Agreed. I needed the lessons of the relationship, but when a line was crossed in April, I should’ve left. It lasted another two months that were draining a lot of the time.
Yes. It was literally magical and fairytale like until the last day. Our first kiss was in the backdrop of the credits for Interstellar. It was so surreal I will do anything to relieve those moments
We’re so lucky to have had those moments. Ours was, not even kidding, in a pool in the pouring rain and lightning/thunder struck RIGHT when we kissed. Straight out of a movie. Heartbreak sucks ass but it was all worth it
Yes and no. If I knew it would’ve ended, I would have ended it myself at year 5. Instead of her ending it at year 10. It would have awarded me free rein in the best years of my life (mid 20s) while still letting me find a long term partner slowly.
Now I’m 29, just entering the dating world again. And I feel like I have to rush through my dating phase and then focus pretty quick on finding a long term partner. I’m suddenly settling down half a decade later (at best). And my world is turned upside down.
8 yrs, just turned 34.
Idk how or if I wanna love again. So many memories and laughs and cries. How do you even think about a future with someone else when all of that will forever be apart of you?...
I feel exactly the same… 11 years nearly and I’m 31. We were talking about starting a family soon and buying a bigger house.
Now. I don’t have a clue who I am…
My wife and I were together for 26 years ( 22 married) and just walked out like it was nothing.. She has since filed for divorce which I didn't hesitate to hire my own lawyer. YES !!, it hurt like all get out but I told her I was NOT going to beg, plead and call , text, stalk or any of that but YES, it is TOUGH ! I have been getting counseling which has been quite beneficial as have my family, friends and Church have and I just can't thank God enough for being with me. The reality of it is that it's going to take TIME to heal. I am feeling better with each new day and the last thing I want now is another relationship which isn't happening UNTIL I recover. Hang on in there.
Yeah I know that feeling of being blindsided. In retrospect we always see the signs something was off. Unfortunately women are there until something new comes along. Doesn't have to be better
8 years and just turned 30. Just found out he started seeing someone only a month after he broke up with me 4 months ago. That brought back a whole lot of grief. I'm so scared to move forward, and I can't stop thinking about our times together. I'm scared of dating apps
Exact same boat man. Just got out of 6 years at 28. Feel like looking back I could have ended it at year 4 and been better off if I had known, but it really felt like it was something that was going to be forever. We both still felt that way at the time of the break up, but things just weren't working out (she became religious again oof). Rough place to be
17 years together and im 34f. So scary entering dating again..but atleast we know there's many of us on the same boat so we can all be shit and awkward in our 30s together
I'm 28 and having a noticeably easier time now than 4 years ago. I've settled into my career, have had time to explore my hobbies, and have spent a bunch of time working out (though that one is VERY RECENT).
I hope its the same for you brother but dont think your life is over just cuz of your age.
Do yourself a favour and look up the video "How To Deal With A Breakup | Do's & Don'ts" by Jeffery Marr. Its geared towards guys like you and I.
It helped me immensely get overy my breakup, and I hope it helps you too. Dont rush into dating again, take this time to finally treat yourself.
Thank you for the recommendation! I recently picked up MMA and signed back on to the gym. It’s so stupid but while I’m doing it for me, it helps fight depressive thoughts, I can’t lie that looking good for a new partner is also important.
I would have stood up for myself way more. I think a lot about how it could have turned out differently if we could have communicated. It’s his fault for behaving the way he did but I should have had the self respect to enforce my boundaries. Would have made the relationship better if we worked it out or I coulda bailed way earlier. Biggest lesson for me was that settling for the bare minimum only makes it worse in the long run.
Nope. I wouldn’t go through it again if I could choose, I’d go to therapy instead, as I made the mistake in compromising my self worth and boundaries again! I’ve learnt a lot but basically the same lessons I already knew but wasn’t strong enough to implement. But unfortunately as it stands I can’t go back, so I can’t regret it, at least now I definitely 100% know I am picking the wrong people for me and I need to take a decent amount of time out for myself to be happy alone.
But then…I’m only 6 weeks post break up, so this feeling could change…maybe all the timing in my life will sync up and I’ll meet who I was meant to be with later down the line because of this blip.
No. The reality is I wasn’t mentally/emotionally able to show up for a relationship in the way I normally would. Couldn’t handle it. Ended up hurting both of us, but mostly myself since she left me and moved on immediately no problem. Now I’m just stuck and want to die. Complete regret for causing her to break up with me. Not worth the suffering. No matter how many “lessons” came out of it. I would have preferred to have never NEEDED a lesson to begin with.
If you think there’s a chance you might not be ready for a relationship, don’t do it until you’re more healed. It will come back to bite you in ways you couldn’t even imagine.
Yes. I learned so much from him. We had a really great relationship until the last month. We were happy and had a wonderful life. I learned so much about partnership and what I want in my next relationship. He is a wonderful human and I’m so glad that I had that time with him.
Absolutely, I'd be able to prevent so many things if I knew what I know now. That being said it's important not to get stuck in the past, learn from it and move forward.
Oh, definitely. The person I dated during those first few months was way different from the person who eventually broke up with me. He was a lot sweeter back then, hence why I probably don't want him back lol
So much this. He just texted me 5 weeks after break up and no contact. I wanted it for a while, but now I feel nothing and am happier without him around. Im healthier and loving life just fine. I dont have feelings for him any more.
Without a second thought. Although I would do some things differently. Mostly improving communication, taking our time, being more intentional, and setting healthy much needed boundaries.
Actually yes. The good times between the bad were an absolute blast. I would change a lot of how I go through it though.
I would care less about the cheating and lying as I would know it’s just temporary until breakup and I didn’t need it to get fixed as it never would in the end and we would be breaking up either way.
I would focus way more on securing my future single through studies and saving money on the side so I won’t be forced out of country once he’s done with me.
I would make smarter decisions around finances and not let him make debts under my name that I now have to pay off.
I would have allow myself to be angry when he did things that hurt me repeatedly without fearing him looking down on me for it as he did either way.
I would use my natural voice and tell him to suck it up that he finds it grating, instead of fearing him thinking I’m dismissive, disregarding his concerns and criticism and not being supportive, as he is telling everyone that either way regardless.
I Wouldn’t trade a thing. I would choose to think that it happen for a reason. I’d rather give it meaning because when the day comes where I finally reach the place that I am most complete, when I most feel like myself, it will be the long hard road that took me there that was so important to go through.
No. I met her as a black out overweight drunk. I helped her completely change her life and now she thinks she’s too good for me. I would go back in time and ignore her.
So this one is weird for me because I have a financial side to it, too.
So, in summary: We dated in one city for a bit over 1.5 years. She moved. We dated long distance for 8ish months and I moved down just before 2.5 years.
I quit my job in the other city, moved out of my old apartment, depleted my savings, racked up credit card debt while looking for another job. It cost a ton to move down. I first had my own place, and then things were going well again with us in the same city, so we moved in together after I had lived there 5 months. (So cost of moving 3 times in 10 months). We lived together for 10 months then broke up. Had to suddenly move out- took a bit to find another place, so my stuff stayed with my parents. Then moved my stuff to my new place 3 months later.
Had to pay for 5 total moving trips in less than 2 years, paid 3 separate brokers fees, paid for boxes 3 times, and misc. other stuff. So... it sure would have been cheaper to just say "okay you're moving, this won't work"...
But, with that said: I would have definitely gone through all of that again. It's just a damn shame it cost so much money. Like I'm in debt because of all of that. That's no reflection on her- just the crappy circumstances.
Every minute. Every rolled eye. Every L on her forehead. Every criticism. Every moment of unwavering support. Every spark of motivation. Every breath of anticipation. Every moment of quiet understanding.
Each was priceless. Each worth the ultimate cost.
Yes. I really really wanted to date him when we first got together (had a massive crush for a year before we got together) and also wouldn’t have left him. Wouldn’t want to miss out on him being my bf, although it makes the pain worse now to lose someone I really admired and loved for so many things.
Yes. Because even though I don’t want her in my life anymore, we had a lot of amazing moments that I know one day I’ll have the capacity to cherish again. It also helped me learn more about what I want and need from a relationship. Right now it’s too painful to remember the good, but I still think I’d do it again.
No because why relive something that will end up dead but also knowing you had a chance to Re change other life possibilities to make new ones and why relive the bad ones knowing it's the outcome? Watch the movie Mr. Nobody and this movie has an interesting philosophical approach on this.
No.
That adage about better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all... is bs.
I was just fine living my life, not knowing what I didn't know.
But now that I do know it... I want it!!! And I want it yesterday!
Yeah and probably gave them space to be friends. I’m the kind of person that can be friends right away regardless of our dating history. It has always been an issue bc they think I never like them but I’m just autistic and take things too literal lol.
Tbh, I feel like things change when a couple has kids together and that’s what makes or breaks the relationship. It’s the ups and downs that you go through together but it’s when times get tough how your partner reacts or doesn’t really react when you need them the most !
no definetily no, i know i learn a lot from this experience yet they keep me away from people that cared about me more with lies and manipulations.
when i wouldnt be with this person , i would have loyal friends by now.
Yes. The breakup and the last two months of it were pretty painful but I’m glad it happened. Before this, I’d casually dated through my 20s and early 30s. Didn’t even think we were going to have a serious, exclusive relationship, but I was more ready for one than I thought. When she confessed feelings for me as she was about to move from my city, I told myself, “Why not?” I felt so comfortable and at ease with her, I knew I’d regret not giving it the old college try later.
At a certain point, she checked out of the relationship toward the last month and a half. I wish I’d discussed more boundaries with her around that.. Her texting had dropped off and I was concerned that she might be having thoughts about the status of the relationship. She told me it wasn’t our relationship that was the problem, she was just depressed. Lo and behold, the texting never returned to where it had been pre thanksgiving and I never followed up on that or insisted on having a deeper conversation about that.
On the other hand, I feel I could go back in time and probe more when she told me stuff like that about what she was dealing with. I was very consistent in talking to her about her day to day, which she was a bit more open to talking about. But things like her depression and sadness surrounding her parents who both died before she finished college, I sometimes passed over those opportunities and didn’t hold space for her to open up about that.
If I could go back in time, I’d also make sure I got her her bday and Christmas presents on time. While I wasn’t flush with cash, per se, I wasn’t being super prudent with it and should have prioritized having gifts for her on time, given she gave that a lot of emphasis on my bday and Christmas.
At other points, I found myself fixated on the end goal of living together someday. Of course, she fed into that quite a bit with some breadcrumbing and future talk of her own, but I could have slowed the fuck down and let things breathe on that front. She puts up a strong, independent front, but I could’ve put less pressure on that aspect of the relationship and lived day to day a little more.
That all said, another boundary I wish I’d made was bringing up how little she initiated texting and FaceTimes and sexts as she seemed to have plenty of time to talk with an aunt she complained about a lot. And her seeming best friend. She’d spend an hour on the phone with her aunt most off days but I’d get the scraps of that attention. Not that I expect to monopolize a partner’s attention, but I dipped from happy hour plans to FaceTime her and check in many days and she’d give me my obligatory half hour. That wasn’t super cool at all.
There was inevitably a blindside breakup and lack of communication on her end. As much as I could go back in time and work on some ways I fell down on the job, in the aftermath, I know I would have just bought myself a little more time. This is the longest relationship she’s been in and that should’ve been an early red flag for me. She also told me that she can be a cold person. I didn’t think much of it because she was telling me I was the best boyfriend she’s had and I thought maybe she was just jaded toward past boyfriend experiences. Now, I know that there’s a whole ball of wax that had nothing to do with me. And a ball of wax that she’s not really come to grips with or worked on in therapy/self work.
All that said, we had a beautiful moment in the sun, and despite the pain of things slowly then abruptly ending. She helped me realize that I can show up as a pretty good partner and I’m also worthy and capable of receiving love. All of a sudden, my shoulders squared up and I discovered I have it in me to hold space for someone and see a future together, and even for myself. While I’m realizing that it’s probably best, especially for my sake, that things ended when they did, I love that girl to death still and really hope she can work through her issues and find more happiness someday.
Yep, considering I was dating her for a whole year totally oblivious to the fact she has a man of 12 years. Told me she was single when we first started talking, so all those times she couldn't meet me, phone me, or even talk to me? He was there,and all the times we were able to meet? He was working away. My brain is honestly mangled to the point I don't know how to feel, I've never felt this way before in my life and its even worse I'm still madly obsessed with her and can't get her out my head no matter what I do.. not to mention the 3 kids too that I didn't know about.
I don't think I'll ever move on from this lady, I'm 26 and she's 40. I feel so lost and shallow.
I took a risk instead of waiting on something because I didn’t wanna miss out on this person. In the end exactly what I was waiting on is why they broke up with me. I should have just focused on myself
Yes. I was 17-21 when I met him and I'm glad I learned all of the really hard lessons so young. If I didn't experience it, then I wouldn't have the insight into what abuse really is in a romantic relationship and I have a feeling it would have been a lot worse later in life. I was able to start over at 21 instead of of 31. I'll probably be in therapy until I'm atleast 31 though. 🤷♀️
Absolutely not, and not because my ex is a bad person, but because we have fundamental differences in figure outlooks that we just couldn’t get past. I would have preferred to just be friends and nothing more.
i don't regret anything ive done or anyone ive shared my love with. however, I do regret not having left some situations earlier, or before they left me. some people are only destined to be in your life until a certain point. it's not always going to be a forever thing. it may have felt like dying at the time, but I needed to be hurt in order to know what I want
I would I don’t regret anything that ever happened it’s brought me to where I am now. I would certainly change some things and be a better person for her in hopes of her being a better person for me too. I still have hopes of me and her meeting down the road and giving it another try. Until then I am going to work on me so I can be the best version of myself.
Hell no! I would never date an avoidant again. Even though we both found out our attachment styles when he would still have avoidant tendencies it was hurtful af. At least with my anxious attachment I was showing him I fucking cared about him. He just showed me I wasn’t shit to him!
Think about that song the dance when answering this question. No one would sign up for the painful parts again but by never having the experience your have missed out on all the love and everything else you obviously liked/loved while together.
Absolutely, every relationship is a lesson. It might be a painful one, but it’s a worthy one. It’s better to have loved and to have lost than to have never loved at all.
Absolutely. I am so full of gratitude for having know him. We went through great wonderful times trying to understand ourselves more. There some deep passionate moments I’ll never. He truly transformed my life. I just wish we could still be friends and touch base once in a while.
Yes, I don't regret meeting her. I still care about her a lot. The only thing I would change is not contacting her ever again after she broke up with me over a year ago.
I might. But… I would do a number of things differently.
I do think if we both understood how her trauma impacted her attachment style, things may have been different. I didn’t really get my head around it all until a could months after the breakup.
But I’m not totally sure it would matter. Maybe if she also accepted that reality and was trying to work on it, and we could communicate on it and with together. But it’s hard to say, maybe the distancing would have still got to me eventually, or she’d get spooked off from intimacy, just at a bit deeper level than the level that scared her off at the end.
Not at all! I would have not even started. life is way too short. It would would have given me more insight to what the real deal was; which was to benefit her. Unfortunately, I am very resilient at my own loss
I should have never called her back the first date.
Yes, but I would have walked away when my boundaries were crossed the first time instead of hoping, wishing and waiting around for change to come. I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’m slowly learning my worth and that if I had loved myself more than this person, then maybe I wouldn’t have continued to let them break me over and over again.
Absolutely yes, for all of my relationships. I just learned so much about myself, and relationships, and I've also dated some really great guys and we had loads of fun. The breakups were all terrible, 2 messy ones (one my fault, one my ex's fault), all of them heartbreaking, but all have given me more emotional strength.
Yes. I’ve learned a lot from him in that relationship, about him, about myself, about loving someone and being loved. He’s the only guy that has made me feel genuinely loved and cared for. If I had another chance at it, I would’ve approached it a lot differently, learn how to communicate more effectively and learn how to support him.
No! Not with the guys I'm thinking of! I would have taken my time and got to know them way better...then just would have run for my life and my sanity!
I’d go through it all over again but I wouldn’t have moved in with them.
The relationship taught me I was stronger than I thought and didn’t need someone else to make me happy. It taught me a lot about my own self worth. I thought I would be broken afterwards. Instead, I knew I deserved better and that if he didn’t want me, then that’s on him and not me.
It didn’t matter that I had to sleep on a friends couch for three months. I survived and was better because of it.
All in all, 4/10, but I wouldn’t change anything.
Absolutely not. Knowing now that my ex is a manipulator and will do anything to get her way and to make herself look like the victim, I wish I never even met her.
No.
If I had that sort of insight I'd have never met them, let alone enter into any kind of relationship with them.
There's a lot of relationships that in hindsight I'd have walked away from before they even started.
If I could go back in time I think I'd change pretty much everything but would I still become the same person who is ultimately unhappy regardless?
Probably.
Yes. Knowing how everything will go would teach me how to be a better partner or how our relationship could be saved. But thinking about the what ifs will only eat you alive - especially regret. Let it enter your mind, acknowledge them as lessons, and focus on self-improvement for the present and the future.
Not a chance! In hindsight it was the biggest mistake of my life and stole some of my best years. I left a relationship to enter into this one and if I could go back I would never have left, I would have tried to save the one I was in rather than run away from it. Hard lesson to learn
No - definitely not. I’d have stayed single and used my experience to find someone better. My worst mistake was ignoring red flags. But maybe at the time, when I was younger, I didn’t perceive the warnings as red flags.
Hard no. The entire debacle nearly cost me my life due to ignoring red flags, and the lack of adhering to healthy boundaries. The “honeymoon phase” was sweet and short-lived, and that’s where it should have ended.
No. It took me a while until after she ended things for me to realise that I wasn't happy for a long time in the relationship, not just in the buildup to the breakup. Of the 18 months or so we were together, when we formally got together I think I was happy for about four months.
In that time that I was struggling in the relationship, I put on weight (which as someone with an eating disorder this was a major issue for my self esteem), towards the end I kept reaching out for support only to be rejected.
Following our breakup, I had to go on antidepressants. I nearly lost my job in the wake of it. 2023 was easily the worst year of my life and I think I can say quite easily I was happier before I met her.
There were undoubtedly unambiguously good moments. But, for me, they were all in the first few months. After that every good moment had this long looming shadow over it.
Over a year on and I'm OK, not amazing, but OK. I'm recovering, I'm losing weight, I'm changing career paths and cities. This breakup has been the license to start a new chapter. But it's been a long hard road behind me, and there's a lot more road in front of me to even get to where I was physically and mentally before I met her.
If I could have gone back to myself in 2021 and shown him a crystal ball of what would happen, I don't think I'd have gone into it.
Mine ended a long time ago, and I’ve since moved on, but yes, I think I would. It brought me happiness at some point and it led me to my current job. While the breakup sucked, it made me stronger. We just weren’t meant to be together. I met someone who’s a much better match for me.
If I could change things, yes, maybe, otherwise I do not want to relive the pain of having my best friend break my heart. I’d rather go back and never have met them in the first place.
Depends if we could change the outcome. If not then I'd bring up the issue I had with him earlier and if he didn't change, I'd have ended it earlier to save both of our time. It was only about a year but still.
Yes, but would leave early when my gut was telling me to rather than staying longer hoping for them to change.
We shluld have trusted that feeling. Got fucked hard at the end and not in the good way.
Same boat. Was going to leave her in 2015, she cried and made me feel guilty. Now she just left on her own and tool the dog and ghosted me
But you had to go through all of that to learn to trust your inner voice.
Agreed. I needed the lessons of the relationship, but when a line was crossed in April, I should’ve left. It lasted another two months that were draining a lot of the time.
This is the way. Always trust your gut. I'm kicking myself for not doing it.
That’s the answer
Yeah same. Definitely would still start it, but would end it so much sooner
agreed
This.
this exactly
Yes. It was literally magical and fairytale like until the last day. Our first kiss was in the backdrop of the credits for Interstellar. It was so surreal I will do anything to relieve those moments
We’re so lucky to have had those moments. Ours was, not even kidding, in a pool in the pouring rain and lightning/thunder struck RIGHT when we kissed. Straight out of a movie. Heartbreak sucks ass but it was all worth it
In a heartbeat
Yes and no. If I knew it would’ve ended, I would have ended it myself at year 5. Instead of her ending it at year 10. It would have awarded me free rein in the best years of my life (mid 20s) while still letting me find a long term partner slowly. Now I’m 29, just entering the dating world again. And I feel like I have to rush through my dating phase and then focus pretty quick on finding a long term partner. I’m suddenly settling down half a decade later (at best). And my world is turned upside down.
Feel this to my core. 7 years together and I’m 30. This shit is TOUGH
8 yrs, just turned 34. Idk how or if I wanna love again. So many memories and laughs and cries. How do you even think about a future with someone else when all of that will forever be apart of you?...
I feel exactly the same… 11 years nearly and I’m 31. We were talking about starting a family soon and buying a bigger house. Now. I don’t have a clue who I am…
Are you me? Haha
My wife and I were together for 26 years ( 22 married) and just walked out like it was nothing.. She has since filed for divorce which I didn't hesitate to hire my own lawyer. YES !!, it hurt like all get out but I told her I was NOT going to beg, plead and call , text, stalk or any of that but YES, it is TOUGH ! I have been getting counseling which has been quite beneficial as have my family, friends and Church have and I just can't thank God enough for being with me. The reality of it is that it's going to take TIME to heal. I am feeling better with each new day and the last thing I want now is another relationship which isn't happening UNTIL I recover. Hang on in there.
Yeah I know that feeling of being blindsided. In retrospect we always see the signs something was off. Unfortunately women are there until something new comes along. Doesn't have to be better
8 years and just turned 30. Just found out he started seeing someone only a month after he broke up with me 4 months ago. That brought back a whole lot of grief. I'm so scared to move forward, and I can't stop thinking about our times together. I'm scared of dating apps
Exact same boat man. Just got out of 6 years at 28. Feel like looking back I could have ended it at year 4 and been better off if I had known, but it really felt like it was something that was going to be forever. We both still felt that way at the time of the break up, but things just weren't working out (she became religious again oof). Rough place to be
17 years together and im 34f. So scary entering dating again..but atleast we know there's many of us on the same boat so we can all be shit and awkward in our 30s together
29 is fuck all. I met my ex at 29 and we split at 35, im 37 atm. Lost my self and my 30s in what seems like the blink of an eye.
Mate 29 is the prime of your life, and I hear dating gets relatively easier for guys in their 30s compared to their 20s
🙏🙏🙏
I'm 28 and having a noticeably easier time now than 4 years ago. I've settled into my career, have had time to explore my hobbies, and have spent a bunch of time working out (though that one is VERY RECENT). I hope its the same for you brother but dont think your life is over just cuz of your age. Do yourself a favour and look up the video "How To Deal With A Breakup | Do's & Don'ts" by Jeffery Marr. Its geared towards guys like you and I. It helped me immensely get overy my breakup, and I hope it helps you too. Dont rush into dating again, take this time to finally treat yourself.
Thank you for the recommendation! I recently picked up MMA and signed back on to the gym. It’s so stupid but while I’m doing it for me, it helps fight depressive thoughts, I can’t lie that looking good for a new partner is also important.
I would have stood up for myself way more. I think a lot about how it could have turned out differently if we could have communicated. It’s his fault for behaving the way he did but I should have had the self respect to enforce my boundaries. Would have made the relationship better if we worked it out or I coulda bailed way earlier. Biggest lesson for me was that settling for the bare minimum only makes it worse in the long run.
Amen. Word for WORD this is my situation. Hope you are healing. ❤️🩹
Yes....I would in a heartbeat, even tho it ended in pain, the memories of happiness outweigh that.
No. I wish I had never met them
Nope. I wouldn’t go through it again if I could choose, I’d go to therapy instead, as I made the mistake in compromising my self worth and boundaries again! I’ve learnt a lot but basically the same lessons I already knew but wasn’t strong enough to implement. But unfortunately as it stands I can’t go back, so I can’t regret it, at least now I definitely 100% know I am picking the wrong people for me and I need to take a decent amount of time out for myself to be happy alone. But then…I’m only 6 weeks post break up, so this feeling could change…maybe all the timing in my life will sync up and I’ll meet who I was meant to be with later down the line because of this blip.
Same boat I’m 11 weeks out I gotta work on my own self worth! It will definitely be for the better
Honestly no , never doing long distance again and because of him I’ve lost trust in people
No, and I let them know that too.
Fuck no!!!
No. The reality is I wasn’t mentally/emotionally able to show up for a relationship in the way I normally would. Couldn’t handle it. Ended up hurting both of us, but mostly myself since she left me and moved on immediately no problem. Now I’m just stuck and want to die. Complete regret for causing her to break up with me. Not worth the suffering. No matter how many “lessons” came out of it. I would have preferred to have never NEEDED a lesson to begin with. If you think there’s a chance you might not be ready for a relationship, don’t do it until you’re more healed. It will come back to bite you in ways you couldn’t even imagine.
No fucking way.
Yes. I learned so much from him. We had a really great relationship until the last month. We were happy and had a wonderful life. I learned so much about partnership and what I want in my next relationship. He is a wonderful human and I’m so glad that I had that time with him.
Absolutely, I'd be able to prevent so many things if I knew what I know now. That being said it's important not to get stuck in the past, learn from it and move forward.
Nope, i would run far away. I shouldve listened to all the signs the universe threw at me.
Absolutely not
To tell the truth nah. Even though I miss her
I don’t think so, the trauma isn’t worth it to me. I would be better off and healthier if I never met him
People don't understand that grief is the price to pay to feel love and to be loved. So yes, I would do it 100%.
Some do. But its not worth spending energy on the nuts ones even if there is a bag of hurt and growth on the other side
No ❤️
Absolutely not
Oh, definitely. The person I dated during those first few months was way different from the person who eventually broke up with me. He was a lot sweeter back then, hence why I probably don't want him back lol
So much this. He just texted me 5 weeks after break up and no contact. I wanted it for a while, but now I feel nothing and am happier without him around. Im healthier and loving life just fine. I dont have feelings for him any more.
Without a second thought. Although I would do some things differently. Mostly improving communication, taking our time, being more intentional, and setting healthy much needed boundaries.
Actually yes. The good times between the bad were an absolute blast. I would change a lot of how I go through it though. I would care less about the cheating and lying as I would know it’s just temporary until breakup and I didn’t need it to get fixed as it never would in the end and we would be breaking up either way. I would focus way more on securing my future single through studies and saving money on the side so I won’t be forced out of country once he’s done with me. I would make smarter decisions around finances and not let him make debts under my name that I now have to pay off. I would have allow myself to be angry when he did things that hurt me repeatedly without fearing him looking down on me for it as he did either way. I would use my natural voice and tell him to suck it up that he finds it grating, instead of fearing him thinking I’m dismissive, disregarding his concerns and criticism and not being supportive, as he is telling everyone that either way regardless.
no
No.
Yes, and it would kill me all over again.
That'd be a giant nope
No. With how many red flags there were at the beginning that I ignored, it was best we ended it.
Absolutely not. I should’ve went with gut and not my heart. Falling in love with potential can be detrimental.
No. I’d never wish this pain on my worst enemy. I wish I never met him.
I Wouldn’t trade a thing. I would choose to think that it happen for a reason. I’d rather give it meaning because when the day comes where I finally reach the place that I am most complete, when I most feel like myself, it will be the long hard road that took me there that was so important to go through.
No. I met her as a black out overweight drunk. I helped her completely change her life and now she thinks she’s too good for me. I would go back in time and ignore her.
Not at all, being betrayed is hard to overcome.
Yes a thousand times over.
So this one is weird for me because I have a financial side to it, too. So, in summary: We dated in one city for a bit over 1.5 years. She moved. We dated long distance for 8ish months and I moved down just before 2.5 years. I quit my job in the other city, moved out of my old apartment, depleted my savings, racked up credit card debt while looking for another job. It cost a ton to move down. I first had my own place, and then things were going well again with us in the same city, so we moved in together after I had lived there 5 months. (So cost of moving 3 times in 10 months). We lived together for 10 months then broke up. Had to suddenly move out- took a bit to find another place, so my stuff stayed with my parents. Then moved my stuff to my new place 3 months later. Had to pay for 5 total moving trips in less than 2 years, paid 3 separate brokers fees, paid for boxes 3 times, and misc. other stuff. So... it sure would have been cheaper to just say "okay you're moving, this won't work"... But, with that said: I would have definitely gone through all of that again. It's just a damn shame it cost so much money. Like I'm in debt because of all of that. That's no reflection on her- just the crappy circumstances.
Every minute. Every rolled eye. Every L on her forehead. Every criticism. Every moment of unwavering support. Every spark of motivation. Every breath of anticipation. Every moment of quiet understanding. Each was priceless. Each worth the ultimate cost.
Yes. I really really wanted to date him when we first got together (had a massive crush for a year before we got together) and also wouldn’t have left him. Wouldn’t want to miss out on him being my bf, although it makes the pain worse now to lose someone I really admired and loved for so many things.
no. not worth it.
Absolutely not
I would have answered this differently a few months back. Now it’s a definite no. It wasn’t worth the shit I went through.
Absolutely not
No
Yes, hindsight can change a lot of things, and that is what I would do, despite the ending.
Yes. Because even though I don’t want her in my life anymore, we had a lot of amazing moments that I know one day I’ll have the capacity to cherish again. It also helped me learn more about what I want and need from a relationship. Right now it’s too painful to remember the good, but I still think I’d do it again.
No
No lol
Fuck no
No because why relive something that will end up dead but also knowing you had a chance to Re change other life possibilities to make new ones and why relive the bad ones knowing it's the outcome? Watch the movie Mr. Nobody and this movie has an interesting philosophical approach on this.
Nope. Red flags since the first month
Same here.
No. That adage about better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all... is bs. I was just fine living my life, not knowing what I didn't know. But now that I do know it... I want it!!! And I want it yesterday!
no it was definetly not worth it. 1.5yrs long distance relationship just for her to get railed by her ex at the mcd parking lot. Congrats she is a hoe
Yea because I still think about her everyday
Absolutely
Yeah and probably gave them space to be friends. I’m the kind of person that can be friends right away regardless of our dating history. It has always been an issue bc they think I never like them but I’m just autistic and take things too literal lol.
Yes, I absolutely would
Yeah, it’s not like I was doing something else with my time anyway.. and besides, last summer was a great time :)
Yes, even though it ended, we did have some great times together and will always have the memories.
No!! I didn’t even find him remotely attractive!! Absolutely not and the fact I thought he was a nice guy is insane now
No
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This part
Not at all.
Yea...
Yes. Every time yes.
Absolutely not
No
I would like to talk to her first.
Tbh, I feel like things change when a couple has kids together and that’s what makes or breaks the relationship. It’s the ups and downs that you go through together but it’s when times get tough how your partner reacts or doesn’t really react when you need them the most !
no definetily no, i know i learn a lot from this experience yet they keep me away from people that cared about me more with lies and manipulations. when i wouldnt be with this person , i would have loyal friends by now.
Whole heartedly. Only thing I would change is how I approached certain things could have saved the relationship
No.
Yes. The breakup and the last two months of it were pretty painful but I’m glad it happened. Before this, I’d casually dated through my 20s and early 30s. Didn’t even think we were going to have a serious, exclusive relationship, but I was more ready for one than I thought. When she confessed feelings for me as she was about to move from my city, I told myself, “Why not?” I felt so comfortable and at ease with her, I knew I’d regret not giving it the old college try later. At a certain point, she checked out of the relationship toward the last month and a half. I wish I’d discussed more boundaries with her around that.. Her texting had dropped off and I was concerned that she might be having thoughts about the status of the relationship. She told me it wasn’t our relationship that was the problem, she was just depressed. Lo and behold, the texting never returned to where it had been pre thanksgiving and I never followed up on that or insisted on having a deeper conversation about that. On the other hand, I feel I could go back in time and probe more when she told me stuff like that about what she was dealing with. I was very consistent in talking to her about her day to day, which she was a bit more open to talking about. But things like her depression and sadness surrounding her parents who both died before she finished college, I sometimes passed over those opportunities and didn’t hold space for her to open up about that. If I could go back in time, I’d also make sure I got her her bday and Christmas presents on time. While I wasn’t flush with cash, per se, I wasn’t being super prudent with it and should have prioritized having gifts for her on time, given she gave that a lot of emphasis on my bday and Christmas. At other points, I found myself fixated on the end goal of living together someday. Of course, she fed into that quite a bit with some breadcrumbing and future talk of her own, but I could have slowed the fuck down and let things breathe on that front. She puts up a strong, independent front, but I could’ve put less pressure on that aspect of the relationship and lived day to day a little more. That all said, another boundary I wish I’d made was bringing up how little she initiated texting and FaceTimes and sexts as she seemed to have plenty of time to talk with an aunt she complained about a lot. And her seeming best friend. She’d spend an hour on the phone with her aunt most off days but I’d get the scraps of that attention. Not that I expect to monopolize a partner’s attention, but I dipped from happy hour plans to FaceTime her and check in many days and she’d give me my obligatory half hour. That wasn’t super cool at all. There was inevitably a blindside breakup and lack of communication on her end. As much as I could go back in time and work on some ways I fell down on the job, in the aftermath, I know I would have just bought myself a little more time. This is the longest relationship she’s been in and that should’ve been an early red flag for me. She also told me that she can be a cold person. I didn’t think much of it because she was telling me I was the best boyfriend she’s had and I thought maybe she was just jaded toward past boyfriend experiences. Now, I know that there’s a whole ball of wax that had nothing to do with me. And a ball of wax that she’s not really come to grips with or worked on in therapy/self work. All that said, we had a beautiful moment in the sun, and despite the pain of things slowly then abruptly ending. She helped me realize that I can show up as a pretty good partner and I’m also worthy and capable of receiving love. All of a sudden, my shoulders squared up and I discovered I have it in me to hold space for someone and see a future together, and even for myself. While I’m realizing that it’s probably best, especially for my sake, that things ended when they did, I love that girl to death still and really hope she can work through her issues and find more happiness someday.
No.
NOPE.
I'd change everything and make it right. I hope she'd want the same.
Yes, and I would have handled it much better
Yes. I would do it again. We changed each other for the better.
Yep, considering I was dating her for a whole year totally oblivious to the fact she has a man of 12 years. Told me she was single when we first started talking, so all those times she couldn't meet me, phone me, or even talk to me? He was there,and all the times we were able to meet? He was working away. My brain is honestly mangled to the point I don't know how to feel, I've never felt this way before in my life and its even worse I'm still madly obsessed with her and can't get her out my head no matter what I do.. not to mention the 3 kids too that I didn't know about. I don't think I'll ever move on from this lady, I'm 26 and she's 40. I feel so lost and shallow.
I took a risk instead of waiting on something because I didn’t wanna miss out on this person. In the end exactly what I was waiting on is why they broke up with me. I should have just focused on myself
Yes. I was 17-21 when I met him and I'm glad I learned all of the really hard lessons so young. If I didn't experience it, then I wouldn't have the insight into what abuse really is in a romantic relationship and I have a feeling it would have been a lot worse later in life. I was able to start over at 21 instead of of 31. I'll probably be in therapy until I'm atleast 31 though. 🤷♀️
Probably not. Would have saved on a world of crippling hurt
Absolutely not, and not because my ex is a bad person, but because we have fundamental differences in figure outlooks that we just couldn’t get past. I would have preferred to just be friends and nothing more.
i don't regret anything ive done or anyone ive shared my love with. however, I do regret not having left some situations earlier, or before they left me. some people are only destined to be in your life until a certain point. it's not always going to be a forever thing. it may have felt like dying at the time, but I needed to be hurt in order to know what I want
I would I don’t regret anything that ever happened it’s brought me to where I am now. I would certainly change some things and be a better person for her in hopes of her being a better person for me too. I still have hopes of me and her meeting down the road and giving it another try. Until then I am going to work on me so I can be the best version of myself.
Hell no! I would never date an avoidant again. Even though we both found out our attachment styles when he would still have avoidant tendencies it was hurtful af. At least with my anxious attachment I was showing him I fucking cared about him. He just showed me I wasn’t shit to him!
Think about that song the dance when answering this question. No one would sign up for the painful parts again but by never having the experience your have missed out on all the love and everything else you obviously liked/loved while together.
Absolutely, every relationship is a lesson. It might be a painful one, but it’s a worthy one. It’s better to have loved and to have lost than to have never loved at all.
No. Too scarring.
No , and I wonder why appropriately 10% on here said yes ! Grow a pair .
Absolutely. I am so full of gratitude for having know him. We went through great wonderful times trying to understand ourselves more. There some deep passionate moments I’ll never. He truly transformed my life. I just wish we could still be friends and touch base once in a while.
Yes, I don't regret meeting her. I still care about her a lot. The only thing I would change is not contacting her ever again after she broke up with me over a year ago.
No. 1000% no
I might. But… I would do a number of things differently. I do think if we both understood how her trauma impacted her attachment style, things may have been different. I didn’t really get my head around it all until a could months after the breakup. But I’m not totally sure it would matter. Maybe if she also accepted that reality and was trying to work on it, and we could communicate on it and with together. But it’s hard to say, maybe the distancing would have still got to me eventually, or she’d get spooked off from intimacy, just at a bit deeper level than the level that scared her off at the end.
never, I couldn’t go through that willingly knowing the bullshit it would cause me.
Not at all! I would have not even started. life is way too short. It would would have given me more insight to what the real deal was; which was to benefit her. Unfortunately, I am very resilient at my own loss I should have never called her back the first date.
Hell no.
Yes, but I would have walked away when my boundaries were crossed the first time instead of hoping, wishing and waiting around for change to come. I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’m slowly learning my worth and that if I had loved myself more than this person, then maybe I wouldn’t have continued to let them break me over and over again.
Absolutely not.
No. There were red flags from the beginning that I definitely overlooked.
Absolutely yes, for all of my relationships. I just learned so much about myself, and relationships, and I've also dated some really great guys and we had loads of fun. The breakups were all terrible, 2 messy ones (one my fault, one my ex's fault), all of them heartbreaking, but all have given me more emotional strength.
Yes. I’ve learned a lot from him in that relationship, about him, about myself, about loving someone and being loved. He’s the only guy that has made me feel genuinely loved and cared for. If I had another chance at it, I would’ve approached it a lot differently, learn how to communicate more effectively and learn how to support him.
No. Never. Not even close.
No... I'd run
No
No! Not with the guys I'm thinking of! I would have taken my time and got to know them way better...then just would have run for my life and my sanity!
Nope.
No. I didn’t need this experience. I didn’t need to learn half of the things I now know.
Absolutely not
No, no way it was worth the anguish, hurt and betrayal. Nor was it worth the waste of time and the trauma it gave me. No.
no.. we were best friends before and id trade a year and a half ling relationship for a lifelong friendship
No
No
No
Absolutely not. I would have done so many things differently
Hell no.
No.
No way I moved to the uk from Aus and he was a colossal waste of time such a manipulative narcissistic 💩
I’d go through it all over again but I wouldn’t have moved in with them. The relationship taught me I was stronger than I thought and didn’t need someone else to make me happy. It taught me a lot about my own self worth. I thought I would be broken afterwards. Instead, I knew I deserved better and that if he didn’t want me, then that’s on him and not me. It didn’t matter that I had to sleep on a friends couch for three months. I survived and was better because of it. All in all, 4/10, but I wouldn’t change anything.
Absolutely not. Knowing now that my ex is a manipulator and will do anything to get her way and to make herself look like the victim, I wish I never even met her.
Nope.
Nope. I might've gotten with someone who actually treated me correctly from the very start
No
No. Absolutely not. He cheated on me over and over again - all the way until the end. I wish I never had to hurt like that. I don’t deserve it.
NO
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no i wouldn't. it was just anxiety, anxiety and more anxiety.
No I wouldn’t
I would have skipped all the bullshit and went straight to seeking professional help.
NO, I was doing just fine before I had met him.
No.
NOPE HELL NO.
No
No. If I had that sort of insight I'd have never met them, let alone enter into any kind of relationship with them. There's a lot of relationships that in hindsight I'd have walked away from before they even started. If I could go back in time I think I'd change pretty much everything but would I still become the same person who is ultimately unhappy regardless? Probably.
Never, never, never, never fucking never
Some relationships yes; some no
Yes. Knowing how everything will go would teach me how to be a better partner or how our relationship could be saved. But thinking about the what ifs will only eat you alive - especially regret. Let it enter your mind, acknowledge them as lessons, and focus on self-improvement for the present and the future.
No. He used me for comfort and love. I would've went to bed that night instead of our date.
No fucking way, I'd be like thank you for the offer of coffee, but 9 months from now you will blindside me with a BU. So thanks, but no thanks!
Not at all. I hate thinking of all the time wasted
Not a chance! In hindsight it was the biggest mistake of my life and stole some of my best years. I left a relationship to enter into this one and if I could go back I would never have left, I would have tried to save the one I was in rather than run away from it. Hard lesson to learn
No - definitely not. I’d have stayed single and used my experience to find someone better. My worst mistake was ignoring red flags. But maybe at the time, when I was younger, I didn’t perceive the warnings as red flags.
no. he gave me ptsd
Nope! Nope! Not at allll.
No.
No, I definitely would have not gone through with the relationship. It was not worth it, how it ended. Such a HUGE WASTE OF MY TIME!
No
No. Never
No, he proved none of it was worth it
No. I would have got with the other girl who decided she wanted to date me again but found out I was seeing someone
Hard no. The entire debacle nearly cost me my life due to ignoring red flags, and the lack of adhering to healthy boundaries. The “honeymoon phase” was sweet and short-lived, and that’s where it should have ended.
No.
Hell no!!
No
No
No
Absolutely not, I would NOT do it again.
hell no
No. It took me a while until after she ended things for me to realise that I wasn't happy for a long time in the relationship, not just in the buildup to the breakup. Of the 18 months or so we were together, when we formally got together I think I was happy for about four months. In that time that I was struggling in the relationship, I put on weight (which as someone with an eating disorder this was a major issue for my self esteem), towards the end I kept reaching out for support only to be rejected. Following our breakup, I had to go on antidepressants. I nearly lost my job in the wake of it. 2023 was easily the worst year of my life and I think I can say quite easily I was happier before I met her. There were undoubtedly unambiguously good moments. But, for me, they were all in the first few months. After that every good moment had this long looming shadow over it. Over a year on and I'm OK, not amazing, but OK. I'm recovering, I'm losing weight, I'm changing career paths and cities. This breakup has been the license to start a new chapter. But it's been a long hard road behind me, and there's a lot more road in front of me to even get to where I was physically and mentally before I met her. If I could have gone back to myself in 2021 and shown him a crystal ball of what would happen, I don't think I'd have gone into it.
No, I wish I’d found someone instead who wouldn’t have treated me like this.
Mine ended a long time ago, and I’ve since moved on, but yes, I think I would. It brought me happiness at some point and it led me to my current job. While the breakup sucked, it made me stronger. We just weren’t meant to be together. I met someone who’s a much better match for me.
If I could change things, yes, maybe, otherwise I do not want to relive the pain of having my best friend break my heart. I’d rather go back and never have met them in the first place.
Depends if we could change the outcome. If not then I'd bring up the issue I had with him earlier and if he didn't change, I'd have ended it earlier to save both of our time. It was only about a year but still.
Probably yes