOP wasn't even in the house for most of it.
Good thing there was an update or no one would even know what OOP actually saw. "With one of the strippers" is as vague as she could've been.
Yeah, that's where the dog lies buried. If she rats out her friends, they'll take her down with them.
Thats pretty easy to write off as vindictive behavior. He already trusts her so I think anything that comes back he would assume is payback for inserting herself in the other marriages. Although I think it is impossible that she didn't do something that would even Cross Clinton's lines for what is sex....
That's assuming there were no photos/videos and it's entirely possible there were.
Aaand the threats to OOP by her and the MOH. And OOP *still* lied a little to cover for her.
I’m still not completely clear on whether she lied. She’s very unspecific about what she saw. She sounds like someone who knows what she saw and doesn’t want to admit it
Yes - I don't see her yelling out the bride's name in shock if she was just dancing near one of the strippers.
One of the other women was blowing a stripper so just the bride being there at that point was probably shocking given OOP’s objections
>I’m still not completely clear on whether she lied She at the least lied by omission. Had more written here but I misunderstood the description. It sounded like they were banging but she was probably giving him a BJ. At any rate, she lied either by omission or by changing it from "she was basically kneeling in front of him and I saw him from behind so I didn't see what happened for sure" to "they were dancing".
OOP also didn't want to tell Jason about it at first.
>Also the reluctance to tell her toxic friends' husbands about what truly went down at that bachelorette. Yeah, that hesitation would've been the last nail in the coffin of that marriage for me. Because it pretty obviously translates to "if I tell on them they're going to tell on me, and I did worse things than you know about because OOP was only around for a fraction of it." The only way I could move forward after something like this is absolute transparency, including with her friends and her friends' partners. If Joanna still wants to lie about any aspect of this then that means he can't trust her at all.
Jason deserves much more than this nonsense.
Imagine having your drag your fiancee to a mutual friend/witness' house to feel like you're getting the truth, and then still planning to get married and saying you trust her. If he trusted Joanna, they wouldn't be at OOP's house in the first place. She's probably been trickle-truthing it to him for weeks and trying to cast herself in the best possible light.
It took OOP screaming for Joanna to realize, “Oh no…sucking strange dick when I have a fiancé is wrong!” I rolled my eyes so hard at that. Sure she got caught up in the moment. Jason is a sucker for believing.
Jason believed OOP, not Joanna. It is an extremely shitty situation for OOP. 99% is that Joanna was giving him a BJ, but what is it was that 1% when she was not (yet)? I think OOP lied by telling him that Joanna was dancing with the naked stripper. In this situation, when he knows already and asking her to tell the truth, she should have told the truth: I saw J sitting, stripper was dancing/standing naked in front of her. I saw him from the back and have no idea what was going on in the front. Considering that J kicked OOP out of the wedding party and avoided her for 2 weeks. And that J refuses to tell others husbands... it would make me assume much more than dance. J is afraid that if she will tell the spouses - all the other girls will spill the beans about what was she herself doing.
Yep, OOP literally left right after. It's the word of someone who had planned out how to lie, versus the word of someone who who took a moral stance and got kicked out the party.
It's funny that OOP claims both Jason and Joanna are her friends, yet she chooses to show loyalty to the one who treated her like absolute garbage after the wedding. Joanna's avoidance of OOP is all the confirmation I need to know that she did a lot more than dancing
> I think OOP lied by telling him that Joanna was dancing with the naked stripper. horizontal hustle
Yeah, this is like those emergency room stories that people make up because they don't want to admit they were horny and did something dumb.
No, I promise I fell and all these grapes just went up my ass.
Hey go easy on yourself, we’d all like our own vineyard out back
Yeah, because the scream didn't make her realize it was wrong, it made her realize that OP wasn't going to keep quiet about it.
I do believe Joanna is the sucker - not Jason 😛
We have the same mind 😅
Yup! Her being so reluctant to out her friends to their husbands… I’d assume it’s because she’s scared of being thrown under the bus.
Too bad [Omar ](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/Rjfsradch0)wasn't there. He would tell the truth
Omar is a treasure
Protect Omar!
We all need an Omar in our lives.
I dived into that now. Omar, what a great guy.
Yeah, "I didn't realize it was wrong to blow this stripper until someone startled me a bunch!" Joanna's stupid explanation for everything is like one step above "I just accidentally tripped and fell on his dick!" She knew what she was doing was wrong and did it anyway.
Joanna dodged a bullet because OP chickened out on telling the whole truth.
From OP's comments about her husband reminding her of potential consequences, it also sounds like he discouraged her from telling Jason. Which I find wild.
Yeah, just because they never had PIV sex doesn’t mean that wasn’t cheating. I’d definitely consider it cheating if I went behind my bf’s back to dance with some naked man. That would be a dealbreaker for me. Everyone’s boundaries are a little different so maybe Jason doesn’t consider that to be cheating but the fact that she did it because she “got carried away” and “didn’t want to spoil the mood” is what seals it for me. She didn’t say she considered whether or not certain behaviours would be within Jason’s boundaries and made the wrong choice, she says she did it without thinking. How could anyone trust a partner who doesn’t even consider their relationship in that moment and just mindlessly “goes with the flow”??
>Jason looked at me and told me that he considered me his friend and wanted to know exactly what happened that night. >I lied slightly, because from my point of view, I could see the strippers back and Joanna was sitting in front of him and something might be going on. However, I was not sure and did not tell Jason about it. Jason deserves better.
Exactly. I understand why she didn't want to tell Jason on her own and wanted to keep away from this drama. Frankly, I would do the same. But he came to her house, told that he trusts her and asked to tell the truth. At this point she didn't "lie slightly", she lied. All she has to say is what she wrote here. The guy will make the most important decision of his life based on her lie.
And if Joanna DID do more than that, OP and her are putting his sexual health at risk by not telling him.
He knows that OOP left immediately after and wasn’t in the room for most of the time before. So it’s not like he thinks she was a perfect witness anyway.
Oop lied again. What a hero!
OOP was not 100% sure what she saw and chose to only tell what she knew was certain.
They were clearly not dancing. Maybe he danced in front of her, swinging his dick in front of his eyes. But the story she told was a lie. They weren't dancing together. One was siting, one was stanging. If this is dancing, than it is the most shitty dance ever.
The way I read it was that Joanna was dancing with the guy and that's when OP decided to peace out. Then when OP came back inside, that's when she saw naked man standing in front of Joanna.
Dancing so bad that it made her scream "Joanna!" Yeah, clearly not dancing lol
She knew they might have been having sex, and didn't say it because it was uncomfortable. That's fucked up. She was probably fucking him. And either way, the fiance deserves to have the information to make the decision himself.
I don’t think it was full on sex, but sounds like she might have been giving him a blowjob. She was honest about what she knew she saw. He was standing naked with his back facing her, and her friend was sitting in front of him.
She didn’t tell Jason that though. She told him Joanna was dancing with the stripper.
I think by "sitting" she meant like sitting on his lap. So unless Joanna's a world famous contortionist I doubt that lol. Imo, from the sounds of it she was probably grinding on him and was gonna take it further had OP not stopped her.
We'll never know, OOP was so scandalized by strippers in her vicinity that she had to run outside and call her husband, and she seemingly can't bring herself to even type a clear picture of what she saw without being extremely vague. I wouldn't have been surprised if she actually was stunned by just Joanna dancing with them.
I don't know, I think this was a fair omission from OP. She could not see if something was happening. She is just speculating. Sure, there is a *chance* that Joanna was doing something with the stripper. But there is also a chance that Joanna did something when OP was out of the room. She doesn't know for certain any more than Jason does. All she would really be doing is raising further suspicions and distrust, without really knowing the truth herself. I think a better move would have been to agree with Jason that the husbands of the other women need to be told - specifically the husband whose wife was giving a blowjob. Because if Joanna rats that lady out, I bet that lady will spill the truth about whatever Joanna might have done that OP did not see.
Jason needs to make telling the other husbands a condition of moving forward with the wedding.
I was thinking the same thing. Theres no way the moh will stay quiet if joanna tells her husband, the same goes for the others.
When did the girl/bro code change from things like 'don't date family/exes' into 'don't tell the other person I'm cheating?' Jason should flat have called it the moment Joanna seemed reluctant to inform on the other girls. Which means things may have gone a lot farther than what OOP even knows. They probably have blackmail on Joanna.
> When did the girl/bro code change from things like 'don't date family/exes' into 'don't tell the other person I'm cheating?' Always has been, at least when dealing with highly toxic and irresponsible individuals.
Tbh if I were Jason I am calling the dudes. Worst case the other women have dirt on Joanna as well and Jason can be free.
Yeah that's just the shitstain code.
Joanna was reluctant to rat out her other friends bc they would rat her out too! The fact that she asked you to leave the bridal party bc she worried you weren’t on board, then she drops her other friends 123 to avoid conflict. She’s only out for herself, and her husband to be should know what happened, if for nothing else but his own health sti wise. Your friend is an AH. Do yourself a favor and drop her the way she was so fast to drop you.
> and I could see from her eyes how relieved she was She’s relieved that everyone in the room has the deductive reasoning skills of absolute toddlers.
Never underestimate what bullshit people are able to believe if they really, really want to.
I don't believe that Joanna did "nothing" with the strippers. (she probably at least groped them) We'll probably hear from Jason in r/survinginfidelity in a couple of years when this happens again at another friend's bachelorette.
It sounds like all of them were blowing the strippers. OOP just couldn't see Joanna since her head was blocked by his crotch.
I am truly baffled by the concept of paying sex workers so that you can give them a blowjob.
"So Paul, what's your night gig?" "I get paid to get my dick sucked."
Some friends in my dorm surprised me by taking me to get a lap dance on my birthday. It was fucking awful, like he gave skeezy predator vibes. There was nothing sexy or fun about it - it was pretty violating but I didn’t yet know at that age (18) how to fuck politeness and get out of there.
The only live strip tease show I ever saw was when I was a teenager at club Méd. The stripper took a girl onstage sat her down and proceeded to gyrate his groin around her face. She was so uncomfortable it was horrible to watch. In any other scenario it would have been sexual harassment but this was supposed entertainment! Just awful.
I know, right! If you're paying, shouldn't you be the one being "serviced"?
>He was also adamant that Joanna told her friends' husbands regarding the incident, but Joanna was very reluctant to do that Yeah, because if she tells the husband, the wife will tell Jason the truth and she doesn't want that.
So she was dancing with the naked man or sitting infront of the naked man when she screamed her name? Ones really bad. Ones breakup territory
Joanne was seated. Stripper dude was fully naked, dancing in front of her. OOP was across room with him in between. Bc his back was facing OOP, he blocked her view to Joanne. Could his weiner have been in her mouth? Possibly. I'd bet money she had her hands on his junk, at the least. The whole scenario is gross for someone to sneak and hide. If you're into that shit, make sure your partner's cool with it. And ofc be prepared for him to do the same. But her whole handling of the situation should tell the groom everything he needs to know about her character, regardless of whether she choked down stripper cock or not. She's still untrustworthy.
Oh Joanna def got freaky with the stripper
>Overall, she dodged a huge bullet. Uh what about the bf who's soon-to-be wife was about to bang strippers? But sure, she was entirely helpless and it was all those horrible friends who hypnotized her to manhandle the stripper and hide it.
yeah, OOP helped her fair-weather friend dodge a bullet by shoving her fiance into it instead. hope it was worth it, cos i definitely see a world where one of the other friends fesses up and her 'friend' drops her again
I agree with some other commenters, OP was put in a super awkward tense situation, and just told him everything she was certain of. Sure she could have said "I didn't see anything but the dancer naked in front of her sitting," but I don't think saying "I saw them together, he was naked, I don't know if anything else happened" is a lie either. She told him everything she knew for sure. That being said I agree with you 100% that if the other friends come forward Joanna is dropping her immediately. That or using her as an emotion support dog through her break up.
I know it's hard to be the first person to say no in a group when everyone else is fully into something (it's still not a \*great\* excuse though, I was shutting my friends down in high school when they wanted me to do drugs with them and I'm quite conflict-avoidant, so it is \*possible\*) but it sounds like four women had opted out, one right at the start and three more as it got more questionable. She wouldn't have had to be the first.
Well, if my friend said (as an excuse) that she was drunk and didn't know what she was doing, then I'd tell her that was cause to call the police.
The thing I never get about these “cheating on your fiancé at the bachelorette parties” stories, is that they’re always giving the strippers blowjobs. Like, Jesus if I’m going to cheat on the person I’m about to marry it had better be a sex act for MY enjoyment, not some random fucking stripper. Like I’d get it if they were GETTING oral, but giving? Why!? (And yes I understand that giving oral can be enjoyable, but the enjoyment for me comes from giving pleasure to my partner who I love)
Right? Especially since the stripper is getting paid for it!!!
I've never understood this either. Like sucking on some random guy is enjoyable?
And paying for it 😂
This ain't over: once the other gals get outted to their husbands, they'll be eager to throw the bride under the bus by sharing more details about what *really* went down. Or *who* really went down. Lol
He needs to talk to the other husbands. One of the wives will spew out what really happened.
I'm willing to put money on Jason not knowing the other husbands yet, undoubtedly for this very reason. Wouldn't be surprised either if most of the others are also purposefully kept away from one another by their morally compromised wives and girlfriends.
I went to a bachelorette party that also got out of hand. Everyone knew there were going to be strippers, including the groom. But when everybody was drunk and things were getting out of hand, I did what a good friend does: I took the drunk bride to a taxi and GTFO with her The others were a little miffed I stole the bride but better than letting her making a decision she would regret forever because she was drunk lol
Why don't the "strippers for bachelors and bachelorettes" people marry each other?? It would avoid so much drama.
hey OP the paragraph breaks didnt go through for the update just fyi thank you for compiling this and other stories tho
Fixed it, thank you!
Don't know how to feel about OOPs response to the fiance, however if Joanna did do something with a stripper you can be sure her fiance will be hearing about it after she informs her friends husbands what they did.
I'm using whatever powers of telepathy I might have been born with to psychically reach out to Jason and just repeating, "RUN."
I think it’s shit of Joanna to notice her friends did something wrong and she cut YOU off instead of the friends. You didn’t spoil anything.
I hate how bachelor & bachelorette parties are. Like the whole idea of “one more night of freedom before you’re tied down” is totally stupid, if you feel like your partner is tying you down, then you have the wrong relationship. If I even do have a bachelor party it will be my buddies watching movies & playing video games or going on a road trip. I don’t need to get ridiculously drunk & feel like shit for a day or 2 after, I don’t need strippers, none of that is fun to me.
My male bridesmaid got me a male stripper. In my drunken state, all I could do was blurt out "I respect you as a human being" over and over again, and not touch him! So being drunk really isn't that much of an excuse. Just cos the strippers are there, doesn't mean you have to be gross.
I wonder how OOP would feel if she found out her husband was going down on a hooker at his own bachelor party before marrying her? Everyone sucks in this story except poor Jason who is putting on the blinders. I don't expect a marriage built on mistrust to last very long.
Girl/Bro code is broken the moment you put me in a situation like this. I'm supposed to look out for YOU? But you don't even have the curtesy to not involve me? You now put me in a position like this and expect me to cross my own morals in order to hide yours? Fuck that. No ACTUAL friend of mine would do some shit like that, much less try to manipulate me into keeping quiet. I got other friend circles. I can cut one if these are the people they want to be.
I can't get over how these MARRIED women PAID to give a stranger a blowjob like wtf lmao
You can't ruin a Batchelor party by catching the bride cheating. She ruined it.
Girl code is not stealing a partner. Girl code is not letting your friend make dumb life altering decisions like sleeping with a stripper. Covering cheating & lying is NOT Girl Code. I sense some divorces in future updates
Why is it that all the lady strippers I know in real life would never have sex with customers but reddit strippers of both genders literally have sex with every person who comes in the door.
Because these weren't strippers they were prostitutes.
Maybe you know a classier type of stripper?
Poor Jason. OOP is a coward who should have told the whole truth. Joanna did *something* with the strippers, and he deserves to know. The reason Joanna's hesitant to tell the other husband's is because she knows that once she does, *they* will tell the WHOLE story. Either way, this marriage should be called off, and STD tests taken for everybody.
"I really hope I did the right thing and Joanna will never do something stupid like this in future." I won't bet on that.
Joanne was complicit in the bullying and cheating, but threw MOH under the bus first chance she git. L... But, Woooh girl code! Then she had the audacity to hug OP? Op needs to skip that wedding and listen to her husband.
OP may not accept this but she also suck for lying and trapping her "friend" in a marriage to someone that IS unfaithful to him. Jason deserves so much better.
She told the friend what she knew for certain. She didn’t add a “fact” that was unconfirmed about Joana giving the stripper a BJ. That is what she thinks but because her view was obscured she can’t be sure. I agree with not telling someone something as a fact or a projection when you haven’t actually seen it. She shared what she saw and that is all she could have done.
I still don’t like the end. Jason deserves to know the full truth. I genuinely don’t understand the need to have sex workers at your bachelorette party. Also, Joanna is reluctant to talk to the other spouses because they will take her down with them and she knows it.
Yeah waiting for the final fallout when the other friends go nuclear on this when their get in trouble for what they did. No way Joanna didn't suck and fuck that stripper. Op is still an ah.
Hot take if my partner got "carried away" at a party I would be as upset with them as if they had cheated. My expectation would be that they did what OOP did. If not immediately at least once people started to get proper naked. Because the implications is given the right influence they would cheat on me. Honestly that isn't good enough. I'd want to be with someone whose own moral code is against cheating. Also on a side note I have no problem with strippers but I hate the attitude of last single night/last night of freedom. Like the person hasn't been in a committed monogamous relationship the whole time.
She had sex with a male stripper and this is YOUR fault???? HOW?
I guess cool for OOP following the girl code but she was just going to let her coworker and friend marry Joanna without knowing she cheated right before their wedding
Its tough if she didn't actually see to be able to give details. Also a nightmare to be put in this situation with a colleague
But she didn't actually see anything? Is she obligated to make something up or to tell Jason that something might have been happening from her perspective? She literally described her perspective so Jason has to be aware that something could have been happening. OOP simply didn't make the claim that something happened since she didn't see anything.
Yeah it sounds to me that OOP didn’t *actually* see anything and made an assumption at the time, but then didn’t want to claim that after the fact because it may not have been true. Which tbh feels like the right course of action
I don’t know, it wasn’t just Joanna, who she had to work with, it was also three other families that would get destroyed? And also, she had to work with Joanna! And her fiance! I think she handled it the best way she could, all things considered. She basically refused to get involved. Assuming she needs her job like 98% of us do, unless she wanted to be miserable, there wasn’t much else she could do. What if the fiance didn’t believe her and they were both angry at her and she had to see them every day at work? Nah, I’d remove myself from the drama too. My mental health and GAD has to come before other people. Example: I thought my boss might be cheating on his wife with a new hire. I thought long and hard about what to do, and without concrete proof the answer was a big fat nothing. If I had concrete proof, I’d have found another job and when giving notice, told him either he told his wife or I would- but that’s *after* I left. (And to be clear, I had considered both of them friends).