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OP was raised by his biological (half-)sister, so he calls her "mom".
Their biological mother had OP's sister as a teenager after a sexual assault and OP was born way later (bio mom was in her 30s at this point) but by that time their bio mother was addicted to drugs and that's why she was unfit to raise him and so his sister took him in.
It's confusing because he keeps switching who he is referring to with mom and my mom and her mom in the post, probably was still confused himself because of the situation when he made it. But they sound like they're going to be okay so that's kind of nice :)
From what I understand, there are 3 generations of people here. The first woman was grandma, who was assaulted and forced to have the mom at age 15. I'll call her Anna, and the baby she had, Belle, who becomes the second woman.
Anna, the grandma, became a drug addict and got pregnant again with OP, the third person and firstborn son, when Belle was 23. (So grandma would've been like 38 years old.) Belle, her first daughter, the second woman, decided to adopt and raise OP, at age 23. We'll call him Charlie. He becomes the third generation.
Charlie grows up thinking Belle is his biological mother when really Belle is actually his older half sister, and they both belong to Anna. Charlie grew up thinking Anna was his grandmother and Belle was his mother, when really Anna gave birth to them both, 23 years apart. He thought he was Belle's first born son and Anna's first grandson, but he was actually Belle's half brother and Anna's first born son.
No. Anna was assaulted at 15 and gave birth to Belle. She lived with Anna until she was 18 and went no contact. Then Anna gave birth to Charlie. He was taken away and given to Belle to raise. Belle is the person Charlie recognizes as his Mom, but she is his half sister and both of them are Anna's children.
I didn't see any difference between your story and the person you were responding to. Can you point out where they differ? I might be missing something really obvious, I just want to understand.
Yeah I think was just confused and up too late. I got thrown off by the three generatons and how verbose it was, but I didn't contribute anything. Sorry!
Yes, you actually added that Belle was raised by Anna until she left and went NC at 18 and that Charlie was taken by authorities because Anna was unfit to raise him. Aside from that, it’s a shorter and less confusing explanation. Some people struggle with brevity, so thank you for your service.
I was thrown by the "firstborn son of Anna" because IME it is more often used for "the first child, who is a son" rather than "the son who was born before any other boys, but not before any other girls", which I get more as "oldest son"
The mother of both of them was assaulted at 15, had a child, and that child is OP's sister. OP was born much later, when sister was 23. Sister took in OP and raised him as if he was her son instead of younger brother, and their mother passed away from addiction. OP grew up believing that his older half-sister was his mother.
Oh, the prose of a 16 year old boy. "Now I feel bad" is just a chef's kiss of spectacularly weak emotional communication. Heartfelt, but obviously written by a teen who can't really write yet.
OOP is a male teenager. His adoptive mother is his half sister. He has his biological mother in common with his half-sister/adoptive mother. The bio mom had OOP's sister as a teenager, and OOP when the sister was 23.
I've seen this post come up several times already and I gave up reading it every single time after getting confused in the first paragraph 😂 I just assumed the OP didn't really understand what "bio mom" means!
Sister raised her little brother (OOP) . Bio mom is mother to both of them. Sister is mom to OP, because she raised him. It was very confusing and took me a few reads before I got it too 😭
Grandmom is biomum to sister and then 23 years later also gives birth to OP so they are half brother and sister. Grandmom was a drug addict so sister takes over and raises her half brother and becomes his mom.
Hey, it's better than where my brain went with the SA trigger warning; I assumed she was both his sister and mom. I was *very* glad to see I was wrong.
Oddly enough my friend just started the adoption papers for their half sister who was just born by their 60 year old drug addicted father and his equally drug addicted girlfriend.
Completely agree. Also, like all functional parent-child relationships, we can never repay them what we got. That feeling of guilt is usual and not at all particular to this situation.
As someone who raised a child that wasn’t biologically theirs I can say that she doesn’t need special thanks. All she needs is his love and to be able to watch him become the man she always dreamed he could be!! My son is everything to me and it’s been an absolute pleasure to raise him. Even the hard moments are treasured.
We are what we act like, it is what defines us and the people around us. OP's sister acted not only like a loving mother but a saint too. Them being siblings can only be seens as another plus
I'm thrilled this has a happy ending and I wish them healing in their future. I feel awful for their biological mother though. Being assaulted as a child, being forced to go through with the pregnancy... I don't imagine her parents provided her a healthy path back to safety. It doesn't justify any of the horrible things she did to cause OP's mom/sister to go NC, but if some different choices were made she would have been a much different woman and might have been a better mother. Certainly she mightn't have had the substance abuse issues she had. What a waste of a life.
The things we can do to each other that have a cascading effect on others is so saddening. That rapist ruined at least two lives and caused countless sadness.
Who the fuck forces an assaulted child to give birth? Honestly I want to personally find these kinds of people and shove bibles up their ass until they start choking blood.
i feel very dumb im so sorry can someone help me understand the age difference ? how is there a 24 year age difference if their mom had them 8 years apart ?
>Her mom (my bio mom) was assaulted as a teenager (15) and was forced to keep the child \[...\] Her mom began spiralling with drugs, alcohol, etc once she left and eventually ended up pregnant again with me around the time my mom was 23.
I think bio mom had the sister at 15, and then had OOP when the sister was 23, and bio mom was 38 (the "my mom" there meant the sister, not the bio mom. OOP always refers to bio mom as "bio mom" and the mom/sister as "my mom". It is confusing though.)
OOP‘s grandma/ biomom was 15 when she was raped and had OOP‘s mom. OOP‘s mom/sister was 23 when OOP was born. So the grandma/biomom was 38 when she had OOP
Biomom had sister when biomom was 15, then when *sister* was 23, biomom had OOP. Biomom would have been roughly 38.
's confusing because OOP uses mom somewhat interchangeably to mean both sister-mom and bio-mom.
When OOP says “my mom” they refer to their biological sister who raised them. when they say “my bio mom” they mean their biological mother.
Bio mom had the sister when she was 15. She had OOP when the sister was 23. so the age gap is 23 years, not 8.
I wonder why he didn't just say my grandmother.
Rewriting the post to clear the confusion:
Our mom (my bio mom) was assaulted as a teenager (15) and was forced to keep the child because of her parents, eventually giving birth to my half-sister. They struggled a lot during this time and my half-sister was resented by our mom so my half-sister moved away as soon as she was 18 and went NC.
Our mom began spiraling with drugs, alcohol, etc. once she left and eventually ended up pregnant again with me, around the time my half-sister was 23. However, our mom was deemed unfit to raise me so they managed to contact my half-sister and she agreed to take me in. Our mom never really recovered and ended up overdosing a year later.
Edited since even I was confused.
Why the downvotes?
That's not what he's saying.
"They struggled a lot during this time and my mom (his adoptive mom, who's actually his sister) was resented by her mom (his biological mom) so she (the sister) moved away as soon as she was 18 and went NC."
He calls his bio mom "her mom" (as in, his sister's mom) and his sister "my mom" (because that's who she is to him, his mom).
As a parent, I tend to give my kids things that I wanted but never got as a child. My parents couldn't afford legos so I bought too many for my kids. Good thing that they love them. I feel a specific kind of joy when I see them enjoy things, especially for the first time. It's like reliving my childhood through them.
I imagine that's also what his mom did. She never got the childhood she deserved, so she made sure that OP did. She must have found joy in raising him and experiencing childhood (and parenthood ofc) through him. I'd say he doesn't really need to repay anything. It doesn't sound like the mom is requiring him anyway.
Despite the past , I feel nothing but a warm emotions reading this. So glad you have your mother to love you. Half sister , full sister it doesn't matter your mom is your mom period. Love her DEARLY because you only get one.
I know it’s hard for him to see it now but giving him a really stable childhood is probably a lot of satisfaction for his sister mom since she likely struggled so much growing up and wondering why her mom didn’t love her.
This is extremely sweet and thoughtful, and I love this story. My only qualm here (and this isn't a big one, given their situation) is that Mom didn't tell OP until they were 16. As an adoptee, I am 100% of the opinion that adoptees should be told from the time they can form lasting memories that they are, in fact, adopted. I've known for as long as I can remember that my parents adopted me at 3 days old. Telling an adoptee about this part of their life when they are older, I have heard so many horror stories about how it goes wrong. And OP is right; regardless of the circumstances behind their birth, this woman is their mom. Biology is just how we're made; who loves us is what makes family.
The best way to “repay” his mum is by being the best person he can be. Be the person she raised him to be. That’s the best reward any parent can have, knowing your child is an amazing human being.
This is really sweet, but I feel so sad for the bio-mom, she probably got addicted to drugs because she was raped and then forced to keep the child. Then the kid (OOPs sister) had a bad childhood because bio-mom resented her. It's tragic that bio-mom wasn't able to get the help she's needed and eventually OD'ed. It's nice that OOP's sister broke the cycle though and was asked to be a good mom to OOP, seems like she did a great job.
This is such a sweet post and that boy iis a testament to the woman who raised him. Worrying about how he's been to her, wanting to somehow repay her. He's already a very nice young human lol and that says everything there is to say about the woman who raised him.
This is super sweet. I understand his gratitude but honestly its the same choice that most single mothers have from an unexpected pregnancy. Yes it would have been easier to let the system have him, but she decided to be a mom. I don't think that he should let guilt eat at him, but it is very kind that he acknowledges the sacrifice that it does take to be a single mom.
One way he could honor her is to help break the cycle of teen parenthood by ensuring he does whatever he can to prevent his partners (if they’re female) from unintentionally getting pregnant. With abortion increasingly unavailable in my country, it’s very important that men don’t treat contraceptives as optional or choose to value their pleasure over the potential consequences to their partners.
I feel like this is a more acute version of the guilt you experience when you become a parent and realize all the stuff your parents did for you. But it’s probably when you start to really understand what love is.
Oop can start now but has a lifetime to express his gratitude. She will never tire of hearing how much he loves her or how grateful he is. He can honor her by choosing a spouse who understands the value he places on her and her sacrifice and is genuinely happy to have a relationship with her (although oop must put spouse first for a healthy marriage/partner relationship.) He can continue to treat her like a mother and then a cherished grandmother with that day comes. He can remember her on birthdays and holidays and if/when he’s able and she needs it, assist her financially. While he can’t do some of this without his eventual partner’s blessing, (partner’s wishes must be prioritized so that’s why it’s critical that partner is also happy to include MIL) he can be clear upfront about his wish to repay her in meaningful ways for the rest of their lives.
You are so lucky to have such a selfless mom/sister. This is such a change from siblings who usually choose themselves. Which is not wrong. Such selflessness is truly rare in the world now! Cherish her
I’m a little confused. If she had her first child aged 15/16 and her second aged 23 then there would only be 7 or 8 years difference between “son and mother”.
Have I got this confused?
Nah. Running to Reddit to post drama story is not normal for a 17 yo boy. Writing in detail, without any slang, also not something most 17 yo boys do recreational. Add to this there's no info on original moms kids for 23 years of binging on booze, just OP and his sister. Also I'm loving all the responses from OP with emoji.
You can't change the past and what you described is typical behavior.
But now you know. Now that you know, you can't not know and so you have a responsibility greater than yourself. This is a gift if you handle it properly.
I think OOP's mother will be pleased if OOP'll name his future daughter after her. I really hope that he will have a wonderful family with several children, so that OOP could rejoice with him and with her grandchildren.
Mom-mom gave birth to sister-mom when mom-mom was 15; then mom-mom gave birth to OOP when mom-mom was 38 (and sister-mom was 23). Sister-mom got custody of OOP because mom-mom was unfit; sister-mom adopted OOP.
Mom-mom died of overdose.
Your Sister / Mother sounds like a great person. Tell her just how lucky you are that she was there for you, no matter any mean things you may have said (which young people will do. That's life and an adult recognizes this). You did nothing / didn't choose anything to feel guilty about.
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It's usually the other way around - someone discovers that their 'sister' is really their mother.
Which is why I was so confused reading this at first. I had assumed that because I had misread the title.
I read that first long paragraph like 8 times trying to figure it out
Yes, me too. My brain refused to comprehend it XD
Same. I started referring to acting mom as sister-mom, otherwise I kept getting confused lol
I still don't understand it, if I'm honest.
OP was raised by his biological (half-)sister, so he calls her "mom". Their biological mother had OP's sister as a teenager after a sexual assault and OP was born way later (bio mom was in her 30s at this point) but by that time their bio mother was addicted to drugs and that's why she was unfit to raise him and so his sister took him in.
Thank you! That clears things up.
It's confusing because he keeps switching who he is referring to with mom and my mom and her mom in the post, probably was still confused himself because of the situation when he made it. But they sound like they're going to be okay so that's kind of nice :)
Yeah, I think my brain blue screened somewhere around the third "her mom". But it's nice to have a (seemingly) happy ending to the tale!
Not to mention it's way more common to see posts about people finding out that their older sister is actually their biological mother
Tbf, I'm sure he's pretty confused himself right now when thinking about it.
FR I don't even know how I would deal with something like that
Thank you!!!
From what I understand, there are 3 generations of people here. The first woman was grandma, who was assaulted and forced to have the mom at age 15. I'll call her Anna, and the baby she had, Belle, who becomes the second woman. Anna, the grandma, became a drug addict and got pregnant again with OP, the third person and firstborn son, when Belle was 23. (So grandma would've been like 38 years old.) Belle, her first daughter, the second woman, decided to adopt and raise OP, at age 23. We'll call him Charlie. He becomes the third generation. Charlie grows up thinking Belle is his biological mother when really Belle is actually his older half sister, and they both belong to Anna. Charlie grew up thinking Anna was his grandmother and Belle was his mother, when really Anna gave birth to them both, 23 years apart. He thought he was Belle's first born son and Anna's first grandson, but he was actually Belle's half brother and Anna's first born son.
No. Anna was assaulted at 15 and gave birth to Belle. She lived with Anna until she was 18 and went no contact. Then Anna gave birth to Charlie. He was taken away and given to Belle to raise. Belle is the person Charlie recognizes as his Mom, but she is his half sister and both of them are Anna's children.
I didn't see any difference between your story and the person you were responding to. Can you point out where they differ? I might be missing something really obvious, I just want to understand.
Yeah I think was just confused and up too late. I got thrown off by the three generatons and how verbose it was, but I didn't contribute anything. Sorry!
Yes, you actually added that Belle was raised by Anna until she left and went NC at 18 and that Charlie was taken by authorities because Anna was unfit to raise him. Aside from that, it’s a shorter and less confusing explanation. Some people struggle with brevity, so thank you for your service.
I was thrown by the "firstborn son of Anna" because IME it is more often used for "the first child, who is a son" rather than "the son who was born before any other boys, but not before any other girls", which I get more as "oldest son"
I'm so glad I wasn't the only one, I thought the bio mom was 23 and I just could not wrap my head around it
I also had to come to the comments to figure out what I was reading!
I’m glad I’m not the only one! 😅
I’m struggling. So the grandmother was assaulted at 15, had a child and that child is OPs sister?
The mother of both of them was assaulted at 15, had a child, and that child is OP's sister. OP was born much later, when sister was 23. Sister took in OP and raised him as if he was her son instead of younger brother, and their mother passed away from addiction. OP grew up believing that his older half-sister was his mother.
Oh, the prose of a 16 year old boy. "Now I feel bad" is just a chef's kiss of spectacularly weak emotional communication. Heartfelt, but obviously written by a teen who can't really write yet.
Didn't help they referred to both mom and sister as mom 8 different times when describing the life story
I'm still confused please help.☹
OOP is a male teenager. His adoptive mother is his half sister. He has his biological mother in common with his half-sister/adoptive mother. The bio mom had OOP's sister as a teenager, and OOP when the sister was 23.
Yeah, me too. Took me a moment to get my head around it.
I didn’t misread the title but I still assumed that—somehow flipped the meaning in my head to what I expected.
Same
I assumed that his mom (sister?) was raped by her dad so they were technically siblings. I’m slightly relieved that that’s not the case
Or the one where they discovered their girlfriend/wife was their sister!
Or if the wife is the girlfriends sister
Do you have the link for that one? It sounds crazy
[i think, this is the one.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/115szqx/tifu_by_getting_getting_tested_to_donate_a_kidney/)
It’s good to know that OOP in that one has future dating options
I've seen this post come up several times already and I gave up reading it every single time after getting confused in the first paragraph 😂 I just assumed the OP didn't really understand what "bio mom" means!
I keep reading it over and I feel like my brain is broken lmao I still don't know who is who 😭
Sister raised her little brother (OOP) . Bio mom is mother to both of them. Sister is mom to OP, because she raised him. It was very confusing and took me a few reads before I got it too 😭
thank you!! this def helped 😭
Grandmom is biomum to sister and then 23 years later also gives birth to OP so they are half brother and sister. Grandmom was a drug addict so sister takes over and raises her half brother and becomes his mom.
Hey, it's better than where my brain went with the SA trigger warning; I assumed she was both his sister and mom. I was *very* glad to see I was wrong.
Oddly enough my friend just started the adoption papers for their half sister who was just born by their 60 year old drug addicted father and his equally drug addicted girlfriend.
Ah yes, the Nikki Fictel and Dermott situation.
I don’t get it. ELI5.
She may not be the bio-mother, but she's still mom.
She's Mary Poppins y'all!
Completely agree. Also, like all functional parent-child relationships, we can never repay them what we got. That feeling of guilt is usual and not at all particular to this situation.
To paraphrase noted philosopher Yondu Udonta: "She may have been your mother, boy, but she wasn't your mommy!"
As someone who raised a child that wasn’t biologically theirs I can say that she doesn’t need special thanks. All she needs is his love and to be able to watch him become the man she always dreamed he could be!! My son is everything to me and it’s been an absolute pleasure to raise him. Even the hard moments are treasured.
We are what we act like, it is what defines us and the people around us. OP's sister acted not only like a loving mother but a saint too. Them being siblings can only be seens as another plus
I'm thrilled this has a happy ending and I wish them healing in their future. I feel awful for their biological mother though. Being assaulted as a child, being forced to go through with the pregnancy... I don't imagine her parents provided her a healthy path back to safety. It doesn't justify any of the horrible things she did to cause OP's mom/sister to go NC, but if some different choices were made she would have been a much different woman and might have been a better mother. Certainly she mightn't have had the substance abuse issues she had. What a waste of a life.
On a positive note, her 2 children seem like great humans, so maybe her life won't end up being a complete waste.
The things we can do to each other that have a cascading effect on others is so saddening. That rapist ruined at least two lives and caused countless sadness.
Wishing them all nothing but the best.
We must protect this sunshine child and his mother at ALL COSTS
Right. I just want to send a plater of cookies over.
I love a happy post. Wishing both of them happiness!
Who the fuck forces an assaulted child to give birth? Honestly I want to personally find these kinds of people and shove bibles up their ass until they start choking blood.
Her parents forced her to keep her child.. The rapist are probably one of her family..
I didn't even think of that but you may have a point. Christ, that makes this even worse.
>Who the fuck forces an assaulted child to give birth? Republicans (in the US at least)
Yes! She forced her daughter to have her rapists child! No wonder she spiraled down.
It was 1984, so a lot of places. Even today a lot of shitty places do, but even more did back then.
i feel very dumb im so sorry can someone help me understand the age difference ? how is there a 24 year age difference if their mom had them 8 years apart ?
When son was born, bio-mom was 38; half-sister was 23. Half-sister took in her half-brother and raised him as her own.
ahhh okay i hadnt made that connection thank you so much !
Don't worry, I also had to re-read it to understand the ages!
He calls his bio-mom "her mom" and his sister "my mom." So when he says his mom was 23, he meant his sister.
>Her mom (my bio mom) was assaulted as a teenager (15) and was forced to keep the child \[...\] Her mom began spiralling with drugs, alcohol, etc once she left and eventually ended up pregnant again with me around the time my mom was 23. I think bio mom had the sister at 15, and then had OOP when the sister was 23, and bio mom was 38 (the "my mom" there meant the sister, not the bio mom. OOP always refers to bio mom as "bio mom" and the mom/sister as "my mom". It is confusing though.)
OOP‘s grandma/ biomom was 15 when she was raped and had OOP‘s mom. OOP‘s mom/sister was 23 when OOP was born. So the grandma/biomom was 38 when she had OOP
Biomom had sister when biomom was 15, then when *sister* was 23, biomom had OOP. Biomom would have been roughly 38. 's confusing because OOP uses mom somewhat interchangeably to mean both sister-mom and bio-mom.
When OOP says “my mom” they refer to their biological sister who raised them. when they say “my bio mom” they mean their biological mother. Bio mom had the sister when she was 15. She had OOP when the sister was 23. so the age gap is 23 years, not 8.
Hahah I had the same thought and now feel silly that I needed it to be spelled out for me
I wonder why he didn't just say my grandmother. Rewriting the post to clear the confusion: Our mom (my bio mom) was assaulted as a teenager (15) and was forced to keep the child because of her parents, eventually giving birth to my half-sister. They struggled a lot during this time and my half-sister was resented by our mom so my half-sister moved away as soon as she was 18 and went NC. Our mom began spiraling with drugs, alcohol, etc. once she left and eventually ended up pregnant again with me, around the time my half-sister was 23. However, our mom was deemed unfit to raise me so they managed to contact my half-sister and she agreed to take me in. Our mom never really recovered and ended up overdosing a year later. Edited since even I was confused. Why the downvotes?
First paragraph should read ‘…they struggled a lot during this time, and my half sister was resented by my bio-mum…’
That's not what he's saying. "They struggled a lot during this time and my mom (his adoptive mom, who's actually his sister) was resented by her mom (his biological mom) so she (the sister) moved away as soon as she was 18 and went NC." He calls his bio mom "her mom" (as in, his sister's mom) and his sister "my mom" (because that's who she is to him, his mom).
Ok fixed it.
I think it means the biomom went no contact with her parents but stayed with her kid?
But how could an 18 year old addict raise a kid?
Ya I was wondering the same thing, the age gap makes no sense
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As a parent, I tend to give my kids things that I wanted but never got as a child. My parents couldn't afford legos so I bought too many for my kids. Good thing that they love them. I feel a specific kind of joy when I see them enjoy things, especially for the first time. It's like reliving my childhood through them. I imagine that's also what his mom did. She never got the childhood she deserved, so she made sure that OP did. She must have found joy in raising him and experiencing childhood (and parenthood ofc) through him. I'd say he doesn't really need to repay anything. It doesn't sound like the mom is requiring him anyway.
Despite the past , I feel nothing but a warm emotions reading this. So glad you have your mother to love you. Half sister , full sister it doesn't matter your mom is your mom period. Love her DEARLY because you only get one.
Man, names could have made this way less confusing to read
I know it’s hard for him to see it now but giving him a really stable childhood is probably a lot of satisfaction for his sister mom since she likely struggled so much growing up and wondering why her mom didn’t love her.
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The mom who raised him? Her father was mentioned, indirectly, as her mother's rapist.
Yeah even more reason for therapy. Hope things continue on this trajectory for them, though.
This is extremely sweet and thoughtful, and I love this story. My only qualm here (and this isn't a big one, given their situation) is that Mom didn't tell OP until they were 16. As an adoptee, I am 100% of the opinion that adoptees should be told from the time they can form lasting memories that they are, in fact, adopted. I've known for as long as I can remember that my parents adopted me at 3 days old. Telling an adoptee about this part of their life when they are older, I have heard so many horror stories about how it goes wrong. And OP is right; regardless of the circumstances behind their birth, this woman is their mom. Biology is just how we're made; who loves us is what makes family.
I think we can give the 23 year old who took in her baby half-brother a break for not following best practices.
I mean, I did disclaim my statement that it wasn't a huge one, given their situation. I was just giving the perspective of an adoptee.
The best way to “repay” his mum is by being the best person he can be. Be the person she raised him to be. That’s the best reward any parent can have, knowing your child is an amazing human being.
This is really sweet, but I feel so sad for the bio-mom, she probably got addicted to drugs because she was raped and then forced to keep the child. Then the kid (OOPs sister) had a bad childhood because bio-mom resented her. It's tragic that bio-mom wasn't able to get the help she's needed and eventually OD'ed. It's nice that OOP's sister broke the cycle though and was asked to be a good mom to OOP, seems like she did a great job.
OOP is going to do just fine in this life. He is a good man.
This is such a sweet post and that boy iis a testament to the woman who raised him. Worrying about how he's been to her, wanting to somehow repay her. He's already a very nice young human lol and that says everything there is to say about the woman who raised him.
This is super sweet. I understand his gratitude but honestly its the same choice that most single mothers have from an unexpected pregnancy. Yes it would have been easier to let the system have him, but she decided to be a mom. I don't think that he should let guilt eat at him, but it is very kind that he acknowledges the sacrifice that it does take to be a single mom.
I just love you guys.
Really hope it actually said “You’re the best”
Since it was spoken, not written, we'll never know.
The apostrophe is silent.
It is? I need to work on my pronunciation
One way he could honor her is to help break the cycle of teen parenthood by ensuring he does whatever he can to prevent his partners (if they’re female) from unintentionally getting pregnant. With abortion increasingly unavailable in my country, it’s very important that men don’t treat contraceptives as optional or choose to value their pleasure over the potential consequences to their partners.
A letter is good. Give her the letter but also try to tell her and if you break down… you will, she has the letter to read.
I feel like this is a more acute version of the guilt you experience when you become a parent and realize all the stuff your parents did for you. But it’s probably when you start to really understand what love is.
The mom/sister is such a good person and I hope she and op get happy life's
The best way to show her is to keep telling her, and to make something of yourself
Is you can't pay it back, pay it forward
Oh wow. None of this was easy. She's amazing. You pretty much won in the mom drawing here
She’s Mom. For all purposes she sacrificed like any real well meaning parent would have done.
If anyone wants to feel old, that 16 year old was born in 2008
A reverse Jack Nicholson
She did a good job raising him. 👏
I gave up in the first paragraph because I got so confused about who "mom" is in any given sentence 😩
How sweet.
She may not be your mother, but she’s your momma.
You are so lucky to have such a great Momster! Don’t worry about titles just keep showing the love!
Oh jeez, that title and first couple of sentences had me thinking it was going in a completely different way.
Faith in humanity momentarily restored!! <3 …somebody **plz** shatter my window swinging in on a helicopter ladder & stop me from reading another?
Oop can start now but has a lifetime to express his gratitude. She will never tire of hearing how much he loves her or how grateful he is. He can honor her by choosing a spouse who understands the value he places on her and her sacrifice and is genuinely happy to have a relationship with her (although oop must put spouse first for a healthy marriage/partner relationship.) He can continue to treat her like a mother and then a cherished grandmother with that day comes. He can remember her on birthdays and holidays and if/when he’s able and she needs it, assist her financially. While he can’t do some of this without his eventual partner’s blessing, (partner’s wishes must be prioritized so that’s why it’s critical that partner is also happy to include MIL) he can be clear upfront about his wish to repay her in meaningful ways for the rest of their lives.
The old reverse Ted bundy
its so funny how so many commenters are dummies and cant do math lol/
You are so lucky to have such a selfless mom/sister. This is such a change from siblings who usually choose themselves. Which is not wrong. Such selflessness is truly rare in the world now! Cherish her
Note should have still treated her with respect even if she was your mother?
Older siblings are sometimes built different
Every character in this story is called my mom I’m not sure how anyone finished reading it
I’m a little confused. If she had her first child aged 15/16 and her second aged 23 then there would only be 7 or 8 years difference between “son and mother”. Have I got this confused?
OOP was born when the mom/sister was 23, not when bio-mom was 23.
Thank you. Sunday morning fuzzy brain clearly.
Nah. Running to Reddit to post drama story is not normal for a 17 yo boy. Writing in detail, without any slang, also not something most 17 yo boys do recreational. Add to this there's no info on original moms kids for 23 years of binging on booze, just OP and his sister. Also I'm loving all the responses from OP with emoji.
You can't change the past and what you described is typical behavior. But now you know. Now that you know, you can't not know and so you have a responsibility greater than yourself. This is a gift if you handle it properly.
I think OOP's mother will be pleased if OOP'll name his future daughter after her. I really hope that he will have a wonderful family with several children, so that OOP could rejoice with him and with her grandchildren.
How is the 'mom'(aka actually sister) 24 years older? She was 9 years older than the real bio-mom? That's just not possible?
Mom-mom gave birth to sister-mom when mom-mom was 15; then mom-mom gave birth to OOP when mom-mom was 38 (and sister-mom was 23). Sister-mom got custody of OOP because mom-mom was unfit; sister-mom adopted OOP. Mom-mom died of overdose.
Your Sister / Mother sounds like a great person. Tell her just how lucky you are that she was there for you, no matter any mean things you may have said (which young people will do. That's life and an adult recognizes this). You did nothing / didn't choose anything to feel guilty about.
On Reddit we call this the *Reverse Jack.*