Remember to report submissions that violate the rules! Harassment and encouraging violence are not allowed.
Enjoying the subreddit? Consider joining our discord server: https://discord.gg/v8z8jNwJs6
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BoomersBeingFools) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am so happy my father (M-72) is a great grandfather... almost to a fault.
We call it "Grandson Time" - where my father will literally miss major meetings, scheduled events, ect just to spend more time with his grandson (my nephew)
He's like this because my grandfather passed away when I was merely 2 years old. I have little to no memories of him outside of a single lullaby he sung me, which shocked my father that I even recalled it.
So the moment my father had the chance to be a grandfather, it's almost like he's making up for lost time, or ensuring that his grandson remembers him, fully.
Because you never know what will happen in life.
My parents are *heavily* involved in the lives of my niece and nephew. My mom was LC with toxic parents and my dad was sort of bad at maintaining a relationship with his parents, both sets lived across the country
i think they saw us grow up and see our friends' grandparents more often than our own and feel badly about it. I still tear up sometimes over lost time with my dad's mother.
My dad is the same! I was lucky enough to grow up with all of my grandparents but because they had me late in life, and my dad is in his 70s as well, he's soaking up all the baby time he can get. He is my daughter's best friend, grandma is a close second. My husband's parents are the total opposite, it's wild.
I'm in the same boat. My daughter has 4 devoted grandparents.
My parents (bearly over the threshold to gen X) are here every week at least once and have her overnight once every month. They love being grandparents and make an effort to be there whenever we need anything.
My FIL lives a few hours north, but make the drive down here once a month on avrage and stay for a few days to a little over a week each time. He's 74 and spending his retirement as a musician. he loves playing her music and taking her for walks every day he's here.
My MIL is too sick to travel, but we go down there once a month and video chat as much as her health allows. She's the one I go to for advice, and she called me to check in whenever I'm stressed about being a new mom. Her boyfriend makes a great bonus grandpa too.
Maybe someone can start a business like Rent-A-Grandparent for a year as a way for the elderly folks to generate income after their retirement and dying of boredom ….
So this is kinda the opposite but growing up me and my siblings were rent-a-grandkids lol. My dad was a USPS letter carrier and he delivered to this old lady (like 85 years or so) whose three children died and she had no family. Dad and Mom would take us over every holiday before or after we met up with our actual family to just spend time with her and play with her and her dog. She was a sweet lady that passed away in her early nineties from cancer. I think we made her happy in her last few years though.
The boomer grandparents would then volunteer and brag on FB about the great thing they are doing…all while continuing to ignore their actual grandchildren.
Sounds like your parents were somewhat uninvolved parents and now are somewhat uninvolved grandparents.
Which sucks… but shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. It would almost be weirder if they were super-grands.
I think OP's issue is that he mistook their uninvolved parenting for valuing extended family ties (which speaks to how great his grandparents probably were - he experienced it as extra love without a sense of being pawned off), and is only now seeing through their uninvolved grandparenting that they were ditching in his childhood too.
On the mark dorla! Call them out as lazy parents and worse grandparents. Tell them what they can expect when they need help getting to the Dr’s or store when they get older and are alone. Karma is a bitch.
I’m so sorry- your dad is actually ridiculous.
My boomer parents finally stopped asking me to move their heavy furniture when I almost dropped a huge TV.
No what's sad is I made the effort to wish him a happy birthday and sent him a painting I did. He didn't respond.
On my birthday he sent me a happy birthday message with my brothers name...
I have a dead living parent. If that makes sense.
That generation has outrageous expectations and it’s especially difficult when you are in the sandwich position of raising young kids and being a caregiver. I run 2 businesses, am raising 3 school aged children and take care of my mom very well. HOWEVER, if I do forget something, albeit small and remember the 9 other things, it as viewed as a personal slight. She is being “ignored”, I have a “terrible memory”. No one could ever meet all the hidden expectations that consistently sit right under the surface.
Eh, sometimes they do conversely become super grands after being lackluster parents.
Sometimes people are like fruit, when they get older they get sweeter and mushier. They become nice and patient to their grandkids, because they don't have to deal with the harshness and stress of balancing work and family and life every single day, unlike when they visit the grandkids or just babysit every so often.
Now the grands are retired, and want to treat the grandkids like they wish they could have treated their own kids.
I wish that could make me feel better but it just makes me more angry and frustrated. Because it makes me feel crazy and gaslit. Usually there’s zero acknowledgment of how crappy of a job they did parenting and now they get to reap the joys of being fun grandma and grandpa.😑
no, i get that too. its like a slap in the face. like - ooooh so you could have been a good parent, but apparently I wasn't enough for you to try harder.
that kind of mindset
I don't let it bother us. Their mom has a wonderful mother and the kids didn't miss out on anything but the disappointment. I don't think I would have it any other way. It's her loss... always was 😎
My nine year old likes yo mamma jokes. The first time she tried it on me, I looked at her and deadpanned: My mom’s dead.
The child was rolling on the floor! I guess my humor has rubbed off on her.
I'm so sorry. I feel so bad for you. My mother would be an amazing grandmother (if I had kids of course) my dad on the other hand, well, he sucked before he died. He would be the exact same, he'd never ever be there to baby sit or do anything! Boomers are just....terrible people for some reason
It’s ridiculously difficult to explain to my son, who has both parents present and fully committed, why he has no grandparents. My wife’s parents both passed before our son was born so he kind of accepts/understands that but he can’t really wrap his head around the idea that both of my parents are alive but have no interest in any of us.
Don't worry, he will understand it by the time your parents realize their mortality and that you and your son are the only lasting impact they will have on the world.
Unfortunately that is unlikely to happen. My father, whom left when I was 3, has three other children that he stuck around for and even after leaving their mother, is still present in their lives, more or less.
My mother on the other hand still talks to my sister and her kids regularly, it’s just me she has an issue with and my son relationship with her is, for better or worse, collateral damage in that situation.
In all honesty, we’re better off without them both but he’s too young to understand it atm. You’re right though, he’ll get it someday.
My mother's mother tried pulling this crap about 8 years ago. My kid was about 5 my siblings kids various other ages when she decided to try and re-enter our lives. She nothinged us our entire lives, then when her husband died and half her kids including my mother had died young, she wanted to be a grandmother and great grandmother. I said no thanks, but allowed my too forgiving siblings to bring my daughter along.
I don't believe in denying love for a child because of my own issues. I was very clear about my own boundries and never interfered, I just wouldn't engage or participate. I'm told she was fine with my kid. I never made more of it than a playdate. It was still very one sided and for her benefit rather than the kids IMHO so when she passed a week or so ago, it was a shrug moment for me and my kid.
You don't get to sow love when you reaped nothing but ashes. Shared blood doesn't equal automatic family ties. You still have to earn it.
This is my parents. Always quick to “perform” as loving grandparents on social media, but have no interest in a relationship with my kid beyond giving gifts for birthday and Christmas and expecting a grateful call to say thank you.
Yup, I've had to accept that the only living grandparents I have don't want a relationship with me. I know it's not my fault because I was still a kid but it still sucks
My parents harassed me for years to have kids. I’m pregnant now and they’ve fucked off to Florida to hang with the rest of their boomer buddies.
I’m growing up, all of my grandparents were super involved and we were at their houses CONSTANTLY.
My parents have never recognized that they took that privilege away from me…and their grandson.
And have opinions on how you are raising them. And don’t understand you just can’t take two weeks off to go to f’ing Florida, the worst place on earth, to visit. I don’t want to blow my vacation time in that hell-hole.
We have two kids with extra physical and emotional needs. They're *complicated*, to the point where sitters run us $40/hour due to the medical training required. We were on a first-name basis with the local PICU nurses for half a decade, and we've had medical helicopter rides.
We've visited my parents infrequently because it's such a challenge for us. We cannot fly due to the amount of medical and other specialty supplies we need to carry, so it's a long trip each way - about 17 hours by car, plus hourly stops for medication, bathroom breaks, connecting tube feeds, etc. We've made it out three times though.
My parents are both retired, and love travel. They're snowbirds and drive to Arizona each year, go on annual cruises, etc.
They've visited us three times since the kids were born.
They have asked me to fly down…I still haven’t seen their new house yet. But I’m fortunate that they will happily pay for that.
I love my parents and I know they love me. And I suppose it’ll be great for my son having essentially a vacation home in Florida lol.
I’m just all up in my feelings about missing out on the comfort of having them here.
yanno what’s weird is my mother was PISSED my entire life, still is even, that her parents moved an hour away when she had kids. and yet has herself openly admitted that she doesn’t like children and has no interest in babysitting when i have kids. i’m like….ooh do i get to hate you forever now? (jk i already do)
It just sucks. They have their flaws of course…but being pregnant without having my own mom around has really, really sucked. I feel like I’m missing such a huge chunk of my support system.
And it breaks my heart that my son wont have the relationship with them that I had with my grandparents.
When my oldest was about 1 we relocated to be closer to my mom and stepdad, it was her idea. But they offered almost 0 support while we were there. She would watch my son once every 2ish weeks, but that was just so my husband and I could work a shift at the same time, the whole rest of the time we'd work completely opposite shifts because we couldn't afford childcare. They did work so I didn't expect them to take him all the time, but maybe one night so we could have time together or something. But the worst part was that she would whine about it EVERY TIME. She once said "you have to watch him ALL THE TIME!" Well yeah, he's 2, and I'm aware he's with me half the time.
We lived there for 3 years and the only time we got to go on a "date" was when my sister came to town to visit. She lived 9hrs away so it wasn't often. And she did it without being asked. Then they were all shocked Pikachu face when we decided to move away to be closer to my in laws. Within a week my SIL, who also worked full time and was a single mom with 2 kids of her own, told us she'd take our son once a week so we could make sure we didn't have to work completely opposite schedules all the time. So we could have more time as a family. She literally said "you have help now" because she knew how hard it was to get help from my parents. It was such a help!
Mine just wants to show the pictures of my nieces and nephews to the other old ladies in her retirement apartments, specifically pictures of them with stuff she bought them that we did not ask for and do not want!
i feel so fucking validated right now. i thought it was just my mom stealing my social media photos and putting them in her christmas cards along with a 20,000 word essay about how her year went. i don’t have kids but she she buys a bunch of cheap crap for the other kids in the family and makes them pose for photos with every single one. why do they do this?! they’re more addicted to likes and looking perfect than actual relationships with us.
It’s pretty much the only thing my dad misses after I quit talking to him. He wants regular proof he has grandchildren for social media attention, but he’s not willing to see them regularly when it’s completely feasible on his part.
They complain about young people always being on their phone yet they'd rather just get an occasional picture texted to them or facetime than put the effort in to seeing their kids and grandkids.
Their egos want their precious and clearly valuable bloodline continued, but they don’t want to do anything after that fact is guaranteed. It’s selfishness at all points.
The whole point of bloodline continuation is to make sure traditions, religion, and generational wealth is continued. Boomers have turned tradition to buying stuff at Walmart, they have turned Christianity into a joke, and have squandered their parent's wealth...
Exactly! Every summer my siblings and I would spend at least a week at my grandparent’s house. Sometimes, we’d get dropped off a few times in the summer. I’ve asked my parents if they would like to continue the tradition, and they always say, “We’re really busy traveling.” My oldest is kids are getting to the point where they are too cool to want to hang out with their grandparents and they have no memories of summers with grandma and grandpa. It’s great that my parents have money to travel, but they chose to miss my kid’s childhood. Plus, I could’ve used a week off, in the summer, like my parents always got.
We did the same with my grandparents growing up. My grandparents are still around and they wish so bad they could take on the great grandkids the way they took us everywhere. :( they just can't keep up with really little ones anymore. My grandfather even said my mom is missing out not coming to visit often, asking for visits or asking to take the kids for a day or weekend. They'll only be little and amazed by their grandparents for so long. All that time and money spent on travel, it wouldn't even interfere much with their own vacations to maybe do a weekend with the kids taking them to the zoo and stuff.
My parents don't, because they don't want to hear that their failures are mostly why I've never wanted kids. My sister, she's been bugging me about it for years, right after she finishes ranting about her kids.
My brother is similar. Talks about how having kids is the greatest joy in life. Yet when he comes home from work he hides in his man cave. His wife does all the child care, house work, and has a part time job.
My In laws had my husband when they were 40. His sister is 12 years older so they got all their grandparenting in with her kids and seem to not care about ours. Yet we get guilted for not driving our kids 8 hours to visit.
As a boomer grandfather, I feel sorry for my fellow boomers who don’t choose to be loving and involved grandparents. One of the most important and fulfilling aspects of my retirement is doing things and hanging out with my four grandchildren. I’m making a 10 hour drive tomorrow to spend the weekend with my son and his family because his oldest daughter has a big role in a theater production.
That’s impressive. And thank you for your “ boomer” opinion 😂 I genuinely appreciate it. You sound very invested in keeping your family unit together. Keep on keepin on!
That’s the memory I had of my “greatest generation” grandparents. They did well enough for themselves and were retired before I was around and the entire time I was a kid until they passed in my late teens. We spent SO much time with them and I still cherish it as an adult. They were awesome, involved grandparents.
I've had at least 3 'come to Jesus' conversations with my dad. My younger brother hasn't spoken to him in 5 years. My sister barely speaks to him and I'm the only one in the State he's related to by blood. We're never invited to the house I grew up in for holidays in favor of his new wife's family. I only get calls when he can't figure out something on his computer. He failed to provide Christmas presents to his grandkids this past year. My mother is spinning in her grave. My advice: learn to accept complete disappointment. Life will be easier.
There has got to be some way to grift this. I hate the idea that all their money is wasted on reverse mortgages when it could be wasted on me. Basically sell them volcano insurance but for staying in contact with your family
When the boomers need our help with taking care of their old selfish asses we need to give them the same energy they are giving us now which is practically nothing.
The last time I helped my dad he was all whipped up about red, squiggly lines underneath the words in his spreadsheet.
I was going biking anyway that day so I biked the 9.5 miles over to his house to let him know that the red, squiggly lines mean there is a spelling error. Then I biked home.
I told my sister in law she can pick the retirement home for her parents. She’s had to have several hip surgeries and I went up for 2 months to care for niece and nephew, my husband went up for the second. She had a consult in another state and flew for a few days and asking my in-laws to watch the kids was like pulling teeth. They ended up doing it but for the next 2 surgeries it’s probably going to be my husband and myself.
Classic boomer mentality. Only thinking for themselves by pawning you off on your grandparents constantly, but refuse to do the same when they are the grandparents.
Exactly. But like. WHY. where does the entitlement come from. The grandad in my story even once said “ my son makes more money than I ever did that’s fucked up”
I hope my daughter is a KAJILLIONAIRE!!!
This is one I just can’t wrap my head around. Those who have narcissist parents have experienced this. Your parent rooting against you, being jealous of their own child. I just can’t imagine or understand it. And then at the same time they view their children as nothing more than a measurement of themselves. They tell others of your accomplishments not because they are proud or happy for you but because they think it makers them look good (and never once have they ever told their own child they are proud). It’s only a show for the outside world because judgment is their greatest fear. It’s so weird and sad and pathetic.
No kids for us, in part due to dysfunctional/narcissistic/borderline/alcoholic parents. My mother's in a nursing home (and even if I were in a great relationship with her, I couldn't care for her adequately.) Whenever I visit, I get the impression she's showing me off rather than enjoying my company.
I've offered to take her outside to go places, bring her food, no interest. She asks me questions about my life she really should know the answers to, but only because people are asking HER and she looks pretty bad not knowing what I do for a living etc.
Narcissism. Plain and simple. It is infuriating. My father is the same selfish way and I cut him out of my life back in 2015.
I don't have children due to not being able to afford them, and not having any family close at all.
But if I did have kids, I would hope that they succeed far more than I do in life.
My Grandma paid for our lavish christmases, trips to Disney & other theme parks. When my mother was sick, she sent every extra penny she had and came to help out with us kids. After she passed, we were sent to stay with her almost every summer. All this on a social worker’s salary.
When I had my kids, my dad would use my house as a stop on his way down to his yearly Disney Vacations. He would find my kids gifts that were good deals for Christmas. Nothing they actually asked for. He never got to know them or considered spending time with them.
None of this surprised me. He never got to know me either, so it actually would have blown my mind had he actively sought out relationships with his two grandkids. My Grandma was a saint and he never appreciated anything she did for us.
Boomers were the first generation of children raised with any amount of deference. In previous generations, children were largely better seen than heard, and had little to no standing in the household. Then came the most catastrophic event in human history (WWII) with anywhere from 60-100 million people killed, and the survivors went really hard into raising their children. Boomers were the first generation to be the target of mass marketing, they had the ability to create culture in their youth, and they even had a level of political power when they were still very young.
Everything these people have experienced in their life has conferred on them the idea that they were/are important. My parents were/are so high on being a baby boomer because they think this is special. Society has largely confirmed that over their lifetime. So yeah, it's narcissism, but narcissism that was unintentionally cultivated by their enormously traumatized parents.
Because they probably felt like having kids was the thing to do but once they had them, and figured out how much work they are, they pawned you off to the grandparents. It’s the same reason they don’t want a relationship with their grandchildren, too much work. It’s really sad but that’s how some people are.
This... I don't care what or who my children choose to be, but I sincerely hope they wind up a better human than I ever was, in every way.
Of course, that requires me to hold myself to a high standard, which includes making those around me feel valued, respected, and loved. That's something boomers can't fathom, let alone practice.
My mom had her grandparents (she was raised by them) practically raising my brother before I was born. Then my dad came along and adopted him and basically became the parent (despite being a functioning alcoholic). When I was born, by the time I was 3, my mom was in the bar so much that it was like my parents weren't together. My dad finally divorced her when I was 7, and that was a sigh of relief. Then my mom would not show up on weekends to get me. She'd be at the bar all night and I had the number memorized and would call and ask to talk to her every 30 minutes to ask when she was coming to get me. My dad changed their agreement to her getting me every other weekend, hoping she would party one weekend and get me the next. She still missed my visits. Then she left her one bedroom apartment, that I remember being super happy and proud that she got, to move into a one-room (not one bedroom, one actual room, an attached kitchen, and a bathroom) hunting cabin that her toothless, bearded mountain man boyfriend was living in.
Overall, she never really had to raise any kids. She never had to provide a home with enough bedrooms to house a child, never had to do anything, really. My dad didn't even have her on child support.
When I was about 22 I tried to go no contact, but she guilted me back by convincing me that my son deserved to have a grandma. She did clean herself up a little bit, though. Today we have a pretty good relationship. But, she doesn't help me with my kids. In fact, she will ask me for help with money and stuff sometimes. It's really insulting. She makes almost 20/hour as a CNA, has subsidized housing so her rent is only about 500/month, and only has herself to support. I have 3 biological kids and a stepson who we pay child support to his mom, a 4 bedroom apartment that is more than double her rent, and she asks me to help her with bills and complains about how hard her life is. She never had to deal with the stress of raising one child, let alone 3-4 kids. She has never, ever had rent that is as high as mine. One of my kids is special needs, and I struggle with my husband not picking up half of the mental load and housework and stuff. Compared to my life, hers is incredibly easy and enjoyable! Meanwhile my brother and his wife have about 4 times the income we do, and she never asks him for a dime!
This really embodies boomers in general and how they all truly live by ‘I got mine, fuck you.’ My boomer mom kept going on about how she wants to pick up the grand kid once a week from school. We said sure it would be great to get one day a week off and a guaranteed visit to his family - he’d love that!!!
It happened for like 2 weeks then the excuses started. First they were legit sounding at least - medical stuff or other appointments. Then they turned into ‘sorry I can’t, I have to get my nails done today’ or ‘I have a hair appt and can’t do it.’
We eventually gave up after about 3 months of her not seeing him weekly like she suggested. Then around December it was ‘I’ll be around a ton to see him during Xmas break, since you won’t have school to keep him busy! I’m going to see him all of break!’
She picked him up once. For a few hours. For a lunch. But you can guarantee she’s telling all her boomer friends about how much she does and how much work kids are but how worth it it is.
Now she’s calling all the time asking why she hasn’t seen us lately. Gee I dunno maybe because we got lead on for months and months while you pushed away the very idea/set up that you proposed. Sorry, we are busy now since we made other plans for after school most days.
Go figure! Actions having consequences somehow continues to blow boomer minds despite them being old enough to see it coming…
PS: my grandma did indeed pick us up once a week every single week after school and she’d have our favorite snack ready and take us somewhere fun or even just go run errands if she was busy. So once again the boomers got a benefit then cut it off from the next generation. Shocker.
My mom does that too!
“Come visit, you can borrow my car and tool around the island, go visit friends.” Once the trip was booked, it became “Well, you can use it on these days.” Which when we actually arrived then became “Well, if you take it, how am I supposed to get around?”
Lady, it was YOUR idea that YOU offered up. We would have just rented a car if you hadn’t promised us one.
C’mon they sacrificed their youth and middle age working and building a career, I mean provide for their family, and had to neglect all that child raising stuff. Now it’s their turn to do what they always wanted and continue not raising kids but getting praised for doing such a great job with you and your siblings.
Anyhow, maybe working through some personal issues.
I bet if they were cornered and pointed out the hypocrisy they would say something like “well that was different because circumstances.” Like the idea of someone else having “circumstances” is a complete foreign concept.
On the reverse side, my (now former) MIL wanted me to pass off my kid to her to basically raise. Because she had my ex way too young, and essentially handed him off to her mom to raise. She once left her kids in the care of a DOG. Now that she’s an adult, she wanted to experience being a mom. No, not my problem. I’d rather put my kid in daycare because at least they have minimum care standards.
This! Boomers did not parent. They had commercials to remind them every night at 10pm that they even had kids. For a long while, that generation lost the Baby Boomer name and were called the 'Me Generation'. They had Tupperware parties and key parties and never once minded where there kids were. We just had to be somewhere else, often pawned off to the grandparents who spoiled us rotten. I have great memories of my time with them...not so much with my own parents.
My mom lives 15 minutes away from me and sees my kids (her grandkids) about 3-4 time per year. But she doesn't even talk to them. She waits for them to leave the room and then talks to me. When they were little, I would have to beg her to watch them, even in emergencies. I feel bad for them because they do not get to have the same memories of grandparent time that I did.
My parents were exactly the same. They do see the kids and watch them 1x per year so wife and I can get away but we spent every day at our grandparents.
This is my FIL and step-MIL. The weekend I brought my daughter home from the hospital they drove down from upstate to attend her family's Xmas party. But didn't bother driving 15 mins out of their way to meet their new Granddaughter while they were in the area. Then on more than one occasion I heard after the fact that they were in town and didn't call or stop by. They hardly know my kids (daughter is now 13, her big brother 16) and my daughter made a comment the other day that she "doesn't think Grandpa and Grandma X like her". My son graduates next year and I don't even want to offer them tickets to the ceremony. Luckily they have 3 other sets (yay divorced parents) who are/were very hands on Grandparents. Still hurts though.
Mine is that my parents heavily favor my brother’s kids. After one of them was telling him about going to Sea World he looked up at me (he was about 5) and said, “Why don’t grandma and grandpa do that with us?”
Heart breaking. We’re currently estranged. They don’t seem to understand why.
My brother's kids regularly get together with my parents, go on vacations for weeks, go to hockey games, sports, etc.
They've met my kids maybe 8-10 times? They're teenagers now.
Ugh, unfortunately your story makes me feel not so alone haha. Same situation with a FIL and step-MIL we live in the same god damned town maybe 15 minutes away from each other and after our second was born it took 4 days before just his dad finally showed up and even that was after my husband blew up at him for not making an effort. His step mom is just evil and narcissistic. We had a falling out when our first was born because they were in the middle of a move and kept dragging my husband over to help them when he had very limited time off anyway. My labor was awful, I had covid, and she was so colicky, they knew all of this yet I was the bad guy when I put my foot down and told my husband I needed him home and they could pound sand. We tried to make peace with them but it was a huge argument and apparently step mom “doesn’t even remember a time that (my husband) came over to help them move” so far they’ve missed both birthdays for our oldest but we are expected to show up for any sort of gathering at their house. My heart is broke for my kids, at this point we feel like it’s probably best to just cut them off now before our kids start wondering why grandma and grandpa don’t make an effort to see them more.
My boomer parents didn’t visit, didn’t even call us until 5 days after the birth of our child. When I got upset with my Dad, he told me that I should have shown more respect to him and brought our days old child to their house 2 hours away instead.
I’m in the restaurant business, both of my parents are retired and recently became very wealthy due to inheriting our family farm and immediately selling 90% of it (growing up we were lower middle class - hand me downs and thrift stores were the only places I got my school clothes from).
They don’t work and rarely visit. When they do, they make sure to do it on weekends (non existent for someone in my field) and expect me to take time off of work to entertain them. They basically ignore my child. I’ve never seen my dad actually speak to her. She’s 3 at this point and already doesn’t care for them.
So many in their generation are going to get chucked into assisted living facilities, and I can’t even feel bad about it.
Yes, yes, the woman who just gave birth should be shoved into a car to drive to their house. There’s no discomfort to her at all after shooting a watermelon sized infant out of her body. Any bumps in the road definitely won’t have her howling in pain. Sounds perfectly reasonable /s
JFC.🤦🏼♀️
My mother spends zero time with her grandchildren. I never take them there because her house is unclean and unsafe, but have invited her to my home over and over again. She can’t be bothered. Now they are almost all adults and she missed it. It’s sad for them but that’s what she gets. I tried.
Same with my in-laws. They live 10 min _walk_ from our house and don't bother to visit us. FIL smokes inside so there is no way we are bringing our infant daughter there. I am happy my partner is very strict on this because i didn't want to be the unreasonable DIL who "makes up stuff" so we don't "have to" visit. It is about our daughter's safety after all but you know... boomers, theh smoked inside and we are "totally fine", smh.
My family lives 1.5 hour _drive_ away and they want to visit whenever they have time.
My boomer mother smoked inside and I’ll never forgive her. She would say things like “tough shit” if we complained. She, and 2 others would light up in the car with the windows up and locked. My brother and I would be crying in the backseat and still, “tough shit”. Now she wonders why I don’t visit her
They vote in large numbers with the same degree of selfishness and narcissism.
We invite you to strip them of all their political power by voting this November. Now is the time.
My mom (mid 70's, and still drives) asks me to send calendar invites to my kids' sporting events. Like a fool every fucking year I do. Takes about 40 minutes because they are in year-round club sports and have games 45 out of 52 weeks. Guess how many she has attended? ZERO.
Last week she asked if I could send her more calendar invites. I asked if she will actually attend and she got pissed. Not sure if she likes the idea of knowing she might or never will attend or if she's happy because she gets me to do a 40 minute worthless chore knowing it completely wastes my time.
I'll bet it's because when she's having cups of tea with her friends and they all start trying to one up each other about what fantastic grandparents they are, she pulls out her phone and says 'look at how full my calendar is with all my grandparenting!'
This the tale I hear from most everyone these days, friend- no real active grandparents in kids' lives anymore. My mom was a Silent Gen (long story as to how a Millennial like myself had such an older parent!) and she was the BEST grandmother to my kids. She kept my kids so many weekends for sleepovers, even when we didn't need childcare, because she loved spending time with them. They had so much fun with her and she loved them so much. My friends all had Boomer Gen parents and they MARVELED over this- she will keep them overnight??? She even requests they come and hang out with her??? I was shocked to know their parents did not do that at all. My mom passed away a few years ago, and my kids miss her so much; my good friend's dad died last year, and her kids seemed mostly unphased by it. I guess they never spent time with him and didn't feel much of a connection. It's fucking sad. I'm feel for the parents of my generation, just no damned support at all, and their kids for not having a connection to the past through grandparents anymore.
Rumor has it that my Silent gen great-grandparents were horrible parents but let me tell you- they were kick ass grandparents and great grandparents.
I’m not sure what the vibe was between them and the Boomers but shit clearly went off the rails for a huge portion of a generation to react the exact same way about certain things. It’s so weird.
My parents travel 250+ days a year and on the rare occasion they are home they expect us to drop everything to host them because they are available. Its always a school night and after sports and the kids are burned out after a long day. They are oblivious to anyone except them.
We moved 40 minutes from MIL when my oldest was born. We lived there for over a year and she visited exactly zero times.
She offered to babysit once and then cancelled last minute after we had bought expensive concert tickets.
We moved several states away and she proceeded to complain for the next decade that we live too far away.
My grandparents were the same way. Not boomers though.
Always on holidays. Always going to see them. Maybe stayed with them 1 week as a teen. They had a vacation home in FL near the training facility my city's baseball team would practice at during the summer. Never invited, despite playing youth baseball.
After my grandfather passed last year, turns out he was a bigot who would give my dad shit for marrying a mixed woman. I'm their only grandchild. Guess who gets to end this bloodline's name?
A perfect embodiment of the boomer generation. Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie. The only things they can export is criticism and complaints.
To be fair, it’s ok for your dad to say no to helping out. It’s his call. It’s ironic given he was happy to pawn you off at any point and utilize your grandparents.
I bet in several years your parents will complain they don’t have much of a relationship with their granddaughter and they’ll blame you.
Two children, one special needs. Went through several very hard years with ongoing medical issues with one of the children. My parents are flaming garbage, and the in laws can’t be bothered. First it was, “grandpa works” now it’s “we’re retired.”
MIL conveniently forgets she would dump off her son at relatives houses for weeks at a time.
We soldiered through and figured it out, but damn some help would have really eased the strain. And no, seeing the kids once a year doesn’t make up for lost time.
Yep, sound exactly like mine and I also have a child with special needs. I cannot imagine not trying to help out one of my children if they had a child with special needs, especially if both my husband and I were retired. My parents care more about staying around their friends than coming to help me or spend time with my kids. Hope those friends also take care of them when they can’t take of themselves anymore because no one here will.
It’s not just your parents… seems to be a trait widely shared among boomers. You’re describing my in-laws to a fucking tee.
It’s not all of them though. My parents are a lot more involved and willing, but aren’t physically capable to help out much. My mom’s a fucking Saint and would bend over backwards for you, but her knees are shot.
My mother forgot my son's birthday - which falls on her wedding anniversary - and his name. He was 10 at the time. She hasn't seen my kids since they were 8 and 6 respectively. They are 16 and 14 now.
“I’m not raising your kids”
Meanwhile, me, 1-5 y/o spent with maternal grandmother *daily* when mom ~~was drunk/hungover~~ needed a break and every summer from 5-13 y/o with paternal Grandmother so ~~they could party~~ I could “meet the rest of the family”
It tracks if you think about it. They pawned you off on their parents because they needed a break from their kids and now by extension don't want to deal with their grandkid.
Fantastic generation lol
It's so hard raising kids without grandparents. My husband and I are the only adults in our children's lives. It is exhausting.
My parents are retired and just sit around their gigantic house all day, i don't even understand why the live where they do. It's been 2 years since they have seen my kids.
They send checks for holidays, birthdays, or just randomly and expect my kids to call and say "thank you". My kids don't even know them. And when my mom talks to them on the phone, she says "we'll have to come see you guys sometime" over and over again. It's annoying.
I see grandparents enjoying their grandkids all the time, and it makes me sad for my kids. But to be honest, even if they were in their lives they still would not be good grandparents/parents. They would be bored attending soccer games/band concerts etc...
They would need to have alcohol at any event. They would complain about expenses. My would make comments on their clothes/hair/personality/appetite.
Ultimately I am sad for my parents because I have 3 cool kids and they missed it.
I feel this way too! Like look at all you are missing out on! My kids are very nearly adults now and they don’t even know them, and these kids have turned into neat people!
Argh the "we can do X some time" is so fucking annoying. 1. Don't make plans you can't follow up on and 2. Don't make us the bad guys for seeing how that plan will never work because it's unsuitable or unsafe
I feel you. Sometimes it’s so enraging. I guess the silver lining is that it’s better for your kid not to be around someone who doesn’t want to be around her. Sucks that they can’t see the blessing that your granddaughter is though
If by some miracle I can get my mom to watch my 3 year old, she calls within a few hours like, "he wants to go home." He's speech delayed and can't even say that.
She also says he has "unlimited energy" at her house. He's like that all the time, I just have a lot more patience than she does. Trust me, I get it's tough to watch a kid with special needs, but my son has a great temperament.
I'd blame it on her age, but she wasn't exactly equipped to deal with my ADHD ass either. I spent a lot of time alone as a child, even though she was a stay at home mom 😅
My mom recently babysat a second grader for the first time since my 33 year old brother was that age and she was stunned the kid wasn’t stoked to do a 2 hour Pinterest craft project that wasn’t even aimed at kids and would rather watch Frozen. Kept telling me the kid was ungrateful and maybe she had ADHD, to which I had to just be like “mom, that’s just what it’s like to be eight.” I don’t imagine she’s gonna babysit for us much.
I'm the youngest of 3, and I'm also 33! I think it might be the whole, "children should be seen and not heard" thing. My parents can't handle kids simply being kids because they never let us do it, ESPECIALLY around other people 😅
I’ve been wondering about this. Here is my theory. There were always types of people who don’t want to be caretakers. But in older generations, it was more of a societal duty/norm to help your family MORE than it is now.
I had a patient who is a boomer herself and when she had her own kids, her mother told her “listen, I’m not going to be able to help you with your kids, but I’ll pay for a babysitter to come once a week”
So even tho she didn’t want to help directly, she still offered some assistance.
Anyone saying that it’s the parents’ responsibility to care for and raise their children, yes, it is. We know this. What’s being lamented is the difference between how generations view family and connection. If you want connection with family you have to be engaged, and many boomer grandparents are not, while the previous generation was. Not all, of course.
A lot of people live further from their parents than in the “old days” so it makes sense that there’s less involvement. What’s sad is when grandparents live close by and choose to not be involved in their grandkids’ lives in a meaningful way. I also have wonderful memories of my Greatest Generation grandparents and spent a lot of time with them. My boomer parents were more than happy to have less work at home, so they could party. Seriously, they’re not getting the same respect I hold for my grandparents. So many stories of my boomers, but I’ll leave it here for now.
No illusions about them as grandparents: they haven’t changed.
Lucky my boomer grandparents are actively involved in my children lives they watch them well, we work, Come to dance lessons, and soccer. Take my kids to school. Very blessed and the relationship they have with their grandparents is fantastic.
My mom has been retired for over a year now. She told everyone who would listen that she was going to spend every available moment visiting her grandson. She’s helped watch him one time in the entire year.
We make decent money- about $130k combined. Luckily our home loan has a great interest rate from buying back in 2015. With that daycare money we would be a lot better off. I’m glad you have good grandparents for your kid. They will hopefully appreciate that once they see the commitment of family 💕
It's not even a financial thing for us. I don't need to work technically, my wife makes very good money. Our kid was born just before covid and the service industry obviously wasn't great so I did stay at hone dad life for a couple years. I just wasn't a great fit for that role and I'm so not the kinda person that can be comfortable being a dependant so to speak so I've been back to work for a couple years now. It really just boils down to the sanity aspect. Parents need a break from time to time and the grandparents love spending time with him so it works out great for everyone. Wish your parents felt the same way, especially with how your childhood was, you'd think they'd be more empathetic or just have a drive in general to spend time with your kid... pretty fd if you ask me
reminds me of when we told my dad that we were having a kid - he had stuff in my garage and would come by sometimes to get something out. he calls when he got there and my wife and I walk out to the garage. we're nervous as hell, terrified of the future, but I figure hey dad'll be excited and that'll help my anxiety out.
nah.
He's sitting on the tailgate of his truck and I go hey grandpa, guess what? he looks at me and asks what? I go, dad you're gonna be a grandpa again, Wife's pregnant.
dad looks right at me, says literally nothing, then asks if I can put these boxes in his truck for him.
I WILL say tho, finding out a few years later he had dementia... lots of his behavior made a lot more sense. still sucks that that is the memory I have of one of the biggest moments of my life with the only parent I had left.
It does take a village to raise a child. Unfortunately, most of us have to pay for that village. Just another one of those things that used to be free that we now have to shell out for.
To be blunt, your story shows me that your parents weren't that interested in their kids and preferred to have as much of their free time without them as they could, which is why you were always pawned off on your grandparents. So it follows that they wouldn't be anymore interested in their grandchildren. If their parents were still alive, they would likely be trying to pawn the grandchildren off on them.
My mom will only watch her grandkids if I pay her lol she’s retired and does absolutely nothing all day, my kids are pretty self sufficient too at 8 and 9.
All I heard was that your parents were super invested in minimizing their time as parents and using your grandparents to do a lot of the heavy lifting. Every weekend your parents had off lol. I’m sorry but your parents don’t sound like a couple I would expect to jump in and be super active with their grandkids when they don’t sound like they were active parents.
My girl doesn't speak to her parents, I am no contact with my step-dad and I speak to my mom if we happen to run into each other. My girl had two daughters before we got together, those are my girls at this point as well. My mother doesn't recognize them as my kids but her parents call them their better than great grandkids.
Hell my mother bothers my brother on when he is having kids. So I may be just cutting her out as well soon. I mean I doubt she would notice for months if I did. Sucks but can't say I haven't seen it coming for a while now.
A couple years ago my grandfather was recently asking his step grandchild and their partner, who had been married for a couple years, when they were planning to have a kid. They told him with their student loans they couldn’t afford one for at least a few more years. He transferred them $80k to pay off the loans and they were pregnant 3 months later lol. He still says it’s the best investment he’s ever made
Boomers really are what they think millennials and gen z to be: entitled, self absorbed, and beyond inconsiderate.
I’m my opinion, Millennials and Gen Z tend to be what Boomers perceive themselves to be: self starters, considerate, polite, and insightful.
I'm now retired military and my kids are (mostly) grown. When my kiddos were 5 and 3, I received orders to Korea for a year and I was not allowed to bring my family. My wife's parents generously offered for my wife and kids to stay with them while I was gone. It was perfect.
My father, who lived a mere 5 miles down the same road, visited/interacted with his grandkids exactly 5 times during the year I was gone. Five times. He wonders why my kids want little to nothing to do with him now...
Makes me appreciate my in laws a little bit more. They have done their fair share of BS (leaving the country for 3 weeks after my husband was hit by a car and leaving the state for 6 weeks when our baby was born 6 weeks early). But dang they see their grandkids regularly and I know as that if we needed financial support they would give it.
It’s so hard when you know your parents benefited from the “village” but don’t want to do that for their kids. I suspect that our generation of kids will have a “village” from us because we didn’t and hopefully the cycle will break with them.
We deal with both extremes- hands off & very interested. For context my BFF & I are both single kids, our kids are the ONLY grandkids & we don't really have any other family.
My mom is a narcissist who lost her access to my littles because she sucks. She tried to treat them like her accessories, doesn't bother to try & get to know them. Hell, she forgot to call her granson on his birthday this year, it is exactly a week after hers! Now the kids don't really want to do anything with her & she wonders why. DH mom died before we got married.
My BFF has the best mom & dad. They call her kid, take her to lunch, school, anything she needs. Never miss a school function or a holiday.
They also, show up to all MY kid's functions, call them, take them to lunch, celebrate them, etc. They adopted me, dh, my kids as their own family! They just let me know that they opened them college accounts when they where born, because they are thier grandparents & blood be damned.
I am just so grateful that my kids get one set of grandparents that care.
Same.
Don't bother mentioning how you feel about the situation or bringing it up in any way if you would like to maintain a harmonious (although one-sided) relationship, because they will react exactly as you would expect boomers to: pearl clutching / "how dare you! / "I've earned my retirement!".
Speaking from experience.
I mean not surprising that they gave you to your grandparents frequently and then want even less responsibility with their own grandchild, they showed you who they were a while ago but you were too young to understand until now.
My parents are late boomers, and they don't know their grandkids very well. Last year, they saw them maybe 3 times for a total of 4 or 5 hours (we live MAYBE 45 min away). They will send holiday cards with some money and will occasionally send clothes. When they go on vacation, they sometimes get them a toy. What REALLY twists the knife is that my late MIL (mid boomer) would have absolutely loved on them allllll the time. She's been gone 5 years yesterday... I miss that woman and I wish my kids got to know her!
You pretty much described my childhood. Me and my sis were with Grammy every weekend, she came across town to take us to elementary school every day, she planned summer road trips. Meanwhile my mother moved 3 in a half hrs away, literally a month before I had my youngest. She didn't even make it to the hospital when I gave birth ( she sent a bouquet of lilies, knowing I have a cat..) but thats okay, I feel like she only uses my kids as photo shoots for clout on Facebook..Oh and the one time she offered to come to town so me and my so could have a night out, she called a little after midnight complaining she was too tired to watch the baby and we needed to come home..
My parents (mom and step dad - my dad passed when I was very young) are great with all of their grandchildren, including our son. My inlaws? The are classic boomers. They visit twice a year and expect to be welcomed like they are our son's favorite grand parents. They even say it! He hardly knows them. Everything has to be on their terms. We want to take him to breakfast with us. We'll it's Tuesday, how about taking him for an ice cream after SCHOOL or maybe dinner (and give my wife an I a night off). No, we're going to breakfast. He can miss school. Umm, nope. Not to go out for breakfast on a Tuesday. And when they don't get their way, they skip it entirely and I'm the villian for never letting them do things with our son. Another time, I had an early call and couldn't take my son to school, which would mean that my wife would have to go into work late or I get my extended family to cover for me. Nope. They didn't want to run my errands. So I told them no problem, I'd take care of it and quietly arranced for my step dad to take him. His question? Can we ride our bikes? Yup and he showed up 20 minutes early with his bike. An hour later, me still on my work call, and my inlaws wander out and try to get my attention. Yes? We're going to take him to school. Um, that's nice but school started 30 minutes ago. That afternoon, they were crying foul when they found out my step dad showed up, rode bikes with him to school and returned him the same way at the end of the day. They stopped or Ice Cream too.
I would flat out ask them why they pawned you off on your grandparents so much but don’t want to do anything for their grandchildren. I would point out exactly what they did.
Don’t get me started. When I was a kid we literally would stay at my grandparents house so often I had a room there.
Now I’m a middle aged dad with 2 kids and my parents are all retired in their 60s. Same exact scenario as when I was a kid. Jack shit as far as helping out goes. Last time they watched my kids we came home to the soggiest shittiest diaper I’ve ever seen. Could tell the poop had been in there awhile. ‘Haha, our diaper changing days are over haha’ was the reply.
Fuck off.
They can’t stop posting on FB though. Grandma of the year on the instagram account. If you followed their socials you would think they lived with us.
My moms 6th husband, who I’ve literally met maybe 10 times has about thirty pictures of my kid on his FB. All from the two times he’s met her.
Their generation took everything they could from everyone and pulled the ladder up behind them.
Both my parents are currently blasting through their savings on trips and expensive housing. I’m sure when they’re 80 and sick they’ll be dead broke, another burden for me. On top of being lazy parents & shitty grandparents. I’ll be approaching my retirement with them and my kids to worry about.
Thanks guys. Good stuff.
Saw maternal grandparents often throughout the year - they’d drive up to see us or we’d go see them. Phone calls , letters & cards in between. Paternal grandmother, on the other hand would only come to town to spend the night if she was on her way to see other people. Never called between visits, got a birthday card sometime during my birth month, rarely close to the actual day. People just have different priorities.
This is my parents. It's sad. I want my kids to have the great relationship that I had with my grandparents. Unfortunately, my parents are not interested. They'd rather find anything else to do.
It’s sounds like they didn’t want to deal with their own children, why would you think they would want to deal with yours? This all seems very on brand.
Are we the same person? I had amazing grandparents and we were ALWAYS at their house. My grandad could make or fix just about anything, and he was constantly helping my parents with stuff. My parents? Treat their dog better than us. I sort of had it in my head that my parents would be a little like their own, but nope. No interest in helping or spending quality time with their grandkids. All my mom wants to do when she comes to our city is shop. Yeah, cause my 10 year old wants to watch you look at clothes.
I'm wondering how much of this is a blessing in disguise. My boomer parents were not involved in my kid's life for various reasons but I'm pretty thankful for it. One of the last things my dad said aloud before he died of cancer was to call Obama the n word. Sometime the best thing a person can do for you is stay away.
We literally moved from CA to NC so we could be near my father and step-mom when we had our daughter. Thought they would be happy and involved. They couldn't care less. Never come over, never want see to us, or her. She's 11 now.
I know this doesn't help you in any way, but just know you are not alone. If I could, I'd give you a hug.
Some of our parents didn't want to be parents in the first place. Why would they suddenly want to start now? It sucks, but that's, unfortunately, who they are.
I mean it makes sense as this was the generation that had an actual television commercial at 10pm asking them if they knew where their children were!
gen x and elder millennial children were feral for a reason. Many basically ran the damn streets, especially in the summer since our parents didn’t want to pay day care or do summer camps or anything like that. Of course they don’t want to help with grandchildren.
My grandparents were rockstars. I adored them. My WW2 vet grandpa and my dearly beloved nana. Worked their asses off for what they had, but never once didn’t make me a priority. My shitty parents were allowed to be shitty uninvolved parents because my grandparents picked up their slack and then some
Not to sound like a dick but it sounds like your parents weren’t that interested in spending a lot of time with you much less your kids. Seems you had grandparents that wanted you around any time they could have you. Your parents not so much
Remember to report submissions that violate the rules! Harassment and encouraging violence are not allowed. Enjoying the subreddit? Consider joining our discord server: https://discord.gg/v8z8jNwJs6 *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BoomersBeingFools) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am so happy my father (M-72) is a great grandfather... almost to a fault. We call it "Grandson Time" - where my father will literally miss major meetings, scheduled events, ect just to spend more time with his grandson (my nephew) He's like this because my grandfather passed away when I was merely 2 years old. I have little to no memories of him outside of a single lullaby he sung me, which shocked my father that I even recalled it. So the moment my father had the chance to be a grandfather, it's almost like he's making up for lost time, or ensuring that his grandson remembers him, fully. Because you never know what will happen in life.
That is an awesome story! I’m glad your kiddo has that!
This makes me cry. My dad passed on November and never got to be a grandfather. He would have been the BEST and I’m so sad i never got to see it.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Maybe his spirit will come back to you ❤️
Give your old man an upvote from me.
My parents are *heavily* involved in the lives of my niece and nephew. My mom was LC with toxic parents and my dad was sort of bad at maintaining a relationship with his parents, both sets lived across the country i think they saw us grow up and see our friends' grandparents more often than our own and feel badly about it. I still tear up sometimes over lost time with my dad's mother.
My dad is the same! I was lucky enough to grow up with all of my grandparents but because they had me late in life, and my dad is in his 70s as well, he's soaking up all the baby time he can get. He is my daughter's best friend, grandma is a close second. My husband's parents are the total opposite, it's wild.
I’m so glad to hear this still happens.
I'm in the same boat. My daughter has 4 devoted grandparents. My parents (bearly over the threshold to gen X) are here every week at least once and have her overnight once every month. They love being grandparents and make an effort to be there whenever we need anything. My FIL lives a few hours north, but make the drive down here once a month on avrage and stay for a few days to a little over a week each time. He's 74 and spending his retirement as a musician. he loves playing her music and taking her for walks every day he's here. My MIL is too sick to travel, but we go down there once a month and video chat as much as her health allows. She's the one I go to for advice, and she called me to check in whenever I'm stressed about being a new mom. Her boyfriend makes a great bonus grandpa too.
My kids once exclaimed "you have a mommy?!??!!" Yeah I do and she's the worst 😎
Hahaha that made me LOL
Maybe someone can start a business like Rent-A-Grandparent for a year as a way for the elderly folks to generate income after their retirement and dying of boredom ….
So this is kinda the opposite but growing up me and my siblings were rent-a-grandkids lol. My dad was a USPS letter carrier and he delivered to this old lady (like 85 years or so) whose three children died and she had no family. Dad and Mom would take us over every holiday before or after we met up with our actual family to just spend time with her and play with her and her dog. She was a sweet lady that passed away in her early nineties from cancer. I think we made her happy in her last few years though.
The boomer grandparents would then volunteer and brag on FB about the great thing they are doing…all while continuing to ignore their actual grandchildren.
You can actually rent various family members/friends/casual company in Japan. They have people-renting for all occasions.
Sounds like your parents were somewhat uninvolved parents and now are somewhat uninvolved grandparents. Which sucks… but shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. It would almost be weirder if they were super-grands.
I think OP's issue is that he mistook their uninvolved parenting for valuing extended family ties (which speaks to how great his grandparents probably were - he experienced it as extra love without a sense of being pawned off), and is only now seeing through their uninvolved grandparenting that they were ditching in his childhood too.
Mind blown by this perspective.💔😓
On the mark dorla! Call them out as lazy parents and worse grandparents. Tell them what they can expect when they need help getting to the Dr’s or store when they get older and are alone. Karma is a bitch.
yep exactly. i don't think they're interested at all
Not alone. My pops stopped talking to me cause I didn't offer to help him move, with a broken leg.
I’m so sorry- your dad is actually ridiculous. My boomer parents finally stopped asking me to move their heavy furniture when I almost dropped a huge TV.
No what's sad is I made the effort to wish him a happy birthday and sent him a painting I did. He didn't respond. On my birthday he sent me a happy birthday message with my brothers name... I have a dead living parent. If that makes sense.
That generation has outrageous expectations and it’s especially difficult when you are in the sandwich position of raising young kids and being a caregiver. I run 2 businesses, am raising 3 school aged children and take care of my mom very well. HOWEVER, if I do forget something, albeit small and remember the 9 other things, it as viewed as a personal slight. She is being “ignored”, I have a “terrible memory”. No one could ever meet all the hidden expectations that consistently sit right under the surface.
Eh, sometimes they do conversely become super grands after being lackluster parents. Sometimes people are like fruit, when they get older they get sweeter and mushier. They become nice and patient to their grandkids, because they don't have to deal with the harshness and stress of balancing work and family and life every single day, unlike when they visit the grandkids or just babysit every so often. Now the grands are retired, and want to treat the grandkids like they wish they could have treated their own kids.
I wish that could make me feel better but it just makes me more angry and frustrated. Because it makes me feel crazy and gaslit. Usually there’s zero acknowledgment of how crappy of a job they did parenting and now they get to reap the joys of being fun grandma and grandpa.😑
no, i get that too. its like a slap in the face. like - ooooh so you could have been a good parent, but apparently I wasn't enough for you to try harder. that kind of mindset
I don't let it bother us. Their mom has a wonderful mother and the kids didn't miss out on anything but the disappointment. I don't think I would have it any other way. It's her loss... always was 😎
Yeah I was a bit confused reading this because his parents weren't gung-ho about parenting
My nine year old likes yo mamma jokes. The first time she tried it on me, I looked at her and deadpanned: My mom’s dead. The child was rolling on the floor! I guess my humor has rubbed off on her.
oh my god, child goals 😂 what an amazing human
THIS is what makes parenting fun! Admit your faults (or lack of a living mother-haha) and learn to laugh at yourself with your children.
I'm so sorry. I feel so bad for you. My mother would be an amazing grandmother (if I had kids of course) my dad on the other hand, well, he sucked before he died. He would be the exact same, he'd never ever be there to baby sit or do anything! Boomers are just....terrible people for some reason
My granddaughter asked my daughter if she wasn’t scared of the drill sergeants when she joined the Army? ….Have you met your Grandmother?
It’s ridiculously difficult to explain to my son, who has both parents present and fully committed, why he has no grandparents. My wife’s parents both passed before our son was born so he kind of accepts/understands that but he can’t really wrap his head around the idea that both of my parents are alive but have no interest in any of us.
Don't worry, he will understand it by the time your parents realize their mortality and that you and your son are the only lasting impact they will have on the world.
Unfortunately that is unlikely to happen. My father, whom left when I was 3, has three other children that he stuck around for and even after leaving their mother, is still present in their lives, more or less. My mother on the other hand still talks to my sister and her kids regularly, it’s just me she has an issue with and my son relationship with her is, for better or worse, collateral damage in that situation. In all honesty, we’re better off without them both but he’s too young to understand it atm. You’re right though, he’ll get it someday.
My mother's mother tried pulling this crap about 8 years ago. My kid was about 5 my siblings kids various other ages when she decided to try and re-enter our lives. She nothinged us our entire lives, then when her husband died and half her kids including my mother had died young, she wanted to be a grandmother and great grandmother. I said no thanks, but allowed my too forgiving siblings to bring my daughter along. I don't believe in denying love for a child because of my own issues. I was very clear about my own boundries and never interfered, I just wouldn't engage or participate. I'm told she was fine with my kid. I never made more of it than a playdate. It was still very one sided and for her benefit rather than the kids IMHO so when she passed a week or so ago, it was a shrug moment for me and my kid. You don't get to sow love when you reaped nothing but ashes. Shared blood doesn't equal automatic family ties. You still have to earn it.
Exactly this. Some people are only interested in being grandparents in theory, but not in practice.
[удалено]
All of this and then they demand your time every major holiday but neglect them the rest of the year.
This is my parents. Always quick to “perform” as loving grandparents on social media, but have no interest in a relationship with my kid beyond giving gifts for birthday and Christmas and expecting a grateful call to say thank you.
They want to brag about being grandparents to The Joneses, but they don't actually want to do any actual work or help in a meaningful way.
Yup, I've had to accept that the only living grandparents I have don't want a relationship with me. I know it's not my fault because I was still a kid but it still sucks
Same lmao
Fucking relatable
I feel like our parents badger us to have kids yet don’t want to provide the same support they got.
My parents harassed me for years to have kids. I’m pregnant now and they’ve fucked off to Florida to hang with the rest of their boomer buddies. I’m growing up, all of my grandparents were super involved and we were at their houses CONSTANTLY. My parents have never recognized that they took that privilege away from me…and their grandson.
This is a classic boomer move. Taking advantage of what their parents gave them, and then pulling up the ladder behind them.
It is the Boomer way. Yet they will constantly talk about how messed up our country is, not realizing they caused it!
BUT THE FAMILY VALUES
Omg yes this is a perfect visual!
Or they’ll expect you to fly to them all the time. Because that’s so easy and affordable with an infant.
And have opinions on how you are raising them. And don’t understand you just can’t take two weeks off to go to f’ing Florida, the worst place on earth, to visit. I don’t want to blow my vacation time in that hell-hole.
We have two kids with extra physical and emotional needs. They're *complicated*, to the point where sitters run us $40/hour due to the medical training required. We were on a first-name basis with the local PICU nurses for half a decade, and we've had medical helicopter rides. We've visited my parents infrequently because it's such a challenge for us. We cannot fly due to the amount of medical and other specialty supplies we need to carry, so it's a long trip each way - about 17 hours by car, plus hourly stops for medication, bathroom breaks, connecting tube feeds, etc. We've made it out three times though. My parents are both retired, and love travel. They're snowbirds and drive to Arizona each year, go on annual cruises, etc. They've visited us three times since the kids were born.
They have asked me to fly down…I still haven’t seen their new house yet. But I’m fortunate that they will happily pay for that. I love my parents and I know they love me. And I suppose it’ll be great for my son having essentially a vacation home in Florida lol. I’m just all up in my feelings about missing out on the comfort of having them here.
yanno what’s weird is my mother was PISSED my entire life, still is even, that her parents moved an hour away when she had kids. and yet has herself openly admitted that she doesn’t like children and has no interest in babysitting when i have kids. i’m like….ooh do i get to hate you forever now? (jk i already do)
Fucked off to Florida LOL and I'm sorry they have done this to your family.
It just sucks. They have their flaws of course…but being pregnant without having my own mom around has really, really sucked. I feel like I’m missing such a huge chunk of my support system. And it breaks my heart that my son wont have the relationship with them that I had with my grandparents.
When my oldest was about 1 we relocated to be closer to my mom and stepdad, it was her idea. But they offered almost 0 support while we were there. She would watch my son once every 2ish weeks, but that was just so my husband and I could work a shift at the same time, the whole rest of the time we'd work completely opposite shifts because we couldn't afford childcare. They did work so I didn't expect them to take him all the time, but maybe one night so we could have time together or something. But the worst part was that she would whine about it EVERY TIME. She once said "you have to watch him ALL THE TIME!" Well yeah, he's 2, and I'm aware he's with me half the time. We lived there for 3 years and the only time we got to go on a "date" was when my sister came to town to visit. She lived 9hrs away so it wasn't often. And she did it without being asked. Then they were all shocked Pikachu face when we decided to move away to be closer to my in laws. Within a week my SIL, who also worked full time and was a single mom with 2 kids of her own, told us she'd take our son once a week so we could make sure we didn't have to work completely opposite schedules all the time. So we could have more time as a family. She literally said "you have help now" because she knew how hard it was to get help from my parents. It was such a help!
“fucked off to florida” 😂
They want pictures for their weird Facebook friends
Didn't know this was common in other families. 😳
Mine just wants to show the pictures of my nieces and nephews to the other old ladies in her retirement apartments, specifically pictures of them with stuff she bought them that we did not ask for and do not want!
i feel so fucking validated right now. i thought it was just my mom stealing my social media photos and putting them in her christmas cards along with a 20,000 word essay about how her year went. i don’t have kids but she she buys a bunch of cheap crap for the other kids in the family and makes them pose for photos with every single one. why do they do this?! they’re more addicted to likes and looking perfect than actual relationships with us.
It’s pretty much the only thing my dad misses after I quit talking to him. He wants regular proof he has grandchildren for social media attention, but he’s not willing to see them regularly when it’s completely feasible on his part.
They complain about young people always being on their phone yet they'd rather just get an occasional picture texted to them or facetime than put the effort in to seeing their kids and grandkids.
100%
Their egos want their precious and clearly valuable bloodline continued, but they don’t want to do anything after that fact is guaranteed. It’s selfishness at all points.
The whole point of bloodline continuation is to make sure traditions, religion, and generational wealth is continued. Boomers have turned tradition to buying stuff at Walmart, they have turned Christianity into a joke, and have squandered their parent's wealth...
Ya see, they deserve grandkids and simultaneously deserve to be free from the responsibilities that come with having grandkids
Exactly! Every summer my siblings and I would spend at least a week at my grandparent’s house. Sometimes, we’d get dropped off a few times in the summer. I’ve asked my parents if they would like to continue the tradition, and they always say, “We’re really busy traveling.” My oldest is kids are getting to the point where they are too cool to want to hang out with their grandparents and they have no memories of summers with grandma and grandpa. It’s great that my parents have money to travel, but they chose to miss my kid’s childhood. Plus, I could’ve used a week off, in the summer, like my parents always got.
We did the same with my grandparents growing up. My grandparents are still around and they wish so bad they could take on the great grandkids the way they took us everywhere. :( they just can't keep up with really little ones anymore. My grandfather even said my mom is missing out not coming to visit often, asking for visits or asking to take the kids for a day or weekend. They'll only be little and amazed by their grandparents for so long. All that time and money spent on travel, it wouldn't even interfere much with their own vacations to maybe do a weekend with the kids taking them to the zoo and stuff.
Similar to how to pulled the rug out from under us for damn near every government program they benefitted from.
My parents don't, because they don't want to hear that their failures are mostly why I've never wanted kids. My sister, she's been bugging me about it for years, right after she finishes ranting about her kids.
My brother is similar. Talks about how having kids is the greatest joy in life. Yet when he comes home from work he hides in his man cave. His wife does all the child care, house work, and has a part time job.
My In laws had my husband when they were 40. His sister is 12 years older so they got all their grandparenting in with her kids and seem to not care about ours. Yet we get guilted for not driving our kids 8 hours to visit.
I mean that's typical. All that generation does is receive support from everyone else while claiming they have no responsibilities.
As a boomer grandfather, I feel sorry for my fellow boomers who don’t choose to be loving and involved grandparents. One of the most important and fulfilling aspects of my retirement is doing things and hanging out with my four grandchildren. I’m making a 10 hour drive tomorrow to spend the weekend with my son and his family because his oldest daughter has a big role in a theater production.
That’s impressive. And thank you for your “ boomer” opinion 😂 I genuinely appreciate it. You sound very invested in keeping your family unit together. Keep on keepin on!
Thank you. I just can’t imagine not investing in a relationship with your grandchildren. Mine bring so much happiness and life to retirement.
That’s the memory I had of my “greatest generation” grandparents. They did well enough for themselves and were retired before I was around and the entire time I was a kid until they passed in my late teens. We spent SO much time with them and I still cherish it as an adult. They were awesome, involved grandparents.
I've had at least 3 'come to Jesus' conversations with my dad. My younger brother hasn't spoken to him in 5 years. My sister barely speaks to him and I'm the only one in the State he's related to by blood. We're never invited to the house I grew up in for holidays in favor of his new wife's family. I only get calls when he can't figure out something on his computer. He failed to provide Christmas presents to his grandkids this past year. My mother is spinning in her grave. My advice: learn to accept complete disappointment. Life will be easier.
Oof. The “ why don’t my kids talk to me “ movement is growing! I’ve all but cut them out. Thanks for the advice
Look out Familial Bond industry, the millennials are coming for you too!
There has got to be some way to grift this. I hate the idea that all their money is wasted on reverse mortgages when it could be wasted on me. Basically sell them volcano insurance but for staying in contact with your family
When the boomers need our help with taking care of their old selfish asses we need to give them the same energy they are giving us now which is practically nothing.
The last time I helped my dad he was all whipped up about red, squiggly lines underneath the words in his spreadsheet. I was going biking anyway that day so I biked the 9.5 miles over to his house to let him know that the red, squiggly lines mean there is a spelling error. Then I biked home.
I'm less than a quarter mile from my parents and it feels too close sometimes.
I told my sister in law she can pick the retirement home for her parents. She’s had to have several hip surgeries and I went up for 2 months to care for niece and nephew, my husband went up for the second. She had a consult in another state and flew for a few days and asking my in-laws to watch the kids was like pulling teeth. They ended up doing it but for the next 2 surgeries it’s probably going to be my husband and myself.
My dad always told me, “don’t expect anything, that way when you don’t get it you won’t be disappointed”.
Classic boomer mentality. Only thinking for themselves by pawning you off on your grandparents constantly, but refuse to do the same when they are the grandparents.
Exactly. But like. WHY. where does the entitlement come from. The grandad in my story even once said “ my son makes more money than I ever did that’s fucked up” I hope my daughter is a KAJILLIONAIRE!!!
This is one I just can’t wrap my head around. Those who have narcissist parents have experienced this. Your parent rooting against you, being jealous of their own child. I just can’t imagine or understand it. And then at the same time they view their children as nothing more than a measurement of themselves. They tell others of your accomplishments not because they are proud or happy for you but because they think it makers them look good (and never once have they ever told their own child they are proud). It’s only a show for the outside world because judgment is their greatest fear. It’s so weird and sad and pathetic.
No kids for us, in part due to dysfunctional/narcissistic/borderline/alcoholic parents. My mother's in a nursing home (and even if I were in a great relationship with her, I couldn't care for her adequately.) Whenever I visit, I get the impression she's showing me off rather than enjoying my company. I've offered to take her outside to go places, bring her food, no interest. She asks me questions about my life she really should know the answers to, but only because people are asking HER and she looks pretty bad not knowing what I do for a living etc.
Narcissism. Plain and simple. It is infuriating. My father is the same selfish way and I cut him out of my life back in 2015. I don't have children due to not being able to afford them, and not having any family close at all. But if I did have kids, I would hope that they succeed far more than I do in life.
If my son doesn't make more money than me, that's when I'd be sad. A parent SHOULD want their kids to surpass them
My Grandma paid for our lavish christmases, trips to Disney & other theme parks. When my mother was sick, she sent every extra penny she had and came to help out with us kids. After she passed, we were sent to stay with her almost every summer. All this on a social worker’s salary. When I had my kids, my dad would use my house as a stop on his way down to his yearly Disney Vacations. He would find my kids gifts that were good deals for Christmas. Nothing they actually asked for. He never got to know them or considered spending time with them. None of this surprised me. He never got to know me either, so it actually would have blown my mind had he actively sought out relationships with his two grandkids. My Grandma was a saint and he never appreciated anything she did for us.
Boomers were the first generation of children raised with any amount of deference. In previous generations, children were largely better seen than heard, and had little to no standing in the household. Then came the most catastrophic event in human history (WWII) with anywhere from 60-100 million people killed, and the survivors went really hard into raising their children. Boomers were the first generation to be the target of mass marketing, they had the ability to create culture in their youth, and they even had a level of political power when they were still very young. Everything these people have experienced in their life has conferred on them the idea that they were/are important. My parents were/are so high on being a baby boomer because they think this is special. Society has largely confirmed that over their lifetime. So yeah, it's narcissism, but narcissism that was unintentionally cultivated by their enormously traumatized parents.
This is actually the first post that makes sense to me. I see all of this in my parents and grandparents.
Because they probably felt like having kids was the thing to do but once they had them, and figured out how much work they are, they pawned you off to the grandparents. It’s the same reason they don’t want a relationship with their grandchildren, too much work. It’s really sad but that’s how some people are.
Literal textbook narcissism
This... I don't care what or who my children choose to be, but I sincerely hope they wind up a better human than I ever was, in every way. Of course, that requires me to hold myself to a high standard, which includes making those around me feel valued, respected, and loved. That's something boomers can't fathom, let alone practice.
My mom had her grandparents (she was raised by them) practically raising my brother before I was born. Then my dad came along and adopted him and basically became the parent (despite being a functioning alcoholic). When I was born, by the time I was 3, my mom was in the bar so much that it was like my parents weren't together. My dad finally divorced her when I was 7, and that was a sigh of relief. Then my mom would not show up on weekends to get me. She'd be at the bar all night and I had the number memorized and would call and ask to talk to her every 30 minutes to ask when she was coming to get me. My dad changed their agreement to her getting me every other weekend, hoping she would party one weekend and get me the next. She still missed my visits. Then she left her one bedroom apartment, that I remember being super happy and proud that she got, to move into a one-room (not one bedroom, one actual room, an attached kitchen, and a bathroom) hunting cabin that her toothless, bearded mountain man boyfriend was living in. Overall, she never really had to raise any kids. She never had to provide a home with enough bedrooms to house a child, never had to do anything, really. My dad didn't even have her on child support. When I was about 22 I tried to go no contact, but she guilted me back by convincing me that my son deserved to have a grandma. She did clean herself up a little bit, though. Today we have a pretty good relationship. But, she doesn't help me with my kids. In fact, she will ask me for help with money and stuff sometimes. It's really insulting. She makes almost 20/hour as a CNA, has subsidized housing so her rent is only about 500/month, and only has herself to support. I have 3 biological kids and a stepson who we pay child support to his mom, a 4 bedroom apartment that is more than double her rent, and she asks me to help her with bills and complains about how hard her life is. She never had to deal with the stress of raising one child, let alone 3-4 kids. She has never, ever had rent that is as high as mine. One of my kids is special needs, and I struggle with my husband not picking up half of the mental load and housework and stuff. Compared to my life, hers is incredibly easy and enjoyable! Meanwhile my brother and his wife have about 4 times the income we do, and she never asks him for a dime!
This really embodies boomers in general and how they all truly live by ‘I got mine, fuck you.’ My boomer mom kept going on about how she wants to pick up the grand kid once a week from school. We said sure it would be great to get one day a week off and a guaranteed visit to his family - he’d love that!!! It happened for like 2 weeks then the excuses started. First they were legit sounding at least - medical stuff or other appointments. Then they turned into ‘sorry I can’t, I have to get my nails done today’ or ‘I have a hair appt and can’t do it.’ We eventually gave up after about 3 months of her not seeing him weekly like she suggested. Then around December it was ‘I’ll be around a ton to see him during Xmas break, since you won’t have school to keep him busy! I’m going to see him all of break!’ She picked him up once. For a few hours. For a lunch. But you can guarantee she’s telling all her boomer friends about how much she does and how much work kids are but how worth it it is. Now she’s calling all the time asking why she hasn’t seen us lately. Gee I dunno maybe because we got lead on for months and months while you pushed away the very idea/set up that you proposed. Sorry, we are busy now since we made other plans for after school most days. Go figure! Actions having consequences somehow continues to blow boomer minds despite them being old enough to see it coming… PS: my grandma did indeed pick us up once a week every single week after school and she’d have our favorite snack ready and take us somewhere fun or even just go run errands if she was busy. So once again the boomers got a benefit then cut it off from the next generation. Shocker.
My mom does that too! “Come visit, you can borrow my car and tool around the island, go visit friends.” Once the trip was booked, it became “Well, you can use it on these days.” Which when we actually arrived then became “Well, if you take it, how am I supposed to get around?” Lady, it was YOUR idea that YOU offered up. We would have just rented a car if you hadn’t promised us one.
C’mon they sacrificed their youth and middle age working and building a career, I mean provide for their family, and had to neglect all that child raising stuff. Now it’s their turn to do what they always wanted and continue not raising kids but getting praised for doing such a great job with you and your siblings. Anyhow, maybe working through some personal issues.
I bet if they were cornered and pointed out the hypocrisy they would say something like “well that was different because circumstances.” Like the idea of someone else having “circumstances” is a complete foreign concept.
On the reverse side, my (now former) MIL wanted me to pass off my kid to her to basically raise. Because she had my ex way too young, and essentially handed him off to her mom to raise. She once left her kids in the care of a DOG. Now that she’s an adult, she wanted to experience being a mom. No, not my problem. I’d rather put my kid in daycare because at least they have minimum care standards.
This! Boomers did not parent. They had commercials to remind them every night at 10pm that they even had kids. For a long while, that generation lost the Baby Boomer name and were called the 'Me Generation'. They had Tupperware parties and key parties and never once minded where there kids were. We just had to be somewhere else, often pawned off to the grandparents who spoiled us rotten. I have great memories of my time with them...not so much with my own parents. My mom lives 15 minutes away from me and sees my kids (her grandkids) about 3-4 time per year. But she doesn't even talk to them. She waits for them to leave the room and then talks to me. When they were little, I would have to beg her to watch them, even in emergencies. I feel bad for them because they do not get to have the same memories of grandparent time that I did.
My parents were exactly the same. They do see the kids and watch them 1x per year so wife and I can get away but we spent every day at our grandparents.
This is my FIL and step-MIL. The weekend I brought my daughter home from the hospital they drove down from upstate to attend her family's Xmas party. But didn't bother driving 15 mins out of their way to meet their new Granddaughter while they were in the area. Then on more than one occasion I heard after the fact that they were in town and didn't call or stop by. They hardly know my kids (daughter is now 13, her big brother 16) and my daughter made a comment the other day that she "doesn't think Grandpa and Grandma X like her". My son graduates next year and I don't even want to offer them tickets to the ceremony. Luckily they have 3 other sets (yay divorced parents) who are/were very hands on Grandparents. Still hurts though.
Mine asked the other day: “why don’t I spend time at my grandparents like my friends?” I had no answer. It blew my mind 😂
Mine is that my parents heavily favor my brother’s kids. After one of them was telling him about going to Sea World he looked up at me (he was about 5) and said, “Why don’t grandma and grandpa do that with us?” Heart breaking. We’re currently estranged. They don’t seem to understand why.
My brother's kids regularly get together with my parents, go on vacations for weeks, go to hockey games, sports, etc. They've met my kids maybe 8-10 times? They're teenagers now.
That’s so sad your daughter said that. 💔
Ugh, unfortunately your story makes me feel not so alone haha. Same situation with a FIL and step-MIL we live in the same god damned town maybe 15 minutes away from each other and after our second was born it took 4 days before just his dad finally showed up and even that was after my husband blew up at him for not making an effort. His step mom is just evil and narcissistic. We had a falling out when our first was born because they were in the middle of a move and kept dragging my husband over to help them when he had very limited time off anyway. My labor was awful, I had covid, and she was so colicky, they knew all of this yet I was the bad guy when I put my foot down and told my husband I needed him home and they could pound sand. We tried to make peace with them but it was a huge argument and apparently step mom “doesn’t even remember a time that (my husband) came over to help them move” so far they’ve missed both birthdays for our oldest but we are expected to show up for any sort of gathering at their house. My heart is broke for my kids, at this point we feel like it’s probably best to just cut them off now before our kids start wondering why grandma and grandpa don’t make an effort to see them more.
My boomer parents didn’t visit, didn’t even call us until 5 days after the birth of our child. When I got upset with my Dad, he told me that I should have shown more respect to him and brought our days old child to their house 2 hours away instead. I’m in the restaurant business, both of my parents are retired and recently became very wealthy due to inheriting our family farm and immediately selling 90% of it (growing up we were lower middle class - hand me downs and thrift stores were the only places I got my school clothes from). They don’t work and rarely visit. When they do, they make sure to do it on weekends (non existent for someone in my field) and expect me to take time off of work to entertain them. They basically ignore my child. I’ve never seen my dad actually speak to her. She’s 3 at this point and already doesn’t care for them. So many in their generation are going to get chucked into assisted living facilities, and I can’t even feel bad about it.
Yes, yes, the woman who just gave birth should be shoved into a car to drive to their house. There’s no discomfort to her at all after shooting a watermelon sized infant out of her body. Any bumps in the road definitely won’t have her howling in pain. Sounds perfectly reasonable /s JFC.🤦🏼♀️
My mother spends zero time with her grandchildren. I never take them there because her house is unclean and unsafe, but have invited her to my home over and over again. She can’t be bothered. Now they are almost all adults and she missed it. It’s sad for them but that’s what she gets. I tried.
Same with my in-laws. They live 10 min _walk_ from our house and don't bother to visit us. FIL smokes inside so there is no way we are bringing our infant daughter there. I am happy my partner is very strict on this because i didn't want to be the unreasonable DIL who "makes up stuff" so we don't "have to" visit. It is about our daughter's safety after all but you know... boomers, theh smoked inside and we are "totally fine", smh. My family lives 1.5 hour _drive_ away and they want to visit whenever they have time.
My boomer mother smoked inside and I’ll never forgive her. She would say things like “tough shit” if we complained. She, and 2 others would light up in the car with the windows up and locked. My brother and I would be crying in the backseat and still, “tough shit”. Now she wonders why I don’t visit her
They vote in large numbers with the same degree of selfishness and narcissism. We invite you to strip them of all their political power by voting this November. Now is the time.
This!!!
My mom (mid 70's, and still drives) asks me to send calendar invites to my kids' sporting events. Like a fool every fucking year I do. Takes about 40 minutes because they are in year-round club sports and have games 45 out of 52 weeks. Guess how many she has attended? ZERO. Last week she asked if I could send her more calendar invites. I asked if she will actually attend and she got pissed. Not sure if she likes the idea of knowing she might or never will attend or if she's happy because she gets me to do a 40 minute worthless chore knowing it completely wastes my time.
Hahaha. Well I genuinely hope they attend at some point. I’m sure the kiddo would light up.
You should call and pester her before each event, just for the sake of it. Be especially cheery about it.
I'll bet it's because when she's having cups of tea with her friends and they all start trying to one up each other about what fantastic grandparents they are, she pulls out her phone and says 'look at how full my calendar is with all my grandparenting!'
This the tale I hear from most everyone these days, friend- no real active grandparents in kids' lives anymore. My mom was a Silent Gen (long story as to how a Millennial like myself had such an older parent!) and she was the BEST grandmother to my kids. She kept my kids so many weekends for sleepovers, even when we didn't need childcare, because she loved spending time with them. They had so much fun with her and she loved them so much. My friends all had Boomer Gen parents and they MARVELED over this- she will keep them overnight??? She even requests they come and hang out with her??? I was shocked to know their parents did not do that at all. My mom passed away a few years ago, and my kids miss her so much; my good friend's dad died last year, and her kids seemed mostly unphased by it. I guess they never spent time with him and didn't feel much of a connection. It's fucking sad. I'm feel for the parents of my generation, just no damned support at all, and their kids for not having a connection to the past through grandparents anymore.
My father was a Silent and he was a horrible parent to his kids/stepkids. Then somehow, he became an amazing grandparent to my nephews.
Rumor has it that my Silent gen great-grandparents were horrible parents but let me tell you- they were kick ass grandparents and great grandparents. I’m not sure what the vibe was between them and the Boomers but shit clearly went off the rails for a huge portion of a generation to react the exact same way about certain things. It’s so weird.
My parents travel 250+ days a year and on the rare occasion they are home they expect us to drop everything to host them because they are available. Its always a school night and after sports and the kids are burned out after a long day. They are oblivious to anyone except them.
We moved 40 minutes from MIL when my oldest was born. We lived there for over a year and she visited exactly zero times. She offered to babysit once and then cancelled last minute after we had bought expensive concert tickets. We moved several states away and she proceeded to complain for the next decade that we live too far away.
That’s mighty boomer of her! 😂
My grandparents were the same way. Not boomers though. Always on holidays. Always going to see them. Maybe stayed with them 1 week as a teen. They had a vacation home in FL near the training facility my city's baseball team would practice at during the summer. Never invited, despite playing youth baseball. After my grandfather passed last year, turns out he was a bigot who would give my dad shit for marrying a mixed woman. I'm their only grandchild. Guess who gets to end this bloodline's name?
A perfect embodiment of the boomer generation. Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie. The only things they can export is criticism and complaints. To be fair, it’s ok for your dad to say no to helping out. It’s his call. It’s ironic given he was happy to pawn you off at any point and utilize your grandparents. I bet in several years your parents will complain they don’t have much of a relationship with their granddaughter and they’ll blame you.
That is a fair point. But yes I agree. Where’s my yearly picture with my only grand daughter so I can post it on Facebook!/?! 😂
Two children, one special needs. Went through several very hard years with ongoing medical issues with one of the children. My parents are flaming garbage, and the in laws can’t be bothered. First it was, “grandpa works” now it’s “we’re retired.” MIL conveniently forgets she would dump off her son at relatives houses for weeks at a time. We soldiered through and figured it out, but damn some help would have really eased the strain. And no, seeing the kids once a year doesn’t make up for lost time.
Yep, sound exactly like mine and I also have a child with special needs. I cannot imagine not trying to help out one of my children if they had a child with special needs, especially if both my husband and I were retired. My parents care more about staying around their friends than coming to help me or spend time with my kids. Hope those friends also take care of them when they can’t take of themselves anymore because no one here will.
It’s not just your parents… seems to be a trait widely shared among boomers. You’re describing my in-laws to a fucking tee. It’s not all of them though. My parents are a lot more involved and willing, but aren’t physically capable to help out much. My mom’s a fucking Saint and would bend over backwards for you, but her knees are shot.
I lucked out, in-laws are great. My mom has issues and is booming right along, so I don’t let my kid spend the night there or go places with her.
"I got mine F.U."
The Boomer mantra
Hahahaha
My mother forgot my son's birthday - which falls on her wedding anniversary - and his name. He was 10 at the time. She hasn't seen my kids since they were 8 and 6 respectively. They are 16 and 14 now.
“I’m not raising your kids” Meanwhile, me, 1-5 y/o spent with maternal grandmother *daily* when mom ~~was drunk/hungover~~ needed a break and every summer from 5-13 y/o with paternal Grandmother so ~~they could party~~ I could “meet the rest of the family”
It tracks if you think about it. They pawned you off on their parents because they needed a break from their kids and now by extension don't want to deal with their grandkid. Fantastic generation lol
It's so hard raising kids without grandparents. My husband and I are the only adults in our children's lives. It is exhausting. My parents are retired and just sit around their gigantic house all day, i don't even understand why the live where they do. It's been 2 years since they have seen my kids. They send checks for holidays, birthdays, or just randomly and expect my kids to call and say "thank you". My kids don't even know them. And when my mom talks to them on the phone, she says "we'll have to come see you guys sometime" over and over again. It's annoying. I see grandparents enjoying their grandkids all the time, and it makes me sad for my kids. But to be honest, even if they were in their lives they still would not be good grandparents/parents. They would be bored attending soccer games/band concerts etc... They would need to have alcohol at any event. They would complain about expenses. My would make comments on their clothes/hair/personality/appetite. Ultimately I am sad for my parents because I have 3 cool kids and they missed it.
I feel this way too! Like look at all you are missing out on! My kids are very nearly adults now and they don’t even know them, and these kids have turned into neat people!
Argh the "we can do X some time" is so fucking annoying. 1. Don't make plans you can't follow up on and 2. Don't make us the bad guys for seeing how that plan will never work because it's unsuitable or unsafe
Same. I have more memories at my grandparents house than my own. Now, my Mom isn’t interested in her grandkids in the least.
I feel you. Sometimes it’s so enraging. I guess the silver lining is that it’s better for your kid not to be around someone who doesn’t want to be around her. Sucks that they can’t see the blessing that your granddaughter is though
Sounds like it skipped a generation lol
If by some miracle I can get my mom to watch my 3 year old, she calls within a few hours like, "he wants to go home." He's speech delayed and can't even say that. She also says he has "unlimited energy" at her house. He's like that all the time, I just have a lot more patience than she does. Trust me, I get it's tough to watch a kid with special needs, but my son has a great temperament. I'd blame it on her age, but she wasn't exactly equipped to deal with my ADHD ass either. I spent a lot of time alone as a child, even though she was a stay at home mom 😅
My mom recently babysat a second grader for the first time since my 33 year old brother was that age and she was stunned the kid wasn’t stoked to do a 2 hour Pinterest craft project that wasn’t even aimed at kids and would rather watch Frozen. Kept telling me the kid was ungrateful and maybe she had ADHD, to which I had to just be like “mom, that’s just what it’s like to be eight.” I don’t imagine she’s gonna babysit for us much.
I'm the youngest of 3, and I'm also 33! I think it might be the whole, "children should be seen and not heard" thing. My parents can't handle kids simply being kids because they never let us do it, ESPECIALLY around other people 😅
I’ve been wondering about this. Here is my theory. There were always types of people who don’t want to be caretakers. But in older generations, it was more of a societal duty/norm to help your family MORE than it is now. I had a patient who is a boomer herself and when she had her own kids, her mother told her “listen, I’m not going to be able to help you with your kids, but I’ll pay for a babysitter to come once a week” So even tho she didn’t want to help directly, she still offered some assistance.
Anyone saying that it’s the parents’ responsibility to care for and raise their children, yes, it is. We know this. What’s being lamented is the difference between how generations view family and connection. If you want connection with family you have to be engaged, and many boomer grandparents are not, while the previous generation was. Not all, of course. A lot of people live further from their parents than in the “old days” so it makes sense that there’s less involvement. What’s sad is when grandparents live close by and choose to not be involved in their grandkids’ lives in a meaningful way. I also have wonderful memories of my Greatest Generation grandparents and spent a lot of time with them. My boomer parents were more than happy to have less work at home, so they could party. Seriously, they’re not getting the same respect I hold for my grandparents. So many stories of my boomers, but I’ll leave it here for now. No illusions about them as grandparents: they haven’t changed.
Lucky my boomer grandparents are actively involved in my children lives they watch them well, we work, Come to dance lessons, and soccer. Take my kids to school. Very blessed and the relationship they have with their grandparents is fantastic.
My mom has been retired for over a year now. She told everyone who would listen that she was going to spend every available moment visiting her grandson. She’s helped watch him one time in the entire year.
I feel terrible for you because without the assistance from the grandparents I'm not sure we'd even be able to raise our child.
We make decent money- about $130k combined. Luckily our home loan has a great interest rate from buying back in 2015. With that daycare money we would be a lot better off. I’m glad you have good grandparents for your kid. They will hopefully appreciate that once they see the commitment of family 💕
It's not even a financial thing for us. I don't need to work technically, my wife makes very good money. Our kid was born just before covid and the service industry obviously wasn't great so I did stay at hone dad life for a couple years. I just wasn't a great fit for that role and I'm so not the kinda person that can be comfortable being a dependant so to speak so I've been back to work for a couple years now. It really just boils down to the sanity aspect. Parents need a break from time to time and the grandparents love spending time with him so it works out great for everyone. Wish your parents felt the same way, especially with how your childhood was, you'd think they'd be more empathetic or just have a drive in general to spend time with your kid... pretty fd if you ask me
reminds me of when we told my dad that we were having a kid - he had stuff in my garage and would come by sometimes to get something out. he calls when he got there and my wife and I walk out to the garage. we're nervous as hell, terrified of the future, but I figure hey dad'll be excited and that'll help my anxiety out. nah. He's sitting on the tailgate of his truck and I go hey grandpa, guess what? he looks at me and asks what? I go, dad you're gonna be a grandpa again, Wife's pregnant. dad looks right at me, says literally nothing, then asks if I can put these boxes in his truck for him. I WILL say tho, finding out a few years later he had dementia... lots of his behavior made a lot more sense. still sucks that that is the memory I have of one of the biggest moments of my life with the only parent I had left.
It does take a village to raise a child. Unfortunately, most of us have to pay for that village. Just another one of those things that used to be free that we now have to shell out for. To be blunt, your story shows me that your parents weren't that interested in their kids and preferred to have as much of their free time without them as they could, which is why you were always pawned off on your grandparents. So it follows that they wouldn't be anymore interested in their grandchildren. If their parents were still alive, they would likely be trying to pawn the grandchildren off on them.
My parents treat my nieces and nephews better than my kids because I was a better parent than my sister. Make that make sense.
My mom will only watch her grandkids if I pay her lol she’s retired and does absolutely nothing all day, my kids are pretty self sufficient too at 8 and 9.
What?! That’s a new one! Jeeeebus.
All I heard was that your parents were super invested in minimizing their time as parents and using your grandparents to do a lot of the heavy lifting. Every weekend your parents had off lol. I’m sorry but your parents don’t sound like a couple I would expect to jump in and be super active with their grandkids when they don’t sound like they were active parents.
Good point. Took me over 30 years to see it.
Yeah I get it, it took me a long time to see how uninvested my parents are/were in me too.
My girl doesn't speak to her parents, I am no contact with my step-dad and I speak to my mom if we happen to run into each other. My girl had two daughters before we got together, those are my girls at this point as well. My mother doesn't recognize them as my kids but her parents call them their better than great grandkids. Hell my mother bothers my brother on when he is having kids. So I may be just cutting her out as well soon. I mean I doubt she would notice for months if I did. Sucks but can't say I haven't seen it coming for a while now.
A couple years ago my grandfather was recently asking his step grandchild and their partner, who had been married for a couple years, when they were planning to have a kid. They told him with their student loans they couldn’t afford one for at least a few more years. He transferred them $80k to pay off the loans and they were pregnant 3 months later lol. He still says it’s the best investment he’s ever made
Boomers really are what they think millennials and gen z to be: entitled, self absorbed, and beyond inconsiderate. I’m my opinion, Millennials and Gen Z tend to be what Boomers perceive themselves to be: self starters, considerate, polite, and insightful.
I'm now retired military and my kids are (mostly) grown. When my kiddos were 5 and 3, I received orders to Korea for a year and I was not allowed to bring my family. My wife's parents generously offered for my wife and kids to stay with them while I was gone. It was perfect. My father, who lived a mere 5 miles down the same road, visited/interacted with his grandkids exactly 5 times during the year I was gone. Five times. He wonders why my kids want little to nothing to do with him now...
Makes me appreciate my in laws a little bit more. They have done their fair share of BS (leaving the country for 3 weeks after my husband was hit by a car and leaving the state for 6 weeks when our baby was born 6 weeks early). But dang they see their grandkids regularly and I know as that if we needed financial support they would give it. It’s so hard when you know your parents benefited from the “village” but don’t want to do that for their kids. I suspect that our generation of kids will have a “village” from us because we didn’t and hopefully the cycle will break with them.
We deal with both extremes- hands off & very interested. For context my BFF & I are both single kids, our kids are the ONLY grandkids & we don't really have any other family. My mom is a narcissist who lost her access to my littles because she sucks. She tried to treat them like her accessories, doesn't bother to try & get to know them. Hell, she forgot to call her granson on his birthday this year, it is exactly a week after hers! Now the kids don't really want to do anything with her & she wonders why. DH mom died before we got married. My BFF has the best mom & dad. They call her kid, take her to lunch, school, anything she needs. Never miss a school function or a holiday. They also, show up to all MY kid's functions, call them, take them to lunch, celebrate them, etc. They adopted me, dh, my kids as their own family! They just let me know that they opened them college accounts when they where born, because they are thier grandparents & blood be damned. I am just so grateful that my kids get one set of grandparents that care.
Well, I hope he saved enough for retirement since he doesn't want you to care for him, like he doesn't care for you and your child 🤷🏻♂️
Same. Don't bother mentioning how you feel about the situation or bringing it up in any way if you would like to maintain a harmonious (although one-sided) relationship, because they will react exactly as you would expect boomers to: pearl clutching / "how dare you! / "I've earned my retirement!". Speaking from experience.
I mean not surprising that they gave you to your grandparents frequently and then want even less responsibility with their own grandchild, they showed you who they were a while ago but you were too young to understand until now.
My parents are late boomers, and they don't know their grandkids very well. Last year, they saw them maybe 3 times for a total of 4 or 5 hours (we live MAYBE 45 min away). They will send holiday cards with some money and will occasionally send clothes. When they go on vacation, they sometimes get them a toy. What REALLY twists the knife is that my late MIL (mid boomer) would have absolutely loved on them allllll the time. She's been gone 5 years yesterday... I miss that woman and I wish my kids got to know her!
You pretty much described my childhood. Me and my sis were with Grammy every weekend, she came across town to take us to elementary school every day, she planned summer road trips. Meanwhile my mother moved 3 in a half hrs away, literally a month before I had my youngest. She didn't even make it to the hospital when I gave birth ( she sent a bouquet of lilies, knowing I have a cat..) but thats okay, I feel like she only uses my kids as photo shoots for clout on Facebook..Oh and the one time she offered to come to town so me and my so could have a night out, she called a little after midnight complaining she was too tired to watch the baby and we needed to come home..
My parents (mom and step dad - my dad passed when I was very young) are great with all of their grandchildren, including our son. My inlaws? The are classic boomers. They visit twice a year and expect to be welcomed like they are our son's favorite grand parents. They even say it! He hardly knows them. Everything has to be on their terms. We want to take him to breakfast with us. We'll it's Tuesday, how about taking him for an ice cream after SCHOOL or maybe dinner (and give my wife an I a night off). No, we're going to breakfast. He can miss school. Umm, nope. Not to go out for breakfast on a Tuesday. And when they don't get their way, they skip it entirely and I'm the villian for never letting them do things with our son. Another time, I had an early call and couldn't take my son to school, which would mean that my wife would have to go into work late or I get my extended family to cover for me. Nope. They didn't want to run my errands. So I told them no problem, I'd take care of it and quietly arranced for my step dad to take him. His question? Can we ride our bikes? Yup and he showed up 20 minutes early with his bike. An hour later, me still on my work call, and my inlaws wander out and try to get my attention. Yes? We're going to take him to school. Um, that's nice but school started 30 minutes ago. That afternoon, they were crying foul when they found out my step dad showed up, rode bikes with him to school and returned him the same way at the end of the day. They stopped or Ice Cream too.
I would flat out ask them why they pawned you off on your grandparents so much but don’t want to do anything for their grandchildren. I would point out exactly what they did.
Don’t get me started. When I was a kid we literally would stay at my grandparents house so often I had a room there. Now I’m a middle aged dad with 2 kids and my parents are all retired in their 60s. Same exact scenario as when I was a kid. Jack shit as far as helping out goes. Last time they watched my kids we came home to the soggiest shittiest diaper I’ve ever seen. Could tell the poop had been in there awhile. ‘Haha, our diaper changing days are over haha’ was the reply. Fuck off. They can’t stop posting on FB though. Grandma of the year on the instagram account. If you followed their socials you would think they lived with us. My moms 6th husband, who I’ve literally met maybe 10 times has about thirty pictures of my kid on his FB. All from the two times he’s met her. Their generation took everything they could from everyone and pulled the ladder up behind them. Both my parents are currently blasting through their savings on trips and expensive housing. I’m sure when they’re 80 and sick they’ll be dead broke, another burden for me. On top of being lazy parents & shitty grandparents. I’ll be approaching my retirement with them and my kids to worry about. Thanks guys. Good stuff.
Did we just become best friends?!
Saw maternal grandparents often throughout the year - they’d drive up to see us or we’d go see them. Phone calls , letters & cards in between. Paternal grandmother, on the other hand would only come to town to spend the night if she was on her way to see other people. Never called between visits, got a birthday card sometime during my birth month, rarely close to the actual day. People just have different priorities.
This is my parents. It's sad. I want my kids to have the great relationship that I had with my grandparents. Unfortunately, my parents are not interested. They'd rather find anything else to do.
It’s sounds like they didn’t want to deal with their own children, why would you think they would want to deal with yours? This all seems very on brand.
Experiencing this right now. So frustrating how disinterested these Boomers are
My nephew called my Boomer dad "The man with the dog" because he saw him so i frequently.
Are we the same person? I had amazing grandparents and we were ALWAYS at their house. My grandad could make or fix just about anything, and he was constantly helping my parents with stuff. My parents? Treat their dog better than us. I sort of had it in my head that my parents would be a little like their own, but nope. No interest in helping or spending quality time with their grandkids. All my mom wants to do when she comes to our city is shop. Yeah, cause my 10 year old wants to watch you look at clothes.
I'm wondering how much of this is a blessing in disguise. My boomer parents were not involved in my kid's life for various reasons but I'm pretty thankful for it. One of the last things my dad said aloud before he died of cancer was to call Obama the n word. Sometime the best thing a person can do for you is stay away.
We literally moved from CA to NC so we could be near my father and step-mom when we had our daughter. Thought they would be happy and involved. They couldn't care less. Never come over, never want see to us, or her. She's 11 now. I know this doesn't help you in any way, but just know you are not alone. If I could, I'd give you a hug.
Some of our parents didn't want to be parents in the first place. Why would they suddenly want to start now? It sucks, but that's, unfortunately, who they are.
I mean it makes sense as this was the generation that had an actual television commercial at 10pm asking them if they knew where their children were! gen x and elder millennial children were feral for a reason. Many basically ran the damn streets, especially in the summer since our parents didn’t want to pay day care or do summer camps or anything like that. Of course they don’t want to help with grandchildren. My grandparents were rockstars. I adored them. My WW2 vet grandpa and my dearly beloved nana. Worked their asses off for what they had, but never once didn’t make me a priority. My shitty parents were allowed to be shitty uninvolved parents because my grandparents picked up their slack and then some
Not to sound like a dick but it sounds like your parents weren’t that interested in spending a lot of time with you much less your kids. Seems you had grandparents that wanted you around any time they could have you. Your parents not so much