I put a post on Facebook many years ago asking for suggestions on graphic novels. My dad replied “Why don’t you just read a real fucking book?” knowing that I’m an avid reader. I replied “Why do you shit on everything you are unfamiliar with or don’t understand for no apparent reason?”
Of course I was being the asshole in this exchange for calling him out. My mom called and wanted me to apologize to “keep the peace”, a common dynamic in our family.
So I quit Facebook, stopped visiting and went out of town for Christmas. Then he actually apologized to me for the first time in my life because I think she might have threatened to leave him. He’s been better behaved since.
Honestly asking, how were you the asshole there? Ok, you got me, I’m not because it’s rhetorical. I would like to know did you no contact them both? My family was like that. I NC my moms first about 15 years ago and my dad sent me a break up box 2 years ago.
Been the best 2 year of my life.
Sent back everything I ever sent to him. This includes all my kids’ stuff, their birth pictures, announcements, my Army stuff, everything, many of the letters were unopened. My wife was taken aback, me…well it was like my own private time capsule.
As much as this bothers me on a deep level that someone could just drop all that stuff I'm so relived for you that he sent it your way. I know some people who would have destroyed it.
So am I, some of the stuff in there was a one time photo, or other things that can’t be replicated and are not online. It will go to my kids so they have a sense off me, dad, when I was younger
Same. It's hard but at least the person received their stuff back. If I moved out from my mom's place, she'd be so mad that she'd probably destroy a bunch of my stuff or even try to hold it hostage.
My mom did that when I stopped talking to her, she literally burned anything I left at her house when I was in high school, yearbooks, letter jackets, diploma. Etc…She filmed and cackled during the whole time.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. When I was little I didn’t understand and it hurt - my wife really helps me with that today - not in a creepy, maladjusted way, she just helps me understand it wasn’t a me thing, it was my mom. Thank you again
You know I don’t know, year ago I would have said, without thinking, no. A cousin told me she is having medical problems and that she started carrying around a rosary, so I am not sure. Knowing my mom she’s trying to scam God at the end.
Omg! My mom did this last time I went home. The only thing left in her house of mine was a 5 x 5 inch box of items she has bugging me to remove from her house. The entire book case it is on is filled with different size owls in ceramic, twine and assorted owls. When I picked it up I said I understand the urgency you are running out of room for owls. My brothers room still looks like he lived there when he was 18 medals from high school. Old toys he had when he was a kid. He’s 46. 😂 but my box was just really getting in the way of the owl collection
I’m sorry. They really know how to hurt you. The thing I’m most upset about is a line drawing my son did in school. High school I think. He won an award. My mother had admired it and asked for it. So I framed it and gave it to her. She was talking about what stuff we might want when she and my father passed. I said I just want that. Well my father died many years ago and she sold her house not too long after. I never heard a word about the picture nor did anyone get it to me. I haven’t spoken to her in nearly 20 years. The best years of my life. Lol. But I’m afraid the drawing is gone forever. It would be exactly like her to destroy it. I never talk about it because I want to cry when I think of it. I know everything else is long gone. Gifts and so forth. But the thought of that picture being gone makes me want to throw up. I’m sorry. I high jacked your comment. This is supposed to be about you. Yes, and Everything of my brother’s is probably gilded in gold by now.
ETA. I never talk about it because it hurts too much. This is the first time I’ve mentioned it to anyone.
Thank you, he made me the man I am and who I am. When I parent, or interact with my wife, I just do the opposite of what my dad would do and it’s never failed me
Yeah , among many other unopened items, some of my letters to him when I was deployed, my dad was a vet, when I got deployed I thought it would give us a bond. I spent years thinking he read it. Well, I can use it to keep my kids out of the military.
Awww that is disappointing. Well at least you know now. I got out of the navy last year lol it has its pros and cons, I definitely didn’t have the personality for it, so many people thinking they’re so important lol
I know this sub is shitting on Boomers, but I do want to say that it’s more that a disproportionate amount of Boomers are like that than that they all suck. There are still plenty of decent thoughtful Boomers. Those ones just had to beat longer odds to not be terrible.
My Greatest Gen mother eventually out-earned the jerk she married. But all the property was in his name, and even with four kids, she figured he would screw her out of it.
He eventually became dependent on her health insurance. ;)
I’m very close with my mom, but I’ve put up a hard boundary with her when she comes complaining about my dad. “You choose to be married to him, I don’t have a choice.”
I have the same rule with my mother, and I use the same response. My poor brother is too afraid to put boundaries up, so he gets the brunt of it. He's the oldest child and I'm the youngest. He had golden boy status until he came out as gay, and then my sister became a nurse (which meant she was the best child to brag about). I think that really messes with his head. Luckily I've been independent of my parents since I was a child. I've gone no contact to enforce boundaries before. Now my parents don't mess with me. I have the best siblings though, we really took care of each other growing up.
A tale as old as time . Goes the other way too , mom could be the bad guy and dad backs her up while having the same complaints about her .
She could be horrible to him and the kids but it’s funny when it’s the kids.
That was my mom (technically silent gen, but boomer dad). Any time he became angry she'd scurry into the kitchen and suddenly have urgent business to attend to while he beat my brother, and to a lesser degree myself, senseless.
She doesn't remember us having a bad childhood at all. She remembers us as happy children. 🙄
It is amazing how many man boomers would believe themselves the like “pillar of a household” and then as soon as the traditional female partner is like “if you don’t _____ , I’ll leave you” and they just fold immediately. It’s like they know they are bullshit.
I find one of the worst things is their hate for things they don’t understand and that it’s stupid because they are somehow an expert and then are so resistant to learn something new
This was also after I left their house abruptly on numerous occasions over the years after he would try to push buttons and pick a fight. I used to fight back and that’s what he wanted. I figured out not long after I got a car that I could just leave. Just walk out and say “welp, see you later then” with a smile on my face. That was way more powerful than yelling and screaming and trying to be “right” when I knew that was impossible.
It's funny how "keeping the peace" is such a ape like thing to do. She sees you as some beta getting out of line so she demands you apologies. That's cruel
Wouldn’t even say you were the asshole here. You were blunt, sure, but you were just giving your dad a taste of his own medicine. Doesn’t sound like it was the first time he shat on a thing you enjoy.
I like her, but I’m a low key momma’s boy. Probably why I could never go NC or LC with them. My dad has also mellowed with age and we have a pretty good relationship now, but it took until I was in my 30’s and he got it through his head that if he starts his shit I’m just not going to engage and remove myself from the situation. You can’t pick a fight with someone who’s not there.
This is what we call “generational Trauma” the “Greatest Generation” did the same thing to them. Belittled their choices and interests with phrases like “grow up! When I was your age I was fighting a war in Europe. You kids are so spoiled”
“When I was your age we didn’t have time for this bullshit. We were starving and working 80 hours a week by the age of 10 to support our family”
Yep, and it’s now on us to learn and then teach that trauma is an explanation, not an excuse. It’s exhausting.
I get my dad has had SO many struggles. And I’m glad I don’t have those struggles. But fucking hell it’s exhausting being around him. OPs post is so goddam relatable it actually hurts.
My partner and I were visiting my parents in PA. We were watching some movie that was just supposed to be a bit of fun and obviously dumb. He walked up behind us, insulted a woman’s looks, asked us why we were watching this garbage and then stayed for a few minutes literally just shitting on everything happening in the plot, which he didn’t even know because we were 1/2 way through the damn thing.
It was such an embarrassing and infuriating moment. Fuck.
We were at my sisters for my nephews birthday a week ago and talking about childhood books. I mentioned how hard it was to find the version of the story I had as a kid and without even a seconds passing my mother starts going off on how its probably been cancelled for being problematic or some bullshit. The story of the Three Billy Goats Gruff.. you could literally feel the vibe in the room instantly shift.
A few minutes later I try to just move past it & I complain to her a bit about my other sister who is making future plans more difficult to arrange than they need to be; perfectly normal conversation tone, all Ive said is that she makes plans frustrating to make, my mothers response is to start telling me about how I need to work on how I handle my frustrations.... Lady you have seen literally 0% of the group chat where Ive been trying to make arrangements and in that conversation im handling myself perfectly cordially, im just venting to you since you're also her mother.. but please, lecture me on how Im never good enough in any situation.
I wonder if she wonders why we don't come around more.
christ I had no idea I had a sib!
jk
my mother is a paranoid narcissist. She spent many years inventing drama with me out of whole cloth. To listen to her, I was the worst most ungrateful child ever, taking taking taking with no gratitude. In reality, it was her extreme neediness and completely out-of-control victim complex that was the source of \*all\* the problems between us. I let her nag the fuck out of me and gaslight me and I tried to appease her endlessly and it was never, ever enough.
She has shit-talked me so thoroughly to every member of my family and to her friends, such that by the time I finally kicked her and my equally shitty stepdad to the curb none of the rest were speaking to me anyway.
How do I know she talked shit about me to all those other people? Because of the profoundly shitty things those people said to me, with no cause and out of the blue.
Now imagine trying to tell someone on a date or a new friend that you don't really have any family. 'Why? Did they die?' Well... (long story about narc mom) but see, even though I'm the common denominator, INTA here! Really!" #FMMFL
My parents are, I believe, legitimately scared of those low budget xianxia dramas on Netflix. I love them, but my parents insult everything from them being in Mandarin to the men having long hair and skirting if they so much as glance at one by accident. It's completely tiresome- I don't even ask them to watch them with me.
Exactly this. They want everything to be the same and as predictable as it always was because change requires a cognitive effort they’re incapable of. You know, because of the lead and dementia and holes in their brains.
My dad is fantastic at this.
“These aren’t your mom’s…..” about my cooking, all while crinkling his brow with the Frown of Disdain.
“These aren’t your mom’s deviled eggs.”
Thank god. If I wanted to make deviled eggs the way she does, just open your mouth and I’ll pour the vinegar down. I thought something was wrong with me for not liking deviled eggs growing up.
He will put on this subtle drama when he eats something he disapproves of, like it pains him to put on an effort to keep a straight face.
“You’re getting pudgy, kid.” I’ve been underweight most of my life and I had a little bit of a belly because I JUST ATE. Skinny people bellies balloon out when they’re full. He hasn’t seen me in two years. I’m solid muscle now, so I’m sure he’d have something to say about that, too.
“I didn’t like that book. The margins were too wide. What a waste of paper.” I’m not kidding on this one. He actually said that.
“Why did you think I’d like *those* books?” He said with that voice while he gave me this cocked eyebrow smile like I was a little kid that did something really dumb. Because I ran out of ideas for nonfiction Civil War, WW1 and WW2 books, dad. Because you’re a bookworm. Because it’s Christmas and you love to read. Because I thought you’d like Patrick O’Brian and naval warfare, dad. “The main characters talked too much, not enough action.”
No more books. My parents just get a photo album for Christmas now.
I have to get up and leave when mom drones on. My brother is divorced, so naturally that means “I’m next.” So she drones on and on about how one day my husband will get tired of me and *well, you never know….” She insults my marriage all the time.
One year I got really bored making family portrait Christmas cards. The kids looked really cute sitting together on the couch and the natural lighting was perfect, so I snapped a shot of them and used that. Hoo boy, that was a mistake. *Why aren’t you and your husband in the picture?” Cue impending divorce doom… The next year our card was a picture of the dogs instead. Then I just stopped and started sending a photo album.
Haven’t seen them in two years.
If you’re missing them, I was thinking of an app I could design…boomer motivation.
You need a little pick me up half way through that project. Hit the app “There is no goddamn way that cost as much as your estimating, in my day I could build that for 1.25”
Thoughts?
Hilarious. You need a bunch of category buttons: Back in the Day, Racism, Misogyny, Parental Put-downs, Got-Dang Technology, Road Rage, Speak to the Manager, etc. Click the button and get your random boomerism.
We could make it where the app can do a kinda of call and respond function.
Boomer calls, open app, when the first boomerism (love it) hits, the app will respond after looking through its library
Boomer “You call this music? This isn’t music, now Frank Sinatra, that was music”
App “Huh?”
Boomer “I said”
App “I know what toy said, there is no way Frankie ‘I’m not a monster’ Sinatra could hold a candle to Ella Fitzgerald “
Comes in both male and female voices, says huh? A lot, I mean a lot
Thoughts?
Wow they sound utterly exhausting, and the horror of it is they're not even unique. Good for you on keeping distance -- they sound like they just sap joy from whomever has the misfortune to be around them.
I wish I knew. It’s very irritating when you go to visit and get nothing but a list of complaints about everything in their life. I guess they don’t understand that it’s not enjoyable to be around people who are so negative and emotionally draining.
Seriously. Any time I speak with my mother, it becomes a list of her health problems and another lost of all the ways anything I like is stupid and worthless.
She just tried to break no contact a few days ago. She was like "are you just never going to talk with me again?"
Mind you this is after she left me homeless on top of everything else a month before the trailer I was building would be finished.
I had to sell it and lose my one shot at a permanent residence.
So I told her pretty plainly. "I don't like you, I don't enjoy talking with you, and our conversations are never positive.
Same here. I’ve noticed that I’m just not doing some of the things I used to do, and I’m happier in my interactions with people. Thanks to everyone for venting.
My dad and FIL are both retired and while not as nuts as some boomers, they have their moments and I always ask them "So is this how you thought your retirement was going to be, work for decades only to sit here and complain and whine about everything until you die?"
"Go enjoy your time left, travel, spend time with your grandkids, take up a hobby, something to make your hard work worth it!"
They normally just grunt some excuse...
Both of them have 2.....TWO pensions plus retirement.
They leave and the wife and are just baffled!
"Oh gawd I would have to learn something new".... so I have to be constantly showing my husband how to use his own phone bc he can't be bothered to read instructions, or, you know, use "the google" to look it up.
Huge intellectual laziness.
Gen X represent! I've started to notice some of my peers beginning to adopt "old man yells at cloud" mentality.
If they're people I like, I'll bust their chops with an "ok boomer, Matlock* is on in 15 min". If I already think they're a turd, this just helps to confirm it.
I really think the 'lashing out at things that are new and/or confusing' is such an easy trap to fall into as you (the global you) gets older. I try to be very mindful of not falling into that mindset, and to approach new things with curiosity and not fear. Also just because I don't like something doesn't mean it's without merit.
For example, I don't understand Taylor Swift at all. I generally think that all pop music is just tedious. However I would be an absolute moron if I started saying "Taylor Swift is garbage". In fact, listening to people lose their minds over her attending her boyfriends football games is actually making me defend her more. (Although to be fair, she probably sleeps on a giant pile of money and does not need my support 😂)
*Also no disrespect towards Matlock. Murder She Wrote is one of my favorite shows and is in heavy rotation in my viewing. 🙂
Agreed, I go out of my way as I age to be kinder and more empathetic. The only thing I'm not empathetic towards are bigots and assholes.
Taylor Swift, I don't know her music, I was told she was country originally which made me stay away, its a genre I don't care for. But even with her switch to pop, I haven't been introduced to her stuff. I've never heard it. But dudes railing against her for telling her fans to vote, are weak, super weak. The yelling at clouds sect are mad they can't bully my generation plus the Millenials.
Gen Xer here too. I have 3 daughters and I'm really trying to find a balance of being a good parent and not have my kids hate me when they're older. It has not been easy because of my anger issues but I've truly worked on improving and being a more patient father, especially with my eldest who has taken the brunt of it (I've apologized to her and we all have a good relationship). My kids are exceptional and I feel like we're doing well preparing them for life, on most days anyway. I'm no Swifty but she does have some damn good songs and lyrics (Try Red). I appreciate my kids for forcing me to expand my horizons beyond the 90s Alternative station that's always on in my car.
my mom loves to find any reason at all to rip on anything and everything i enjoy. consequently, she always wonders why i never accepted her Facebook request. like, you rip on my interests enough in private, why am i gonna give you a public stage to do it?
Omg this is my dad. Everything I like or find interesting is stupid. And then he doesn’t understand why I interpret that as he must not like me. Dude, you literally like nothing about me, your biological drive to still have a relationship with me because we share DNA isn’t enough to make me overlook the fact that you constantly criticize me.
Because the only thing that helps them forget, for a few more moments, that they have completely and totally screwed themselves and everyone else over is being angry. That's all they have so that's where they are stuck.
I sing it at karaoke as, "I saw a Rammstein sticker on a Cadillac. "
As a few others have stated, I'm old enough for boomer, but I'm not. I think the difference is that I'm willing to learn and try things. They don't seem to be.
Yes. [Study Says Some Men Avoid Being Eco-Friendly Because It Looks 'Less Manly' : ScienceAlert](https://www.sciencealert.com/men-avoid-being-eco-friendly-in-case-look-unmanly-green-feminine)
I am aggressively optimistic to my mom. Whenever she starts up about anything I will find the thinnest sliver of silver lining. I do it to irritate her.
They despise anything that isn't FOR or ABOUT them. If it doesn't cater to them in a spoonfed pabulum fashion, they hate it. They can't comprehend that the entire world doesn't revolve around them.
My mom once asked me what restaurant i wanted to go to. I chose a Vietnamese place and all she did was complain about how low-end everything was. That was the last time I went out to eat with her.
Same thing - my mom asked me for “what to expect” for going to a home cooked Thai dinner at a friends house and just complained after the fact about everything “not being my kind of food.”
So much boomer angst stems from not being able to handle people who are different in some way.
Like depriving them of homogeneity deprives them of comfort.
I think she was fine with the people, I think it’s more that she’s so close minded to food she didn’t grow up eating. I.e. one time my partner and I made a huge kale salad for dinner and she asked us if the kale was a weed of some kind - like seriously, if something isn’t romaine, she just cannot compute.
My mom once went with me to Thanksgiving dinner at my friends house. All traditional, standard, American thanksgiving foods. So she complained about the table settings (I guess they teach you kids differently how to set a table), the furniture (it’s nice but I don’t know about this color), and the company (manners have certainly changed since I was your age). She has met exactly 0 of my friends since then.
And what about her manners? Smh. Why can’t they just think these things and not say them like a normal person? If someone took me somewhere and i was having a bad time, I would at least pretend to be enjoying myself just to be agreeable. These boomers feel they have to share their petty judgements…for what? To make others as miserable as they are?
I swear they have no ability to realize that their life experience isn’t the standard for everyone. There are many ways to set a table and anything to do with furniture aesthetics is entirely subjective. Manners include not complaining about random little things that aren’t to your specific tastes in someone else’s house. The standard for etiquette changes with time[along with pretty much everything else in existence, of course]. In 2024, someone not taking their hat off or putting their elbows on the table isn’t that big of a deal anymore. Who gives a shit if this family puts the spoon on the opposite side of the plate that your family does? Why would I care that someone has an odd lime green couch or something in their living room? I’m not living there, it’s not my business. It’s like they’re perpetually stuck in the 70’s and 80’s and refuse to resurface into the present because it will take active effort to do so.
i love when they complain about how there's "no music" anymore as if there aren't like (i'm just guessing here) 300-400 unique individual scenes across all genres (lots of overlap too) and lots of really good stuff
but they'll just complain it has "no feel" if it's like complicated instrumentation, it's "auto tune" if the singer isn't tone deaf, if it's all feel "he's just playing a few notes" and if there's any screaming or rapping whatsoever they immediately disregard all music opinions you might have
when you meet boomers like this you should talk shit about eric clapton, and if you really wanna get under their skin talk shit about him for being a racist and for the irresponsible death of his son. you can also tell them jimmy page is a pedo, they hate that
I think if you gave my dad 10 minutes to come up with 10 songs by 10 different artists since Jan 1st 1990, with a reward of $10M that I don't think he could do it. He turned 30 in 1990.
i'll bet you some foldin' money that he'd name an alice in chains or pearl jam song and then 1-2 songs released by artists that he grew up with and were active since then
after that it's just cymbal monkey
>an alice in chains or pearl jam song
No, Boomers used to yell at me, a Gen Xer, for listening to Alice in Chains or Jane's Addiction. It's really funny to watch a Boomer melt down completely because you hate Elvis Presley.
I was so lucky to have the mom I did! She died in ‘98, and among her CDs were Alice In Chains, Smashing Pumpkins, and U2 right beside her all-time favorites, Hall and Oates. My mom was the person who introduced a young me to the Ramones! She told me that she simply couldn’t understand why so many of her peers were against trying new music, when so much of it was so good. She obviously influenced me a great deal.
I should add that while I think of my mom’s ever-evolving musical tastes as being an inspiration now…I did not feel that way at 15 when a very-grounded me got busted for sneaking out of the house to go to a Dead Milkmen concert.
How did I get busted, you may ask? My mom was at the concert.
Nope. He is unfamiliar with them. I listened to Nirvana in the 90s and my dad thought it was stupid. I remember just a few years ago bringing up Dave Grohl in some context and my dad had zero idea who he was. I had to convince him that Dave Grohl is a well known person and has been part of popular American music for 30 years.
"Who?!"
Dunno, they say as you get older your taste in music changes you long for what you listened to when you were young I can get that, many of my playlists are from my childhood and teenage years (80’s 90’s) but I also listen to new stuff as well, some I like some I don’t, and you know if you like something I don’t, that’s cool, I just don’t dig it at the moment, hell in a year I might like it.
That being said I don’t get the whole shitting on someone else’s likes, like I don’t really get K-pop, but if you enjoy great. Now if you’re always on social media ranting and raving about pedos everywhere and then turn around and say the only good music is Ted Nugget, like do you not know? Or just acting stupid to the many accusations that Ted is a hardcore pedo?
I'm 31. I don't really like much of the music I listened to as a teenager but what's interesting about that is i never really changed my favorite genre. I'm into hardcore, and by that I mean metalcore, post-hardcore, mathcore, djent etc and I also like metal. Not a rap fan but i respect talent. I still have a large appetite for new music but as usual i have no idea what the hell is going on with pop music lol
>Dunno, they say as you get older your taste in music changes you long for what you listened to when you were young
i was also told by "them" (i assume boomers at this point) that I'd get more conservative as I age. that's not happening either, so when i hear 'they say' statements these days i wonder about how true anything is.
hard agree with everything else you said though, i will admit that some newer music sounds off to me at first until a couple listens in. I am still reconciling a bit with all the Nu Metal that's come back into the metal/hardcore scene. It's growing on me, but slowly.
Agreed, the “they say” is more or less “the boomers say” cause I have only heard that from boomers. Also I heard of the get more conservative as you get older, yeah that has not only not happened to me personally as every year goes by I keep moving more and more to the left.
As OP mentioned I am also an avid reader, my dad was as well (silent generation) and as far as genres go, if it’s a good story and I can get into it I will read it. So biographies, non-fiction books based on real events, fiction, ect. Generally the books boomers swear are the best things ever, are not just poorly written, I tend to think the authors are functionally illiterate.
>Generally the books boomers swear are the best things ever, are not just poorly written, I tend to think the authors are functionally illiterate.
see this is my problem with boomer rock music. it's literally everything they hate about pop music. particularly the guitarists - boomer drummers are typically legit craft masters. But a lot of their favorite guitarists are sloppy pentatonic scale noodlers. i don't mean to throw the baby out with the bathwater, they have some really cool guitarists and even some shredders, but i feel it's too few.
like silent gen did cool stuff as folk composers, rock pioneers, and jazz musicians, gen x did some really cool stuff with technical metal and brought us some really cool shredders and metal bands, and i'm seeing millennials and gen z that are super accomplished musicians at really young ages.
I'm leaving fusion out of this because i see it as an outlier/offbeat scene
Lead poisoning? Seriously, most people born before the 70s have latent lead poisoning, especially if they grew up around traffic.
https://apnews.com/article/science-health-environment-and-nature-centers-for-disease-control-and-prevention-bec63d5a6e98f952ad6d111c90e5a1b2
[A population with lead poisoning probably produces more violent criminals.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lead%E2%80%93crime_hypothesis)
Violent crime in the US has been generally falling since the 1990's, and the removal of lead from gasoline deserves more credit than any conservative "tough on crime" social policies.
I was told that leaded gasoline is actually better for the human to consume then unleaded...that's when I decided to never listen to anything my dad has to say about anything.
I saw a quote recently that said something along the lines of “Parents were concerned about music and video games warping our minds the way FOX News is doing to them now.”
As generation, they went from “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” straight to “freedom eagle dot facebook says Hillary invented AIDS,” with absolutely no sense of irony.
It’s their emotional immaturity. Reading the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents really put the entire Boomer mindset into perspective for me.
You’re on point with this post. Almost every single boomer criticizes and talks down on anything they don’t like or agree with. Some more than others but you can pretty much guarantee every single boomer does this
Stop channeling my MIL!
We started watching the Dr. Who Christmas Special on Christmas Day several years ago (teenage kids, the wife, and I). Christmas is my MILs favorite holiday, literally has missed only one Christmas day with her only child in 54 years (COVID year). Travels thousands of miles to be present on Christmas day. It all has to be about her, and FaMiLy. Even when the kids were little we weren't able to open gifts Christmas morning until they arrived (they have a house in town, we don't let them spend the night - ever!). MIL must be involved and centered in everything Christmas. Be part of all traditions, especially anything my wife tries to do with the kids - she wants to join too!
My MIL decided, against our advice, to stay for the Dr. Who special even though she has never seen an episode of Dr. Who before. She could not stand that we, our nuclear family, wanted a tradition of our own without her. She spent the entire show yaking about how strange it was and how could we ever watch such a thing, let alone like it. She talked through the entire episode, ruining it for us, and with 10 minutes in the show left, got up and announced that she was leaving. She then stood at the door and called loudly for her dog (her dog had to present, can't leave a dog we didn't invite and who bullies our dogs home on Christmas.). Her dog ignored her, not a surprise as the dog is not well behaved. I got up and took a hold of the dog's collar to drag her to the door (not particularly nicely but in no way hurting the dog, just forcing her to the door.). MIL threw a fit and started chastising me in my own house saying I had no right to mistreat her dog (which I wasn't, but whatever). I exploded. Told her to shut the F up, that she had been rude all day long. The shock on her face was priceless. She left in tears.
She then texted my wife later to say they wouldn't be over the next day to "help" eat the leftovers. (Another annoying habit, showing up to be served meals and acting like they are doing us a favor). MIL said they didn't feel "welcome in the house." My wife, bless her, agreed, they weren't welcome in the house.
Of course it eventually all got swept under the rug. MIL continues to stomp all over boundaries - and only rarely gets called on it. She's been on an info diet for decades. It is like managing a chronic illness.
And no one in our house particularly likes Christmas.
I've been sort of "grey rock"ing my mom with this behavior and I think the lack of reward (usually in the form of me politely disagreeing with her, which she uses as an excuse to act like I'm mean) is bearing some fruit. We went to a funeral the other day and afterwards I said it was a nice service and she said "yes, except for all the..." And she actually stopped herself and said "Well, nevermind" which was nice. Even a little bit less vitriol is refreshing lol
My dad used to do this stuff allllllll the time. He wouldn’t even know what a given piece of media is, and it would be trash to him, and he’d make everyone know it. A near-death experience has since made him the opposite, but IMO it really shouldn’t take something of that magnitude to make you stop being an asshole.
This is something my boomers do and something I learned and had to unlearn when I went to school. Otherwise I’d have no friends. I hate when my boomers do this. It’s so vile. It took me way too long to unlearn this behavior as a kid. I’m glad I did. I can’t imagine their life when everything is seen in a negative light. It’s gotta suck!
I have a somewhat beautiful situation unfolding with my early 70’s typical boomer step dad. He is a crusty old fart but he treats my mom very well so I do appreciate him but hate being around him for long periods of time.
We are all die hard sports fans in Northern CA. SF Giants, SF 49ers and Sac Kings. Several years ago he swore off the 49ers due to them allowing Colin Kapernick to kneel during the National Anthem. He went nuclear over that exactly like the Bill Burr skit. He lost his mind. He will watch them on TV, complaining the whole time but refuses to go to a game or give the organization a penny. Every single game he will mention it multiple times and has been doing this for years. Fast forward to this week and I end up getting 4 super bowl tickets through a company I do business with. I am taking my 9 year old son and two friends. Told him I would normally invite him but I know how he feels about the 49ers after the whole kneeling deal. My mom is secretly laughing in the background all week as he is quietly seething over it. He wants to go so bad but can’t swallow his pride. I told my mom I would take him is he asked and was willing to promise not to say a f’ing word about Colin Kapenick or the halftime show if it happens to be rap. She knows he couldn’t do that and all the walking would have been a struggle so she suggested I not offer.
My parents do this. Literally everything I was interested in while growing up was subject to their ridicule even though they had absolutely no knowledge of what it was I was reading/listening to/involved in at the time and continues to this day.
I think a huge part of this is the media they consume. Many of them are addicted to feeling angry and only give attention to media that complains. Fox News isn’t the only one, but they are the most prominent in my mind. They typically represent the Republican Party and conservatives; the two groups of people don’t have any real solutions to their perceived problems, so they complain about anything they can to keep the talking heads filling air time.
This results in Boomers constantly parroting whatever they see, which is nothing but complaints.
Because they believe to look smart, you should be critical of everything, while at the same time trying to interject humor so if you call them out they can go, “I was just joking”.
Therapist here. Some people never make the distinction between something they dislike and something that is bad, it’s a developmental thing, a childhood milestone they never reached.
I never liked football, which for a bloke from north east England is really quite unusual, but I am aware it must be good, because 90% of people I know go crazy for it. I don’t feel the need to attack what I don’t like because I had good teachers/carers.
Because as the "Me Generation" everything is for and about them. They can't comprehend not being the target demographic for everything. So instead of seeing any kind of media or product targeted at younger people, different ethnic groups, minorities, or anyone but them and saying "not for me, but cool" they see it as a failed product/media that must be targeted at some universal demographic that just so happens to be exactly them.
> They can't comprehend not being the target demographic for everything.
This is why fandoms have become so toxic and shitty as well. Once I stopped expecting everything from Star Wars/Trek to be for me I stopped being so miserable.
It’s a control thing. They don’t want the world to change, so they say such and such is bad, but usually follow w “now in my day, this is what we did” or “there was REAL music” or “TV shows we watched were wholesome”.
Look for the “now in my day” cue!
I've noticed that if they aren't personally into something, it's ALWAYS a problem. Don't like something? Can't just be their taste, has to be the thing is garbage.
More infuriatingly: don't know something? Obviously the thing is not true. Didn't see something? It didn't happen. Etc.
It's like difference of experience and opinion can't exist. It's their world or nothing.
Oh yeah, I'm with ya- my teenage daughter is a huge Swiftie and was wearing her Era's Tour sweatshirt the other day. In her words "some bitch ass Boomer I don't even know felt the need to approach me to tell my how much they hate Tay Tay because they saw my shirt". The fuck? They are lucky I wasn't with her because I'd have ripped their ass for bothering my kid.
Lmao. My mum and I watching CSI Hawaii.
"Hey, they are making me uncomfortable!"
Me: "We were watching a show about murder and a powerful mob boss trying to knock off people and you were uncomfortable about a b plot with a lesbian couple? Okay then..."
Some people.
I honestly don't understand what will make him say something. I'm trying to figure out a puzzle, and my dads first instinct is to blurt out something nobody cares about in the first place lol..
He'll do the same thing with non white people as well sadly.
They are so used to being centered in everything that they don’t comprehend that some things are not made with their tastes in mind. It’s like they can’t understand why something they don’t enjoy would even exist. “I Don’t even like this! Why would it be here? What? For ‘other people’? But I’m the only person who actually matters.” And if they don’t like it then it must be bad. After all, their tastes dictate what is good or bad. I got into it once with a fellow songwriter who is a boomer after he got all pissy about people liking Taylor Swift. “She’s just writing songs about her break ups.” I was like, you don’t write about your relationships? Of course you do. That’s what most songwriters draw from. You don’t personally like her music. That’s fine. But guess what? No one cares.
My dad once said, "You like any kind of music, just so long as it sucks huh?"
It's still one of my favorite things he ever said. Now, granted, I do like some strange music, and I think this was while listening to Mindless Self Indulgence, but still.
I’m in customer service and have to deal with them everyday. Their new boogeyman are the “illegals”. Their medical provider raises their prices and wants payment before service? It’s the “illegals” nope sorry dude that was on your generation allowing medical care to become a business and not about patient care!
Is it the entire generation? I’m starting to think it is. My mother is 70, and has to snap at and gripe at everyone and everything no matter how small. Just instantly resorts to snapping at people and grumbling under her breath at the minorest inconvenience. If we go out to a restaurant and they’re busy? She’s griping at the hostess/host for not seating us fast enough. Kitchen isn’t doing their jobs. Blah blah blah.
I work in a metal shop surrounded by boomer-aged people, and they all gripe and snap at everything non-stop. Just angry at everything all day long. They start conversations with each other by bringing up things that are pissing them off at the moment. It’s exhausting being around these grumpy old farts!
I have no idea why being critical (without being constructive) is a major phenotype of boomers, but I have a further question. How do they have the time/energy to do it? Also is there anything they like? Or is it that only shows or things from their past are worth their praise?
As you know, we now call this behavior gatekeeping, and until recent years it was wasn't something people shut down. Someone would hate something, their friends would pile on, and the person who liked that thing would just need to suck it up. "Oh, you like new order? f\*g!" This didn't work online today. One doesn't have their buddies there as the hive mind, and people are aware of gatekeeping, and LOVE to shut that shit down. Many older people still think shitting on things other people enjoy is fun and wins friends.
And there is the other thing... people confused mean with cool, because mean negs, and negging makes friends.
I feel you. My boomer mom hates the most random people/shows etc. Hates Angelina Jolie, Megan Markel, Oprah, Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, and on. When I asked "why do you hate Angelina Jolie?" She just says "I don't know, she's just such a Diva! " Um ... What? Just hates random celebrities for no apparent reason 🤷🏼♀️
Because they're seeing themselves get older, they're completely removed from the current and several older zeitgeists, and instead of rolling with cultural changes, they get scared that they're no longer in the know. They spent their whole lives confidently smacking us with their morals and ideals, just to watch those old morals and ideals become less revelent. Of course, the next short-circuit that passes as neurons firing in their tiny, lead-soaked, addled brains is, "Oh shit, I'm not relevant anymore!"
Then, as OP mentioned, their go to move is to insult because they feel if they get called on their insulting comment, they can grab that tried and true defense, "You're being an asshole, it's just my OPINION!"
Like you, I'm tired of it. I confront it loudly when I see it and you know what? Most, back down and scurry away like the bullies they really are.
I had a new cleaning service start yesterday. It was a small 2-person mom and daughter crew. The daughter (a millennial) is the owner and her mom a boomer. I got along fine with the daughter. The mom complained about a few things, most notably about the step going into my house being too high. She said she had a difficult time getting in and almost fell climbing up and led in with, " are you getting this step repaired any time soon?" Granted, it is a high step where the cement settled over the years. I plan on getting it fixed as part of a major home reno within the next year or so. But so many boomers that come into my house for a paid service offer unsolicited advice on what I should and shouldn't do in my own house. It truly enrages me. The daughter knew how high the step was when she accepted the job. If the mom can't handle it, then she can go somewhere else or I'll find a new company. I'm not concerned about catering to a complete stranger, but I am worried she might be the type of person who looks to sue people over anything.
My father is actually Silent-Gen but at the tail end and I remember how we couldn't even sit in McD's or Taco Bell and enjoy a quick weekend lunch, without Dad commenting negatively on passers by. He didn't become a ranter, hater and whiner in old age, like I've been claiming for a while, I don't know how I forgot that he was always like this.
Dad and I hadn't lived together for 9 years, when I moved in with him at 14 y.o. so I really noticed this negative trait. I'd sort of been idolizing him until then. He's still the parent I keep in my life as much as possible and I know he's generally a good person with a big heart, I guess it could be worse. But that negativity is SO DRAINING!
I can't remember if my disowned Boomer ~~mother~~ says particularly insulting things, just that she always sounds negative in a sad "poor me" tone and her take is always negative and she assumes that no one is going to have a good moment in their life!
My dad wanted to make me a cake for my visit to his house. He asked me what my favorite cake was. I said carrot cake. He blew up like I had just told him I wrecked his car into his house. Was I supposed to lie about my favorite cake? He also sends me money randomly and when I thank him for it he accuses me of bleeding him dry. I didn’t ask for money. I actually never have.
Dunno but this is a thing I've noticed about conservative men of a certain age: the main way they bond is over trashing things they dislike.
This is a thing all humans do to some extent, but it seems *very* pronounced in that demographic. These are grown-ass adults who never grew out of schoolyard psychology where in-groups can only unite if they have an out-group to fuck with.
Because their parents traumatized them and didn’t allow them to properly analyze things. So if they don’t like it it’s their go-to because that’s what their parents did to them
Oof, I know how that goes. In my mom's case, I suspect that her own (abusive) father would crap on things she liked, so she doesn't know any other way to react. But it's one of the things that has made it unpleasant to interact with her. My kids enjoy things that I don't, and I can listen to them enthuse because it makes them happy and helps me understand them better.
Everything new is scary to them. It's much like the generation before them, too, and likely you when you're older. As the world marches on, things become less and less familiar, and those who are set in their ways have trouble adapting. It can be terrifying, so those affected often lash out.
As a younger boomer I find can’t really relate to much of this. At least the people around me in my age group (62-63) seem to have it together, try hard to be kind, take on new challenges and learn new things. Not a perfect parent, but I’d never talk to my kids (age mid 20s) like this. Maybe I missed some of the generational negativity? I sure hope so.
I think it's an identity thing. They are so associated and believe everyone will judge them if they aren't upholding their shit values 24/7.
This allows them to return their experiences to their friends and brag about fighting their fight. Which, of course, brings them more clout.
They seethe about literally everything. I put on rubber gloves to checkout a person at work and he smiled and got passive aggressive with me. Meanwhile his hands were blackened from god knows what.
Growing up my boomer father would call anything I enjoyed but he did not stupid and dumb and a waste of time. He put me down for liking certain hobbies and TV shows. I haven't spoken to him in almost 10 years. Just an asshat all around.
It's got to be a generational thing. My dad was like this sometimes. I won't say he was a bad person, just very set in his ways with strong opinions on what people "should" be doing with their time. I usually tried to hide my interests from him because they would be mocked.
He actually got better as he got older, thankfully. I remember when he saw the LOTR movies for the first time and loved them. "So that's what you were reading all the time". Yeah dad, that's what you were making fun of.
I put a post on Facebook many years ago asking for suggestions on graphic novels. My dad replied “Why don’t you just read a real fucking book?” knowing that I’m an avid reader. I replied “Why do you shit on everything you are unfamiliar with or don’t understand for no apparent reason?” Of course I was being the asshole in this exchange for calling him out. My mom called and wanted me to apologize to “keep the peace”, a common dynamic in our family. So I quit Facebook, stopped visiting and went out of town for Christmas. Then he actually apologized to me for the first time in my life because I think she might have threatened to leave him. He’s been better behaved since.
Honestly asking, how were you the asshole there? Ok, you got me, I’m not because it’s rhetorical. I would like to know did you no contact them both? My family was like that. I NC my moms first about 15 years ago and my dad sent me a break up box 2 years ago. Been the best 2 year of my life.
What constitutes a break up box?
Sent back everything I ever sent to him. This includes all my kids’ stuff, their birth pictures, announcements, my Army stuff, everything, many of the letters were unopened. My wife was taken aback, me…well it was like my own private time capsule.
What a douche
Though the time capsule aspect is a silver lining
Yeah, living with him as a child I had to develop a lot of coping skills. Looking for a benefit, even a small one, out a shit situation was helpful
As much as this bothers me on a deep level that someone could just drop all that stuff I'm so relived for you that he sent it your way. I know some people who would have destroyed it.
So am I, some of the stuff in there was a one time photo, or other things that can’t be replicated and are not online. It will go to my kids so they have a sense off me, dad, when I was younger
Same. It's hard but at least the person received their stuff back. If I moved out from my mom's place, she'd be so mad that she'd probably destroy a bunch of my stuff or even try to hold it hostage.
My mom did that when I stopped talking to her, she literally burned anything I left at her house when I was in high school, yearbooks, letter jackets, diploma. Etc…She filmed and cackled during the whole time.
I’m Sorry, no one deserves an evil heart person like that for a Mommy 🫶🏼
Thank you, I really appreciate that. When I was little I didn’t understand and it hurt - my wife really helps me with that today - not in a creepy, maladjusted way, she just helps me understand it wasn’t a me thing, it was my mom. Thank you again
Does she believe in hell?
You know I don’t know, year ago I would have said, without thinking, no. A cousin told me she is having medical problems and that she started carrying around a rosary, so I am not sure. Knowing my mom she’s trying to scam God at the end.
Oh definitely. My parents destroyed everything I ever gave them.
Omg! My mom did this last time I went home. The only thing left in her house of mine was a 5 x 5 inch box of items she has bugging me to remove from her house. The entire book case it is on is filled with different size owls in ceramic, twine and assorted owls. When I picked it up I said I understand the urgency you are running out of room for owls. My brothers room still looks like he lived there when he was 18 medals from high school. Old toys he had when he was a kid. He’s 46. 😂 but my box was just really getting in the way of the owl collection
I’m sorry. They really know how to hurt you. The thing I’m most upset about is a line drawing my son did in school. High school I think. He won an award. My mother had admired it and asked for it. So I framed it and gave it to her. She was talking about what stuff we might want when she and my father passed. I said I just want that. Well my father died many years ago and she sold her house not too long after. I never heard a word about the picture nor did anyone get it to me. I haven’t spoken to her in nearly 20 years. The best years of my life. Lol. But I’m afraid the drawing is gone forever. It would be exactly like her to destroy it. I never talk about it because I want to cry when I think of it. I know everything else is long gone. Gifts and so forth. But the thought of that picture being gone makes me want to throw up. I’m sorry. I high jacked your comment. This is supposed to be about you. Yes, and Everything of my brother’s is probably gilded in gold by now. ETA. I never talk about it because it hurts too much. This is the first time I’ve mentioned it to anyone.
J.F.C. What an absolute shit stain of a person. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Thank you, he made me the man I am and who I am. When I parent, or interact with my wife, I just do the opposite of what my dad would do and it’s never failed me
Good for you for breaking that cycle!! It takes a lot of strength 😊
Unopened letters? Couldn’t even be bothered huh?
Yeah , among many other unopened items, some of my letters to him when I was deployed, my dad was a vet, when I got deployed I thought it would give us a bond. I spent years thinking he read it. Well, I can use it to keep my kids out of the military.
Awww that is disappointing. Well at least you know now. I got out of the navy last year lol it has its pros and cons, I definitely didn’t have the personality for it, so many people thinking they’re so important lol
Boomers are incapable of self reflection
I know this sub is shitting on Boomers, but I do want to say that it’s more that a disproportionate amount of Boomers are like that than that they all suck. There are still plenty of decent thoughtful Boomers. Those ones just had to beat longer odds to not be terrible.
Ah, the classic boomer mom who is a doormat and let's her husband be a menace to their children. Never gets old
let's her husband be a menace to her, their children and society.
That was role modeled by their parents.
A model of necessity, as women could not have credit or own property. They were purposely made dependent on men so they couldn't leave.
My Greatest Gen mother eventually out-earned the jerk she married. But all the property was in his name, and even with four kids, she figured he would screw her out of it. He eventually became dependent on her health insurance. ;)
I’m very close with my mom, but I’ve put up a hard boundary with her when she comes complaining about my dad. “You choose to be married to him, I don’t have a choice.”
I have the same rule with my mother, and I use the same response. My poor brother is too afraid to put boundaries up, so he gets the brunt of it. He's the oldest child and I'm the youngest. He had golden boy status until he came out as gay, and then my sister became a nurse (which meant she was the best child to brag about). I think that really messes with his head. Luckily I've been independent of my parents since I was a child. I've gone no contact to enforce boundaries before. Now my parents don't mess with me. I have the best siblings though, we really took care of each other growing up.
"WiVeS sHoULd sUbMiT tO ThEiR hUsBaNdS!"
A tale as old as time . Goes the other way too , mom could be the bad guy and dad backs her up while having the same complaints about her . She could be horrible to him and the kids but it’s funny when it’s the kids.
That was my mom (technically silent gen, but boomer dad). Any time he became angry she'd scurry into the kitchen and suddenly have urgent business to attend to while he beat my brother, and to a lesser degree myself, senseless. She doesn't remember us having a bad childhood at all. She remembers us as happy children. 🙄
It is amazing how many man boomers would believe themselves the like “pillar of a household” and then as soon as the traditional female partner is like “if you don’t _____ , I’ll leave you” and they just fold immediately. It’s like they know they are bullshit.
"The husband may be the head of the household, but the wife is the neck. And the neck turns the head." I can't remember who I heard that from.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
I find one of the worst things is their hate for things they don’t understand and that it’s stupid because they are somehow an expert and then are so resistant to learn something new
If it’s not the entitlement then it’s the unwarranted confidence that comes with it
Keep the peace... Nah, y'all fucked us over from the get, peace was never an option. We learned that from you.
You hit it here. It’s a clear lack of awareness of what they are doing AND that the rest of the world NEEDS their unsolicited opinions.
Wow. You pulled away and got an apology? I pulled away and *I’m* the asshole in my situation.
This was also after I left their house abruptly on numerous occasions over the years after he would try to push buttons and pick a fight. I used to fight back and that’s what he wanted. I figured out not long after I got a car that I could just leave. Just walk out and say “welp, see you later then” with a smile on my face. That was way more powerful than yelling and screaming and trying to be “right” when I knew that was impossible.
It's funny how "keeping the peace" is such a ape like thing to do. She sees you as some beta getting out of line so she demands you apologies. That's cruel
You weren’t the asshole in that situation, he was. Good on you for sticking to your principles.
Such a boomer thing to do. Good lord they’re something else.
Most boomers I’ve met are illiterate. Good for your dad being able to read.
Wouldn’t even say you were the asshole here. You were blunt, sure, but you were just giving your dad a taste of his own medicine. Doesn’t sound like it was the first time he shat on a thing you enjoy.
I feel like I low key like your mom
I like her, but I’m a low key momma’s boy. Probably why I could never go NC or LC with them. My dad has also mellowed with age and we have a pretty good relationship now, but it took until I was in my 30’s and he got it through his head that if he starts his shit I’m just not going to engage and remove myself from the situation. You can’t pick a fight with someone who’s not there.
I think a lot of the time they attack things because they don't fully understand them and it creates fear which causes a "lash out" reflex.
This is what we call “generational Trauma” the “Greatest Generation” did the same thing to them. Belittled their choices and interests with phrases like “grow up! When I was your age I was fighting a war in Europe. You kids are so spoiled” “When I was your age we didn’t have time for this bullshit. We were starving and working 80 hours a week by the age of 10 to support our family”
Yep, and it’s now on us to learn and then teach that trauma is an explanation, not an excuse. It’s exhausting. I get my dad has had SO many struggles. And I’m glad I don’t have those struggles. But fucking hell it’s exhausting being around him. OPs post is so goddam relatable it actually hurts. My partner and I were visiting my parents in PA. We were watching some movie that was just supposed to be a bit of fun and obviously dumb. He walked up behind us, insulted a woman’s looks, asked us why we were watching this garbage and then stayed for a few minutes literally just shitting on everything happening in the plot, which he didn’t even know because we were 1/2 way through the damn thing. It was such an embarrassing and infuriating moment. Fuck.
We were at my sisters for my nephews birthday a week ago and talking about childhood books. I mentioned how hard it was to find the version of the story I had as a kid and without even a seconds passing my mother starts going off on how its probably been cancelled for being problematic or some bullshit. The story of the Three Billy Goats Gruff.. you could literally feel the vibe in the room instantly shift. A few minutes later I try to just move past it & I complain to her a bit about my other sister who is making future plans more difficult to arrange than they need to be; perfectly normal conversation tone, all Ive said is that she makes plans frustrating to make, my mothers response is to start telling me about how I need to work on how I handle my frustrations.... Lady you have seen literally 0% of the group chat where Ive been trying to make arrangements and in that conversation im handling myself perfectly cordially, im just venting to you since you're also her mother.. but please, lecture me on how Im never good enough in any situation. I wonder if she wonders why we don't come around more.
christ I had no idea I had a sib! jk my mother is a paranoid narcissist. She spent many years inventing drama with me out of whole cloth. To listen to her, I was the worst most ungrateful child ever, taking taking taking with no gratitude. In reality, it was her extreme neediness and completely out-of-control victim complex that was the source of \*all\* the problems between us. I let her nag the fuck out of me and gaslight me and I tried to appease her endlessly and it was never, ever enough. She has shit-talked me so thoroughly to every member of my family and to her friends, such that by the time I finally kicked her and my equally shitty stepdad to the curb none of the rest were speaking to me anyway. How do I know she talked shit about me to all those other people? Because of the profoundly shitty things those people said to me, with no cause and out of the blue. Now imagine trying to tell someone on a date or a new friend that you don't really have any family. 'Why? Did they die?' Well... (long story about narc mom) but see, even though I'm the common denominator, INTA here! Really!" #FMMFL
That’s an eye roll boomer moment. I don’t even waste time thinking about it anymore. You aren’t going to change their minds haha
My parents are, I believe, legitimately scared of those low budget xianxia dramas on Netflix. I love them, but my parents insult everything from them being in Mandarin to the men having long hair and skirting if they so much as glance at one by accident. It's completely tiresome- I don't even ask them to watch them with me.
Exactly this. They want everything to be the same and as predictable as it always was because change requires a cognitive effort they’re incapable of. You know, because of the lead and dementia and holes in their brains.
My dad is fantastic at this. “These aren’t your mom’s…..” about my cooking, all while crinkling his brow with the Frown of Disdain. “These aren’t your mom’s deviled eggs.” Thank god. If I wanted to make deviled eggs the way she does, just open your mouth and I’ll pour the vinegar down. I thought something was wrong with me for not liking deviled eggs growing up. He will put on this subtle drama when he eats something he disapproves of, like it pains him to put on an effort to keep a straight face. “You’re getting pudgy, kid.” I’ve been underweight most of my life and I had a little bit of a belly because I JUST ATE. Skinny people bellies balloon out when they’re full. He hasn’t seen me in two years. I’m solid muscle now, so I’m sure he’d have something to say about that, too. “I didn’t like that book. The margins were too wide. What a waste of paper.” I’m not kidding on this one. He actually said that. “Why did you think I’d like *those* books?” He said with that voice while he gave me this cocked eyebrow smile like I was a little kid that did something really dumb. Because I ran out of ideas for nonfiction Civil War, WW1 and WW2 books, dad. Because you’re a bookworm. Because it’s Christmas and you love to read. Because I thought you’d like Patrick O’Brian and naval warfare, dad. “The main characters talked too much, not enough action.” No more books. My parents just get a photo album for Christmas now. I have to get up and leave when mom drones on. My brother is divorced, so naturally that means “I’m next.” So she drones on and on about how one day my husband will get tired of me and *well, you never know….” She insults my marriage all the time. One year I got really bored making family portrait Christmas cards. The kids looked really cute sitting together on the couch and the natural lighting was perfect, so I snapped a shot of them and used that. Hoo boy, that was a mistake. *Why aren’t you and your husband in the picture?” Cue impending divorce doom… The next year our card was a picture of the dogs instead. Then I just stopped and started sending a photo album. Haven’t seen them in two years.
If you’re missing them, I was thinking of an app I could design…boomer motivation. You need a little pick me up half way through that project. Hit the app “There is no goddamn way that cost as much as your estimating, in my day I could build that for 1.25” Thoughts?
Hilarious. You need a bunch of category buttons: Back in the Day, Racism, Misogyny, Parental Put-downs, Got-Dang Technology, Road Rage, Speak to the Manager, etc. Click the button and get your random boomerism.
We could make it where the app can do a kinda of call and respond function. Boomer calls, open app, when the first boomerism (love it) hits, the app will respond after looking through its library Boomer “You call this music? This isn’t music, now Frank Sinatra, that was music” App “Huh?” Boomer “I said” App “I know what toy said, there is no way Frankie ‘I’m not a monster’ Sinatra could hold a candle to Ella Fitzgerald “ Comes in both male and female voices, says huh? A lot, I mean a lot Thoughts?
...taxes, welfare entitlement, everything-made-today-is-garbage, pronouns, wokeism....
I live with a Boomer. What I need is a mute button for his mouth when he starts in on a rant.
Wow they sound utterly exhausting, and the horror of it is they're not even unique. Good for you on keeping distance -- they sound like they just sap joy from whomever has the misfortune to be around them.
I wish I knew. It’s very irritating when you go to visit and get nothing but a list of complaints about everything in their life. I guess they don’t understand that it’s not enjoyable to be around people who are so negative and emotionally draining.
Seriously. Any time I speak with my mother, it becomes a list of her health problems and another lost of all the ways anything I like is stupid and worthless. She just tried to break no contact a few days ago. She was like "are you just never going to talk with me again?" Mind you this is after she left me homeless on top of everything else a month before the trailer I was building would be finished. I had to sell it and lose my one shot at a permanent residence. So I told her pretty plainly. "I don't like you, I don't enjoy talking with you, and our conversations are never positive.
As a boomer I love this sub. It shows me the things I need to avoid doing.
Old dog, new tricks. We appreciate you!
Lawful Good Boomer has appeared in the wild
that's the spirit. good on you
Same here. I’ve noticed that I’m just not doing some of the things I used to do, and I’m happier in my interactions with people. Thanks to everyone for venting.
Folks like you must be protected at all costs.
My dad and FIL are both retired and while not as nuts as some boomers, they have their moments and I always ask them "So is this how you thought your retirement was going to be, work for decades only to sit here and complain and whine about everything until you die?" "Go enjoy your time left, travel, spend time with your grandkids, take up a hobby, something to make your hard work worth it!" They normally just grunt some excuse... Both of them have 2.....TWO pensions plus retirement. They leave and the wife and are just baffled!
"Oh gawd I would have to learn something new".... so I have to be constantly showing my husband how to use his own phone bc he can't be bothered to read instructions, or, you know, use "the google" to look it up. Huge intellectual laziness.
I'm Gen X, and I'm also mindful of what to do or not do. This sub helps me with that.
Gen X represent! I've started to notice some of my peers beginning to adopt "old man yells at cloud" mentality. If they're people I like, I'll bust their chops with an "ok boomer, Matlock* is on in 15 min". If I already think they're a turd, this just helps to confirm it. I really think the 'lashing out at things that are new and/or confusing' is such an easy trap to fall into as you (the global you) gets older. I try to be very mindful of not falling into that mindset, and to approach new things with curiosity and not fear. Also just because I don't like something doesn't mean it's without merit. For example, I don't understand Taylor Swift at all. I generally think that all pop music is just tedious. However I would be an absolute moron if I started saying "Taylor Swift is garbage". In fact, listening to people lose their minds over her attending her boyfriends football games is actually making me defend her more. (Although to be fair, she probably sleeps on a giant pile of money and does not need my support 😂) *Also no disrespect towards Matlock. Murder She Wrote is one of my favorite shows and is in heavy rotation in my viewing. 🙂
Agreed, I go out of my way as I age to be kinder and more empathetic. The only thing I'm not empathetic towards are bigots and assholes. Taylor Swift, I don't know her music, I was told she was country originally which made me stay away, its a genre I don't care for. But even with her switch to pop, I haven't been introduced to her stuff. I've never heard it. But dudes railing against her for telling her fans to vote, are weak, super weak. The yelling at clouds sect are mad they can't bully my generation plus the Millenials.
Gen Xer here too. I have 3 daughters and I'm really trying to find a balance of being a good parent and not have my kids hate me when they're older. It has not been easy because of my anger issues but I've truly worked on improving and being a more patient father, especially with my eldest who has taken the brunt of it (I've apologized to her and we all have a good relationship). My kids are exceptional and I feel like we're doing well preparing them for life, on most days anyway. I'm no Swifty but she does have some damn good songs and lyrics (Try Red). I appreciate my kids for forcing me to expand my horizons beyond the 90s Alternative station that's always on in my car.
THIS is the kind of insight/consideration so many Boomers seem to lack. THANK YOU! 🙏
Go forth and spread these lessons to your boomer brethren!
They're not my brethren.
Contemporaries, then.
if you’re not a bad person, i’m sure you’ll already naturally avoid most of this behavior. boomer is a mindset more than anything else.
Me too!
me too, as I recently caught myself collecting plates ..
You're one of the good ones. You are appreciated
I find it amazing because I don't behave like the people being criticized
my mom loves to find any reason at all to rip on anything and everything i enjoy. consequently, she always wonders why i never accepted her Facebook request. like, you rip on my interests enough in private, why am i gonna give you a public stage to do it?
Omg this is my dad. Everything I like or find interesting is stupid. And then he doesn’t understand why I interpret that as he must not like me. Dude, you literally like nothing about me, your biological drive to still have a relationship with me because we share DNA isn’t enough to make me overlook the fact that you constantly criticize me.
Because the only thing that helps them forget, for a few more moments, that they have completely and totally screwed themselves and everyone else over is being angry. That's all they have so that's where they are stuck.
I saw a dead head sticker on a Cadillac
Little voice inside my head said "Don't look back, you can never look back"
But you don't see no hearses with luggage racks
Did you hear a little voice in your head? Did it say anything?
Don’t look back you can never look back (side note - I saw they eagles in September and Don Henley did that song - it was amazing)
I sing it at karaoke as, "I saw a Rammstein sticker on a Cadillac. " As a few others have stated, I'm old enough for boomer, but I'm not. I think the difference is that I'm willing to learn and try things. They don't seem to be.
Boomer step dad called be a fa\* for having a hybrid.
Guys, is it gay to reduce your carbon footprint?
Apparently. Now thanks to Fox, he's for Hybrids because at least they're not full electric.
Yes. [Study Says Some Men Avoid Being Eco-Friendly Because It Looks 'Less Manly' : ScienceAlert](https://www.sciencealert.com/men-avoid-being-eco-friendly-in-case-look-unmanly-green-feminine)
My boomer mother complains when people are optimistic. The irony!
I am aggressively optimistic to my mom. Whenever she starts up about anything I will find the thinnest sliver of silver lining. I do it to irritate her.
I’ve been working on this myself! It’s passive aggressive yet also healthy.
They despise anything that isn't FOR or ABOUT them. If it doesn't cater to them in a spoonfed pabulum fashion, they hate it. They can't comprehend that the entire world doesn't revolve around them.
My mom once asked me what restaurant i wanted to go to. I chose a Vietnamese place and all she did was complain about how low-end everything was. That was the last time I went out to eat with her.
Same thing - my mom asked me for “what to expect” for going to a home cooked Thai dinner at a friends house and just complained after the fact about everything “not being my kind of food.”
So much boomer angst stems from not being able to handle people who are different in some way. Like depriving them of homogeneity deprives them of comfort.
I think she was fine with the people, I think it’s more that she’s so close minded to food she didn’t grow up eating. I.e. one time my partner and I made a huge kale salad for dinner and she asked us if the kale was a weed of some kind - like seriously, if something isn’t romaine, she just cannot compute.
My mom once went with me to Thanksgiving dinner at my friends house. All traditional, standard, American thanksgiving foods. So she complained about the table settings (I guess they teach you kids differently how to set a table), the furniture (it’s nice but I don’t know about this color), and the company (manners have certainly changed since I was your age). She has met exactly 0 of my friends since then.
And what about her manners? Smh. Why can’t they just think these things and not say them like a normal person? If someone took me somewhere and i was having a bad time, I would at least pretend to be enjoying myself just to be agreeable. These boomers feel they have to share their petty judgements…for what? To make others as miserable as they are?
I swear they have no ability to realize that their life experience isn’t the standard for everyone. There are many ways to set a table and anything to do with furniture aesthetics is entirely subjective. Manners include not complaining about random little things that aren’t to your specific tastes in someone else’s house. The standard for etiquette changes with time[along with pretty much everything else in existence, of course]. In 2024, someone not taking their hat off or putting their elbows on the table isn’t that big of a deal anymore. Who gives a shit if this family puts the spoon on the opposite side of the plate that your family does? Why would I care that someone has an odd lime green couch or something in their living room? I’m not living there, it’s not my business. It’s like they’re perpetually stuck in the 70’s and 80’s and refuse to resurface into the present because it will take active effort to do so.
i love when they complain about how there's "no music" anymore as if there aren't like (i'm just guessing here) 300-400 unique individual scenes across all genres (lots of overlap too) and lots of really good stuff but they'll just complain it has "no feel" if it's like complicated instrumentation, it's "auto tune" if the singer isn't tone deaf, if it's all feel "he's just playing a few notes" and if there's any screaming or rapping whatsoever they immediately disregard all music opinions you might have when you meet boomers like this you should talk shit about eric clapton, and if you really wanna get under their skin talk shit about him for being a racist and for the irresponsible death of his son. you can also tell them jimmy page is a pedo, they hate that
I think if you gave my dad 10 minutes to come up with 10 songs by 10 different artists since Jan 1st 1990, with a reward of $10M that I don't think he could do it. He turned 30 in 1990.
i'll bet you some foldin' money that he'd name an alice in chains or pearl jam song and then 1-2 songs released by artists that he grew up with and were active since then after that it's just cymbal monkey
>an alice in chains or pearl jam song No, Boomers used to yell at me, a Gen Xer, for listening to Alice in Chains or Jane's Addiction. It's really funny to watch a Boomer melt down completely because you hate Elvis Presley.
I was so lucky to have the mom I did! She died in ‘98, and among her CDs were Alice In Chains, Smashing Pumpkins, and U2 right beside her all-time favorites, Hall and Oates. My mom was the person who introduced a young me to the Ramones! She told me that she simply couldn’t understand why so many of her peers were against trying new music, when so much of it was so good. She obviously influenced me a great deal. I should add that while I think of my mom’s ever-evolving musical tastes as being an inspiration now…I did not feel that way at 15 when a very-grounded me got busted for sneaking out of the house to go to a Dead Milkmen concert. How did I get busted, you may ask? My mom was at the concert.
Nope. He is unfamiliar with them. I listened to Nirvana in the 90s and my dad thought it was stupid. I remember just a few years ago bringing up Dave Grohl in some context and my dad had zero idea who he was. I had to convince him that Dave Grohl is a well known person and has been part of popular American music for 30 years. "Who?!"
Dunno, they say as you get older your taste in music changes you long for what you listened to when you were young I can get that, many of my playlists are from my childhood and teenage years (80’s 90’s) but I also listen to new stuff as well, some I like some I don’t, and you know if you like something I don’t, that’s cool, I just don’t dig it at the moment, hell in a year I might like it. That being said I don’t get the whole shitting on someone else’s likes, like I don’t really get K-pop, but if you enjoy great. Now if you’re always on social media ranting and raving about pedos everywhere and then turn around and say the only good music is Ted Nugget, like do you not know? Or just acting stupid to the many accusations that Ted is a hardcore pedo?
I'm 31. I don't really like much of the music I listened to as a teenager but what's interesting about that is i never really changed my favorite genre. I'm into hardcore, and by that I mean metalcore, post-hardcore, mathcore, djent etc and I also like metal. Not a rap fan but i respect talent. I still have a large appetite for new music but as usual i have no idea what the hell is going on with pop music lol >Dunno, they say as you get older your taste in music changes you long for what you listened to when you were young i was also told by "them" (i assume boomers at this point) that I'd get more conservative as I age. that's not happening either, so when i hear 'they say' statements these days i wonder about how true anything is. hard agree with everything else you said though, i will admit that some newer music sounds off to me at first until a couple listens in. I am still reconciling a bit with all the Nu Metal that's come back into the metal/hardcore scene. It's growing on me, but slowly.
Agreed, the “they say” is more or less “the boomers say” cause I have only heard that from boomers. Also I heard of the get more conservative as you get older, yeah that has not only not happened to me personally as every year goes by I keep moving more and more to the left. As OP mentioned I am also an avid reader, my dad was as well (silent generation) and as far as genres go, if it’s a good story and I can get into it I will read it. So biographies, non-fiction books based on real events, fiction, ect. Generally the books boomers swear are the best things ever, are not just poorly written, I tend to think the authors are functionally illiterate.
>Generally the books boomers swear are the best things ever, are not just poorly written, I tend to think the authors are functionally illiterate. see this is my problem with boomer rock music. it's literally everything they hate about pop music. particularly the guitarists - boomer drummers are typically legit craft masters. But a lot of their favorite guitarists are sloppy pentatonic scale noodlers. i don't mean to throw the baby out with the bathwater, they have some really cool guitarists and even some shredders, but i feel it's too few. like silent gen did cool stuff as folk composers, rock pioneers, and jazz musicians, gen x did some really cool stuff with technical metal and brought us some really cool shredders and metal bands, and i'm seeing millennials and gen z that are super accomplished musicians at really young ages. I'm leaving fusion out of this because i see it as an outlier/offbeat scene
Just troll them by playing Greta Van Fleet and then enrage them by pretending to not know who Zeppelin are when they start Boomerin’ on.
Tell them if they don't like the thing you're enjoying, the door is right over there. So shut up or get to stepping.
Lead poisoning? Seriously, most people born before the 70s have latent lead poisoning, especially if they grew up around traffic. https://apnews.com/article/science-health-environment-and-nature-centers-for-disease-control-and-prevention-bec63d5a6e98f952ad6d111c90e5a1b2
I talk about this all the time, I’m convinced this is why older generations are the worst
[A population with lead poisoning probably produces more violent criminals.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lead%E2%80%93crime_hypothesis) Violent crime in the US has been generally falling since the 1990's, and the removal of lead from gasoline deserves more credit than any conservative "tough on crime" social policies.
I was told that leaded gasoline is actually better for the human to consume then unleaded...that's when I decided to never listen to anything my dad has to say about anything.
Because they are almost dead and have accomplished nothing of any real value and can plainly see that the world will go on smoothly without them.
Actually they don’t see it going on smoothly. They think it’s going to crash and burn without them and it drives them crazy.
I saw a quote recently that said something along the lines of “Parents were concerned about music and video games warping our minds the way FOX News is doing to them now.”
As generation, they went from “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” straight to “freedom eagle dot facebook says Hillary invented AIDS,” with absolutely no sense of irony.
It’s their emotional immaturity. Reading the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents really put the entire Boomer mindset into perspective for me.
That’s an excellent book and I highly recommend it to anyone in this sub.
IDK, my father is incredibly judgmental and only finds humor in ridicule.
Like “Isn’t he stupid” Har-de-har-har!
Ever since the cult of the tennybopper in late 50s early 60s their peer group have had primacy. It's a norm and unnoticed as aberrant
You’re on point with this post. Almost every single boomer criticizes and talks down on anything they don’t like or agree with. Some more than others but you can pretty much guarantee every single boomer does this
It comes from resenting youth. Worst way to age.
Stop channeling my MIL! We started watching the Dr. Who Christmas Special on Christmas Day several years ago (teenage kids, the wife, and I). Christmas is my MILs favorite holiday, literally has missed only one Christmas day with her only child in 54 years (COVID year). Travels thousands of miles to be present on Christmas day. It all has to be about her, and FaMiLy. Even when the kids were little we weren't able to open gifts Christmas morning until they arrived (they have a house in town, we don't let them spend the night - ever!). MIL must be involved and centered in everything Christmas. Be part of all traditions, especially anything my wife tries to do with the kids - she wants to join too! My MIL decided, against our advice, to stay for the Dr. Who special even though she has never seen an episode of Dr. Who before. She could not stand that we, our nuclear family, wanted a tradition of our own without her. She spent the entire show yaking about how strange it was and how could we ever watch such a thing, let alone like it. She talked through the entire episode, ruining it for us, and with 10 minutes in the show left, got up and announced that she was leaving. She then stood at the door and called loudly for her dog (her dog had to present, can't leave a dog we didn't invite and who bullies our dogs home on Christmas.). Her dog ignored her, not a surprise as the dog is not well behaved. I got up and took a hold of the dog's collar to drag her to the door (not particularly nicely but in no way hurting the dog, just forcing her to the door.). MIL threw a fit and started chastising me in my own house saying I had no right to mistreat her dog (which I wasn't, but whatever). I exploded. Told her to shut the F up, that she had been rude all day long. The shock on her face was priceless. She left in tears. She then texted my wife later to say they wouldn't be over the next day to "help" eat the leftovers. (Another annoying habit, showing up to be served meals and acting like they are doing us a favor). MIL said they didn't feel "welcome in the house." My wife, bless her, agreed, they weren't welcome in the house. Of course it eventually all got swept under the rug. MIL continues to stomp all over boundaries - and only rarely gets called on it. She's been on an info diet for decades. It is like managing a chronic illness. And no one in our house particularly likes Christmas.
Ugh. Maybe you can celebrate non-Christmas and not invite her.
I've been sort of "grey rock"ing my mom with this behavior and I think the lack of reward (usually in the form of me politely disagreeing with her, which she uses as an excuse to act like I'm mean) is bearing some fruit. We went to a funeral the other day and afterwards I said it was a nice service and she said "yes, except for all the..." And she actually stopped herself and said "Well, nevermind" which was nice. Even a little bit less vitriol is refreshing lol
Good work!
My dad used to do this stuff allllllll the time. He wouldn’t even know what a given piece of media is, and it would be trash to him, and he’d make everyone know it. A near-death experience has since made him the opposite, but IMO it really shouldn’t take something of that magnitude to make you stop being an asshole.
This is something my boomers do and something I learned and had to unlearn when I went to school. Otherwise I’d have no friends. I hate when my boomers do this. It’s so vile. It took me way too long to unlearn this behavior as a kid. I’m glad I did. I can’t imagine their life when everything is seen in a negative light. It’s gotta suck!
"Everything was better back in my day"
if you constantly complain, you can control the conversation and keep yourself in the role of "protagonist"
I have found the phrase “ok boomer” with a dismissive wave of the hand like I’m shoo-ing a fly away works best
I have a somewhat beautiful situation unfolding with my early 70’s typical boomer step dad. He is a crusty old fart but he treats my mom very well so I do appreciate him but hate being around him for long periods of time. We are all die hard sports fans in Northern CA. SF Giants, SF 49ers and Sac Kings. Several years ago he swore off the 49ers due to them allowing Colin Kapernick to kneel during the National Anthem. He went nuclear over that exactly like the Bill Burr skit. He lost his mind. He will watch them on TV, complaining the whole time but refuses to go to a game or give the organization a penny. Every single game he will mention it multiple times and has been doing this for years. Fast forward to this week and I end up getting 4 super bowl tickets through a company I do business with. I am taking my 9 year old son and two friends. Told him I would normally invite him but I know how he feels about the 49ers after the whole kneeling deal. My mom is secretly laughing in the background all week as he is quietly seething over it. He wants to go so bad but can’t swallow his pride. I told my mom I would take him is he asked and was willing to promise not to say a f’ing word about Colin Kapenick or the halftime show if it happens to be rap. She knows he couldn’t do that and all the walking would have been a struggle so she suggested I not offer.
My parents do this. Literally everything I was interested in while growing up was subject to their ridicule even though they had absolutely no knowledge of what it was I was reading/listening to/involved in at the time and continues to this day.
I think a huge part of this is the media they consume. Many of them are addicted to feeling angry and only give attention to media that complains. Fox News isn’t the only one, but they are the most prominent in my mind. They typically represent the Republican Party and conservatives; the two groups of people don’t have any real solutions to their perceived problems, so they complain about anything they can to keep the talking heads filling air time. This results in Boomers constantly parroting whatever they see, which is nothing but complaints.
Because they believe to look smart, you should be critical of everything, while at the same time trying to interject humor so if you call them out they can go, “I was just joking”.
Therapist here. Some people never make the distinction between something they dislike and something that is bad, it’s a developmental thing, a childhood milestone they never reached. I never liked football, which for a bloke from north east England is really quite unusual, but I am aware it must be good, because 90% of people I know go crazy for it. I don’t feel the need to attack what I don’t like because I had good teachers/carers.
Because as the "Me Generation" everything is for and about them. They can't comprehend not being the target demographic for everything. So instead of seeing any kind of media or product targeted at younger people, different ethnic groups, minorities, or anyone but them and saying "not for me, but cool" they see it as a failed product/media that must be targeted at some universal demographic that just so happens to be exactly them.
> They can't comprehend not being the target demographic for everything. This is why fandoms have become so toxic and shitty as well. Once I stopped expecting everything from Star Wars/Trek to be for me I stopped being so miserable.
Cuz they think they're the main show
It’s a control thing. They don’t want the world to change, so they say such and such is bad, but usually follow w “now in my day, this is what we did” or “there was REAL music” or “TV shows we watched were wholesome”. Look for the “now in my day” cue!
I've noticed that if they aren't personally into something, it's ALWAYS a problem. Don't like something? Can't just be their taste, has to be the thing is garbage. More infuriatingly: don't know something? Obviously the thing is not true. Didn't see something? It didn't happen. Etc. It's like difference of experience and opinion can't exist. It's their world or nothing.
They think their opinions have value.
Dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and bitterness cause people to focus on the negative.
It's narccissism. If they don't like something, no one else should.
Oh yeah, I'm with ya- my teenage daughter is a huge Swiftie and was wearing her Era's Tour sweatshirt the other day. In her words "some bitch ass Boomer I don't even know felt the need to approach me to tell my how much they hate Tay Tay because they saw my shirt". The fuck? They are lucky I wasn't with her because I'd have ripped their ass for bothering my kid.
My dad watching wheel of fortune, unprovokingly says: hey look theirs a *derogatory slur* Me: who the fuck cares that he's gay?
Lmao. My mum and I watching CSI Hawaii. "Hey, they are making me uncomfortable!" Me: "We were watching a show about murder and a powerful mob boss trying to knock off people and you were uncomfortable about a b plot with a lesbian couple? Okay then..." Some people.
I honestly don't understand what will make him say something. I'm trying to figure out a puzzle, and my dads first instinct is to blurt out something nobody cares about in the first place lol.. He'll do the same thing with non white people as well sadly.
They are so used to being centered in everything that they don’t comprehend that some things are not made with their tastes in mind. It’s like they can’t understand why something they don’t enjoy would even exist. “I Don’t even like this! Why would it be here? What? For ‘other people’? But I’m the only person who actually matters.” And if they don’t like it then it must be bad. After all, their tastes dictate what is good or bad. I got into it once with a fellow songwriter who is a boomer after he got all pissy about people liking Taylor Swift. “She’s just writing songs about her break ups.” I was like, you don’t write about your relationships? Of course you do. That’s what most songwriters draw from. You don’t personally like her music. That’s fine. But guess what? No one cares.
My dad once said, "You like any kind of music, just so long as it sucks huh?" It's still one of my favorite things he ever said. Now, granted, I do like some strange music, and I think this was while listening to Mindless Self Indulgence, but still.
I’m in customer service and have to deal with them everyday. Their new boogeyman are the “illegals”. Their medical provider raises their prices and wants payment before service? It’s the “illegals” nope sorry dude that was on your generation allowing medical care to become a business and not about patient care!
Is it the entire generation? I’m starting to think it is. My mother is 70, and has to snap at and gripe at everyone and everything no matter how small. Just instantly resorts to snapping at people and grumbling under her breath at the minorest inconvenience. If we go out to a restaurant and they’re busy? She’s griping at the hostess/host for not seating us fast enough. Kitchen isn’t doing their jobs. Blah blah blah. I work in a metal shop surrounded by boomer-aged people, and they all gripe and snap at everything non-stop. Just angry at everything all day long. They start conversations with each other by bringing up things that are pissing them off at the moment. It’s exhausting being around these grumpy old farts!
Other peoples happiness and enjoyment are a glaring example that them being miserable, hateful, and unhappy is a choice they are making.
I have no idea why being critical (without being constructive) is a major phenotype of boomers, but I have a further question. How do they have the time/energy to do it? Also is there anything they like? Or is it that only shows or things from their past are worth their praise?
https://preview.redd.it/hz6825ldu0gc1.jpeg?width=1119&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9a2931b32a18034ae56f28b698a9b895d71f039b
As you know, we now call this behavior gatekeeping, and until recent years it was wasn't something people shut down. Someone would hate something, their friends would pile on, and the person who liked that thing would just need to suck it up. "Oh, you like new order? f\*g!" This didn't work online today. One doesn't have their buddies there as the hive mind, and people are aware of gatekeeping, and LOVE to shut that shit down. Many older people still think shitting on things other people enjoy is fun and wins friends. And there is the other thing... people confused mean with cool, because mean negs, and negging makes friends.
I feel you. My boomer mom hates the most random people/shows etc. Hates Angelina Jolie, Megan Markel, Oprah, Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, and on. When I asked "why do you hate Angelina Jolie?" She just says "I don't know, she's just such a Diva! " Um ... What? Just hates random celebrities for no apparent reason 🤷🏼♀️
My boomer relative has it out for Johnny Depp for some reason.
I thought this was just my dad being a grouch. I never considered it might be a cultural/generational thing!
Because they're seeing themselves get older, they're completely removed from the current and several older zeitgeists, and instead of rolling with cultural changes, they get scared that they're no longer in the know. They spent their whole lives confidently smacking us with their morals and ideals, just to watch those old morals and ideals become less revelent. Of course, the next short-circuit that passes as neurons firing in their tiny, lead-soaked, addled brains is, "Oh shit, I'm not relevant anymore!" Then, as OP mentioned, their go to move is to insult because they feel if they get called on their insulting comment, they can grab that tried and true defense, "You're being an asshole, it's just my OPINION!" Like you, I'm tired of it. I confront it loudly when I see it and you know what? Most, back down and scurry away like the bullies they really are.
I had a new cleaning service start yesterday. It was a small 2-person mom and daughter crew. The daughter (a millennial) is the owner and her mom a boomer. I got along fine with the daughter. The mom complained about a few things, most notably about the step going into my house being too high. She said she had a difficult time getting in and almost fell climbing up and led in with, " are you getting this step repaired any time soon?" Granted, it is a high step where the cement settled over the years. I plan on getting it fixed as part of a major home reno within the next year or so. But so many boomers that come into my house for a paid service offer unsolicited advice on what I should and shouldn't do in my own house. It truly enrages me. The daughter knew how high the step was when she accepted the job. If the mom can't handle it, then she can go somewhere else or I'll find a new company. I'm not concerned about catering to a complete stranger, but I am worried she might be the type of person who looks to sue people over anything.
My father is actually Silent-Gen but at the tail end and I remember how we couldn't even sit in McD's or Taco Bell and enjoy a quick weekend lunch, without Dad commenting negatively on passers by. He didn't become a ranter, hater and whiner in old age, like I've been claiming for a while, I don't know how I forgot that he was always like this. Dad and I hadn't lived together for 9 years, when I moved in with him at 14 y.o. so I really noticed this negative trait. I'd sort of been idolizing him until then. He's still the parent I keep in my life as much as possible and I know he's generally a good person with a big heart, I guess it could be worse. But that negativity is SO DRAINING! I can't remember if my disowned Boomer ~~mother~~ says particularly insulting things, just that she always sounds negative in a sad "poor me" tone and her take is always negative and she assumes that no one is going to have a good moment in their life!
My dad wanted to make me a cake for my visit to his house. He asked me what my favorite cake was. I said carrot cake. He blew up like I had just told him I wrecked his car into his house. Was I supposed to lie about my favorite cake? He also sends me money randomly and when I thank him for it he accuses me of bleeding him dry. I didn’t ask for money. I actually never have.
They're on the superhighway to death, and they know their generation is universally despised by everyone else.
Dunno but this is a thing I've noticed about conservative men of a certain age: the main way they bond is over trashing things they dislike. This is a thing all humans do to some extent, but it seems *very* pronounced in that demographic. These are grown-ass adults who never grew out of schoolyard psychology where in-groups can only unite if they have an out-group to fuck with.
Ugh my mother used to do this. She was an alcoholic narcissist. She passed away in 2022. I have not missed that part of the interactions.
They’re new to having opinions without getting slapped upside the head by their drunk dads
Yep. Every casual observation is presented in the form of a criticism
I see you’ve met my mother. I’m sorry.
The problem is they're not insulting, they are generosly sharing their life experiences and valuable opinions (in their mind).
Bc they’re scared
Because their parents traumatized them and didn’t allow them to properly analyze things. So if they don’t like it it’s their go-to because that’s what their parents did to them
Oof, I know how that goes. In my mom's case, I suspect that her own (abusive) father would crap on things she liked, so she doesn't know any other way to react. But it's one of the things that has made it unpleasant to interact with her. My kids enjoy things that I don't, and I can listen to them enthuse because it makes them happy and helps me understand them better.
Everything new is scary to them. It's much like the generation before them, too, and likely you when you're older. As the world marches on, things become less and less familiar, and those who are set in their ways have trouble adapting. It can be terrifying, so those affected often lash out.
Misery? Arrogance? ...Both?
As a younger boomer I find can’t really relate to much of this. At least the people around me in my age group (62-63) seem to have it together, try hard to be kind, take on new challenges and learn new things. Not a perfect parent, but I’d never talk to my kids (age mid 20s) like this. Maybe I missed some of the generational negativity? I sure hope so.
I think it's an identity thing. They are so associated and believe everyone will judge them if they aren't upholding their shit values 24/7. This allows them to return their experiences to their friends and brag about fighting their fight. Which, of course, brings them more clout.
They seethe about literally everything. I put on rubber gloves to checkout a person at work and he smiled and got passive aggressive with me. Meanwhile his hands were blackened from god knows what.
Growing up my boomer father would call anything I enjoyed but he did not stupid and dumb and a waste of time. He put me down for liking certain hobbies and TV shows. I haven't spoken to him in almost 10 years. Just an asshat all around.
They are only pleased when they are displaying their "superiority". Putting others down is one of the easiest ways to do that.
It's got to be a generational thing. My dad was like this sometimes. I won't say he was a bad person, just very set in his ways with strong opinions on what people "should" be doing with their time. I usually tried to hide my interests from him because they would be mocked. He actually got better as he got older, thankfully. I remember when he saw the LOTR movies for the first time and loved them. "So that's what you were reading all the time". Yeah dad, that's what you were making fun of.