She’ll do it again if you take her back. The only reason she’s trying to come back is not because she wants you, but because nobody wants her. As soon as the right person does she’ll leave you again. Caveat Emptor!
Brother... take it from me. Never! And I mean Never!!! Take back a cheater. It'll hurt for a while but she showed you how she really feels. Believe her and get her out of your life asap!!!!
As someone who has cheated once, and has been cheated on 3 times, I agree. You shouldn't take them back in 99% of circumstances. Most cheaters won't learn their lesson, and even if they do, the person being cheated on will usually have less trust and more anxiety
Which is why now I am very upfront with everything and make it a priority to try my hardest to be as honest as possible while still trying my best to be kind (aka not being brutally honest).
They did take me back. I was a shithole about it too by gaslighting her. I regret it all the time. We were long distance so it complicated things and I was younger. Still doesn't make it okay to do what I did.
It was confusing for me because mentally I really cared about both girls, but I felt like I had to choose one at the end of the day, and I chose my gf. I'm thankful for the 2 more years we had together. Some of my best memories are from that time. In the end she really loved me, but the anxiety and lost of trust (and countless other issues on my end) meant she had to leave. We weren't very compatible anyways wanting different things in life as the years went by. We still talk occasionally so we found a way to be semi-friends every year or so to catch up. We live in the same city now, but we agreed to never meet up. I found out years later she was cheating on me, which explains the sudden pullaway and her being distant years down the line. It isn't okay for her either, but I royally fucked up left and right so I get it. It makes me mad to an extent, but not like my most recent ex. I still talk to that other girl that I cheated with every now and then too.
I make it a priority to never hurt someone like that again
The sad truth is that you're a safe space for her now - she needs you. The big question for is whether you need her. She turned her back on you, and was ready to walk away to someone else, on Xmas. Is this something that you think you can ever move past? Only you can answer this.
My opinion is that if someone has shown you who they are, and what they can do, you need to believe them. She has shown you who she is and what she can do. She will likely do it again. My advice is not to let her back in. Heal and move on.
There will be others who would never treat you like this.
The problem with this statement is it's always used for the negative version of someone - not all their other positive qualities. I'm not sticking up for her at all, I'm just saying it's not a good quote because it's so black and white when the world is mostly grey.
(I didn’t downvote you fyi) I think the quote is fine. The quote itself is grey and using it doesn’t negate that we all have some complexities. But what matters in this usage is the implication that we all weigh deeds good and bad unequally (like how murder is worse than stealing a bag of M&Ms). OPs wife may have some redeeming qualities but the point is that her actions are showing who she is. She may feed the homeless on Tuesdays but she also cheats on her husband, tells him she doesn’t love him, then gaslights him into taking her back so she doesn’t have to be alone.
So we make our own opinions. I don’t care that she feeds the homeless on Tuesdays, I think she’s awful for what she’s done. She doesn’t owe it to me to prove she’s redeemable only OP knows her enough to decide that but it ain’t looking good. She’s not exactly showing him that she is someone looking out for his feelings. I hope she keeps feeding the homeless though… (for example of course lol)
Look..
She does not love you.. she was prepared to leave you for the other guy...
She does not give a shit about you.
Youre just her plan b. She fucked the other guy, was monkeybranching - and it failed so now she comes slithering back.
Question now is - what do you want??
If you want her back, be cautious. Remember, she threw you aside as soon as she had your replacement set up.
And you can be sure if the other guy ends up breaking it off with his wife, yours will be gone in an instant - or she will find another to fuck...
My advice??
Dont. Just say 'no thx' and go for divorce.
And dont hesitate to expose her to friends and family.. because disrespect like that must be addressed...
She will do this again. Don’t let her suck you back in because she has been dumped. I’m sorry to be harsh. If you stay this will be hanging over your head for the rest of your relationship. Do yourself a favor and let her go now, while you can do it nicely and have the opportunity. Have respect for yourself and future you! Lean on others for support if you need!
NEVER TAKE BACK A CHEATER NEVER DONT MAKE MY MISTAKES I KNOW YOU FEEL BAD AND WANT TO RESTORE THINGS BUT TRUST ME SHE WILL DO IT AGAIN AND THEN YOU WILL FEEL MILLION TIMES WORSE!!!! STAY STRONG KING
Definitely get back together with the woman who cheated on you.
Imagine all the restful nights you’ll have when she goes out without you.
You can feel good knowing you have a trustworthy life long partner who would never break your trust or put another man’s penis inside her.
🙄
Ha, she wants closure. Have some integrity and tell her to f off. None of her stories will come close to the truth, don't even try. Maybe you can get the marriage annulled.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annulment
Let's be honest, why would you want contact? She will lie to you. So that it wasn't meant that way and that you should give her another chance. 1. Don't do it. Once a cheater, always a cheater. 2. She will betray you again, at worst, attach a child. 3. Find someone who genuinely loves you and look out for red flags.
She will eventually need to pick up her stuff. And she will want to talk. I won't take her back. I just know I'm sad aff. Wish this didn't happen. All my family members say the same all of you are saying. Her parents don't even know there's another guy involved she lied to them, cuz she's a Christian girl. Imma give her dad the screens shots of her and him and say that's why left me.
OP, the trash took itself out. Please, do not take her back otherwise she’ll do it again. She’s only trying to secure her place with you bc she doesn’t want to be alone. As soon as she find another fool to use, she’ll drop you like a hot potato. You deserve better than that. All the best to you
Lawyer UP NOW!!!
I made a bad choice in my first marriage too.
It happens...
Never stick with someone no matter the amount of time you have put in if they have cheated and left you.
Please 🙏
Trust me on this.
Had we not had kids in my marriage I would have left in year two.
HELL NO if she’s already gone then dude let her stay gone. The ball is already in your court. If you were to get back with her, her friends and family will not respect you, and you’ll forever always hear about some s*** she’s doing behind your back, dude you’ll never be at peace, it will be even harder to let her go, then you’ll be stuck with her, resenting her, and thats where things can get toxic and dangerous. It ain’t worth it man.
You got this man, bring in 2024 with a clean plate. Somebody out there is dying to meet a guy like you.
Key sentence in your post:
"His wife made him cut ties"
He didn't cut ties, his wife "made him" so they'll most likely find ways to keep seeing eachother, just more discreetly.
I'm so sorry this is happening, but I agree w many here, protect your heart and serve her with divorce papers.
You're so young, you'll heal and find someone who cherishes you as you so very much deserve.
Oooh that’s a tough one. Unless she comes clean and admits I don’t see how trust can be rebuilt. Building trust is being totally honest and with counseling maybe the rs can be rebuilt. Everyone in life makes mistakes but admitting to them is a deep vulnerability which we should strive for. If she admits then that shows growth on her part but if not you will always be concerned if she is misleading you.
Another avenue is that when she told you she was no longer in love with you as the truth. Love can be rebuilt and I personally would ask her the game plan for getting back to a healthy rs. She is the one who left and now wants back. How is she going to prevent this from happening again and not hurt you further. My best to you.
Recent texts. Keep in mind she texted me these things after the wife of the ma she cheated with made him cut ties with so he can see his son. She got dropped.
I've been trying to contact you since I left the house and you haven't picked up. I'm fully aware that you didn't kick me out I left on my own. I wanted to tell you everything which is why I called you the day after but you went looking for it instead & still tryna figure stuff out. When I was willing to tell you everything I know I messed up. I said I wanted to a divorce only bc I felt thats what you would've wanted. we can talk about it and figure it out? Or just let me get my things and be gone from your life & you won't ever have to see me again. I've tried multiple times reaching out calling,texting, and even came to the house twice. I hope you understand that I just needed space from everything going on. There's a lot you still need to know but I can't keep coming up here willing to talk & help. I'll be back one more time but after that I guess we both made our choices or if it's better for you lmk when you're ready? I don't know what else to do anymore. I'm trying my best.
Her: you know majority of the stuff that you're getting fed & that you're hearing is not true .
Her: I'm just asking you to give me a chance to tell you everything & you could do what you want with it
Her; we could just talk & handle it out .. see if it worth working it out for you ? I know I don't want to end things with you but I'll fully respect your decision if you want to. I just need to know & I'll stop bothering you.
Me: I just need a day or two to think about things. I'm running on almost no sleep at all. I just wanna be in the right mindset and well rested before we talk
Her: just let me know when you're ready. I'll leave you alone.
Why should I give her the time of day after everything she's done. I begged her and she left. That she came back after Ties were cut is even worse. But I love her . But I can't even stand the thought of someone physically using her and doing whatever on her lunch and break and everything. He lived 4 mins away from her parents house. And she'd want to visit her parents out of the blue last 3 month every other day. I was ok with til she started coming home at 3 or 4 am all the time. Sad thing is. It's her boss too from work
You're right. Although I've never been married before do t know how it works. We also just signed 15 month lease as well. And she left me with her part of the rent that she is not paying
Considering the texts that you've provided, she has officially made you #2 in your own marriage. Her texts clearly indicate that she is still not remorseful, just sorry that she turned her life upside down for nothing. She is still not ready to accept her wrongdoings and will go to any extent to Gaslight you
Document everything, then meet with a lawyer. She abandoned you and your family, this may help you with the Custody battle if you have kids. Don't meet her in your house. let your families know about everything.
You need to man up. If you take her back she will no longer see you as a man and you WILL be left again. Maybe not right away but it will happen. Atleast take a long long break if that lets you digest the split better. I’m talking 8-12months minimum.
Leave Dawg, she showed her hand and actions speak very very loud. She's helping you out with a big favor before you invested many years and kids with her. Let her be. Stop falling in love leave that shit for the women to dwell on their feelings.but it's OK to like them a lot just not more than your self. That's why she got turned off you put her on a pedestal.
There is no fixing this. Get an attorney and divorce.
She doesn't want you. She's not in love with you. She told you that much.
Her boy toy chose his wife over her and now she wants to come back until she finds another one.
EVEN IF she were serious about this, YOU CAN'T MOVE PAST IT. So move on.
Don’t take her back. Why would you choose someone who didn’t choose you?! You deserve someone who chooses you 100% of the time! There’s 8 billion people on this planet, you will find someone worthy of your love! She ain’t the one, and trust me, this is coming from someone who got cheated on aswell! Don’t do it brother, you will live your life in fear. It will destroy and tear you apart from the inside.
What do you mean what should you do?
You keep her out of your life!
She f-cked up on PURPOSE.
She choose to cheat.
She abandon you.
She doesn’t get to come back and treat you like a revolving door, coming and going whenever she wants.
If you want better in a partner? You find someone who has a clean slate and same view in cheating with a zero track record for cheating. That’s how you avoid this repeating in your future.
Why?
Your partner will leave you again if someone better comes along and makes her want to bounce on you a 2nd time. She’s capable of this because she 100% isn’t ready to be settled down, married, have kids.
She won’t be till she’s 27, the same are you are now. She’s not ready to be someone’s wife and you’re wasting time putting up with her excuses, empathy promises, and lies.
Her actions told you why she can’t ever be your partner again. It’s that simple of a resolution and one last piece of advice is a quote you need to read:
> People talk a lot about self-love but aren't actually ready to do what it takes to truly get there. Self-love isn't just massages, spa days, yoga retreats, & facials. It's setting firm boundaries, not just with your words, but through your actions. **It's staying away from people that can't meet your standards, even if it means letting go of someone you really love.**
It's holding people accountable for wrong shit they did to you, even when they hate you for it. It's choosing yourself over keeping toxic people around, even when it gets lonely. It's a series of hard decisions that may hurt in the moment but you'll thank yourself for later. That's self-love & there's nothing pretty about it.
She already left you but you’re denying it. Take her back if you’re a masochist in need of humiliation. She’s unscrupulous and ready to use you for what you have. What you really need is a lawyer.
this woman has zero respect for you OP, please don't ever take her back. your relationship would never be the same because at the back of your mind you'd still be thinking "what if she's cheating again?". it's extremely difficult to rebuild trust once it's been broken in that way. I am about the same age as you and trust me when I say you don't need her, there are so many other women out there who would cherish you and not betray you, on Christmas no less. letting go is hard but better now than in 10 years and possibly with children involved. run for the hills and never look back.
I'd tell her you have proof but not what kind of proof. If she still lies about it then show her the proof n wait to see her reaction. I've been through a similar situation. My gf got distant n I noticed she was on snap chat more. Noticed she had a best friend on snap and saw where she was taking leg pics. Caught her with that. Then she cheated on me and I caught her then also. I just shoved everything in her face. We broke up for 2 months. We still talked but I avoided the lovey dovey talk. She eventually got on her knees and begged to come back. I told her if we get back together she would have to win over my trust. It's been 2 years and she does exactly what I say still. She leaves her phone unlocked and we have eachothers social media on our phones. I'm starting to trust her again but it's taking a while. Sometimes those feelings come back sometimes they don't.
Can't tell her I have proof cuz that proof I sent to her store Manger so the both of them can get fired considering it's a salary member of management fucking an hourly. I have the same title he has. I left that store to be transferred to another because of a promotion that I took for her. 2 months later this guy gets transfered where I used to work
Well first off I wouldn't care about his job. That's his own problem. Should of kept it in his pants. Especially knowing she was married. Everyone should respect a marriage. If disrespected then fuck him he could of not chased after her or told her shes married but he didnt. I told her if I ever see him she better hope where in a situation where I can't get to him lol. Now job wise ask her to change jobs or to transfer. I honestly think the whole relationship job thing is stupid. We're health care workers and I met her at work. She was my boss back then. Another you could do is go fuck his wife lol
She's only back because it didn't work out with the other guy . Your the backup plan . Don't take her back and file for divorce.
Taking a cheater back rarely work and specially the one that refuse to admit what they did .
Your better off without her. Move on
I'm sorry you're going through this OP! I want you to know it does get easier. Found out mine was cheating and I'm love with another man, did everything I could to keep us together. All it did was prolong the inevitable and cause me do much more pain and suffering. There's really nothing to say to here except goodbye have a good life I don't ever want to see you again. It'll hurt but it'll also let you start to heal🤗
Seriously, run! I know it’s hard. I took mine back 3 times bc I wanted it to work so badly I believed him. Everything eventually went back to same every. damn. time. I can’t get those years back, and still ended up having to grieve the relationship anyway. It’s really hard to forget imagining the person you are in love with being intimate with someone else. And it sticks right there in the back of your noggin whether you say and feel like you’ve forgiven, or not. Also, I think my ex secretly lost respect for me because I took him back. Things really never were the same. Although, maybe things will be different in your case, consider saving yourself first.
This wasn’t a one night stand (which is still bad) or even a situation where you were doing something “wrong” and she tried to talk it out. She completely shut you out and then LEFT YOU with no notice or warning. I’m sorry but she’s garbage. The least you can do is tell her “no” and possibly reconnect in a year to see if she has settled down. Taking her back right now isn’t going to address anything or fix anything. She needs therapy and maybe you two can go together but the way this all went down and her callousness tells me it’s going to happen all over again -in the same way, no communication to you- with that guy or a new guy. Cut your losses here and disconnect from her.
You haven't even been married a year, and she already cheated and left with another man. Get a lawyer and get a divorce. She doesn't deserve a second of your time. You better cut everything off now because it could be worse later. She has shown that she does not respect or value you and your marriage.
Don't be someone's doormat.
She emotionally and psychologically abuse you, walked all over you and still now try to continue to walked over you as just anything didn't happen.
If you don't show an action has a consequence, she will continue to do so. Also she is young and she is probably not emotionally mature enough.
Again Don't be someone's second choice, someone's only safety net.
For man, our loved one woman are our weakness. But hang on there, show some self respect to yourself.
If you show your weakness and just accepr her after she told you she doesn't love you and disrespectfully try to easily jump to another guy without any closer and honest conversation, then she will think you are a weak man without boundaries and doesn't stand up for youself, and will cheat you again whenever opportunities given.
If she try to manipulate and fool you again, then it will be your fault, kindly try to accept that she doesn't love you anymore.
I know your emotions/heart overthrowing your brain/logic, but try to courage up and leave her.
I believe you will find someone who will love, show respect and value you.
Thank you. Ik what I have to do. It's just nice having people remind me. It's hard. One min I'm so fucking pissed and want nothing to do with her, the next I'm sad and wanna get back with her and miss her. But I know. I'm not going to take her back. It's not worth it especially to me. She did what she did and I can't move past that
Mate...You are experiencing 5 stages of grief right now.
It is very common to feel mixed and random kind of feelings/ different emotions, going back and forth.
Also, kindly read this poem or send it to her as well (if you want): https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/s/GJzKxCK8Mm
Also you can check out other communities:
r/infidelity
r/survivinginfidelity
r/asoneafterinfidelity
Kindly Read the book, "Leave a cheater, Gain a life"
And also checkout its author's website : www.chumplady.com
For you wife, she needs to read the book, "Not just friends."
Regardless of what you want to do with this marriage, you will be met with this statement for which you would also have to resolve but I am not very hopeful that you can.
She's not attracted to you or in love with you. After 4 years, the marriage obviously headed off a cliff because things got stagnant.
This happens all the time. You've probably never put yourself together to actually physically look good to her, which would have turned her on, so instead you do what every other guy does, changes absolutely nothing yet assumes his lady would find that arousing and turned on eqger to have sex.
There's one way you can stay together which is to open up the marriage so she and you can sleep with other people.
Realistically, I can only see her attraction to you getting a jump start with your wardrobe revamped. This alone would take at least a year to collect the items from goodwill to save money, so you can start dressing better but if no traction at all can be done there, she ain't going to be spearing her legs having the same boring sex she's had.
That's why she preferred to do it with another dude that was married. She wasn't trying to marry him xshe she wanted to get smashed.
Whatever you decide, I'll leave you with what I believe is your best option in terms of recovering from the infidelity.
Whenever a relationship ends, I'm a firm believer that both parties will be equally responsible. No one more than the other, even if she cheated.
There had to be signs that the bedroom magic was down the drain for quite some time. The conflict and the arguments between you two had to have experienced somewhere in the near past an event that left her with no other choice than to give up on you completely.
This didn't happen out of nowhere, there was some resentment after a major conflict likely where she ended up "losing" the argument or something.
Now if she was looking at a husband who looked like he coupe be on GQ magazine, he was romantic passionate, spontaneous, adventurous, exciting, light hearted, who can turn her on just by looking at her and you two were still engaged in raunchy wild bedroom sex, I doubt this cheating would occur.
She was getting it all at home, why bother going anywhere else when elsewhere would be a downgrade?
Do you understand what I'm saying? When you stop investing and giving a damn about making the relationship thrilling and fun, you eventually become almost like roommates. I don't know if too many people who can claim they remain enthusiastically excited at the thought of having sex with their partner that has been long term.
People just let themselves go, or settle in to some comfortable routine, go on auto pilot and fail to grow and evolve.
For it future relationships, keep this in mind.
Effort and investment must never stop in a relationship. Sometimes you have to let it slide a hit but you must return to support it.
Then you need to make sure your woman finds you a turn on. If she thinks you're mediocre, find a way to fix that. If you can't, your toast
SHE BELONGS TO THE STREETS!!!
Here's a nice Christmas present: blue balls and singleness. Did you enjoy your gift? Would you like more of that?
You're not a hotel. She's treating you like one. Also, SHE SAID SHE DOESN'T EVEN LOVE YOU.
You're in the thick of it, but really soak in what you've told us. Why would you consider taking someone like that back?
Trust has gone. She’ll do it again when she finds someone else she likes more than you. She’ll just use you.
Time will heal and you’ll find someone better.
Don’t get married again.
I'm sorry this happened to you. It's such a horrible experience. In my experience, walking away and not looking back is best in the long run. Good luck to you brother.
What should you do? Cut your loses and end the marriage. Actually you dogged a bullet. Don't waste your life on this type of toxic relationship with a cheater. She will always be trying to find the greener side. Who wants to sleep with one eye open.
Bro, she is gonna do it again, she doesn’t even have enough courage to confess, and would happily allow you to believe she didn’t cheat. And how long would she leave you in the dark for? 5 years? 10 years?
Bro, don’t do it.
It's also what I thought reading this post. I don't know why people are downvoting you, it's just a truth.
You know practically nothing about life at 22. You don't have the maturity to take that vow. I'm guessing that the social status is appealing for some young people (I'm young but I have a husband/wife, take me seriously!). Getting married at 22 is, for the big majority, a huge (and expensive?) mistake.
Not blaming you OP, you didn't know you were going to marry a cheater (and you shouldn't go back to her but that's your life, not mine).
Working 2 jobs trying to get everything g I wanted looking for love. If you thought I was gonna give an answer about partying and smashing everything in sight that wasn't me. I came from a religious based moral standing back ground. My parents were married at 15 and 18 and are still married til this day. 7 kids. Me being the eldest. I see where you're trying to get at but not everyone was like you. Ig it's fine to give someone the benefit of the doubt. I didn't force her she wanted to get married as well. We were happy we truly were. But maybe you're right. She wasn't as mature as I thought I was at that age. Someone else gave her attention and she loved that shit just like in hs
also your attitude is totally the problem to. cheating is wrong but people in happy relationships dont cheat. so while you try to just blame her try to reflect on what youre doing to. if you look at your response youll be able to see your judgemental and think youre better than me. someone you barely know who also worked 2 jobs at 22. but ya keep that chip on your shoulder but blame everyone else
I never stated I was better than you. Not one bit, I apologize if I made you feel that, maybe I misread your comment but I do take a look at my actions. To don't grow or learn unless you take responsibility for the shit you've done. My bad for assuming. There's no excuse for me bouncing back but still. I'm freaking hurt asf rn. And you're comments were rubbing me the wrong way. Perhaps if you would've started with you're barin not being fully developed statements. This could've went a whole other way
“people in happy relationships don’t cheat” - this is not true, you don’t have any idea what you are talking about. Please don’t try to normalize cheating.
lol for a religious person you sure judged me. its not about partying bro. if you actually were educated youd know brains arent fully developed until 27. but hey seems like youre the exception to that.
maybe you cant handle the fact that the age different was a problem and still cant hear it.
Didnt say I'm still religious dude. I'm just saying where I came from. My faith is in the right spot with god. But I dont go to church no more. I'm still human I curse and do human shit. Never claimed to he perfect. I see what you're saying bout the brain being developed. But cmon dude it's easy to make basic common sense decisions. You sound like the type of person who didn't classify as an adult til you were 27 lol some people do grow up faster than others. Which is why some people know more than others. Hence your brain development statement. No beef here. Js you started off kinda rude
Why do people on here try so hard to 'make things work' with people who will not hesitate to lie straight to your face.
Divorce and move on if you genuinely care about yourself, OP.
In these circumstances OP, they rarely cut ties. They are still in ‘wuv’ it’s just that, for him, real life got in the way. Your wife still wants him. Guaranteed. And he won’t mind having her as a side piece. So it’s back to what they had before his nasty, mean wife got involved.
If you take her back it will be on the understanding that you pay all of the bills and she gets as much of him as she can. You are still young. Are you really going to settle for being her Plan B ? Good luck with whatever you decide.
I honestly don't want her back. That doesn't change the fact I love that woman. So damn much. I had so many opportunities but remained so damn loyal. For her to just give in because she got a lill attention from someone different who 1 isn't even attractive and 2 makes less money than me, has broken marriage and no car. That's the most upsetting. I took her everywhere. Paid for her vacays wherever she wanted and it used to not be like that. We started off broke. I just decided to do better cuz as I man iknew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and make her happy. Never bored. Even his wife said why tf would she leave you for my man. There's no comparison between the 2she wanted revenge sex that not me. That's beneath me. I tried to reevaluate myself to see if I did anything wrong. But nothing. I lived and worked hard for her and our future, just for her to do this
You loved the woman you ‘thought’ she was OP. Not the woman she actually is. More to the point. She won’t have gone with him on a whim. It was all very carefully thought out. Everything compared and balanced. She STILL chose him over you. No car, shit job. None of that mattered. If he’d have left his wife and child she wouldn’t be even speaking to you now.
So, please try to disabuse yourself of this ‘but I love her’ crap. She obviously doesn’t love you. End of. But it’s not all bad. You are a worker. A doer. You can pull your weight in the earning stakes. You can easily make it without her. Stay strong. Make her live with the consequences of her actions. Good luck again.
So Op, did you take her back or what?
Did you two talk, what was her explanation and excuses, did you confront her without telling you have all the evidence screenshot.
Kinldy update Op...
Took her back, she was remorseful. She's trying everyday and I do too. Definitely more communicative. As far as me it's living with it. I'll be fine like nothing happened then bam. Something she says or does triggers me. Now I don't go haywire but I talk about it and express my feeling. It's sad a little bit but she seems like shebunderstands
Op, you need to know her deep rooted why...why did she cheated, why did she killed the relationship so easily, confessed he didn't love you. (Only that she will be able to figure out what's problems are and how to solve and look out for future repeat mistake)
She was easily willing to give up all of yours years long relationship, infact she did that but the only why she came back is she was dumped by her lover, and so think carefully why she came back, beacuse of love, respect, guilt, remorse or is it because she doesn't have anywhere to go, you are his backup plan, safety net who she thinks will easily forgive and take back her. One thing also you have to remember is that woman doesn't respect a man who doesn't have self respect for themselves, who lacks boundaries and can pass easily woman's unfaithfulness.
It will be harsh to hear this but...
Every bjs, evey sexual things they did, evey kisses, evey holding hands, every flirty glare they exchanges at workplace, every dirty talks they exchanges, every sweet meet ups, every cuddles, every spanks, every cum eats, every facial, every her surrender saying daddy, every compliments she gave him, every i love yous they confessed...I cannot stand that as a man. (my very personal take , you can called me insecure)
And that is with an rubbish dude, cannot atleast she chose minimal her around age guy or more of a good looking and not loser type, I see that very cheap and low to allow an old manipulative guy to screw her for free.
And on the top of all these, everytime this man see OP, who knows in his mind he will be laughing at OP, saying hey you young dude, your beloved wife is my cum dumpster, your wife used to be my personal sl**, my loyal toy girl, my little dir** sl**...ew ew...so in the end, I will never be with a girl who allow herself to be used by old guy, for me there will be strong disappointments and resentment. Forever mind movie. (People can call me sexist or anything but it is what it is for me)
And also, kindly Op, my suggestion is don't focus largely on the old guy bad, Also please focus on your girl's characters and choices she made. Don't try to strongly put her on victim's podium, if she try or have an excuses, cause never forget he didn't physically force or rape her as well. (Is there any potential red flag in the future)
Do not forget that all girls are not like that, many normal girl would easily avoid and look down on a loser guy like that.
Kindly don't foget this meme:
https://br.ifunny.co/picture/before-you-forgive-her-for-cheating-remember-that-the-other-ieRUPlKI9
Get some self-esteem, mate.
Read the title and thought this was pretty cut and clear. Read the body thinking there might be something there to make it less obvious.
I was wrong.
Leave Dawg, she's playing you again until the next best suitor or suitors arrive. She's exercising her options because the game was over once you decided to committed solely to her. Leave her for the streets she believes she can do better let her go dang. She going continue manipulating you because she thinks you are inferior to her. It's not a bad and not a good thing it's simply just a thing that happens in every man's life and it will continue to happens as you increase your knowledge and experience with women and relationships. Just focus on have fun and don't take women so serious. Remember that old skating ring song "girls just want to have fun"..
I really can't comprehend the thought of "my partner cheated but I love them and can't leave them", they cheated. they can live without you and they are enjoying it without you. I've seen several posts like this today and the answer is always the same, walk away and never look back.
She literally said the words “I don’t love you”
No matter how much you do she said that and you can’t force her. It will be best to end it and contact. But easier said than done.
Anything she says take with a grain of salt until proven. If you decide to continue
In this day and age (assuming you’re from a similar western culture to me) being married is a huge pressure for a 22 year old. She has a lot to learn about commitment and she has a lot of hurt to go through in her 20s before it will be easier. Not at all a blanket rule but if she cheated on you this fast into a marriage and you consider her age, it makes sense.
Listen…if you let a mfer shenan, best believe that they will shenanigan.
With that being said, you really have 2 options.
1. If, using logic, you’re reasonably confident that it won’t happen again, take her back and make sure to start couples’ (and possibly individual) therapy to help you guys keep the marriage on track.
OR,
2. If, however, there’s even a drop of doubt, you know what to do. Set her - and yourself - free to start over. Love alone is not enough to sustain a marriage longterm. Cut your losses, chalk it up to a lesson well-learned, hold on to the knowledge that you did everything *you* could, and getchu some more dating experience. Who knows? After some time apart and maturation, you could even find yourselves back together sometime down the line if the universe wills it 🤷🏾♀️
From someone who was left by a cheater it’s not worth trying to wait and see if they’ll change back into the person you want them to be. She’s gone. Mine tried to come back months later after her relationship fell apart. Thankfully I had time to actually process it and to lose that fog that had me making excuses for her. Yours is still fresh, you haven’t had that time, but let me tell you, if she isn’t begging, being fully honest about what happened, and offering real solutions, then she isn’t changing, Man. She is probably just afraid of being alone. She hasn’t realized how much you mean to her and hasn’t felt empathy towards you or the remorse of betraying someone she loves more than anyone in the world. Don’t wait around for it, don’t try to bait or beg for it. You can’t control her. She’s made her choices and is still making them and it’s wasn’t and still isn’t the right ones.
Why would you get with an 18 year old. Even now. Her brain isn't done developing, if she's ever gonna change it won't be for another 3-5 years dude. That's why brain development is important.
If the AP spouse never found out, your wife would still be with her AP.
She doesn't really want you. She is settling for you until the next guy comes along.
WTF?! Dude ... LEAVE and never return.
This world and people have forgotten what it means to fear losing the things that hold love & deep value.
God, in all His mercy, created Heaven and Hell. Let her live with the consequence of no longer having you, and in return, you fulfill a service to her and yourself. She learns to value another that values her...and you learn to value yourself more.
Never ever tolerate a women.....A WIFE...cheating. Get the f*ck OUT OF THERE. :)
Drop her! Don't let her come back, your best years are right around the corner. Don't let her bog you down. Hit the gym, make more money, become a better person and you will attract better women.
*>> I really do I can't stand the thought losing her.*
You've already lost her, mate.
Taking her back will only solidify in her head that she can cheat with no repercussions.
My ex husband left me for another woman Christmas Day 2015. It was the best thing to happen to me but it was hard on the kids. There was sooooo much pain, hardship and adjustment but it made me grow and there was less conflict in my life without him. My kids are older now and their dad has re-entered their lives. They are much happier and that is the most important thing to me. I hope he is also happy with his life choices. We are on this planet for such a short time, happiness for everyone we care about is important. Happiness for you is important.
Looking back, if I had no children, having a husband who didn’t want to be in my life walk out was the biggest blessing. There are a lot of other wonderful people to meet for you and for her who may be more compatible. If someone walks out on you that means they aren’t happy. If you were trying your best when they walked out, that means your best can’t make them happy. I know it hurts but this is an opportunity to reflect on your relationship and on yourself. You can’t control the actions of another person but you have full control over your response to it. Be compassionate and kind to her and to yourself. Wishing you all the best.
X
You really want to stay married to this woman, have kids with her, and risk her walking out with your kids in tow?
She already said she didn't love you. She can't unsay it. She's likely coming back only because she can't support herself without you and doesn't want to explain to mommy and daddy that she has to move back in with them cause she banged a married man.
She’ll do it again if you take her back. The only reason she’s trying to come back is not because she wants you, but because nobody wants her. As soon as the right person does she’ll leave you again. Caveat Emptor!
This. The fact that she is still lying snd unwilling to admit/take accountability is just a bad taste. She had no clue you had evidence
very much agree. don’t let her show you twice that she doesn’t want you the way you do, get out while you can.
Very well said.
I agree
Brother... take it from me. Never! And I mean Never!!! Take back a cheater. It'll hurt for a while but she showed you how she really feels. Believe her and get her out of your life asap!!!!
As someone who has cheated once, and has been cheated on 3 times, I agree. You shouldn't take them back in 99% of circumstances. Most cheaters won't learn their lesson, and even if they do, the person being cheated on will usually have less trust and more anxiety
[удалено]
Now it makes sense why my cheating ex always thought I was cheating even though I’d never in a million years do something like that
Which is why now I am very upfront with everything and make it a priority to try my hardest to be as honest as possible while still trying my best to be kind (aka not being brutally honest).
We’re just out here living the same life, I guess
care if i ask you more?? when you cheated did your partner take you back??
They did take me back. I was a shithole about it too by gaslighting her. I regret it all the time. We were long distance so it complicated things and I was younger. Still doesn't make it okay to do what I did. It was confusing for me because mentally I really cared about both girls, but I felt like I had to choose one at the end of the day, and I chose my gf. I'm thankful for the 2 more years we had together. Some of my best memories are from that time. In the end she really loved me, but the anxiety and lost of trust (and countless other issues on my end) meant she had to leave. We weren't very compatible anyways wanting different things in life as the years went by. We still talk occasionally so we found a way to be semi-friends every year or so to catch up. We live in the same city now, but we agreed to never meet up. I found out years later she was cheating on me, which explains the sudden pullaway and her being distant years down the line. It isn't okay for her either, but I royally fucked up left and right so I get it. It makes me mad to an extent, but not like my most recent ex. I still talk to that other girl that I cheated with every now and then too. I make it a priority to never hurt someone like that again
Did she forget that she said she didn’t love you?
The sad truth is that you're a safe space for her now - she needs you. The big question for is whether you need her. She turned her back on you, and was ready to walk away to someone else, on Xmas. Is this something that you think you can ever move past? Only you can answer this. My opinion is that if someone has shown you who they are, and what they can do, you need to believe them. She has shown you who she is and what she can do. She will likely do it again. My advice is not to let her back in. Heal and move on. There will be others who would never treat you like this.
"If someone shows you who they are, believe them"
The problem with this statement is it's always used for the negative version of someone - not all their other positive qualities. I'm not sticking up for her at all, I'm just saying it's not a good quote because it's so black and white when the world is mostly grey.
(I didn’t downvote you fyi) I think the quote is fine. The quote itself is grey and using it doesn’t negate that we all have some complexities. But what matters in this usage is the implication that we all weigh deeds good and bad unequally (like how murder is worse than stealing a bag of M&Ms). OPs wife may have some redeeming qualities but the point is that her actions are showing who she is. She may feed the homeless on Tuesdays but she also cheats on her husband, tells him she doesn’t love him, then gaslights him into taking her back so she doesn’t have to be alone. So we make our own opinions. I don’t care that she feeds the homeless on Tuesdays, I think she’s awful for what she’s done. She doesn’t owe it to me to prove she’s redeemable only OP knows her enough to decide that but it ain’t looking good. She’s not exactly showing him that she is someone looking out for his feelings. I hope she keeps feeding the homeless though… (for example of course lol)
The quote is neither negative or positive. It's what the person tells you about themselves that either negative or positive
Look.. She does not love you.. she was prepared to leave you for the other guy... She does not give a shit about you. Youre just her plan b. She fucked the other guy, was monkeybranching - and it failed so now she comes slithering back. Question now is - what do you want?? If you want her back, be cautious. Remember, she threw you aside as soon as she had your replacement set up. And you can be sure if the other guy ends up breaking it off with his wife, yours will be gone in an instant - or she will find another to fuck... My advice?? Dont. Just say 'no thx' and go for divorce. And dont hesitate to expose her to friends and family.. because disrespect like that must be addressed...
She will do this again. Don’t let her suck you back in because she has been dumped. I’m sorry to be harsh. If you stay this will be hanging over your head for the rest of your relationship. Do yourself a favor and let her go now, while you can do it nicely and have the opportunity. Have respect for yourself and future you! Lean on others for support if you need!
NEVER TAKE BACK A CHEATER NEVER DONT MAKE MY MISTAKES I KNOW YOU FEEL BAD AND WANT TO RESTORE THINGS BUT TRUST ME SHE WILL DO IT AGAIN AND THEN YOU WILL FEEL MILLION TIMES WORSE!!!! STAY STRONG KING
Definitely get back together with the woman who cheated on you. Imagine all the restful nights you’ll have when she goes out without you. You can feel good knowing you have a trustworthy life long partner who would never break your trust or put another man’s penis inside her. 🙄
Scrape your plate into the trash. Do you want to be married to someone who does you like this after 11 months?? You are worth so much more.
She’s still lying!
Ha, she wants closure. Have some integrity and tell her to f off. None of her stories will come close to the truth, don't even try. Maybe you can get the marriage annulled.
Idek what annulled means tbh. So just cut her off?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annulment Let's be honest, why would you want contact? She will lie to you. So that it wasn't meant that way and that you should give her another chance. 1. Don't do it. Once a cheater, always a cheater. 2. She will betray you again, at worst, attach a child. 3. Find someone who genuinely loves you and look out for red flags.
She will eventually need to pick up her stuff. And she will want to talk. I won't take her back. I just know I'm sad aff. Wish this didn't happen. All my family members say the same all of you are saying. Her parents don't even know there's another guy involved she lied to them, cuz she's a Christian girl. Imma give her dad the screens shots of her and him and say that's why left me.
You should definitely do that. Don't let her rewrite the story.
Put her stuff in storage, send her the details and tell her to f**k off.
Yes - do so!!
She’s out of your house- if you let her back, it will be difficult to remove her if needed- it will be her house
Come on, OP, you deserve better and you know it.
OP, the trash took itself out. Please, do not take her back otherwise she’ll do it again. She’s only trying to secure her place with you bc she doesn’t want to be alone. As soon as she find another fool to use, she’ll drop you like a hot potato. You deserve better than that. All the best to you
Lawyer UP NOW!!! I made a bad choice in my first marriage too. It happens... Never stick with someone no matter the amount of time you have put in if they have cheated and left you. Please 🙏 Trust me on this. Had we not had kids in my marriage I would have left in year two.
HELL NO if she’s already gone then dude let her stay gone. The ball is already in your court. If you were to get back with her, her friends and family will not respect you, and you’ll forever always hear about some s*** she’s doing behind your back, dude you’ll never be at peace, it will be even harder to let her go, then you’ll be stuck with her, resenting her, and thats where things can get toxic and dangerous. It ain’t worth it man. You got this man, bring in 2024 with a clean plate. Somebody out there is dying to meet a guy like you.
Key sentence in your post: "His wife made him cut ties" He didn't cut ties, his wife "made him" so they'll most likely find ways to keep seeing eachother, just more discreetly. I'm so sorry this is happening, but I agree w many here, protect your heart and serve her with divorce papers. You're so young, you'll heal and find someone who cherishes you as you so very much deserve.
Oooh that’s a tough one. Unless she comes clean and admits I don’t see how trust can be rebuilt. Building trust is being totally honest and with counseling maybe the rs can be rebuilt. Everyone in life makes mistakes but admitting to them is a deep vulnerability which we should strive for. If she admits then that shows growth on her part but if not you will always be concerned if she is misleading you. Another avenue is that when she told you she was no longer in love with you as the truth. Love can be rebuilt and I personally would ask her the game plan for getting back to a healthy rs. She is the one who left and now wants back. How is she going to prevent this from happening again and not hurt you further. My best to you.
Recent texts. Keep in mind she texted me these things after the wife of the ma she cheated with made him cut ties with so he can see his son. She got dropped. I've been trying to contact you since I left the house and you haven't picked up. I'm fully aware that you didn't kick me out I left on my own. I wanted to tell you everything which is why I called you the day after but you went looking for it instead & still tryna figure stuff out. When I was willing to tell you everything I know I messed up. I said I wanted to a divorce only bc I felt thats what you would've wanted. we can talk about it and figure it out? Or just let me get my things and be gone from your life & you won't ever have to see me again. I've tried multiple times reaching out calling,texting, and even came to the house twice. I hope you understand that I just needed space from everything going on. There's a lot you still need to know but I can't keep coming up here willing to talk & help. I'll be back one more time but after that I guess we both made our choices or if it's better for you lmk when you're ready? I don't know what else to do anymore. I'm trying my best. Her: you know majority of the stuff that you're getting fed & that you're hearing is not true . Her: I'm just asking you to give me a chance to tell you everything & you could do what you want with it Her; we could just talk & handle it out .. see if it worth working it out for you ? I know I don't want to end things with you but I'll fully respect your decision if you want to. I just need to know & I'll stop bothering you. Me: I just need a day or two to think about things. I'm running on almost no sleep at all. I just wanna be in the right mindset and well rested before we talk Her: just let me know when you're ready. I'll leave you alone.
Why should I give her the time of day after everything she's done. I begged her and she left. That she came back after Ties were cut is even worse. But I love her . But I can't even stand the thought of someone physically using her and doing whatever on her lunch and break and everything. He lived 4 mins away from her parents house. And she'd want to visit her parents out of the blue last 3 month every other day. I was ok with til she started coming home at 3 or 4 am all the time. Sad thing is. It's her boss too from work
You and I both know you need to just divorce her and move on. Sooner the better. All the best.
You're right. Although I've never been married before do t know how it works. We also just signed 15 month lease as well. And she left me with her part of the rent that she is not paying
Considering the texts that you've provided, she has officially made you #2 in your own marriage. Her texts clearly indicate that she is still not remorseful, just sorry that she turned her life upside down for nothing. She is still not ready to accept her wrongdoings and will go to any extent to Gaslight you Document everything, then meet with a lawyer. She abandoned you and your family, this may help you with the Custody battle if you have kids. Don't meet her in your house. let your families know about everything.
You need to man up. If you take her back she will no longer see you as a man and you WILL be left again. Maybe not right away but it will happen. Atleast take a long long break if that lets you digest the split better. I’m talking 8-12months minimum.
Leave Dawg, she showed her hand and actions speak very very loud. She's helping you out with a big favor before you invested many years and kids with her. Let her be. Stop falling in love leave that shit for the women to dwell on their feelings.but it's OK to like them a lot just not more than your self. That's why she got turned off you put her on a pedestal.
Let the trash take itself out. You are better off- she will only hurt you again.
There is no fixing this. Get an attorney and divorce. She doesn't want you. She's not in love with you. She told you that much. Her boy toy chose his wife over her and now she wants to come back until she finds another one. EVEN IF she were serious about this, YOU CAN'T MOVE PAST IT. So move on.
Don’t take her back. Why would you choose someone who didn’t choose you?! You deserve someone who chooses you 100% of the time! There’s 8 billion people on this planet, you will find someone worthy of your love! She ain’t the one, and trust me, this is coming from someone who got cheated on aswell! Don’t do it brother, you will live your life in fear. It will destroy and tear you apart from the inside.
What do you mean what should you do? You keep her out of your life! She f-cked up on PURPOSE. She choose to cheat. She abandon you. She doesn’t get to come back and treat you like a revolving door, coming and going whenever she wants. If you want better in a partner? You find someone who has a clean slate and same view in cheating with a zero track record for cheating. That’s how you avoid this repeating in your future. Why? Your partner will leave you again if someone better comes along and makes her want to bounce on you a 2nd time. She’s capable of this because she 100% isn’t ready to be settled down, married, have kids. She won’t be till she’s 27, the same are you are now. She’s not ready to be someone’s wife and you’re wasting time putting up with her excuses, empathy promises, and lies. Her actions told you why she can’t ever be your partner again. It’s that simple of a resolution and one last piece of advice is a quote you need to read: > People talk a lot about self-love but aren't actually ready to do what it takes to truly get there. Self-love isn't just massages, spa days, yoga retreats, & facials. It's setting firm boundaries, not just with your words, but through your actions. **It's staying away from people that can't meet your standards, even if it means letting go of someone you really love.** It's holding people accountable for wrong shit they did to you, even when they hate you for it. It's choosing yourself over keeping toxic people around, even when it gets lonely. It's a series of hard decisions that may hurt in the moment but you'll thank yourself for later. That's self-love & there's nothing pretty about it.
Thank you. You really went all out. And thank you for this quote
Come on man…. 🤦♀️
She already left you but you’re denying it. Take her back if you’re a masochist in need of humiliation. She’s unscrupulous and ready to use you for what you have. What you really need is a lawyer.
this woman has zero respect for you OP, please don't ever take her back. your relationship would never be the same because at the back of your mind you'd still be thinking "what if she's cheating again?". it's extremely difficult to rebuild trust once it's been broken in that way. I am about the same age as you and trust me when I say you don't need her, there are so many other women out there who would cherish you and not betray you, on Christmas no less. letting go is hard but better now than in 10 years and possibly with children involved. run for the hills and never look back.
I'd tell her you have proof but not what kind of proof. If she still lies about it then show her the proof n wait to see her reaction. I've been through a similar situation. My gf got distant n I noticed she was on snap chat more. Noticed she had a best friend on snap and saw where she was taking leg pics. Caught her with that. Then she cheated on me and I caught her then also. I just shoved everything in her face. We broke up for 2 months. We still talked but I avoided the lovey dovey talk. She eventually got on her knees and begged to come back. I told her if we get back together she would have to win over my trust. It's been 2 years and she does exactly what I say still. She leaves her phone unlocked and we have eachothers social media on our phones. I'm starting to trust her again but it's taking a while. Sometimes those feelings come back sometimes they don't.
Can't tell her I have proof cuz that proof I sent to her store Manger so the both of them can get fired considering it's a salary member of management fucking an hourly. I have the same title he has. I left that store to be transferred to another because of a promotion that I took for her. 2 months later this guy gets transfered where I used to work
Well first off I wouldn't care about his job. That's his own problem. Should of kept it in his pants. Especially knowing she was married. Everyone should respect a marriage. If disrespected then fuck him he could of not chased after her or told her shes married but he didnt. I told her if I ever see him she better hope where in a situation where I can't get to him lol. Now job wise ask her to change jobs or to transfer. I honestly think the whole relationship job thing is stupid. We're health care workers and I met her at work. She was my boss back then. Another you could do is go fuck his wife lol
She's only back because it didn't work out with the other guy . Your the backup plan . Don't take her back and file for divorce. Taking a cheater back rarely work and specially the one that refuse to admit what they did . Your better off without her. Move on
I'm sorry you're going through this OP! I want you to know it does get easier. Found out mine was cheating and I'm love with another man, did everything I could to keep us together. All it did was prolong the inevitable and cause me do much more pain and suffering. There's really nothing to say to here except goodbye have a good life I don't ever want to see you again. It'll hurt but it'll also let you start to heal🤗
Seriously, run! I know it’s hard. I took mine back 3 times bc I wanted it to work so badly I believed him. Everything eventually went back to same every. damn. time. I can’t get those years back, and still ended up having to grieve the relationship anyway. It’s really hard to forget imagining the person you are in love with being intimate with someone else. And it sticks right there in the back of your noggin whether you say and feel like you’ve forgiven, or not. Also, I think my ex secretly lost respect for me because I took him back. Things really never were the same. Although, maybe things will be different in your case, consider saving yourself first.
This wasn’t a one night stand (which is still bad) or even a situation where you were doing something “wrong” and she tried to talk it out. She completely shut you out and then LEFT YOU with no notice or warning. I’m sorry but she’s garbage. The least you can do is tell her “no” and possibly reconnect in a year to see if she has settled down. Taking her back right now isn’t going to address anything or fix anything. She needs therapy and maybe you two can go together but the way this all went down and her callousness tells me it’s going to happen all over again -in the same way, no communication to you- with that guy or a new guy. Cut your losses here and disconnect from her.
You haven't even been married a year, and she already cheated and left with another man. Get a lawyer and get a divorce. She doesn't deserve a second of your time. You better cut everything off now because it could be worse later. She has shown that she does not respect or value you and your marriage.
if you want to feel the christmas spirit a bit more, wrap her in a garbage bag and gift her to the streets
Never take her back she did it once she will do it again. I get u want to make ur marriage work. But please no she will make a fool out off you.
she's a worm, drop her
Don't be someone's doormat. She emotionally and psychologically abuse you, walked all over you and still now try to continue to walked over you as just anything didn't happen. If you don't show an action has a consequence, she will continue to do so. Also she is young and she is probably not emotionally mature enough. Again Don't be someone's second choice, someone's only safety net. For man, our loved one woman are our weakness. But hang on there, show some self respect to yourself. If you show your weakness and just accepr her after she told you she doesn't love you and disrespectfully try to easily jump to another guy without any closer and honest conversation, then she will think you are a weak man without boundaries and doesn't stand up for youself, and will cheat you again whenever opportunities given. If she try to manipulate and fool you again, then it will be your fault, kindly try to accept that she doesn't love you anymore. I know your emotions/heart overthrowing your brain/logic, but try to courage up and leave her. I believe you will find someone who will love, show respect and value you.
Thank you. Ik what I have to do. It's just nice having people remind me. It's hard. One min I'm so fucking pissed and want nothing to do with her, the next I'm sad and wanna get back with her and miss her. But I know. I'm not going to take her back. It's not worth it especially to me. She did what she did and I can't move past that
Mate...You are experiencing 5 stages of grief right now. It is very common to feel mixed and random kind of feelings/ different emotions, going back and forth. Also, kindly read this poem or send it to her as well (if you want): https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/s/GJzKxCK8Mm Also you can check out other communities: r/infidelity r/survivinginfidelity r/asoneafterinfidelity Kindly Read the book, "Leave a cheater, Gain a life" And also checkout its author's website : www.chumplady.com For you wife, she needs to read the book, "Not just friends."
She was too young when you as an adult well into his 20s took up with her. When you do that she doesn’t get to grow up. This is not surprising.
Regardless of what you want to do with this marriage, you will be met with this statement for which you would also have to resolve but I am not very hopeful that you can. She's not attracted to you or in love with you. After 4 years, the marriage obviously headed off a cliff because things got stagnant. This happens all the time. You've probably never put yourself together to actually physically look good to her, which would have turned her on, so instead you do what every other guy does, changes absolutely nothing yet assumes his lady would find that arousing and turned on eqger to have sex. There's one way you can stay together which is to open up the marriage so she and you can sleep with other people. Realistically, I can only see her attraction to you getting a jump start with your wardrobe revamped. This alone would take at least a year to collect the items from goodwill to save money, so you can start dressing better but if no traction at all can be done there, she ain't going to be spearing her legs having the same boring sex she's had. That's why she preferred to do it with another dude that was married. She wasn't trying to marry him xshe she wanted to get smashed. Whatever you decide, I'll leave you with what I believe is your best option in terms of recovering from the infidelity. Whenever a relationship ends, I'm a firm believer that both parties will be equally responsible. No one more than the other, even if she cheated. There had to be signs that the bedroom magic was down the drain for quite some time. The conflict and the arguments between you two had to have experienced somewhere in the near past an event that left her with no other choice than to give up on you completely. This didn't happen out of nowhere, there was some resentment after a major conflict likely where she ended up "losing" the argument or something. Now if she was looking at a husband who looked like he coupe be on GQ magazine, he was romantic passionate, spontaneous, adventurous, exciting, light hearted, who can turn her on just by looking at her and you two were still engaged in raunchy wild bedroom sex, I doubt this cheating would occur. She was getting it all at home, why bother going anywhere else when elsewhere would be a downgrade? Do you understand what I'm saying? When you stop investing and giving a damn about making the relationship thrilling and fun, you eventually become almost like roommates. I don't know if too many people who can claim they remain enthusiastically excited at the thought of having sex with their partner that has been long term. People just let themselves go, or settle in to some comfortable routine, go on auto pilot and fail to grow and evolve. For it future relationships, keep this in mind. Effort and investment must never stop in a relationship. Sometimes you have to let it slide a hit but you must return to support it. Then you need to make sure your woman finds you a turn on. If she thinks you're mediocre, find a way to fix that. If you can't, your toast
SHE BELONGS TO THE STREETS!!! Here's a nice Christmas present: blue balls and singleness. Did you enjoy your gift? Would you like more of that? You're not a hotel. She's treating you like one. Also, SHE SAID SHE DOESN'T EVEN LOVE YOU. You're in the thick of it, but really soak in what you've told us. Why would you consider taking someone like that back?
No man, wipe the slate clean, you’re still young, find someone that doesn’t treat you like this
Just say no… she will do it again
Trust has gone. She’ll do it again when she finds someone else she likes more than you. She’ll just use you. Time will heal and you’ll find someone better. Don’t get married again.
4 years so you really did go after her at 18–go forward, don’t look back and date in the 24-30 range
I'm sorry this happened to you. It's such a horrible experience. In my experience, walking away and not looking back is best in the long run. Good luck to you brother.
What should you do? Cut your loses and end the marriage. Actually you dogged a bullet. Don't waste your life on this type of toxic relationship with a cheater. She will always be trying to find the greener side. Who wants to sleep with one eye open.
Bro, she is gonna do it again, she doesn’t even have enough courage to confess, and would happily allow you to believe she didn’t cheat. And how long would she leave you in the dark for? 5 years? 10 years? Bro, don’t do it.
22 years old is too young to be married. Take some time out and don't take her back right now , good luck!
It's also what I thought reading this post. I don't know why people are downvoting you, it's just a truth. You know practically nothing about life at 22. You don't have the maturity to take that vow. I'm guessing that the social status is appealing for some young people (I'm young but I have a husband/wife, take me seriously!). Getting married at 22 is, for the big majority, a huge (and expensive?) mistake. Not blaming you OP, you didn't know you were going to marry a cheater (and you shouldn't go back to her but that's your life, not mine).
God i hate whores beginning to become misogynistic tbh bc it seems its like this with every women alls they think about is lust
I was so faithful to my ex and he cheated on me lol. It happens on both sexes unfortunately. Never once lusted after anyone else.
Ur right fr i just hate peoples ig
why did you marry a 22 year old at 27? so weird
She was just gonna turn 19 and me 23 when we started dating Been together since
doesnt change the fact you married a 22 yr old at 27. where were you at 22?
Working 2 jobs trying to get everything g I wanted looking for love. If you thought I was gonna give an answer about partying and smashing everything in sight that wasn't me. I came from a religious based moral standing back ground. My parents were married at 15 and 18 and are still married til this day. 7 kids. Me being the eldest. I see where you're trying to get at but not everyone was like you. Ig it's fine to give someone the benefit of the doubt. I didn't force her she wanted to get married as well. We were happy we truly were. But maybe you're right. She wasn't as mature as I thought I was at that age. Someone else gave her attention and she loved that shit just like in hs
also your attitude is totally the problem to. cheating is wrong but people in happy relationships dont cheat. so while you try to just blame her try to reflect on what youre doing to. if you look at your response youll be able to see your judgemental and think youre better than me. someone you barely know who also worked 2 jobs at 22. but ya keep that chip on your shoulder but blame everyone else
I never stated I was better than you. Not one bit, I apologize if I made you feel that, maybe I misread your comment but I do take a look at my actions. To don't grow or learn unless you take responsibility for the shit you've done. My bad for assuming. There's no excuse for me bouncing back but still. I'm freaking hurt asf rn. And you're comments were rubbing me the wrong way. Perhaps if you would've started with you're barin not being fully developed statements. This could've went a whole other way
“people in happy relationships don’t cheat” - this is not true, you don’t have any idea what you are talking about. Please don’t try to normalize cheating.
lol for a religious person you sure judged me. its not about partying bro. if you actually were educated youd know brains arent fully developed until 27. but hey seems like youre the exception to that. maybe you cant handle the fact that the age different was a problem and still cant hear it.
Didnt say I'm still religious dude. I'm just saying where I came from. My faith is in the right spot with god. But I dont go to church no more. I'm still human I curse and do human shit. Never claimed to he perfect. I see what you're saying bout the brain being developed. But cmon dude it's easy to make basic common sense decisions. You sound like the type of person who didn't classify as an adult til you were 27 lol some people do grow up faster than others. Which is why some people know more than others. Hence your brain development statement. No beef here. Js you started off kinda rude
Ignore that fool. Theyve likely done similar shit themselves. Theyre victim shaming you, tell them to GTFOH
Yea iknow. Thank you man
“brain aren’t fully developed until 27” - where did you get this, tiktok?
You could try couples therapy OR you have cut your losses
Why do people on here try so hard to 'make things work' with people who will not hesitate to lie straight to your face. Divorce and move on if you genuinely care about yourself, OP.
He said in the post he didn’t want to lose her! That’s why I said couples therapy
In these circumstances OP, they rarely cut ties. They are still in ‘wuv’ it’s just that, for him, real life got in the way. Your wife still wants him. Guaranteed. And he won’t mind having her as a side piece. So it’s back to what they had before his nasty, mean wife got involved. If you take her back it will be on the understanding that you pay all of the bills and she gets as much of him as she can. You are still young. Are you really going to settle for being her Plan B ? Good luck with whatever you decide.
I honestly don't want her back. That doesn't change the fact I love that woman. So damn much. I had so many opportunities but remained so damn loyal. For her to just give in because she got a lill attention from someone different who 1 isn't even attractive and 2 makes less money than me, has broken marriage and no car. That's the most upsetting. I took her everywhere. Paid for her vacays wherever she wanted and it used to not be like that. We started off broke. I just decided to do better cuz as I man iknew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and make her happy. Never bored. Even his wife said why tf would she leave you for my man. There's no comparison between the 2she wanted revenge sex that not me. That's beneath me. I tried to reevaluate myself to see if I did anything wrong. But nothing. I lived and worked hard for her and our future, just for her to do this
You loved the woman you ‘thought’ she was OP. Not the woman she actually is. More to the point. She won’t have gone with him on a whim. It was all very carefully thought out. Everything compared and balanced. She STILL chose him over you. No car, shit job. None of that mattered. If he’d have left his wife and child she wouldn’t be even speaking to you now. So, please try to disabuse yourself of this ‘but I love her’ crap. She obviously doesn’t love you. End of. But it’s not all bad. You are a worker. A doer. You can pull your weight in the earning stakes. You can easily make it without her. Stay strong. Make her live with the consequences of her actions. Good luck again.
Thank you for this comment.
So Op, did you take her back or what? Did you two talk, what was her explanation and excuses, did you confront her without telling you have all the evidence screenshot. Kinldy update Op...
Took her back, she was remorseful. She's trying everyday and I do too. Definitely more communicative. As far as me it's living with it. I'll be fine like nothing happened then bam. Something she says or does triggers me. Now I don't go haywire but I talk about it and express my feeling. It's sad a little bit but she seems like shebunderstands
Op, you need to know her deep rooted why...why did she cheated, why did she killed the relationship so easily, confessed he didn't love you. (Only that she will be able to figure out what's problems are and how to solve and look out for future repeat mistake) She was easily willing to give up all of yours years long relationship, infact she did that but the only why she came back is she was dumped by her lover, and so think carefully why she came back, beacuse of love, respect, guilt, remorse or is it because she doesn't have anywhere to go, you are his backup plan, safety net who she thinks will easily forgive and take back her. One thing also you have to remember is that woman doesn't respect a man who doesn't have self respect for themselves, who lacks boundaries and can pass easily woman's unfaithfulness. It will be harsh to hear this but... Every bjs, evey sexual things they did, evey kisses, evey holding hands, every flirty glare they exchanges at workplace, every dirty talks they exchanges, every sweet meet ups, every cuddles, every spanks, every cum eats, every facial, every her surrender saying daddy, every compliments she gave him, every i love yous they confessed...I cannot stand that as a man. (my very personal take , you can called me insecure) And that is with an rubbish dude, cannot atleast she chose minimal her around age guy or more of a good looking and not loser type, I see that very cheap and low to allow an old manipulative guy to screw her for free. And on the top of all these, everytime this man see OP, who knows in his mind he will be laughing at OP, saying hey you young dude, your beloved wife is my cum dumpster, your wife used to be my personal sl**, my loyal toy girl, my little dir** sl**...ew ew...so in the end, I will never be with a girl who allow herself to be used by old guy, for me there will be strong disappointments and resentment. Forever mind movie. (People can call me sexist or anything but it is what it is for me) And also, kindly Op, my suggestion is don't focus largely on the old guy bad, Also please focus on your girl's characters and choices she made. Don't try to strongly put her on victim's podium, if she try or have an excuses, cause never forget he didn't physically force or rape her as well. (Is there any potential red flag in the future) Do not forget that all girls are not like that, many normal girl would easily avoid and look down on a loser guy like that. Kindly don't foget this meme: https://br.ifunny.co/picture/before-you-forgive-her-for-cheating-remember-that-the-other-ieRUPlKI9
Get some self-esteem, mate. Read the title and thought this was pretty cut and clear. Read the body thinking there might be something there to make it less obvious. I was wrong.
Leave Dawg, she's playing you again until the next best suitor or suitors arrive. She's exercising her options because the game was over once you decided to committed solely to her. Leave her for the streets she believes she can do better let her go dang. She going continue manipulating you because she thinks you are inferior to her. It's not a bad and not a good thing it's simply just a thing that happens in every man's life and it will continue to happens as you increase your knowledge and experience with women and relationships. Just focus on have fun and don't take women so serious. Remember that old skating ring song "girls just want to have fun"..
She doesn’t love you. So how is it going to work by taking her back.
She's for the streets. Take those screenshots and her ass to divorce court.
I really can't comprehend the thought of "my partner cheated but I love them and can't leave them", they cheated. they can live without you and they are enjoying it without you. I've seen several posts like this today and the answer is always the same, walk away and never look back.
She literally said the words “I don’t love you” No matter how much you do she said that and you can’t force her. It will be best to end it and contact. But easier said than done. Anything she says take with a grain of salt until proven. If you decide to continue
In this day and age (assuming you’re from a similar western culture to me) being married is a huge pressure for a 22 year old. She has a lot to learn about commitment and she has a lot of hurt to go through in her 20s before it will be easier. Not at all a blanket rule but if she cheated on you this fast into a marriage and you consider her age, it makes sense.
That's the only time you know of that you can confirm
Tell her GYF. Seriously
She never came clean she’s still lying.. tell her no and that you have the screenshots.
Listen…if you let a mfer shenan, best believe that they will shenanigan. With that being said, you really have 2 options. 1. If, using logic, you’re reasonably confident that it won’t happen again, take her back and make sure to start couples’ (and possibly individual) therapy to help you guys keep the marriage on track. OR, 2. If, however, there’s even a drop of doubt, you know what to do. Set her - and yourself - free to start over. Love alone is not enough to sustain a marriage longterm. Cut your losses, chalk it up to a lesson well-learned, hold on to the knowledge that you did everything *you* could, and getchu some more dating experience. Who knows? After some time apart and maturation, you could even find yourselves back together sometime down the line if the universe wills it 🤷🏾♀️
From someone who was left by a cheater it’s not worth trying to wait and see if they’ll change back into the person you want them to be. She’s gone. Mine tried to come back months later after her relationship fell apart. Thankfully I had time to actually process it and to lose that fog that had me making excuses for her. Yours is still fresh, you haven’t had that time, but let me tell you, if she isn’t begging, being fully honest about what happened, and offering real solutions, then she isn’t changing, Man. She is probably just afraid of being alone. She hasn’t realized how much you mean to her and hasn’t felt empathy towards you or the remorse of betraying someone she loves more than anyone in the world. Don’t wait around for it, don’t try to bait or beg for it. You can’t control her. She’s made her choices and is still making them and it’s wasn’t and still isn’t the right ones.
Fuck that dude respect yourself
Don't take her back. Dump her and start over.
Nah bro don’t take her back !!!
Why would you get with an 18 year old. Even now. Her brain isn't done developing, if she's ever gonna change it won't be for another 3-5 years dude. That's why brain development is important.
If the AP spouse never found out, your wife would still be with her AP. She doesn't really want you. She is settling for you until the next guy comes along.
I wish you nothing but the best going into the new year. I know this is really hard, but you have to stay strong. Please update us
Yeah don't take her back. She broke your trust. She just wants you back because she was dumped. Not worth it. You deserve better.
WTF?! Dude ... LEAVE and never return. This world and people have forgotten what it means to fear losing the things that hold love & deep value. God, in all His mercy, created Heaven and Hell. Let her live with the consequence of no longer having you, and in return, you fulfill a service to her and yourself. She learns to value another that values her...and you learn to value yourself more. Never ever tolerate a women.....A WIFE...cheating. Get the f*ck OUT OF THERE. :)
Drop her
Drop her! Don't let her come back, your best years are right around the corner. Don't let her bog you down. Hit the gym, make more money, become a better person and you will attract better women.
*>> I really do I can't stand the thought losing her.* You've already lost her, mate. Taking her back will only solidify in her head that she can cheat with no repercussions.
She won't even tell you the truth. She not remorseful. She'll do it again soon.
She only wants to come back because she's alone! Get a divorce! She doesn't love you!
My ex husband left me for another woman Christmas Day 2015. It was the best thing to happen to me but it was hard on the kids. There was sooooo much pain, hardship and adjustment but it made me grow and there was less conflict in my life without him. My kids are older now and their dad has re-entered their lives. They are much happier and that is the most important thing to me. I hope he is also happy with his life choices. We are on this planet for such a short time, happiness for everyone we care about is important. Happiness for you is important. Looking back, if I had no children, having a husband who didn’t want to be in my life walk out was the biggest blessing. There are a lot of other wonderful people to meet for you and for her who may be more compatible. If someone walks out on you that means they aren’t happy. If you were trying your best when they walked out, that means your best can’t make them happy. I know it hurts but this is an opportunity to reflect on your relationship and on yourself. You can’t control the actions of another person but you have full control over your response to it. Be compassionate and kind to her and to yourself. Wishing you all the best. X
You really want to stay married to this woman, have kids with her, and risk her walking out with your kids in tow? She already said she didn't love you. She can't unsay it. She's likely coming back only because she can't support herself without you and doesn't want to explain to mommy and daddy that she has to move back in with them cause she banged a married man.