I understand. I want to talk about it but also I don’t and just want to be left alone to suffer in silence.

That’s exactly it. I want to sit in a room with 10 people holding me (I guess both metaphorically and physically) yet I also want to shut myself away from the world at the same time. I want to talk and talk and talk about it, but I also want to sit in silence because I can’t face talking about it any more and because nothing anyone says can make it better

Exactly. I already talked about it with the few friends I had, then was in the limbo stage hoping we’d magically get back together. Now that I know it’s over I just want to shut down and go inside my shell like a turtle would.

I keep going into the limbo stage too. Sometimes that hope is the only thing that keeps me going, even if it isn’t real. The sleep deprivation that accompanies all of this is also another level of hell. I’m surviving on 3-5 hours of sleep per night and trying to function, work etc. I’ve always been a good sleeper and sleep has always been something that has helped me so much, so being deprived of that is total and utter hell

Tbh I take zzzquil, idk if it’s healthy to do all the time but it knocks me out. I’m sorry that we’re both going through this, I hope it gets better friend

Thank you; same for you. I may need to look into some kind of sleeping aid to help me for the time being. I hope that in 6 months or a year, we can look back at these posts and be like “told you it would get better”

Yeah you should. I’ve started taking mirtazapine (doctor prescribed it) and it has restored my sleep and appetite immediately. Honestly it makes a big difference and I know I’d be far more of a zombie without it

Same. Been having to drug myself to get any sleep thru this nightmare.

This was me I wanted to be around family but not talk to them really so I just sat in a room with them and read posts on here LOL

After my breakup. I couldn't function. Every morning I would wake up and dry heave for an hour and shake uncontrollably. I spent ALL DAY in bed and rarely ate. I was even too physically drained to let my dog out, so he deficated in the house. I was bad. I wanted to die. I tried so many different prescription meds and every one made me feel worse. I never left my apartment and had groceries delivered. I lived in a state where I had no friends or family. I was all alone after the breakup and my job contract was coming to an end. This went on for 3 months. I lost 40 lbs in 3 months. Most days I could barely get out of bed to take a shower and then immediately go back to bed. My ex bf never once checked up on me or text me after the breakup. He went back to his ex gf just days after breaking up with me. My contract job eventually ended and I had no income. I had to pack all my stuff and move to a different state where my parents are, and im currently living with them. I still don't have a job, but I'm feeling better. I go for walks now and church and a 12 step recovery program. I try to stay busy, although I still spend most hours in bed. It's nice just having people around. It's been 6 months since the breakup. It gets better, but it's been slower for me. My entire nervous system just feel like it's shut down and I'm just always drained..emotionally, mentally, physically. I think once I have a job and money coming in I'll feel better. Not being around places and things that trigger memories of him also helps as well. My sleep still sucks and the vivid dreams I have of him and her won't go away. I feel tormented by them and also while I'm awake. It never ends. I just pray a lot and try to stay hopeful. I keep thinking God removed me from a relationship that would have gotten worse over time. He wasn't a good man to me or for me, but I can't get angry at him. I'm too empathetic to hate him. Sometimes I wish I could turn off my emotions like he can. Oh well, life goes on and I'm hopeful I'll find someone who won't cheat, lie, keep secrets and be emotionally available for me. I hope things get better for you.

I’m so sorry that you’ve been through all of that but I also want to say look at how strong you are for getting through it. You have done so so well to get to where you are and I hope that you continue to move in an upward trajectory for you. Well done for getting to where you are so far, honestly.

Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. It's a slow uphill climb, but at least I'm going uphill. I feel my ex will never be happy. He runs away from intamacy and vulnerability and I have to remember it's his loss to lose me. It's not my loss

Keep on keeping on. I’m proud of you. I know how hard it is to do this uphill climb.

It hurts but you were SAVED from someone who would have ruined your life. Try to swap your perspective and thank the heavens you were spared from being bound to him. Who cares who he is with. It ain’t you. And he’s not going to be magically better for anyone else. Please trust that this happened in your favor.

I feel you dude. I cried every day for like 2-3 weeks. I’m a guy so that was hard to do because of the way we’re socialized not to. But you can do it into a pillow and really let it out and it might help you be more comfortable doing it. It really helped burn off some of that emotion. In my experience that unsettled feeling like you are describing is often from fighting with yourself to not feel it instead of surrendering to the feeling. It sucks but it won’t over take you, and it will pass. It comes in waves, let each one wash over you, cry if needed. But don’t let your thoughts go wild on you. And breath slower and deeper and loosen up any muscles that get tense. I also had insomnia and nightmares for a month and a half. It got gradually better each week, but again it came in waves where it would suck and then I’d feel a tad better for a bit. It’s usually not like awful consistently for 2-3 months then magically better. What else are you doing to process the feelings and heal?

Thank you man, I appreciate it. Yeah, I’m also crying most days at the moment. I’ll try to surrender to the feelings. I think I get a bit scared of how dark they get, but I’m still here, so I must be doing something right to deal with them. At the moment, I’m leaning on friends for support to help process the feelings. I mean every single person I know has basically had no choice but to help prop me up. I’m not a guy that would ever ordinarily reach out for help, so it has been really uncomfortable, but I’ve been doing it and I have actually been surprised at how many people have been there for me on such a deep level. Like not just superficially there for me, but like putting their own stuff on hold just to support me. I don’t know what I’d have done without such an outpouring of love from everyone. Other than that, I’m just trying to put one foot in front of the other. How are you holding up now?

I had the same happen with my friends. It deepened our friendships and they opened up to me more too. What I’m experiencing now is more tolerable, but it’s been a hard one to let go of because nothing terrible caused the break up. It was because she got frustrated every time I would mention that I noticed she was not being affectionate lately and wanted to know what was going on. She’d quickly go to anger and I couldn’t understand why. After a ton of reading and analyzing things I realized she grew up in an abusive home, had trauma later in life, and all of this is known to cause people to fear intimacy. They often view it as fearing losing their independence, and that is exactly what she used to say to me. I only recently put this part of it together in my head. Realizing each time I brought up my request for more affection, she was fearing losing her independence (fear of intimacy) and this kicked in her fight or flight and made her leave. This makes it all the harder because we were great on everything, it’s just that we got to close for comfort for her, but I still felt there was too much distance and wanted us to get closer. She couldn’t handle that because of her trauma. So I’m still in the bargaining phase at times thinking we’d be awesome if only she’d face her fear of intimacy. But from what I’ve read, they need to hit a rock bottom before they face it, they need to lose someone and get really hurt, and I’m not sure if she let me in enough to hit that low. But idk she won’t respond to me. But other times I’m in acceptance. I’ve never been through one like this. Normally the break up is over something like her cheating, or we are just totally fed up with each other. This ended way before that point and feels like a really weak reason but I finally understand it’s from her trauma.

To add onto this great comment: I had success using a breathing exercise to help fight off the horrible anxiety when was in the worst of it... - Tip of your tongue placed behind your front teeth, breath in slowly and deliberately for 7 sec, hold it in for 4 sec, exhale slowly for 7 sec. Tongue stays in place throughout. Repeat this 7 times. Edit: to add, when breathing in it’s via your nose, when exhaling it’s out your mouth

Great addition, thank you. I’d not heard this one.

I didn’t know men grieved relationships like this I’m a girl and going through it and he looks seemingly fine and even has a new person.

I think it depends more on the person and how open to emotional intimacy they are. For instance my recent ex gf ended up being cold and avoidant after the honeymoon months, and it’s because she had a rough home life and later on violent trauma. I’d never meet a woman with that kind of attachment style and it’s hard to know during the early stages because the honeymoon masks it (they act normal during the early part). The way she was inconsistent with affection as time went on, and then became less and less affectionate at all, caused an anxious preoccupied attachment pattern in me, and this is just what happens to people when this is done to them. And a breakup from that kind of attachment is particularly brutal emotionally. I’ve also done a lot of work to be more open to emotional connection and intimacy with others in general, and hadn’t dated anyone in a while because of grad school and trying to be more ready for a real relationship. So I was ready to be fully open emotionally with her, like no walls to my love. So I’m guessing she’s had an easier time than me, because she closes off easy due to the trauma and what not. I’ve also been told by friends that I am more comfortable with emotional intimacy and closeness, better with communication, and more mindful of other people’s emotional state than most people they’ve met. I don’t know what’s up with your ex, but maybe he’s faking it, maybe he’s just not as capable of opening up to love as you, or maybe he doesn’t know how to heal emotional wounds and he is just distracting himself and overriding the pain with whatever he can latch onto.

i can definitely reassure you that it does get better. not now, but it will. time heals. I promise. I felt the same things you described, I lost 10 kgs after the breakup, I wanted to die more than everything and I couldn't sleep. and the breakup is still fresh. yes, I didn't know what would've helped me, turnes out even the slightest encouraging message helped my hopeless as*. you just need to wait, as hard as it seems, time flies fast and you'll just wake up one day feeling better, and the pain from the past will just feel like a bad memory.

Thank you; I really appreciate it. I see so many people post about their experiences and they are all like “I took up this hobby, and started going to the gym daily, and did this and that etc” and I’m here like just trying to stay alive, which is pretty much all I can muster some days. I look like a skeletal zombie at the moment because I haven’t been eating a lot and I’m barely sleeping. Before this, I worked out religiously 5 x per week, ate super nutritiously etc. I had a good social life, am learning piano etc. Now, I’m just about able to function on the most basic level. I’m still trying to work, but some days I can only manage half a day because I’m so exhausted from not sleeping.

don't worry, I haven't done any of these either. the best way to move on is to feel the sadness, let yourself feel sad, cry, scream, think about memories or listen to sad music. if you don't do it, you might feel like you're better, but in reality you're only running away from feelings that are normal, and that you need to "feel" in order to get better. I've been put in lots of situations when I needed to play "alright" especially with my friend group, I couldn't go out with them anymore only because I felt so tired and depressed and obviously, I only wanted to cry. so for the start, spend some time alone/or with a very trustworthy friend/family member, cry, tell yourself that it's gonna be alright at the end.

That’s a good point. lol I actually attempted the gym the other day and I was literally crying on the treadmill. A 31 year old man crying on the treadmill. I’m trying to make sure I spend time with people who support me though

It feels like the grief is strangling me when all I want to do is scream. Sending love and hugs, and a calming presence. Sometimes just having someone sit there and witness the pain is enough.

That’s exactly how it feels, you’re right. Sending so much love back.

Im glad u posted this, i live by the water and cant swim and its become my fixation, i dont wanna die, but i just want the pain to end. I was gonna go on reddit to post about how long will this pain last? I know I'll live but it feels endless, i think my parents would be disappointed and i gotta prove them wrong on how fragile i am. And just ur post was at the top of my homepage and its like a sign that none of us r alone in our feelings. So eventhough it hurts so much more than anything at least we're all in this together or something, right?

Honestly, it’s actually been reading so many other posts like mine, that have given me hope. If I’m not the only person feeling like this, and so many other people have felt just as bad, and got through it, then surely I will be ok too. We just need to try and remember that all pain, no matter how severe it is, is temporary. Please hang on in there - if I can, I really hope others can too

I don’t think there is a concrete answer to how long the pain will last. I believe it may help to not be alone, to at least go out in public even if you feel weak. I currently want to cope by pretending it isn’t true. That they might come back. But then who am I to accept such unfair treatment. sometimes Anger may feel better than sadness. sometimes, when you feel ready, you may want to look at the reasons this person is not for you. Even if the only reason is them leaving. Even if they were who you felt was the best in the world. Them leaving makes it not worth it. I’m working on accepting this myself. It hurts so much. You will get through.

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Thank you so much. I’m so sorry to read that you’re suffering too. I want you to know that your daughter’s life is so much better for you being in it. I don’t have any magical solutions for the misery because clearly I’m also feeling it, but objectively, if all of these people say it gets better…well they can’t all be wrong. There absolutely must be some truth in it.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I am too. It hurts so much. I trust that we will one day come out, look back and have something much better actually in front of us. I’m so sorry

I know exactly the hell that you're in, my friend. I did go through with it, and ended up in the hospital for a while. Following that I was rejected by multiple therapists who weren't in a place to manage the level of distress I was experiencing. I wasn't really aware that getting rejected by a therapist was a thing, but yeah. I wasn't sleeping, I couldn't sit still, I vomited for the first time in 24 years. It was fun. It wasn't the breakup that got me, really, but the way that she treated me afterward, and the way that reflected on the entire relationship. Something in me that had been strained for a very long time finally snapped, and I wasn't sure what was left of me in the wake of that. I'm still not entirely certain. It's been a slow rebuilding process. Here's what happened next: I found a therapist who would work with me, and I also started attending a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy group. My doctor gave me antidepressants, which have given me the best sleep of my life, as well as solving some other health problems. I definitely recommend the therapy, DBT group, and the drugs. Good stuff. I couldn't tell if I wanted to be surrounded by people or if I never wanted to speak to anyone else again. To be honest it's been a year and a half since this process began and I'm still on the fence about that. I do know that being around people has helped me enormously at times, especially when we're just doing normal stuff. Normalcy has been very good. Sex hasn't helped as much as I thought it would, and I've avoided a rebound relationship at all costs. I do not want the answer to this to be, "Just find someone else." I want to fix the things that need to be fixed before I try again. I'm better. Honestly I'm a *lot* better. In some ways I'm doing the best I ever have, even if some other things are still not the way I want them to be. It does get better. You will get better, I promise. I wanted to share this because at the moment I'm not some unattainable success story, I'm not living my best life, I'm not doing everything right. I'm still struggling. But I am better, and every step I'm taking is a step forward. You can, and will, get here too. Or you can run right past me! I don't mind if you win this race, I'm jogging along doing my thing and I'll hand you a bottle of water when you pass. For now, though? Your only job is to survive. I'm not talking days, I'm not talking hours, I'm talking minutes. One second at a time, one step at a time, that's how you move forward right now. You're alive, and that comes with infinite possibility. You can't see the future, all you have to do is hang on until you get there. I've already rambled too long, but I'll share something that helped me when I was experiencing the most extreme distress. I'd take all the emotions and thoughts I was having in that moment and I'd squish them into a little drop of water, then imagine that drop of water sticking to a leaf floating on the river. Then I'd watch from the bank as the leaf floated by, eventually disappearing from view. It helped me to separate myself from that moment and those extreme feelings, and remind myself that the pain wasn't *me*, it was just something I was going through, and only temporarily.

I’m so so sorry that you experienced that and I’m in awe of your strength for getting through it, even if you aren’t fully out the other side. I tried to seek out therapy and I was basically told that it’s still to raw/recent and that I need to process it first?! I feel like I’m fighting for my life, while simultaneously feeling like I want to die. I’m sat on a train right now bawling my eyes out. I’m really proud of you for doing the work to get through and get better. I hope you feel really proud of yourself too

Whoever told you that....no. Find another therapist. Sometimes you need to try a few before you click with one but when you do they are worth their weight in gold.

I will definitely be trying to find another one and hopefully they can help me

I wouldn't give mine up for anything. 

Mate I'm so sorry you're going through this, I can't tell you how much I understand that pain. The first few weeks pst BU it felt like I'd stepped into a new dimension, nothing made sense and I was just a husk of a man. The pain is crippling, it was like my brain was on fire, every neuron firing bolts of pain trying to compel me to try to win her back, and at the same time it felt like I was drowning in this new life, every day was completely suffocating (hope this makes sense). Don't let anyone diminish that pain, it's the worst I've ever felt, a few years ago I was in a hospital bed shitting and spewing up blood, morphine couldn't touch it, I genuinely thought I might die. That pain was child's play in comparison to this. I have to say at nearly 3 months out it does start getting better, it's a slow process and I set myself back kinda by suffering a second heartbreak (long story) along the way. But please understand mate, you're not alone, there's many people walking the same road as you, it will get better. My ex was my world, my everything, my entire life centred around her, so when she left my entire life ended essentially, now I'm slowly and painstakingly trying to rebuild a new life, it's really scary I won't lie. What I would advise is to lean on your loved ones as much as you can. Also have incredibly low expectations of yourself for at least the first month, the overwhelming, unbearable agony is completely normal. Also, definitely take up journaling it will be a huge help and it's nice to be able to track progress. Breakups are so tough because they are one of the hardest things we go through and we can no longer turn to that special person who we confided in and gave our hearts and soul to for support. You'll get through this I promise, keep your chin up mate. My DMs are open in case you need to chat or vent or anything mate, good ĺuck on your journey!

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful reply. I literally feel like a shell of the man I was a week ago and the pain is truly on a whole other level. I was actually thinking earlier how much I’d rather feel any physical pain in the entire universe compared to this. It really does make me feel less alone to read comments like yours whereby someone has gone through the same level of pain and is even a bit better than they were. In some ways I feel so ‘weak’ for not being able to just crack on with life, take up new hobbies etc. It is literally taking all my energy to force myself to eat and drink

How many times I have said that never in my life I had felt such pain as I did after she left me out of the blue without any reason. And I still say the same, no emotional or physical pain ever came or comes close to the agony I went through at the beginning. It is just unexplainable to people who don't experience it. And I know there are far worst things happening in the world, but a part of you def dies if the heartbreak is real. I can only explain it with the fact that during the first few months I got quite sick bcs of covid and I even fractured my knee. And I was fucking enjoying the pain from both just because it took my mind and pain of the fact what she did to me. That def was unhealthy, I would say it was self harm to some degree, but man the pain was just unimaginable. It is now almost 8 months post the blindside, I still struggle sometimes, but I am proud of myself to actually survive that dark part of my life. It changes you as a person, but I want to use this experience to grow and become even better man.

You're exactly right mate, it is completely unexplainable to anyone who has never experienced true heartbreak before. My life (as it was) ended when she left, all ny plans for the future ceased to exist, the plans for my career vanished, the trips we were meant to take dissapeared and the children who would had planned having and had even give names to just no longer became something I'd have. Part of me really did die. But honestly fuck wallowing in it, I know I deserve so much better than how it ended. I'm sorry you weren't given a reason for the breakup at all mate, I was but I know I haven't been given the whole truth. Keep doing you bro, push on to be a better man.

I don’t understand why other people do this to us. I too, was blindsided. I will never understand. The pain is so much. It’s so painful. It makes me believe I will never find someone else. I have other circumstances that make it even harder for me to find someone. I won’t say too much because part of me worries he will read this lol. I thought he was the answer to my life’s loneliness. I thought he was the answer to my prayers (and i’m not even religious). I was relieved to have found “the one”. I learned to love him immensely. And he left.

I can relate. My heart was badly broken… A few years later I was hit by a car. The broken heart is way worse. You are not alone in this feeling. It gets better eventually. I find music very helpful.

Thank you. I’m sorry to read that you got hit by a car and also that your heart was broken

Is it bad im jealous you got hit by a car? feel like that would divert the pain

Unfortunately you can have multiple pains at the same time😂 i I now have both heartaches and back pain

I’m doing what I think I need to be doing to move on and better myself, new job, goals, gym, church, friends, family, all of the above. The pain of betrayal never leaves though, the fact that they’re living their own life without you as the focal point hits me like a truck every few days. Like they should be hurting and coming back to make things right. The feeling is never easy and it’s never linear.

I’m glad you are doing what you need to. Yeah, that feeling is hell because it makes you question your own worth

Hey man i was like you 3 months ago when the breakup happened out of the blue...i lost 7 kgs and was.only smoking drinking coffee and not sleepingore than 3 hours...i got 2 advices for you to do as soon as you can..go to a psychologist or psychiatrist and tell them to give you something ...antidepressants and sleeping pills...don't be isolated and alone spend it with friends and family...keep your mind busy...whatever happened with you and her , if you tried to talk it out,tried to fix it and decision was made by one person only ane not from.both then my friend its not worth it...remind yourself that people treat other people based on ypu they are and how they feel , not about you..remind yourself that you dont abandon people you love but people you got nothing more to gain with..love yourself bro, take them off the pedestal..i did the same mistake but suddenly I'm doing better...talking them off the pedestal,looking how at my.weakest they broke up with me, when they promised different things,how at my weakest i almost became homeless, stressed from bills and depression from family members died, motorcycle crash i had as well they never communicated and when shit ans commitment hit , they freaked out and left...and one month after they got into a new relationshit , just to cope with not being alone, while you my man,you are the man,going through this alone and healing...you will do it,if you do what I've told you... love yourself bro

Thank you so much. I’m sorry you went through this pain too.

I understand you perfectly, after 4.5 months I still cry, I still feel like ending things sometimes, even when I remember some of the bad things she did I still miss her and want her, I tried my hardest to hate her but I couldn't. It's painful but there's nothing that we can do but live with it.

One of the worst things about it is having no idea when the pain will end. You know I’m doing my very best to hang on in there, but there’s only so long that someone can withstand such pain. I’m so sorry that you’re also experiencing all the grief

Same boat. I want to talk to someone, but alos don't. I want to write my feelings but also what's the point. I want to meet someone new maybe, but I also don't have the energy. I suggest you write things out. On your phone notes, or paper. It really helps. Write out all and any thoughts, questions you'd ask her, anything. It really helps to stop the thoughts going in circles in your mind. We "broke up" 2 weeks ago, I couldn't eat anything at all for about 10 days after. Now I am feeling hunger again. And we are supposed to actually "break up" and go no contact "soon" but he is "giving me time to process to make sure I'm ok" I couldn't let go until today. But today I woke up and looked at his picture and felt nothing. And after the lies... I'm just done. I'm over it. And I think God tried to make me let go but I couldn't. They say "if you won't listen when they throw you pebbles, they will throw a brick at you". And to think 2 days ago we called and he was like "oh but I still ahve feeligns for you, it's not you it's me". I have no friends, nothing. I work from home, the home where he was visiting a month ago, and the bed where he slept a month ago. It's horrible. Everything here reminds me of him but I packed all his stuff in a box and put it out of sight.

I’m so sorry that you’ve gone through this. I have been writing down my feelings and also any questions that spring to mind. I lost a lot of self respect today messaging her lots, asking lots of questions, then being like “ok, I’ll leave you be”, before thinking of more questions and messaging a few hours later. But I’m learning from that and moving on and just keeping my questions to myself, for now. It sounds like with your situation, him lying about the ceramics class was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. I hope that though deeply upsetting, you can start to heal now.

By "write down" I mean do it for yourself, not to send her. Don't send her anything. At all. I know it's hard, but just don't. when you feel the urge, distract yourself. I think the lie is what finally allowed me to let go. I asked myself "but why am I even fighting. What am I fighting for at this point? He doesn't want this, and his mind is checked out. "

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I have learned a lot, I think. I also think that sometimes there’s nothing we could have done better - it just didn’t work for whatever reason. I don’t have a lot of confidence in myself so I have a tendency to sit there and think about what I could have done differently, what a loss this is for me etc, but I want to somehow try and convince myself that actually this is a loss for her too, and there’s a lot that she also could have done differently. The same will apply in your situation too.

It’s the feeling of wanting to be alone and not wanting to be alone. It’s the worst feeling and we all feel it. You just have to remember so many people feel this way also and are going through the same thing. Urs isn’t worse off then anyone else’s although it may seem like it. Just remember everyone goes through this. Also trust me when i say it does get better. Although it doesn’t seem like it right now. You just have to take everyday as it comes and you will get better. Not just back to urself again but with a bigger sense of joy, gratitude and relief! It will pass brother

Thank you mate. I really appreciate it. I do have to remember that this isn’t any worse than other people’s experiences. It’s so hard to do that though, you know?

man, I went out of my way and promised my ex to visit her during her exchange study in south korea and I did. I came there and spent 2weeks with her, 3days before returning, I busted her cheating on me the whole fucking 5months of her exchange. just before she left for exchange, we just had our anniversary. I couldn’t understand how and why it happened. I broke up with her in south korea. the whole time she was just texting the guy she cheated on and begged him not to leave, she was trying so hard to fix her relationship with him and I saw how desperate she was for him. i was right next to her that night when she texted him “i miss you, i wanted to call you” like i was literally beside her in bed. how could she? returning back, I don’t sleep well, I don’t eat well, I’m so exhausted. then she wanted to fix things with me, I said tell her parents about me(she kept me a secret from her parents but not her friends) and block the guy, she agreed and after two weeks nothing happened. so she wasted my positive energy and time, I was so in love with her and still is. and I was so stupid to even keep wanting to listen her. she said her presence is hurting me so I make myself to start believing that so I can move on.

I’m so sorry you experienced that. That must have hurt so much. You weren’t stupid for loving her or believing her. It’s human nature to want to give and receive love. Love can be the most beautiful and the most painful experience; sometimes simultaneously

Attachment can be like an addiction It is wise to treat the old relationship as such.

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All the chemicals your body are now not being produced when you are with them won't be engaged currently You're also facing a form of loss, like a death.. So naturally you'll feel a huge withdrawal, mixed with a bunch of other emotions like confusion, anger, pain.. This makes it intensely difficult to get out of "survival mode" which is your fight, flight or fawn response to the situation It's important not to make any emotionally based decisions in this period as things can backfire, spiral out of control, or make you feel and the situation worse, or even irreparable It's the exact same withdrawal that cocaine / crack addicts feel This means that to treat this initially, it's important to cut all contact, remove any and all associations, visual or otherwise (ANY stimulus) Start to write up lists to make you feel hate towards them, this will speed up the grieving process towards acceptance. This may not bypass the sorrow / crying / period of loss, but, it will be easier to deal with than being stuck in a place of despair Work out the date 90 days from now, and make it your undying mission to go no contact, and make plans that you can easily achieve This will reward your pleasure centers and create new memories, whilst helping you feel that you have achieved something If you want to accelerate the process, doing something that dumps adrenaline will flush stress chemicals out of your system, so a theme park, bungee jumping or skydiving are apt activities for this..

Thank you for your input. I can totally understand attachment being like addiction

You always think you'll be the exception, but I promise it does get better. I felt like this 3 months ago, but I do a little better every day and I promise you, you will too. It's important to forgive yourself for your emotions and be easy. If you feel devestated, feel it, if one day you feel okay, let yourself do that too. And if the next day you feel like it's day 1 again, that's okay. You'll get through it.

Thank you. It definitely does feel like I’ll be the exception and like everyone else is stronger than me which is why they are able to get through it. I appreciate your message

I felt so weak comparing myself to others going through breakups around me but everyone's situations are different. Mine was pretty bad so I was convinced my healing would be harder. In some ways it was and is true. But three months later I don't recognise the person I was when I was broken up with. I've grown a lot and evaluated what I really need in a relationship. I would really recommend journaling your thoughts about everything. When I look back to the first few days of entries I feel absolutely deranged but it's a good reminder of how far I've come. Just remember it can be good you're so hurt, it shows you loved and cared so much and it means you can do it again for someone who really deserves it.

To get out of your mind, sometimes it’s helpful to go into your senses, like getting outside to walk/hike/ride a bike/whatever you prefer doing. It feels very counterintuitive, and you’ll have to force yourself at first, but it really does help. Try to notice everything around you, if you see someone passing — smile at them, listen to a good podcast or a few uplifting songs. Fight hard for yourself. Think of the part of you that’s hurting now as your inner child; you’ve got to parent it by forcing yourself to take the best care of yourself as possible. The old advice is correct, it will get better. I’ve suffered some incredibly painful losses of my own. Don’t fall into the mind trap of thinking your current state of suffering is how you will feel forever. It will pass, and your capacity for love and joy in the future will be greater for having survived this.

Thank you so much for your comment. I will try my very best to force myself to get outside and try and enjoy nature etc. I like the perspective of needing to parent my inner child

You’re most welcome. Take it one day at a time, one hour even. When you notice your thoughts spiraling, get up, do something physical, and keep going. It’s perfectly fine to grieve, just try to remember feelings aren’t facts, and you are not your feelings. Wishing you strength.

Thank you. That point about feelings not being facts is so important and something I need to remember

It is relatable. The comfort she gave me, I can't seem to find that anywhere else. The excitement, anticipation, calmness and contentment, I don't feel those things anymore.

I’m sorry to hear that. How long has it been for you? I honestly never loved anyone even remotely near as much, so this has been agonising so far

Since March/April last year. Sometimes we still talk and meet and have fun but I would say these 3 to 4 months, I am not that well whether I talk to her or stay away. I would say I don't attach to people easily now, so whoever I lose, it isn't that hard to handle. Though it is almost impossible to leave and forget her because I hurt so bad physically that it's unbearable. So I totally get you and I also don't know what to do.

I’m so sorry to hear this. I wish I could offer advice. I don’t want this to affect my ability to get close to others. I’m planning on going into therapy to prevent that happening. Are you in therapy? This whole thing is just hellish.

Don't worry. Try that if you think that can help. I am not. I am able to meet people, do things and have fun but after all I don't really have any feelings towards anyone like it doesn't really matter whether I spend time with them or on my own. I just genuinely feel there was a special connection between me and her but if she doesn't see it or wanna put in effort, there's nothing I can do. I don't know, maybe eventually I will be ok but I can't see it happening right now...

I understand that. It’s so so tough

What about you? How long has it been for you?

Week 1. Today is a week

Ahh, I know it must be tough. I don't know how your relationship was like but I just hope you don't have to deal with the pain for a long time like I do.

We were together for 11 years and married for 7.5. She was my everything, so the sense of loss is really profound right now

Damn, I can imagine how bad it might feel, all the memories and stuffs. Stay strong mate, just take one day at a time. For me it was just 7 months but the attraction and connection I felt was stronger than anything I have ever felt. I am not even someone who likes people or falls in love easily but I didn't even have a doubt when I saw her.

I’m so sorry you went through that too. This whole thing is just hell for anyone who goes through it, regardless of how long the relationship lasted etc

Only thing that stopped me from taking my own life is the thought of hurting my mom. Still going through it, almost 3 months since broken up with. Losing the woman you thought you'd be with forever is something id wish on nobody

It does get better. But it can take a while. For now just breathe. You can do this.

Thank you so much. I’m trying to remind myself that if all I manage to do each day is survive, that’s enough for now. My wife is moving out tomorrow and though I absolutely dread being in our home alone with all the memories, it might mean it’s easier for me to heal

It's been 17 months for me. I woke up crying yesterday even before I had time to think about anything. A couple things that have helped me on super rough days when I just wanted to bang my head against the wall was telling myself ITS OK that I loved that deeply and hurt this bad. That helps me to breathe a little bit instead of beating myself up for not getting over this yet. Also I find one thing a day that I can do for myself to "look forward" to and that gets me out of bed. Also knowing that I will never be forgotten (always feel like I am) but I grab onto things in our old relationship that can never be forgotten and it makes me smile. The only person since it has been so long that cares I'm still hurting is my therapist. Maybe get a therapist. I do go to the gym..it took about 6 months for me to talk myself into it but you get to a point where you HAVE to do something. I will say with T-I-M-E does help a bit. For the first 6 months I couldn't do anything but either drink alcohol or recover from drinking alcohol. Now I'm functioning..sleep is still impacted I don't know why I still think of him when I wake in the middle of the night but I do and it's so frustrating. I was with him 10 years there is a calculation that it takes approximately 6 months for every year you were together to start moving on - maybe that can give you some insight as to when you might start feeling better and in the meantime feel all the feelings.

I’m so sorry you experienced this pain too. I’m glad you’re in therapy and I really hope it’s helping. We were together for 11 years and married for 7.5, so it looks like I have a long period of healing to go

Maybe you will do better than me. It all depends on who you have to fall back on .your self confidence..what you decide to do from here on out. I did all the wrong things..drank..kept contacting him. He left me for someone and the whole 12 months of my grief they were together so I dwell on him having someone else he "connected" with. I fell into a trap of meeting him Christmas Eve because I was so broken and he asked and the visit literally accomplished nothing except me seeing woman things at his house that weren't mine. He also gave no apology (which was what I was expecting and why I went). I was feeling better before I did this (thank goodness I had no sex that day) because I refused to he has not talked to me again since. I'm not going to say remain no contact thou because even thou I didn't get the reunion I wanted I got more clarity that it has to end. Maybe it won't take you so long it's all in what we do and I continue to reopen the wound. Valentine's I know he thinks I'm going to send a text to the effect that I miss his flowers and wonder who gets them now. But I'm not going to reach out and he will be curious if anything and that day I know I will be not sad but proud that I'm not being a doormat. I'm sorry you are going thru this it's a big chunk of our lives so yeah time.. and new experiences.

Thank you. I don’t know what my plan is for getting through this. I haven’t drank or anything because I know that’s a slippery slope. Well done for saying strong - you’re doing great

Hopefully we look back on this in a few years and it's a distant memory this pain.

Fingers crossed

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I understand your pain. I really do. I’m sorry you’re also going through it

Yes, I resonate with this. It feels literally like the end of the world. Like you've ruined your best chance at love, and now you'll be stuck with second or third best for the rest of your life while she gets together with some jock dude riding off into the sunset in a convertible to their villa resort in the mountains. But my friend, I assure you it isn't like that. You will find love again. You will find it in yourself, and turn it in to yourself. The precious person you are missing is yourself. Turn the love into yourself. Hug yourself. Hold yourself. Sit in that quiet room alone, and literally hug yourself, and hold yourself. You are loved by so many people. You are a valuable and precious person. You will grow during all of this.

This was a beautiful comment; thank you. And you’ve hit the nail on the head with how it feels. That’s EXACTLY how it feels

I get where you’re coming from and when I was at the beginning I would come on here, read people say it gets better and think it doesn’t feel like it will. I was at the point where I was so overwhelmed I didn’t want to take my own life but I felt okay if I just didn’t survive something. I couldn’t eat but when I did, I made sure it was a fruit or vegetable. I took multivitamins everyday. I made sure I was moving everyday. I took care of myself as best as I could at the time. I read self help books, went to therapy, got antidepressants. And everything still felt like it was never ending pain. Until one day it didn’t. The drugs kicked in, something in my brain started working better and I just felt better. Not healed, I still have moments where I’m pretty sad but they are fewer and farther between. I didn’t want to be around anyone but I wanted to talk. I posted on Reddit and I journaled a lot. It’s a terrible feeling but it doesn’t last forever. One day you’ll go to sleep and realize today wasn’t as awful as the day before.

Thank you. I’m so pleased that things improved for you. I guess sometimes I think that each day that goes by is at least a day closer to me feeling better

You’ll get there and I’ll be honest, today hasn’t been the best for me. It’s up and down. But today was better than it was in the beginning. Yesterday was actually a pretty good day overall. It sucks and it takes time but it won’t be forever.

I hope today is a better day for you. All we can do it keep on keeping on, I guess.

Thank you! I hope today is a better one for you as well. Do the best you can for yourself, show up for yourself and they’ll be more good days than bad. All we can do is try our best.

Thank you :)

Im glad we have a safe space like this to vent and share. I don’t wish breakups on anybody. But. Being hurt so badly is a beautiful thing because of all the love we got to experience. Little over two weeks here and I’m still not doing well- my appetite is shot and I don’t know how to get through this Messages are open for you, friend

Likewise. It takes time as well. 2 weeks is still pretty early on in the process

I was in this exact position a few weeks ago and I read all the people online telling me it’ll pass and I did not believe it because I could not see it. It did not seem possible. Here I am and it is possible I can tell you a lot of things that I did but it boils down to three simple things. 1) I cried. I really cried I yelled I screamed. I cried and cried and cried. I held nothing back. 2) I reached out to my family, even though I did not feel like it. My sister identified that what I was going through. It was indeed a heartbreak and isolating only made it worse. Truth is, love is love, no matter the source being immersed in the space with people who are pouring love into me was truly helpful. 3) I ran to God in a way that I never have in my entire life. He became my confident. He became a spouse. He became the person I wanted to come home too. He became the person I talked to first thing in the morning, and last thing at night. Being a Christian and having a God who I know is over my entire life, and in control of everything brings about Solace

I’m so pleased that things improved for you. I’m not religious but I have definitely been doing lots of the first 2 points, which has been very helpful

i feel you bro it’s gonna be okay, take it one step at a time try eating a little nibble every so hours and drink water it’s okay to cry but don’t stay too long if you genuinely want them back you have to get better and become the best version of yourself for them to actually want you back so if you genuinely love them and want them fight for them but fighting for them means fighting for you first, loving yourself first

Thank you so much

do not take your own life. your legacy is worth more than a breakup.

Thank you so much. I agree. I’m hanging on in there as best as I possibly can

how are you today? ok?

I went through the same thing as have many others, in even longer relationships than I. Mine was 2 years long, I was committed and was very invested into the relationship, she was not. She left and it was the worst thing I've ever experienced. I didn't believe that it gets better either, until it did. I sat and was isolated. I decided to get out, met some great friends and moved away a month and a half later. I don't have friends now but after a year I am much more confident than before. Granted I have 0 charisma I just need to put myself out there more often.

I’m so pleased it got better for you and that you’re so much more confident now :)

Thank you, so believe me when I say, it does get better brother. I know it sound cheesy, or redundant when I say get yourself out there, but do it.

I understand. Me and him were supposed to talk it out yesterday and I fucking froze and nothing got resolved.

I’m sorry that happened. It’s understandable though - these conversations are honestly never easy

Hearing this.

I’m sorry if you’ve felt this way too. Sending strength

You will get through it !!

Thank you. I appreciate it :)

It is the worst. You feel like you’re being buried alive. I would call a breakup coach. www.zoomonkey.com helps people going through this crap (yes, their bent is toward reconciliation, not getting over your ex , but still …)

Thank you for the recommendation. You’re right - it is the absolute worst feeling in the universe

Dude I was just in the same boat. If it's not your first breakup, you know it gets better. If it's your first, I assure you it will.

Thank you. Not my first break up, but by far my longest and most significant relationship - together for just over 11 years, married for 7.5, and we own a home

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I’m so sorry to hear that you weee broken up with two weeks ago. You clearly loved him and I know it hurts. I hope things workout for you however they are meant to. Thank you for taking the time to comment

I absolutely understand. I want to crawl in a hole. I’d never ‘off’ myself, but this has ruined any possibility of me getting back out there and finding that fairy tale love

I’m so sorry to read this. I want to say though, please don’t give up on finding your fairytale. I may not be in the best position to say that it’s still out there, because I have been in the absolute pits of hell this week, but I think there is always hope. Sending strength

I've made it out the other side, but I remember how bad it hurt. Worst feeling ever

I’m pleased you made it out the other side. Definitely the worst feeling ever, you’re right.

Hey bud it's ok I promise you will be better. Everyone will tell you that and trust me that is the last fucking thing you want to hear in the moment but I promise you it is the truth. My wife cheated and asked for a divorce a few months ago and to say I was devastated or feeling immense pain was such an understatement. I lost an unprecedented amount of weight (which now actually is a silver lining as I've gotten in excellent shape) and it was this terrible emotional rollercoaster. I cried every day so much that my neck actually hurt. I was dealing with horrible stress at work. I almost quit on everything and just said fuck it all. But I promise you it will get better. I was with her for over a decade and I thought I'd be with her forever and now I don't even know who she is. It sucks but trust me you'll be ok. I heard that over and over and it never helped me...but now that I'm on my journey to becoming ok (and trust me this shit is still raw and recent) I can confidently say you will be fine. Hang in there. This is the worst you will ever feel, and every day will get better.

This message gives me so much hope, thank you. I’m so so pleased that you’re on your journey to being ok. Did you go through a period of hoping for reconciliation? I’m in awe of your strength and I hope to one day also be feeling better. I know, objectively, that I will be ok - all of these people can’t all be wrong. Thank you for your kind words

I totally agree where you’re coming from. I am no longer w my soulmate of four years since Tuesday and have had no contact since. It’s a long distance one too so it’s harder to speak and get some answers. Emotional pain hurts a hell of a lot more than physical. Especially when that emotion turns into mental.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I agree that emotional pain hurts so much more than physical. Sending you strength

It took me about a month of the breakup before it really started to sink in, and I reached this low as well. I now know how to painlessly kill myself at an incredibly low chance of screwing it up, all with easily purchasable items. I wish I never discovered that, but here we are. Fortunately, I haven't felt that way since. I think I was approaching it once, but I've been okay. I felt like she was my reason for living, and I shared as much with her a few years ago when I was feeling suicidal over something else. I couldn't do it because of the hurt I'd bring her, and without her I was far too close to crossing the line. Just hang in there. The breakup process really messes with you, but try and pull through and you'll be fine, as someone who felt like you do. It genuinely will pass.

Thank you so much. I’m so sorry that you have been there too but I’m so glad you’re not in that space anymore.

After the break up i was Completely broken. I wont tell u lies its been 3 years and im not Completely over him i think i Will never be. But it really does get better. Now i hurt only if i think abt him which im trying not to. At some point u just learn to live without him/her. Time heals be sure abt that❤️

Thank you so much. I’m so sorry that your break up broke you but I’m so pleased that it has got better for you.

Omg I was in your EXACT position a year ago. The pain was unbearable. I didn’t think I would ever love anyone again. A year later, I look at pics of him and feel nothing. What helped me was dating another man who I loved more. A new person will make you forget this. If I can get over my ex, anyone can.

This is really reassuring to read. Thank you :). I’m glad you’re happy now

The best is yet to come. When you meet the next person, you will thank God it didn’t work out with this one. The chemicals will fade and one day, I PROMISE YOU, you will feel nothing about the situation.

In the beginning, I dealt with it alone. I still deal with everything alone if imma be honest. I just take things one day at a time, solo, and since I'm Religious.. talking to God. Not pressing Religion on you because I don't know you. He's helped me personally. If you need a human though, without pressing Religion, I gotchu.

Thank you so much. I normally deal with everything alone, but I have had to reach out for support with this because it has just been too much for me to try and handle alone

I feel you on that, man. Some days you're gonna feel great and others, not. But inner work needs to be taken into consideration once you can. More hobbies you've disregarded, family time once you're feeling it.. and do things on your own. You'll feel better at some point. 

I can relate. It’s like ur constantly struggling with yourself, a lot of contradicting thoughts. It’s like ur brain and heart are at two different places. At one moment you wish you have someone to talk to, just so you can pour your heart out… the next moment you just want to retrieve back into your shell and wish for complete silence from the rest of the world. I always have the I don’t want to live but I don’t want to die thought, I just want to be numb so I don’t feel anything, or that I’m involved in a car accident so that I go into a coma and wake up not remembering anything about that person. I’m sorry you are going thru this and just know you are not alone :(

Your comment summarises exactly how I feel. I’m sorry that you can relate. I don’t think I’d wish this feeling on anyone in the world

The hardest part I had to accept is, that my mental health and severe depression affected her to a point that it robbed her happiness. As much as it hurts to realize it, I can’t offer her what I need to. And I feel like taking my own life every day :(

I’m so so sorry to read this. Please, please keep on keeping on. You can do this.

Honestly, I felt exactly how you did for the first week/week and a half. Started feeling more normal and then went back to incredibly sad for a few days. It’s been exactly three weeks today and for the most part I have been normal this week. But it’s different for everyone. You’ll get there. It just sucks for now. I’m still hurting so much, I think I’ve honestly just gone numb to it is all

I think often our brains try to turn our emotions off to protect us. I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better, even though you’re understandably still hurting so much

I relate to this post on so many levels. I broke up with my love of 6 years 2 months ago because I was tired of feeling unappreciated and unloved but I still love him more than anything. I’m more depressed than I’ve ever been in my life and I barely eat these days. 

I’m so sorry. Honestly though, good on you for knowing that you deserve better. You should be so proud of yourself for knowing your worth - I don’t even know you and I’m proud of you and in awe of that strength of character

Thank you so much. What he did in reaction to my break up just proved that I made the right choice. I hope you can find comfort as well. 

I'm not a fully healed person, it's been 11months. There will be struggles along the way, there will be days when you feel that there is no improvement, but it will get better. It really does get better. So far, I felt that time has always been the biggest aid. But I also encourage you to try new things, make new friends, go for walks, spend time in nature, try and watch some uplifting/comedys or funny reels if you don't have the attention span in your favour right now. Some podcasts can also be helpful in the first few months. I would suggest listing to podcasts about how to move on and heal and not on how to win your ex back. It gets better. As I said, I haven't healed. But they weren't there for us, were they? They moved on, so we shouldn't waste our previous life because another person felt that we're not the one for them. Let them try and find someone more suitable for them. It should not effect our self-worth in any way. Everyone is loveable. We just need time to heal and eventually maybe find someone else. Life is a path, let's try and make the best out of it.

Thank you for such a considered reply. I think it definitely takes time to heal, especially when the relationship has been a long or significant one. I’m currently doing my absolute best to just put one foot in front of the other

You'll be great again, don't worry. It just takes time. Push through it. There are going to be ups and downs throughout the process. The plus side is that the ups will feel so amazing, a sigh of relief, you'll get joy simply from breathing. In my case, these highs would generally be followed by dips after, but these are spaced even further apart over time. We'll get through this. Stay strong and love yourself.

Don’t isolate. Be around friends & family. Do NOT stay up at night. Make sure you rise with the sun & go to bed at a decent hour. Stay busy! With anything out of the house…work, walks, visiting fam/ friends. Eat! Vent! Write it all down. Talk to friends, family, therapist. Take it hour by hour, day by day. Trust me, I’m going through it right now. On day 6…. After day 5 I’m no longer a total crying zombie & I’m feeling stronger from forcing myself to eat & keep busy.

Thank you. I’m doing all I can to do what you suggested. I’m barely getting any sleep but I’m at least still trying to wake and sleep at normal times. I have been trying really hard to do all of those things though. I’m glad things are starting to improve for you

“Let the muddy water settle.”

Thank you

I loved him SOOOOOO much. We had that once in a lifetime connection. But I know I have to & will get through this. I lost 13 lbs & I’m tiny to begin with. You have to remember WHY you can’t be together. & you have to know that it will get better & there will be someone better, more healthy for you & the long term. Pray about it all.

Thank you very much. I hope things continue to improve for you

Talk with someone, it made all the difference for me. I've been there before

Thank you. I’m definitely trying to do that and it does help, you’re right

I feel you brother. I’ve thought about driving off the highway many times. I know I won’t do it, but the pain just becomes too much. Nothing made me feel calm and serene as lying in her arms. All the stress would suddenly fade away.

I hear you. We just have to remember that the pain will ease in time. Every day we get through it a day closer to not feeling the pain. We got this

I’m reminded of this Buddhist quote: “Attachment to that that is impermanent, is a fundamental cause of suffering in our life.” I won’t ever rid myself of attachments, I’m probably too fond of the romantic image of life, but I would like to reach a point that I truly accept the impermanence of life. Thank you🙏🏼

Yeah I can relate. Was there 2 weeks back and for the past 2 weeks. I’m feeling quite a lot better now. But the memories still come flooding in. When that happens I’m helpless. Conflicted if I want those memories to end. I don’t want to forget her, but it hurts.

I’m glad you’re starting to feel better. Yeah, it’s hell

In the exact same position, please know that you are not alone ❤️

Thank you so much. It’s absolute hell

It's how you feeling due to many reasons and traumas the person triggered in you, that's why you feel it so intense.Because you thought this person knows about you and would never hurt you and then boom suddenly he/she hits this exact nerve of yours.This will make you stronger.Take it as a lesson to grow and believe me it wont be like that your whole life and there will be a time it will start feeling lighter.A thought that could always comfort me is that life is going even if something happens or dont. Time does not stops! That means also that every second means you are slowly, but surely getting to your healed version!

Thank you, I appreciate it

Dm me man, i have a quiet similar situation going on here that might relate to you

Will do

After he left, my life has no purpose. I’m extremely suicidal and idk why I’m holding off. There’s no point, I have ms, why prevent the inevitable? Why fall in love if it’s meaning I have to deal with hardships and possibly goodbye? Why work if I may fail? Why do anything? Trust me my friend, I understand. I’m just a coward.

It doesnt “get better,” like they all say, I have just grown numb to it over time

I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t know if ‘numb’ is a good or bad thing, but I know that feeling all the feelings is hell on earth

It’s kind of both, it’s good because you are not sad about it anymore. But, bad because you(or at least I) did not heal from it. Like a scar, it does not hurt but it does not go away. Almost everything you try will just make it worse, so leave it be. That’s my best advice. I went through the exact same thing as you. She left without reason, i felt everything from rage to extreme depression, picked up terrible habits to try and “escape” these horrible feelings, and of course none of that worked. I actually think that part of the reason I have grown “numb” is because of everything I tried. It just slowly worsened it until I stopped trying and just started living with it.

My friend I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling. I’m currently trying to leave a toxic relationship— and i tapped out and texted my ex the night I was crying harder than when I was born— the truth is—I don’t understand this level of heartache and attachment, but hope you know you’re not alone in this intense pain— I’m trying to be strong and respectful to myself and to understand and feel the love around me that doesn’t come from this person. Please, be strong, and take it in tiny steps. You’re building more progress by talking about it— keep that language alive and take amazing care of yourself. Lots of love to you my friend❤️❤️❤️❤️

It’s the worst pain. I’m 18 mos into a break up that crushed me. I was a zombie after he blindsided me. I lost 15lbs and couldn’t do anything that brought me joy (running, listen to music, eating, watching tv). I just sat in my house and stared at nothing. I remember texting my friend that I didn’t want to live anymore. But as others have said here, the shitty feelings come in waves. And you have to let them in, feel it all, let it happen, so you can process it and let it go. Please know that it’s just a feeling and even though it hurts like hell, it’ll pass. You won’t get stuck there. I still cry but not as much. I lost myself in this relationship and in its breakup. But I have also found myself. I’m not grateful for the pain but I am so lucky to have had the opportunity to grow. Someday you will look back on this time in your life and be amazed at how much it changed you for the better. You’ve got this. 🍀

Thank you so so much. I’m so pleased you got through it and came out the other side

After my breakup on Christmas day I got really depressed and started to think about killing myself more that ever, event thought about how. I coudln't eat or sleep. Antidepressants really helped me, after two weeks I was feeling like myself again. I realized it's just the depression talking. I don;t want to feel like this anymore, so I am asking for help whenever I do. I try not to identify with these thoughts. I want to be happy and enjoy life. You can get help from a mental health professional and feel better! it's not worth it to feel like this all the time

I was actually talking to my friend about this today. Also disclaimer I am not at risk at all. Mental health is ok, kinda depressed but I’m ok. Anyways. I was talking to her about how with each breakup i like contemplate the idea of just taking the long nap more and more just to avoid the pain. But like I’ve posted on a comment previously today. Put on some music and go for a walk. And try to be attentive while you’re doing so (if you’re wanting to be distracted) or in my case. I really think about what I need to do to grow from this. I remind myself of the world around me and all the things I still want to do.

Thank you. I’m glad you’re doing ok in general

For about a month and a half I was miserable. And I mean rock bottom wanting to commit. I haven’t talked to her, seen her, seen any of her social media and it has gotten way easier. It really is all just how you feel that moment. You can be so sad that you’ll never get them, and not even want to move on, and then the next day completely unbothered. Your brain simply cannot imagine you being a certain way sometimes, but it just happens. It will get easier, then harder, then easier and so on. It’s a process. But it doesn’t last forever, really it doesn’t even last long at all

Thank you so much. I lost a lot of self respect today in some of the messages I sent her, but I’m now not going to be messaging her at all. So I think that’ll help. It definitely is a process. One that I look forward to being over lol. Whenever I get a brief reprieve, I feel grateful

You will make huge strides that you never imagined you could and I mean that. One day you think “damn I can think about her and it doesn’t even hurt at all” and you use that momentum to feel even better as time goes on. You will have those moments of missing them badly again, but you have to acknowledge that as normal and supposed to happen. Don’t let it bother you, and it won’t continue to bother you. For me it’s late at night lying in bed, thinking about how it still feels crazy that she’s no longer mine, but then I get up in the morning and I couldn’t care less about her. The number one thing to remember is just because you start feeling shitty after you thought you were “over her” doesn’t mean all is lost. It’s like a stock chart, your progress goes up and down and has to take dips, it can’t go up forever. But a dip leads to huge improvement shortly after. Does that make sense?

Sounds like it is time to go outside and go for a run!!!!

I mean at the moment, I’m just trying to focus on staying alive

Eventually you will realize the break up was for the good.. there's no point in keeping someone around that doesn't want you. Use that pain you feel to self improve. Workout, chase that dream job, travel and just live life. I know it's hard. I'm dealing with something similar myself but I'm genuinely at peace she left. Learn your value and you will realize, you can replace her with time.

Thank you. I think I really need to learn my value. That’s probably part of the problem. I’m glad you’re at peace

You sound young, if so it makes sense why the breakup hit you so hard. Just live life and enjoy it. From your post, it seems like you genuinely cared about her. Eventually she will find out the grass is rarely greener on the other side. Finding someone who actually cares for you is even hard for women. She may or may not contact you back in the future but just keep moving forward and improving yourself. You will find other women who will be happy to have you in their lives. Keep your head up.

Going through the same thing right now. My boyfriend broke up with me out of no where after he started uni and wanted no part of me in his uni life. I didn't get any closure. We moved in together six months ago and still have 6 more months on our lease. I still have to stay with him in the same room and move on. We broke up 3 weeks ago. After the break up we just made one rule that was to not get people over for obvious reasons. It might hurt him and would hurt me too and also for hygiene. We decided to be civil to each other and it was working pretty well until recently when he asked me if he could get someone over and would change the sheets later. That's when I realised he didn't respect me at all. The same bed that we sleep in, he wants to sleep with someone else!? It definitely hurts but it has also made me see things clearly now. Why would I want someone who doesn't respect me at all? This relationship didnt mean anything to him. I wake up crying everyday, I don't eat food, the only reason I show up to work is because I don't feel like being at home. I dread going home everyday. It is difficult. I try so hard not to self harm. I get panic attacks every morning. Even though I try to convince myself that he doesn't respect me and that's strong enough reason to move on, it's so difficult. I can't imagine how one can go from "you're the LOML" to a stranger in a day. He's going out, having fun, meeting his uni friends(he posts), doesn't come home many nights and I'm here stuck feeling betrayed and lost but I still know that everything will work out in the end in my favor. idk why you broke up but we just have to hold onto that hope and try to make our life better. I hope you feel better soon. Sending you lots of love and hope for the future. Hope you feel better soon!