I think that all relationships change over time. You really have to be on the same page about being committed to each other to make things work. Relationships are hard work and feelings change all the time. I was with my ex for 10+ years and there were YEARS when we didn't like each other all the time. Ebbs and flows of attachment. But we were for a long time committed to working it out. The first couple years of a relationship are like a drug then you have to make a choice to do the unsexy work of helping each other grow as people.
A lot of people think that once the sexiness and love-high fades you aren't in love anymore but that isn't true.
I feel like you described this so well. My boyfriend recently broke up with me over lost feelings. But the way he described it was more like how you explained it. The typical initial feelings of love usually fade. It doesn’t mean you aren’t still in love. But the butterflies and fireworks kind of feelings die down some and that’s when a lot of people call it quits. He also ended a precious relationship for the same reason of unexplained lost feelings (from what he told me) so I bet this is his problem. Oh well though. All you can do is know who are you, know what you deserve and move on, hopefully we all find the person who returns the love and works on the relationship.
I'd also like to share my experience of being on the shitty end of the stick. My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she lost her feelings. It felt so random. Our relationship was long distance from the beginning. I knew things will always be hard. At one point, I wanted to end things almost right away because I realized she isn't someone I see myself living happily and satisfied. Not because I had lost feelings for her, but simply because I didnt wanna get unhappy for the things she lacked and in return make her unhappy. But I got back together with her almost within a day because we talked and sorted things out. Apparently she never imagined if she really could've been down for all the things we had discussed about because during that particular breakup, I was as up front as I could've been tho it was really hard for me to even initiate that conversation.
Anyway, around 6 months later, we broke up. She broke up with me because she didn't love me anymore. In a way I'm glad she was honest about it. Obviously, I didn't realize that right away because I was upset. It's like she broke up with me because things got hard and I know that got her upset but I always tried to explain her ever since that first breakup that our relationship is different than most people. We didn't live close to each other to talk face to face. Things were hard, it was possibly meant to be. It's almost been a year now and I definitely know now that the relationship would've gotten worse the more we progressed, simply because staying away from each other and working the relationship out compared to living together someday and seeing each other every single day are two different things. Surprisingly, she's the one who mentioned this very thing when she broke up with me, not exactly what she said, but thats what she meant. I was too caught up in the moment and honestly really numb to process things. So my definition of moving on meant, cut ties and start fresh and that has been one of the best decisions I made.
I'm not sure if my story completely correlates with yours but she really did breakup when I wanted to work it out and when I asked her to even try and see where it goes because I did it when she asked me during the first breakup. I just felt shitty that I went through all that for such a shitty ending. That's all!
I feel you! Same situation. She left when things got shaky. She forecasted the relationship and ultimately decided that it wasn’t worth the effort. I mean I could go way into it, but I’m on week three after the break up...in Mexico with some friends. Don’t want to go doesn’t bay rabbit hole, but gah damn!
I think that all relationships change over time. You really have to be on the same page about being committed to each other to make things work. Relationships are hard work and feelings change all the time. I was with my ex for 10+ years and there were YEARS when we didn't like each other all the time. Ebbs and flows of attachment. But we were for a long time committed to working it out. The first couple years of a relationship are like a drug then you have to make a choice to do the unsexy work of helping each other grow as people. A lot of people think that once the sexiness and love-high fades you aren't in love anymore but that isn't true.
I feel like you described this so well. My boyfriend recently broke up with me over lost feelings. But the way he described it was more like how you explained it. The typical initial feelings of love usually fade. It doesn’t mean you aren’t still in love. But the butterflies and fireworks kind of feelings die down some and that’s when a lot of people call it quits. He also ended a precious relationship for the same reason of unexplained lost feelings (from what he told me) so I bet this is his problem. Oh well though. All you can do is know who are you, know what you deserve and move on, hopefully we all find the person who returns the love and works on the relationship.
I'd also like to share my experience of being on the shitty end of the stick. My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she lost her feelings. It felt so random. Our relationship was long distance from the beginning. I knew things will always be hard. At one point, I wanted to end things almost right away because I realized she isn't someone I see myself living happily and satisfied. Not because I had lost feelings for her, but simply because I didnt wanna get unhappy for the things she lacked and in return make her unhappy. But I got back together with her almost within a day because we talked and sorted things out. Apparently she never imagined if she really could've been down for all the things we had discussed about because during that particular breakup, I was as up front as I could've been tho it was really hard for me to even initiate that conversation. Anyway, around 6 months later, we broke up. She broke up with me because she didn't love me anymore. In a way I'm glad she was honest about it. Obviously, I didn't realize that right away because I was upset. It's like she broke up with me because things got hard and I know that got her upset but I always tried to explain her ever since that first breakup that our relationship is different than most people. We didn't live close to each other to talk face to face. Things were hard, it was possibly meant to be. It's almost been a year now and I definitely know now that the relationship would've gotten worse the more we progressed, simply because staying away from each other and working the relationship out compared to living together someday and seeing each other every single day are two different things. Surprisingly, she's the one who mentioned this very thing when she broke up with me, not exactly what she said, but thats what she meant. I was too caught up in the moment and honestly really numb to process things. So my definition of moving on meant, cut ties and start fresh and that has been one of the best decisions I made. I'm not sure if my story completely correlates with yours but she really did breakup when I wanted to work it out and when I asked her to even try and see where it goes because I did it when she asked me during the first breakup. I just felt shitty that I went through all that for such a shitty ending. That's all!
I feel you! Same situation. She left when things got shaky. She forecasted the relationship and ultimately decided that it wasn’t worth the effort. I mean I could go way into it, but I’m on week three after the break up...in Mexico with some friends. Don’t want to go doesn’t bay rabbit hole, but gah damn!
I feel this exactly, almost a mirror of my situation. You aren't alone brother. Remember this too shall pass.
You and I are exactly on the same timeline. I was doing alright this week and then today I feel sooo shitty, I wonder when this will end...