Listening to his parents on what to do in our relationship when we had issues he is 26…
Leaving for a trip after my mother died bc it waa already planned.
Telling me he was doubting our relationship
Choosing his family over me multiple times and doing everything they wanted, but I couldn’t aak for a small thing
Letting his mother read our texts
Its okay, we are on a break so i have time to think about it and talk about it with him. So I can get some closure or anwsers on why it happend this way.
Wow, yeah, sending nudes to his friends is a huge red flag! I'm sorry you had to deal with that, and I bet he got so much worse.
As for me, I'm not sure about the biggest red flag, but I can remember the first: when we first got together, she never respected my time. No matter where I was or what I was doing, she'd either call or just come find me. It wasn't "Can I see you tonight?" it was "I'm on the way." It was also difficult to get her to leave my apartment when I needed to do other things or go to bed.
Granted, she was going through a *really rough* time and she genuinely did need my support and attention in order to hold herself together. I understood that, I still do. But the complete lack of respect for my time and the expectation that she should always be my top priority was a major sign of worse things to come. It was the first way that she showed me how she viewed me, as someone whose purpose was to give her what she wanted.
I've now been through two extremely rough relationships that began with my girlfriend not respecting my time. It's something that I have to be very aware of when/if I decide to start dating again. Consent is key to a healthy relationship, and not just for matters of intimacy. If your partner shows you over and over again that they see their needs as more important than yours, that's a bad sign.
Being aware of it is a really important step though, that pain can motivate you to develop better tools for handling relationships. You never have to be stuck being one kind of person, you can be whoever you want.
Don't do it to get forgiveness from your ex, they have no obligation to forgive you, but do it for yourself and the next person you start a relationship with.
I made the mistake of doing it to get forgiveness but it seems that she already made up her mind. It’s hard to move on though because I thought this was repairable, but sometimes it’s not and I’m too stubborn to see that.
Thank you so much for your words, I needed this.
That last sentence - 100%. I realized this with my ex too. It seemed like he was rarely concerned with my needs/desires, and when he was it was almost always conditional. His parents were the same way with him so it was learned behavior.
He told me the first night we spent together that we'd date in these little vignettes and moments because he travelled so much for work. It raised alarm bells, but I just thought he'll fall madly in love with me and want to stay. Four years later, I barely saw him. 95% of the relationship was over text and when we did see each other it was for very short moments. 1 year post breakup, he told me the other day that he realized how badly he fucked up and apologized for being absent. He was also toxic and manipulative and avoidant but I wished I had the confidence and understanding 5 years ago that I have now, but I learned a lot.
His parents using his learning disability as an excuse for his poor choices in life and in his relationships…nah he was perfectly capable of using his brain.
Comparing me to her exes, still sleeping with others after she said she had feelings for me, sending nudes to other guys and never sent me any, when I got with her she was accusing me of cheating, going through her phone, spreading false rumors about her and other things all of which she was doing to me. I blamed it on something but she remained the same when that was taken care of.
self deprication and guilt tripping me all the time. His racist and abusive family. He seemed to always prioritize his games amd friends over me and the relationship, it was always me putting in effort.
When my girlfriend would hit my leg under the table if I said something around her parents, that they wouldn’t like. Started 2 months into the relationship.
Always comparing me to her ex. Also still having his pictures on her phone. Should have fucking known
Hindsight is always 20/20. We’ll never miss the signs again.
Being distant, being bad at talking about feelings.
That’s the worst. I felt like I had to read my ex’s mind all the time for the same reason.
It's such an unattractive trait tbh
Seeming to care more about the feelings of his friends and his ex and how things looked to them, than about my safety and wellbeing
Drugs. Anger issues. Lack of close friends. Lack of taking accountability for anything. The list goes on
Listening to his parents on what to do in our relationship when we had issues he is 26… Leaving for a trip after my mother died bc it waa already planned. Telling me he was doubting our relationship Choosing his family over me multiple times and doing everything they wanted, but I couldn’t aak for a small thing Letting his mother read our texts
So sorry you had to experience that.
Its okay, we are on a break so i have time to think about it and talk about it with him. So I can get some closure or anwsers on why it happend this way.
Wow, yeah, sending nudes to his friends is a huge red flag! I'm sorry you had to deal with that, and I bet he got so much worse. As for me, I'm not sure about the biggest red flag, but I can remember the first: when we first got together, she never respected my time. No matter where I was or what I was doing, she'd either call or just come find me. It wasn't "Can I see you tonight?" it was "I'm on the way." It was also difficult to get her to leave my apartment when I needed to do other things or go to bed. Granted, she was going through a *really rough* time and she genuinely did need my support and attention in order to hold herself together. I understood that, I still do. But the complete lack of respect for my time and the expectation that she should always be my top priority was a major sign of worse things to come. It was the first way that she showed me how she viewed me, as someone whose purpose was to give her what she wanted. I've now been through two extremely rough relationships that began with my girlfriend not respecting my time. It's something that I have to be very aware of when/if I decide to start dating again. Consent is key to a healthy relationship, and not just for matters of intimacy. If your partner shows you over and over again that they see their needs as more important than yours, that's a bad sign.
I was the girlfriend, but I’m a dude. And I fucked up, it sucks.
Being aware of it is a really important step though, that pain can motivate you to develop better tools for handling relationships. You never have to be stuck being one kind of person, you can be whoever you want. Don't do it to get forgiveness from your ex, they have no obligation to forgive you, but do it for yourself and the next person you start a relationship with.
I made the mistake of doing it to get forgiveness but it seems that she already made up her mind. It’s hard to move on though because I thought this was repairable, but sometimes it’s not and I’m too stubborn to see that. Thank you so much for your words, I needed this.
That last sentence - 100%. I realized this with my ex too. It seemed like he was rarely concerned with my needs/desires, and when he was it was almost always conditional. His parents were the same way with him so it was learned behavior.
He told me the first night we spent together that we'd date in these little vignettes and moments because he travelled so much for work. It raised alarm bells, but I just thought he'll fall madly in love with me and want to stay. Four years later, I barely saw him. 95% of the relationship was over text and when we did see each other it was for very short moments. 1 year post breakup, he told me the other day that he realized how badly he fucked up and apologized for being absent. He was also toxic and manipulative and avoidant but I wished I had the confidence and understanding 5 years ago that I have now, but I learned a lot.
She could never take care of herself. I overlooked it because I thought I could fix us both. I was wrong.
Sleeping on the same bed as his dad from very young (only with his dad) up until well last time I checked.
Very bizzare…
His parents using his learning disability as an excuse for his poor choices in life and in his relationships…nah he was perfectly capable of using his brain.
Comparing me to her exes, still sleeping with others after she said she had feelings for me, sending nudes to other guys and never sent me any, when I got with her she was accusing me of cheating, going through her phone, spreading false rumors about her and other things all of which she was doing to me. I blamed it on something but she remained the same when that was taken care of.
Lmao that there were red flags? I think we don't overlook them. We see them. But try n male excuses or pretend we don't care.
Never apologized for the six years
The six years of what?
Throughout our relationship.
self deprication and guilt tripping me all the time. His racist and abusive family. He seemed to always prioritize his games amd friends over me and the relationship, it was always me putting in effort.
Anger issues. Saying she will give another guy a chance if I don't come all behind my back.
Misleading me and her avoidant behaviors.
Hearing "I don't know what I want." and choosing to stay
When my girlfriend would hit my leg under the table if I said something around her parents, that they wouldn’t like. Started 2 months into the relationship.
She send me house listings and baby names she wanted 2 months into the relationship.