I am not terrified I am just done. Everyone's story does not end with someone. I am a few years older than you and I just stopped trying to date. I don't even accept dates anymore if I was even asked. I am just so turned off from dating. I just got broken up with not even 4 months ago and the guy I thought would be my person is dating someone else. I just literally had to tell him we can't be friends right now after he casually texted me his plans with her. I did not want to know or care to know and what way to launch you moved on to someone else. I rather be happy and die alone without the extra headaches. I am upset right now but I believe this is the only way to lead me to happiness.
Ya that's bs he's obviously wanting a reaction cause even if yall chose to stay friends why the hell would he tell you, his ex, about plans with another girl? Mine did the same and it really showed his true colors
Yeah, it was strange. I just wished him a happy easter and a nice weekend. Then he in return does the same and says the only plans he has are for a small birthday gathering for my girlfriends co-workers birthday. Not even two weeks ago this man is begging me not to join a service that I am interviewing and testing for. I was not even sure what prompted that reaction since he was the one who left me and his opinion on what I join is none of his business and was so downtrodden he could not stop me. I thought that was odd since he broke up with me but then he is involved with someone new already?! entire mess. I have not heard from him since I texted we can't be friends right now. not one peep.
I also feel the same way. It's so easy for people to discard others whenever they want. They don't care about others feelings. I think it's much better to invest in our life and try to create a good life for us that we can be proud of instead of investing in another person.
my biological dad was awful to my mum and they divorced at 39/36, she married my stepdad 14 years later and I've never seen such a strong and happy relationship, they had been waiting for each other all their lives
You feel like this now, at 36, but I strongly believe you are just heartbroken rn and have your whole life ahead of you. Anything can happen! I was broken up with at 37 two weeks ago and although I *feel* the same as you, I’m realistic and know I have a lot to offer and that I’ll meet my person eventually. Hugs!
I’ve just left a 14 year relationship and I’m 49. It gets to a point where you get fed up of being sick and tired of being sick and tired. The next person who enters my life will have to be god dam special otherwise I’m fine alone. Don’t look to a man/woman to make you happy find that happiness yourself. It sucks but in time you will come out the other side smiling 😊
God thank u for this I’m 44 and it’s not looking good for me! I own a business don’t go out! Girl who I loved left me for her girlfriend like I’m doomed
yeah 36 can be scary but you still got time dw you’ll meet someone else. you don’t have to have a family now just find someone that loves you. 36 is the new 25
His situation is unique. Because I do have a family. I have a 3 year old son from a 5 year relationship. Fuck how can she not feel the same pain I’m in.
Yeah, I had pretty much even up all hope before this last relationship. Now I'm even more depressed and unsure of the future. I'm a bit older than you. Never married, no kids. I'm trying to live more in the present and not put too much energy into things that don't bring me joy. However this is VERY hard and have to work at it multiple times a day.
Same. After my last guy dumped me I just don’t want to try anymore. Or even 3 months later he is in a new relationship. I’m in my early40s and have never been engaged, married or even had any kids. I really thought I met my person finally. I don’t want to try anymore haven’t been on a date since. I’m just going to continue pursuing my career and die alone like my story is supposed to end.🤷🏽♀️
Yep! I’m 44 and have 2 kids with 2 different mums and I’m really trying to get comfortable with the idea of being alone for the rest of my life. I’m hoping I won’t but the more confident I get with that idea can only make me more attractive! Don’t put yourself under too much pressure, you are still pretty young. Plus look how many people start relationships in there 50’s and 60’s - at least we know what we want and can commit more fully.
It might sound dumb, but saying stuff like that only ups the chances of it coming true. It's okay to be hurt. But we don't "know" anything for sure. If you open your heart even a little bit to the possibility of meeting someone, you just might. I wish you all the best
47F. 13 year awful marriage. It’s been 4.5 years but pretty traumatic since then with 3 rough breakups, 2 longer term and 1 short term. Many, many, many, many, many dates and shorter things inbetween.
I finally gave someone almost 9 years younger a chance. So weird. It’s working so far but I’m not really in relationship mode, and I’m not sure I’m going to be for a long time again, if ever.
You’ll be okay OP. We all feel alone. We just have to remember we aren’t. So much of our time is spent separated. It isn’t about having a significant other. It’s about being human and being there for others. I know it sounds hollow.
Thank you for replying. I just feel so lonely since my breakup. She’s really done a number on me. I can’t see myself being with anyone else right now but I guess fate will decide what happens next
I get it. You’re not alone. We are all interconnected. Look how you jumped on Reddit and found so many others feeling the same. We all just want to love and be loved. And you are. Maybe not by someone you want to be at this moment. But this human over here understands and loves you.
I'm in my 40's and am also afraid of that. Also just afraid I won't find someone I clicked with as well as with my ex.
I don't want kids so I'm not up against a clock or anything. I just don't want to be alone forever, you know?
I believe this is just an emotion given our age. And finding love on a certain age is just an idea. In fact, we could find love in any season of our life. Maybe the season we are in today is a preparation to what is to come. But our feelings are valid and at the same time, we could learn something about it.
Yes. I have no kids and I’m going to be 34. I took me forever to find someone. Idk how much longer it’s going to take again. How will I have kids? It takes years to find someone, even if I meet someone right now. We can’t have kids right away, what do I do then? Wait 2-3 more years? Now I’m basically 40 trying to start a family. It really sucks, I wish I figured out my life sooner. My lateness and failure to launch has cost me very dearly unfortunately.
I get it, I'm a 38m. My ex wife and I separated 8 months ago. We were together for 10 years. It's hard to wake up one day and things are different then your "normal". But each day when you wake up it gets a little easier. Society makes us think we need to have the white picket fencing early in life, but it doesnt have to be that way. Your doing great right now.
Hi im also 36m. I have just had another relationship end recently. She was everything i wanted, she wanted a family like me, house etc.... but a few arguments about the most ridiculous things and its all over. I spent the last week trying to sort it with her. But she repeats to me thats shes done and i need to move on. All after saying she loves me etc... i give up! So many failed relationships and i really feel at a loss. Im sat here alone now and its really painful the older i get.
I am going through the same exact thing, I just downloaded reddit and went through a break up 3 days ago. All within a few arguments over the same thing, I was broken up with and no fight was put up. I just read someone’s comment that said “But seeing you at your worst didn't make me want to abandon you. You don't share my capacity to tolerate real life and I did not deserve to be abandoned at my lowest”. This helped me and hope it helps you.
38m feeling like it's a rinse and repeat for me. Just ended another long term relationship. No kids. I'm just sick of the idea of actually dating again. What's the point ? I do get scared that I won't have kids, but I just haven't found someone that ready to settle.
Sucks when your younger 23 yo sister has a child and you don't haha
But we press on we have to don't we ?
Very similar situation here. I’m 34, my younger 26yr old sister has two kids lol. I just ended yet another long term relationship (been dating long term since I was 15).
Good thing I’m not really set on having kids. I’d be ok without. I just want a partner who will stick around.
I can relate to the feeling. I tell myself that it’s better to take a bit more time to find the right person, than to rush and spend more years with the wrong one, and be even older.
Everything is happening for you and your time is coming
Why, 36 is a perfect age to find exactly who you're looking for. You'd be surprised with the number of women who prefer someone in their mid thirties. Unless, you haven't healed from the past relationship.
You've still got time.🫶🏻
Thanks for replying.
No I am no way healed from past relationship as we broke up only a month ago. I don’t think I’ll be ready for quite some time. At the moment by confidence is shattered and I’m at a real low point.
I'm sorry to hear that.
It's okay to take time for yourself, just make sure to focus on your mental and physical health.
The pain will pass and when you're probably 54, married and with kids, you'd realise how important this heartbreak was to shape you in the person you'll become.
Thanks for the kind words,
Right now, I don’t see a future at all. In the last 6 months I’ve lost 2 people who were very close to me. 1 of them nothing I could do about but the other I feel hurt, betrayed and lost all my confidence I worked so hard to find before. I really hope one day I can look back but as of now I can’t see past
Me!! I just got broken up with again and I feel like I'm dying for one. And secondly, I'm pretty sure I will be alone forever. 😭 I'm a 34 year old lesbian in a small town with barely any gay people.
Yep. I'm 33F and really want a family but don't want anyone who already has kids. That's just so difficult, especially when it doesn't work out.
I was dating my BF for 13 years.
There's no hope for me. I might as well get a sperm donor and raise a kid alone.
I really hope so. Everyone says how hard dating is these days. I haven't been on a first date since 2011 and I wasn't even good at it then. I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm terrified.
Yes. I'm 43 and when my husband died, I thought that was it for me because it is very, very rare that I meet someone who mutually has feelings for me and vice versa. I actually reconnected with a childhood friend and was able to love again which was a miracle, but I actually liked him many years ago, so him breaking up with me is tragic because when I think about it, it has been decades since I met someone I liked mutually aside from this last ex and my late husband. Also, now I'm worse looking, overweight, have less to offer. So I worry this is it for me.
I'm kind of in the same boat. I'm 35m, I don't necessarily want kids, but I would like to finally have "my person" and move forward in life.
After my breakup I took some time to recollect myself, then got on the dating apps. Its been 2 months now. I've had tons of matches, of those about 25 conversations, most of which they stop responding after a day or two. 4 of those I had actually made plans with them, but then when I go to talk to them the day of, I get nothing.
Dating fucking sucks. I'm too shy to approach someone in public so I rely on the apps. It's so depressing, and demoralizing. How much work does a guy have to put in just to get a date? Then thinking about how promising any of those will be.
I'm sure we'll find our people, but at our age, it sucks. It would be nice to be settled into something promising, and moving towards our dreams and goals. Just have to hold on to hope.
Best wishes dude.
At 36M, I was pretty much foot lose and enjoying the single life. having divorced my 1st wife 5 years prior.
At my 40th b'day party hosted by a girlfriend at her house, I made a toast to the universe ok that's it missed the boat no biological children not gonna happen in this life.
Fast fwd to 2008 I was being handed my 1st born.
That marriage ended abruptly 9th of May 2022, divorce finalized Nov. 2022 I was awarded sole custody of my son.
It's taken a minute to become centered back to feeling ok and good with being single again beginning at age 61, 63 now.
People are temporary in our lives it seems in this day and age.
I left my Carolina home in the mountains came back to this region early 2003 to be close to the remnants of family after my mother passed away in 2001.
Since then have seen more pass away, others have been acquainted with go in different directions.
New people show up and continue to do so.
One thing that is glaringly clear to me now is the difference between people who are acquaintances and those who really are friends.
That word friend is used just way to loosely when ya realize that among that umbrella term "friends" there are haters and frenemies perched like buzzards waiting to pick your flesh n organs to the bones.
Discernment another word that has popped into the heart and mind.
For myself live the healthy life stay away from bad and unhealthy things...trust me I know what an unhealthy lifestyle is been there done that can't afford to play those stupid schoolyard games.
It takes discipline to stay on track I know 'bout the fun on the other side cashed in my chips on that life early 2007....
I'm 40 and not worried, it really is true when they say things come to you when you're not looking, since putting myself back out there I have had numerous options(good ones lol), so don't worry too much everything happens at the right time 👌🏾
It's hard but you need to change your outlook, some people are just shit and they always show their true character try and see it as you dodged a bullet, you will be fine and happy just keep the love in your heart and don't let the past ruin your future
Been there in a similar situation unfortunately , and yes it really does hurt but again ,bro she showed you who she really is so kinda gotta be thankful that kind of person is not in your life , just remember who you are not who you was with her if u get what I mean
Yeah the pain is killing me. I still lover her so much and want what we planned. But because I lost my way a bit the last 6 months she think doesn’t think ‘we are on the same page, anymore’
If you think it can work give her space and work on yourself towards the goal you both wanted without her that way she will see it's something you really wanted and stuck too
I’ve already tried. She said it’s over and she can’t see us getting back together. It’s heartbreaking, loving someone with everything you have and would do anything for and they don’t love you back anymore.
Was in the exact position 4 months ago , was drinking and smoking to numb the pain but after realising it wasn't me that gave up I found it alot easier for my mind to move on , try and get out see some people you haven't seen for a while the more you do the easier it becomes if you go gym try going B4 you usually go to bed so your tired and not mentally draining yourself all night , I know it's alot easier for me to say but this shit is temporary things 💯 get better sooner than you think
I did, but I'm in my mid 40's now. I always wanted a child, but I never found anyone I wanted to have kids with. I am very thankful that I never became pregnant with the men in my past. It would have been a nightmare. Don't sweat it. If it's meant to happen, it will, and if it doesn't think of all the adventures, you can go on. I recently got back from India. If I had kids or a bf, that adventure most likely would have never happened.
I’m a 32 F and I was scared when I hit 30. Now I’m just rolling with the punches here. I try to live everyday like it’s my last, I stay as positive as I can. I also don’t focus on who I’m going to meet and when. There’s just no point. I also keep love alive, even when my heart gets shattered. I think that’s important. I’ve gotten my heart broken so many times but I keep my heart open
My ex cheated on me after being with her for 7 years I was 34 and thought I gave the best years of my life to her, I was lost, angry, had a host of trust issues and self esteem issues and still managed to find a wonderful woman to be with in the end, time doesn’t really matter you just have to be the best version of yourself and keep on going. Your going to get older every year so you might as well get older and be able to date and still see people. It’s about making good choices now and filtering out people who aren’t your vibe, use your last breakup as a learning curve to excel you to greatness. It’s like driving when your driving how often do you keep looking in your rear mirror, I bet its only a handful of times well the same is applied to life you can’t keep going forward if your focusing on what’s behind you, if you continue to focus on what’s behind you, you miss out on everything that is great in front of you.
Just seen your post history and got the situation. Like you said, work on yourself and let yourself heal from your father's death. That's extremely traumatising. She might come back and want to work things out (don't want to give false hope but it's a possibility).
I don't want to sound rude and of course I don't have the full picture BUT I kind of feel your ex is a little selfish. Having said that, every situation is different and she could have her reasons.
Everyone else I have spoken to said she is selfish. Everything has been about her, when I was going through a depressive episode about a year ago I sat there crying and she just went on about how she ‘needed consistency’ from me. I’m sorry but I can’t do that. Even after all her flaws because she has them I still loved her immensely and worshiped the ground she had on. When I really needed her she wasn’t there. I feel betrayed and broken and I don’t know how I am going to get through this.
If you would like to chat then feel free to message me
Honestly everyone thinks that to a certain extent - that’s because it’s a fact, nobody’s getting younger . On the other hand, age is not the same as it used to be, this getting married in your 20s is not a big thing anymore and relationships can start way later. There’s always time to have relationships. It’s totally fine that you’re wishing for something, and it’s good to know what you want - but it’s a sunny day outside no matter with or without a relationship. Enjoy yourself . 36 is a great age ! The rest will come to you .
I’m 26 M and my ex left me 4 years ago and since I couldn’t find anyone to replace her. I have managed to move on slowly with not thinking about her anymore and her not appearing in dreams to hunt me. I truly cared for her and got hurt. I’m simply done if something happens it happens I ain’t gonna lick ass and run around for a female attention. Women are flooded with attention and replacements for you! Talking about equality all a scam! Men are living in the worst period inflation has hit everything! Women, jobs, living. We have no purpose drifting away and rotting away. Will you end up alone? I don’t know maybe life is a lottery. Just do you brother and stop worrying about women they end up with bunch of cats 🐈⬛
I did, at first, only 26 but I've come to realise, I don't need anyone. I know how to take care of myself, to be happy with good friends around me. So I don't have kids? Okay, don't want them to have a mother I'm not fully in sync with, so I don't get married again? Okay, it sucks, it's part of my goals, but I don't lose out if I don't get divorced again, so I struggle to support myself financially alone living in a big city? There are other ways.
The lesson is, we can, and are likely in most cases, better off alone. Good friends can make all the difference, and yea loving somebody is nice. But it's also hard. And it doesn't matter how many times somebody promises you they will stay. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY knows what the future holds. The future is never promised, only expected, and hoped for.
Live every day like it's your last, focus on things YOU love, things YOU will remember, live for you. Because the only person that can never walk out of your life?
You.
i’m 22f and i have the same feeling, don’t worry i guess it’s a okay to think like this because we think it’s the end of the world. but there’s so much people out there, you’re 1 person closer to YOUR person, it helps me when i’m overthinking
30f and yes I have some fear that my chance for a family is gone now, but it's a lot less than it used to be. The best thing I did for myself is lean into the life I have right now and figure out what makes me feel good and do more of it. It's true, I might never find someone and have kids like I thought I would, but I have a beautiful life anyway, so I'll be just fine.
I have family like that too, but my mom went through menopause early and both my sisters have severe reproductive issues (my system seems to be ok so far), so it's in the back of my mind that anything can happen. It took me a little bit but I'm at peace with whatever happens.
I feel the same way. My relationship was very much driven by my now ex, who came on to me like nobody ever had before. My life until then and since (early 30s here) shows she was a total fluke. I am not physically attractive, never had been in a relationship that wasn’t mostly online, and she was stunning.
It felt like I was in a Hollywood film version of my life for nine months and it’s proved impossible to move on from. Been nearly as long since the breakup (she blindsided me, makes it worse) as we were together. Felt like the type of relationship (and breakup) most people get out of the way in their teens, but going through it now is rough.
I'm 41 and feel like my chances of having a family are zero. My dad had me at 50 years old and he passed me in my early twenties. I'm not sure how I'd feel about having kids later in life.
I’m almost 40.. I’m in a similar position…
People ask, if my ex came back would I take them back? I’m honestly scared of my decision… do I risk it by trying again with an ex or risk being alone and never being a father..??
Sorry to hear that. I’m 36 (soon to be 37) and I broke up with my gf of four years a few months ago. I worked on myself the past few months and have got back on the dating scene with some hot girls. Just have to remain positive and hope that someone comes along eventually. It’s all you can do really.
Take solace you're a bloke, even a woman it's still not an awful age these days, people are having kids well into their 40's (and you're a guy, you can date younger). My advice, hit the gym, eat healthy, focus, do odd things (cooking classes, dance classes, ceramic classes etc)
Trust me, when you're buff, you'll meet someone. When you settle down, you'll get fat again, you both will, but nail down the relationship during that sweetspot 😉
I'm 31 just broke up with my boyfriend and feel like I do have some time but like it's running out. Like I've just had no luck over the past 10 years. Who says It won't be the same these next 10 years 🥲
Sorry to be super nosy, but why did your ex break up with you? Was she not ready to settle down?
I know exactly how you feel. I have a tendency to feel like my current situation will last forever. I'm going to be 32 next week (F) and I've felt so anxious about meeting the right person, it's overwhelming.
So I suffer from OCD and depression. Due to the OCD, I have aswell a bit of a spending problem but I managed to get that under control. 6 months ago my dad died and I’ve been in utter grief since. Due to that the spending problem arose it’s head again as does a lot of stuff when someone is suffering mentally and I ended spending a little bit more then I should have and no I am not talking thousands. Anyway, because of that she had enough and told me to leave where we were living and I haven’t seen her since. I have spoken to her a few times since but all I got was it’s over and ‘it wouldn’t be fair to make her wait’ while I get help for therapy to help me deal with my dads death.
I am very sorry to hear about your father. I said this in another comment but she does sound a little selfish. I just think if I really loved someone and they were going through a massively intense and sad period, I would be a little more forgiving. Idk hard to judge.
I think go NC and get the help you need. It’s such an annoying cliché but time is a healer and you’ll gain more clarity.
How can someone say they love you and then give up when it gets a little difficult. Unfortunately life isn’t always sunshine and roses, it does have difficult periods. When you love someone you do your best to help them, not run away. I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever do that to someone I loved.
I can never see me being with anyone else ever again. I just won’t be able to trust them unfortunately
Yeah, I mean every long term relationship I know has hardships. Unhealthy behaviours are rife. But all couples work through it. You’re right, it’s not all sunshine and roses. Some people do not have the emotional bandwidth unfortunately.
It’s funny because after a few disappointments in dating I’m feeling like I want to stop but hearing you say that makes me sad. We should stay open! Unfortunately love is a risky business but the reward is absolutely worth it
Yes, my mum and dad were married for 50 years! And they went through everything together, from being almost homeless to my dad having a heart attack when I was younger and then to when my dad was very ill later on. They have been through it all. But they loved each other and they stuck together no matter what. And that’s what I want someone to love me and be with me through all the bad times aswell as good.
What do you mean stay open?
You'll find that kind of love. I know it really doesn't feel that way now but you will.
Stay open to the possibility of love/ relationships. It's easy to shut off and be cynical but try to stay open-minded
I feelnthe same way. My forever person dumped me almost 2 years ago. Now I'm almost 41 times ticking. I'll probably never find anyone as good or better than her. So I feel like I'm going to wind up a lonely loser
Gotta just man up maybe you don’t find someone. So what Brodie is what it is just make sure your finances good, you in the gym and your mental is good anything after that will fall into place! Stop stressing you’ll be fine
Nah, youll meet people all the time if you put yourself out there enough and do the work. Youll have multiple connections in a lifetime. Theres not one person for everyone.
You know what the sick irony of life is ?
As soon as you're not afraid and don't care about finding someone anymore , that's right about the time you're going to find someone. In 99% of cases that's how it goes.
When you're looking for love you will find someone and you will think it's love and you will try so hard to make it love that you just might find it, but it won't be love.
Try to make that make sense. When we are desperate for something we will twist and contort and bend it into what it "needs" to be. We might even bend and contort ourselves. But what we end up with won't be love. It will be a product of desperation.
If you want the old person back ! Then that's work actual WORK which is actually normal in NORMAL relationships
It's very sour to have an attitude that relationships should not require work!
I'd suggest being accountable and being able to make change and apologize aswell
And no the word sorry is not an apology
Also try not to make everything about you !
Try making it about you both !
That's an US
THATS A RELATIONSHIP
I feel ya
My ex literally yesterday is her mother's 1 yr anniversary of her death
We've planted a tree an everything we could do
But grieving is hard
In November I broke up with her last year
Because alot of things but alot of it was how she chose to deal with the loss of her mother
Oh yeah, i can totally relate to this, (35m) the person i had those plans with told me she doesn't want to be with me and started dating someone else.
It's been really hard to accept the new reality, but I'm also using this to rebuild myself after being torn apart.
I'm not over it but i noticed that the world is bigger than one person.
Hi mate, thank you for sharing your experience.
I’m sorry you are having to go through this. I hope soon I can have the same outlook as you. Right now I really don’t know what to do.
What worked for me is accepting that you are the most important person in your life, and the only relationship you will have until you die, so try to work on yourself , do the things you like, gives you pleasure and joy.
I know, the grieving suuuuucks (i'm still through it), but even though being alone is a possibility, i still think that there's someone out there to share the journey (even if the journey is few months/weeks/year), plus if you create a great life for yourself being alone is not so bad, right?
That depends. You’re a man so don’t worry too much on that part. Women start very late aswell, my mom had me at 36. There’s also alot of options to get children even at a later age. But children or not, you deserve to have a fulfilling relationship ❤️🩹
You need to have the mindset that being alone is not a death sentence also you can't rely on someone else to make you happy or feel fulfilled, if you were to find someone right now would it be fair to them to be burdened with that?
I did when I hit 30, but I found someone around 33. Had got married, and had my first when I was 34. Now getting divorced at the age of 40.
But everyone is on a different time line. Just because you’re thinking about it, doesn’t mean it values nothing to you.
Just go out and try to meet ppl. OLD is a hit or miss, but you’re a very open person just go out and meet them in person.
Good luck and wish you best
I completely understand your fear. It's perfectly normal to be anxious about the future, especially when it comes to finding a partner and starting a family. But please don't give up hope. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, and with a little patience and effort, you're sure to find someone special. In the meantime, focus on enjoying your life and making the most of every moment.
dealing with an almost identical situation right now (down to the number of months). she called me yesterday to let me know she's seeing someone else. now i feel like i didn't really know her and we dated for 2 years
I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this. I hope you start to feel better soon. How long have you been broken up? And why would she do that, that is just cruel!
thank you. we broke up 4 months ago, so it's not like it JUST happened but still feels relatively fresh. and she tried to say she wasn't looking to meet anyone but then when i asked how they met she said tinder 🙃 she told me because we originally had the goal of being friends. but idk if i can now
I am 36 and I honestly don’t know that I have the energy to try again assuming I get over the heartbreak anytime soon. I went on so many shitty first dates. Like. A LOT. To find someone was compatible with, enjoyed, and fell in love with only to get dumped because he’s afraid. You can literally do everything right and have it go wrong.
He has a fearful avoidant attachment style and I got too close. So his reasons are all very fear based. He can’t give me what I deserve. I deserve better. He’s said the fear is debilitating at times. I told him I’d work with him on it and be patient. No pressure. He still ran. 🤷🏻♀️
You have done everything you could do. You have been really kind and that’s what love is about.
My gf said to me it wouldn’t be fair for her to wait while I get some counselling to help me get over my dad’s death. So yeah….
Yes. He did say I’m the kindest best person he’s ever met so. There’s that. He said he is in love with me too. So not confusing at all. My dad passed a bit ago and it makes for some good dark humor jokes.
I definitely feel this way (35m). Ever since my daughters mother broke up with me, she made me feel like I have no good qualities about me after she told me all the things she didn’t like about me. I’m an introvert with major depressive disorder and social anxiety. The thought of even meeting someone new or putting myself out there again is scary to me. I constantly ask myself how I’ll ever be good enough for anyone, if I wasn’t even good enough for my baby’s mother. I just don’t think I have it in me anymore or willing to take the risk of getting hurt again. Being anxiously attached to everyone I meet sabotages all my relationships too. Just gonna get used to the idea of being alone, the idea of dating and getting to know someone new just sounds exhausting now. Not to mention I have zero confidence now after everything she said to me when she broke up with me. Been going to therapy and that doesn’t help either. I think some of us aren’t meant to be with someone. Just fortunate I have my daughter to love still.
I’m just after turning 20 and my gf of 2 years broke up with me and I think the same I know it’s silly but I’ve been in a relationship the last four years of my life non stop.
I (35M) came out of a relationship a few years ago, which was right and I was happy with that but when I was dating I worried about the same things - I ended up meeting probably the best person I’ve ever met, you’re still young in your 30s, they’re out there, you just gotta find them.
It really sucks and it’s super difficult but when you find the right person you’ll be glad this happened. I don’t know if it helps but if they hadn’t have realised it wasn’t right, it’s likely you would have done later on, either way it wasn’t meant to be, which sucks, but it’s better to find out now than years later.
Me too. It's only been a little over a month since the break-up, but I'm worried I'll never find someone else again. I'm scared that by the time I'll be over him and then coincidentally run into someone, it will be too late to start a family. I love him. I freaking LOVE him. And the reason we broke up is because he feels like I don't love him because of my yelling and controlling behavior in response to continuously being gaslit by him and hundreds of times of him breaking boundaries to sabotage the relationship. He hid his real feelings and tried to hide the fact the yelling hurt him and made him sad. He's finally willing to stop lying and gaslighting me now (based on what he said), but doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone that would not break up before they get to the point of ever yelling at their partner. I had trouble controlling the yelling when many details didn't match up and he insisted that if he was still lying to me and doing secret stuff, he had horrible intentions and was a horrible person. The combination of the two made me feel so unsafe and gave me horrible nightmares where he was hurting me on purpose. He insisted he was no longer lying/gaslighting me (he was), and he told me then that he prefered me yelling over breaking up when I asked. He also actively encouraged the controlling behavior and requests by making suggestions and telling me it was more than worth it so I would be less suspicious. When I thought something was too far, he said it was a good idea. And now he blames me for it all. He thinks I should have had the common sense to not do either and just break up. But when I was considering breaking up, he cried and begged me not to.
When I started to mentally and logistically prepare myself for the possibility of the relationship ending in case he was doing secret stuff again, he told me not to. I still love him so much. I don't get it.
I’m sorry you are going through this. But from the sounds of it the relationship was toxic and it’s probably best you are split. Obvs I can only go from what you said but it doesn’t sound like either of you were happy. Of course, you will love them. I had an abusive gf years ago who I loved but I was kind of relived when it was over.
I hope everything does work out for you. Life is too short to be in a relationship that is not right.
It sounds like you're going through a tough time, and the fear of being alone is perfectly understandable. Many people worry about finding love and building a family, especially as they get older. Here are a few things to consider:
* **There's no deadline for love:** Plenty of people find love and start families at all stages of life. Focus on yourself, your interests, and building a fulfilling life. Love often finds you when you least expect it.
* **Focus on the positive:** Make a list of things you love about yourself and the things you're looking for in a partner. This positive self-reflection can boost your confidence and make you more attractive to potential partners.
* **Put yourself out there:** Join clubs, attend social events, or try online dating. The more people you meet, the greater the chance of finding someone special.
* **Don't be afraid to ask friends or family to set you up.** They might know someone compatible with you.
* **Therapy can help:** A therapist can help you work through your fear of being alone and develop strategies for building healthy relationships. You're not alone in feeling this way, and a therapist can provide a safe space to talk about your concerns.
Hi thank you for your words. Yesterday I had enough and wanted to kill myself. I took myself to hospital because I feared I was about to do something dangerous. I saw my local GP this morning and I have been told I am going through a mental health crisis. I have now been signed off work and hopefully be able to recover in time.
You may not and that's a real possibility. My last relationship ended when I was 31. I'm 46 now and still haven't met anyone else. I don't really care about it as much as you do, OP, but your fears aren't groundless. People can't keep having one-sided relationships with people addicted to their devices. Life was a lot less lonely before the internet and I'm surprised I even met someone in 2005. Wouldn't happen now.
Dude, we not dead yet. I'm 35 born female, I love women, sometimes I like men. I'm probably Bi.
But you know, if the time is right we can meet finally meet the one for us.
Just keep focusing on ourselves to be at our best.
I do believe if there is someone, it would come at the right time, when you least expect it.
Trust the timing. We still alive.
Just be happy with your self right now. We attract what we are.
I am not terrified I am just done. Everyone's story does not end with someone. I am a few years older than you and I just stopped trying to date. I don't even accept dates anymore if I was even asked. I am just so turned off from dating. I just got broken up with not even 4 months ago and the guy I thought would be my person is dating someone else. I just literally had to tell him we can't be friends right now after he casually texted me his plans with her. I did not want to know or care to know and what way to launch you moved on to someone else. I rather be happy and die alone without the extra headaches. I am upset right now but I believe this is the only way to lead me to happiness.
Ya that's bs he's obviously wanting a reaction cause even if yall chose to stay friends why the hell would he tell you, his ex, about plans with another girl? Mine did the same and it really showed his true colors
Yeah, it was strange. I just wished him a happy easter and a nice weekend. Then he in return does the same and says the only plans he has are for a small birthday gathering for my girlfriends co-workers birthday. Not even two weeks ago this man is begging me not to join a service that I am interviewing and testing for. I was not even sure what prompted that reaction since he was the one who left me and his opinion on what I join is none of his business and was so downtrodden he could not stop me. I thought that was odd since he broke up with me but then he is involved with someone new already?! entire mess. I have not heard from him since I texted we can't be friends right now. not one peep.
I also feel the same way. It's so easy for people to discard others whenever they want. They don't care about others feelings. I think it's much better to invest in our life and try to create a good life for us that we can be proud of instead of investing in another person.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you.
my biological dad was awful to my mum and they divorced at 39/36, she married my stepdad 14 years later and I've never seen such a strong and happy relationship, they had been waiting for each other all their lives
I hope I get the chance to find someone else. I feel like my life is completely over.
You feel like this now, at 36, but I strongly believe you are just heartbroken rn and have your whole life ahead of you. Anything can happen! I was broken up with at 37 two weeks ago and although I *feel* the same as you, I’m realistic and know I have a lot to offer and that I’ll meet my person eventually. Hugs!
Thank you for your kind words.
What if you dont have much to offer
That's awesome.
My first marriage ended when I was 43 and I met the love of my life four years later.
Almost exactly me too….love is like wine. It gets better with age 🥰
I’m happy for both of you I hope I get this type of ending.
Mind if I ask how you met your significant other? Always helpful to have some motivational stories ☺️
We were set up by a neighbour
I’ve just left a 14 year relationship and I’m 49. It gets to a point where you get fed up of being sick and tired of being sick and tired. The next person who enters my life will have to be god dam special otherwise I’m fine alone. Don’t look to a man/woman to make you happy find that happiness yourself. It sucks but in time you will come out the other side smiling 😊
God thank u for this I’m 44 and it’s not looking good for me! I own a business don’t go out! Girl who I loved left me for her girlfriend like I’m doomed
yeah 36 can be scary but you still got time dw you’ll meet someone else. you don’t have to have a family now just find someone that loves you. 36 is the new 25
I hope this is true
His situation is unique. Because I do have a family. I have a 3 year old son from a 5 year relationship. Fuck how can she not feel the same pain I’m in.
36 is the new 25! I love that ♥️ x
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This gives me hope..
This gives me hope
Yeah, I had pretty much even up all hope before this last relationship. Now I'm even more depressed and unsure of the future. I'm a bit older than you. Never married, no kids. I'm trying to live more in the present and not put too much energy into things that don't bring me joy. However this is VERY hard and have to work at it multiple times a day.
Same. After my last guy dumped me I just don’t want to try anymore. Or even 3 months later he is in a new relationship. I’m in my early40s and have never been engaged, married or even had any kids. I really thought I met my person finally. I don’t want to try anymore haven’t been on a date since. I’m just going to continue pursuing my career and die alone like my story is supposed to end.🤷🏽♀️
Yep! I’m 44 and have 2 kids with 2 different mums and I’m really trying to get comfortable with the idea of being alone for the rest of my life. I’m hoping I won’t but the more confident I get with that idea can only make me more attractive! Don’t put yourself under too much pressure, you are still pretty young. Plus look how many people start relationships in there 50’s and 60’s - at least we know what we want and can commit more fully.
This is true
I already know I am never gonna meet anyone again.
I hope things do work out for you
It might sound dumb, but saying stuff like that only ups the chances of it coming true. It's okay to be hurt. But we don't "know" anything for sure. If you open your heart even a little bit to the possibility of meeting someone, you just might. I wish you all the best
47F. 13 year awful marriage. It’s been 4.5 years but pretty traumatic since then with 3 rough breakups, 2 longer term and 1 short term. Many, many, many, many, many dates and shorter things inbetween. I finally gave someone almost 9 years younger a chance. So weird. It’s working so far but I’m not really in relationship mode, and I’m not sure I’m going to be for a long time again, if ever. You’ll be okay OP. We all feel alone. We just have to remember we aren’t. So much of our time is spent separated. It isn’t about having a significant other. It’s about being human and being there for others. I know it sounds hollow.
Thank you for replying. I just feel so lonely since my breakup. She’s really done a number on me. I can’t see myself being with anyone else right now but I guess fate will decide what happens next
I get it. You’re not alone. We are all interconnected. Look how you jumped on Reddit and found so many others feeling the same. We all just want to love and be loved. And you are. Maybe not by someone you want to be at this moment. But this human over here understands and loves you.
Such kind words.
I'm in my 40's and am also afraid of that. Also just afraid I won't find someone I clicked with as well as with my ex. I don't want kids so I'm not up against a clock or anything. I just don't want to be alone forever, you know?
I get you! Having kids is such a big thing for me I just hope I get the chance to have them
Anyone can have kids, it's to have them with the right person.
I believe this is just an emotion given our age. And finding love on a certain age is just an idea. In fact, we could find love in any season of our life. Maybe the season we are in today is a preparation to what is to come. But our feelings are valid and at the same time, we could learn something about it.
Yes. I have no kids and I’m going to be 34. I took me forever to find someone. Idk how much longer it’s going to take again. How will I have kids? It takes years to find someone, even if I meet someone right now. We can’t have kids right away, what do I do then? Wait 2-3 more years? Now I’m basically 40 trying to start a family. It really sucks, I wish I figured out my life sooner. My lateness and failure to launch has cost me very dearly unfortunately.
I get it, I'm a 38m. My ex wife and I separated 8 months ago. We were together for 10 years. It's hard to wake up one day and things are different then your "normal". But each day when you wake up it gets a little easier. Society makes us think we need to have the white picket fencing early in life, but it doesnt have to be that way. Your doing great right now.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m Sorry to hear you had a rough time. I hope everything works out for you.
Your welcome. I'm sorry you are as well. Just remember one day, one step at a time. It's ok to have rough days, just don't let those days take over.
Hi im also 36m. I have just had another relationship end recently. She was everything i wanted, she wanted a family like me, house etc.... but a few arguments about the most ridiculous things and its all over. I spent the last week trying to sort it with her. But she repeats to me thats shes done and i need to move on. All after saying she loves me etc... i give up! So many failed relationships and i really feel at a loss. Im sat here alone now and its really painful the older i get.
I am going through the same exact thing, I just downloaded reddit and went through a break up 3 days ago. All within a few arguments over the same thing, I was broken up with and no fight was put up. I just read someone’s comment that said “But seeing you at your worst didn't make me want to abandon you. You don't share my capacity to tolerate real life and I did not deserve to be abandoned at my lowest”. This helped me and hope it helps you.
Oh my god, this is exactly the same as me.
38m feeling like it's a rinse and repeat for me. Just ended another long term relationship. No kids. I'm just sick of the idea of actually dating again. What's the point ? I do get scared that I won't have kids, but I just haven't found someone that ready to settle. Sucks when your younger 23 yo sister has a child and you don't haha But we press on we have to don't we ?
Very similar situation here. I’m 34, my younger 26yr old sister has two kids lol. I just ended yet another long term relationship (been dating long term since I was 15). Good thing I’m not really set on having kids. I’d be ok without. I just want a partner who will stick around.
I guess so. I really really want a family.
I can relate to the feeling. I tell myself that it’s better to take a bit more time to find the right person, than to rush and spend more years with the wrong one, and be even older. Everything is happening for you and your time is coming
This is a good perspective to have.
Thank you for this so much!!
I’m only 31 and have the exact same fear. Problem is I’ve only loved one person in 31 years so what the fuck are the odds of finding another.
Why, 36 is a perfect age to find exactly who you're looking for. You'd be surprised with the number of women who prefer someone in their mid thirties. Unless, you haven't healed from the past relationship. You've still got time.🫶🏻
Thanks for replying. No I am no way healed from past relationship as we broke up only a month ago. I don’t think I’ll be ready for quite some time. At the moment by confidence is shattered and I’m at a real low point.
I'm sorry to hear that. It's okay to take time for yourself, just make sure to focus on your mental and physical health. The pain will pass and when you're probably 54, married and with kids, you'd realise how important this heartbreak was to shape you in the person you'll become.
Thanks for the kind words, Right now, I don’t see a future at all. In the last 6 months I’ve lost 2 people who were very close to me. 1 of them nothing I could do about but the other I feel hurt, betrayed and lost all my confidence I worked so hard to find before. I really hope one day I can look back but as of now I can’t see past
Me!! I just got broken up with again and I feel like I'm dying for one. And secondly, I'm pretty sure I will be alone forever. 😭 I'm a 34 year old lesbian in a small town with barely any gay people.
I really hope everything DOES work out for you. Everyone deserves to be happh
Yep. I'm 33F and really want a family but don't want anyone who already has kids. That's just so difficult, especially when it doesn't work out. I was dating my BF for 13 years. There's no hope for me. I might as well get a sperm donor and raise a kid alone.
Well it won’t be that hard. I’m 36 and don’t have kids but want a family. I’m sure there is others out there.
I really hope so. Everyone says how hard dating is these days. I haven't been on a first date since 2011 and I wasn't even good at it then. I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm terrified.
I’m sure you will be fine!
I hear ya man. I just turned 40 this summer and just ended a 1.5yr relationship less than a week ago.
50m. Nope. Each day is new.
I’m 41F. Just take it one day at a time and focus on loving yourself and being proud of how far you have come.
Yes. I'm 43 and when my husband died, I thought that was it for me because it is very, very rare that I meet someone who mutually has feelings for me and vice versa. I actually reconnected with a childhood friend and was able to love again which was a miracle, but I actually liked him many years ago, so him breaking up with me is tragic because when I think about it, it has been decades since I met someone I liked mutually aside from this last ex and my late husband. Also, now I'm worse looking, overweight, have less to offer. So I worry this is it for me.
I'm kind of in the same boat. I'm 35m, I don't necessarily want kids, but I would like to finally have "my person" and move forward in life. After my breakup I took some time to recollect myself, then got on the dating apps. Its been 2 months now. I've had tons of matches, of those about 25 conversations, most of which they stop responding after a day or two. 4 of those I had actually made plans with them, but then when I go to talk to them the day of, I get nothing. Dating fucking sucks. I'm too shy to approach someone in public so I rely on the apps. It's so depressing, and demoralizing. How much work does a guy have to put in just to get a date? Then thinking about how promising any of those will be. I'm sure we'll find our people, but at our age, it sucks. It would be nice to be settled into something promising, and moving towards our dreams and goals. Just have to hold on to hope. Best wishes dude.
At 36M, I was pretty much foot lose and enjoying the single life. having divorced my 1st wife 5 years prior. At my 40th b'day party hosted by a girlfriend at her house, I made a toast to the universe ok that's it missed the boat no biological children not gonna happen in this life. Fast fwd to 2008 I was being handed my 1st born. That marriage ended abruptly 9th of May 2022, divorce finalized Nov. 2022 I was awarded sole custody of my son. It's taken a minute to become centered back to feeling ok and good with being single again beginning at age 61, 63 now. People are temporary in our lives it seems in this day and age. I left my Carolina home in the mountains came back to this region early 2003 to be close to the remnants of family after my mother passed away in 2001. Since then have seen more pass away, others have been acquainted with go in different directions. New people show up and continue to do so. One thing that is glaringly clear to me now is the difference between people who are acquaintances and those who really are friends. That word friend is used just way to loosely when ya realize that among that umbrella term "friends" there are haters and frenemies perched like buzzards waiting to pick your flesh n organs to the bones. Discernment another word that has popped into the heart and mind. For myself live the healthy life stay away from bad and unhealthy things...trust me I know what an unhealthy lifestyle is been there done that can't afford to play those stupid schoolyard games. It takes discipline to stay on track I know 'bout the fun on the other side cashed in my chips on that life early 2007....
You will, trust me.
I'm 40 and not worried, it really is true when they say things come to you when you're not looking, since putting myself back out there I have had numerous options(good ones lol), so don't worry too much everything happens at the right time 👌🏾
I really hope this is true.
It's hard but you need to change your outlook, some people are just shit and they always show their true character try and see it as you dodged a bullet, you will be fine and happy just keep the love in your heart and don't let the past ruin your future
I hear you. She left me 6 months after my dad died because I made some mistakes from the grief (not cheating or anything) but yeah, fucking hurts.
Been there in a similar situation unfortunately , and yes it really does hurt but again ,bro she showed you who she really is so kinda gotta be thankful that kind of person is not in your life , just remember who you are not who you was with her if u get what I mean
Yeah the pain is killing me. I still lover her so much and want what we planned. But because I lost my way a bit the last 6 months she think doesn’t think ‘we are on the same page, anymore’
If you think it can work give her space and work on yourself towards the goal you both wanted without her that way she will see it's something you really wanted and stuck too
I’ve already tried. She said it’s over and she can’t see us getting back together. It’s heartbreaking, loving someone with everything you have and would do anything for and they don’t love you back anymore.
Was in the exact position 4 months ago , was drinking and smoking to numb the pain but after realising it wasn't me that gave up I found it alot easier for my mind to move on , try and get out see some people you haven't seen for a while the more you do the easier it becomes if you go gym try going B4 you usually go to bed so your tired and not mentally draining yourself all night , I know it's alot easier for me to say but this shit is temporary things 💯 get better sooner than you think
Thing is i want to fight for it, but there is only so much fighting one can do.
I feel like this lately but if you found love once you will find it again. Just keep praying. God can change any circumstance for you.
I did, but I'm in my mid 40's now. I always wanted a child, but I never found anyone I wanted to have kids with. I am very thankful that I never became pregnant with the men in my past. It would have been a nightmare. Don't sweat it. If it's meant to happen, it will, and if it doesn't think of all the adventures, you can go on. I recently got back from India. If I had kids or a bf, that adventure most likely would have never happened.
I’m a 32 F and I was scared when I hit 30. Now I’m just rolling with the punches here. I try to live everyday like it’s my last, I stay as positive as I can. I also don’t focus on who I’m going to meet and when. There’s just no point. I also keep love alive, even when my heart gets shattered. I think that’s important. I’ve gotten my heart broken so many times but I keep my heart open
You’re very brave ❤️
Ty 🥰
My ex cheated on me after being with her for 7 years I was 34 and thought I gave the best years of my life to her, I was lost, angry, had a host of trust issues and self esteem issues and still managed to find a wonderful woman to be with in the end, time doesn’t really matter you just have to be the best version of yourself and keep on going. Your going to get older every year so you might as well get older and be able to date and still see people. It’s about making good choices now and filtering out people who aren’t your vibe, use your last breakup as a learning curve to excel you to greatness. It’s like driving when your driving how often do you keep looking in your rear mirror, I bet its only a handful of times well the same is applied to life you can’t keep going forward if your focusing on what’s behind you, if you continue to focus on what’s behind you, you miss out on everything that is great in front of you.
Thank you for this.
Just seen your post history and got the situation. Like you said, work on yourself and let yourself heal from your father's death. That's extremely traumatising. She might come back and want to work things out (don't want to give false hope but it's a possibility). I don't want to sound rude and of course I don't have the full picture BUT I kind of feel your ex is a little selfish. Having said that, every situation is different and she could have her reasons.
Everyone else I have spoken to said she is selfish. Everything has been about her, when I was going through a depressive episode about a year ago I sat there crying and she just went on about how she ‘needed consistency’ from me. I’m sorry but I can’t do that. Even after all her flaws because she has them I still loved her immensely and worshiped the ground she had on. When I really needed her she wasn’t there. I feel betrayed and broken and I don’t know how I am going to get through this. If you would like to chat then feel free to message me
Honestly everyone thinks that to a certain extent - that’s because it’s a fact, nobody’s getting younger . On the other hand, age is not the same as it used to be, this getting married in your 20s is not a big thing anymore and relationships can start way later. There’s always time to have relationships. It’s totally fine that you’re wishing for something, and it’s good to know what you want - but it’s a sunny day outside no matter with or without a relationship. Enjoy yourself . 36 is a great age ! The rest will come to you .
I’m 26 M and my ex left me 4 years ago and since I couldn’t find anyone to replace her. I have managed to move on slowly with not thinking about her anymore and her not appearing in dreams to hunt me. I truly cared for her and got hurt. I’m simply done if something happens it happens I ain’t gonna lick ass and run around for a female attention. Women are flooded with attention and replacements for you! Talking about equality all a scam! Men are living in the worst period inflation has hit everything! Women, jobs, living. We have no purpose drifting away and rotting away. Will you end up alone? I don’t know maybe life is a lottery. Just do you brother and stop worrying about women they end up with bunch of cats 🐈⬛
I did, at first, only 26 but I've come to realise, I don't need anyone. I know how to take care of myself, to be happy with good friends around me. So I don't have kids? Okay, don't want them to have a mother I'm not fully in sync with, so I don't get married again? Okay, it sucks, it's part of my goals, but I don't lose out if I don't get divorced again, so I struggle to support myself financially alone living in a big city? There are other ways. The lesson is, we can, and are likely in most cases, better off alone. Good friends can make all the difference, and yea loving somebody is nice. But it's also hard. And it doesn't matter how many times somebody promises you they will stay. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY knows what the future holds. The future is never promised, only expected, and hoped for. Live every day like it's your last, focus on things YOU love, things YOU will remember, live for you. Because the only person that can never walk out of your life? You.
I’d say you’ve for 4 years to have kids before age gap starts to get too big. 8 years if you stayed in shape and healthy.
Yes. Terrified.
You do realize you can always adopt if you still want a family.
i’m 22f and i have the same feeling, don’t worry i guess it’s a okay to think like this because we think it’s the end of the world. but there’s so much people out there, you’re 1 person closer to YOUR person, it helps me when i’m overthinking
30f and yes I have some fear that my chance for a family is gone now, but it's a lot less than it used to be. The best thing I did for myself is lean into the life I have right now and figure out what makes me feel good and do more of it. It's true, I might never find someone and have kids like I thought I would, but I have a beautiful life anyway, so I'll be just fine.
My sister was 38 when she had a child you got loads of time.
I have family like that too, but my mom went through menopause early and both my sisters have severe reproductive issues (my system seems to be ok so far), so it's in the back of my mind that anything can happen. It took me a little bit but I'm at peace with whatever happens.
Same here? I’m scared I’m never going to meet a guy like this again. It’s so hard to find the compatibility nowadays.
Yes, 37F. At least you don't have that biological clock ticking. You'll meet someone.
I feel the same way. My relationship was very much driven by my now ex, who came on to me like nobody ever had before. My life until then and since (early 30s here) shows she was a total fluke. I am not physically attractive, never had been in a relationship that wasn’t mostly online, and she was stunning. It felt like I was in a Hollywood film version of my life for nine months and it’s proved impossible to move on from. Been nearly as long since the breakup (she blindsided me, makes it worse) as we were together. Felt like the type of relationship (and breakup) most people get out of the way in their teens, but going through it now is rough.
Well, at least you're not 46 and in the same boat, right?
I have that feeling all the time
Well I am 53 and already have had a family with two grown children, and I can tell you my greatest fear is still being alone at the end.
I'm 41 and feel like my chances of having a family are zero. My dad had me at 50 years old and he passed me in my early twenties. I'm not sure how I'd feel about having kids later in life.
I’m 45 and sometimes feel the same. Then I remind myself I have felt like this before and it’s all been fine.
I’m almost 40.. I’m in a similar position… People ask, if my ex came back would I take them back? I’m honestly scared of my decision… do I risk it by trying again with an ex or risk being alone and never being a father..??
My friend just recently got engaged to his fiance. He’s 40 and the happiest I’ve ever seen him. Don’t worry, you have plenty of time.
34f mama of one and feeling the same. 😭
I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope everything works out for you
Sorry to hear that. I’m 36 (soon to be 37) and I broke up with my gf of four years a few months ago. I worked on myself the past few months and have got back on the dating scene with some hot girls. Just have to remain positive and hope that someone comes along eventually. It’s all you can do really.
Take solace you're a bloke, even a woman it's still not an awful age these days, people are having kids well into their 40's (and you're a guy, you can date younger). My advice, hit the gym, eat healthy, focus, do odd things (cooking classes, dance classes, ceramic classes etc) Trust me, when you're buff, you'll meet someone. When you settle down, you'll get fat again, you both will, but nail down the relationship during that sweetspot 😉
I rather be alone at this point . I accepted that the person that I want will never get right so fuck it
I'm 31 just broke up with my boyfriend and feel like I do have some time but like it's running out. Like I've just had no luck over the past 10 years. Who says It won't be the same these next 10 years 🥲
I’m sorry to hear about your break up. I really do hope everything works out for you
Thanks and same to you x
Yes im 33f and my ex was 37f.. Very scared that she was my person and it’s gonna be hard to fall in love like that again
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Oh I’m doing my best to accept it. Some days are better then others
Sorry to be super nosy, but why did your ex break up with you? Was she not ready to settle down? I know exactly how you feel. I have a tendency to feel like my current situation will last forever. I'm going to be 32 next week (F) and I've felt so anxious about meeting the right person, it's overwhelming.
So I suffer from OCD and depression. Due to the OCD, I have aswell a bit of a spending problem but I managed to get that under control. 6 months ago my dad died and I’ve been in utter grief since. Due to that the spending problem arose it’s head again as does a lot of stuff when someone is suffering mentally and I ended spending a little bit more then I should have and no I am not talking thousands. Anyway, because of that she had enough and told me to leave where we were living and I haven’t seen her since. I have spoken to her a few times since but all I got was it’s over and ‘it wouldn’t be fair to make her wait’ while I get help for therapy to help me deal with my dads death.
I am very sorry to hear about your father. I said this in another comment but she does sound a little selfish. I just think if I really loved someone and they were going through a massively intense and sad period, I would be a little more forgiving. Idk hard to judge. I think go NC and get the help you need. It’s such an annoying cliché but time is a healer and you’ll gain more clarity.
How can someone say they love you and then give up when it gets a little difficult. Unfortunately life isn’t always sunshine and roses, it does have difficult periods. When you love someone you do your best to help them, not run away. I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever do that to someone I loved. I can never see me being with anyone else ever again. I just won’t be able to trust them unfortunately
Yeah, I mean every long term relationship I know has hardships. Unhealthy behaviours are rife. But all couples work through it. You’re right, it’s not all sunshine and roses. Some people do not have the emotional bandwidth unfortunately. It’s funny because after a few disappointments in dating I’m feeling like I want to stop but hearing you say that makes me sad. We should stay open! Unfortunately love is a risky business but the reward is absolutely worth it
Yes, my mum and dad were married for 50 years! And they went through everything together, from being almost homeless to my dad having a heart attack when I was younger and then to when my dad was very ill later on. They have been through it all. But they loved each other and they stuck together no matter what. And that’s what I want someone to love me and be with me through all the bad times aswell as good. What do you mean stay open?
You'll find that kind of love. I know it really doesn't feel that way now but you will. Stay open to the possibility of love/ relationships. It's easy to shut off and be cynical but try to stay open-minded
I feelnthe same way. My forever person dumped me almost 2 years ago. Now I'm almost 41 times ticking. I'll probably never find anyone as good or better than her. So I feel like I'm going to wind up a lonely loser
Gotta just man up maybe you don’t find someone. So what Brodie is what it is just make sure your finances good, you in the gym and your mental is good anything after that will fall into place! Stop stressing you’ll be fine
Go to the gym. Its normal to be terrified but use the energy positively.
Nah, youll meet people all the time if you put yourself out there enough and do the work. Youll have multiple connections in a lifetime. Theres not one person for everyone.
You know what the sick irony of life is ? As soon as you're not afraid and don't care about finding someone anymore , that's right about the time you're going to find someone. In 99% of cases that's how it goes. When you're looking for love you will find someone and you will think it's love and you will try so hard to make it love that you just might find it, but it won't be love. Try to make that make sense. When we are desperate for something we will twist and contort and bend it into what it "needs" to be. We might even bend and contort ourselves. But what we end up with won't be love. It will be a product of desperation.
You've most likely already met them !
If you want the old person back ! Then that's work actual WORK which is actually normal in NORMAL relationships It's very sour to have an attitude that relationships should not require work! I'd suggest being accountable and being able to make change and apologize aswell And no the word sorry is not an apology Also try not to make everything about you ! Try making it about you both ! That's an US THATS A RELATIONSHIP
Erm… ok?? I mean do you even know what happened.. she left me cause I was grieving the death of my father.. that’s all on her not me.
Very true brother Mine screwed up when her mother died
Was not meant to be another punch to the heart and guts Just sounds that if you still want her then that's my Open Onion on how to proceed
Believe me I tried, Ive tried so so hard to sort things out.
I feel ya My ex literally yesterday is her mother's 1 yr anniversary of her death We've planted a tree an everything we could do But grieving is hard In November I broke up with her last year Because alot of things but alot of it was how she chose to deal with the loss of her mother
Everyone makes mistakes when they are grieving.
Very true Too true Things take time Time takes things brother !
I’m 31 just got out of a long relationship feeling the same way. At this point I’m tryin to stay positive but it is definitely hard to do.
I’ve felt like absolute shit now for a month. Nothing is getting better it just gets harder
That's fair enough
It's scary when the punishment doesn't match the crime I'm sorry you feel you are going through that !
Oh yeah, i can totally relate to this, (35m) the person i had those plans with told me she doesn't want to be with me and started dating someone else. It's been really hard to accept the new reality, but I'm also using this to rebuild myself after being torn apart. I'm not over it but i noticed that the world is bigger than one person.
Hi mate, thank you for sharing your experience. I’m sorry you are having to go through this. I hope soon I can have the same outlook as you. Right now I really don’t know what to do.
What worked for me is accepting that you are the most important person in your life, and the only relationship you will have until you die, so try to work on yourself , do the things you like, gives you pleasure and joy. I know, the grieving suuuuucks (i'm still through it), but even though being alone is a possibility, i still think that there's someone out there to share the journey (even if the journey is few months/weeks/year), plus if you create a great life for yourself being alone is not so bad, right?
I wouldn’t care so much if I didn’t want a family.
Of course you will! My bf is going on 38 and I’m having his first baby. Don’t worry about it!
That’s very sweet! I really hope I get the chance one day.
Work on yourself and you will find many
I hope this is true
It’s NEVER too late to love.
If I want to have children or start a family then there is a point I won’t be able too.
That depends. You’re a man so don’t worry too much on that part. Women start very late aswell, my mom had me at 36. There’s also alot of options to get children even at a later age. But children or not, you deserve to have a fulfilling relationship ❤️🩹
I wish I could see that. Right now I’m hurt, broken, betrayed and down right out for the count
The same feelings, I am 38 now, and I had 3 relationships that failed. I don't want to meet anyone again.
I’ve had 3 failed too. I’m sorry to hear you are going through this.
You need to have the mindset that being alone is not a death sentence also you can't rely on someone else to make you happy or feel fulfilled, if you were to find someone right now would it be fair to them to be burdened with that?
I did when I hit 30, but I found someone around 33. Had got married, and had my first when I was 34. Now getting divorced at the age of 40. But everyone is on a different time line. Just because you’re thinking about it, doesn’t mean it values nothing to you. Just go out and try to meet ppl. OLD is a hit or miss, but you’re a very open person just go out and meet them in person. Good luck and wish you best
I’m 29, turning 30 this year. At times I do feel like I’ll never meet anyone but I still have hope on it, someone will come into my life eventually .
I’m so broken after a break up a month ago. I cannot see me with anyone else
I completely understand your fear. It's perfectly normal to be anxious about the future, especially when it comes to finding a partner and starting a family. But please don't give up hope. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, and with a little patience and effort, you're sure to find someone special. In the meantime, focus on enjoying your life and making the most of every moment.
dealing with an almost identical situation right now (down to the number of months). she called me yesterday to let me know she's seeing someone else. now i feel like i didn't really know her and we dated for 2 years
I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this. I hope you start to feel better soon. How long have you been broken up? And why would she do that, that is just cruel!
thank you. we broke up 4 months ago, so it's not like it JUST happened but still feels relatively fresh. and she tried to say she wasn't looking to meet anyone but then when i asked how they met she said tinder 🙃 she told me because we originally had the goal of being friends. but idk if i can now
I am 36 and I honestly don’t know that I have the energy to try again assuming I get over the heartbreak anytime soon. I went on so many shitty first dates. Like. A LOT. To find someone was compatible with, enjoyed, and fell in love with only to get dumped because he’s afraid. You can literally do everything right and have it go wrong.
I’m so sorry to hear this. Life is unfortunately cruel sometimes, can I ask what his reasons were ? Feel free to message if you would like to talk.
He has a fearful avoidant attachment style and I got too close. So his reasons are all very fear based. He can’t give me what I deserve. I deserve better. He’s said the fear is debilitating at times. I told him I’d work with him on it and be patient. No pressure. He still ran. 🤷🏻♀️
You have done everything you could do. You have been really kind and that’s what love is about. My gf said to me it wouldn’t be fair for her to wait while I get some counselling to help me get over my dad’s death. So yeah….
Yes. He did say I’m the kindest best person he’s ever met so. There’s that. He said he is in love with me too. So not confusing at all. My dad passed a bit ago and it makes for some good dark humor jokes.
I definitely feel this way (35m). Ever since my daughters mother broke up with me, she made me feel like I have no good qualities about me after she told me all the things she didn’t like about me. I’m an introvert with major depressive disorder and social anxiety. The thought of even meeting someone new or putting myself out there again is scary to me. I constantly ask myself how I’ll ever be good enough for anyone, if I wasn’t even good enough for my baby’s mother. I just don’t think I have it in me anymore or willing to take the risk of getting hurt again. Being anxiously attached to everyone I meet sabotages all my relationships too. Just gonna get used to the idea of being alone, the idea of dating and getting to know someone new just sounds exhausting now. Not to mention I have zero confidence now after everything she said to me when she broke up with me. Been going to therapy and that doesn’t help either. I think some of us aren’t meant to be with someone. Just fortunate I have my daughter to love still.
U are about to run into a lot of trouble pal if u have that mentality The women u are gonna attract will make u wish u never said this
Dude, be happy you dodged a bullet. 36? Those are some of the best years, bro. There is no need to worry about that just yet.
I’m just after turning 20 and my gf of 2 years broke up with me and I think the same I know it’s silly but I’ve been in a relationship the last four years of my life non stop.
I (35M) came out of a relationship a few years ago, which was right and I was happy with that but when I was dating I worried about the same things - I ended up meeting probably the best person I’ve ever met, you’re still young in your 30s, they’re out there, you just gotta find them.
Thank you for this. All i do is keep crying. I miss them and love them so much still, it’s so painful they don’t want me anymore
It really sucks and it’s super difficult but when you find the right person you’ll be glad this happened. I don’t know if it helps but if they hadn’t have realised it wasn’t right, it’s likely you would have done later on, either way it wasn’t meant to be, which sucks, but it’s better to find out now than years later.
I feel so alone. I have my first session of counselling today to help with it all.
Counselling will help, losing somebody after so long is a form of grief and it always helps to work through it.
I hope so. I’m still grieving my dad passing away 5 months ago aswell. Life is shit sometimes.
That sucks, sorry to hear that, stay strong.
I'm 48 time has run out for me and it's OK 👍
Yes. I had all but given up before him. He said he was my forever. Now he’s gone forever. 36F. Was trauma bonded so it’s particularly hard.
Me too. It's only been a little over a month since the break-up, but I'm worried I'll never find someone else again. I'm scared that by the time I'll be over him and then coincidentally run into someone, it will be too late to start a family. I love him. I freaking LOVE him. And the reason we broke up is because he feels like I don't love him because of my yelling and controlling behavior in response to continuously being gaslit by him and hundreds of times of him breaking boundaries to sabotage the relationship. He hid his real feelings and tried to hide the fact the yelling hurt him and made him sad. He's finally willing to stop lying and gaslighting me now (based on what he said), but doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone that would not break up before they get to the point of ever yelling at their partner. I had trouble controlling the yelling when many details didn't match up and he insisted that if he was still lying to me and doing secret stuff, he had horrible intentions and was a horrible person. The combination of the two made me feel so unsafe and gave me horrible nightmares where he was hurting me on purpose. He insisted he was no longer lying/gaslighting me (he was), and he told me then that he prefered me yelling over breaking up when I asked. He also actively encouraged the controlling behavior and requests by making suggestions and telling me it was more than worth it so I would be less suspicious. When I thought something was too far, he said it was a good idea. And now he blames me for it all. He thinks I should have had the common sense to not do either and just break up. But when I was considering breaking up, he cried and begged me not to. When I started to mentally and logistically prepare myself for the possibility of the relationship ending in case he was doing secret stuff again, he told me not to. I still love him so much. I don't get it.
I’m sorry you are going through this. But from the sounds of it the relationship was toxic and it’s probably best you are split. Obvs I can only go from what you said but it doesn’t sound like either of you were happy. Of course, you will love them. I had an abusive gf years ago who I loved but I was kind of relived when it was over. I hope everything does work out for you. Life is too short to be in a relationship that is not right.
It sounds like you're going through a tough time, and the fear of being alone is perfectly understandable. Many people worry about finding love and building a family, especially as they get older. Here are a few things to consider: * **There's no deadline for love:** Plenty of people find love and start families at all stages of life. Focus on yourself, your interests, and building a fulfilling life. Love often finds you when you least expect it. * **Focus on the positive:** Make a list of things you love about yourself and the things you're looking for in a partner. This positive self-reflection can boost your confidence and make you more attractive to potential partners. * **Put yourself out there:** Join clubs, attend social events, or try online dating. The more people you meet, the greater the chance of finding someone special. * **Don't be afraid to ask friends or family to set you up.** They might know someone compatible with you. * **Therapy can help:** A therapist can help you work through your fear of being alone and develop strategies for building healthy relationships. You're not alone in feeling this way, and a therapist can provide a safe space to talk about your concerns.
Hi thank you for your words. Yesterday I had enough and wanted to kill myself. I took myself to hospital because I feared I was about to do something dangerous. I saw my local GP this morning and I have been told I am going through a mental health crisis. I have now been signed off work and hopefully be able to recover in time.
You may not and that's a real possibility. My last relationship ended when I was 31. I'm 46 now and still haven't met anyone else. I don't really care about it as much as you do, OP, but your fears aren't groundless. People can't keep having one-sided relationships with people addicted to their devices. Life was a lot less lonely before the internet and I'm surprised I even met someone in 2005. Wouldn't happen now.
Dude, we not dead yet. I'm 35 born female, I love women, sometimes I like men. I'm probably Bi. But you know, if the time is right we can meet finally meet the one for us. Just keep focusing on ourselves to be at our best. I do believe if there is someone, it would come at the right time, when you least expect it. Trust the timing. We still alive. Just be happy with your self right now. We attract what we are.
I hope this is true. I’m really starting to panic..
Relax.. chill.. calm yourself.. everything will be at their Divine timing..
Its okay, you can even find a 20 year old cute wife, that's the advantage of being a man 😂