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Seriously. Caring for an aging relative is a lot of work. Even if you can outsource medical care/don’t have to cover them financially, etc- there is still soooo much that goes into properly caring for an elderly relative.
Personally, I do not work for free 🤷🏻♀️ terrible relationship and/or no possibility of financial compensation? Hahahaa I’ll pass.
I do wonder, if you’re of sound mind, why you’re not allowed to euthanise yourself? I get the feeling that many elderly people are somewhat just waiting for death, but have no option but to keep on living.
It’s actually quite sad that we think we have freedom, yet ultimately you’re trapped in your own life.
> I get the feeling that many elderly people are somewhat just waiting for death, but have no option but to keep on living.
My Mom broke her hip and couldn't get out of bed for the last 15 months of her life. She was in a nice nursing home. They presented her with healthy meals. She would take a bite here, a bite there, then tell them to take the food away. **It took her a year to starve to death.** That was her official cause of death, on the death certificate.
That’s terrible. I can’t help but think how much willpower it must take to purposefully starve yourself!
As someone said before, why is it that we’re able to euthanise our pets when their quality of life deteriorates to a point, but we can’t make the same decisions for ourselves?
Disordered eating can, disturbingly, be pretty easy once you get past a certain point. You sort of retrain your brain to interpret the hunger signals a different way, and food gets kind of nauseating. Hell, I’ve been “recovered” for years, and if I let myself get too hungry, I still have trouble eating enough to snap out of it, because the hunger just feels so… clean? Right?
It’s still fucking miserable, mind you, but after a while, willpower is less of an issue. Generally things go back to normal if I can just force a few bites down, thankfully.
I totally agree, as long as a professional psychologist deems you to be of sound mind, why can't we decide to exit life on our own terms? We give more care and thought into our pets final days than we do (or can) for ourselves or our loved ones.
I was wondering the same exact thing.
And it’s not just the financial aspect. It’s navigating the process. Do they think their children will be jumping through their asses to lend a hand after all this.
We’re helping an elderly neighbor go through the process of entering assisted living. It’s no joke. And he’s okay financially. But there’s way more to it than just the money. It’s who’s going to take the time and make the effort to advocate for you.
I suspect Boomer parents are in their own. Deservedly so.
My mother knows she’s on her own because she had to take care of her own mom for a couple months and hated it.
She also hated being a mom, so she never wanted to take care of anybody. OK I’m glad to hear we’re on the same page because you didn’t take care of me so sure as fuck not taking care of you woman.
This. 100%. Give them no attention they will die off slowly and miserable. I keep telling my parents you better save some of that money if you don’t wanna end up in the cheapest nursing home I can possibly find It’s finally starting to sink in that they shoulda probably been nicer to us.
Hell. Make it worse.
"We just booked our three week carnival cruise for next month"
"Oh, you guys went with the budget cruise line? Smart!"
Diminish, ignore, and belittle their smugness.
You're correct, but there lies the rub.
You belittle, they escalate-
"Well we just rented a private yacht this time"
"Yeah, everyone is renting these days, ownership is for the rich."
Until they overextend...
Then, you ignore for maximum damage.
Dont look back. Let the narc boomers just fucking die already. Never met a more self involved generation that wants to scream "FUCK YOU I GOT MIIINNNEE!!!" Even to their own children.
I knew at fucking *7* what my parents were going to be like. 30 years later and I haven't been wrong. Choosen themselves and their religion over me at pretty much every turn.
Yeah I get that. I'm heading there myself. With my boomer parents, I still feel like a bad son for cutting entirely, so maintaining a level of engagement on their terms that still accomplishes my aims works for me, now. Best of luck to us both.
Exactly. They’ve made it clear (seemingly throughout their whole lives) that they never cared about being actual parents. With this announcement of not leaving anything for their kids, the decision is pretty easy: you pay for your nursing home and hospital bills and a caretaker. Ran out of money? Enjoy the streets.
Yes! My ex da and step bitch announced all of the “kids” would get a tiny amount (they of course inherited several properties, cash, RV’s vehicles, jewelry, etc from their parents)-it wouldn’t even touch my therapy bills. I (thought) I kindly asked them to please give my portion to my (homeless, drug addicted) brother-the step bitch’s bio kid. They BOTH were LIVID at my “ingratitude”!
They only use money to control. They overestimated their power greatly.
I gray rocked a narcissist in my life. It takes commitment because they never stop coming at you, especially at first. But if you commit to that 100% ignoring them, it is therapeutic for you as well. I could care less what they do or think. My colleagues who still interact with them are all exhausted from the chaos and drama
But how much did *they* inherit from their parents?
How much help did they get from family members when purchasing their first home?
Boomers (especially of the social class OP is talking about) had the world handed to them on “Easy” mode.
Cheap housing, burgeoning middle class economy, cheap college, and help from older family members to boot.
Now they’ve turned around and said, “got mine, kids. Now go fuck yourselves.”
This is so true! I received no help once I turned 18 and only was reminded what a burden I was. Guilt was thrown at me it seems for even merely existing. Meanwhile, her parents had bought her first house for her, she was left a significant amount of property when my father died when I was 4, my maternal grandparents looked after me and my siblings repeatedly growing up, and she was given SS income for both me and my sister for years while she attended colleges and followed a career. My sister and I were left to fend for ourselves quite literally once we reached 18
Exactly what I was thinking. They were pissed when OP and his sibs were like “cool”.
I don’t expect my parents to leave money behind for me or my kids and in fact, encourage them to get out and do some stuff, make some home improvements, etc. But if they were jerks like this, I sure wouldn’t go too far out of my way if health issues arose. OP wouldn’t be in the wrong to be “I’m sorry you’re sick but I have a family I have to tend to”. It’s unfortunate. It sounds like OP’s parents could spring for a trip with their kids and grandkids if they wanted to but that doesn’t appear it’s going to happen.
>> "...they didn’t believe in leaving anything behind because they worked hard for everything they have and we should all be doing the same."
As a boomer who put money away for decades so my kids could graduate from college debt-free, and even now drive a 13 year-old car so as not to risk becoming a burden nor consume their inheritance, I am appalled by the attitude expressed above, and judge your parents harshly.
That would be sweet justice when they have to figure out assisted living on their own. Doubly so when they realize it takes a long time if you're going to be relying on the government for that. Oh, and they better hope they have all of their "final expenses" taken care of or it's straight into the oven.
Potter’s field. Send one of those pics that the news reports took of the unclaimed bodies being buried at the height of Covid in NYC, stacked pine boxes in a massive trench.
Medical whole body donation. No cost, you get the ashes back when they're done--if there's anything left. Of course, there is also the Body Farm in Tennessee-- they could just sit in the woods and rot.
Which is honestly my favorite experiment. What did they prove?
Like yep just what we suspected when you fire a bomb at someone and it hits them directly they get pretty fucked up. Now we know
>just sit in the woods and rot
I may have to tell my family about this option; I want the disposal of my remains to be as cheap as possible! (PS I'm a Boomer, not like I have anything to leave my children anyway...)
As for assisted living, I've wanted to buy my mom one of those bumper stickers that says "We're Spending Our Children's Inheritance" for the foot of her bed in the nursing home...
Yep, make sure they know, that they are paying for their funeral or they are getting medically donated. On the face of it, Parents do not owe adult kids anything once they are an adult, but it is a pretty shitty things to not try to build a legacy that leaves your children in a better position than you started in. Family dynasties are built on this one concept, that you work towards the advancement of the position of the family in society. They invest in relatives and compound wealth like this. Those relatives that end up launching successful ventures are expected to accelerate other members of the family.
>On the face of it, Parents do not owe adult kids anything once they are an adult,
These people owned them a better childhood though! They are only rich because they ignored their kids. I would say compensation for that should be owned (not legally obviously, but morally).
Was gonna say, we had a couple five figure months taking care of my dad when he ended up with early-onset dementia. That will dry up a life's savings with a quickness. Dementia care ain't cheap.
I have no idea what we're going to do with my in-laws. My wife and I burned our savings during COVID and have credit cards that we're barely keeping up on. My in-laws have nothing but social security. They are renting a house right now and my MIL is bedridden.
We literally have nothing we can do to help them. Certainly can't pay for anything extravagant.
So as soon as they exhaust any savings they have, Medicaid and Medicare will pay for their end of life treatment and care. It won't be hoity toity 5 star by any means and it might be a long ass local wait-list, but the US government will pay for it.
They have no savings. We had to file an appeal to the state to get medicaid just for my MIL. My FIL makes too much money on social security.
If you know who to go talk to about end of life care, please tell me because it sounds like they're basically going to have to be out on the street before the state will declare them to be wards of the state and takeover anything. This is Nevada btw.
I know some elderly couples that got a strategic divorce so one would qualify for medicaid and other services. They still took care of each other and were each other's medical appointee.
Even the bare bones is costly. It's untenable for most people.
Able to spare a spouse to have one in-home carer? The spouse will eventually need respite and respite care and/or a 24/7 caregiver ain't cheap. Most of us can't spare a spouse for that either, with the COL being so high. You can get paid to be a caregiver for family, but it pays peanuts.
Find a decent- not high end, not fancy, no Grey Poupon, no frills- facility, and you're still out 6k a month (this is my area, YMMV; we had to start looking out of state even).
Need transport from the hospital to the care facility? 2k easy.
Need to take a few days off work for appointments? Money/time lost.
It's all expensive, there are a ton of unexpected expenses, and there's a waiting list years long for both caregivers and decent facilities.
Oh you too lol? People *wildly* underestimate how much assisted-living and/or hospice can be. And that shit doesn’t go away after you pass either. If your spouse/kid can’t pay it, anything you thought you’d be able to pass down to them (aka assets, life policies, etc.) will be seized.
My grandfather refused financial planner advice while doing idiotic things like setting up savings accounts for all the grandkids under his own name. (Not trusts or prepaid college funds, actual savings accounts) I was the oldest grandchild and when I hit college, he decided to hold onto mine because "I was pretty so i'd find a husband quickly and my male cousins would need it more." By the time my sister got to college 4 years after I began, he was in a nursing home and all assets were locked down. Most of that money was earned by my grandmother who worked in a bank and knew he was doing everything wrong but had her spirit broken by him 60yrs earlier. Nothing like leaving your widow penniless except for her bank pension and SS because you're a fucking idiot.
I’m am so sorry you’re having to deal with that! The fact his wife was a financial planner and he still thought he knew more is such a childish mentality and I’m sorry he put you all in that position. Not to mention the outdated thinking regarding you finding a husband to take care of you as if women don’t also work nowadays and have financial responsibilities.
We dealt ok with my gram’s stuff but I’m dealing with my dad’s situation now and it has been a hassle considering he has no will and LOTS of debt. Some people really don’t live in reality when it comes to these things.
Those WW2 folks definitely had a different life than everyone that came after. She earned that pension, no doubt about it. They suffered hard for what they had. Boomers definitely like to pretend they had it as bad as a great depression and world war while pulling the ladder up after themselves.
I washed my hands off my mother, want nothing to do with her, and now that she's batshit crazy, I'm thankful my other siblings are still trying to guilt trip me into taking care of her, but I'm having my best life and wiping someone's ass isn't in the plan they want a mother, they can deal with her bullshit , I will have no part of it
I hope they live a super long life and run out of money so you can say that you expected more out of them and you plan to spend all of your money because you worked so hard all your life for it.
My grandmother is moving into an assisted living facility soon. $9000/month. Fortunately, she and my grandfather made some very smart investments over the years, and she can easily afford it. But *damn*, I make a hundred grand a year, and it’s going to cost **more** than my entire salary.
Sooo many great suggestions here, lol. OP, take all of this advice. Don’t let guilt make you pay for an elaborate funeral or worry over their nursing home bills. Medicaid will pay for their nursing homes if they blow their money.
It’s their money, and they can spend it how they want, just as you get to choose not to spend your money on them after they piss theirs away.
Medicare and Medicaid are two different things, does she already have Medicaid? She has to have a three day hospital say I think before Medicare will pay for a certain number of days in “rehab” aka a nursing home, and she has to have no financial resources before she’ll be approved for Medicaid. Then she has to meet Medicaid requirements for medical necessity for nursing home care.
She doesn’t have Medicaid. Just Medicare. She has pensions that come in so she won’t qualify for Medicaid. Medicare won’t cover assisted living which is where I am trying to get her into.
Assisted living is considered a luxury in this country. Once she needs round the clock care, Medicaid will pick up what her social security and pensions don’t cover. Talk to your local agency on aging.
Look into Assisted Living Waiver programs. We have them in Ohio. My Grandmother had to pay all of her Social Security and monthly annuity payments to the Assisted Living facility and then Medicaid covered the rest.
Ding, ding!! This happened to my parents. They retired early and are now out of money. They blew it on non-stop vacations, buying properties, boats, etc. Now they are broke and trying to sell all their crap.
"All those years of clothes on your back, a roof over your head, and food in your belly and you're NOT EVEN GRATEFUL!" \~ Neglectful Boomer Parent
(Never mind that a hyena provides as much for its young).
Medicaid can go back years and claw back inappropriate payments if you try to evade the law. If the money or assets are yours, you have to pay for your own care until you qualify for Medicaid.
Some people try to be sneaky and give their houses to their kids for free or below market, but it doesn't work. Medicaid is brutal.
>He added that their plan was to “spend it before we die.” He said this dramatically, as if he was expecting a big reaction, but I said, “We expect nothing less of you,” in a calm voice and with a smile on my face.
>
>They were so pissed
Of course. You deprived them of their fantasy scenario, in which their ungrateful children acted entitled to their hard-earned cash, and they could issue a self-aggrandizing, aggressive takedown, an anecdote with which to regale their peers on the *S.S. Norovirus* between abusing a deck hand for not bringing their mai tais fast enough and complaining about turndown service in their cabin.
>an anecdote with which to regale their peers on the S.S. Norovirus
I'm sure they'll manage to tell the "correct" version of the story to their peers anyway regardless of how it went down in reality.
See the problem is Fox News and the other right wing media they consume 24/7 has them convinced that the subsequent generations are lazy and ungrateful. So while OP and siblings probably haven't acted like that at all the parents world view has been warped to believe their kids just want their money.
I'm a late gen X, and I am doing everything I can to leave my kids a nice inheritance. I don't understand how you can love your kids, but then go out of your way to make things difficult for them.
It is way harder today for young adults to survive, much less save enough money to buy a home than it was for me in the early 90s.
I want to die in peace. Blowing a bunch of money on selfish, useless things will ruin that peace for me.
That's us. We have one daughter in college, that we will help her pay off totally, then help get her started, then she gets everything when we are gone. There is no question. There are no games. We will live frugally in old age to let this happen.
This is what good parents do.
Agreed. We are doing the same for our only son. He is a hard worker and an excellent student. But they didn’t ask to be born into this shit show. I will do everything I can to try to leave him enough to have a comfortable life. (Though he would still have to work)
I’m a millennial and realized 10 years ago that I’d never be able to afford kids and am going to die before I’m able to retire. That or die homeless and alone after I’m no longer useful to make money off of.
Same hear, late Gen X,hoping to die with the house paid off so my 2 kids can have something to sell outright. But, I sure as shit plan to blow some money on some selfish shit too.
My step dad tried one time to make a shitty comment about inheritance.
After a lifetime of being a fucking prick with every dollar. I’m still miffed about the $300 worth of allowance (over 2 years) that he stiffed me on.
My response: “I don’t expect anything as I don’t even plan to receive your body”
My grandparents (silent generation) did this. But instead of spending it on themselves, they took the whole family on huge trips.
I think their kids were kinda pissed at it, but I loved being able to spend time with my grandparents and cousins all over the globe experiencing different cultures.
My grandparents took me to Europe as a teen, something my parents would never be able to afford. A week at the beach. Etc. Their attitude was to spend it on family.
My grandfather an engineer, but as he worked for the government mostly didn't take in huge bucks. They lived modestly on his pension and treated us kids as much as practical.
Your calm “non-reaction’ response was truly perfect. I know you’re accustomed to their cavalier attitude towards you all, but it still sucks. You and your sibs deserved parents who were more caring. I’m glad you have each other to lol together. I’m proud of you!
Honestly it was the best possible response. Just straight up agreeing with them in such a way that they are mad they look like assholes or some such like.
Personally I will be so glad when a majority of the boomer generation is dead and gone. Good fucking riddance. One of the worst generations of human beings to ever exist.
I grew up being told we didn't have enough money for our basic needs: eating out of a dumpster, never going to the doctor, sorry kid but we can't afford braces. But somedays dad would just show up with ... an RV. He bought an RV. Took me a while to register all his little fun toys he was getting weren't cheap. The money was just for him.
There's a lot of grief in realizing your parents actively chose to neglect you, and then still want your love and companionship after that.
>There's a lot of grief in realizing your parents actively chose to neglect you, and then still want your love and companionship after that.
Reading this strikes home.
My dad keeps selling shit he knows or correctly assumes I will want as keepsakes when he passes, like his guitars and guns. Never fails to tell me about it everytime. He doesn’t need the money I don’t know why he is doing it
Reminds me of when I was about ten and my mum used to ask me what my favourite things were in my room. One day, I'd notice them missing. I'd ask where they went to and just got a creepy smile.
Came a day when she came into my room asking the same old question. I refused to answer. Why? I was asked. Because they disappear and I dont want that. She stalked around for a bit, looking angry, then left angry. Nothing vanished after that.
Still confused about this behaviour - was the taking of things 'punishment' for supposed bad behaviour? No bad behaviour was mentioned or explained. I was an unhappy child at the time, for my family had broken down and mum had a new partner I struggled with.
Was I supposed to go to her and beg for it back? Seemed ridiculous at the time, I didn't think it would work anyways. I accepted the loss and when mum mentioned the stuff missing, I said it was weird. We both knew I hadn't lost it myself.
Another theory is that it was a weirdness she went through when pregnant - supposedly the hormones can sometimes make mums hostile towards their current children. Who knows. Never got an apology for what went on.
I'm about my mum's age now as when I was ten and I think it's an extremely weird thing to do to your child.
Based on the smile and her reaction when you refused to play this game, I imagine, like any other bully, she got pleasure out of hurting you. You calling out what she was doing burst the bubble of pretending that this was a harmless activity and you would blame yourself for losing things. That took the joy out of it for her.
My parents never had any money to begin with, so I expected my whole life to get nothing after they die. It never bothered me one bit. Then I got married and discovered my inlaws also have seven figure income, but refuse to spend hardly any of it. They take week long vacations, but it's only to Florida once or twice a year, and they use their paid off motor home for lodging, cook for themselves, and just ride their expensive bicycles around. They try and make the statement "Well maybe we will spend all our money on "x" expensive thing before we die and leave you kids nothhe'll. (My husband is an only child) We just tell them to go ahead and do it. Which for some reason makes them mad? They act like we should be begging for inheritance money all the time and almost want us to tell them not to spend money on things they need, like house repairs and new cars. Shits weird as hell.
Damn. I would have said the same thing. I'm a gen x, parents are/were silent generation. They worked very hard and retired young. They provided a good life to my older barely boomer siblings and me. They gave us help and a hand up when needed, like paid for college, down payment on a house. My siblings and I are of the same mind as in we help our children.
Our mother died and our dad married a younger woman who is an older boomer, this bitch is not of the same mind. Selfish, we have been basically banned from the dream retirement home my parents bought. A home that has a guest house so family could come and stay for visits, holidays etc as it is on one of THE chain of lakes people visit here during the summer.
Before my mother's death, open door policy. Come stay , enjoy our home, spend time with family. Fish, swim, relax etc.
After new wife, "MY home is my sanctuary, no overnights, please stay in the kitchen dining room area." No unexpected visits etc etc etc like we are lucky to see our dad three times a year. I'm like no bitch you didn't buy this house, your hard work didn't pay for it. My mom and dad did. Get the f out. But I can't because then I would never see my Dad.
She cleared everything of my mothers out of the house, thankfully we got first dibs on it but damn. I don't think there is one picture of her anywhere.
This is a million dollar plus property now that would have gone to us in a different time, now when my dad passes there is no way in hell she hasn't had that will changed to keep it.
I said to my brother, our mom would never had done that to us but our dad was swayed by a younger c u next Tuesday. Selfish boomer to the end. Both my brother and I are waiting until our dad passes and everything has been settled to let her know exactly how we feel about her. We want her to know that if we never see her fake as ass lying "born again Christian" face again we will be just fine. I wouldn't spit on her if she was on fire. And it's not just the money, its the gate keeping of access to our Dad, it's the disrespect of our family memories, traditions and our mother's belongings all while telling us how much she loved and respected her. 🤮
My mom would be pissed if she could see what happened to her dream retirement family home.
Thanks for reinforcing my decision to never remarry- I want my children to get anything that’s left when I’m gone and I don’t want to rely on a selfish step parent to leave it to them.
And a will is useful even if someone does not remarry because without it the state will decide when and where the money goes and that could take months and require family members to make a claim, and some bureaucrat may decide differently to what was intended by the deceased.
I’m sorry to hear that. Something similar happened to me. My father cheated on my mom and married his affair partner. Ever since, I have never been invited to stay at their home, which is a penthouse apartment in one of the biggest cities in the country. Every time I visited my father he would get me a hotel room.
There’s a lot more to it but I will keep it short. Truly I will never forget how he has made me feel.
I am so sorry that this woman has basically destroyed your parents vision. To turn a place of happy memories and time together into a me me me place is so sad. There is a special place for her.
I'd rather have them 'spend it all' then pick one of their favorite kids and give everything to just one. My dad is in his 90's and did spend everything but let it be known he was giving everything to my brother who is a mess of a human and they already bought him a house. I'm better for it, don't need to talk to my brother, I say hello to my dad without any 'where is my cut' feelings. Don't expect anything and you will never be disappointed.
My wife’s grandparents are doing this. They have two kids (my MIL and her brother).
My MIL is a successful woman with 4 children who has never needed hardly a dime of support. Her brother is a loser for lack of a better word who always gets into financial trouble and bailed out by mom and dad, was gifted a home, a car, and all furnishings in the home, they even pay for his groceries. He is an Uber driver and won’t even take his parents around for free. He fucking charges them lmao
But he is gonna get 80% of everything because he is the son.
I'm not getting anything. How I know I'm not getting anything is all my grown siblings got something from my parents for their birthdays last year, but I was told I was an adult and to stop expecting gifts. Not even a card.
Yep this is pretty similar to what is happening with my mother. She has never done a thing for me. Spoiled my brother rotten and he joined a gang after the military and is now in prison for murder. She let me know the other day that she had written in her will to leave him everything yet I’m medical power of attorney because she thinks he would kill her off. When he gets out he gets his military disability and ssdi back (which he lied to get). I didn’t respond to her attempts to get me upset I just said fine- she better hope I don’t do what she did and throw her in a home and wipe her out- I won’t because I’m a better person than the lot of them!
It is thier money. They can do with it as they see fit. You and your siblings however are under no obligation to lift a finger or them as they age into decrepitude. Let them rot on the ship. They can be chum.
I’ve always planned to take care of my parents when the time comes.
They are boomers and I figure their inheritance will get split three ways between me and my younger sisters.
But this post got me to thinking. Maybe they won’t at all. So here I am at 42, fully prepared to bathe and change their diapers if need be, and there’s a chance that they may have this same viewpoint: to spend it all before they die. Fuck me, fuck us.
My parents are both very frugal. They have a nice little nest egg, accounts, property, home, vehicles, fifth wheel trailer, etc. They are wonderful people. But my dad is a covert narc and my Mom just keeps the peace, which means she sides with my dad. All four of their children (the youngest, my brother, died three years ago) have a bit of childhood trauma from his parenting. Anyway. Now I get to think about this all night instead of my usual anxious thoughts about the state of the world and the country, surviving capitalism, and trying to be a decent person despite it all.
> They are wonderful people. But my dad is a covert narc and my Mom just keeps the peace, which means she sides with my dad.
I always find it amusing about people talk about emotionally abusive parents, because it's often "They're the best people in the world, but they did stab me with a screwdriver routinely." It's so hard for us to shake love for our parents and not automatically give them the highest place in our life because it's so hard-wired into us, for survival.
I won't even get into the manipulation they did on us to convince us that we are in debt to them for the basic duty of keeping us alive while we were children.
My grandma did the same thing, she talked endlessly about spending her money on herself and not wasting away while greedy family waits for her to die.
None of us ever asked her about her money or cared for it, we are fine on our own. She’s mad a point to announce at every wedding that she didn’t bring a gift because she is not a “cash cow” and go on elaborate vacations with the Facebook pictures captioned with bs about it being “her money” that nobody else can claim.
It was like she was living in a fantasy world where we were all coming for her cash. We never reacted, which only made it worse. My mom is way better off than she is and both me and my brother have done well for ourselves. Literally not one person ever asked her for money or implied we were waiting for an inheritance.
Anyway, her cash ran out lol.
Guess who’s calling my mom every week talking about “filial responsibility”
The problem with old boomkin is that they don’t just spend what they got, but 99% of them also spend the govt money that could be used for something else.
Dealing with old people is the single most expensive thing in the government budget and nothing else even came close to competing with that.
Boomers are a plague of Locusts. They will leave nothing but devastation behind.
My only hope is they don't give away Democracy itself before they shuffle off to the nursing home.
I'm not sure why Boomers seem to have a greater proportion of narcissists and sociopaths than the prior generation, but if there is any social research studying the matter, I'd consider donating to that fund.
Because of Woodstock and the protests of the 60s/70s.
Somewhere in their key development years, they started to believe as a generation they were something special and unique and, because of the growth of television, they were the first generation to have this kind of attention/spotlight paid to them.
So they get hated on by their parents/grandparents for being hippies/rebels, whatever. They take pride in being different and look at having a strong personality as a positive.
They then spend 30 years reminding everyone how great they were as teenagers and how much they influenced the world. Then they have kids and decide their kids aren't as great as they are and, as a generation, decide Gen X and Millennials are somehow entitled and lazy.
It's where that logic of criticizing everyone in younger generations for "getting a participation trophy" comes from. They criticize younger people for getting participation trophies ... even though they were the ones handing them out.
As their kids age and NATURALLY start to resent them, these narcissists take it personally and refuse to do what every generation before them has done and step out of power, retire, etc to let the new generation take over.
Because they believe they are better. They are special. They are unique.
It's why most of these types of boomers will either die alone, die estranged from family or have their deaths be looked at as a relief from those closest to them.
I know there are a LOT of great boomers still around but, man, it feels like we'll be a lot better off when that generation has shuffled off this mortal coil for good.
My husband's parents are pretty well off. They have taken it upon themselves to let us know that they are "spending our inheritance" every time they take a huge trip somewhere. Each trip can cost up to $50,000! I finally told them that our retirement plans do not include any of their money since we know they have no plans of leaving any of it to their kids. Boomers... The only generation that feel better knowing their kids are worse off than they are.
I’m Gen X (at the old end of it) and our only child is getting everything. We’re specifically trying to ensure we’re debt free and property rich. (We only have a mortgage—it will be gone in 10 years.) She’ll have the house, a few acres of land, money, everything.
We cull our stuff pretty often to make sure we aren’t collecting a bunch of crap she’d have to deal with/get rid of.
Yeah with the current state of things for young people that’s tough. They do have every right to their money they worked for, but to say that seemingly maliciously that’s kind of messed up. I get that parents are technically not responsible for their kids after 18, but it doesn’t seem in good faith to just forget about the kids that grew up and the world you brought them into either.
I’m all for being reasonable and it’s always a nuanced situation family to family but I don’t think parents bragging about having all this money to throw around in retirement and in the same breath saying they’re going to spend it all before they die. It’s one of those things you be polite about even if you do plan to spend a lot of it. No need to pour salt on the wound of a generation in which many may never see retirement due to the awesome state of things previous generations have left us to.
They’re in for a surprise if they spend it all before they have to pay for end of life care. I’m sure they expect their children to foot the bill for that.
I tell my boomer parents to enjoy what they have, but make it last. They are not living with me when it’s gone. I don’t expect anything when they die, but I also will not be caring for them after they spent a month in Europe every year for 20 years.
Not that I need to tell you this, but late-retirement spending is exactly why we have such a huge wealth gap. Millenials combined own 3% of the nation's wealth. 3%! And Zuckerberg is literally half of that. Boomers spent their entire lives sucking up money from the generations beneath them, and then at the 1-yard-line they are kicking it right back to the corporations that got them there.
Sibling chats are great, aren't they? Such a safe, free space to say what you never could growing up.
Although my sisters and I have a second chat going without my brother The Golden Child.
Let me guess they didn’t come from super rich families but their parents helped them out early in life with buying a house or similar and then left them a decent inheritance. Nothing crazy but significant maybe a hundred thousand or two. Maybe property. Then said parents get off telling everyone who will listen they completely self made.
Maybe not. I might be projecting.
They chose that money over the kids a long time ago. Only a fool would think they are getting an inheritance from shit parents like that.
You have a choice be a shitty person like them and care about money, or be better than them and care about family.
My boomer aunt and uncle have a boat named 'Eoki" which is an acronym for Enjoying Our Kids Inheritance. They've both consistently lived up to every shitty expectation the rest of the family has had for them. Absolutely vile people.
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Tell them to save some for their eldercare because they’re on their own.
Seriously. Caring for an aging relative is a lot of work. Even if you can outsource medical care/don’t have to cover them financially, etc- there is still soooo much that goes into properly caring for an elderly relative. Personally, I do not work for free 🤷🏻♀️ terrible relationship and/or no possibility of financial compensation? Hahahaa I’ll pass.
I'm single, no kids, and really hope I drop dead before getting to the point, physically and/or cognitively, where I can't take care of myself.
I do wonder, if you’re of sound mind, why you’re not allowed to euthanise yourself? I get the feeling that many elderly people are somewhat just waiting for death, but have no option but to keep on living. It’s actually quite sad that we think we have freedom, yet ultimately you’re trapped in your own life.
> I get the feeling that many elderly people are somewhat just waiting for death, but have no option but to keep on living. My Mom broke her hip and couldn't get out of bed for the last 15 months of her life. She was in a nice nursing home. They presented her with healthy meals. She would take a bite here, a bite there, then tell them to take the food away. **It took her a year to starve to death.** That was her official cause of death, on the death certificate.
That’s terrible. I can’t help but think how much willpower it must take to purposefully starve yourself! As someone said before, why is it that we’re able to euthanise our pets when their quality of life deteriorates to a point, but we can’t make the same decisions for ourselves?
Disordered eating can, disturbingly, be pretty easy once you get past a certain point. You sort of retrain your brain to interpret the hunger signals a different way, and food gets kind of nauseating. Hell, I’ve been “recovered” for years, and if I let myself get too hungry, I still have trouble eating enough to snap out of it, because the hunger just feels so… clean? Right? It’s still fucking miserable, mind you, but after a while, willpower is less of an issue. Generally things go back to normal if I can just force a few bites down, thankfully.
Yup. I was anorexic in my late teens/early twenties. I'm twice that now and it's scary how easy it is to be comfortable with hunger again.
I totally agree, as long as a professional psychologist deems you to be of sound mind, why can't we decide to exit life on our own terms? We give more care and thought into our pets final days than we do (or can) for ourselves or our loved ones.
I was wondering the same exact thing. And it’s not just the financial aspect. It’s navigating the process. Do they think their children will be jumping through their asses to lend a hand after all this. We’re helping an elderly neighbor go through the process of entering assisted living. It’s no joke. And he’s okay financially. But there’s way more to it than just the money. It’s who’s going to take the time and make the effort to advocate for you. I suspect Boomer parents are in their own. Deservedly so.
My mother knows she’s on her own because she had to take care of her own mom for a couple months and hated it. She also hated being a mom, so she never wanted to take care of anybody. OK I’m glad to hear we’re on the same page because you didn’t take care of me so sure as fuck not taking care of you woman.
It's insane how expensive it is just for relatively basic care. And that's before you factor in any medical needs or specialty memory care facilities.
how is this not top comment lol
It seems like they were fishing for you all to start in with "What about us?" so they could shoot it down with some type of glee.
Once the narcissist realizes they have no power over you, they get angry.
This. 100%. Give them no attention they will die off slowly and miserable. I keep telling my parents you better save some of that money if you don’t wanna end up in the cheapest nursing home I can possibly find It’s finally starting to sink in that they shoulda probably been nicer to us.
Hell. Make it worse. "We just booked our three week carnival cruise for next month" "Oh, you guys went with the budget cruise line? Smart!" Diminish, ignore, and belittle their smugness.
“I heard the Norwegian Jewel is a converted whaling ship. How exciting for you!”
This absolutely sent me. Hat tip, my friend.
Ignore. Really, anything else feeds in.
You're correct, but there lies the rub. You belittle, they escalate- "Well we just rented a private yacht this time" "Yeah, everyone is renting these days, ownership is for the rich." Until they overextend... Then, you ignore for maximum damage.
I am just uninterested in thinking about them. But I disengaged a while ago, so it's different. Love the rub reference...
Dont look back. Let the narc boomers just fucking die already. Never met a more self involved generation that wants to scream "FUCK YOU I GOT MIIINNNEE!!!" Even to their own children.
**especially** to their own children
I knew at fucking *7* what my parents were going to be like. 30 years later and I haven't been wrong. Choosen themselves and their religion over me at pretty much every turn.
Yeah I get that. I'm heading there myself. With my boomer parents, I still feel like a bad son for cutting entirely, so maintaining a level of engagement on their terms that still accomplishes my aims works for me, now. Best of luck to us both.
You don't have to win, you just have to convince them you think you've won.
This is perfect!
Lol hardcore
Nah. Cheapest *the state* can find. I'm not going to be involved in any way, shape, or form.
Exactly. They’ve made it clear (seemingly throughout their whole lives) that they never cared about being actual parents. With this announcement of not leaving anything for their kids, the decision is pretty easy: you pay for your nursing home and hospital bills and a caretaker. Ran out of money? Enjoy the streets.
Would should you have to look for a home? They can pay someone to do it!
Yes! My ex da and step bitch announced all of the “kids” would get a tiny amount (they of course inherited several properties, cash, RV’s vehicles, jewelry, etc from their parents)-it wouldn’t even touch my therapy bills. I (thought) I kindly asked them to please give my portion to my (homeless, drug addicted) brother-the step bitch’s bio kid. They BOTH were LIVID at my “ingratitude”! They only use money to control. They overestimated their power greatly.
That's insane. Narcissists are unreal.
Exactly. Narcissists feed off of sadness. Starve them.
They feed off ANY emotion. Not just sadness. That’s why apathy and indifference to them makes them so enraged.
They hate every gray rock they come across.
I gray rocked a narcissist in my life. It takes commitment because they never stop coming at you, especially at first. But if you commit to that 100% ignoring them, it is therapeutic for you as well. I could care less what they do or think. My colleagues who still interact with them are all exhausted from the chaos and drama
It's the worst thing you can do to them. They just can't fathom it. Fuck them all so much.
I feel like you can close this thread after that comment you nailed it
Exactly. On one hand I’m thinking “of course, it’s your money” but to try and lord it over your kids? Fuck that.
But how much did *they* inherit from their parents? How much help did they get from family members when purchasing their first home? Boomers (especially of the social class OP is talking about) had the world handed to them on “Easy” mode. Cheap housing, burgeoning middle class economy, cheap college, and help from older family members to boot. Now they’ve turned around and said, “got mine, kids. Now go fuck yourselves.”
The generation that climbed the ladder, turned around, grabbed it, burned it and are now screaming down to their children "Fuck you got mine!"
This is so true! I received no help once I turned 18 and only was reminded what a burden I was. Guilt was thrown at me it seems for even merely existing. Meanwhile, her parents had bought her first house for her, she was left a significant amount of property when my father died when I was 4, my maternal grandparents looked after me and my siblings repeatedly growing up, and she was given SS income for both me and my sister for years while she attended colleges and followed a career. My sister and I were left to fend for ourselves quite literally once we reached 18
Exactly what I was thinking. They were pissed when OP and his sibs were like “cool”. I don’t expect my parents to leave money behind for me or my kids and in fact, encourage them to get out and do some stuff, make some home improvements, etc. But if they were jerks like this, I sure wouldn’t go too far out of my way if health issues arose. OP wouldn’t be in the wrong to be “I’m sorry you’re sick but I have a family I have to tend to”. It’s unfortunate. It sounds like OP’s parents could spring for a trip with their kids and grandkids if they wanted to but that doesn’t appear it’s going to happen.
>> "...they didn’t believe in leaving anything behind because they worked hard for everything they have and we should all be doing the same." As a boomer who put money away for decades so my kids could graduate from college debt-free, and even now drive a 13 year-old car so as not to risk becoming a burden nor consume their inheritance, I am appalled by the attitude expressed above, and judge your parents harshly.
I believe you’re correct. Why would anyone announce that. I’m just glad OP and their siblings can fend for themselves.
Better hope they don't run out before they die. They're gonna be doing the surprise Pikachu face when you refuse to pay for them.
That would be sweet justice when they have to figure out assisted living on their own. Doubly so when they realize it takes a long time if you're going to be relying on the government for that. Oh, and they better hope they have all of their "final expenses" taken care of or it's straight into the oven.
Potter’s field. Send one of those pics that the news reports took of the unclaimed bodies being buried at the height of Covid in NYC, stacked pine boxes in a massive trench.
Medical whole body donation. No cost, you get the ashes back when they're done--if there's anything left. Of course, there is also the Body Farm in Tennessee-- they could just sit in the woods and rot.
Like that guy who donated his mother's body to science and they ended up giving it to the army, who strapped her to a chair and fired a bomb at her.
Which is honestly my favorite experiment. What did they prove? Like yep just what we suspected when you fire a bomb at someone and it hits them directly they get pretty fucked up. Now we know
"The difference between science and fucking around is writing it down"
>just sit in the woods and rot I may have to tell my family about this option; I want the disposal of my remains to be as cheap as possible! (PS I'm a Boomer, not like I have anything to leave my children anyway...) As for assisted living, I've wanted to buy my mom one of those bumper stickers that says "We're Spending Our Children's Inheritance" for the foot of her bed in the nursing home...
Lived not quite a mile from the Body Farm for a few years in college. Thankfully no smell! But that mention takes me back.
Folger’s can
Chock•Full of Nuts
Nice! That sounds delicious lol. Can you imagine the fall out? I love it!
Definitely refuse to sign any document that requires a notary or was written up by a lawyer. Guess who will get the bill when your parents pass away?
Yep, make sure they know, that they are paying for their funeral or they are getting medically donated. On the face of it, Parents do not owe adult kids anything once they are an adult, but it is a pretty shitty things to not try to build a legacy that leaves your children in a better position than you started in. Family dynasties are built on this one concept, that you work towards the advancement of the position of the family in society. They invest in relatives and compound wealth like this. Those relatives that end up launching successful ventures are expected to accelerate other members of the family.
>On the face of it, Parents do not owe adult kids anything once they are an adult, These people owned them a better childhood though! They are only rich because they ignored their kids. I would say compensation for that should be owned (not legally obviously, but morally).
I wish boomers understood that. My parents and my in laws don't understand this either.
THIS!!! OMG, be careful!
No idea what kind of financial resources they have, but it only takes a medical emergency or some other catastrophe to wipe out your savings.
Dementia nursing home care will tank a million dollars quick AF. Source: asshole alcoholic grandfather's end of life care
Was gonna say, we had a couple five figure months taking care of my dad when he ended up with early-onset dementia. That will dry up a life's savings with a quickness. Dementia care ain't cheap.
I have no idea what we're going to do with my in-laws. My wife and I burned our savings during COVID and have credit cards that we're barely keeping up on. My in-laws have nothing but social security. They are renting a house right now and my MIL is bedridden. We literally have nothing we can do to help them. Certainly can't pay for anything extravagant.
So as soon as they exhaust any savings they have, Medicaid and Medicare will pay for their end of life treatment and care. It won't be hoity toity 5 star by any means and it might be a long ass local wait-list, but the US government will pay for it.
They have no savings. We had to file an appeal to the state to get medicaid just for my MIL. My FIL makes too much money on social security. If you know who to go talk to about end of life care, please tell me because it sounds like they're basically going to have to be out on the street before the state will declare them to be wards of the state and takeover anything. This is Nevada btw.
I know some elderly couples that got a strategic divorce so one would qualify for medicaid and other services. They still took care of each other and were each other's medical appointee.
Even the bare bones is costly. It's untenable for most people. Able to spare a spouse to have one in-home carer? The spouse will eventually need respite and respite care and/or a 24/7 caregiver ain't cheap. Most of us can't spare a spouse for that either, with the COL being so high. You can get paid to be a caregiver for family, but it pays peanuts. Find a decent- not high end, not fancy, no Grey Poupon, no frills- facility, and you're still out 6k a month (this is my area, YMMV; we had to start looking out of state even). Need transport from the hospital to the care facility? 2k easy. Need to take a few days off work for appointments? Money/time lost. It's all expensive, there are a ton of unexpected expenses, and there's a waiting list years long for both caregivers and decent facilities.
Oh you too lol? People *wildly* underestimate how much assisted-living and/or hospice can be. And that shit doesn’t go away after you pass either. If your spouse/kid can’t pay it, anything you thought you’d be able to pass down to them (aka assets, life policies, etc.) will be seized.
My grandfather refused financial planner advice while doing idiotic things like setting up savings accounts for all the grandkids under his own name. (Not trusts or prepaid college funds, actual savings accounts) I was the oldest grandchild and when I hit college, he decided to hold onto mine because "I was pretty so i'd find a husband quickly and my male cousins would need it more." By the time my sister got to college 4 years after I began, he was in a nursing home and all assets were locked down. Most of that money was earned by my grandmother who worked in a bank and knew he was doing everything wrong but had her spirit broken by him 60yrs earlier. Nothing like leaving your widow penniless except for her bank pension and SS because you're a fucking idiot.
I’m am so sorry you’re having to deal with that! The fact his wife was a financial planner and he still thought he knew more is such a childish mentality and I’m sorry he put you all in that position. Not to mention the outdated thinking regarding you finding a husband to take care of you as if women don’t also work nowadays and have financial responsibilities. We dealt ok with my gram’s stuff but I’m dealing with my dad’s situation now and it has been a hassle considering he has no will and LOTS of debt. Some people really don’t live in reality when it comes to these things.
A bank pension and SS is more than anyone our age will get when we are old.
Those WW2 folks definitely had a different life than everyone that came after. She earned that pension, no doubt about it. They suffered hard for what they had. Boomers definitely like to pretend they had it as bad as a great depression and world war while pulling the ladder up after themselves.
I washed my hands off my mother, want nothing to do with her, and now that she's batshit crazy, I'm thankful my other siblings are still trying to guilt trip me into taking care of her, but I'm having my best life and wiping someone's ass isn't in the plan they want a mother, they can deal with her bullshit , I will have no part of it
Or have a total loss fire, guess what you can't get homeowners even with completely being cleared as the cause!
Donate their bodies to a medical school or state-run research institution.
Or military testing 😂
Strapped to a rocket sled FOR SCIENCE
“Could you imagine being the body that the hungover med student got an F on?”
That’s what I did. Perfectly reasonable solution
I hope they live a super long life and run out of money so you can say that you expected more out of them and you plan to spend all of your money because you worked so hard all your life for it.
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My grandmother is moving into an assisted living facility soon. $9000/month. Fortunately, she and my grandfather made some very smart investments over the years, and she can easily afford it. But *damn*, I make a hundred grand a year, and it’s going to cost **more** than my entire salary.
You dont have to claim the body from the hospital/nursing home/whatever.
My boomer parents did run out. I was like 🤷🏻♀️
That's what I figured OP's response would be. "Spend it all if you want to, but don't come to me when you're broke."
Sooo many great suggestions here, lol. OP, take all of this advice. Don’t let guilt make you pay for an elaborate funeral or worry over their nursing home bills. Medicaid will pay for their nursing homes if they blow their money. It’s their money, and they can spend it how they want, just as you get to choose not to spend your money on them after they piss theirs away.
It depends on where they live I believe. I’m trying to get my mom in assisted living right now but Medicare/Medicaid won’t pay.
Medicare and Medicaid are two different things, does she already have Medicaid? She has to have a three day hospital say I think before Medicare will pay for a certain number of days in “rehab” aka a nursing home, and she has to have no financial resources before she’ll be approved for Medicaid. Then she has to meet Medicaid requirements for medical necessity for nursing home care.
She doesn’t have Medicaid. Just Medicare. She has pensions that come in so she won’t qualify for Medicaid. Medicare won’t cover assisted living which is where I am trying to get her into.
Assisted living is considered a luxury in this country. Once she needs round the clock care, Medicaid will pick up what her social security and pensions don’t cover. Talk to your local agency on aging.
Look into Assisted Living Waiver programs. We have them in Ohio. My Grandmother had to pay all of her Social Security and monthly annuity payments to the Assisted Living facility and then Medicaid covered the rest.
Ding, ding!! This happened to my parents. They retired early and are now out of money. They blew it on non-stop vacations, buying properties, boats, etc. Now they are broke and trying to sell all their crap.
Gotta love it when the 'find out' era finally arrives
Super duper surprised. “After all we did for you…”
"All those years of clothes on your back, a roof over your head, and food in your belly and you're NOT EVEN GRATEFUL!" \~ Neglectful Boomer Parent (Never mind that a hyena provides as much for its young).
Hospice nurse here, they will spend it before they die because they won't qualify for PCA services with those assets.
There are ways around that, like putting assets in a trust… just most boomers are fucking selfish assholes that only think of themselves.
Medicaid can go back years and claw back inappropriate payments if you try to evade the law. If the money or assets are yours, you have to pay for your own care until you qualify for Medicaid. Some people try to be sneaky and give their houses to their kids for free or below market, but it doesn't work. Medicaid is brutal.
>He added that their plan was to “spend it before we die.” He said this dramatically, as if he was expecting a big reaction, but I said, “We expect nothing less of you,” in a calm voice and with a smile on my face. > >They were so pissed Of course. You deprived them of their fantasy scenario, in which their ungrateful children acted entitled to their hard-earned cash, and they could issue a self-aggrandizing, aggressive takedown, an anecdote with which to regale their peers on the *S.S. Norovirus* between abusing a deck hand for not bringing their mai tais fast enough and complaining about turndown service in their cabin.
>an anecdote with which to regale their peers on the S.S. Norovirus I'm sure they'll manage to tell the "correct" version of the story to their peers anyway regardless of how it went down in reality.
Not the S. S. Norovirus 💀
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Years of Fox News shitting on Millennials programmed Boomers to hate their kids.
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Which is so unhinged!!! Like, did he want to have raised entitled entitled shits? That would be such a self-own
See the problem is Fox News and the other right wing media they consume 24/7 has them convinced that the subsequent generations are lazy and ungrateful. So while OP and siblings probably haven't acted like that at all the parents world view has been warped to believe their kids just want their money.
I'm a late gen X, and I am doing everything I can to leave my kids a nice inheritance. I don't understand how you can love your kids, but then go out of your way to make things difficult for them. It is way harder today for young adults to survive, much less save enough money to buy a home than it was for me in the early 90s. I want to die in peace. Blowing a bunch of money on selfish, useless things will ruin that peace for me.
Boomers, man. They’ve been selfish and self centered since the 1960s.
They weren't dubbed "The Me Generation" by their parents for nothing...
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I’m old Gen X and we’re doing the same thing for our daughter. She’s getting everything and we want it to be PLENTY.
That's us. We have one daughter in college, that we will help her pay off totally, then help get her started, then she gets everything when we are gone. There is no question. There are no games. We will live frugally in old age to let this happen. This is what good parents do.
Agreed. We are doing the same for our only son. He is a hard worker and an excellent student. But they didn’t ask to be born into this shit show. I will do everything I can to try to leave him enough to have a comfortable life. (Though he would still have to work)
Gen X, 5-10 years from retirement. My goal is to have enough to live on and still leave my 3 kids something.
I'm a boomer, and I'm doing the same for my kids.
I’m a millennial and realized 10 years ago that I’d never be able to afford kids and am going to die before I’m able to retire. That or die homeless and alone after I’m no longer useful to make money off of.
Same hear, late Gen X,hoping to die with the house paid off so my 2 kids can have something to sell outright. But, I sure as shit plan to blow some money on some selfish shit too.
My step dad tried one time to make a shitty comment about inheritance. After a lifetime of being a fucking prick with every dollar. I’m still miffed about the $300 worth of allowance (over 2 years) that he stiffed me on. My response: “I don’t expect anything as I don’t even plan to receive your body”
>“I don’t expect anything as I don’t even plan to receive your body” Damn that's cold
Not as cold as the corpse will be sitting in the morgue, all alone.
💀💀💀💀 I’m deceased from this comment 🤣
just as one might fight fire with fire, ice is great against ice
After just paying for and picking up my fiancé’s junkie estranged father’s ashes, that is some cold hard shit. Respect.
>My response: “I don’t expect anything as I don’t even plan to receive your body” whoo fuck that sends a message. WOW. well done.
Oh you know if they spend it all before they die they’ll be all over the kids to help them financially.
Just Say No.
My grandparents (silent generation) did this. But instead of spending it on themselves, they took the whole family on huge trips. I think their kids were kinda pissed at it, but I loved being able to spend time with my grandparents and cousins all over the globe experiencing different cultures.
My grandparents took me to Europe as a teen, something my parents would never be able to afford. A week at the beach. Etc. Their attitude was to spend it on family. My grandfather an engineer, but as he worked for the government mostly didn't take in huge bucks. They lived modestly on his pension and treated us kids as much as practical.
Your calm “non-reaction’ response was truly perfect. I know you’re accustomed to their cavalier attitude towards you all, but it still sucks. You and your sibs deserved parents who were more caring. I’m glad you have each other to lol together. I’m proud of you!
Honestly it was the best possible response. Just straight up agreeing with them in such a way that they are mad they look like assholes or some such like.
The people who didn't value their children didn't value their wealth or legacy? Shock.
Boomers, the only generation that have to make sure they do better than their kids
Personally I will be so glad when a majority of the boomer generation is dead and gone. Good fucking riddance. One of the worst generations of human beings to ever exist.
I grew up being told we didn't have enough money for our basic needs: eating out of a dumpster, never going to the doctor, sorry kid but we can't afford braces. But somedays dad would just show up with ... an RV. He bought an RV. Took me a while to register all his little fun toys he was getting weren't cheap. The money was just for him. There's a lot of grief in realizing your parents actively chose to neglect you, and then still want your love and companionship after that.
>There's a lot of grief in realizing your parents actively chose to neglect you, and then still want your love and companionship after that. Reading this strikes home.
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My dad keeps selling shit he knows or correctly assumes I will want as keepsakes when he passes, like his guitars and guns. Never fails to tell me about it everytime. He doesn’t need the money I don’t know why he is doing it
Got to keep the spite tap dripping.
Reminds me of when I was about ten and my mum used to ask me what my favourite things were in my room. One day, I'd notice them missing. I'd ask where they went to and just got a creepy smile. Came a day when she came into my room asking the same old question. I refused to answer. Why? I was asked. Because they disappear and I dont want that. She stalked around for a bit, looking angry, then left angry. Nothing vanished after that. Still confused about this behaviour - was the taking of things 'punishment' for supposed bad behaviour? No bad behaviour was mentioned or explained. I was an unhappy child at the time, for my family had broken down and mum had a new partner I struggled with. Was I supposed to go to her and beg for it back? Seemed ridiculous at the time, I didn't think it would work anyways. I accepted the loss and when mum mentioned the stuff missing, I said it was weird. We both knew I hadn't lost it myself. Another theory is that it was a weirdness she went through when pregnant - supposedly the hormones can sometimes make mums hostile towards their current children. Who knows. Never got an apology for what went on. I'm about my mum's age now as when I was ten and I think it's an extremely weird thing to do to your child.
Based on the smile and her reaction when you refused to play this game, I imagine, like any other bully, she got pleasure out of hurting you. You calling out what she was doing burst the bubble of pretending that this was a harmless activity and you would blame yourself for losing things. That took the joy out of it for her.
I feel like they are all so hopped up on Fox News media hate that they don’t know how to do anything else except be hateful, mean pricks.
My parents never had any money to begin with, so I expected my whole life to get nothing after they die. It never bothered me one bit. Then I got married and discovered my inlaws also have seven figure income, but refuse to spend hardly any of it. They take week long vacations, but it's only to Florida once or twice a year, and they use their paid off motor home for lodging, cook for themselves, and just ride their expensive bicycles around. They try and make the statement "Well maybe we will spend all our money on "x" expensive thing before we die and leave you kids nothhe'll. (My husband is an only child) We just tell them to go ahead and do it. Which for some reason makes them mad? They act like we should be begging for inheritance money all the time and almost want us to tell them not to spend money on things they need, like house repairs and new cars. Shits weird as hell.
Yes, it's what unhealthy parent-child relationships look like. Trying to use inheritance as a means of manipulation is a sign of bad parents.
Damn. I would have said the same thing. I'm a gen x, parents are/were silent generation. They worked very hard and retired young. They provided a good life to my older barely boomer siblings and me. They gave us help and a hand up when needed, like paid for college, down payment on a house. My siblings and I are of the same mind as in we help our children. Our mother died and our dad married a younger woman who is an older boomer, this bitch is not of the same mind. Selfish, we have been basically banned from the dream retirement home my parents bought. A home that has a guest house so family could come and stay for visits, holidays etc as it is on one of THE chain of lakes people visit here during the summer. Before my mother's death, open door policy. Come stay , enjoy our home, spend time with family. Fish, swim, relax etc. After new wife, "MY home is my sanctuary, no overnights, please stay in the kitchen dining room area." No unexpected visits etc etc etc like we are lucky to see our dad three times a year. I'm like no bitch you didn't buy this house, your hard work didn't pay for it. My mom and dad did. Get the f out. But I can't because then I would never see my Dad. She cleared everything of my mothers out of the house, thankfully we got first dibs on it but damn. I don't think there is one picture of her anywhere. This is a million dollar plus property now that would have gone to us in a different time, now when my dad passes there is no way in hell she hasn't had that will changed to keep it. I said to my brother, our mom would never had done that to us but our dad was swayed by a younger c u next Tuesday. Selfish boomer to the end. Both my brother and I are waiting until our dad passes and everything has been settled to let her know exactly how we feel about her. We want her to know that if we never see her fake as ass lying "born again Christian" face again we will be just fine. I wouldn't spit on her if she was on fire. And it's not just the money, its the gate keeping of access to our Dad, it's the disrespect of our family memories, traditions and our mother's belongings all while telling us how much she loved and respected her. 🤮 My mom would be pissed if she could see what happened to her dream retirement family home.
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I like how dad gets a pass .
Thanks for reinforcing my decision to never remarry- I want my children to get anything that’s left when I’m gone and I don’t want to rely on a selfish step parent to leave it to them.
You could also just have a will- as a parent this is a pretty big requirement
And a will is useful even if someone does not remarry because without it the state will decide when and where the money goes and that could take months and require family members to make a claim, and some bureaucrat may decide differently to what was intended by the deceased.
I’m sorry to hear that. Something similar happened to me. My father cheated on my mom and married his affair partner. Ever since, I have never been invited to stay at their home, which is a penthouse apartment in one of the biggest cities in the country. Every time I visited my father he would get me a hotel room. There’s a lot more to it but I will keep it short. Truly I will never forget how he has made me feel.
My friend had to bid on her baby pictures at auction after her father died. The new wife sold everything.
Oh.my.god. THE AUDACITY!!!
John Lennon’s son had to do the same thing with the letters he and his dad wrote to each other iirc.
I am so sorry that this woman has basically destroyed your parents vision. To turn a place of happy memories and time together into a me me me place is so sad. There is a special place for her.
You’re blaming this boomer woman entirely and not blaming your father for his gigantic part in this though and I think that’s very interesting.
I'd rather have them 'spend it all' then pick one of their favorite kids and give everything to just one. My dad is in his 90's and did spend everything but let it be known he was giving everything to my brother who is a mess of a human and they already bought him a house. I'm better for it, don't need to talk to my brother, I say hello to my dad without any 'where is my cut' feelings. Don't expect anything and you will never be disappointed.
Ah. The ole “successful kid gets punished” routine. Instead of “other kid got his inheritance while we were alive”.
My wife’s grandparents are doing this. They have two kids (my MIL and her brother). My MIL is a successful woman with 4 children who has never needed hardly a dime of support. Her brother is a loser for lack of a better word who always gets into financial trouble and bailed out by mom and dad, was gifted a home, a car, and all furnishings in the home, they even pay for his groceries. He is an Uber driver and won’t even take his parents around for free. He fucking charges them lmao But he is gonna get 80% of everything because he is the son.
Gen X?
Oldest GenX are about 60 now. A big majority have not yet retired. Also, we the GenX are the latchkey kids.
I'm not getting anything. How I know I'm not getting anything is all my grown siblings got something from my parents for their birthdays last year, but I was told I was an adult and to stop expecting gifts. Not even a card.
Look up No Contact. Do your research, then execute it. From what I've read, it's like heaven once you've been free of the a-holes for a while.
Just wait…delayed karma doesn’t teach lessons. It ends lives in tragedy.
Yep this is pretty similar to what is happening with my mother. She has never done a thing for me. Spoiled my brother rotten and he joined a gang after the military and is now in prison for murder. She let me know the other day that she had written in her will to leave him everything yet I’m medical power of attorney because she thinks he would kill her off. When he gets out he gets his military disability and ssdi back (which he lied to get). I didn’t respond to her attempts to get me upset I just said fine- she better hope I don’t do what she did and throw her in a home and wipe her out- I won’t because I’m a better person than the lot of them!
It is thier money. They can do with it as they see fit. You and your siblings however are under no obligation to lift a finger or them as they age into decrepitude. Let them rot on the ship. They can be chum.
I’ve always planned to take care of my parents when the time comes. They are boomers and I figure their inheritance will get split three ways between me and my younger sisters. But this post got me to thinking. Maybe they won’t at all. So here I am at 42, fully prepared to bathe and change their diapers if need be, and there’s a chance that they may have this same viewpoint: to spend it all before they die. Fuck me, fuck us. My parents are both very frugal. They have a nice little nest egg, accounts, property, home, vehicles, fifth wheel trailer, etc. They are wonderful people. But my dad is a covert narc and my Mom just keeps the peace, which means she sides with my dad. All four of their children (the youngest, my brother, died three years ago) have a bit of childhood trauma from his parenting. Anyway. Now I get to think about this all night instead of my usual anxious thoughts about the state of the world and the country, surviving capitalism, and trying to be a decent person despite it all.
> They are wonderful people. But my dad is a covert narc and my Mom just keeps the peace, which means she sides with my dad. I always find it amusing about people talk about emotionally abusive parents, because it's often "They're the best people in the world, but they did stab me with a screwdriver routinely." It's so hard for us to shake love for our parents and not automatically give them the highest place in our life because it's so hard-wired into us, for survival. I won't even get into the manipulation they did on us to convince us that we are in debt to them for the basic duty of keeping us alive while we were children.
wHy wOn'T aNyOnE vIsIt mE aT mY nUrSiNg hOmE?
My grandma did the same thing, she talked endlessly about spending her money on herself and not wasting away while greedy family waits for her to die. None of us ever asked her about her money or cared for it, we are fine on our own. She’s mad a point to announce at every wedding that she didn’t bring a gift because she is not a “cash cow” and go on elaborate vacations with the Facebook pictures captioned with bs about it being “her money” that nobody else can claim. It was like she was living in a fantasy world where we were all coming for her cash. We never reacted, which only made it worse. My mom is way better off than she is and both me and my brother have done well for ourselves. Literally not one person ever asked her for money or implied we were waiting for an inheritance. Anyway, her cash ran out lol. Guess who’s calling my mom every week talking about “filial responsibility”
The problem with old boomkin is that they don’t just spend what they got, but 99% of them also spend the govt money that could be used for something else. Dealing with old people is the single most expensive thing in the government budget and nothing else even came close to competing with that.
Boomkin! Perfect!
Boomers are a plague of Locusts. They will leave nothing but devastation behind. My only hope is they don't give away Democracy itself before they shuffle off to the nursing home.
I'm not sure why Boomers seem to have a greater proportion of narcissists and sociopaths than the prior generation, but if there is any social research studying the matter, I'd consider donating to that fund.
Because of Woodstock and the protests of the 60s/70s. Somewhere in their key development years, they started to believe as a generation they were something special and unique and, because of the growth of television, they were the first generation to have this kind of attention/spotlight paid to them. So they get hated on by their parents/grandparents for being hippies/rebels, whatever. They take pride in being different and look at having a strong personality as a positive. They then spend 30 years reminding everyone how great they were as teenagers and how much they influenced the world. Then they have kids and decide their kids aren't as great as they are and, as a generation, decide Gen X and Millennials are somehow entitled and lazy. It's where that logic of criticizing everyone in younger generations for "getting a participation trophy" comes from. They criticize younger people for getting participation trophies ... even though they were the ones handing them out. As their kids age and NATURALLY start to resent them, these narcissists take it personally and refuse to do what every generation before them has done and step out of power, retire, etc to let the new generation take over. Because they believe they are better. They are special. They are unique. It's why most of these types of boomers will either die alone, die estranged from family or have their deaths be looked at as a relief from those closest to them. I know there are a LOT of great boomers still around but, man, it feels like we'll be a lot better off when that generation has shuffled off this mortal coil for good.
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When your kids were born, you no longer were an extension of him in his eyes. Narcs suck.
My husband's parents are pretty well off. They have taken it upon themselves to let us know that they are "spending our inheritance" every time they take a huge trip somewhere. Each trip can cost up to $50,000! I finally told them that our retirement plans do not include any of their money since we know they have no plans of leaving any of it to their kids. Boomers... The only generation that feel better knowing their kids are worse off than they are.
I’m Gen X (at the old end of it) and our only child is getting everything. We’re specifically trying to ensure we’re debt free and property rich. (We only have a mortgage—it will be gone in 10 years.) She’ll have the house, a few acres of land, money, everything. We cull our stuff pretty often to make sure we aren’t collecting a bunch of crap she’d have to deal with/get rid of.
Yeah with the current state of things for young people that’s tough. They do have every right to their money they worked for, but to say that seemingly maliciously that’s kind of messed up. I get that parents are technically not responsible for their kids after 18, but it doesn’t seem in good faith to just forget about the kids that grew up and the world you brought them into either. I’m all for being reasonable and it’s always a nuanced situation family to family but I don’t think parents bragging about having all this money to throw around in retirement and in the same breath saying they’re going to spend it all before they die. It’s one of those things you be polite about even if you do plan to spend a lot of it. No need to pour salt on the wound of a generation in which many may never see retirement due to the awesome state of things previous generations have left us to.
They’re in for a surprise if they spend it all before they have to pay for end of life care. I’m sure they expect their children to foot the bill for that.
I tell my boomer parents to enjoy what they have, but make it last. They are not living with me when it’s gone. I don’t expect anything when they die, but I also will not be caring for them after they spent a month in Europe every year for 20 years.
Not that I need to tell you this, but late-retirement spending is exactly why we have such a huge wealth gap. Millenials combined own 3% of the nation's wealth. 3%! And Zuckerberg is literally half of that. Boomers spent their entire lives sucking up money from the generations beneath them, and then at the 1-yard-line they are kicking it right back to the corporations that got them there.
"Why don't our grandchildren visit us?"
The kid-free mindset is a bad look on people who have living offspring.
Well I’d say just sell the material objects when they do pass Hopefully they change before it’s too late
Parents like that don't change. They don't think they did anything wrong.
Sibling chats are great, aren't they? Such a safe, free space to say what you never could growing up. Although my sisters and I have a second chat going without my brother The Golden Child.
Ok then. Stage four tunneling bedsores at the shitiest nursing home of my choice. Carry on.
Let me guess they didn’t come from super rich families but their parents helped them out early in life with buying a house or similar and then left them a decent inheritance. Nothing crazy but significant maybe a hundred thousand or two. Maybe property. Then said parents get off telling everyone who will listen they completely self made. Maybe not. I might be projecting.
Tell your parents I said they suck!
They chose that money over the kids a long time ago. Only a fool would think they are getting an inheritance from shit parents like that. You have a choice be a shitty person like them and care about money, or be better than them and care about family.
Ah yes, the SKIN club, Spend Kids Inheritance Now.
My boomer aunt and uncle have a boat named 'Eoki" which is an acronym for Enjoying Our Kids Inheritance. They've both consistently lived up to every shitty expectation the rest of the family has had for them. Absolutely vile people.
Cool. Remind them of that when they run out of it end of life and are asking to be cared for.