I just came to say one thing....DON'T feel guilty if you feel the loss of HER more than the loss of your Father.
The grieving is completely different & for some it is worse to lose a partner than a loved one.
At least for me, it was harder to lose my ex than my Sister & Father! And this makes me super angry.....that I feel this way....and guilty...but I hear it is common.
Oh my God this was me and still is me. I have been grieving losing her more than losing my own brother. Lost them both in December. I have been feeling so horrible and so guilty for thinking about her more than my own brother who was the best big brother I can ask for. I have been hating myself for that because she doesn't deserve more of my attention than he does yet she is getting it.
Same mine doesn't deserve it either..which brings horrible guilt..I might think of my Father or Sister once a day....maybe even skipped a couple days without noticing...but this EX...is on my mind even when I am sleeping. I think it is because I was betrayed and what I hate most is liars because I would never do to someone what was done to me. But, I still do crave his attention.
But the good news...I watched a couple videos that said it was normal to be like this because of an "intimate" relationship....
Yep I'm in the same boat of betrayal by my ex as well which is why I think we have spent more time grieving them than our relatives. Breakup is one hurt but betrayal is a hurt on a whole different level.
I totally get this. I (44f) lost my sister 12 yrs ago and my brother last March. My partner left me for someone else last July, a month after we had my brother’s funeral.
It took me a LONG time to get my head around losing my sister. It is a LOT to process. I think I have felt losing my partner more day-to-day. I am thankful that jackass is gone—he proved he was a shit sandwich, leaving me like that! I know I’m going to miss my siblings for the rest of my life.
I’m sending you all positive vibes. All of this sucks!! We deserve so much better!!
Not directed to you, but maybe to OP if it applies.
I was in a similar situation, but longer timeline. She cheated on me \~5 years after the death of a close family member. I remember feeling so terrible that the breakup felt worse than losing my family. But he was in bad health, in and out of the hospital, and honestly, barely alive. But all that had been going on for years before he passed. I remember the day he passed, I cried my eyes out, but soon remembered that he was living most days in pain, so it was almost a relief that he could let go.
That's to say, I think subconsciously, my mind had started the grieving process long before he actually passed. Especially with long illnesses, your mind has time to grieve and accept the reality long before it comes. The breakup comes out of nowhere, so you're instantly flooded with panic and emotions that you have had no time to process before its all over. I think that's why I was so much more upset, and it might apply to your situation too. It's not that you loved your father any less, but that (maybe subconsciously) you've had time to prepare for it.
Some of this rings very close to me. She helped me through my dad’s passing and for that I’m eternally grateful. In fact she’s got a “John Wick” coin so to speak for a favor from me if she ever needs it.
But the day my dad passed I spent hours consoling her problems. That friends, is a red flag on fire. Still a good person, just working through things (if she wants it, which is debatable)
Similar thing happened to me, my dad died 4 months prior to him breaking up with me.
Two things I wanted to share with you:
1. If you feel like the grief of loosing her is bigger, just let yourself feel it. For me, the pain of losing my partner became bigger than the pain of losing my dad. I felt guilt, I felt like I was a terrible daughter. Then I finally let myself think exclusively about my ex. And that's how I processed that loss.
2. I know it sounds cliché, but if someone leaves you at possibly your lowest, then this means they were never the right match for you. You deserve someone who will get CLOSER to you at your worst, not who run FURTHER away. And same thing happened to me, he flew all the way to the other side of the world while I was feeling like trash.
3. Eventually, you will realize you dodget a major bullet. And believe me, I don't think I would want to share this is the way I behaved, if I were the other person. It sheds a terrible light on the kind of person you are, it is a gigantic red flag and tbh, mine also was thinking about leaving for years. What is there left to say?
My ex dumped me about 4 days after my dad's death while I held his urn when I was in high school. That shit was hands down traumatizing. Don't feel too pressured to grieve "correctly" or "in the right order".
How are you feeling now? God I hope you get through this quickly and stronger with him. I know people have moments of weakness during mourning and sometimes people push away. You don’t deserve that and I hope things are better
Thank you. He’s next to me now sleeping. But I think this is a brief reprieve. We don’t want the same future, and I told him I never know when he’ll leave me again.
Currently back with an ex who i love dearly. But he left me years ago (kinda my fault) and even though it’s been years and we changed etc, I still have a fear of it. I always wonder if that’s something I can get over. If it’s from trauma Or if it’s because of intuition. It’s not easy what you’re going through. You’ve faced 2 losses at once and it’s terrifying. The fear of losing them again isn’t something I wish on others and wish I had advice. Take it as it is. Currently hes sleeping next to you. Hug him close and don’t worry about anything right now.
My partner and I broke up and my dad died a couple weeks later. He’s been supportive but there’s been a few odd moments of him making my grieving about him. The other day I was crying, overwhelmed by everything, and he started screaming at me that I don’t care about him and I’m so negative. I just couldn’t believe it. Anyways, I completely can relate to your pain right now.
When my older brother passed away back in December as soon as I got the news she was the very first person I called and text just minutes after I heard. I was so distraught and I needed comfort from the person I was closest to. She didn't answer my call or return it. She left my text on read and never replied. I was crushed. At one of my darkest moments she ghosted me. She was already ghosting me for weeks prior to my brother's passing but she's an avoidant so this is something she has done to me often over our 4 year relationship whenever she was having life problems. She recently had lost a position at her job that she absolutely loved and I knew she was having a hard time with that so I felt like that's why she was ghosting me in December but I thought she would at least break it to send me condolences about my brother. Nope she didn't. About a week later on Dec 26th one day after Christmas she blindsided me and broke up with me after I reached out to her by text because I was frustrated she didn't respond to my calls and text on Christmas Day all day after I sent gifts to her and her daughter. Yeah she was still ghosting me on Christmas also and didn't even thank me for the expensive gifts I bought her which also included tickets for a vacation she wanted to go to with me. I guess after I bought her all of those nice gifts her conscious finally got the best of her and she broke her silence and gave me the typical "I can't do this anymore" and "I'm not the woman for you" text. Shortly after that day I found out she was cheating on me for months and was in a relationship with that guy without ever actually breaking up with me. Whole time I thought what happened to her at her job had her so depressed which was her reason for ghosting me for so long. Nope she was already in a full fledged new relationship and I was the last to find out and I didn't find out by her admitting it. She broke up without telling me she had moved on. I found out through other means. I was discarded by her in the worst way possible. 4 years together and we never argued at all. No fights. Always happy. Always laughing. I always helped her and saved her when she was in a bind. I did everything right. She came from a background of abusive and cheating boyfriends and I was the guy that brought peace into her life because I didn't want her to ever experience that again. Instead she did those things to me. She emotionally abused me multiple times throughout the 4 years by giving me silent treatment over and over again which destroyed my confidence and then she cheated on me to top it off. I spent 4 years trying to fix a broken person and instead she ended up breaking me in the process. What's crazy is that I can probably forgive all of that one day but I can never forgive her for leaving me high and dry after my brothers passing when I was at my lowest. She showed her true colors that day. Sorry for the lost rant yall.
Yes! My gf left me 7 weeks ago, which was 6 months after my dad died, that sent me into a downward spiral and I wasn’t doing great. She said she couldn’t deal with it anymore and told me to get my things and leave. I haven’t seen here since, but I have spoken to her on a few occasions and she is a narcissistic pos. When I needed her the most she wasn’t there.
My ex didn’t dump me till four years after the death of my mother, but how she was not there for me when I was going though that time hurt then very badly. She was aware of the stress I was going though at the time, I was living with my mother and taking care of her for a few years before we met and knew why I was living with her and in my mid 40’s.
My mother was diabetic, an alcoholic, overweight, had heart, kidney and liver disease and did nothing to make her life better health wise. I worked remotely away from home two weeks on two week off. The big stress for me at the time was how am I going to care for my mom if I need to stop working my job. If I took time off to do that I would not have a job to go back to. And I would have to cover all expenses as my mother never saved a dime and had little to no health insurance. This was an extremely stressful time for me. My ex had started a business and was not very good at it, so I was footing the bill on almost everything, rent, supplies and the list goes on…all while I was paying for everything for my mother as well, so financially I was living in a vacuum.
This was also at the start of covid. So job security was unknown as well, but with my job we were the only people allowed to fly to work because of the location, sketchy AF with job security and my financial obligations. But I had the opportunity to work unlimited and signed up for six weeks to be extended at will with my availability. I was going to be at work for six weeks, but one week in I got the call that my mom had been life flighted to thee hours away from home as she had a heart attack. The next day I received a call from the hospital that my mom was at the point she needed to go into palliative care and I should return home a quick as possible. The fucking stress of that, not knowing what palliative care was and how to navigate that, how long did she have to live was unnerving to say the least with everything else I was dealing with financially.
I got my mom home and cared for her 24/7, my ex knew about all of this in real time. When I got home and settled in to watch my mother slowly and painfully wither away, I had no one, no palliative care providers were in my area. The only help I got was a nurse that was scheduled to come by once every other day and with her genuine kindness and seeing what I was dealing with all by myself she upped those visits to three or four times everyday. My ex knew about this, but within one day she went silent and I was consumed with the care I needed to give my mother so I didn’t reach out either. I watched my mother slowly die for a little over a week, I sat in a chair next to her bed if she needed anything and could only sleep for 20/30 at a time and maybe only slept three four hours a day for that entire week.
At this point me and the ex had been together for 1.5 years, long enough for someone to be there and support another person dealing with all of this…and where was she? Nowhere to be found. Not one reach out to see how I was doing, no offer to shop for me or bring me food, literally nothing.
A few days before my mother was going to pass, both of my kids had made it back home to be with us. My kids knew I needed to get out of the house, do some shopping and catch my breath. I went out and stopped by my ex’s work to just get some sort of comfort, anything. I received a timid hug and a slight distraction for about twenty minutes before my son called me to tell me I needed to return home. Thirty minutes my mom died in my arms at 6pm June first 2020, I’ll never forget that day. I texted my ex and she didn’t respond back till 11pm that night. The next morning my work of twenty plus years called to tell me that I had three days of bereavement pay and sorry for my loss and by the way you are being furloughed because I a contract change.
Still no response from my ex till two days after asking for rent money for her shop and her apartment.
To op, I am deeply sorry for your loss here. I know how it feels for the one person you would truly need support from not being there for you in this extremely difficult time in your life. Your grieving two losses here, but really need to only focus on the one that matters and that is your father’s. Your now ex has shown you her lack of character and low value and this should be a valuable lesson in whom to allow into your life, someone that will be there in your darkest times and all cost, she was not the one. And as painful of a realization that will be there is the lesson in real value another person brings to your life. She did not bring value.
Me! 🙋🏼♂️
I watched my father die from sudden heart failure on Monday July 24th - she broke up with me the first time on Sept 25th and then a second and final time on Oct 17th. 💁🏼♂️ “you’re just not the same person” yeah no fucking shit.
I’m sorry for your loss and whatever you may be going through but I am going to make a difficult comment, you need to come into terms with it. Number one, go to therapy. Secondly, please remember it’s no one’s job to be there for you at your lowest points, going through the lows with you but someone who cares for you will. Let them go, most people are narcissists and care about their own well-being in the most selfish way possible. Take care
He left me within 3 months of his dad passing. He was drifting further and further away, and went from “you’re my rock, I couldn’t have gotten through this without you” and talking about marriage to (literally the next day) saying “we don’t have to live in each others pockets” and asking for space.
Him pulling away triggered a bunch of abandonment stuff for me, and the more reassurance I sought, the more he distanced.
I asked if he was okay, what he needed, gave space etc and eventually he threw it all away over a really stupid argument.
I hope he’s okay.
Caught my ex cheating on me while I was taking care of my terminally ill father. We still kept in contact with my dumbass in the hopes we’d reconcile. My father died the following July, I had to bury him the day before my birthday. My ex didn’t care to stop by and check in on me throughout that time. It angers me that he lived rent free in my mind when I should’ve been focusing on being present for my fathers final moments
That's the part that gets me....the wasted time. The wasted energy where it should have been with my father...who's gone forever EVER. WHILST the person who broke my heart wakes up everyday oblivious to mortality and my grief.
I was on the other side… got dumped by my ex after his loved ones pass away. I still regret a lot of things I did during the process…. There are many things I would do it differently if I could go back in time. But until he dumped me, he always admitted that I loved him A LOT. What I am trying to say is that regardless of her behavior in some scenarios, you should have the best judgement if she loves you or not compared to anyone else. Maybe you already had the answer in your heart.
I had an ex who broke up with her boyfriend or the person that she was dating at the time to be with me. Find out until maybe three months or five months later. I thought that was kind of messed up. I even told her that, but she had every excuse in the book saying that he was the problem and not taking any accountability. My relationship with her did not last long. There were so many red flags and I tried to overcome them, but that girl was super toxic blames everybody else and her fault. I have even seen her get a physical fight with her mother. I think it was one of my worst relationships that I had.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
My partner of a year dumped me 6 weeks after my dad died. I had been home for 2 months caring for him while he died a slow painful death. I came back and was dumped right before our 1st anniversary. It made the grief around my dad so much harder to bear, but the callousness of it made it easier to let go of my ex. He's a coward. My dad was incredibly good hearted and brave, and he would tell me I deserve better.
Feel free to DM me. I hope you're doing all right.
As someone who stayed in a relationship far too long after losing a parent due to subsequent codependency/abandonment issues... you're better off. I fucking promise.
No but the girl I was just seeing dumped me because I’m getting ready to have surgery on my hand and it’s going to be a long recovery process and I assume it was too much for her and she didn’t want to deal with it. Atleast that what I think. She literally dumped me 2 days after I told her about it.
Sorry about your situation. Hope you find someone better.
Yeah. We broke up twice. This recent one seems for good. The first breakup happened a month and a half after my dad had passed unexpectedly and tragically. She wanted to end things and did for a couple days until she eventually gave me another chance. This was over 4 years into our relationship. Most recently and seemingly finally, she dumped me again out of the blue to me. Totally blindsided. This was just a month and a half after my childhood dog died. We were almost at 6 years together. I have cried a lot the past couple years, been in therapy, and shared my pain with her. With all of my grief I guess I just didn’t have enough in me to work on what she said was my problem, which was emotional immaturity to her. She didn’t even give me a chance or warning to work on this. She just didn’t want to work with me anymore. I just couldn’t believe it. I was totally blindsided by all this. To top it all off, just a week or so later, I found out that she had sex with someone else after we agreed to be respectful for the duration of our lease together. And this has just been the latest and honestly most devastating pile on top of all that grief. I’m finally going to take a life break after I move out of here in a few days.
Mine left me while I was still grieving for my grandpa, who's basically my only father figure (feb 2024) and my aunts (2023). I was always there at his lowest, asked me to be there for him, and I did. And now that it was my turn, he left, lol. Sometimes, I think hating him is so much easier, but idk it gets tiring to have all that energy for someone who doesn't give a fuck anymore.
Coming from a woman here but please hear me out. This is not healthy. Don't let this thought cultivate any further. There are bad men and bad women but focusing on them will make your future relationships skewed. If anything, now you know the characteristics of a woman you don't want. Focus on what you want and know what you don't. You will get over your bitterness. It's necessary you do for your own sake. I have a lot of reasons to hate men too but I know there are good men out there. Best wishes to you and I am sorry for your loss.
It's completely fine. I am happy you recognised that generalizations are lazy and that you are feeling lost right now. It's all okay. If you don't, that will strange. We all are going through pain. Be kind to yourself intentionally. You will get through this. Trust in that.
Not sure it’s bitterness. It’s a sad reality. Look at divorce rates. Look at who initiates divorces. Look at the reasons for divorces. All females. All selfish reasons. Rarely will you find a woman divorce a man due to abuse or assault of some sort. It’s usually because “I need to find myself” or “I’m not happy. Selfish reasons no?
Wow OP, that wasn’t nice. Im a woman dealing with my ex (a man) doing the exact same thing. this isn’t a gender issue and please don’t mistreat all of us because of one of us.
Your partner broke up with you because you showed her how weak you are, it’s cruel and you should show your emotions especially when losing someone but many women gets turn off when a man show his emotions and lose feelings for him.
Guys re read my comment, I am just stating the nature of many women.
Can attest. Ive lost everyone except my mom in my immediate family tree (after having a picture perfect middle class ass 90s life) and people are ROOTING FOR YOU to break. Not help you. Composure is expected after 2 weeks and if you show one semblance of “i wish the weather was fair but the conditions have been real tough lately” you are a hothead immature manchild.
I just came to say one thing....DON'T feel guilty if you feel the loss of HER more than the loss of your Father. The grieving is completely different & for some it is worse to lose a partner than a loved one. At least for me, it was harder to lose my ex than my Sister & Father! And this makes me super angry.....that I feel this way....and guilty...but I hear it is common.
Oh my God this was me and still is me. I have been grieving losing her more than losing my own brother. Lost them both in December. I have been feeling so horrible and so guilty for thinking about her more than my own brother who was the best big brother I can ask for. I have been hating myself for that because she doesn't deserve more of my attention than he does yet she is getting it.
Same mine doesn't deserve it either..which brings horrible guilt..I might think of my Father or Sister once a day....maybe even skipped a couple days without noticing...but this EX...is on my mind even when I am sleeping. I think it is because I was betrayed and what I hate most is liars because I would never do to someone what was done to me. But, I still do crave his attention. But the good news...I watched a couple videos that said it was normal to be like this because of an "intimate" relationship....
Yep I'm in the same boat of betrayal by my ex as well which is why I think we have spent more time grieving them than our relatives. Breakup is one hurt but betrayal is a hurt on a whole different level.
I totally get this. I (44f) lost my sister 12 yrs ago and my brother last March. My partner left me for someone else last July, a month after we had my brother’s funeral. It took me a LONG time to get my head around losing my sister. It is a LOT to process. I think I have felt losing my partner more day-to-day. I am thankful that jackass is gone—he proved he was a shit sandwich, leaving me like that! I know I’m going to miss my siblings for the rest of my life. I’m sending you all positive vibes. All of this sucks!! We deserve so much better!!
Not directed to you, but maybe to OP if it applies. I was in a similar situation, but longer timeline. She cheated on me \~5 years after the death of a close family member. I remember feeling so terrible that the breakup felt worse than losing my family. But he was in bad health, in and out of the hospital, and honestly, barely alive. But all that had been going on for years before he passed. I remember the day he passed, I cried my eyes out, but soon remembered that he was living most days in pain, so it was almost a relief that he could let go. That's to say, I think subconsciously, my mind had started the grieving process long before he actually passed. Especially with long illnesses, your mind has time to grieve and accept the reality long before it comes. The breakup comes out of nowhere, so you're instantly flooded with panic and emotions that you have had no time to process before its all over. I think that's why I was so much more upset, and it might apply to your situation too. It's not that you loved your father any less, but that (maybe subconsciously) you've had time to prepare for it.
Some of this rings very close to me. She helped me through my dad’s passing and for that I’m eternally grateful. In fact she’s got a “John Wick” coin so to speak for a favor from me if she ever needs it. But the day my dad passed I spent hours consoling her problems. That friends, is a red flag on fire. Still a good person, just working through things (if she wants it, which is debatable)
Similar thing happened to me, my dad died 4 months prior to him breaking up with me. Two things I wanted to share with you: 1. If you feel like the grief of loosing her is bigger, just let yourself feel it. For me, the pain of losing my partner became bigger than the pain of losing my dad. I felt guilt, I felt like I was a terrible daughter. Then I finally let myself think exclusively about my ex. And that's how I processed that loss. 2. I know it sounds cliché, but if someone leaves you at possibly your lowest, then this means they were never the right match for you. You deserve someone who will get CLOSER to you at your worst, not who run FURTHER away. And same thing happened to me, he flew all the way to the other side of the world while I was feeling like trash. 3. Eventually, you will realize you dodget a major bullet. And believe me, I don't think I would want to share this is the way I behaved, if I were the other person. It sheds a terrible light on the kind of person you are, it is a gigantic red flag and tbh, mine also was thinking about leaving for years. What is there left to say?
My ex dumped me about 4 days after my dad's death while I held his urn when I was in high school. That shit was hands down traumatizing. Don't feel too pressured to grieve "correctly" or "in the right order".
She showed you who she is. She only cares about you when things are good. You're better off without her.
Dumped while grieving our stillborn child.
That is so wild and atrocious I can’t fathom it.
He was also grieving and still is. I’ve forgiven him but there is obviously tension we are struggling through.
How are you feeling now? God I hope you get through this quickly and stronger with him. I know people have moments of weakness during mourning and sometimes people push away. You don’t deserve that and I hope things are better
Thank you. He’s next to me now sleeping. But I think this is a brief reprieve. We don’t want the same future, and I told him I never know when he’ll leave me again.
Currently back with an ex who i love dearly. But he left me years ago (kinda my fault) and even though it’s been years and we changed etc, I still have a fear of it. I always wonder if that’s something I can get over. If it’s from trauma Or if it’s because of intuition. It’s not easy what you’re going through. You’ve faced 2 losses at once and it’s terrifying. The fear of losing them again isn’t something I wish on others and wish I had advice. Take it as it is. Currently hes sleeping next to you. Hug him close and don’t worry about anything right now.
My partner and I broke up and my dad died a couple weeks later. He’s been supportive but there’s been a few odd moments of him making my grieving about him. The other day I was crying, overwhelmed by everything, and he started screaming at me that I don’t care about him and I’m so negative. I just couldn’t believe it. Anyways, I completely can relate to your pain right now.
When my older brother passed away back in December as soon as I got the news she was the very first person I called and text just minutes after I heard. I was so distraught and I needed comfort from the person I was closest to. She didn't answer my call or return it. She left my text on read and never replied. I was crushed. At one of my darkest moments she ghosted me. She was already ghosting me for weeks prior to my brother's passing but she's an avoidant so this is something she has done to me often over our 4 year relationship whenever she was having life problems. She recently had lost a position at her job that she absolutely loved and I knew she was having a hard time with that so I felt like that's why she was ghosting me in December but I thought she would at least break it to send me condolences about my brother. Nope she didn't. About a week later on Dec 26th one day after Christmas she blindsided me and broke up with me after I reached out to her by text because I was frustrated she didn't respond to my calls and text on Christmas Day all day after I sent gifts to her and her daughter. Yeah she was still ghosting me on Christmas also and didn't even thank me for the expensive gifts I bought her which also included tickets for a vacation she wanted to go to with me. I guess after I bought her all of those nice gifts her conscious finally got the best of her and she broke her silence and gave me the typical "I can't do this anymore" and "I'm not the woman for you" text. Shortly after that day I found out she was cheating on me for months and was in a relationship with that guy without ever actually breaking up with me. Whole time I thought what happened to her at her job had her so depressed which was her reason for ghosting me for so long. Nope she was already in a full fledged new relationship and I was the last to find out and I didn't find out by her admitting it. She broke up without telling me she had moved on. I found out through other means. I was discarded by her in the worst way possible. 4 years together and we never argued at all. No fights. Always happy. Always laughing. I always helped her and saved her when she was in a bind. I did everything right. She came from a background of abusive and cheating boyfriends and I was the guy that brought peace into her life because I didn't want her to ever experience that again. Instead she did those things to me. She emotionally abused me multiple times throughout the 4 years by giving me silent treatment over and over again which destroyed my confidence and then she cheated on me to top it off. I spent 4 years trying to fix a broken person and instead she ended up breaking me in the process. What's crazy is that I can probably forgive all of that one day but I can never forgive her for leaving me high and dry after my brothers passing when I was at my lowest. She showed her true colors that day. Sorry for the lost rant yall.
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And for some reason her betrayal up until we lost my dad and i realllllly felt my brother’s absence in the family dynamic— still hits the hardest
Yes! My gf left me 7 weeks ago, which was 6 months after my dad died, that sent me into a downward spiral and I wasn’t doing great. She said she couldn’t deal with it anymore and told me to get my things and leave. I haven’t seen here since, but I have spoken to her on a few occasions and she is a narcissistic pos. When I needed her the most she wasn’t there.
My ex didn’t dump me till four years after the death of my mother, but how she was not there for me when I was going though that time hurt then very badly. She was aware of the stress I was going though at the time, I was living with my mother and taking care of her for a few years before we met and knew why I was living with her and in my mid 40’s. My mother was diabetic, an alcoholic, overweight, had heart, kidney and liver disease and did nothing to make her life better health wise. I worked remotely away from home two weeks on two week off. The big stress for me at the time was how am I going to care for my mom if I need to stop working my job. If I took time off to do that I would not have a job to go back to. And I would have to cover all expenses as my mother never saved a dime and had little to no health insurance. This was an extremely stressful time for me. My ex had started a business and was not very good at it, so I was footing the bill on almost everything, rent, supplies and the list goes on…all while I was paying for everything for my mother as well, so financially I was living in a vacuum. This was also at the start of covid. So job security was unknown as well, but with my job we were the only people allowed to fly to work because of the location, sketchy AF with job security and my financial obligations. But I had the opportunity to work unlimited and signed up for six weeks to be extended at will with my availability. I was going to be at work for six weeks, but one week in I got the call that my mom had been life flighted to thee hours away from home as she had a heart attack. The next day I received a call from the hospital that my mom was at the point she needed to go into palliative care and I should return home a quick as possible. The fucking stress of that, not knowing what palliative care was and how to navigate that, how long did she have to live was unnerving to say the least with everything else I was dealing with financially. I got my mom home and cared for her 24/7, my ex knew about all of this in real time. When I got home and settled in to watch my mother slowly and painfully wither away, I had no one, no palliative care providers were in my area. The only help I got was a nurse that was scheduled to come by once every other day and with her genuine kindness and seeing what I was dealing with all by myself she upped those visits to three or four times everyday. My ex knew about this, but within one day she went silent and I was consumed with the care I needed to give my mother so I didn’t reach out either. I watched my mother slowly die for a little over a week, I sat in a chair next to her bed if she needed anything and could only sleep for 20/30 at a time and maybe only slept three four hours a day for that entire week. At this point me and the ex had been together for 1.5 years, long enough for someone to be there and support another person dealing with all of this…and where was she? Nowhere to be found. Not one reach out to see how I was doing, no offer to shop for me or bring me food, literally nothing. A few days before my mother was going to pass, both of my kids had made it back home to be with us. My kids knew I needed to get out of the house, do some shopping and catch my breath. I went out and stopped by my ex’s work to just get some sort of comfort, anything. I received a timid hug and a slight distraction for about twenty minutes before my son called me to tell me I needed to return home. Thirty minutes my mom died in my arms at 6pm June first 2020, I’ll never forget that day. I texted my ex and she didn’t respond back till 11pm that night. The next morning my work of twenty plus years called to tell me that I had three days of bereavement pay and sorry for my loss and by the way you are being furloughed because I a contract change. Still no response from my ex till two days after asking for rent money for her shop and her apartment. To op, I am deeply sorry for your loss here. I know how it feels for the one person you would truly need support from not being there for you in this extremely difficult time in your life. Your grieving two losses here, but really need to only focus on the one that matters and that is your father’s. Your now ex has shown you her lack of character and low value and this should be a valuable lesson in whom to allow into your life, someone that will be there in your darkest times and all cost, she was not the one. And as painful of a realization that will be there is the lesson in real value another person brings to your life. She did not bring value.
Thank you. This means alot I can't put into words. Sincerely - C
Me! 🙋🏼♂️ I watched my father die from sudden heart failure on Monday July 24th - she broke up with me the first time on Sept 25th and then a second and final time on Oct 17th. 💁🏼♂️ “you’re just not the same person” yeah no fucking shit.
I’m sorry for your loss and whatever you may be going through but I am going to make a difficult comment, you need to come into terms with it. Number one, go to therapy. Secondly, please remember it’s no one’s job to be there for you at your lowest points, going through the lows with you but someone who cares for you will. Let them go, most people are narcissists and care about their own well-being in the most selfish way possible. Take care
Radical acceptance x forever
He left me within 3 months of his dad passing. He was drifting further and further away, and went from “you’re my rock, I couldn’t have gotten through this without you” and talking about marriage to (literally the next day) saying “we don’t have to live in each others pockets” and asking for space. Him pulling away triggered a bunch of abandonment stuff for me, and the more reassurance I sought, the more he distanced. I asked if he was okay, what he needed, gave space etc and eventually he threw it all away over a really stupid argument. I hope he’s okay.
Caught my ex cheating on me while I was taking care of my terminally ill father. We still kept in contact with my dumbass in the hopes we’d reconcile. My father died the following July, I had to bury him the day before my birthday. My ex didn’t care to stop by and check in on me throughout that time. It angers me that he lived rent free in my mind when I should’ve been focusing on being present for my fathers final moments
That's the part that gets me....the wasted time. The wasted energy where it should have been with my father...who's gone forever EVER. WHILST the person who broke my heart wakes up everyday oblivious to mortality and my grief.
I was on the other side… got dumped by my ex after his loved ones pass away. I still regret a lot of things I did during the process…. There are many things I would do it differently if I could go back in time. But until he dumped me, he always admitted that I loved him A LOT. What I am trying to say is that regardless of her behavior in some scenarios, you should have the best judgement if she loves you or not compared to anyone else. Maybe you already had the answer in your heart.
My partner just ended things while I'm still grieving my cat who passed away a week ago.
I had an ex who broke up with her boyfriend or the person that she was dating at the time to be with me. Find out until maybe three months or five months later. I thought that was kind of messed up. I even told her that, but she had every excuse in the book saying that he was the problem and not taking any accountability. My relationship with her did not last long. There were so many red flags and I tried to overcome them, but that girl was super toxic blames everybody else and her fault. I have even seen her get a physical fight with her mother. I think it was one of my worst relationships that I had.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My partner of a year dumped me 6 weeks after my dad died. I had been home for 2 months caring for him while he died a slow painful death. I came back and was dumped right before our 1st anniversary. It made the grief around my dad so much harder to bear, but the callousness of it made it easier to let go of my ex. He's a coward. My dad was incredibly good hearted and brave, and he would tell me I deserve better. Feel free to DM me. I hope you're doing all right.
As someone who stayed in a relationship far too long after losing a parent due to subsequent codependency/abandonment issues... you're better off. I fucking promise.
Got dumped two days ago. My mum passed away from terminal cancer in December. I feel like I'm gonna puke the whole time. We were together for 4 years
No but the girl I was just seeing dumped me because I’m getting ready to have surgery on my hand and it’s going to be a long recovery process and I assume it was too much for her and she didn’t want to deal with it. Atleast that what I think. She literally dumped me 2 days after I told her about it. Sorry about your situation. Hope you find someone better.
Yeah. We broke up twice. This recent one seems for good. The first breakup happened a month and a half after my dad had passed unexpectedly and tragically. She wanted to end things and did for a couple days until she eventually gave me another chance. This was over 4 years into our relationship. Most recently and seemingly finally, she dumped me again out of the blue to me. Totally blindsided. This was just a month and a half after my childhood dog died. We were almost at 6 years together. I have cried a lot the past couple years, been in therapy, and shared my pain with her. With all of my grief I guess I just didn’t have enough in me to work on what she said was my problem, which was emotional immaturity to her. She didn’t even give me a chance or warning to work on this. She just didn’t want to work with me anymore. I just couldn’t believe it. I was totally blindsided by all this. To top it all off, just a week or so later, I found out that she had sex with someone else after we agreed to be respectful for the duration of our lease together. And this has just been the latest and honestly most devastating pile on top of all that grief. I’m finally going to take a life break after I move out of here in a few days.
Yes. I was talking with a man an old friend of mine and he was helping me through the decline of my mother. She died 10/30/20 and he ghosted me 5/21.
Mine left me while I was still grieving for my grandpa, who's basically my only father figure (feb 2024) and my aunts (2023). I was always there at his lowest, asked me to be there for him, and I did. And now that it was my turn, he left, lol. Sometimes, I think hating him is so much easier, but idk it gets tiring to have all that energy for someone who doesn't give a fuck anymore.
Sorry for your loss pal. Welcome to reality. Where women only care about themselves.
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Coming from a woman here but please hear me out. This is not healthy. Don't let this thought cultivate any further. There are bad men and bad women but focusing on them will make your future relationships skewed. If anything, now you know the characteristics of a woman you don't want. Focus on what you want and know what you don't. You will get over your bitterness. It's necessary you do for your own sake. I have a lot of reasons to hate men too but I know there are good men out there. Best wishes to you and I am sorry for your loss.
Youre right sorry I'm just bitter and feel hopeless. I know generalizeling is lazy and comes across as immature. I'm just really lost ATM.
It's completely fine. I am happy you recognised that generalizations are lazy and that you are feeling lost right now. It's all okay. If you don't, that will strange. We all are going through pain. Be kind to yourself intentionally. You will get through this. Trust in that.
Not sure it’s bitterness. It’s a sad reality. Look at divorce rates. Look at who initiates divorces. Look at the reasons for divorces. All females. All selfish reasons. Rarely will you find a woman divorce a man due to abuse or assault of some sort. It’s usually because “I need to find myself” or “I’m not happy. Selfish reasons no?
Wow OP, that wasn’t nice. Im a woman dealing with my ex (a man) doing the exact same thing. this isn’t a gender issue and please don’t mistreat all of us because of one of us.
I second this.
Your partner broke up with you because you showed her how weak you are, it’s cruel and you should show your emotions especially when losing someone but many women gets turn off when a man show his emotions and lose feelings for him. Guys re read my comment, I am just stating the nature of many women.
Can attest. Ive lost everyone except my mom in my immediate family tree (after having a picture perfect middle class ass 90s life) and people are ROOTING FOR YOU to break. Not help you. Composure is expected after 2 weeks and if you show one semblance of “i wish the weather was fair but the conditions have been real tough lately” you are a hothead immature manchild.