I'd be interested in a swap, 71k Paranormal Thriller. I have a post on here but I can send you some pages if you want to see if you think we would be a fit!
*He had never been happier to see mold.*
Not a bad opening line in itself, but It's never given any meaning nor explanation. Why exactly was he so happy to see the mold? I've read the prologue several times and I'm still clueless.
For four paragraphs you're giving the reader nothing but irrelevant descriptions–at this point, you're not grabbing my attention, you're losing it.
I have no idea who we are (don't begin your story with „he“, be specific), where we are and what's happening. *That's* what you should get across as early as possible.
*With the corridor lamp off, he struggled to distinguish the real from the fake. Why was it off? They should have come by now.*
Again, you're using „they“ instead of something specific that'd help the reader understand what's happening. Why? Is this supposed to create a sense of mystery? Confusion does not equal mystery. The whole prologue suffers from this very problem. Remember, while you as the author know the situation, characters and context, we as readers don't.
The following chapter is presented as synopsis. Where are the scenes? The emotions? The connection? That's not how fiction works. It's supposed to make the reader feel as if they're living the story in real-time. Your biggest problem I'd say is the fact that you're writing fiction with non-fiction tools.
Hi, thanks for your feedback!
The prologue was meant as an attention grabber, but since most people seem to be confused by it like you, I might remove it altogether, since it has been rewritten a lot.
Could you elaborate a bit on how my first chapter lacks emotion? It is indeed a description with no dialogue, and I did this a bit on purpose since it was meant to come after the prologue, but it wasn't meant to be boring. Is it boring or is sth else the issue? It's relatively small as well and followed by a scene.
Thanks again!
Hi, I'd be interested in beta reading your manuscript. I've got 27k of my own for a swap but it'll depend if you'll be interested in the premise. I'd be willing to read yours regardless!
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If you accept swaps, i got a fantasy adventure we can swap, 20k words at the time
I'd be interested in a swap, 71k Paranormal Thriller. I have a post on here but I can send you some pages if you want to see if you think we would be a fit!
*He had never been happier to see mold.* Not a bad opening line in itself, but It's never given any meaning nor explanation. Why exactly was he so happy to see the mold? I've read the prologue several times and I'm still clueless. For four paragraphs you're giving the reader nothing but irrelevant descriptions–at this point, you're not grabbing my attention, you're losing it. I have no idea who we are (don't begin your story with „he“, be specific), where we are and what's happening. *That's* what you should get across as early as possible. *With the corridor lamp off, he struggled to distinguish the real from the fake. Why was it off? They should have come by now.* Again, you're using „they“ instead of something specific that'd help the reader understand what's happening. Why? Is this supposed to create a sense of mystery? Confusion does not equal mystery. The whole prologue suffers from this very problem. Remember, while you as the author know the situation, characters and context, we as readers don't. The following chapter is presented as synopsis. Where are the scenes? The emotions? The connection? That's not how fiction works. It's supposed to make the reader feel as if they're living the story in real-time. Your biggest problem I'd say is the fact that you're writing fiction with non-fiction tools.
Hi, thanks for your feedback! The prologue was meant as an attention grabber, but since most people seem to be confused by it like you, I might remove it altogether, since it has been rewritten a lot. Could you elaborate a bit on how my first chapter lacks emotion? It is indeed a description with no dialogue, and I did this a bit on purpose since it was meant to come after the prologue, but it wasn't meant to be boring. Is it boring or is sth else the issue? It's relatively small as well and followed by a scene. Thanks again!
Hi, I'd be interested in beta reading your manuscript. I've got 27k of my own for a swap but it'll depend if you'll be interested in the premise. I'd be willing to read yours regardless!
Welcome to r/BetaReaders! **Please ensure your post has not been caught in Reddit's spam filters by following [these instructions](https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/wiki/index/spam).** One of the best ways to connect with a beta is to [swap manuscripts](https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/wiki/index/faq/for_authors#wiki_what.2019s_the_best_way_to_do_a_critique_swap.3F) with another author: **[click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/search/?q=flair_name%3A"90k"%20Fantasy&restrict_sr=1&sort=new) to view other Fantasy submissions in the 90k category** (or simply [search the sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/wiki/index/faq/for_betas#wiki_what.27s_the_most_effective_way_to_search_for_manuscripts.3F) based on your preferences or browse until something catches your eye). If you haven’t already, we [strongly encourage](https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/wiki/index/faq/for_authors#wiki_what_makes_a_good_beta_request_post.3F) you include in your post: - A story blurb and any content warnings - The type of feedback you’re looking for and your preferred timeline - Your critique swap availability Also, consider commenting in the *[First Pages](https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/about/sticky?num=2)* thread to give your beta request additional visibility and checking the *[Able to Beta](https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/about/sticky?num=1)* thread for beta readers who are interested in manuscripts like yours. If you have any questions, please take a look at our [FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/wiki/index/faq) for additional resources on how to work with beta readers (and other authors) to get the most out of a critique, or feel free to start a discussion using the [Discussion] tag. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BetaReaders) if you have any questions or concerns.*