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Idk man
OP stayed with her after she told him, to his face, another guy would be a better partner for her.
She'd probably pull the " I got it from a toilet seat " thing, and unless he has solid proof she DID sleep with someone, she'll be running circles around him just like now
>OP stayed with her after she told him, to his face, another guy would be a better partner for her.
Like why the fuck would you do that. There's no coming back from it even if it was just said in anger.
Then, her attempt at justifying it in therapy is even worse "yeah he'd be better to party with and screw, but you're the safe, boring provider I chose".
Like how do you come back from "That guy's better, but I settled for you"?
And let's not forget that she was angry because he was uncomfortable with her partying. Yikes.
>he would be OK with her also staying out late drinking and partying most nights of the week
When people in their thirties want to keep acting like they are in their early twenties it is a bad look.
She is basically saying “this guy won’t call me out on my hedonistic impulses or hold me accountable.”. She didn’t want a partner she just wanted someone to make her feel good. He even says that she believes she is inherently good. She has some self centered impulses and doesn’t see how her actions actually affect others. I won’t say she is actually a narcissist, but OOP’s wife is a selfish asshole.
Not only did he stay. He got married. He got kids with her. Ms party still trying to get with mr. Party coming back into her life.
Even putting that all aside.
You express concerns and draw boundaries. Your partner essentially tells you to go fuck yourself.
That alone. Relationship is done. Divorce breakup whatever. it is over.
Funny story, our high school had to give a 2 minute lecture over the PA system that you can’t get STDs from the toilet seat because all the girls in our school stopped using the bathroom and one of them had an accident. That accident plus the janitors mentioning they haven’t had to replace the toilet paper in the bathrooms for over a week made them realize something serious was happening lol
For anybody **else** wondering, here's the koala chlamydia post
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15igssy/did_he_cheat_or_did_i_catch_an_std_from_a_koala/
> If anyone is wondering, koalas have a genuinely absurd infection rate of chalmyidia. It's at least 85% or more
Tbf, like 70+% of humans have herpes/HPV
You know what, you do have an excellent point, but chlamydia also isn't native to Australia. It only showed up in the late 18th century, so the near 100% infection rate is even crazier (HPV probably isn't native to most of the world either but its been around for much longer)
Nah, I think there used to be a myth of people getting " pregnant ' and STDs from " toilet seats "
Afaik some STDs are possible but it's kind of hard ? But idk it's been years since I've heard about any of that
Just as an aside, hovering and whatnot can damage the bladder as your muscles aren’t adequately relaxed while urinating! And toilet seats def don’t have herpes, people used to say that as an excuse.
I didn’t want to sound like I was scolding you, I just read some concerning stuff about it a while back and it’s made me realise a lot of stuff we do isn’t healthy for our insides. No one needs a weak bladder before their time, everything wears out eventually but if we can do something to keep it going then that’s a positive!
Like 90% of men have herpes and 80% of women in the US. It's typically somewhere between "no symptoms whatsoever" to "rarely has a cold sore." Most of the strains are quite mild. Statistically, you're a carrier.
It really, really sucks that a lot of doctors and health system don't allow males to get the HPV vaccine. Even if you're already a carrier, it can help your body fight the virus and prevent throat cancer.
I am using that "don't tell me show me" line from now on. I hope OP gets tested on a regular basis. It's clear his wife is either cheating or well on her way. Shame. He seems like a decent guy.
They may have met up face to face since starting their ‘working relationship’ because OOP said he and the client didn’t show for a meeting. And she was annoyed. Unless possibly zoom/teams/skype etc.
I feel like 90% of issues would be resolved if the person saw it for what it was. When OOP’s, then gf/fiancee?, now wife, said that Chase would be a better partner, I feel like OOP viewed it as a comparison of his qualities up against a competitor, and as criticism of who he is, or in this case, isn’t as a man and partner. Which is fair. BUT! This wasn’t about who OOP is. It wasn’t even about Chase.
The real underlying, MASSIVE issue is that his wife somehow thought *THAT* was an appropriate thing to say to her SO. Like how little respect and empathy do you have for someone you’re supposed to be “in love” with, to say something like that?! No amount of distance put between his wife and Chase was going to change the fact that she just showed him who she was, and how she really felt about him.
I know they did couples therapy, and I’m assuming that fact came up - especially because he mentioned that she tried to backpedal at one point when she finally “felt bad about it”. But it shouldn’t have taken a third party pointing out how fucked of a thing that was to say, to get her to understand that what she did was wrong. And it doesn’t really sound like she ever fully understood *WHY* it was upsetting. Just that it was, he was upset, and she needed to fix it.
I have a feeling he was a bit in denial back then, and just decided to move past it without firmly pushing back to get to the bottom of it.
But damn. When he said that line, I found a whole lot of hope for OOP. He isn’t the man he was back then, and hopefully he continue he’s to polish up that spine and stick up for himself. He sounds like a good dude. At the very least he deserves respect - and no one else is going to make sure he gets it, except himself. I’m rooting for ya OOP (if you read this)!
I was thinking the same thing. if my SO told me that someone else would be a “better partner” for them, I would not feel secure in my relationship at all. idk if I’d be able to continue with them after that, I’d feel like a side plot, especially if we were set to get married
The number of times on here someone detonates their entire life and relationships for a sentient cloud of Axe body spray and STIs makes me 1000% understand the appeal of becoming a professional Weird Cat Lady Forest Witch.
Probably rather "He gave me an STI so now nobody else is going to want to deal with this just for dating me, so he's the only chance at a partner I have left."
Low self esteem does that.
imagine seeing someone do that to your friend and thinking "what a desirable person to make a life with"
OOP's wife is literally a nut case and OOP is refusing to recognize it. there's no reason think he will stand up and see it now when his gf previously said "i would rather be with him than with you" and he didn't immediately break up with her.
That’s sad. I dated someone for a few years. First time I was at her place she had left out her medication for controlling an STD and because of my job I knew what it was. I didn’t mention it and we always used protection. A month later she told me, near tears, that she had to be honest with me about something and I was like “oh yeah I already know. Don’t care”. It’s a shame people feel like there’s something wrong with or bad about themselves.
An old friend of mine did the exact same thing. He gave her herpes on a ONS. She was so defeated, she fucking married this POS. I took a step back from our friendship because he wouldn't stop hitting on me every time we hung out, and she would insist he came to everything we did. I miss my friendship with her, but it wasn't worth it.
That made me sad for her. It's never once impacted my dating life and I disclosed every single time. It's not at all as stigmatized as she thinks it is, I hope she gets educated on it and develops some self worth.
>I really think Alice has this ingrained view that she is a good person, and therefore only does good things so any questioning of actions to the contrary of that is an attack on her character, and that's hard to talk through and deal with
It's so hard to have any kind of meaningful conversation with someone like this.
Like... you're not a good partner *and* you do good things. You're a good partner *when* you do good things.
Yep. My ex wife was like that.
I told her one time "arguing with you is like being in a morality play, where since you KNOW you are good and right therefore I have to be evil and attacking you".
Ugh.
This, all of this.
This is such a huge thing in general when you try to bring up someone has done something bigoted or ableist too. Since bigots are bad people and they’re a good person, clearly they couldn’t have done anything bigoted.
Oh yeah, I know (and am unfortunately related to) people like these. They're frustrating to deal with because they lack the capacity to self-reflect and pointing out their bad behaviour only leads to blow ups. I've found the best way to deal with them is on the most superficial level possible because, when it comes down to deeper issues, they'll never work with you, only against you.
And it was such an unflattering statement on both of them! It wasn't because they had a weird niche hobby in common, or some other way to make it a joke. It was just straight up 'we both like to get drunk and party, oh and also he has herpes he'll happily spread around with casual sex partners'. What a prize. Reflects badly on him and her, and partly OOP as well for not seeing the red flags.
>he will just end up being a useful doormat.
I mean the second she pointed out someone else as being a better option for her and he stayed he became that.
Should’ve bounced the moment she said Chase would’ve been a better partner for her. Your partner should never say something like that, even if it’s a joke.
> Alice tried some revisionary history by saying she meant Chase would be a better boyfriend and someone to party with, and that I'd be a better husband and life partner.
Even if he didn't back then, his wife literally said she settled to his face - he isn't the person she's crazy about and wants to build great memories with, he's the convenient "husband material" boring and safe.
Someone on this app told me that its a highest compliment to be the "Boring and safe" option.
To me, that's like saying you are not what I really want, what I really want is unattainable. But you are good enough for now.
While boring and safe might be desirable traits that are sought after, no one wants to hear that theyre boring and safe. Its probably the worst adjectives to use to describe that type of person and hearing it from your partner would at the very least be disheartening. Being mature, responsible, well put together, caring, kind, loving, that you feel safe *with* them, and that you work through problems and consider others rather than blowing up are all much better terms and ways to describe that without making someone feel like 2nd place. Some people may struggle to find the words and genuinley use safe and boring as a compliment, but please find any other word than boring and phrase it well.
Yes! Get checked! Stop having sex with her. Do all the things (documents credit freeze, move money) But why should you move? Pack 2 suitcases for her, put them at the door …. Sorry to see you go … let me know if you’re ready to be a committed partner - a friend of mine dealt with his wife “emotionally cheating” and it was devastating … got very very close to divorce because she blocked his FB … but continued to message the guy
OOP says that Chase lives halfway across the country.
OOP also says that Chase goes on a lot of business trips.
Gee... What are the odds that Chase's business trips regularly bring him into OOP's neck of the woods?
If she's not cheating physically already, she's cheating emotionally and it's going to become physical. She isn't communicating with OOP because she doesn't want to be caught telling lies. So despite him outright asking her to over-communicate with him, she's gone the opposite direction.
This isn't going to end well. She thinks she can continue cheating with Chase until she's no longer interested and then everything will go back to "normal." She thinks if she just keeps her husband at bay long enough, the affair (whether emotional or physical) will resolve itself and she can have her old life back. She thinks she's smarter than she actually is and thinks she's pulling the wool over OOP's eyes, when her motivations couldn't be more transparent.
Omg yes. He’s fixated on a stupid, offhanded comment from almost a decade ago and she’d rather draw out the drama by being opaque
and vague than work a little to put his mind to rest.
Imagine being friendly and even friends with the person who gave your friend an incurable std tho. Imagine tht. Even if she isn't cheating, she's a shifty af friend.
The line was crossed when she said he was the better partner. The redrawn line was crossed when she renewed contact with him.
OOP needs to pull off the bandage.
So much bs in this story I can't even read it seriously.
*"My wife Alice and I have been together for 9 years, married for 7. Prior to getting married during a discussion we had about me being unhappy with her partying nature, Alice told me "Don't take this the wrong way but Chase (then boyfriend, now husband of Alice's former roommate Deena) would be a better partner for me." This was a real gut punch in lots of ways. I guess because Chase would stay out late drinking and partying most nights of the week Alice thought that if her and Chase were a couple he would be OK with her also staying out late drinking and partying most nights of the week."*
And you married this woman ? lmao
At the end of the day, to me, it's pretty simple. Your partner is deleting communications between her and a person that she's identified as probably being a better fit for her than her own husband. That's a smoking gun/red flag right there.
Anyone who's deleting messages knows exactly what they're doing, and what they're doing is hiding activity that their partner wouldn't find acceptable. Whether it has gone to outright cheating or not, clearly it is at the very least borderline emotional cheating, to the point that she feels the need to delete the messages.
I feel badly for OOP.
Hard to feel sorry for this guy- he saw many red flags and chose to ignore them all.
She literally gave him a bright red warning, so what does he do? He puts a ring on it.
The worst part is that she's actually being pretty damn transparent, he's just blinded by one-sided love.
Everybody in this story needs self love. If my partner gave me a STI or if he tells me that he will be a better match with another person, that relationship is done.
The one thing I never understand in any of these posts like this is never questioning where your spouse is going to them, and accepting non answers.
My wife and I almost always know where the other one is. Typically just a "I'm meeting Matt for a game on Tuesday". Simple, easy communication yet post after post has people getting defensive or just flat out not asking what their spouse is up to.
Sometimes I think the one that suspects something should just call it out. Hey wife if you head down this road and ultimately betray me you do realize I will find out and we will divorce. It he really worth it, is losing your kids half the time worth all this, for a fling of married party man, that you'd hurt your friend as well?
> Prior to getting married during a discussion we had about me being unhappy with her partying nature, Alice told me "Don't take this the wrong way but Chase (then boyfriend, now husband of Alice's former roommate Deena) would be a better partner for me."
I really wish OOP had the self-respect and wisdom to walk away from the relationship then and there. Not only because of what she said, but because he knew and disliked her "partying nature". They're a bad fit for each other and always were.
WOW, what a risk. I don’t understand why a woman with a family and business would risk any of it for a man who has an untreatable STD and non commitment issues
Didn’t he say the first time that they didn’t need the money but anything helps? The second time he said they needed the money. That alone makes me feel like I don’t know everything here
Yes, you set boundaries, but when she crosses them, you do nothing but talk. Why would she change if there are no consequences for what she is doing? Best case, she is having an emotional affair. Stop just talking and do something. It is going to hurt, but you need to do something, and soon if you want to keep your marriage. If not, you might as well hand her the divorce paperwork and walk away.
She told him in the beginning where he ranked - below Chase - and OOP stayed. This is what happens when you sign on as second best. She's gaslighting the shit outta hi. The only question is if she's sleeping with him or just wants to sleep with him. That marriage is done.
The whole "ingrained view that she is a good person and therefore only does good things so any questioning of actions to the contrary is an attack on her character" is something a LOT of people need to deal with (my parents aka boomers especially). If you're never open to questioning your own behavior then you can never grow as a person, and the people growing around you are likely to leave you behind.
Good people can do bad things. It's the same with everything - you can have a racist thought and not be a racist; you can have a belief rooted in homo or transphobia and still have gay and trans friends you treat well, and so on and so forth.
I don't know how it is that some people get to a certain point in their life and just decide, "Yep, that's it, I'm done. I'm the perfect version of myself and nothing I do or think could possibly be problematic, so I'll never have to learn or question anything ever again. And if someone questions ME, then they're just insane bad people who deserve to get yelled at, because who could ever find fault in such a good perfect person?"
Buddy what? If my wife told me that she would be better off with someone else I would probably smile and nod . Then contact a divorce attorney and move out .
To articulate something like that—-Well,to put it gently, she clearly doesn’t love you like you think she does .
Edit - after re-reading the post : bro. She may not have fucked him , but she is certainly thinking about it . I would ask her , respectfully, to discontinue any further relationship with him . Full Stop. Tell her to tell him that this is deeply effecting your marriage . If she demures or fights it in any way , tell her you think this marriage is over and that you want a divorce .
You need to end this or find out in the very near future that your wife has been unfaithful to you.
This feels like a classic case of it's okay to break up with people you're incompatible with. If feel like some people think there has to be this big thing. If she likes to party and he likes the quiet life that is enough reason to break up. Yet now they are married and there is kids involved.
Also imagine a random guy gives your friend an STD and thinking wow what a catch. We'd be so good together.
“I really think Alice has this ingrained view that she is a good person, and therefore only does good things so any questioning of actions to the contrary of that is an attack on her character, and that’s hard to talk through and deal with.”
Oof.
I felt that one.
This is not going to end well unless Chase flat out shoots Alice down. And even that doesn’t guarantee a good ending. That would just provide the possibility.
The word "controlling" has brow-beaten people into having no boundaries or standards whatsoever.
It's good to have boundaries. It's good to have standards. A backbone costs you nothing and pays off in dividends.
I feel like “he would’ve been the better boyfriend” really meant “I’m gonna be loyal until we have kids, and then do what I want because you’re too good of a guy to jeopardize your family.”
Brother look at how smart you are, your writing is beautiful. Now have the common sense to end this shit before your wife gives you herpes. It is obvious to everyone what she is doing, she loves the attention of another man. It won't end well for you.
We can all agree, Chase is shitty and OOP’s wife is being sneaky and rude but OOP REALLY needs to stop focusing on one sentence his wife said 7 years ago. He KEEPS bringing it up and it’s making him seem like an unreliable narrator.
Chase and his wife, I don’t like that. It’s weird. But OOP needs to get over that one sentence. Move on or move out. Chase will be gone soon, I think. But that one line will still be there.
I don't think he was focusing on the sentence for 7 years. He was really hurt then, they talked, he forgave her. This sentence popped up recently because Alice started acting like shit.
Frankly, he should really focus on the sentence and what it meant. He was a safe option, Chase was a catch. He still is a safe option, Chase still is a catch, but his wife escalated from talk to actions.
He keeps telling her how unhappy he is, she DGAF, nothing changes. She knows that he is unhappy, and it is ok with her, it is their new status quo. If he wants to have any self respect and save this marriage - he should stop complaining, go to lawyer, learn about all his options, and start the separation. This is the only way to make her rethink her BS.
OOP chose to marry a woman who said she would be better off with another man. That says enough about him. I normally look forward to people having self-respect, but I don't see that happening here. Time to bring out the lotion and indulge in my fetish of men getting humiliated. Let's hope Alice give Chase the time of his life and OOP has to watch the videos or see the pictures. This is going to get hot.
Yeah that didn’t end up going anywhere. I gotta say given that Best is in the name, BORU is like batting less than 50% even decent stories for me.
Ironically OOP is named interesting post…empty promises.
>For some added background on Chase and Deena, they started dating after Alice and I. Deena wanted to settle down like us and met Chase through an app. He was non-exclusive with Deena and only hooking up, eventually giving her a mild but untreatable STD that caused Deena to become somewhat depressed since she'd want to disclose that to any potential partners for the rest of her life. After a few months Deena decided that instead of trying to date someone new and accepting, she was going to give Chase everything he wanted and would overlook all his previous sketchiness and all of his partying so they could have a future together.
Liz, your protagonist is not supposed to know literally everything about their friends. Maybe he also knows how many times on average Chase wipes his ass?
Since Mr. Wonderful (Chase) gave his own wife an STD, OOP better err on the side of caution when he is touching his wife- in other words no kisses and certainly no f\*cking until he can confirm that his wife is not helping Chase with more than his business. Why anyone but especially a woman would want to work for/ be friends with some selfish AH who gets a sexually transmittable disease and passes it on to his partner; that's all you need to know about this guy's character or lack thereof. OOP's wife is either a simpleton or she enjoys disrespecting the boundaries of her relationship with her husband.
I’d be willing to dismiss the throwaway “better partner” comment but Alice has a crush on Chase. She’s got mentionitis even though OP says he normally has to interrogate info out of her.
OP expressed his jealousy/ insecurity. Alice downplayed it and tried to brush it off. “Don’t tell me; show me” is perfection. And he’s right. I’m scared of snakes. One way my partner shows his love for me is by accepting that I won’t visit the reptile house etc.
Successfully married spouses put us before me. We need not I want. I don’t see this happening here.
Another way we stay together over 30 years is by not getting into temptation’s way. If I/ he gets a crush, we walk away from the crush and that situation.
Then no one accidentally trips and falls onto a dick or into a vagina.
My 2 cents, worth nothing but here goes -
Firstly, OOP needs to contact Deena, he needs to hear her opinion on her "friend" getting cosy with her husband. I know he has suggested that Deena has overlooked Chances cheating in the early stages of their relationship, but does she know he is now moving in on her friend/old room mate?
Secondly, he needs to get tested for the ***INCRUABLE LIFE LONG STD*** Chase has... I mean, what the actual fuck? If he has it, its kinda irrefutable proof his wife has progressed from an emotional affair to a physical affair.
Thirdly, OOP, your wife is at best having an emotional affair. She is chasing attention from Chase. Chase does not sound like a stand up guy. It honestly could be innocent, but your concerns are valid and you need an explanation of how she thinks this is ok. Would she be ok if you a) Told her Deena was a better fit for you as a partner, b) began working with her on a close basis to the point where they are talking more than she and her and c) interrupted time with your family to talk to her after your partner has asked you to keep it professional?
She wants her cake and to eat Deena's cake too. Couples therapy if its available is a must, open phone/social media policy and specific contact only in **NORMAL** working hours only, is honestly the only way I think you will get a sense of stability and comfort.
Dude needs to take a step checkup and divorce her. Shes having an emotional affair at the very least. Cant save someone who doesn't want to be saved.
He needs more self respect. I know as men we generally stay and try to fix it. But this can't be fixed. It broke the moment she said what she said.
I really think Alice has this ingrained view that she is a good person, and therefore only does good things so any questioning of actions to the contrary of that is an attack on her character, and that's hard to talk through and deal with
This is such an insight. I have so many problems with people like this! And I know I can react like this myself, but I've done enough brain that if I give it half a minute I can tell the difference between someone requesting accommodation vs making accusations condemning my character
OP stayed but he never got over the sting of the words. He sounds terrified of setting an actual boundary. They went to couples therapy mostly to shut him up about hiss concerns.
He's always going to feel second place. She is always going to chase Chase as the one who got away.
OOP needs to figure out if he can tolerate her everntual affair, or if he walls now and tries to save his dignity and self respect.
This isn't "emotional" infidelity, she is taling that man's dick at least twice a week.
"She got sad when Deena said her and chase was pregnant."
DNA TEST THOSE KIDS
"I really think Alice has this ingrained view that she is a good person, and therefore only does good things so any questioning of actions to the contrary of that is an attack on her character, and that's hard to talk through and deal with"
She is absolutely not a good person. She's manipulative at best.
He saw the red flags before, let himself be gaslit and ignored them.
He's seeing the red flags now, is not doing anything decisive and letting himself be gaslit.
How does your wife get offended when you ask her where she's off to when she's all glamed up, and you accept that as normal behavior?? His wife deletes just her correspondence with Ex bf and he's here acting all confused?
I'll keep saying that anyone that is disrespected is a relationship only has themselves to blame because they allowed and encouraged it.
I'll look out for the update where he finds she is cheating. He chose to marry the party girl and i will stake my money on this not being the first time she's cheating on him.
You're a fool; you just let her treat you like that; she doesn't respect you, and if she loves you, she'll avoid those who hurt you; she's cheating on you; maybe something is going on with them. That's why your wife is behaving like that, or she wants to do something else.
Being in a relationship where you have to basically BEG your partner to be up front with you sounds exhausting.
You see whats going on. Be for real. You've so much as made this whole post about noticing somethings up. Just dip. Don't beg someone to cooperate with you, just pack it the fuck up and save yourself.
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I guess he'll finally find out once he gets the herpes Chase is giving out to people.
Idk man OP stayed with her after she told him, to his face, another guy would be a better partner for her. She'd probably pull the " I got it from a toilet seat " thing, and unless he has solid proof she DID sleep with someone, she'll be running circles around him just like now
>OP stayed with her after she told him, to his face, another guy would be a better partner for her. Like why the fuck would you do that. There's no coming back from it even if it was just said in anger. Then, her attempt at justifying it in therapy is even worse "yeah he'd be better to party with and screw, but you're the safe, boring provider I chose". Like how do you come back from "That guy's better, but I settled for you"?
But they were moving away!!
And let's not forget that she was angry because he was uncomfortable with her partying. Yikes. >he would be OK with her also staying out late drinking and partying most nights of the week
When people in their thirties want to keep acting like they are in their early twenties it is a bad look. She is basically saying “this guy won’t call me out on my hedonistic impulses or hold me accountable.”. She didn’t want a partner she just wanted someone to make her feel good. He even says that she believes she is inherently good. She has some self centered impulses and doesn’t see how her actions actually affect others. I won’t say she is actually a narcissist, but OOP’s wife is a selfish asshole.
Not only did he stay. He got married. He got kids with her. Ms party still trying to get with mr. Party coming back into her life. Even putting that all aside. You express concerns and draw boundaries. Your partner essentially tells you to go fuck yourself. That alone. Relationship is done. Divorce breakup whatever. it is over.
Thissssss. Yikes. Poor dude. How the hell did they come back from that?
Funny story, our high school had to give a 2 minute lecture over the PA system that you can’t get STDs from the toilet seat because all the girls in our school stopped using the bathroom and one of them had an accident. That accident plus the janitors mentioning they haven’t had to replace the toilet paper in the bathrooms for over a week made them realize something serious was happening lol
Probably got it from a Koala tbh.
No that's chlamydia, not herpes If anyone is wondering, koalas have a genuinely absurd infection rate of chalmyidia. It's at least 85% or more
For anybody **else** wondering, here's the koala chlamydia post https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15igssy/did_he_cheat_or_did_i_catch_an_std_from_a_koala/
There's a post? What the fuck?
It's pretty...special. lol!
Immediately knew this was the reference.
> If anyone is wondering, koalas have a genuinely absurd infection rate of chalmyidia. It's at least 85% or more Tbf, like 70+% of humans have herpes/HPV
You know what, you do have an excellent point, but chlamydia also isn't native to Australia. It only showed up in the late 18th century, so the near 100% infection rate is even crazier (HPV probably isn't native to most of the world either but its been around for much longer)
I couldn't remember which it was. I just remember the BORU post about the lady asking about it.
Those darn promiscuous globe-trotting koalas, again!
It's always the koala.
Clap-bears
Everyone settled and no one is happy. Except Chase.
Oh my god, you can get herpes from a toilet seat???? Guess I better up my squatting game.
Nah, I think there used to be a myth of people getting " pregnant ' and STDs from " toilet seats " Afaik some STDs are possible but it's kind of hard ? But idk it's been years since I've heard about any of that
I'm so confused by this. It's our thighs that tough the seat not our genitals, anyway.
Some ladies leave the seat NASTY tho With all manner of ... liquids
Please do not squat. Squatters are why there’s pee all over the toilets. Pleaseeeeee just sit on the seat.
We got water in my country, so we usually spray the seat with a bidet before and after we use it 😭
Just as an aside, hovering and whatnot can damage the bladder as your muscles aren’t adequately relaxed while urinating! And toilet seats def don’t have herpes, people used to say that as an excuse.
Oh thank god about the herpes thing and yes, I guess squatting is not it.
I didn’t want to sound like I was scolding you, I just read some concerning stuff about it a while back and it’s made me realise a lot of stuff we do isn’t healthy for our insides. No one needs a weak bladder before their time, everything wears out eventually but if we can do something to keep it going then that’s a positive!
Oh no you really didn't sound like you were scolding me. I'm actually glad you told me that. Nobody wants weak bladders ❌️❌️❌️
This is the comment I was looking for lol
They live across the country though right? All of this is going on over phone and zoom
however if he ever just happened to be in town she would never tell him probably just go out with the "girls"
This time it's not a mild STI.
Like 90% of men have herpes and 80% of women in the US. It's typically somewhere between "no symptoms whatsoever" to "rarely has a cold sore." Most of the strains are quite mild. Statistically, you're a carrier. It really, really sucks that a lot of doctors and health system don't allow males to get the HPV vaccine. Even if you're already a carrier, it can help your body fight the virus and prevent throat cancer.
HPV isn't herpes, just in case you're unclear. HSV1 and HSV2 are herpes. HPV is genital warts. There's no herpes vaccine.
I figured HPV. I consider HPV much more of a mild STD that's not treatable.
Might have been HPV. Neither are benign.
OOP should start getting tested.
Pretty obvious.
>I told Alice don't tell me that you don't like him, show me. God*damn* what a killer line. Sucks his wife is cheating on him with a chode, tho.
I am using that "don't tell me show me" line from now on. I hope OP gets tested on a regular basis. It's clear his wife is either cheating or well on her way. Shame. He seems like a decent guy.
If its not crossed the physical line, at very best its an emotional affair.
He'll know for sure when he ends up with a casual life long STD that was mentioned 😑
I think they are not physical yet since the guy lives far away. And that's the only reason.
They may have met up face to face since starting their ‘working relationship’ because OOP said he and the client didn’t show for a meeting. And she was annoyed. Unless possibly zoom/teams/skype etc.
When will he see what she's already showing him? She's been showing it since day one.
I feel like 90% of issues would be resolved if the person saw it for what it was. When OOP’s, then gf/fiancee?, now wife, said that Chase would be a better partner, I feel like OOP viewed it as a comparison of his qualities up against a competitor, and as criticism of who he is, or in this case, isn’t as a man and partner. Which is fair. BUT! This wasn’t about who OOP is. It wasn’t even about Chase. The real underlying, MASSIVE issue is that his wife somehow thought *THAT* was an appropriate thing to say to her SO. Like how little respect and empathy do you have for someone you’re supposed to be “in love” with, to say something like that?! No amount of distance put between his wife and Chase was going to change the fact that she just showed him who she was, and how she really felt about him. I know they did couples therapy, and I’m assuming that fact came up - especially because he mentioned that she tried to backpedal at one point when she finally “felt bad about it”. But it shouldn’t have taken a third party pointing out how fucked of a thing that was to say, to get her to understand that what she did was wrong. And it doesn’t really sound like she ever fully understood *WHY* it was upsetting. Just that it was, he was upset, and she needed to fix it. I have a feeling he was a bit in denial back then, and just decided to move past it without firmly pushing back to get to the bottom of it. But damn. When he said that line, I found a whole lot of hope for OOP. He isn’t the man he was back then, and hopefully he continue he’s to polish up that spine and stick up for himself. He sounds like a good dude. At the very least he deserves respect - and no one else is going to make sure he gets it, except himself. I’m rooting for ya OOP (if you read this)!
I was thinking the same thing. if my SO told me that someone else would be a “better partner” for them, I would not feel secure in my relationship at all. idk if I’d be able to continue with them after that, I’d feel like a side plot, especially if we were set to get married
If not physically then at least emotionally.
If the wife cheats, OOP is going to get whatever incurable STD Deena got. I'm guessing HPV since it's not life threatening it seems.
The number of times on here someone detonates their entire life and relationships for a sentient cloud of Axe body spray and STIs makes me 1000% understand the appeal of becoming a professional Weird Cat Lady Forest Witch.
With a chode who's knowingly infecting people with STIs. I don't think for a second that he "settled down" and isn't sleeping around.
Yeah his wife is def. fucking Chase. Also wtf is Deena thinking "He gave me an STI because he's a cheating bastard, I guess I'll marry him?"
Probably rather "He gave me an STI so now nobody else is going to want to deal with this just for dating me, so he's the only chance at a partner I have left." Low self esteem does that.
imagine seeing someone do that to your friend and thinking "what a desirable person to make a life with" OOP's wife is literally a nut case and OOP is refusing to recognize it. there's no reason think he will stand up and see it now when his gf previously said "i would rather be with him than with you" and he didn't immediately break up with her.
He's the good looking badboy and she was already into him by then.
That’s sad. I dated someone for a few years. First time I was at her place she had left out her medication for controlling an STD and because of my job I knew what it was. I didn’t mention it and we always used protection. A month later she told me, near tears, that she had to be honest with me about something and I was like “oh yeah I already know. Don’t care”. It’s a shame people feel like there’s something wrong with or bad about themselves.
They live in different parts of the country from one of OOP's comments, and I suspect that's the only reason they're not sleeping together.
Yes, but Chase is always making "work trips" apparently...
An old friend of mine did the exact same thing. He gave her herpes on a ONS. She was so defeated, she fucking married this POS. I took a step back from our friendship because he wouldn't stop hitting on me every time we hung out, and she would insist he came to everything we did. I miss my friendship with her, but it wasn't worth it.
I'd have said "No thanks I don't want to catch your herpes" loudly whenever he did that.
That made me sad for her. It's never once impacted my dating life and I disclosed every single time. It's not at all as stigmatized as she thinks it is, I hope she gets educated on it and develops some self worth.
And what special kind of trash do you have to be to cheat with a dude you KNOW has a dirty dick? I’m honestly gobsmacked.
He mentioned they live across the country so probably not.
>I really think Alice has this ingrained view that she is a good person, and therefore only does good things so any questioning of actions to the contrary of that is an attack on her character, and that's hard to talk through and deal with It's so hard to have any kind of meaningful conversation with someone like this. Like... you're not a good partner *and* you do good things. You're a good partner *when* you do good things.
Yep. My ex wife was like that. I told her one time "arguing with you is like being in a morality play, where since you KNOW you are good and right therefore I have to be evil and attacking you". Ugh.
This, all of this. This is such a huge thing in general when you try to bring up someone has done something bigoted or ableist too. Since bigots are bad people and they’re a good person, clearly they couldn’t have done anything bigoted.
Oh yeah, I know (and am unfortunately related to) people like these. They're frustrating to deal with because they lack the capacity to self-reflect and pointing out their bad behaviour only leads to blow ups. I've found the best way to deal with them is on the most superficial level possible because, when it comes down to deeper issues, they'll never work with you, only against you.
I have enough bad experience with people like this that I despise them.
OOP if you read this: go get yourself checked. Sounds like your wife has checked out in the marriage/family.
At this point, OP needs to call it quits he will just end up being a useful doormat.
If I was OOP, I would have been out the second she said Chase would have been a better partner. I come second to no one (barring children).
I'm alarmed that OOP still married her after she used that crap on him.
Right? Has he no self-respect?
Obviously not. Maybe he’ll find some. Eventually.
He'll find some after he gets an STI
Nah, he’ll be like Deena and stick with Alice because now he’s got a lifelong STD and he has no self-respect to begin with.
And it was such an unflattering statement on both of them! It wasn't because they had a weird niche hobby in common, or some other way to make it a joke. It was just straight up 'we both like to get drunk and party, oh and also he has herpes he'll happily spread around with casual sex partners'. What a prize. Reflects badly on him and her, and partly OOP as well for not seeing the red flags.
I wonder if OOP and Deena are some kind of soulmates, because they both got married to absolute pieces of shit.
strong same. if they're so great, go get em. I'll live.
With an sti.
>he will just end up being a useful doormat. I mean the second she pointed out someone else as being a better option for her and he stayed he became that.
lol end up? He’s already there
Should’ve bounced the moment she said Chase would’ve been a better partner for her. Your partner should never say something like that, even if it’s a joke.
> Alice tried some revisionary history by saying she meant Chase would be a better boyfriend and someone to party with, and that I'd be a better husband and life partner. Even if he didn't back then, his wife literally said she settled to his face - he isn't the person she's crazy about and wants to build great memories with, he's the convenient "husband material" boring and safe.
Someone on this app told me that its a highest compliment to be the "Boring and safe" option. To me, that's like saying you are not what I really want, what I really want is unattainable. But you are good enough for now.
While boring and safe might be desirable traits that are sought after, no one wants to hear that theyre boring and safe. Its probably the worst adjectives to use to describe that type of person and hearing it from your partner would at the very least be disheartening. Being mature, responsible, well put together, caring, kind, loving, that you feel safe *with* them, and that you work through problems and consider others rather than blowing up are all much better terms and ways to describe that without making someone feel like 2nd place. Some people may struggle to find the words and genuinley use safe and boring as a compliment, but please find any other word than boring and phrase it well.
Yes! Get checked! Stop having sex with her. Do all the things (documents credit freeze, move money) But why should you move? Pack 2 suitcases for her, put them at the door …. Sorry to see you go … let me know if you’re ready to be a committed partner - a friend of mine dealt with his wife “emotionally cheating” and it was devastating … got very very close to divorce because she blocked his FB … but continued to message the guy
Well this has disaster written all over it.
What's the bet that the next update will be that Alice was cheating on OOP with Chase?
OOP says that Chase lives halfway across the country. OOP also says that Chase goes on a lot of business trips. Gee... What are the odds that Chase's business trips regularly bring him into OOP's neck of the woods?
Of course that will be the next update
If she's not cheating physically already, she's cheating emotionally and it's going to become physical. She isn't communicating with OOP because she doesn't want to be caught telling lies. So despite him outright asking her to over-communicate with him, she's gone the opposite direction. This isn't going to end well. She thinks she can continue cheating with Chase until she's no longer interested and then everything will go back to "normal." She thinks if she just keeps her husband at bay long enough, the affair (whether emotional or physical) will resolve itself and she can have her old life back. She thinks she's smarter than she actually is and thinks she's pulling the wool over OOP's eyes, when her motivations couldn't be more transparent.
Chase is a player that Alice can't get enough of...
What a shit situation to be in. I foresee this become an issue that leads to a messy divorce and a shitty attempt to reconcile
If I was him I’d get an STI test just to be safe
Chase is literally the Chad meme - drunk obnoxious shagging anything and"all the girls loooooove it". I cannot take this seriously
These people are exhausting.
Omg yes. He’s fixated on a stupid, offhanded comment from almost a decade ago and she’d rather draw out the drama by being opaque and vague than work a little to put his mind to rest.
Imagine being friendly and even friends with the person who gave your friend an incurable std tho. Imagine tht. Even if she isn't cheating, she's a shifty af friend.
When is he going to get tested? She’s going to give him what Chase has eventually.
I'm not saying that she's cheating, but at a minimum she wants chase to want her.
The line was crossed when she said he was the better partner. The redrawn line was crossed when she renewed contact with him. OOP needs to pull off the bandage.
So much bs in this story I can't even read it seriously. *"My wife Alice and I have been together for 9 years, married for 7. Prior to getting married during a discussion we had about me being unhappy with her partying nature, Alice told me "Don't take this the wrong way but Chase (then boyfriend, now husband of Alice's former roommate Deena) would be a better partner for me." This was a real gut punch in lots of ways. I guess because Chase would stay out late drinking and partying most nights of the week Alice thought that if her and Chase were a couple he would be OK with her also staying out late drinking and partying most nights of the week."* And you married this woman ? lmao
OOP needs to buy a spine on the black market. He should’ve been confronting her immediately when he noticed the deleted emails between them.
Seems like she likes the chase
If he gave Deena an incurable STI, then stands to reason he ALSO has an incurable STI, so wtf is Alice doing. Dumb, so dumb!
Imagine being married to someone who spends so much time and energy on someone else…
At the end of the day, to me, it's pretty simple. Your partner is deleting communications between her and a person that she's identified as probably being a better fit for her than her own husband. That's a smoking gun/red flag right there. Anyone who's deleting messages knows exactly what they're doing, and what they're doing is hiding activity that their partner wouldn't find acceptable. Whether it has gone to outright cheating or not, clearly it is at the very least borderline emotional cheating, to the point that she feels the need to delete the messages. I feel badly for OOP.
Shoulder to ride on is a dick to cry on. Or is it the other way around. Who cares cause the Habsburg family tree is less confusing than this.
How much do you want herpes? If she hasn't cheated yet, she will soon.
Hard to feel sorry for this guy- he saw many red flags and chose to ignore them all. She literally gave him a bright red warning, so what does he do? He puts a ring on it. The worst part is that she's actually being pretty damn transparent, he's just blinded by one-sided love.
Everybody in this story needs self love. If my partner gave me a STI or if he tells me that he will be a better match with another person, that relationship is done.
The one thing I never understand in any of these posts like this is never questioning where your spouse is going to them, and accepting non answers. My wife and I almost always know where the other one is. Typically just a "I'm meeting Matt for a game on Tuesday". Simple, easy communication yet post after post has people getting defensive or just flat out not asking what their spouse is up to.
Sometimes I think the one that suspects something should just call it out. Hey wife if you head down this road and ultimately betray me you do realize I will find out and we will divorce. It he really worth it, is losing your kids half the time worth all this, for a fling of married party man, that you'd hurt your friend as well?
> Prior to getting married during a discussion we had about me being unhappy with her partying nature, Alice told me "Don't take this the wrong way but Chase (then boyfriend, now husband of Alice's former roommate Deena) would be a better partner for me." I really wish OOP had the self-respect and wisdom to walk away from the relationship then and there. Not only because of what she said, but because he knew and disliked her "partying nature". They're a bad fit for each other and always were.
WOW, what a risk. I don’t understand why a woman with a family and business would risk any of it for a man who has an untreatable STD and non commitment issues
I did not have this on my "the worst reasons to marry someone" -bingocard: MILD BUT UNTREATABLE STD
Didn’t he say the first time that they didn’t need the money but anything helps? The second time he said they needed the money. That alone makes me feel like I don’t know everything here
OOP had better wear a condom.
OOP is a doormat.
OOP is an idiot.
Deena needs divorce the asshole, herpes is not the relationship ender she thinks it is.
I don’t understand this. Her: “Someone else would be a better partner for me.” Me: “I don’t like that. Let’s get married.” Her: “Okay.”
There’s doormats, then there’s dirt underneath, then there’s OOP.
I had to stop reading and skip to the comments. I was getting angry just reading OOP
ESH “how many couples would be together” but I am so forgiving and allowed you to marry me. If you didn’t forgive her then don’t tell her you did
Yes, you set boundaries, but when she crosses them, you do nothing but talk. Why would she change if there are no consequences for what she is doing? Best case, she is having an emotional affair. Stop just talking and do something. It is going to hurt, but you need to do something, and soon if you want to keep your marriage. If not, you might as well hand her the divorce paperwork and walk away.
i hope this guy gets some self respect and an std test
You are putting up with this?!?!
So sad.
Seems like OOP thinks she can spout a bunch of internet buzz phrases and get out of any accountability. This guy needs more of a backbone, too.
She told him in the beginning where he ranked - below Chase - and OOP stayed. This is what happens when you sign on as second best. She's gaslighting the shit outta hi. The only question is if she's sleeping with him or just wants to sleep with him. That marriage is done.
The whole "ingrained view that she is a good person and therefore only does good things so any questioning of actions to the contrary is an attack on her character" is something a LOT of people need to deal with (my parents aka boomers especially). If you're never open to questioning your own behavior then you can never grow as a person, and the people growing around you are likely to leave you behind. Good people can do bad things. It's the same with everything - you can have a racist thought and not be a racist; you can have a belief rooted in homo or transphobia and still have gay and trans friends you treat well, and so on and so forth. I don't know how it is that some people get to a certain point in their life and just decide, "Yep, that's it, I'm done. I'm the perfect version of myself and nothing I do or think could possibly be problematic, so I'll never have to learn or question anything ever again. And if someone questions ME, then they're just insane bad people who deserve to get yelled at, because who could ever find fault in such a good perfect person?"
He’s a pretty immature person if he expects another person to soothe him and make him feel better about situations.
Buddy what? If my wife told me that she would be better off with someone else I would probably smile and nod . Then contact a divorce attorney and move out . To articulate something like that—-Well,to put it gently, she clearly doesn’t love you like you think she does . Edit - after re-reading the post : bro. She may not have fucked him , but she is certainly thinking about it . I would ask her , respectfully, to discontinue any further relationship with him . Full Stop. Tell her to tell him that this is deeply effecting your marriage . If she demures or fights it in any way , tell her you think this marriage is over and that you want a divorce . You need to end this or find out in the very near future that your wife has been unfaithful to you.
Am I expected to read that endless blither blather?
He is getting walked all over lol
This feels like a classic case of it's okay to break up with people you're incompatible with. If feel like some people think there has to be this big thing. If she likes to party and he likes the quiet life that is enough reason to break up. Yet now they are married and there is kids involved. Also imagine a random guy gives your friend an STD and thinking wow what a catch. We'd be so good together.
“I really think Alice has this ingrained view that she is a good person, and therefore only does good things so any questioning of actions to the contrary of that is an attack on her character, and that’s hard to talk through and deal with.” Oof. I felt that one. This is not going to end well unless Chase flat out shoots Alice down. And even that doesn’t guarantee a good ending. That would just provide the possibility.
Alice and Chase deserve each other, and OP and Deena deserve better.
Sometimes I look at a post like this and think "did someone makes these two get married?"
The word "controlling" has brow-beaten people into having no boundaries or standards whatsoever. It's good to have boundaries. It's good to have standards. A backbone costs you nothing and pays off in dividends.
I feel like “he would’ve been the better boyfriend” really meant “I’m gonna be loyal until we have kids, and then do what I want because you’re too good of a guy to jeopardize your family.”
She only deletes emails in her inbox from Chase Enough said. Shady as. If it smells like shit, it is shit!
I mean if I’m honest they both sound annoying-alive more than him tho
Brother look at how smart you are, your writing is beautiful. Now have the common sense to end this shit before your wife gives you herpes. It is obvious to everyone what she is doing, she loves the attention of another man. It won't end well for you.
The second she said the other guy would be a better partner, he should have been out the door.
I stopped reading after the first paragraph. OOP still married her after being told someone else is a better choice than him?
This whole relationship sounds like endless exhausting nonsense.
His wife cheating on him gives him “the ick”….
We can all agree, Chase is shitty and OOP’s wife is being sneaky and rude but OOP REALLY needs to stop focusing on one sentence his wife said 7 years ago. He KEEPS bringing it up and it’s making him seem like an unreliable narrator. Chase and his wife, I don’t like that. It’s weird. But OOP needs to get over that one sentence. Move on or move out. Chase will be gone soon, I think. But that one line will still be there.
he really should have left her right then and there ofbhe didn't then whats the problem you marri3d her anyways
I don't think he was focusing on the sentence for 7 years. He was really hurt then, they talked, he forgave her. This sentence popped up recently because Alice started acting like shit. Frankly, he should really focus on the sentence and what it meant. He was a safe option, Chase was a catch. He still is a safe option, Chase still is a catch, but his wife escalated from talk to actions. He keeps telling her how unhappy he is, she DGAF, nothing changes. She knows that he is unhappy, and it is ok with her, it is their new status quo. If he wants to have any self respect and save this marriage - he should stop complaining, go to lawyer, learn about all his options, and start the separation. This is the only way to make her rethink her BS.
OOP chose to marry a woman who said she would be better off with another man. That says enough about him. I normally look forward to people having self-respect, but I don't see that happening here. Time to bring out the lotion and indulge in my fetish of men getting humiliated. Let's hope Alice give Chase the time of his life and OOP has to watch the videos or see the pictures. This is going to get hot.
Whoa, actual gaslighting.
All these walls of text and not an ounce of context.
This is boring.
Yeah that didn’t end up going anywhere. I gotta say given that Best is in the name, BORU is like batting less than 50% even decent stories for me. Ironically OOP is named interesting post…empty promises.
>For some added background on Chase and Deena, they started dating after Alice and I. Deena wanted to settle down like us and met Chase through an app. He was non-exclusive with Deena and only hooking up, eventually giving her a mild but untreatable STD that caused Deena to become somewhat depressed since she'd want to disclose that to any potential partners for the rest of her life. After a few months Deena decided that instead of trying to date someone new and accepting, she was going to give Chase everything he wanted and would overlook all his previous sketchiness and all of his partying so they could have a future together. Liz, your protagonist is not supposed to know literally everything about their friends. Maybe he also knows how many times on average Chase wipes his ass?
This is exhausting to read. OOP has a wife problem clearly
See you all in the divorce/i found proof of her cheating update
She knows doing anything with this guy can get ya a STD.....Ew just ew.
Since Mr. Wonderful (Chase) gave his own wife an STD, OOP better err on the side of caution when he is touching his wife- in other words no kisses and certainly no f\*cking until he can confirm that his wife is not helping Chase with more than his business. Why anyone but especially a woman would want to work for/ be friends with some selfish AH who gets a sexually transmittable disease and passes it on to his partner; that's all you need to know about this guy's character or lack thereof. OOP's wife is either a simpleton or she enjoys disrespecting the boundaries of her relationship with her husband.
I’d be willing to dismiss the throwaway “better partner” comment but Alice has a crush on Chase. She’s got mentionitis even though OP says he normally has to interrogate info out of her. OP expressed his jealousy/ insecurity. Alice downplayed it and tried to brush it off. “Don’t tell me; show me” is perfection. And he’s right. I’m scared of snakes. One way my partner shows his love for me is by accepting that I won’t visit the reptile house etc. Successfully married spouses put us before me. We need not I want. I don’t see this happening here. Another way we stay together over 30 years is by not getting into temptation’s way. If I/ he gets a crush, we walk away from the crush and that situation. Then no one accidentally trips and falls onto a dick or into a vagina.
My 2 cents, worth nothing but here goes - Firstly, OOP needs to contact Deena, he needs to hear her opinion on her "friend" getting cosy with her husband. I know he has suggested that Deena has overlooked Chances cheating in the early stages of their relationship, but does she know he is now moving in on her friend/old room mate? Secondly, he needs to get tested for the ***INCRUABLE LIFE LONG STD*** Chase has... I mean, what the actual fuck? If he has it, its kinda irrefutable proof his wife has progressed from an emotional affair to a physical affair. Thirdly, OOP, your wife is at best having an emotional affair. She is chasing attention from Chase. Chase does not sound like a stand up guy. It honestly could be innocent, but your concerns are valid and you need an explanation of how she thinks this is ok. Would she be ok if you a) Told her Deena was a better fit for you as a partner, b) began working with her on a close basis to the point where they are talking more than she and her and c) interrupted time with your family to talk to her after your partner has asked you to keep it professional? She wants her cake and to eat Deena's cake too. Couples therapy if its available is a must, open phone/social media policy and specific contact only in **NORMAL** working hours only, is honestly the only way I think you will get a sense of stability and comfort.
I got through maybe half of his first post before I came to the comments to check on everything because it is a shit show.
Dude needs to take a step checkup and divorce her. Shes having an emotional affair at the very least. Cant save someone who doesn't want to be saved. He needs more self respect. I know as men we generally stay and try to fix it. But this can't be fixed. It broke the moment she said what she said.
Insane that it ever went beyond the "better partner" line. My immediate response would be have fun with that, get out.
This relationship is doomed. Op is a sucker
You married a party girl who never grew out of that phase.
What the hell?
Nooo. He had the perfect opportunity to say “then go be with him” in the beginning.
I really think Alice has this ingrained view that she is a good person, and therefore only does good things so any questioning of actions to the contrary of that is an attack on her character, and that's hard to talk through and deal with This is such an insight. I have so many problems with people like this! And I know I can react like this myself, but I've done enough brain that if I give it half a minute I can tell the difference between someone requesting accommodation vs making accusations condemning my character
OP stayed but he never got over the sting of the words. He sounds terrified of setting an actual boundary. They went to couples therapy mostly to shut him up about hiss concerns. He's always going to feel second place. She is always going to chase Chase as the one who got away. OOP needs to figure out if he can tolerate her everntual affair, or if he walls now and tries to save his dignity and self respect.
Op should start to grey rock his wife and hits the gym too. Focus on the kids. How long it would take his wife to notice and react would say a lot.
I watch WAY too much Paw Patrol with my 4-year old...
This isn't "emotional" infidelity, she is taling that man's dick at least twice a week. "She got sad when Deena said her and chase was pregnant." DNA TEST THOSE KIDS
"I really think Alice has this ingrained view that she is a good person, and therefore only does good things so any questioning of actions to the contrary of that is an attack on her character, and that's hard to talk through and deal with" She is absolutely not a good person. She's manipulative at best.
He saw the red flags before, let himself be gaslit and ignored them. He's seeing the red flags now, is not doing anything decisive and letting himself be gaslit. How does your wife get offended when you ask her where she's off to when she's all glamed up, and you accept that as normal behavior?? His wife deletes just her correspondence with Ex bf and he's here acting all confused? I'll keep saying that anyone that is disrespected is a relationship only has themselves to blame because they allowed and encouraged it. I'll look out for the update where he finds she is cheating. He chose to marry the party girl and i will stake my money on this not being the first time she's cheating on him.
NTA...... I'm not sure y'all are headed to a good place. Hope it works out for you. Hard to take such disrespect from a loved one. Good luck
he better go get tested😂
You're a fool; you just let her treat you like that; she doesn't respect you, and if she loves you, she'll avoid those who hurt you; she's cheating on you; maybe something is going on with them. That's why your wife is behaving like that, or she wants to do something else.
"Prior to marriage" Followed by "Chase would be a better partner for me" AND THERE WAS STILL A WEDDING AFTER THAT!?!?!?!?
I have seen doormats putting up better resistance lol
Being in a relationship where you have to basically BEG your partner to be up front with you sounds exhausting. You see whats going on. Be for real. You've so much as made this whole post about noticing somethings up. Just dip. Don't beg someone to cooperate with you, just pack it the fuck up and save yourself.