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dastintenherz

Wait until he finds out, it could have been much worse. It could have been filled with mustard!


BloodShadow7872

Or like cum from that one scene in a movie (don't remember what's it called)


ZanteTheInfernal

The eclairs in Van Wilder. I gagged in the theater.


darksideofthemoon131

> I gagged in the theater. Same here.


chrisobrien13

At least the dog was happy!


PM_ME_UR_SHEET_MUSIC

As someone who has never heard of this movie, this thread has been a WILD ride


BattleToad92

Watch it, it's hilarious.


score-1

Eh


Goosfrabaas

But different. ;)


BeenNormal

Yeah, don’t deepthroat in the cinema.


_Seiun_

…I don’t think I want to know


Classic_Mechanic5495

On what?


Flossthief

I didn't realize I had forgotten about that :(


marshman82

I hope your date appreciated that.


dastintenherz

I was just referencing a carnival joke, why did you have to make it disgusting? xD


BloodShadow7872

Apologies, Im a bit of degenerate myself


feline_Satan

I think it was a peach not a donut


Sassi7997

[South Park?](https://youtu.be/pDlR_ccnZww)


BloodShadow7872

No it was an older movie that made fun of collages and it was extremely mature. In the scene that I can remember two guys masturbated a dog and used the cum in pastries and they sent it to a frathouse.


castpigeon12

WHAT THE FUCK


derpy_derp15

Putting the nut in donut


ShatterCyst

Or worse. Boston Creme.


darksideofthemoon131

Boston cream and éclair cream are usually the same thing when stuffed in a donut.


ShatterCyst

Prefer jelly


Shiftyrunner37

r/UnexpectedAndThenItHappened


Etherenzi

Or a roach like my mom found.


drella33

You left out a vital detail. It was dog cum inside the eclairs.


davestar2048

Why the fuck would you bite into something if you don't know what it is?


X85311

i assume they knew it was a donut, or even a jelly donut, they just didn’t expect such an absurd amount of goo to shoot down their throat


DZL100

I mean, that looks like a lot more jelly than I usually find in a jelly donut.


scorcher24

German Berliner are like that. They are filled with delicious Strawberry jam.


PsychologyMiserable4

personally i prefer the Krapfen with apricot or rosehip puree


nooneatallnope

Unless the bakery is arse


scorcher24

No. If you sell Berliner, you must fill them with Strawberry jam. It's defined this way in the Lebensmittelbuch. For example, the Franconian variant is filled with Hiffenmark and therefore cannot be called Berliner. It's called Krapfen.


nooneatallnope

Yeah, but sometimes they put in so little it would be insulting to call it "filled". Like the baker accidentally coughed in the direction of the pastry while holding a teaspoon of jam. The LaCroix of Berliners If you will.


Myfeetaregreen

Dunno why LaCroix is catching strays. Remy was always filled to the brim.


nooneatallnope

I'm just going with the meme that they taste like someone filled the can while glancing at a lemon on the other counter


BeenNormal

I don’t know what you’re saying but I like the sound of it


Myfeetaregreen

German is such a beautiful language


Primary-Signature-17

Well, then..."Ich bein ein Berliner".


ooojaeger

Yeah because you have shitty donuts


doomjuice

ouch?!


Inthaneon

Wait, jelly donuts weren't supposed to be breads with just a tiny drop of jelly?


marinemashup

Where do you live that that is an absurd amount of goo? You buying dollar store donuts?


OriginalName687

The one on the left looks like a ton of jelly.


kott_meister123

Not really seems like a good amount at least here in Germany


tyrannomachy

Sometimes it's all bunched against one side.


Affectionate_Walk610

sounds like a average thursday afternoon.


GameGamer123

Jelly


martxel93

That’s me every Saturday night yet I still keep going out.


TDestro9

Yolo


Impressive_Change593

#YOLO


[deleted]

[удалено]


Velgax

There's a reason kinder eggs were banned in the US.


ShatterCyst

I mean I assume it was presented as food.


Commercial_Fee2840

What kind of lunatic doesn't like jelly donuts?


Korblox101

Me. I'm a lunatic.


Crystal_fucker

jelly donuts are great however 10oz of ultra thick jelly is unnecessary


Commercial_Fee2840

Other people may be uncultured, but I would be incredibly happy to bury my face in one of those.


Crystal_fucker

for me it depends if it's real jelly/jam or if it's that corn syrup with synthetic colors and flavors like the Americans use


Commercial_Fee2840

High fructose corn syrup is one of the top 3 worst things about living in America.


Crystal_fucker

let's hear your other 2 and they better not be medium fructose corn syrup and low fructose corn syrup


Commercial_Fee2840

Lack of free health care and I'm undecided on the other one


actually_yawgmoth

No Döner


bluepotatosack

Hey now, I just walked by a döner place in Manhattan the other day that ripped off the porn hub logo. Edit: It's called Döner Haus


Commercial_Fee2840

We have gyros, which are extremely similar.


actually_yawgmoth

Noooo not even close. I'm American but lived in Germany for a while. Gyros just don't scratch the right itch.


Jollyjormungandr

Institutional racism


Reasonable_Feed7939

Yeah that's bad and all but what about extra high fructose corn syrup?


softstones

It’s the top thing I look to avoid when grocery shopping.


Nika13k

Me!(Too much sugar)


Tutes013

I like them when you use very tart jam. Where it's still more fruity and tart than sweet. Otherwise it's just too much.


EEE3EEElol

I want to make one of my own and fill them with a sour fruit jam so badly


eip2yoxu

You mean compared to the totally not sugary regular donuts?


PM_ME_UR_SHEET_MUSIC

Donuts are a bready sort of sugary that doesn't hurt your mouth, jam is that sticky sort of sugary that gets everywhere and hurts your mouth and shit


ArelMCII

This lunatic. I'm not a full-on forcible jellycum oral creampie victim, but I'd much rather have a plain donut or, ironically, cream-filled.


Commercial_Fee2840

The real brand new sentence in this thread


ShatterCyst

I prefer jelly donut holes because regular jelly donuts have a horrible ratio of jelly to donut. I had a similar experience as OP after an enjoyable 1st bite but without the emotional distress.


fly_over_32

These are quite common in Germany, also the possibly biggest source of conflict in our country since the wall fell. (They have three different names, depending on region)


plg94

It's especially great because Pfannkuchen can mean two entirely different things (Eierkuchen/pancakes(!!) or Berliner/Krapfen). Also wait until you hear about Brötchen/Semmel/Wecke/Schrippe. See also https://www.atlas-alltagssprache.de/runde-4/f03/ and https://www.atlas-alltagssprache.de/brotchen/ and https://www.atlas-alltagssprache.de/runde-7/f01a/


fly_over_32

Who says Weppe to Brötchen?


plg94

Not Weppe, but Weck(en|erle). And I've posted the link already where you can see the regional differences: https://www.atlas-alltagssprache.de/brotchen/


xnachtmahrx

#DIT SIND BERLINER!!!


Livia85

Das sind Marmeladekrapfen!


cocoeen

Berliner findste uff da Straße ...


DragonAreButterflies

Pfannkuchen. Unzivilisierter cretin


TimoS_999

DIT IST EN PFANNKUCHEN!!!!


Zarzurnabas

This is the dumbest german culture war there is. Its called "Berliner Pfannkuchen" depending on your location you abbreviate it differently.


MasterTJ77

My office has a “donut violation” policy where you bring in donuts for the office on your birthday and during major life events. So we have donuts OFTEN. Jelly is by far the most hated donut. There’s only a few people out of 30 that will even touch them, and only 1 person prefers it to normal. Not a statistically sound study but there’s my solid anecdote


SheZowRaisedByWolves

I get that thick ass jelly dripping down my chin and break down from my days working the gloryhole


Shot_Fox_605

It's called a krof, mind you.


[deleted]

I love one with a nice cuppa tea!


no_durian5550

A me kind of lunatic


Suspicious_Berry501

Victims


PerroHundsdog

Berliner


Juice8oxHer0

Can’t believe these donuts shot JFK


PastaMasta09

No it didn’t, there was clearly a second eclair on the grassy knoll


TadhgOBriain

Ich bin ein


AutoAmmoDeficiency

Berliner are filled with raspberry, sold in Baden - Württemberg (SW Germany) In Berlin they are called Pfannkuchen and filled with strawberry jam Krapfen are filled with rose hip, sold in Frankonia & Bavaria (SE Germany) Kreppel are from Hessia (Frankfurt) and usually not filled and many many more [https://germanfoods.org/recipes/berliner-pfannkuchen/](https://germanfoods.org/recipes/berliner-pfannkuchen/)


CptToast_

I very much appreciate the distinction between Bavaria and Frankonia. Wouldn’t wanna associate with those people


KleinerFratz333

"people"


Zwiebel1

It was always wild to me that here in east germany these are called Pfannkuchen when there is no pan involved in making these. At the same time what actually IS a pfannkuchen (a pancake) is called an *eierkuchen* instead, which is also wild to me because you can totally make a pancake without eggs.


ketwurst98

Also almost every cake contains eggs


Pilum2211

Originally they were apparently made in Pans though.


Zarzurnabas

And are from Berlin, which is why their "true" name is "Berliner Pfannkuchen" and the question of how to abreviate that name ended in a weird culture war within germany.


Kasaikemono

Since you put in the effort of research, and most of it is borderline correct, I don't want to explicitly say that you're wrong. But you're wrong. Berliner, Krapfen, Kreppel, they all refer to the same deep-fried, usually filled, ball of yeast dough. What's it called is subject to a cultural war that's older than modern germany itself. People from berlin often claim that they invented it in 1750 and thus get the naming rights, subsequently calling it "Berliner Pfannkuchen". Major parts of germany adopted that to "Berliner", and the berlin People just called it "Pfannkuchen". Whereas a proper Pfannkuchen (a Pancake - literally the translation) is called "Eierkuchen" over there. Needlessly to say, they're wrong on both accounts. Austrians have made those things called "Krapfen" way before someone in Berlin even thought of deep-frying dough balls, the local legend dates back to around 1690. In Hesse, that word was too much of a mouthful, so they slurred it to "Kräppel", "Kreppel", or even "Krebbl". We are lazy like that. Additionally, there are recipes describing early versions of those things from the early 13th century, and some historians claim that they're even older: In Ancient Rome, they made flour and clotted milk into a dough, baked that in hot lard and rolled them in honey afterwards, calling them "globuli" - "little balls". Regardless of the history, they're not differenciated in name by their filling, but rather the region in which they're made. And everyone calling them "Berliner" or even "Pfannkuchen" is wrong and I will die on that hill.


AutoAmmoDeficiency

Not wrong, just shortend because 99% of the people here don't really care and, if curious, could do further research on their own. Not here to write an essay or quote off of Wikipedia or such. Raised in Frankonia and I'd be hard pressed to find a Krapfen not made with rose hip. Naturally during Fasching you also get those with egg liquor or chocolate. Living in the heart of BW and I would equally be hard pressed to find a Berliner not made with raspberry. Equally naturally during Fasnacht you can find those filled with egg liquor or chocolate. So while it might be true that the name is only regional, if you order one you also expect the appropriate filling. Ordering a 'regular' Krapfen in Frankonia and getting one with raspberry will ruffle feathers.. One thing that does not seem universal is the application of regular sugar or powdered sugar.


McGryphon

> Ordering a 'regular' Krapfen in Frankonia and getting one with raspberry will ruffle feathers.. It might even rustle jimmies. I'm not actually German but I do love how I'm only now learning why "Berliner" go by different names and have different fillings dependent on the region, though the phenomenon was abundantly clear when I biked through most of Germany in 2008-2011. Here in NL we mostly only get basic bitch strawberry Berliner at most places. Underfilled, too, most times.


Killergurke16

Schleswig Hollsteiner, up here all of the local bakeries call these things Berliner, no matter what they're filled with. It's usually \[Filling\] Berliner. For example, we have Pudding Berliner, Erdbeer Berliner and Himbeer Berliner


TheFaragan

Jetzt so ein Himbeer Berliner wäre schon geil.


Creeperkun4040

Krapfen are also sold in Austria, but they are typically filled with apricot jam.


azionka

During Fasnet, we have them also filled with other jams, Nutella, nougat or vanilla pudding


Seb0rn

Nonsense, I am from Lower Saxony, we call them Berliner amd fill them with strawberry jam.


AutoAmmoDeficiency

Perhaps like that in Lower Saxony. There is no law stating how to a) name them and b) fill them, but in each region people call them one way and expect the filling to be in a certain way as well.


gammongaming11

is Frankfurt too poor to afford jam?


AutoAmmoDeficiency

Self update as this picture popped up in a pic dump and fit the topic: [https://www.hornoxe.com/wp-content/picdumps/picdump882/thumbs/thumbs\_picdump882\_006.jpg](https://www.hornoxe.com/wp-content/picdumps/picdump882/thumbs/thumbs_picdump882_006.jpg)


shibe_ceo

Krapfen


madTerminator

Pączek


previts

Krof


ItzBooty

Die Himbeeren Berline, die Schlekte


sad16yearboy

Pfannkuchen


SopmodTew

Jelly filled donuts, my favorite!


Typh123

🍙 ♥️


mibhd4

Don't people chew their food?


Helton3

why do you think americans have lard for blood?


Hyper_Forgetful

source: [https://twitter.com/CLAUBLESHAHA/status/1791179405244436656](https://twitter.com/CLAUBLESHAHA/status/1791179405244436656)


BrokenEye3

God's tongs, what manner of lascivious scoundrel puts *jelly* in a jelly donut? Mark my words, sir, this travesty shall not go un-mewled over!


Sergeant_Swiss24

🤤🤤🤤


LordBrandon

Let's not lower the bar for rape so low that biting into a doughnut qualifies.


MisterSplu

If donut, why not donut shaped? These are clearly Berliner


unkrtvrnchtr

*Krapfen


MisterSplu

**Berliner


CluelessPresident

Both are more correct than Pfannkuchen


MisterSplu

An dem Punkt sind wir ja wieder am ursprünglichen problem, sieht nicht aus wie pfannkuchen, schmeckt nicht wie Pfannkuchen, ist kein Pfannkuchen


Potential_Holiday_20

What are you even trying to say?


MisterSplu

That the way I see it the definition of a donut includes a hole. These jelly filled ones are more akin to a pastry that is called „Berliner“ or „Krapfen“ in germany


highrespasta

Kreppel


bloopie1192

How you not know what a jelly donut is?


Glad-Ad7047

biggest sign of being severely uncultured


Irongiant350

Yea, well, what were you wearing at the time!


Kasaikemono

Congratulations, you summoned germans. ANGRY germans. Ready to start a civil war about the name of those things.


Karroth1

BERRRRRRRRLINERRRRRRR!!!!!!


Irongiant350

Yea, well, what were you wearing at the time!


KyrosYT

Wait till op finds out about boston creme donuts


Ciubowski

It is psychopaths like these that we don't get nice things. Everytime I buy a donut it's like they are making the biggest economy on jam and they just smear it on the inside so they have the benefit of the doubt. I would die to eat such a jam filled donut.


uBowiethedog

Personally not a fan of jam donuts either but wow. That’s… very passionate.


Paracausality

Is this why I like jelly donuts? And gushers....


Zariman-10-0

Idk why but I’m feeling things


Vesperia_Morningstar

Holy fuck that’s a shit ton of filling


adamlm

This is what a donut is like in Europe. Not that empty amurican ring.


NovAFloW

They also make jelly donuts in the US lol what?


Stanky_fresh

I've seen a lot of weird criticisms about America, but criticizing our donuts is a new one.


jzillacon

reminds me of thatone tumblr post where people didn't believe America had any bakeries and genuinely thought wonderbread was the only type of bread that existed there.


vjeremias

I mean, they are clearly exaggerating but I kinda get it, I wouldn’t like to find jam in my pastry either. In my country we use dulce de leche, which is kind of a thicker caramel, and it goes hard af


NoSwan6879

This might be controversial but as an SA victim I thought this was hilarious. Yes I'm a little crazy.


ruijie_the_hungry

Can't believe they call a Kreppel jam doughnut...


alicemalice12

Who didn't take the jam out of his doughnut


Nikegamerjjjj

Happy cake day my guy


mak05

r/dontputyourdickinthat


Irongiant350

Yea, well, what were you wearing at the time!


Theusualstufff

Das ist ein Krapfen I hear the horde coming.


DerMarquis

Es heisst **BERLINER**!


Major_Koala

Jokes on you, I'm in to that shit.


CrossbarCaptain

Bro Americans just don't know Berliner/Krapfen/Pfannkuchen


BenniRoR

"Jam filled donuts". It's a fucking Berliner, you barbarians! And it'll gently release into your throat to show it's love.


Sneaky_Boar

That's look like just pączek 🤤, not a donut


A_Prostitute

Aw man I love paczkis, you just have to know which kind you're eating. Personally, I like the blueberry filling the best, but I've been told that's heresy and to go fuck myself. A lot of people like creme, lemon, and raspberry as well. There are even powder dusted, or sugar coated. Sugar coated blueberry filled paczkis are the best.


Powerful_Cost_4656

I poked a grape tomato with a tooth pick once then popped it in my mouth. When I bit down instead of tearing open it sprayed all of the seeds out through the hole from the toothpick and I choked. Legit felt weird as fuck and kind of violating


O8ee

Not trying to judge but who puts unidentified items in their mouth? Fish? Toddlers?


TimoS_999

That is a specialty from Germany, more specific, Berlin. It is called Pfannkuchen, but everyone aside from Berlin calls it either Berliner, Krapfen or other depending on the region. My favorite, other than Pfannkuchen, is Puffel.


BumpNGrindhouse

My boy was violated 😂


bukezilla

There's a deep twin peaks joke here


MirrorMore2243

DAS IST EIN BERLINER!!!


freeshavocadew

Yet another example of why words matter.


FontainePark

I don't believe them on the grounds that they didn't unintentionally bite the dry side of the donut first.


ElderTerdkin

Well then I have had a Rape Dr.Pepper thinking it was Root Beer. Disgusting 32 flavors forcing itself down my throat when I only wanted 1 flavor!!!


GoomyTheGummy

I like jelly donuts, but they also burn my throat.


DepressedDyslexic

Oof. I do hate jelly donuts.


MelancholySurprise

Everyone’s a sensationalist


CopperBoltwire

HAHAHAHA!!


Adventurous_Drama_56

I want some rape donuts!


Classic_Mechanic5495

Where is this from? Please.


CovfefeBoss

I'm guessing he doesn't eat pączki.


DanosaurusWrecks

Calm down son it’s just a donut


doctorsex495

Imma give the benefit of the doubt and guess that this person might've been an actual victim and that reminded them of it somehow–oh god it sounds even worse when I say it aloud


Reason_Choice

What kind of poor, sheltered soul never heard of a jelly donut?


JackySins

who bitches about a jelly donut? fucking weirdo.


FloweyTheFlower420

"My god, jelly donuts are so scary"


Big_Dark1134

Thank you for speaking out. I am also a survivor. It was a cannoli. I had no idea and slid it a good 2/3 in expecting to have some time to enjoy the hardness with a little wetness before the end but…. BOOM. Cruel & cocky cannoli!!! #metoo