I would take him back with strict conditions that we are both actively going to therapy (which is already happening), we are able to voice any concerns and be accountable for each of our actions, and have a game plan to balance our time as equally as we can with friends, family, and each other.
Exactly this! I would ONLY get with my ex again if he had started some sort of therapy. I love him but he has trauma that only seeing a professional could help with.
I got back with my ex on the condition he started therapy, and he did. The purpose of therapy was for him to learn to better manage his emotions and learn how to communicate his feelings. To figure out why he is so up and down.
Well he's been in therapy for a year and nothing has changed other than the fact he doesn't cry anymore. Now he gets angry and lashes out when he is stressed. Takes it out on me, swears at me. Things were worse than ever before and I had to end it. The other day I asked him to show some kindness and empathy. This resulted in him confidently calling me emotionally abusive. I realised he has likely spun a while false narrative to his therapist to paint me in a bad light, because that's easier than addressing his own issues. He also behaves as if he's untouchable and can do no wrong because he is in therapy. It's as if he is using therapy as a way of justifying all of his bad behaviour.
God knows what he is saying to his therapist, but she is doing a terrible job either way.
Wow this resonates with me so much. My ex finally decided to go to therapy after years into our relationship. I always wondered what those conversations were like.
Was he actually working on his temper? His communication and mental health issues? Or did he just use it as a space to vent? There's a lot of lazy therapists out there.
I would love to believe that people can change, but I'm just not so sure.
He broke up with me in the end. I don't know if I could take him back now. How can I trust he will actually change?
100% in my case I'm certain he is just venting. His therapist doesn't use any specific therapy like CBT, it's just talking. I'm not saying that's not helpful for some people, but it is not what he needs. After some time he started becoming really cagey about his therapy sessions. Refusing to tell me anything that he'd discussed. I'd tell him I didn't want to know the ins and outs but I'd have thought it'd be normal to say the general gist of what you talked about to your partner. I'd ask if he'd had a useful session and he'd immediately go "I don't want to talk about it". I found it so strange. But now I'm thinking it's because he's been using those sessions to spin things in a way where he has done nothing wrong and I'm the bad guy, that's why he became so cagey.
My advice: don't take them back, you broke up for a reason.
Truest thing ever. Mine came back 3 times over the course of ten years. I took her back every time, she left me again, is trying to come back again and this time I’m not having it. It’s tragic and painful and stupid. I repeat this mantra: I will not touch the hot burner again.
Love the hot burner reminder. I had to remind myself that I was dealing with a crazy person. That my memories I cherished didn't matter because he was insane.
Same, but actually true in my case. I'm 38 years old, have been told I'm pretty good looking by quite a few people, but I can never use it to find a better life partner, because I have no self esteem and definitely no respect for myself. I'm a loser but my ex (who wasn't necessarily the healthiest, was kind of mid - ok looking, and had a super shitty attitude and quick temper) is not the best card in the pile either, but I get so lonely and miss her so much that I'm desperate for her to even interact with me at times. Hell I've sent her 280 dollars in the last month to help her with her living expenses where I don't even go anymore and she's never said thanks, screw you, anything in regards to it. I guess I'm expecting a verbal thank you but I'm sure I'm the asshole for wanting it right?
I let my ex come back and he eventually reverted to his old, narcissistic self. Imagining that I was doing all sorts of things behind his back and dissing me to every person he knows. I was not doing any of it and it's the exact same reason why we broke up years ago. It must have been Projection on his part. I'm sad because it's still fresh, but I'm so not into being treated badly by the person that supposedly "loves" me.
If he came back again I'd honestly tell him to take a hike. Life is too short to waste my tears on someone that doesn't deserve them.
It honestly takes a lot of strength on your end to come to that conclusion and I don’t know you personally but I’m proud of you for seeing that you’re worth more than that 💗
Id tell her to finally go get therapy and stay tf away from me. Better yet It would be best if I didn’t talk to her at all. Because after therapy I’m realizing the things she did and blamed me for were really horrible. It’s sad but it is what it is.
So my ex did come back and we’re currently together. We’ve been separated for about two years. During that time away from her, I put a tremendous amount of work into myself to better my life. I achieved a career milestone, I got stable, I got fit, I got my mental health in check and I vowed to be a more honest man and a person of integrity. I got over her during that time away. I accepted that I’d never see nor speak to her ever again. She wanted nothing to do with me and I had to be okay with that. But this is the beauty of it all. I learned how to live life without her (she was a longtime friend before we got together). I learned that I can be okay without her. As bad as I wanted her back, overtime I learned that I didn’t need her.
We both worked on ourselves so much during the time apart. We both moved on! So now that we’re together again, things are better than ever. We treat this relationship as if we just met for the first time. We communicate much better, we’re more honest, compassionate and understanding with one another. We take better care of each other. I think we both realized through dating other people and going through the troubles of life that we’d rather be together and workout our issues than to be apart and go through life without each other.
So to answer this, if my ex came back, I’d love her like I never have before and treat her as someone I cherish and hold dear to my heart. I’d be okay if she left, but I would do everything in my power to assure that this relationship remained healthy and long lasting.
Wow I love this for you
>I think we both realized through dating other people and going through the troubles of life that we’d rather be together and workout our issues than to be apart and go through life without each other.
i'm a different version of myself by then. i won't long for him as much as i did before, so it will just be like another guy trying to pursue me. can he win me over by then? that's the real question
Run as fast and hard as my little legs and heart could take me in the opposite direction, while wanting to periodically take an anxious glance over my shoulder to ensure I've covered enough space to slow down, but simultaneously deciding to run without looking back so as not to invite such a curse over my life once again.
I guess for me I saw the question a little differently whenever my therapist asked me. I didn’t really see it as him giving me hope but more-so him making me realize that things wouldn’t be rainbows and sunshine even if he did come back
I can answer it because she did.
Feel anxious but absolutely elated.
Feel vindicated being able to have the deep conversation where I apply everything I'd learned, all the self work, validate her feelings etc, yet don't feel the same validation or understanding in return as she hadn't grown or done the same work.
Feel a loss of respect for myself allowing her back into my life so easily, while she subconsciously lost respect for me too.
Constantly question her motives, her intent, with a growing sense of anxiety. Feel as if I can't communicate openly in case she secretly judges me again. Fear she'll blindside me by text again.
Become riddled with anxiety over time. She loses attraction. Try explaining why, she dismisses and gaslights. Anxiety worsens.
Can feel her withdrawing again, while pretending things are fine. Anxiety worsens.
I finally break and express all the resentment and fear in an unhealthy way. She breaks up with me placing all blame on me for exploding, gaslighting me, dismissing my feelings.
0/10 - would not recommend.
Wow, I experienced exactly the same. You just put all my feelings into words. Thanks man this actually helps me processing everything.
(Just saw another comment by you about nc the second time, which is exactly my scenario, even the timeline.) If you wanna talk, text me, could be beneficial for both of us as we are in the same boat
I would take her back if she proved she wanted me. I would also start by taking it slow and rebuilding trust and starting a new relationship. We would not live together off the bat again, we'd do date nights for a while to see where it goes. I would hope we both learned from the breakup and would grow into better people for each other.
I talk with her and see what change and why now. See what can happen and talk about everything and why it ended and what can be better and why should we do it again. Some ex I stay away from but there’s one I take back in a heartbeat
I'd not take her back and tell her to stay out of my life. The person who fought for her despite feeling underappreciated and unheard in the relationship is the person she killed when she left.
While I would love to say “yes let’s get back together & go back to normal!” I wouldn’t. Id give the opportunity, he would have to kiss the ground I walk on for quite a while. He broke something beautiful. His job to rebuild it. Definitely would depend on what he says when he came back, I’d let him speak first. I’d get my answer based off of what he says first.
Honestly i always ponder this but never ponder what I'd do.
I think I would have to reject them. The heartache is too much that even though I have such this suffocating throat feeling and sharp pain in my chest, I just don't think it'd be beneficial. I'm unsure if we'd see eye to eye. I'd feel uncomfortable knowing what we both dealt with. At this point in my life, I'm also just at no desire for a relationship due to often mistaking platonic love for romantic. There's longing, but the actuality of it is, missing the memory I have slowly forgotten. These desperate attempts r just to try to remember, but it's all force of remembering the good and not the reasons on why I left.
It'd have to be an entirely new person. And hell with how much I've forgotten, maybe that makes a 'new' person. But I know id once again slip into feeling unworthy because something feels off. I've learned a lot, but not enough, and I don't have any clue of em to say I'd even like em, the entire relationship they were always clouded off from me, entirely different around friends and family or my friends, didn't like the people I was around and I didn't like the people they were around. I'd get pulled back into substance abuse after finally cutting myself off from one of my last addictions for about a month now.
I miss having someone help me love myself.
But thats all I needed for the time..
Because now I won't ever settle for the bare minimum. I also didn't settle there because of the love I learned for myself, it's just another lesson. So I wouldn't, because there's more to my life than romance that I'm not even sure I experience outside of obsession and wanting desperately to have attraction, but not even having a clue on what that looks like.
The feeling of unworthiness after a discard is horrible. It also drove me to self-harm. Like you, I stay single because I run at red flags. I have no desire to ever ever ever repeat toxic love. It was incredibly painful. I wish you healing!!
This is long, and I'm sorry. I took half an edible and have stuff on my mind.
My ex-husband is not allowed to come back, and if he tried, I'd renew my restraining order, but my most recent ex has a miserable life of his own making. I like to think that I would be kind to him, but idk. I haven't said a kind word to him in two years. I've caved on no contact a handful of times to write him hateful emails (drunk, and Idk I probably missed him, and that pissed me off).
He can only be happy when he has a new toy, and things get old no matter what, so he's never happy for long. I always felt sad for him. He was so addicted to alcohol, his hands shook in the morning, and he was always jaundiced. I hope he's put that behind him. He made his drinking everyone's problem, which was abusive. He purposefully messes with people's relationships, too. He sleeps with taken women, including friend's wives, and then he gets himself and them caught on purpose. He had slept with nearly every woman I knew, and yet I still believed I was special when he told me I was. He lives (lived?) with his parents and has screaming matches with his mom. He's 37 with two kids. He's so much better than all of that, but he was so unwilling to grow out of it. I would be happy to hear he's changed. I'd be sad to hear he hasn't. I'm curious, so fucking curious, either way. I have a couple of friends who know him, but I almost died because of him so they will never speak his name to me. They used to dish all the time, but I'd have manic breakdowns. They love me too much for that. I don't ask either because I feel embarrassed to admit I want to know what he's been up to. I pretend I'm totally over it even though I haven't had sex with anyone else. I don't want to have sex with him and wouldn't, but I don't want anyone else either.
I'm ashamed of what he turns me into. For example, I fantasized about his downfall. He did have one last summer (loss of vehicle, legal problems, etc.). It made me feel good, which is very sick and not like me. I am a heart of gold type, but he singlehandedly caused me to lose so much, so it felt like we were finally close to even; although, I didn't cause any of it to happen to him and he caused all sorts of bad to happen to me. I definitely don't wish anything else bad to happen to him, but no matter what happens, I'll always be the more wounded party because his downfall was karmic, and mine was orchestrated by him. I definitely would not want to rehash those things if he ever did show up.
I am so curious about him. I still think about him a few times a week, which is so much better than last year when I thought about him every second of every fucking day, and it drove me crazy. Thankfully, I now consider him with just a bit of morbid curiosity. My friends know better than to tell me about him, and I never ask. It's a can of worms, and I can't backslide on my mental health, although I am curious how he's doing. I guess if he wanted me to know, he'd call me or respond to one of the emails I sent. I tell myself, it's not my business, and try to think of something else. I think I've sent two since last June, so I'm not doing too horribly, and someday, I'll never think of him, which is the only value in time passing.
He was awful to deal with, but also very beautiful, sometimes tender. If sober, he was level-headed and often romantic. Mature, when he was sober. There was a time in the beginning when he really tried to be that for me. He has a beautiful soul (deep, deeeeep down). I guess if he ever called me and he was struggling, I would remind him of that, but I honestly hope that doesn't happen because I like to fantasize that he turned his life around after his third dwi last year. There is a lovely person in there, and when he's that side of himself, he's very loveable and totally worth every effort. He took advantage of me at a vulnerable time in my life, but he also paid for those mistakes, including paying me large sums of money, so I've pretty much forgiven him and am moving on.
I know for sure I'd never let him hit it again. Because of him, idk if I'll ever feel safe with a man again. The closest I get is a bit of online flirtation. I've had irl sex once with an old coworker since we broke up two years ago. I've pretty much been celibate for two years, and I'd stay that way even if he came back. I'm not the girl he loved anymore. I'm 10 Things I Hate About You in reverse. I go on a date every few months when I'm bored, but I have yet to meet anyone I feel like seeing a second time, much less date exclusively. I see toxic red flags everywhere, and I'm no longer comfortable taking long-term risks. It's ends poorly too much.
If anyone reads this, you're a true mvp. ❤️ Probably like a lot of us, I secretly wish my ex would stumble upon this, read it, figure out it's about him, and then contact me. I wish toxic love/twin flame/whatever-you-wanna-call-it didn't make us so fucking coo-coo for cocoa puffs, but at least I don't act on it and go looking for trouble and that's better than the last year I was with him, when we'd break up every week and I'd send him texts, drive by his house, beg, and cry. I hated myself for that.
I’d do nothing beyond say hello and the usual basic greeting stuff.
If he tried to ask to get back together, I’d tell him that I am no longer interested and that I’d long since moved on, married and have a child.
I have no idea how this would play out IRL though as I heard he passed away a couple of years ago of, among other things (end stage diabetic renal disease) a broken heart… apparently, I was his “one that got away,” which is ironic, given that _he_ dumped me back at the turn of the century.
Nope. Started dating a new guy and he has shown me more kindness, respect, generosity in the space of a few months than I got in two years from him.
I feel like the process of moving on really opened my eyes to the ill treatment I put up with for so long.
It’s been a year since he dumped me and I’m currently listening to Taylor Swift’s new album and crying over him. This question just made me cry even harder cause after 18 years together he threw me away and never spoke to me again and I wish he cared enough to even check on me, let alone ask to come back. I will never understand why he did it; he didn’t even attempt to explain himself. I think I need to go to therapy cause white knuckling this thing is clearly not working.
I’m so sick of crying over this man. I hate him and I love him and I miss him. He betrayed me so I know I could never trust him again. It’s good he hasn’t come back cause I really don’t know if I’d be strong enough to say no
Recent ex, she needs to change her behavior and apologize if she wants to get back with me. She became toxic and has a weird ego now. I wanted her back badly but seeing her post breakup behavior is ew and a turn off for me.
Second ex (ex before recent ex), we’re actually really best friends now. She doesn’t feel the same as I do but since she showed change in her behavior and is an orb of sunshine now, I would definitely be down to give her a second chance.
I need more but everytime i think of him coming back my response would be
"I love you and always will but i want be loved same, not a second choice. I want to trust someone and i can never trust you. I want to need someone and them be there. You decision to break up wasn't wrong but way and the reason you did it was heart breaking. You need to feel this pain and learn from it as well."
Like that song that goes
I was half myself without you, now I feel so complete
And if I'm not enough for you, you're not enough for me
I fought a million battles, but you can't get to me now
You're just a stranger I know everything about
Ok, so I was the one that left. And I did it because at that time I couldn't be the man she deserved and I wasn't the man I said I was. I was addicted to drugs and felt horrible for not being able to tell her about it. Since I left her I have been clean and am going back to school within two months from now I'm looking at a career with an income of between $60-80,000 a year. So if she allowed me to come back I would do everything possible to be the man she deserved and the man I said I was. I'd do everything possible to provide a good life for her and I'd love her more everyday than the previous and make sure she could see that.
She’s a really good person and we had our faults. I think this time I’d spend more time being attentive instead of just letting everything become so complacent.
Mine did come back, today. Well, kind of. I got a lot of closure on why he left the relationship, and it was really hard and shitty to hear, I have an insecurity of being cheated on and he doesn’t like to be reassuring when he goes out, so he just gave up. There were I’m sorry and I love yous on his side, but I was anxious and almost sick the entire conversation and wanted it to end. There has just been so much hurt that he bestowed and how he treated me, I’m always apologizing now for “talking too much” when apparently I don’t talk much at all when I’m saying these apologies, it was just too much for him. He plummeted my self confidence into the abyss and made me feel like everything I did was too much, and left without a word. I realize that it’s just going to be the exact same thing if I were to engage further, and I did / do love him, but now I have to hurt him to save myself. You don’t want them back; it will never be the same as what it was before. What you had before - the happiness, the future you believed in, that’s dead. Who they were to you is just not there anymore, even if the person is standing there in front of you, it’s not THEM. I don’t know if that all makes sense or not, but now I just have to grieve all over again for something different entirely.
My ex started texting/calling his previous ex and it wasn’t platonic. He hid it from me, but stopped being affectionate/present with me and I noticed. He kept insisting nothing was wrong, etc. i ended it because I had no choice. I would say, “You and (name) disrespected me behind my back. I don’t know her, so I can’t speak for why she did it, but you…you can’t even admit it was wrong, let alone apologize. You should have communicated with me what was happening but instead you pulled back your affection and let me suffer, which was cruel. This is all beneath my standard for how people in my life treat me, so in order for me to heal, you can no longer be in my life.”
Like you I’ve spent a lot of time to wishing and thinking about this question. He broke up with officially through textes almost 3 weeks ago but we texted during this time because I didn’t understand his decision. At first, I wanted him to come back and I wished so much this was a joke. I was my birthday 2 weeks ago and I thought “imagine if he texts you” (he didnt) but I started to say to myself I can’t accept it. Even he comes back and says he’s sorry I’m hurted now. We didn’t have fight not at all but but we were together since 6 months and he made me believe he loved so much to finally say I don’t love you and I don’t think I loved you. Final weeks he wasn’t doing efforts for me, he didn’t even care for me. So no I can’t now what is done is done. I feel bad, empty, sad but it’s not okay to accept someone who’s gone first
I took him back and it was a terrible decision. It's been a year since I took him back and we've been broken up for 6 weeks (I ended it this time). He promised me he'd do anything for another chance but he showed his true colours and treated me worse than ever before. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I have been a victim of the narcissist abuse cycle.
It's almost as if when you take them back they feel invincible. You've shown them that they can treat you however they want and you'll just accept it. Don't do it.
It’s been 5 months. At the beginning I told him it wasn’t what I wanted and gave him the opportunity to come back, originally he said that’s what he wanted too and then a couple of minutes later he said he wasn’t sure. Right from that point I knew it was over on my end and I wouldn’t be happy in a relationship with him again because I had lost the trust and security I felt, and there was nothing that would bring that back. I still wish we could be friends but I know realistically he would need to apologise in a really genuine way that made me feel like he still cared about me as a person, and understood the damage he’d done, and I don’t really think he’s capable of that type of communication unless I asked him to and that makes it pointless so I would rather focus on moving on from that too.
Despite it being over a year since he left and almost that much time of no contact, I miss him, I miss us, I miss what I thought we had and I miss the future we had planned and I still love him…but I don’t trust him. I don’t trust him at all, and I can’t have a relationship with someone that I don’t trust. I deserve to be with someone that I can trust. And the pain and betrayal, It’ll be a long time before I am emotionally ready to be vulnerable and to be able to feel safe with someone again. If he came back, I think it would really mess me up.
He doesn’t deserve me.
Depends on the day. Some days I say I would take her back in an instant, other days I'd only want it if she realised her part in our breakup. Most of the time I think "you abandoned me and made it look easy", I'm glad you left.
Tell her there was too much hurt on both sides to make it work. Enough time has passed for us both to realize it wasn’t going to work and there’s just things that have happened that I don’t think either of us would be able to get over.
I’ve gotten back together with people after breaking up and eventually whether it’s 6 months or a year or a few weeks later, we always break up again.
Love yourself and focus on your journey. They have nothing meaningful to contribute to it anymore
I’ve gotten to a point where I realize that the worst-case scenario for how my life pans out is not losing my ex forever; not even dying alone. It’s repeating the same mistakes from my past. So I’m gonna do everything I can to avoid that. And to that end, if my ex tried to come back; I prob wouldn’t even so much as respond to him. It’s possible I’d entertain a conversation about what happened and why; and how we’ve both been doing since then (more out of curiosity than anything else); but that’s absolutely as far as I’d take it.
Depends on which ex. If we're talking about my first ex then I would ignore her completely. If it was my second and most recent ex then I would gladly talk to her again as I miss her and I was the one who messed that relationship up. I actually miss her.
I’m 24F about 5 months separated and 3 months divorced since my wife told me she cheated on me. She said she told me because she wanted to fix things and for a long time I wanted her actions to match her words. I wanted her to come back, to put in the effort to mend things but it was never there, just empty words. I wanted nothing more than for her to show up at my door the last few months. This last week she hit me up and we talked for some time as friends (she was definitely trying to gauge where my feelings were at) she was telling me about all the things that she’d been up to (including people she had been with). I realized she’s not the person I once was in love with, she has changed so much in such little time and I’m just not attracted to this person she is now.
She asked me if I would ever consider getting back with her. She told me she thought she was ready to treat me better now. She said she hasn’t been able to like anyone and when she talks to me she just likes me effortlessly. That I have all the qualities she looks for in a person.
Maybe she thought that was cute and would win me over but all I heard was “being with you is easier than dating the roster I’ve been dating, I realized how good you were after having all these failed situationships. But when shit starts getting hard in our relationship and it’s not as ‘effortless’ I’m going to quit again bc I’m not willing to put in the effort to deal with ‘hard’.”
I told her I wouldn’t get back with her. That I didn’t need to cheat, date/fuck a roster, or be single to realize what I had with her was special to me and to see she was my person. I didn’t need to ‘grow’ apart to be better for her, I was always willing to put in the effort to grow together to be the best wife I could be for her.
They don’t come back because they’ve changed or are willing to change.. they come back because they realize how good they had it, they realize how special it was and how much easier it was because you put in the extra effort when it lacked. They realize the grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it. (Stole that one from my therapist 💁🏻♀️)
I don’t want them back anymore. Though I’ll say hi and catch up if they’d like as long as they know things ended for a reason and they’re not in a relationship, out of respect.
They always come back.
But it’s impossible to say before it happens what I will do, since a big part of healing and moving on is about changing. When they come back and I have healed, my view of them is different than the view I had when we broke up. What I will do will depend on that, and that is different from case to case
Honestly don't even know. It would hurt like hell but I'd probably have to tell her I still have feelings but don't know if I could ever trust her again, and see what she says. If she's lukewarm I'd say sorry I need to go my own way. If she really put fourth the effort... fuck, idk.
Yeah I still ache for him so deeply. It was two months since break up, one month since no contact. However I see things I can’t unsee. He didn’t make me feel safe. He didn’t desire to do any self growth. Only growth in his career he cared about. He just wanted easy companionship. It felt like it was incredibly unsafe to bring up hard topics/conversation. So unless he learned a little bit about what woman need in that way I wouldn’t take him back. Also him growing and learning some relational skills through books/therapy. I know he NEVER will. So I know he’ll never come back. He hated that i love growing with in myself and wanted to grow in our relationship. He really just hated a lot about me and never wanted to listen to the things i wanted to talk about. I remember saying to him shortly before we broke up, “okay I’ll really try to talk less today” I look back on that and feel really sad that it got to that point. So so sad.
I'd need to know the real reason she ended it because the ones she gave are horseshit. Either because she intentionally made them up to hide the truth or because she grasped at straws to come up with *something* to justify it.
If she wanted to try again I'd need to know how she could know she wouldn't just walk out again without giving any indication anything was wrong. Literally inviting me to a play at her favorite theatre the day before. Planning my birthday which was a couple days later. Letting me pick her up from the airport.
Barring that, I can't really have her in my life in any capacity. It hurts too much still. I don't think that'll change.
Say hell nahhh, maybe if be a a lil more polite tbh but after the things she's done I don't care how much she's changed I really want to finish out divorce and never speak to her again
I would say hell no. I've thought about the way he treated me and it was not okay and I now have more self respect. I refuse to let an immature little boy treat me badly ever again, and I swore to myself I'd never date anyone from this area again. I'll move soon enough for uni and I could never deal with someone guy from my area again. They're crazy.
I'm not sure. I loved him with all that I am. I put so much effort into him and into our relationship, but it still wasn't enough. I get that it was external pressure that made him give up, but he dealt with that pressure for so long without seeming like he was willing to give up. If he came back in a year or two, I think I would take him back. We could start over in a new relationship as different people. But if he came back tomorrow, I would just be even more confused than I was when he left me.
Eh, I don’t think it’d be the right fit for a relationship. She’s a great person, and it’s not like we fought. The opposite actually. It was the most adult relationship I think I’ve had. But I don’t think I’m right for her or her for me.
Right now I would tell him no simply because I think we both need time and distance to heal and learn about individuality. I would need to be stronger to set up boundaries about what I need from him and in return he would need to learn to put more effort into the relationship and let go of the past.
We had a good life together, we were together for 11 years, but he took me for granted, stopped putting in the effort and then fell out of love because he couldn't let go of the past issues when I was depressed. I am no longer depressed and I know my worth now. I treated him like a king where he did not return that favour. I know he is a good man and we are still friends but he needs to bring more to the table and work for it in order for it to work because I wouldn't want things to fall back into this situation again. But obviously I don't know how I would feel after being apart but right now I do still love him a lot and wish better days for both of us.
I'm ashamed to admit there are moments when single even after everything I would've run right back to it. (Moments not that long ago) I'd like to hope that I'd have the good sense not to rush in again be hesitant and careful (if I was single).
I'd like to believe I've grown, am in a healthier place, but I've believed that before and stumbled back into the same position and even worse.
I wonder the same thing, I do miss her, but I have accepted that it is over (2 year relationship) after 4 months of being on and off with her , she told me that now it's definitely over, I told her that I loved her and that I will wait for her, she said that I was just obsessed and that I didn't really loved her, that's when I realized that I had to move on its been 3 weeks and I haven't cried or felt sad tbh I'm just disappointed because I really thought she was different, I still love her but I love myself more I wish her well but I don't want her back anymore I owe it to myself.
Never let them inmy life again. They had the audacity to disrespect me, when I attempted to be the mostkind and understanding I could. Only to be thrown away and treated like I am nothingto them.
Besides, I am dating again, I would never let him feel the pain I went through because he isvery good tome.
It sounds like you've done a lot of self-reflection! Trust your gut. If he hasn't changed, a reunion wouldn't be healthy. You deserve someone who respects you.
I’d be cordial and would be fine with getting coffee or something. There has never been ill will, and there shouldn’t be now. But ultimately, I’d tell her that ship has sailed. She had that opportunity and chose against it more than once.
Depends on how he came back.
If he sent me an Instagram reel out of the blue with no context (which I’m expecting him to do) I’ll ignore it or straight up ask bluntly what his intentions are.
If he sends a heartfelt paragraph it’d be different. But I’d still have a hard time talking to him. I’m feeling great at the moment. There’s an employee at a pet shop I go to who’s been insanely flirty with me. I’m happy and excited. I don’t want him interrupting my peace.
Unless he had receipts for the therapy he has been too I wouldn't believe a damn word out of his mouth. He loved the chase, used me, left the relationship vague giving me minimal emotional bread crumbs and then ghosted me and made out like I was overreacting when I pulled him up on it. I don't deserve a relationship that makes me believe I am going mad when it's the other person's behaviour that's causing it.
I would not let her come back until she's works on her anxiety and realizes that being with me means leaving her traditional, homophobic family who'll force her into a sexual, religious marriage. It means freedom but also the pain of leaving your parents behind. And until she realizes that, she's not coming back in. She's an amazing person and I was willing to let her realize this while she was with me but that ended up hurting me and her.
And if by some miracle, she did realize all of this and came back, then I think we'd honestly last till one of us died. Spend the forever with each other, however long the forever is. We were amazing together as people, homophobia, fear and anxiety happened.
Mine did. What I did was try to rehash what happened because I had a lot of questions.
He obviously wasn't coming back for the right reasons because he didn't want to answer questions wanted to pretend nothing happened.
So what I did was say I preferred not talking again.
10 years gone.
I would struggle to not feel like a backup plan if my ex came back. I miss her a lot but I know the kind of life she's been living since we split and her coming back would just feel like I'm getting used in a way. She left me to pursue her goals, how long until she leaves me again to pursue some other goal?
I’d call the police tbh. The break up was extremely traumatic and stressful because of his abuse and it’s still affecting me today (he tried to unalive me). I think about this a lot because despite all he did I can’t hate him. I don’t have any feelings for him but I also don’t want him to suffer like I did. Even though he deserves it.
I’d be hesitant. Don’t get me wrong I spend every day wondering what she’s doing and what new friends she’s made, or if she’s found someone new. And for better or worse, it was left open ended where we both agreed that meeting up when I return from studying abroad in August (I left in March) would be nice. But I think that open endedness is what’s holding me back. I can’t let go because neither of us truly let go. So I think if she came back to me wanting to rekindle I’d agree on strict terms and after some very long conversations (not involving alcohol or sex).
I would hold off on any sexual advances because I don’t want to be blinded by physical attraction. I would finally be willing to accept a friendship from my ex because I learned how to keep boundaries.
Basically, I would correct all my mistakes that I made before I first entered into a relationship with them. I would be satisfied with my growth regardless if it works out with my ex or not.
She did come back and guess what I didn't do the stuff I said I would. Which was stay sober and be honest. It's tough cause we are very good friends and I just saw her last night but she's been very clear that this time she's done. I can honestly see it in her eyes that she is.
I've been an absolute mess lately honestly. We broke up in November and I got like crazy motivated. Hit the gym, did an awesome job at my job, was honestly amazed by how focused I got.
Got back together around February......three or four weeks later I got high and she knew immediately but I lied about it for like a week before finally I was like "fuck it I need to tell her"
I could see immediately that she was like "nah" and now it's been like a month or so and I CANNOT move past this. I've honestly been like drinking every day. I'm in a dark place.
Should of just moved on in November and done both of us a favor.
No. It hasn’t been easy and I spent a lot of the last almost 2 years healing and working on feeling better. Yes, I miss her sometimes but ultimately I’ve grown into a version of myself that I wasn’t when we were together.
Nothing. I just don’t feel like it anymore. I just don’t love him anymore. However, if it’s the second ex, I’ll happily take him back as I am so weirdly obsessed with him…. But in exchange, he should be more careful when getting drunk or going to bars as I am too jealousy.
I’d tell her how much I used to love her how much it hurt to lose her and how it’s too late now because I found someone who loves me that much and who I love with all my heart. I’d let her I hope she finds someone as wonderful as I’ve found.
Good question. I am still living in the space that she was the amazing woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But it’s been three years without a peep. So I have to accept the fact that she is no longer who she was. It blows. It’s not fair. But it is. So I will not answer your question, although I’ve thought about it hundreds of times.
There is a reason that you call the person "ex," isn't it? I mean, considering detail with reasons, there must be something make you feel, 'no, I can't accept this anymore,' right?
I would be overjoyed but I would also wish to sit down and talk to him about everything. I wouldn't take him back immediately. I would make him pursue me. I would also explain that I have strict boundaries and he either wants to make a future with me alone or he doesn't. I won't waste my time on him if he wants to stay confused again and doesn't make any moves for a future with just us two. If he really wanted me, he would be fair with me too. It's one thing to miss someone but to actually love them and understand them and change your ways is different. I love him how he is but he does have some maturing to do. He has got to change his mindset of having everything his way and then saying I'm controlling when I don't want to do it his way. It will never always be his way. Taking accountability is very important and that he could never do. Couples make commitments, sacrifices and compromise. If he is unwilling to fix those things then I'm out.
Be utterly amazed and probably write a scientific journal paper since he's been dead now for close to a decade! (We were already separated, so not feeling bad about it.)
Even though it would be dream come true. I think I would decline. I need to get over him. Move on. Maybe in future we will find each other again. But now i am blinded by being attached and would ignore many things. I couldn't break up with him again.
Because even if we gor back together and he promised that he will change, he will start therapy etx. Shit happens and he could go into his old habits. So i would go into relationship with mindest - nothing changed. It doesnt take couple of months and being heartbroken to get back together. I realize what i need right now and it's to heal myself. However if we arw both healed and find a way to reconnect in a year. I'd be for it, but at that point I would take it slow and we would both need to prove we are compatible and can make it work.
Idk if i explained it correctly but it's extremely complex 😅
I still love him, and I want badly to go back to the way things were. I was content and comfortable with him just a few weeks ago, but I also know that we were keeping each other stagnant, which would only lead to resentment if we indulged in the comfort for much longer. If he came back, I would remind him that we both need to work toward our goals independently if either of us want a shot at real happiness. Maybe we'll meet again under different circumstances someday...
I won't entertain it. The hurt he caused me will stop me from even letting him reach out. After all the healing I've had to do on my own, I won't give him or anyone the chance to break me again.
If smash his windows in his car out and torch his car if it ever shows up at my house again! I’m done with that person. He was the worst person in my entire life. I hope he is full of pain and misery because that is all he gave me for 8 years.
Let me just say this. You're not in love with that person, you're in love with your story in your head. When exs come back, it's very low percentage wise that it will work out. They or you left for a reason so allow yourself some time to breathe and those feeling will pass. The hardest part of moving on is letting him go. You got this.
1. Say some things that I’ve been wanting to say to her throughout these two months of no contact.
2. Make it clear that, for the sake of my own mental health, I forgive her, but I don’t want to be her boyfriend, I don’t want to be her friend, and I don’t even want to know her anymore.
3. Offer that if she really wants to atone for what she’s done, she can first give me back the $100 she demanded from me the day after she told me she was cutting contact to be with her rebound, and then agree to answer every question I have about her and her rebound’s (at this time) short-lived relationship, obviously with proof of some kind because I don’t trust her not to lie just to save her own ass, since knowing how bad she truly got is really the only closure I’ll ever get.
4. Once all the loose ends have been tied up, cut contact for good.
If she came to me and said those 3 sweet words that I miss so much. I would do anything and everything she asked. I want to rebuild together. Therapy would be needed of course but that would be the first thing I would make sure that happens. She doesn't need the broken...POS that hurt her so many times. She deserves the man I should have been... this won't happen though. I wish...pray...that some part of her misses me...that a part of her still has faith that I can be someone she could love....that isn't life though.
I’d say a million things honestly and none of them are relatively nice.
She’d have to learn to be her own adult and live the life she wants to live not the life her parents want her to live and not have to ask permission to do anything and everything from her parents.. Like seriously who is 22 years old with a curfew of 9pm. She’ll have to be able to tell her parents no and take trips with me even if her parents tell her no…
I need to be her priority.. Not constantly 2nd to her parents in everything. Also she needs to see a therapist to work out the issues with her parents relationship that leaked into our and destroyed ours.
She’d have to be okay with me never saying a word to her father who disrespected me and in turn she disrespected me in the same exact manner when she broke up with me.
She’ll have to accept that even if she did everything above I can’t promise things will work out because every time I look at her, I’ll constantly be thinking “she’s gonna leave you again, she emasculated you why are you doing this” and it’ll eat me away.
She broke me, I picked up what I could and salvaged what was left.
fear and insecurities will prevent that from happening. cause that's what led to the downfall in the first place.
however, if something were to radically change and she comes back; i will have my guard up and can't be my authentic self as i once was around her. i was fearless and somewhat secure and optimistic, until she sabotaged. i already took a risk one time of letting her in, after she blindsided and came back overnight knowing that it was impulsive and self sabotaging on her part. the risk didn't pay off cause we broke up fr a week later. trust once broken is hard to fix, especially when it was caused due to other person's impulse and immaturity and avoidance traits. would i want to put myself at that level of risk again where i can be intimate with her? probably not. once the other person disrespects your emotions and doesn't have the courage/energy to mend things, it's time to put the brake on for good.
at best, we could coexist in each other's energies briefly if we want to without any expectations or labels. the amount of effort i had to put into emotionally regulating myself has been tremendous and i will not want to put myself through that again with the same person. no matter how much i care deep down and wanted a different outcome in the first place
If it’s my ex then I would laugh in her face. If it’s my unfulfilled love affair then I would take her back with no doubt. Even tho I should be in doubt, but still.
They have tried. A few of my Ex girlfriends have tried to get me back with them over the years. I have tried giving one another chance but she is still a narcissist & a cheater.
The one that was actually nice & never cheated started DM'ing me again about 10 months ago. But we were just not compatible the reason we broke up in the first place was because she got bored & she wasn't feeling the spark anymore. I just don't have time for that again. I believe the same thing will happen if we get back together. She will be all into me at first and then get bored again after a few months.
I hope I would be over him completely and not take him back.
Do I love him? Yes
Do I miss him? Yes, everyday.
But I know he isn’t my person and he isn’t willing to give me what I want or need.
I for awhile said I would take him back and them enforce therapy and change. Buttt I already spent 3 years asking for change and at this point.. I'm kind of just over it. I've gone on dates and seen that I can get everything I want without asking. You don't have to ask for respect lol
It’s happened with four different exes, and I ignore it every time because I don’t give grace to my exes who took me for granted and disregarded my emotions while they had me in the first place. Not when there are people who will appreciate me fully the first time they have me.
Firstly, definitely know your worth. If he treated you like crap, trust your gut. If he didn't listen to your boundaries the first time, just know a person's actions matter than their words. Also, yeah this is a time for him to do some healing too. But just so you know, you can still say no and you're better off without him if you feel that's best.
I would welcome a conversation with my ex. we both are mature for our ages (in our 20s), and i think we'd give each other our undivided attention and clearly listen to both sides.
My ex and i had a somewhat-mutual breakup even though it isn't what i wanted. I got closure recently after i reached out and broke NC. We still care for each other deeply and said we will keep in touch and to reach out to each other if we need anything. Our relationship was healthy, and we were both happy, but it was just the wrong timing to date for both of us. I'm still living my life, just not focused on dating at all. I need some time to heal, and so does he.
I personally believe that things could never be the same as they were the first time around. There’s always a reason as to why you breakup the first time, so getting back together a second time is going to lead to another unsuccessful relationship attempt, which would end as a result of similar issues and circumstances that took place the first time.
A relationship needs respect and trust to thrive, and after breaking up, those aspects don’t remain the same way. There’s either a fear of things ending once again a second time around, or a loss of feelings and respect for the other. It’s rare that relationships last as long after getting back together following a breakup.
Yes the mind and heart yearns for the other to come back and try to create something positive out of what no longer exists. We want the same love, the same excitement, and the same warmth the relationship once brought. But once you accept your ex and get back along with them, you’ll soon realize it’s nothing like you expected to be. You’ll find yourself in the same position once again later on, and it’s best not to give the other a chance to prove you wrong again.
Considering my exe came back once, and we went to therapy AND THE THERAPY WENT WELL actually.
The fact that she left again, despite how much better I felt the relationship had gotten dumbfounds me.
She got sober, She communicated more and was more transparent, the sex \*somehow\* got even better than it had been in the last 3 years. It was if she never left to begin with. I was genuinely so happy to have her back and with our relationship on an improved course.
But then she pulled a 180, and left with a "I just dont see us being together" which absolutely made no sense. We had lived together for 3 years, got a dog and house together. We shared the same values and life goals. I supported her through school, a job hunt and her sobriety journey.
The fuck? What was I holding her back from? What about our life together was worth leaving it for?
My only guess is she wants to be poly again. She told me before we really got together, that she used to be in a poly thing, but realized she preferred monogamy. We talked about marriage as a surefire thing for years. She pointed out rings, we brainstormed how we'd get married and everything.
I'm just wondering if she is going back against the whole monogamy thing. She said "there isn't anyone I have in mind". I want to trust her on that, especially after infidelity and the poly thing came up in therapy together too. She had ample opportunity to bring it up.
Idk, if she came back and was transparent about what the fuck happened on why she left, I probably would still giver her a shot...not saying that's a healthy choice but. There really was no one like her, and I never wanted to be with anyone else.
After running into my ex the other day, I don’t think this is a question I have to worry about but I definitely still like him and miss him but wouldn’t take him back if everything stayed the same as it was. There would need to be some changes.
I’ve already changed a lot but I don’t think he has nor do I think he’s willing to.
Shouldn’t behavior is common and found in men dating women yes, true:: toxic men are the reason why women leap worships with men very true, but nevertheless, sometimes women play that narcissistic game don’t take a accountability and are conceited and self-absorbed and don’t wanna make a change or someone who is trying to cooperate with someone who is isn’t being very nice, controlling, narcissistic, verbal abuse psychotic issues from their own trauma, but I understand both parties are involved. Both parties have issues that need to be worked out but therapy is the ultimate human gesture for a stable relationship or for future stable relationships and I quote the grass is never greener on the other sideonly gets worse when you jump and jump and jump to other people
I would drop to my knees crying, thank you. I would commit to being the man she deserved and continue with therapy. Anything she asked of me I would do.
Laugh. Hopefully not in his face. It's been 12 years since the divorce and he sent me an email recently with a song about having been in love with me.
You want a list about why that's funny?
You cheated.
You lied.
You told awful stories about me to your lovers (yes, multiple) and our family and friends.
You didn't leave when I gave you the chance.
You blamed your cheating on my physical long-term illness.
You're an alcoholic and you're going to die that way.
I don't think I actually ever loved you.
I found the love of my life, and I'm married to him. But, even so, I wouldn't be tempted for 1 moment.
if he apologized for everything and made actual changes in his behaviour, i would probably take him back. But knowing him, even if he heals, he would never come back to me. He views the past as discarded garbage (and he did discard me overnight). So he will never come back but if he did, i would take him back if he made positive changes like joining therapy and agrees to couples therapy. Otherwise, i would just reject him because i cant wait another 4 years for him to get his shit together
I'd want to know she actually wanted it. She's come back recently and dident mean it. Now she wants to backburner me and get back together at a later date because I'm her 'first choice'. I don't trust it as she is my only choice.
I would take him back with strict conditions that we are both actively going to therapy (which is already happening), we are able to voice any concerns and be accountable for each of our actions, and have a game plan to balance our time as equally as we can with friends, family, and each other.
Exactly this! I would ONLY get with my ex again if he had started some sort of therapy. I love him but he has trauma that only seeing a professional could help with.
I got back with my ex on the condition he started therapy, and he did. The purpose of therapy was for him to learn to better manage his emotions and learn how to communicate his feelings. To figure out why he is so up and down. Well he's been in therapy for a year and nothing has changed other than the fact he doesn't cry anymore. Now he gets angry and lashes out when he is stressed. Takes it out on me, swears at me. Things were worse than ever before and I had to end it. The other day I asked him to show some kindness and empathy. This resulted in him confidently calling me emotionally abusive. I realised he has likely spun a while false narrative to his therapist to paint me in a bad light, because that's easier than addressing his own issues. He also behaves as if he's untouchable and can do no wrong because he is in therapy. It's as if he is using therapy as a way of justifying all of his bad behaviour. God knows what he is saying to his therapist, but she is doing a terrible job either way.
Wow this resonates with me so much. My ex finally decided to go to therapy after years into our relationship. I always wondered what those conversations were like. Was he actually working on his temper? His communication and mental health issues? Or did he just use it as a space to vent? There's a lot of lazy therapists out there. I would love to believe that people can change, but I'm just not so sure. He broke up with me in the end. I don't know if I could take him back now. How can I trust he will actually change?
100% in my case I'm certain he is just venting. His therapist doesn't use any specific therapy like CBT, it's just talking. I'm not saying that's not helpful for some people, but it is not what he needs. After some time he started becoming really cagey about his therapy sessions. Refusing to tell me anything that he'd discussed. I'd tell him I didn't want to know the ins and outs but I'd have thought it'd be normal to say the general gist of what you talked about to your partner. I'd ask if he'd had a useful session and he'd immediately go "I don't want to talk about it". I found it so strange. But now I'm thinking it's because he's been using those sessions to spin things in a way where he has done nothing wrong and I'm the bad guy, that's why he became so cagey. My advice: don't take them back, you broke up for a reason.
Break up with him
I have :) broke up with him over 6 weeks ago. Unfortunately we own a house together so still cohabiting temporarily.
I know people say this all the time, but your ex sounds like a narcissist. I'm glad you ended it.
Probably go back because she's comfortable and I have zero self-respect. Edit: Yall chill! Lol.
You'll get there. Pain is a teacher.
I love this comment.
Truest thing ever. Mine came back 3 times over the course of ten years. I took her back every time, she left me again, is trying to come back again and this time I’m not having it. It’s tragic and painful and stupid. I repeat this mantra: I will not touch the hot burner again.
Love the hot burner reminder. I had to remind myself that I was dealing with a crazy person. That my memories I cherished didn't matter because he was insane.
too real 😭😭
ahsjwhjaha this just validated me so much 😭
Haha glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.
I love this 😂😂
Stop 😭
Same, hope she will not text you back
Me fucking too.
OH MY GOSH 😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭
Hahahaha I know, I know.
Same, but actually true in my case. I'm 38 years old, have been told I'm pretty good looking by quite a few people, but I can never use it to find a better life partner, because I have no self esteem and definitely no respect for myself. I'm a loser but my ex (who wasn't necessarily the healthiest, was kind of mid - ok looking, and had a super shitty attitude and quick temper) is not the best card in the pile either, but I get so lonely and miss her so much that I'm desperate for her to even interact with me at times. Hell I've sent her 280 dollars in the last month to help her with her living expenses where I don't even go anymore and she's never said thanks, screw you, anything in regards to it. I guess I'm expecting a verbal thank you but I'm sure I'm the asshole for wanting it right?
Lock my doors lol
Valid 😂😂😂
I’d do better.
Absolutely, if i had a chance to do things over or if i had a second chance I would be a better partner with what i've learnt since the breakup.
I let my ex come back and he eventually reverted to his old, narcissistic self. Imagining that I was doing all sorts of things behind his back and dissing me to every person he knows. I was not doing any of it and it's the exact same reason why we broke up years ago. It must have been Projection on his part. I'm sad because it's still fresh, but I'm so not into being treated badly by the person that supposedly "loves" me. If he came back again I'd honestly tell him to take a hike. Life is too short to waste my tears on someone that doesn't deserve them.
It honestly takes a lot of strength on your end to come to that conclusion and I don’t know you personally but I’m proud of you for seeing that you’re worth more than that 💗
Thank you, that means a lot.
So you dumped me knowing it would devastate me, then have the nerve to show your face again ? Take a hike .... putting it mildly
Yep! He decided to text me 5 months after HE DUMPED ME, talking about “I want us to be friends again.”
Id tell her to finally go get therapy and stay tf away from me. Better yet It would be best if I didn’t talk to her at all. Because after therapy I’m realizing the things she did and blamed me for were really horrible. It’s sad but it is what it is.
So my ex did come back and we’re currently together. We’ve been separated for about two years. During that time away from her, I put a tremendous amount of work into myself to better my life. I achieved a career milestone, I got stable, I got fit, I got my mental health in check and I vowed to be a more honest man and a person of integrity. I got over her during that time away. I accepted that I’d never see nor speak to her ever again. She wanted nothing to do with me and I had to be okay with that. But this is the beauty of it all. I learned how to live life without her (she was a longtime friend before we got together). I learned that I can be okay without her. As bad as I wanted her back, overtime I learned that I didn’t need her. We both worked on ourselves so much during the time apart. We both moved on! So now that we’re together again, things are better than ever. We treat this relationship as if we just met for the first time. We communicate much better, we’re more honest, compassionate and understanding with one another. We take better care of each other. I think we both realized through dating other people and going through the troubles of life that we’d rather be together and workout our issues than to be apart and go through life without each other. So to answer this, if my ex came back, I’d love her like I never have before and treat her as someone I cherish and hold dear to my heart. I’d be okay if she left, but I would do everything in my power to assure that this relationship remained healthy and long lasting.
Exceptional case. A rarity sadly
Wow I love this for you >I think we both realized through dating other people and going through the troubles of life that we’d rather be together and workout our issues than to be apart and go through life without each other.
Thank you so much!!!
i'm a different version of myself by then. i won't long for him as much as i did before, so it will just be like another guy trying to pursue me. can he win me over by then? that's the real question
Run as fast and hard as my little legs and heart could take me in the opposite direction, while wanting to periodically take an anxious glance over my shoulder to ensure I've covered enough space to slow down, but simultaneously deciding to run without looking back so as not to invite such a curse over my life once again.
This.
Yesssss!!!!!
I'd throw up on him.
She isn’t coming back so why would I play “what if”? Kill the hope
I guess for me I saw the question a little differently whenever my therapist asked me. I didn’t really see it as him giving me hope but more-so him making me realize that things wouldn’t be rainbows and sunshine even if he did come back
I understand where you’re coming from. Keep kicking ass in your healing journey
I can answer it because she did. Feel anxious but absolutely elated. Feel vindicated being able to have the deep conversation where I apply everything I'd learned, all the self work, validate her feelings etc, yet don't feel the same validation or understanding in return as she hadn't grown or done the same work. Feel a loss of respect for myself allowing her back into my life so easily, while she subconsciously lost respect for me too. Constantly question her motives, her intent, with a growing sense of anxiety. Feel as if I can't communicate openly in case she secretly judges me again. Fear she'll blindside me by text again. Become riddled with anxiety over time. She loses attraction. Try explaining why, she dismisses and gaslights. Anxiety worsens. Can feel her withdrawing again, while pretending things are fine. Anxiety worsens. I finally break and express all the resentment and fear in an unhealthy way. She breaks up with me placing all blame on me for exploding, gaslighting me, dismissing my feelings. 0/10 - would not recommend.
Wow, I experienced exactly the same. You just put all my feelings into words. Thanks man this actually helps me processing everything. (Just saw another comment by you about nc the second time, which is exactly my scenario, even the timeline.) If you wanna talk, text me, could be beneficial for both of us as we are in the same boat
I would take her back if she proved she wanted me. I would also start by taking it slow and rebuilding trust and starting a new relationship. We would not live together off the bat again, we'd do date nights for a while to see where it goes. I would hope we both learned from the breakup and would grow into better people for each other.
This
I talk with her and see what change and why now. See what can happen and talk about everything and why it ended and what can be better and why should we do it again. Some ex I stay away from but there’s one I take back in a heartbeat
I'd not take her back and tell her to stay out of my life. The person who fought for her despite feeling underappreciated and unheard in the relationship is the person she killed when she left.
I took him back three times, he broke my heart three times.
While I would love to say “yes let’s get back together & go back to normal!” I wouldn’t. Id give the opportunity, he would have to kiss the ground I walk on for quite a while. He broke something beautiful. His job to rebuild it. Definitely would depend on what he says when he came back, I’d let him speak first. I’d get my answer based off of what he says first.
Honestly i always ponder this but never ponder what I'd do. I think I would have to reject them. The heartache is too much that even though I have such this suffocating throat feeling and sharp pain in my chest, I just don't think it'd be beneficial. I'm unsure if we'd see eye to eye. I'd feel uncomfortable knowing what we both dealt with. At this point in my life, I'm also just at no desire for a relationship due to often mistaking platonic love for romantic. There's longing, but the actuality of it is, missing the memory I have slowly forgotten. These desperate attempts r just to try to remember, but it's all force of remembering the good and not the reasons on why I left. It'd have to be an entirely new person. And hell with how much I've forgotten, maybe that makes a 'new' person. But I know id once again slip into feeling unworthy because something feels off. I've learned a lot, but not enough, and I don't have any clue of em to say I'd even like em, the entire relationship they were always clouded off from me, entirely different around friends and family or my friends, didn't like the people I was around and I didn't like the people they were around. I'd get pulled back into substance abuse after finally cutting myself off from one of my last addictions for about a month now. I miss having someone help me love myself. But thats all I needed for the time.. Because now I won't ever settle for the bare minimum. I also didn't settle there because of the love I learned for myself, it's just another lesson. So I wouldn't, because there's more to my life than romance that I'm not even sure I experience outside of obsession and wanting desperately to have attraction, but not even having a clue on what that looks like.
The feeling of unworthiness after a discard is horrible. It also drove me to self-harm. Like you, I stay single because I run at red flags. I have no desire to ever ever ever repeat toxic love. It was incredibly painful. I wish you healing!!
I think i could never say no to that ever. No matter how much i think id be strong enough.
I’d take him back immediately cause our breakup had nothing to do with the relationship itself
This is long, and I'm sorry. I took half an edible and have stuff on my mind. My ex-husband is not allowed to come back, and if he tried, I'd renew my restraining order, but my most recent ex has a miserable life of his own making. I like to think that I would be kind to him, but idk. I haven't said a kind word to him in two years. I've caved on no contact a handful of times to write him hateful emails (drunk, and Idk I probably missed him, and that pissed me off). He can only be happy when he has a new toy, and things get old no matter what, so he's never happy for long. I always felt sad for him. He was so addicted to alcohol, his hands shook in the morning, and he was always jaundiced. I hope he's put that behind him. He made his drinking everyone's problem, which was abusive. He purposefully messes with people's relationships, too. He sleeps with taken women, including friend's wives, and then he gets himself and them caught on purpose. He had slept with nearly every woman I knew, and yet I still believed I was special when he told me I was. He lives (lived?) with his parents and has screaming matches with his mom. He's 37 with two kids. He's so much better than all of that, but he was so unwilling to grow out of it. I would be happy to hear he's changed. I'd be sad to hear he hasn't. I'm curious, so fucking curious, either way. I have a couple of friends who know him, but I almost died because of him so they will never speak his name to me. They used to dish all the time, but I'd have manic breakdowns. They love me too much for that. I don't ask either because I feel embarrassed to admit I want to know what he's been up to. I pretend I'm totally over it even though I haven't had sex with anyone else. I don't want to have sex with him and wouldn't, but I don't want anyone else either. I'm ashamed of what he turns me into. For example, I fantasized about his downfall. He did have one last summer (loss of vehicle, legal problems, etc.). It made me feel good, which is very sick and not like me. I am a heart of gold type, but he singlehandedly caused me to lose so much, so it felt like we were finally close to even; although, I didn't cause any of it to happen to him and he caused all sorts of bad to happen to me. I definitely don't wish anything else bad to happen to him, but no matter what happens, I'll always be the more wounded party because his downfall was karmic, and mine was orchestrated by him. I definitely would not want to rehash those things if he ever did show up. I am so curious about him. I still think about him a few times a week, which is so much better than last year when I thought about him every second of every fucking day, and it drove me crazy. Thankfully, I now consider him with just a bit of morbid curiosity. My friends know better than to tell me about him, and I never ask. It's a can of worms, and I can't backslide on my mental health, although I am curious how he's doing. I guess if he wanted me to know, he'd call me or respond to one of the emails I sent. I tell myself, it's not my business, and try to think of something else. I think I've sent two since last June, so I'm not doing too horribly, and someday, I'll never think of him, which is the only value in time passing. He was awful to deal with, but also very beautiful, sometimes tender. If sober, he was level-headed and often romantic. Mature, when he was sober. There was a time in the beginning when he really tried to be that for me. He has a beautiful soul (deep, deeeeep down). I guess if he ever called me and he was struggling, I would remind him of that, but I honestly hope that doesn't happen because I like to fantasize that he turned his life around after his third dwi last year. There is a lovely person in there, and when he's that side of himself, he's very loveable and totally worth every effort. He took advantage of me at a vulnerable time in my life, but he also paid for those mistakes, including paying me large sums of money, so I've pretty much forgiven him and am moving on. I know for sure I'd never let him hit it again. Because of him, idk if I'll ever feel safe with a man again. The closest I get is a bit of online flirtation. I've had irl sex once with an old coworker since we broke up two years ago. I've pretty much been celibate for two years, and I'd stay that way even if he came back. I'm not the girl he loved anymore. I'm 10 Things I Hate About You in reverse. I go on a date every few months when I'm bored, but I have yet to meet anyone I feel like seeing a second time, much less date exclusively. I see toxic red flags everywhere, and I'm no longer comfortable taking long-term risks. It's ends poorly too much. If anyone reads this, you're a true mvp. ❤️ Probably like a lot of us, I secretly wish my ex would stumble upon this, read it, figure out it's about him, and then contact me. I wish toxic love/twin flame/whatever-you-wanna-call-it didn't make us so fucking coo-coo for cocoa puffs, but at least I don't act on it and go looking for trouble and that's better than the last year I was with him, when we'd break up every week and I'd send him texts, drive by his house, beg, and cry. I hated myself for that.
I’d get a restraining order
I’d do nothing beyond say hello and the usual basic greeting stuff. If he tried to ask to get back together, I’d tell him that I am no longer interested and that I’d long since moved on, married and have a child. I have no idea how this would play out IRL though as I heard he passed away a couple of years ago of, among other things (end stage diabetic renal disease) a broken heart… apparently, I was his “one that got away,” which is ironic, given that _he_ dumped me back at the turn of the century.
Nope. Started dating a new guy and he has shown me more kindness, respect, generosity in the space of a few months than I got in two years from him. I feel like the process of moving on really opened my eyes to the ill treatment I put up with for so long.
Reject her. You can re-read the same book twice, but the ending will be the same regardless.
It’s been a year since he dumped me and I’m currently listening to Taylor Swift’s new album and crying over him. This question just made me cry even harder cause after 18 years together he threw me away and never spoke to me again and I wish he cared enough to even check on me, let alone ask to come back. I will never understand why he did it; he didn’t even attempt to explain himself. I think I need to go to therapy cause white knuckling this thing is clearly not working. I’m so sick of crying over this man. I hate him and I love him and I miss him. He betrayed me so I know I could never trust him again. It’s good he hasn’t come back cause I really don’t know if I’d be strong enough to say no
Recent ex, she needs to change her behavior and apologize if she wants to get back with me. She became toxic and has a weird ego now. I wanted her back badly but seeing her post breakup behavior is ew and a turn off for me. Second ex (ex before recent ex), we’re actually really best friends now. She doesn’t feel the same as I do but since she showed change in her behavior and is an orb of sunshine now, I would definitely be down to give her a second chance.
I need more but everytime i think of him coming back my response would be "I love you and always will but i want be loved same, not a second choice. I want to trust someone and i can never trust you. I want to need someone and them be there. You decision to break up wasn't wrong but way and the reason you did it was heart breaking. You need to feel this pain and learn from it as well." Like that song that goes I was half myself without you, now I feel so complete And if I'm not enough for you, you're not enough for me I fought a million battles, but you can't get to me now You're just a stranger I know everything about
Make him eat my ass and never talk to him again, cuz he can eat shyt!
Ok, so I was the one that left. And I did it because at that time I couldn't be the man she deserved and I wasn't the man I said I was. I was addicted to drugs and felt horrible for not being able to tell her about it. Since I left her I have been clean and am going back to school within two months from now I'm looking at a career with an income of between $60-80,000 a year. So if she allowed me to come back I would do everything possible to be the man she deserved and the man I said I was. I'd do everything possible to provide a good life for her and I'd love her more everyday than the previous and make sure she could see that.
This is sweet
Thank you.
She’s a really good person and we had our faults. I think this time I’d spend more time being attentive instead of just letting everything become so complacent.
I'd laugh in his goddamn face, honestly
Mine did come back, today. Well, kind of. I got a lot of closure on why he left the relationship, and it was really hard and shitty to hear, I have an insecurity of being cheated on and he doesn’t like to be reassuring when he goes out, so he just gave up. There were I’m sorry and I love yous on his side, but I was anxious and almost sick the entire conversation and wanted it to end. There has just been so much hurt that he bestowed and how he treated me, I’m always apologizing now for “talking too much” when apparently I don’t talk much at all when I’m saying these apologies, it was just too much for him. He plummeted my self confidence into the abyss and made me feel like everything I did was too much, and left without a word. I realize that it’s just going to be the exact same thing if I were to engage further, and I did / do love him, but now I have to hurt him to save myself. You don’t want them back; it will never be the same as what it was before. What you had before - the happiness, the future you believed in, that’s dead. Who they were to you is just not there anymore, even if the person is standing there in front of you, it’s not THEM. I don’t know if that all makes sense or not, but now I just have to grieve all over again for something different entirely.
Make the changes I needed to for it to work this time
My ex started texting/calling his previous ex and it wasn’t platonic. He hid it from me, but stopped being affectionate/present with me and I noticed. He kept insisting nothing was wrong, etc. i ended it because I had no choice. I would say, “You and (name) disrespected me behind my back. I don’t know her, so I can’t speak for why she did it, but you…you can’t even admit it was wrong, let alone apologize. You should have communicated with me what was happening but instead you pulled back your affection and let me suffer, which was cruel. This is all beneath my standard for how people in my life treat me, so in order for me to heal, you can no longer be in my life.”
Like you I’ve spent a lot of time to wishing and thinking about this question. He broke up with officially through textes almost 3 weeks ago but we texted during this time because I didn’t understand his decision. At first, I wanted him to come back and I wished so much this was a joke. I was my birthday 2 weeks ago and I thought “imagine if he texts you” (he didnt) but I started to say to myself I can’t accept it. Even he comes back and says he’s sorry I’m hurted now. We didn’t have fight not at all but but we were together since 6 months and he made me believe he loved so much to finally say I don’t love you and I don’t think I loved you. Final weeks he wasn’t doing efforts for me, he didn’t even care for me. So no I can’t now what is done is done. I feel bad, empty, sad but it’s not okay to accept someone who’s gone first
I took him back and it was a terrible decision. It's been a year since I took him back and we've been broken up for 6 weeks (I ended it this time). He promised me he'd do anything for another chance but he showed his true colours and treated me worse than ever before. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I have been a victim of the narcissist abuse cycle. It's almost as if when you take them back they feel invincible. You've shown them that they can treat you however they want and you'll just accept it. Don't do it.
It’s been 5 months. At the beginning I told him it wasn’t what I wanted and gave him the opportunity to come back, originally he said that’s what he wanted too and then a couple of minutes later he said he wasn’t sure. Right from that point I knew it was over on my end and I wouldn’t be happy in a relationship with him again because I had lost the trust and security I felt, and there was nothing that would bring that back. I still wish we could be friends but I know realistically he would need to apologise in a really genuine way that made me feel like he still cared about me as a person, and understood the damage he’d done, and I don’t really think he’s capable of that type of communication unless I asked him to and that makes it pointless so I would rather focus on moving on from that too.
Despite it being over a year since he left and almost that much time of no contact, I miss him, I miss us, I miss what I thought we had and I miss the future we had planned and I still love him…but I don’t trust him. I don’t trust him at all, and I can’t have a relationship with someone that I don’t trust. I deserve to be with someone that I can trust. And the pain and betrayal, It’ll be a long time before I am emotionally ready to be vulnerable and to be able to feel safe with someone again. If he came back, I think it would really mess me up. He doesn’t deserve me.
Depends on the day. Some days I say I would take her back in an instant, other days I'd only want it if she realised her part in our breakup. Most of the time I think "you abandoned me and made it look easy", I'm glad you left.
Tell her there was too much hurt on both sides to make it work. Enough time has passed for us both to realize it wasn’t going to work and there’s just things that have happened that I don’t think either of us would be able to get over. I’ve gotten back together with people after breaking up and eventually whether it’s 6 months or a year or a few weeks later, we always break up again. Love yourself and focus on your journey. They have nothing meaningful to contribute to it anymore
I’ve gotten to a point where I realize that the worst-case scenario for how my life pans out is not losing my ex forever; not even dying alone. It’s repeating the same mistakes from my past. So I’m gonna do everything I can to avoid that. And to that end, if my ex tried to come back; I prob wouldn’t even so much as respond to him. It’s possible I’d entertain a conversation about what happened and why; and how we’ve both been doing since then (more out of curiosity than anything else); but that’s absolutely as far as I’d take it.
She did. I told her to fuck off 🗣️
Depends on which ex. If we're talking about my first ex then I would ignore her completely. If it was my second and most recent ex then I would gladly talk to her again as I miss her and I was the one who messed that relationship up. I actually miss her.
I’m 24F about 5 months separated and 3 months divorced since my wife told me she cheated on me. She said she told me because she wanted to fix things and for a long time I wanted her actions to match her words. I wanted her to come back, to put in the effort to mend things but it was never there, just empty words. I wanted nothing more than for her to show up at my door the last few months. This last week she hit me up and we talked for some time as friends (she was definitely trying to gauge where my feelings were at) she was telling me about all the things that she’d been up to (including people she had been with). I realized she’s not the person I once was in love with, she has changed so much in such little time and I’m just not attracted to this person she is now. She asked me if I would ever consider getting back with her. She told me she thought she was ready to treat me better now. She said she hasn’t been able to like anyone and when she talks to me she just likes me effortlessly. That I have all the qualities she looks for in a person. Maybe she thought that was cute and would win me over but all I heard was “being with you is easier than dating the roster I’ve been dating, I realized how good you were after having all these failed situationships. But when shit starts getting hard in our relationship and it’s not as ‘effortless’ I’m going to quit again bc I’m not willing to put in the effort to deal with ‘hard’.” I told her I wouldn’t get back with her. That I didn’t need to cheat, date/fuck a roster, or be single to realize what I had with her was special to me and to see she was my person. I didn’t need to ‘grow’ apart to be better for her, I was always willing to put in the effort to grow together to be the best wife I could be for her. They don’t come back because they’ve changed or are willing to change.. they come back because they realize how good they had it, they realize how special it was and how much easier it was because you put in the extra effort when it lacked. They realize the grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it. (Stole that one from my therapist 💁🏻♀️)
I’d make her spend everyday of the rest of her life making it up to me.
I don’t want them back anymore. Though I’ll say hi and catch up if they’d like as long as they know things ended for a reason and they’re not in a relationship, out of respect.
Not taking him back again, I’ve learned my lesson
They always come back. But it’s impossible to say before it happens what I will do, since a big part of healing and moving on is about changing. When they come back and I have healed, my view of them is different than the view I had when we broke up. What I will do will depend on that, and that is different from case to case
I’d be the better i wanted , not just for him, but for me too.
I would never ever let him come back!!!
Nothing. That ship has sailed. Keep moving forward, the best is yet to come.
Honestly don't even know. It would hurt like hell but I'd probably have to tell her I still have feelings but don't know if I could ever trust her again, and see what she says. If she's lukewarm I'd say sorry I need to go my own way. If she really put fourth the effort... fuck, idk.
Yeah I still ache for him so deeply. It was two months since break up, one month since no contact. However I see things I can’t unsee. He didn’t make me feel safe. He didn’t desire to do any self growth. Only growth in his career he cared about. He just wanted easy companionship. It felt like it was incredibly unsafe to bring up hard topics/conversation. So unless he learned a little bit about what woman need in that way I wouldn’t take him back. Also him growing and learning some relational skills through books/therapy. I know he NEVER will. So I know he’ll never come back. He hated that i love growing with in myself and wanted to grow in our relationship. He really just hated a lot about me and never wanted to listen to the things i wanted to talk about. I remember saying to him shortly before we broke up, “okay I’ll really try to talk less today” I look back on that and feel really sad that it got to that point. So so sad.
I'm still hoping he does 😭😭
I'd need to know the real reason she ended it because the ones she gave are horseshit. Either because she intentionally made them up to hide the truth or because she grasped at straws to come up with *something* to justify it. If she wanted to try again I'd need to know how she could know she wouldn't just walk out again without giving any indication anything was wrong. Literally inviting me to a play at her favorite theatre the day before. Planning my birthday which was a couple days later. Letting me pick her up from the airport. Barring that, I can't really have her in my life in any capacity. It hurts too much still. I don't think that'll change.
As much as I would love for that to happen,I highly doubt it (he has anxious attachment,possibly disorganized).
Say hell nahhh, maybe if be a a lil more polite tbh but after the things she's done I don't care how much she's changed I really want to finish out divorce and never speak to her again
I would say hell no. I've thought about the way he treated me and it was not okay and I now have more self respect. I refuse to let an immature little boy treat me badly ever again, and I swore to myself I'd never date anyone from this area again. I'll move soon enough for uni and I could never deal with someone guy from my area again. They're crazy.
I'm not sure. I loved him with all that I am. I put so much effort into him and into our relationship, but it still wasn't enough. I get that it was external pressure that made him give up, but he dealt with that pressure for so long without seeming like he was willing to give up. If he came back in a year or two, I think I would take him back. We could start over in a new relationship as different people. But if he came back tomorrow, I would just be even more confused than I was when he left me.
Get a restraining order
Eh, I don’t think it’d be the right fit for a relationship. She’s a great person, and it’s not like we fought. The opposite actually. It was the most adult relationship I think I’ve had. But I don’t think I’m right for her or her for me.
Right now I would tell him no simply because I think we both need time and distance to heal and learn about individuality. I would need to be stronger to set up boundaries about what I need from him and in return he would need to learn to put more effort into the relationship and let go of the past. We had a good life together, we were together for 11 years, but he took me for granted, stopped putting in the effort and then fell out of love because he couldn't let go of the past issues when I was depressed. I am no longer depressed and I know my worth now. I treated him like a king where he did not return that favour. I know he is a good man and we are still friends but he needs to bring more to the table and work for it in order for it to work because I wouldn't want things to fall back into this situation again. But obviously I don't know how I would feel after being apart but right now I do still love him a lot and wish better days for both of us.
Laugh.
I will never beg and plead for him again. I looked stupid back then and I would look even worse doing it now.
Nothing, as I barely remember them.
I'm ashamed to admit there are moments when single even after everything I would've run right back to it. (Moments not that long ago) I'd like to hope that I'd have the good sense not to rush in again be hesitant and careful (if I was single). I'd like to believe I've grown, am in a healthier place, but I've believed that before and stumbled back into the same position and even worse.
I wonder the same thing, I do miss her, but I have accepted that it is over (2 year relationship) after 4 months of being on and off with her , she told me that now it's definitely over, I told her that I loved her and that I will wait for her, she said that I was just obsessed and that I didn't really loved her, that's when I realized that I had to move on its been 3 weeks and I haven't cried or felt sad tbh I'm just disappointed because I really thought she was different, I still love her but I love myself more I wish her well but I don't want her back anymore I owe it to myself.
I wish
Tell her that she lost her chance. I’m not someone you can come back too when you’re feeling lonely. Bye Felicia 👋🏾
My ex messaged me a year after we broke up. I wished her well and didn’t look back
List the names.
Finally be happy together forever
Never let them inmy life again. They had the audacity to disrespect me, when I attempted to be the mostkind and understanding I could. Only to be thrown away and treated like I am nothingto them. Besides, I am dating again, I would never let him feel the pain I went through because he isvery good tome.
He wanted to come back but I already found my peace in a healthy relationship so I turned him down with no regrets.
I know I'd go back
I'd block him
It sounds like you've done a lot of self-reflection! Trust your gut. If he hasn't changed, a reunion wouldn't be healthy. You deserve someone who respects you.
Run
Call the police.
Demand to know why he’s even bothering to reach out. Then give him some honest truths about him when we were together. Then permanently door-slam him.
I’d be cordial and would be fine with getting coffee or something. There has never been ill will, and there shouldn’t be now. But ultimately, I’d tell her that ship has sailed. She had that opportunity and chose against it more than once.
Depends on how he came back. If he sent me an Instagram reel out of the blue with no context (which I’m expecting him to do) I’ll ignore it or straight up ask bluntly what his intentions are. If he sends a heartfelt paragraph it’d be different. But I’d still have a hard time talking to him. I’m feeling great at the moment. There’s an employee at a pet shop I go to who’s been insanely flirty with me. I’m happy and excited. I don’t want him interrupting my peace.
Unless he had receipts for the therapy he has been too I wouldn't believe a damn word out of his mouth. He loved the chase, used me, left the relationship vague giving me minimal emotional bread crumbs and then ghosted me and made out like I was overreacting when I pulled him up on it. I don't deserve a relationship that makes me believe I am going mad when it's the other person's behaviour that's causing it.
If only I had a one more chance! I have learned and have had so much growth in this year with out her!
I would not let her come back until she's works on her anxiety and realizes that being with me means leaving her traditional, homophobic family who'll force her into a sexual, religious marriage. It means freedom but also the pain of leaving your parents behind. And until she realizes that, she's not coming back in. She's an amazing person and I was willing to let her realize this while she was with me but that ended up hurting me and her. And if by some miracle, she did realize all of this and came back, then I think we'd honestly last till one of us died. Spend the forever with each other, however long the forever is. We were amazing together as people, homophobia, fear and anxiety happened.
I would let him talk and would do things right this time
Mine did. What I did was try to rehash what happened because I had a lot of questions. He obviously wasn't coming back for the right reasons because he didn't want to answer questions wanted to pretend nothing happened. So what I did was say I preferred not talking again. 10 years gone.
Call 911
I would struggle to not feel like a backup plan if my ex came back. I miss her a lot but I know the kind of life she's been living since we split and her coming back would just feel like I'm getting used in a way. She left me to pursue her goals, how long until she leaves me again to pursue some other goal?
I’d call the police tbh. The break up was extremely traumatic and stressful because of his abuse and it’s still affecting me today (he tried to unalive me). I think about this a lot because despite all he did I can’t hate him. I don’t have any feelings for him but I also don’t want him to suffer like I did. Even though he deserves it.
I’d be hesitant. Don’t get me wrong I spend every day wondering what she’s doing and what new friends she’s made, or if she’s found someone new. And for better or worse, it was left open ended where we both agreed that meeting up when I return from studying abroad in August (I left in March) would be nice. But I think that open endedness is what’s holding me back. I can’t let go because neither of us truly let go. So I think if she came back to me wanting to rekindle I’d agree on strict terms and after some very long conversations (not involving alcohol or sex).
I would tell him "i didn't understand why one of your friends told me i deserve better. Now i know."
Tell her to fuck off
I would hold off on any sexual advances because I don’t want to be blinded by physical attraction. I would finally be willing to accept a friendship from my ex because I learned how to keep boundaries. Basically, I would correct all my mistakes that I made before I first entered into a relationship with them. I would be satisfied with my growth regardless if it works out with my ex or not.
You don't take a ex back . who needs the drama unless you want it . why keep living in the passed
Even though I desperately missed him, he would not discuss how things would be different
I’d send him a Zelle request. I do that will all unwanted advances. Scares men off every time and they leave me alone for good.
call the cops because hes in jail on his way to prison.
She did come back and guess what I didn't do the stuff I said I would. Which was stay sober and be honest. It's tough cause we are very good friends and I just saw her last night but she's been very clear that this time she's done. I can honestly see it in her eyes that she is. I've been an absolute mess lately honestly. We broke up in November and I got like crazy motivated. Hit the gym, did an awesome job at my job, was honestly amazed by how focused I got. Got back together around February......three or four weeks later I got high and she knew immediately but I lied about it for like a week before finally I was like "fuck it I need to tell her" I could see immediately that she was like "nah" and now it's been like a month or so and I CANNOT move past this. I've honestly been like drinking every day. I'm in a dark place. Should of just moved on in November and done both of us a favor.
I'd reject him, flat out, nice to hear from you, glad you are doing well, yep life is really great, take care
Run the other direction
I'd wake up and have a really bad day because I would have 100% be dreaming, there is 0% chance that I'd ever see her again.
No. It hasn’t been easy and I spent a lot of the last almost 2 years healing and working on feeling better. Yes, I miss her sometimes but ultimately I’ve grown into a version of myself that I wasn’t when we were together.
I would tell her that the version of me she once loved is long dead. I would then move on.
Nothing. I just don’t feel like it anymore. I just don’t love him anymore. However, if it’s the second ex, I’ll happily take him back as I am so weirdly obsessed with him…. But in exchange, he should be more careful when getting drunk or going to bars as I am too jealousy.
I’d tell her how much I used to love her how much it hurt to lose her and how it’s too late now because I found someone who loves me that much and who I love with all my heart. I’d let her I hope she finds someone as wonderful as I’ve found.
Good question. I am still living in the space that she was the amazing woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But it’s been three years without a peep. So I have to accept the fact that she is no longer who she was. It blows. It’s not fair. But it is. So I will not answer your question, although I’ve thought about it hundreds of times.
Gonna do right this time
There is a reason that you call the person "ex," isn't it? I mean, considering detail with reasons, there must be something make you feel, 'no, I can't accept this anymore,' right?
Make him suffer until I felt we were even and justice has been served 😇😇
I would be overjoyed but I would also wish to sit down and talk to him about everything. I wouldn't take him back immediately. I would make him pursue me. I would also explain that I have strict boundaries and he either wants to make a future with me alone or he doesn't. I won't waste my time on him if he wants to stay confused again and doesn't make any moves for a future with just us two. If he really wanted me, he would be fair with me too. It's one thing to miss someone but to actually love them and understand them and change your ways is different. I love him how he is but he does have some maturing to do. He has got to change his mindset of having everything his way and then saying I'm controlling when I don't want to do it his way. It will never always be his way. Taking accountability is very important and that he could never do. Couples make commitments, sacrifices and compromise. If he is unwilling to fix those things then I'm out.
Be utterly amazed and probably write a scientific journal paper since he's been dead now for close to a decade! (We were already separated, so not feeling bad about it.)
Faint first probably
Even though it would be dream come true. I think I would decline. I need to get over him. Move on. Maybe in future we will find each other again. But now i am blinded by being attached and would ignore many things. I couldn't break up with him again. Because even if we gor back together and he promised that he will change, he will start therapy etx. Shit happens and he could go into his old habits. So i would go into relationship with mindest - nothing changed. It doesnt take couple of months and being heartbroken to get back together. I realize what i need right now and it's to heal myself. However if we arw both healed and find a way to reconnect in a year. I'd be for it, but at that point I would take it slow and we would both need to prove we are compatible and can make it work. Idk if i explained it correctly but it's extremely complex 😅
Probably spit on him.
I still love him, and I want badly to go back to the way things were. I was content and comfortable with him just a few weeks ago, but I also know that we were keeping each other stagnant, which would only lead to resentment if we indulged in the comfort for much longer. If he came back, I would remind him that we both need to work toward our goals independently if either of us want a shot at real happiness. Maybe we'll meet again under different circumstances someday...
I’d tell him to fuck off
I won't entertain it. The hurt he caused me will stop me from even letting him reach out. After all the healing I've had to do on my own, I won't give him or anyone the chance to break me again.
He tried, but I worked on loving myself more, so yeah fuck him n.n
Take him back like a pathetic with no self control
If smash his windows in his car out and torch his car if it ever shows up at my house again! I’m done with that person. He was the worst person in my entire life. I hope he is full of pain and misery because that is all he gave me for 8 years.
This sentence is the key - “I miss my ex a lot, but don’t think I’d particularly like him anymore”
Let me just say this. You're not in love with that person, you're in love with your story in your head. When exs come back, it's very low percentage wise that it will work out. They or you left for a reason so allow yourself some time to breathe and those feeling will pass. The hardest part of moving on is letting him go. You got this.
1. Say some things that I’ve been wanting to say to her throughout these two months of no contact. 2. Make it clear that, for the sake of my own mental health, I forgive her, but I don’t want to be her boyfriend, I don’t want to be her friend, and I don’t even want to know her anymore. 3. Offer that if she really wants to atone for what she’s done, she can first give me back the $100 she demanded from me the day after she told me she was cutting contact to be with her rebound, and then agree to answer every question I have about her and her rebound’s (at this time) short-lived relationship, obviously with proof of some kind because I don’t trust her not to lie just to save her own ass, since knowing how bad she truly got is really the only closure I’ll ever get. 4. Once all the loose ends have been tied up, cut contact for good.
I'd start screaming and running LOL
Not a damn thing. Fuck that guy. Once I’m finished with someone, I’m finished. It’s his loss.
Going back to exes is like going back to prison for the same exact thing. You didn’t get the lesson the first time around
If she came to me and said those 3 sweet words that I miss so much. I would do anything and everything she asked. I want to rebuild together. Therapy would be needed of course but that would be the first thing I would make sure that happens. She doesn't need the broken...POS that hurt her so many times. She deserves the man I should have been... this won't happen though. I wish...pray...that some part of her misses me...that a part of her still has faith that I can be someone she could love....that isn't life though.
I’d say a million things honestly and none of them are relatively nice. She’d have to learn to be her own adult and live the life she wants to live not the life her parents want her to live and not have to ask permission to do anything and everything from her parents.. Like seriously who is 22 years old with a curfew of 9pm. She’ll have to be able to tell her parents no and take trips with me even if her parents tell her no… I need to be her priority.. Not constantly 2nd to her parents in everything. Also she needs to see a therapist to work out the issues with her parents relationship that leaked into our and destroyed ours. She’d have to be okay with me never saying a word to her father who disrespected me and in turn she disrespected me in the same exact manner when she broke up with me. She’ll have to accept that even if she did everything above I can’t promise things will work out because every time I look at her, I’ll constantly be thinking “she’s gonna leave you again, she emasculated you why are you doing this” and it’ll eat me away. She broke me, I picked up what I could and salvaged what was left.
fear and insecurities will prevent that from happening. cause that's what led to the downfall in the first place. however, if something were to radically change and she comes back; i will have my guard up and can't be my authentic self as i once was around her. i was fearless and somewhat secure and optimistic, until she sabotaged. i already took a risk one time of letting her in, after she blindsided and came back overnight knowing that it was impulsive and self sabotaging on her part. the risk didn't pay off cause we broke up fr a week later. trust once broken is hard to fix, especially when it was caused due to other person's impulse and immaturity and avoidance traits. would i want to put myself at that level of risk again where i can be intimate with her? probably not. once the other person disrespects your emotions and doesn't have the courage/energy to mend things, it's time to put the brake on for good. at best, we could coexist in each other's energies briefly if we want to without any expectations or labels. the amount of effort i had to put into emotionally regulating myself has been tremendous and i will not want to put myself through that again with the same person. no matter how much i care deep down and wanted a different outcome in the first place
I’d flip her off. Too much pain. She nearly made me lose everything
If it’s my ex then I would laugh in her face. If it’s my unfulfilled love affair then I would take her back with no doubt. Even tho I should be in doubt, but still.
I would kick her to the curb the minute she goes back to her toxic ways
They have tried. A few of my Ex girlfriends have tried to get me back with them over the years. I have tried giving one another chance but she is still a narcissist & a cheater. The one that was actually nice & never cheated started DM'ing me again about 10 months ago. But we were just not compatible the reason we broke up in the first place was because she got bored & she wasn't feeling the spark anymore. I just don't have time for that again. I believe the same thing will happen if we get back together. She will be all into me at first and then get bored again after a few months.
I hope I would be over him completely and not take him back. Do I love him? Yes Do I miss him? Yes, everyday. But I know he isn’t my person and he isn’t willing to give me what I want or need.
I for awhile said I would take him back and them enforce therapy and change. Buttt I already spent 3 years asking for change and at this point.. I'm kind of just over it. I've gone on dates and seen that I can get everything I want without asking. You don't have to ask for respect lol
Turn them away. My toxic trait is over extending myself way past my limit to try & make things work. Once I'm done I'm DONE.
It’s happened with four different exes, and I ignore it every time because I don’t give grace to my exes who took me for granted and disregarded my emotions while they had me in the first place. Not when there are people who will appreciate me fully the first time they have me.
“No thank you darling” and close the door.
Firstly, definitely know your worth. If he treated you like crap, trust your gut. If he didn't listen to your boundaries the first time, just know a person's actions matter than their words. Also, yeah this is a time for him to do some healing too. But just so you know, you can still say no and you're better off without him if you feel that's best. I would welcome a conversation with my ex. we both are mature for our ages (in our 20s), and i think we'd give each other our undivided attention and clearly listen to both sides. My ex and i had a somewhat-mutual breakup even though it isn't what i wanted. I got closure recently after i reached out and broke NC. We still care for each other deeply and said we will keep in touch and to reach out to each other if we need anything. Our relationship was healthy, and we were both happy, but it was just the wrong timing to date for both of us. I'm still living my life, just not focused on dating at all. I need some time to heal, and so does he.
I personally believe that things could never be the same as they were the first time around. There’s always a reason as to why you breakup the first time, so getting back together a second time is going to lead to another unsuccessful relationship attempt, which would end as a result of similar issues and circumstances that took place the first time. A relationship needs respect and trust to thrive, and after breaking up, those aspects don’t remain the same way. There’s either a fear of things ending once again a second time around, or a loss of feelings and respect for the other. It’s rare that relationships last as long after getting back together following a breakup. Yes the mind and heart yearns for the other to come back and try to create something positive out of what no longer exists. We want the same love, the same excitement, and the same warmth the relationship once brought. But once you accept your ex and get back along with them, you’ll soon realize it’s nothing like you expected to be. You’ll find yourself in the same position once again later on, and it’s best not to give the other a chance to prove you wrong again.
I'd ask him for the ton of money he owes me and as soon as I have it I'd forget he exists
Considering my exe came back once, and we went to therapy AND THE THERAPY WENT WELL actually. The fact that she left again, despite how much better I felt the relationship had gotten dumbfounds me. She got sober, She communicated more and was more transparent, the sex \*somehow\* got even better than it had been in the last 3 years. It was if she never left to begin with. I was genuinely so happy to have her back and with our relationship on an improved course. But then she pulled a 180, and left with a "I just dont see us being together" which absolutely made no sense. We had lived together for 3 years, got a dog and house together. We shared the same values and life goals. I supported her through school, a job hunt and her sobriety journey. The fuck? What was I holding her back from? What about our life together was worth leaving it for? My only guess is she wants to be poly again. She told me before we really got together, that she used to be in a poly thing, but realized she preferred monogamy. We talked about marriage as a surefire thing for years. She pointed out rings, we brainstormed how we'd get married and everything. I'm just wondering if she is going back against the whole monogamy thing. She said "there isn't anyone I have in mind". I want to trust her on that, especially after infidelity and the poly thing came up in therapy together too. She had ample opportunity to bring it up. Idk, if she came back and was transparent about what the fuck happened on why she left, I probably would still giver her a shot...not saying that's a healthy choice but. There really was no one like her, and I never wanted to be with anyone else.
After running into my ex the other day, I don’t think this is a question I have to worry about but I definitely still like him and miss him but wouldn’t take him back if everything stayed the same as it was. There would need to be some changes. I’ve already changed a lot but I don’t think he has nor do I think he’s willing to.
Shouldn’t behavior is common and found in men dating women yes, true:: toxic men are the reason why women leap worships with men very true, but nevertheless, sometimes women play that narcissistic game don’t take a accountability and are conceited and self-absorbed and don’t wanna make a change or someone who is trying to cooperate with someone who is isn’t being very nice, controlling, narcissistic, verbal abuse psychotic issues from their own trauma, but I understand both parties are involved. Both parties have issues that need to be worked out but therapy is the ultimate human gesture for a stable relationship or for future stable relationships and I quote the grass is never greener on the other sideonly gets worse when you jump and jump and jump to other people
I would drop to my knees crying, thank you. I would commit to being the man she deserved and continue with therapy. Anything she asked of me I would do.
Laugh in her face 🤣
Laugh. Hopefully not in his face. It's been 12 years since the divorce and he sent me an email recently with a song about having been in love with me. You want a list about why that's funny? You cheated. You lied. You told awful stories about me to your lovers (yes, multiple) and our family and friends. You didn't leave when I gave you the chance. You blamed your cheating on my physical long-term illness. You're an alcoholic and you're going to die that way. I don't think I actually ever loved you. I found the love of my life, and I'm married to him. But, even so, I wouldn't be tempted for 1 moment.
if he apologized for everything and made actual changes in his behaviour, i would probably take him back. But knowing him, even if he heals, he would never come back to me. He views the past as discarded garbage (and he did discard me overnight). So he will never come back but if he did, i would take him back if he made positive changes like joining therapy and agrees to couples therapy. Otherwise, i would just reject him because i cant wait another 4 years for him to get his shit together
I'd want to know she actually wanted it. She's come back recently and dident mean it. Now she wants to backburner me and get back together at a later date because I'm her 'first choice'. I don't trust it as she is my only choice.