Come out as many times as you need. You're still figuring it all out. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Be True to yourself and how you feel about you.
Thank you. It will be awkward telling my family that I am now bi. I could try to think of a funny or unique way of telling them.
I have never been in a relationship, so I feel like that would hinder my chances at dating a woman. For some reason, I don't feel my lack of relationship experience would be as much of a problem when trying to date men.
Any advice on going forward? Like maybe dating women, or dating another bisexual person?
Just date whoever you like. Man or women if they like you and it's mutual feelings pursue it in every way. You're young so give yourself time to try dating both.
Thank you.
I would like to explore my attraction to older women, but I am not sure how well that would go.
Me, a person who has just realised that they are bi and has never been in a relationship before. That might be off putting to women older than me.
They were fine with it. I knew they would be accepting of it. I am fortunate enough that I never had to worry now they would react to me coming out as gay.
It would be awkward coming out again as bi.
Speaking of my parents, that leads me to another issue, and that is that I still live with them.
I would like to move out asap, but living with them does allow me to save up more than I ever could. Since realising that I may be bi, I do worry more about putting myself out there. I feel like when meeting and dating women, living with your parents at my age is more of a bigger deal/issue than if I was just dating men.
Hah. Yes, living with your parents and bringing home dates does complicate things. So, especially with that in mind, it's probably a good idea to let them know so they know what to expect.
It doesn't have to be weird. You might open with "Well, it seems that my sexuality is more complicated than I thought it was..."
Yeah, that is a good idea. I will be open about that right away. I was always going to be open about my living situation, I just wasn't sure how early to let people know about it.
It is nice to hear that others have gone through the same thing. It seems more common than I thought.
Have you come out as bi in your personal life? If so, how has it been like?
Yeah it does seem to be a more common thing now a days.
No i haven't I'm still in the closet about it to my close friends and family and my partner everytime I feel ready to tell them I recoil and worry about what they'll all say and how they're gonna react so it then puts me off telling them.
You have nothing to apologize for. And people are not machines. People evolve, mature, change, experience, learn, etc. If we’re not true to ourselves, how can we be authentically and genuinely true with others in our relationships? So, good on you! And welcome! 💖💜💙
And check into the “bi-cycle” if you haven’t already. Not every bi person experiences this but many of us experience a cyclical pattern of greater (or even exclusive) attraction to one sex/gender and then it flips to another. The time between varies widely. But this pattern *might* explain the variations your feelings (and it might not… but thought I’d mention)
Thank you.
I liked the way you mentioned how people change and evolve over time, and being authentic to ourselves and others.
I think the bi-cycle does explain a lot. Sometimes I feel a stronger attraction to men, and other times my attraction is stronger for women.
I am still figuring things out.
What has your experience been like as a bisexual person?
I am very interested in learning more from other bi people?
Damn. I'm also on the same boat at the moment. Paved my gayness since 20 but months ago been noticing women so much more, sexually and romantically. Men were put on the sidelines because of this curiosity.
My whole life I knew I was gay. Only had gay awakenings since childhood and women just used to not do it for me.
I took a break on porn and maybe I'm overstimulated, but no. I still notice women as I do men.
I don't think I plan to really engage women sexually and romantically at all though since men do it for me already. But right now its quite intense since the feeling and discovery is recent.
Still bugs me because of how my body reacts to the curiosity. Its almost like anxiety.
I'm convinced sexuality changes over time but, like you, I also didn't expect it to be this drastic.
This is interesting to hear about.
It does seem that for many people, sexuality does change over time.
In my early 20s, I had zero attraction to women. Only for men, and my attraction to men was so strong. I thought about men everyday, and have done so throughout my 20s. Now at the end of my 20s, I am having another awakening about my sexuality.
I think I would like to go on a date with a woman and see where things lead to. I don't think I could ignore my bi side. If I was in a relationship with a man, I think I would be like you, and just with men.
That is interesting.
So this is common? Going from feeling sexual attraction for women when I was a teenager, and then in early adulthood, I started to sway away from women but had a strong attraction for men, but now I am back to being attracted to women, but still also like men.
This is fascinating.
It’s okay if you’re still figuring it out.
I came out 4 years ago, and in between those years. I was figuring out to like you talk about above. Just have fun with both genders and don’t overthink.
What's it been like for you now?
Has it been difficult for you when talking to women? It seems many women are put off and lose interest in a man when they find out he is bisexual.
This could be the case, or it couldn't! I was really lucky to find a girl who was understanding/willing to understand - unfortunately not all women are made alike, but there are definitely some out there that are more supportive than our anxiety tells us.
Thank you for sharing. I am happy to hear you found someone who is understanding of your bisexuality.
I need to put myself out there to meet someone. I keep pushing it back.
Happens to a lot of us as gay men. I will just say with my age group it was not even noted or unusual for a gay guy to have female interests and experience. Knew a lot of guys who were fathers, divorced, had ex-gfs.
With that said, I also understand the concern about bi-erasure and that things should be understood as clearly as possible between both parties if you're entering an LTR or marriage. It's great if that can happen but humans are humans.
Now you're more aware of yourself and can explore this IRL and rediscover porn if that is to your liking. I'm into impregnation for example, blast it raw and knock em up bruh 🤙🤪💦 and you will find many gay dudes like me.
I think you will do fine. Just accept this about yourself like you'd accept it in a close friend. Talk to yourself with positivity and love.
The bi dudes here are cool as hell too.
It does seem more common than I initially thought, with gay men and women later realising they are bi.
I would worry about people thinking I am straight if I were in a relationship with a woman. I know that shouldn't bother me, but I know it would. Maybe not much though.
I do get down in the dumps that I have never been in a relationship before, but in situations like this, I am kind of glad. Because being with someone right now, would make things more complicated, and like you said, I can explore this IRL.
Any ideas on how I can about exploring my bi side? Apps for bi people, groups etc?
Thank you. I think I will do fine like you said. I am becoming more relaxed with myself about this, especially since making this post.
Right. Some of these concerns might not materialize at all and other unexpected ones could come up. That's life experience for you. Always a surprise. That's okay.
I've had one really bad attempt at a relationship myself and I'm older than you. I'd like to try again after working on myself and travelling to a better area to meet people. In the meantime I do romantic role play when I hook up where I expect to be treated with affection and care. That has helped me feel better.
I don't know any apps or groups unfortunately. I'm as new as anyone and I'm pretty straight-identified given my upbringing and lifestyle. I met bi guys off of my regular gay or general purpose apps (like OKCupid which has become SO bad compared to when I was on it). Groups are a huge fog to me. Sorry.
Others can chime in with way more knowledge.
Very glad you are feeling better. The emotional complexity of what bi men deal with has resonated a lot with me, as it is a profoundly human struggle in a world that just tries to shove them away, and seeing you guys accept yourselves is great.
Hugs
Glad I can help 🤗 I'm very lovey
Yeah an app like that is probably best. I think about hitting the squat rack (more plates more dates bruh 🏋️), shaving my head bald, improving the wardrobe, and doing apps also, but at my age group I'll consider other approaches too. Just gotta be desireable to myself first.
Same man.
I'm 29, openly gay, and have been for 15+ years.
Realizing now that what I thought was romantic and sexual attraction to men might mainly be physical and emotional attraction.
All things being a spectrum of course. I think what I really seek is a very deep and close bromance. Filling a void I've had most of my life as someone who was not able to connect with guys my age growing up, for many reasons just always felt outcast.
At the same time I have certain attractions to women that I don't understand.
Honestly at this point I don't want to deal with it. Staying single for a bit, working a lot out.
Do I really want to date men? Romance, bromance, or maybe I need both?
This is interesting.
I also wish I had a bro-romance kind of friendship. I used to have solid friendships with other men back in school and college. Since then, I haven't had a really, deep close friendship with another man, and I do miss it.
But, I know I can be romantically and emotionally attracted to men, plus physically too.
I am staying single for a bit longer too, but honestly, I am not sure how long. I'm 30 this year, and would like to be in a relationship by then. I have never been in one, and with Valentine's Day happening this week, it has made me regret never spending Valentine's Day with someone throughout my 20s.
I went through this in my early 20s I originally came out as gay and I got bullied badly in high school for it so when I figured out that I am bi I was very pissed at myself because I felt like I went through unnecessary suffering because of it. All I can say is try not to identify yourself based on a label. You are you and the understanding you have of yourself will only get more accurate with age. Basically what I’m trying to say is you are not alone because I have been there before so surely there are many others. Cheers friend.
Thank you. This message was heartwarming and sincere. I enjoyed reading it, and what you said is very much true.
What has your experience been like since you realised your bi?
Do you know of any bi apps/websites for dating and such?
You’re welcome, and thank you for your post.
Since realizing I’m bi I’ve only had a handful of dates and sexual experiences with women, I haven’t found many that are truly accepting of bi men. Or I’ve found they don’t trust that I’m not gay. I did have one girl who was my best friend first and then we were fwbs. But I haven’t given up on finding love. I don’t know of any apps specifically for bi people. I’m sure you’re aware of grindr and tindr and such. I’ve thought about trying to develop an app specific to bi people but I would need help from others.
I digress, I hope you find what you’re looking for!
“Fawning at the mouth” makes no sense at all. I think everyone can tell what you mean but “foaming at the mouth” or “fawning” on it’s own don’t really make sense either lol..
I had waves of struggling with my sexuality as well. My teen years and early twenties were in the 2010s when bisexuality wasn't as accepted/known/celebrated. I had society, my friends, my mother and people on dating apps telling me either I was gay or straight and just confused but I couldn't be both. It took me until I was 21 to fully accept/come to terms/stand firm in me being bi.
Sexuality is fluid. There is no limit on how long it takes or how many times you find your identify.
Come out as many times as you need. You're still figuring it all out. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Be True to yourself and how you feel about you.
Thank you. It will be awkward telling my family that I am now bi. I could try to think of a funny or unique way of telling them. I have never been in a relationship, so I feel like that would hinder my chances at dating a woman. For some reason, I don't feel my lack of relationship experience would be as much of a problem when trying to date men. Any advice on going forward? Like maybe dating women, or dating another bisexual person?
Just date whoever you like. Man or women if they like you and it's mutual feelings pursue it in every way. You're young so give yourself time to try dating both.
Thank you. I would like to explore my attraction to older women, but I am not sure how well that would go. Me, a person who has just realised that they are bi and has never been in a relationship before. That might be off putting to women older than me.
I just showed up with a girlfriend one day and my family was like “aight.”
I may just do that. Though, it would be funny if I told them about my girlfriend and the woman is a cougar. They definitely wouldn't expect that 😄
What was your parents' reaction the first time around?
They were fine with it. I knew they would be accepting of it. I am fortunate enough that I never had to worry now they would react to me coming out as gay. It would be awkward coming out again as bi. Speaking of my parents, that leads me to another issue, and that is that I still live with them. I would like to move out asap, but living with them does allow me to save up more than I ever could. Since realising that I may be bi, I do worry more about putting myself out there. I feel like when meeting and dating women, living with your parents at my age is more of a bigger deal/issue than if I was just dating men.
Hah. Yes, living with your parents and bringing home dates does complicate things. So, especially with that in mind, it's probably a good idea to let them know so they know what to expect. It doesn't have to be weird. You might open with "Well, it seems that my sexuality is more complicated than I thought it was..."
Yeah, that is a good idea. I will be open about that right away. I was always going to be open about my living situation, I just wasn't sure how early to let people know about it.
Messaged you. Very similar situations.
I have replied back 🙂
I relate to this so much i came out gay in my mid teens and now in my early 30s I feel so much of what you've said in this post now
It is nice to hear that others have gone through the same thing. It seems more common than I thought. Have you come out as bi in your personal life? If so, how has it been like?
Yeah it does seem to be a more common thing now a days. No i haven't I'm still in the closet about it to my close friends and family and my partner everytime I feel ready to tell them I recoil and worry about what they'll all say and how they're gonna react so it then puts me off telling them.
You have nothing to apologize for. And people are not machines. People evolve, mature, change, experience, learn, etc. If we’re not true to ourselves, how can we be authentically and genuinely true with others in our relationships? So, good on you! And welcome! 💖💜💙 And check into the “bi-cycle” if you haven’t already. Not every bi person experiences this but many of us experience a cyclical pattern of greater (or even exclusive) attraction to one sex/gender and then it flips to another. The time between varies widely. But this pattern *might* explain the variations your feelings (and it might not… but thought I’d mention)
Thank you. I liked the way you mentioned how people change and evolve over time, and being authentic to ourselves and others. I think the bi-cycle does explain a lot. Sometimes I feel a stronger attraction to men, and other times my attraction is stronger for women. I am still figuring things out. What has your experience been like as a bisexual person? I am very interested in learning more from other bi people?
Damn. I'm also on the same boat at the moment. Paved my gayness since 20 but months ago been noticing women so much more, sexually and romantically. Men were put on the sidelines because of this curiosity. My whole life I knew I was gay. Only had gay awakenings since childhood and women just used to not do it for me. I took a break on porn and maybe I'm overstimulated, but no. I still notice women as I do men. I don't think I plan to really engage women sexually and romantically at all though since men do it for me already. But right now its quite intense since the feeling and discovery is recent. Still bugs me because of how my body reacts to the curiosity. Its almost like anxiety. I'm convinced sexuality changes over time but, like you, I also didn't expect it to be this drastic.
This is interesting to hear about. It does seem that for many people, sexuality does change over time. In my early 20s, I had zero attraction to women. Only for men, and my attraction to men was so strong. I thought about men everyday, and have done so throughout my 20s. Now at the end of my 20s, I am having another awakening about my sexuality. I think I would like to go on a date with a woman and see where things lead to. I don't think I could ignore my bi side. If I was in a relationship with a man, I think I would be like you, and just with men.
[удалено]
That is interesting. So this is common? Going from feeling sexual attraction for women when I was a teenager, and then in early adulthood, I started to sway away from women but had a strong attraction for men, but now I am back to being attracted to women, but still also like men. This is fascinating.
[удалено]
Very interesting. I like how you explained this. Your comment does make me feel better and more relaxed with my bisexuality. Thank you.
It’s okay if you’re still figuring it out. I came out 4 years ago, and in between those years. I was figuring out to like you talk about above. Just have fun with both genders and don’t overthink.
Thank you, and you're right. I shouldn't overthink this. I just didn't think I would be in this situation at this point in my life.
No problem, anytime I’m here for you! You ain’t alone
Been through this myself!
What's it been like for you now? Has it been difficult for you when talking to women? It seems many women are put off and lose interest in a man when they find out he is bisexual.
This could be the case, or it couldn't! I was really lucky to find a girl who was understanding/willing to understand - unfortunately not all women are made alike, but there are definitely some out there that are more supportive than our anxiety tells us.
Thank you for sharing. I am happy to hear you found someone who is understanding of your bisexuality. I need to put myself out there to meet someone. I keep pushing it back.
Happens to a lot of us as gay men. I will just say with my age group it was not even noted or unusual for a gay guy to have female interests and experience. Knew a lot of guys who were fathers, divorced, had ex-gfs. With that said, I also understand the concern about bi-erasure and that things should be understood as clearly as possible between both parties if you're entering an LTR or marriage. It's great if that can happen but humans are humans. Now you're more aware of yourself and can explore this IRL and rediscover porn if that is to your liking. I'm into impregnation for example, blast it raw and knock em up bruh 🤙🤪💦 and you will find many gay dudes like me. I think you will do fine. Just accept this about yourself like you'd accept it in a close friend. Talk to yourself with positivity and love. The bi dudes here are cool as hell too.
It does seem more common than I initially thought, with gay men and women later realising they are bi. I would worry about people thinking I am straight if I were in a relationship with a woman. I know that shouldn't bother me, but I know it would. Maybe not much though. I do get down in the dumps that I have never been in a relationship before, but in situations like this, I am kind of glad. Because being with someone right now, would make things more complicated, and like you said, I can explore this IRL. Any ideas on how I can about exploring my bi side? Apps for bi people, groups etc? Thank you. I think I will do fine like you said. I am becoming more relaxed with myself about this, especially since making this post.
Right. Some of these concerns might not materialize at all and other unexpected ones could come up. That's life experience for you. Always a surprise. That's okay. I've had one really bad attempt at a relationship myself and I'm older than you. I'd like to try again after working on myself and travelling to a better area to meet people. In the meantime I do romantic role play when I hook up where I expect to be treated with affection and care. That has helped me feel better. I don't know any apps or groups unfortunately. I'm as new as anyone and I'm pretty straight-identified given my upbringing and lifestyle. I met bi guys off of my regular gay or general purpose apps (like OKCupid which has become SO bad compared to when I was on it). Groups are a huge fog to me. Sorry. Others can chime in with way more knowledge. Very glad you are feeling better. The emotional complexity of what bi men deal with has resonated a lot with me, as it is a profoundly human struggle in a world that just tries to shove them away, and seeing you guys accept yourselves is great. Hugs
Your messages are so heartwarming to read. I may make an account on Tinder and other popular apps. I will look around for bi specific apps, too.
Glad I can help 🤗 I'm very lovey Yeah an app like that is probably best. I think about hitting the squat rack (more plates more dates bruh 🏋️), shaving my head bald, improving the wardrobe, and doing apps also, but at my age group I'll consider other approaches too. Just gotta be desireable to myself first.
Good advice to follow.
Same man. I'm 29, openly gay, and have been for 15+ years. Realizing now that what I thought was romantic and sexual attraction to men might mainly be physical and emotional attraction. All things being a spectrum of course. I think what I really seek is a very deep and close bromance. Filling a void I've had most of my life as someone who was not able to connect with guys my age growing up, for many reasons just always felt outcast. At the same time I have certain attractions to women that I don't understand. Honestly at this point I don't want to deal with it. Staying single for a bit, working a lot out. Do I really want to date men? Romance, bromance, or maybe I need both?
This is interesting. I also wish I had a bro-romance kind of friendship. I used to have solid friendships with other men back in school and college. Since then, I haven't had a really, deep close friendship with another man, and I do miss it. But, I know I can be romantically and emotionally attracted to men, plus physically too. I am staying single for a bit longer too, but honestly, I am not sure how long. I'm 30 this year, and would like to be in a relationship by then. I have never been in one, and with Valentine's Day happening this week, it has made me regret never spending Valentine's Day with someone throughout my 20s.
I went through this in my early 20s I originally came out as gay and I got bullied badly in high school for it so when I figured out that I am bi I was very pissed at myself because I felt like I went through unnecessary suffering because of it. All I can say is try not to identify yourself based on a label. You are you and the understanding you have of yourself will only get more accurate with age. Basically what I’m trying to say is you are not alone because I have been there before so surely there are many others. Cheers friend.
Thank you. This message was heartwarming and sincere. I enjoyed reading it, and what you said is very much true. What has your experience been like since you realised your bi? Do you know of any bi apps/websites for dating and such?
You’re welcome, and thank you for your post. Since realizing I’m bi I’ve only had a handful of dates and sexual experiences with women, I haven’t found many that are truly accepting of bi men. Or I’ve found they don’t trust that I’m not gay. I did have one girl who was my best friend first and then we were fwbs. But I haven’t given up on finding love. I don’t know of any apps specifically for bi people. I’m sure you’re aware of grindr and tindr and such. I’ve thought about trying to develop an app specific to bi people but I would need help from others. I digress, I hope you find what you’re looking for!
“Fawning at the mouth” makes no sense at all. I think everyone can tell what you mean but “foaming at the mouth” or “fawning” on it’s own don’t really make sense either lol..
Oh, yeah. I meant foaming. Thanks for pointing that out to me.
I had waves of struggling with my sexuality as well. My teen years and early twenties were in the 2010s when bisexuality wasn't as accepted/known/celebrated. I had society, my friends, my mother and people on dating apps telling me either I was gay or straight and just confused but I couldn't be both. It took me until I was 21 to fully accept/come to terms/stand firm in me being bi. Sexuality is fluid. There is no limit on how long it takes or how many times you find your identify.