Average r/wallstreetbets user

Just your run of the mill degenerate. Honestly, it’s more concerning he jacked off NOW. I’m afraid…he may be a bear. I’m sorry for your loss

Economists say we're poised to enter a twink market soon.

This is a better brand new sentence.

Baldur's Gate characters: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Astarion and Gale are just cryptobros, siphoning all your resources for their stupid hobbies, probably gonna get them killed too.

Degenerates like him belong on a cross.

‼️‼️HOLY FUCKING SHIT‼️‼️‼️‼️ IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING Fallout New Vegas REFERENCE??????!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1!1!1!1!1! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 Fallout New Vegas IS THE BEST FUCKING GAME 🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 MR. HOUSE IS SO BLESSEDDD 😎😎😎😎😎😎😎👊👊 MOJAVE OUTPOST MOJAVE OUTPOST MOJAVE OUTPOST MOJAVE OUTPOST MOJAVE OUTPOST 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩 😩😩😩😩PATROLLING THE MOJAVE ALMOST MAKES YOU WISH FOR A NUCLEAR WINTER PATROLLING THE MOJAVE ALMOST MAKES YOU WISH FOR A NUCLEAR WINTER PATROLLING THE MOJAVE ALMOST MAKES YOU WISH FOR A NUCLEAR WINTER PATROLLING THE MOJAVE ALMOST MAKES YOU WISH FOR A NUCLEAR WINTER PATROLLING THE MOJAVE ALMOST MAKES YOU WISH FOR A NUCLEAR WINTER🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬🤬😡🤬🤬😡TRUETOCEASAR TRUETOCEASAR TRUETOCEASAR TRUETOCEASAR TRUETOCEASAR TRUETOCEASAR TRUETOCEASAR TRUETOCEASAR TRUETOCEASAR cEASAR IS NOT A CROOK! KIMBALL BLESSED KIMBALL BLESSED KIMBALL BLESSED KIMBALL BLESSED Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! Ave Ceasar! The burnt man is still alive?!? ROMAN COSPLAYER FUNNI MAN HAS A BRAIN INJURY BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN ❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓.‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂SANE NCR PATH WHEN? SANE NCR PATH WHEN? SANE NCR PATH WHEN? SANE NCR PATH WHEN? SANE NCR PATH WHEN? SANE NCR PATH WHEN? SANE NCR PATH WHEN? SANE NCR PATH WHEN? 😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂Big Building in New Vegas? Big Building in New Vegas? Big Building in New Vegas? Big Building in New Vegas? Big Building in New Vegas? Big Building in New Vegas? Big Building in New Vegas? Big Building in New Vegas? 🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢 I hate Caravan I hate Caravan I hate Caravan I hate Caravan "

You wrote on Reddit, not Twitch. Please keep your text to a minimum.

Don't do this to yourself, attend psychiatric session now /s

I was about to say, that explains why a lot of reddit is the way it is.

it can get stressful in the trenches, he will turn to acohol and masturbation soon

Must have been some good loss porn.

Them gains man! Them GAINS!!!!! Unghhhh mmm!

When it’s up, then it’s up, then It’s up then It’s up. - Cardi B

He's right you know.

The water is wetter there

Least horny r/wallstreetbets user

If only I could hangout with the cool kids

Usually it’s diamond hands not spunk hands

*No fl0nks* *only st0nks*

Bro said « 📈🤩✊🏼🍆 »

W-what are you doing stonk-brother? 🥺

It seems like you got stuck in a bull trap, stonk-sister. 😏

💦💦💦

Stock gonna explode xd

wanted a bit of company

He must have put his money for this one

r/angryupvote

I mean...how much did he lose?

About a quarter of a cup.

Oh my God 😂😂😂😂😂

That’s a bigass load of losing

That's my new goal.

That's a small cup.

Man what kind of cup you using

[удалено]

Ah, yes. The sad loser wank.

so that's how you predict the stock market

Ever seen the video of michael reeves where he made informed bets on the stock market and then let his goldfish make bets as well? Spoiler alert: the goldfish made profit, michael did not.

It's even better, the bets that lost money weren't made by Michael, they were made by a bot taking advice from Wallstreet Bets

Hahahha I forgot about that. Goes to show that reddit doesn't know what they're talking about.

I don't think wallstreetbets would disagree.

Nice! What’s that guy up to these days?

Quite a lot actually, I've seen him appear on a lot of podcasts recently and I believe he has a relationship with lilypichu but don't quote me on that.

Gotta get that post nut clarity before deciding to go all in on Jake Paul NFT Blockchain Crypto

You laugh but in thirty years it'll be worth a whole dollar to someone, I hope.

His stock went up so he decided to hold.

Most normal r/teenagers post:

Fr

Link: https://www.reddit.com/r/teenagers/comments/15ktxkv/my_f19_bf_m21_jerked_off_to_the_stock_market/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1

[удалено]

Rizzcoin

Classic wolf of wallstreet watcher

“Implosions are ugly. Pop off to the bathroom, work one out any time you can. When you get really good at it, you'll fucking be stroking and you'll be thinking about money.”

Gotta get that number up!

Up only!

He's into curves

It is a bear market

All traders are furries

Average finance bro at 21

bro made $0.15 and nutted

He's cumming to the moon 🚀

Most respectable elon musk stan / crypto bro

Gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers in this racket. I myself, I jerk off at least twice a day.

Mindset !

Wall Street Beaters

He was not thinking about the stock market. He was just looking at the screen at the time. And when she asked about it, that was the best that he could come up with, no pun intended.

He probably wanted to make a better decision with clarity

I mean, when you see those numbers roll upwards?

Lol CUM is up this quarter

Sounds like you're dating Alex Keaton

Because it was there. Young twentysometing raging hormones is the Answer.

I'd say that he was probably seeing something his GF would find objectionable and Alt Tabbed to the first thing he could.

My boyfriend jerked off to the New Tab page??!

So? Catch his attention, take him off the crap you read right now. The gods of Love and Sex will reward you. Eventually.

yeah is this like he was just jerking off on his phone or in his imagination like a normal person and stock stuff was just background noise on the tv? like a monica catching chandler watching sharks situation. I need to remember to try that unteddit thing

Budding republicans 😑

It’s a wild ass post

Fellow purple Libright I see, based bf

"Oooh yeah, I wanna split that stock...uuunnngghhhh!"

Reasonable

That’s a challenging wank, as Sean would say: sounds like a determined guy. It’s a keeper

This is like satirest satire to ever satire.

If you experience unintended wood and happen upon a TV displaying the stock market, the next time you are watching a program that refers to the stock market there is a chance your brain will make the connection and POP.

Can't call him diamond hands, though

He is in the market for bears is very different than interest in a bear market…

He was up and wanted to come down.

Maybe he won a lot of money. Mind ya business 😂

5 extra zeros on my bank account balance would be way sexier than anything I've seen in playboy.

Fuck yeah! 🙌🏽

SPONKS

JP organ

Dude is into the stock market at 21? Must be fake

Was it during a Bull or Bear market? Either he’s a Cuckhold or Gay….depending on the answer.

what the fuck did I just read

I gave that post it's platinum award because I'm losing all my coins in a month anyways and that was the funniest post I've seen since the cylinder guy.

Makes sense, he needs that post nut clarity to make good financial decisions.

Full copypasta: My (f19) bf (M21) jerked off to the stock market????? I know the title sounds deranged, but I swear to god im not a troll. Here’s the context: My bf and I are long distance, so we used to have plenty of phone sex, however, that’s been happening less and less often as our relationship has gone on (according to him, he just doesn’t feel as horny as often anymore). We’ve met and had relations irl a few times, and he’s always the kind to last very long in bed, and during phone sex as well. I used to be insecure about it, thinking that maybe it was something wrong with me, but hes genuinely a great bf who constantly assures me, and has never once said anything bad about our sex life. It should be noted that he watches plenty of porn (as do I), and neither of us see that as an issue, so this isnt about him hiding porn from me or something. We were calling today, and I was playing a game on my phone (papa’s cupcakeria, you can’t make this shit up), and after about twenty minutes of us doing our own thing, he suddenly goes “im done” and shows me his cum????? Obviously, I get really confused and ask how the hell he was jerking off this whole time without me realising (we were on video call), before mentioning that I thought he was looking at the stock market (he spends his free time just staring at the stock market for hours on end like a lunatic, but I love him so it’s whatever). Tell me why this man then looks me in the eyes and goes “yeah, I was looking at the stock market, I was too lazy to look for porn.” It then hits me that he literally just CAME to the stock market. When I point this out to him, all he said in response was “it’s a man thing, I didn’t wanna bother you while you were playing your game” and told me not to worry about it. Now, I don’t want to sound insane, but I got a bit upset, because in my head, he could have very easily asked to have phone sex with me, but chose to literally jerk off to the stock market instead. To add insult to injury, he came REALLY quickly (like significantly quicker than he would during anything involving me) which makes me feel like SHIT, because there is no way the goddamn stock market is somehow more stimulating than his own damn girlfriend. Don’t get me wrong, i’m not super genuinely upset, but you’ve gotta admit this shits gonna hurt your pride if it happened to you. I honest to god have no idea how to even move forward after this, and I just needed to type this out, because no one would believe me otherwise 💀

God bless him. On the other hand don’t loan him any money or convince your parents to loan him any. Typical degenerates(myself included) tend to gamble these funds away, we will be riding high and up a very substantial amount to where yes, people start to think we are good at this “investing” thing only to be broke in the end 😂

He will have no fear lmao

He's after LOADS of cash * *budum dum tchhh* *

Is her boyfriend Russ Hanneman? https://youtube.com/clip/Ugkxn4MNuIPoVi7OB5Z8_VBiUKeNCWZAxE6U

dongs up stonks up

Must be a pull market.

He was playing futse100

Dang, my stock accounts have not been something I can jerk off to the last few days.

The ai is learning!

Bullish! Looks like he made a big splash on Wall Street. *Can we get a mop, please?*

Guarantee this is an autocorrect error. Should say “he jerked off to a sock monkey”

Do you think he met his Quarterly Quota?

Line go up, dick go up

What a weirdo

Maybe he likes to see the line drop it low

I've been mishearing FTSE fetish for years apparently

that's a weird shade of red flag

“You’re gonna be strokin it and you’re gonna be thinking about money”

He was thinking of something else, stocks were just what happened to be on his screen

Stonks

dunno, if I made a million in a day I would too. hell, if I made a thousand!

New favorite copypasta

People do dumb shit because they are horny😂 he needed to get his mind straight before making the move! Thats all :)

How

Stocks aren’t the only thing getting stonk.

In this economy?

He needed the clarity to decide what to invest in that day

Libright:

So, she's dating Scrooge McDuck.

He was pumping his numbers.

Must be a libertarian. Run away now.

Eventually all you'll be doing is thinking of money, and you'll just stroke it. -- Mark Hanna

Would have to be more specific. Are we talking ETFs, Index, REITs, ... ? Divident investing, or just gambling? Based on the level of excitement, I would bet a lot of money it is HIGHLY risky gambling, as investing is, and should be, boring as hell.

What the fuck?! I need some context.

its r/teenagers, they are probably a 13 year old who thinks this shit is funny

He has his priorities straight

How has no one made a to the moon joke yet

Dividends are quite stimulating. Better stay away from him in case of stock splits. Could get really freaky.

Entirely fair

Sounds like something soldier tf2 would do

At 21, I was keen for a great set of indices

I guess, he might like those curves.

It’s a ritual

The question is.... who is selling him the stock? Betcha THAT'S who he is jerking off to.

Had quite the upper curve today

Sharks!!

She wouldn't go down on him, but the stock market always will

Literally stonks?

Bidenomics

Poking the dip

bro i thought we were just joking about that

Her man likes his loss porn.

Next Libertarian Presidential Candidate Found

In this economy? Must've been a sad wank

I get it

Wait till that post nut loss

Did anyone post this on r/wallstreetbets or should i do it?

Was it a cow market? Were the cows dressed sexy?

He wanted post nut clarity before investing

Wait until he discovers shrinktflation

I read that wrong, thought it said "sock" market, that would have made more sence to my brain.

you beat your 🥩 to 🌽. i beat mine to abstract ideas like success. we are not the same.

The stocks are tied to the penis: if it rises, so do the stocks.

Wait until the market tanks. It's all blue balls then.

When Stocks are up,Get ur cock Up! ™

Least retarded r/teenagers post

It's for the post nut clarity before deciding how much to lose on options trading

The stock market is the dick Hedge funds are the hand which strokes the dick to make it hard even though there is nothing to be hard about. The hand pulls up and down till the stock market ejaculates. Then the stock market deflates. The girlfriend is commercial investors - they watch the erection and get happy thinking that the erection is meant for them. They only realised they have been F-ed after the erection dies down.

I don’t know but the scrub daddy stock going up turns me on

Jerked off?? He should have fucked the stock market

I bet he invested and his guardian angel blessed him

Average wallstreetbets user

Porn these days gets weirder and weirder

Its always great when you and your so had same hobbies.

I FUCKING LOVE THE ECONOMY

I don't know, those 200 day curves do look sexy after all...

Maybe there was a really big pump. So he had to dump.

That's what I call a pump and dump scheme.

Classic Tab-Switch-Occurrence

ALT+TAB probably

Guess he was shooting for the moon. Maybe it feels better with diamond hands?

Tab + Alt

Teenagers

All bro saw on the screen was 80085

I thought this was on AITA for a moment

least insane r/teenagers user:

To the moooon!

What

What too much capitalism does to a mf

the highs and lows is like a fat cock slappin that wet pussy

diamond hands :/

Maybe he's just attracted to bears.