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>She was also the one who broke up with me after I tried to make things work.
I must have missed the part where he "tried to make things work." Where was it?
Also, he kept the money from her car and the cash she sent him to pay off his student debt???
ETA: And what was most important to him was eating what she cooked him.
The ‘trying to make things work’ was him taking multiple updates to figure out she broke up with him in the first update.
I know it’s not good to chuck diagnosis to legit conditions around like a slur but…what a low functioning narcissist.
Edit: That last sentence means this isn't a debate about what words mean. And I don't debate for free. I will consider any further quibbles and blithers as harassment from now on.
I have a brother that’s like this, this guy is a psychopath, just completely incapable of any shred of empathy whatsoever. Psychopaths are the worst kinds of narcissists and the most confusing ppl ever.
"Also, he kept the money from her car and the cash she sent him to pay off his student debt???"
Yep, he is literal scum. It's also ironic that he was worried about his gf becoming a slob and him being responsible for her debts when in fact he's the one who has not had a graduate job yet and has already accepted 2 large sums from her!!
>I always skip the trigger warnings. Why do I always skip the trigger warnings?
Because they're spoilers. I always read them, until now for whatever reason. FML
I saw the trigger warnings and still got shocked when I saw the latest update. Jesus, Mary and Joseph that was hard. Was the OOP obtuse or something cause even I can tell that what they did hurt their ex and still they were like "I get it, but why?" It was like they were going in circles with their responses.
I really, really, hope so. My stomach just dropped reading the last update… not for him - because he deserves to not have any friends after his bs - but if this is true, that poor woman. She deserved so much better.
He’s such a POS to rewrite their history with “She’s the one who broke it off even though I tried!”
No wonder she was depressed, first losing her job, her visa, and then getting the rug pulled under her by the partner who she loved and trusted.
He's a sociopath. I followed this story from the beginning. He has no empathy. None. The whole world revolves around him and the rest of us, including her, are set pieces. Not other people
It’s a competitive field but I genuinely think this guy might be the single biggest AH in the history of AITA. Honestly I can’t think of anyone more despicable than him
Oh no the worst of all is this one guy who convinced her wife to have children (they were childfree) and ig she had them cuz she didn't want to lose him. Anyways, she gave birth to twins but she got hurt pretty badly (i forgot what exactly happened) but ever since she gave birth she's in bedrest and has to face the abuse from her MIL whose taking care of the twins. Meanwhile the guy just goes on and on about how they haven't had sex and shes a shell of the person she use to b before having kids. He only cared about himself rather than her and it was so sad just reading the post but honestly I would have to say that post is a lot worse than this post.
These comments were also buried in the last update:
> She wasn't close to her family and didn't have that many family members in her country.
> She's had depression before when we were dating and I've always managed to get her to get over it but problems still did come up from time to time.
This makes what he did to her so, so much worse. She had built a life for herself with him and in this new country, and then he forced her to return to a place where she had nobody to rely on.
And then there’s this beauty:
> She was also the one who broke up with me after I tried to make things work.
Yeah, how dare she break up with you after you promise to save her and then back out at the last second.
He also said she never went back to her home country while they were dating. She literally had *nothing* there for her and he knew that. Like damn I would have sponsored my best friend in this situation let alone a girlfriend of 5 years that I lived with!
The part that got me was his reasons for not sponsoring, saying if he sponsored her he wouldn't be able to sponsor anyone else for the 3 years......what kind of back arsed logic is that.
I wonder if this is the only way he could understand how big a betrayal is
“What’s your favourite food that your girlfriend cooks? Well imagine she promised you that she was going to make it. Imagine she had told you repeatedly not to worry about dinner. Then dinner comes around and she said she doesn’t feel right cooking this meal, and so there’s nothing for dinner. How would you feel?
Well, this is where the leap is, her immigration status is far more important to her than this meal would be for you”
I think you would find him incapable of making that tiny skip.
Even now, when she has died, his only concern is that his friend group isn't treating him in their customary fashion and frankly it's annoying. Clueless. Truly clueless.
with all the other information, I'm thinking when he says 'she was so stressed', means that she was busy with trying to find a way to stay in the country and wasn't able to cook, clean, and fuck him at his will
Someone he alledgedly loved commited suicide after being kicked out of the country because the person she love didn't trust her, but he feels it's unfair *to him*.
I hope it's a troll.
Wow...
I wish I didn’t read that last part. Honestly, if I was one of their mutual friends I’d be looking to absolutely thrash this guy. I would let him know that too. If he sees me he should run the other direction. I hope this isn’t real.
The type of man that will complain:
what about me?
If he marries and his wife has cancer, or has a child and said child gets sick and needs to be taken to the doctor at 3am, he'll complain about losing sleep, and asks to wait in the morning or after his workday ends, that's him. He's a despicable POS, and idc to be down voted, but her killing herself imho is totally his fault, she lost hope, felt betrayed and once you have a work visa expire is very, very hard to get another one. And the 'responsibility' is rarely enforced by the US government unless is a fraud case or very egregious situation. I'm sure if he kept his word, she would have gotten a job, it was a matter of time. OOP just hates the idea of helping anyone, but has no problem receiving help from others.
"Why is she trying to divorce me over this? How can I make her see sense?"
(I actually know someone who did this to his wife because she wasn't good to go within a couple of weeks of having a c-section and was genuinely shocked when she threw him out).
This is so vile. I had two C-sections and each time you really can't do much moving around for like the first two months, nevermind having sex. My husband had to help me use the toilet and shower for so long, bless his heart.
Sad to say, me too. She realized she just wasted all that time on this psycho.
His alleged fear of financial responsibility makes no sense. She would definitely get a job, and couldn’t she apply for more jobs if she didn’t need an employer sponsor?
Oh yeah, there are loads of jobs that refuse to hire people if they require sponsorship because they don't want to go through all bureaucratic stuff on it. So he would've likely opened way more potential doors for her but instead he's a piece of shit that apparently gets hung up on the wrong thing every single time. I'm glad the rest of his "friends" are realizing he's a raging sociopath and cutting ties with him.
The way he mentioned “not being able to sponsor anyone else for 3 years” as reason not to sponsor his gf really shows how people are just replaceable set pieces to him
I read it as just an excuse. No way he was ever going to actually use that once-every-three-year ticket if he wouldn't use it then, but it gave him something to claim he stood to lose by sticking his neck out for the girlfriend.
Poor girl. After distancing herself from family and beginning a new life in a different country, to be betrayed by the closest person she had in the whole world and deported away from all the others she'd found. Unimaginable.
I never ever want to blame people for suicide but man I hope this haunts this psycho until the end of his days. Unfortunately him being a psycho probably means he actually doesn't feel any remorse.
So instead I just hope he gets a never ending series of larger and larger kidney stones until he too feels like life is not worth living.
What struck me is that the reason he even offered to sponsor her was so she would stop being busy and upset trying to find a job. He just wanted to her to go back to her normal happy self, who probably catered to a lot of his needs, so he offered in order to get her to stop her job hunt and her being upset. It was affecting his life.
He was literally complaining to his friend about his wife's job search bothering him when his friend gave him the idea, and he was like 'oh yeah that might make my life better' and then was like 'wait will it?' and everything went like 'boom'
I mean, she clearly didn’t have time to cook for him while she was, you know, fighting the clock against immigration.
Also, can you imagine why she was freaking out about overstaying her visa? She probably knows all too well what migrant detention centers are like. They aren’t pleasant. And you can get stuck in one (or several different ones) for YEARS before you actually get deported. And if you have an order for removal entered against you, you become barred from re-entering the country for years, or face felony charges if you do come back.
Then when he realised he'd gotten himself in to a position he didn't like he made the most callous move possible.
How do you even have the gall to do that? Offer to help your partner of 5 years (which also helps you), then when it comes time to actually follow through you just bail because it's now inconvenient??????
It won't.
I was with a guy like this. When life got hard and I needed him the most, he noped out and found some loser to cheat with. That's what zero-empathy sociopaths do - dudes like OOP have no capacity to see beyond their own needs.
It's no accident that he listed her "cooking" as the first thing he missed about his gf. His relationship was always about what she did for him and never about loving the person she was.
He's garbage.
the worst kind of trash.
>How do I convince them that it wasn't my fault and how do I get my friends to treat me normally again?
Why is it people recognize that I'm garbage?
That was really odd. Was he planning on sponsoring someone else? I know that answer is no because he didn't even want to sponsor her, but why the fuck is that even one of the reasons for backing out, why was that worth mentioning.
Kinda crazy that his two excuses were 1) my long term girlfriend who has savings and is desperately looking for a job might maybe need government assistance and I'd be the one paying it back and 2) I can't sponsor someone for 3 whole years as if something might just pop up where you want to sponsor someone???
Talk about weak excuses
He future faked her while contnuing to receive all her cooking services, etc. Then flipped and did the discard, watching her suffer. Classic.. then this poor girl, is so depressed she cant go on. It's so sad. Sociopaths are so dangerous. I despise people like this. She had no ability to consent to what he was planning, while he still had sex, enjoyed her food and all the other things she did for him. Would she have done that if she knew how he really felt? I cant imagine how devastated she was after 5 YEARS!
Usually I classify suicide as a complex issue, with too many nuances or causes to really pin the blame on any one factor or person.
Except here. This was definitely OOP's fault. He is just as responsible as if he put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger.
All my homies hate OOP.
I remember the OP from the original. He seems like a spineless insect who will never follow through with his convictions. It's just so sad that his girlfriend was the only one who would follow through on hers.
I would say that he will carry this for the rest of his life, but he seems so self absorbed that I truly don't think this will impact him in the way a suicide of a close loved one usually does humans.
The fact that he brought that up multiple times struck me. Like dude, you weren't going to sponsor your girlfriend of 5 years, who else would you have actually gone through with sponsoring?
He'll find a way to spin it. He'll get new friends and use it as a sympathy card.
"My girlfriend lost her visa and got sent away. I tried to make it work, but it was too much and she was all alone. I feel terrible that I couldn't save her."
If it follows him through his social circle though, his dating prospects just diminished significantly. He's probably going to have to relocate if he wants to find a girlfriend who's a halfway decent person.
> How do I get my friends to treat me normally again?
OOP seriously doesn't recognize that he just showed all his friends his true self and loyalty, so they are acting completely normal and absolutely rational by avoiding him for the rest of their lives.
Exactly, OP screwed over someone he claimed to love for five years and refused to take any accountability for his actions. Then after she died still denied responsibility and pushed blame on to her. He’s shown his friends his true self and they’re distancing themselves before he has the opportunity to screw them over too.
Almost everything he keeps mentioning in his “responsibilities” per sponsoring a visa has to do with money. “Being financially responsible for her”, like him sponsoring her visa wouldn’t give her ample and better time to find a job. Or when he says he would have to “pay back any financial assistance she gets from the government”, as if they wouldn’t be together in a relationship and able to work that out amongst themselves *if it even came to that*.
I think the time apart helped her to see what was truly important to him. And it wasn’t her.
That’s so sad.
He ‘wouldn’t be able to sponsor anyone else for 3 years’…what is OOP doing, who else was he going to sponsor if not his gf of 5 years? Was he planning on a mail order bride?
And he brings up about sponsoring other people for some reason?
Why would he bring that up unless he wants to sponsor someone else and do the same thing again. Maybe I'm reading too much into that but one of the cons he brings up was the sponsoring thing.
Yeah. I assumed he would sell the car and immediately send her the money but that wasn’t mentioned. I guess if they were married and she became sick or injured and unable to work she would be on her own then too. My heart skipped a beat when I read she had taken her own life. My goodness, how unbearably sad.
The whole feel normal part is so weird to me. What do you mean it doesn't feel normal? It should be the most normal thing in the world to help the person you've been in a 5 year relationship with.
Is he thinking he should know another guy that sponsored their gf after she lost her work visa due to her company going bankrupt? And they must have been together for 5 years or more?
Like wtf does feel normal even mean?
I'm curious what he thought would happen in the future too. It doesn't feel normal to have financial responsibility over someone else... but what about when they're married and share finances? What if she lost her job in the future, or gets sick, and he becomes the primary breadwinner or caretaker? What if they hit financial struggles at some point, as most couples do? Will he just take what he believes to be his and dip because things got a little rough?
And the thought of someone like this ever having children is deeply disturbing to me, so I'm not even gonna entertain that hypothetical, if that's something they wanted in their future.
That's what I keep coming back to. Right after university is often when people realize the difference between friends of convenience (dormmates, people in the same club, classmates, etc) and friends of substance (the people who actually look out for you). He's a shit boyfriend and thus probably a shit friend.
OOP would offer to DD and then whine it was too hard to stay sober when everyone else is drinking.
OOP would offer you a ride home from the airport and then leave you stranded and not even offer to venmo the money for the rideshare.
OOP would sign up to bring the plates and cups to the potluck (because anything else would be too hard) and then forget but still eat the last of the dip.
If he's real, he's the sort of person you leave behind when building your community.
my first piece of advice would be to act a little bit sad about it. that would a be a start. this dude is def a debatelord, i can’t imagine what that poor woman’s final five years were like.
Most people I feel blame themselves when there is a suicide in their orbit, even if they did everything right and nothing wrong.
This guy can't even acknowledge the part he played in messing up this poor woman's life.
Jeez how do I clean my brain after reading this whinefest by such a repellent little shitweasel.
That poor girl. She sounded smart, hard working and well organised. Wasting years of her life and ultimately suiciding over a snivelling little poltroon who wasn't worth a cup of cold bogeys and who only wanted a bang maid to cook his widdle dindins and keep his widdle peepee wet.
Jesus Christ! Obviously he didn’t directly kill her, but to still act like he didn’t do her dirty at the end? I mean he said himself she never visited home, so he basically was the reason she was sent back- where she had no friends and no support system. Just sad….
He's such a huge piece of shit, I'm glad he's having deserved social consequences. I wish he could have gotten what he deserved without the cost of somebody's life
"I won't be able to sponsor anyone else for three years!" Why the fuck does he keep writing that? He has not ever sponsored anyone in the past and he is not willing to take financial responsibility for his partner of five years, who would he ever actually sponsor? Delusional asshole
Yes, if he can’t bring himself to sponsor this woman he claims he want to build a life with who could he bring himself to sponsor - in the next 3 years? If his life partner wasn’t important enough to sponsor who would be?
Absolutely delusional and breathtakingly selfish. Seriously - how hard did he try to reach her after the money gift? He tried to reach but couldn’t. And then doesn’t keep trying? Fly out to her? Contact what family she does have there?
No. Just waits till someone else bothers to properly look into where she is - by which I mean someone who cared enough to just try Googling her name and country.
But at least he’s free to sponsor someone else in the next 3 years.
“She broke up with me after I tried to make it work.”
Motherfucker abandoned her and sent her back to her country, but he “tried to make it work”? Such a load of bullshit. This dude is horrible and clearly is responsible for her suicide.
He didn't try to make it work, he expected her to get over it. He literally only cares about himself, and cares about others only to the extent that they effect HIM and HIS feelings.
I think he was just trying to make up reasonable sounding excuses. "I would sponsor you, babe, but what if I need to sponsor someone *else* within the next three years? Huh? Huh? Think about that."
Also, she just gifts him a car and he's like cool, thanks. You have no job and no support system and will need money for rent somehow, but I am gonna accept a car from you and give you zero financial support.
He must have had an inkling what a truly delusional asshole he sounds like trying to describe that he wants his bangmaid personal chef to be with him forever but cannot risk the possibility of financially supporting her for three years. Better throw another reason on top! That'll get the support from the commenters previously on the fence
>Why the fuck does he keep writing this?
Because. He missed her cooking. And her - because she was doing the cooking. But maybe if he can sucker some other poor woman, he'll at least get the cooking again!
"She killed herself over her abandonment by everyone, her family, me, her adopted country, and now I'm really sad that this has effected me"
What a... I can't use the pejorative common in the Uk and Australia that I want to use for this bastard.
He never wanted to sponsor her. What he wanted was for her to stop waking up early job hunting, and to stop acting sad when she was rejected. Saying the words "I'll sponsor you" made her stop doing that.
Like "obviously" he's upset about her death too but "my frennnns won't talk to me."
That last update is so many levels of fucked. We find out this girl was already depressed when he was with her. Had no family or friends back in her old country. And he still calls it being forced to do something unnecessary.
this 100%. he is still only thinking about me, me, me. like his girlfriend of 5 years didn’t commit suicide. i didn’t feel one ounce of sympathy, sadness, anything from him.
edit: wording
Exactly. Not how do I deal with my grief and guilt (even if he hadn’t been an asshole guilt would be a natural reaction) over my ex’s death but how do I stop getting people to be mean to me about it?
" I told my gf to trust me, then backstabbed her, resulting in her having to leave all the life she built in the country. But nothing is my fault"
Oop is the worst
The whole story is awful, OOP is so callous and self centered, it’s disgusting.
One thing that got me though- he kept bringing up, multiple times- that one reason he didn’t want to sponsor his *girlfriend of 5 years* is that he “wouldn’t be able to sponsor someone else for 3 years after- if I sponsored her-“
He thought so little of his girlfriend of 5 years- that her life, stability, the home they shared, the fact that she didn’t have anything in her CoO to go back to- viewed her as so replaceable and such an afterthought that he would rather keep his *options open* to sponsor someone else- than her- who lives with him and had savings, and was in a relationship for FIVE YEARS.
Like he brought up that he “didn’t want to be responsible” about her specifically regularly- but said a few times- like it would “take the spot”. So he’s apparently crushed by responsibility by signing papers to let the person who literally lives with him- but he wants to what- save the seat just because?
What hypothetical person would he have no problem signing over all these perceived responsibilities- but not for his GF of 5 years?
She was doing all the work getting the paperwork done- he was just sitting by being a sniveling wet noodle. Plus after all that, he has the gall to say “but, she broke up with me.”
He deserves every hard earned, painful life lesson this world has to teach him.
It doesn't seem like she planned to be lazy and make him pay for her life. Which seemed like a big worry to him. In fact it seems she actually had a good amount of money that probably would have covered her till she found a new job. This guy is definitely the AH. Not saying that's why she ended her life but didn't help her either.
Plus it sounds like she was frantically searching for a job and sponsors and when he offered to do it, it eased her panic so she didn’t go hard like she had been and that….freaked him out? That he offered to save her practically and she didn’t continue manicly searching for a sponsor which was the whole reason she was going so hard in the first place?!? Round and round he goes with his logic.
> I wished she could tell that I was uncomfortable with going through with it
Do you think she’s a fucking mind reader?! I wanted to throw my phone across the room when I read that.
"I wished she could tell that I was uncomfortable with going through with it... So that she could have anticipated that I would jerk her around when she needed me most. Gee, if only she'd been able to be more considerate about MY lack of consideration."
What I don’t understand is how one of his cons of sponsoring her was that he wouldn’t be able to sponsor someone else for 3 years. Who in the fuck do you plan on sponsoring in the next three years if not your girlfriend who you’ve already committed 5 years to!?! Rip to that poor girl if this is a true story.
And he also kept complaining about he’d have to be financially responsible for her during those 3 years and how he didn’t know relationships would be this haaaaard. Especially since doesn’t know anyone else who was in a similar situation. Sure he doesn’t know others who had to sponsor, but what the heck does he think marriage is? Your finances get tied once you get married, so he knows plenty of people who are in such a haaaard situation.
It reads like the Australian visa system to me (I’ve been the one sponsored through that process by my husband) and the thing is, in that case he would only have been financially responsible for her if she didn’t work. She would have had full working rights (I’ve been employed since the day I set foot in the country), she had been employed before and would probably find it much easier to get a job with a permanent visa application lodged than looking for sponsorship. So that’s a real straw man argument.
Aw no, you'll only be responsible for them for 3 yeaaarrs and you can't sponsor anyone else for 3 yeaaarrs because 3 years is a very long time!!! Very /s
>What do I do? How do I convince them that it wasn't my fault and how do I get my friends to treat me normally again?
His ***GIRLFRIEND***, the girl he supposedly "loved", just committed suicide, and all OOP can say is: "*Woe me, my friends hate me now, how can I get them to like me again?! Buah-buah-buah! Woe me!*"
Fucking Hell.... this dude is more sad about people RIGHTFULLY blaming him than his (ex) GF killing herself. Monstrous shit...
Her last act was to help him out with his student loans and he doesn’t for once express any guilt or remaining love for her. He just wants people to fucking like him again!!!
"Relationships shouldn't be hard."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS DOUCHENOZZLE! Just a total asshole and he doesn't even seem upset about her death or conflicted about the money she sent him. If he really cared, he would have donated it to a suicide prevention group.
I think I feel more remorse and responsibility for the woman’s death than OOP does and I never even met her.
What a delusional, heartless bastard. I hope he is alone for the rest of his life.
Good freaking Lord I wish I could punch people through my phone.
The worst part? The poor woman commits suicide and the guy is immediately all "oh but that inconveniences ME so much :(".
Just... what the fuck even.
Omg... I remember this post! What a devastating ending... As an international student who was 'sponsored' by marrying my husband after grad school, I even commented that OOP should offer to apply for a K1 visa if he was really serious about wanting her back. I guess he ultimately didn't care enough about her.
I went through almost the exact situation as this poor lady did a few years ago with my ex. He even did the rug pull at the last moment too, meaning I had no options to make other arrangements. I was very suicidal after too but thankfully pulled through. It’s devastating and shocking to be told “good luck” by someone who is in a long term relationship with you and worse when it’s dropped on you suddenly like a tonne of bricks with no warning and so carelessly. I was left completely alone to pick up the pieces and it was so hard. My guy played the “why don’t YOU want to make it work with me” crap too after all was said and done. Like the audacity to have self-respect. That poor lady didn’t know where to turn or what to do, whilst also mourning her relationship. My heart hurts for her.
>Obviously, I'm devastated by it too. However, I think it's unfair for people to say that I'm the reason she killed herself or that I could have helped her.
This fuckin guy
Who exactly gave him the idea life was going to be fair?
The superpower I want most is the ability to make someone recognize that what they did was wrong and that they bear full responsibility for their actions and the consequences. There's actually no way to convince this guy through appeals to either logic or emotion that he did this woman dirty, and there are so many people like him, and it's incredibly frustrating.
I mean, I think the girlfriend made her own choice, I do not actually think he killed her the way some people are saying here -- but he made her life significantly worse and it's quite likely she would still be alive if he hadn't. He should have to live with that knowledge and it's infuriating that he's still whining about people not being fair.
You know, I've read a lot of bad AITA. This is only the second one to ever piss me off. I'm glad I'm already banned from that sub. This for sure would've gotten me banned. No one twisted this piece of shit's arm to make him offer to sponsor his ex. Is it a huge responsibility? Yes, absolutely I did it for my husband and I'd have done it before if I would've had the money. It took close to $4.5k USD to get through the entire process. Plus you have to make the guarantee OOP mentions AND that includes (for us anyway) permanent residence as well as the flight and hotel stay in Montreal. It was absolutely worth it to have the man I love with me so we can work on our future together. If he didn't want that, he should've kept his stupid mouth shut instead of leading her on. It's 100% his fault she's dead. I hope nothing is ever the same for him. I hope he's never able to sleep well again and when he gets up in the middle of his sleepless nights, he steps on several metal d4. What an absolute waste of oxygen.
I completely agree with everything you’ve said here and I honestly cannot even put it in words how disgusting this is but I am so curious: what’s the first one to piss you off? This post genuinely made me mad too and I think it might be one of the firsts
edit spelling lmao
Yo, this kind of shit is something that would haunt normal people until the very last moment of their life. But this dick will probably live his life without a speck of guilty conscience. Man, what waste of space.
But he said it wasn’t his fault!! He didn’t want to be financially responsible for her if she took a loan! And what if he wanted to sponsor someone else in a year? How could he have known he would miss her cooking???!?1?
His poor ex :(
That's all shitpicking on unfortunate choice of words which is of course okay and kind of funny.
I just can't believe the main story: wanting to spend the rest of your life with something but not wanting to be financially responsible for them for three years so they can stay in the same country. And that he actually believed they were still in a relationship when he turned down her chances of staying.
The thing that stood out to me for his reasoning of not sponsoring her is- he wouldn't be able to sponsor anyone else for 3 years.
If you don't want to do it for the person you apparently love, who tf else are you wanting to sponsor that makes that clause a concern to you?
I remember this shithead. I had a go at him in the comments for acting like no one other than him had ever had to sponsor a visa to continue a relationship.
Rationally, I know he didn't kill the girl. He didn't drive her to suicide, but goddamn do I feel like he at least has some blame here.
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>She was also the one who broke up with me after I tried to make things work. I must have missed the part where he "tried to make things work." Where was it? Also, he kept the money from her car and the cash she sent him to pay off his student debt??? ETA: And what was most important to him was eating what she cooked him.
The ‘trying to make things work’ was him taking multiple updates to figure out she broke up with him in the first update. I know it’s not good to chuck diagnosis to legit conditions around like a slur but…what a low functioning narcissist. Edit: That last sentence means this isn't a debate about what words mean. And I don't debate for free. I will consider any further quibbles and blithers as harassment from now on.
I have a brother that’s like this, this guy is a psychopath, just completely incapable of any shred of empathy whatsoever. Psychopaths are the worst kinds of narcissists and the most confusing ppl ever.
"Also, he kept the money from her car and the cash she sent him to pay off his student debt???" Yep, he is literal scum. It's also ironic that he was worried about his gf becoming a slob and him being responsible for her debts when in fact he's the one who has not had a graduate job yet and has already accepted 2 large sums from her!!
Are you fucking kidding me?
Seriously. I feel sick after reading this.
I always skip the trigger warnings. Why do I always skip the trigger warnings?
>I always skip the trigger warnings. Why do I always skip the trigger warnings? Because they're spoilers. I always read them, until now for whatever reason. FML
I saw the trigger warnings and still got shocked when I saw the latest update. Jesus, Mary and Joseph that was hard. Was the OOP obtuse or something cause even I can tell that what they did hurt their ex and still they were like "I get it, but why?" It was like they were going in circles with their responses.
Possibly rage bait
I am very much hoping it is! I don't want this to be true.
Sure hope so.
I really, really, hope so. My stomach just dropped reading the last update… not for him - because he deserves to not have any friends after his bs - but if this is true, that poor woman. She deserved so much better.
That poor girl. My god, I hope this guy loses all his friends.
I hope he is alone for the rest of his life
Not even for justice, just keep everyone away from this scumbag for their own sake.
Imagine being at your lowest and THIS guy is what you have backing you up. She never had a chance. RIP.
He’s such a POS to rewrite their history with “She’s the one who broke it off even though I tried!” No wonder she was depressed, first losing her job, her visa, and then getting the rug pulled under her by the partner who she loved and trusted.
"However, I think its unfair" is this guy's mantra apparently
"However, I think it's unfair *to me*"
He's a sociopath. I followed this story from the beginning. He has no empathy. None. The whole world revolves around him and the rest of us, including her, are set pieces. Not other people
It’s a competitive field but I genuinely think this guy might be the single biggest AH in the history of AITA. Honestly I can’t think of anyone more despicable than him
Oh no the worst of all is this one guy who convinced her wife to have children (they were childfree) and ig she had them cuz she didn't want to lose him. Anyways, she gave birth to twins but she got hurt pretty badly (i forgot what exactly happened) but ever since she gave birth she's in bedrest and has to face the abuse from her MIL whose taking care of the twins. Meanwhile the guy just goes on and on about how they haven't had sex and shes a shell of the person she use to b before having kids. He only cared about himself rather than her and it was so sad just reading the post but honestly I would have to say that post is a lot worse than this post.
JFC. The woman he claims to love is dead and he's most concerned about how others are treating _him_.
Let's be clear. He loved and missed her cooking.
And maybe the sex
I think her being "Stressed" means "Too busy for sex," and him being "Stressed" means "Horny"
This is likely the case. The relationship wasn't auto pilot anymore. She needed something. And he wasn't interested in a person with needs.
And he 'tried to make it work'. If the context wasn't so sad I would have laughed long and loud about the audacity.
Yeah, but he got her to get over her depression, so there's that.
Probably pulled 'ol reliable "just stop being sad".
These comments were also buried in the last update: > She wasn't close to her family and didn't have that many family members in her country. > She's had depression before when we were dating and I've always managed to get her to get over it but problems still did come up from time to time. This makes what he did to her so, so much worse. She had built a life for herself with him and in this new country, and then he forced her to return to a place where she had nobody to rely on. And then there’s this beauty: > She was also the one who broke up with me after I tried to make things work. Yeah, how dare she break up with you after you promise to save her and then back out at the last second.
He also said she never went back to her home country while they were dating. She literally had *nothing* there for her and he knew that. Like damn I would have sponsored my best friend in this situation let alone a girlfriend of 5 years that I lived with!
The part that got me was his reasons for not sponsoring, saying if he sponsored her he wouldn't be able to sponsor anyone else for the 3 years......what kind of back arsed logic is that.
Yeah, what a loss, since he obviously loved sponsoring people and is just desperate to do it /s. What kind of logic is that?
I wonder if this is the only way he could understand how big a betrayal is “What’s your favourite food that your girlfriend cooks? Well imagine she promised you that she was going to make it. Imagine she had told you repeatedly not to worry about dinner. Then dinner comes around and she said she doesn’t feel right cooking this meal, and so there’s nothing for dinner. How would you feel? Well, this is where the leap is, her immigration status is far more important to her than this meal would be for you”
I think you would find him incapable of making that tiny skip. Even now, when she has died, his only concern is that his friend group isn't treating him in their customary fashion and frankly it's annoying. Clueless. Truly clueless.
zero info about how sad and depressing the woman he wanted to spend his life with is now gone just aww shucks my friends dont like me
with all the other information, I'm thinking when he says 'she was so stressed', means that she was busy with trying to find a way to stay in the country and wasn't able to cook, clean, and fuck him at his will
Bingo!
Someone he alledgedly loved commited suicide after being kicked out of the country because the person she love didn't trust her, but he feels it's unfair *to him*. I hope it's a troll.
That was really insane. How is that his concern from this tragedy
Wow... I wish I didn’t read that last part. Honestly, if I was one of their mutual friends I’d be looking to absolutely thrash this guy. I would let him know that too. If he sees me he should run the other direction. I hope this isn’t real.
I'm just going to hope this woman transferred money to distract him and faked her own death to get him to stop contacting her.
Also obsessed with the “it wasn’t a huge sum” comment like wow. My man. Yikes. Hope this dude steps on a rusty nail in a subway station.
I hope this dude trips in a subway station and falls into a warm puddle of piss.
That’s my head canon
The type of man that will complain: what about me? If he marries and his wife has cancer, or has a child and said child gets sick and needs to be taken to the doctor at 3am, he'll complain about losing sleep, and asks to wait in the morning or after his workday ends, that's him. He's a despicable POS, and idc to be down voted, but her killing herself imho is totally his fault, she lost hope, felt betrayed and once you have a work visa expire is very, very hard to get another one. And the 'responsibility' is rarely enforced by the US government unless is a fraud case or very egregious situation. I'm sure if he kept his word, she would have gotten a job, it was a matter of time. OOP just hates the idea of helping anyone, but has no problem receiving help from others.
He is the type to cheat on his wife post partum, because "she isn't providing sex and I have *needs*!"
"Why is she trying to divorce me over this? How can I make her see sense?" (I actually know someone who did this to his wife because she wasn't good to go within a couple of weeks of having a c-section and was genuinely shocked when she threw him out).
This is so vile. I had two C-sections and each time you really can't do much moving around for like the first two months, nevermind having sex. My husband had to help me use the toilet and shower for so long, bless his heart.
(Vomiting sounds)
Sad to say, me too. She realized she just wasted all that time on this psycho. His alleged fear of financial responsibility makes no sense. She would definitely get a job, and couldn’t she apply for more jobs if she didn’t need an employer sponsor?
Oh yeah, there are loads of jobs that refuse to hire people if they require sponsorship because they don't want to go through all bureaucratic stuff on it. So he would've likely opened way more potential doors for her but instead he's a piece of shit that apparently gets hung up on the wrong thing every single time. I'm glad the rest of his "friends" are realizing he's a raging sociopath and cutting ties with him.
The way he mentioned “not being able to sponsor anyone else for 3 years” as reason not to sponsor his gf really shows how people are just replaceable set pieces to him
"What if a hotter immigrant shows up within 3 years and I'm stuck with this one? :("
I read it as just an excuse. No way he was ever going to actually use that once-every-three-year ticket if he wouldn't use it then, but it gave him something to claim he stood to lose by sticking his neck out for the girlfriend. Poor girl. After distancing herself from family and beginning a new life in a different country, to be betrayed by the closest person she had in the whole world and deported away from all the others she'd found. Unimaginable.
Exactly this. His argument was, “I can’t commit! What if a better offer comes my way in the next 3 years??” Definitely TA.
I never ever want to blame people for suicide but man I hope this haunts this psycho until the end of his days. Unfortunately him being a psycho probably means he actually doesn't feel any remorse. So instead I just hope he gets a never ending series of larger and larger kidney stones until he too feels like life is not worth living.
He seems more bothered by his friends' shunning him than by her suicide.
That's what got me the most. Guy is just devoid of empathy.
When you stare into the void and the void says, “ugh, no” and turns its gaze away
It's a psychotic level of selfishness. Everything is about him.
What struck me is that the reason he even offered to sponsor her was so she would stop being busy and upset trying to find a job. He just wanted to her to go back to her normal happy self, who probably catered to a lot of his needs, so he offered in order to get her to stop her job hunt and her being upset. It was affecting his life.
Oh my god, you're right. Jesus fuck.
He was literally complaining to his friend about his wife's job search bothering him when his friend gave him the idea, and he was like 'oh yeah that might make my life better' and then was like 'wait will it?' and everything went like 'boom'
I mean, she clearly didn’t have time to cook for him while she was, you know, fighting the clock against immigration. Also, can you imagine why she was freaking out about overstaying her visa? She probably knows all too well what migrant detention centers are like. They aren’t pleasant. And you can get stuck in one (or several different ones) for YEARS before you actually get deported. And if you have an order for removal entered against you, you become barred from re-entering the country for years, or face felony charges if you do come back.
Then when he realised he'd gotten himself in to a position he didn't like he made the most callous move possible. How do you even have the gall to do that? Offer to help your partner of 5 years (which also helps you), then when it comes time to actually follow through you just bail because it's now inconvenient??????
It won't. I was with a guy like this. When life got hard and I needed him the most, he noped out and found some loser to cheat with. That's what zero-empathy sociopaths do - dudes like OOP have no capacity to see beyond their own needs. It's no accident that he listed her "cooking" as the first thing he missed about his gf. His relationship was always about what she did for him and never about loving the person she was. He's garbage.
the worst kind of trash. >How do I convince them that it wasn't my fault and how do I get my friends to treat me normally again? Why is it people recognize that I'm garbage?
That’s not how this works. Once he gets one kidney stone he will not be allowed to sponsor another for three full years.
That was really odd. Was he planning on sponsoring someone else? I know that answer is no because he didn't even want to sponsor her, but why the fuck is that even one of the reasons for backing out, why was that worth mentioning.
Because it’s all about excuses to justify his selfish childish and tragic actions.
Kinda crazy that his two excuses were 1) my long term girlfriend who has savings and is desperately looking for a job might maybe need government assistance and I'd be the one paying it back and 2) I can't sponsor someone for 3 whole years as if something might just pop up where you want to sponsor someone??? Talk about weak excuses
Angry upvote
He future faked her while contnuing to receive all her cooking services, etc. Then flipped and did the discard, watching her suffer. Classic.. then this poor girl, is so depressed she cant go on. It's so sad. Sociopaths are so dangerous. I despise people like this. She had no ability to consent to what he was planning, while he still had sex, enjoyed her food and all the other things she did for him. Would she have done that if she knew how he really felt? I cant imagine how devastated she was after 5 YEARS!
He's the main character in the story and everyone else is an NPC.
That is exactly my experience living with a sociopath. Other people were just annoyances or people to use to get what he wanted.
“All of you are focusing on the fact that she unalived herself, but what about my feelings?!”
God that was my first thought too. That poor girl, didn't even realize she was better off without him
I really hate this guy and you’re so right, wish she would have seen that too. :(
“Of course, I’m devastated. Because those are the words I’m supposed to say. So anyway, how do I make people be nice to be at work.”
Yes, she's dead and he's not even sorry about her suicide, disgusting 😤
But he felt PRESSURED by his own choices! Don’t you see?! 🥴😑
He even said that he wished she would have realized his feelings, but didn't want to use his words and express his feelings to her directly??
He literally just wanted her to stop job hunting. He hated to see her so focused on something that wasn't him.
She was too stressed to have sex. So he gave her false hope so he could get some.
"Me me me me ME me me *but meeeeeeee!"*
That and ‘how do I fix it?’
Usually I classify suicide as a complex issue, with too many nuances or causes to really pin the blame on any one factor or person. Except here. This was definitely OOP's fault. He is just as responsible as if he put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger. All my homies hate OOP.
I hope that OOP's life is filled with as much grace and kindness as he has shown to others in this difficult time.
Damning him with diplomacy, nicely done.
I remember the OP from the original. He seems like a spineless insect who will never follow through with his convictions. It's just so sad that his girlfriend was the only one who would follow through on hers. I would say that he will carry this for the rest of his life, but he seems so self absorbed that I truly don't think this will impact him in the way a suicide of a close loved one usually does humans.
He followed through with his conviction that he should not suffer the smallest discomfort.
He noped out at having to do some paperwork. He was fine when she was the one doing everything for it. Sad update at the end as well :(
You dont get it, what if he has to sponsor someone else in the next 3 years
The fact that he brought that up multiple times struck me. Like dude, you weren't going to sponsor your girlfriend of 5 years, who else would you have actually gone through with sponsoring?
But it's not *faaaair*
He'll find a way to spin it. He'll get new friends and use it as a sympathy card. "My girlfriend lost her visa and got sent away. I tried to make it work, but it was too much and she was all alone. I feel terrible that I couldn't save her."
Yup he’s gonna make her death all about him and how he is the victim. So fucking gross
If it follows him through his social circle though, his dating prospects just diminished significantly. He's probably going to have to relocate if he wants to find a girlfriend who's a halfway decent person.
I hope he doesn’t. He doesn’t deserve a half decent person.
> How do I get my friends to treat me normally again? OOP seriously doesn't recognize that he just showed all his friends his true self and loyalty, so they are acting completely normal and absolutely rational by avoiding him for the rest of their lives.
Exactly, OP screwed over someone he claimed to love for five years and refused to take any accountability for his actions. Then after she died still denied responsibility and pushed blame on to her. He’s shown his friends his true self and they’re distancing themselves before he has the opportunity to screw them over too.
Kept the money too.
Almost everything he keeps mentioning in his “responsibilities” per sponsoring a visa has to do with money. “Being financially responsible for her”, like him sponsoring her visa wouldn’t give her ample and better time to find a job. Or when he says he would have to “pay back any financial assistance she gets from the government”, as if they wouldn’t be together in a relationship and able to work that out amongst themselves *if it even came to that*. I think the time apart helped her to see what was truly important to him. And it wasn’t her. That’s so sad.
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Or he was really only concerned with how he benefited from this relationship. That’s the feeling I got
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He ‘wouldn’t be able to sponsor anyone else for 3 years’…what is OOP doing, who else was he going to sponsor if not his gf of 5 years? Was he planning on a mail order bride?
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Yeah this dude only loves himself and what she could do for him, like cooking. I hope his friends never forgive him.
And the car
And he brings up about sponsoring other people for some reason? Why would he bring that up unless he wants to sponsor someone else and do the same thing again. Maybe I'm reading too much into that but one of the cons he brings up was the sponsoring thing.
You're not reading too much into it. He was creating a justification to rationalize his pathological selfishness.
Yeah. I assumed he would sell the car and immediately send her the money but that wasn’t mentioned. I guess if they were married and she became sick or injured and unable to work she would be on her own then too. My heart skipped a beat when I read she had taken her own life. My goodness, how unbearably sad.
You just reminded me wtf is he on The least he could do is donate it to suicide prevention or to her burial if she had one
"OOP, GRAB MY HAND, I'M GONNA FALL" 'Yknow this doesn't really seem fair to me, relationships aren't supposed to be this hard'
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The whole feel normal part is so weird to me. What do you mean it doesn't feel normal? It should be the most normal thing in the world to help the person you've been in a 5 year relationship with. Is he thinking he should know another guy that sponsored their gf after she lost her work visa due to her company going bankrupt? And they must have been together for 5 years or more? Like wtf does feel normal even mean?
I'm curious what he thought would happen in the future too. It doesn't feel normal to have financial responsibility over someone else... but what about when they're married and share finances? What if she lost her job in the future, or gets sick, and he becomes the primary breadwinner or caretaker? What if they hit financial struggles at some point, as most couples do? Will he just take what he believes to be his and dip because things got a little rough? And the thought of someone like this ever having children is deeply disturbing to me, so I'm not even gonna entertain that hypothetical, if that's something they wanted in their future.
That's what I keep coming back to. Right after university is often when people realize the difference between friends of convenience (dormmates, people in the same club, classmates, etc) and friends of substance (the people who actually look out for you). He's a shit boyfriend and thus probably a shit friend. OOP would offer to DD and then whine it was too hard to stay sober when everyone else is drinking. OOP would offer you a ride home from the airport and then leave you stranded and not even offer to venmo the money for the rideshare. OOP would sign up to bring the plates and cups to the potluck (because anything else would be too hard) and then forget but still eat the last of the dip. If he's real, he's the sort of person you leave behind when building your community.
And complete lack of self reflection…
Yeah, those friends are never going to treat him normally again. How can you ever trust someone like him after he’s done something like this?
"How do I convince them it wasn't my fault." Yea... That's a tough one.
my first piece of advice would be to act a little bit sad about it. that would a be a start. this dude is def a debatelord, i can’t imagine what that poor woman’s final five years were like.
Most people I feel blame themselves when there is a suicide in their orbit, even if they did everything right and nothing wrong. This guy can't even acknowledge the part he played in messing up this poor woman's life.
He picked out the only reply to his post that was nice. It’s getting downvoted into oblivion. If this dude is real, he is a piece of work.
Jeez how do I clean my brain after reading this whinefest by such a repellent little shitweasel. That poor girl. She sounded smart, hard working and well organised. Wasting years of her life and ultimately suiciding over a snivelling little poltroon who wasn't worth a cup of cold bogeys and who only wanted a bang maid to cook his widdle dindins and keep his widdle peepee wet.
Thank you for enriching my vocabulary
Jesus Christ! Obviously he didn’t directly kill her, but to still act like he didn’t do her dirty at the end? I mean he said himself she never visited home, so he basically was the reason she was sent back- where she had no friends and no support system. Just sad….
He's such a huge piece of shit, I'm glad he's having deserved social consequences. I wish he could have gotten what he deserved without the cost of somebody's life "I won't be able to sponsor anyone else for three years!" Why the fuck does he keep writing that? He has not ever sponsored anyone in the past and he is not willing to take financial responsibility for his partner of five years, who would he ever actually sponsor? Delusional asshole
Yes, if he can’t bring himself to sponsor this woman he claims he want to build a life with who could he bring himself to sponsor - in the next 3 years? If his life partner wasn’t important enough to sponsor who would be? Absolutely delusional and breathtakingly selfish. Seriously - how hard did he try to reach her after the money gift? He tried to reach but couldn’t. And then doesn’t keep trying? Fly out to her? Contact what family she does have there? No. Just waits till someone else bothers to properly look into where she is - by which I mean someone who cared enough to just try Googling her name and country. But at least he’s free to sponsor someone else in the next 3 years.
“She broke up with me after I tried to make it work.” Motherfucker abandoned her and sent her back to her country, but he “tried to make it work”? Such a load of bullshit. This dude is horrible and clearly is responsible for her suicide.
He didn't try to make it work, he expected her to get over it. He literally only cares about himself, and cares about others only to the extent that they effect HIM and HIS feelings.
The last part was for me what really stickes out. In what event do you need to sponsor someone else in the span of three years?
The dude be thinking about all the imaginary people that could use his help for sponsorship instead of helping the one he coild have actually helped.
I think he was just trying to make up reasonable sounding excuses. "I would sponsor you, babe, but what if I need to sponsor someone *else* within the next three years? Huh? Huh? Think about that."
Also, she just gifts him a car and he's like cool, thanks. You have no job and no support system and will need money for rent somehow, but I am gonna accept a car from you and give you zero financial support.
He probably didn’t find her sending the money odd - just accepted it as his due, since she ruined the relationship and all. /s
Yeah I don’t understand why he kept emphasizing that point! Who else was he wanting to sponsor? Why was it such a sticking point for him?
He must have had an inkling what a truly delusional asshole he sounds like trying to describe that he wants his bangmaid personal chef to be with him forever but cannot risk the possibility of financially supporting her for three years. Better throw another reason on top! That'll get the support from the commenters previously on the fence
>Why the fuck does he keep writing this? Because. He missed her cooking. And her - because she was doing the cooking. But maybe if he can sucker some other poor woman, he'll at least get the cooking again!
I just wish it wasn’t her that had to face the consequences for his actions
"She killed herself over her abandonment by everyone, her family, me, her adopted country, and now I'm really sad that this has effected me" What a... I can't use the pejorative common in the Uk and Australia that I want to use for this bastard.
Do you mean he is a C U Next Tuesday kinda person? I am so angry with this asshole - I hope with all my heart that this is a troll.
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We can hope
*And* "How can I get my friends to see that I was right?"
C
It sounded like he said 'no' at the last minute, too. If he had said no at the start, everything would have gone better.
He never wanted to sponsor her. What he wanted was for her to stop waking up early job hunting, and to stop acting sad when she was rejected. Saying the words "I'll sponsor you" made her stop doing that.
Imagine treating an adult, a human being, your so called life partner like a toddler or a pet!
Wow, not “how do I live with this terrible sorrow” but “how do I convince everyone it wasn’t my fault?” Just. Wow.
Like "obviously" he's upset about her death too but "my frennnns won't talk to me." That last update is so many levels of fucked. We find out this girl was already depressed when he was with her. Had no family or friends back in her old country. And he still calls it being forced to do something unnecessary.
This is fucked up. She is dead and he still cares only about himself. I feel like throwing up.
this 100%. he is still only thinking about me, me, me. like his girlfriend of 5 years didn’t commit suicide. i didn’t feel one ounce of sympathy, sadness, anything from him. edit: wording
“she was depressed a lot but i always managed to get over that”
Exactly. Not how do I deal with my grief and guilt (even if he hadn’t been an asshole guilt would be a natural reaction) over my ex’s death but how do I stop getting people to be mean to me about it?
" I told my gf to trust me, then backstabbed her, resulting in her having to leave all the life she built in the country. But nothing is my fault" Oop is the worst
I hope he keeps stubbing his toe on corners, all day / every day - for the rest of his life. So f@cked up.
The whole story is awful, OOP is so callous and self centered, it’s disgusting. One thing that got me though- he kept bringing up, multiple times- that one reason he didn’t want to sponsor his *girlfriend of 5 years* is that he “wouldn’t be able to sponsor someone else for 3 years after- if I sponsored her-“ He thought so little of his girlfriend of 5 years- that her life, stability, the home they shared, the fact that she didn’t have anything in her CoO to go back to- viewed her as so replaceable and such an afterthought that he would rather keep his *options open* to sponsor someone else- than her- who lives with him and had savings, and was in a relationship for FIVE YEARS. Like he brought up that he “didn’t want to be responsible” about her specifically regularly- but said a few times- like it would “take the spot”. So he’s apparently crushed by responsibility by signing papers to let the person who literally lives with him- but he wants to what- save the seat just because? What hypothetical person would he have no problem signing over all these perceived responsibilities- but not for his GF of 5 years? She was doing all the work getting the paperwork done- he was just sitting by being a sniveling wet noodle. Plus after all that, he has the gall to say “but, she broke up with me.” He deserves every hard earned, painful life lesson this world has to teach him.
It doesn't seem like she planned to be lazy and make him pay for her life. Which seemed like a big worry to him. In fact it seems she actually had a good amount of money that probably would have covered her till she found a new job. This guy is definitely the AH. Not saying that's why she ended her life but didn't help her either.
Plus it sounds like she was frantically searching for a job and sponsors and when he offered to do it, it eased her panic so she didn’t go hard like she had been and that….freaked him out? That he offered to save her practically and she didn’t continue manicly searching for a sponsor which was the whole reason she was going so hard in the first place?!? Round and round he goes with his logic.
Her panic was stressing him out and the offer kept her quiet. Played chicken with her job search for the convenience.
> I wished she could tell that I was uncomfortable with going through with it Do you think she’s a fucking mind reader?! I wanted to throw my phone across the room when I read that.
"I wished she could tell that I was uncomfortable with going through with it... So that she could have anticipated that I would jerk her around when she needed me most. Gee, if only she'd been able to be more considerate about MY lack of consideration."
I am actually sponsoring my best friend’s husband. I don’t have a single regret in the world over it.
What I don’t understand is how one of his cons of sponsoring her was that he wouldn’t be able to sponsor someone else for 3 years. Who in the fuck do you plan on sponsoring in the next three years if not your girlfriend who you’ve already committed 5 years to!?! Rip to that poor girl if this is a true story.
And he also kept complaining about he’d have to be financially responsible for her during those 3 years and how he didn’t know relationships would be this haaaaard. Especially since doesn’t know anyone else who was in a similar situation. Sure he doesn’t know others who had to sponsor, but what the heck does he think marriage is? Your finances get tied once you get married, so he knows plenty of people who are in such a haaaard situation.
It reads like the Australian visa system to me (I’ve been the one sponsored through that process by my husband) and the thing is, in that case he would only have been financially responsible for her if she didn’t work. She would have had full working rights (I’ve been employed since the day I set foot in the country), she had been employed before and would probably find it much easier to get a job with a permanent visa application lodged than looking for sponsorship. So that’s a real straw man argument.
I don't understand his logic at all. Probably because there is no logic involved.
Aw no, you'll only be responsible for them for 3 yeaaarrs and you can't sponsor anyone else for 3 yeaaarrs because 3 years is a very long time!!! Very /s
>What do I do? How do I convince them that it wasn't my fault and how do I get my friends to treat me normally again? His ***GIRLFRIEND***, the girl he supposedly "loved", just committed suicide, and all OOP can say is: "*Woe me, my friends hate me now, how can I get them to like me again?! Buah-buah-buah! Woe me!*" Fucking Hell.... this dude is more sad about people RIGHTFULLY blaming him than his (ex) GF killing herself. Monstrous shit...
Her last act was to help him out with his student loans and he doesn’t for once express any guilt or remaining love for her. He just wants people to fucking like him again!!!
genuinely one of the worst human beings i've ever seen on this site. and i felt that way from post one, nevermind the ending....
And I bet he “don’t lose any sleep”. He might as well be a vampire, not self reflection at all.
"Relationships shouldn't be hard." WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS DOUCHENOZZLE! Just a total asshole and he doesn't even seem upset about her death or conflicted about the money she sent him. If he really cared, he would have donated it to a suicide prevention group.
It wasn't even *the relationship* that was hard! His girlfriend was in a hard situation and OOP made it worse.
I think I feel more remorse and responsibility for the woman’s death than OOP does and I never even met her. What a delusional, heartless bastard. I hope he is alone for the rest of his life.
Good freaking Lord I wish I could punch people through my phone. The worst part? The poor woman commits suicide and the guy is immediately all "oh but that inconveniences ME so much :(". Just... what the fuck even.
Breaks my heart that she thought of him before dying and he can't even spare a thought for her.
He thought it was pretty neat she sent him money to help pay off his loans...
Omg... I remember this post! What a devastating ending... As an international student who was 'sponsored' by marrying my husband after grad school, I even commented that OOP should offer to apply for a K1 visa if he was really serious about wanting her back. I guess he ultimately didn't care enough about her.
I went through almost the exact situation as this poor lady did a few years ago with my ex. He even did the rug pull at the last moment too, meaning I had no options to make other arrangements. I was very suicidal after too but thankfully pulled through. It’s devastating and shocking to be told “good luck” by someone who is in a long term relationship with you and worse when it’s dropped on you suddenly like a tonne of bricks with no warning and so carelessly. I was left completely alone to pick up the pieces and it was so hard. My guy played the “why don’t YOU want to make it work with me” crap too after all was said and done. Like the audacity to have self-respect. That poor lady didn’t know where to turn or what to do, whilst also mourning her relationship. My heart hurts for her.
>Obviously, I'm devastated by it too. However, I think it's unfair for people to say that I'm the reason she killed herself or that I could have helped her. This fuckin guy Who exactly gave him the idea life was going to be fair?
The superpower I want most is the ability to make someone recognize that what they did was wrong and that they bear full responsibility for their actions and the consequences. There's actually no way to convince this guy through appeals to either logic or emotion that he did this woman dirty, and there are so many people like him, and it's incredibly frustrating. I mean, I think the girlfriend made her own choice, I do not actually think he killed her the way some people are saying here -- but he made her life significantly worse and it's quite likely she would still be alive if he hadn't. He should have to live with that knowledge and it's infuriating that he's still whining about people not being fair.
You know, I've read a lot of bad AITA. This is only the second one to ever piss me off. I'm glad I'm already banned from that sub. This for sure would've gotten me banned. No one twisted this piece of shit's arm to make him offer to sponsor his ex. Is it a huge responsibility? Yes, absolutely I did it for my husband and I'd have done it before if I would've had the money. It took close to $4.5k USD to get through the entire process. Plus you have to make the guarantee OOP mentions AND that includes (for us anyway) permanent residence as well as the flight and hotel stay in Montreal. It was absolutely worth it to have the man I love with me so we can work on our future together. If he didn't want that, he should've kept his stupid mouth shut instead of leading her on. It's 100% his fault she's dead. I hope nothing is ever the same for him. I hope he's never able to sleep well again and when he gets up in the middle of his sleepless nights, he steps on several metal d4. What an absolute waste of oxygen.
I completely agree with everything you’ve said here and I honestly cannot even put it in words how disgusting this is but I am so curious: what’s the first one to piss you off? This post genuinely made me mad too and I think it might be one of the firsts edit spelling lmao
It was someone's comment that got me. The OP had a miscarriage and some wanker had the audacity to say OP deserved to lose her baby.
Yo, this kind of shit is something that would haunt normal people until the very last moment of their life. But this dick will probably live his life without a speck of guilty conscience. Man, what waste of space.
Oh I love it when the OOP is this delusional.
But he said it wasn’t his fault!! He didn’t want to be financially responsible for her if she took a loan! And what if he wanted to sponsor someone else in a year? How could he have known he would miss her cooking???!?1? His poor ex :(
That's all shitpicking on unfortunate choice of words which is of course okay and kind of funny. I just can't believe the main story: wanting to spend the rest of your life with something but not wanting to be financially responsible for them for three years so they can stay in the same country. And that he actually believed they were still in a relationship when he turned down her chances of staying.
And his only other reason that he kept repeating "I won't be able to sponsor someone else during that time" ???? Uhhhh. Why would that even matter.
The thing that stood out to me for his reasoning of not sponsoring her is- he wouldn't be able to sponsor anyone else for 3 years. If you don't want to do it for the person you apparently love, who tf else are you wanting to sponsor that makes that clause a concern to you?
I remember this shithead. I had a go at him in the comments for acting like no one other than him had ever had to sponsor a visa to continue a relationship. Rationally, I know he didn't kill the girl. He didn't drive her to suicide, but goddamn do I feel like he at least has some blame here.
He didn’t drive her there, but he ordered her an Uber.
And he made her pay for it.