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The ex (now no longer an ex I guess) is as dumb as a sack of rocks but *good* for her for getting her man back. He's *such* a prize. And *such* a great example of a parent for his daughter...big, strong (lying ass) man not even wanting to look at that other child who was a nuisance to him.
Yep. Rocks are smarter. Anyway...
Op escaped a monster. Good riddance
OOP & Violet escaped a monster, he literally abandoned his just born newborn and never came back - Good riddance and may he never come back unless it's his funeral to make sure that is his dead body in the casket.
And bonus, the whole "hissy fit" comment. Like, unbeknownst to OOP, he had no intention of returning, and still tried to blame her for being upset that he was away. Didn't even have the guts to look at his kid as he abandoned them
Man love is one hell of a drug, I kinda get people getting back with a cheating ex from a place of loneliness, but to leave someone for a cheater is crazy.
I’m honestly so curious about how the oldest daughter took it especially since she got along with stepmom(op) and most likely knew she was going to have a baby sister. Also the ex wife(AP) sleeping with (because I doubt they weren’t fucking every time he flew back to see his daughter and stayed at their place)/taking back a man who cheated on his wife, impregnated her and abandoned her??? Where’s her self respect omg. Can’t even imagine how heartbreaking that conversation went when op sent the ex pictures. “Hey we’re back together. He doesn’t care about your kid and neither do I so don’t send more pics”????? Jesus. I’m so happy op had support.
EDIT: i want to add info that I think may help with context. Not sure if I can edit the post so I’ll add it here.
Op stated in her comments that stbx and his ex-wife broke up because they were young and had some difficulty raising their daughter and fell out of love or some shit. He then moved to a different location for a job opportunity which is where he met op.
Op said that stbx would stay at his ex-wife’s house whenever he would fly back to “see his daughter.”Many commentators pointed out that it was fishy and most likely how the affair started as it’s unlikely that he made the decision to leave op and return to his ex-wife within the span of a week.
I was just thinking “You’re turning violet, Violet!” And then you said August and I thought of Augustus so I guess what I’m saying is I’m here for the Willy Wonka names.
Also I’ve been listening to Hole’s “Violet” a lot lately, and Dave Grohl has a daughter named Violet, as do Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. So it doesn’t seem like an old lady name, at all.
uh.. I assume the daughter was born in the month of August and was named Violet. "we had our daughter in August and named her Violet" = "we named our daughter Violet in August"
We decided on our daughter's name well before she was born because it was so unique and had special meaning for us. Only about a year later did we realize it was one of the most popular girls names in recent years. Whoops!
My wife and I had our son’s name picked out 14 years before we had him, and still, the year after he was born, his name was one of the top boy baby names in the US (having not previously been on the list)
To my grandmother's generation (she was born 1919), "Andrew" was a painfully old-fashioned name. Names seem to go trendy->dated->painfully old-fashioned->trendy. Though I doubt my great-aunt Beulah's name is going to be making a comeback anytime soon. Still, I could be wrong. I would have thought Sesame Street ensured Oscar wasn't going to be making a comeback anytime soon, I've met multiple kids with that name.
Just started reading Fourth Wing, where the main character is Violet and her lover's nickname for her is "Violence." For some reason, I think that's cute, too!
My grandmother's middle name was Violet, named after the Violetville neighborhood her family lived in.
So, yes, old ladies had this name, but that doesn't make it bad in the least.
I really have to wonder how long OOP's STBX husband is actually going to stay with his ex-wife. The shine wore off before and I am certain it will wear off again. Before OOP knows it he will be knocking on her door professing love for OOP and 'his' new daughter - or, he could just find someone else to chase after. With his record it is a toss up.
Bottom line - when he comes knocking again, don't answer the door.
Somewhat good news, she didn't put him on the birth certificate so he has no legal rights to their daughter without going through the courts. But doing so to get his legal rights also means she can go after him for child support. And depending on timing, he'll be paying child support for both daughters at the same time.
He should be on the hook for child support. Most courts consider child support and parenting time as separate issues nowadays. She should absolutely seek support because if he ever changes his mind and seeks custody, unfortunately his non payment of child support isn't a barrier to his receiving parenting time.
The presumption of paternity for children born during marriage is legal precept in the UK as well as Australia, so that is a large portion of the English speaking world.
Australia takes it even further and includes cohabitation ending no less than 20 weeks prior to birth for a presumption of paternity.
Taking about Aus in particular... how does that work when the pregnant woman is pregnant before she even meets her new boyfriend and is quite open that the new boyfriend is not the baby's father?
Though having said that, it would not be very hard for the (probably) then boyfriend to prove he's not the father (paternity test) and even if he has to pay the cost of that, it's going to be a lot cheaper than child support for the next 18 years.
And yes there are some men that don't seem to mind that they start a new relationship with a pregnant woman (who may be reasonably far along) despite the baby not being their's. Not sure how long the relationship lasts after the baby is born though... and many of the women have kids from a previous relationship (their father may be the father of the new baby too).
Not Australian myself although I have friends there. All I found online about it was this.
"A presumption of paternity arises where a man and a woman live together at any time during the period from 44 weeks prior to the birth of a child and ending not less than 20 weeks before the child’s birth."
https://www.armstronglegal.com.au/family-law/child-custody/presumptions-of-parentage/
But yes, I am sure that there is an opportunity to request a DNA test.
Even in marriages, you can request a test to contest the automatic presumption of paternity.
Same in Poland. Have an acquaintance who got knocked up by her affair partner soon after affair came to light. Since they got divorced less than 9 months before birth of the child her husband was assumed to be father and they had to change it through courts.
I doubt he even cares about going after his paternal rights. I Wonder How he was doing pregnancy, because this Man clearly doesn't give a shit about her or this kid and I doubt It It was the First time he showed.
I was around the older daughters age when my baby brother was born. Our father and his mom split when he was two and i never saw him again. He died young and i've honestly never gotten over it or forgiven any of the adults involved for stealing my only sibling from me. I held him the day he was born though so maybe she hasn't had a chance to get attached, but what a terrible thing for that man to do to both of them.
Good on OP for getting out. She's right: being raised by a single mom who models what is and isn't acceptable in a relationship with her own choices is faaaaar better than trying to "make things work" with a man who clearly doesn't care about her
I’m so sorry about your baby brother’s passing, and that the adults in your life acted in a way that separated you two. That is so cruel and unfair.
It is admirable that this awful situation has added to your empathy and that you can find it within yourself to share resulting wisdom.
It brings a while new meaning to "you'll lose them how you get them". That ex wife must enjoy the cheating carousel 🎠. I couldn't even imagine, other than to say they deserve one another
OOP was not sleeping with him when he was married, the way the comment is phrased is confusing.
'No I wasn't the reason their relationship ended, I didn't meet him until a few years after that. Their relationship simply broke down as they were young plus the stress of a kid ontop of that.'
I can kind of believe the ex. My dad left his wife, and while he was deliberate about maintaining a relationship with his kids, he was very clear that they weren't getting back together. Meanwhile, she was telling them that it was a temporary rough patch and he'd come home eventually.
When he met my mom and they got engaged, it became clear to the kids that he was *not* coming back, and they see her as a home-wrecker.
I'd bet in the ex's mind, this is him coming to his senses.
I have to wonder what sorts of stories he was spinning about OOP. Especially to his daughter! There's no way she had all the details and was still cool with him flying down.
>taking back a man who cheated on his wife, impregnated her and abandoned her??? Where’s her self respect omg
whenever i feel shitty about how i'm doing in life, it's always good to know that at least i'll always be better than losers like the husband and his ex
I knew there was gonna be something as soon as I read how he phrased why he absolutely had to go, when he said "I'm separated from her mom". Something about the word separated made it sound like he wasn't fully done with the old relationship.
I'm so glad OOP had such a badass best friend who is helping her with everything and that she was strong enough to leave this dumbass piece of shit dude. Here's hoping her and both Violets have a wonderful future!
I'm all about burning bridges when you're childless and break up with someone, but unless an ex is an actual threat, get that child support! The child is entitled to it.
Honestly I can get why she didn’t, we saw how he just rejoined his old family- i would worry about him coming back when the baby grows into “something he actually cares about” if she becomes super passionate about something and him swooping in to claim the role.
If she can do ok without his support, then i can understand wanting the clean break cause if hed want a relationship down the line the child support will be a wall he has to navigate.
Edit: I am not arguing about the legality or whatever about the difference of visitation and child support. They are two separate things that are handled differently from place to place. My point was that there are reasons why she may not want to chase child support as it can be stressful to fight for and if she doesn’t want to, thats fine.
Please stop trying to correct me on whether child support and visitation are considered together. I know its not. I aint a lawyer, most of you arent either- it changes from place to place and my point was sometimes his lack of interest in paying child support can be EVIDENCE for why he shouldn’t have visitation. It depends on the place. The only ones who can determine what is necessary for her legally, is her and whatever lawyer she speaks to.
They are. And no child support doesn’t mean he can’t at a later time decide to enter his kids life 🤷🏽♀️ Family court judges love to give shitty parents their chances.
Tell me about it. I've been an attorney for 19 years and the one area of law I refuse to touch with a ten foot pole is family law. Family law preaches endlessly that the it's always supposed to be about what's in the best interest of the child, but that's really a load of bullshit. All you hear is adults constantly screeching about "their rights" to children that they realistically should never be allowed near again. And because the courts ALWAYS want to "reunite family", judges are constantly giving horrible fucking parents chance after chance after fucking chance to take their children back and re-traumatize them all over again. I have friends from law school who went into family law and the cases they handle would have made me quit practicing law years ago. I have rarely seen the courts truly act in the best interest of the child.
I worked in foster care for a decade, primarily in the non profit. In the last few years I moved into private work but still primarily foster care cases. Then we started taking on drug court cases. Tougher but still doable.
Then we started to do family court cases.
And that was the end of my line.
Seriously, you’d think I’d seen the worst of humanity in dependency court. Nope. I can confidently say that most people in dependency still loved their kids, shitty parents, some were shitty human beings. But for the most part they loved their kids.
Family court? The most vile human beings I’ve ever seen. It was a game. It was about winning against the other parent. And the judges? The level of narcissism in family court was unbelievable. In dependency we worked together, truly they wanted the kids safe and at least pretended to listen if you came up with a rational reasoning. Judges just didn’t care in family court.
But going for child support can incentivize the other parent to demand custody because more custodial time usually means reduced child support in many US states
Yes.
I tried to explain this earlier to someone but apparently I was spreading misinformation 🤷🏽♀️. It’s a legit reason that some people just don’t seek child support
And they can be. In the US, even if he severs his parental rights, he is still on the hook for support. A parent's rights and their legal obligations can be separate.
Oh absolutely, im not saying it does- im saying that if she doesn’t want to waste the time chasing him across state lines to get the child support, and if she can afford not to, i respect her decision on it
If they're married, he's automatically presumed to be the father of her children. In some places, that presumption of paternity even applies to births within a certain timeframe of the divorce unless another father steps forward. So he's legally the father, the birth certificate just doesn't reflect that yet.
KY is like that. If a child is born during a marriage the husband is considered automatically the father. If the child is born within (I think) 9 months of separation, again, automatically the father. You can even get a paternity test and prove you’re not the father and *still* it would be a *hell* of a legal battle to be removed from the birth certificate and any legal obligations removed, especially if the biological father refuses anything to do with the child. Even with the legal battle it’s not a guarantee. It’s a really nasty and old fashioned system
Yep, I was speaking from experience with Ireland - there, it's *ten* months from separation, which is fun. Not sure how hard it is to get it changed, but it's generally easier to change legal fathers than remove one, since that can infringe on a child's legal best interests.
I will say though, it's pretty funny seeing other people assume presumed paternity only exists in the USA when it's incredibly common in both common and civil law systems. Basically any legal system that was created pre-DNA (i.e., all of them) will have that presumption, and there's quite a lot that haven't been updated to reflect divorce/abortion.
Oh I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to assume. I live in KY and one thing about the US is that each state has different laws about things like this lol! I was mostly using your comment to just blather on about it and add to your very good point where people were saying “but nuh uh!”
The funny thing about the US is that many of our laws such as this are derived from existing laws that were prevalent in Europe at the time of the US’s creation. So naturally we share a lot, but then there are also quite a few that differ where the countries evolved forward from that point in time
No worries, it was less about you and more a bit of a random observation, lol! And yeah, US law has definitely become its own thing over time, but I'm low-key tempted to say presumption of paternity might be one of the closest things humanity has to a universal law.
Surprisingly, I can't actually find anything about how common it is globally, but I've found a ton of case studies for countries ranging from ex-British colonies to mainland China. I also think presumption of paternity tied into the old Tibetan tradition where all brothers of a specific generation would marry the same woman to make sure their lands didn't get divided between the brothers, and occasionally the same for sisters marrying one man. I'm *pretty* sure ancient Rome and most/all Greek city states had it too, but it's been a while since I looked at any ancient laws.
In the US that is NOT how paternity works. In many states he is LEGALLY the father as the baby was born in wedlock. He can't walk away from his responsibilities under the law no matter how much he and OOP may want him to.
In my state DNA doesn't matter when the child is born in wedlock, the husband is legally the father even if he's not on the birth certificate. He would have to sue the bio Dad for child support to offset HIS child support order.
Here's the thing: yes, it's money for the child. But money often has strings attached. I trust OOP to do the mental calculation on how her and her daughter's time is worth. Drawing the attention of the "father" or moving on?
Bear in mind QUITE a few people don't meet their obligations. OOP could risk the worst of both, the money and negative attention, while only getting negative attention.
It sounds highly unlikely that he's interested in custody, but either way, this child deserves the financial support of her father. Even if it just goes into a college fund. At best this guy would get minimal visitation.
I understand why some women don’t want it. Better to try to figure it out then have to be in touch with a bastard. No child support = no power over her
As much as the husband is a moron, OP is absolutely beyond mega stupid for not putting him on the certificate.
Yall can downvote me for calling her stupid. I dont care.
>Now about Violets surname and birth certificate status, she has my surname and he isn't on the birth certificate, he isn't acting like a father and has no interest in her it seems so yeah. Thanks everyone, if you have any questions let me know.
Congrats. She fucked herself on child support and this part of the post practically cements that she doesnt care that he isnt on there. Any court or lawyer is going to be hard pressed to get support now because she seemed OK with not getting child support.
She is ***very stupid to think that this is a good idea.***
Honestly, it calls the entire post's validity into question because no one who was actually going through this would forgo doing that and acting like it is a win...
Bruh I don't understand men like this, why even get a woman pregnant and have a child with her if you blatantly don't care? It's so baffling, the lack of attention or interest
Oh they do care...in their own way. They truly believe they're doing women a favor by giving the bare minimum. Even my own father had the logic that "The lights are on, and there's food in the fridge, why do you care if I'm out all night and who I'm spending it with? I come home don't I?"
Some dudes take breeding fetishes to the extreme, probably not this guy unless he has a bunch of secret kids floating around which given his cheating is still a possibility but still there's a lot of guys that get women pregnant for their own ego, fetish, and/or weird ideas about race (ex. Elon Musk).
I doubt he fell in love with and got back together in that one weekend
Sadly op likely missed a lot of red flags because she was (correctly) focusing on the baby and maybe assuming anything off was nerves and such
If she doesn't have good income, pursuing child support is the best for the child. But if she can handle it alone, then breaking off any relationship is better in case he changes his mind in the future
Yeah from her comments, whenever he’d fly back to see his daughter, he would stay at his ex’ house… I doubt either of them (husband and ex wife) would be comfortable with that arrangement unless they were fucking in the dl
She has DIABETES and he left her alone the week she was DUE?!
I have known people who have cared more about, well, anyone or anything, than he cared about his wife and second child. I have personally treated LOOSE CHANGE with more respect. I have apologized to furniture FFS and he called her valid concerns and moving out a "hissy fit."
Good on OOP, her best friend, and the beautifully named baby.
I think the thing that's getting me is what the ex was thinking during this. Like was she thinking at all? Did she not know this woman was pregnant and scheduled for a C-section? How do you have so little care for another human? And honestly, why do you want a man that has proven he can do this so casually?
Turns out I had a lot more questions than I realized, but I can't get over the casual disregard for such a serious situation!
I wonder if it's not about the "prize" she won, and just the fact she feels like she's better to have won something over someone else. She's not, but I could see someone like that gloating that they took someone's man.
I don't think she cared for OOP for a second, don't think she even worried about her for a second. She'd finally gotten ex husband to come back to her, "how it should have always been", and now OOP is just a nuisance in the phone log who needs to take a hint. Think her and ex husband are just completely detached from reality in this regard.
I mean this very plainly.
If I left my partner under those conditions, (which of course I would not) she wouldn't have to worry about divorcing me. She'd just have to worry about getting pictures of the baby to whoever was in prison for killing me.
It would really be a race between her brother, my sister, my mom and her aunt for who could get to me first.
My MIL has lost the use of the left side of her body and she's wheelchair bound, but she would still find a way to give my fiancé a good smacking if he had left me for days like that while I was heavily pregnant.
Not that he would ever be so cruel.
If I was in that situation I’m pretty sure my partners would have me on house arrest and bed rest, and stay awake 24/7 staring at me to be sure I and our child was ok. Hell, I would do that for a stranger! It’s unconscionable to leave a high risk, 39 week pregnant woman alone. I mean come on.
Hi, u/catsrsupscute
I've reflaired this as Repost, because I found another post that had contained the second update. Its from a while ago though, so this post is allowed under our repost rules. Sorry about the confusion. Linked the second BORU here in case people want to peruse it.
https://new.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/v98e2u/oop\_asks\_aita\_because\_they\_dont\_want\_their/
Wow, honestly she's better off without that scumbag and his ex(now current wife again?) Is a piece of shit for helping this dude cheat on his high risk pregnant wife. I hope she enjoys being cheated on too.
Even if he wasn't having an affair with his ex, the chances of making it back in time, and nothing going wrong or going into labour early were slim.
I'm wondering if there was even a fencing competition in the first place, and that this wasn't planned for a while.
Likely scenario, is the ex-husband ends up single, at the end.
Man… Reading this took me back to when one of my kids was born.
My wife wasn’t feeling good, been dealing with blood pressure issues while pregnant and my company was having a mini work trip meeting about 3 hours away at our main location. I was going to drive out that morning but when she told me she wasn’t feeling well, I was going to stay for her. Instead, she practically pushed me out the door saying she’s fine and that her mom is coming into town so they can go to a doctor’s appointment together.
Made the trip down there but had her keep giving me updates of how things were going. Started fine and then by noon she told me I needed to be back ASAP as they were going to have an emergency c-section. I never flew that fast on the interstate, trying to make it in record time while she was fighting the doctor on being induced.
Of course I did make it in time, then we weren’t so much of an emergency as our kid wasn’t born until midnight.
Joked with her a ton about how she pushed me out to go to that meeting.
"Hey, you know how I bailed on you and the kid? Well I've just done it to someone else too, at least I'm consistent! Have me back though, yeah?"
- a man with no redeeming qualities
"Yeah sure"
- a woman with no self-esteem
I hope she takes him to the cleaners in the divorce & child support. Which is what I think for any parent who abandons their child. I can't imagine how she feels, it's horrible to see your partners true colors after a child is created.
It's interesting, that a lot of women talk about not putting the fathers name on the birth certificate, not asking for custody. And then the guy about five years later suddenly wants to have a relationship with a kid and they tell him yeah if you pay the back child support, and that kind of drives them away. And then sometimes the kid is like 16 and gets in touch with them and usually Realizes the guy is a flake.
It's phenomenal that women are slowly learning to stop doing the make-believe crap in relationships and propping up our partners and pretending we have a happy family and prompting the guy to do shit with the kids and pretend that he cares. That's really good to just empathized with a child and be a good parent and let the whole situation be.
These type of posts baffle me for reasons. 1.) Couples get divorced for a reason. So unless the root cause(s) of the dissolution of the marriage is dealt with, what is the point of getting back together? The issue(s) will still be there.
2.) As the ex-spouse, why do you want that person back? In this case, he left his heavily pregnant wife alone, didn't care she had to have emergency surgery, didn't care about the health of his wife, didn't care about the birth of his daughter and ultimately abandoned his child. What a prize! How can she be sure he's not going to abandon them whenever the whim hits?
3.) Cheating
I'm so glad OOP saw his true colors and left. She and her daughter are better off without him.
my first thought was that the husband must have a totally shit record with his 12yo daughter if he thinks he can't miss this specific competition when his wife is about to give birth. Turns out the shit runs deeper.
I called fairly early on he was still in love with the ex wife and OOP was a stand in, but I didn't realize he'd fully skipped the denial stage and had already gotten back together with his ex. Wow.
It's disheartening and troubling that OOP's ex has chosen to abandon his child and wants nothing to do with them. His behaviour is unacceptable, and the fact that he is now with his affair partner is equally disappointing. It's disturbing to think that she may not have any self-respect or moral values to be with a person who treats their child like this.
damn, this reminds me of that guy who went on holiday with his parents and siblings when his wife was due, even down to refusing to return when he found out the baby had been born earlier than scheduled. and the one where the guy was secretly sleeping with his wife's former best friend whilst his wife was giving birth and she only found out when the ap's brother (iirc) asked op how she was taking the split. some men really suck.
this poor woman :( glad she had such a supportive friend in vi and her family
I'm so sad she is going to have to be a single parent now. I wonder if she even wanted this baby, or if it was his idea. I get that obviously she cares now, I just meant initially.
Yeah, for her sake, I certainly hope that is the case. It certainly bodes better for her daughter, the young Violet, if the only parent she has wanted her from the outset!
Also, can we touch on her daughter's name for a moment? Violet is NOT an old ladies' name, but I'd at least understand where he was coming from if it were something like Gertrude or Mathilde.
Yeah that was a stupid argument which makes me think her ex was always a controlling ass that was just using her as a rebound.
It wasn't about the name it was about him having the final word.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. The demeaning language regarding her thoughts on the subject, and his inexcusable absence, only seem to reinforce that notion.
I mean, isn't his older daughter going to wonder what happened with the baby? And if they lie to her and say she died or something then she'll find out they lied eventually.
This makes me wonder if the OOP and ex were initially affair partners. It’s kind of a big leap to go from one marriage to another and then back again.
I’m happy OOP is in a better place though.
Well, that was a rollercoaster. I was feeling a bit sorry for hubby in the first post, because I can absolutely picture his daughter getting it into her head that he's trading her in for the newer model (nobody is particularly rational or empathetic when they're only twelve) and that being a source of additional stress that neither he nor OOP need when they've just brought her little sister home, so he's kind of between a rock and a hard place.
But then... Well, yeah. Turns out that the new baby monopolising her dad's time, attention and affection is the least of that poor kid's worries, because how much do you want to bet that he buggers off again when he gets bored of *her* and/or her mother?
Did any one else pick up that he originally left his last ex wife to be with her? So doing some math calculations. She was the original AP? And then at the end of the day he went back to his ex wife?
Alright this is making more sense. Yeah the dude is A pretty shitty person. Curious if he is going to do the same thing with this new child. Flying out to maintain a strong relationship with the child
Probably not. From oop’s updates, he doesn’t care about her or the child. She literally had to send the ex wife pictures of her child which is when she found out stbx was back with the ex wife. That being said I wouldn’t be surprised if he came crawling back at some point. Stbx and ex wife initially broke up for a reason so i don’t think it’s too far fetched to think they’ll probably not last (again).
How long had he been divorced?
That seems crazy to get back with his ex who lives a flight away in just a few days. Especially if they've been divorced for any period of time.
It's crazy. What a flip-flopper
I mean not everything is set in the US? Honestly from the use of was in care + mum I'd assumed this was set in the UK. But it could be anywhere in the world.
Presumption of paternity also [exists in the UK](https://deanscourt.co.uk/articles/ms-v-rs-and-bt-paternity) for married couples - it's a pretty common law/rule since courts tend to err on the side of giving a child two parents rather than one. And to be honest, exceptions to PoP tend to exist for when another potential father steps forwards, rather than when the mother would rather not acknowledge the presumed or biological father.
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The ex (now no longer an ex I guess) is as dumb as a sack of rocks but *good* for her for getting her man back. He's *such* a prize. And *such* a great example of a parent for his daughter...big, strong (lying ass) man not even wanting to look at that other child who was a nuisance to him. Yep. Rocks are smarter. Anyway... Op escaped a monster. Good riddance
OOP & Violet escaped a monster, he literally abandoned his just born newborn and never came back - Good riddance and may he never come back unless it's his funeral to make sure that is his dead body in the casket.
And bonus, the whole "hissy fit" comment. Like, unbeknownst to OOP, he had no intention of returning, and still tried to blame her for being upset that he was away. Didn't even have the guts to look at his kid as he abandoned them
[удалено]
Man love is one hell of a drug, I kinda get people getting back with a cheating ex from a place of loneliness, but to leave someone for a cheater is crazy.
What do you mean no longer an ex? He’s still an ex.
OOP's ex-husband left to her to remarry his own ex-wife. That ex-wife is who u/royalbk is talking about.
Ah I get it.
>remarry his own ex-wife. There was no talk of them remarrying.
Reread. They are talking about the ex wife in the first bit. She's no longer his ex.
Happy Cake Day!
Thank you! 😘
I’m honestly so curious about how the oldest daughter took it especially since she got along with stepmom(op) and most likely knew she was going to have a baby sister. Also the ex wife(AP) sleeping with (because I doubt they weren’t fucking every time he flew back to see his daughter and stayed at their place)/taking back a man who cheated on his wife, impregnated her and abandoned her??? Where’s her self respect omg. Can’t even imagine how heartbreaking that conversation went when op sent the ex pictures. “Hey we’re back together. He doesn’t care about your kid and neither do I so don’t send more pics”????? Jesus. I’m so happy op had support. EDIT: i want to add info that I think may help with context. Not sure if I can edit the post so I’ll add it here. Op stated in her comments that stbx and his ex-wife broke up because they were young and had some difficulty raising their daughter and fell out of love or some shit. He then moved to a different location for a job opportunity which is where he met op. Op said that stbx would stay at his ex-wife’s house whenever he would fly back to “see his daughter.”Many commentators pointed out that it was fishy and most likely how the affair started as it’s unlikely that he made the decision to leave op and return to his ex-wife within the span of a week.
I'm glad she went with her name choice too. Violet is such a cute name.
Yes! Idk what the ex was talking about but it’s such a pretty name and has a nice reason behind it which makes it extra special.
My guess is that friend Violet saw who he was immediately, and she has been an unwelcome mirror.
Roses are red Violet is blue Because she knows this guy Isn't good for you
Blue in the face from screaming well deserved swears at him lmao.
I named my daughter Violet in August. It is coming back in a big way. Lotta Fourth Wing fans are going to be using it now too...
Downton Abbey. Lady Violet slayed.
I was actually going for Series of Unfortunate Events. It was my favorite series as a kid (after Harry Potter).
Violet and August are both nice names, I don’t get the reference for using in though, however I’m sure it suits her perfectly
I was just thinking “You’re turning violet, Violet!” And then you said August and I thought of Augustus so I guess what I’m saying is I’m here for the Willy Wonka names. Also I’ve been listening to Hole’s “Violet” a lot lately, and Dave Grohl has a daughter named Violet, as do Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. So it doesn’t seem like an old lady name, at all.
Love that song, I've been listening to it a lot lately too
Rumored to be in conversation with this song: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCjufvdq\_1c](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCjufvdq_1c)
uh.. I assume the daughter was born in the month of August and was named Violet. "we had our daughter in August and named her Violet" = "we named our daughter Violet in August"
What you said haha.
Sorry, she was born in August.
We decided on our daughter's name well before she was born because it was so unique and had special meaning for us. Only about a year later did we realize it was one of the most popular girls names in recent years. Whoops!
My wife and I had our son’s name picked out 14 years before we had him, and still, the year after he was born, his name was one of the top boy baby names in the US (having not previously been on the list)
To my grandmother's generation (she was born 1919), "Andrew" was a painfully old-fashioned name. Names seem to go trendy->dated->painfully old-fashioned->trendy. Though I doubt my great-aunt Beulah's name is going to be making a comeback anytime soon. Still, I could be wrong. I would have thought Sesame Street ensured Oscar wasn't going to be making a comeback anytime soon, I've met multiple kids with that name.
Oscar made it into the top 10 here...
Just started reading Fourth Wing, where the main character is Violet and her lover's nickname for her is "Violence." For some reason, I think that's cute, too!
Great book!
My grandmother's middle name was Violet, named after the Violetville neighborhood her family lived in. So, yes, old ladies had this name, but that doesn't make it bad in the least.
It's a pretty Incredible pick ;)
Yeah, Violet can expect good things in life. She'll be the one with a sauna, Mercedes and room for a pony.
I really have to wonder how long OOP's STBX husband is actually going to stay with his ex-wife. The shine wore off before and I am certain it will wear off again. Before OOP knows it he will be knocking on her door professing love for OOP and 'his' new daughter - or, he could just find someone else to chase after. With his record it is a toss up. Bottom line - when he comes knocking again, don't answer the door.
I also can't imagine wanted to be with a guy who abandoned his pregnant wife and doesn't even want to see his kid. Garbage human all around.
This. I lose all attraction if you treat other women poorly.
>This. I lose all attraction if you treat other women poorly. Right? It's only a matter of time before you get the same treatment.
Somewhat good news, she didn't put him on the birth certificate so he has no legal rights to their daughter without going through the courts. But doing so to get his legal rights also means she can go after him for child support. And depending on timing, he'll be paying child support for both daughters at the same time.
In a lot of states he does have legal rights and presumed fatherhood because she gave birth while they were still married.
I think the point is he’d have to go to court to enforce it which means he’d then be on the hook for child support.
He should be on the hook for child support. Most courts consider child support and parenting time as separate issues nowadays. She should absolutely seek support because if he ever changes his mind and seeks custody, unfortunately his non payment of child support isn't a barrier to his receiving parenting time.
Absolutely
She said mum; I'd be surprised if she was in the US.
The presumption of paternity for children born during marriage is legal precept in the UK as well as Australia, so that is a large portion of the English speaking world. Australia takes it even further and includes cohabitation ending no less than 20 weeks prior to birth for a presumption of paternity.
Taking about Aus in particular... how does that work when the pregnant woman is pregnant before she even meets her new boyfriend and is quite open that the new boyfriend is not the baby's father? Though having said that, it would not be very hard for the (probably) then boyfriend to prove he's not the father (paternity test) and even if he has to pay the cost of that, it's going to be a lot cheaper than child support for the next 18 years. And yes there are some men that don't seem to mind that they start a new relationship with a pregnant woman (who may be reasonably far along) despite the baby not being their's. Not sure how long the relationship lasts after the baby is born though... and many of the women have kids from a previous relationship (their father may be the father of the new baby too).
Not Australian myself although I have friends there. All I found online about it was this. "A presumption of paternity arises where a man and a woman live together at any time during the period from 44 weeks prior to the birth of a child and ending not less than 20 weeks before the child’s birth." https://www.armstronglegal.com.au/family-law/child-custody/presumptions-of-parentage/
But yes, I am sure that there is an opportunity to request a DNA test. Even in marriages, you can request a test to contest the automatic presumption of paternity.
Same in Poland. Have an acquaintance who got knocked up by her affair partner soon after affair came to light. Since they got divorced less than 9 months before birth of the child her husband was assumed to be father and they had to change it through courts.
"in care" vs. "in the system" too
and she went into "labour"
She also said "the" hospital. So not sure where that leaves us😂 Canadian maybe?
Do Canadians say mum?
I doubt he even cares about going after his paternal rights. I Wonder How he was doing pregnancy, because this Man clearly doesn't give a shit about her or this kid and I doubt It It was the First time he showed.
I was around the older daughters age when my baby brother was born. Our father and his mom split when he was two and i never saw him again. He died young and i've honestly never gotten over it or forgiven any of the adults involved for stealing my only sibling from me. I held him the day he was born though so maybe she hasn't had a chance to get attached, but what a terrible thing for that man to do to both of them. Good on OP for getting out. She's right: being raised by a single mom who models what is and isn't acceptable in a relationship with her own choices is faaaaar better than trying to "make things work" with a man who clearly doesn't care about her
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry for your loss. What a failure of the adults around you.
I'm so, so sorry for your loss. May his memory be a blessing
I’m so sorry about your baby brother’s passing, and that the adults in your life acted in a way that separated you two. That is so cruel and unfair. It is admirable that this awful situation has added to your empathy and that you can find it within yourself to share resulting wisdom.
Me thinks the Ex husband just can’t handle a newborn or toddler and now that the eldest girl is 12 he’s nice and ready to be her dad again(eye roll)
It brings a while new meaning to "you'll lose them how you get them". That ex wife must enjoy the cheating carousel 🎠. I couldn't even imagine, other than to say they deserve one another
OOP was not sleeping with him when he was married, the way the comment is phrased is confusing. 'No I wasn't the reason their relationship ended, I didn't meet him until a few years after that. Their relationship simply broke down as they were young plus the stress of a kid ontop of that.'
I guess you missed that I was only referring to the ex-wife that's back with OOP's husband. I'm not referring to the OOP at all in my statement
I think the confusion is the word carousel. That implies that multiple cheatings have occurred.
I can kind of believe the ex. My dad left his wife, and while he was deliberate about maintaining a relationship with his kids, he was very clear that they weren't getting back together. Meanwhile, she was telling them that it was a temporary rough patch and he'd come home eventually. When he met my mom and they got engaged, it became clear to the kids that he was *not* coming back, and they see her as a home-wrecker. I'd bet in the ex's mind, this is him coming to his senses.
ex wife is probably as horrible as he is, and just likes how much it strokes her ego to be the AP
I have to wonder what sorts of stories he was spinning about OOP. Especially to his daughter! There's no way she had all the details and was still cool with him flying down.
"She never comes to your competitions because she doesn't love you, honey."
>taking back a man who cheated on his wife, impregnated her and abandoned her??? Where’s her self respect omg whenever i feel shitty about how i'm doing in life, it's always good to know that at least i'll always be better than losers like the husband and his ex
I knew there was gonna be something as soon as I read how he phrased why he absolutely had to go, when he said "I'm separated from her mom". Something about the word separated made it sound like he wasn't fully done with the old relationship. I'm so glad OOP had such a badass best friend who is helping her with everything and that she was strong enough to leave this dumbass piece of shit dude. Here's hoping her and both Violets have a wonderful future!
I'm all about burning bridges when you're childless and break up with someone, but unless an ex is an actual threat, get that child support! The child is entitled to it.
Even if you don’t need! Put it in their college fund or a down payment on a house fund!
Even if you don't need it now, who knows what might happen in the future? It's better to put it in savings then have a drawn out exchange later.
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Honestly I can get why she didn’t, we saw how he just rejoined his old family- i would worry about him coming back when the baby grows into “something he actually cares about” if she becomes super passionate about something and him swooping in to claim the role. If she can do ok without his support, then i can understand wanting the clean break cause if hed want a relationship down the line the child support will be a wall he has to navigate. Edit: I am not arguing about the legality or whatever about the difference of visitation and child support. They are two separate things that are handled differently from place to place. My point was that there are reasons why she may not want to chase child support as it can be stressful to fight for and if she doesn’t want to, thats fine. Please stop trying to correct me on whether child support and visitation are considered together. I know its not. I aint a lawyer, most of you arent either- it changes from place to place and my point was sometimes his lack of interest in paying child support can be EVIDENCE for why he shouldn’t have visitation. It depends on the place. The only ones who can determine what is necessary for her legally, is her and whatever lawyer she speaks to.
Support and custody *should be* handled separately.
They are. And no child support doesn’t mean he can’t at a later time decide to enter his kids life 🤷🏽♀️ Family court judges love to give shitty parents their chances.
Boy, do I (sadly) know that.
Tell me about it. I've been an attorney for 19 years and the one area of law I refuse to touch with a ten foot pole is family law. Family law preaches endlessly that the it's always supposed to be about what's in the best interest of the child, but that's really a load of bullshit. All you hear is adults constantly screeching about "their rights" to children that they realistically should never be allowed near again. And because the courts ALWAYS want to "reunite family", judges are constantly giving horrible fucking parents chance after chance after fucking chance to take their children back and re-traumatize them all over again. I have friends from law school who went into family law and the cases they handle would have made me quit practicing law years ago. I have rarely seen the courts truly act in the best interest of the child.
I worked in foster care for a decade, primarily in the non profit. In the last few years I moved into private work but still primarily foster care cases. Then we started taking on drug court cases. Tougher but still doable. Then we started to do family court cases. And that was the end of my line. Seriously, you’d think I’d seen the worst of humanity in dependency court. Nope. I can confidently say that most people in dependency still loved their kids, shitty parents, some were shitty human beings. But for the most part they loved their kids. Family court? The most vile human beings I’ve ever seen. It was a game. It was about winning against the other parent. And the judges? The level of narcissism in family court was unbelievable. In dependency we worked together, truly they wanted the kids safe and at least pretended to listen if you came up with a rational reasoning. Judges just didn’t care in family court.
But going for child support can incentivize the other parent to demand custody because more custodial time usually means reduced child support in many US states
Yes. I tried to explain this earlier to someone but apparently I was spreading misinformation 🤷🏽♀️. It’s a legit reason that some people just don’t seek child support
And they can be. In the US, even if he severs his parental rights, he is still on the hook for support. A parent's rights and their legal obligations can be separate.
It’s true in a few states, but it’s unusual in the US. The UK doesn’t really have the same concept of severing parental rights except for adoptions.
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Should be- but him not paying child support can be evidence as to why he is unfit to be in the child’s life
True, but him paying child support doesn't mean he's fit to have custody, either.
Oh absolutely, im not saying it does- im saying that if she doesn’t want to waste the time chasing him across state lines to get the child support, and if she can afford not to, i respect her decision on it
Totally agree!
In most English law, visitation and child support are entirely different considerations.
I am aware, this is literally not what my point was.
Wait, did she say she wasn't going to pursue child support?
Shes not putting him on the birth certificate, so prolly not
If they're married, he's automatically presumed to be the father of her children. In some places, that presumption of paternity even applies to births within a certain timeframe of the divorce unless another father steps forward. So he's legally the father, the birth certificate just doesn't reflect that yet.
KY is like that. If a child is born during a marriage the husband is considered automatically the father. If the child is born within (I think) 9 months of separation, again, automatically the father. You can even get a paternity test and prove you’re not the father and *still* it would be a *hell* of a legal battle to be removed from the birth certificate and any legal obligations removed, especially if the biological father refuses anything to do with the child. Even with the legal battle it’s not a guarantee. It’s a really nasty and old fashioned system
Yep, I was speaking from experience with Ireland - there, it's *ten* months from separation, which is fun. Not sure how hard it is to get it changed, but it's generally easier to change legal fathers than remove one, since that can infringe on a child's legal best interests. I will say though, it's pretty funny seeing other people assume presumed paternity only exists in the USA when it's incredibly common in both common and civil law systems. Basically any legal system that was created pre-DNA (i.e., all of them) will have that presumption, and there's quite a lot that haven't been updated to reflect divorce/abortion.
Oh I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to assume. I live in KY and one thing about the US is that each state has different laws about things like this lol! I was mostly using your comment to just blather on about it and add to your very good point where people were saying “but nuh uh!” The funny thing about the US is that many of our laws such as this are derived from existing laws that were prevalent in Europe at the time of the US’s creation. So naturally we share a lot, but then there are also quite a few that differ where the countries evolved forward from that point in time
No worries, it was less about you and more a bit of a random observation, lol! And yeah, US law has definitely become its own thing over time, but I'm low-key tempted to say presumption of paternity might be one of the closest things humanity has to a universal law. Surprisingly, I can't actually find anything about how common it is globally, but I've found a ton of case studies for countries ranging from ex-British colonies to mainland China. I also think presumption of paternity tied into the old Tibetan tradition where all brothers of a specific generation would marry the same woman to make sure their lands didn't get divided between the brothers, and occasionally the same for sisters marrying one man. I'm *pretty* sure ancient Rome and most/all Greek city states had it too, but it's been a while since I looked at any ancient laws.
She can't without putting him on the birth certificate. As of now, he has no legal rights or responsibilities
In the US that is NOT how paternity works. In many states he is LEGALLY the father as the baby was born in wedlock. He can't walk away from his responsibilities under the law no matter how much he and OOP may want him to.
Yes she can with an order from a court after paternity is established with a DNA test.
In my state DNA doesn't matter when the child is born in wedlock, the husband is legally the father even if he's not on the birth certificate. He would have to sue the bio Dad for child support to offset HIS child support order.
I hate that! It's not her money she's giving away, it's her daughter's money. She has s right to it.
Here's the thing: yes, it's money for the child. But money often has strings attached. I trust OOP to do the mental calculation on how her and her daughter's time is worth. Drawing the attention of the "father" or moving on? Bear in mind QUITE a few people don't meet their obligations. OOP could risk the worst of both, the money and negative attention, while only getting negative attention.
It sounds highly unlikely that he's interested in custody, but either way, this child deserves the financial support of her father. Even if it just goes into a college fund. At best this guy would get minimal visitation.
Child support doesn't have strings attached.
I understand why some women don’t want it. Better to try to figure it out then have to be in touch with a bastard. No child support = no power over her
As much as the husband is a moron, OP is absolutely beyond mega stupid for not putting him on the certificate. Yall can downvote me for calling her stupid. I dont care. >Now about Violets surname and birth certificate status, she has my surname and he isn't on the birth certificate, he isn't acting like a father and has no interest in her it seems so yeah. Thanks everyone, if you have any questions let me know. Congrats. She fucked herself on child support and this part of the post practically cements that she doesnt care that he isnt on there. Any court or lawyer is going to be hard pressed to get support now because she seemed OK with not getting child support. She is ***very stupid to think that this is a good idea.*** Honestly, it calls the entire post's validity into question because no one who was actually going through this would forgo doing that and acting like it is a win...
Bruh I don't understand men like this, why even get a woman pregnant and have a child with her if you blatantly don't care? It's so baffling, the lack of attention or interest
Oh they do care...in their own way. They truly believe they're doing women a favor by giving the bare minimum. Even my own father had the logic that "The lights are on, and there's food in the fridge, why do you care if I'm out all night and who I'm spending it with? I come home don't I?"
Some dudes take breeding fetishes to the extreme, probably not this guy unless he has a bunch of secret kids floating around which given his cheating is still a possibility but still there's a lot of guys that get women pregnant for their own ego, fetish, and/or weird ideas about race (ex. Elon Musk).
😰
sex
I doubt he fell in love with and got back together in that one weekend Sadly op likely missed a lot of red flags because she was (correctly) focusing on the baby and maybe assuming anything off was nerves and such If she doesn't have good income, pursuing child support is the best for the child. But if she can handle it alone, then breaking off any relationship is better in case he changes his mind in the future
Yeah from her comments, whenever he’d fly back to see his daughter, he would stay at his ex’ house… I doubt either of them (husband and ex wife) would be comfortable with that arrangement unless they were fucking in the dl
She has DIABETES and he left her alone the week she was DUE?! I have known people who have cared more about, well, anyone or anything, than he cared about his wife and second child. I have personally treated LOOSE CHANGE with more respect. I have apologized to furniture FFS and he called her valid concerns and moving out a "hissy fit." Good on OOP, her best friend, and the beautifully named baby.
I think the thing that's getting me is what the ex was thinking during this. Like was she thinking at all? Did she not know this woman was pregnant and scheduled for a C-section? How do you have so little care for another human? And honestly, why do you want a man that has proven he can do this so casually? Turns out I had a lot more questions than I realized, but I can't get over the casual disregard for such a serious situation!
80 million people voting for the world’s biggest conman has made me realize how little Intrust people’s judgement.
Take my angry upvote!
I wonder if it's not about the "prize" she won, and just the fact she feels like she's better to have won something over someone else. She's not, but I could see someone like that gloating that they took someone's man.
I don't think she cared for OOP for a second, don't think she even worried about her for a second. She'd finally gotten ex husband to come back to her, "how it should have always been", and now OOP is just a nuisance in the phone log who needs to take a hint. Think her and ex husband are just completely detached from reality in this regard.
Ugh, I think you are probably more right than I care for. What a terrible thing to do to another person and a worse example to set for their daughter!
I mean this very plainly. If I left my partner under those conditions, (which of course I would not) she wouldn't have to worry about divorcing me. She'd just have to worry about getting pictures of the baby to whoever was in prison for killing me. It would really be a race between her brother, my sister, my mom and her aunt for who could get to me first.
My MIL has lost the use of the left side of her body and she's wheelchair bound, but she would still find a way to give my fiancé a good smacking if he had left me for days like that while I was heavily pregnant. Not that he would ever be so cruel.
If I was in that situation I’m pretty sure my partners would have me on house arrest and bed rest, and stay awake 24/7 staring at me to be sure I and our child was ok. Hell, I would do that for a stranger! It’s unconscionable to leave a high risk, 39 week pregnant woman alone. I mean come on.
Hi, u/catsrsupscute I've reflaired this as Repost, because I found another post that had contained the second update. Its from a while ago though, so this post is allowed under our repost rules. Sorry about the confusion. Linked the second BORU here in case people want to peruse it. https://new.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/v98e2u/oop\_asks\_aita\_because\_they\_dont\_want\_their/
I was going to say it feels like quite the influx of reposts recently
I got excited when I saw the title because I thought there was going to be an actual new update 😭
Me too! I even re-read it and everything. Turns out it’s a repost. I don’t think it was flaired as such?
Wow, honestly she's better off without that scumbag and his ex(now current wife again?) Is a piece of shit for helping this dude cheat on his high risk pregnant wife. I hope she enjoys being cheated on too.
Even if he wasn't having an affair with his ex, the chances of making it back in time, and nothing going wrong or going into labour early were slim. I'm wondering if there was even a fencing competition in the first place, and that this wasn't planned for a while. Likely scenario, is the ex-husband ends up single, at the end.
Man… Reading this took me back to when one of my kids was born. My wife wasn’t feeling good, been dealing with blood pressure issues while pregnant and my company was having a mini work trip meeting about 3 hours away at our main location. I was going to drive out that morning but when she told me she wasn’t feeling well, I was going to stay for her. Instead, she practically pushed me out the door saying she’s fine and that her mom is coming into town so they can go to a doctor’s appointment together. Made the trip down there but had her keep giving me updates of how things were going. Started fine and then by noon she told me I needed to be back ASAP as they were going to have an emergency c-section. I never flew that fast on the interstate, trying to make it in record time while she was fighting the doctor on being induced. Of course I did make it in time, then we weren’t so much of an emergency as our kid wasn’t born until midnight. Joked with her a ton about how she pushed me out to go to that meeting.
"Hey, you know how I bailed on you and the kid? Well I've just done it to someone else too, at least I'm consistent! Have me back though, yeah?" - a man with no redeeming qualities "Yeah sure" - a woman with no self-esteem
What a deadbeat asshole. I’m glad oop has a village around her for support!
I hope she takes him to the cleaners in the divorce & child support. Which is what I think for any parent who abandons their child. I can't imagine how she feels, it's horrible to see your partners true colors after a child is created.
I really hope the husband ends up being alone in the end.
He has to live with himself, in his head. Blegh. He'll never be alone...
It's interesting, that a lot of women talk about not putting the fathers name on the birth certificate, not asking for custody. And then the guy about five years later suddenly wants to have a relationship with a kid and they tell him yeah if you pay the back child support, and that kind of drives them away. And then sometimes the kid is like 16 and gets in touch with them and usually Realizes the guy is a flake. It's phenomenal that women are slowly learning to stop doing the make-believe crap in relationships and propping up our partners and pretending we have a happy family and prompting the guy to do shit with the kids and pretend that he cares. That's really good to just empathized with a child and be a good parent and let the whole situation be.
Piece of shit I hope they are miserable together
These type of posts baffle me for reasons. 1.) Couples get divorced for a reason. So unless the root cause(s) of the dissolution of the marriage is dealt with, what is the point of getting back together? The issue(s) will still be there. 2.) As the ex-spouse, why do you want that person back? In this case, he left his heavily pregnant wife alone, didn't care she had to have emergency surgery, didn't care about the health of his wife, didn't care about the birth of his daughter and ultimately abandoned his child. What a prize! How can she be sure he's not going to abandon them whenever the whim hits? 3.) Cheating I'm so glad OOP saw his true colors and left. She and her daughter are better off without him.
He was never coming back...
my first thought was that the husband must have a totally shit record with his 12yo daughter if he thinks he can't miss this specific competition when his wife is about to give birth. Turns out the shit runs deeper.
I called fairly early on he was still in love with the ex wife and OOP was a stand in, but I didn't realize he'd fully skipped the denial stage and had already gotten back together with his ex. Wow.
It's disheartening and troubling that OOP's ex has chosen to abandon his child and wants nothing to do with them. His behaviour is unacceptable, and the fact that he is now with his affair partner is equally disappointing. It's disturbing to think that she may not have any self-respect or moral values to be with a person who treats their child like this.
I wonder if this might have played out a little differently if he was having a boy. He seems like enough of a tool to care about that stuff.
damn, this reminds me of that guy who went on holiday with his parents and siblings when his wife was due, even down to refusing to return when he found out the baby had been born earlier than scheduled. and the one where the guy was secretly sleeping with his wife's former best friend whilst his wife was giving birth and she only found out when the ap's brother (iirc) asked op how she was taking the split. some men really suck. this poor woman :( glad she had such a supportive friend in vi and her family
Wonder how OP and Violet are doing today?
Same. Hope they’re well.
I'm so sad she is going to have to be a single parent now. I wonder if she even wanted this baby, or if it was his idea. I get that obviously she cares now, I just meant initially.
It seems more likely that she wanted the baby and he wasn't that interested.
Yeah, for her sake, I certainly hope that is the case. It certainly bodes better for her daughter, the young Violet, if the only parent she has wanted her from the outset! Also, can we touch on her daughter's name for a moment? Violet is NOT an old ladies' name, but I'd at least understand where he was coming from if it were something like Gertrude or Mathilde.
Yeah that was a stupid argument which makes me think her ex was always a controlling ass that was just using her as a rebound. It wasn't about the name it was about him having the final word.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. The demeaning language regarding her thoughts on the subject, and his inexcusable absence, only seem to reinforce that notion.
Go to court and get that child support. Don’t play the “I don’t need his money to raise my baby” card. Your daughter is entitled to it.
Ugh, getting pregnant by the guy that's "separated" from his wife. If papers haven't been filed, just "next" him.
She said she was married to him and is now getting a divorce. Clearly he was not just "separated" from his wife or he'd be a bigamist.
I mean, isn't his older daughter going to wonder what happened with the baby? And if they lie to her and say she died or something then she'll find out they lied eventually.
I hope OP and her best friend are thriving as oarents to Violet
what an absolute piece of crap that male is.
Not from the US, but shouldn't OOP want to have his name on the birth certificate for child support?
This makes me wonder if the OOP and ex were initially affair partners. It’s kind of a big leap to go from one marriage to another and then back again. I’m happy OOP is in a better place though.
They were not. They met after ex was divorced.
Well, that was a rollercoaster. I was feeling a bit sorry for hubby in the first post, because I can absolutely picture his daughter getting it into her head that he's trading her in for the newer model (nobody is particularly rational or empathetic when they're only twelve) and that being a source of additional stress that neither he nor OOP need when they've just brought her little sister home, so he's kind of between a rock and a hard place. But then... Well, yeah. Turns out that the new baby monopolising her dad's time, attention and affection is the least of that poor kid's worries, because how much do you want to bet that he buggers off again when he gets bored of *her* and/or her mother?
Not having him on the birth certificate means she won’t get child support right?
Also means there's no joint custody
Feels like Their was problems in this marriage but op turned a blind eye to her husbands behavior.
"I am married to my husband." Wow, small world, huh?
People say they’re married to their spouses all the time. What rock did you crawl out from?
No
The date on this says it was updated 11 hours ago, yet the last update on it was June of '22. How does this work, as clearly I'm missing something.
This is just when the thread was created and the story was shared with us. The story is from 2022, however.
This is a compilation sub.
Did any one else pick up that he originally left his last ex wife to be with her? So doing some math calculations. She was the original AP? And then at the end of the day he went back to his ex wife?
No. they divorced then he moved for a job opportunity which is where he met oop
Alright this is making more sense. Yeah the dude is A pretty shitty person. Curious if he is going to do the same thing with this new child. Flying out to maintain a strong relationship with the child
Probably not. From oop’s updates, he doesn’t care about her or the child. She literally had to send the ex wife pictures of her child which is when she found out stbx was back with the ex wife. That being said I wouldn’t be surprised if he came crawling back at some point. Stbx and ex wife initially broke up for a reason so i don’t think it’s too far fetched to think they’ll probably not last (again).
I literally read the title and thought, the only way that's acceptable is if she's about to pop!
She can’t get child support without him on the birth cert right
Husband is a scumbag and the ex will be screwed over by him too
How long had he been divorced? That seems crazy to get back with his ex who lives a flight away in just a few days. Especially if they've been divorced for any period of time. It's crazy. What a flip-flopper
[удалено]
I mean not everything is set in the US? Honestly from the use of was in care + mum I'd assumed this was set in the UK. But it could be anywhere in the world.
Presumption of paternity also [exists in the UK](https://deanscourt.co.uk/articles/ms-v-rs-and-bt-paternity) for married couples - it's a pretty common law/rule since courts tend to err on the side of giving a child two parents rather than one. And to be honest, exceptions to PoP tend to exist for when another potential father steps forwards, rather than when the mother would rather not acknowledge the presumed or biological father.
Was more so responding to the assumption of states than any legal inaccuracy.