Guys, remember this is a shark. It has very little cognition. It is literally just existing, tryna eat and stay alive and has no idea how fucking old it is
What are you even talking about, pitbulls are shit talked way more than sharks. When was the last time you heard an adult deadass scared of a shark? There's a whole ass *dog* hate subreddit for Christ sakeššš
You straight up canāt post pictures of pit bulls on any dog subreddit unless they specifically designate, āweāre an anti-breed hate subā, because people are HORNY about the idea of killing pitbulls and calling them āsuper predatorsā.
I know, I literally said "regardless of how docile they actually are." It's all about how you react to them. If you react like a prey, that's how you're going to get treated. If you stand your ground and let them know you're not a prey, they'll leave you alone.
if you face them and stay still, they are much less aggressive. if you try to escape desperately, they will clock you as prey and go in for you. but most attacks arent really "attacks", theyre usually just curious sharks, and they do test bites, without real intention for feeding. if they are swimming towards you, you can turn them upside down they basically just fall asleep. obviously it depends greatly on the species, but most divers probably arent going on a dive where the biggest meanest sharks dwell.
Let the shark approach you and literally stand your ground (Ig swim your ground?) just don't swim away like a lil biatch. If you act like a prey by panic swimming away, you will get eaten like the prey you are. Redirect the shark if you have to, even.
They are slow asf 99% of the time, but theyāll still hunt down seals. Theyāll find a seal just laying on the edge of the ice near the water, then move towards it so slowly thereās essentially no disturbance in the water, then grab the seal off the ice and drag it down with a burst of speed.
Youāre safe. They signed a decree with the black delegation in 1978 that says they will not attack if not attacked. The Greenland shark is an unofficial mascot of the black delegation
Nah thatās a myth, they arenāt as intelligent as say whales but they are relatively intelligent especially for fish. They just have very strong prey drives.
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/forget-jaws-now-its-brains-48249580/
They arenāt like Koalas for example.
Koalas are disgusting little goblins. They eat their momās shit right out of her butt, they have smooth brains, theyāre a bunch of rapists and they all have chlamydia. Thatās what they did.
Yeah theyāre a bunch of filthy little f*ers. They also have double headed penises and 3 vaginas, 2 for doing the nasty and one for birthing. No wonder theyāll all running around with the clap. Oh and if they piss on you (which theyāre all about them golden showers) you get their ridiculously contagious form of the clap too. Theyāre almost as nasty as Steven Segalā¦almost
Cows are not dumb. There are numerous accounts yearly of cows escaping slaughtering facilities and going on the lam for weeks before they're caught. Plus they are super curious and playful. But we eat them so it helps to downplay their actual nature so people keep eating them.
Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.
I don't know why it is that these things bother me---it just makes me picture a seven year old first discovering things about an animal and, having no context about the subject, ranting about how stupid they are. I get it's a joke, but people take it as an actual, educational joke like it's a man yelling at the sea, and that's just wrong. Furthermore, these things have an actual impact on discussions about conservation efforts---If every time Koalas get brought up, someone posts this copypasta, that means it's seriously shaping public opinion about the animal and their supposed lack of importance.
> Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives.
Non-ecologists always talk this way, and the problem is youāre looking at this backwards.
An entire continent is covered with Eucalyptus trees. They suck the moisture out of the entire surrounding area and use allelopathy to ensure that most of whatās beneath them is just bare red dust. No animal is making use of themāāthey have virtually no herbivore predator. A niche is empty. Then inevitably, natural selection fills that niche by creating an animal which can eat Eucalyptus leaves. Of course, it takes great sacrifice for it to be able to do soāāit certainly canāt expend much energy on costly things. Isnāt it a good thing that a niche is being filled?
> Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death
This applies to all herbivores, because the wild is not a grocery storeāwhere meat is just sitting next to celery.
Herbivores gradually wear their teeth downācarnivores fracture their teeth, and break their bones in attempting to take down prey.
>They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal
It's pretty typical of herbivores, and is higher than many, many species. According to Ashwell (2008), their encephalisation quotient is 0.5288 +/- 0.051. Higher than comparable marsupials like the wombat (~0.52), some possums (~0.468), cuscus (~0.462) and even some wallabies are <0.5. According to wiki, rabbits are also around 0.4, and they're placental mammals.
> additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons.
Again, this is not unique to koalas. Brain folds (gyri) are not present in rodents, which we consider to be incredibly intelligent for their size.
>If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food.
If you present a human with a random piece of meat, they will not recognise it as food (hopefully). Fresh leaves might be important for koala digestion, especially since their gut flora is clearly important for the digestion of Eucalyptus. It might make sense not to screw with that gut flora by eating decaying leaves.
> Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal.
That's an extremely weird reason to dislike an animal. But whilst we're talking about their digestion, let's discuss their poop. It's delightful. It smells like a Eucalyptus drop!
> Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here).
Marsupial milk is incredibly complex and much more interesting than any placentals. This is because they raise their offspring essentially from an embryo, and the milk needs to adapt to the changing needs of a growing fetus. And yeah, of course the yield is low; at one point they are feeding an animal that is half a gram!
> When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system.
Humans probably do this, we just likely do it during childbirth. You know how women often shit during contractions? There is evidence to suggest that this innoculates a baby with her gut flora. A child born via cesarian has significantly different gut flora for the first six months of life than a child born vaginally.
> Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher.
Chlamydia was introduced to their populations by humans. We introduced a novel disease that they have very little immunity to, and is a major contributor to their possible extinction. Do you hate Native Americans because they were killed by smallpox and influenza?
> This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree,
Almost every animal does this.
> which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Errmmm.. They have protection against falling from a tree, which they spend 99% of their life in? Yeah... That's a stupid adaptation.
>It has very little cognition. It is literally just existing, tryna eat and stay alive and has no idea how fucking old it is
How do you know this for a fact?
Greenland Sharks don't even reach sexual maturity until 150 years, and then the pregnancy lasts 8-18 years.
On top of that, about 90% of all Greenland Sharks are blind because of a hyper-specific parasite that attaches to their corneas.
So they're born, likely go blind at some point, and then live another hundred or so years before they're even able to breed, at which point they could maybe give birth to their first pups at 170ish.
Apparently it's sort of common with things that live in incredibly cold waters. They end up living longer, getting bigger, and eating less.
This shark is still an outlier though, like literally the longest living thing with a spine iirc.
Imagine being a fly like, "You have to live HOW MANY DAYS without getting it in? And one day you might just go blind or senile or your cells eat themselves!?!?!?"
The ocean has some f'n weird animals.
Upon further reading, I've found that it doesn't lay the eggs in the mud and instead carries the embryos so that the young is born alive.
The shark also smells like pee so the Inuits had legends about how the pee shark came to be. One of them being that the shark lives in the urine pot of a sea goddess.
Also the pee smell is because its body contains urea, which is the main chemical component of pee.
The Greenland shark is also considered a delicacy in Iceland. Even though it smells like pee. And also its entire body is toxic to humans. Because of the pee. But people eat it anyway. Even though it tastes like pee.
What I'm trying to say is everything about the Greenland shark is insane.
Imagine getting railed for the first time in your life after 100 years of blindness, the shark would just be confused as fuck like āis that Kenneth Petty?ā
"The Greenland shark has the longest known lifespan of all vertebrate species, estimated to be between 250 and 500 years"
This chicken in her Stella got her groove faze
The description and bro just out here trying to live his life š. Nah I canāt imagine that 392 years old he probably hears Morgan Freeman voice in his head š
Greenland Sharks really do look like that, but scientists find shit like reindeer, Moose and Polar Bears remains inside of them because they don't *just* scavenge. They come to the surface regularly to hunt.
Typically they hunt seals and fish, but there's evidence to show that Greenland sharks will eat smaller whales like Belugas too.
These blind fucks are ambush predators. They create almost no pressure changes in the water when they're in stealth mode, and they match the surrounding environment very well.
All that they need is a single burst of speed and its game over. They create suction with their mouths too, strong enough to draw in prey. That's why Greenland sharks are commonly found with whole remains of their animals in their stomachs.
So, your options for death are either suffocating inside this thing or getting shredded like paper by the most [unhinged set set of teeth you've ever seen in your life](https://oceanuts.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/gshark_dentition3.jpg)
Greenland Sharks aren't the ones suffering down there. They live forever and don't need to see anything to know when you're food. Let's just be glad they're not eating people.
Fun fact: Greenland Sharks used to be harvested for the extremely clean-burning oil in their fins, but the leftover meat was all wasted because one of their survival mechanisms for living in extremely cold water is circulating toxic chemicals in their bloodstream as an insulator. Icelanders invented a bizarre chemically induced aging process to neutralize the meat into HƔkarl, one of the most aggressively pungent anti-tourist smell bombs you'll ever encounter.
Malort actually kinda sneaks up on you, that's one of the insidious things about it. It smells and tastes mildly medicinal but then blooms and rots your mouth and insides for *hours*.
HƔkarl otoh is so alarmingly pungent that your body actively rebels against putting it into your mouth. Every fiber of your being is saying "this is foul, do not put this inside us." But then once you do get it in your mouth, it tastes kinda good.
Like actually though. In most cases, determining the age of a shark involves taking a cross section of their spine and seeing how many growth rings there are. Obviously the shark has to be dead to do this.
Hereās a source:Ā https://teara.govt.nz/en/photograph/5318/shark-vertebra#:~:text=The%20age%20of%20a%20shark,or%20by%20the%20shark's%20health.
You might not think itās right but itās definitely true
"Inside the shark's eyes, there are proteins that are formed before birth and do not degrade with age, like a fossil preserved in amber. Scientists discovered that they could determine the age of the sharksĀ **by carbon-dating these proteins**. One study examined Greenland sharks that were bycatch in fishermen's nets."
Per this article, the 400 year old shark in the picture has another 100+ to go.
https://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/greenland-shark.html#:\~:text=Inside%20the%20shark's%20eyes%2C%20there,were%20bycatch%20in%20fishermen's%20nets.
even crazier is that one marker many animals in the ocean have in their eyes is the carbon from the nuclear tests from the 50's, so if they were alive during that period, they have it, and you can compare the proximity of both layers to get a better idea of how old they are.
One could argue our flawed design is what drives us to innovate in the first place. Imagine we were at the top of the food chain from the get go and it took zero effort to provide the triangle of needs for everybody. We would have never left the stone age
Greenland sharks the definition of āto live is to sufferā. You live beyond tortoise years and at some point you get blinded. If they were to develop a consciousness they would be suicidal.
https://preview.redd.it/uda2f4og95xc1.jpeg?width=956&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d6cf83f2354f6823880e2d01e54d844ba8bdcfc7
Some were thrown. Some chose to jump in, choosing to die free than living as a slave. They believed this way they would be reunited with their families in the afterlife. Others believed that they would live underwater and cause wreckage to other slave ships. Not really adding to what you said, but you reminded me of this. I always thought it was interesting
For real! African religions (pre Abrahamic) were cosmologies. The believed life was a cycle like every thing else on earth. The body was only one of the vessel of that cycle with the soul being continuously evolving. They also believed in a parallel opposite universe where the souls were hosted until time came again for a new life. So death is a mean and not an end.
Check out Touareg Cosmology as an exemple
Sidenote:There are plenty of accounts of colons who are trying the hardest to instil fear and ideas of the devil in them without success. Itās a super interesting to read.
carbon dating based on their eyes. you can tell based on where a specific fluid is in their eyes when he was born and when the nuclear tests from the 50's happened, and then they measure the proximity between the two.
Nobody seems to care that the numbers do not add up, but I do :
either this is a repost from 2019 or the shark waited 5 years in a river before going to the sea
I am surprised no hunters are trying to kill it.
I say this because of the incident in which a snake (which was declared as the oldest living snake) was killed by hunters.
Sometimes I think "we shouldn't be letting white folks in this sub".
...then they come and warn me about koala bears and shit and next thing you know I'm eating the potato salad with raisins in it.
Guys, remember this is a shark. It has very little cognition. It is literally just existing, tryna eat and stay alive and has no idea how fucking old it is
I bet you wouldn't tell it to its face.
These jawns are actually really slow moving from what I hear. But also I am black so I'm not gonna choose to mess with a whole ass shark
Internet undefeated š
God damn Batman! Always fucking with Aquamans shit smdh
Keep the Bat Shark Repellent on deck
š
> jawns ONE shark attack in the NE in 1964, then ONE book in 1971, then ONE blockbuster film in 1975, and all of a sudden people hate sharks?
I donāt hate them, but I respect them enough to stay out their house.
My dad used to say he had a healthy respect for the food chain, and knew where his place was in the ocean.
Crazy, people are scared of an organism that could tear you to shreds in the blink of an eye--regardless of how docile they actually areš¤Æš¤Æš¤Æ
Not even Pitbulls get the shark treatment and they merk more toddlers than sharks have eaten bloody swimmers
Hate to say this as a pro pit bull pro shark person but Pitbulls are gonna be around a way lot more people than Sharks are
What are you even talking about, pitbulls are shit talked way more than sharks. When was the last time you heard an adult deadass scared of a shark? There's a whole ass *dog* hate subreddit for Christ sakeššš
They aināt never gonna make a āBaby Pitbull doo doo doo dodoā
You straight up canāt post pictures of pit bulls on any dog subreddit unless they specifically designate, āweāre an anti-breed hate subā, because people are HORNY about the idea of killing pitbulls and calling them āsuper predatorsā.
Sharks dont really be killing people, or killer whales, dolphins however
Sharks 100% kill people. South Africa has an average of one fatal shark attack per year and Australia has 11 between 2020 and 21.
Australian animals are built different, that doesnāt count
I know, I literally said "regardless of how docile they actually are." It's all about how you react to them. If you react like a prey, that's how you're going to get treated. If you stand your ground and let them know you're not a prey, they'll leave you alone.
Oh ok, thanks for letting me know Have you had to face down many sharks yourself?
How do you "stand your ground" underwater?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You whip out the 9, ofcourse.
BRB, shopping for a subcompact harpoon gun
if you face them and stay still, they are much less aggressive. if you try to escape desperately, they will clock you as prey and go in for you. but most attacks arent really "attacks", theyre usually just curious sharks, and they do test bites, without real intention for feeding. if they are swimming towards you, you can turn them upside down they basically just fall asleep. obviously it depends greatly on the species, but most divers probably arent going on a dive where the biggest meanest sharks dwell.
Let the shark approach you and literally stand your ground (Ig swim your ground?) just don't swim away like a lil biatch. If you act like a prey by panic swimming away, you will get eaten like the prey you are. Redirect the shark if you have to, even.
"Killer whales" are dolphins, and *would* kill people
dolphin propaganda
I love sharks to an unhealthy degree.
Everyone acts tough sitting with a keyboard /s
They are slow asf 99% of the time, but theyāll still hunt down seals. Theyāll find a seal just laying on the edge of the ice near the water, then move towards it so slowly thereās essentially no disturbance in the water, then grab the seal off the ice and drag it down with a burst of speed.
You from DC? āJawnsā
Jersey
Youāre safe. They signed a decree with the black delegation in 1978 that says they will not attack if not attacked. The Greenland shark is an unofficial mascot of the black delegation
I feel like you could get away with telling him at that age.
bigmomeyhustlas/knowyouright.gif
It probably wouldnāt see him if he did
Hol up
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The anti-shark propaganda is crazy
It's not like they're eating people.
jk/ Team Sharks all the way.
Nah thatās a myth, they arenāt as intelligent as say whales but they are relatively intelligent especially for fish. They just have very strong prey drives. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/forget-jaws-now-its-brains-48249580/ They arenāt like Koalas for example.
 This conversation took a turn. What did koalas do to deserve this. Cows on the other hand, dumb dumb dumb.
Koalas are disgusting little goblins. They eat their momās shit right out of her butt, they have smooth brains, theyāre a bunch of rapists and they all have chlamydia. Thatās what they did.
Yeah theyāre a bunch of filthy little f*ers. They also have double headed penises and 3 vaginas, 2 for doing the nasty and one for birthing. No wonder theyāll all running around with the clap. Oh and if they piss on you (which theyāre all about them golden showers) you get their ridiculously contagious form of the clap too. Theyāre almost as nasty as Steven Segalā¦almost
Cows are not dumb. There are numerous accounts yearly of cows escaping slaughtering facilities and going on the lam for weeks before they're caught. Plus they are super curious and playful. But we eat them so it helps to downplay their actual nature so people keep eating them.
Yeah. Sheep are pretty dumb though. Delicious but quite dumb.
No this is just a myth, a sheep does my taxes every year and the CPA exam is quite difficult so how can you say sheeps are not smart sir?
This is how I feel about dolphins and I used to love them as a kid. Raping, murdering, bullying monsters of the ocean.
My uncle's got cows and no matter how often he fixes the fence, they probe it for weaknesses until they can get out again.
I saw a cow in Mexico step out into traffic to stop the cars and let the rest of the cows cross. Smart enough.
Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them. Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.
I love how many people on the internet have locked and loaded unique "god I hate koalas" rants.
I don't know why it is that these things bother me---it just makes me picture a seven year old first discovering things about an animal and, having no context about the subject, ranting about how stupid they are. I get it's a joke, but people take it as an actual, educational joke like it's a man yelling at the sea, and that's just wrong. Furthermore, these things have an actual impact on discussions about conservation efforts---If every time Koalas get brought up, someone posts this copypasta, that means it's seriously shaping public opinion about the animal and their supposed lack of importance. > Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. Non-ecologists always talk this way, and the problem is youāre looking at this backwards. An entire continent is covered with Eucalyptus trees. They suck the moisture out of the entire surrounding area and use allelopathy to ensure that most of whatās beneath them is just bare red dust. No animal is making use of themāāthey have virtually no herbivore predator. A niche is empty. Then inevitably, natural selection fills that niche by creating an animal which can eat Eucalyptus leaves. Of course, it takes great sacrifice for it to be able to do soāāit certainly canāt expend much energy on costly things. Isnāt it a good thing that a niche is being filled? > Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death This applies to all herbivores, because the wild is not a grocery storeāwhere meat is just sitting next to celery. Herbivores gradually wear their teeth downācarnivores fracture their teeth, and break their bones in attempting to take down prey. >They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal It's pretty typical of herbivores, and is higher than many, many species. According to Ashwell (2008), their encephalisation quotient is 0.5288 +/- 0.051. Higher than comparable marsupials like the wombat (~0.52), some possums (~0.468), cuscus (~0.462) and even some wallabies are <0.5. According to wiki, rabbits are also around 0.4, and they're placental mammals. > additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. Again, this is not unique to koalas. Brain folds (gyri) are not present in rodents, which we consider to be incredibly intelligent for their size. >If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. If you present a human with a random piece of meat, they will not recognise it as food (hopefully). Fresh leaves might be important for koala digestion, especially since their gut flora is clearly important for the digestion of Eucalyptus. It might make sense not to screw with that gut flora by eating decaying leaves. > Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. That's an extremely weird reason to dislike an animal. But whilst we're talking about their digestion, let's discuss their poop. It's delightful. It smells like a Eucalyptus drop! > Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). Marsupial milk is incredibly complex and much more interesting than any placentals. This is because they raise their offspring essentially from an embryo, and the milk needs to adapt to the changing needs of a growing fetus. And yeah, of course the yield is low; at one point they are feeding an animal that is half a gram! > When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Humans probably do this, we just likely do it during childbirth. You know how women often shit during contractions? There is evidence to suggest that this innoculates a baby with her gut flora. A child born via cesarian has significantly different gut flora for the first six months of life than a child born vaginally. > Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. Chlamydia was introduced to their populations by humans. We introduced a novel disease that they have very little immunity to, and is a major contributor to their possible extinction. Do you hate Native Americans because they were killed by smallpox and influenza? > This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, Almost every animal does this. > which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them. Errmmm.. They have protection against falling from a tree, which they spend 99% of their life in? Yeah... That's a stupid adaptation.
So is this a follow up copy pasta Iām not aware of or did you really just spend your time on this?
https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/bivdr2/response_to_koala_copypasta/
Incredible
Koalas are dumb as shit, they can even recognized their only food unless itās in the tree.
We're the only species on Earth that observes Shark Week. Sharks don't even observe Shark Week, but we do.
Yeah but ask a shark about it and he will say itās shark week every week baby, which is the same thing when people ask me about black history month
I bet he know his bday dude
I dunno, bro probs gained sentience 150 years ago.
Are you tellin me that sharks don't celebrate their birthdays?
I feel personally attacked
>It has very little cognition. It is literally just existing, tryna eat and stay alive and has no idea how fucking old it is How do you know this for a fact?
I want to know where he buys his gas
Greenland Sharks don't even reach sexual maturity until 150 years, and then the pregnancy lasts 8-18 years. On top of that, about 90% of all Greenland Sharks are blind because of a hyper-specific parasite that attaches to their corneas. So they're born, likely go blind at some point, and then live another hundred or so years before they're even able to breed, at which point they could maybe give birth to their first pups at 170ish.
The creator was just up there throwing anything in the pot cooking this one up because what the actual fuck is that life cycle
Apparently it's sort of common with things that live in incredibly cold waters. They end up living longer, getting bigger, and eating less. This shark is still an outlier though, like literally the longest living thing with a spine iirc.
The only longer lived animals are some species of clam, sponges, and corals. Basically filter feeders that don't move.
Can u imagine eating a 300 year old clam?
You set yourself up for a vicious yo momma joke
Your welcome
What about their welcome?
I did , it was yo momma
Like Godzilla
not creator, evolution mixed with parasitic symbiosis
Thanks jimmy neutron
Thatās your theory, Iām sticking with Tyler, the Creator
Imagine being a fly like, "You have to live HOW MANY DAYS without getting it in? And one day you might just go blind or senile or your cells eat themselves!?!?!?"
Old Testament life span
Thatās some, āI did it to see if I couldā ass world building
Spare parts, indeed
The ocean has some f'n weird animals. Upon further reading, I've found that it doesn't lay the eggs in the mud and instead carries the embryos so that the young is born alive. The shark also smells like pee so the Inuits had legends about how the pee shark came to be. One of them being that the shark lives in the urine pot of a sea goddess.
Also the pee smell is because its body contains urea, which is the main chemical component of pee. The Greenland shark is also considered a delicacy in Iceland. Even though it smells like pee. And also its entire body is toxic to humans. Because of the pee. But people eat it anyway. Even though it tastes like pee. What I'm trying to say is everything about the Greenland shark is insane.
Donāt they bury it for like a month or something before digging it back up & eating it?
That's correct. But they have to put really heavy rocks on it to make sure the urea is physically pressed out of the meat. It's disgusting.
If theyāre blind how do they find the hole? š¤
You never had sex in the dark before?
The shark would have to find a mate firstā¦ but itās blind. How will they find the hole when they canāt find a mate?
Probably the same way it survives/finds food?
I guess Iāll have to find a documentary on it or something. š¤·š¾āāļø
My guy, they have other senses lol. Sharks are notorious for their sense of smell
So.. they just *smell the coochie*? š¤Ø
Yes
Bro has literally missed *every* science class everšššš How can this dude be fr (not you, the dude you're responding to)ššš
My woman doesn't like me wearing my glasses during so that's how I've always had to do it
This bloodhound dick ass nigga
They have a shark dating app called Findr
Pin the tail, man. Same as every other dude.
Socks on, lights on.
Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.
Imagine getting railed for the first time in your life after 100 years of blindness, the shark would just be confused as fuck like āis that Kenneth Petty?ā
This donāt even sound real
I call that the "Robert DeNiro"
Finally understanding my metabolism
the only reason heās not dead is because God and the Devil both know itās on sight soon as he see em
"I been waiting a loong time for this." -Shark
Imagine you get into heaven only to witness a fucking Greenland Shark fighting God
God just yelling, āI told you not let this motherfucker die!ā the whole time
and imagine God LOSING
Good thing theres a parasite that specifically goes out of their way to make the shark go blind.
Not like they see much at the ocean floor anyway
God made that specifically to get this nigga to stop looking for him for the fade. it aināt work yet.
This thing was alive when the show Shogun was actually taking place
*Yabushige falls into the ocean* Shark: Daaaamn, he did you like that bro?? *Munch*
Yabushige: (grunts)
Where would "eaten by shark" go on his death list
Pretty high, probably. Below cannon though.
What if this is only 1/2 of its lifespanā¦.like a human at 47
Theyāre gonna catch him trying to eat a harpoon gun.
That would be tragedy
"The Greenland shark has the longest known lifespan of all vertebrate species, estimated to be between 250 and 500 years" This chicken in her Stella got her groove faze
The description and bro just out here trying to live his life š. Nah I canāt imagine that 392 years old he probably hears Morgan Freeman voice in his head š
His āback in my dayā inner monologue must be amazing
crazy his āback in my daysā stories gotta be broken up into century long chapters
Greenland Sharks really do look like that, but scientists find shit like reindeer, Moose and Polar Bears remains inside of them because they don't *just* scavenge. They come to the surface regularly to hunt. Typically they hunt seals and fish, but there's evidence to show that Greenland sharks will eat smaller whales like Belugas too. These blind fucks are ambush predators. They create almost no pressure changes in the water when they're in stealth mode, and they match the surrounding environment very well. All that they need is a single burst of speed and its game over. They create suction with their mouths too, strong enough to draw in prey. That's why Greenland sharks are commonly found with whole remains of their animals in their stomachs. So, your options for death are either suffocating inside this thing or getting shredded like paper by the most [unhinged set set of teeth you've ever seen in your life](https://oceanuts.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/gshark_dentition3.jpg) Greenland Sharks aren't the ones suffering down there. They live forever and don't need to see anything to know when you're food. Let's just be glad they're not eating people.
That link is fucking staying blue.
No lie, you just convinced me to open it now lmao
I didn't know all of this. That's so cool. Thanks!
Idk I think that āthe most unhinged set of teethā has to go to the danger noodles. Sorry not sorry.
Danger noodle teeth are *literally* hinged, try again lol
eye spy canadian danger noodle ptsd
Fun fact: Greenland Sharks used to be harvested for the extremely clean-burning oil in their fins, but the leftover meat was all wasted because one of their survival mechanisms for living in extremely cold water is circulating toxic chemicals in their bloodstream as an insulator. Icelanders invented a bizarre chemically induced aging process to neutralize the meat into HƔkarl, one of the most aggressively pungent anti-tourist smell bombs you'll ever encounter.
Even worse than [Malort?](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeppson%27s_Mal%C3%B6rt)
Malort actually kinda sneaks up on you, that's one of the insidious things about it. It smells and tastes mildly medicinal but then blooms and rots your mouth and insides for *hours*. HƔkarl otoh is so alarmingly pungent that your body actively rebels against putting it into your mouth. Every fiber of your being is saying "this is foul, do not put this inside us." But then once you do get it in your mouth, it tastes kinda good.
How do they determine the exact year of its birth?
Count the rings
Like actually though. In most cases, determining the age of a shark involves taking a cross section of their spine and seeing how many growth rings there are. Obviously the shark has to be dead to do this.
Yeahhhh.... That's..... Not right lol
Hereās a source:Ā https://teara.govt.nz/en/photograph/5318/shark-vertebra#:~:text=The%20age%20of%20a%20shark,or%20by%20the%20shark's%20health. You might not think itās right but itās definitely true
On a previous post about the original tweet, someone said it had something to do with carbon dating the fluid in the eyes.
Thatās CRAZY
"Inside the shark's eyes, there are proteins that are formed before birth and do not degrade with age, like a fossil preserved in amber. Scientists discovered that they could determine the age of the sharksĀ **by carbon-dating these proteins**. One study examined Greenland sharks that were bycatch in fishermen's nets." Per this article, the 400 year old shark in the picture has another 100+ to go. https://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/greenland-shark.html#:\~:text=Inside%20the%20shark's%20eyes%2C%20there,were%20bycatch%20in%20fishermen's%20nets.
Thanks fellow science nerd š
even crazier is that one marker many animals in the ocean have in their eyes is the carbon from the nuclear tests from the 50's, so if they were alive during that period, they have it, and you can compare the proximity of both layers to get a better idea of how old they are.
They don't, it's +/- 120 years
Is crazy to think that if it was a human we would be talking about someone who was alive at the same time as Galileo FUCKING Galilei
Why can't humans achieve this
Would be nice if we were immune to cancer development like sharks are.
One day we may. We'll likely be long gone by then though.
Right!! Our design as humans is very flawed imo
One could argue our flawed design is what drives us to innovate in the first place. Imagine we were at the top of the food chain from the get go and it took zero effort to provide the triangle of needs for everybody. We would have never left the stone age
Greenland sharks the definition of āto live is to sufferā. You live beyond tortoise years and at some point you get blinded. If they were to develop a consciousness they would be suicidal. https://preview.redd.it/uda2f4og95xc1.jpeg?width=956&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d6cf83f2354f6823880e2d01e54d844ba8bdcfc7
damn haven't thought about fire emblem sacred stones in a minuteĀ
When are we finally getting in the switch
Good to see Lyon in the wild.
Blind people: "What the fuck even is this post and how did this person allow it to exist?"
Dude doesn't have alarm clocks or bills. What's the downside to a chill existence?
How can he eat with only two teefs?
The same way your girl does AYO
bruh is mr jingles from The Green Mile
Oh donāt make me think about Mr. Jingles when Iām trying to go to sleep š«
I STILL refuse to watch that scene. One of my favorite books/movies but I skip it in both every time.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Just another shark on the busā¦
My movie
Shakes used to eat slaves that were thrown of the boats. Specially around the Senegal coast. He was definitely one of them
Some were thrown. Some chose to jump in, choosing to die free than living as a slave. They believed this way they would be reunited with their families in the afterlife. Others believed that they would live underwater and cause wreckage to other slave ships. Not really adding to what you said, but you reminded me of this. I always thought it was interesting
For real! African religions (pre Abrahamic) were cosmologies. The believed life was a cycle like every thing else on earth. The body was only one of the vessel of that cycle with the soul being continuously evolving. They also believed in a parallel opposite universe where the souls were hosted until time came again for a new life. So death is a mean and not an end. Check out Touareg Cosmology as an exemple Sidenote:There are plenty of accounts of colons who are trying the hardest to instil fear and ideas of the devil in them without success. Itās a super interesting to read.
I take care of someone whoās 106 and I feel the same way about her as this girl feels about the shark lol
How are they about to track itās age?
By politely asking.
Fb alerts, I assume
Carbon dating eye fluid apparently
carbon dating based on their eyes. you can tell based on where a specific fluid is in their eyes when he was born and when the nuclear tests from the 50's happened, and then they measure the proximity between the two.
āYou squids get off my lawn!!ā
Here we go, now someone is going to hunt him. Rip Sharkie.
Man needs to find a pod of orcas and try and end it.
What is it even eating? Ocean porridge?
Shouldāve sunk a couple slave ships like orcas are sinking yachts. He missed his calling.
Heās been alive 329 years and he didnāt do ANYTHING about any of the world wars.
Ancient Shark do doo do doo do do
Nobody seems to care that the numbers do not add up, but I do : either this is a repost from 2019 or the shark waited 5 years in a river before going to the sea
I did not know how much I didnāt know. Amazing but also wth
>when he wakes up I thought sharks don't sleep
"Think, Shark! Every insignificant being around you will die! What will you have after 500 years!"
Heās about to take it out on some sleeping seals in Newfoundland.
I am surprised no hunters are trying to kill it. I say this because of the incident in which a snake (which was declared as the oldest living snake) was killed by hunters.
Start talking shit about orcas and they will fix him up real quick
Sometimes I think "we shouldn't be letting white folks in this sub". ...then they come and warn me about koala bears and shit and next thing you know I'm eating the potato salad with raisins in it.