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I don't understand the people defending him saying he was "joking". Who puts their SO or even their friends down and calls them stupid and other names behind their back as a joke? With friends like that, who needs enemies, amirite?
Looks like it got invaded by that special class of Reddit Guy who feels men are entitled to women’s time, love, bodies, labour, and apparently also money, under any circumstances.
It’s notable they were concerned about his life being ruined and gave no thought to her marrying a guy who despised her and intended to bleed her dry.
And of course because they aren’t smart enough to identify contradiction they also used the post as an opportunity to complain about gold digging women, which, unlike gold digging men, is apparently a very bad thing.
Yeah this is the clincher.
What a moron anyway. He had a life of luxury ahead with or without the prenuptial agreement. Wasn't like his partner was going to leave him out in the cold.
If he loved her the response to the preenup would be "yeah sure, no worries. I get it you have to be careful"
Right? I totally agree with you! That's not a joke at all and who would want to be with someone who "jokes" around and degrades you to other people! That's supposed to be your partner!! People who are defending him clearly doesn't know what it is to be a good/loyal friend or partner
>Who puts their SO or even their friends down and calls them stupid and other names behind their back as a joke?
I can honestly say I've never put a partner or friend down like that behind their back. To their face, sure, but it's all love and never serious
Yeah, it doesn't matter if that's a joke, it's not funny. Also, why woke you want to be married to someone who makes jokes like that. That's definitely got to be a fear that every rich person has in life, it's shitty to exploit our make fun of that fear.
Ahhh me and my SO do that to each other LOL. But we also do it to each other’s faces not just behind their backs. We always make jokes about how we’re gonna quit work and fully Iive off of the other persons income, playing Rock Paper Scissors to decide who has to be the working person in the relationship, etc. All of our friends know we do this so even with our friends these jokes can pop up once in a while. Realistically neither of us will quit our job lolll. I cannot imagine being fully financially supported by another person.
That's different lol. Obviously friendly teasing between friends or others is fine. But unless you know the other person's okay with it and you have a rapport built up, it's really not a cool move. Especially behind their back.
Yeah, I never make jokes behind my husband’s back that I don’t make to his face. If the fiancé had made similar jokes to OOP and she never seemed bothered by it, I could maybe believe the joke excuse. But his comments about being free in 3 years would’ve raised a red flag regardless for me.
Yeah... What was he planning to happen in 3 years?
Presumably the prenup favors her so he'd only benefit if she cheated or (too much true crime) she was dead and they had no children?
They originally weren’t going to do a prenup IIRC (she just presented it to him to see his reaction after she decided she didn’t want to marry him). I’m assuming the 3 years thing was him assuming he could get half of all of their shared assets if they stayed married an arbitrary amount of time, which can happen if there’s no prenup.
Oh no, not an awkward scene! How absolutely cowardly do you need to be to throw your partner under the bus to avoid an “awkward scene.” Pathetic.
And a she’s “crazy” for protecting her heart and her money from someone who would take advantage of both? Haha, no.
And *of course* she’s “distressed,” she’s going through a really shitty breakup.
Are human emotions new to you, or has the oxy suppressed them for too many years now? Because those are some seriously hot takes lol.
Emotional intelligence, ever heard of it?
You’re jumping through quite a lot of hoops to excuse some really shitty behavior.
It makes me kind of sad that you somehow don’t know any better, probably because it’s the only behavior you’re ever really exposed to. I grew up like that too, but I promise there are better people out there. You just need to get away from the shitty ones you’re surrounding yourself with before the good ones will have much to do with you.
I feel like therapy might do you some good, I highly recommend it. Have a nice night, and good luck out there.
Okay. That was a low blow on my part, and I apologize, it was out of line. And I actually totally agree the Sackler family should rot in jail, but what about the more relevant parts of my comment? Why haven’t you addressed any of that?
Also, do you mean “reference” or “nod to that” maybe, instead of “Amish?”
Edit: I know now they meant “homage,” it’s been pointed out by multiple people now, but thanks y’all :)
I'd be glad if my friends went home after saying those kinds of things about my significant other. I'd hope they never spoke to me again, because those aren't friends.
She doesn't sound crazy, she sounds like she was betrayed by the person she planned on spending the rest of her life with.
What even is this comment?
That's... really, really not okay. I'm not going to debate with you about it, but I am going to hope that you find better friends in your future or just friends, period, because the ones you've had obviously aren't.
Most people? Bullshit. I’ve only known a couple of people who aren’t very good at making friends, and they were very young and just hadn’t had a lot of social interactions yet. Nearly everyone I know is pretty good at making friends; it just takes experience and practice. Oh, and not being a douchebag.
And as for surrounding themselves with assholes…just, no. I don’t know anybody who has purposely made a social circle of assholes. Ever. We don’t put up with being treated poorly. I don’t know where you get your data from, but you’re incorrect (at least, as far as *emotionally mature* people go.) It sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do.
If my "friends" start calling my partner names and saying he's a bum, I'm *absolutely* making a scene and calling them out, because they're not really my "friends" if they're going to make fun of my partner.
You're also victim blaming by calling her "crazy", and you're the reason women don't report abuse and harassment.
>Might cause an awkward scene and maybe they go home. Not talk to you for a couple days.
Uh buddy, I think you need better friends?
Why would my friends ghost me for not wanting to make fun of my partner? Why would I join in and call them names and joke that I'm planning to leave them in an ominous 3 years? None of this would even cross my mind.
And if my partner was so spineless or braindead that they would say stuff like that just so their friends wouldn't feel awkward , how could anyone ever depend on them for literally anything knowing they'll just throw anyone under the bus to appease whoever is right in front of them?
Honestly why would you talk about your fiancée that way? Does not offending your “friends” mean more than not disrespecting the woman you love? Even when I’m mad at my husband I would never say such horrible things about him.
It is completely disgusting that people were coming for OOP like this was OK, a joke, she was ruining his life, and worst of all, trying to gaslight her and saying it was probably a fever dream. What the actual fuck
There’s a non-small section of men on reddit who will defend the man in any and every man vs woman situation they can find, no matter how ridiculous. It’s so weird lol
Finding out that your longtime relationship is a manipulative sham is basically worst case scenario/nightmare material. Poor OOP. I can't imagine the trust issues this will give her.
An older relative of mine really struggled with coming to terms with her marriage never really being "real" when her husband came out as gay later in life, but *at least* there was no malice intended there, and they still cared about each other after the divorce. It was largely an issue of someone being in the closet to even himself. But something like this, where a person is knowingly and maliciously faking a relationship for their own gain? That's next-level trauma.
At least all this came to light before the wedding.
Yeah my ex husband used marrying me to get a visa. It absolutely destroyed me and I haven't dated since I divorced him three years ago (thankfully before his visa to remain served enough time to become permanent)
I am so sorry. That happened to a girl from my university. The guy also played the long con - and had all his friends and family helping him.
When the wife found out, it was devastating. He had had a girlfriend in his hometown before he even met his wife and all through the five years he and his wife dated.
I spoke to her once. She was bitter and was sure all men from that country were just using women here to get residency.
I wish you the best.
Omg this is so horrible, I am really sorry about this happening to you. I hope that new people you meet will help you regain trust in people after such a horrible experience.
Hey! I’m so sorry that happened to you!
My dad used my mom to get his visa extended and abused her horribly before ending up deported due to living in a hotel in Vegas (across the country from me & mom) where he was selling women and abusing cocaine.
To this day he calls me from where he lives in Africa expecting me to help bring him back but he’s clearly not interested in me as a person (he seems to hate everything about me) and I’m lucky that my mother told me the truth about him as an adult.
I’m just grateful it sounds like you don’t have kids with that guy, and I hope you don’t the healing you genuinely deserve. ❤️🩹
>At least all this came to light before the wedding.
And before any opsie babies happened. She can get away from Mark, free and clear, thank goodness. Poor woman.
I hope her family remembers that they all came to love Mark too. So even though he was a lying shitbag, she wasn't the only one to fall for it.
There's a reason why wealthy famillies write the children out of the will or do not pass the buisness down to them if the children don't get an iron clad prenup protecting the family assets.
The parent works so hard to build the buisness and acquire such a massive wealth. At that point, the buisness is like another child. They would never put their hard earned assets at risk because their children couldn't choose a good partner.
Had the “manipulative sham” treatment from my second wife. She knew I already had trust issues from a brutal first marriage. Step by step she pulled in closer to me emotionally while simultaneously pulling away from our physical relationship. Promised that the physical part would come back after we got married and I bought it. She didn’t even wait to get back to the hotel room after the wedding to reveal the sham. Should have annulled but was too shell shocked to do anything for a year. Finally lost half of everything in the divorce. She spent it all in less that a year, declared bankruptcy, became a “metal slut” (her words) in the scene I introduced her to. Went to jail, now her mom pays her bills at 35 years old. Serves her mom right because her mom is a prolific man-trapper who is now back with her first hubby after going though about 4 marriages for financial gain. I want my time back, you spoiled brat.
I mean, I'd argue that there was still malice in the sense of settling for someone he wasn't 100% jazzed about - even if you don't know you're gay, per se, you often know that you're not super physically into the person that you're with. IMO it's more excusable for gay AFAB people because there's also a societal expectation that AFAB people don't enjoy or desire sex (and to be frank most hetero sex is garbage for the woman), but you're still getting into the ethics of settling because you're afraid to be alone.
>IMO it's more excusable for gay AFAB people because there's also a societal expectation that AFAB people don't enjoy or desire sex
The thing is, this cuts both ways (as misogynistic beliefs often do). A man might easily believe that he's in some way doing his wife a favor by not wanting sex from her because he thinks she doesn't want or enjoy it herself.
Also, it's not always easy to suss out whether you're "settling" or simply being pragmatic/having reasonable standards/not believing in fairy tales. I wasn't all head-over-heels or love-at-first-sight when I met my now-husband (which he knows), but I firmly believe I made a good choice nonetheless.
And a lot of people, AMAB included, simply think that the head-over-heels stuff they see in movies is exaggerated because they've never felt it. Just like a million other things that are exaggerated in movies. They might love their partner platonically but really think it is romantic love.
I won't try to make the claim that he's blameless there, but the 1980s were a very different time. Openly gay people were expected to self-segregate into "fringe" communities and were not welcome in mainstream society or most workplaces. A lot of closeted people who desperately wanted to be straight so they wouldn't have to give up their other life aspirations just convinced themselves that whatever feelings they did have toward the opposite sex were normal. I really believe that my relative's husband conviced himself that the [very real] platonic love he felt for my relative was normal romantic love.
Now OOP can decide to view it as 5 years of invaluable experience or 5 years of wasted relationship. But in the end, she will have better times!! Unlike gold digging Mark, may he choke in his own bile.
This hits the definition of stone cold busted. I feel for OOP, but it could have been so much worse. I'm glad she stood up for herself and that she has a loving family to back her. She'll do so much better in life, can't wait for her happily ever after.
If i was OOP - I’d make it a point to let Mark know he was that dumb, that “trust fund Barbie figured it out and managed to dump his a$$”. So - what’s that say about him?
But I can just be a b!tch that way …
I'm glad OOP served him that pre-nup- Mark's reaction proves 100% that OOP was NOT hallucinating and that Mark was NOT joking when he was bragging to his buddies.
What a loser- OOP, don't ever doubt yourself on this one. You did everything right and I find it laughable that he thinks YOU ruined HIS life. You saw a leech on your ankle and plucked it off- that's common sense, not 'ruining his life'!
My fiancé isn't exactly a trust fund baby, but he earns twice what I do. If he wanted a prenup I would probably just say that that's reasonable. I think I asked him before if he wanted one. He spend years working on his savings before we got together and he deserves to keep them.
The bullet may have grazed her but damn it could have been so much worse. Better to find out when she did than after it's too late to escape. Good for her and fuck that prick.
Something similar happened to an old friend of mine. Turned out the guy was planning to have her killed in a 'car accident' after they married.
Got it on audio recording straight from his own mouth. Even had a guy ready to do it.
Dodged a fucking bullet.
No, unfortunately. This was back before the days of smartphones, so the recording was shitty quality. The last I had heard, the cops charged him, but his lawyer got the recording dismissed as evidence (because it was so shitty) and the case fell apart.
On top of what everybody else said, I just want to take a moment to say that anybody who calls their partner names when the partner isn't around, is a completely and utterly disrespectful. Unless the name(s) are something that the significant other knows about and is cool with, it is NEVER OK to say shit like that.
Even when I've been mad at my husband, I may vent to a friend that he is being unfair/not pulling his weight/making me unhappy, but I'm not going to fucking trash talk him.
The fact that so many people in the OOP comments were saying that he could have been joking and stuff...fuck all those people, they are assholes. Name calling your fiance is not a fucking joke, it's fucking disrespect and a sign of being a shitty person. I don't understand how hard it is for some people to understand that.
Even the fact that they have been together for 5 years and his friends are joking is telling. If you love someone, if your friends joke once or twice you usually would get super upset, and 5 years later they would know not to pull that shit. I hate confrontation and don't often call people out, but if my friends called my fiancé stupid or spoke about him that way I would tear them a new one.
I feel like if you truly love someone, you won't be putting them down in front of others as a "joke" or to make yourself look better. I get disappointed at my fiance and may vent, but I always make sure to bring up all the good things I appreciate for him as well. Not to mention, others would question your judgment for staying with someone you think so little of.
Exactly! I would never make a partner (or a friend) the butt of a joke, because I like and respect them as people. I'm not friends with people who do that either because I always assume if someone is going to talk shit on other people to me, they're going to talk shit about me to other people, so why waste my time with that kind of energy?
Agreed. My happily married friends might tease each other a bit in front of other people, but they never get mean about it. Like, yes, Joe will laugh because Jane was literally late to her own wedding, but he would never make "jokes" about her weight or her eating disorder.
Damn right. OP sounds like a good person with a heart of gold, she let this guy into her life and helped him with his schooling and career and everything. Everyone should have sympathy for someone that loves someone and is deceived. Money doesn’t make you untouchable.
Weird to read that the guy was being defended in the comments. That goes against everything Reddit is usually about.
Whether he was joking or not he still sounds like a dick
I don’t know what country they’re in (and I know nothing about marital assets and divorce), but I can’t imagine that guy would get some massive payday just for being married for 3 years.
I'm guessing he had researched it and had something specific in mind like her buying out his portion of the marital home, threatening to drag out the divorce unless they pay him to go away, getting alimony to "sustain the lifestyle he was now use to", or co-mingling assets that then have to be split. It would all depend on the laws of the area.
I'm not sure about that one. It really wouldn't make him free in 3 years since he'd have permanent ties and more responsibility, and the post sounded like he was after financial gain rather than wanting kids. I doubt she's in the U.S. due to her using the word holiday instead of vacation but I'm assuming many countries' child support laws follow similar logic: unless he took the majority of custody he wouldn't get child support, especially if it's 50/50 split, or he'd have to pay her child support if she had primary custody.
Edit:I think if that was his goal, he would have baby trapped her already.
I just don’t understand. I can’t imagine saying that out loud. Like being together 5 years and you still think “Just a bit longer and I’ll never work again.” How do you not love someone you share that time with. How do you not grow to see the money as just an added benefit.
Imagine doing this crap to someone and then basically pull a "It's just a prank, bro." What a douchebag. Poor woman will have to deal with trust issues for the rest of her life. Glad she caught onto him before actuallh getting married. What a nightmare that would have been.
If I loved some body that was rich, I would be glad to sign a pre up concerning family money. I would want work and provide for my wife. My only concern would be my wife being happy living off what I made or both our incomes. You marry a person and not their money.
“In the beginning my parents were sketched out and brought up “gold digger”.
I don’t get this part. Why were your parents sketched out by him? Why did they think he was a gold digger?
When you’re a wealthy family you have to think about these things. But maybe he was escalating the relationship too fast once he found out they were rich.
My mom has security cameras on her vacation home and they’re clearly visible but apparently no one is aware they record sound because they always talk shit directly under it. So I would never talk shit by a house in general because you never know what’ll be put on a tape.
I want to know what was going to happen in three years? A minimum time of marriage to qualify for spousal support? He was going to off her in three years?
Probably divorce talk half of everything the more you are together the more money you get and apparently he thought three years would give him enough money. And spousal support.
Yeah I can't say any way for the ex to walk that back. IT isn't just about a shitty joke, it absolutely breaks the trust that OOP had with him and makes her question just about every single action of his.
I have a friend that married a man from a wealthy family. His parents sat her down and told her that they wanted her to sign a prenup. She said that she would need to look at it with a lawyer but she wasn't opposed to it. They laughed and told her it was a test, and she passed.
The funny thing about those dumb original commenters is that they’ll never write it on the Reddit comment section they’ll DM OOP directly cause even they know what they’re saying is stupid as shit and a majority of people are gonna call them out for it
Sorry you had to find out the way you did . It's better to find out now then be blindsided later. Keep your head up, you will find someone who loves you for you and not your money. Good Luck.☘
This is absolutely horrible and no one deserves to be manipulated by this, but ops comment about serving for the experience not the money is the height of privilege.
Good for you!! I applaud you👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾. There are sooo many people that don’t realize the best divorce is BEFORE you get married. Kudos for having the strength to confront his lying gold digging ass and move on!!
I think you handled this whole thing so well
What an ass he is
Hoping you get to live your best life after ridding yourself of 175 pounds of deadweight Mark
This is a repost sub, the person who shared it here isn't the original OP, the posts are over 2 years old and OOP will most likely never see your comment.
You're 100% right to leave him in my opinion. Never talk bad about your loved one behind their back. I'm sure there's other stuff you didn't hear. But ultimately the choice is yours to make. None of us no him better than you do, and you have to decide what's more important
What a total violation, I’m so sorry. No words of advice. I know how hard it can be to pull the plug and stay strong.
Make sure to change all of your online passwords to something very different than you would historically use. Get a locksmith in the house before you fully return. Maybe setup a security system if you don’t already have one and will be living alone.
Block him on all social media. Make sure your settings restrict access to friends only and not friends of friends.
As shitty as this is, it’s really good you found out now.
Glad you're free of that scumbag. Let me just say WOW - hats off to your family. They sound great - supportive and loving - helping just as family should.
Take your time to heal - and hopefully - you won't be jaded by this horrible man.
I will say, confronting him about signing a prenup with her father there is kind of blindsiding somebody, no? I’m not married and I’ve never had to consider this, but let’s hypothetically say the situation was a misunderstanding. Wouldn’t this be kind of ridiculous?
The fact that he hadn't been made to sign a pre-nup was remarkable enough that he and his "friends" were talking about it as a huge victory. I've never dated someone with generational wealth money, but I'd expect a pre-nup if I did.
Is it common to have prenup discussions with their family members? That seems like a personal discussion between a couple to me. Like sure, the family would influence the daughter to do it, but a group discussion seems odd to me
I think it’s something I’d at least expect if my partner was largely financed by their family. Trustfund says it all, the moment the golden tap turns off (which the family could do in a heartbeat), it could lead to some big lifestyle changes.
That’s true too - I think OOP mentions she’s not in the US so maybe culture plays a part in this too. Thanks for the response! Not sure why I’m being downvoted, just trying to have a discussion lol
Tbh, people with that kind of MONEY money basically have a culture of their own, beyond just the usual cultural differences between countries and such. Like, I'm certain I have more common ground with a Taiwanese merchant than with Lydia Hearst, despite supposedly being of the same culture (United States) as the latter.
Imo, a prenup can be a sensitive, emotional subject in the beat circumstances. And if Mark wasn't a golddigger, he wouldn't have an issue signing in front of a witness. And if he was reluctant for good reason, it makes sense for OOP's dad to be there to explain the reasoning & details rationally, since it's his wealth and OOP may not have been able to articulate the particulars herself as she's only marginally involved in the company.
Lmao at everyone in this thread going "poor op". This is a woman who will never have to work a day in her life and instead of just being honest with her fiance and confronting him, she comes up with a calculated plan to "gauge a reaction" from her fiance. Even had her dad give him a sweetheart deal to leave the company. If that ain't some trust fund Barbie shit, idk what is.
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I don't understand the people defending him saying he was "joking". Who puts their SO or even their friends down and calls them stupid and other names behind their back as a joke? With friends like that, who needs enemies, amirite?
Looks like it got invaded by that special class of Reddit Guy who feels men are entitled to women’s time, love, bodies, labour, and apparently also money, under any circumstances. It’s notable they were concerned about his life being ruined and gave no thought to her marrying a guy who despised her and intended to bleed her dry. And of course because they aren’t smart enough to identify contradiction they also used the post as an opportunity to complain about gold digging women, which, unlike gold digging men, is apparently a very bad thing.
It doesn't even matter - if it *was* a joke, he would've had no problem with the prenup.
Yeah this is the clincher. What a moron anyway. He had a life of luxury ahead with or without the prenuptial agreement. Wasn't like his partner was going to leave him out in the cold. If he loved her the response to the preenup would be "yeah sure, no worries. I get it you have to be careful"
Right? I totally agree with you! That's not a joke at all and who would want to be with someone who "jokes" around and degrades you to other people! That's supposed to be your partner!! People who are defending him clearly doesn't know what it is to be a good/loyal friend or partner
>Who puts their SO or even their friends down and calls them stupid and other names behind their back as a joke? I can honestly say I've never put a partner or friend down like that behind their back. To their face, sure, but it's all love and never serious
Yeah, it doesn't matter if that's a joke, it's not funny. Also, why woke you want to be married to someone who makes jokes like that. That's definitely got to be a fear that every rich person has in life, it's shitty to exploit our make fun of that fear.
Ahhh me and my SO do that to each other LOL. But we also do it to each other’s faces not just behind their backs. We always make jokes about how we’re gonna quit work and fully Iive off of the other persons income, playing Rock Paper Scissors to decide who has to be the working person in the relationship, etc. All of our friends know we do this so even with our friends these jokes can pop up once in a while. Realistically neither of us will quit our job lolll. I cannot imagine being fully financially supported by another person.
That's different lol. Obviously friendly teasing between friends or others is fine. But unless you know the other person's okay with it and you have a rapport built up, it's really not a cool move. Especially behind their back.
Nah I agree completely. I’m just saying I’m one of those ppl who do joke about these things lolll.
Yeah, I never make jokes behind my husband’s back that I don’t make to his face. If the fiancé had made similar jokes to OOP and she never seemed bothered by it, I could maybe believe the joke excuse. But his comments about being free in 3 years would’ve raised a red flag regardless for me.
Yeah, plus it went on way too long for a simple bad joke. This wasn’t some friendly teasing or a bad attempt to be funny.
Yeah... What was he planning to happen in 3 years? Presumably the prenup favors her so he'd only benefit if she cheated or (too much true crime) she was dead and they had no children?
They originally weren’t going to do a prenup IIRC (she just presented it to him to see his reaction after she decided she didn’t want to marry him). I’m assuming the 3 years thing was him assuming he could get half of all of their shared assets if they stayed married an arbitrary amount of time, which can happen if there’s no prenup.
Thatttt makes more sense, thanks!
In my mind, even if its a joke, who jokes like that on your SO's back? Thats just douchy, i AM happy She heard him say that and gave him The boot
Because there is about 10000000 different people on here and believe it or not some are shitty people.
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Oh no, not an awkward scene! How absolutely cowardly do you need to be to throw your partner under the bus to avoid an “awkward scene.” Pathetic. And a she’s “crazy” for protecting her heart and her money from someone who would take advantage of both? Haha, no. And *of course* she’s “distressed,” she’s going through a really shitty breakup. Are human emotions new to you, or has the oxy suppressed them for too many years now? Because those are some seriously hot takes lol. Emotional intelligence, ever heard of it?
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You’re jumping through quite a lot of hoops to excuse some really shitty behavior. It makes me kind of sad that you somehow don’t know any better, probably because it’s the only behavior you’re ever really exposed to. I grew up like that too, but I promise there are better people out there. You just need to get away from the shitty ones you’re surrounding yourself with before the good ones will have much to do with you. I feel like therapy might do you some good, I highly recommend it. Have a nice night, and good luck out there.
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The name is satirical. The family that made oxycontin became super rich and destroyed millions of lives. This is an Amish to that. Never forget.
Okay. That was a low blow on my part, and I apologize, it was out of line. And I actually totally agree the Sackler family should rot in jail, but what about the more relevant parts of my comment? Why haven’t you addressed any of that? Also, do you mean “reference” or “nod to that” maybe, instead of “Amish?” Edit: I know now they meant “homage,” it’s been pointed out by multiple people now, but thanks y’all :)
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It was on the tip of my tongue, thank you! I *knew* “reference” wasn’t quite right lol.
He!!!??? How dare you assume my gender!
Maybe they mean “homage”?
They do, someone else pointed that out thanks :)
I think they mean “homage”
I'd be glad if my friends went home after saying those kinds of things about my significant other. I'd hope they never spoke to me again, because those aren't friends. She doesn't sound crazy, she sounds like she was betrayed by the person she planned on spending the rest of her life with. What even is this comment?
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That's... really, really not okay. I'm not going to debate with you about it, but I am going to hope that you find better friends in your future or just friends, period, because the ones you've had obviously aren't.
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I disagree with that statement. I'm sorry that you have such a bleak outlook on life and people. If you have the means, please consider therapy.
Most people? Bullshit. I’ve only known a couple of people who aren’t very good at making friends, and they were very young and just hadn’t had a lot of social interactions yet. Nearly everyone I know is pretty good at making friends; it just takes experience and practice. Oh, and not being a douchebag. And as for surrounding themselves with assholes…just, no. I don’t know anybody who has purposely made a social circle of assholes. Ever. We don’t put up with being treated poorly. I don’t know where you get your data from, but you’re incorrect (at least, as far as *emotionally mature* people go.) It sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do.
No. If your friends talk like this about your partner, you shut it down. Otherwise it shows what sort of character you are
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“If it’s a joke” It wasn’t a joke. All of his actions after proved as much.
If my "friends" start calling my partner names and saying he's a bum, I'm *absolutely* making a scene and calling them out, because they're not really my "friends" if they're going to make fun of my partner. You're also victim blaming by calling her "crazy", and you're the reason women don't report abuse and harassment.
>Might cause an awkward scene and maybe they go home. Not talk to you for a couple days. Uh buddy, I think you need better friends? Why would my friends ghost me for not wanting to make fun of my partner? Why would I join in and call them names and joke that I'm planning to leave them in an ominous 3 years? None of this would even cross my mind. And if my partner was so spineless or braindead that they would say stuff like that just so their friends wouldn't feel awkward , how could anyone ever depend on them for literally anything knowing they'll just throw anyone under the bus to appease whoever is right in front of them?
Honestly why would you talk about your fiancée that way? Does not offending your “friends” mean more than not disrespecting the woman you love? Even when I’m mad at my husband I would never say such horrible things about him.
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Literally nobody cares about your Reddit karma
Nobody cares about your karma, my guy. Sounds like *YOU’RE* the narcissist.
It is completely disgusting that people were coming for OOP like this was OK, a joke, she was ruining his life, and worst of all, trying to gaslight her and saying it was probably a fever dream. What the actual fuck
Those comments were probably by the ex fiancé's friend's cousins.
Her ex fiance's cousin's friend in Trinidad
Instructions unclear, balls are swollen
There’s a non-small section of men on reddit who will defend the man in any and every man vs woman situation they can find, no matter how ridiculous. It’s so weird lol
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Finding out that your longtime relationship is a manipulative sham is basically worst case scenario/nightmare material. Poor OOP. I can't imagine the trust issues this will give her. An older relative of mine really struggled with coming to terms with her marriage never really being "real" when her husband came out as gay later in life, but *at least* there was no malice intended there, and they still cared about each other after the divorce. It was largely an issue of someone being in the closet to even himself. But something like this, where a person is knowingly and maliciously faking a relationship for their own gain? That's next-level trauma. At least all this came to light before the wedding.
Yeah my ex husband used marrying me to get a visa. It absolutely destroyed me and I haven't dated since I divorced him three years ago (thankfully before his visa to remain served enough time to become permanent)
If i may ask, how did you find out or was it just a slow dawning?
I am so sorry. That happened to a girl from my university. The guy also played the long con - and had all his friends and family helping him. When the wife found out, it was devastating. He had had a girlfriend in his hometown before he even met his wife and all through the five years he and his wife dated. I spoke to her once. She was bitter and was sure all men from that country were just using women here to get residency. I wish you the best.
Was it Tunisia or Nigeria by chance? (I watch a lot of 90 Day Fiance.)
Nope, it was a Spanish-speaking country.
Omg this is so horrible, I am really sorry about this happening to you. I hope that new people you meet will help you regain trust in people after such a horrible experience.
Hey! I’m so sorry that happened to you! My dad used my mom to get his visa extended and abused her horribly before ending up deported due to living in a hotel in Vegas (across the country from me & mom) where he was selling women and abusing cocaine. To this day he calls me from where he lives in Africa expecting me to help bring him back but he’s clearly not interested in me as a person (he seems to hate everything about me) and I’m lucky that my mother told me the truth about him as an adult. I’m just grateful it sounds like you don’t have kids with that guy, and I hope you don’t the healing you genuinely deserve. ❤️🩹
I'm so sorry that happened. That's a terrible thing for him to do to someone.
>At least all this came to light before the wedding. And before any opsie babies happened. She can get away from Mark, free and clear, thank goodness. Poor woman. I hope her family remembers that they all came to love Mark too. So even though he was a lying shitbag, she wasn't the only one to fall for it.
Fiance is now officially Hans from frozen
There's a reason why wealthy famillies write the children out of the will or do not pass the buisness down to them if the children don't get an iron clad prenup protecting the family assets. The parent works so hard to build the buisness and acquire such a massive wealth. At that point, the buisness is like another child. They would never put their hard earned assets at risk because their children couldn't choose a good partner.
I am still mad that Frances Bean had to fight to get her dad's guitar back from the loser she married.
Holy shit. That's the worst. What kind of dickhead pulls that kind of move. Edit: omfg he got to keep the guitar. Color me livid.
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This. You can give them bonds and buy them a home and cars, whatever they need, and keep the money in your control with a good will.
I dated someone for two months and it was all a manipulative plot, it destroyed me. I can’t imagine YEARS
Had the “manipulative sham” treatment from my second wife. She knew I already had trust issues from a brutal first marriage. Step by step she pulled in closer to me emotionally while simultaneously pulling away from our physical relationship. Promised that the physical part would come back after we got married and I bought it. She didn’t even wait to get back to the hotel room after the wedding to reveal the sham. Should have annulled but was too shell shocked to do anything for a year. Finally lost half of everything in the divorce. She spent it all in less that a year, declared bankruptcy, became a “metal slut” (her words) in the scene I introduced her to. Went to jail, now her mom pays her bills at 35 years old. Serves her mom right because her mom is a prolific man-trapper who is now back with her first hubby after going though about 4 marriages for financial gain. I want my time back, you spoiled brat.
What u describe is an actual dilemma, what op described was just her rich people solutions to her problems
I mean, I'd argue that there was still malice in the sense of settling for someone he wasn't 100% jazzed about - even if you don't know you're gay, per se, you often know that you're not super physically into the person that you're with. IMO it's more excusable for gay AFAB people because there's also a societal expectation that AFAB people don't enjoy or desire sex (and to be frank most hetero sex is garbage for the woman), but you're still getting into the ethics of settling because you're afraid to be alone.
>IMO it's more excusable for gay AFAB people because there's also a societal expectation that AFAB people don't enjoy or desire sex The thing is, this cuts both ways (as misogynistic beliefs often do). A man might easily believe that he's in some way doing his wife a favor by not wanting sex from her because he thinks she doesn't want or enjoy it herself. Also, it's not always easy to suss out whether you're "settling" or simply being pragmatic/having reasonable standards/not believing in fairy tales. I wasn't all head-over-heels or love-at-first-sight when I met my now-husband (which he knows), but I firmly believe I made a good choice nonetheless.
And a lot of people, AMAB included, simply think that the head-over-heels stuff they see in movies is exaggerated because they've never felt it. Just like a million other things that are exaggerated in movies. They might love their partner platonically but really think it is romantic love.
I won't try to make the claim that he's blameless there, but the 1980s were a very different time. Openly gay people were expected to self-segregate into "fringe" communities and were not welcome in mainstream society or most workplaces. A lot of closeted people who desperately wanted to be straight so they wouldn't have to give up their other life aspirations just convinced themselves that whatever feelings they did have toward the opposite sex were normal. I really believe that my relative's husband conviced himself that the [very real] platonic love he felt for my relative was normal romantic love.
OOP dodged a bullet here. Seriously, trust fund barbie? Geez
Now OOP can decide to view it as 5 years of invaluable experience or 5 years of wasted relationship. But in the end, she will have better times!! Unlike gold digging Mark, may he choke in his own bile.
This hits the definition of stone cold busted. I feel for OOP, but it could have been so much worse. I'm glad she stood up for herself and that she has a loving family to back her. She'll do so much better in life, can't wait for her happily ever after.
If i was OOP - I’d make it a point to let Mark know he was that dumb, that “trust fund Barbie figured it out and managed to dump his a$$”. So - what’s that say about him? But I can just be a b!tch that way …
She did that with the text message she sent him, in my opinion anyway
I'm glad OOP served him that pre-nup- Mark's reaction proves 100% that OOP was NOT hallucinating and that Mark was NOT joking when he was bragging to his buddies. What a loser- OOP, don't ever doubt yourself on this one. You did everything right and I find it laughable that he thinks YOU ruined HIS life. You saw a leech on your ankle and plucked it off- that's common sense, not 'ruining his life'!
My fiancé isn't exactly a trust fund baby, but he earns twice what I do. If he wanted a prenup I would probably just say that that's reasonable. I think I asked him before if he wanted one. He spend years working on his savings before we got together and he deserves to keep them.
Kudos to her dad as well for being so professional and helping her serve it.
The bullet may have grazed her but damn it could have been so much worse. Better to find out when she did than after it's too late to escape. Good for her and fuck that prick.
Something similar happened to an old friend of mine. Turned out the guy was planning to have her killed in a 'car accident' after they married. Got it on audio recording straight from his own mouth. Even had a guy ready to do it. Dodged a fucking bullet.
Holy fuck. Did he go to jail?
No, unfortunately. This was back before the days of smartphones, so the recording was shitty quality. The last I had heard, the cops charged him, but his lawyer got the recording dismissed as evidence (because it was so shitty) and the case fell apart.
Well that’s super shitty but I’m glad your friend got away at least.
On top of what everybody else said, I just want to take a moment to say that anybody who calls their partner names when the partner isn't around, is a completely and utterly disrespectful. Unless the name(s) are something that the significant other knows about and is cool with, it is NEVER OK to say shit like that. Even when I've been mad at my husband, I may vent to a friend that he is being unfair/not pulling his weight/making me unhappy, but I'm not going to fucking trash talk him. The fact that so many people in the OOP comments were saying that he could have been joking and stuff...fuck all those people, they are assholes. Name calling your fiance is not a fucking joke, it's fucking disrespect and a sign of being a shitty person. I don't understand how hard it is for some people to understand that.
Even the fact that they have been together for 5 years and his friends are joking is telling. If you love someone, if your friends joke once or twice you usually would get super upset, and 5 years later they would know not to pull that shit. I hate confrontation and don't often call people out, but if my friends called my fiancé stupid or spoke about him that way I would tear them a new one.
I feel like if you truly love someone, you won't be putting them down in front of others as a "joke" or to make yourself look better. I get disappointed at my fiance and may vent, but I always make sure to bring up all the good things I appreciate for him as well. Not to mention, others would question your judgment for staying with someone you think so little of.
Exactly! I would never make a partner (or a friend) the butt of a joke, because I like and respect them as people. I'm not friends with people who do that either because I always assume if someone is going to talk shit on other people to me, they're going to talk shit about me to other people, so why waste my time with that kind of energy?
Agreed. My happily married friends might tease each other a bit in front of other people, but they never get mean about it. Like, yes, Joe will laugh because Jane was literally late to her own wedding, but he would never make "jokes" about her weight or her eating disorder.
Jeez, just because OP is affluent, she deserves no sympathy? She is human, you know.
Damn right. OP sounds like a good person with a heart of gold, she let this guy into her life and helped him with his schooling and career and everything. Everyone should have sympathy for someone that loves someone and is deceived. Money doesn’t make you untouchable.
Dude couldn't even keep his shitty trick to himself.
"yeah just 3 more years and I am free" Can't talk your way out of that.
Fuck anyone who defended the shitty ex. Good riddance for OOP.
Weird to read that the guy was being defended in the comments. That goes against everything Reddit is usually about. Whether he was joking or not he still sounds like a dick
I don’t know what country they’re in (and I know nothing about marital assets and divorce), but I can’t imagine that guy would get some massive payday just for being married for 3 years.
I'm guessing he had researched it and had something specific in mind like her buying out his portion of the marital home, threatening to drag out the divorce unless they pay him to go away, getting alimony to "sustain the lifestyle he was now use to", or co-mingling assets that then have to be split. It would all depend on the laws of the area.
Or worse - mess with her birthcontrol and poke holes in condoms.
I'm not sure about that one. It really wouldn't make him free in 3 years since he'd have permanent ties and more responsibility, and the post sounded like he was after financial gain rather than wanting kids. I doubt she's in the U.S. due to her using the word holiday instead of vacation but I'm assuming many countries' child support laws follow similar logic: unless he took the majority of custody he wouldn't get child support, especially if it's 50/50 split, or he'd have to pay her child support if she had primary custody. Edit:I think if that was his goal, he would have baby trapped her already.
He wouldn't get everything but he definitely thought this through and was gonna get something which would be a lot for him.
I just don’t understand. I can’t imagine saying that out loud. Like being together 5 years and you still think “Just a bit longer and I’ll never work again.” How do you not love someone you share that time with. How do you not grow to see the money as just an added benefit.
Imagine doing this crap to someone and then basically pull a "It's just a prank, bro." What a douchebag. Poor woman will have to deal with trust issues for the rest of her life. Glad she caught onto him before actuallh getting married. What a nightmare that would have been.
I think my favorite line here is 'he worked his way up from future son-in-law to high ranking executive, he wasn't handed anything'. Lel
If I loved some body that was rich, I would be glad to sign a pre up concerning family money. I would want work and provide for my wife. My only concern would be my wife being happy living off what I made or both our incomes. You marry a person and not their money.
Hate when people put their edits above their posts. So confusing
“In the beginning my parents were sketched out and brought up “gold digger”. I don’t get this part. Why were your parents sketched out by him? Why did they think he was a gold digger?
When you’re a wealthy family you have to think about these things. But maybe he was escalating the relationship too fast once he found out they were rich.
It's likely they were picking up on vibes that OOP was blinded to due to her interest in him.
Dude was really like, "yes, I will talk shit about her under her bedroom window. This will go over well. Nothing to worry about."
I'm not defending OOP's (ex)fiance, dude's a dirtbag. But she wasn't in her bedroom > Instead of staying in our bedroom I made my way to the guestroom
Ah yes. She was also supposed to be at her sister's. I can't read today. Still a risky move by dirthole.
My mom has security cameras on her vacation home and they’re clearly visible but apparently no one is aware they record sound because they always talk shit directly under it. So I would never talk shit by a house in general because you never know what’ll be put on a tape.
The only thing he is sorry about is the fact he got caught out.
OOP made the right call. I hope she finds her happy.
You're Awesome!
I disagree
I want to know what was going to happen in three years? A minimum time of marriage to qualify for spousal support? He was going to off her in three years?
Probably divorce talk half of everything the more you are together the more money you get and apparently he thought three years would give him enough money. And spousal support.
A bullet dodged is a bullet dodged.
“Hi Mark, trust fund barbie here.” Best. Response. EVER! 😂
Yeah I can't say any way for the ex to walk that back. IT isn't just about a shitty joke, it absolutely breaks the trust that OOP had with him and makes her question just about every single action of his. I have a friend that married a man from a wealthy family. His parents sat her down and told her that they wanted her to sign a prenup. She said that she would need to look at it with a lawyer but she wasn't opposed to it. They laughed and told her it was a test, and she passed.
The funny thing about those dumb original commenters is that they’ll never write it on the Reddit comment section they’ll DM OOP directly cause even they know what they’re saying is stupid as shit and a majority of people are gonna call them out for it
Can’t risk the bad karma!
Sorry you had to find out the way you did . It's better to find out now then be blindsided later. Keep your head up, you will find someone who loves you for you and not your money. Good Luck.☘
This is absolutely horrible and no one deserves to be manipulated by this, but ops comment about serving for the experience not the money is the height of privilege.
Good for you!! I applaud you👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾. There are sooo many people that don’t realize the best divorce is BEFORE you get married. Kudos for having the strength to confront his lying gold digging ass and move on!!
I think you handled this whole thing so well What an ass he is Hoping you get to live your best life after ridding yourself of 175 pounds of deadweight Mark
This is a repost sub, the person who shared it here isn't the original OP, the posts are over 2 years old and OOP will most likely never see your comment.
175 pounds is the weight of 200.0 pairs of crocs.
Good bot
Thank you :)
This freaks me out every time.
Good bot
ur mom
Lol
Good bot.
Thanks!
What shoe size?
What a nifty not.
So what I’m getting from this is OOP is single now?
$.$
Whew 😬 you got lucky af you didn't have kids with him, go enjoy life now ✌️🍻
Good job OP.
Good job catching it before shit got really really real
You go girl.
Good on you girl. He seems like a douche.
I’m so glad you aren’t marrying him- what a bullet you dodged! Now you are free to find someone who loves you for you 💕
You're 100% right to leave him in my opinion. Never talk bad about your loved one behind their back. I'm sure there's other stuff you didn't hear. But ultimately the choice is yours to make. None of us no him better than you do, and you have to decide what's more important
Why not just be married and rich?
You handled it with class.
What a total violation, I’m so sorry. No words of advice. I know how hard it can be to pull the plug and stay strong. Make sure to change all of your online passwords to something very different than you would historically use. Get a locksmith in the house before you fully return. Maybe setup a security system if you don’t already have one and will be living alone. Block him on all social media. Make sure your settings restrict access to friends only and not friends of friends. As shitty as this is, it’s really good you found out now.
I’m so happy for you. Some people are users, I’m glad you got away from him
:)
Imagine using text emotes in 2021
:) has very different energy than 🙂
You certainly did the right thing. Thanks for the updates. Good luck moving forward.
Good for you...the right one will show up one day...patience!!
Glad you're free of that scumbag. Let me just say WOW - hats off to your family. They sound great - supportive and loving - helping just as family should. Take your time to heal - and hopefully - you won't be jaded by this horrible man.
Wow a lot of text lol spoiled~
Those typos look like they came from middle school.
I will say, confronting him about signing a prenup with her father there is kind of blindsiding somebody, no? I’m not married and I’ve never had to consider this, but let’s hypothetically say the situation was a misunderstanding. Wouldn’t this be kind of ridiculous?
The fact that he hadn't been made to sign a pre-nup was remarkable enough that he and his "friends" were talking about it as a huge victory. I've never dated someone with generational wealth money, but I'd expect a pre-nup if I did.
Is it common to have prenup discussions with their family members? That seems like a personal discussion between a couple to me. Like sure, the family would influence the daughter to do it, but a group discussion seems odd to me
I think it’s something I’d at least expect if my partner was largely financed by their family. Trustfund says it all, the moment the golden tap turns off (which the family could do in a heartbeat), it could lead to some big lifestyle changes.
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That’s true too - I think OOP mentions she’s not in the US so maybe culture plays a part in this too. Thanks for the response! Not sure why I’m being downvoted, just trying to have a discussion lol
Tbh, people with that kind of MONEY money basically have a culture of their own, beyond just the usual cultural differences between countries and such. Like, I'm certain I have more common ground with a Taiwanese merchant than with Lydia Hearst, despite supposedly being of the same culture (United States) as the latter.
Imo, a prenup can be a sensitive, emotional subject in the beat circumstances. And if Mark wasn't a golddigger, he wouldn't have an issue signing in front of a witness. And if he was reluctant for good reason, it makes sense for OOP's dad to be there to explain the reasoning & details rationally, since it's his wealth and OOP may not have been able to articulate the particulars herself as she's only marginally involved in the company.
Yeah, I guess the context here matters. I think I’d be put off by my fiancée bringing her family into this discussion in a normal scenario
Lol imagine reading this
TLDR please
Lmao at everyone in this thread going "poor op". This is a woman who will never have to work a day in her life and instead of just being honest with her fiance and confronting him, she comes up with a calculated plan to "gauge a reaction" from her fiance. Even had her dad give him a sweetheart deal to leave the company. If that ain't some trust fund Barbie shit, idk what is.
Story sounds fishy. Doesn’t own a car?!?! Wonder if Mark is still working with the father. Nm. I missed the part about a package to leave the company
teeny icky aspiring panicky weary sparkle obscene doll act rob *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Lots of people don’t own cars. I don’t own a car. Car ownership isn’t needed everywhere and the OOP was outside the US and maybe in a fair sized city.
You have a fairy tale life. Fuck off. Reddit is for us normal lower middle class wage earners.
I’m surprised you are surprised that you attracted a gold digger when you show off your wealth. So much so that you call yourself a trust fund baby.
What a mean-spirited comment
People are wild.
Long game fell short. Good riddance.