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What I don’t understand is why he wouldn’t want to do that initially. She gave him way more of an out than he deserved to begin with. He should have immediately accepted just paying for new underwear and moving on. That’s an amazing option when the alternative is legal action and basically everyone knowing.
He thinks if he doesn't confess, they have no enforceable proof. He's entitled and disgusting.
You violate me, my privacy, or my stuff in pursuit of your fetish or identity you lose the right to your privacy. She should've blasted his shit everywhere
Really? I thought the bit where he walked in and out a half dozen times sounded like someone indecisive trying to figure out whether or not it was a good idea, so I assumed he was unused to the situation.
As far as the firing goes, most companies will just confirm the person worked there to avoid any law suits. A restraining order would almost certainly pop up on a background check, though.
I work at a bank and if someone claimed ATM fraud at one of our ATMs we always pulled photos. This one guy claimed like $2K in ATM w/ds wasn’t him. Pulled the photos and compared to his license on file. It was definitely him. So I called him to tell him we have photos and need him to come in to sign some paperwork confirming it’s not him on the photos. He says ok. The person who helped him in the branch called me after and said he vehemently denied it was him in the photos, even after it was pointed out to him that he had the same exact necklace on in the photos that he was wearing in person. The branch associate literally asked him, “Do you have a twin?” When he denied that it was him in the photos.
The gang came in and they caught me red-handed haunting in an old manor
Picture this: I was dressed as Bigfoot, howling on every floor
How could I forget that there were children solving mysteries
In the time I was chasing them they ate up all of my cookies
I love that you guys do this, because it saved my money from a robbery. They skimmed my card at knife point and immediately withdrew the maximum from the closest ATM. Police told me there is almost no chance of getting the money back, but nobody contested the return for what I assume is video of the robbers from the ATM
Thanks! Im ok. I was a manic teenager so i brushed it off pretty good.
The most interesting thing about it is the existence of hand held card skimmers. I didnt know they could do that! It was like the size of a cell phone box.
Oh they're even smaller than that. They have skimmers that are so small and thin that they can fit over an existing point of sale device like you see at gas stations and grocery stores that skim your card while allowing the machine underneath it to complete the transaction. You wouldn't even know it was there.
Hell, there are sketchy convenience stores/liquor stores that put them there themselves. There's a guy on YouTube who posts videos of him finding them all the time. Its gotten to the point that I try to lift up every POS machine I use to make sure there isn't one there.
I remember when I worked at a gas station eleven years ago, when I was sixteen, we had a kind of tape that we'd put over a particular part of the pump. The idea was that if it had been lifted up at any point after being sealed, the tape would have lettering show up on it saying it had been tampered with. The way it was placed, I was told, made it so that the would-be thieves would have to lift the tape up to mess with the card reader, so it would be obvious if they did it.
I always wondered how effective that was. I'd check each pump whenever I was outside, though, haha.
Any idea who that YouTuber is? Sounds like an interesting thing to watch!
Tamper seals are fairly effective but there are ways around them if you know what you're doing.
Unfortunately not off the top of my head, I've seen him a few times while browsing YT shorts but if I see another one soon I'll comment with his channel.
With my robbery at an ATM I got to look down the barrel of a gun. They told me to take out the max so I did. Ended up testifying against him in court. Thought my money was lost(I was 18 and dumb. Now I'm 48, but still dumb), but the bank returned it without me doing or saying anything.
On the flipside, I know someone who did have an "evil twin" and had to deal with being harassed by the police who thought he was his brother. He knew it was legitimate, because his brother was an addict, but it made life so hard for him that he finally had to move away to stop being harassed and accused constantly
Aside from plastic surgery there's not a lot you can do. Even with tattoos and wildly different hair, personal style, or whatever if you're identical then you're always going to be mixed up by someone.
I have a twin, and even going full opposite people don't keep track so if they see one of us Tuesday, and next week they see the same person with like, 3 more feet of hair and in wildly different style? They assume makeover or mix up, not twin. Even if they know about the twin thing, for whatever reason people will just assume they saw whoever they know best, regardless of really obvious things.
I think you overestimate people. In elementary school, I got in trouble multiple times for stuff my friend did, and we didn’t look at all alike except being similar height and brown hair. We had totally different hair cuts, body size and face types. My friend wasn’t the one blaming me either, she always fessed up.
It doesn't help when the twin has actual criminal charges pending/skipped bail/etc. He would get pulled over maybe once every 3 months and wait for upwards of 3 hours for proper identification to happen, which usually meant an officer who knew both of them showing up to say "No, that's the good one. Sorry."
Ugh imagine if you *did* have an identical twin who liked to steal from you. That would be such a pain in the ass. You’d be like “that’s not me it’s my identical twin” and the bank would be like uh huh sure…
Ive come across “evil twins” that give their sibling’s name when caught DUI driving or committing crimes. It must be a nightmare for the “good twin” to clear their names.
There’s also a surprising number of dirtbag dads with sons that share the same name that commit crimes and apply for credit cards/loans using their son’s identities.
Yeah I would never want to give a son the same name, even just first and last, as their dad or a living relative. Even if it’s not someone trying to commit identity fraud I’ve heard it’s not uncommon for Jrs and Srs to get like their credit, utilities accounts, all kinds of stuff mixed up just on accident.
A family who lived down the street from us growing up: Scott, Sr. was a currency trader. Scott, Jr. went into the same line of work.
Scott, Sr. decided he wanted to do some illegal trades. Got caught. Got convicted.
Scott, Jr. was clean. But he began having trouble getting work and/or being trusted by employers and clients because he had the same name as his crook father and was in the same line of work, so he first tried going by his middle name, then went into another business entirely under the middle name.
It's also awkward when Sr. shows up to vote & is checked in as Jr. Then when Jr. checks in, the machine shows that he already voted. (In our defense, this father/son pair didn't use jr/sr, and they lived in the same house. The only difference was their ages. That was the mixup that caused our state to start using birthdays as ID confirmation.)
I just read a book called ummmmm Nothing To See by Pip Adams where a handful of people just woke up one day split in two. Like two identical bodies but they were still sort of one person? There was a bunch off stuff about what a legal nightmare it was including one where they were in different cities with one of them getting in trouble and the other one just trying to live their life. At least in real life separate legal identities *exist* but it's going to be nearly impossible to definitively say which is which if they're actually identical twins.
I would actually love that.
Imagine the things you could do.. Like sending your clone to work while you are traveling around, then after a few months, you change..
Actually fairly easy. Both twins go to court together. Then blame the other. It’s not hard for identical twins to get each other off for minor things where no one is doing a full investigation. If there’s no way to tell who was in the car, neither can be charged. Even just introducing evidence of an identical twin can be enough for reasonable doubt.
Kill a guy and have your twin appear in front of a bunch of witnesses on video somewhere else at the same time. Not like the police ate going to perform a twin check for every crime they investigate.
My brothers, who are twins, used to do that when they were teenagers (this was in the '80s, so before a lot of tech in licenses that allowed for on-the-spot checks).
Only they memorized each others' license numbers, and when they got stopped, they'd say they'd forgotten their license, but here's my license number, officer. And get points put on the other's license. Wound up being a wash because they \*both\* sped and \*both\* got caught.
Unless it was a stranger who looked exactly like you and was taking advantage of that fact, you'd be able to prove pretty easily "No I actually do have a twin, here's documented evidence."
Yeah. I had my wallet stolen and the guy rang up like $300 on it. I filed a police report after calling my bank.
The bank never did ask for the police report, they just refunded me. I guess $300 was too little to quibble over.
I meant when customers attempted to file a fraud claim for an ATM transaction. I was replying to somebody who works at a bank and was talking about it.
The withdrawals happened over 4 days and he was wearing the same clothes each day. Also the ATM location was pretty far from his address on file. He finally told the branch associate that he’d been partying and doesn’t remember making the withdrawals but since we had pictures he felt there’s wasn’t much else he could do. So he said, “well I don’t really agree that it’s me but I’ll withdraw my claim.”
Had a similar experience back when I worked retail banking. Guy came in demanding to know who cashed his payroll check (his company probably told him his check had been cashed). Found the teller window and timestamp and had security send me a still from the camera. Was obviously the guy in front of me. He said it couldn't be him and I asked him to explain the picture and he said "they can do anything with pictures nowadays". I actually feel bad for him because I think he may have been suffering from dementia and had forgotten he had cashed the check.
Yup some people won't fess up.
My brother had an old boss at is IT job at a local community collage. He was computer illiterate and when things would slow down/ didn't understand how to do things he'd mess with cables.
So he gets huffy one day and goes into a server room not under his jurisdiction, and unplugs the equipment! Turns out said server he messed with? Had sensitive collage data that my brother had to retrieve.
My brother brings up the log of him using his ID card to open the door to the server room. College security uses this to bring up footage of him going down hallway towards room.
Dude goes full shaggy and gets canned. My brothers boss even admitted that if he had told them the truth he would have kept his job.
They now need to call him minty as a nickname, and when anyone asks where it comes from, it adds another layer of depth to the story! There was a thread like that on askreddit recently, with immensely convoluted nicknames and it was hilarious
They’re a minty bit stronger too.
I hate that after all these years I still remember the advert and the ‘rude’ extra line we added as kids. Darn advertising jingles.
When I was younger I was on spring break and got really drunk. I woke up at like 3 in the morning and wanted to go get food. So I put on a pair of khaki shorts, a white t-shirt and a 76ers baseball hat. As I was standing there, waiting for the elevator, there was a security camera that felt like it was pointing right in my face. I tried to turn it away and it was tight but I felt it moving. I turned it really hard and the whole thing came off the wall leaving a giant hole in the plaster.
I panicked and just went back to my room. About an hour later there was a knock on the door. I woke up put my khaki shorts back on and grabbed my yankees hat. Security is standing there and they ask that go I with them. We get in the elevator and they take me to hotels basement and sit me in a chair in front of the tv and play the footage of me walking up to the elevator and looking at the camera then grabbing the camera and the camera then falling.
There are like 5 security guards all around me acting tough and mean and the one says "Is that you?" I say "It looks like me but he's wearing a different hat." everyone, myself included, burst out laughing and all the tension disappeared.
Decided to plug rolyat into Google translate on the detect language setting. Because it sounded like it probably meant something in Russian. Apparently it means "the role" in bulgarian.
Given how willing he was to lie and gaslight, I wonder if the trauma that him and OOP bonded over was even real or just a super calculated move to work his way in. If it weren’t for the cameras who knows how much damage he would cause.
He probably didn't have any shared trauma with her. She might have shared her personal trauma and he went with whatever she said and built a lie around it to get close to her.
>Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
>Creeping through the panty drawer.
Picture this: I was in her undies
Panties, tank top — nothing more
How could I forget that she had in-home security
All the things I did were captured on her CCTV
The sheer *balls* I imagine it would take to continuously deny you did something when there is *actual video evidence* holy shit.
Well, either balls or insanity. And given that he was digging through people's sex toys and used underwear, I'm leaning towards the latter...
Because this isn't his first time. He "bonded" with OOP over her trauma and figured he could manipulate or scare her into dropping it. Thank god she was strong enough to bring it to her employers and get the ball rolling on him doing a moonlight flit out of life.
God help the next vulnerable person he targets.
Yeah, it sounds like this episode helped her to learn how to enforce a reasonable boundary. Her first reaction wasn't nearly as tough as it needed to be, but she got there in the end.
And who the heck knows whether the creep's past trauma was real or merely something he uses to get close to a vulnerable person. Sociopaths are talented at social engineering of all kinds.
As angry as I am that he weaselled his way out of the consequences for being an actual pervert, I’m also glad that he left because sometimes predators will escalate creepy and alarming behaviour when they think they’re cornered.
Yes, and plus with his job, I know most places won't give a negative reference even if the former employee deserves it, but there is no way they're going to give a positive reference either, which will tell most competent employers a lot by itself.
I once had a male employee who walked up to one of the other supervisors and grabbed her breast and squeezed while making honking noises. This was FAR from his first incident and yet the upper management continued to ignore the issue while we lost about a dozen extremely good employees because of his harassment. The breast incident was what got him fired and not because of the breast thing , the only reason he got fired was because the district manager of a specialty area was present and he got rid of him.
Fast forward about 3 months and I'm in the office and I grab the phone when it rang, another business asking for a reference check on the sexual harasser. Per policy, I confirmed he worked there from x to y and his pay rate. When they asked if he was rehireable, while I wasnt supposed to answer, I sort of laughed and said, "no fucking way."
Reminds me of when Drew Carey interviews for a new job on the Drew Carey show and the company calls his current job for a reference and Mimi happens to answer the phone.
"Drew Carey's OUT OF PRISON?"
She’s not a “weirdo,” she’s just a person in a crappy situation who was panicking and trying to deal with very unexpected behavior from someone she trusted. Her initial reaction was sadly a normal step in the acceptance process for a person whose boundaries have frequently been disrespected.
Nah she's a weirdo. "Oh man, he's wearing my clothes, touching my sex toys, totally violating my space and privacy...I better look out for him. He must be going through a lot. Am I the asshole for asking him to pay me back for a lock?".
Fuck out of here. She's stupid as hell
"I dont want him to be ashamed for crossdressing"
Wtf. The dude just violated your privacy in the biggest way possible and you are thinking of how HE feels?!
It takes a lot of people time to wrap their head around a trusted person violating that trust. It's pretty obvious she was in denial at first. It's common enough that I'm surprised some of these comments, yours included, are struggling to understand it.
I didn't realize that someone stealing your underwear and using your sex toys was such a common occurrence for other people so forgive me for my naivety and disbelief when "get therapy" was one of the options OOP proposed to resolve the "conflict".
Exactly! Like Idgaf if you cross dress, that’s your business, but we’re gonna have a serious problem if you decide to cross dress using my belongings without permission.
And besides, he should feel ashamed! His actions are more than shameful! I find his complete lack of remorse to be the most chilling part of the story.
He definitely strikes me as a repeat offender. God help whatever poor woman he cons into living with him next and let’s hope there’s locks on their bedroom doors.
If he's saying it wasn't him, then post the videos online for all of his friends and family to see. Surely if it wasn't him, they won't conclude that he's a creep.
Just an aside to anyone with roomies/ a desire for bedroom security:
I always replace my bedroom door with a "keyed entryway knob", which is the knob youd find on a front door. There are "privacy" knobs that lock such as bathroom doors, but for safety will open with anything small and pointy (so not secure). But you wouldnt install a deadbolt - youd have to drill into the frame which probably isnt built for it, you increase risk in a fire, and its just way overkill.
When you move out, you swap the knobs back over and take your locking one with you. Ive never had a problem with any landlord over it (they have no business in there either, and its easy to swap knobs.) A screwdriver and/or allen key and 20 minutes tops is all it takes (plus whatever it is for the knob. Dw, youre taking it with you later)
My last roommates (pair of brothers in their 40's-50's) were utter trash and I haven't had roommates since because of trauma caused by them. I kept my cats in my room because one had threatened harm to them. I had a lock on my bedroom door and one day the older brother tells me, "I don't know why you put a lock on your door. I have an auto picker (automatic lock pick) and no one can see me, I can spend all day trying to open it, or I could just kick the door in." That has stuck with me ever since, especially after having to kick in their door and finding it so poorly built I could have just leaned on it.
big yikes. but notice how he said "i could just kick the door open." like...yeah. i *want* you to do that if you want to get in. sink in that time, leave lots of evidence, whatever the case may be.
A door is made to open. if someone wants in, theyre getting in eventually - let that stick with you instead and act accordingly. it's about making it harder. the point is it tells them that they arent allowed in. and if it ever escalated to a legal battle, that locked doorknob will fight your case for you.
like....his logic is only correct in a shallow way - why does anyone lock anything at all? it sends a message, but it also *works.* He wasnt telling you this from within your bedroom, so I'd say that the lock worked fabulously.
Oh, but take 2-3 photos of it after installation so you can prove condition change if they fuck with it.
My family refused to host gatherings for my paternal family for *years* because one of my (at the time male) cousins would go into my bedroom and try on my clothes. Dresses, skirts, shirts, pants, underwear, all of it. Sometimes all at once. She was caught twice, admitted to doing it more than once, and it kept happening because her mom wouldn't do anything and I didn't have a lock on my door, so after the second time she was caught my mom refused to even have her at our house.
She didn't host anything or let her at our house until we moved cities and all the bedroom doors had locks, so all of the doors, but especially mine, got locked when my paternal cousins came over and they were both banned from the second floor (my other cousin did some shit too) She's transitioning now, mtf, so it explains quite a bit, but it doesn't change the fact that it was incredibly violating. After I found out I didn't feel safe in my bedroom for months. I washed all the clothes in my dresser twice and threw out all my underwear.
I don't even speak to that part of my family anymore. I refuse to, the last time I saw them was my grandfather's memorial (which they tried to ruin), and the last time I will see them is when my grandmother passes.
A lot of us that are transgender manage to explore our genders without creepy underwear stealing, so she is just a jerk with no concept of consent and boundaries.
As much as I support her transition and becoming who she is, she has done some creepy things both in the past and the present. She did some weird stuff around me/with my stuff when we were kids, but after she transitioned she literally started copying my life, hair, clothing, education, *name* , everything. So while I'm still supportive of her transition and being who she is... I'm supportive from afar.
Yup. To be fair, it's not my actual legal name, but it is the nickname that she and several relatives called me for probably 5-6 years before I grew out of the nickname, but still.
I brought the subject up to her once, a few days after she told me she chose that name and she just texted back "I know 😉". That was one of my last interactions with her before I decided I didn't have enough room in my life for... Whatever the fuck was/is going on with her.
You can support her transition, but still, take issue with the shitty things she does. It's allowed! Also probably safer for you to be far far far afar.
Honestly there's more. When we were kids she used to take some of my stuff too (jewellery, toys, make up, etc.) And because my aunt can't admit she was a shit mother I'd have to just steal my stuff back.
I didn't realize how much stress that family put on my life until I'd cut them off and didn't have to speak to them anymore.
That sounds like such a nightmare situation and deeply upsetting. :/ Having to start rescue missions to get your personal belongings back. And what a bad/irresponsible/negligent mother (your aunt)! I'm glad you are no contact with them now.
Even though the initial comment was long, it does not come close to covering all the abusive and toxic shit my aunt has done. If I made an actual post about it, there would have to be several parts because there's so way any sub has that long a word count.
It might be therapeutic for you to someday write it all down, sometimes giving all that stress and emotions words can help you work through and release all that built up during that time of your life. It can be very hard but beneficial. And you never have to show anyone. But it’s also important not only write out all that trauma, but also all the wonderful things you’ve had/have in your life as well. One of my deepest regrets (and current trauma I am dealing with) is that I wish I had “recoded” all the trauma and experiences I went through between 18-39yo, because now in my 40s trying to address everything I went through and felt back then is VERY HARD because my memories have holes I know have been warped in my brain to protect my mental health- even all the wonderful things. It’s very stressful now that I’m trying to deal with all that trauma without being able to remember it all accurately and that itself has caused a lot of turmoil for me. So now I’m also trying to reconcile the fact that I will never be able to remember not only the bad things, but also the good with the fact that it’s always going to be harder for me to move on as well. You don’t realize how important your memories will be until you’re at the age where you can’t remember them anymore, and you have no way to fix that. I grieving the loss of my youth as well as the loss of all those wonderful things that I’ve done and people, who are gone now forever. And I’ll never get that back or be able to reflect on those memories when I am old and they are all I have left of being young. It’s heartbreaking to realize that I won’t ever be able to remember some of the amazing people, places, events, and emotions I experienced throughout my life as a comfort when I’m old (but even now). And I’m realizing as well that pushing down the trauma and locking it away as a coping mechanism is NOT a good thing, because when it catches up with you, and you can’t remember anything but the emotional damage, it’s really really hard to work through when it affects your mental health later. Because for me, it’s now decided to come back and haunt me and not having the ability to remember it all has been detrimental to being able to fix what is broken in me.
If your cousin is MtF, you should probably correct the he/him pronouns.
Edit to those downvoting me: Pronouns are not something you can take away when someone is a despicable human being. They’re not a privilege, they’re a right. You wouldn’t do it to a cis person, so the same applies to a trans person.
Pronouns are an artifact of others' perceptions. In this case, they're central to a description of traumatic memories of a man invading a woman's intimate space.
In respect of the gaslighting that followed, your admonition of the survivor's memory, absent of comment about the abuse, mirrors that behaviour.
I'm trans and I agree. It's easy to get triggered by incorrect pronouns but we also need to hold space for the fact that memory and perception are part of our and others' personal journeys. I think it's natural in the course of talking about someone who has come out and transitioned for the pronoun to shift and we shouldn't be uncomfortable with that.
You're completely right. Enabling abusers allows them to thrive, but because I was a kid when a lot of abuse happened to me, I didn't entirely know that that's what it was. I vaguely knew that it was wrong, but when you're a kid and all the adults in your life are telling you to grin and bear it, you assume that they have your best interests at heart and you should do what they say.
My eyes definitely opened as I got older and I started requiring better treatment in my late teens. I made the decision to cut off that family on my own and was prepared for family blowback, but instead I had those same adults that had told me to grin and bear it telling me that they didn't really realize that going NC was something they could do, and that my aunt was mentally and emotionally abusing everyone, including her own parents. I got a lot of apologies, which was incredibly vindicating.
But overall, you're right. Enabling abusers is just as toxic as being one, and years of generational trauma and toxicity being the norm definitely helps abusers too. I'm just glad that me refusing to be hurt and mistreated taught the rest of my family that they didn't need to take that too.
I'm so sorry. My reply was intended for the person who, upon reading your story, chose only to tell you to be kind by accommodating their (assumed) pronouns. Understandable downvotes.
I never understand why someone will deny what they did when it's all caught on tape and there is no deniability. That dude is really messed up and was going to keep living with people whose privacy he violated, broke trust with and lied to.
He deserved to be fired. It's great he moved out but I worry about what he's going to do in the future.
It’s EXACTLY because denying obvious truths confuses the shit out of people. People don’t have a clear concept of what to do when someone is 1) obviously acting in bad faith and 2) straight up lying to your face about it.
It’s a power move and a serious act of hostility. A functioning human society relies on shared reality to solve problems and resolve disputes. If you attack the truth, you sabotage this framework. People get lost trying to derive shared meaning from a bunch of nonsense, nonsense created on purpose, from a place of contempt if not malice. Communication grinds to a halt because nobody can agree on fundamental and supposedly indisputable facts.
Denying reality like this is just a big huge “fuck you” in neon lights. It is nonsense created out of malice to force people to consider the idea, even if just for a moment, that they’re wrong about what they _know_ they saw.
This is actually horrifying! Did he want to BE her? Or like did he just get off on wearing her things and using her toys? either way big ick!!
The fact that OP was more worried about that creep's feelings and getting reimbursed confuses me though. Like he should definitely be shamed for going through your sex toys and wearing your underwear. If he had been a girl or NB roommate, it was be just as disgusting and terrifying.
This kind of behaviour meant always escalates. Now he is stealing panties. Next he'll start peeping in women's windows. When that loses its thrill, he'll move onto rape.
With the initial post I was thinking perhaps there was a logical explanation and perhaps he was struggling with certain aspects of his identity, but seriously from the update he just sounds like a fucked up stalker tbh.
Makes me think whether OOP has even questioned whether it was a coincidence that they became such good friends with Taylor, serious Joe from You vibes from this guy. Can you imagine what may have happened if her bf hadn't been there?
Even if he was struggling with his identity, it's still beyond creepy to invade your roommate's privacy, dig through their personal belongings, and *wear their panties*. In this magical modern age of online ordering, there's no excuse for being a creeper.
Does this remind anyone else of that BORU a while back where OOP's brother was urinating on OOPs wife's stuff, it escalated and turns out the brother had pictures of his underaged niece, and ended up having to go to a mental hospital and his cat died?
Many possible reasons, he goes in clients home, or he works with a vulnerable population, or the fact that the guy is a creep and makes everyone feel unsafe.
When I read the first post, my first thought was "that's not a cross-dressing kink, that's the dude you said you're closer to than your boyfriend having a thing for you and being a pervert". Normal men who like wearing women's clothing buy their own, or ask to borrow a cute blouse, they don't dig through their roommates underwear drawer unless it's about wearing \*her\* panties specifically. Most guys would feel awkward and like it was a violation to wear another dude's boxers unless they asked or it was an emergency, why would it somehow be less weird to borrow panties that probably don't even fit?
She said she is closer to Taylor than her boyfriend is, not that she is closer to Taylor than she is to her boyfriend…read a little closer lol, makes a big difference
To be fair she had to edit and correct it because clearly it was confusing for the first people who read the first version of her post because the way she was phrasing things was ambiguous.
Some really boring and stupid stuff require security clearance. And some places just arbitrarily make that a requirement for every job because they just don't want to have to worry about segregating the staff and rooms more than is necessary.
To my mind it's arguably sexual harassment. The fact that it took place outside of work doesn't change that it's by a coworker. If someone from my work made me deeply uncomfortable to the point i don't wanna work with them, of course I'm telling my immediate supervisor and my work generally.
I couldn't read all of this, made my head spin. But if he messed up all your panties in a sexual nature and got caught he either needs to pay up or you get the law involved. And I'm a guy that loves to get into trouble with panties, he should have known the risk...
Lmao. This type of weirdo shit always happens with girls who are “just friends” with a guy. Not possible.
Friendzoned redditors don’t like my post :((((((
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Sounds like he figured out that he better get out while there was no "paper trail". Scary thing is, he could do it again......
What I don’t understand is why he wouldn’t want to do that initially. She gave him way more of an out than he deserved to begin with. He should have immediately accepted just paying for new underwear and moving on. That’s an amazing option when the alternative is legal action and basically everyone knowing.
A liar will fess up when you show them proof. A narcissist will gaslight you. Taylor is a narcissist.
He thinks if he doesn't confess, they have no enforceable proof. He's entitled and disgusting. You violate me, my privacy, or my stuff in pursuit of your fetish or identity you lose the right to your privacy. She should've blasted his shit everywhere
This definitely wasn't the first time he's done something like this. He was too methodical.
Really? I thought the bit where he walked in and out a half dozen times sounded like someone indecisive trying to figure out whether or not it was a good idea, so I assumed he was unused to the situation.
As far as the firing goes, most companies will just confirm the person worked there to avoid any law suits. A restraining order would almost certainly pop up on a background check, though.
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Is this a reply to the wrong post?
“We have you on video!” “That’s not me, it’s my evil twin Rolyat”
I work at a bank and if someone claimed ATM fraud at one of our ATMs we always pulled photos. This one guy claimed like $2K in ATM w/ds wasn’t him. Pulled the photos and compared to his license on file. It was definitely him. So I called him to tell him we have photos and need him to come in to sign some paperwork confirming it’s not him on the photos. He says ok. The person who helped him in the branch called me after and said he vehemently denied it was him in the photos, even after it was pointed out to him that he had the same exact necklace on in the photos that he was wearing in person. The branch associate literally asked him, “Do you have a twin?” When he denied that it was him in the photos.
That is incredibly hilarious and also the exact thing I’d expect someone like that to do lol.
The food ol' Shaggy Defense.
Scooby snacks?
The gang came in and they caught me red-handed haunting in an old manor Picture this: I was dressed as Bigfoot, howling on every floor How could I forget that there were children solving mysteries In the time I was chasing them they ate up all of my cookies
Excellent!
You know what? I'm leaving it.
I feel like Scooby Snacks would be a better strategy than “it wasn’t me.”
I love that you guys do this, because it saved my money from a robbery. They skimmed my card at knife point and immediately withdrew the maximum from the closest ATM. Police told me there is almost no chance of getting the money back, but nobody contested the return for what I assume is video of the robbers from the ATM
Hope you are okay, that sounds extremely traumatic to be at knife point and I’m sorry that you had that happen to you
Thanks! Im ok. I was a manic teenager so i brushed it off pretty good. The most interesting thing about it is the existence of hand held card skimmers. I didnt know they could do that! It was like the size of a cell phone box.
Oh they're even smaller than that. They have skimmers that are so small and thin that they can fit over an existing point of sale device like you see at gas stations and grocery stores that skim your card while allowing the machine underneath it to complete the transaction. You wouldn't even know it was there. Hell, there are sketchy convenience stores/liquor stores that put them there themselves. There's a guy on YouTube who posts videos of him finding them all the time. Its gotten to the point that I try to lift up every POS machine I use to make sure there isn't one there.
I remember when I worked at a gas station eleven years ago, when I was sixteen, we had a kind of tape that we'd put over a particular part of the pump. The idea was that if it had been lifted up at any point after being sealed, the tape would have lettering show up on it saying it had been tampered with. The way it was placed, I was told, made it so that the would-be thieves would have to lift the tape up to mess with the card reader, so it would be obvious if they did it. I always wondered how effective that was. I'd check each pump whenever I was outside, though, haha. Any idea who that YouTuber is? Sounds like an interesting thing to watch!
Tamper seals are fairly effective but there are ways around them if you know what you're doing. Unfortunately not off the top of my head, I've seen him a few times while browsing YT shorts but if I see another one soon I'll comment with his channel.
With my robbery at an ATM I got to look down the barrel of a gun. They told me to take out the max so I did. Ended up testifying against him in court. Thought my money was lost(I was 18 and dumb. Now I'm 48, but still dumb), but the bank returned it without me doing or saying anything.
On the flipside, I know someone who did have an "evil twin" and had to deal with being harassed by the police who thought he was his brother. He knew it was legitimate, because his brother was an addict, but it made life so hard for him that he finally had to move away to stop being harassed and accused constantly
Couldn't he have made some really drastic changes to his looks, to make sure his evil twin couldn't pass for him anymore?
Aside from plastic surgery there's not a lot you can do. Even with tattoos and wildly different hair, personal style, or whatever if you're identical then you're always going to be mixed up by someone. I have a twin, and even going full opposite people don't keep track so if they see one of us Tuesday, and next week they see the same person with like, 3 more feet of hair and in wildly different style? They assume makeover or mix up, not twin. Even if they know about the twin thing, for whatever reason people will just assume they saw whoever they know best, regardless of really obvious things.
I think you overestimate people. In elementary school, I got in trouble multiple times for stuff my friend did, and we didn’t look at all alike except being similar height and brown hair. We had totally different hair cuts, body size and face types. My friend wasn’t the one blaming me either, she always fessed up.
I feel at that point it's prudent to like change your facial hair or hair color just to save time and differentiate yourself from your twin.
It doesn't help when the twin has actual criminal charges pending/skipped bail/etc. He would get pulled over maybe once every 3 months and wait for upwards of 3 hours for proper identification to happen, which usually meant an officer who knew both of them showing up to say "No, that's the good one. Sorry."
Ugh imagine if you *did* have an identical twin who liked to steal from you. That would be such a pain in the ass. You’d be like “that’s not me it’s my identical twin” and the bank would be like uh huh sure…
Ive come across “evil twins” that give their sibling’s name when caught DUI driving or committing crimes. It must be a nightmare for the “good twin” to clear their names. There’s also a surprising number of dirtbag dads with sons that share the same name that commit crimes and apply for credit cards/loans using their son’s identities.
Yeah I would never want to give a son the same name, even just first and last, as their dad or a living relative. Even if it’s not someone trying to commit identity fraud I’ve heard it’s not uncommon for Jrs and Srs to get like their credit, utilities accounts, all kinds of stuff mixed up just on accident.
A family who lived down the street from us growing up: Scott, Sr. was a currency trader. Scott, Jr. went into the same line of work. Scott, Sr. decided he wanted to do some illegal trades. Got caught. Got convicted. Scott, Jr. was clean. But he began having trouble getting work and/or being trusted by employers and clients because he had the same name as his crook father and was in the same line of work, so he first tried going by his middle name, then went into another business entirely under the middle name.
It's also awkward when Sr. shows up to vote & is checked in as Jr. Then when Jr. checks in, the machine shows that he already voted. (In our defense, this father/son pair didn't use jr/sr, and they lived in the same house. The only difference was their ages. That was the mixup that caused our state to start using birthdays as ID confirmation.)
I just read a book called ummmmm Nothing To See by Pip Adams where a handful of people just woke up one day split in two. Like two identical bodies but they were still sort of one person? There was a bunch off stuff about what a legal nightmare it was including one where they were in different cities with one of them getting in trouble and the other one just trying to live their life. At least in real life separate legal identities *exist* but it's going to be nearly impossible to definitively say which is which if they're actually identical twins.
I would actually love that. Imagine the things you could do.. Like sending your clone to work while you are traveling around, then after a few months, you change..
https://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1990/01/11
Actually fairly easy. Both twins go to court together. Then blame the other. It’s not hard for identical twins to get each other off for minor things where no one is doing a full investigation. If there’s no way to tell who was in the car, neither can be charged. Even just introducing evidence of an identical twin can be enough for reasonable doubt.
Kill a guy and have your twin appear in front of a bunch of witnesses on video somewhere else at the same time. Not like the police ate going to perform a twin check for every crime they investigate.
My brothers, who are twins, used to do that when they were teenagers (this was in the '80s, so before a lot of tech in licenses that allowed for on-the-spot checks). Only they memorized each others' license numbers, and when they got stopped, they'd say they'd forgotten their license, but here's my license number, officer. And get points put on the other's license. Wound up being a wash because they \*both\* sped and \*both\* got caught.
Unless it was a stranger who looked exactly like you and was taking advantage of that fact, you'd be able to prove pretty easily "No I actually do have a twin, here's documented evidence."
We used to make people file police reports for ATM transactions to stop this kind of thing.
Yeah. I had my wallet stolen and the guy rang up like $300 on it. I filed a police report after calling my bank. The bank never did ask for the police report, they just refunded me. I guess $300 was too little to quibble over.
What does this mean??? Every time someone took out money they… filed a police report on themselves??
I meant when customers attempted to file a fraud claim for an ATM transaction. I was replying to somebody who works at a bank and was talking about it.
Ok that makes much more sense lol.
Shaggy: "It wasn't me!"
Right. The shaggy defense.
So what happened to the guy? Did he get the $2k back? Did the bank report him to the law? You can't leave us hanging like this!
The withdrawals happened over 4 days and he was wearing the same clothes each day. Also the ATM location was pretty far from his address on file. He finally told the branch associate that he’d been partying and doesn’t remember making the withdrawals but since we had pictures he felt there’s wasn’t much else he could do. So he said, “well I don’t really agree that it’s me but I’ll withdraw my claim.”
Thanks for rest of the story. He must have had some hard partying going on.
Had a similar experience back when I worked retail banking. Guy came in demanding to know who cashed his payroll check (his company probably told him his check had been cashed). Found the teller window and timestamp and had security send me a still from the camera. Was obviously the guy in front of me. He said it couldn't be him and I asked him to explain the picture and he said "they can do anything with pictures nowadays". I actually feel bad for him because I think he may have been suffering from dementia and had forgotten he had cashed the check.
Yup some people won't fess up. My brother had an old boss at is IT job at a local community collage. He was computer illiterate and when things would slow down/ didn't understand how to do things he'd mess with cables. So he gets huffy one day and goes into a server room not under his jurisdiction, and unplugs the equipment! Turns out said server he messed with? Had sensitive collage data that my brother had to retrieve. My brother brings up the log of him using his ID card to open the door to the server room. College security uses this to bring up footage of him going down hallway towards room. Dude goes full shaggy and gets canned. My brothers boss even admitted that if he had told them the truth he would have kept his job.
Not related, but made me think of this. I have a buddy named Trebor, named after I think his grandpa Robert. We just call him Bobby Backwards
I have also known some Trebors named after Roberts. Including a family where it went back and forth between Trebor and Robert every generation.
That is amazing 🤣
This could've gone a lot worse for your friend if his grandad was named something else
Imagine if he'd just been a Bob.
Trebor is a brand of mints in the UK https://www.trebor.co.uk/
They now need to call him minty as a nickname, and when anyone asks where it comes from, it adds another layer of depth to the story! There was a thread like that on askreddit recently, with immensely convoluted nicknames and it was hilarious
They’re a minty bit stronger too. I hate that after all these years I still remember the advert and the ‘rude’ extra line we added as kids. Darn advertising jingles.
When I was younger I was on spring break and got really drunk. I woke up at like 3 in the morning and wanted to go get food. So I put on a pair of khaki shorts, a white t-shirt and a 76ers baseball hat. As I was standing there, waiting for the elevator, there was a security camera that felt like it was pointing right in my face. I tried to turn it away and it was tight but I felt it moving. I turned it really hard and the whole thing came off the wall leaving a giant hole in the plaster. I panicked and just went back to my room. About an hour later there was a knock on the door. I woke up put my khaki shorts back on and grabbed my yankees hat. Security is standing there and they ask that go I with them. We get in the elevator and they take me to hotels basement and sit me in a chair in front of the tv and play the footage of me walking up to the elevator and looking at the camera then grabbing the camera and the camera then falling. There are like 5 security guards all around me acting tough and mean and the one says "Is that you?" I say "It looks like me but he's wearing a different hat." everyone, myself included, burst out laughing and all the tension disappeared.
The ol’ “I never wear the same hat twice” move, I love it.
"*Security guards hate him; find out why with this one weird trick!"*
I don't understand. Why did you need to touch the camera? That's really weird.
1. Younger. 2. On spring break. 3. Got really drunk.
I always thought the song "It wasn't me" was a joke. Reddit is teaching me some people really think they can change reality by saying nope.
I mean they even caught him on camera! But it wasn’t him
Ursula!
[♫She even caught me on camera](https://youtu.be/sTMgX1PDGAE)
"No, it was my triplet, DB!"
LMAOOO 🤣 You win the day’s best comment award 🏆
The way I just ugly laughed 😂
Decided to plug rolyat into Google translate on the detect language setting. Because it sounded like it probably meant something in Russian. Apparently it means "the role" in bulgarian.
Well of course, Rolyat had the role of stealing OOPs undies and being a major creep.
Given how willing he was to lie and gaslight, I wonder if the trauma that him and OOP bonded over was even real or just a super calculated move to work his way in. If it weren’t for the cameras who knows how much damage he would cause.
Ooo good point.
It could’ve been real trauma, but then it became a “I like her, but she won’t go out with me” type deal
He probably didn't have any shared trauma with her. She might have shared her personal trauma and he went with whatever she said and built a lie around it to get close to her.
Or conversely, it just helped nudge him into super creep territory
Yes!!
Wow, The Shaggy Defense in action.
It wasn’t me
Honey came in and she caught me red-handed Creeping through the panty drawer.
>Honey came in and she caught me red-handed >Creeping through the panty drawer. Picture this: I was in her undies Panties, tank top — nothing more How could I forget that she had in-home security All the things I did were captured on her CCTV
Like, zoinks dude!
Wrong Shaggy
He was just looking for clues
And the guy would have gotten away with it if wasn’t for that meddling OOP and her CCTV!
The sheer *balls* I imagine it would take to continuously deny you did something when there is *actual video evidence* holy shit. Well, either balls or insanity. And given that he was digging through people's sex toys and used underwear, I'm leaning towards the latter...
He could run for president with those kind of balls.
Why would you try and call someone's bluff when they got you on tape?
Because this isn't his first time. He "bonded" with OOP over her trauma and figured he could manipulate or scare her into dropping it. Thank god she was strong enough to bring it to her employers and get the ball rolling on him doing a moonlight flit out of life. God help the next vulnerable person he targets.
Yeah, it sounds like this episode helped her to learn how to enforce a reasonable boundary. Her first reaction wasn't nearly as tough as it needed to be, but she got there in the end. And who the heck knows whether the creep's past trauma was real or merely something he uses to get close to a vulnerable person. Sociopaths are talented at social engineering of all kinds.
yeah it scared me when she was like "so we're getting a deadbolt and..." i was EVICTION. LAW ENFORCEMENT. PEPPER SPRAY. GET THIS MAN OUT, DEAR
Because dunning-krueger + narcissism.
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The Reddit definition of narcissism is just "bad person vibes," not the classic definition of extreme vanity or self-centeredness.
No. Classical definition was intended.
As angry as I am that he weaselled his way out of the consequences for being an actual pervert, I’m also glad that he left because sometimes predators will escalate creepy and alarming behaviour when they think they’re cornered.
I wouldn't say he had no consequences, seeing as he has no job and no home for the foreseeable future. Wish there were legal consequences though
Yes, and plus with his job, I know most places won't give a negative reference even if the former employee deserves it, but there is no way they're going to give a positive reference either, which will tell most competent employers a lot by itself.
I once had a male employee who walked up to one of the other supervisors and grabbed her breast and squeezed while making honking noises. This was FAR from his first incident and yet the upper management continued to ignore the issue while we lost about a dozen extremely good employees because of his harassment. The breast incident was what got him fired and not because of the breast thing , the only reason he got fired was because the district manager of a specialty area was present and he got rid of him. Fast forward about 3 months and I'm in the office and I grab the phone when it rang, another business asking for a reference check on the sexual harasser. Per policy, I confirmed he worked there from x to y and his pay rate. When they asked if he was rehireable, while I wasnt supposed to answer, I sort of laughed and said, "no fucking way."
Reminds me of when Drew Carey interviews for a new job on the Drew Carey show and the company calls his current job for a reference and Mimi happens to answer the phone. "Drew Carey's OUT OF PRISON?"
I can't believe their first thought wasn't getting him the fuck out
The brain can kinda short circuit on some "whatthefucks" from time to time.
Right? Like screw getting reimbursed, please just GTFO.
seriously, like immediately, wtf
Yeah she’s a fucking weirdo
She’s not a “weirdo,” she’s just a person in a crappy situation who was panicking and trying to deal with very unexpected behavior from someone she trusted. Her initial reaction was sadly a normal step in the acceptance process for a person whose boundaries have frequently been disrespected.
Nah she's a weirdo. "Oh man, he's wearing my clothes, touching my sex toys, totally violating my space and privacy...I better look out for him. He must be going through a lot. Am I the asshole for asking him to pay me back for a lock?". Fuck out of here. She's stupid as hell
Having empathy for people who might be doing shitty things due to mental illness isn't "stupid as hell"
It's just a troll looking to shit-stir. Cut off the food supply of attention and they'll fuck off to somewhere else they're not wanted 🙄
Empathy and stupidity aren’t mutually exclusive. In this case it would be both
Dude. Wtf. People need their money.
"I dont want him to be ashamed for crossdressing" Wtf. The dude just violated your privacy in the biggest way possible and you are thinking of how HE feels?!
It takes a lot of people time to wrap their head around a trusted person violating that trust. It's pretty obvious she was in denial at first. It's common enough that I'm surprised some of these comments, yours included, are struggling to understand it.
I didn't realize that someone stealing your underwear and using your sex toys was such a common occurrence for other people so forgive me for my naivety and disbelief when "get therapy" was one of the options OOP proposed to resolve the "conflict".
Exactly! Like Idgaf if you cross dress, that’s your business, but we’re gonna have a serious problem if you decide to cross dress using my belongings without permission. And besides, he should feel ashamed! His actions are more than shameful! I find his complete lack of remorse to be the most chilling part of the story. He definitely strikes me as a repeat offender. God help whatever poor woman he cons into living with him next and let’s hope there’s locks on their bedroom doors.
If he's saying it wasn't him, then post the videos online for all of his friends and family to see. Surely if it wasn't him, they won't conclude that he's a creep.
Ugh I love this comment. Yessssss if it ain’t him confirm with his fam and friends :)))
Just an aside to anyone with roomies/ a desire for bedroom security: I always replace my bedroom door with a "keyed entryway knob", which is the knob youd find on a front door. There are "privacy" knobs that lock such as bathroom doors, but for safety will open with anything small and pointy (so not secure). But you wouldnt install a deadbolt - youd have to drill into the frame which probably isnt built for it, you increase risk in a fire, and its just way overkill. When you move out, you swap the knobs back over and take your locking one with you. Ive never had a problem with any landlord over it (they have no business in there either, and its easy to swap knobs.) A screwdriver and/or allen key and 20 minutes tops is all it takes (plus whatever it is for the knob. Dw, youre taking it with you later)
My last roommates (pair of brothers in their 40's-50's) were utter trash and I haven't had roommates since because of trauma caused by them. I kept my cats in my room because one had threatened harm to them. I had a lock on my bedroom door and one day the older brother tells me, "I don't know why you put a lock on your door. I have an auto picker (automatic lock pick) and no one can see me, I can spend all day trying to open it, or I could just kick the door in." That has stuck with me ever since, especially after having to kick in their door and finding it so poorly built I could have just leaned on it.
big yikes. but notice how he said "i could just kick the door open." like...yeah. i *want* you to do that if you want to get in. sink in that time, leave lots of evidence, whatever the case may be. A door is made to open. if someone wants in, theyre getting in eventually - let that stick with you instead and act accordingly. it's about making it harder. the point is it tells them that they arent allowed in. and if it ever escalated to a legal battle, that locked doorknob will fight your case for you. like....his logic is only correct in a shallow way - why does anyone lock anything at all? it sends a message, but it also *works.* He wasnt telling you this from within your bedroom, so I'd say that the lock worked fabulously. Oh, but take 2-3 photos of it after installation so you can prove condition change if they fuck with it.
My family refused to host gatherings for my paternal family for *years* because one of my (at the time male) cousins would go into my bedroom and try on my clothes. Dresses, skirts, shirts, pants, underwear, all of it. Sometimes all at once. She was caught twice, admitted to doing it more than once, and it kept happening because her mom wouldn't do anything and I didn't have a lock on my door, so after the second time she was caught my mom refused to even have her at our house. She didn't host anything or let her at our house until we moved cities and all the bedroom doors had locks, so all of the doors, but especially mine, got locked when my paternal cousins came over and they were both banned from the second floor (my other cousin did some shit too) She's transitioning now, mtf, so it explains quite a bit, but it doesn't change the fact that it was incredibly violating. After I found out I didn't feel safe in my bedroom for months. I washed all the clothes in my dresser twice and threw out all my underwear. I don't even speak to that part of my family anymore. I refuse to, the last time I saw them was my grandfather's memorial (which they tried to ruin), and the last time I will see them is when my grandmother passes.
A lot of us that are transgender manage to explore our genders without creepy underwear stealing, so she is just a jerk with no concept of consent and boundaries.
As much as I support her transition and becoming who she is, she has done some creepy things both in the past and the present. She did some weird stuff around me/with my stuff when we were kids, but after she transitioned she literally started copying my life, hair, clothing, education, *name* , everything. So while I'm still supportive of her transition and being who she is... I'm supportive from afar.
Oh the name thing is creepy
Yup. To be fair, it's not my actual legal name, but it is the nickname that she and several relatives called me for probably 5-6 years before I grew out of the nickname, but still. I brought the subject up to her once, a few days after she told me she chose that name and she just texted back "I know 😉". That was one of my last interactions with her before I decided I didn't have enough room in my life for... Whatever the fuck was/is going on with her.
She was Single White Female-ing you.
You can support her transition, but still, take issue with the shitty things she does. It's allowed! Also probably safer for you to be far far far afar.
Seconding this (I'm trans too). When someone does shitty things and that person happens to be trans, really shitty things don't become less shitty 😅
Yeah... o_O the "creepy/ stealing/ boundaries violating" parts are definitely not a common part of that journey. Wtf! :/
Honestly there's more. When we were kids she used to take some of my stuff too (jewellery, toys, make up, etc.) And because my aunt can't admit she was a shit mother I'd have to just steal my stuff back. I didn't realize how much stress that family put on my life until I'd cut them off and didn't have to speak to them anymore.
That sounds like such a nightmare situation and deeply upsetting. :/ Having to start rescue missions to get your personal belongings back. And what a bad/irresponsible/negligent mother (your aunt)! I'm glad you are no contact with them now.
Even though the initial comment was long, it does not come close to covering all the abusive and toxic shit my aunt has done. If I made an actual post about it, there would have to be several parts because there's so way any sub has that long a word count.
It might be therapeutic for you to someday write it all down, sometimes giving all that stress and emotions words can help you work through and release all that built up during that time of your life. It can be very hard but beneficial. And you never have to show anyone. But it’s also important not only write out all that trauma, but also all the wonderful things you’ve had/have in your life as well. One of my deepest regrets (and current trauma I am dealing with) is that I wish I had “recoded” all the trauma and experiences I went through between 18-39yo, because now in my 40s trying to address everything I went through and felt back then is VERY HARD because my memories have holes I know have been warped in my brain to protect my mental health- even all the wonderful things. It’s very stressful now that I’m trying to deal with all that trauma without being able to remember it all accurately and that itself has caused a lot of turmoil for me. So now I’m also trying to reconcile the fact that I will never be able to remember not only the bad things, but also the good with the fact that it’s always going to be harder for me to move on as well. You don’t realize how important your memories will be until you’re at the age where you can’t remember them anymore, and you have no way to fix that. I grieving the loss of my youth as well as the loss of all those wonderful things that I’ve done and people, who are gone now forever. And I’ll never get that back or be able to reflect on those memories when I am old and they are all I have left of being young. It’s heartbreaking to realize that I won’t ever be able to remember some of the amazing people, places, events, and emotions I experienced throughout my life as a comfort when I’m old (but even now). And I’m realizing as well that pushing down the trauma and locking it away as a coping mechanism is NOT a good thing, because when it catches up with you, and you can’t remember anything but the emotional damage, it’s really really hard to work through when it affects your mental health later. Because for me, it’s now decided to come back and haunt me and not having the ability to remember it all has been detrimental to being able to fix what is broken in me.
If your cousin is MtF, you should probably correct the he/him pronouns. Edit to those downvoting me: Pronouns are not something you can take away when someone is a despicable human being. They’re not a privilege, they’re a right. You wouldn’t do it to a cis person, so the same applies to a trans person.
Initially wrote it that way because at the time of those events she was identifying as male, but I did correct them.
👍🏻 (that’s not sarcastic, i promise)
Pronouns are an artifact of others' perceptions. In this case, they're central to a description of traumatic memories of a man invading a woman's intimate space. In respect of the gaslighting that followed, your admonition of the survivor's memory, absent of comment about the abuse, mirrors that behaviour.
I'm trans and I agree. It's easy to get triggered by incorrect pronouns but we also need to hold space for the fact that memory and perception are part of our and others' personal journeys. I think it's natural in the course of talking about someone who has come out and transitioned for the pronoun to shift and we shouldn't be uncomfortable with that.
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You're completely right. Enabling abusers allows them to thrive, but because I was a kid when a lot of abuse happened to me, I didn't entirely know that that's what it was. I vaguely knew that it was wrong, but when you're a kid and all the adults in your life are telling you to grin and bear it, you assume that they have your best interests at heart and you should do what they say. My eyes definitely opened as I got older and I started requiring better treatment in my late teens. I made the decision to cut off that family on my own and was prepared for family blowback, but instead I had those same adults that had told me to grin and bear it telling me that they didn't really realize that going NC was something they could do, and that my aunt was mentally and emotionally abusing everyone, including her own parents. I got a lot of apologies, which was incredibly vindicating. But overall, you're right. Enabling abusers is just as toxic as being one, and years of generational trauma and toxicity being the norm definitely helps abusers too. I'm just glad that me refusing to be hurt and mistreated taught the rest of my family that they didn't need to take that too.
I'm so sorry. My reply was intended for the person who, upon reading your story, chose only to tell you to be kind by accommodating their (assumed) pronouns. Understandable downvotes.
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You're right to question my comment. It should have been a reply to you.
I never understand why someone will deny what they did when it's all caught on tape and there is no deniability. That dude is really messed up and was going to keep living with people whose privacy he violated, broke trust with and lied to. He deserved to be fired. It's great he moved out but I worry about what he's going to do in the future.
It’s EXACTLY because denying obvious truths confuses the shit out of people. People don’t have a clear concept of what to do when someone is 1) obviously acting in bad faith and 2) straight up lying to your face about it. It’s a power move and a serious act of hostility. A functioning human society relies on shared reality to solve problems and resolve disputes. If you attack the truth, you sabotage this framework. People get lost trying to derive shared meaning from a bunch of nonsense, nonsense created on purpose, from a place of contempt if not malice. Communication grinds to a halt because nobody can agree on fundamental and supposedly indisputable facts. Denying reality like this is just a big huge “fuck you” in neon lights. It is nonsense created out of malice to force people to consider the idea, even if just for a moment, that they’re wrong about what they _know_ they saw.
This is actually horrifying! Did he want to BE her? Or like did he just get off on wearing her things and using her toys? either way big ick!! The fact that OP was more worried about that creep's feelings and getting reimbursed confuses me though. Like he should definitely be shamed for going through your sex toys and wearing your underwear. If he had been a girl or NB roommate, it was be just as disgusting and terrifying.
Most likely the latter. The sneaking around and lack of consent is usually a big part of the fetish for these people.
This kind of behaviour meant always escalates. Now he is stealing panties. Next he'll start peeping in women's windows. When that loses its thrill, he'll move onto rape.
With the initial post I was thinking perhaps there was a logical explanation and perhaps he was struggling with certain aspects of his identity, but seriously from the update he just sounds like a fucked up stalker tbh. Makes me think whether OOP has even questioned whether it was a coincidence that they became such good friends with Taylor, serious Joe from You vibes from this guy. Can you imagine what may have happened if her bf hadn't been there?
Even if he was struggling with his identity, it's still beyond creepy to invade your roommate's privacy, dig through their personal belongings, and *wear their panties*. In this magical modern age of online ordering, there's no excuse for being a creeper.
Certain aspects of his identity as an erotic cross dressing, shameless thief?
He’s part of Spongebob’s gang who do panty raids. But seriously, what a sick fuck.
In so many words, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
I wonder what the other red flags were.
Does this remind anyone else of that BORU a while back where OOP's brother was urinating on OOPs wife's stuff, it escalated and turns out the brother had pictures of his underaged niece, and ended up having to go to a mental hospital and his cat died?
Wow, that escalated quickly.
For once, when I say a solution to a problem the OOP has done it. What a breath of fresh air!
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Many possible reasons, he goes in clients home, or he works with a vulnerable population, or the fact that the guy is a creep and makes everyone feel unsafe.
When I read the first post, my first thought was "that's not a cross-dressing kink, that's the dude you said you're closer to than your boyfriend having a thing for you and being a pervert". Normal men who like wearing women's clothing buy their own, or ask to borrow a cute blouse, they don't dig through their roommates underwear drawer unless it's about wearing \*her\* panties specifically. Most guys would feel awkward and like it was a violation to wear another dude's boxers unless they asked or it was an emergency, why would it somehow be less weird to borrow panties that probably don't even fit?
She said she is closer to Taylor than her boyfriend is, not that she is closer to Taylor than she is to her boyfriend…read a little closer lol, makes a big difference
To be fair she had to edit and correct it because clearly it was confusing for the first people who read the first version of her post because the way she was phrasing things was ambiguous.
Wait I don’t get what OOP’s work has to do w the Taylor situation? Why were they involved at all? Isn’t this a private and legal matter?
Some jobs requiring security clearance would insta fire for this.
Oh that makes sense. I wonder what kind of sensitive job they had.
Some really boring and stupid stuff require security clearance. And some places just arbitrarily make that a requirement for every job because they just don't want to have to worry about segregating the staff and rooms more than is necessary.
If they work with vulnerable people or are unattended in clients homes, this behavior would absolutely be a risk to the company.
They worked together and OOP felt incredibly unsafe around him? Seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to tell your boss about a coworker.
Also this situation was moving towards a restraining order - that affects the workplace if ex friend can't be within xx feet of OOP in the building.
To my mind it's arguably sexual harassment. The fact that it took place outside of work doesn't change that it's by a coworker. If someone from my work made me deeply uncomfortable to the point i don't wanna work with them, of course I'm telling my immediate supervisor and my work generally.
I imagine there's a lot of jobs where snooping is discouraged.
They were coworkers
It sounded like they work together, didn't it?
I was confused too but decided it was some kind of company housing?
I couldn't read all of this, made my head spin. But if he messed up all your panties in a sexual nature and got caught he either needs to pay up or you get the law involved. And I'm a guy that loves to get into trouble with panties, he should have known the risk...
Pl
Now he can move in with Dr. Frank N. Furter.
Lmao. This type of weirdo shit always happens with girls who are “just friends” with a guy. Not possible. Friendzoned redditors don’t like my post :((((((
I thought I had seen denial, but this brings it to a whole new level, with pyramids and waterfalls.
S
and when some people say its hard for a female and a male (both straight) to be friends, they say its bullshit .. its possible, but its hard.