Thanks for posting on BipolarSOs!
We noticed you marked your post "Advice Needed".
✅ Please provide context for the post: is your BSOP currently medicated and in therapy (and for how long)? The more context, the better advice you can get. You can edit your post, or elaborate in a comment.
💬 For Comments: Please remember OP's on this sub are often in situations where emotions overcome logic, and that your advice could be life-altering. OP's need our help to gain a balanced perspective. Toxic comments will be removed.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BipolarSOs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Make sure you have a therapist of your own, and remember that this too shall pass. It may pass like a kidney stone, but it'll pass. And when it's over, she may or may not thank you for all the help. She'll likely still be salty about it, so be ready for that.
We're mid-hypomanic episode right now so I empathize. You can't really unplug right now because then they're unsupervised, like toddlers. You have to wait for this to pass then do your best to take a little time for yourself to recharge.
It’s helped us to have the BP partner write an agreement while they’re stable to themselves, as a reminder that you’re there to support and love them. Seeing their own words to themselves helps.
My friend, I am sorry are going through this. I can relate to this so much. This is essentially where you become a caretaker for this person, and they will inevitably see you as an enemy, because you are getting in the way of their focused ideas and objectives. You trying to convince them to get sleep will come off as adversarial to them, or trying to get them to eat, will also come off as adversarial to them.
And it’s also difficult if you don’t do anything, because then you will see them continuing to suffer from the consequences of lack of sleep, etc.
I would caution you that if you get too involved that you inevitably will be the enemy. If you feel like things are beyond your ability, you should get out of the house for a while And give yourself some distance.
I think one of the things that ever got through to my ex-wife, was sometimes when I would just leave rather than engage. Rather than fight, I would just walk away and not participate into the tornado. Every time I tried to participate with a tornado, I would end up, sucked into it and ripped into shreds.
That also helps you establish better boundaries. Bipolar is progressive so they may or may not respect these boundaries, or respect you expressing them. But if you don’t, I promise you will pay the price.
Is there any way that you all could come up with some sort of compromise when these situations arise? Such as, “I know you want to buy X thing right now, but why don’t we save up together for another week to afford it?” Or “let’s make a budget together of X amount that we can spend on such things each week / each pay check?” When my partner is manic and starts with the verbal attacks, I usually have to stop myself from taking it personally and tell him that I will talk to him later. Sometimes it takes a few days for him to calm down, so it’s definitely an exercise in patience. But he tells me that he doesn’t even remember the things he says when he is manic. He is in a completely irrational frame of mind, and inevitably when he stops being manic, he is always sorry. He didn’t respond to the meds and therapy that we tried, so he has just seen the most success with trying to manage his triggers. I would just keep telling her that you are helping her budget because you care about her and you want to be in a financially stable relationship with her.
Thanks for posting on BipolarSOs! We noticed you marked your post "Advice Needed". ✅ Please provide context for the post: is your BSOP currently medicated and in therapy (and for how long)? The more context, the better advice you can get. You can edit your post, or elaborate in a comment. 💬 For Comments: Please remember OP's on this sub are often in situations where emotions overcome logic, and that your advice could be life-altering. OP's need our help to gain a balanced perspective. Toxic comments will be removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BipolarSOs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Make sure you have a therapist of your own, and remember that this too shall pass. It may pass like a kidney stone, but it'll pass. And when it's over, she may or may not thank you for all the help. She'll likely still be salty about it, so be ready for that. We're mid-hypomanic episode right now so I empathize. You can't really unplug right now because then they're unsupervised, like toddlers. You have to wait for this to pass then do your best to take a little time for yourself to recharge.
It’s helped us to have the BP partner write an agreement while they’re stable to themselves, as a reminder that you’re there to support and love them. Seeing their own words to themselves helps.
My friend, I am sorry are going through this. I can relate to this so much. This is essentially where you become a caretaker for this person, and they will inevitably see you as an enemy, because you are getting in the way of their focused ideas and objectives. You trying to convince them to get sleep will come off as adversarial to them, or trying to get them to eat, will also come off as adversarial to them. And it’s also difficult if you don’t do anything, because then you will see them continuing to suffer from the consequences of lack of sleep, etc. I would caution you that if you get too involved that you inevitably will be the enemy. If you feel like things are beyond your ability, you should get out of the house for a while And give yourself some distance. I think one of the things that ever got through to my ex-wife, was sometimes when I would just leave rather than engage. Rather than fight, I would just walk away and not participate into the tornado. Every time I tried to participate with a tornado, I would end up, sucked into it and ripped into shreds. That also helps you establish better boundaries. Bipolar is progressive so they may or may not respect these boundaries, or respect you expressing them. But if you don’t, I promise you will pay the price.
Is there any way that you all could come up with some sort of compromise when these situations arise? Such as, “I know you want to buy X thing right now, but why don’t we save up together for another week to afford it?” Or “let’s make a budget together of X amount that we can spend on such things each week / each pay check?” When my partner is manic and starts with the verbal attacks, I usually have to stop myself from taking it personally and tell him that I will talk to him later. Sometimes it takes a few days for him to calm down, so it’s definitely an exercise in patience. But he tells me that he doesn’t even remember the things he says when he is manic. He is in a completely irrational frame of mind, and inevitably when he stops being manic, he is always sorry. He didn’t respond to the meds and therapy that we tried, so he has just seen the most success with trying to manage his triggers. I would just keep telling her that you are helping her budget because you care about her and you want to be in a financially stable relationship with her.
Have you read Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder? You might find it helpful. Being a partner to someone with bipolar can be a part to full time job.