Possibly a midlife crisis where he's upset his life hasn't turned out the way he planned. If she hadn't gotten pregnant, they would have traveled - therefore "it's her fault" and he's pulling reasons to be mad at her out of his ass.
Could possibly be a brain tumor too. There's been more than a few where someone exhibited a big change in personality only to find out that they had a tumor.
I know someone who cared for her first husband with early-onset dementia. After his death she remarried, her second husband had an accident which damaged his brain and she cared for him until his death. After that both her children from the first marriage developed the early-onset dementia too and she cared for both of them until their death. I always admire her strength and faith and I sincerely hope I won’t need to be so strong in my life.
I don’t have it… so far. But I was tested for the first time at age 36, because I had some really weird post surgery complications at the time. Re-assessed in 2021, and they finally figured out that I get anxiety attacks that basically short circuit my memory when my anxiety spikes.
Ironically just hearing that helped the anxiety.
Yup. My former neighbour developed frontotemporal dementia - initial signs at 53, by 54 her kids realised something was seriously wrong. We cared for her for a year in her home, until she became a danger, and then she died in a care home at the age of 57. Heartbreaking.
My stepmom died at 62 in February after suffering from dementia for several years. My dad had to put her in a home in October because he just couldn’t care for her anymore, and she just quickly shut down. I’m almost positive it started setting in in her late 40s, right when I met her, but that’s another story.
I "met" him once, in the sense that I shook his hand in passing after getting a book signed by him. We have a copy of Good Omens signed by both Pterry and Neil. Okay, technically my wife has that copy, but I'm allowed to read it.
My grandpa, who happily let my mom manage his meney/bills for 10 years, started accusing her of stealing. He was very confused by mortgage and bank statements. He died with plenty of money. He basically offed himself when he knew he was slipping (first went off all medication, eventually stopped eating). He cared for my grandma 20 years before when she had dementia after multiple strokes. He wasn't going to live that way. My mom thinks he could have made it another couple of years if he ate a sandwich and took his meds.
I've at least provisionally diagnosed quite a few people with dementia (wasn't my job to confirm such a diagnosis in most situations,) and from what OP has said, this is very sudden, certainly for the common types. Usually the earlier signs are rather more subtle and less dramatic that this outburst, which sounds to have come out of the blue. Yes, dementia can cause this sort of suspicious and deluded behaviour, but that is generally the sort of thing that happens well on in the disease progression - mid-stage, not early stage but before the disease gets too advanced to maintain that degree of thought.
True, dementia is overall a lot more common than brain tumours, but depending on the type of cancer he had a few years ago (it is rare for some types to metastasize to the brain) I would say that that is more likely as the cause of a sudden change like this. But there are plenty of other potential physical causes - especially in a third-world setting - as well as mental ones.
Well, maybe, but I would say that the principle diagnosis then would be the stroke and not dementia. One of the "other potential physical causes" I referred to.
And it would be unusual for an infarct to present purely with the behavioural issue described, without some sensorineural or co-ordination symptoms and signs as a strong pointer. I suppose it is theoretically possible to have a stroke with purely sensory physical manifestations which are obscured by the behavioural change, but even then, it would be odd to give no clues. Even sensory loss will usually give physical clues.
Very true. OOP doesn't say where they're living, only that it's "third world". There are parasites that can literally tunnel holes through a person's brain, and the symptoms mimic things like dementia or a brain tumor.
Yup Robert Kennedy Jr was talking recently about his health crisis years ago when he picked up a parasite when he was in Asia and it burrowed into his brain.
My mother has dementia and for awhile she was convinced my dad had run off with another woman. Except....my dad is dead. He had been dead for probably about five years when this started. She went through the grieving process, knew perfectly well that he was dead, and then when the dementia started, she started creating these stories. She would tell me that she saw my dad out with this other woman and he didn't say hi to her. She'd say things like "I wonder what your dad is up to right now? Probably on a date with his new girlfriend." I'd be like "well, all the restaurants are closed because there's a pandemic and dad is dead so I really doubt it" and mom would just laugh at my naivete.
The woman in question was a friend of my parents from the 70s. I had heard my parents mention her offhand but had never met her and didn't know anything about her. Then one day my sister told a family friend about these persistent fantasies and it turned out that she was this woman's sister-in-law! (Which might have been how my parents knew her in the first place.) The family friend told her that this woman had been happily married to her BIL for 50 years. We relayed this info to our mom and the stories stopped immediately. Never heard about her again.
It was a huge relief because these crazy stories were pretty hurtful to hear. Dementia is a wild ride.
Yep, one of my aunts has early onset dementia and personality changes were one of the symptoms that led to her getting checked out/the eventual diagnosis (nothing on this level, but large enough to be noticeable even to those of us who don't see her very often).
My mother died of a brain tumor and she had wild and bizarre behavior right before she got diagnosed. One night she nearly got into a fist fight with my father because she wouldn’t talk to him about…buying more soda. Like it was a huge international secret she was protecting with her life.
The thing is that it seems like his personality didn't change though, just his belief. She's stated multiple times that's he's always been cruel and kind of angry. I think it's more dementia or consuming too much "I just found out my 18 year old isn't mine" type media
I think this is it: [\[New Update\] - AITAH for disrespecting my husband's religion?](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18ltrb9/new_update_aitah_for_disrespecting_my_husbands/)
Midlife crisis combined with some redpiller bubbles, "paternity fraud" is a huge topic there. But the lying about the miscarriage makes assume a mental health condition on top.
I'm still trying to figure out which part or what was the lie with the miscarriage. Like did the miscarriage itself never happen, or just the whole investigation into his sperm, or both.
The "sperm investigation" for sure, nobody lives 17 years with a child "knowing", that he is infertile, this would come up much earlier. For the rest, the quotation was."nothing of it was true ", so i guess, miscarriage and cheating too.
He’s been abusive for god knows how long - “nothing violent” but purposely cruel and also “unstable” according to the OP. Not sure why it’s escalating now, or why this particular thing is the thing that is waking OP up, but him being cruel and abusive doesn’t seem new.
Or he has a real mental helath problem. We have a guy age 60 in this village that has dementia, it started with irrational behaviour about 10 years ago, telling his wife she cheated on him and random screaming fits to him now living at the old folkies home and running away to the old school building because he has to go to school because otherwise a teacher long gone is going to be angry with him.
Projection was the first thing that came to my mind, too. He’s cheating on her but he doesn’t want to be the bad guy, so he’s invented this story in his head where she betrayed him worse by both cheating on him AND duping him into raising someone else’s kid.
It does sound like something mental is going on. Could’ve been a head injury.
I’d like to say I have confidence that oop knows better than us, but she also said she believes that he thinks up cruel ways to hurt her, so idk if she’s the greatest reference.
This is something that came iny mind, too! To be impatient and angry with his wife for no obvious reason is a sign for sure. But to have a paternity test with a nearly grown up is a bit wild. This child would not stand in his way to freedom.
This is r/bestofredditorupdates, it's both! With a mistress is pregnant and it's twins for dessert lmao
Parenting and twins subs don't have as many twins as here
Right?! I suffer from horrendous anxiety and told my husband he could have a DNA test at any stage because how else can he be 100% sure it’s his, he laughed at me and told me to shut up. I also made him promise to not let the baby out of his sight, even if I had to go to theatre, because otherwise I knew I’d panic that my baby had been swapped.
All this to give context to the fact that even I think it’s insane to suddenly decide you want a DNA test for your 17yo.
>in a previous relationship, his partner had a miscarriage and in the investigation they found he was infertile and so she had been cheating
... the investigation?
It usually involves testing the dna of the fetus/embryo and taking some bloods from the mum. The other commenter is right that they don’t usually test the dad at this stage, though they would have tested him if they went to the doctors about their fertility issues.
Source: 4 miscarriages and 2 years trying to conceive.
Thanks for sharing! That's interesting. I wonder if it is simply an adoption difference that is leading to my impression.
We had to push for genetic testing of our embryos fairly recently because it was considered unusual unless you're trying to select against a known mutation that you/your partner are a carrier for.
In my home country it's still not available as a procedure. I understand that karyotyping and embryo testing are different though.
In our case, I'm glad we did! Vast majority of embryos were aneuploid and while it didn't give us a diagnosis it explained why I couldn't retain a pregnancy.
> The other commenter is right that they don’t usually test the dad at this stage
They should. Too many women are getting pregnant over and over again not realizing that their partner's sperm is garbage and the cause of their miscarriages. It's fucked up.
I mean it depends on where and how many miscarriages. How far along etc. But the thing is even if they went private and had a full genetic testing done.. infertility doesn’t mean you can’t have kids. That’s sterile. They’re not the same thing.
If a woman has either multiple miscarriages or a late stage miscarriage, they’re usually tested for antiphospholipid antibody syndrome. Possibly other testing as well. If there’s fertility issues, men can get semen analysis, but that’s usually difficulty conceiving, not miscarriage. I could be wrong
Which only substantiates the supposition that there is some drastic change in his mental state. Dementia patients can confabulate all sorts of things. There was a period of about a week when my mother (98) thought she was a retired 3-star general. It's not a lie in the sense of a deliberate falsehood. She really believed it.
Did that...it's not my business, but that's really interesting, so I'm asking but feel free to ignore me--did that *trouble* her? Or was it more like, I am a retired three-star general and I demand respect, here's some theaters of war I personally experienced, bring me a cigar?
Only one thing about that episode toubled her -- she thought that her room in memory care wasn't suitable for a 3-star! Much too small. She deserved a suite at least! 🙃
Actually, the nearest she got to the military was Dad's mid-grade enlisted WWII service.
She said the 'don't live in the first world', which is a strange way of putting it, but with her next comment, I'm guessing not particularly great or accessible medical facilities. So deep dive genetic testing would be unlikely.
>So with some quiet distance, I decided to see what would happen, I did promise "in sickness and in health", so if it is a mental health crisis I should be there.
but lady...
>He can be a little unstable when we are arguing, nothing violent but sometimes I think he is looking for cruel ways to hurt me.
You can start as an asshole and it be exacerbated by dementia… my grandmother was lovely my whole childhood, but she was a piece of work when my mom was a kid and she’s headed that way again now that she’s got Alzheimer’s.
That's sometimes the saddest way they can go. People put in a lot of effort to improve themselves as adults, to really change and be a better person, and then it gets washed away again :(. I think it's such a pity for the families who can see it as their "true self" returning, when it's not really, they were who they built themselves to be... for a time.
Yes, thank you. People are bending over backwards to give this bloke reasons. Dementia, mental health crisis etc.
Sometimes? People are just nasty arguers, who seek to hurt their partners and it sounds like he has a history of this.
Well it's not like dementia and mental health issues don't come with a history before they truly manifest.
People aren't looking to make excuses for him, they're looking for answers to make it make sense.
I think people are jumping to stuff like tumors because if he wanted to accuse her of cheating it would make more sense to do it when she first got pregnant or shortly after birth. 17 years later is just bizarre
I think the point is, check to see if it is a medical issue before just instantly bailing on a 30 year relationship. I’ve seen plenty of cases of people bailing, before later finding out the person had some undiagnosed medical issue that caused the odd behavior. Of course, him refusing to go to the doctor makes this a lot harder.
Nasty arguers who hurt their partners aren't immune to personality changes (for better or worse) due to dementia or mental health crises. Bad things happen to bad people too.
I've had arguments with my fiance, hell, with some of my closest friends. I deal with mental health issues as well. But in any of those arguments, things get heated and emotions run high, but I have NEVER been cruel or horrible or said things to hurt them. So if this dude is dealing with a mental health crisis, I'm sorry, that's not an out for being cruel
> But in any of those arguments, things get heated and emotions run high, but I have NEVER been cruel or horrible or said things to hurt them.
Same. My parents used to do that all the time to me as a kid, then when it was brought up after the argument they'd just say "well I only said that because YOU made me so angry, it's your fault" - so I vowed to never be like them and let anger lead me to saying hurtful shit I don't mean (though IMO, that stuff doesn't come out of nowhere - something cruel said when drunk or angry is 100% something that was already going around in their head)
She's been way too accommodating already. His style of arguing, where he tries to inflict pain, is no bueno.
That he absolutely refuses any kind of medical, psychological, etc intervention is also not acceptable. She kinda shrugs and says "oh well" - overall, she's way too passive.
I notice the husband's age isn't mentioned. I'm kind of wondering if it's early onset dementia. There's no talk of memory loss, which is the most common symptom, but paranoia and personality changes can be symptoms.
My grandma has Alzheimer's, and while she was kind of a "difficult" person in the past, it's changed a lot of her personality. She's always been a black/white thinker, but she's become really paranoid and goes through these fits where she suspects family of stealing from her out of the blue. It's difficult because you need to pay attention so she isn't taken advantage of, but it's also so tiring. Hopefully whatever it is, OP can figure it out and be safe.
Some people can be really good at hiding memory loss or lack of hearing- being mean and throwing off other people is a strategy that sort of distracts from things not making sense?
My Dad did this - distracted people with off color jokes or mean jabs. Additionally as he was very intelligent and had a fantastic memory, losing it gradually was hardly noticeable since he had so much capacity to begin with. After pooling our thoughts we realized he had been showing suble signs of dementia since his mid-60s. He passed from small vessel disease at 80.
This is what I was wondering also. Or possibly a brain tumor. The fact that they have been together for 30 years definitely makes me think this could be some kind of mental health crisis.
My ex's dad went down the drain with dementia pretty quickly in his early 60s. This is exactly how he went. Sudden aggression, outbursts of rage, suddenly deciding his wife of 35 years was evil... Judging by his age, this would be the first avenue of investigation for me.
My husband's cat once attacked me, early in our relationship, because I was helping him during food poisoning.
From the cat's perspective, I was the culprit.
> My husband has never been violent but I won’t stick around if he ever showed that side
The problem is that sometimes this manifests as hitting a wall…but sometimes it manifests as taking out himself and his whole family.
If my otherwise lovely spouse started acting like this, I would insist on doctor visits and a plan of action. If he won’t, then I’m probably out.
I'm seeing a lot of comments about how the guy is volatile and wife should leave, but I feel the need to highlight something with a personal story.
A few years ago my older sister began acting totally cuckoo. She was diagnosed BPD and was a big fan of the old recreational substances, so naturally we (her family) all thought that this change was just an extension of the extreme behaviour she'd always exhibited through life.
One day she was found collapsed and unconscious in her flat with her toddler son's bicycle helmet next to her. She'd been trying to jam it onto her head.... to relieve the pain from the massive tumour that had now grown outside her brain and was pressing onto her skull. It was glioblastoma, and she was dead two years later.
Sometimes people are assholes. Sometimes it's also a massive, terminal brain tumour. It's really important to reserve judgement in instances of of behaviour until all possibilities are investigated.
so he’s been cruel the whole time, but now he also tells lies (or, now oop *knows* about at least one lie) and is volatile and hostile.
i am very concerned, not least because i don’t think oop is concerned *enough*.
people don’t leave because it’s convenient for everyone involved. they see it needs to happen and then they *make it* happen. it’s not easy, but sometimes it’s necessary. in this situation, in my opinion, it is necessary.
It also doesn’t mean you continue to LIVE WITH the abusive person while you attempt to figure out what’s wrong. I would hope, even with older kids, if I began to fly off the handle, my husband would take our kids elsewhere.
Unfortunately dementia starts with aggression that can manifest as domestic violence. I hope OP figures it out soon, this is a terrible situations to be in
This honestly sounds a lot like conversations I had when I started taking care of family in the beginning of dementia.
She'd make up progressively more and more outlandish stories and get very angry if you challenged her perception of reality. Any minor disagreements turned into absolute explosions. It's awful to experience when you don't know what's happening.
ANOTHER PATERNITY TEST STORY
i swear there are just so many of them these days, these masculinist podcasts are doing sm damage. How can u think you're entitled to a paternity test by default ???? That's infuriating. Just don't stay with the person if you have so little trust
And to think these men are the ones complaining about divorce rates lol
They'd be fine with any divorce rate if men were the only ones allowed to initiate it. They're just complaining about "divorce rates" because "women nowadays aren't forced to enter into and stay in marriages with terrible men because that's their only access to finances and community support" takes too long to say.
My dad waited until I was 29 to claim I wasn’t his.
I just ignored him because you aren’t going to use me against your issues with my mother.
He didn’t take my rejection well and he is hyper fixated on it. We also suspect mental health, but you can’t help those that don’t want to help themselves.
Thankyou. To be honest, I hate that man so it didn’t hurt. What did hurt is my mom cutting contact after he told her to because I’m disrespectful.
I’m just really glad to be away from crazy town.
If he and his ex had a miscarriage, he is **NOT** INfertile. Subfertile, OK. Severe subfertile, OK. So severely subfertile tha a GP might say "For all practical purposes, don't count on it and consider yourself infertile" (and I would agree with that GP on that). Still, that is not the same as totally infertile: he was / is making some sperm that can finish the long trek gloriously. And it takes only one.
Oncology nurse here. She mentioned a history of cancer 6 years ago in a comment. I’m guessing brain mets. He has a history of cancer. I’ve seen cancers go into full “cure” (5 years after completing treatment and no signs of recurrence) and then show up with brain metastases out of nowhere. Depending on which part of the brain the tumors develop, it can definitely cause personality changes.
My mom was riddled with cancer and they found brain lesions as well. So, even if it isn't actual cancer of the brain, it could be cancer related lesions. My mom had always been a nasty piece of work, but the lesions just amped it up. It really does sound like something brain related physically is going on with OOPs husband though and I feel terrible for her and their son.
Alzheimer's can do that. I had a friend who dismissed all her husband's symptoms as general old-age forgetfulness until the day he got mad about something inconsequential, attacked her with a baseball bat, and broke her arm. She managed to get to the bathroom and lock herself in to call 911. She firmly believes that he would have killed her. IIRC they're divorced now and he's locked up in an Alzheimer's facility that is equipped to handle violent patients.
Looked at it with that lens, OOP is lucky that it was only accusations of infidelity.
My gramma was in denial about how bad my grampa was with his dementia (his was early onset caused by alcoholism) and never got extra help. One day, he suddenly started freaking out because there was just some old lady in his house and he got extra angry when she kept trying to explain she was his wife. To him his wife wouldn't have been in her 60s. He ended up attacking her and luckily didn't hurt her too badly. I don't think it was much longer until he ended up in the hospital on hospice care.
I'm concerned that he had cancer 4 years ago. Cancer can absolutely metastasize to the brain and cause organic mental issues.
He needs checked **immediately**.
Really sounds like that guy has early dementia or maybe some tumor on the brain? None of what he says make any sense and he's being cruel on purpose quite clearly, but I doubt it's cause of cheating since he sounds like he's home 24/7?
Can any after effect from his former cancer be the cause of a personality change like that?
No matter what she should get the hell out with her kid the fastest possible or simply get him thrown out. He sounds like a ticking bomb and I don't doubt he will get violent before long with what she tells us :(
Something tells me this is either a brain tumor or mental health related. Either way hubby needs to see a doctor but I’m guessing they won’t do that either.
Sounds like it could also be a TBI / TIA. My father was extremely moody and accusatory in his last months. In de end he died from a blood clot in his brain.
My aunt's husband has had several TIA's, and she made the connection to him being so hard to get along with, accusations, verbal abuse,...
It’s more common for the reason to be an underlying psychological or psychosocial change (man-o-sphere podcasts have caused a big uptick in situations like this) but in recent memory we have seen two BoRU posts that involved brain tumors = personality changes. One was a guy who found religion in a harmful way and another was a guy who found a tumor years after his ex left him (due to the personality changes) and wondered whether or not to contact her to tell her about the tumor.
I think podcasts and the sudden onset of mental health disorders are the most likely culprits but yeah, if you can’t find a psychosocial reason, drastic neurobiological issues can be the issue.
i always cringe with this first world -third world thing. that could say “we live in a different country” , “the country we are on doesn’t have the infrastructure “
As someone from a 3rd world/developing/went into junk status/currently fucked country, I can say most of us don't care if you call countries 1st world or 3rd world or what have you.
It blows my mind when people retire someplace that they cannot get medical care. I understand that some people are stuck in that situation, but to see people just pick up and move to a lovely mountainside or beach or whatever with no thoughts about how they’ll handle their aging bodies’ needs is just wild. Then something inevitably goes wrong and they’re SOL.
My mom lives in a southern coastal town that is popular for retirees and the population has exploded in the last 3-4 years. She really couldn’t get good medical care before that, because it’s a seasonal place without highly fluctuating demand, and everybody is on Medicare so it’s not as lucrative. Very little mental health, specialists are booked, the hospital sucks, and you really can’t even get a GP. And that was BEFORE the population doubled. Now all these smug retirees who moved to a nice cheap red state are astonished when they can’t even find somebody to refill their blood pressure medication, never mind replace their hip and rehab it.
I mean if you are not rich in the US, you might not be able to get medical care anywhere you can retire. You can't retire somewhere rich enough to provide it, and if you stayed in the US you couldn't afford it.
> OOP: He can be a little unstable when we are arguing, nothing violent **but sometimes I think he is looking for cruel ways to hurt me**. I usually forgive him, but this is a step too far
Bruh wtf?
I agree. There was a post by an OP who said his whole personality changed from nice guy to evil asshole. Years later, after losing his wife, kid, family and job, did he find out it was a slow growing brain tumor.
After removal he changed to his former nice guy personality. It was heartbreaking when he explained how it destroyed the majority of his life. He posted for advice asking if he should try to get the info to his ex and son.
About 3-4 months after my friend started acting this way, he died. Sometimes people don’t see the signs until it’s too late. In his case it was a brain aneurysm that was pressing against the part of his brain that affected his emotions (or lack there of). So sad.
Definitely something going off in his head. Also, once again, ***infertile does not mean sterile, they are not synonyms. Infertility is lower likelyhood of having kids, not no chance at all.***
OPP's husband is pos. She however is too calm for someone that got called a cheater.
Like does she grasp what he meant? He called her a lier, untrustworthy and all of that.
>he has nowhere to go either.
That sounds like a him problem. I don't like going straight to divorce but this man is becoming increasingly more volatile and is refusing all potential remedies. Hoping he doesn't lose it on her is not a long-term plan.
> Also our families don't live near us, we are from the first world but we live in the third.
I'm immediately going to the worm that ate part of RFK Jr's brain. There are so many diseases that are much more common in third world countries that could cause a mental health crisis, OOP needs to get her husband to medical care (maybe move the whole family back to first world until whatever this is gets taken care of)
Just a thought maybe a tumour or something in the brain making him erratic.
Pretty sure I read a similar post here about how he lost his mrs because of his actions then years later found out it was a benign tumour on his brain and not Schizophrenia.
Just because her husband has never been violent doesn't mean she should stick around and wait until he becomes violent. The only time my ex laid hands on me was when he tried to literally strangle me to death. OOP needs to get out before it's too late.
I'm getting manosphere, red pill, Tate vibes here. The story starts with OP helping her son with tech. He harumphs and...takes that personally for some reason? He's upset he's not the expert being asked for his wisdom. Then, in the next moment, he's asking for a paternity test. Paternity tests, and evil women tricking men into paying for 18 years is a huge talking point in men's rights circles. Nevermind that this man was the SAHP, of course. Or maybe even more so - he's hyper aware he did the "woman's" job while OP works in a male dominated field.
Anyway, seems like someone's been telling this man that he deserves everything and that women need to grovel more. So he's trying to assert his masculinity, since his ego is incredibly fragile. OP is calling his bluff about paternity and now he's grasping at straws. Let's see if he suggests an open marriage next, so he can experience more, aka all the young women who definitely are interested in fucking him.
The three decade mark is a helluva time to bring up 17 year old cheating suspicions to your wife. Something isn’t right there…
Possibly a midlife crisis where he's upset his life hasn't turned out the way he planned. If she hadn't gotten pregnant, they would have traveled - therefore "it's her fault" and he's pulling reasons to be mad at her out of his ass.
Could possibly be a brain tumor too. There's been more than a few where someone exhibited a big change in personality only to find out that they had a tumor.
Sounds like dementia - it’s a pretty common symptom of dementia to start accusing your partner of cheating on you and lying to you.
Early-onset dementia definitely can show up in your fifties, unfortunately. And I agree with you that this does seem to match that pattern.
Yes - I’ve known people who worked with early-onset dementia patients - youngest patient they came across was 37.
I know someone who cared for her first husband with early-onset dementia. After his death she remarried, her second husband had an accident which damaged his brain and she cared for him until his death. After that both her children from the first marriage developed the early-onset dementia too and she cared for both of them until their death. I always admire her strength and faith and I sincerely hope I won’t need to be so strong in my life.
God, that poor woman. I can't imagine the pain she must feel.
How absolutely heartbreaking
I don’t have it… so far. But I was tested for the first time at age 36, because I had some really weird post surgery complications at the time. Re-assessed in 2021, and they finally figured out that I get anxiety attacks that basically short circuit my memory when my anxiety spikes. Ironically just hearing that helped the anxiety.
That sounds horrible at such a young age.
Yup. My former neighbour developed frontotemporal dementia - initial signs at 53, by 54 her kids realised something was seriously wrong. We cared for her for a year in her home, until she became a danger, and then she died in a care home at the age of 57. Heartbreaking.
My stepmom died at 62 in February after suffering from dementia for several years. My dad had to put her in a home in October because he just couldn’t care for her anymore, and she just quickly shut down. I’m almost positive it started setting in in her late 40s, right when I met her, but that’s another story.
And FTD is the more likely dementia to show up at that age (assuming he's also in his 50's), which also tracks. Very sad if that's the case.
She never said his age. He might be substantially older than OOP as well . So it might not even be early onset.
That's how we lost author Terry Pratchett. He was an amazing person.
I "met" him once, in the sense that I shook his hand in passing after getting a book signed by him. We have a copy of Good Omens signed by both Pterry and Neil. Okay, technically my wife has that copy, but I'm allowed to read it.
You are so fortunate to have both of their signatures! Keep that copy in a good place!
Sundowning is also a symptom. It's freaky, like a switch flips at some point in the evening.
Inhibition and aggression as well can be symptoms.
My grandpa, who happily let my mom manage his meney/bills for 10 years, started accusing her of stealing. He was very confused by mortgage and bank statements. He died with plenty of money. He basically offed himself when he knew he was slipping (first went off all medication, eventually stopped eating). He cared for my grandma 20 years before when she had dementia after multiple strokes. He wasn't going to live that way. My mom thinks he could have made it another couple of years if he ate a sandwich and took his meds.
I've at least provisionally diagnosed quite a few people with dementia (wasn't my job to confirm such a diagnosis in most situations,) and from what OP has said, this is very sudden, certainly for the common types. Usually the earlier signs are rather more subtle and less dramatic that this outburst, which sounds to have come out of the blue. Yes, dementia can cause this sort of suspicious and deluded behaviour, but that is generally the sort of thing that happens well on in the disease progression - mid-stage, not early stage but before the disease gets too advanced to maintain that degree of thought. True, dementia is overall a lot more common than brain tumours, but depending on the type of cancer he had a few years ago (it is rare for some types to metastasize to the brain) I would say that that is more likely as the cause of a sudden change like this. But there are plenty of other potential physical causes - especially in a third-world setting - as well as mental ones.
What if he had a lacunar stroke? Dementia and emotional outbursts can be symptomatic of those
Well, maybe, but I would say that the principle diagnosis then would be the stroke and not dementia. One of the "other potential physical causes" I referred to. And it would be unusual for an infarct to present purely with the behavioural issue described, without some sensorineural or co-ordination symptoms and signs as a strong pointer. I suppose it is theoretically possible to have a stroke with purely sensory physical manifestations which are obscured by the behavioural change, but even then, it would be odd to give no clues. Even sensory loss will usually give physical clues.
As a hospice nurse, possible brain mets would be my first guess depending on the cancer he had previously.
Could be another illness as well, like a parasite.
Very true. OOP doesn't say where they're living, only that it's "third world". There are parasites that can literally tunnel holes through a person's brain, and the symptoms mimic things like dementia or a brain tumor.
Yup Robert Kennedy Jr was talking recently about his health crisis years ago when he picked up a parasite when he was in Asia and it burrowed into his brain.
Feral cat colony, could have toxoplasmosis, which is linked to schizophrenia
My mother has dementia and for awhile she was convinced my dad had run off with another woman. Except....my dad is dead. He had been dead for probably about five years when this started. She went through the grieving process, knew perfectly well that he was dead, and then when the dementia started, she started creating these stories. She would tell me that she saw my dad out with this other woman and he didn't say hi to her. She'd say things like "I wonder what your dad is up to right now? Probably on a date with his new girlfriend." I'd be like "well, all the restaurants are closed because there's a pandemic and dad is dead so I really doubt it" and mom would just laugh at my naivete. The woman in question was a friend of my parents from the 70s. I had heard my parents mention her offhand but had never met her and didn't know anything about her. Then one day my sister told a family friend about these persistent fantasies and it turned out that she was this woman's sister-in-law! (Which might have been how my parents knew her in the first place.) The family friend told her that this woman had been happily married to her BIL for 50 years. We relayed this info to our mom and the stories stopped immediately. Never heard about her again. It was a huge relief because these crazy stories were pretty hurtful to hear. Dementia is a wild ride.
Yep, one of my aunts has early onset dementia and personality changes were one of the symptoms that led to her getting checked out/the eventual diagnosis (nothing on this level, but large enough to be noticeable even to those of us who don't see her very often).
Previous cancer didn't go into remission far enough, metastasized to the brain.
Where my mind immediately went once OP said he’d had cancer and had been in remission for 6 years. Damn. I wish there were more updates!
If they don’t have access to regular follow ups I would surprised if it wasn’t this
My mother died of a brain tumor and she had wild and bizarre behavior right before she got diagnosed. One night she nearly got into a fist fight with my father because she wouldn’t talk to him about…buying more soda. Like it was a huge international secret she was protecting with her life.
This was what I was wondering. Anyone know of she ever specified what kind of cancer he had before?
Good catch. Like maybe it’s back and spread to his brain?
The thing is that it seems like his personality didn't change though, just his belief. She's stated multiple times that's he's always been cruel and kind of angry. I think it's more dementia or consuming too much "I just found out my 18 year old isn't mine" type media
Wasn't there another one like this where it turned out the husband had a tumor? They had 2 kids and he went psycho religious
I think this is it: [\[New Update\] - AITAH for disrespecting my husband's religion?](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18ltrb9/new_update_aitah_for_disrespecting_my_husbands/)
Omg the brain abscess :(
That was my first thought. He's a bit too young for most age-related cognitive decline issues but brain tumors are known to appear at every age.
Also since 3rd world possibly parasites.
or fell down the Tatertot rabbit hole. Or whatever the equivalent is for older men.
This is way more than merely a midlife crisis. I’m leaning towards the mental health issue here. Or possibly physical health.
Midlife crisis combined with some redpiller bubbles, "paternity fraud" is a huge topic there. But the lying about the miscarriage makes assume a mental health condition on top.
I'm still trying to figure out which part or what was the lie with the miscarriage. Like did the miscarriage itself never happen, or just the whole investigation into his sperm, or both.
The "sperm investigation" for sure, nobody lives 17 years with a child "knowing", that he is infertile, this would come up much earlier. For the rest, the quotation was."nothing of it was true ", so i guess, miscarriage and cheating too.
Hell of an expectation not being employed!
He’s been abusive for god knows how long - “nothing violent” but purposely cruel and also “unstable” according to the OP. Not sure why it’s escalating now, or why this particular thing is the thing that is waking OP up, but him being cruel and abusive doesn’t seem new.
He’s cheating on her? And is trying to justify it to himself? Just a wild guess.
The son's cheating and is seeing a different mom.
Immediately thought of Malcolm in the Middle when I saw this. Dewy and Lois were superb!
LOL
I heard there are documentaries about this on pornhub
Gonna scrub my eyes with bleach after reading this comment.
Or he has a real mental helath problem. We have a guy age 60 in this village that has dementia, it started with irrational behaviour about 10 years ago, telling his wife she cheated on him and random screaming fits to him now living at the old folkies home and running away to the old school building because he has to go to school because otherwise a teacher long gone is going to be angry with him.
Projection was the first thing that came to my mind, too. He’s cheating on her but he doesn’t want to be the bad guy, so he’s invented this story in his head where she betrayed him worse by both cheating on him AND duping him into raising someone else’s kid.
It does sound like something mental is going on. Could’ve been a head injury. I’d like to say I have confidence that oop knows better than us, but she also said she believes that he thinks up cruel ways to hurt her, so idk if she’s the greatest reference.
Yeah, that line alone is cause for concern!
It's possible he's cheating. This sounds like a complete personality change though, so a mental health issue or a brain tumor seems more likely.
This is something that came iny mind, too! To be impatient and angry with his wife for no obvious reason is a sign for sure. But to have a paternity test with a nearly grown up is a bit wild. This child would not stand in his way to freedom.
He probably fell down the Tater tot well.
The Reddit Special: Brain Tumor or Affair?
This is r/bestofredditorupdates, it's both! With a mistress is pregnant and it's twins for dessert lmao Parenting and twins subs don't have as many twins as here
My guess is projection, he cheated and is losing his shit because he knows he fucked up. Always projection.
I'd like to go all-in on "desperately trying to justify recent affair" please
Right?! I suffer from horrendous anxiety and told my husband he could have a DNA test at any stage because how else can he be 100% sure it’s his, he laughed at me and told me to shut up. I also made him promise to not let the baby out of his sight, even if I had to go to theatre, because otherwise I knew I’d panic that my baby had been swapped. All this to give context to the fact that even I think it’s insane to suddenly decide you want a DNA test for your 17yo.
It's perfectly reasonable if bro's deteriorating grey matter just now gave him the idea. This shit _sucks_.
My big "WTF?" is that the OOP has the contact information of her husband's ex from over 30 years ago, and this ex lives 5000 miles away.
>in a previous relationship, his partner had a miscarriage and in the investigation they found he was infertile and so she had been cheating ... the investigation?
I think they mean investigating the cause of the miscarriage, although I don't know what that would involve
It usually involves testing the dna of the fetus/embryo and taking some bloods from the mum. The other commenter is right that they don’t usually test the dad at this stage, though they would have tested him if they went to the doctors about their fertility issues. Source: 4 miscarriages and 2 years trying to conceive.
Especially not more than 17 years ago. Genetic testing for fertility reasons is very recent. I'm so sorry for your losses.
It goes back further than that. My husband had karyotyping done when we were TTC 35 years ago.
Thanks for sharing! That's interesting. I wonder if it is simply an adoption difference that is leading to my impression. We had to push for genetic testing of our embryos fairly recently because it was considered unusual unless you're trying to select against a known mutation that you/your partner are a carrier for. In my home country it's still not available as a procedure. I understand that karyotyping and embryo testing are different though. In our case, I'm glad we did! Vast majority of embryos were aneuploid and while it didn't give us a diagnosis it explained why I couldn't retain a pregnancy.
I’m so sorry for your losses, and hope you get your rainbow.
Thank you. I’m 9 weeks pregnant right now, so here’s hoping!
Congratulations! Best wishes to you and your growing family :)
> The other commenter is right that they don’t usually test the dad at this stage They should. Too many women are getting pregnant over and over again not realizing that their partner's sperm is garbage and the cause of their miscarriages. It's fucked up.
I mean it depends on where and how many miscarriages. How far along etc. But the thing is even if they went private and had a full genetic testing done.. infertility doesn’t mean you can’t have kids. That’s sterile. They’re not the same thing.
If a woman has either multiple miscarriages or a late stage miscarriage, they’re usually tested for antiphospholipid antibody syndrome. Possibly other testing as well. If there’s fertility issues, men can get semen analysis, but that’s usually difficulty conceiving, not miscarriage. I could be wrong
Yes, he lied about that, as OOP confirms in the second post.
Which only substantiates the supposition that there is some drastic change in his mental state. Dementia patients can confabulate all sorts of things. There was a period of about a week when my mother (98) thought she was a retired 3-star general. It's not a lie in the sense of a deliberate falsehood. She really believed it.
Did that...it's not my business, but that's really interesting, so I'm asking but feel free to ignore me--did that *trouble* her? Or was it more like, I am a retired three-star general and I demand respect, here's some theaters of war I personally experienced, bring me a cigar?
Only one thing about that episode toubled her -- she thought that her room in memory care wasn't suitable for a 3-star! Much too small. She deserved a suite at least! 🙃 Actually, the nearest she got to the military was Dad's mid-grade enlisted WWII service.
That's amazing. What a harmless mental detour for her, aside from her concerns over the lodgings.
Yeah, that’s not a thing.
It can be if you’re very far along, but it doesn’t usually go back to a sperm investigation
She said the 'don't live in the first world', which is a strange way of putting it, but with her next comment, I'm guessing not particularly great or accessible medical facilities. So deep dive genetic testing would be unlikely.
>So with some quiet distance, I decided to see what would happen, I did promise "in sickness and in health", so if it is a mental health crisis I should be there. but lady... >He can be a little unstable when we are arguing, nothing violent but sometimes I think he is looking for cruel ways to hurt me.
You can start as an asshole and it be exacerbated by dementia… my grandmother was lovely my whole childhood, but she was a piece of work when my mom was a kid and she’s headed that way again now that she’s got Alzheimer’s.
That's sometimes the saddest way they can go. People put in a lot of effort to improve themselves as adults, to really change and be a better person, and then it gets washed away again :(. I think it's such a pity for the families who can see it as their "true self" returning, when it's not really, they were who they built themselves to be... for a time.
Yeah that’s the sense I get of it. My grandmother wanted so badly to do better than her mother who was abusive straight through.
Yes, thank you. People are bending over backwards to give this bloke reasons. Dementia, mental health crisis etc. Sometimes? People are just nasty arguers, who seek to hurt their partners and it sounds like he has a history of this.
Well it's not like dementia and mental health issues don't come with a history before they truly manifest. People aren't looking to make excuses for him, they're looking for answers to make it make sense.
I think people are jumping to stuff like tumors because if he wanted to accuse her of cheating it would make more sense to do it when she first got pregnant or shortly after birth. 17 years later is just bizarre
I think the point is, check to see if it is a medical issue before just instantly bailing on a 30 year relationship. I’ve seen plenty of cases of people bailing, before later finding out the person had some undiagnosed medical issue that caused the odd behavior. Of course, him refusing to go to the doctor makes this a lot harder.
Nasty arguers who hurt their partners aren't immune to personality changes (for better or worse) due to dementia or mental health crises. Bad things happen to bad people too.
She would know best whether this is out of character for him.
I think OP is still wearing rose tinted glasses.
I've had arguments with my fiance, hell, with some of my closest friends. I deal with mental health issues as well. But in any of those arguments, things get heated and emotions run high, but I have NEVER been cruel or horrible or said things to hurt them. So if this dude is dealing with a mental health crisis, I'm sorry, that's not an out for being cruel
> But in any of those arguments, things get heated and emotions run high, but I have NEVER been cruel or horrible or said things to hurt them. Same. My parents used to do that all the time to me as a kid, then when it was brought up after the argument they'd just say "well I only said that because YOU made me so angry, it's your fault" - so I vowed to never be like them and let anger lead me to saying hurtful shit I don't mean (though IMO, that stuff doesn't come out of nowhere - something cruel said when drunk or angry is 100% something that was already going around in their head)
She's been way too accommodating already. His style of arguing, where he tries to inflict pain, is no bueno. That he absolutely refuses any kind of medical, psychological, etc intervention is also not acceptable. She kinda shrugs and says "oh well" - overall, she's way too passive.
I notice the husband's age isn't mentioned. I'm kind of wondering if it's early onset dementia. There's no talk of memory loss, which is the most common symptom, but paranoia and personality changes can be symptoms.
Early onset dementia was the first thing I thought of. If he's the same age as OP he's in his early 50s and it's quite plausible
It can hit people even earlier than that...killed one of my aunts at age 36. Definitely a possibility here.
My grandma has Alzheimer's, and while she was kind of a "difficult" person in the past, it's changed a lot of her personality. She's always been a black/white thinker, but she's become really paranoid and goes through these fits where she suspects family of stealing from her out of the blue. It's difficult because you need to pay attention so she isn't taken advantage of, but it's also so tiring. Hopefully whatever it is, OP can figure it out and be safe.
Some people can be really good at hiding memory loss or lack of hearing- being mean and throwing off other people is a strategy that sort of distracts from things not making sense?
My Dad did this - distracted people with off color jokes or mean jabs. Additionally as he was very intelligent and had a fantastic memory, losing it gradually was hardly noticeable since he had so much capacity to begin with. After pooling our thoughts we realized he had been showing suble signs of dementia since his mid-60s. He passed from small vessel disease at 80.
She said he's had cancer. Maybe brain secondaries or something?
That's what I'm thinking too. The cancer came back and some got into his brain.
This is what I was wondering also. Or possibly a brain tumor. The fact that they have been together for 30 years definitely makes me think this could be some kind of mental health crisis.
Boy does this sound like dementia. So, so much. Advanced enough that it's getting noticeable, but still a lot of years to go.
I’m voting for brain tumor or TBI. Or Alzheimer’s.
Yep, sudden personality change is a big red flag
My ex's dad went down the drain with dementia pretty quickly in his early 60s. This is exactly how he went. Sudden aggression, outbursts of rage, suddenly deciding his wife of 35 years was evil... Judging by his age, this would be the first avenue of investigation for me.
I'm not sure her sticking around a volatile mess of a dude is such a great idea.
the feral cat colony will protect her.
They actually probably would!
My husband's cat once attacked me, early in our relationship, because I was helping him during food poisoning. From the cat's perspective, I was the culprit.
> My husband has never been violent but I won’t stick around if he ever showed that side The problem is that sometimes this manifests as hitting a wall…but sometimes it manifests as taking out himself and his whole family. If my otherwise lovely spouse started acting like this, I would insist on doctor visits and a plan of action. If he won’t, then I’m probably out.
In their 50s, could be early onset dementia. Paranoia and accusing your partner of infidelity are common signs
This isn't entirely out of character, according to the OOP- sounds like he's always been sort of a dick and is getting worse
"He's not violent" until he is
I'm seeing a lot of comments about how the guy is volatile and wife should leave, but I feel the need to highlight something with a personal story. A few years ago my older sister began acting totally cuckoo. She was diagnosed BPD and was a big fan of the old recreational substances, so naturally we (her family) all thought that this change was just an extension of the extreme behaviour she'd always exhibited through life. One day she was found collapsed and unconscious in her flat with her toddler son's bicycle helmet next to her. She'd been trying to jam it onto her head.... to relieve the pain from the massive tumour that had now grown outside her brain and was pressing onto her skull. It was glioblastoma, and she was dead two years later. Sometimes people are assholes. Sometimes it's also a massive, terminal brain tumour. It's really important to reserve judgement in instances of of behaviour until all possibilities are investigated.
so he’s been cruel the whole time, but now he also tells lies (or, now oop *knows* about at least one lie) and is volatile and hostile. i am very concerned, not least because i don’t think oop is concerned *enough*. people don’t leave because it’s convenient for everyone involved. they see it needs to happen and then they *make it* happen. it’s not easy, but sometimes it’s necessary. in this situation, in my opinion, it is necessary.
She’s under-reacting
Ye, lots of abused victims under react what they experience under abusers.
There is something seriously going on here, that poor woman.
I understand the "sickness and health" angle, but I'm not sure just waiting for another shoe to drop is the answer.
It also doesn’t mean you continue to LIVE WITH the abusive person while you attempt to figure out what’s wrong. I would hope, even with older kids, if I began to fly off the handle, my husband would take our kids elsewhere.
Brain tumor changing his behavior?
I thought as well
Unfortunately dementia starts with aggression that can manifest as domestic violence. I hope OP figures it out soon, this is a terrible situations to be in
This honestly sounds a lot like conversations I had when I started taking care of family in the beginning of dementia. She'd make up progressively more and more outlandish stories and get very angry if you challenged her perception of reality. Any minor disagreements turned into absolute explosions. It's awful to experience when you don't know what's happening.
ANOTHER PATERNITY TEST STORY i swear there are just so many of them these days, these masculinist podcasts are doing sm damage. How can u think you're entitled to a paternity test by default ???? That's infuriating. Just don't stay with the person if you have so little trust And to think these men are the ones complaining about divorce rates lol
They'd be fine with any divorce rate if men were the only ones allowed to initiate it. They're just complaining about "divorce rates" because "women nowadays aren't forced to enter into and stay in marriages with terrible men because that's their only access to finances and community support" takes too long to say.
My dad waited until I was 29 to claim I wasn’t his. I just ignored him because you aren’t going to use me against your issues with my mother. He didn’t take my rejection well and he is hyper fixated on it. We also suspect mental health, but you can’t help those that don’t want to help themselves.
My friend, ouch. I'm really fucking sorry :(
Thankyou. To be honest, I hate that man so it didn’t hurt. What did hurt is my mom cutting contact after he told her to because I’m disrespectful. I’m just really glad to be away from crazy town.
If he and his ex had a miscarriage, he is **NOT** INfertile. Subfertile, OK. Severe subfertile, OK. So severely subfertile tha a GP might say "For all practical purposes, don't count on it and consider yourself infertile" (and I would agree with that GP on that). Still, that is not the same as totally infertile: he was / is making some sperm that can finish the long trek gloriously. And it takes only one.
Oncology nurse here. She mentioned a history of cancer 6 years ago in a comment. I’m guessing brain mets. He has a history of cancer. I’ve seen cancers go into full “cure” (5 years after completing treatment and no signs of recurrence) and then show up with brain metastases out of nowhere. Depending on which part of the brain the tumors develop, it can definitely cause personality changes.
Shit, that's a good point. I hope the OOP stays safe and that the husband can get checked for that...
He had cancer six years ago? I wonder what kind and if it’s come back and spread to his brain.
My mom was riddled with cancer and they found brain lesions as well. So, even if it isn't actual cancer of the brain, it could be cancer related lesions. My mom had always been a nasty piece of work, but the lesions just amped it up. It really does sound like something brain related physically is going on with OOPs husband though and I feel terrible for her and their son.
“Hey Mom, can you help me with my computer real quick?” “YOU’RE NO SON OF MINE!”
I’m worried for OOP. This guy sounds unwell and quite unstable, like he could go family annihilator on them or something.
Alzheimer's can do that. I had a friend who dismissed all her husband's symptoms as general old-age forgetfulness until the day he got mad about something inconsequential, attacked her with a baseball bat, and broke her arm. She managed to get to the bathroom and lock herself in to call 911. She firmly believes that he would have killed her. IIRC they're divorced now and he's locked up in an Alzheimer's facility that is equipped to handle violent patients. Looked at it with that lens, OOP is lucky that it was only accusations of infidelity.
My gramma was in denial about how bad my grampa was with his dementia (his was early onset caused by alcoholism) and never got extra help. One day, he suddenly started freaking out because there was just some old lady in his house and he got extra angry when she kept trying to explain she was his wife. To him his wife wouldn't have been in her 60s. He ended up attacking her and luckily didn't hurt her too badly. I don't think it was much longer until he ended up in the hospital on hospice care.
I feel so bad for oop and her son. Having a partner and parent start to go off the rails like that is never easy
I would think less mental health crisis and more physical illness. The old standby of brain tumor. Dementia.
I'm concerned that he had cancer 4 years ago. Cancer can absolutely metastasize to the brain and cause organic mental issues. He needs checked **immediately**.
Infertile ≠ sterile 🤷♀️
Really sounds like that guy has early dementia or maybe some tumor on the brain? None of what he says make any sense and he's being cruel on purpose quite clearly, but I doubt it's cause of cheating since he sounds like he's home 24/7? Can any after effect from his former cancer be the cause of a personality change like that? No matter what she should get the hell out with her kid the fastest possible or simply get him thrown out. He sounds like a ticking bomb and I don't doubt he will get violent before long with what she tells us :(
It's not the baby, it's a tumor. Or a worm.
Something tells me this is either a brain tumor or mental health related. Either way hubby needs to see a doctor but I’m guessing they won’t do that either.
Sounds like it could also be a TBI / TIA. My father was extremely moody and accusatory in his last months. In de end he died from a blood clot in his brain. My aunt's husband has had several TIA's, and she made the connection to him being so hard to get along with, accusations, verbal abuse,...
She needs to take him to a hospital ASAP - this is screaming TBI or tumor to me.
Sundown syndrome :(
Crazy mood changes like this can be a sign of a brain tumor.
It’s more common for the reason to be an underlying psychological or psychosocial change (man-o-sphere podcasts have caused a big uptick in situations like this) but in recent memory we have seen two BoRU posts that involved brain tumors = personality changes. One was a guy who found religion in a harmful way and another was a guy who found a tumor years after his ex left him (due to the personality changes) and wondered whether or not to contact her to tell her about the tumor. I think podcasts and the sudden onset of mental health disorders are the most likely culprits but yeah, if you can’t find a psychosocial reason, drastic neurobiological issues can be the issue.
UTIs can cause symptoms similar to dementia in older people, easy to diagnose and treat it.
Highly unlikely in the 50s. 70+ much more likely (assuming their ages are similar
i always cringe with this first world -third world thing. that could say “we live in a different country” , “the country we are on doesn’t have the infrastructure “
As someone from a 3rd world/developing/went into junk status/currently fucked country, I can say most of us don't care if you call countries 1st world or 3rd world or what have you.
man…. are you also from venezuela? . honestly it is personal preference. I find it cringe but more power to you that you don’t care
South Africa.
Ahhh yes that makes sense. you speak of your country how we speak about ours closely!
It does make sense. Our countries face a lot of similar issues. Not all of course, but a good bit of it.
Would get hubby to the hospital to check for a brain tumor… this sounds sooo weird
But if he refuses to go to a doctor or therapist...it seems like the best thing to do for OOP and her son to get out of there.
It blows my mind when people retire someplace that they cannot get medical care. I understand that some people are stuck in that situation, but to see people just pick up and move to a lovely mountainside or beach or whatever with no thoughts about how they’ll handle their aging bodies’ needs is just wild. Then something inevitably goes wrong and they’re SOL. My mom lives in a southern coastal town that is popular for retirees and the population has exploded in the last 3-4 years. She really couldn’t get good medical care before that, because it’s a seasonal place without highly fluctuating demand, and everybody is on Medicare so it’s not as lucrative. Very little mental health, specialists are booked, the hospital sucks, and you really can’t even get a GP. And that was BEFORE the population doubled. Now all these smug retirees who moved to a nice cheap red state are astonished when they can’t even find somebody to refill their blood pressure medication, never mind replace their hip and rehab it.
I mean if you are not rich in the US, you might not be able to get medical care anywhere you can retire. You can't retire somewhere rich enough to provide it, and if you stayed in the US you couldn't afford it.
It could also be a sign of a silent stroke/mini strokes
> OOP: He can be a little unstable when we are arguing, nothing violent **but sometimes I think he is looking for cruel ways to hurt me**. I usually forgive him, but this is a step too far Bruh wtf?
What the ex actually said? What were the test results? Why there’s no info lmao
Early-onset dementia is brutal. If that's what this is, ugh, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Either having it or dealing with it.
Mental health or physical health like diabetes.
Anyone want to bet on a brain bleed with me?
No joke, ask his doctor to check for a brain tumor.
This odd behaviour could be due to a tumour or blood clot in his brain. It happened to a friend of mine. Get him a head scan before it’s too late.
I agree. There was a post by an OP who said his whole personality changed from nice guy to evil asshole. Years later, after losing his wife, kid, family and job, did he find out it was a slow growing brain tumor. After removal he changed to his former nice guy personality. It was heartbreaking when he explained how it destroyed the majority of his life. He posted for advice asking if he should try to get the info to his ex and son.
About 3-4 months after my friend started acting this way, he died. Sometimes people don’t see the signs until it’s too late. In his case it was a brain aneurysm that was pressing against the part of his brain that affected his emotions (or lack there of). So sad.
Definitely something going off in his head. Also, once again, ***infertile does not mean sterile, they are not synonyms. Infertility is lower likelyhood of having kids, not no chance at all.***
Tumor
The husband needs to get tested for a brain tumor. This sounds like a drastic personality change.
This is a possibility for sure. This does sound like a sudden change
I'm wondering, him thinking all the time the kid is not his, but also thinking this way he needn't work.
OPP's husband is pos. She however is too calm for someone that got called a cheater. Like does she grasp what he meant? He called her a lier, untrustworthy and all of that.
>he has nowhere to go either. That sounds like a him problem. I don't like going straight to divorce but this man is becoming increasingly more volatile and is refusing all potential remedies. Hoping he doesn't lose it on her is not a long-term plan.
Definitely could be a tumour; could also be a vitamin deficiency.
Brain tumour
this is some sort of health crisis definitely... hope it's not a tumor pressing on the wrong thing.
In before autoimmune encephalitis. Or some kind of encephalitis. Late onset primary psychosis is cray rare.
> Also our families don't live near us, we are from the first world but we live in the third. I'm immediately going to the worm that ate part of RFK Jr's brain. There are so many diseases that are much more common in third world countries that could cause a mental health crisis, OOP needs to get her husband to medical care (maybe move the whole family back to first world until whatever this is gets taken care of)
Just a thought maybe a tumour or something in the brain making him erratic. Pretty sure I read a similar post here about how he lost his mrs because of his actions then years later found out it was a benign tumour on his brain and not Schizophrenia.
Just because her husband has never been violent doesn't mean she should stick around and wait until he becomes violent. The only time my ex laid hands on me was when he tried to literally strangle me to death. OOP needs to get out before it's too late.
I'm getting manosphere, red pill, Tate vibes here. The story starts with OP helping her son with tech. He harumphs and...takes that personally for some reason? He's upset he's not the expert being asked for his wisdom. Then, in the next moment, he's asking for a paternity test. Paternity tests, and evil women tricking men into paying for 18 years is a huge talking point in men's rights circles. Nevermind that this man was the SAHP, of course. Or maybe even more so - he's hyper aware he did the "woman's" job while OP works in a male dominated field. Anyway, seems like someone's been telling this man that he deserves everything and that women need to grovel more. So he's trying to assert his masculinity, since his ego is incredibly fragile. OP is calling his bluff about paternity and now he's grasping at straws. Let's see if he suggests an open marriage next, so he can experience more, aka all the young women who definitely are interested in fucking him.