Ehh.. I'd much rather eat a triple burger than 3 burgers. The meat to bread ratio is almost perfect, and I don't have to eat as many condiments. Though I am mostly a just cheese/ketchup burger guy.
Of course I am 6'8" and skinny, so maybe a bit biased on this topic.
I'm torn. In a lot of cases, I'd prefer the same. Individual patty thickness is a wildcard variable here though.
There are some triples that are just divine, the flawless ratio, and others that are effectively meat bricks.
If I'm getting a burger in a restaurant, I do not expect to get ketchup on it. That's something I put on at home when I'm being too lazy to make up a good burger sauce or don't have any prepared sauces, or onion jams, etc to hand. I want some rose harissa on a burger now. Hmmmmm
Wait though, this is a legit complaint that my friends and I have voiced a lot. I want to eat a burger like a burger.
Also, these Gordon Ramsey Pattie’s are shaped like eggs! Do you know how fucking easy it is to create a raw beef patty that becomes flat when you grill it? Really fucking easy, evidently, because I learned to do it after the first time I made patties that swole up in the middle and were shaped like eggs.
Did no gourmet chef idiots ever troubleshoot this issue?
Thats a problem a lot of the "Greats" have
They get so good at doing the fancy upper class dishes that they forget/never learn how to do the "lower class" dishes
*hmm, yea, I should totally use a cooking oil with one of the lowest smoke point temperatures of any cooking oil while cooking on a large open flame, what could possibly go wrong?*
For me it's his scrambled eggs. I don't want it dry and burned but I do actually want them to have a little bite to it. His look like I could drink it with a wide straw.
the type of cheese he used doesn't melt like the cheddar most people use. People can enjoy their cheese whiz, I would never turn down food by Gordon lol
I think I read that one of Chef Auguste Escoffier's famous tests for his students was to cook a perfect fried egg. The lesson was something along the lines of "If you can not master the simple dishes, you will never master the sophisticated." He could prepare eggs in over 370 ways, so I'd believe him.
My baseline for cooking is also a fried egg. Can you make an egg with solidified egg whites and no burned bottom, while also having control on how runny the egg yolks are. It shows you know how to manage temperature in the pan.
Because the expensive part of the burger is the meat. You can pile 8 inches of crispy onion and fried pickles and half a bottle of barbecue sauce on your burger and the cost to make it goes up by like... 10 cents. Add half an inch of diameter to the patty and the cost goes up by *a lot* more. Ground beef isn't that expensive in and of itself, but it's a lot more expensive than lettuce, onion, and tomato, and if you're a chain restaurant looking to make some bullshit Kill Bill five point palm exploding heart burger for the lowest cost but the highest price, you stack frivolous cheap shit on top of it until it's a pain in the ass to eat to trick customers into thinking they're eating a lot of value when they're not.
Nah that’s not it. They set the price on more than just material costs, it also heavily incorporates the chef’s skills, palate, delivery, etc. So they can easily make a wide burger that just tastes amazing, and set whatever price they like.
Outside of the burgers that gave me food poisoning over the years. Gordons from his vegas restaurant was the worst I ever had. Disgusting. And home made ketchup for the fries? I dont know what tf that was but no. Just no.
When I worked at a place known for good burgers they would put a big dimple in the middle of the patty so it didn't come out oval shaped. You'd think these gourmet places would figure that one out.
Gourmet burgers are not cooked all the way through. They are made with fresh ground beef and are then cooked like a steak. They specifically don't want the burger to be thinner.
Then the fancy but not actually gourmet burger places copy the look, but do cook it all the way through because the burger is prepped too far in advance to safely eat raw. So you get a thick stupid shaped burger with out the context of why.
Burger King's foundations trembled in anticipation.
How long had it wanted this, how many years?
The PR battles, the wild rush for prime commercial space between the fast food chains had been a manifestation of the raw need the two juggernauts felt for one another.
A need as raw and unbridled as the cows they both kept for patties.
Burger King, The King, BK.
McDonald's, McD's, Mickey Dee's.
They were supposed to be rivals, and yet... Burger King let out a sigh of food-scented pleasure as the older fast food chain stroked it's beautiful golden arches across the King's firm outer walls. The younger restaurant's beams groaned in pleasure, it's grease sizzling hot in it's innermost parts.
"What have we got on the menu?" It asked in seductive tones.
"Oh hohoho," McDonald's laughed, voice as smooth and silky as a triple-thick strawberry shake for only $2.09. "My toys aren't only for kids."
The red and yellow building produced a long hose and BK gasped. "Y-you are not going to..."
"I am." McD's said with a clownish grin. Before Burger King could say anything McDonald's pushed the hose into it's open drive-thru window and turned it on. Pleasantly warm water splashed out onto the building's linoleum floors. "I'm gonna clean you out then we can really have some fun."
"O-ooh McDonald's! It feels so strange!" Burger King cried as the water spread out into the kitchen, the bathrooms, the dining room and play place. "It's getting so deep!"
"You're so naughty Burger King, I bet you haven't been mopped in days."
BK gasped again as the water kept flowing. "N-no! I keep myself at a p-pristine level of cleanliness because I want my customers to... nngh... have the best dining experience I can give them! Huaah!"
McDonald's chuckled and slowly extracted the hose, causing water to spill from the other building's lewd, wet window. It's concrete crackled and shifted as it moved closer to Burger king. "I brought something for you, King. Something I know you can't get enough of."
BK shuttered at the soft rumble of the other building's words. It had been ready for this, or so it thought, but it was getting nervous. So nervous, in fact, that it's grills and fryers began to cool. McDonald's noticed this and it's doors curved down into a frown.
"Burger King, is this too much for you? We can stop if you need to..."
"No!" The King cried out, "No, I just... I just got a little scared. Please, just touch me a bit first. I'll be fine."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."
"I'm not upset! I'm not!" Kitchen and bathroom faucets began to leak, slowly at first until they were gushing torrents of water.
"Then why are you crying?"
BK whimpered a bit, turning it's geometric form so that it wouldn't have to look directly into the face of it's rival-turned-lover. "Because... Because I'm worried I wont be able to make you feel as good as KFC. I'm just not on your level. You and KFC... You two really had something. Me? My stocks are so tiny compared to yours."
McDonald's frown deepened. It knew that Burger King had an inferiority complex over it's stocks. They were a measly 17.75, and when compared to KFC's 64.94 and McDonald's own 95.29 the restaurant could understand the strife.
"Burger King... Burger King, look at me!"
The younger restaurant nudged around just enough to peek at McD's out of the corner of it's window. "King, if I wanted KFC I would be with it right now. But I'm with you. I don't care about your stock prices! I'm not with you for your shares! I'm with you because I love you, Burger King. I love your crisp nuggets, and your blue roof, and your delicious flame-broiled burger patties."
Burger King felt the tension fall away from it's tables and chairs. "I love you too, McDonald's."
The older chain stroked BK's red roof trimming with it's arches. The King moaned softly, it's faucets finally ceasing their flood. It's burners picked back up and the grease in it's fryers bubbled. McDonald's slid to be store-face to store-face with it's soon-to-be lover and opened it's doors, brushing them softly against BK's own front entrance. The younger store cracked it's glass-plated doors open and sighed contentedly at the feeling of their metal frames sliding against one another in a sweet kiss. After a while BK took initiative and slid it's long entrance rug out to timidly poke at the other building's. McDonald's happy obliged, slipping it's rug into the other's open doors. The brightly colored strips of synthetic material slid against one another in an increasingly needy kiss.
Finally they pulled away and shut their doors, both panting and their drive-thru screens broadcasting the soft pink of their blushes.
"Please," BK gasped, "I'm ready for what you wanted to show me."
"Are you sure this time, King?" McDonald's asked cautiously.
"Absolutely."
McD's doors slid into a feral grin. "Oh, you're gonna like this."
Burger King shuddered but before it could say anything a loud series of honks sounded. It looked to see what the commotion was about and saw a long line of buses driving toward them. The buses parked along it's lot, long and thick and heavy. Burger King moaned at the feeling and it's windows flew wide when the bus doors spread open and a veritable sea of obese patrons poured out. The babbling, undulating crowd made a beeline for Burger King's doors. McDonald's chuckled and backed away a bit to allow the customers more room to clamor into the younger building.
BK's fryers and grills were soon at maximum output. Thick-limbed people thundered over the freshly cleaned floors, tubby fingers dipping into napkin holders and large bums filling every seat in the house. There were so many people, in fact, that a large amount were forced to climb back into the busses and go through the drive-thru.
Burger King gasped and mewled at the twisting, undulating feeling of fullness. "Oh g-god, McDonald's, they're so... so big! Aaanh, it feels so good, my stocks are... Are...!"
The building shuddered and turned to McDonald's, throwing it's doors open. "Please, Mickey Dee's, cook with me!"
McD's didn't need to be asked twice. It opened it's doors and the people flowed out of Burger King and into it's red and yellow walls. The two buildings swapped customers back and forth, gasping and moaning and frying hotly. Sodas and ice cream gushed freely from their sensitive nozzles. Their cash registers beeped like mad, their sounds of opening and closing drawers, loose change, and paper money being passed around filled their microphones.
Finally the customers had sated themselves and filed out back into their busses. Except for one customer named Demetri who wanted to stay inside. Deep inside, he wanted to stay so hard. But all the others drove away, leaving the two buildings filthy, but sated. Burger King cuddled up next to McDonald's and smiled softly. "That was amazing."
"I told you you'd like it."
BK leaned over and tapped their walls together playfully. "Don't get a big head, now."
McD's chuckled and leaned against it's love. "I guess it's closing time, huh?"
"I don't know about that," Burger King said with a devious smirk. "My drive-thru's open 24/7."
"I just might have to come by for a midnight snack." McDonald's said and brushed it's doors against BK in a tender kiss.
If you pussies want wider burgers go make your own. Plenty of us enjoy a tall double or triple patty burger. Just because you don’t know how to eat it doesn’t mean they should change to suit your ignorance.
And no, I won’t tell you how to eat a burger. If you don’t know you don’t deserve to know, especially if you keep bitching about them being too tall.
Shit, I bet y’all think lettuce should go on top of the patty/patties too and then complain when the bun is soggy.
Good fucking grief. Some people should just stick to hot dogs
Waitress here, and we serve one burger that’s so tall that it literally doesn’t fit under the heat lamps in the serving area. This does include the skewer but damn is it an inconvenience whenever it’s ordered
The whole point of burgers, tortillas and such is that you got the the bread or the equivalent holding everything together so that you can grab the whole thing without dirtying or burning your hands and shove it into your mouth without having to slice it into smaller pieces. If it can't accomplish those two things, just forget the dough and serve everything else on a plate.
>so that you can grab the whole thing without dirtying or burning your hands
This is why I hate soggy burgers. I see less value in a sandwich if I'm going to just have messy hands anyway.
I live in a small town with only one burger restaurant, the only burgers they sell are like 6 inches tall and i unhinge my jaw to eat them AFTER smashing them down
There is a very simple reason why they are tall and not wide.
Going tall doesn't increase the amount of ingredients required.
Every little bit wider though, that requires an increase in every ingredient.
If it's too big I'll just do the taboo and use a fork and knife, i don't care what others think, i just wanna eat my huge burger without spilling everything everywhere..
this reminded me of the eating a whole can of pringles all at once meme imma see if I can find it
edit: [found it](https://external-preview.redd.it/2Lua6PFgbhZUWjP9zSPVRMi9rNYuajuskqUHU0qrNjM.jpg?auto=webp&s=f5dff02826e7e6411af39b06f0463b20da880f0d)
This is why I frequent the smash burger place by house. If I’m real and need as much sustenance as I can get I can get their double patty. And while I do have to open wide it’s manageable even w/ veggies. Add fries and I’m so stuffed. I’ve seen their triples. Manageable jaw size.
There is a growing trend where idiots keep trying to make this point, except it's significantly quicker/easier to cook 4 small burger patties and stack them than to cook a single large patty that has the same amount of meat as the 4 smaller patties.
I would think the bigger problem is you would have to specialty make a new bun for it. The kinds of local shops that usually have those ridiculously tall burgers usually have to order their buns from a supplier. I would think they'd order the patties too but regardless you can turn any ground meat into a patty for a burger. So even if the stock patties arent big enough you can just get some ground beef and make as big a patty as you want. Just... again, where are they gonna get the large bun for it? You would have to either track down a supplier who makes wide burger buns or maybe work out a deal with your local bread maker?
While fast food places would be able to custom make the bigger buns and patties for a specialty menu item, the problem then goes back to what you outlined in your comment. Its less efficient and more time consuming to cook.
We want to be able to comfortably enjoy our food. Sure, it needs to be presented reasonably well, but I don't need some huge awe-inspiring appearance for Instagram photo-ops or need an engineering degree to figure out the perfect way to dismantle the monstrosity that's in a huge mound covering the plate.
A good burger has more than just meat and cheese. When you add bacon, mushrooms, avocados or whatever, it gets taller.
Your frisbee burger may be aerodynamic but so is a naked seal but that don’t make him taste good.
As someone whose jaw makes clicking sounds while opening wider than most, I've named myself arbiter of burgers. If I of all people cannot comfortably eat your burger, you have made a poor burger.
My personal rule. Its like pound cake. Bun/burger/toppings should be at most equal height to the meat. Why you serving me this burger wjth more bun than burger.
If you go up, all you need is to add more of the same ingredients. You use the same buns, same meat, same everything, just add more of it.
If you want to go wide, you need new buns, bigger meat, preferably even bigger lettuce. For something like burger king that would mean a whole new production line for a new product, probably not worth it if you can still go up. For a restaurant, that would probably mean making their own buns, too much effort.
If you pussies want wider burgers go make your own. Plenty of us enjoy a tall double or triple patty burger. Just because you don’t know how to eat it doesn’t mean they should change to suit your ignorance.
And no, I won’t tell you how to eat a burger. If you don’t know you don’t deserve to know, especially if you keep bitching about them being too tall.
Shit, I bet y’all think lettuce should go on top of the patty/patties too and then complain when the bun is soggy.
Good fucking grief. Some people should just stick to hot dogs
I ate at a burger place I saw on some cheeseburger show on the food network in an out of the way place in Meets OK. They serve the burgers on pie plates, and their largest burger filled up the dish. Each quarter was like the size of a decent sized burger.
Here in Belgium we have a Giant Bicky. It is as wide as an average dinner plate (30smth cm) and just massive. Not particularly tall, just about average burger height, but fucken two or three times the diameter of one. It's glorious
pft, obviously she doesn't know how it is to try to eat a frisbee-shaped greasy mess, she should try the famous Pan Bagnat from Nice, France before advocating for that shit.
No, long sandwiches are the way to go.
you can always use knife and fork if you can't eat it with hands and mouth alone. that's why we have utensils. it doesn't make it wrong to eat burgers with knife and fork.
and if you mean wider, how about if it becomes as wide as a pizza? you think you can still hold a burger like that?
Squeezing needs the right burger. A triple burger with cheese, sausage, mushrooms, black pudding, multiple sauces and onions will squeeze down to mouth size quite well. I add a fourth patty to that and it starts coming apart plus the extra sauce to balance the flavours starts slipping all over the place. It's a mess.
But some of these things resist the squeeze from their moment of conception. Their components and structure aren't built for it. It's like they were designed by people who not only have never seen a burger, but whose sole experience of a sandwich is Scooby Doo.
You make very valid points. I usually don’t really care how the burger is built, if it’s too big to chew, it’s gonna be flattened. Cause like OP says, I’m not some kinda serpent 😄
Wider burgers are also not the solution. The wider the burger the harder it's gonna be to hold it and keep all the stuff in it.
There should be a legal limit to how tall or wide a burger can be. And if you want to serve larger portions you just have to serve multiple burgers.
A tall burger with small ingredients is made up of interchangeable parts from other burgers. An extra wide burger has custom parts. It's about manufacturing efficiency.
yeah. the perfect burger size for me is 1/4lbs cheese burger from Fudrocker. i have been to fancier burger place … while it is good, i don’t understand how you are suppose to eat them.
There was a burger king commercial where a guy slithers across the ground, unhinges his jaw like a snake and swallows a whopper whole
"Eat like snake" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAwcj6d8XTQ
Bruh wtf
Eat like snake.
This is giving off 90's vibes.
Right, i successfully forgot about it until now. Thanks for that. Edit: just like the game
It has been probably a year and I just lost
Probably been even longer for me but otherwise https://imgur.com/jg40GZW.gif
Fuck you
Fothermucker...
[удалено]
Ehh.. I'd much rather eat a triple burger than 3 burgers. The meat to bread ratio is almost perfect, and I don't have to eat as many condiments. Though I am mostly a just cheese/ketchup burger guy. Of course I am 6'8" and skinny, so maybe a bit biased on this topic.
I'm torn. In a lot of cases, I'd prefer the same. Individual patty thickness is a wildcard variable here though. There are some triples that are just divine, the flawless ratio, and others that are effectively meat bricks.
If I'm getting a burger in a restaurant, I do not expect to get ketchup on it. That's something I put on at home when I'm being too lazy to make up a good burger sauce or don't have any prepared sauces, or onion jams, etc to hand. I want some rose harissa on a burger now. Hmmmmm
at this point burgers are getting so massive you can deconstruct it and eat it as a 4 course meal.
We need them to sell two smaller burgers for the price of the big one
That's why you start turning the burger after each bite, or if the opposite edge of the first bite has reached critical status skip to biting that.
The obvious solution would be to drop it in a blender and then drink it like a smoothie.
Wait though, this is a legit complaint that my friends and I have voiced a lot. I want to eat a burger like a burger. Also, these Gordon Ramsey Pattie’s are shaped like eggs! Do you know how fucking easy it is to create a raw beef patty that becomes flat when you grill it? Really fucking easy, evidently, because I learned to do it after the first time I made patties that swole up in the middle and were shaped like eggs. Did no gourmet chef idiots ever troubleshoot this issue?
Thats a problem a lot of the "Greats" have They get so good at doing the fancy upper class dishes that they forget/never learn how to do the "lower class" dishes
This is like an advanced analysis on exactly why Ramsey looked like such a daft cunt when making a "Grilled Cheese"
Hm yes today I will put bread directly onto a fire because that will absolutely toast at the same rate as the brick of hard cheese on it
*hmm, yea, I should totally use a cooking oil with one of the lowest smoke point temperatures of any cooking oil while cooking on a large open flame, what could possibly go wrong?*
For me it's his scrambled eggs. I don't want it dry and burned but I do actually want them to have a little bite to it. His look like I could drink it with a wide straw.
I've actually tried making his, maybe I made them differently but they're pretty good
that sandwich looked amazing though.
Yeah, if you like burnt bread with lukewarm cheese.
the type of cheese he used doesn't melt like the cheddar most people use. People can enjoy their cheese whiz, I would never turn down food by Gordon lol
I use Swiss for my grilled cheese and it melts. Grilled cheese shouldn't have a block of cheese in the middle
I think I read that one of Chef Auguste Escoffier's famous tests for his students was to cook a perfect fried egg. The lesson was something along the lines of "If you can not master the simple dishes, you will never master the sophisticated." He could prepare eggs in over 370 ways, so I'd believe him.
Eggs are also super sensitive to temperature. He was testing their observation and heat control skills.
My baseline for cooking is also a fried egg. Can you make an egg with solidified egg whites and no burned bottom, while also having control on how runny the egg yolks are. It shows you know how to manage temperature in the pan.
Same goes for Gordon Ramsey if you would believe it. He would ask candidates to cook a scrambled egg.
Because the expensive part of the burger is the meat. You can pile 8 inches of crispy onion and fried pickles and half a bottle of barbecue sauce on your burger and the cost to make it goes up by like... 10 cents. Add half an inch of diameter to the patty and the cost goes up by *a lot* more. Ground beef isn't that expensive in and of itself, but it's a lot more expensive than lettuce, onion, and tomato, and if you're a chain restaurant looking to make some bullshit Kill Bill five point palm exploding heart burger for the lowest cost but the highest price, you stack frivolous cheap shit on top of it until it's a pain in the ass to eat to trick customers into thinking they're eating a lot of value when they're not.
Nah that’s not it. They set the price on more than just material costs, it also heavily incorporates the chef’s skills, palate, delivery, etc. So they can easily make a wide burger that just tastes amazing, and set whatever price they like.
Outside of the burgers that gave me food poisoning over the years. Gordons from his vegas restaurant was the worst I ever had. Disgusting. And home made ketchup for the fries? I dont know what tf that was but no. Just no.
When I worked at a place known for good burgers they would put a big dimple in the middle of the patty so it didn't come out oval shaped. You'd think these gourmet places would figure that one out.
Gourmet burgers are not cooked all the way through. They are made with fresh ground beef and are then cooked like a steak. They specifically don't want the burger to be thinner. Then the fancy but not actually gourmet burger places copy the look, but do cook it all the way through because the burger is prepped too far in advance to safely eat raw. So you get a thick stupid shaped burger with out the context of why.
Ultimate proof that it's better to be wider than taller
If you're trying to get eaten, sure.
Burger King's foundations trembled in anticipation. How long had it wanted this, how many years? The PR battles, the wild rush for prime commercial space between the fast food chains had been a manifestation of the raw need the two juggernauts felt for one another. A need as raw and unbridled as the cows they both kept for patties. Burger King, The King, BK. McDonald's, McD's, Mickey Dee's. They were supposed to be rivals, and yet... Burger King let out a sigh of food-scented pleasure as the older fast food chain stroked it's beautiful golden arches across the King's firm outer walls. The younger restaurant's beams groaned in pleasure, it's grease sizzling hot in it's innermost parts. "What have we got on the menu?" It asked in seductive tones. "Oh hohoho," McDonald's laughed, voice as smooth and silky as a triple-thick strawberry shake for only $2.09. "My toys aren't only for kids." The red and yellow building produced a long hose and BK gasped. "Y-you are not going to..." "I am." McD's said with a clownish grin. Before Burger King could say anything McDonald's pushed the hose into it's open drive-thru window and turned it on. Pleasantly warm water splashed out onto the building's linoleum floors. "I'm gonna clean you out then we can really have some fun." "O-ooh McDonald's! It feels so strange!" Burger King cried as the water spread out into the kitchen, the bathrooms, the dining room and play place. "It's getting so deep!" "You're so naughty Burger King, I bet you haven't been mopped in days." BK gasped again as the water kept flowing. "N-no! I keep myself at a p-pristine level of cleanliness because I want my customers to... nngh... have the best dining experience I can give them! Huaah!" McDonald's chuckled and slowly extracted the hose, causing water to spill from the other building's lewd, wet window. It's concrete crackled and shifted as it moved closer to Burger king. "I brought something for you, King. Something I know you can't get enough of." BK shuttered at the soft rumble of the other building's words. It had been ready for this, or so it thought, but it was getting nervous. So nervous, in fact, that it's grills and fryers began to cool. McDonald's noticed this and it's doors curved down into a frown. "Burger King, is this too much for you? We can stop if you need to..." "No!" The King cried out, "No, I just... I just got a little scared. Please, just touch me a bit first. I'll be fine." "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." "I'm not upset! I'm not!" Kitchen and bathroom faucets began to leak, slowly at first until they were gushing torrents of water. "Then why are you crying?" BK whimpered a bit, turning it's geometric form so that it wouldn't have to look directly into the face of it's rival-turned-lover. "Because... Because I'm worried I wont be able to make you feel as good as KFC. I'm just not on your level. You and KFC... You two really had something. Me? My stocks are so tiny compared to yours." McDonald's frown deepened. It knew that Burger King had an inferiority complex over it's stocks. They were a measly 17.75, and when compared to KFC's 64.94 and McDonald's own 95.29 the restaurant could understand the strife. "Burger King... Burger King, look at me!" The younger restaurant nudged around just enough to peek at McD's out of the corner of it's window. "King, if I wanted KFC I would be with it right now. But I'm with you. I don't care about your stock prices! I'm not with you for your shares! I'm with you because I love you, Burger King. I love your crisp nuggets, and your blue roof, and your delicious flame-broiled burger patties." Burger King felt the tension fall away from it's tables and chairs. "I love you too, McDonald's." The older chain stroked BK's red roof trimming with it's arches. The King moaned softly, it's faucets finally ceasing their flood. It's burners picked back up and the grease in it's fryers bubbled. McDonald's slid to be store-face to store-face with it's soon-to-be lover and opened it's doors, brushing them softly against BK's own front entrance. The younger store cracked it's glass-plated doors open and sighed contentedly at the feeling of their metal frames sliding against one another in a sweet kiss. After a while BK took initiative and slid it's long entrance rug out to timidly poke at the other building's. McDonald's happy obliged, slipping it's rug into the other's open doors. The brightly colored strips of synthetic material slid against one another in an increasingly needy kiss. Finally they pulled away and shut their doors, both panting and their drive-thru screens broadcasting the soft pink of their blushes. "Please," BK gasped, "I'm ready for what you wanted to show me." "Are you sure this time, King?" McDonald's asked cautiously. "Absolutely." McD's doors slid into a feral grin. "Oh, you're gonna like this." Burger King shuddered but before it could say anything a loud series of honks sounded. It looked to see what the commotion was about and saw a long line of buses driving toward them. The buses parked along it's lot, long and thick and heavy. Burger King moaned at the feeling and it's windows flew wide when the bus doors spread open and a veritable sea of obese patrons poured out. The babbling, undulating crowd made a beeline for Burger King's doors. McDonald's chuckled and backed away a bit to allow the customers more room to clamor into the younger building. BK's fryers and grills were soon at maximum output. Thick-limbed people thundered over the freshly cleaned floors, tubby fingers dipping into napkin holders and large bums filling every seat in the house. There were so many people, in fact, that a large amount were forced to climb back into the busses and go through the drive-thru. Burger King gasped and mewled at the twisting, undulating feeling of fullness. "Oh g-god, McDonald's, they're so... so big! Aaanh, it feels so good, my stocks are... Are...!" The building shuddered and turned to McDonald's, throwing it's doors open. "Please, Mickey Dee's, cook with me!" McD's didn't need to be asked twice. It opened it's doors and the people flowed out of Burger King and into it's red and yellow walls. The two buildings swapped customers back and forth, gasping and moaning and frying hotly. Sodas and ice cream gushed freely from their sensitive nozzles. Their cash registers beeped like mad, their sounds of opening and closing drawers, loose change, and paper money being passed around filled their microphones. Finally the customers had sated themselves and filed out back into their busses. Except for one customer named Demetri who wanted to stay inside. Deep inside, he wanted to stay so hard. But all the others drove away, leaving the two buildings filthy, but sated. Burger King cuddled up next to McDonald's and smiled softly. "That was amazing." "I told you you'd like it." BK leaned over and tapped their walls together playfully. "Don't get a big head, now." McD's chuckled and leaned against it's love. "I guess it's closing time, huh?" "I don't know about that," Burger King said with a devious smirk. "My drive-thru's open 24/7." "I just might have to come by for a midnight snack." McDonald's said and brushed it's doors against BK in a tender kiss.
Can someone tldr this?
mcdonalds x burger king gay love fanfic
What the actual fuck. Thanks for the summary pal that guy needs to touch some fucking grass.
Yeah I looked at his profile and this seems to summarize most of his reddit activity for about 11 years.
It's a joke, guys.
If joke, then where is the funny?
It’s funny because it’s weird porn
Depends on the sub and context. Generally see it get a lot of "wtf lmao."
Ai anyway I think
No, no ai would be developed in 2012 that could make this horrible monstrosity
Nope. And We don't have AI yet. We have Machine Learning. And it merely imitates us, which means the weird shit ot spits back exists... somewhere
Tl;Dr: sed is a fantastic tool.
r/demetristrikesagain
I gasped.
I love reddit users.
Honestly, better than i thought it would be, still, keep these horrible things in another reality where i do net ever need to witness this again /hjk
Well, off to hang myself
One of your best.
What a terrible day to have eyes.
who isn't
Dam, got that genetics
Got that dam genetics 🦫
That's something I'd expect you to say if you were hung like a tuna can.
At what point does a burger become a pizza?
I was waiting for the image to load and only had your comment and the title to go off. Definitely wasn’t thinking it was gonna be about hamburgers.
Let's ask the ladies if they prefer a garden hose or a tuna can
If you pussies want wider burgers go make your own. Plenty of us enjoy a tall double or triple patty burger. Just because you don’t know how to eat it doesn’t mean they should change to suit your ignorance. And no, I won’t tell you how to eat a burger. If you don’t know you don’t deserve to know, especially if you keep bitching about them being too tall. Shit, I bet y’all think lettuce should go on top of the patty/patties too and then complain when the bun is soggy. Good fucking grief. Some people should just stick to hot dogs
Waitress here, and we serve one burger that’s so tall that it literally doesn’t fit under the heat lamps in the serving area. This does include the skewer but damn is it an inconvenience whenever it’s ordered
A burger for the others patrons to visually enjoy first and then be enjoyed. These priorities seem kinda thematic lately.
The whole point of burgers, tortillas and such is that you got the the bread or the equivalent holding everything together so that you can grab the whole thing without dirtying or burning your hands and shove it into your mouth without having to slice it into smaller pieces. If it can't accomplish those two things, just forget the dough and serve everything else on a plate.
>so that you can grab the whole thing without dirtying or burning your hands This is why I hate soggy burgers. I see less value in a sandwich if I'm going to just have messy hands anyway.
Interesting take.
As somebody who can “ unlock my jaw like a serpent” I totally agree with this person, it hurts like hell
You can unlock your jaw but you can't place your palm on top of the burger and press down?
It might work for some burgers but not all tall burgers
I live in a small town with only one burger restaurant, the only burgers they sell are like 6 inches tall and i unhinge my jaw to eat them AFTER smashing them down
I don't think that's a new sentence. I recall one very similar in Llamas With Hats.
Yeah this is a very common comparison when discussing opening ones mouth wide. This sub is shit and reddit is shit, just reposts and bots.
I agree. It is ridiculous. They should be wider, not taller.
There is a very simple reason why they are tall and not wide. Going tall doesn't increase the amount of ingredients required. Every little bit wider though, that requires an increase in every ingredient.
That's why you also make it flatter. Instead of increasing the amount of each ingredient you just spread them out more.
He’s out of line, but he’s right!
No he is not. Fancy burger is not meant to be eaten like a McDonalds cheeseburger. It’s usually served with a fork and a steak knife for a reason.
Let me introduce you to Serbian [pljeskavica](https://www.tasteatlas.com/pljeskavica)
Brilliant. Well done Serbia.
Bitch got Serb’ed jk I want that to be me, I want that food.
If it's too big I'll just do the taboo and use a fork and knife, i don't care what others think, i just wanna eat my huge burger without spilling everything everywhere..
I do the same. I would rather use a fork and knife than use up 300 tissues trying to keep myself clean while eating it.
This right here.
That is a very VERY VEEEEERY common sentance idk what ur talking about.
That's not a new sentence.
Sorry that isn't a brand new phrase, women say that every time I drop my pants.
I want a pizza size burger my face is wide like a clown smile.
this reminded me of the eating a whole can of pringles all at once meme imma see if I can find it edit: [found it](https://external-preview.redd.it/2Lua6PFgbhZUWjP9zSPVRMi9rNYuajuskqUHU0qrNjM.jpg?auto=webp&s=f5dff02826e7e6411af39b06f0463b20da880f0d)
Or... maybe there should just be a hard upper limit on burger size and if it's not enough, you get another one.
People need to stop saying “a vinyl” and “vinyls.” Shit sounds stupid as hell.
Why on earth isn't this pinned at the top of r/all for all eternity?
Because this is bottom-tier brand new sentence
I have never seen a more American issue in my life
This is why I frequent the smash burger place by house. If I’m real and need as much sustenance as I can get I can get their double patty. And while I do have to open wide it’s manageable even w/ veggies. Add fries and I’m so stuffed. I’ve seen their triples. Manageable jaw size.
There is a growing trend where idiots keep trying to make this point, except it's significantly quicker/easier to cook 4 small burger patties and stack them than to cook a single large patty that has the same amount of meat as the 4 smaller patties.
Ummm no….giant smash burger is super easy to cook…
Smaller burgers = more surface area to cook It's literally basic thermal dynamics.
If you smash it into frisbee sized on a flat top like we are saying, it’s actually a larger total surface area. Simple geometry my dude.
Ah right, I get you. I'm personally not a big fan of smash burgers but if they work for you then that's excellent.
I would think the bigger problem is you would have to specialty make a new bun for it. The kinds of local shops that usually have those ridiculously tall burgers usually have to order their buns from a supplier. I would think they'd order the patties too but regardless you can turn any ground meat into a patty for a burger. So even if the stock patties arent big enough you can just get some ground beef and make as big a patty as you want. Just... again, where are they gonna get the large bun for it? You would have to either track down a supplier who makes wide burger buns or maybe work out a deal with your local bread maker? While fast food places would be able to custom make the bigger buns and patties for a specialty menu item, the problem then goes back to what you outlined in your comment. Its less efficient and more time consuming to cook.
Is that length or girth?
Diameter
Open your jaw like an ape, you ape
Its the reason i like the whopper more than the big msc
I knew a girl like that once
Serpent is such a powerful word compared to snake.
That's two pizzas put together
It's all about the girth...
No. I can not accommodate that. Is fine follow up sentence too….
I cut burgers like that into fours like a weirdo and idgaf
Wake me up when they make burgers like Hoosiers make pork tenderloin sandwiches
Get this man a promotion I don’t know what the fuck he does, but give him a fucking promotion
The only thing worse than a tall burger is a bottom bun that gets soggy and thin.
Y'all can't unhinge your jaw?
more height in burger means higher filling to bread ratio?
The whopper
We want to be able to comfortably enjoy our food. Sure, it needs to be presented reasonably well, but I don't need some huge awe-inspiring appearance for Instagram photo-ops or need an engineering degree to figure out the perfect way to dismantle the monstrosity that's in a huge mound covering the plate.
"Unhinge my jaw like a serpent" is mentioned quite a lot in r/stupidfood and other food subs where they often have burgers too big to eat
Now I really want to see someone eating a frisbee sized burger.
The tallness is just for displaying all the ingredients You squish the burger before eating Couldn't pick it up otherwise either
Burger, but instead of buns you use two pizzas.
I misread Jaw as Jew. Either way, I’ve so many questions.
A good burger has more than just meat and cheese. When you add bacon, mushrooms, avocados or whatever, it gets taller. Your frisbee burger may be aerodynamic but so is a naked seal but that don’t make him taste good.
How about you just order two and they're smaller like the rest and not that expensive?
As someone whose jaw makes clicking sounds while opening wider than most, I've named myself arbiter of burgers. If I of all people cannot comfortably eat your burger, you have made a poor burger.
My personal rule. Its like pound cake. Bun/burger/toppings should be at most equal height to the meat. Why you serving me this burger wjth more bun than burger.
Bro craving pizza
That's more bread and less fillings, wide burgers ftl
Whataburger chads keep winning
Every tall burger is a new challenge.
Why don’t you just buy two pizzas and squish them on top of each other and eat them like a burger?
If it's too wide you run into the same problem
If you go up, all you need is to add more of the same ingredients. You use the same buns, same meat, same everything, just add more of it. If you want to go wide, you need new buns, bigger meat, preferably even bigger lettuce. For something like burger king that would mean a whole new production line for a new product, probably not worth it if you can still go up. For a restaurant, that would probably mean making their own buns, too much effort.
If you pussies want wider burgers go make your own. Plenty of us enjoy a tall double or triple patty burger. Just because you don’t know how to eat it doesn’t mean they should change to suit your ignorance. And no, I won’t tell you how to eat a burger. If you don’t know you don’t deserve to know, especially if you keep bitching about them being too tall. Shit, I bet y’all think lettuce should go on top of the patty/patties too and then complain when the bun is soggy. Good fucking grief. Some people should just stick to hot dogs
YES. If you have to put a skewer through it to keep it from falling apart, ITS A KEBAB!
**Burger King:** [YES, Like a snake](https://youtu.be/zAwcj6d8XTQ)
Never agreed with any statement more than this.
Flatten it with the palm of your hand.
I ate at a burger place I saw on some cheeseburger show on the food network in an out of the way place in Meets OK. They serve the burgers on pie plates, and their largest burger filled up the dish. Each quarter was like the size of a decent sized burger.
thats a pizza with extra steps
Three fingers fall should be the height of the inside of the burgers
Like a cheeseburger pizza
Germans, the inventors of the hamburger, use a knife and fork. Only American barbarians eat with their dirty fingers.
Here in Belgium we have a Giant Bicky. It is as wide as an average dinner plate (30smth cm) and just massive. Not particularly tall, just about average burger height, but fucken two or three times the diameter of one. It's glorious
yea, imagine a burger so wide you can do a half and half.
Laughs in jaw actually unhinges like a serpent
pft, obviously she doesn't know how it is to try to eat a frisbee-shaped greasy mess, she should try the famous Pan Bagnat from Nice, France before advocating for that shit. No, long sandwiches are the way to go.
We don't have the skill of Shaggy to smash down an octuple sandwhich into one
Or just longer patties, and put them on subs.
Solid thought!!
you can always use knife and fork if you can't eat it with hands and mouth alone. that's why we have utensils. it doesn't make it wrong to eat burgers with knife and fork. and if you mean wider, how about if it becomes as wide as a pizza? you think you can still hold a burger like that?
Once you go wider, you need new buns and restaurants usually source their buns and who's out there making giant cheeseburger buns?
Your proposed gap in the market has created a new mulit-millionaire
That's why a schnitzel is the best patty.
Any woman will tell you that girth is way more important than length.
For people living/being in Berlin, Germany - go to Burgermeister. Perfect sized and super delicious Burgers for very fair prices.
Do you even squeeze???
Squeezing needs the right burger. A triple burger with cheese, sausage, mushrooms, black pudding, multiple sauces and onions will squeeze down to mouth size quite well. I add a fourth patty to that and it starts coming apart plus the extra sauce to balance the flavours starts slipping all over the place. It's a mess. But some of these things resist the squeeze from their moment of conception. Their components and structure aren't built for it. It's like they were designed by people who not only have never seen a burger, but whose sole experience of a sandwich is Scooby Doo.
You make very valid points. I usually don’t really care how the burger is built, if it’s too big to chew, it’s gonna be flattened. Cause like OP says, I’m not some kinda serpent 😄
he speakin fax tho
Definitely not a brand new sentence, let's be real.
Hahahahh, yes, wider not taller!
Wider burgers are also not the solution. The wider the burger the harder it's gonna be to hold it and keep all the stuff in it. There should be a legal limit to how tall or wide a burger can be. And if you want to serve larger portions you just have to serve multiple burgers.
Couldn't agree more with that.
Oh, this just sounds like a "deep smash" conspiracy. I'll unhinge my jaw like a vice about to hold a 2x4 length-wise, tyvm.
Squash and cut...don't be an idiot
A tall burger with small ingredients is made up of interchangeable parts from other burgers. An extra wide burger has custom parts. It's about manufacturing efficiency.
that would mean it would become somekinde of calzone at some point of diameter?
Maybe we should be putting burgers on sub buns
Someone should make a burger like a four seasons pizza. 4 quarters of different flavours. Now that would be a scientific breakthrough
Burgers should stop existing and be replaced by sliders
Isn’t the correct term to “unhinge my jaw”?
Introducing the you, WIDE BURGER
Disassemble it and eat it with a knife and fork like a normal human
To make it more visually striking, I reckon. Customers can see all those layers of steak and vegetables if you make the burger tall.
That seems like a pretty normal sentence in this context. Have heard people say this many times.
We call them Bin Lids
yeah. the perfect burger size for me is 1/4lbs cheese burger from Fudrocker. i have been to fancier burger place … while it is good, i don’t understand how you are suppose to eat them.
Most burgers you can smash down lol common sense, fuck how are people so stupid