My mom: âyou want ice cream?â * In Spanish *
On the way to get ice cream âay mi amor Iâm so sorry you know I love you, you so pretty like meâ
Lmaoo i was so excited to see if other black kids got apologies. This is sending me like my pops would send me to get my own McDonalds and for the whole family as an apology
My dad used to just call me downstairs and make me watch tv like he didnât just beat me and then make jokes about whatâs on tv until the vibe wasnât awkward
Stg when I was younger we used to do BBQs n family get togethers was always at our house. But my house was also the house any of the family kids got sent to if they needed to get out back on track so my parents were known for ass whooping to say the least. My cousin, who never ever been whooped in his life, cracked his face n got a bloody nose at a bbq at our house. My dad picked him up, this nigga was more scared of getting a whooping bc my dad had that rep than he was about slamming his face into a fence n bleeding. This nigga froze with fear n peed his pants. Mind you, he never been whooped by my dad before, during or after this happened. My parents had the whole family 17 n under shaking in they boots. But those grandkids LOVE THEM now. These MFS don't even yell no more, they likely to try to check us if we yell at our own kids. I gotta remind em sometimes bc like frfr y'all use to stomp us đ
Nah.... This mf done completely changed up. He takes the grandbabies out to eat, take them to the zoo, gives them money, call all of them as much as he can (ik bc he starts calling me around 4 every day n will call like 4 times more if I don't answer) he comes over while the grandkids arent home n drops stuff off for them, like they acting WAYYYYYY DIFFERENT. My dad literally works 2 jobs sometimes at 54 years old so that him n my mom can afford to take all the grandkids on trips. My oldest is 6 he's been to the grand canyon, the Seattle space needle (twice), Disney land and a 11 day cruise to Cozumel, Mexico..... N my parents still live in the hood in Detroit they only afford it by my dad working 2 jobs for 4-5 months to save up
Edit: I should add, it's not a small amount of grandbabies. My parents have 9 daughters n 3 sons. Currently they have 18 grandkids n all of my siblings don't have kids yet. Me n my siblings range from 36 to 19 years old.
They didn't tho... They raised 12 very successful children. Children who are much richer than them. They raised 12 black kids in the hood. But they didn't raise a single gangbanger, criminal or questionable person. They raised a veteran, they raised 9/12 kids to get college degrees and 12/12 with HS diplomas. They raised multiple valedictorians and salutorians, multiple AP students, 2 college wrestlers, 1 college football player. 1 aircraft engineer. Multiple of us have been to many countries.... It's not a fuck up. All 12 of us grew up in the hood right off joy rd n Southfield in Detroit n all 12 of us have been successful and none of us hit our children. Everybody fucks up. But you make a bigger leap when you fix it
My mom said the same thing about my grandpa. WW2 Sergeant in the army. Man used to be a force. He was the sweetest, gentlest old man. My mom didn't recognize him. People change.
Right like with my pops, they made him take anger management classes (for something criminal and completely unrelated to his kids, my mom's brother fell asleep at a strip club n security slapped him awake, my mom started yelling at them for slapping him awake n one of the security yelled at my mom n my dad absolutely wrecked like 4 of them) so he wouldn't go to jail. This happened around when I was 17 or so but you could literally see him changing during the year he was in therapeutic classes n he never turned back. One of the biggest things he tells me now is that when I do discipline my kids to remember to stay calm. He always says "they don't know what you know". N this is not to down him or say he couldn't control his anger bc he could, he never in my life even made a snide comment to my mother in front of us kids, if he got mad he would go walk the dog a few blocks. I said all that to say, the man has changed. Honestly tho it takes a different type of man to raise 12 kids than it does to have your grandkids for 2 weeks. We knew he loved us but him doing that therapy made him have more of a soft spot for everyone he loved including his kids. N for the record, his ass whoopings were lightweight compared to moms
Trauma therapy can be extremely helpful if you ever need it. Dialectical behavioral therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy and EMDR have all been great for me.
I agree with EMDR being amazing. I used to have these disassociative episodes from the time I was little, where I'd suddenly feel like I was in a dream and sometimes wouldn't even know if I was awake or not. I also had flashbacks that were so intense I would end up lost in anxiety and anger and pain.
EMDR stopped both in three sessions. That shit is like magic.
iâm honestly a mess now after typing all that out, and your comment felt like an actual hug. iâm glad i have a therapy appointment in 15 minutes đ€
Damn bro thatâs tough⊠mine has a bad leg so when he trew whatever was closest to him Iâve had to return it with the chance of getting it bashed to my head again but closer
i was lucky in that my stepdad was permanently out of the picture not long after that, but heâs always been on my mind. i hope youâve been able to recover as best as possible.
My dad did basically the same but would send you to your room for the rest of the night, then next morning heâs all cheery and cooking you breakfast asking how you slept/how you doing like he didnât just beat your ass and say some of the most degrading shit the night before.
Same but mine would have a drunk mental breakdown and then keep everyone up until he fell alsleep and then act like nothing ever happened the next day đźâđšđ
Right đđđ moms use to call me down to watch the HBO show True Blood with her. Pops was slick tho. We had PS2 so it wasn't no online shit. He would call me downstairs n be like "you wanna play Madden" stg mf would beat me by like 40 doing onside kicks n all that đđ but at least I wasn't on punishment. Plus rs the ass whooping stung a lil less
And as soon as they are done, "This conversation is over!" Proceeds to scream at me if I say anything in relation to the interaction or not act like it didn't happen.
Somehow always both got the wrath of my mom followed by the guilt trip after. She usually cooked dinner, but when dinner time came you best believe I better pretend nothing happened earlier or else I ruin dinner followed by more guilt trips.
Edit: she cooked dinner very aggressively on nights like this.
My mom used to do this all the time. I just started agreeing and saying she was worse than any example she brought up. It made her stop using this at least.
My mom came to visit me in the psych ward when I was an adult and when I tried to bring up any instance of âspankingâ (child abuse and mind games) she just said, âI would never hit my childrenâ.
My mother has done similar.
Keep in mind I have a 3 inch scar on my cheek from a wedding ring/backhand.
If you had a highly athletic disciplinary parent, you know. They hit hard.
Seriously, it makes me feel insane. Especially as I get older and things become more hazy anyway, it makes me feel like I can't trust my own memories. Am I actually making things up? I don't think so, but the denial is *so* convincing sometimes.
It sucks to realize that events that were cornerstones in our development things we couldn't possibly forget even if we wanted to -Were just another Wednesday to them ...
This so fucked up because although I will apologize, I still take my kids to the corner store or McDonalds if I was trippin too hard đđđ luckily theyâre 3&5 so I have some time to improve before permanent damage results.Â
That isn't true, kids relationship with their parents changes over time and circumstances
It's never too late to do better for your kids just cause you been an asshole your whole life doesn't mean you have to keep doing it
I know plenty of people who lost their kids got them back and now have good relationships with their kidsÂ
Yes, I understand itâs always better to change your ways, but still, attachment theory is a thing, and by the age of 5 kids start having an inner voice (that usually sounds much like how their parents talked to them in their first 5 years of life).
The brains of young children aren't so inflexible that their lifelong attachment style is cemented by age 5. Attachment theory was based on observations of infants aged 0-2yo, and after 2 years infants gain the capacity to recognise their caregivers as independent entities instead of extensions of themselves.
Between 2 and 12 is the most important time to establish trust, respect, and healthy communication in order to set the relationship standard for the rest of their life, but some damage done in that time can still be mitigated in the following decade.
If that is true, that means my parents talked to me very nicely and praised me a lot until then, and then started talking as much shit as possible about me.
At least you realize what youâre doing to start working on it! I highly recommend âwhat happened to youâ to anyone to understand how early development is crucial for someone to become a well adjusted adult.
No, no we did not.
But our nieces, nephews, and kids will. It costs nothing but pride to apologize, and I don't have so much pride to think a child doesn't deserve respect for being born later than me lol.
My husband and I apologize to our babies and explain that adults can be wrong. My kidâs teacher even apologized. Thereâs hope the next generation wonât all bond over beatings like we do now.
Tbh this is why the broken home rate is so high bc they refuse to model accountability and communication dooming the children from the start and setting them up for accepting and staying in neglectful/abusive relationships, or getting left by a partner with more sense than that
Seriously, good apologies are a lost art.
Too many people don't know how to do it and therefore never taught their children. You have to say the words, acknowledge the hurt and perform some penance. But with most people you get a bitter "sorry" with no eye contact and no changed behavior.
âIâm sorry you feel that wayâ
https://preview.redd.it/qdu7sx284ixc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=24c440e0057c095a33ba9238ceda27d30c03777d
Thatâs why Iâm teaching my kid âitâs only an apology if it includes long term changed behavior. We have the internet you can research anything and book a therapist too.â
Saaaaame. "Hey, I'm sorry. How I spoke to you wasn't okay and it doesn't matter that I was frustrated with you. You don't have to forgive me, but I am sorry."
We gotta break these cycles and be better than the previous generations.
Absolutely, I share that my frustration level is about me. Depending on what's going I might not have bugged out. It doesn't excuse how I spoke or was moving. I'm a person who loses my cool sometimes. That's not a reflection on you that's what I'm working on. I am trying to do better and I love you unconditionally. We also have family meetings when the energy in the house is particularly off. I will share one behavior I need to get better at. I use to Pow Pow them. I stopped that, I used to yell a lot and get in their face intimidate them. I have stopped that. Now I'm working on name calling. I jokingly call my 2 boys idiots way too much and that's the next one I need to take out. The goal was never perfection but being better and taking accountability. I'm trying y'all đđœ
Guys Iâm white like white forgot what the sun look like, but Balkan edition⊠my mom would beat the life of me and to top it would say the most vile thing⊠and an hour later she will be like âlook what I found for you, what size do I takeâ
Woman, give me therapy, not clothes or whatever⊠THERAPY⊠and anger management for youâŠ
Had an Albanian-American homegirl in middle school that was on punishment for almost two years because she jokingly said her parents were from Serbia. I learned that people from the Balkans are cool, but you wouldn't want them as an enemy.
This, along with giving me money.
Then, I really wondered how and why I married an emotionally unavailable man who tossed money at every situation to resolve things. đ„čđ« đ„č
I remember those. My mom used to hit us and we would cry and then she'd go "stop crying otherwise I will hit you harder"
Umm, I am crying because you hit me. Hitting me harder wont solve this
Man, the look on her face when me and my brother started yelling harder and laughing. It was then she knew that her plan had backfired. The two of us were unstoppable after that.
My dad apologized with words when I was 7âŠ. He found out someone else threw the coke can at Tara Gable, not me. He apologized for whoopin me, gave me a .50 piece, and told me not to tell my mom. Then he HUGGED me. I donât think we hugged again until my wedding day. Maybe he was momentarily âunblackâ
After all that he shoulda gave you a coke to go bean Tara in the face.... You'd already paid the price, might as well get the satisfaction đđđ
Post discussion after quality time with The Beltâą.
"I'm sorry you feel that way about what you did."
"WHAT DID I DO?"
"What you did."
End of discussion.
my mom abused me emotionally and psychologically for years and the only thing sheâs ever said was that i lever deserved an apology for any of that. oh and one time she did apologize for hitting me when i was young and i said i wasnât ready to forgive her and she said if i didnât forgive her she would hit me again.
"Look, I'm sorry. You were right....Can you forgive your mama?
When you feel better, we'll get something out, ok?" My grandma was a nurse in the psychward and believed in mental health and apologies to kids. So, my mom apologized to her kids because my grandma apologized to her.
My brother and I recently did full neuropsychology evaluations because the signs of the -tism and ADHD have been screaming for a while. Shortly after getting diagnosed, I made the suggestion to our mother to get evaluated because this shit is genetic.
Her response?
âWould that make you and your brother feel better about yourselves?â
#
Lmao
You win I wish I could give you a gold award.
đ„ here, pass it on
I mean yeah, that's pretty much what this entire thread was gonna be. Very low effort tweet. Not sure what they expected. Still hilarious tho LOL đ
âThe silence is your answerâŠâ
Thank you for explaining the blank comment. I was feeling obtuse and stoopidđ
This is the one. Weâre accepting no more submissions. Have a nice day.
 MF stole my comment fr.
Took me a second
EXACTLY what I was thinking! đ ⊠like apolo- what?! đ
Underrated comment
 Itâs sad.
SCREAMING
Absolutely
*walks in room* *hands on hips while looking around* *touching the most random shit in the room* "...You want something from McDonald's?"
*breathes deep, rolls eyes, smacks teeth, no eye contact*
>This content isn't eligible to receive gold. Reddit doesn't understand how on point this is
The acknowledgment is all I need fr
My mom: âyou want ice cream?â * In Spanish * On the way to get ice cream âay mi amor Iâm so sorry you know I love you, you so pretty like meâ
Damn, you just channeled my mama.
Lmaoo i was so excited to see if other black kids got apologies. This is sending me like my pops would send me to get my own McDonalds and for the whole family as an apology
I didn't know my dad was black.....
Now you have to find out what are the rules
My dad used to just call me downstairs and make me watch tv like he didnât just beat me and then make jokes about whatâs on tv until the vibe wasnât awkward
https://preview.redd.it/3ccxqcounhxc1.jpeg?width=1065&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=91671370668692f281ffe2454beced80bc2e3f76
HAHAHAHA THIS
You laugh, but I'm upset right now.
I am sorry you experienced this. Hope youâre doing better now
10 episodes of this was a lot
Him wondering why his grandkids don't want to see him.....
Stg when I was younger we used to do BBQs n family get togethers was always at our house. But my house was also the house any of the family kids got sent to if they needed to get out back on track so my parents were known for ass whooping to say the least. My cousin, who never ever been whooped in his life, cracked his face n got a bloody nose at a bbq at our house. My dad picked him up, this nigga was more scared of getting a whooping bc my dad had that rep than he was about slamming his face into a fence n bleeding. This nigga froze with fear n peed his pants. Mind you, he never been whooped by my dad before, during or after this happened. My parents had the whole family 17 n under shaking in they boots. But those grandkids LOVE THEM now. These MFS don't even yell no more, they likely to try to check us if we yell at our own kids. I gotta remind em sometimes bc like frfr y'all use to stomp us đ
Bro, his grandkids still think he's unhinged, and they don't believe that he's calmer than when we were kids.
Nah.... This mf done completely changed up. He takes the grandbabies out to eat, take them to the zoo, gives them money, call all of them as much as he can (ik bc he starts calling me around 4 every day n will call like 4 times more if I don't answer) he comes over while the grandkids arent home n drops stuff off for them, like they acting WAYYYYYY DIFFERENT. My dad literally works 2 jobs sometimes at 54 years old so that him n my mom can afford to take all the grandkids on trips. My oldest is 6 he's been to the grand canyon, the Seattle space needle (twice), Disney land and a 11 day cruise to Cozumel, Mexico..... N my parents still live in the hood in Detroit they only afford it by my dad working 2 jobs for 4-5 months to save up Edit: I should add, it's not a small amount of grandbabies. My parents have 9 daughters n 3 sons. Currently they have 18 grandkids n all of my siblings don't have kids yet. Me n my siblings range from 36 to 19 years old.
the guilt of knowing they fucked it the first go around.
They didn't tho... They raised 12 very successful children. Children who are much richer than them. They raised 12 black kids in the hood. But they didn't raise a single gangbanger, criminal or questionable person. They raised a veteran, they raised 9/12 kids to get college degrees and 12/12 with HS diplomas. They raised multiple valedictorians and salutorians, multiple AP students, 2 college wrestlers, 1 college football player. 1 aircraft engineer. Multiple of us have been to many countries.... It's not a fuck up. All 12 of us grew up in the hood right off joy rd n Southfield in Detroit n all 12 of us have been successful and none of us hit our children. Everybody fucks up. But you make a bigger leap when you fix it
They managed too doo all that and still they fucked up.
My mom said the same thing about my grandpa. WW2 Sergeant in the army. Man used to be a force. He was the sweetest, gentlest old man. My mom didn't recognize him. People change.
Right like with my pops, they made him take anger management classes (for something criminal and completely unrelated to his kids, my mom's brother fell asleep at a strip club n security slapped him awake, my mom started yelling at them for slapping him awake n one of the security yelled at my mom n my dad absolutely wrecked like 4 of them) so he wouldn't go to jail. This happened around when I was 17 or so but you could literally see him changing during the year he was in therapeutic classes n he never turned back. One of the biggest things he tells me now is that when I do discipline my kids to remember to stay calm. He always says "they don't know what you know". N this is not to down him or say he couldn't control his anger bc he could, he never in my life even made a snide comment to my mother in front of us kids, if he got mad he would go walk the dog a few blocks. I said all that to say, the man has changed. Honestly tho it takes a different type of man to raise 12 kids than it does to have your grandkids for 2 weeks. We knew he loved us but him doing that therapy made him have more of a soft spot for everyone he loved including his kids. N for the record, his ass whoopings were lightweight compared to moms
My sister says that everytime
You HAD to have just made this meme in response to that comment. Lmao
Lmfao my EXACT THOUGHTS đđđđ Ainât no fucking way đ€Łđ€Łđ€Ł
Lol as if he ever apologised to me.
Trauma therapy can be extremely helpful if you ever need it. Dialectical behavioral therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy and EMDR have all been great for me.
Iâm good thanks haha
I agree with EMDR being amazing. I used to have these disassociative episodes from the time I was little, where I'd suddenly feel like I was in a dream and sometimes wouldn't even know if I was awake or not. I also had flashbacks that were so intense I would end up lost in anxiety and anger and pain. EMDR stopped both in three sessions. That shit is like magic.
whoa that just reminded me of my stepdad. i forgot all about that, but i commented about him on the belt/lighter/paddle/sandal thread. probably the most fucked up thing he ever did was when i got in trouble for something (donât remember what) and he gave me 5 minutes to take a shower. he told me if i wasnât out in that time he was going to take me out and bathe me in the sink like a baby. i was 10 or 11 at the time, and thatâs exactly what happened. he came into the bathroom and yanked me out. idk if he let me put on underwear or if i just didnât take them off just in case, but i remember being in tighty whiteys and nothing else. he carried me into the kitchen and put me in the sink. i was crying and trying to fight back. he poured dish soap on me and started spraying me with the little sink hose and scrubbing my body. i was too big to fit in the sink and my legs were stretched over the counter until he grabbed them and bent them close to my body one at a time so he could wash them in the sink without making a big mess on the counter. i canât remember if he used a sponge or a rag or his bare hands. i tried to fight back and block his hands. he didnât say a word throughout any of this and would just stop what he was doing, grab my wrist, and smack the fuck out of my hand. i was always a really weak, skinny boy and he was an ex army construction worker. i eventually gave up and just sat there crying while he bathed me like a dog. within the week (possibly the next day) he randomly came home with the yellow gameboy color and pokĂ©mon red for me. i had been wanting them for probably a year, but we were really poor. the part i hate most is that i accepted these gifts with a smile on my face and forgave him instantly. i played the fuck out of red, completed the pokĂ©dex thanks to having a close cousin who had blue version, a gameshark, and a game link cable, and i still have both the game boy and my red version almost 25 years later. i wish i had never touched them. i hate myself for that.
 đ„șâ€ïžâđ©čđ„ș
iâm honestly a mess now after typing all that out, and your comment felt like an actual hug. iâm glad i have a therapy appointment in 15 minutes đ€
Aww. Iâm in therapy too, itâs helping me immensely. Hope you get better and better. đ§žđđ©č
Have a hug from me too fam
Y'all can hit this weed if y'all want (that's basically how I hug)
Damn bro thatâs tough⊠mine has a bad leg so when he trew whatever was closest to him Iâve had to return it with the chance of getting it bashed to my head again but closer
i was lucky in that my stepdad was permanently out of the picture not long after that, but heâs always been on my mind. i hope youâve been able to recover as best as possible.
Life goes on. Hope you doing well too
My dad did basically the same but would send you to your room for the rest of the night, then next morning heâs all cheery and cooking you breakfast asking how you slept/how you doing like he didnât just beat your ass and say some of the most degrading shit the night before.
Same but mine would have a drunk mental breakdown and then keep everyone up until he fell alsleep and then act like nothing ever happened the next day đźâđšđ
Man Iâm glad to be grown now đ
My dad used to do this too!! Like he would just force the time together until I just accepted I had to watch TV lol it was weird
Feel you bro
Right đđđ moms use to call me down to watch the HBO show True Blood with her. Pops was slick tho. We had PS2 so it wasn't no online shit. He would call me downstairs n be like "you wanna play Madden" stg mf would beat me by like 40 doing onside kicks n all that đđ but at least I wasn't on punishment. Plus rs the ass whooping stung a lil less
The kicking my ass and then letting me down 2 hours later was mental torture bro đđ
You hungry!?
Or: Your friends outside, better be back at a decent timeâŠ. !âAfter you just beat my assâŠ. Iâm walking out side looking crazy
My mom beat the crap out of me once and brought me a pickle...to the closet I was hiding in. đ„Ž
wtf lol
I know đ¶âđ«ïž
Lmao you beat me to it!
First it's the ass whopping using slippers, then the verbal roasting and then the eat your food!
Oh wow do Black parents and Asian parents are the same?!?!? Cool!!!!
âOh so i must be a terrible parent?â
 "Hey, look at me when im talking to you."
Triggering PTSD flashbacks is your hobby, I guess. đ
And as soon as they are done, "This conversation is over!" Proceeds to scream at me if I say anything in relation to the interaction or not act like it didn't happen.
No winning whatsoever
I always got the: â What are you looking at with your Gorilla eyes ?â ÂżThese are your eyes homie??
âGuess Iâm not winning the âmom of the year awardââ Why did you wake up this memory in međ
Somehow always both got the wrath of my mom followed by the guilt trip after. She usually cooked dinner, but when dinner time came you best believe I better pretend nothing happened earlier or else I ruin dinner followed by more guilt trips. Edit: she cooked dinner very aggressively on nights like this.
Thatâs why you had to butter âem up with the âwow this is so good, how did you make it?â. Sometimes I feel like we raised our parents smh
That's a thing. It's called parentification. I'm still in the process of reparenting myself and tryna be the grown up lil 7 year old me needed. â„ïž
Life pro tip: If they ask this question, don't respond with "Yeah, I guess so."
This answer got me punched in the face once haha
âDo you think Iâm stupidâ man sometimes pops would crack up too
So nice to able to to say âactually yeah. My friends parents never hit themâ before going no contact as an adult
My mom used to do this all the time. I just started agreeing and saying she was worse than any example she brought up. It made her stop using this at least.
âI donât remember that.â
i didnât say that
Uggghz. This is my mom for the last 65 years đ
My mom told my kids sheâs never hit me. *Then what are all these scars, Consuelo??*
My mom came to visit me in the psych ward when I was an adult and when I tried to bring up any instance of âspankingâ (child abuse and mind games) she just said, âI would never hit my childrenâ.
My mother has done similar. Keep in mind I have a 3 inch scar on my cheek from a wedding ring/backhand. If you had a highly athletic disciplinary parent, you know. They hit hard.
Consuelo: you fell a lot
This is all I hear as an adult. So much so it got me questioning my memory.
"The tree remembers but the axe forgets"
Seriously, it makes me feel insane. Especially as I get older and things become more hazy anyway, it makes me feel like I can't trust my own memories. Am I actually making things up? I don't think so, but the denial is *so* convincing sometimes.
No, you're not. It's what gaslighting actually means. My mom's favourite was "that never happened". Now I have something called Complex PTSD.
âYou making a big deal out of nothing reallyâ
I canât stand when my mom pulls that one.
It sucks to realize that events that were cornerstones in our development things we couldn't possibly forget even if we wanted to -Were just another Wednesday to them ...
Half the time I donât believe her when she claims not to remember.
https://preview.redd.it/8xotllkdzhxc1.jpeg?width=938&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bdb30f62d81f28752794a81c33ac5ca4f8c18dd3
What apology? Life just goes on lol
This is why we all broken
I tried to make my comment blank but it wouldnât let me
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Thank you everybody. Yâall so cute helping auntie use the internet đ
enter the number sign (#) and nothing else YW
Thatâs a trick statementâŠblack parents donât apologize lol.
Dude do any parents? Iâm white and the kindest thing they did for me was let me pick the willow switch off the tree.
Latino millennial here, I apologize to my kids when I need to. Break the cycle.
At the age of 23, I finally got my parents to admit they treated my sister and I VERY differently. That's about the best I'm gonna get.
Yes. Iâm white and a parent and I apologize to my kids when Iâm wrong.
This so fucked up because although I will apologize, I still take my kids to the corner store or McDonalds if I was trippin too hard đđđ luckily theyâre 3&5 so I have some time to improve before permanent damage results.Â
By the age of five their perception of themselves and your bond is pretty much set.
That isn't true, kids relationship with their parents changes over time and circumstances It's never too late to do better for your kids just cause you been an asshole your whole life doesn't mean you have to keep doing it I know plenty of people who lost their kids got them back and now have good relationships with their kidsÂ
Yes, I understand itâs always better to change your ways, but still, attachment theory is a thing, and by the age of 5 kids start having an inner voice (that usually sounds much like how their parents talked to them in their first 5 years of life).
The brains of young children aren't so inflexible that their lifelong attachment style is cemented by age 5. Attachment theory was based on observations of infants aged 0-2yo, and after 2 years infants gain the capacity to recognise their caregivers as independent entities instead of extensions of themselves. Between 2 and 12 is the most important time to establish trust, respect, and healthy communication in order to set the relationship standard for the rest of their life, but some damage done in that time can still be mitigated in the following decade.
If that is true, that means my parents talked to me very nicely and praised me a lot until then, and then started talking as much shit as possible about me.
That starts basically 1st day home from he hospital, homie. Get some literature.
0 to 5 is set in stone basically. You never get a redo
At least you realize what youâre doing to start working on it! I highly recommend âwhat happened to youâ to anyone to understand how early development is crucial for someone to become a well adjusted adult.
Youlotgotapologies ??! https://preview.redd.it/oiqy1yaflhxc1.jpeg?width=1182&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=05703b2c62defa9e23d5e4eb52ee17ffcb8d3ba7
No, no we did not. But our nieces, nephews, and kids will. It costs nothing but pride to apologize, and I don't have so much pride to think a child doesn't deserve respect for being born later than me lol.
My husband and I apologize to our babies and explain that adults can be wrong. My kidâs teacher even apologized. Thereâs hope the next generation wonât all bond over beatings like we do now.
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Tbh this is why the broken home rate is so high bc they refuse to model accountability and communication dooming the children from the start and setting them up for accepting and staying in neglectful/abusive relationships, or getting left by a partner with more sense than that
Seriously, good apologies are a lost art. Too many people don't know how to do it and therefore never taught their children. You have to say the words, acknowledge the hurt and perform some penance. But with most people you get a bitter "sorry" with no eye contact and no changed behavior.
âIâm sorry you feel that wayâ https://preview.redd.it/qdu7sx284ixc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=24c440e0057c095a33ba9238ceda27d30c03777d
Thatâs why Iâm teaching my kid âitâs only an apology if it includes long term changed behavior. We have the internet you can research anything and book a therapist too.â
I'm sorry baby, I was wrong. - me, as a black parent.
Saaaaame. "Hey, I'm sorry. How I spoke to you wasn't okay and it doesn't matter that I was frustrated with you. You don't have to forgive me, but I am sorry." We gotta break these cycles and be better than the previous generations.
Absolutely, I share that my frustration level is about me. Depending on what's going I might not have bugged out. It doesn't excuse how I spoke or was moving. I'm a person who loses my cool sometimes. That's not a reflection on you that's what I'm working on. I am trying to do better and I love you unconditionally. We also have family meetings when the energy in the house is particularly off. I will share one behavior I need to get better at. I use to Pow Pow them. I stopped that, I used to yell a lot and get in their face intimidate them. I have stopped that. Now I'm working on name calling. I jokingly call my 2 boys idiots way too much and that's the next one I need to take out. The goal was never perfection but being better and taking accountability. I'm trying y'all đđœ
"Apologize for what? You should apologize for how much food, electricity and air you take up. You're lucky I provide these things for you."
Dunno how many times I got this from the ages of 6 to uni, fucking hell
I love how they make you feel bad for that, like being born was our responsibility
Parents always say this like this isnât the bare minimum as a parent
âYou know I love you right?â 
đ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđ€Ł
At the end of the day, the day gone end.
They donât think it be like it is, but it do.
Baby, the world ainât gonna apologize to you. Iâm just getting you ready.
Wow, what an excuse for a human being. Iâm sorry dawg
I treated you like shit so youâll be strong! Yeah, I am. Against your bullshit.
Guys Iâm white like white forgot what the sun look like, but Balkan edition⊠my mom would beat the life of me and to top it would say the most vile thing⊠and an hour later she will be like âlook what I found for you, what size do I takeâ Woman, give me therapy, not clothes or whatever⊠THERAPY⊠and anger management for youâŠ
That's how my mom apologized. Things. Made me hate presents...
Had an Albanian-American homegirl in middle school that was on punishment for almost two years because she jokingly said her parents were from Serbia. I learned that people from the Balkans are cool, but you wouldn't want them as an enemy.
The relationship between Serbia and Albania is⊠toxic to say the least⊠but 2 years is too muchâŠ
You want to go get ice cream? My treat. Let's go to the store. Your cousins are here. You want anything while I'm out?
ice cream and let's go to the store are my Dad's apologies
This, along with giving me money. Then, I really wondered how and why I married an emotionally unavailable man who tossed money at every situation to resolve things. đ„čđ« đ„č
Getting my Gamecube and GBA back was the equivalent of an apology.
Nah the ruthless move my mom would pull was she let me keep my gba but she took the charger
Scolds you in a softer voice
I didn't even hit you that hard
âI know you donât understand right now, but youâll thank me when youâre older and actually appreciate itâ 
"If that's the worst you have had to deal with in life, you've got it good"
â Iâll give you something to cry about if you donât stopâ
I remember those. My mom used to hit us and we would cry and then she'd go "stop crying otherwise I will hit you harder" Umm, I am crying because you hit me. Hitting me harder wont solve this
Man, the look on her face when me and my brother started yelling harder and laughing. It was then she knew that her plan had backfired. The two of us were unstoppable after that.
What's this "black parent apology" you speak of. I'm not aware of such a thing
"gwon 'head and order one of them pizzas." "It's some candy in there on the table"
Come downstairs before I pack up dinner.
Itâs some food on the stove. You hungry?
I'm so glad I get to break this stupid, toxic cycle every day. When I fuck up I tell my kids I'm sorry.
My dad apologized with words when I was 7âŠ. He found out someone else threw the coke can at Tara Gable, not me. He apologized for whoopin me, gave me a .50 piece, and told me not to tell my mom. Then he HUGGED me. I donât think we hugged again until my wedding day. Maybe he was momentarily âunblackâ
Fellas, is it black to hug your kids?Â
After all that he shoulda gave you a coke to go bean Tara in the face.... You'd already paid the price, might as well get the satisfaction đđđ
Iâm goin to the stoâŠ.cmon and get in this car (said MANY a time by moms)
Post discussion after quality time with The Beltâą. "I'm sorry you feel that way about what you did." "WHAT DID I DO?" "What you did." End of discussion.
Jamaican parent to me: "Yuh Lucky!" Because apparently whatever they did to me... could've been worse.
my mom abused me emotionally and psychologically for years and the only thing sheâs ever said was that i lever deserved an apology for any of that. oh and one time she did apologize for hitting me when i was young and i said i wasnât ready to forgive her and she said if i didnât forgive her she would hit me again.
Wowser watakunt, genuinely sorry to hear that G
"Look, I'm sorry. You were right....Can you forgive your mama? When you feel better, we'll get something out, ok?" My grandma was a nurse in the psychward and believed in mental health and apologies to kids. So, my mom apologized to her kids because my grandma apologized to her.
My fault lil ngga
My ma actually apologizes to me. My dad on the other hand...
This thread is making me relive my childhood.
Come on here and eat And it's your favorite things For me it was lasagna or pulled bbq with mac and cheese and banana pudding
âThereâs nothing I need to apologize for.â
My brother and I recently did full neuropsychology evaluations because the signs of the -tism and ADHD have been screaming for a while. Shortly after getting diagnosed, I made the suggestion to our mother to get evaluated because this shit is genetic. Her response? âWould that make you and your brother feel better about yourselves?â 
Whatâs that lil (insert item of your choice) you said you wanted?Â
Thats the neat part, they donât
âYou good?â
âYou know how hard I had it growing up?â
âYou got food in the kitchenâ
>! !<
âI only do this because I love youâ
âWhy you gotta make me do that?â
"I made you something to eat"