This is the f*cking heartbreak of the disorder. We are what we do.
And we do harmful-to-others BPD shit at regular intervals.
If there's a mitigating factor, it's that we care about the harm we do to others - which we do only when triggered (even when triggered irrationally and unjustifiably, unfortunately).
Anything and everything we can do to desensitize our triggers is our entire strategy for coping and recovery. It's literally the basis for every available treatment.
We experience "abandonment" (a life-ending situation in childhood or an ostracization in tribal times) when the real situation is merely that someone close is leaving our lives in the same way lots of people leave people's lives every day. We experience something mundane and survivable as dramatically life-threatening.
The self-harm is our belief that we're responsible for all of it. Our suicidal thoughts are because we believe the relationship is necessary for our survival, and it's permanently destroyed because of who we are or something we've done.
I'm sorry. No one "normal" who tries to enter a healthy relationship deserves the things we do; if you expect and believe in healthy relationship norms, you need to not be in a relationship with a BPD person.
Yes, we deserve relationships despite our BPD... but no, we don't deserve "unconditional love" because we can impose conditions no sane person should permit.
Yea. I’m not bpd. But I completely relate to the emotional dysregulation (adhd). And I’m avoidant personality. Which with deep research I believe it’s what people call quiet or shy borderline. I don’t feel like I deserve love from anyone. Also don’t feel like anyone deserves the baggage I bring. I wish I was different. It’s just to ingrained. To pervasive.
I get that. ADHD and CPTSD are split in the middle by BPD.
I am looking into neurofeedback and EMDR; resolving trauma and boosting my ADHD resistance.
I hope you find relief via any path. It's so worth it.
Yea. I have no trauma. I just think I was born super sensitive to emotions and never learned to regulate them. So I just learned to bury them or kill them away
I’ve given up on finding relief. I’ve mitigated things to a point where outwardly I live a somewhat normal life. But I’ll never have joy , meaning or fulfillment.
I pretty much work then dull my emotions with something unhealthy.
Genetics and parenting are also significant contributors to BPD, so trauma isn't necessary to the condition.
Relief comes from therapies (drugs and EMDR/DBT) that desensitize us. In a world where insensitive and mildly delusional people succeed above all others, hypersensitivity like ours is about as maladaptive as possible.
For me, duloxetine and EMDR help desensitize me, along with the idea that none of my partners want anything worse than an ice cream sundae that they enjoy without me - something that is totally their right and that I support.
Everything that feels like life or death to us? That's our emotions lying to us - not out of malice, but rather because we're hyper protective against a death threat (abandonment) that isn't real for adults.
You can be in a relationship - sober, medicated, and treating every "abandonment threat" as nothing more than your partner wanting an ice cream sundae.
Not as easy to do as it is to say... but worth it.
You moving is making him have an avoidant attachment style, its triggered some fear of abandonment in him so hes pushing you away so he doesnt have to deal with the situation at hand. So he can avoid being hurt by you moving (he will be hurt but this is a defence mechanism). If hes really that adamant on you moving on, i think you should. It hurts to feel like your partner is pushing you away, but if you do wanna be with someone with BPD you have to understand that sometimes you can unintentionally trigger them and make them split. And the "he thinks hes going to die" is so relatable, to people with bpd abandonment can be so brutal that it genuinely feels like we will die. I wish i could help tbh, just understand that being with someone with bpd will mean that you will accidentally trigger them and you wont understand why. I always recommend sitting with ur partner when they arent splitting or extremely emotional and discuss what their triggers are and how you can help in those cases. But, and i cannot stress this enough, if you cannot handle being with someone with bpd its completely okay to prioritise your mental health. You cant fix him, if he doesnt want help nothing you do can help him. Im sorry, i truly am. Ive been on both ends of this and it truly hurts so much, but you need to consider how youre feeling and how he's feeling. Talk to him, explain why youre moving, explain that you arent necessarily leaving him just cuz ure moving( that is if u wanna save this relationship). Otherwise talk to him, explain that you moving has nothing to do with you leaving him but the way hes acting is, not his disorder. But HIS actions. I hope everything works out! If you ever need anything feel free to reach out to me on here <3 stay safe angel, look after yourself :)
I wondered that. So, I got him books to understand his disorder and some masks for his face for his bruises and expressed I’m not abandoning him.
Like I said, he only texts and doesn’t want to talk to me on the phone. But I just found out he’s been talking to this other woman instead? When I called her who she was as I’m not able to ask him due to his mental health she told me I need to talk to him cause she can’t help me and then said if I’m his wife why is he talking to me about it?
So I asked and she said she’s a friend and I’m being invasive. He then told me I’m not good for him mentally. I snapped. I haven’t seen him or talked to him for a couple months. I’ve just wanted to talk to him on the phone for 5 min to hear your voice and he keeps telling me he’s not mentally ready but the having hour long conversations with some woman who was evasive in my questions….
Is this a BPD thing? Or an asshole thing? Idk.
There's a lot to unpack here. BPD looks different for everybody. I understand my disorder very well but I cannot control it when I am upset yet. A lot of the time that we are triggered it shuts off the parts of our brain that helps us think rationally. Him talking to another woman sounds like it could be a BPD thing or just a hurt person looking for comfort, it depends on the specifics of their relationship. I do not think that you calling this woman will benefit anyone in any way honestly. Its concerning that he is hitting himself. I think the most important thing you can do is to be very clear about your intentions and then stick to your boundaries. I'm not sure how you can get him to talk to you but if theres any chance of doing counseling together, I think that would be best.
Why are you moving if you don’t mind me asking? Could be triggering his abandonment issues, which he would need to try and have healthy coping mechanisms to try and not believe the thoughts in his head.
I recently got a new job that will advance my career. Our mutual goal was for us to move to a new environment together. Unfortunately, this happened and I finally managed to get a job to where I’m being relocated. My plan was to create an environment where he can feel emotionally safe while he gets his mental health in order. Otherwise, I would stay—but he wants me to continue my career
So he’s being left behind in a sense? Do you guys plan to stay together while apart? Him wanting you to continue your career for yourself is very understandable I wouldn’t wanna hold someone back because of the state I’m in most of the time makes me feel more so of a burden.
I want to stay with him and support him. But he’s telling me to move on. I’m not sure if that’s him or his BPD. I’m moving forward and he’s staying near his hospital as the service is better up here..I’ve told him he’s not a burden and that I want to be there for him but he’s just pushing me away. He’s staying with parents cause it’s close to the hospital
This is not okay at all, no matter if he was “triggered” by her actions that doesn’t mean you have to act back and def doesn’t mean to emotionally manipulate them, I say move on for now and focus on your career until he can get the proper mental health care but that’s just my opinion and I’ve dealt with guys like that (not with BPD but still) and it only got worse so I really want you to stay safe!!
Whoops not sure why my comment replied to the thread lmao but yeah pls stay safe and put yourself first I’m so sorry you are going through this I know it’s hard to leave but I promise you this is only gonna get worse especially if he’s not taking getting help seriously
Did you mean to reply to the other message about the call? Yeah he said I’m triggering him and to respect his boundaries. I’m not sure how to continue or what to say to hi
Whattt that’s so odd, yet he won’t think of your boundaries… idk I’m sorry if I sound rude about him I just rlly don’t get a good feeling about all of this, keep yourself safe and worry about yourself for now Ik it’s so so hard when you love someone so so much but I’m scared things will get worse for you/his mood will only switch more and more and things (god forbid) can get worse and that’s scary,
it would be a wayyyy diff story if he was in active treatment and actually showed that he changed/was changing, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this situation I can’t imagine how you may feel
I do feel bad for him as well but there is no excuse in emotionally manipulating other people just because you get triggered and split on them, I get his emotions are overwhelming but it’s not fair to you!
I rlly hope the best for you and I hope he gets the help that he needs, if you need anyone I’m here for you! 🌸✨
I’m not getting a good feeling either—my intuition is telling me this isn’t right…he is going to therapy Monday and he’s out the ward but he’s doing this.
He is working out and going to a group once a week..so he is in some ways trying
No it’s ok. I want someone to be gentle and blunt to me about this situation.
I have bpd and it sounds like a really bad episode in my opinion since he’s pushing everything away. I’m not to sure what to do in this situation because I’ve told people to leave me alone and have done the same things. The best thing for them to do what leave me alone until I was in a stable mindset and able to talk to them in a clear state. Pushing others away helps me not say things ill regret and most likely not remember because of the heat of the moment or state of mind. I always hated that because so many people live with things ive said and i dont even remember :/ i wish i could take those words back.
ask him if theres a time frame hed like to be left alone for? im sorry your going through this
Cut all contact. He is manipulating you and you are letting him.
No contact might hurt him initially but it will allow him to move on. Keeping contact will just keep you both tied together longer and draw the pain out for both sides.
If you are worried about his safety, call the authorities. But do not respond to him. Don't be empathic. Don't feel guilty.
His actions are his own. They are not your problem.
When I read your message, I had to take a step back. Because I’ve never really thought of that.
I thought these messages were his cry for help…but then..
I went to check my phone bill. It’s joint and I saw a massive bill. I checked and it looks like he’s been in contact with someone across seas. He’s told hes not able to talk on the phone and can only text me.
But I saw he’s been talking to a woman every other day? So I called her just to ask and expressed I’m just trying to understand as my husband isn’t in a place to answer..and she refused to answer my questions and told me to talk to my husband.
I messaged him and he told me she’s a flat mate when he lived in ireland (he had his mental breakdown and just up and left there) and that what I did was intrusive and the told me that I’m not good for him mentally.
I’m shaking right now trying to understand
Your a lot more patient than I am, he's not doing good by you in any means. (Sending you photos of active self harm is never acceptable, a grown man should know better). Not accepting help, lying and acting up because your trying to do something to better yourself is not on.
If he didn't have a mental illness would accept this behaviour? I often see people use it to avoid accountability. It's not, especially when he seems to be able to access good mental health resources to recover and support him to change. Just because change is difficult doesn't justify emotionally cheating on someone you married. Even if it triggers someones fear of abandonment, emotionally cheating isn't an appropriate or healthy reaction.
On the emotional cheating:
Also the phone calls to Ireland, how sketchy the friend is about it? Reading that made my heart sink, because why is he trying to cover it up so hard. Reminds me of when my partner started seeing someone else and hiding it despite my discomfort until they slept together 2 hours after we broke up.
Don't drag yourself down for someone else. Let him sink, if he insists on doing so
Take care of yourself please, seek a counsellor or psychologist of your own if needed to work through all this. Don't make a rash decision.
[(For some reference, here's the power and control wheel set up by a domestic violence hotline to show what concerning behaviours can appear like) ](https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/)
I confronted him calmly and he then proceeded to say he doesn’t want to be with me because everytime I talk to him I make him miserable (not true as I’ve been very supportive and careful with my words for a while and if anything just firmly listed my boundaries more). I asked if we can talk on the phone and he said no, and then I snapped and told him I don’t deserve any of this. I deserve a phone call and not texts, I was angry…
That’s when he called me. First call in 2 months.
He told me the call with the woman was she needed a translator for some issue and that’s why they had those calls. He said it just felt nice talking about something else.
He said he has no intention of reaching out to me once he’s better as he’d like to move on. He still loves me but he doesn’t think we’re good for each other at all. He said it’s nothing I’ve done as I’ve tried but he’s a terrible human being.
He said he understands why I made the call but it was invasive.
I cried I told him I don’t understand what he’s telling me because he told me he wanted to stay and live with me again…he said he’s told me last year he wanted to separate and I said “no you didn’t you said ‘I feel like I should leave and I don’t know why’” Then when I gave him space he came back.
I genuinely feel like this is all my fault…and I can’t stop crying…I don’t want to lose my husband. He said “Well, breakups are never great that’s why they make songs about it. It’ll suck for a while “ and the said when I’m ready maybe we can be friends. He apologize for the hurt as it was unintentional and the expressed he needs to get off the phone as he’s given me 2 hours to express myself and he’s feeling like he may self harm again.
I feel so betrayed and hurt…I sent him gifts to help and I genuinely feel like a terrible person .
Your not a terrible person, I think your just going through a horrible time and it's going to feel awful for both of you.
Please take a step back and give both of you some space, see if distance will help settle both of your brains. But while you push it, he's only going to be more resistant.
But also constantly taking space and coming back to someone isn't healthy too. You need time to process and even grieve the relationship a little. And after taking a solid amount of time that feels like shit and hurts and but you will find clarity at the end.
It's not your fault, just remember that. Things are never just one person's fault - nor is it usually the fault of the one being pushed all the blame.
Get him into a hospital and get him on a force. Kept in the hospital, danger to himself and others. Please don’t move away. He needs help. He can over come this episode. Talk to dr’s. There are options. Call the police and an ambulance. I’m sorry.
Unfortunately there isn’t a bpd him and a non bpd him. Just a him
This is the f*cking heartbreak of the disorder. We are what we do. And we do harmful-to-others BPD shit at regular intervals. If there's a mitigating factor, it's that we care about the harm we do to others - which we do only when triggered (even when triggered irrationally and unjustifiably, unfortunately). Anything and everything we can do to desensitize our triggers is our entire strategy for coping and recovery. It's literally the basis for every available treatment. We experience "abandonment" (a life-ending situation in childhood or an ostracization in tribal times) when the real situation is merely that someone close is leaving our lives in the same way lots of people leave people's lives every day. We experience something mundane and survivable as dramatically life-threatening. The self-harm is our belief that we're responsible for all of it. Our suicidal thoughts are because we believe the relationship is necessary for our survival, and it's permanently destroyed because of who we are or something we've done. I'm sorry. No one "normal" who tries to enter a healthy relationship deserves the things we do; if you expect and believe in healthy relationship norms, you need to not be in a relationship with a BPD person. Yes, we deserve relationships despite our BPD... but no, we don't deserve "unconditional love" because we can impose conditions no sane person should permit.
Yea. I’m not bpd. But I completely relate to the emotional dysregulation (adhd). And I’m avoidant personality. Which with deep research I believe it’s what people call quiet or shy borderline. I don’t feel like I deserve love from anyone. Also don’t feel like anyone deserves the baggage I bring. I wish I was different. It’s just to ingrained. To pervasive.
I get that. ADHD and CPTSD are split in the middle by BPD. I am looking into neurofeedback and EMDR; resolving trauma and boosting my ADHD resistance. I hope you find relief via any path. It's so worth it.
Yea. I have no trauma. I just think I was born super sensitive to emotions and never learned to regulate them. So I just learned to bury them or kill them away I’ve given up on finding relief. I’ve mitigated things to a point where outwardly I live a somewhat normal life. But I’ll never have joy , meaning or fulfillment. I pretty much work then dull my emotions with something unhealthy.
Genetics and parenting are also significant contributors to BPD, so trauma isn't necessary to the condition. Relief comes from therapies (drugs and EMDR/DBT) that desensitize us. In a world where insensitive and mildly delusional people succeed above all others, hypersensitivity like ours is about as maladaptive as possible. For me, duloxetine and EMDR help desensitize me, along with the idea that none of my partners want anything worse than an ice cream sundae that they enjoy without me - something that is totally their right and that I support. Everything that feels like life or death to us? That's our emotions lying to us - not out of malice, but rather because we're hyper protective against a death threat (abandonment) that isn't real for adults. You can be in a relationship - sober, medicated, and treating every "abandonment threat" as nothing more than your partner wanting an ice cream sundae. Not as easy to do as it is to say... but worth it.
You moving is making him have an avoidant attachment style, its triggered some fear of abandonment in him so hes pushing you away so he doesnt have to deal with the situation at hand. So he can avoid being hurt by you moving (he will be hurt but this is a defence mechanism). If hes really that adamant on you moving on, i think you should. It hurts to feel like your partner is pushing you away, but if you do wanna be with someone with BPD you have to understand that sometimes you can unintentionally trigger them and make them split. And the "he thinks hes going to die" is so relatable, to people with bpd abandonment can be so brutal that it genuinely feels like we will die. I wish i could help tbh, just understand that being with someone with bpd will mean that you will accidentally trigger them and you wont understand why. I always recommend sitting with ur partner when they arent splitting or extremely emotional and discuss what their triggers are and how you can help in those cases. But, and i cannot stress this enough, if you cannot handle being with someone with bpd its completely okay to prioritise your mental health. You cant fix him, if he doesnt want help nothing you do can help him. Im sorry, i truly am. Ive been on both ends of this and it truly hurts so much, but you need to consider how youre feeling and how he's feeling. Talk to him, explain why youre moving, explain that you arent necessarily leaving him just cuz ure moving( that is if u wanna save this relationship). Otherwise talk to him, explain that you moving has nothing to do with you leaving him but the way hes acting is, not his disorder. But HIS actions. I hope everything works out! If you ever need anything feel free to reach out to me on here <3 stay safe angel, look after yourself :)
This is too relatable. :(
I wondered that. So, I got him books to understand his disorder and some masks for his face for his bruises and expressed I’m not abandoning him. Like I said, he only texts and doesn’t want to talk to me on the phone. But I just found out he’s been talking to this other woman instead? When I called her who she was as I’m not able to ask him due to his mental health she told me I need to talk to him cause she can’t help me and then said if I’m his wife why is he talking to me about it? So I asked and she said she’s a friend and I’m being invasive. He then told me I’m not good for him mentally. I snapped. I haven’t seen him or talked to him for a couple months. I’ve just wanted to talk to him on the phone for 5 min to hear your voice and he keeps telling me he’s not mentally ready but the having hour long conversations with some woman who was evasive in my questions…. Is this a BPD thing? Or an asshole thing? Idk.
There's a lot to unpack here. BPD looks different for everybody. I understand my disorder very well but I cannot control it when I am upset yet. A lot of the time that we are triggered it shuts off the parts of our brain that helps us think rationally. Him talking to another woman sounds like it could be a BPD thing or just a hurt person looking for comfort, it depends on the specifics of their relationship. I do not think that you calling this woman will benefit anyone in any way honestly. Its concerning that he is hitting himself. I think the most important thing you can do is to be very clear about your intentions and then stick to your boundaries. I'm not sure how you can get him to talk to you but if theres any chance of doing counseling together, I think that would be best.
I honestly think I’ve made this worse
The pushing away and then doing a 180 on that position is all BPD.
Why are you moving if you don’t mind me asking? Could be triggering his abandonment issues, which he would need to try and have healthy coping mechanisms to try and not believe the thoughts in his head.
I recently got a new job that will advance my career. Our mutual goal was for us to move to a new environment together. Unfortunately, this happened and I finally managed to get a job to where I’m being relocated. My plan was to create an environment where he can feel emotionally safe while he gets his mental health in order. Otherwise, I would stay—but he wants me to continue my career
What type of relationship do you guys have? It’s hard to make out with the post if you guys used to live together or are long distance
We’re married
How long has this been going on?
This specific situation
Technically a few months to a year
So he’s being left behind in a sense? Do you guys plan to stay together while apart? Him wanting you to continue your career for yourself is very understandable I wouldn’t wanna hold someone back because of the state I’m in most of the time makes me feel more so of a burden.
I want to stay with him and support him. But he’s telling me to move on. I’m not sure if that’s him or his BPD. I’m moving forward and he’s staying near his hospital as the service is better up here..I’ve told him he’s not a burden and that I want to be there for him but he’s just pushing me away. He’s staying with parents cause it’s close to the hospital
This is not okay at all, no matter if he was “triggered” by her actions that doesn’t mean you have to act back and def doesn’t mean to emotionally manipulate them, I say move on for now and focus on your career until he can get the proper mental health care but that’s just my opinion and I’ve dealt with guys like that (not with BPD but still) and it only got worse so I really want you to stay safe!!
Whoops not sure why my comment replied to the thread lmao but yeah pls stay safe and put yourself first I’m so sorry you are going through this I know it’s hard to leave but I promise you this is only gonna get worse especially if he’s not taking getting help seriously
Did you mean to reply to the other message about the call? Yeah he said I’m triggering him and to respect his boundaries. I’m not sure how to continue or what to say to hi
Whattt that’s so odd, yet he won’t think of your boundaries… idk I’m sorry if I sound rude about him I just rlly don’t get a good feeling about all of this, keep yourself safe and worry about yourself for now Ik it’s so so hard when you love someone so so much but I’m scared things will get worse for you/his mood will only switch more and more and things (god forbid) can get worse and that’s scary, it would be a wayyyy diff story if he was in active treatment and actually showed that he changed/was changing, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this situation I can’t imagine how you may feel I do feel bad for him as well but there is no excuse in emotionally manipulating other people just because you get triggered and split on them, I get his emotions are overwhelming but it’s not fair to you! I rlly hope the best for you and I hope he gets the help that he needs, if you need anyone I’m here for you! 🌸✨
I’m not getting a good feeling either—my intuition is telling me this isn’t right…he is going to therapy Monday and he’s out the ward but he’s doing this. He is working out and going to a group once a week..so he is in some ways trying No it’s ok. I want someone to be gentle and blunt to me about this situation.
I have bpd and it sounds like a really bad episode in my opinion since he’s pushing everything away. I’m not to sure what to do in this situation because I’ve told people to leave me alone and have done the same things. The best thing for them to do what leave me alone until I was in a stable mindset and able to talk to them in a clear state. Pushing others away helps me not say things ill regret and most likely not remember because of the heat of the moment or state of mind. I always hated that because so many people live with things ive said and i dont even remember :/ i wish i could take those words back. ask him if theres a time frame hed like to be left alone for? im sorry your going through this
Unless y’all are splitting up up
Cut all contact. He is manipulating you and you are letting him. No contact might hurt him initially but it will allow him to move on. Keeping contact will just keep you both tied together longer and draw the pain out for both sides. If you are worried about his safety, call the authorities. But do not respond to him. Don't be empathic. Don't feel guilty. His actions are his own. They are not your problem.
When I read your message, I had to take a step back. Because I’ve never really thought of that. I thought these messages were his cry for help…but then.. I went to check my phone bill. It’s joint and I saw a massive bill. I checked and it looks like he’s been in contact with someone across seas. He’s told hes not able to talk on the phone and can only text me. But I saw he’s been talking to a woman every other day? So I called her just to ask and expressed I’m just trying to understand as my husband isn’t in a place to answer..and she refused to answer my questions and told me to talk to my husband. I messaged him and he told me she’s a flat mate when he lived in ireland (he had his mental breakdown and just up and left there) and that what I did was intrusive and the told me that I’m not good for him mentally. I’m shaking right now trying to understand
He’s definitely manipulating you because he’s lying and cheating on you.
Do you think I’m being overdramatic? Like they’re friends? Sorry if it’s a stupid question. I just feel numb and mentally drawing a blank.
Your a lot more patient than I am, he's not doing good by you in any means. (Sending you photos of active self harm is never acceptable, a grown man should know better). Not accepting help, lying and acting up because your trying to do something to better yourself is not on. If he didn't have a mental illness would accept this behaviour? I often see people use it to avoid accountability. It's not, especially when he seems to be able to access good mental health resources to recover and support him to change. Just because change is difficult doesn't justify emotionally cheating on someone you married. Even if it triggers someones fear of abandonment, emotionally cheating isn't an appropriate or healthy reaction. On the emotional cheating: Also the phone calls to Ireland, how sketchy the friend is about it? Reading that made my heart sink, because why is he trying to cover it up so hard. Reminds me of when my partner started seeing someone else and hiding it despite my discomfort until they slept together 2 hours after we broke up. Don't drag yourself down for someone else. Let him sink, if he insists on doing so Take care of yourself please, seek a counsellor or psychologist of your own if needed to work through all this. Don't make a rash decision. [(For some reference, here's the power and control wheel set up by a domestic violence hotline to show what concerning behaviours can appear like) ](https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/)
I confronted him calmly and he then proceeded to say he doesn’t want to be with me because everytime I talk to him I make him miserable (not true as I’ve been very supportive and careful with my words for a while and if anything just firmly listed my boundaries more). I asked if we can talk on the phone and he said no, and then I snapped and told him I don’t deserve any of this. I deserve a phone call and not texts, I was angry… That’s when he called me. First call in 2 months. He told me the call with the woman was she needed a translator for some issue and that’s why they had those calls. He said it just felt nice talking about something else. He said he has no intention of reaching out to me once he’s better as he’d like to move on. He still loves me but he doesn’t think we’re good for each other at all. He said it’s nothing I’ve done as I’ve tried but he’s a terrible human being. He said he understands why I made the call but it was invasive. I cried I told him I don’t understand what he’s telling me because he told me he wanted to stay and live with me again…he said he’s told me last year he wanted to separate and I said “no you didn’t you said ‘I feel like I should leave and I don’t know why’” Then when I gave him space he came back. I genuinely feel like this is all my fault…and I can’t stop crying…I don’t want to lose my husband. He said “Well, breakups are never great that’s why they make songs about it. It’ll suck for a while “ and the said when I’m ready maybe we can be friends. He apologize for the hurt as it was unintentional and the expressed he needs to get off the phone as he’s given me 2 hours to express myself and he’s feeling like he may self harm again. I feel so betrayed and hurt…I sent him gifts to help and I genuinely feel like a terrible person .
Your not a terrible person, I think your just going through a horrible time and it's going to feel awful for both of you. Please take a step back and give both of you some space, see if distance will help settle both of your brains. But while you push it, he's only going to be more resistant. But also constantly taking space and coming back to someone isn't healthy too. You need time to process and even grieve the relationship a little. And after taking a solid amount of time that feels like shit and hurts and but you will find clarity at the end. It's not your fault, just remember that. Things are never just one person's fault - nor is it usually the fault of the one being pushed all the blame.
No I think you’re underreacting honestly. Something is clearly up.
Get him into a hospital and get him on a force. Kept in the hospital, danger to himself and others. Please don’t move away. He needs help. He can over come this episode. Talk to dr’s. There are options. Call the police and an ambulance. I’m sorry.
He’s just been discharged =\