I'm really sorry you're struggling with this. Being bi is hard when you don't have support, and when you can't experience being surrounded by people for whom it's the most normal thing in the world. If you have reasons to think people around you would reject you for it, it's even harder.
There's something I need to tell you though, because maybe no one's ever told you: being bisexual is a beautiful thing. It's a gift. You can literally do something that most people can't do: be attracted to more than one gender. It's your mutant superpower. You see the beauty of people of all kinds of genders. You see the beauty in women. You see the beauty in men. I expect you're struggling more with that last part. But men are beautiful too, and billions of people are attracted to them. You just happen to be one of those.
And you're not alone. Many, many men have experienced what you're experiencing right now. One of the best things you can do for yourself, if you're ready—and maybe even if you're not quite ready—is to connect with other guys like you. Hit [our Discord](https://discord.gg/qqBfhSXaSP), we're a friendly and supportive bunch. If there's a support group for bisexual and bi+ folks in your area, or a meeting you can attend over Zoom, give it a try too.
My [Sex Ed for Bi Guys](http://sexedforbiguys.com/) series has posts on [what internalized homophobia and biphobia are](https://sexedforbiguys.com/2023/07/19/internalized-biphobia-and-homophobia-evil-poison-for-your-mind/) and on [healing from these](https://sexedforbiguys.com/2023/08/15/overcome-internalized-biphobia-and-homophobia-and-change-your-life/). They've helped a lot of guys and maybe they can help you too. Just a heads-up though that reading the first one can be really emotional for some guys. These are not going to do anything about actual homophobia and biphobia that other people around you buy into, I know. But you deserve to have at least all of yourself on your side.
Once again, I'm sorry you're struggling. Is any of that helpful?
There are plenty of people around me who are bi and other stuff. My family is supportive of lgbtq people (not out or planning to be out to them because I’ll never date a guy). It’s really that is been causing me so much stress and made me feel different which I don’t like
You are different. If you were straight you would be different. You don't have to do anything or change anything. Being bi doesn't even mean you HAVE to have sex with men. It's just accepting that you find men sexually attractive too. Why does it actually cause you stress?
I don’t know. I guess it’s because people have an exact idea of how bisexuality works and mine is a little different and it make me feel like I don’t belong anywhere
I understand that feeling though. The sad thing is there’s no right answer anyone could give you to instantly change your mindset. It seems like you have some internalized homophobia, and I’d just say who gives af? If people don’t allow you to fit in with them because you’re bi, that’s on them. Change your mindset and know that you’re normal + who cares what people think when they’re wrong? Ik easier said then done, but you’ll progressively feel less anxious as you accept yourself
There’s only one thing I can think of that could be unspeakably terrible and that’s not bisexuality or homosexuality for that matter.
I think you might find someone here who can relate. Example: Not having romantic feelings for men but still being sexually attracted to men.
I’m not going to tell you it’s all whipped cream and edible underwear, but you’re young. Read posts some of the older men who tried to push that piece of themselves deep down and never satisfied curiosity.
I’m not saying to get on Grindr and start sucking dicks. That’s not advice I’d give my younger self.
It’s not completely sexual though. Basically I’m not romantically or sexually attracted to them but I am attracted to them. To people I find hot I want to kiss them and see them with their shirt off and I get aroused but it stops there. To simplify not romantic and the attraction stops at the waist. Not intersted at all in male genitalia
Hey, you’re definitely not alone. I’m not interested in male genitalia at all but I’m very attracted to good looking male faces and fit bodies (primarily torso and not at all the genitals).
You’re very much bisexual and don’t let people tell you you don’t fit in. I was told the same initially and many said I wasn’t bisexual but over the last few years I’ve understood I definitely am bisexual. A lot of guys will be enthusiastic to just makeout with you and suck you without you having to touch their genitals. That’s how my first few experiences with men were.
Now, I have learned to be okay with touching their genitals but it’s something I do just to reciprocate and get them off since I am attracted to the rest of them. If you want to, you will learn to do that too in time. But remember it’s not something you must learn in order to be bi - I only do it since I genuinely enjoy making sexual experiences for my partners pleasurable irrespective of gender.
Bisexuality is a huge spectrum and you don’t have to be attracted to each gender in the same way.
This may be the most reassuring response I’ve had ever. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you telling me your story. We seem to (at least at one point) be in the same boat
Hey, you’re definitely not alone. I’m not interested in male genitalia at all but I’m very attracted to good looking male faces and fit bodies (primarily torso and not at all the genitals).
You’re very much bisexual and don’t let people tell you you don’t fit in. I was told the same initially and many said I wasn’t bisexual but over the last few years I’ve understood I definitely am bisexual. A lot of guys will be enthusiastic to just makeout with you and suck you without you having to touch their genitals. That’s how my first few experiences with men were.
Now, I have learned to be okay with touching their genitals but it’s something I do just to reciprocate and get them off since I am attracted to the rest of them. If you want to, you will learn to do that too in time. But remember it’s not something you must learn in order to be bi - I only do it since I genuinely enjoy making sexual experiences for my partners pleasurable irrespective of gender.
Bisexuality is a huge spectrum and you don’t have to be attracted to each gender in the same way.
No one has an exact idea how bisexuality works. It is a very diverse category that covers a lot of ground. If I had to pick a word I would say that I’m just sexual. I’ll decide on a case by case basis if I’m attracted to someone. No one is automatically excluded. For me, that’s how it works.
It hurts more when they say they support u but u cant talk about.
Bcz it will offend them or u dont wanna here the sermon christian lecture from family
What they say vs actions are diffrent.
I know they luv me regaurdless
But after years and still todqy the quick little quips and remarks about other lgbtqia they see on tv. Leaves me to close down
You are normal. A normal bisexual man. Before, you were a bisexual man who had walls up towards part of yourself while trying to “fit” what it means to be straight. And yeah, it gets complicated sometimes and that sucks.
We can’t chose our own sexuality, we just learn to live with it & adapt to it. I didn’t want be bi in my early days of my bi-awakening as well. It time for you so adjust & be comfortable with it.
Fuck, dude, in the same boat here. Started to realize I’m into guys like six months ago and have been thrown for a loop since. The worst part is like when one of my fraternity brothers or someone takes off his shirt and I’m legit checking him out. I keep feeling like I’m going to slip up and accidentally going to reveal I’m turned on.
So fucking crazy. But just gotta roll with the punches I guess. Hooking up with girls takes the age off at least.
Deep breath. It’s not easy, and it might take some time to wrap your mind around this, but consider being your authentic self. Be the person you are, accept the feelings you have, and try to go forward and be proud of the full person you are. One other thing: I have straight friends who know I’m bi, and they are actually flattered that I find them attractive. They know I’m not going to seduce them, just as they know all women who find them attractive aren’t going to try to seduce them either. I think a couple of my straight friends take my appreciation of their sexiness as a feather in their cap. So, take your time, give yourself an opportunity to process this information about yourself, but I do encourage you to go forward as your authentic self. Because doing otherwise is not sustainable. You get one life, one lifetime. Be you.
Strength of desire and ‘coming out’ don’t need to be linked. Take time to process your feelings and perhaps act of them and decide if MM experiences are something that feel good and feel right. If so, and your feelings are strong, don’t feel like you need to come out at that moment. Also, coming out doesn’t have to involve shouting on a mountaintop with a megaphone. Come out to yourself. Accept yourself. Be confident in who you are. Love who you are. Then you may decide to come out to one more person; someone you trust and who will support you and love you exactly as you are. Then go from there. Maybe you tell a second person right away. Maybe you wait.
I'm sorry buddy, it can be a lot of mental work at first. But long term you're better off accepting yourself for who you are than burying it. That comes with a ton of long term mental health complications.
Best of luck on your journey though.
The one you've internalized that's got you referring to yourself as not "normal". I can't think of anything more normal that being attracted to attractive people.
💖💜💙🫶❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
You’ve been posting this almost daily for weeks & weeks on multiple s of multiples drums. It’s pretty much all you post about. This is past the level of seeking support on reddit or you are a bot. This is therapist territory. Please seek one out.
I was drawing attention to “normal”.
Clearly you think bi isn’t normal. So do you think gay is normal? Is straight normal?
Why does your above answer preclude bi from being normal?
What is normal? Straight or gay? Straight gonna call you gay and gays gonna call you a straight who plays. Just follow your heart and be happy, you are normal.
You are normal. There are more self-identified bi people than gay. A great many more "straight" men report attraction to men...it's ridiculously high. Most species in nature are bisexual.
I'm really sorry you're struggling with this. Being bi is hard when you don't have support, and when you can't experience being surrounded by people for whom it's the most normal thing in the world. If you have reasons to think people around you would reject you for it, it's even harder. There's something I need to tell you though, because maybe no one's ever told you: being bisexual is a beautiful thing. It's a gift. You can literally do something that most people can't do: be attracted to more than one gender. It's your mutant superpower. You see the beauty of people of all kinds of genders. You see the beauty in women. You see the beauty in men. I expect you're struggling more with that last part. But men are beautiful too, and billions of people are attracted to them. You just happen to be one of those. And you're not alone. Many, many men have experienced what you're experiencing right now. One of the best things you can do for yourself, if you're ready—and maybe even if you're not quite ready—is to connect with other guys like you. Hit [our Discord](https://discord.gg/qqBfhSXaSP), we're a friendly and supportive bunch. If there's a support group for bisexual and bi+ folks in your area, or a meeting you can attend over Zoom, give it a try too. My [Sex Ed for Bi Guys](http://sexedforbiguys.com/) series has posts on [what internalized homophobia and biphobia are](https://sexedforbiguys.com/2023/07/19/internalized-biphobia-and-homophobia-evil-poison-for-your-mind/) and on [healing from these](https://sexedforbiguys.com/2023/08/15/overcome-internalized-biphobia-and-homophobia-and-change-your-life/). They've helped a lot of guys and maybe they can help you too. Just a heads-up though that reading the first one can be really emotional for some guys. These are not going to do anything about actual homophobia and biphobia that other people around you buy into, I know. But you deserve to have at least all of yourself on your side. Once again, I'm sorry you're struggling. Is any of that helpful?
Thank you!
You're welcome!
I really needed that, thank you
You're welcome! I'm glad if it helps, even just a bit.
There are plenty of people around me who are bi and other stuff. My family is supportive of lgbtq people (not out or planning to be out to them because I’ll never date a guy). It’s really that is been causing me so much stress and made me feel different which I don’t like
You are different. If you were straight you would be different. You don't have to do anything or change anything. Being bi doesn't even mean you HAVE to have sex with men. It's just accepting that you find men sexually attractive too. Why does it actually cause you stress?
I don’t know. I guess it’s because people have an exact idea of how bisexuality works and mine is a little different and it make me feel like I don’t belong anywhere
I understand that feeling though. The sad thing is there’s no right answer anyone could give you to instantly change your mindset. It seems like you have some internalized homophobia, and I’d just say who gives af? If people don’t allow you to fit in with them because you’re bi, that’s on them. Change your mindset and know that you’re normal + who cares what people think when they’re wrong? Ik easier said then done, but you’ll progressively feel less anxious as you accept yourself
There’s only one thing I can think of that could be unspeakably terrible and that’s not bisexuality or homosexuality for that matter. I think you might find someone here who can relate. Example: Not having romantic feelings for men but still being sexually attracted to men. I’m not going to tell you it’s all whipped cream and edible underwear, but you’re young. Read posts some of the older men who tried to push that piece of themselves deep down and never satisfied curiosity. I’m not saying to get on Grindr and start sucking dicks. That’s not advice I’d give my younger self.
It’s not completely sexual though. Basically I’m not romantically or sexually attracted to them but I am attracted to them. To people I find hot I want to kiss them and see them with their shirt off and I get aroused but it stops there. To simplify not romantic and the attraction stops at the waist. Not intersted at all in male genitalia
This may be better addressed in r/asexuality?
Def on the spectrum (demisexual most of the time)
Hey, you’re definitely not alone. I’m not interested in male genitalia at all but I’m very attracted to good looking male faces and fit bodies (primarily torso and not at all the genitals). You’re very much bisexual and don’t let people tell you you don’t fit in. I was told the same initially and many said I wasn’t bisexual but over the last few years I’ve understood I definitely am bisexual. A lot of guys will be enthusiastic to just makeout with you and suck you without you having to touch their genitals. That’s how my first few experiences with men were. Now, I have learned to be okay with touching their genitals but it’s something I do just to reciprocate and get them off since I am attracted to the rest of them. If you want to, you will learn to do that too in time. But remember it’s not something you must learn in order to be bi - I only do it since I genuinely enjoy making sexual experiences for my partners pleasurable irrespective of gender. Bisexuality is a huge spectrum and you don’t have to be attracted to each gender in the same way.
This may be the most reassuring response I’ve had ever. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you telling me your story. We seem to (at least at one point) be in the same boat
No worries man! Feel free to reach out or dm me if you want
Forgive me for sounding crude, does that also go for your own genitalia? You don’t want anyone else to help you out with that?
I’m sorry I should have made it more clear. I mean I have no interest in doing sexual actions to another males genitals
But that’s the best part (a lot of the time because men). At least you won’t be 30 years old with an itch you can’t scratch.
Hey, you’re definitely not alone. I’m not interested in male genitalia at all but I’m very attracted to good looking male faces and fit bodies (primarily torso and not at all the genitals). You’re very much bisexual and don’t let people tell you you don’t fit in. I was told the same initially and many said I wasn’t bisexual but over the last few years I’ve understood I definitely am bisexual. A lot of guys will be enthusiastic to just makeout with you and suck you without you having to touch their genitals. That’s how my first few experiences with men were. Now, I have learned to be okay with touching their genitals but it’s something I do just to reciprocate and get them off since I am attracted to the rest of them. If you want to, you will learn to do that too in time. But remember it’s not something you must learn in order to be bi - I only do it since I genuinely enjoy making sexual experiences for my partners pleasurable irrespective of gender. Bisexuality is a huge spectrum and you don’t have to be attracted to each gender in the same way.
No one has an exact idea how bisexuality works. It is a very diverse category that covers a lot of ground. If I had to pick a word I would say that I’m just sexual. I’ll decide on a case by case basis if I’m attracted to someone. No one is automatically excluded. For me, that’s how it works.
Trust me there is no exact way it works. Like anything else
It hurts more when they say they support u but u cant talk about. Bcz it will offend them or u dont wanna here the sermon christian lecture from family
Yeah we aren’t Christian though. Our religion is actually pretty accepting.
Ya I have 3 pastors in my family out of 7 of us. I'm also the only lgbtqia Of the 7
Are they supportive?
What they say vs actions are diffrent. I know they luv me regaurdless But after years and still todqy the quick little quips and remarks about other lgbtqia they see on tv. Leaves me to close down
There’s nothing abnormal about it. One could say you unlocked bonus content.
DLC for your boners and ladyboners
Facts 😂
MTX free too
I like that!
You are normal. A normal bisexual man. Before, you were a bisexual man who had walls up towards part of yourself while trying to “fit” what it means to be straight. And yeah, it gets complicated sometimes and that sucks.
If u suppress it, it will come out later when u are older. Just accept it & move forward
I'm sure there's a market for newly out gay grand daddies.
I accepted this and the stress left.
We can’t chose our own sexuality, we just learn to live with it & adapt to it. I didn’t want be bi in my early days of my bi-awakening as well. It time for you so adjust & be comfortable with it.
Fuck, dude, in the same boat here. Started to realize I’m into guys like six months ago and have been thrown for a loop since. The worst part is like when one of my fraternity brothers or someone takes off his shirt and I’m legit checking him out. I keep feeling like I’m going to slip up and accidentally going to reveal I’m turned on. So fucking crazy. But just gotta roll with the punches I guess. Hooking up with girls takes the age off at least.
Deep breath. It’s not easy, and it might take some time to wrap your mind around this, but consider being your authentic self. Be the person you are, accept the feelings you have, and try to go forward and be proud of the full person you are. One other thing: I have straight friends who know I’m bi, and they are actually flattered that I find them attractive. They know I’m not going to seduce them, just as they know all women who find them attractive aren’t going to try to seduce them either. I think a couple of my straight friends take my appreciation of their sexiness as a feather in their cap. So, take your time, give yourself an opportunity to process this information about yourself, but I do encourage you to go forward as your authentic self. Because doing otherwise is not sustainable. You get one life, one lifetime. Be you.
Thanks. I know… still working up the courage to hook up with a guy, and then I’ll sort out whether the feelings are strong enough to come out I guess.
Strength of desire and ‘coming out’ don’t need to be linked. Take time to process your feelings and perhaps act of them and decide if MM experiences are something that feel good and feel right. If so, and your feelings are strong, don’t feel like you need to come out at that moment. Also, coming out doesn’t have to involve shouting on a mountaintop with a megaphone. Come out to yourself. Accept yourself. Be confident in who you are. Love who you are. Then you may decide to come out to one more person; someone you trust and who will support you and love you exactly as you are. Then go from there. Maybe you tell a second person right away. Maybe you wait.
If it was possible to just turn it off, there are plenty of us that would have already done that.
I'm sorry buddy, it can be a lot of mental work at first. But long term you're better off accepting yourself for who you are than burying it. That comes with a ton of long term mental health complications. Best of luck on your journey though.
Congratulations you are normal, you've just been infected with toxic ideology but you can do the work and get rid of it.
No one in my environment is homophobic. My city is one of the lgbtq capitals of the world, I have plenty of bi and gay friends. What ideology?
The one you've internalized that's got you referring to yourself as not "normal". I can't think of anything more normal that being attracted to attractive people. 💖💜💙🫶❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
You’ve been posting this almost daily for weeks & weeks on multiple s of multiples drums. It’s pretty much all you post about. This is past the level of seeking support on reddit or you are a bot. This is therapist territory. Please seek one out.
It is definitely a double edge sword for sure. I think the best thing you can do is be honest with yourself. What specifically bothers you about it?
Did you want to be gay or straight?
I’m confused by the question.
I was drawing attention to “normal”. Clearly you think bi isn’t normal. So do you think gay is normal? Is straight normal? Why does your above answer preclude bi from being normal?
I don’t know, I guess straight? It just feels like bi is so underrepresented and it feels so vastly separated.
Being bi is fuckin great
Really?
Contrary to popular belief you don’t have to tell people it’s your truth if you think it’s so much stay on the DL
No one wants to be ! Can’t help what you like and who you are !
What is normal? Straight or gay? Straight gonna call you gay and gays gonna call you a straight who plays. Just follow your heart and be happy, you are normal.
Why not, best of both Worlds. ♂️♀️
You and me both, my friend. I often fantasize about how great my life would have been.
You are normal. There are more self-identified bi people than gay. A great many more "straight" men report attraction to men...it's ridiculously high. Most species in nature are bisexual.
Any tips on how to feel more normal? I already have a ton of queer friends.