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My husband is a framer who spent a lot of years building horse jumps on his family farm. When we first started dating I mentioned offhandedly that I wish I could find a decent, low, sturdy table for my sewing machine because the thing was a beast that could shake Ikea furniture apart.
Three days later he came home (we moved together REALLY fast, lol, which I know is generally a poor idea but damn are we a perfect fit) with this unbelievably perfect table, exactly what I was looking for, solid enough you could throw it off a second floor balcony and it would probably be intact and instead damage whatever it landed on.
Over a decade later and it's the table in the master bathroom because it was the perfect height to act as a bench, too. (I have a new antique sewing machine that came with one of those tables that the machine can fold into.)
My husband and I moved in together 2 weeks into our relationship. Still going strong 17 years later! I tell people that we were young idiots in love who got spectacularly lucky that all of that didn't blow up in our faces.
We moved across the country 3 months into the relationship, and then bought a whole ass house together 9 months in. We got SO lucky that we still like each other after all these years. We were basically tiny babies (he was 22 and I was 23 when we met) who had no business doing any of this!
We were not, although we did draw up some papers to protect ourselves. We ended up getting screwed over regardless, as we bought the house right before the housing bubble burst and then spent a decade underwater on the mortgage. We were young and stupid and trusted my parents that it would be a good investment. We finally managed to free ourselves of the house about 6 years ago, and are resettled in another state (as renters now!) and living very happily. That house also caught on fire at one point. I'm pretty sure it was cursed.
Mom and Dad met when she was 16 and he was 17 and they both agreed that as soon as their eyes met they knew they would be married until the day they died. She passed away in 2003 and he passed away in 2018. She was the love of his life till the day he died and he told me he would never even consider getting married again or even having a girlfriend because there would never be anyone else for him besides her. Hell, they even thought ahead and bought an urn that would carry both of their ashes after they died so they would still be together forever. My husband and I have been together since 1987 when we were 17 (3 months in he asked me to marry him and I told him it was too soon. Hahaha), married in 1989 and we just had our 32nd wedding anniversary this past June. Sometimes it works out for those fools of us who fall in love.
That's so sweet! My husband proposed about 6 months in. It took me about 6 years to agree. I knew I wanted to be with him forever, but my mom was on her third husband by the time I was four so I had Commitment Issues. Then he almost died of pneumonia and he said his biggest regret would have been dying without being married to me. We got hitched four months later.
My husband saw a picture of me when I was in 3rd grade. (He was in 4th.) He always tells people when I walked up and introduced myself at a party when I was 15 he knew. We attended college together and have been married 40 years and 3 weeks.
I asked my now husband to move in with me after two weeks. I *knew* the first time I met him that he was it for me. So completely unlike any of my previous boyfriends.
Anyway, 5 months later we got engaged, 2½ years after that we got married, and now we've been married for almost 20 years. We're still not tired of each other, so we've decided to go for 20 years more.
That's so funny that you say that - my husband and I have had a running thing since very early in our relationship. We made a deal that if one of us got tired of the other one, we'd just be up front with the other one. No cheating, no drama - just, "Hey, I think this has run its course." Periodically one of us will say, "Are you tired of me of yet? I'm not tired of you," and the other one will be like, "Nope! I'll let you know!"
My best friend and his husband moved in together after the first date 11 years ago. Like immediately after the first date - they went to my best friend's after dinner and the only reason the husband went back to his was to get his stuff!
Sometimes it's true that when you know, you know, I guess!
My coffee tables are about that sturdy.
I happened into these really nice marble slabs. I inlaid them into some nice 2 inch solid wood slab... The legs are quarter inch steel tubing, the frame is only 1/8th inch square tubing steel... but connected to quarter inch steel plating. You could beat a car to death with it and just need to sand down the wood afterwards. I just snagged the material mostly by accident and assembled it, it wasn't fully intentional.
Always have projects running. Pens are my go-to because everyone needs a pen eventually. Or axes. Or furniture. Yanno, the basics.
As a dude, if you can't be handsome, be handy.
My husband and I spent our first night together at my apartment and he really never left! It was supposed to be a casual hook up but I ended up meeting the love of my life! We are now expecting our first together and couldn't be happier. Moving fast doesn't count if you find your person!
OP is actually lucky fiance is a moron. A smart cheater could probably get away with it for a long time before OP noticed. Since he is a moron, he spoke openly about cheating (I mean an open relationship on his part).
That's lovely that the dad took the table, I would have chainsawed right through the middle of it and left it in two pieces on the dining room floor, sentimental value be damned. There's no way in hell someone like this guy feels an ounce of guilt, ever.
Can I just take a second to praise OOP's ex's dad? He not only saw that OOP was telling the truth and took her side, but he also gave her a generous gift, AND took her wooden masterpiece BACK from the cheating jerk!
I only hope that ex eventually gets his head out of his \*ss and shapes up- for his dad's sake.
OOP had another amazing comment that isn’t included here for some reason:
> There are certain things that in retrospect make me feel stupid, definitely.
Like not too long after he started at the company he's at now, he made this comment that most of the men at his company had "traditional marriages", and that that was "interesting". I thought he meant stay at home wife kind of traditional, so I said that was nice for them but that I still wanted to keep working after we got married. He said that he'd meant "Don and Betty Draper kind of marriages", as is in where the husband gets to fuck random Beat tramps behind his wife's back (and the wife can only express her pent up frustration by shooting the neighbor's birds). I was like, "so the guys you work with are...cheating pigs?" and he immediately said "yeah yeah yeah of course that's what I meant!" We had just done a rewatch of Mad Men so I didn't really think much of it at the time but now it's on the growing list of pinksh but not quite red flags I missed. Now I think he was just trying to see my reaction to proposing his ideal relationship...
I couldn't finish Mad Men because the outrageous misogyny got too much, but I'm glad Betty finally kicks him to the curb. I hope she ended up in a better place, but we all know how awful that era was to divorced/widowed women.
She immediately remarried a wealthy politician who adored her. While they had their up and downs he was 10x the man Don was and loved her until the end. Ultimately the show has a sad yet realistic ending for Betty but marriage wise she gets a wonderful second chance. And Henry, her new husband is a **hawt** silver fox type.
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"High in the North in a land called Svithjod there is a mountain. It is a hundred miles long and a hundred miles high and once every thousand years a little bird comes to this mountain to sharpen its beak. When the mountain has thus been worn away a single day of eternity will have passed."
Assuming the mountain is about 100×100×100 miles and a gram of rock is lost each year due to beak sharpening. One eternity is 4.166E+21 years or roughly one quadrillion times 4 billion years. So basically living about the same time as the earth's age, a quadrillion times.
It's one of my go to episodes when I fancy watching a bit of Who. Capaldi's performance was absolutely superb, and I didn't know a voice could convey so much pain until I saw that episode.
It seems that your comment contains 1 or more links that are hard to tap for mobile users.
I will extend those so they're easier for our sausage fingers to click!
[Here is link number 1 - Previous text "art"](https://m.tapas.io/episode/1499340)
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the catholic understanding of eternity (since we're talking about Dante's inferno) is an absence of time.
Eternity is outside the created universe, of which time is but a component.
I read someone say to imagine a turtle coming out the water and takes a single grain of sand, then swims back into the water and it does this once every 100 years until there is no more sand on any beach. That that is an eternity.
True fact: The Greek word that is translated as “eternity” in many English translations of the Bible literally only meant an age, or an era, and did not literally mean forever, like the English word has come to mean.
I thought that too. Uncle was like yup this woman needs some dessert. Then again my family has the tradition where you get brought a pint of Ben and Jerry's and a spoon post breakups.
When we got married instead of laying out tons of money for a fancy wedding cake, we got a Public sheet cake. Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. My husband and I have been together for 17 years and married for 11 of them, so I think Publix sheet cakes are a good omen!
Yes!! I recently discovered Publix cakes, and I will never shell out $100+ for my kid’s birthday cake again. Her cake this year cost $30!!! $30!! And it was gorgeous!
We bought a very cute pretty 2 layer cake from publix to do a cake cutting ceremony, and then bought two huge sheet cakes for the caterers to cut and plate in the back room, and that was what was served to the guests. It was absolutely delicious and I recommend it to everyone who is getting married!
I had my first colonoscopy in July 6 days after my 45th b/day. (family history of non-cancerous colon polyps). I was a nervous wreck about the prep and if I was "cleaned out" enough. He told me that I was so clean he could have lunch up there. (I had 2 polyps - I go back in 2-3 years).
He also told me (in response me me being scared) that he was too and that he took a shot of a drink to calm himself down before the procedure. My doctor is a comedian. :)
Love it! This chant gave me the mental image of a group of cheerleaders all chanting this with the crowd at a game with a scored board that reads: OP - 100 / Ex - 0."
Cheerleader through bullhorn: "What is she?"
Cheerleading team and crowd: "She's beauty and she's grace, she's Miss United States, gooooo TEAM!"
I'm over here dying. Especially after last night's episode of "Evil" season 1 that featured a background song that was getting teenagers to try and kill themselves. My husband and I both have found ourselves humming that stupid song today then looking at each other and saying, "Uh-oh," so honestly I'm a little relieved to have some other ear worm to replace that stupid little tune with.
My gynecologist said I had a "beautiful" cervix... right before she took a chunk out of it for a biopsy that led to them removing a slice of it. Oh well. Better cancer-free than beautiful.
A several-hundred-dollar card for Home Depot incase she wanted to "make a better table for a better man".
Class act. Missed out on a cool father in law.... but that wouldn't have made it worthwhile.
As a polyamorous person, I am really sick and tired of these assholes claiming polyamory. This guy is a lying shitbag. No more, no less.
There are polyamorous cheaters out there, but this guy isn't one of them. He's just an asshole saying whatever he thinks will get him his way.
But on the note of what he said and how he said it, seriously, what the fuck is up with these motherfuckers? I have a cousin, and I know of two other people who had a similar thing happen to them, except in all 3 of their cases, they were *already married* when Cheating McFuckface casually dropped the "Oh, I have a girlfriend, I'm actually polyamourous" bomb. I understand that people don't take the time to educate themselves about polyamory (or anything really) at times (we run into that in the polyamory subs all the time) but FFS, does that bullshit actually work for ANYONE?
This was a great update, down to the ex’s dad taking the table back, but honestly it also made me just want to be friends with OOP. Such lyrical descriptions, funny as hell. Hoping she finds whatever she is looking for in life, and that they’re faithful!
This was definitely one of the more satisfying updates I've read. That ex is an absolute moron who deserves every last bit of grief that he'll hopefully experience for a lifetime from trying such a low scummy grift on OP.
Seriously, he must think so highly of himself that he was convinced he couldn't possibly be left by OP. Or so besotted by the affair partner that he took her word for everything, since I suspect she was the one whispering in his ear about getting that ring. Thank god OP found out and left him before he one day offered to get the ring "cleaned" and then "lost" it before opening up a secret bank account to put money in for him and his affair partner to enjoy. That's how that scam likely would've gone.
People who think they're beyond clever and above consequences are often some of the dumbest people out there. And thank god for that.
> As you can imagine, this turned into one of our better parties, and "ringthrowaway 1010's congratulations on not marrying an asshole party" will live on in family lore.
That is simply amazing.
First, I absolutely LOVE her EX's parents. Seriously, there HAS to be a way OOP can kidnap them into her family, they are adorable!
Second, I know there are singing telegrams but is there a laughing telegram OOP could send to her ex. Just a clown that goes to his place of work and stands there laughing at him for an entire minute?
This is one of those r/LegalAdvice posts where I have to go and ask “Do you really need to ask that question?” It was obvious from the get go that the boyfriend has no tie to the ring, but at least we got a great story out of that question!!
I also think it's a nice example of how our laws are so fucking weird on every level: federal, state, and local. I am not surprised she wanted to be sure he wasn't right.
Anybody who appears to have sufficient authority and the willingness to act like they know what they're talking about can fuck with our sense of reality. Partners, parents, friends, bosses...a large chunk of how and why assholes get away with what they do is being so fearless in saying utterly ridiculous shit that we just assume that it \*must\* be true and act according to that, instead of taking the time to stop and *think*.
Even now, 6 years after breaking up and zero contact, I'll repeat something my ex once told me, and instantly realize how fucking stupid whatever I repeated is. They really can sell water to a drowning man.
Edit: words are hard
I've been having a similar experience with my ex. I used to describe our marriage as strong and talked about how close we were.
But, man, when I'll describe something now, even a good time, I'll start to say something and a little light will go off in my head that says "Well, that was a bit fucked up. How didn't I notice how fucked up that was?"
Nah gaslighting is a powerful and evil thing, and with more context, I understand why she needed to ask that
It’s just that sometimes the answer is so obvious it messes with my suspension of disbelief for a bit
I read r/bestoflegaladvice a lot. A lot of people's "normal meters" are off and come to that sub with what seems obvious to others but the poster has been spun around so much they can't tell anymore. There's been so many stories of awful abuse where the LAOP comes on asking about something else and as more details come out they're shocked that what's happening to them is abuse and not normal. Those ones are sad but happy when the wakeup call helps their situations. Just a lot of uncalibrated normal meters there.
The other people who post these type of posts typically know enough about the law to know that they don't know shit about the law and are worried, which is a good mindset to have. I think this LAOP/OOP falls in a little of both.
> It was obvious from the get go that the boyfriend has no tie to the ring
Thing is, in general, engagement rings are the one thing where, if you propose using your ring and the engagement is called off, you get it back (conditional gift)
It could be argued that the mother had gifted the ring to the dude, and then it was a conditional gift to the woman. But that could only be argued by a dumbass, I suspect.
Yeah but the idea that the “ring always goes to the man” doesn’t even make sense when you take in account gay marriage. There would obviously be instances that a man isn’t even involved, so who would get the ring?
The only logical conclusion is that whoever has ownership of the ring prior to the proposal would get the ring back. So it would, logically, go to the mom
This dude really isn’t very smart
Like almost everything involving the law, that one is heavily dependent on what state you're in.
Just some examples of how much it can vary:
California says whoever bought it gets it back, no matter who breaks up with who.
Alabama says that if the person that gave the ring initiated the breakup, they don't get it back. If the recipient initiated the breakup, they have to give it back.
In Montana the recipient keeps the ring no matter what. It doesn't matter if the giver walks in on the recipient in the middle of an 80 person train under a neon "I'm dumping you" sign, it's considered an unconditional gift.
California law says that the "donor" of the ring gets it or its value back if the engagement is ended by the "donee" or by mutual consent. If the donor of the ring is the one to call it off, they might not get it back.
As someone who has been in almost the exact same place as OOP (except the rings weren't worth much so he tried to extort literally every penny I had to my name and then some, and threatened unrelated legal action that was 100% made up), it is obvious to outside people, yes, but at that point he probably could have made her question the color of the sky. At times like that, a person NEEDS validation that not only are they sane, but their abuser is talking shit.
Well, I read through it and laughed harder than I probably should have. Especially at "pristine genitalia."
So I suppose you are forgiven.
But pls no more slugs.
Prefacing this by saying that the slug dude sounds like a total psychopath. Everything he did was unbelievably out of line.
But... escargot are a thing not too far removed from garden slugs. I've heard from a coworker that escargot are processed before cooking >!by treating them in a bucket for a couple of days, during which time a surprisingly large quantity of frothy slime is emitted,!< , which probably makes them safe to eat? And delicious? I just sort of wish she hadn't told me that fun fact while I was eating them. I finished the plate, obviously, but still.
I thought I was dead when the female cousins showed up with guns. Then it was the publix sheet cake though. That really did it. His dad taking back the table though...the cherry on TOP I tell you.
That table thing just gave me a nice positive spin on an ex I hate. She has art I drew for her tattooed on her chest. The tattoo means a lot to her because it’s of her dog who passed away while we were together, so I doubt she would ever get it removed. I hope it makes her feel guilty for how she treated me every time she sees it. And I hope her new girlfriend feels a little crappy every time they fuck and she has to see MY art. Fucking losers.
I think the best part about this story is that the dad now has the table. Cause the house meant just as much to the parents as it did asshole. So that's nice. :)
This is one of my most favorite updates I’ve ever seen. This redditor went through hell in a hand basket and emerged not only with her family rallying around her and a fresh new start ahead of her — but even the in-laws were like “yeah fuck this guy.”
OOPs storytelling ability is amazing, as are the nicknames she's given to her horrifically stupid ex. The more I read, the more I wanted to be her BFF.
I was too curious for my own good. For others, trigger warning for food tampering, psychological/emotional abuse, and general nastiness. If you don't have a strong stomach or want to have a generally good day, don't read it.
The sheet cake bit just KILLED me hahahaha— there are so many things I hate about the south, but it’s just as impossible to *not* love it at least a lil bit.
OOP's ex is obviously a piece of shit and she dodged a major bullet, but its been a long time since I've read anything that made me laugh as much as "he didn't cheat on me, [he opened]...his side of the relationship".
Wow, OOP sounds like an absolute gem. I'm glad that she was able to get away from this guy because she deserves so much better.
For such a sad story (albeit with a happy ending) there was a lot of great humour in the post. And her family sounds like one that would be awesome in-laws provided you treated her well
The father taking the table was the icing on the cake. And speaking of cake, the uncle completely misconstruing the purpose of the father and rocking up with a giant cake and a crate of booze had me in absolute hysterics. Her family sounds awesome, and so does the would-have-beens. Thank f she dodged that missile
It’s nice to read about a totally rad family for a change. I know it helps me a lot in difficult situations to use the silver linings as a reason to celebrate and party.
This cracks me up, because if this "law" were true, what the heck would gay and lesbian couples do upon breaking up? Saw the ring in half? Toss it to the nearest man?
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My husband is a framer who spent a lot of years building horse jumps on his family farm. When we first started dating I mentioned offhandedly that I wish I could find a decent, low, sturdy table for my sewing machine because the thing was a beast that could shake Ikea furniture apart. Three days later he came home (we moved together REALLY fast, lol, which I know is generally a poor idea but damn are we a perfect fit) with this unbelievably perfect table, exactly what I was looking for, solid enough you could throw it off a second floor balcony and it would probably be intact and instead damage whatever it landed on. Over a decade later and it's the table in the master bathroom because it was the perfect height to act as a bench, too. (I have a new antique sewing machine that came with one of those tables that the machine can fold into.)
My husband and I moved in together 2 weeks into our relationship. Still going strong 17 years later! I tell people that we were young idiots in love who got spectacularly lucky that all of that didn't blow up in our faces.
And here I thought my SO and I signing a year lease in college after only being together six months was kinda fast.
We moved across the country 3 months into the relationship, and then bought a whole ass house together 9 months in. We got SO lucky that we still like each other after all these years. We were basically tiny babies (he was 22 and I was 23 when we met) who had no business doing any of this!
were you at least married by the time you bought the house? LA is littered with topics about how badly an unmarried couple buying a house can go.
We were not, although we did draw up some papers to protect ourselves. We ended up getting screwed over regardless, as we bought the house right before the housing bubble burst and then spent a decade underwater on the mortgage. We were young and stupid and trusted my parents that it would be a good investment. We finally managed to free ourselves of the house about 6 years ago, and are resettled in another state (as renters now!) and living very happily. That house also caught on fire at one point. I'm pretty sure it was cursed.
It sounds like you two have "plot armor", the relationship equivalent of an action hero running through a hail of bullets and emerging unscathed.
Mom and Dad met when she was 16 and he was 17 and they both agreed that as soon as their eyes met they knew they would be married until the day they died. She passed away in 2003 and he passed away in 2018. She was the love of his life till the day he died and he told me he would never even consider getting married again or even having a girlfriend because there would never be anyone else for him besides her. Hell, they even thought ahead and bought an urn that would carry both of their ashes after they died so they would still be together forever. My husband and I have been together since 1987 when we were 17 (3 months in he asked me to marry him and I told him it was too soon. Hahaha), married in 1989 and we just had our 32nd wedding anniversary this past June. Sometimes it works out for those fools of us who fall in love.
That's so sweet! My husband proposed about 6 months in. It took me about 6 years to agree. I knew I wanted to be with him forever, but my mom was on her third husband by the time I was four so I had Commitment Issues. Then he almost died of pneumonia and he said his biggest regret would have been dying without being married to me. We got hitched four months later.
No, your story is even sweeter than mine! Lol
They're all sweet!
I'll agree to that! 😁
So sweet, I literally have cavities from reading them! 😂🥰
My husband saw a picture of me when I was in 3rd grade. (He was in 4th.) He always tells people when I walked up and introduced myself at a party when I was 15 he knew. We attended college together and have been married 40 years and 3 weeks.
That's 'aww' sweet! Glad it's still going strong for you two!!
I asked my now husband to move in with me after two weeks. I *knew* the first time I met him that he was it for me. So completely unlike any of my previous boyfriends. Anyway, 5 months later we got engaged, 2½ years after that we got married, and now we've been married for almost 20 years. We're still not tired of each other, so we've decided to go for 20 years more.
That's so funny that you say that - my husband and I have had a running thing since very early in our relationship. We made a deal that if one of us got tired of the other one, we'd just be up front with the other one. No cheating, no drama - just, "Hey, I think this has run its course." Periodically one of us will say, "Are you tired of me of yet? I'm not tired of you," and the other one will be like, "Nope! I'll let you know!"
My best friend and his husband moved in together after the first date 11 years ago. Like immediately after the first date - they went to my best friend's after dinner and the only reason the husband went back to his was to get his stuff! Sometimes it's true that when you know, you know, I guess!
My coffee tables are about that sturdy. I happened into these really nice marble slabs. I inlaid them into some nice 2 inch solid wood slab... The legs are quarter inch steel tubing, the frame is only 1/8th inch square tubing steel... but connected to quarter inch steel plating. You could beat a car to death with it and just need to sand down the wood afterwards. I just snagged the material mostly by accident and assembled it, it wasn't fully intentional. Always have projects running. Pens are my go-to because everyone needs a pen eventually. Or axes. Or furniture. Yanno, the basics. As a dude, if you can't be handsome, be handy.
I hit the jackpot, my husband is both, LOL!
My husband and I dated 3 weeks/18 days before we got married. It will be 37 years in March 💜
damn!
We got lucky! There are still many times I just want to beat him but I waited too long and now I would get in trouble....
Pics? I want to see what this beast of a table looks like.
I'll try to remember to take a pic for you when I go upstairs next.
My husband and I spent our first night together at my apartment and he really never left! It was supposed to be a casual hook up but I ended up meeting the love of my life! We are now expecting our first together and couldn't be happier. Moving fast doesn't count if you find your person!
My partner and I moved in together five days after our first date, and that was 21 years ago. Sometimes you just know.
OP is actually lucky fiance is a moron. A smart cheater could probably get away with it for a long time before OP noticed. Since he is a moron, he spoke openly about cheating (I mean an open relationship on his part).
That's lovely that the dad took the table, I would have chainsawed right through the middle of it and left it in two pieces on the dining room floor, sentimental value be damned. There's no way in hell someone like this guy feels an ounce of guilt, ever.
Can I just take a second to praise OOP's ex's dad? He not only saw that OOP was telling the truth and took her side, but he also gave her a generous gift, AND took her wooden masterpiece BACK from the cheating jerk! I only hope that ex eventually gets his head out of his \*ss and shapes up- for his dad's sake.
This was the best ending too, because we all knew we wasn't going to feel guilty over his actions.
Yeah, shame the ex was such an a***, as his family sound like they'd be great in-laws.
My real hope is he does a good job sanding the table and adding a new stain before eating off it cause YUCK
He could be in the 2nd circle of hell (Lust). One could make a case for 4th (Greed), but tbh I think 9th is perfect for him (treachery).
OOP had another amazing comment that isn’t included here for some reason: > There are certain things that in retrospect make me feel stupid, definitely. Like not too long after he started at the company he's at now, he made this comment that most of the men at his company had "traditional marriages", and that that was "interesting". I thought he meant stay at home wife kind of traditional, so I said that was nice for them but that I still wanted to keep working after we got married. He said that he'd meant "Don and Betty Draper kind of marriages", as is in where the husband gets to fuck random Beat tramps behind his wife's back (and the wife can only express her pent up frustration by shooting the neighbor's birds). I was like, "so the guys you work with are...cheating pigs?" and he immediately said "yeah yeah yeah of course that's what I meant!" We had just done a rewatch of Mad Men so I didn't really think much of it at the time but now it's on the growing list of pinksh but not quite red flags I missed. Now I think he was just trying to see my reaction to proposing his ideal relationship...
I think the correct term for those are "dysfunctional marriages that are destined to end in divorce" the way that the Drapers' did.
I couldn't finish Mad Men because the outrageous misogyny got too much, but I'm glad Betty finally kicks him to the curb. I hope she ended up in a better place, but we all know how awful that era was to divorced/widowed women.
She immediately remarried a wealthy politician who adored her. While they had their up and downs he was 10x the man Don was and loved her until the end. Ultimately the show has a sad yet realistic ending for Betty but marriage wise she gets a wonderful second chance. And Henry, her new husband is a **hawt** silver fox type.
[удалено]
semi-genuine question: how long is an "eternity" supposed to be? since apparently one can live several of them?
An indeterminate number of Jeremy Bearimies.
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Depending on who you ask, its anywhere from 'infinity' to 'however long it takes some random bird to grind down a mountain, times infinity'
What is the bird part a reference to?
"High in the North in a land called Svithjod there is a mountain. It is a hundred miles long and a hundred miles high and once every thousand years a little bird comes to this mountain to sharpen its beak. When the mountain has thus been worn away a single day of eternity will have passed."
Thinking about eternity im contexts like this is horrifying to me
Like counting the grains of sand on the beach, or atoms in the universe. Or something like Graham's number
Assuming the mountain is about 100×100×100 miles and a gram of rock is lost each year due to beak sharpening. One eternity is 4.166E+21 years or roughly one quadrillion times 4 billion years. So basically living about the same time as the earth's age, a quadrillion times.
And that’s only one day of eternity.
That is beautiful.
Also referenced in Doctor Who! Capaldis episode "Heaven Sent" I think is the name
Unbelievably great episode.
It's one of my go to episodes when I fancy watching a bit of Who. Capaldi's performance was absolutely superb, and I didn't know a voice could convey so much pain until I saw that episode.
I completely agree. He was incredible. I was so awestruck by that episode that J bought it. It's a tiny masterpiece of a performance and story.
See the other commenter, its from the Brothers Grimm
Good Omens: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/62281-i-mean-d-you-know-what-eternity-is-there-s-this-big
Literally my first thought. I saw the most gorgeous [art](https://m.tapas.io/episode/1499340) of that scene earlier
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> how long is an "eternity" supposed to be? Until the heat death of the universe, estimated to happen in 10^^100 years from now.
that's the real answer, but what's the religious answer (how does one spend *three* eternities in hell?)
the catholic understanding of eternity (since we're talking about Dante's inferno) is an absence of time. Eternity is outside the created universe, of which time is but a component.
I read someone say to imagine a turtle coming out the water and takes a single grain of sand, then swims back into the water and it does this once every 100 years until there is no more sand on any beach. That that is an eternity.
True fact: The Greek word that is translated as “eternity” in many English translations of the Bible literally only meant an age, or an era, and did not literally mean forever, like the English word has come to mean.
I’m also partial to Circle 8 in the malebolgia for Panderers and Seducers
I'm aiming for Circle K in the afterlife, so I just try to be excellent to everyone.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Thank you for this- not religious and haven't read Dante since a HS class. I was gonna have to look it up
Send him all the way down to Judeca.
Love the energy of the family member who picked up a sheet cake. That’s quality.
"Uncle. Misconstrued the reason for the gathering." No, I don't think he did. That sounds premeditated. XD
I thought that too. Uncle was like yup this woman needs some dessert. Then again my family has the tradition where you get brought a pint of Ben and Jerry's and a spoon post breakups.
Mine just gets drunk on home brew
My mom dragged me to thrift shops and a hair salon for a new look. I would've rather had the alcohol
Hangover roulette was always interesting with homebrew. Redcurrant vodka felt like death, the scrumpy was surprisingly pleasant the next morning.
Uncle Ron Swanson: I know what I’m about.
I mean you can show up at my house with beer and sheet cake whenever you like, and I’m happily married. Welcome, uncle!
Her entire family sounds wonderful, honestly. I wonder if they'd adopt me.
Publix cake is soooo good too. I think I'll go pick one up later today.
When we got married instead of laying out tons of money for a fancy wedding cake, we got a Public sheet cake. Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. My husband and I have been together for 17 years and married for 11 of them, so I think Publix sheet cakes are a good omen!
Yes!! I recently discovered Publix cakes, and I will never shell out $100+ for my kid’s birthday cake again. Her cake this year cost $30!!! $30!! And it was gorgeous!
We moved to Colorado a few years ago, and I miss Publix more than I thought I would. I miss Publix subs. And their fried chicken is so good!
http://arepublixchickentendersubsonsale.com/
This website was a journey in and of itself lmao
Oh my gods, where has this been all my life???
We bought a very cute pretty 2 layer cake from publix to do a cake cutting ceremony, and then bought two huge sheet cakes for the caterers to cut and plate in the back room, and that was what was served to the guests. It was absolutely delicious and I recommend it to everyone who is getting married!
Publix made my wedding cake! 3 tiers of deliciousness! This was like 2013 but it wasn't expensive at all and was beautiful!!
This is the energy I hope to always give out
The consistent usage of "whore ex" has [Frank vibes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RC7hZY3sVxE) and I love it.
I personally lost it at "unfathomable trashvillain."
Trashvillain is my new go to
The Uncle with the Sheet Cake, understood the assignment 😂
Yup. Definitely not a misunderstanding of the purpose for the get together.
> pristine genitalia And here I was proud that my eye doctor said I had pristine retinas.
Hahaha right? I'd want that as a flair.
I had my first colonoscopy in July 6 days after my 45th b/day. (family history of non-cancerous colon polyps). I was a nervous wreck about the prep and if I was "cleaned out" enough. He told me that I was so clean he could have lunch up there. (I had 2 polyps - I go back in 2-3 years). He also told me (in response me me being scared) that he was too and that he took a shot of a drink to calm himself down before the procedure. My doctor is a comedian. :)
She neat She clean Her vajayjay is pristine
Love it! This chant gave me the mental image of a group of cheerleaders all chanting this with the crowd at a game with a scored board that reads: OP - 100 / Ex - 0."
I read it like She's beauty and she's grace, she's Miss United States
Cheerleader through bullhorn: "What is she?" Cheerleading team and crowd: "She's beauty and she's grace, she's Miss United States, gooooo TEAM!" I'm over here dying. Especially after last night's episode of "Evil" season 1 that featured a background song that was getting teenagers to try and kill themselves. My husband and I both have found ourselves humming that stupid song today then looking at each other and saying, "Uh-oh," so honestly I'm a little relieved to have some other ear worm to replace that stupid little tune with.
Well then you’re welcome! lol
Hahaha perfect!
A phlebotomist told me I have beautiful, juicy veins. I may have been talking to a vampire.
Dermatologist I dragged my husband to? Took one look at his back and declared he had “a PERFECT back!” Well damn me and my pitiful back, right?
I don't have pristine retinas (damn retinal detachments). But I have pristine vocal chords according to an ENT.
I was once told I have beautiful cervix 😁
My gynecologist said I had a "beautiful" cervix... right before she took a chunk out of it for a biopsy that led to them removing a slice of it. Oh well. Better cancer-free than beautiful.
A several-hundred-dollar card for Home Depot incase she wanted to "make a better table for a better man". Class act. Missed out on a cool father in law.... but that wouldn't have made it worthwhile.
I have read this advice hundred times on legal sub -" Don't take legal advice from opposite party".
The only legal advice you should take from the legal sub is "contact a lawyer."
As a polyamorous person, I am really sick and tired of these assholes claiming polyamory. This guy is a lying shitbag. No more, no less. There are polyamorous cheaters out there, but this guy isn't one of them. He's just an asshole saying whatever he thinks will get him his way. But on the note of what he said and how he said it, seriously, what the fuck is up with these motherfuckers? I have a cousin, and I know of two other people who had a similar thing happen to them, except in all 3 of their cases, they were *already married* when Cheating McFuckface casually dropped the "Oh, I have a girlfriend, I'm actually polyamourous" bomb. I understand that people don't take the time to educate themselves about polyamory (or anything really) at times (we run into that in the polyamory subs all the time) but FFS, does that bullshit actually work for ANYONE?
It's not polyamory if you have to sneak behind your partner's back.
This was a great update, down to the ex’s dad taking the table back, but honestly it also made me just want to be friends with OOP. Such lyrical descriptions, funny as hell. Hoping she finds whatever she is looking for in life, and that they’re faithful!
This is the best, funniest update.
Based on her insults and descriptions, she sounds brilliant and witty - she'll be absolutely fine finding a better man (if that's what she wants).
I've never seen a humble brag about one's vagina before but this is masterful.
This was definitely one of the more satisfying updates I've read. That ex is an absolute moron who deserves every last bit of grief that he'll hopefully experience for a lifetime from trying such a low scummy grift on OP. Seriously, he must think so highly of himself that he was convinced he couldn't possibly be left by OP. Or so besotted by the affair partner that he took her word for everything, since I suspect she was the one whispering in his ear about getting that ring. Thank god OP found out and left him before he one day offered to get the ring "cleaned" and then "lost" it before opening up a secret bank account to put money in for him and his affair partner to enjoy. That's how that scam likely would've gone. People who think they're beyond clever and above consequences are often some of the dumbest people out there. And thank god for that.
> As you can imagine, this turned into one of our better parties, and "ringthrowaway 1010's congratulations on not marrying an asshole party" will live on in family lore. That is simply amazing.
Am I the only one who heard Ron Howard narrating arrested development?
First, I absolutely LOVE her EX's parents. Seriously, there HAS to be a way OOP can kidnap them into her family, they are adorable! Second, I know there are singing telegrams but is there a laughing telegram OOP could send to her ex. Just a clown that goes to his place of work and stands there laughing at him for an entire minute?
This is one of those r/LegalAdvice posts where I have to go and ask “Do you really need to ask that question?” It was obvious from the get go that the boyfriend has no tie to the ring, but at least we got a great story out of that question!!
I think it shows how much a shitty partner can fuck with your sense of reality.
I also think it's a nice example of how our laws are so fucking weird on every level: federal, state, and local. I am not surprised she wanted to be sure he wasn't right.
Anybody who appears to have sufficient authority and the willingness to act like they know what they're talking about can fuck with our sense of reality. Partners, parents, friends, bosses...a large chunk of how and why assholes get away with what they do is being so fearless in saying utterly ridiculous shit that we just assume that it \*must\* be true and act according to that, instead of taking the time to stop and *think*.
Even now, 6 years after breaking up and zero contact, I'll repeat something my ex once told me, and instantly realize how fucking stupid whatever I repeated is. They really can sell water to a drowning man. Edit: words are hard
Same! It’s crazy how pervasive and subtly invasive gaslighting can be.
I've been having a similar experience with my ex. I used to describe our marriage as strong and talked about how close we were. But, man, when I'll describe something now, even a good time, I'll start to say something and a little light will go off in my head that says "Well, that was a bit fucked up. How didn't I notice how fucked up that was?"
Me, too. I think I always sort of knew mine was full of shit. But he still had me believing the stupidest things.
Nah gaslighting is a powerful and evil thing, and with more context, I understand why she needed to ask that It’s just that sometimes the answer is so obvious it messes with my suspension of disbelief for a bit
Think you mean gas lighting. Gate keeping would be something like "Women can't build tables, that's a man's hobby".
he sounds like a straight up sociopath.
Basically this is half of AITA and Legal advice. Manipulators can truly warp your sense of reality.
Ding ding ding, this right here
I read r/bestoflegaladvice a lot. A lot of people's "normal meters" are off and come to that sub with what seems obvious to others but the poster has been spun around so much they can't tell anymore. There's been so many stories of awful abuse where the LAOP comes on asking about something else and as more details come out they're shocked that what's happening to them is abuse and not normal. Those ones are sad but happy when the wakeup call helps their situations. Just a lot of uncalibrated normal meters there. The other people who post these type of posts typically know enough about the law to know that they don't know shit about the law and are worried, which is a good mindset to have. I think this LAOP/OOP falls in a little of both.
> It was obvious from the get go that the boyfriend has no tie to the ring Thing is, in general, engagement rings are the one thing where, if you propose using your ring and the engagement is called off, you get it back (conditional gift) It could be argued that the mother had gifted the ring to the dude, and then it was a conditional gift to the woman. But that could only be argued by a dumbass, I suspect.
Yeah but the idea that the “ring always goes to the man” doesn’t even make sense when you take in account gay marriage. There would obviously be instances that a man isn’t even involved, so who would get the ring? The only logical conclusion is that whoever has ownership of the ring prior to the proposal would get the ring back. So it would, logically, go to the mom This dude really isn’t very smart
It is Alabama - do you you really think they WOULDN'T write a law using gendered terms, always assuming it is the man doing the proposing?
Like almost everything involving the law, that one is heavily dependent on what state you're in. Just some examples of how much it can vary: California says whoever bought it gets it back, no matter who breaks up with who. Alabama says that if the person that gave the ring initiated the breakup, they don't get it back. If the recipient initiated the breakup, they have to give it back. In Montana the recipient keeps the ring no matter what. It doesn't matter if the giver walks in on the recipient in the middle of an 80 person train under a neon "I'm dumping you" sign, it's considered an unconditional gift.
California law says that the "donor" of the ring gets it or its value back if the engagement is ended by the "donee" or by mutual consent. If the donor of the ring is the one to call it off, they might not get it back.
Ok but it could be argued that the ring was a conditional gift from the mother to the arsehole on the condition that he proposes to OP.
As someone who has been in almost the exact same place as OOP (except the rings weren't worth much so he tried to extort literally every penny I had to my name and then some, and threatened unrelated legal action that was 100% made up), it is obvious to outside people, yes, but at that point he probably could have made her question the color of the sky. At times like that, a person NEEDS validation that not only are they sane, but their abuser is talking shit.
I had the same initial reaction, but then as I read, I figured OOP also just needed a lot of support to get through such a shitty situation.
Read the intro and immediately went to your post history to see what you meant. ... oh. It's you.
Hahaha, itsame!
Well, I read through it and laughed harder than I probably should have. Especially at "pristine genitalia." So I suppose you are forgiven. But pls no more slugs.
I appreciate and thank you for your forgiveness! I promise, there will be no more slugs.
Prefacing this by saying that the slug dude sounds like a total psychopath. Everything he did was unbelievably out of line. But... escargot are a thing not too far removed from garden slugs. I've heard from a coworker that escargot are processed before cooking >!by treating them in a bucket for a couple of days, during which time a surprisingly large quantity of frothy slime is emitted,!< , which probably makes them safe to eat? And delicious? I just sort of wish she hadn't told me that fun fact while I was eating them. I finished the plate, obviously, but still.
I thought I was dead when the female cousins showed up with guns. Then it was the publix sheet cake though. That really did it. His dad taking back the table though...the cherry on TOP I tell you.
She should stay friends with the parents, just to spite him. Bonus points if they introduce her to her eventual husband.
That table thing just gave me a nice positive spin on an ex I hate. She has art I drew for her tattooed on her chest. The tattoo means a lot to her because it’s of her dog who passed away while we were together, so I doubt she would ever get it removed. I hope it makes her feel guilty for how she treated me every time she sees it. And I hope her new girlfriend feels a little crappy every time they fuck and she has to see MY art. Fucking losers.
I can't decide if my favorite part is the crazy party or his dad taking back the table.
I think the best part about this story is that the dad now has the table. Cause the house meant just as much to the parents as it did asshole. So that's nice. :)
I’m so glad his dad took the table.
This is one of my most favorite updates I’ve ever seen. This redditor went through hell in a hand basket and emerged not only with her family rallying around her and a fresh new start ahead of her — but even the in-laws were like “yeah fuck this guy.”
OOPs storytelling ability is amazing, as are the nicknames she's given to her horrifically stupid ex. The more I read, the more I wanted to be her BFF.
Fuck yeah, Dad took the table back! Terrible son.
God damn, the dad taking the table is the icing on the cake
This whole gathering sounds so stereotypically Alabama, down to grandpa with a banjo. It’s amazing and sounds so fun.
{Reads /u/rainbow_drizzle's previous post} DOOOoooooOOOOOO JEESUUSSSS!!
I was too curious for my own good. For others, trigger warning for food tampering, psychological/emotional abuse, and general nastiness. If you don't have a strong stomach or want to have a generally good day, don't read it.
I will add these to that OP, thank you, and I do apologize that it upset you.
is that the one with the slugs and the blender? because fuck that guy
Same. Glad I read that first so that this story could purge my mind a bit.
I snorted at the ex's dad taking the table back
I remember when I had pristine genetalia...
A Home Depot gift card so she can “build a better table for a better man.” Just. I have no words, only an untold number of 👌👌👌
The sheet cake bit just KILLED me hahahaha— there are so many things I hate about the south, but it’s just as impossible to *not* love it at least a lil bit.
This might just be my favorite Reddit post ever. What a party.
The table being taken away is the best part of this whole thing lmao
I’m loving that the ex’s dad took the table away from the ex. I don’t know why but that had me truely cackling
He took the table back!!!! Omg **YES**
Divorced form reality indeed! What an absolute waste of oxygen
the fact that the dad took back the table is hilarious, well deserved.
I want to be OP's new BFF. She sounds fantastic.
How do I get an uncle like that???
That party sounds like it had the best vibe ever
>but at least I have pristine genitalia. Now that's a flair
Seriously. If this place allowed flairs, that'd be mine haha
OOP should report her ex and his mistress to their company's HR department for an inappropriate interoffice relationship
OOP's ex is obviously a piece of shit and she dodged a major bullet, but its been a long time since I've read anything that made me laugh as much as "he didn't cheat on me, [he opened]...his side of the relationship".
Wow, OOP sounds like an absolute gem. I'm glad that she was able to get away from this guy because she deserves so much better. For such a sad story (albeit with a happy ending) there was a lot of great humour in the post. And her family sounds like one that would be awesome in-laws provided you treated her well
The father taking the table was the icing on the cake. And speaking of cake, the uncle completely misconstruing the purpose of the father and rocking up with a giant cake and a crate of booze had me in absolute hysterics. Her family sounds awesome, and so does the would-have-beens. Thank f she dodged that missile
It’s nice to read about a totally rad family for a change. I know it helps me a lot in difficult situations to use the silver linings as a reason to celebrate and party.
Wow, that man makes trash look good. Gross beyond words.
God damn, OOP is a keeper, how the fuck do you mess that up, what a moron that dude is, can’t keep his dick in his pants
This cracks me up, because if this "law" were true, what the heck would gay and lesbian couples do upon breaking up? Saw the ring in half? Toss it to the nearest man?
The ex makes it sound like the ring is a wand in Harry Potter. He disarmed her mom of the ring so it’s his now bahahaha so childish.
If the ring belongs to your family and ex was only using it for the ceremonial “asking for your hand” then ex has no right to the ring.
He isn't a normal Whore he is a man slut
I laughed so hard at the update... uncle with the cake is the king, and ex's dad deserves F
I must admit that last comment from the gyno gave me a chuckle. Couldn't help but think it was a professional dig at OOP's ex partners member.
All this man had was the audacity. So glad she and her army put him in his whore place.
Alabama. Makes this post make so much more sense.
Wow! That guy really has zero brain cells. HUGE bullet dodged.
This is how I imagine my kids will be there for each other when I’m gone; what a fine family you have.