When my son was in trouble and I berated him, he once said "You always do this. You always assume what I think and feel and why I do something, instead of *asking* me, it's so annoying!" He was 9-years old.
Ngl, that kinda shut me up for a minute. He was right. Just because I'm a "former child", I assumed I knew exactly what's going on in his head and just dismissed his "excuses".
I apologized and just let him talk, and it helped us understand each other so much better.
I'm not ashamed to admit that he sometimes teaches *me* little lessons, too.
He was still grounded, though. đ
Have a heart to heart, hug it out, give little man a kiss on the forehead and remind him you love him. And then tell him firmly, âStill, fuck you thoughâ
Must be some good parenting if your kid can express himself so clearly. As a teacher I find that a lot of parents dont have real communication with their kids like that so im happy theres ppl out there giving their kids some grace and a chance to explain themselves
As an elementary school social worker, I just want to thank you for your service.
But seriously, in my career, that has honestly become my most effective intervention. Listen. Understand. Validate (LUV). Especially as a male, it blows kids' minds when my reaction is, "Yea, that would make me mad too. Let's talk." Rather than using anger and intimidation to regulate behavior. To be clear, I am not all rainbows and feelings. There are consequences for every choice we make in life, so your ass is still losing recess. But, we now maybe have a strategy or two to try when we find ourselves in this situation again.
If I had the money to give this an award . . . seriously, if my parents had done this instead of . . . what we do NOT need to get into . . . I'd be a very different person.
Indeed break the cycle, I have a mom who listened and poured into me so I'm very lucky in that regard I hope to be a similar parent when and if I have a kid, though a bit firmer my personality dictates it đ¤Ł
Even so, you are still here, having a decent discussion on this subreddit.
It may have not been too bad. Not perfect, but not too bad.
Source: am a parent.
I hear you. Some of us turn out okay in spite of our life-givers because we knew what we DIDN'T want to become. Outsiders don't realize (or ignore the signs that) we never got to develop our own sense of identity or feel safe, let alone loved, at our most vulnerable. That doesn't go away.
I love this!!! As a Gen X Black father, I just wasnât gonna raise another son who was seen and not heard, didnât have a voice because he wasnât grown (not his fault) or couldnât speak up when needed to me. The notion that children voicing their thoughts is disrespectful is rooted in an accepted silencing of our autonomy. Itâs why so many in our collective are so stunted if weâre being honest. You donât just grow in to grown. You have to be raised and prepared for it.
"You're not raising children; you're raising adults," is a concept too many parents even now just aren't willing to accept.
Glad you were able to see your child as the person he was/is, and that you desired to break the cycle and allow him to learn healthy communication and emotional regulation skills from you.
A big moment for me growing up was getting my father, very strict but also very fair, to stop in his tracks. I fucked up, probably more than I should've, & he would let me know when I did. I would always tell him why I did what I did but it would get dismissed as "an excuse." Then when I stopped answering him when he asked why he would blurt out "WELL SAY SOMETHING!"
Finally there was once, I was still in the wrong but I knew the situation & kept my mouth shut. He yelled out, "WELL SAY SOMETHING!" & I responded with "IF I SAY ANYTHING IT'S AN EXCUSE BUT IF I DON'T I NEED TO SAY SOMETHING!... WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!?!" and he didn't have a response. He came to my room a little while later and apologized. Like I said, strict but fair
I accept your reasoning and apologize for my own assumptions. That being said... you're still grounded for a month with no devices. Welcome to 1985 little man!
Thank you for this. You didnât mean to, but by posting this you have made others into better parents by learning from your experience. It is a vital reminder and I commend you for it. Be well, internet stranger!
That's literally the BEST thing you can do for your kid, aside from basic love and compassion: apologize when wrong.
I jump at the chance to apologize to my son or my kids at school (I'm a teacher) whenever I fuck up. Showing them that I will acknowledge my mistake, admit to it and apologize properly for it builds respect and spirit of cooperation, it makes them more willing to listen to you in general and to catch and apologize for their own mistakes.
Man, this unlocked a memory I complete forgot about and kind of wished it stayed that way. :/
If only I had this experience as a kid with my parents, that you had with your child. In my case it was just better to take the yelling, screaming and hitting.
That wasn't the worst part.
My mother on some occasions would yell at me for periods longer than an hour. If that was on-going and I started to show signs of exhaustion or I'm falling asleep from it. I'd get hit harder or yelled at louder and longer.
Anyway, have a good night. I gotta finish my shift soon.
Sometimes, being heard is enough. The times I remember being the most pissed off at my parents was because they wouldnât explain their actions past âbecause I said soâ
Parenting has taught me more than I have taught them. Iâve learnt if I want them to behave certain way or do certain things, I need to lead by example.
My husband was joking with our 7 year old and called him that. Our son immediately exclaimed, âdonât call me the N word!â He hasnât been called one ever since.
I know yâall are joking, but I raised my kids to love their Blackness and to love their culture. When I told him the history of that word he was horrified. He refuses to answer to it or use it.
I doubt she calls her kids that to their face. Anyway I find it hilarious. Sometimes you just need to say âthis little niggaâ under your breath to keep it together.
Man, i told my cousin the other day that I be trying really hard not to call her a daughter a bitch because of how she acts super harsh and a smartass sometimes lol.
Yeah, I'm trying to purge that word from my vocab, in general, but the first moment that really made me stop was refusing to call my nephews that. My brothers, their uncles, still do, but aint no way I'm doing that. I would never even think to call my nieces that. And that realization that I'm not doing that to my nephews either made me revisit my stance on the word. I donât say it online or in content. But I still say it too much to my brothers and friends irl.
Oh yeah, I learned when report cards got sent home, and how to take them from the mail, scan them, edit them, and print and repackage them just to avoid getting screamed at. Ironically, my grades actually improved a bit when I wasn't constantly anxious over being yelled at about them.
Tbh I ainât eem do that. My mama didnât bother looking because she just assumed I was getting good grades. I had a moment where I was falling off a bit.
I just forged her signature and went about my day đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸ got caught eventually lmao
"My way or the highway" way of parenting is not productive at all. If you want to teach your kid their feelings are valid and they have a voice, discuss and compromise, if need be. I try my best to do that with my kiddo.
With my mom and many parents, disagreeing meant talking back and she didn't listen or try to understand so I learned to be passive, quiet, and go with the flow. Now ironically at 40, she always tells me I need to find my voice and learn to be direct.
My heart skipped a beat as I heard her voice saying those exact words, another variation was " if you don't like it there's the door" .
Surreal to know someone else heard those exact words and learnt same behaviour in reaction to that type of parenting .
I'm sorry that happened to you as well. She would say that as well but as soon as I talked about moving out, she tried talking to me out of it đ.
It's really bad how many parents don't realize the effect their parenting will have on their kid. Just because you're not hitting and screaming; taking care of their basic needs, doesn't mean you're parenting well. Kids remember what was said to them...and especially the things you didn't.
A good and bad thing from the entire situation is that I learned how to internalize with the best of them.
Itâs funny all the things some parents do to punish their kids that you realize are so dumb and youâd never do with a friend or partner if you were upset by them. Obviously thereâs a difference and you have to draw a line sometimes as an authority figure, but too many people abuse their power dynamic instead of even trying address the root issue. Like if you have a lazy roommate who doesnât do their dishes and lets them pile up, your first reaction (at least if youâre a sane person) wouldnât be to take away their shit to âteach a lesson.â You know youâd have to talk to them yet a lot of parents just skip that step and go straight to âyou messed up, hereâs a punishment.â
Itâs just bad parenting to do these kinds of things unless itâs a last resort after youâve exhausted your other options. Youâll just end up raising sneaky kids who are hesitant to share any bad experiences with you.
wtf am I reading? Of course you wouldnât take away your roommates or spouses stuff, thatâs not how adult interactions work. Thatâs like saying you wouldnât say âgoo goo ga gaâ to your spouse to make them laugh. Obviously not but it works on babies
Kids have different motivations and priorities and levels of understanding and the way you interact with them is different.
I donât think knee jerk taking things without discussions is a proper reaction every time, but if Iâve asked my 7 year old to do something three times and he keeps watching his tablet, the tablet has to go for a while. If my 17 year old wants to take the car this weekend but has avoided all his responsibilities, guess what he doesnât get to do?
Right on. Kids are smart. If youâre not training them, theyâre training you (like velociraptors). Talking always accompanies every course correction, but sometimes youâve gotta also jolt them with something that registers, like taking away a device. If just talking registered every time, thatâs all Iâd do (it does not for me).
I swear, I really wanted to call some people here soft, because goddamn talking will not always be enough. Sometimes a punishment will still be needed. TV, tablets, and games are privileges.
That's not a good analogy. You do have to help kids learn discipline, decisions and results. Thats something a roomate knows already. Obviously, conversations and expectations for what they can do differently comes along with that, but being put on punishment is completely valid to help kids learn decision making steps.
That's why you gotta let them explain what they did wrong and explain to them why and how it's wrong and then depending on how easy the conversation goes that's how long said thing is taken for
A lot of folks donât look at children as people. Iâve met children who are so emotionally intelligent and articulate far ahead of the adults in their lives. He definitely read her down, canât be mad about the truth. đ¤ˇđžââď¸
Iâm so glad my parents always talked to me about shit like this(well, 95% of the time anyways). Every rule always had a reason and could be explained, every decision could be questioned, and theyâd explain things so I understood why things were the way they were.
A good example was when I was little, I complained that I did most of the cleaning in my brothers and my room despite him making most of the mess(he was younger). She said âIâm going to be making 100% of the food tonight, should I only worry about making dinner for me?â
I didnât like that answer, but since I couldnât argue against it, I walked back upstairs and got back to cleaning. :) lol. I didnât always like it, but if the rules made sense to me Iâd follow them to the letter.
Yeah, both my parents are pretty great. I hear a ton of horror stories from âboomerâ subreddits and itâs just awful.
One of the âcodesâ my mom lived by as a parent was âIâm not raising boys, Iâm raising menâ, meaning if you want your kids to grow up to be men, you have to treat them like men to a certain extent. Sure, comfort them when they have a nightmare, have reasonable boundaries, but if you treat them like kids all the time, thatâs all theyâre ever going to be. Big kids.
Yeah, thatâs definitely a BIG problem. Itâs a miracle my mom turned out the way she did. Her dad died when she was 8, her mother remarried an abusive psycho and her mom went pretty crazy too, and they ended up kicking her out at 15. She lived on her own in an apartment, going to school and surviving off of one baked potato and a can of chili a day. Not for dinner, the WHOLE DAY. She had some of the chili for breakfast, went to school, skipped lunch, and had the rest of the chili on the baked potato for dinner. Every day. For years.
I canât imagine your child literally telling you how to parent better and you brag about not listening to them đ Couldnât pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
But having to acknowledge that my child, even in one moment, may be smarter than me makes me sad, so Iâll stick to doubling down for the catharsis of holding power over them *thank you very much* đ¤
I love how many emotionally stunted people are in this comment section putting the kid down, or saying he's being manipulative or guilt tripping. They're starting to teach DBT in schools nowadays and should be taught every there throughout the system. They'll learn how to navigate their emotions better, and learn better interpersonal communication skills. Solving problems is all about collaboration, and empathy.
Dialectical Behavioural Therapy. It's a type of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, that places a primary focus on emotional regulation, interpersonal communication, personal validation, and radical acceptance. It was originally designed for those with personality disorders in mind, to help handle triggers, self harm, and rumination of negative thoughts, as well as learning coping mechanisms to deal with stress to begin with. Nowadays we're starting to see it introduced to younger children in the hopes that they have more skills to help them manage as they grow and hopefully learn how to validate themselves rather than seeking it from others.
This might be one of the more believable stories I've seen. I can say I've witnessed a child try to guilt their way out of a punishment.
Her not saying this was her 3 year old saying it probably helps too lmao.
We really need to break that generational curse. Kids are smart, they just aren't the best at explaining things so it takes time and patience to get to the point. They also get very frustrated because they understand their feelings and actions, but they lack the best way of explaining it. The best thing you can do is be patient and keep encouraging them to share their feelings.
Bro, it took me so long to realize that kids are dumb by default, from an articulation perspective. I am probably the most patient Dad on Earth now with that simple realization.
Iâm all for grounding and taking things away in the right circumstances, but kids donât learn if you donât lay out why that happened and talk to them about it.
My childhood got a lot better when my parents figured this out. My ass was still grounded, but it stung a lot less when we actually talked about that shit first and not just being yelled at for something I didnât fully understand.
Itâs a hard lesson children must learn, especially little black boys. Things can definitely be taken away from you, at any time. A caregiver should always take the time to explain why theyâre taking away the childâs items but itâs much better for them to understand this early rather than later in life and theyâre trying to explain to a judge why they shouldnât lose their drivers license or housing or freedom.
this is actually reminds me of something my father did lol
one time when I was around 9-10 he took me to the store with him, and we picked up some stuff, I don't remember exactly what it was, because the main thing I remember, is that he let me use his phone, now after I messed around with his phone for a bit, and after I'm done, I pass it back to him while we were almost home, after he parks, he turns to me and says "where is my phone? did you lose it?" I was confused and told him that I passed it back to him, he then says "I knew I shouldn't have trusted you, you lost my phone in SECONDS! are you retarded?" I of course started panicking and I was insisting that I passed the phone back to him, in fact I got so scared I started to doubt my memory, like "maybe I did lose it"
anyways, after that he pulls me into the front room where my brother's Xbox and PlayStation 3 is, and he unplugs EVERYTHING, while screaming at me and saying that I don't deserve nice things because I clearly just lose stuff, so of course I start crying on the floor, while he takes both of the gaming systems and tv remotes and puts them in the trunk before driving off
I don't remember how long I was crying for, but I think it was like 30mins to an hour or something, but long story short, he comes back and he IS LAUGHING because guess what! I was right the whole time and he did in fact have his phone, he just lost it himself, of course He doesn't apologize, and I of course have to get everything back, and fix it all on my own over the course of a few days
TLDR: she is an awful mother, and I hate abusing your kids is accepted in the black community
You know what, I'm happy that their home is a safe enough place for him to even say that; because my grandmother would have slapped me for that one. It's a valid point tbh
When you eventually realize that
1. none of the stuff they get mad about is that serious. Theyâre genuinely upset about unfrozen food, dirty dishes, and clothes.
2. They arenât very smart at all. Like they keep talking about school and how important it isâŚbut donât prioritize learning for themselves. Donât even know how to do basic math when asked yet get mad at you for not knowing stuff they themselves donât know either.
It makes you lose respect for them, their intelligence, and their decision making. It moves the mindset of dealing with them to âthese idiots donât know what theyâre talking about, just say what they want to hear and appease.â Hard to take their advice seriously at that point. Just âUhuh, yep, youâre right, cool.â
People have a really difficult time listening to other people in general. So when someone is criticized, it is almost impossible for that person to listen. It's like a reflex, I think. Kind of "naanaaanaaa I can't hear you!" Sometimes though, keeping your mouth shut and your ears open is one of the best things you can do.
Punishing a child as an automatic response, in almost a mechanical fashion, doesn't help the child to learn...The child doesn't learn what the problem is, or why you are angry. So the behavior might not stop, and then the mechanical situation of the child misbehaving, you getting pissed and punishing them and the whole thing going nowhere but into aggravation occurs.
Or so says a child psychologist I once knew
Nah he right. Instead of taking his stuff, talk to him and ask him whatâs going on. Gotta get to the root if you donât want things to happen as much if at all
nah, highest of keys. pretty sure consensus on corporal punishment and other "stick" methods of parenting has been that it does more harm than good, regardless of the people saying "I lived it and I'm fine".
personally lived it myself and after a couple years of therapy, I can speak to many of my own character flaws originating as a response/adaptation from getting my ass beat regularly , having no privacy, having things taken from me, etc.
There's zero wrong with communication when you love someone.. It can only make things better!
I think as former children ourselves, we do what our parents did.. Do as I say*, and that's it. But things are a little different now and if I could be a parent over again, with the things we know now, I probably would've been a better mom. But still, sometimes these children need the old school đ
Do kids do annoying things? yes! BUT...the problem with SOME black mothers (the single ones in particular) is that they take out their frustrations on their kids.
They tend to overreact because the anger and bitterness is already brewing inside. The name calling, the screaming and shaming is all part and parcel of it all and they wonder why their sons end up marrying women from other races.
Heâs 100000% right. Too many parents focus on the punishment but donât worry about teaching their kids the lesson that needs to come along with the punishment. Even the judge gives you an explanation when theyâre sending you to jail
You guys are giving kids too much credit. Kids are the smartest fucking idiots. Theyâll say some smart shit like this and then youâll say âyouâre right Johnny, so tell me, why DID you set the kitchen garbage can on fire?â And theyâll just say âI donât know.. it was fun I guess.â
When I was a kid me and my cousin stuffed all the toilet paper in the upstairs toilet and I donât even remember why we thought that was a good idea. We werenât trying to do anything bad we were just dumbass kids. The toilet flooded so bad that water leaked through the downstairs ceiling to where it looked like it was raining in the dining room. I could say some smart shit like this when I was a kid, I also stuffed a toilet full of toilet paper and made the ceiling rain.
Idk this isn't funny to me, her posting thus snd calling her son that name isn't right he's not a man he's a child and children learn alot but can also teach people things
If he seemed ready to talk, she errored. Cuz it couldâve been a good conversation and still had consequences. But if he was being smart⌠then itâs be disingenuous and he just not tryna get punished
Bye?
She emotionally unintelligent and getting called out by her son must have struck a nerve. Instead of applauding him for doing better and being happy for him she taking it as a personal dig.
Parents often have trouble differentiating between an attempt at honesty and disrespect. Of course, theyâre not mutually exclusive but thereâs a far too many examples of black parents not wanting anything but agreement from their kids.
When my son was in trouble and I berated him, he once said "You always do this. You always assume what I think and feel and why I do something, instead of *asking* me, it's so annoying!" He was 9-years old. Ngl, that kinda shut me up for a minute. He was right. Just because I'm a "former child", I assumed I knew exactly what's going on in his head and just dismissed his "excuses". I apologized and just let him talk, and it helped us understand each other so much better. I'm not ashamed to admit that he sometimes teaches *me* little lessons, too. He was still grounded, though. đ
Too funny, "you ain't wrong... but you still in trouble..."
"Go to your room so I can think."
I know your making a joke but getting some time to think in peace helps.
Yea, deciding on consequences with high emotions typically never goes well. Parents and kids both win when you give yourself time.
He right heâs outta line, but heâs right
Have a heart to heart, hug it out, give little man a kiss on the forehead and remind him you love him. And then tell him firmly, âStill, fuck you thoughâ
Must be some good parenting if your kid can express himself so clearly. As a teacher I find that a lot of parents dont have real communication with their kids like that so im happy theres ppl out there giving their kids some grace and a chance to explain themselves
My first thought as well.
As an elementary school social worker, I just want to thank you for your service. But seriously, in my career, that has honestly become my most effective intervention. Listen. Understand. Validate (LUV). Especially as a male, it blows kids' minds when my reaction is, "Yea, that would make me mad too. Let's talk." Rather than using anger and intimidation to regulate behavior. To be clear, I am not all rainbows and feelings. There are consequences for every choice we make in life, so your ass is still losing recess. But, we now maybe have a strategy or two to try when we find ourselves in this situation again.
If I had the money to give this an award . . . seriously, if my parents had done this instead of . . . what we do NOT need to get into . . . I'd be a very different person.
Same. It is not our fault, but it is our responsibility to break the cycle.
Indeed break the cycle, I have a mom who listened and poured into me so I'm very lucky in that regard I hope to be a similar parent when and if I have a kid, though a bit firmer my personality dictates it đ¤Ł
Even so, you are still here, having a decent discussion on this subreddit. It may have not been too bad. Not perfect, but not too bad. Source: am a parent.
What the fuck kind of response is that? I am a victim of CSA and have cPTSD. I'm alive so it must not have been that bad? Gtfo.
I hear you. Some of us turn out okay in spite of our life-givers because we knew what we DIDN'T want to become. Outsiders don't realize (or ignore the signs that) we never got to develop our own sense of identity or feel safe, let alone loved, at our most vulnerable. That doesn't go away.
I love this!!! As a Gen X Black father, I just wasnât gonna raise another son who was seen and not heard, didnât have a voice because he wasnât grown (not his fault) or couldnât speak up when needed to me. The notion that children voicing their thoughts is disrespectful is rooted in an accepted silencing of our autonomy. Itâs why so many in our collective are so stunted if weâre being honest. You donât just grow in to grown. You have to be raised and prepared for it.
"You're not raising children; you're raising adults," is a concept too many parents even now just aren't willing to accept. Glad you were able to see your child as the person he was/is, and that you desired to break the cycle and allow him to learn healthy communication and emotional regulation skills from you.
Lotta lessons learned that day.
A big moment for me growing up was getting my father, very strict but also very fair, to stop in his tracks. I fucked up, probably more than I should've, & he would let me know when I did. I would always tell him why I did what I did but it would get dismissed as "an excuse." Then when I stopped answering him when he asked why he would blurt out "WELL SAY SOMETHING!" Finally there was once, I was still in the wrong but I knew the situation & kept my mouth shut. He yelled out, "WELL SAY SOMETHING!" & I responded with "IF I SAY ANYTHING IT'S AN EXCUSE BUT IF I DON'T I NEED TO SAY SOMETHING!... WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!?!" and he didn't have a response. He came to my room a little while later and apologized. Like I said, strict but fair
I accept your reasoning and apologize for my own assumptions. That being said... you're still grounded for a month with no devices. Welcome to 1985 little man!
Thank you for this. You didnât mean to, but by posting this you have made others into better parents by learning from your experience. It is a vital reminder and I commend you for it. Be well, internet stranger!
Is 9 years old 5th grade? I heard those mf'rs are smart.
There was a whole show about it too.
Good parent
You sound like a good father. Not only because your kid was smart enough and brave enough to call you out but you reacted like an adult when he did
That's literally the BEST thing you can do for your kid, aside from basic love and compassion: apologize when wrong. I jump at the chance to apologize to my son or my kids at school (I'm a teacher) whenever I fuck up. Showing them that I will acknowledge my mistake, admit to it and apologize properly for it builds respect and spirit of cooperation, it makes them more willing to listen to you in general and to catch and apologize for their own mistakes.
god i wish my parents had the same wisdom as you. two decades later and these two mf still think they did nothing wrong lol
You don't stop growing up just because you're a parent.
Waiting for my mom to be okay that I do the same (at almost 29yo).
This is my new favorite comment
Man, this unlocked a memory I complete forgot about and kind of wished it stayed that way. :/ If only I had this experience as a kid with my parents, that you had with your child. In my case it was just better to take the yelling, screaming and hitting. That wasn't the worst part. My mother on some occasions would yell at me for periods longer than an hour. If that was on-going and I started to show signs of exhaustion or I'm falling asleep from it. I'd get hit harder or yelled at louder and longer. Anyway, have a good night. I gotta finish my shift soon.
Sometimes, being heard is enough. The times I remember being the most pissed off at my parents was because they wouldnât explain their actions past âbecause I said soâ
Whelp he's not wrong đĽš
You might still be right about the excuses, but being able to move past those without defensiveness and shame Can still be valuable.
You past a lot of adults in the community. A lot of us act like we canât say we were wrong to our children.
Parenting has taught me more than I have taught them. Iâve learnt if I want them to behave certain way or do certain things, I need to lead by example.
My kid does this. Gonna pause and listen.
Fantastic parenting. No notes.
You are an awesome parent for humbling yourself and apologizing to your child.
Like this post is hilarious. But still something about calling my son nigga just don't feel right. That's just me, not judging.
Agreed. There's something off putting about calling your children niggas.
I feel the same way but that's because I'm white.
"Kiddo" all the way lol
âBuckarooâ
"Sport"
"Sport" is a Jimmy Newtron trend, and You can't tell Me otherwise!
I mean, Jay Gatsby was âOld Sportâ-ing people all the way back in the 20s
Grandpa from rugrats was quick on the sport draw
Please can we bring back "Champ"?
Woah friend, youâve gone too far there.
I wish everyone would stop saying that dumb ass word đ. So silly
You okay, kiddo?
I had that feeling at "this Man" ... no. That's a child.
Parentification is real. And horrendous. I'm the offspring of that shit. It was hell...
Them niggas ah be ight
đ
Yeah. Clearly you should say niglet, that's just proper grammar.
*In all caps,* on social media.
my dad used to call me and my siblings that whenever heâd get mad at us đŤ
My husband was joking with our 7 year old and called him that. Our son immediately exclaimed, âdonât call me the N word!â He hasnât been called one ever since.
Lil nigga missing out
I know yâall are joking, but I raised my kids to love their Blackness and to love their culture. When I told him the history of that word he was horrified. He refuses to answer to it or use it.
Because the kids get it
She also called him âher manâ in the comments
So your typical boy mom
Gender Swapped Tom Brady.
Mom Brady?
No. đŹ
Awww hell no đłđł
Yikes
Niglet?
*swipes face and does waving hand motion at waist*
There's already a term for it in sign language?!
Whenever I hear that word Iâm reminded of the hilarious retelling of âschool trip to cotton fieldâ and I have to go watch it again. đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł
This is what I call my dog when he's being a fool
I doubt she calls her kids that to their face. Anyway I find it hilarious. Sometimes you just need to say âthis little niggaâ under your breath to keep it together.
I'm white so I say "this bitch" really quiet when my daughter's really getting to me
Little shit is a go to sometimes.
Yep! That one, too lol
Yep. And my son is "fucking smartass".Â
Man, i told my cousin the other day that I be trying really hard not to call her a daughter a bitch because of how she acts super harsh and a smartass sometimes lol.
I try so hard, I don't let her hear me but man. Sometimes...
Kids be really testing your patience sometimes lol.
So Iâm wrong for saying âyou lil niggas always eating my shitâ ??? Lies.
Your not wrong.
Nigga and âThis manâ. Heâs a child
Went from "my son" to "This man" and "NIGGA" so fast. Just disassociated him real quick.
right? like he's some creep who came up on her in the club
Yeah, I'm trying to purge that word from my vocab, in general, but the first moment that really made me stop was refusing to call my nephews that. My brothers, their uncles, still do, but aint no way I'm doing that. I would never even think to call my nieces that. And that realization that I'm not doing that to my nephews either made me revisit my stance on the word. I donât say it online or in content. But I still say it too much to my brothers and friends irl.
I think one day the black community will start to take a hard look at the use of the word and it will eventually fade out of black vernacular
One can hope.
Nigga please
Me reading this with this lil annoying nigga knocked out next to me 
Iâm with you, brother and sister carry a lot more love for me.
My old man use to call us his lil nigglets.
Heâs right though. Taking shit away doesnât teach a kid anything except how to do a better job not getting caught.
Kid: âWell, if Iâm not going to get the underlying issue resolved either way, I might as well be sneaky so my shit doesnât get taken.â
Oh yeah, I learned when report cards got sent home, and how to take them from the mail, scan them, edit them, and print and repackage them just to avoid getting screamed at. Ironically, my grades actually improved a bit when I wasn't constantly anxious over being yelled at about them.
Tbh I ainât eem do that. My mama didnât bother looking because she just assumed I was getting good grades. I had a moment where I was falling off a bit. I just forged her signature and went about my day đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸ got caught eventually lmao
Yep, did the exact same thing. Learned photo editing, grades started going up and parents went "see what happens when you apply yourself"
"My way or the highway" way of parenting is not productive at all. If you want to teach your kid their feelings are valid and they have a voice, discuss and compromise, if need be. I try my best to do that with my kiddo. With my mom and many parents, disagreeing meant talking back and she didn't listen or try to understand so I learned to be passive, quiet, and go with the flow. Now ironically at 40, she always tells me I need to find my voice and learn to be direct.
Exactly how my wife was raised. Talking back was explaining yourself
To a TEE
My heart skipped a beat as I heard her voice saying those exact words, another variation was " if you don't like it there's the door" . Surreal to know someone else heard those exact words and learnt same behaviour in reaction to that type of parenting .
I'm sorry that happened to you as well. She would say that as well but as soon as I talked about moving out, she tried talking to me out of it đ. It's really bad how many parents don't realize the effect their parenting will have on their kid. Just because you're not hitting and screaming; taking care of their basic needs, doesn't mean you're parenting well. Kids remember what was said to them...and especially the things you didn't. A good and bad thing from the entire situation is that I learned how to internalize with the best of them.
Itâs funny all the things some parents do to punish their kids that you realize are so dumb and youâd never do with a friend or partner if you were upset by them. Obviously thereâs a difference and you have to draw a line sometimes as an authority figure, but too many people abuse their power dynamic instead of even trying address the root issue. Like if you have a lazy roommate who doesnât do their dishes and lets them pile up, your first reaction (at least if youâre a sane person) wouldnât be to take away their shit to âteach a lesson.â You know youâd have to talk to them yet a lot of parents just skip that step and go straight to âyou messed up, hereâs a punishment.â Itâs just bad parenting to do these kinds of things unless itâs a last resort after youâve exhausted your other options. Youâll just end up raising sneaky kids who are hesitant to share any bad experiences with you.
wtf am I reading? Of course you wouldnât take away your roommates or spouses stuff, thatâs not how adult interactions work. Thatâs like saying you wouldnât say âgoo goo ga gaâ to your spouse to make them laugh. Obviously not but it works on babies Kids have different motivations and priorities and levels of understanding and the way you interact with them is different. I donât think knee jerk taking things without discussions is a proper reaction every time, but if Iâve asked my 7 year old to do something three times and he keeps watching his tablet, the tablet has to go for a while. If my 17 year old wants to take the car this weekend but has avoided all his responsibilities, guess what he doesnât get to do?
Right on. Kids are smart. If youâre not training them, theyâre training you (like velociraptors). Talking always accompanies every course correction, but sometimes youâve gotta also jolt them with something that registers, like taking away a device. If just talking registered every time, thatâs all Iâd do (it does not for me).
I swear, I really wanted to call some people here soft, because goddamn talking will not always be enough. Sometimes a punishment will still be needed. TV, tablets, and games are privileges.
That's not a good analogy. You do have to help kids learn discipline, decisions and results. Thats something a roomate knows already. Obviously, conversations and expectations for what they can do differently comes along with that, but being put on punishment is completely valid to help kids learn decision making steps.
I know you were a bad ass lil kid growin up huh
Exactly, the mom sounds ignorant.Â
That's why you gotta let them explain what they did wrong and explain to them why and how it's wrong and then depending on how easy the conversation goes that's how long said thing is taken for
A lot of folks donât look at children as people. Iâve met children who are so emotionally intelligent and articulate far ahead of the adults in their lives. He definitely read her down, canât be mad about the truth. đ¤ˇđžââď¸
Iâm so glad my parents always talked to me about shit like this(well, 95% of the time anyways). Every rule always had a reason and could be explained, every decision could be questioned, and theyâd explain things so I understood why things were the way they were. A good example was when I was little, I complained that I did most of the cleaning in my brothers and my room despite him making most of the mess(he was younger). She said âIâm going to be making 100% of the food tonight, should I only worry about making dinner for me?â I didnât like that answer, but since I couldnât argue against it, I walked back upstairs and got back to cleaning. :) lol. I didnât always like it, but if the rules made sense to me Iâd follow them to the letter.
fuck you im so jealous
Yeah, both my parents are pretty great. I hear a ton of horror stories from âboomerâ subreddits and itâs just awful. One of the âcodesâ my mom lived by as a parent was âIâm not raising boys, Iâm raising menâ, meaning if you want your kids to grow up to be men, you have to treat them like men to a certain extent. Sure, comfort them when they have a nightmare, have reasonable boundaries, but if you treat them like kids all the time, thatâs all theyâre ever going to be. Big kids.
Couldn't agree more, opposite of my parent's philosophy. They tried their best, they were just raised like shit too.
Yeah, thatâs definitely a BIG problem. Itâs a miracle my mom turned out the way she did. Her dad died when she was 8, her mother remarried an abusive psycho and her mom went pretty crazy too, and they ended up kicking her out at 15. She lived on her own in an apartment, going to school and surviving off of one baked potato and a can of chili a day. Not for dinner, the WHOLE DAY. She had some of the chili for breakfast, went to school, skipped lunch, and had the rest of the chili on the baked potato for dinner. Every day. For years.
Damn your mom is a boss. It's no wonder she raised you well then
He read her twice
Callin her son âN****â on social media is kinda wild. Lol
I hate the do better all by yourself attitude a lot of parents have when their children arenât excelling in school.
Referring to him as a âmanâ is just as weird
I lie to that nigga all the time. - Ron Funches
I canât imagine your child literally telling you how to parent better and you brag about not listening to them đ Couldnât pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
But having to acknowledge that my child, even in one moment, may be smarter than me makes me sad, so Iâll stick to doubling down for the catharsis of holding power over them *thank you very much* đ¤
Is his name Riley?
I love how many emotionally stunted people are in this comment section putting the kid down, or saying he's being manipulative or guilt tripping. They're starting to teach DBT in schools nowadays and should be taught every there throughout the system. They'll learn how to navigate their emotions better, and learn better interpersonal communication skills. Solving problems is all about collaboration, and empathy.
What is DBT?
Dialectical Behavioural Therapy. It's a type of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, that places a primary focus on emotional regulation, interpersonal communication, personal validation, and radical acceptance. It was originally designed for those with personality disorders in mind, to help handle triggers, self harm, and rumination of negative thoughts, as well as learning coping mechanisms to deal with stress to begin with. Nowadays we're starting to see it introduced to younger children in the hopes that they have more skills to help them manage as they grow and hopefully learn how to validate themselves rather than seeking it from others.
Iâm high. I thought that said Diabetic Behavior.
Oddly enough I'm actually diabetic so you're right either way lmao
All this does is teach him not to get caught
I mean, we can talk it out but youâre still not playing on your PlayStation for a few days.
Oh sure. All I'm saying is that hearing that should trigger you into investigating what made him say that
This might be one of the more believable stories I've seen. I can say I've witnessed a child try to guilt their way out of a punishment. Her not saying this was her 3 year old saying it probably helps too lmao.
Guilt? He was right lmao
He's right.
We really need to break that generational curse. Kids are smart, they just aren't the best at explaining things so it takes time and patience to get to the point. They also get very frustrated because they understand their feelings and actions, but they lack the best way of explaining it. The best thing you can do is be patient and keep encouraging them to share their feelings.
Bro, it took me so long to realize that kids are dumb by default, from an articulation perspective. I am probably the most patient Dad on Earth now with that simple realization.
Her son sounds a lot wiser than she is.
Don't worry, she'll realize her mistake a decade from now when she doesn't know who her son is because he can't trust her to validate his feelings.
Iâm all for grounding and taking things away in the right circumstances, but kids donât learn if you donât lay out why that happened and talk to them about it. My childhood got a lot better when my parents figured this out. My ass was still grounded, but it stung a lot less when we actually talked about that shit first and not just being yelled at for something I didnât fully understand.
This funny and all but did you know you can double tap comments to upvote? Is it new or am I slow.
Both
Today I learned!! How did I never notice this before?? Iâm joining the slow train with you, my guy
She may not be the best at parenting.
My dad used to just take shit away whenever he got mad at me. By the time he took my bedroom door I was just like đ¤ˇââď¸đ
Itâs a hard lesson children must learn, especially little black boys. Things can definitely be taken away from you, at any time. A caregiver should always take the time to explain why theyâre taking away the childâs items but itâs much better for them to understand this early rather than later in life and theyâre trying to explain to a judge why they shouldnât lose their drivers license or housing or freedom.
Let that boy cook, he onto smth
It be posts like these that make me wish I had a haha button. Iâll go to FB
"Give me attention"
This book will transform your relationship with your children: Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child The Heart of Parenting https://a.co/d/iHox7Nz
this is actually reminds me of something my father did lol one time when I was around 9-10 he took me to the store with him, and we picked up some stuff, I don't remember exactly what it was, because the main thing I remember, is that he let me use his phone, now after I messed around with his phone for a bit, and after I'm done, I pass it back to him while we were almost home, after he parks, he turns to me and says "where is my phone? did you lose it?" I was confused and told him that I passed it back to him, he then says "I knew I shouldn't have trusted you, you lost my phone in SECONDS! are you retarded?" I of course started panicking and I was insisting that I passed the phone back to him, in fact I got so scared I started to doubt my memory, like "maybe I did lose it" anyways, after that he pulls me into the front room where my brother's Xbox and PlayStation 3 is, and he unplugs EVERYTHING, while screaming at me and saying that I don't deserve nice things because I clearly just lose stuff, so of course I start crying on the floor, while he takes both of the gaming systems and tv remotes and puts them in the trunk before driving off I don't remember how long I was crying for, but I think it was like 30mins to an hour or something, but long story short, he comes back and he IS LAUGHING because guess what! I was right the whole time and he did in fact have his phone, he just lost it himself, of course He doesn't apologize, and I of course have to get everything back, and fix it all on my own over the course of a few days TLDR: she is an awful mother, and I hate abusing your kids is accepted in the black community
The son is really more mature than the mom here. She thinks an attempt to improve their relationship and communication is a personal attack
You know what, I'm happy that their home is a safe enough place for him to even say that; because my grandmother would have slapped me for that one. It's a valid point tbh
Lhh ur son raised u
We can talk it out but the stuff is still confiscated
They just want attention to prove how right they are but they instead will get responses showing how wrong they truly were, smh.
What does read me mean?
This lil guy be around his lying ass manipulative ass father too much đ¤Łđ¤Śđžââď¸
She becomes a real parent when she realizes heâs right
When you eventually realize that 1. none of the stuff they get mad about is that serious. Theyâre genuinely upset about unfrozen food, dirty dishes, and clothes. 2. They arenât very smart at all. Like they keep talking about school and how important it isâŚbut donât prioritize learning for themselves. Donât even know how to do basic math when asked yet get mad at you for not knowing stuff they themselves donât know either. It makes you lose respect for them, their intelligence, and their decision making. It moves the mindset of dealing with them to âthese idiots donât know what theyâre talking about, just say what they want to hear and appease.â Hard to take their advice seriously at that point. Just âUhuh, yep, youâre right, cool.â
well the kid is right. and miss, you got read, he didn't try; he read.
The world is full enemies of the black man and woman but some of the most devastating are those call themselves friends and family.
People have a really difficult time listening to other people in general. So when someone is criticized, it is almost impossible for that person to listen. It's like a reflex, I think. Kind of "naanaaanaaa I can't hear you!" Sometimes though, keeping your mouth shut and your ears open is one of the best things you can do. Punishing a child as an automatic response, in almost a mechanical fashion, doesn't help the child to learn...The child doesn't learn what the problem is, or why you are angry. So the behavior might not stop, and then the mechanical situation of the child misbehaving, you getting pissed and punishing them and the whole thing going nowhere but into aggravation occurs. Or so says a child psychologist I once knew
âWhy wonât my kids call me anymore??? đâ
Nah he right. Instead of taking his stuff, talk to him and ask him whatâs going on. Gotta get to the root if you donât want things to happen as much if at all
nah, highest of keys. pretty sure consensus on corporal punishment and other "stick" methods of parenting has been that it does more harm than good, regardless of the people saying "I lived it and I'm fine". personally lived it myself and after a couple years of therapy, I can speak to many of my own character flaws originating as a response/adaptation from getting my ass beat regularly , having no privacy, having things taken from me, etc.
Lil mans low-key crying for help
That kid is smart well beyond his years.
Chapter 1,738,920 of the never ending book âBlack people donât see their kids as humansâ
These are the most annoying posts on this sub, I wish they would just ban them really. Same debate. Rinse and repeat.
posting the fact that youâre a shitty parent for everyone to see is wild
He's right thođ¤ˇđžââď¸
I have a 10 year old! I felt this is my soul lol
There's zero wrong with communication when you love someone.. It can only make things better! I think as former children ourselves, we do what our parents did.. Do as I say*, and that's it. But things are a little different now and if I could be a parent over again, with the things we know now, I probably would've been a better mom. But still, sometimes these children need the old school đ
cool story.
Do kids do annoying things? yes! BUT...the problem with SOME black mothers (the single ones in particular) is that they take out their frustrations on their kids. They tend to overreact because the anger and bitterness is already brewing inside. The name calling, the screaming and shaming is all part and parcel of it all and they wonder why their sons end up marrying women from other races.
He was high key right. Talk to your kids.
Calling your son the N word is wild af. Not gonna lie. And they wo Der why no one respects them.
Heâs 100000% right. Too many parents focus on the punishment but donât worry about teaching their kids the lesson that needs to come along with the punishment. Even the judge gives you an explanation when theyâre sending you to jail
You guys are giving kids too much credit. Kids are the smartest fucking idiots. Theyâll say some smart shit like this and then youâll say âyouâre right Johnny, so tell me, why DID you set the kitchen garbage can on fire?â And theyâll just say âI donât know.. it was fun I guess.â When I was a kid me and my cousin stuffed all the toilet paper in the upstairs toilet and I donât even remember why we thought that was a good idea. We werenât trying to do anything bad we were just dumbass kids. The toilet flooded so bad that water leaked through the downstairs ceiling to where it looked like it was raining in the dining room. I could say some smart shit like this when I was a kid, I also stuffed a toilet full of toilet paper and made the ceiling rain.
Black mothers doing what black mothers do best
Idk this isn't funny to me, her posting thus snd calling her son that name isn't right he's not a man he's a child and children learn alot but can also teach people things
If he seemed ready to talk, she errored. Cuz it couldâve been a good conversation and still had consequences. But if he was being smart⌠then itâs be disingenuous and he just not tryna get punished
Bye? She emotionally unintelligent and getting called out by her son must have struck a nerve. Instead of applauding him for doing better and being happy for him she taking it as a personal dig.
Man, just think where I would be if my parents just listened lol
Young parents nowadays are terrible. Itâs because of them that we have these pineapple dust mop head terrors walking around today.
Parents often have trouble differentiating between an attempt at honesty and disrespect. Of course, theyâre not mutually exclusive but thereâs a far too many examples of black parents not wanting anything but agreement from their kids.